Original subtitles

[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> COME ON, COME ON!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> COME ON, COME ON! HELLO, EVERYBODY.

>>> COME ON, COME ON! HELLO, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU FOR THE PRESS TO JOIN

HELLO, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU FOR THE PRESS TO JOIN US FOR DOCUMENTING THIS VERY

THANK YOU FOR THE PRESS TO JOIN US FOR DOCUMENTING THIS VERY IMPORTANT PRESIDENTIAL

US FOR DOCUMENTING THIS VERY IMPORTANT PRESIDENTIAL TRANSITION MEETING.

IMPORTANT PRESIDENTIAL TRANSITION MEETING. I'M BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.

TRANSITION MEETING. I'M BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ]

I'M BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] EVEN THOUGH WE DISAGREE, I'M

[ LAUGHTER ] EVEN THOUGH WE DISAGREE, I'M IGER TO SIT DOWN FOR RESPECTFUL

EVEN THOUGH WE DISAGREE, I'M IGER TO SIT DOWN FOR RESPECTFUL CONVERSATION.

IGER TO SIT DOWN FOR RESPECTFUL CONVERSATION. >> YEAH, GET A LOAD OF ME.

CONVERSATION. >> YEAH, GET A LOAD OF ME. INSTEAD OF BEING RUDE AND CRAZY

>> YEAH, GET A LOAD OF ME. INSTEAD OF BEING RUDE AND CRAZY LIKE USUAL, I'M DOING QUIET AND

INSTEAD OF BEING RUDE AND CRAZY LIKE USUAL, I'M DOING QUIET AND SERENE.

LIKE USUAL, I'M DOING QUIET AND SERENE. [ LAUGHTER ]

SERENE. [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH IN MANY WAYS IS A LOT

[ LAUGHTER ] WHICH IN MANY WAYS IS A LOT SCARIER.

WHICH IN MANY WAYS IS A LOT SCARIER. [ LAUGHTER ]

SCARIER. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEAN, I SIT HERE AND SMILE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEAN, I SIT HERE AND SMILE WHILE IGNORING THE GIANT FIRE

>> I MEAN, I SIT HERE AND SMILE WHILE IGNORING THE GIANT FIRE RIGHT BEHIND ME.

WHILE IGNORING THE GIANT FIRE RIGHT BEHIND ME. [ LAUGHTER ]

RIGHT BEHIND ME. [ LAUGHTER ] JUST LIKE THAT MEME.

[ LAUGHTER ] JUST LIKE THAT MEME. CAN WE PUT THAT UP SIDE BY SIDE?

JUST LIKE THAT MEME. CAN WE PUT THAT UP SIDE BY SIDE? [ LAUGHTER ]

CAN WE PUT THAT UP SIDE BY SIDE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> WE LOVE THIS, A FINE DOG.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WE LOVE THIS, A FINE DOG. >> ALL RIGHT.

>> WE LOVE THIS, A FINE DOG. >> ALL RIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU REPORTERS

>> ALL RIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU REPORTERS TO LEAVE SO WE CAN MEET ALONE,

WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU REPORTERS TO LEAVE SO WE CAN MEET ALONE, AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK DETAILS.

TO LEAVE SO WE CAN MEET ALONE, AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK DETAILS. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK DETAILS. THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE JUST TWO

THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE JUST TWO BOOMERS HERE TALKING ABOUT

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE JUST TWO BOOMERS HERE TALKING ABOUT NUKES.

BOOMERS HERE TALKING ABOUT NUKES. WE LOST SOME.

NUKES. WE LOST SOME. WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

WE LOST SOME. WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. [ LAUGHTER ]

WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. [ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, HAVE A GOOD DAY.

[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, HAVE A GOOD DAY. >> THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

ANYWAY, HAVE A GOOD DAY. >> THANK YOU, EVERYONE. YOU CAN SCREAM YOUR QUESTIONS ON

>> THANK YOU, EVERYONE. YOU CAN SCREAM YOUR QUESTIONS ON THE WAY OUT.

YOU CAN SCREAM YOUR QUESTIONS ON THE WAY OUT. >> WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

THE WAY OUT. >> WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? >> SHOULD I MOVE TO CANADA?

>> WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? >> SHOULD I MOVE TO CANADA? [ LAUGHTER ]

>> SHOULD I MOVE TO CANADA? [ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'RE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'RE ALONE, LET'S GET TO WORK.

>> ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'RE ALONE, LET'S GET TO WORK. WE'RE GOING TO GO OVER THAT LAST

ALONE, LET'S GET TO WORK. WE'RE GOING TO GO OVER THAT LAST FEW MONTHS OF THE NATO

WE'RE GOING TO GO OVER THAT LAST FEW MONTHS OF THE NATO BRIEFINGS.

FEW MONTHS OF THE NATO BRIEFINGS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

BRIEFINGS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND? >> UGH.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND? >> UGH. I FORGOT HOW BORING PRESIDENT

>> UGH. I FORGOT HOW BORING PRESIDENT IS.

I FORGOT HOW BORING PRESIDENT IS. [ LAUGHTER ]

IS. [ LAUGHTER ] LOVE RUNNING, HATE BEING.

[ LAUGHTER ] LOVE RUNNING, HATE BEING. [ LAUGHTER ]

LOVE RUNNING, HATE BEING. [ LAUGHTER ] I HATE THE WHITE HOUSE.

[ LAUGHTER ] I HATE THE WHITE HOUSE. SO OLD, SO DATED, SO MANY OF THE

I HATE THE WHITE HOUSE. SO OLD, SO DATED, SO MANY OF THE CARPETS ARE STINKY AND STICKY AT

SO OLD, SO DATED, SO MANY OF THE CARPETS ARE STINKY AND STICKY AT THE SAME TIME.

CARPETS ARE STINKY AND STICKY AT THE SAME TIME. SORT OF LIKE BEING AT A REGAL

THE SAME TIME. SORT OF LIKE BEING AT A REGAL CINEMAS.

SORT OF LIKE BEING AT A REGAL CINEMAS. [ LAUGHTER ]

CINEMAS. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW I HAVE TO LIVE HERE FOR THE

[ LAUGHTER ] NOW I HAVE TO LIVE HERE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS, POSSIBLY

NOW I HAVE TO LIVE HERE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS, POSSIBLY LONGER.

NEXT FOUR YEARS, POSSIBLY LONGER. [ LAUGHTER ]

LONGER. [ LAUGHTER ] >> COME ON, LET'S BE REAL, MAN.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> COME ON, LET'S BE REAL, MAN. THIS PLACE IS GREAT.

>> COME ON, LET'S BE REAL, MAN. THIS PLACE IS GREAT. I HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL

THIS PLACE IS GREAT. I HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES HERE.

I HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES HERE. DR. JILL, ALSO FOREIGN LEADERS,

MEMORIES HERE. DR. JILL, ALSO FOREIGN LEADERS, MY DOG ATTACKING EVERY SINGLE

DR. JILL, ALSO FOREIGN LEADERS, MY DOG ATTACKING EVERY SINGLE ONE.

MY DOG ATTACKING EVERY SINGLE ONE. [ LAUGHTER ]

ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] I BROUGHT MY PARTY TOGETHER, SO

[ LAUGHTER ] I BROUGHT MY PARTY TOGETHER, SO MUCH THEY TEAMED UP AND KICKED

I BROUGHT MY PARTY TOGETHER, SO MUCH THEY TEAMED UP AND KICKED ME OUT.

MUCH THEY TEAMED UP AND KICKED ME OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]

ME OUT. [ LAUGHTER ] WAIT A MINUTE.

[ LAUGHTER ] WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE I HATE IT HERE TOO.

WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE I HATE IT HERE TOO. NO JOKE.

MAYBE I HATE IT HERE TOO. NO JOKE. >> I KNOW, IT'S AWFUL.

NO JOKE. >> I KNOW, IT'S AWFUL. BUT I CAN'T GO BACK TO

>> I KNOW, IT'S AWFUL. BUT I CAN'T GO BACK TO MAR-A-LAGO, JOE, BECAUSE ELON IS

BUT I CAN'T GO BACK TO MAR-A-LAGO, JOE, BECAUSE ELON IS THERE, AND HE WILL NOT LEAVE.

MAR-A-LAGO, JOE, BECAUSE ELON IS THERE, AND HE WILL NOT LEAVE. [ LAUGHTER ]

THERE, AND HE WILL NOT LEAVE. [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE "WHAT ABOUT BOB?"

