Original subtitles

I'M GONNA NAIL BO AND LUKE DUKE, NAIL THEM.

OLD CRAZY COOTER TALKING.

TURKEY COMING RIGHT DOWN MY ALLEY.

I'M HAVING A PICNIC.

WHICH WAY TO THE BEACH?

I WANT THOSE SLOT MACHINES.

NOW WE GOT THEM.

WE GOT THEM.

I WISH THOSE DUKE BOYS WERE ON MY SIDE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAISY.

WHY, THANK YOU, ENOS.

OH, GET HER OUT.

DON'T STAND THERE. GO GET HER!

YEEEEE-HOO!

Balladeer: WELCOME TO HAZZARD COUNTY.

♪ JUST A-GOOD OL' BOYS ♪

♪ NEVER MEANIN' NO HARM ♪

♪ BEATS ALL YOU NEVER SAW ♪

♪ BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW ♪

♪ SINCE THE DAY THEY WAS BORN ♪

♪ STRAIGHTENIN' THE CURVES ♪

♪ FLATTENIN' THE HILLS ♪

♪ SOMEDAY THE MOUNTAIN MIGHT GET 'EM ♪

♪ BUT THE LAW NEVER WILL ♪

♪ MAKIN' THEIR WAY ♪

♪ THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW HOW ♪

♪ WELL, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE ♪

♪ THAN THE LAW WILL ALLOW ♪

♪ JUST A-GOOD OL' BOYS ♪

♪ WHO WOULDN'T CHANGE IF THEY COULD ♪

♪ FIGHTIN' THE SYSTEM LIKE 2 MODERN-DAY ROBIN HOODS ♪

YEEEEE-HOO!

YEEEEE-HOO!

Balladeer: WELCOME TO HAZZARD COUNTY.

YEEEEE-HAA!

Balladeer: YOU PROBABLY NOTICED THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT HERE.

WELL, THIS IS HAZZARD COUNTY.

THEY DO THINGS DIFFERENT HERE.

THIS IS BO DUKE AND LUKE DUKE.

THEY'RE COUSINS, AND THEY FIGHT THE SYSTEM.

Luke: YOU KNOW, WHEN I GOT UP THIS MORNING,

THE BIGGEST THING ON MY MIND WAS DOING A LITTLE RABBIT HUNTING.

Bo: THEN THE HOUND DOG RUNS OFF.

MY CAR IS TAKEN.

NOW WE'RE CHASING THE SHERIFF'S CAR.

AIN'T YOU GLAD WE AIN'T IN THE BIG CITY WHERE LIFE GETS COMPLICATED?

PAY UP.

YOU MIND WAITING TILL THIS IS OVER?

COOL IT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TAKING A BREAK?

IF YOU TUNED THIS CAR INSTEAD OF CHASING WOMEN LAST NIGHT,

WE'D HAVE ALREADY HAD HIM. NOT WITH YOU ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL.

GRAB THAT SIGN.

YOU GRAB IT.

WELL, I CAN'T. I'M DRIVING.

OH, IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT?

TRY NOT TO LOSE HIM, OKAY?

WOULDN'T BE MUCH OF A CHASE IF WE DO.

BO, YOU DRIVE LIKE MY FANNY WHIPS APPLE BUTTER.

YOU KNOW, I... I KIND OF ADMIRE

THE WAY HE HANDLES THAT THING.

IT'S TOO FUN! INSANE BOX MAGIC.

COOTER DAVENPORT, YOU AIN'T GOT THE SENSE

THE GOOD LORD PROMISED A TURKEY.

HEY, LUKE. WHAT SAY, BO?

AIN'T YOU GONNA SEE WHAT HE DID WITH YOUR CAR?

YOU BORROWED MY CAR THIS MORNING. WHAT'D YOU DO WITH IT?

USED IT TO RUN THE SHERIFF OFF THE ROAD

TO MAKE HIM MAD. WHEN HE JUMPED OUT...

YOU JUMPED INTO HIS, RIGHT?

WHY DID YOU STEAL THE SHERIFF'S CAR?

WELL, HE IMPOUNDED MINE.

SEEMED ONLY FAIR TO TAKE HIS.

USING MY CAR? OH, THAT'S REAL GOOD, COOTER.

WELL, I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEND COOTER YOUR CAR.

COOTER, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE

TO STRAIGHTEN ALL THIS OUT?

NO.

WELL, HELLO, BANDIT.

NOW, WHAT'S THAT DOING THERE?

MAYBE IT'S TOOK IN A RAID.

THERE AIN'T NO SLOT MACHINES IN HAZZARD COUNTY.

THERE'S GONNA BE SOON. HE'S BRINGING THEM IN.

WHO IS?

SHERIFF ROSCO COLTRANE.

Balladeer: THAT'S HIM,

SHERIFF ROSCO COLTRANE.

AFTER 30 YEARS AS A FAIRLY HONEST LAWMAN,

MOST OF ROSCO'S PENSION GOT DEFEATED

IN THE LAST BOND ELECTION.

NOW, THIS LEFT ROSCO TO FACE RETIREMENT

ON A BAD CASE OF HEMORRHOIDS

AND ABOUT 2 YEARS LEFT IN OFFICE TO GRAB ALL HE COULD,

SO OVERNIGHT,

ROSCO BECAME THE BEST LAWMAN THAT MONEY COULD BUY.

