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1
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So what's life like in the apocalypse?
2
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,659
It's never what you'd expect.
3
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,450
What are you doing?
4
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,962
Stop looking at me and turn around.
5
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,130
Is this the thing where you won't reveal
Baron Triumph to make people watch?
6
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,423
You know they call that
schmuck bait, right?
7
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,867
Like at the end of a season
when they kill a main character,
8
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,406
but it's actually another dude's guts
getting eaten by zombies,
9
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,141
and the guy that you love is fine.
10
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,973
People hate that.
11
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,229
No way, I'm not going in the mall.
12
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,554
The most embarrassing story of my life
happened in there,
13
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,398
and I never wanna live it again.
14
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,355
It'd be like stabbing myself in the heart,
15
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:14,315
pulling it out, eating it, pooping it,
and then putting it back into my chest.
16
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,539
Okay, fine. Shit, let's just go.
17
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,590
There weren't chains in my flashback.
18
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,101
So I'm here to hang with Sam,
19
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,808
even though I kind of told her
I hate the mall.
20
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,519
No one really like malls today.
They're dying.
21
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,520
Online shopping is popping
a cap in the ass
22
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,192
of these monuments of capitalism,
23
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,020
but it wasn't always that way.
24
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,976
The first mall in America
was built in Edina, Minnesota, in 1956.
25
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,738
It had ample parking, always 70 degrees,
26
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,911
and skylights made every day sunny.
27
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,079
I mean, you could be
handsome or beautiful...
28
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,329
or you could eat anything you want.
29
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,040
Wanna try our dill pickle gelato?
30
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,575
Yes. Yes, I would. Thank you.
31
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,666
Mm-hmm.
32
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,418
Oh, my God.
33
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,429
Ugh!
34
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,889
Truth is, malls are important.
35
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,140
The first mall was built in sixth-century
Athens, and it changed us forever.
36
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,723
The hunters fighting for survival
37
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,888
became shoppers hunting
for a good Labor Day mattress sale.
38
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,598
- Oh...
- Oooh.
39
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,727
Looks like Wheeler launched
a preemptive strike in his pants.
40
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,147
- Damn!
- Premie creamy.
41
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,906
Hoyles, you're the worst.
42
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:39,623
What're you gonna do?
43
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,997
Oh...
44
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:56,588
Here's another reason
I hate the mall: pants.
45
00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,755
I have a long torso,
and I can never find pants in my size.
46
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,224
Nothing fits.
47
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,388
Ugh.
48
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:07,345
Point is, I, like my pants,
49
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,436
didn't fit in. But now, today,
50
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,109
I'm living the Armageddon dream.
51
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,914
I have everything I ever wanted:
52
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,619
freedom, cars, big jar of Nutella.
53
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:26,075
Only thing I'm missing is... Sam.
54
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,880
And I'd never see her again
if I threw down with Baron Triumph.
55
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,211
But then, this happened.
56
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,849
'Sup, turds.
57
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,217
This is who we've been scared of?
58
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,345
A light breeze could kick his ass.
59
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,484
I thought it was gonna be Hoyles.
This is...
60
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,024
Who is this again?
61
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,068
It's Eli.
62
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:57,196
You may not remember him,
but you've all seen Eli before.
63
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,162
Eli Cardashyan?
64
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,906
I prefer Eazy-E.
65
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,657
Eli isn't a real Kardashian Kardashian.
Same name...
66
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:10,213
spelled different,
which explains most everything about Eli.
67
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,787
I am the definition
of cultural appropriation.
68
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,797
Eli's parents only bought knockoffs.
Check his kicks.
69
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,471
Pikeys, not Nikes...
70
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:21,679
with a fish, not a swoosh.
71
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,680
What're you gonna do?
72
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,354
And I know what you're thinking.
How can this kid be a killer cannibal?
73
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,767
He's not. Look closer.
74
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,154
Shoulder pads, lifts in his boots.
75
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,203
It's not even a Triumph motorcycle.
76
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,374
And training wheels?
77
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,413
It's fine.
78
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,075
It's fine!
79
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,373
He's a knockoff Baron Triumph.
80
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,498
Knockoff?
81
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:57,634
Yo, I'm the OG gangsta of the SG Valley.
82
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:01,514
King of bling,
raja of the shopping center.
83
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,096
Sure, fine, but who else is here with you?
84
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,178
Where's Sam Dean?
85
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,140
- Do I look like her publicist?
- Sam's not here?
86
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,894
Sorry, it's just me and my girlf, Mavis.
87
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:14,017
You have the entire mall? You?
88
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,935
I'm dominating.
89
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,114
While you nooblets have been
playing the apocalypse on easy mode,
90
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,403
I'm the boss level.