[ LAUGHTER ] LIKE "WHAT ABOUT BOB?" WALKING AROUND IN HIS BATHING

LIKE "WHAT ABOUT BOB?" WALKING AROUND IN HIS BATHING SUIT, SHOWING ME VIDEOS OF

WALKING AROUND IN HIS BATHING SUIT, SHOWING ME VIDEOS OF ROCKETS AND MONKEYS WITH

SUIT, SHOWING ME VIDEOS OF ROCKETS AND MONKEYS WITH COMPUTERS IN THEIR HEADS.

ROCKETS AND MONKEYS WITH COMPUTERS IN THEIR HEADS. THE GUY'S CRINGE AF.

COMPUTERS IN THEIR HEADS. THE GUY'S CRINGE AF. [ LAUGHTER ]

THE GUY'S CRINGE AF. [ LAUGHTER ] >> DONALD, YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT

[ LAUGHTER ] >> DONALD, YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT NOW.

>> DONALD, YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT NOW. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY ANYTHING YOU

NOW. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY.

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY. YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HOW YOU

WANT TO SAY. YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HOW YOU TALK.

YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH HOW YOU TALK. YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF

TALK. YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF SUPERPOWER -- POWER -- PUFF

YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF SUPERPOWER -- POWER -- PUFF DADDY, RIDING ON A PONY, CALL IT

SUPERPOWER -- POWER -- PUFF DADDY, RIDING ON A PONY, CALL IT MACARONI.

DADDY, RIDING ON A PONY, CALL IT MACARONI. [ LAUGHTER ]

MACARONI. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? DID YOU JUST DO THE WEAVE?

>> WOW, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? DID YOU JUST DO THE WEAVE? >> NO.

DID YOU JUST DO THE WEAVE? >> NO. OH, COME ON, MAN.

>> NO. OH, COME ON, MAN. MY OWN VERSION OF THE WEAVE.

OH, COME ON, MAN. MY OWN VERSION OF THE WEAVE. I CALL IT THE WANDER.

MY OWN VERSION OF THE WEAVE. I CALL IT THE WANDER. I GO HERE OR I GO THERE OR I

I CALL IT THE WANDER. I GO HERE OR I GO THERE OR I COME BACK.

I GO HERE OR I GO THERE OR I COME BACK. GUESS WHAT?

COME BACK. GUESS WHAT? NO.

GUESS WHAT? NO. [ LAUGHTER ]

NO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT, WELL THANKS FOR

[ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT, WELL THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE, BUT I ALREADY KNOW

>> ALL RIGHT, WELL THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE, BUT I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO PRESIDENT.

YOUR ADVICE, BUT I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO PRESIDENT. I'D ALL ABOUT SURROUNDING

HOW TO DO PRESIDENT. I'D ALL ABOUT SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH THE BEST TEAM, AND

I'D ALL ABOUT SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH THE BEST TEAM, AND I AM VERY FASTLY PICKING THE

YOURSELF WITH THE BEST TEAM, AND I AM VERY FASTLY PICKING THE MOST EPIC CABINET OF ALL TIME.

I AM VERY FASTLY PICKING THE MOST EPIC CABINET OF ALL TIME. THERE'S SOME OF THE MOST DYNAMIC

MOST EPIC CABINET OF ALL TIME. THERE'S SOME OF THE MOST DYNAMIC FREE-THINKING, ANIMAL-KILLING,

THERE'S SOME OF THE MOST DYNAMIC FREE-THINKING, ANIMAL-KILLING, SEXUALLY CRIMINAL, MEDICALLY

FREE-THINKING, ANIMAL-KILLING, SEXUALLY CRIMINAL, MEDICALLY CRAZY PEOPLE IN THE COUNTRY.

SEXUALLY CRIMINAL, MEDICALLY CRAZY PEOPLE IN THE COUNTRY. >> WHO ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?

CRAZY PEOPLE IN THE COUNTRY. >> WHO ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT? >> WELL, WE'VE GOT ELON AND MATT

>> WHO ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT? >> WELL, WE'VE GOT ELON AND MATT GAETZ.

>> WELL, WE'VE GOT ELON AND MATT GAETZ. THAT'S AN ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR.

GAETZ. THAT'S AN ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S AN ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] KRISTI NOEM AND RFK JR.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] KRISTI NOEM AND RFK JR. THEY'RE KILLING THE DOGS,

KRISTI NOEM AND RFK JR. THEY'RE KILLING THE DOGS, THEY'RE KILLING THE BEARS.