HE GOT A RAKE-OFF FROM MOONSHINE,

CONTRABAND, AND EVEN PORTABLE PROSTITUTION

IN 2 CRUISING RV CAMPERS.

NOW OLD ROSCO IS UP FOR REELECTION.

THAT MEANS THE ONE MAN HE'S GOT TO SEE

IS BOSS HOGG.

IF SHERIFF ROSCO RUNS THE COUNTY,

BOSS HOGG RUNS ROSCO.

NOW, BOSS EATS AT THE BOARS NEST

BECAUSE HIS WIFE LULU IS A LOUSY COOK.

YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A MAN

BY WHAT HE EATS FOR BREAKFAST.

BOSS USUALLY HAS COFFEE AND RAW LIVER.

WELL, AT LEAST HE DON'T DUNK IT.

WELL, BOSS, THEM SLOT MACHINES IS COMING IN TODAY.

GOOD.

TELL ME SOMETHING...

DID THE POLICE GET YOUR CAR BACK?

UH... BOSS, UH, LISTEN.

I DON'T THINK I'M GETTING ENOUGH RAKE-OFF ON THEM SLOT MACHINES.

YOU KNOW, UH, I MEAN,

I GOT A LOT OF EXPENSES, YOU KNOW,

WITH THE ELECTION, AND THEN I-IT'S...

LISTEN, I'M TAKING ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY

PUTTING THEM SLOT MACHINES IN, YOU KNOW,

AND, UH, YOU OWE ME, BOSS.

I OWE YOU?

YEAH.

ROSCO, I'VE OVERPAID

ANY DEBT I'LL EVER HAVE TO YOU.

'CAUSE YOU MARRIED MY FAT SISTER.

I MARRIED YOUR FAT SISTER.

UH, BOSS, ABOUT THE ELECTION, NOW...

WELL, YOU JUST BETTER WIN.

THAT HONEST JOHN LEDBETTER WHO'S RUNNING AGAINST YOU

CAN'T BE BOUGHT.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE'S HONEST?

HE'S SO CROOKED IT MAKES YOU LOOK STRAIGHT...

BUT HE'S CLEAN RUTHLESS.

YOU'RE DIRTY RUTHLESS.

GIVE ME DIRTY RUTHLESS ANY DAY.

YEAH. YEAH.

LISTEN, I'M GONNA BEAT HIM.

I'LL BEAT HIM G-G-GOOD.

ROSCO, WITH YOUR IMAGE RIGHT NOW,

IF YOU WERE THE ONLY MAN RUNNING...

I'D COME IN SECOND.

YOU'D COME IN SECOND.

GOOD.

HMM?

Balladeer: JESSE DUKE IS A CLAN PATRIARCH.

NOW, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE OLD JESSE.

HE'S QUITE A STUDY.

JESSE'S A RETIRED MOONSHINER,

AND HE'S VERY RELIGIOUS.

ALTHOUGH HE'S WELL-READ,

HE'S ROUGH AS A MOUTHFUL OF BARK WHEN HE'S RILED.

BO AND LUKE ALWAYS HAVE BREAKFAST WITH JESSE,

EXCEPT ON SATURDAYS, WHEN THEY EAT AT THE GARAGE

ON DOUGHNUTS AND BEER.

YOU GET YOUR CAR BACK FROM THE SHERIFF YET?

THAT DUMB COOTER DAVENPORT.

DUMB COOTER? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LOANED YOUR CAR TO HIM.

NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO LOAN YOUR CAR TO A FOOL LIKE THAT,

JUST RUN IT OVER A CLIFF. SAVE GAS.

MR. DUKE?

OH, HOWDY.

REMEMBER ME?

JILL DOBSON, THE ORPHANAGE FUND.

SURE, SURE. I GOT SOME MONEY READY FOR YOU.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. EXCUSE ME.

I REALLY APPRECIATE

EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE.

I'LL JUST GET IT.

OKAY. THANK YOU. JILL DODSON?

YOU'RE LITTLE JILLY RAE DODSON?

IT'S JUST JILL NOW.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU RUN OFF TO COLLIN.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

LUKE, AIN'T IT WONDERFUL WHAT HORMONES CAN DO?

MMM.

W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

WELL, SINCE I GOT BACK,

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE... THE ORPHANAGE PROJECT.

THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT'S GONNA CLOSE IT DOWN

IF IT'S NOT COMPLETELY RENOVATED.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE COUNTY FUNDS?

UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S NOT ELIGIBLE FOR COUNTY FUNDS.

IT WAS PRIVATELY ENDOWED YEARS AGO,

AND THE MONEY JUST SEEMS TO HAVE RUN OUT NOW.

YOU'RE GONNA SAVE THE OLD PLACE ALL BY YOURSELF?

WELL, I WAS RAISED THERE.

ME AND LUKE WOULD BE GLAD TO HELP OUT, WOULDN'T WE?

NOPE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOPE?

IT'S YOUR CIVIC DUTY.

AT LEAST 2 OF THEM KIDS AT THAT ORPHANAGE

COULD BE YOURS.

BO'S ALWAYS BRAGGING ON ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I REMEMBER MOST ABOUT YOU, JILL?

WHAT?

YOUR CRUSH ON ME.

ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW OUR TASTES CHANGE WHEN WE MATURE?

WAS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

YOU PROBABLY THINK IT IS.

Balladeer: NOW, ALL THIS ROMANCE

DOES EVENTUALLY FIT INTO ROSCO'S ELECTION,

SO Y'ALL STICK WITH US.