91
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,736
You used aluminum foil
to write "Triumph" on your bike.
92
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,203
Pshht!
93
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,333
After the bomb exploded
and everyone scampered like Smurfs,
94
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,291
who came here and locked
this shit tighter than a nun's vag?
95
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,206
Eli. Who's living
like the Sultan of Dubai?
96
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:38,213
- Eli.
- You mean the Sultan of Brunei.
97
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,553
What? No. Where is Brunei, huh?
98
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,721
Dubai, where sultans like me rule empires.
99
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:48,933
You know, one lap a day dressed like this
keeps all you looters away,
100
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,975
so how you like me now, Wesley Fists?
101
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,814
I like you just fine.
102
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,153
- Why wouldn't I?
- Oh, we are mortal enemies,
103
00:05:56,230 --> 00:06:00,070
like Moriarty and Holmes.
Batman and the Joker.
104
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,401
Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar.
105
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,822
You are my nemesis,
and I will have revengeance.
106
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,990
Who are you again?
107
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,684
Look what you assholes did!
You brought the death demon here!
108
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:19,088
Us? You're the one imitating him.
It was probably your tricycle.
109
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,757
- Faster, he's almost here.
- Get your own mall, this one's mine.
110
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,081
We're finna get eaten out here.
111
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:28,715
Got it.
112
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:29,925
Hey!
113
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:46,357
There's power and air conditioning.
114
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,777
Everything is so clean.
115
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,703
It still smells like Cinnabon.
116
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,463
Solar panels on the roof.
117
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:59,206
This is an island of paradise
in an ocean of poop.
118
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,130
This way, quick.
119
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,427
Go under. We'll be safe in here.
120
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,023
What the hell?
121
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,231
I'm not sharing my kingdom with you sheep.
122
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,481
No one busts into Eli's mall.
And don't even try to escape.
123
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,435
Every door is locked or booby trapped.
124
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,525
Booby.
125
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,157
Wesley Fists led the state
in sacks last season.
126
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,371
Take him out, Samurai.
127
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:36,536
To fight someone so obviously inferior
would be dishonorable.
128
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,287
One punch, Wesley, come on.
129
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,535
- One punch.
- Such actions go against my code.
130
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,877
Code? You never even lifted a finger
when Hoyles used to fuck with me.
131
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,051
This isn't about
what we did in high school, Joshua.
132
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,845
What the fuck is in here with us?
133
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:58,063
Ooh, a Ghoulie witch.
134
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,604
Once upon a time,
135
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,357
she was a normal girl
who liked hanging out at the mall.
136
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,940
But now, she's got mad powers,
and she will fuck your shit up.
137
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,868
She is unkillable, and she is hangry.
138
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,828
There's no such thing as witches.
139
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,869
Well, a few months ago, there weren't
mutant squirrels or Ghoulies either.
140
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:19,333
That's right. And when the Witch
eats your intestines like spaghetti,
141
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:23,375
you'll think,
"I never should've dissed King Eli."
142
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,051
Eli...
143
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:33,295
Don't worry.
I'll convince him to let you out.
144
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,517
I'mma go full Gandhi on his ass.
145
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,806
Hunger strike.
146
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,620
Nice form.
147
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:59,251
Perfect spiral.
It's my fault you missed my face, Turbo.
148
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,120
Stop trying to brownnose the boss, Jerry.
149
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,996
We don't deserve this shit.
150
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:07,424
Yeah, we did our job rounding up laggers,
scouting tribes for you to conquer.
151
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,675
We're full-fledged Lemon Pledge.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
152
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,682
You boys are faux jocks.
153
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,550
You're here by the grace of Turbo.
154
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,847
And how do you repay his charity?
155
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:21,938
You cost him his perfect record,
18 and 0 versus the apocalypse.
156
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,148
Defeated by a complete unknown.
157
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,647
- A rookie!
- His name is Josh.
158
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:28,532
Tennis Josh?
159
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,609
- No.
- Little Josh with the big truck?
160
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,948
- Nope.
- Gay Josh or Other Gay Josh?
161
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,820
Just Josh. Josh Wheeler.
162
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,621
You know what you need, Turbo? A win.
163
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,754
Get rid of the stank of defeat
with the antiperspirant of victory.
164
00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,665
- What do you know of victory, Terry?
- That's Jerry.
165
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,671
- Terry's dead.
- R-I-P, Terry.
166
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,383
- Playing the back nine in heaven.
- Shh.
167
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,013
I'm captain now, says so on my shirt.
168
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,551
You know, Turbo,
you're a conqueror who pwns.
169
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,309
Make the other tribes
pay for the protection you provide.
170
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,468
Assert your authority.
171
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,725
You'll see just how well you are loved.