THEY'RE KILLING THE DOGS, THEY'RE KILLING THE BEARS. [ LAUGHTER ]

THEY'RE KILLING THE BEARS. [ LAUGHTER ] MELANIA WILL BE WORKING REMOTELY

[ LAUGHTER ] MELANIA WILL BE WORKING REMOTELY FROM DIVORCE.

MELANIA WILL BE WORKING REMOTELY FROM DIVORCE. >> I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH

FROM DIVORCE. >> I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THESE NOMINATIONS.

>> I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THESE NOMINATIONS. YOU'RE PICKING A BUNCH OF BACKO.

THESE NOMINATIONS. YOU'RE PICKING A BUNCH OF BACKO. JACKOSs TO TEST OUT YOUR

YOU'RE PICKING A BUNCH OF BACKO. JACKOSs TO TEST OUT YOUR POLICIES.

JACKOSs TO TEST OUT YOUR POLICIES. >> YEP, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

POLICIES. >> YEP, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. ALL PART OF A VERY SMART PLAN

>> YEP, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. ALL PART OF A VERY SMART PLAN THAT I DEFINITELY THOUGHT OF

ALL PART OF A VERY SMART PLAN THAT I DEFINITELY THOUGHT OF BEFORE YOU JUST SAID THAT.

THAT I DEFINITELY THOUGHT OF BEFORE YOU JUST SAID THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]

BEFORE YOU JUST SAID THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S NOT ON

[ LAUGHTER ] >> MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S NOT ON YOUR AGENDA BUT MATT GAETZ IS

>> MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S NOT ON YOUR AGENDA BUT MATT GAETZ IS HERE TO SEE MR. TRUMP.

YOUR AGENDA BUT MATT GAETZ IS HERE TO SEE MR. TRUMP. >> ALL RIGHT.

HERE TO SEE MR. TRUMP. >> ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, MR. TRUMP.

[ APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, MR. TRUMP. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

>> HELLO, MR. TRUMP. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. AND YEAH, THANK YOU FOR SEEING

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. AND YEAH, THANK YOU FOR SEEING ME.

AND YEAH, THANK YOU FOR SEEING ME. AND MIGHT I SAY, GIGGITY

ME. AND MIGHT I SAY, GIGGITY GIGGITY.

AND MIGHT I SAY, GIGGITY GIGGITY. [ LAUGHTER ]

GIGGITY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> GIGGITY TO YOU AS WELL, MATT.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> GIGGITY TO YOU AS WELL, MATT. >> I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU, I

>> GIGGITY TO YOU AS WELL, MATT. >> I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU, I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR

>> I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU, I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR NOMINATING ME FOR ATTORNEY

JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR NOMINATING ME FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL.

NOMINATING ME FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL. I'M GOING TO DO A GREAT JOB.

GENERAL. I'M GOING TO DO A GREAT JOB. IF ANYONE TRIES TO BREAK THE

I'M GOING TO DO A GREAT JOB. IF ANYONE TRIES TO BREAK THE LAW, I'LL TELL THEM WHAT I TOLD

IF ANYONE TRIES TO BREAK THE LAW, I'LL TELL THEM WHAT I TOLD MY EYEBROWS.

LAW, I'LL TELL THEM WHAT I TOLD MY EYEBROWS. FREEZE.

MY EYEBROWS. FREEZE. [ LAUGHTER ]

FREEZE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> COME ON, ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH

[ LAUGHTER ] >> COME ON, ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH THIS GUY?

>> COME ON, ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH THIS GUY? THIS GUY'S GIVING ME THE ICK.

THIS GUY? THIS GUY'S GIVING ME THE ICK. >> I KNOW, ME TOO.

THIS GUY'S GIVING ME THE ICK. >> I KNOW, ME TOO. BUT I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE

>> I KNOW, ME TOO. BUT I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE TERRIFIC.

BUT I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE TERRIFIC. >> OF COURSE, I HAD TO RESIGN

TERRIFIC. >> OF COURSE, I HAD TO RESIGN FROM CONGRESS.