THE BOARS NEST, OWNED BY BOSS HOGG,

IS THE SLICKEST CLUB IN HAZZARD.

ALL THE ELITE GO THERE.

IT HAS A DOLLAR COVER CHARGE TO KEEP OUT THE RIFFRAFF.

YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

I DON'T SEE WHY

YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP JILL WITH THE ORPHANAGE FUND.

WE GOT NOTHING ELSE COOKING.

SHE DON'T DO NOTHING FOR ME.

I HATE SKINNY WOMEN.

YOU JUST AIN'T GOT NO TASTE, THAT'S ALL.

I SWEAR, IF WOMEN WAS BIRDS,

YOU'D PROBABLY DATE A BUZZARD.

YOU'D DATE A CRANE, NO MEAT.

I'M COLLECTING THESE.

WHAT FOR?

LINING THE RABBITS' CAGE.

FACE UP.

Balladeer: DAISY DUKE IS BO AND LUKE'S COUSIN.

I WISH YOU WAS ON THE MENU!

Balladeer: SHE DRIVES LIKE RICHARD PETTY,

SHOOTS LIKE ANNIE OAKLEY,

KNOWS THE WORDS TO ALL OF DOLLY PARTON'S SONGS.

HEY, JERRY. HOW ABOUT YOU?

YOU KNOW, IF WE WEREN'T COUSINS, I'D MARRY YOU.

IT'S NEVER STOPPED ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY BEFORE.

YOU GOT A POINT THERE.

FILL IT UP THERE, JERRY.

TAKE IT EASY.

HEY! DON'T GO YET.

WE GOT PLANS LATER.

GET YOUR COTTON-PICKING PAWS OFF.

LOOK NOW, WHEN I FINALLY GOT HOLD,

I THINK I'LL JUST HANG ON.

LET GO.

NAH. WE LOOK KIND OF NICE.

I KIND OF... OHH!

YOU OKAY?

I'M ALRIGHT.

OH, NOW, BO, WHY DID YOU STEP IN LIKE THAT?

I'M GONNA GET CHARGED FOR 2 BEERS.

BELIEVE ME, HONEY, I'M NOT GONNA DO IT AGAIN.

ARE YOU REALLY GOING OUT WITH THAT SHARECROPPER?

OF COURSE NOT.

IS THAT DUDE BOTHERING YOU?

HE JUST THINKS HE'S THIS BIG-SHOT GANGSTER BECAUSE

HE'S GONNA UNLOAD SOME SLOT MACHINES

OFF THIS FERTILIZER TRUCK.

DOESN'T EXACTLY MAKE HIM AL CAPONE.

LADY, DON'T GO PUTTING MY BUSINESS OUT ON THE STREET!

HEY, DUDE, SIT DOWN.

YOU GOT ME TO MESS WITH IF YOU DON'T.

YOU... OK.

REALLY. HIS BROTHER'S

BRINGING IN THESE SLOT MACHINES ON A FERTILIZER TRUCK.

THEN THAT SILLY DUDE WANTS ME TO GO

TO THE NO-TELL MOTEL WITH HIM.

SAYS HE'LL TAKE ME TO NASHVILLE...

THE GRAND OLE OPRY, THE WORKS.

I RECKON I'VE NEVER WANTED TO SEE ANYTHING THAT BAD.

NOT EVEN NOT EVEN DOLLY PARTON. DOLLY PARTON.

JERRY. HEH HEH.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE LOOK ON ROSCO'S FACE

WHEN HE OPENS UP THAT FERTILIZER TRUCK...

AND ALL HE SEES IS FERTILIZER.

RIGHT.

YEEEE-HOO-HOO!

HEY, BO.

WHAT SAY, LUKE?

HOW YOU DOING?

HELLO, COOTER.

Y'ALL STILL DRIVING THIS THING ON THE ROAD?

YUP. NO, YOU CAN'T BORROW IT.

WHERE'S MY SHARE OF THAT MONEY YOU OWE ME?

OH, I GAVE IT TO BO.

HOW COME?

WELL, YOU SEE, UH,

I OWE HIM 50, AND Y'ALL BEING KIN, I FIGURED...

WE'S EVEN?

HEY. LOOKY HERE NOW.

HEY, LUKE.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING, DOBRO?

HEY, BRODY, QUINN'S LOOKING FOR YOU.

WHAT YOU DOING?

HEY, MR. DOBRO.

Y'ALL IN FOR A LITTLE FUN? WE GOT OUR CARS.

YEAH. WHAT'S ON?

SHERIFF ROSCO.

SHERIFF ROSCO?

Balladeer: BO AND LUKE LAID IT OUT FOR THEM.

AFTER A GUT-BUSTING LAUGH, THEY CRANKED UP AND CUT OUT.

WHOO-HOO!

YEEEE-HA!

YAAAAA-HOO!

YAAAA-HOO!

Luke: GO STRAIGHT. GO STRAIGHT.

Bo: IT'S ALRIGHT. I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.

OH, I LOVE YOUR SHORTCUT.

CUTE. THEY MUST'VE JUST CHANGED THIS

SINCE THE LAST TIME A GIRL CHASED ME THROUGH HERE.

YOU KNOW, BO, YOU COULD LOSE YOUR WAY ON A RACETRACK.

BURT REYNOLDS NEVER SEEMED TO GET LOST.

HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE.