172
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,399
Should we send up a group text
173
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,280
and make these plebes
suck up to your apex-ness?
174
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,664
Ouch.
175
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,736
We can't open the gate.
176
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,822
It's rigged with an IED.
177
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,658
This is some Hunger Games-level shit.
178
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:05,002
But the truth is, this place is awesome.
179
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,835
There's food, beds,
and a ton of hair straighteners.
180
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,799
So there's a critter problem.
181
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,216
My parents' home had raccoons. Sames.
182
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,641
- I can take care of varmints.
- Wait, we're not killing anyone.
183
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,141
This was the last place Sam was seen.
184
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,515
She's the only kid I knew
who loved the mall.
185
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,733
What if she's this Witch?
186
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,863
- You think she turned Ghoulie?
- You said it yourself.
187
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,981
We have no idea what's going on.
188
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,948
If there's even a chance,
I have to help Sam.
189
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,989
Eye roll. You only like Sam
'cause she may have touched your dick.
190
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:44,445
This is not about getting
some handy from some rando.
191
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,294
This is love.
192
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,166
Sam is the only actual
good person I have ever met.
193
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:50,792
Here,
194
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,131
let me show you.
195
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,178
Sam. Hey!
196
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,260
Hey. Bold trousers.
197
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,640
Pretty cool, right?
198
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,188
- Yeah.
- So...
199
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,231
what are we doing here?
200
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,938
You and I are gonna save the world.
201
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,816
How are two teenagers in the mall
gonna accomplish that?
202
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,032
Vlogging. Get your phone out.
203
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,910
Vlog... vlogging?
That's a little yesterday of you.
204
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:26,162
Look, there's so much shit-shaming
going on people's Insta stories and posts,
205
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,495
we're all Novocained.
206
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,457
I just wanna see what happens
207
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:32,540
if/when people get an actual,
real-life compliment.
208
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,054
Not everyone deserves a compliment.
209
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,509
Oh, I'm so gonna prove you wrong, Eeyore.
210
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,838
If I had a gauntlet, I'd throw it.
211
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,885
Well, there's a sale
at the gauntlet depot.
212
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,683
Um...
213
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,354
Okay, okay, start with Huntley over there.
214
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,811
Oh. Challenge accepted.
215
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,018
Roll the camera.
216
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,895
Hey, Jess... Jessica.
217
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,106
Um...
218
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,027
So I'm making this vlog,
and I just wanted to say...
219
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,736
I love your taste in music.
Beastie Boys deep cuts
220
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,497
and The Regrettes.
Your playlists are on lock repeat.
221
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,540
Thanks.
222
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,337
Your memes are social currency.
223
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:17,754
They are!
224
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,301
- Principal Burr.
- Hi, Sam.
225
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,974
You have a kind and compassionate heart.
226
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,774
Oh, well, thank you.
That's all that cardio.
227
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,098
Mona. Mona, hi, hello.
228
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:34,064
I just wanted to tell you,
you have the best tits.
229
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,186
Like, fearless cleavage.
230
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,030
You're a femme future leader.
231
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:43,488
If you're making fun of me, Sam Dean,
I swear I'll gas-pedal your box.
232
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,853
See, this is why people love Sam...
233
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,729
because she cares about everyone.
234
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,244
Hey, why the face?
235
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:29,987
It's not like I'm not having fun,
you know, saving the world and all,
236
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,907
I just... I don't know,
I thought that we were gonna hang.
237
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,587
Are you wearing Drakkar Noir?
238
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:44,220
- Spritzed by an overzealous perfumer.
- Hair brushed, nice shirt, those pants.
239
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,970
Please stop talking about the pants.
240
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,571
You look like you're about
to hit up brunch at the Olive Garden.
241
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,096
Who doesn't like brunch?
242
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:54,766
You didn't think this was a hang.
You thought this was a hang hang.
243
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,146
I just... I thought that we... we'd...
244
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,073
You wanna know what I love about you,
Josh Wheeler?
245
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,245
What the shit, Hoyles?
246
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,459
Hey, Fap Rag.
247
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,169
Scuffed my kicks. Lick 'em clean, loser.
248
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,960
Wesley, call off your dog.
249
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,554
No one controls Hoyles.
250
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,799
You just got to microwave popcorn
and enjoy the show.
251
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,514
- Turbo, come on.
- I'm posting this to WorldStar.
252
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,273
Just because you were
held back three years
253
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,543
doesn't mean you have to be
such a fucking prick, Hoyles.
254
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,177
Get down and taste my leather,
255
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,185
or I will destroy your face.
256
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,531
Josh. Josh!
257
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,333
Sam won the bet.
258
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,329
Our video made everyone feel...
259
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:57,251
you know, loved.
260
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,495
Except you. You ran away from Hoyles.