>> OF COURSE, I HAD TO RESIGN FROM CONGRESS. BECAUSE THE CONFIRMATION PROCESS

FROM CONGRESS. BECAUSE THE CONFIRMATION PROCESS COMES AT THE BUSIEST TIME OF

BECAUSE THE CONFIRMATION PROCESS COMES AT THE BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR FOR ME.

COMES AT THE BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR FOR ME. >> THE HOLIDAYS?

YEAR FOR ME. >> THE HOLIDAYS? >> GIRLS VOLLEYBALL SEASON.

>> THE HOLIDAYS? >> GIRLS VOLLEYBALL SEASON. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

>> GIRLS VOLLEYBALL SEASON. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] I'LL LEAVE YOU BE.

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] I'LL LEAVE YOU BE. YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER JACK KING

I'LL LEAVE YOU BE. YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER JACK KING HERE TO SEE YOU, RFK JR.

YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER JACK KING HERE TO SEE YOU, RFK JR. >> BOBBY!

HERE TO SEE YOU, RFK JR. >> BOBBY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> BOBBY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY, I DON'T MEAN TO

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY, I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOU.

>> HEY, I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]

INTERRUPT YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AGAIN,

[ LAUGHTER ] I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AGAIN, I'M SO HONORED TO BE THE HEAD OF

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AGAIN, I'M SO HONORED TO BE THE HEAD OF THE HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES.

I'M SO HONORED TO BE THE HEAD OF THE HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. AMERICANS NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH

THE HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. AMERICANS NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH THEM HOW TO BE HEALTHY.

AMERICANS NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH THEM HOW TO BE HEALTHY. SOMEONE LIKE ME, A 70-YEAR-OLD

THEM HOW TO BE HEALTHY. SOMEONE LIKE ME, A 70-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH MOVIE STAR LOOKS AND A

SOMEONE LIKE ME, A 70-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH MOVIE STAR LOOKS AND A WORM IN HIS BRAIN.

MAN WITH MOVIE STAR LOOKS AND A WORM IN HIS BRAIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

WORM IN HIS BRAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO

[ LAUGHTER ] >> CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH THIS COUNTRY IN TERMS OF

>> CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH THIS COUNTRY IN TERMS OF HEALTH AND WITH REGARD TO

WITH THIS COUNTRY IN TERMS OF HEALTH AND WITH REGARD TO MEASLES OUTBREAK.

HEALTH AND WITH REGARD TO MEASLES OUTBREAK. >> I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT A WOMAN'S

MEASLES OUTBREAK. >> I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE.

>> I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE. TO CHOOSE TO GIVE HER CHILD

RIGHT TO CHOOSE. TO CHOOSE TO GIVE HER CHILD POLIO.

TO CHOOSE TO GIVE HER CHILD POLIO. [ LAUGHTER ]

POLIO. [ LAUGHTER ] I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD TAKE MY

[ LAUGHTER ] I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD TAKE MY APPOINTMENT SERIOUSLY.

I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD TAKE MY APPOINTMENT SERIOUSLY. I'VE GOT TO GO.

APPOINTMENT SERIOUSLY. I'VE GOT TO GO. I'VE GOT A DEAD DOLPHIN IN MY

I'VE GOT TO GO. I'VE GOT A DEAD DOLPHIN IN MY CAR.

I'VE GOT A DEAD DOLPHIN IN MY CAR. I THINK I'LL DUMP ARE DUMP IT IN

CAR. I THINK I'LL DUMP ARE DUMP IT IN CENTRAL PARK, WE'LL SEE HOW IT

I THINK I'LL DUMP ARE DUMP IT IN CENTRAL PARK, WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

CENTRAL PARK, WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. THANKS FOR THE JOB.

GOES. THANKS FOR THE JOB. >> BOBBY!

THANKS FOR THE JOB. >> BOBBY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> BOBBY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> COME ON, DONALD, LET'S GET

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> COME ON, DONALD, LET'S GET SERIOUS FOR A SECOND.

>> COME ON, DONALD, LET'S GET SERIOUS FOR A SECOND. I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SERIOUS FOR A SECOND. I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. I KNOW THE CAMPAIGN WAS ALL

I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. I KNOW THE CAMPAIGN WAS ALL ABOUT RETRIBUTION.