Balladeer: NOW, IF THERE'S ONE THING THEM OLD BOYS LOVED

BETTER THAN A RACE ON A TRACK,

IT'S A CHASE ON A ROAD.

YAAAAA-HOO!

YEE HEE HEE HEE.

Balladeer: SINCE THEY ALL HAD CBs,

THEY SET UP A NET

WITH EACH MAN ON A DIFFERENT ROAD.

WHOEVER SPOTTED THE FERTILIZER TRUCK

WOULD CALL BACK TO BO AND LUKE, WHO'D INTERCEPT.

DOBRO DOOLIN STAKED OUT ON THE INTERCHANGE.

THIS HERE'S DOBRO DOOLIN

COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE INTERCHANGE.

Balladeer: OLD BRODY WATCHING 76 SOUTH,

AND CRAZY COOTER COVERED 421.

FOR THAT FERTILIZER TRUCK TO GET BY,

IT'D HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROAD AND COME OVERLAND.

IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.

CAN'T MISS.

WHAT IF IT DOES WORK?

WHAT DO WE GONNA DO WITH ALL THEM SLOT MACHINES?

WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

OLD CRAZY COOTER TALKING.

TURKEY COMING RIGHT DOWN MY ALLEY.

GOBBLE GOBBLE.

I READ YOU, COOTER.

DO YOU COPY THAT, DAISY?

COOTER'S ON 421.

Daisy: 10-4.

HIT IT.

HEE HEE HEE.

LOOKY HERE. LOOKY HERE. WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

LEROY, YOU BEST LEAVE THAT GUN RIGHT HERE.

WOULDN'T WANT TO SCARE THAT AWAY.

ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE, LITTLE LADY?

YEAH, I'M HAVING A PICNIC.

WHICH WAY TO THE BEACH?

THERE AIN'T NO BEACH AROUND HERE.

AW. AND ME WITH THIS BASKET

FULL OF LEMONADE AND CHITLIN SANDWICHES.

ALRIGHT, BOYS, RAISE THEM HIGH

AND DON'T TURN AROUND.

NOW, Y'ALL PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T BRING MACHINE GUNS.

MACHINE GUNS?

LORD HAVE MERCY.

GOOD LUCK, FELLAS.

YOU AIN'T GOING NOWHERE, HOG.

Luke: WHOOOOO-HOO!

YEE-HOO!

Balladeer: AIN'T THIS FUN?

Balladeer: THE DUKE FAMILY HAD BEEN IN THE WHISKEY BUSINESS

50 YEARS BEFORE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

THEY FOUGHT EVERYBODY FROM THE BRITISH TO THE CONFEDERACY

TO THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO STAY IN IT,

UNTIL LAST YEAR, WHEN BO AND LUKE GOT CAUGHT ON A WHISKEY RUN.

SO JESSE SWALLOWED A LIFETIME OF PRIDE,

SIGNED A TREATY WITH THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO STOP MAKING WHISKEY

IF BO AND LUKE COULD GET PROBATION.

YOU SEE, HE LOVED THEM BOYS BETTER THAN LIFE ITSELF,

BUT SOMETIMES, THEY REALLY MADE HIM WONDER WHY.

BOYS!

HE FOUND THEM.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE EGGS.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE.

NOW, THIS TIME... YOU GONE TOO FAR.

NOW, JESSE, ALL WE... WHERE'D YOU GET THEM?

SHERIFF ROSCO SNUCK THEM IN

ON A TRUCKLOAD FULL OF FERTILIZER.

SO WE HIJACKED THE TRUCK.

YOU MEAN,

YOU STOLE THESE GAMBLING MACHINES AND A TRUCK?

OH, NO. YEAH.

UH, YEAH. NO.

WELL, WE LEFT THE TRUCK

IN FRONT OF THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

AND WHAT ABOUT THESE?

WELL, WE WAS JUST THINKING THAT MAYBE...

YOUNG MAN... YOU THINK AGAIN.

YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL THAT THIS FAMILY DON'T HOLD WITH NO GAMBLING.

WELL, NOW, JESSE, WE BEEN MAKING MOONSHINE FOR OVER 200 YEARS.

NOW, WELL, WHY IS GAMBLING DIFFERENT?

BECAUSE MAKING WHISKEY WAS A FAMILY TRADITION

LONG BEFORE THERE WAS A U.S. OF A. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

TO TELL US THAT WE COULDN'T,

AND PASSING A LAW DIDN'T CHANGE THE FAMILY WAYS NONE.

WELL, YEAH, BUT THIS IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT...

AND BESIDES, WHEN WE WAS MAKING CORN WHISKEY,

WE PAID TAXES ON THE CORN.

GAMBLING'S A VICE.

HOW YOU GONNA TAX VICE?

NOW, THEN... I'M GOING IN THERE,

AND I'M GONNA COLLECT MY EGGS,

AND WHEN I COME BACK OUT HERE,

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING BUT HIND ENDS AND ELBOWS

AS YOU 2 BOYS ARE LOADING THEM THERE MACHINES

ON THAT THERE TRUCK YONDER.

AND... DON'T GO SELLING THEM AT A PROFIT.

THAT'D BE WRONG, TOO.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK I'M TIRED OF YOU ALWAYS GETTING US INTO TROUBLE

AND ME HAVING TO THINK A WAY OUT.

WELL, WE GOTTA CHANGE HIS MIND.

THAT'D BE LIKE REVERSING A BUZZ SAW.

