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[HEART BEATING]
2
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[BIOLOGICAL CLOCK TICKING]
3
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[CLOCK TICKING FASTER]
4
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,930
[ALARM RINGING]
5
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,765
I gotta have a baby.
6
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I gotta have a baby.
I gotta have a baby!
7
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♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪
8
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♪ You'd better check
Under the sea ♪
9
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♪ 'Cause that is
Where you'll find me ♪
10
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:50,982
♪ Underneath the sealab ♪
11
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,652
♪ Underneath the water ♪
12
00:00:53,654 --> 00:01:01,060
♪ Sealab
At the bottom of the sea ♪♪
13
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[BABY CRIES]
14
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TEACHER DEBBIE:
Okay.
15
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,666
Now, hush, my little babies.
16
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,468
It's time to learn.
17
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,303
Now...
18
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,805
Can anyone tell me
what the Internet was,
19
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,241
and how it almost
destroyed mankind
20
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,177
in the year 2007?
21
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,478
DEBBIE: I am
a fertile goddess!
22
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What in the Sam Hell?
23
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And I must have a baby!
24
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Lord. Her clock went off.
25
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That sweet girl's
about to embark
26
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,090
on a magical journey.
27
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,757
Most powerful thing in the world
28
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is the love of a woman
for a child.
29
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[CLICKING LIKE A DOLPHIN]
30
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Listen, fatty.
31
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I told you once,
32
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,765
you can either hold it,
33
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,327
or you can just pee
in that wet suit.
34
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DEBBIE: A baby.
35
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What was I thinking?
36
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,942
I'm a marine biologist.
37
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,145
I study ocean life.
38
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,214
Like this little guy.
39
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You're my little baby.
40
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My cute little...
41
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Oh! Oh, my baby!
42
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My baby. My baby!
43
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,254
Oh, yeah, no.
Snowboarding.
44
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,022
I'm, well, I'm going
Saturday again.
45
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,957
DEBBIE: Help!
Somebody save my baby!
46
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Come on!
47
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QUINN:
Debbie, what's wrong?
48
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You've gotta save
my little baby.
49
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[CLICKING]
50
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,536
STORMY: From what?
Having fun?
51
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:18,970
Yeah, let him play.
He's splashing nicely.
52
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,105
It's cute.
53
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,574
Why is it people
who don't have kids
54
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,775
are always telling
people with kids
55
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:24,776
how to raise...?
56
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:25,777
Kids?
57
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,613
Debbie, are you okay?
58
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:29,014
If you're not gonna help,
59
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get out of the way.
60
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,683
I've got a million things to do.
61
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,318
Find a good preschool, and...
62
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,987
Oh, my God! Vaccinations.
63
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,456
No!
64
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,291
[SCREAM ECHOES]
65
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,459
Yeah, so then
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00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,327
the other Debbie
just freaked out
67
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,629
and ran down the hall,
68
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,130
yelling about babies.
69
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,499
Well, a woman's natural urges
70
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,501
can be mighty powerful, honey.
71
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,671
Oh, yeah, you said
a mouthful there, Debbie.
72
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:56,074
So, um...
how you been?
73
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:59,044
Actually, I've been a little
under the weather.
74
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:02,947
Sounds like you need
a shot of Vitamin "M."
75
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,317
You know, I think I might.
76
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,186
It's a pretty big needle.
77
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I get it.
78
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,021
Come on in, honey.
79
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,723
This doctor makes house calls.
80
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,124
I get it.
81
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,259
Oh, you gonna get it.
82
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,694
Would you just get in here?
83
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,062
Oh, I'm gonna get in there.
84
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,963
All right, already!
85
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,267
Well...
86
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,669
Debbie thinks
87
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,204
this is all about
her biological clock,
88
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,405
and I...
89
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,407
She stopped screaming
long enough to tell you that?
90
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,941
Huh?
No, no, no, no.
91
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,611
No, the other Debbie.
Debbie the teacher.
92
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,813
Oh, you mean...
[WHISPERS] "Black Debbie."
93
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,847
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
94
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:39,418
Why is she "Black Debbie"?
95
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,785
No, not in a bad way.
