Original subtitles

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You'd better check Under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where You'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab At the bottom of the sea ♪♪

No, I got him set up in Pod Six.

That way he's close to med-lab...

[SNIFFLES]

in case he needs a doctor.

What's he got?

It's not a liver disease, is it?

I don't know.

I just know he's dying inside.

Oh, cara mia.

It's so very sad.

Because healthy teen liver equals mo-ney!

I got a distributor in Dublin.

He's paying top punt for new livers.

To think he's only got a few weeks to live.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

What are you blubbering about?

Remember Griffin? The little sick boy?

From the Final Request Foundation?

Final what?

The Final Request Foundation.

The charity that sends terminally ill children on to...

A dying kid? Oh, man!

Is it the plague? No, it's...

It's the plague, isn't it? No, it's...

It'll spread like wildfire!

Oh, we're doomed!

[SIGHS]

No. It's not contagious, but he is dying.

So we must do all we can to make him happy.

[SNIFFLING] Yes. Happy.

Okay, I'll... I'll go

put some cedar chips in the dumpster

for him to sleep on.

You must be Griffin.

Welcome to Sealab, mi amigo.

Boy, are we gonna have great fun.

I hope you brought a big bag of smiles.

[SPEAKS WITH BRITISH ACCENT] Okay. Thank you, sir.

[COUGHING]

Oh... Oh...

Hey, little dying guy. You like swimming?

Afraid not, sir.

My incredibly rare disease makes it far too dangerous.

That's great,

because we're gonna be doing lots of swimming.

Stormy, shut up.

And Griff, meet Oliver,

your special Sealab buddy.

[BRITISH ACCENT] Right.

I'll just show you up to your room.

Griff, was it?

Attention, all personnel.

The Black Death is coming.

The Black Death is coming.

The great pestilence is finally upon us.

Repent.

Repent!

"Grifting" Griff McGuire!

I haven't seen you

since the orphanage burned down.

I thought that can of petrol was gonna blow up in my hand!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, and the nuns were burning.

Oh, good times.

So, what's all this "dying" rot?

Pure genius.

I pretend I'm terminal,

and those saps at Final Request send me anywhere in the world.

It's cushier than being the Pope.

Oh, that's brilliant,

but if you're dead...

Aliases, mate, and different diseases.

Here's one of my faves.

[WITH ARTIFICIAL VOICE BOX] Second-hand smoke

made me sick inside.

Oh, yeah. Throat cancer.

It's the biggest con since Genghis.

Traveling's brilliant.

I met the Justice League, went to Dollywood...

And now Sealab!

I smell an angle.

Smack on, Ollie.

I need Sealab's powerful off-shore computers,

because I have got complete access

to the Foundation's online bank accounts.

Ka-ching!

[BEEPING]

Their entire fortune

is now hidden in my numbered Swiss account,

just like the Nazis.

Ich bin impressed!

Yeah, O'Reilly.

As soon as he kicks, okay?

Don't sweat it,

because everything on this end

is prepped... for the harvest.

Hee-ah, daddy-o. Faith and begorra!

Sure, and we're praying for a bumper crop.

Now, uh, what about the wee lad's gall bladder?

Sorry, Paddy.

I'm pickling that for my Thai guy.

Aphrodisiac.

Oh, the heathens.

Sparks. Big idea. Pizza party for Griff.

Everybody gets to make-a their own-a pizza pie.

Choose their own toppings.

Oh, and I'll put on a puppet show.

Aah!

Aah! What are you doing?

You looked at the sick kid.

You're probably teeming with plague juice.

Now, strip down,

and let me get to your buboes.

And you simply must go to Dollywood.

It's the coolest place I've ever...

Hey, are you the dying kid?

Uh, I, uh, I, uh, uh, I...

You stutter too? Could you have worse luck?

Well, at least you won't have

to deal with it in high school.

Anyhoo, you're signed up to go diving

before you, um, die.

Ciao.

Crikey!

She was absolutely poured into that wetsuit.

Yeah, she's a real juicy little pudding.

Oh!

We're right above Sealab now, Mr. Brock.

Uh, you're sure Final Request

is gonna pay for all this, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that Griffin punk is really gonna pay.