261
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,170
Sam must've been so attracted
to the smell of your pussy after that.
262
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:08,716
Stay here.
263
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,931
Do you even know
how hard it is to catch a Ghoulie?
264
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,314
My dad taught me about hunting.
265
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,521
You couldn't catch herpes
266
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,560
if you stuck your dick in a jello ambrosia
made of hooker saliva and pineapples.
267
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,226
Just because there are no parents,
268
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,728
doesn't mean you have
to swear like a racist grandma.
269
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,735
Please, I haven't changed.
270
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,194
Well, I have.
271
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,413
I'm not running away. I'm saving Sam.
272
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:08,901
Sam!
273
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,120
Sam?
274
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,517
Shit.
275
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,861
Angelica!
276
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,857
Dummy.
277
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,661
- Dummy?
- Hey, dummy.
278
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,245
So, is that thing your girly-friend?
279
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,956
Sam? It's me.
280
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,257
- It's Josh.
- Josh.
281
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,264
Josh Wheeler?
282
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,560
Yeah! That's right.
283
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,179
Josh Wheeler?
284
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:23,689
Present.
285
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,523
That's not Sam.
That's not fucking Sam at all.
286
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:31,525
That's not Sam. Not Sam.
I'm not fucking Sam at all. Not at all.
287
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,361
Ms. Crumble?
288
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,743
You guys remember Ms. Crumble, right?
289
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,906
- Jaden Unger.
- Yeah.
290
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:44,790
Jaden Hoyles.
291
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,673
New phone, who dis?
292
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,629
Josh Wheeler?
293
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,215
Hey!
294
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,804
What's up your butt? This is amazing.
295
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,886
It's just my biology teacher.
296
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,889
You dim bulb, you're missing the point.
297
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,225
She's a grown-up
who can say more than one sentence.
298
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,600
- She survived!
- No.
299
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,227
This is not survival.
300
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:14,818
This is like having
your eyes Krazy Glued open
301
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:18,573
and being forced to watch Teletubbies.
302
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:23,537
Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids!
Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids! Kids!
303
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,410
Hey! Settle down!
304
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:53,321
Save me, Lord, from evildoers.
305
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,695
May red-hot coals fall on their faces
and burn them.
306
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,618
May they be thrown in a vat of acid
or other stuff that hurts.
307
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,868
And by evildoers, Lord,
308
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:04,189
I'm talking about Baron Triumph and anyone
who breaks in my mall to swipe my shit.
309
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,871
Including Wesley Fists,
310
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:11,916
who is my nemesis and deserves to have
his testicles munched on by fire ants.
311
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,630
Your peaceful servant, Eli.
312
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,223
I don't think that's from the Bible.
313
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,260
It's new. The Book of Judgy.
314
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:22,837
If Triumph figures out
how to get in here, we're toast.
315
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,808
I mean, literally.
Look at me, I'm delicious.
316
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,231
I don't know why
you harbor ill will toward me,
317
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,747
but you should let Josh and Angelica
out to fight off Triumph.
318
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,111
I have a zero tolerance
immigration policy.
319
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,870
If you don't want to be detained
with the Ghoulie Witch, don't come.
320
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,821
You let your girlfriend Mavis in.
321
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,163
- Where is she at? Let me talk to her.
- You can't. Mavis is shy.
322
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:01,553
You can't shake hands
with a clenched fist, Eli.
323
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,007
Indira Gandhi said that.
324
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:10,271
You smoke top-shelf dank.
You must have some hard munchies.
325
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,520
Look there.
326
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,145
Chocolate, corn syrup, and, mmm,
327
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:21,494
that sweet-ass hydrogenated soybean oil.
Whoo!
328
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:24,661
I mean,
I prefer hydrogenated palm kernel oil,
329
00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:27,241
but I'm starving.
330
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,970
Where did you get an anvil?
331
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:44,642
Target.
332
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,470
Your survival tactics
are based on cartoons.
333
00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:50,265
You're not Bugs Bunny.
334
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,940
And you're not a samurai.
335
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,439
You're a true piece of shit, Wesley Fists.
336
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:57,191
I worked for a year
at my aunt's threading salon.
337
00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:01,277
I plucked thousands
of thick, black leg hairs
338
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:02,951
off ancient Armenian grandmas.
339
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:05,950
It was all so I could buy
a pair of turtledove Yeezy knockoffs.
340
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,873
And the day I unboxed my shoes,
341
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:11,245
you and Hoyles chased me down
and stole my kicks.
342
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,580
And when they didn't fit you,
you tossed them over a telephone wire.
343
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:18,375
The child I was
is not the man I hope to become.
344
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,756
How different can you really be?
345
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,470
How pacifist are you, samurai?
346
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:44,359
I'm sorry for what I did to you.