96
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,954
It's just to tell them apart,
because she's...
97
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,223
[WHISPERS]
black.
98
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:45,257
Well, why don't you
99
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,958
call her Debbie,
100
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,628
and the other one
[WHISPERS] "White Debbie"?
101
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,762
"White Debbie"?
102
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,464
That's stupid.
103
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,865
I know she's white.
104
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,667
MARCO: So why do you
call the other Debbie
105
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,668
"Black Debbie"?
106
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,403
You know she's black.
107
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,504
Hey, first off,
108
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:00,905
I really don't think
we should be
109
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,742
talking about this in front of
[WHISPERS] Dr. Quinn.
110
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,809
Listen, man.
111
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,311
You're missing the point.
112
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:10,282
What if everybody went around
calling you "White Stormy"?
113
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:13,385
You mean there's a black Stormy?
114
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,188
No.
115
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,559
Okay, people. Listen up.
116
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,927
Mother Nature has spoken,
117
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,329
and I want to have a baby.
118
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,997
Now, I don't have a lot of time,
119
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,600
so one of you is gonna be
the lucky father.
120
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,269
Sweet.
121
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,538
Screening process starts
tomorrow, bright and early.
122
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,939
[DOLPHIN CLICKING]
123
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,108
[ELEVATOR OPENS, CLOSES]
124
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:42,447
Now, was that the white Debbie
or the, uh, black Debbie?
125
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,320
Now, Captain Murphy.
Hi.
126
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,454
Hi.
127
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,122
Now, sir, why do you think
128
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,958
I should choose you
to father my baby?
129
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,093
Huh?
130
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,628
Well, I mean, I thought
131
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,430
that you were going to, uh,
132
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,131
well, I mean, adopt one of us.
133
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,233
What?
Mm-hmm.
134
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:05,203
Captain, I want
one of you to impregnate me.
135
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,905
Okay.
136
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,577
Uh... [WHISPERING]
137
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:13,578
Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,579
The man...
139
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,580
Yeah.
140
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,915
The lady...
141
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,082
Sure.
142
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,685
Baby.
143
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,586
Well, as long as the baby
144
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,288
doesn't touch my 'stache.
145
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,623
Your what?
146
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,592
Mustache.
147
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,497
DEBBIE: Next.
148
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,666
I've decided to let my tape
do the talking.
149
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,267
Oh, this ought to be great.
150
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,804
Hello, ladies.
151
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,005
Stormy Waters at your service.
152
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,808
But who is Stormy Waters?
153
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,142
HESH: Hey!
154
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,444
Hesh wants some sex.
155
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,645
Hesh, get off.
My tape's playing.
156
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,879
Shut up.
157
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,549
Debbie, get down here.
Give Hesh some sex.
158
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,950
Hesh, this isn't funny.
159
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,952
Be real funny
when I crack you with a pipe.
160
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,487
Okay, I'm coming down there.
Shut up!
161
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,723
Well, now, Hesh...
162
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,023
Shut up!
163
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,726
Um... okay.
164
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,229
Why do you think
you would make a good father?
165
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,299
Um...
166
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,271
Give me a second.
167
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,140
Uh...
168
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,809
Sex.
169
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,310
Okay, Debbie.
170
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,579
Forget about Hesh.
171
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,680
Okay.
172
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,715
I've got something for you.
173
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,284
What is it?
174
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,787
A book.
175
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,255
What's the book?
176
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,924
A Modest Proposal.
177
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,793
By whom?
178
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,095
Jonathan Swift.
179
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,831
And what is the book about?
180
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,068
Eating babies.
181
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,537
Stupid Hesh.
182
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,439
I'll show him what a pipe is.
183
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:48,673
Where is the reactor room?
184
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:49,841
Hey, Stormy.
185
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,844
Hey, Bla... Debbie.
186
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:57,849
Hey, do you like rap?
187
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,918
Now, what in the hell...
188
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,386
is that supposed to mean?
189
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:02,554
Like veal...
190
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:03,922
Only babies.
191
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,424
What?!
192
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,991
And I'm talking
real baby-back ribs.
193
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:07,992
[DEBBIE GROANS]
194
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,294
See, it all comes...