Nobody, and I mean nobody,

gets a free ride

on the Final Request Foundation.

Unless they're actually dying, right?

Oh, he's gonna die.

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[GRUNTS]

GRIFFIN: Crikey!

Is it always so bleedin' cold in here?

That, my sick little non-friend,

is probably just

the cold, stale breath of the Reaper

blowing down your neck.

Beg your pardon, sir?

The Plague, boy!

Yersinia pestis!

You're riddled with it!

I bet your lymph nodes are as big as cats!

I-I don't have bubonic plague, sir.

Yeah, you twit.

He ain't even sick.

It's a con.

A con?

Yes, sir.

I'm grifting Final Request.

Are you gonna turn me in or what?

Ah, screw those jerks.

Plus, you know, I love scaring the crew.

Say, who's up for a ride in the Murph-Mobile, huh?

Um...

No, thanks.

I'm good.

Sweet! Ah, you're gonna love it.

Whee!

[LAUGHING]

Is this great or what?

Shouldn't we slow down?

Probably!

Whoa!

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

[CRASHING]

GRIFFIN: Ow!

I think my ankle's broken!

CAPTAIN: Get your arm out of there, boy.

You got the drive shaft all gibbered!

GRIFFIN: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

OLIVER: Hey, you're killing him, you stupid git.

CAPTAIN: Hold on. I got an idea.

[GEARS GRINDING]

[REVVING]

[GRIFFIN SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[ENGINE CUTS OFF]

That's got her.

I'm gonna sue your bleeding head off.

Hey. Hey, hey, son.

That's no way to talk to somebody who...

could, uh... turn you in for fraud.

You win this round, old man.

Duh!

[STARTS ENGINE]

GRIFFIN: That Murphy's a daft old bird,

isn't he?

OLIVER: Barking.

Hey, there's a rare, old sea tortoise

lives near here.

Not for long. Lead on!

I'm coming for you, Griff!

I'm coming for you!

[LAUGHING]

Great shack!

It's Brock,

the accountant from the Foundation.

He's finally tracked me down.

BROCK: Come on out, Griff.

It's time for your shot.

Griff! You've got to do something!

Maybe this'll work.

I learned it from Aquaman

at the Justice League.

NARRATOR: Using his telekinetic powers,

Griff summons the vicious moray eel.

What in the...?

Ah!

Aah!

GRIFFIN: Well, well, well.

If it isn't Brock.

I haven't seen you

since that messy business

in Pigeon Forge.

Griff, you've got to help me.

My... My leg's trapped.

Oh, please...

Just a sec.

I'm drinking in the irony of it all.

Okay!

Well, whatever you do, don't use

my grenade-tipped spear gun down there

to shoot those rocks up there, okay? Okay?

Splendid idea. Splendid.

No. No. I said...

I said don't do that.

Listen, Griff, I won't tell anybody.

For God's sakes, please.

Hush, hush.

Got any final requests?

Don't kill me.

[LAUGHING]

No.

Put him out of my misery,

would you?

BROCK: I got a wife and 18 kids!

No!

[LAUGHING]

OLIVER: Oh, Brock, we hardly knew you...

you dead bastard.

That was close.

Time to fold up shop, Ollie.

Can you help me fake my death?

Here's the plan.

[WHISPERING]

Oh!

Ollie!

So long, old chum.

[CHUCKLES]

"Chum."

And can you round up a piñata somewhere?

For the pizza party.

Yeah. Yeah, a piñata,

full of treats.

Well...

Where the heck am I supposed to find all this stuff?

Well, swipe it from those jerks in Pod Six.

Hey. Griff's dead.

What?

Who?

He... He's gone?

Yeah. A big shark gobbled him up.

Just chomped him gobbled.

What?

Hey, uh, are there any major organs left?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

He was so full of life and...

and disease too...

But, oh!

I loved him so much!

Oh, Griff! What a tragedy!

Oh, please, Marco.

Will you just shut your cry-hole?

Oh...

And I kind of had my heart set

on that pizza party.

[SNIFFLES] Well...

We do have all the fixings.

Yay! Yay!

[♪♪♪]

CAPTAIN: I'll bet your lymph nodes are as big as cats!