Original subtitles

Talk to me, Theresa in Tottenham. Mitch,

I had a dream last night that my boss was

ravishing me dressed as Beatrix Potter.

What do you think it means? Well, Freud

said all dreams are desires, so I'd say

you've got some fairly serious therapy

issues. Line 12, Tim in Earl's Court.

Talk. I was wondering where you stand on

necrophilia. If you're so bad at getting

laid that you have to resort to dead

people, that speaks volumes about your

interpersonal skills. Line 12, Carl in

Stoke Newington. Talk to me, Mitch. I

think I'm in love with my best friend's

wife and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm in the right mess, man. I'm all over

the place. Well, there's an ointment you

can get for that, my friend. It's called

denial. Bury it and forget about her. I

can't, Mitch. I really can't. Has anything

happened between you? Sex twice?

Let me ask you this. If you sleep with

your best friend's partner and he never

finds out, did it ever happen?

I've enjoyed this week. Long time since I

wore my producer's cap. Been nice having

you. Well, he's great, but you've got

better legs. He's back for the awards.

Due tomorrow night. But hasn't we might

actually win something? Yeah. Flew back

tonight. He's a lucky lad, catching one

like Claire. She's very beautiful. Celtic

blood, though. Fiery. You won't want to

pick a fight with her. I don't suppose

there's any point in inviting you out for

a drink, is there? Some horrendous media

joint, Naturally. Perhaps we

could try somewhere a little quieter.

You Joking decree absolute. Came through

last Tuesday.

A few of my girlfriends threw a divorce

party. The most fun I've had in seven

years. Except the affairs. So you're

back out there, looking around, seeing

what's on offer? Any man in my life right

now has four legs and licks his own penis.

That's quite a talent. My ex had learned

to do that, it'd have saved a lot of

problems. What is it women like

about you, Mitch, in your opinion?

Confidence? Charisma? Darn. An enormous

knob, of course. See, you're thinking

that's a joke, but there's a tiny little

part of you curious to find out.

And that's how you get women into bed

lines like that. I've got better ones.

I'd hope so.

More wine?

Bring love into my life Bring love into my

life Bring me the man of my dreams. Shut

up, you Annoying little shit.

It's.

Was it as fabulous as it looks? In the

four Goes to Bed Grande are overlooking

the sea. We even had our own plunge book.

I thought you were at it like rabbits with

the name on. Period.

Does it feel any different being a

respectable married woman? We're the same

people, aren't we, Charlotte? Don't go

far. Okay.

Listen, Claire. If I say something, you

promise it won't go any further? Of

course, yeah. What is it?

I'm having an affair.

No. Who is?

Easy, easy, Mary. No, it's someone

from work is a bit younger. It's really

sexy. I know it's wrong and I'll probably

end up regretting it. I just can't stop

myself. It's so long since I felt desired.

Yeah. He calls me

beautiful. Oh, God, Kelly.

I can't believe it. You're of all people.

No, no. Yeah, boring old Kelly. We can do

it. I mean, is it serious? I thought you

were trying for a baby. That's the thing.

That's what I want. But I want. I want

love and affection. I want a family. I

want everything you've got. This cop won't

give me those things. You don't leave him.

You have to tell him what you what you

want. He needs to know how serious this

is.

Need any help? No, thanks. I'm looking for

something quite specific.

Escort agency.

Lots of work to do and I've kind of told

my colleagues I'll be bringing a date

tonight. So how much are you willing to

pay? 300. 300? God. I know someone.

I'll do it for half that. Who?

Got everything you need? Depends if you've

left the reoper. I'll raise a glass for

you, Twilight. You look great.

Does my bum look big? Claire, you look

fantastic. Right, you got five minutes and

Mitch is picking us up on route. Oh,

can't we just see him there? No, he wants

to make an entrance. Besides, he's got

something Birdie wants to show off.

Ah. Evening, all. How was the honeymoon?

Fantastic. Hi, Cassie. Woody. Claire. I

thought you were bringing a date.

Not for public consumption.

Park Lane Hotel, please, Captain.

I better get back. You getting on the

Piccadilly line? No, I'm getting a taxi.

All right,

Face. You look amazing.

You scrub up all right yourself?

Why haven't you replied to me? Tim, I've

been busy. I need to talk to you.

There's really nothing to say.

Mitchell.

Rupert. You still critical? You got a

proper job.

Thank you,

Claire. Mitch,

come on. I'll see you there. Good night.

What I never realised is how many crazy

people there are out there in London? I

know it's a big city, but it's worse than

nyc. Why do they all call our show?

I've got a theory on that. It's community.

Sure, we get our fair share of our boys

calling in, but the rest of them, they

want that most human thing. Contact.

Seriously, who talks anymore about the

most important things? Life, love?

Nobody. So they call me because they know

I'm there and they know that I genuinely

care about what they want to say. When do

you collect your over year? I'll just

settle for the Best presenter award

tonight. Thanks, Faith.

Hi. Do you want a beer? Yeah, lovely.

That's a new one.

Scott.

I want a baby. Oh, Kels.

It's something I really, really want.

And if you're not prepared to

do that with me, then I. I don't think we

should be together anymore.

Oh. How do I look? Honest opinion not

required. You'll do for me. Come on.

After that,

I just wanted to say,

if you want to try for a kid, I'm up for

it. Yeah?

You mean it?

And now, the one you've all been waiting

for. The nominations for Best Talk radio

presenter 2007. Robbie Kane,

Kiss. Mitch Moore,

Life FM.

And Liam Connor, LBC.

The moment of truth. And the winner is.

Mitch Moore. Anything Goes.

Well done, mate.

Well done. Tis of all, both of you.

Bad leading time. Listen, we don't do this

for the awards. Everyone knows that

they're worthless. And to be honest with

you, I'd much prefer to be in me local

with a couple of pints and standing up

here in a penguin win soon.

Get me out of here, Claire. Away from all

this nonsense. Let's go

and do something. Something together.

Something nice. This means absolutely

nothing compared to you.

But you've given it me and so I'm going to

take it. Thanks very much. I appreciate

it. And I'll see you same time next year.

Mitchmore Life F.

Yeah. Barry, please let

me be a wonderful.

Don't stop me.

What you doing?

What now?

Bring. Bring my wife. Your wife?

If you're not family, Miss, you can't go

beyond this point. Tommy was single. Is

that Mrs. Kenton's wife? Yeah.

You don't know me, but I was having sex

with your shit of a husband earlier this

evening when his heart gave way mid flow.

Probably induced by his excessive cocaine

use. He's been admitted to St. James's

A&E. I'm so sorry.

What happened to you? What went wrong?

How did you end up like this?

Come on.

Congratulations.

You stood in a room for the people that

declared. You were saying the same way.

I'm thinking about you. My walk.

But you back for the sake of everyone else

before you warn me. I know all about its

reputation. There was ladies

man love him and leave them. I'm sure you

know what you're doing. To be honest,

he's not really my type. All that swagger.

You're fond of him though, I can tell.

How do you mean? Close. He's will. His

best friend. Yes, he is.

Excuse me, I got to get back.

What is? Can we get out here? Go where?

The pub. Some are fun away from all the

non.

You're not doing that in here. Now piss

off out. We're married, you know. And you

should know better.

Wait.

Somebody see.

Let's do it later. Well, at home in bed

like good little people.