195
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,430
down to the fact
that you all have
196
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,665
far more fast-twitch
muscle fiber.
197
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,400
Stormy Waters,
198
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:18,837
I have heard some
dumb theories in my time,
199
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,939
but this is, without a doubt...
200
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,041
the foulest thing
I have ever heard.
201
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,344
R-r-r-ribs!
Dripping with sauce.
202
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,313
That's disgusting!
203
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,181
Falling off the bone!
204
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,283
You sick bastard!
205
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,753
Well, just trying
to help out a single mom.
206
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,755
I am surrounded by freaks.
207
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:37,789
Man, don't go out there.
208
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,090
[DEBBIE
SHOUTING]
209
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,525
That black chick is crazy.
210
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:44,696
The only way this could possibly
get any worse...
211
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,598
The doctor is in.
212
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,766
Is that.
213
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,100
[PANTS UNZIPPING]
214
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,268
Oh, my God.
215
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,970
[MUSIC PLAYING]
216
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,539
I got this one...
217
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:55,974
Ew.
218
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,009
I call this "the Latin-ator."
219
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,043
Ugh.
220
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,745
Yeah, nice "bacne."
221
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,314
Well, what do you think, chica?
222
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,050
If I ever want
a steroid-freak baby,
223
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:07,652
I'll call you.
224
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:11,155
Yeah, well he better keep
his flippers off my 'stache.
225
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,958
TEACHER DEBBIE: What
the heck is wrong with you?
226
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,626
Not so fast, Marco.
227
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,427
Debbie, last night
I put on some Al Green,
228
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,396
and I wrote a 200-page thesis
229
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,432
detailing my superior
paternal qualifications.
230
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,835
Two-hundred pages?
231
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,236
You like that, don't you, baby?
232
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,338
Oh, yeah...
Yeah.
233
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,874
Then I went to the lab,
234
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,275
ran a complete genome series...
235
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,276
Uh-huh...
236
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,580
Double-encoded DNA scan.
Oh...
237
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,582
You like that?
Oh, yeah, doctor.
238
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,518
Yes. Yes!
239
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,453
God, I love your brain.
It's so big!
240
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,454
Stop that!
241
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,455
Yeah, baby!
242
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,790
Mommy, don't talk like that.
243
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:46,825
Get away from my mommy.
244
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,193
Whoa...
That was intense.
245
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:52,296
Glad I'm wearing a wet suit.
246
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,399
What makes Dr. Quinn so great?
247
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:59,070
Smart men are just...
really sexy.
248
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,906
I'm as smart as him.
249
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:01,940
What?
250
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:02,941
I got PhDs
251
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,209
in four scientific disciplines.
252
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,878
Really?
253
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,114
Why do you think
they call me Dr. Quinn?
254
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,883
Oh, I just thought
that was a nickname.
255
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,218
You know,
like "Dr. Dre."
256
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,355
♪ East Side ♪♪
257
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,292
[DOLPHIN CHIRPS]
258
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,961
God, you're stupid.
259
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,262
Hey, shut your hatch.
260
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,664
You shut your hatch!
261
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,898
Stormy, you crybaby.
CAPTAIN: Stop.
262
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,299
You're scaring Mommy.
QUINN: You big dope.
263
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,300
[ALL ARGUING]
264
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,301
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
265
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,302
Ricky Ricardo wannabe.
266
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,704
Yeah, yeah, you bring it to me.
267
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,705
I just want some sex!
268
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,040
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
269
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,174
Shut up.
270
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,241
Ah-ha!
271
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,309
What was I thinking?
272
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,310
Look at you.
273
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,311
To think I was actually
274
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,081
gonna let one of you
father my baby?
275
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,583
Ha! I could carve
a better father
276
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,617
out of a mango.
277
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,518
Who needs a baby?
278
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,622
I've got five full-grown babies
right here.
279
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:53,291
So you can all just forget it!
280
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:56,561
Man, what a day.
281
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,898
I wonder what the space baby
thinks about all this.
282
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,938
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]
283
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,613
Mmm, nope. I got nothing.
284
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,454
Do you want the mustache
on or off?
285
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,957
Off, please.
286
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,959
Too bad.
18228
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