Original subtitles

So, did you think you'd end Up here?

Killface: what? When?

The night the...

Killface: oh, that night.

No. God, no.

Thought we were all dead.

Both: no!

[ all screaming ]

[ chanting ] [ both screaming ]

[ chuckles ] Yes.

[ creaking ] [ dog barks ]

Killface: would've died, too, If those couplings hadn't

Melted.

'cause your plan was to push The earth into the sun.

Killface: no, obviously not, Because, you know...

End result.

The animatrix pushed the Earth just barely away from the

Sun.

I mean, we're literally Talking 3 feet.

Well, about -- about a meter.

He's from holland.

Yeah.

Just enough to stop global Warming, if you can believe

That.

Killface: that was the plan, Because god was too busy to

Help.

[ imitates telephone ringing ] "Hello, this is god."

Yes, hello, it's earth.

Can you cure global warming?

Click.

You know, so...

Am I a hero?

[ cheers and applause ] Yeah.

You have to realize, this Came right on the heels of

Baby lamont.

I mean, until then, who really Cared about global warming?

Al gore and the bong-water Brigade, that's who cared.

[bleep] Hippies.

But baby lamont changed all That.

The debate over global Warming heats up as...

[ speaking german ] [ speaking spanish ]

[ speaking chinese ] ...Still stranded on that Ice flow.

Rapper taqu'il made headlines Today, but not the good kind

Like you want.

Taqu'il: first of all, I was Down with global warming way

Before baby lamont.

I had my concept album...

Robotic voice: carbon Dioxide.

Taqu'il: global warming.

Robotic voice: methane.

Taqu'il: global -- Global warming!

[ chuckles ] But now all of a sudden,

Killface is the hero?

[ cheers and applause ] Killface: mm.

Next thing I know, the dnc Calls me.

They say, "Dottie, can you get Him elected president?"

I said, "I'm dottie baunch.

I can get anybody elected."

I'm the kingmaker.

[ telephone rings ] Killface: [ sighs ]

Right, what are we doing?

We're going broke is what We're doing.

Killface: well, that's hard To believe.

We're all making sacrifices.

I paid for this personally.

Killface: no, you didn't!

Well, we still need another Fund-raiser.

Killface: oh, I honestly Don't think I can.

Oh, the smell of those Barbecues.

It's like I should just put my Nose in a saddle.

Listen -- Killface: [ sniffs ]

Mm, whose saddle is this?

"That's uncle taint's."

How long's he been riding, dick?

"Oh, part near three days."

Well, let's eat, buddy.

You know how much that ad Cost.

Killface: you know, whatever It was was too much.

Greetings, america.

I am killface.

You might remember me from the Time I cured global warming,

Which I totally did on purpose So that you can go on enjoying

Your factories and your s.U.V.S And your tanks and your amber

Waves of grain.

Oh, and this little guy.

Hey, lamont.

So vote for me for president, Won't you?

I know he would, right?

[ lamont squeaks ] Paid for by the committee to

Elect killface.

What?

Killface: why would there be A penguin in a wheat field?

When your "Q" factor's as High as lamont's, you can direct

The spots.

[ lamont squeaks ] Killface: all right, here.

"Q" factor.

[ sniffs ] More like pew factor!

[ laughs ] Are you doing a trailer?

'cause I could go in it.

[ crashing ] Oh, my liquor!

Killface: wendell!

Everybody, get down!

Aaah, my hands.

My god.

You got any bactine?

Yeah, that was a big change, Coming over from labor as I did,

'cause he gets shot at, like, All the time.

[ gunshot ] [ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ] Yeah, you know, and it can get

Stressful, certainly, but, you Know, you just have to find an

Outlet.

Kill me!

[ crying ] Um...

Anywho, I do -- what do I do? -- Perimeter security is big.

Bad guy comes in.

Snap, crackle, pop.

That wakes me up.

I hit this bad boy. [explosion]

Killface: is this all of Them?

Wendell?

That's what I thought.

Also, I look after Goldilocks.

That's my call sign for his kid, Simon, who, between us, is --

Is kind of [bleep] Up.

So, simon, are you happy that Your dad's running for

President?

Okay.

I wish we could have a Thought balloon over that guy's

Head, you know?

It's like when you look at a Dog.

What's he thinking?

Is he thinking just dog Thoughts, or is it real

Thoughts, like, "Hey, we're out Of things a dog needs."

So, you know, I try to take him Under my wing.

Hey, you want to see something Pretty kick ass?

Simon: okay.

And I'm also required to Interact with miss baunch.

Wendell stamps.

Yessum.

Don't call me mmm.

Call me dottie.

Oh, I don't really want to.