347
00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:47,284
Do you feel better?
348
00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:49,695
- Kinda.
- Me too.
349
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:58,040
Were you looking for the real gate keys?
350
00:23:02,255 --> 00:23:03,625
This fucking boy.
351
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:36,872
Tribes of Glendale,
352
00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:39,667
how will you honor
the great Turbo Bro Jock?
353
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:48,135
The Disciples of Kardashia
offer you kegs of IPA Gold.
354
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,509
This is not like the watered-down swill
355
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:55,227
that we had to overpay
Lonny for at the Gas and Gulp
356
00:23:55,308 --> 00:23:57,348
when our fake IDs didn't work at Vons.
357
00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:58,436
No, tonight,
358
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,980
you party with keg stands and beer pong.
359
00:24:04,901 --> 00:24:06,451
Next!
360
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:15,326
I am Melkyar Darksbane,
formerly known as Beth,
361
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,962
of the tribe Animal Style of clan 4-H.
362
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,166
Thanks to your beneficence,
363
00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:24,711
we have bred a healthy
and thick stock of sheep.
364
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:26,924
Next!
365
00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:33,929
STEM Punks have nothing to offer.
366
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:36,221
You dare come empty-handed?
367
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:39,438
Well, uh, we built your empire:
368
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:42,691
engineered those generators,
constructed those sweet-ass rides.
369
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:46,822
Any tech we salvage, any food we find,
you bully us into handing it over.
370
00:24:48,695 --> 00:24:49,695
We have nothing.
371
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:54,825
Face it,
372
00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:57,333
you're assholes.
373
00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:08,971
Turbo?
374
00:25:10,884 --> 00:25:15,215
Oh... Oh, the shit worked! Yes!
375
00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,682
We're in charge now.
376
00:25:18,642 --> 00:25:20,482
Geeks have inherited the Earth.
377
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:24,108
Finally, people will bow down to science.
378
00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,479
Everybody, bow down to us!
379
00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:32,526
I said bow. I said bow!
380
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:37,583
He's alive!
381
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,575
He's alive!
382
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,332
Turbo lives.
383
00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:47,880
You nerds don't have dibs on smarts.
384
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:50,505
Finally found a use for the Golf Team.
385
00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:06,609
You broke the Emma González Accords.
386
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,940
We're not playing with guns.
387
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:10,235
For these crimes,
388
00:26:10,318 --> 00:26:13,448
the STEM Punks
will be giving us the gift of their lives.
389
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,323
Tonight, we party like it's Friday.
390
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,661
Shabbat shalom, bitches!
391
00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:24,872
Get him!
392
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:11,633
Ms. Crumble was my teacher,
393
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,263
one of the few that I even liked,
394
00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:16,467
and she was actually there
that day at the mall with Sam.
395
00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:43,702
Shh.
396
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:47,918
Hey, Ms. Crumble.
397
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:50,129
Have you seen
that Josh Wheeler kid around?
398
00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:52,460
- Who?
- Never mind.
399
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:57,758
Hi!
400
00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:00,636
Hey.
401
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:06,311
- How long have you been in here?
- Almost all day.
402
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,265
Also hid in a bathroom
and under a mattress.
403
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:16,647
Are you hungry? I, um...
Let's see. I have...
404
00:28:16,736 --> 00:28:20,366
crushed Goldfish and stale SkinnyPop.
405
00:28:20,448 --> 00:28:21,908
Oh, crushed Goldfish, please.
406
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:26,724
If Hoyles is trying to kick your ass,
why don't you just leave?
407
00:28:26,788 --> 00:28:28,148
Those stupid jocks are everywhere,
408
00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:30,706
and Sam Dean has my phone.
I can't find her.
409
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:33,882
You don't think that maybe you can get
them to stop, do you, Ms. Crumble?
410
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,340
Oh, you know my name's not Crumble, right?
411
00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:41,593
Oh, my God. I cried in class once
412
00:28:42,137 --> 00:28:45,007
'cause I couldn't get these stupid kids
to stop looking at their phones.
413
00:28:45,765 --> 00:28:47,635
I just lost my shit.
414
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:49,726
From then on,
everyone started calling me Crumble.
415
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:53,731
Everyone. Students, parents, teachers.
416
00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:55,439
Why don't you just correct them?
417
00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:57,744
Someone hacked into the school computer,
418
00:28:58,278 --> 00:29:00,408
so now all my class lists
come up as Ms. Crumble,
419
00:29:00,488 --> 00:29:03,198
and, oh, my parking pass
says "Ms. Crumble."
420
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:07,410
And every time I try to change it,
it just goes right back.
421
00:29:07,495 --> 00:29:09,575
Well, what's your real name?