WE CAN'T SELL THEM, WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO GIVE THEM AWAY.

LIKE A CHARITY OR SOME...

WE'RE GONNA REVERSE THAT BUZZ SAW.

UNCLE JESSE!

WE'RE FIXING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.

UH, RATHER, LUKE IS.

WELL, TELL HIM.

WELL, LUKE?

CAN WE KEEP THOSE SLOTS

IF I SHOW YOU THAT ALL GAMBLING AIN'T BAD?

NO WAY.

NOW, HOW ABOUT IF ALL THE PROCEEDS FROM THOSE MACHINES

WENT TO THE ORPHANAGE?

YOU JUST FOUND A WAY.

Balladeer: TO PUT THE MACHINES

WHERE THEY'D DO THE MOST BUSINESS,

BO AND LUKE IGNORED THE BARS AND ROADHOUSES

AND HIT ALL THE CIVIC AND FRATERNAL CLUBS,

AND TOOK 30% RIGHT OFF THE TOP.

HEH HEH. Y'ALL EVER BELONGED TO A GROUP

THAT WASN'T TRYING TO RAISE MONEY?

FOR INSTANCE, THE HAZZARD LADIES AUXILIARY

NEEDED MONEY FOR A DOOR PRIZE,

A TRIP TO SEE THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW.

THE HUNTING CLUB HAD 2 PROJECTS:

RAISING MONEY FOR THE ANIMAL PROTECTIVE LEAGUE

AND THE ANNUAL TURKEY SHOOT.

IN ONE DAY, BO AND LUKE WERE SOLD OUT.

I WANT THOSE SLOT MACHINES.

BEEN MISSING 3 DAYS.

WELL, THAT AIN'T MY FAULT, BOSS.

THEY SET UP MY DRIVERS

WITH A HALF-NAKED FEMALE WOMAN UP ON THAT HIGHWAY.

SHOOT, ANYBODY'D STOP FOR THAT.

WELL, YOU BETTER GET THEM BACK BEFORE WORD GETS ROUND,

OR YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT WITH THE VOTERS.

AND YOU?

AND ME.

WELL...

BETTER NOT HIT TOO HARD.

THE WHOLE ORPHANAGE'S GONNA FALL IN.

HI. YOU STARTLED ME.

OH, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET.

W-WHAT'S THAT?

MONEY.

WHAT'S THAT?

GROOVY. HE'S MY HELPER.

WANNA GET A SODA POP?

SURE.

SO, HERE'S YOUR MONEY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I'D NEVER KID ABOUT LOVE OR MONEY.

BUT HOW'D...

WELL, IT WAS DONATED BY SOME VERY CIVIC-MINDED PEOPLE.

IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT IT'S A START.

GONNA COLLECT FROM THEM EVERY WEEK.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

I KNEW IT. IT IS MY MONEY YOU'RE AFTER.

EVERYBODY SAID IT WAS MY BODY.

INCREDIBLE. MY BODY?

YOUR EGO.

WELL, THANKS. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR YEARS.

LOOK...

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I APPRECIATE THE MONEY, REALLY.

IT'S JUST THAT I KNOW THIS IS ONLY A GAME TO YOU.

A GAME?

BO, THIS PROJECT IS VERY SERIOUS TO ME.

FOR THE 2 WEEKS I'VE BEEN BACK,

I HAVE FOUGHT THE ROTTEN COUNTY POLITICS,

THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT,

EVERYBODY TO TRY AND SAVE THIS PLACE.

THE ONLY REASON WE'RE BEING CLOSED DOWN

IS BECAUSE BOSS HOGG CONTROLS THE BOARD AND WANTS THE LAND.

WELL, WHAT DOES BOSS WANT THE LAND FOR?

A SHOPPING CENTER.

THIS WAS MY HOME,

THE BEST POSSIBLE ANY ORPHANAGE COULD BE.

YOU MEAN WELL, AND ANY OTHER TIME, IT MIGHT BE FUN,

BUT I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME

FOR YOUR CUTE COUNTRY SHUCKING AND JIVING RIGHT NOW.

I DO LIKE A WOMAN SALTY.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING.

WELL, SURE I HAVE.

YOU BEEN AWAY TO THE BIG CITY,

AND NOW YOU COME BACK TO SAVE THE OLD HOMESTEAD.

LOOK, I...

BUT WHILE YOU WERE GONE ALL THAT TIME,

I WAS HERE FIGHTING THAT SAME ROTTEN SYSTEM EVERY DAY.

LOOK... NOW, I LIVE HERE.

I CHOOSE THIS LIFE,

NOT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW NO BETTER,

BUT BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT IS BETTER,

AND I'M GONNA FIGHT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY

THAT POLLUTES THE WELL WHERE I DRINK.

SAVING THIS ORPHANAGE IS JUST PART OF IT.

I DIDN'T MEAN... AND ANOTHER THING.

IF YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS TO MAKE A PLAY FOR YOU,

WELL, WOULD YOU GROW UP?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, WHEN I MAKE A PLAY ON A LADY,

I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE HER MONEY.

ALTHOUGH IT DO KEEP HER HANDS BUSY.

WELL, HOW AM I DOING?

NOW, YOU WALK ME TO MY CAR.

THE NEXT MONEY I COLLECT,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME AND GET IT YOURSELF.

WHAT YOU DOING, SON?

SQUIRTING FLIES.