You know, you strike me as a Man well-schooled in the subtle

Art of [bleep] Um...

Okay.

Wendell, look at me.

[ sighs ] 7:30 in the morning.

This is what I have instead of Coffee.

Yeah, nice lady.

Nice lady.

Killface: so, latest polls.

Where are they?

You don't want to get bogged Down in the numbers.

Killface: they're bad, aren't They?

No, no, they're fine.

Killface: oh, my god, how bad Are they?

Mr. Ford: well, bad is a Relative term.

I said, "What do you think about Global warming?"

Huh?

Well, get a job, you damn Hippie, huh?

Oh [bleep] You.

Basically, I just make stuff up And fax it over there.

Killface: ooh, ooh, there's a Fax coming.

Mr. Ford: some weeks he's Doing good.

Other weeks he's not doing -- He's not doing any good.

Killface: great scott!

These are much better than I Thought they'd be, if these

African-american numbers are Right.

That was a bit of a surprise, Especially after last sunday.

Killface: hello, african Zionists.

Pleasure to be here.

And how about that jesus christ, Hmm?

He's one bad mother-- Shut your mouth!

Killface: I'm just talking About christ.

We should send them a pie Basket.

They don't eat pie.

Killface: yeah, they do.

Have you ever actually met a Black person?

Killface: of course!

Simm was black.

I don't think a servant is -- Killface: indigent servant...

Technically.

How did you ever win the Primary?

[ cheering ] Killface: [ scoffs ] Duh.

Look, 71% of americans don't Care at all about global

Warming.

Killface: are you -- that's Not right, is it?

Mr. Ford: yeah, that's a good Number.

Hey, debra, write this down, Baby.

I'm gonna play that on a Straight box.

Huh?

I think you know what I'm Saying.

Especially republicans, so That just won't cut it in the

General election...

Killface: this bird reeks.

...Which is why I'm bringing In an urban-relations advisor.

Killface: urban re-- No, no, no, no!

I don't want some affirmative Ac--

Actually that -- you know, that Could really work out for us.

How are you?

Care for a grape soda?

Taqu'il: I'm out.

Oh, no. Don't be out.

Be in.

Taqu'il: he's a one-hit Wonder -- global warming.

Killface: cured it.

Taqu'il: oh, shut up.

Killface: hey, bro.

Taqu'il: his foreign policy Is unrealistic.

Killface: global warming.

Taqu'il: his domestic policy Is nonexistent.

Killface: global warming.

Taqu'il: healthcare.

Killface: global warming.

Taqu'il: immigration.

Killface: global warming.

Taqu'il: welfare reform.

Man, do you even know what these Terms mean?

Killface: I...Know that I Cured global warming.

Taqu'il: see, he's a One-trick pony.

Killface: well, it's a pretty Big pony.

My god.

I just had a stroke of the most Brilliant idea ever.

Killface: well, your blood's Way too thin for a stroke, so

Let's hear it.

Meet you new v.P.

Killface: who's that?

Taqu'il -- him.

Taqu'il: oh, hell yeah.

The black guy.

How perfect is that?

Taqu'il: hell yeah.

Killface: hmm.

Taqu'il: what?

Killface: I [chuckles] Taqu'il: hey, thank you,

Strom thurmond.

Killface: no, I'm cool.

You know, I'm down with it, but Is america down?

Are they ready for a black v.P.?

I don't know.

You know, you'd literally be a Heartbeat away from the

Presidency.

Taqu'il: am I really hearing This?

Killface: and that's -- I'll Be honest -- that scares the

Crap out of a lot of people.

On the other hand...

No, I don't know.

Taqu'il: man [bleep] You.

Killface: see!

You're nothing but a hooligan, Just like that record album all

Over again.

Taqu'il: oh, yeah, let's drag That up.

Rapper taqu'il made headlines Today, but not the good kind

Like you want.

What I think happened was a Lot of people just took a lot of

Things out of context.

You don't find any of this Offensive?

Um, uh, uh...Listen, um...

Aren't you jewish?

Who's to say?

Yes.

And you don't find any of This offensive?

I see a celebration of life, You know, like "Hoop dreams" or

"Finding forrester."

Maybe they're going to find Forrester...

In poland.

Killface: I mean, seriously.

Taqu'il: look, I made a huge Donation to b'nai brith.

Killface: I don't want to Trade the jewish vote just to

Get the black vote.

Taqu'il: hey, blacks make up 13% of the u.S. Population.

Killface: no, that's not Right, is it?

And the jews are only 2%.

Killface: oh, so net gain, Then.

I mean, it's really kind of a No-brainer.

Killface: well, then, get on The bus.

Taqu'il: hell yeah.

All right, good decision.

Killface: oh, also we need a Bus.