422
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,166
Doesn't matter,
423
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:16,499
'cause my checks
were made out to Ms. Crumble,
424
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:18,758
and the bank wouldn't cash them, so...
425
00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:22,761
I had to legally
change my name to Ms. Crumble.
426
00:29:23,344 --> 00:29:26,104
God, that's the worst
hero origin story ever, right?
427
00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:31,438
Okay, you know, the mall
doesn't close for another five hours,
428
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:35,517
so you might be here a while,
and I'm gonna...
429
00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:40,113
I'm sorry that I can't help you.
430
00:29:42,989 --> 00:29:44,159
Look, I got to go.
431
00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:47,044
No! You can't leave now.
432
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:50,624
This is a big fucking deal here.
She's not like other Ghoulies.
433
00:29:50,705 --> 00:29:52,535
She talks. Listen.
434
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:54,864
Did you know that dragonflies
have shovel-shaped penises?
435
00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:58,758
See? She says words and has thoughts.
436
00:29:58,838 --> 00:30:02,008
She is still a kind of person.
Maybe there are other ones like her.
437
00:30:02,091 --> 00:30:04,971
Maybe our parents aren't gone gone.
438
00:30:05,053 --> 00:30:06,853
We have to stay here and study her.
439
00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:10,230
There is no "we," Angelica.
I get that you miss your mom, but this?
440
00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,522
She's not gonna bring your parents back.
441
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:16,064
I need to go and find Sam.
442
00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,687
As soon as I figure out how to get past
Eli's locked and booby-trapped doors.
443
00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,401
I can get you out.
444
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:23,779
I have a key.
445
00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:29,201
Where did I put it?
446
00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:40,918
Ladies? Have you seen my keys?
447
00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:48,469
I put them on a clapper. Okay.
448
00:30:50,473 --> 00:30:53,233
See? I knew they were here,
I just have to find them.
449
00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,733
I think the sound is coming from you.
450
00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:09,374
I remember now. I ate the keys.
451
00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:12,868
I needed the iron. Hold on.
452
00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:42,480
This is the best thing I have ever seen,
453
00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:46,107
and I once saw a robot kill a monkey
in a knife fight in Thailand.
454
00:31:52,118 --> 00:31:55,408
Hi, Nikki, there you are.
455
00:31:55,955 --> 00:31:58,455
Hey, did you see my keys down there?
456
00:32:01,127 --> 00:32:04,127
She says they're further down,
but I cannot reach them.
457
00:32:04,213 --> 00:32:05,213
I'll do it!
458
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,930
Your arms are like little nubs!
459
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,885
But your arms are...
460
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:14,599
big and tender, Josh.
461
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,432
Are you gonna eat my arm?
462
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:18,140
I don't know.
463
00:32:29,697 --> 00:32:31,657
- Josh?
- Yeah, just a sec.
464
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:38,914
Okay.
465
00:32:46,422 --> 00:32:47,802
Be the flow.
466
00:33:17,203 --> 00:33:18,203
Almost, almost!
467
00:33:19,497 --> 00:33:20,707
Got it!
468
00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:24,706
Ugh!
469
00:33:27,463 --> 00:33:28,803
I'll see you around.
470
00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:30,549
Josh?
471
00:33:31,718 --> 00:33:33,258
Come on. You're no hunter.
472
00:33:33,344 --> 00:33:35,684
You're running away,
just like you did from Hoyles.
473
00:33:35,763 --> 00:33:38,643
You could have a tribe here.
We could learn so much.
474
00:33:38,725 --> 00:33:40,765
Why do you think
you have to do this all alone?
475
00:33:42,478 --> 00:33:43,978
Bye-bye, Angelica...
476
00:33:44,063 --> 00:33:47,533
Oh! Fuck! Get off me now! Shit!
477
00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:49,858
Crapsicles!
I left my molotovs in my bag.
478
00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:51,204
- Get off me!
- Don't die!
479
00:33:55,783 --> 00:33:56,783
You see anything?
480
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:02,165
I don't see shit.
481
00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:16,220
Please tell me that's one of your traps.
482
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,426
That's not my booby.
483
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:24,808
Where are we?
484
00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:27,113
What's that stench?
485
00:34:29,525 --> 00:34:31,315
This elevator leads to the dumpsters.
486
00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:33,702
No one in their right mind
would come in that way.
487
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:36,742
Triumph isn't in his right mind.
488
00:34:39,327 --> 00:34:41,787
Yo, he's coming up up.
Shut the power down.
489
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:44,871
No! Hell no! By the time I get there,
he'll already be inside.
490
00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:46,327
We have to hold the line here.
491
00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:49,254
You ain't Leonidas. This ain't Sparta!
492
00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:52,217
Triumph has fully modded heavy armor.