I HATE KIDS.

HARVEY... WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

WE GOT 2 OF THEM, SHERIFF.

I KNOW. I SEE YOU GOT 2 OF THEM.

WE WANTED MORE, BUT THE OTHER CLUBS HAD TAKEN THEM ALL.

WHEN YOU SAY OTHERS, YOU TALKING LIKE IN OTHER CLUBS?

THE LADIES AID, THE HUNTING CLUB...

HOLY SMOKE.

ALL THE C-CLUBS ARE GOING GREAT.

AHEM. YOU AIN'T GONNA CAUSE A FUSS ARE YOU, ROSCO?

UH, I'D BE VERY UNPOPULAR IF YOU DID.

AIN'T GONNA CAUSE NO FUSS, HARVEY,

BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M THE SHERIFF.

I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

NOW TELL ME, WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

THE DUKE BOYS, BO AND LUKE.

BO AND LUKE DUKE? HEH HEH.

THEY GET 30%, AND WE GET 70%.

30?

HECK, I ONLY GET...

UH, ROSCO, IF YOU PICK UP SOME MORE SLOTS IN A RAID,

COULD WE HAVE THEM?

WE NEED SOME NEW CARPETING BAD.

UH... WELL...

Rosco: IS THAT HER?

YEEAAH.

YEAH, THAT'S HER.

NOW, YOU SWEAR?

YEAH.

ROSCO, IF YOU KNOW THEM DUKE BOYS

GOT OUR MACHINES,

WHY DON'T YOU THROW THEM IN JAIL?

I WILL, SON, I WILL,

WHEN I GET ENOUGH EVIDENCE.

YOU? SINCE WHEN?

SINCE WHEN AN ELECTION'S COMING UP.

GET OUT.

MISS DAISY.

HEY, SHERIFF.

YOU GOTTA COME WITH ME.

WHY, SURELY I'D LOVE TO,

I'VE GOTTA GET TO WORK OR I'LL BE LATE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'M GONNA HAVE TO ARREST YOU.

OH, MY LORD. WHAT FOR?

HIJACKING, THAT'S WHAT FOR.

UHH. DAMN!

FOLLOW THAT CAR!

YOU'RE KIDDING.

MOVE!

GET ON WITH IT!

FASTER!

I DON'T WANNA GET NO TICKET!

FROM WHO?!

YOU DUMB JACKASS!

WHOA!

AAH!

Balladeer: Y'ALL HANG ON.

♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪

PUT THE WINDOW DOWN.

AAGH!

HEY AGAIN.

IF YOU TWO DON'T TAKE THE PRIZE!

NOW CHASING AROUND,

RISKING YOUR OWN PROBATION AND PRISON,

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS...

NOW, WE DIDN'T MEAN... BUT DAISY...

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID TO YOU BOYS,

"LOOK OUT FOR DAISY"?

AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID TO ME, "WE WILL, UNCLE JESSE"?

AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU GET HER THROWED IN JAIL.

NOW JUST WAIT A MINUTE. IT ISN'T ALWAYS THAT WAY.

DAISY'S THE HOPE OF THE WHOLE CLAN.

THANKS A LOT.

THE FAMILY LINE ENDS WITH DAISY.

HEH! THE CHANCE OF YOU TWO PRODUCING A FAMILY

RATES RIGHT UP THERE WITH HOGS PRODUCING BEEF.

FOR 200 YEARS...

THE DUKE FAMILY HAD THE WHISKEY CRAFT.

THE GOVERNMENT TOOK THAT AWAY FROM US.

THEN WE HAD THE LAND...

AND THE DEPRESSION TOOK THAT.

NOW ALL THE DUKE FAMILY HAS LEFT

IS WHAT IT STARTED WITH, AND THAT'S FAMILY.

AND DAISY IS FAMILY.

NOW GET HER OUT.

Balladeer: SO THE NEXT MORNING,

LUKE DECIDED TO VISIT THE SHUT-INS.

ESCORTING LUKE TO DAISY'S CELL WAS DEPUTY ENOS STRATE.

HE AND THE BOYS GREW UP TOGETHER.

ENOS HAD A CRUSH ON DAISY...

AND THE REPUTATION OF BEING THE OLDEST VIRGIN IN HAZZARD COUNTY.

HOLD IT.

NOW, ENOS, NOW, YOU CAN TELL ME.

ANY CHANGE?

WELL, HANG IN THERE.

♪♪♪

WELL, HEY, DAISY. HOW YOU DOIN'?

GREAT! I'M WRITING THIS WHOLE NEW SONG

ABOUT THIS ENRICHING EXPERIENCE.

BOY, JAIL COOKING REALLY PUTS ON THE WEIGHT, DON'T IT?

LUKE, I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE OVERNIGHT.

STUCK IN THE SLAMMER, TODAY OF ALL DAYS.

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW.

OH, IT IS?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAISY.

WHY, THANK YOU, ENOS.

UH, JESSE SENT ALONG THIS BIRTHDAY FLOWER FOR YOUR HAIR.

OH, THAT'S SWEET.

I BROUGHT ALONG CHANGE OF CLOTHES TO CHEER YOU UP,

SINCE YOU'RE STUCK HERE IN THAT WAITRESS OUTFIT.

YOU BETTER CHECK IT OUT.

MAKE SURE A SHOTGUN AIN'T HIDDEN THERE.

I BETTER LET Y'ALL VISIT A LITTLE BIT, LUKE.