493
00:34:52,298 --> 00:34:53,668
Your arrows might as well be Nerf.
494
00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:55,678
Then draw your sword and help me fight.
495
00:35:01,557 --> 00:35:03,637
Check it. I'm a pacifist.
496
00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:07,190
My highness can't help Your Highness,
497
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:09,771
but I know two people who can.
498
00:35:09,857 --> 00:35:11,147
There's a sale.
499
00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:14,614
Ten percent off Groove Pants at Lululemon.
500
00:35:15,863 --> 00:35:17,073
This sucks!
501
00:35:18,032 --> 00:35:19,992
I always thought
that my death would be epic.
502
00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:23,293
You know, like one of those scenes
they put on '70s vans.
503
00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,001
Like me and Sam
versus a horde of Ghoulies.
504
00:35:26,415 --> 00:35:28,995
But my life isn't even
flashing before my eyes.
505
00:35:29,669 --> 00:35:31,799
All I see is one single moment.
506
00:35:40,596 --> 00:35:41,806
If only I called her,
507
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,020
or taken a few more steps,
I'd have found Sam.
508
00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:48,233
But I hesitated.
509
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:51,728
I was scared.
510
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:07,252
Oh, shit!
511
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:14,507
Oh, God.
512
00:36:16,382 --> 00:36:18,182
- Eli?
- You better be worth it.
513
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:20,175
Come on.
514
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,690
- I can't hold it!
- All right, let him in.
515
00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:47,207
Hoyles! Man!
516
00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,368
This does not need to end in violence.
517
00:36:54,086 --> 00:36:55,796
Wes!
518
00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:29,001
What the fuck was that?
519
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:33,541
- I wanted to help you.
- How did you get out of the store?
520
00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:36,295
I can turn myself into a mist,
521
00:37:36,712 --> 00:37:41,012
and then I float
through the cracks. Watch!
522
00:38:01,529 --> 00:38:02,529
Move!
523
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,709
RIP, Harry.
524
00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:21,506
- That was Jerry.
- Brother gave his life for a noble cause.
525
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:25,926
So we can get wasted, eat, drink,
and be merry, for tomorrow...
526
00:38:26,262 --> 00:38:28,512
- We die?
- No.
527
00:38:28,597 --> 00:38:31,477
What? Die? No.
528
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,853
Tomorrow's weight training, leg day.
529
00:38:35,271 --> 00:38:38,111
And we never, never skip leg day!
530
00:38:40,943 --> 00:38:41,943
Who wants it?
531
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:45,739
Figure it out.
532
00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:49,370
- Here, bro.
- Here.
533
00:38:49,910 --> 00:38:50,950
Bro. Bro!
534
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:07,600
You're missing the party.
535
00:39:08,554 --> 00:39:09,684
Why are you in here?
536
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,180
What's on your mind, hoss?
537
00:39:24,403 --> 00:39:28,323
So I'm making this vlog, and I just
wanted to say... I love your taste in mu...
538
00:39:48,344 --> 00:39:51,434
So, can we trust her?
539
00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:54,064
She only attacked me
'cause I was bleeding.
540
00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,021
But everything she's eating
is high in iron,
541
00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:59,112
so she's trying to find
something to feed on other than blood.
542
00:39:59,188 --> 00:40:00,398
That shows intelligence.
543
00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:04,324
If eating pillow stuffing is intelligent,
I'm Stephen Hawking.
544
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:09,200
She didn't eat Josh,
and she just saved our lives from Triumph.
545
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,485
- Maybe she does have superpowers?
- Yeah.
546
00:40:13,035 --> 00:40:15,615
She stinks worse than my papy's...
547
00:40:17,206 --> 00:40:20,916
I don't know what that means,
and I don't wanna,
548
00:40:21,877 --> 00:40:26,837
but for reals, thanks for letting us stay.
549
00:40:28,134 --> 00:40:29,644
I love my girl Mavis and all,
550
00:40:31,137 --> 00:40:32,637
but maybe I was kinda lonely.
551
00:40:33,514 --> 00:40:36,234
I get why you kept everyone
out of this place. It is...
552
00:40:37,017 --> 00:40:38,187
- cherry.
- Yeah.
553
00:40:38,269 --> 00:40:39,519
And, Eli,
554
00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:43,902
I'm sorry for all the things
I did to you in the past.
555
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:45,397
It's cool.
556
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:46,574
And the present.
557
00:40:49,697 --> 00:40:51,027
You're a dick.
558
00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:55,912
We can't trust that you won't kill us
in our sleep, so you stay on your side,
559
00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:57,957
we stay on ours.
560
00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:03,794
You think I'm gonna
let you take half my shit?
561
00:41:04,336 --> 00:41:07,586
Nah, you'll do whatever I want.