NO TRICKS NOW, OKAY?

BYE, DAISY.

BYE, ENOS. SEE YOU AT SUPPER.

BYE.

NOW LISTEN UP.

CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, ROSCO,

BUT THE ONLY THING YOU'VE DONE TO GET BACK THOSE SLOT MACHINES

IS ARREST A WOMAN IN A BIKINI FOR HIJACKING A LOAD OF FERTILIZER.

RIGHT, BOSS. RIGHT?

BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S GONNA GET THOSE MACHINES BACK FOR US.

YOU MEAN... YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE?

IT SEEMS THE DUKE BOYS PUT 'EM ALL OVER,

IN ALL THE CIVIC CLUBS, YOU KNOW?

HAZZARD COTILLION, THE LADIES' AID...

LADIES' AID? HEH.

HOT DAMN. I WISH THOSE DUKE BOYS WERE ON MY SIDE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY, BOSS,

'CAUSE I'M GONNA HIT THEM DUKE BOYS WHERE THEY LIVE.

I GOT DAISY, THEIR COUSIN, IN JAIL,

AND THEY'RE GONNA SWAP.

AND THEN I'M GONNA ARREST 'EM

FOR POSSESSION OF ILLEGAL GAMBLING DEVICES.

WHAT? ROSCO.

I GOT ME 3 MEDALS IN 2 WARS,

AND THE ONLY TIME I GET SCARED IS WHEN YOU GET SMUG.

THIS FEELS KINDA AWKWARD.

WELL, SEE, THE GROUND GIVES YOUR BACK NATURAL SUPPORT

AND STRENGTHENS YOUR ARMS.

THIS IS THE WAY BEGINNERS LEARN, ON THE GROUND?

NO, BUT, UH... FINALLY GOT YOU LYING DOWN.

WHY DID YOU TAKE UP BOW-HUNTING?

WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE NO CHOICE.

LUKE AND ME'S ON PROBATION

AND CAN'T OWN NO GUNS, SO...

IT'S EITHER USE THOSE BOWS THERE OR THROW ROCKS.

AT WHAT?

WELL, AT GAME.

SEE, IF WE RUN LOW ON FOOD, WE HAVE TO GO HUNTING.

HE DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO NO GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE.

HE'D RATHER STARVE.

HEY, ARE YOU GOING TO THE ORPHANAGE PICNIC ON SATURDAY?

WELL... YOU HAVE TO COME!

IT'S THE MONEY THAT YOU AND LUKE COLLECTED THAT GOT US ROLLING.

SATURDAY?

YEAH...

YEAH, THAT COULD TURN INTO A REAL BARN-BURNER.

BO, MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING SERIOUSLY, PLEASE?

WHERE IS ALL THAT MONEY REALLY COMING FROM? IT'S SO MUCH.

AND IT'S ALWAYS IN QUARTERS.

LOOK, THE TRUE SOURCE IS A VERY PROMINENT MAN,

WHO'D BE REAL EMBARRASSED IF EVERYBODY KNEW.

OH, HE'S A PHILANTHROPIST.

HE'S BEEN CALLED EVERYTHING.

WE STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.

BUT IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR HIM,

WE COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN.

I'D LOVE TO THANK HIM.

WELL, LOVE ME. I'M THE GO-BETWEEN.

BO... YEAH.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TRY TO BE FUNNY?

WELL, 'CAUSE, UH... YOU SCARE ME TO DEATH.

HELL, WE MIGHT GET... GET COMPLICATED.

WOULD IT BE EASIER IF I SAID I WAS LEAVING?

LEAVING?

THE JOB. THIS WAS ONLY TEMPORARY.

DAMN, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?

WELL, IS IT IMPORTANT?

SURE, IT IS. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT...

WELL, I ALWAYS THINK THAT THE WORLD TICKS ON MY SCHEDULE, AND NOW...

I REALLY HATE THAT YOU'RE LEAVING, JILL.

WHY?

MAYBE 'CAUSE YOU DO SCARE ME,

AND, BELIEVE ME, NOT MANY WOMEN DO.

HOW MUCH TIME WE GOT?

WELL...

ENOUGH.

HAZEL!

HAZEL!

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'M SORRY TO BE SUCH A BOTHER,

BUT I HAVE TO GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM.

AGAIN?

I GOT OTHER THINGS TO DO, YOU KNOW?

OHH... YOU'RE AN ANGEL.

I HATE TO BE SUCH A BOTHER.

YOU'RE A REAL PAIN, SWEETHEART.

I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.

HAZEL, HONEY... I KNOW I'M A PEST,

BUT THAT LIGHT'S NOT WORKING.

OHH!

WAKE UP, BIRTHDAY GIRL.

Rosco: OL' BLUE, I'M TELLING YOU:

HE'S THE BEST HOUND DOG IN THE COUNTY.

SHERIFF, I GOT BAD NEWS.

WHAT, ENOS? I'M HAVING MY LUNCH.

DA-DAISY'S GONE.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

DAISY'S GONE.

WELL, DON'T STAND THERE. GO GET HER!

YOU, TOO!

HERE!

GET HER!

OH, YOU COULDN'T KEEP A CANARY IN A CAGE.

SHERIFF! THERE SHE IS! RIGHT THERE!

SHERIFF, HURRY! COME HERE! HURRY!

HEY! DAISY! SHE STOLE MY CAR!

DON'T STAND THERE. GO GET HER! GIT!