562
00:41:07,673 --> 00:41:10,553
You belong to me, Wesley Fists.
563
00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:11,644
I know your secret.
564
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,809
Everyone knows I'm gay. Wake up,
nobody cares about that shit anymore.
565
00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:16,809
Not that. The other secret.
566
00:41:17,349 --> 00:41:19,389
The reason you're a pacifist.
567
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,477
I know what you did in the apocalypse.
568
00:41:23,564 --> 00:41:26,284
I know all, Samurai. I know all!
569
00:41:34,909 --> 00:41:36,829
You're no hunter. You're running away,
570
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,541
just like you did from Hoyles.
571
00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:41,501
You could have a tribe here.
We could learn so much.
572
00:41:41,957 --> 00:41:44,077
Why do you think
you have to do this all alone?
573
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:46,247
Alone. Alone.
574
00:41:46,879 --> 00:41:48,009
Angelica!
575
00:41:48,631 --> 00:41:49,631
Get the fuck out of here.
576
00:41:52,968 --> 00:41:53,968
Shit.
577
00:42:06,857 --> 00:42:08,277
You can stop hiding now.
578
00:42:15,574 --> 00:42:16,914
I know this is weird and all,
579
00:42:18,702 --> 00:42:20,122
but you and I, we need to talk.
580
00:42:20,829 --> 00:42:22,669
But does the world end if we do?
581
00:42:22,748 --> 00:42:24,248
This isn't a time travel paradox.
582
00:42:24,750 --> 00:42:27,800
You're from the future. I'm from the past.
583
00:42:27,878 --> 00:42:29,258
Kinda sounds like time travel.
584
00:42:29,338 --> 00:42:32,258
No, this is just a visual representation
of talking to yourself.
585
00:42:32,716 --> 00:42:38,006
I'm remembering this moment, how you,
or I, felt hiding in the bathroom.
586
00:42:38,764 --> 00:42:41,274
- God, I hate malls.
- And pants.
587
00:42:41,850 --> 00:42:43,140
Fucking pants.
588
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:47,725
- So the world doesn't end if we talk?
- Oh, no, the world ends.
589
00:42:47,815 --> 00:42:48,935
It's just not our fault.
590
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,320
Oh, shit. For real?
591
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,202
- Sorry.
- Don't be.
592
00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:57,239
We're actually crushing the apocalypse.
We have everything we ever wanted:
593
00:42:57,324 --> 00:42:59,994
- freedom, cars, a sword.
- With the big jar of Nutella?
594
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,629
The big jar of Nutella.
595
00:43:08,711 --> 00:43:09,921
Nice.
596
00:43:13,215 --> 00:43:15,465
So, how does it end?
597
00:43:16,218 --> 00:43:20,558
War, I think.
Korea, Russia, Taylor Swift.
598
00:43:20,639 --> 00:43:24,479
There was a meme with a cat.
Honestly, I wasn't paying attention.
599
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,270
No, not the end of the world.
600
00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:29,272
The end of my story.
601
00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:34,188
Hoyles beats the shit out of you.
602
00:43:34,278 --> 00:43:36,488
That's a really shitty ending.
603
00:43:36,572 --> 00:43:37,572
I know.
604
00:43:38,616 --> 00:43:39,826
That's why I'm here.
605
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:42,448
I'm here to remind you
that you have to embrace the pain.
606
00:43:42,536 --> 00:43:44,996
No matter what happens,
no matter how bad it gets,
607
00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:47,457
because...
608
00:43:50,586 --> 00:43:51,836
because Sam is worth it.
609
00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:55,760
This helped.
610
00:43:56,967 --> 00:43:58,337
Thanks.
611
00:44:06,310 --> 00:44:07,520
It wasn't for you.
612
00:45:00,155 --> 00:45:02,405
- Loser.
- Later, bitch.
613
00:45:09,998 --> 00:45:12,128
Oh, my God. Josh.
614
00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:13,961
- Hey.
- Hey.
615
00:45:15,003 --> 00:45:16,053
Here, put this on.
616
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,093
You must think I'm such a coward.
617
00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:26,308
You wanna know what I love about you?
618
00:45:29,643 --> 00:45:30,983
Your trousers.
619
00:46:05,804 --> 00:46:08,724
- What the hell are you doing?
- I have to cut my hand off.
620
00:46:09,141 --> 00:46:12,391
I got bit. I can't turn into a Ghoulie.
621
00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:15,478
Oh, you poor, sad, stupid asshole.
622
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:20,111
They're not zombies.
This isn't The Walking Dead.
623
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:23,204
If you asked me,
you'd still have your finger, schmuck.
624
00:46:25,699 --> 00:46:28,659
So what's life like in the apocalypse...
46686
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