COME BACK, DAISY! GOLDARN IT, DAISY!

Balladeer: BET Y'ALL NEVER SEEN A JAILBREAK LIKE THIS.

POW! POW!

POW! POW!

THAT BOY'S FAST.

AND HE DRIVES GOOD, TOO.

HEY, FELLA, YOU EVER CONSIDERED A CAREER IN LAW ENFORCEMENT?

LOOK, ENOS, WE'RE WILLING TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED.

POW!

YEAH, IT AIN'T YOUR FAULT YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE.

WRONG SIDE? ME?!

NOW YOU KNOW SHERIFF ROSCO BROUGHT IN THEM SLOT MACHINES,

AND THAT WAS WRONG.

I KNOW. I DON'T SLEEP GOOD AT NIGHT KNOWING IT EITHER.

IT'S WRONG FOR Y'ALL TO STEAL AND MAKE MONEY ON 'EM.

ENOS, YOUR DADDY RAN MOONSHINE, AND SO DID OURS.

DID YOU EVER KNOW US TO MESS AROUND WITH GAMBLING?

WHY'D Y'ALL DO IT THEN?

YOU'D NEVER GUESS.

WE DID IT FOR THE SHERIFF.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'D NEVER GUESS.

SEE, ENOS, IT'S A LONG STORY.

IT ALL STARTED ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO...

TCH. AND WHILE YOU ARE LETTING THOSE PRISONERS ESCAPE,

OLD LEDBETTER THERE IS KISSING THOSE BABIES

AND WINNING THOSE VOTES.

WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT, BOSS,

'CAUSE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING:

I'M GONNA NAIL BO AND LUKE DUKE.

NAIL 'EM. NAIL 'EM?

ROSCO, BEFORE YOU START BUILDING ANY CROSSES,

JUST REMEMBER THOSE BOYS ARE VERY POPULAR AROUND HERE.

YOU BETTER BE SURE YOU HAVE THE EVIDENCE.

THERE'LL BE NO RAILROADING IN MY COUNTY...

THIS CLOSE TO ELECTIONS.

WELL, I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW THOSE BOYS ARE BRINGING IN 2 BROKEN SLOT MACHINES,

AND I KNOW WHERE, AND I KNOW WHEN.

YEAH. YOU DO?

HOW GOOD IS YOUR INFORMATION?

OH, IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD.

IN FACT, IT'S MY DEPUTY.

THEY MADE A FOOL OUTTA HIM.

AND, BOY, HE'S ANXIOUS TO GET EVEN.

SITTIN' DUCKS ALL SET.

THAT'S A ROGER.

COMIN' AT YA, SHERIFF.

THEY'RE ALL MINE. HEE HEE.

YEE-HAW!

YOU... YOU... YOU...

THEY'RE HEADED FOR TOWN.

I'LL COME IN THE OTHER SIDE.

SEE WHAT? HEY, DID YOU SEE THAT?

THE BAIT SHOP. THEY'RE HAVING A SALE ON WORMS AND CRICKETS.

WELL, IF HE DON'T SELL 'EM NOW,

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO FEED 'EM ALL WINTER.

THEY'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

NOW WE GOT 'EM, ENOS! WE GOT 'EM!

HANG ON, COUSIN.

YEE-HAW!

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

I GOT 'EM! HEE HEE!

I GOT 'EM!

I GOTCHA! THIS TIME I GOTCHA!

YOU HAVE BEEN GOTTEN!

READ 'EM THEIR RIGHTS!

"WELCOME SHERIFF ROSCO"?

HOW WILL WE EVER THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE?

UH, WHA... KIDS, NOW DON'T BE EATING YET.

I KNOW WE PROMISED NOT TO TELL, BUT SHE DRUG IT OUT OF US.

WE FIGURED PEOPLE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW JUST WHO SAVED THE ORPHANAGE.

YOU WAIT TILL BOSS HOGG FINDS OUT IT WAS YOU.

OH, YOU OLD RASCAL, YOU OLD SOFTIE, YOU.

WE KNEW YOU'D BE TOO MODEST TO SHOW UP

TO THE CELEBRATION, SO WE HAD TO TRICK YOU.

ENOS THERE HELPED.

I TELL YOU, SHERIFF,

I... I HAD YOU ALL WRONG ABOUT THE SLOT MACHINES.

I'M MIGHTY PROUD TO SERVE UNDER A MAN LIKE YOU.

OKAY. OKAY, ENOS, OKAY.

LOOK... NO HANDS!

NO, NO, NOW YOU HOLD ON THERE.

HEE HEE. HERE WE GO.

WHEEEEE.

Balladeer: WELL, THE WORD GOT OUT, AND OLD ROSCO WAS RE-ELECTED...

WHICH MEANT THE DUKES COULD STILL FIGHT AN ENEMY THEY KNEW.

AND JILL DECIDED TO HANG AROUND AN EXTRA WEEK.

OL' BOSS WAS REALLY BURNED AT ROSCO

FOR TAKING ALL THE CREDIT FOR SAVING THE ORPHANAGE.

AFTER ALL, THEY WERE HIS SLOT MACHINES.

SO THAT'S THE LEGEND OF HOW SHERIFF ROSCO HELPED SAVE THE ORPHANAGE...

AND MADE GAMBLING RESPECTABLE IN HAZZARD COUNTY.

OF COURSE... HE HAD A LITTLE HELP.