I KNOW THE CAMPAIGN WAS ALL ABOUT RETRIBUTION. THINK ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITY YOU

ABOUT RETRIBUTION. THINK ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITY YOU HAVE TO RISE ABOVE AND REACH

THINK ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITY YOU HAVE TO RISE ABOVE AND REACH ACROSS THE AISLE AND USE YOUR

HAVE TO RISE ABOVE AND REACH ACROSS THE AISLE AND USE YOUR ENORMOUS FORCE OF PERSONALITY.

ACROSS THE AISLE AND USE YOUR ENORMOUS FORCE OF PERSONALITY. TO BETTER THE LIVES OF ALL

ENORMOUS FORCE OF PERSONALITY. TO BETTER THE LIVES OF ALL AMERICANS.

TO BETTER THE LIVES OF ALL AMERICANS. >> I THINK WE'LL BE DOING

AMERICANS. >> I THINK WE'LL BE DOING RETRIBUTION, BUT THAT'S VERY

>> I THINK WE'LL BE DOING RETRIBUTION, BUT THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

RETRIBUTION, BUT THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. [ LAUGHTER ]

INTERESTING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU GOT TO REMEMBER THIS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU GOT TO REMEMBER THIS. YOU GOT OFF EASY.

>> YOU GOT TO REMEMBER THIS. YOU GOT OFF EASY. I THINK WE BOTH KNOW IF I WAS IN

YOU GOT OFF EASY. I THINK WE BOTH KNOW IF I WAS IN THE RACE, I WOULD HAVE PETTY YOU

I THINK WE BOTH KNOW IF I WAS IN THE RACE, I WOULD HAVE PETTY YOU LIKE A DRUM.

THE RACE, I WOULD HAVE PETTY YOU LIKE A DRUM. >> JOE, THAT'S ONE OF THE

LIKE A DRUM. >> JOE, THAT'S ONE OF THE CRAZIEST THINGS I'VE EVER ANYONE

>> JOE, THAT'S ONE OF THE CRAZIEST THINGS I'VE EVER ANYONE SAY.

CRAZIEST THINGS I'VE EVER ANYONE SAY. FOR THAT REASON, I'D LIKE TO

SAY. FOR THAT REASON, I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU A POSITION IN MY

FOR THAT REASON, I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU A POSITION IN MY CABINET.

OFFER YOU A POSITION IN MY CABINET. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

CABINET. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> NO CAN DO, JACK.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> NO CAN DO, JACK. NEED TO MAKE -- TAKE A LITTLE

>> NO CAN DO, JACK. NEED TO MAKE -- TAKE A LITTLE TIME OFF FROM THIS PLACE.

NEED TO MAKE -- TAKE A LITTLE TIME OFF FROM THIS PLACE. >> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO

TIME OFF FROM THIS PLACE. >> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO NEXT, JOE?

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO NEXT, JOE? WILL YOU RETIRE?

NEXT, JOE? WILL YOU RETIRE? >> I'LL DO WHAT EVERY WORN-DOWN

WILL YOU RETIRE? >> I'LL DO WHAT EVERY WORN-DOWN OLD GUY DOES, I'M GOING TO FIGHT

>> I'LL DO WHAT EVERY WORN-DOWN OLD GUY DOES, I'M GOING TO FIGHT JAKE PAUL.

OLD GUY DOES, I'M GOING TO FIGHT JAKE PAUL. [ LAUGHTER ]

JAKE PAUL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

>> AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! ¶¶

SATURDAY NIGHT! ¶¶ >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

¶¶ >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." WITH --

MOST AND MUSICAL GUEST CHARLI XCX. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHARLI

XCX. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHARLI XCX!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHARLI XCX! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

XCX! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MY NAME IS CHARLI XCX.

YOU VERY MUCH. MY NAME IS CHARLI XCX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MY NAME IS CHARLI XCX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IF YOU RECOGNIZE ME, YOU MIGHT

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IF YOU RECOGNIZE ME, YOU MIGHT KNOW ME FROM MY ALBUM "BRAT."

IF YOU RECOGNIZE ME, YOU MIGHT KNOW ME FROM MY ALBUM "BRAT." BUT DON'T WORRY IF YOU DON'T,

KNOW ME FROM MY ALBUM "BRAT." BUT DON'T WORRY IF YOU DON'T, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH

BUT DON'T WORRY IF YOU DON'T, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING STRAIGHT.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING STRAIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]

BEING STRAIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY. SO A LITTLE ABOUT ME.

OKAY. SO A LITTLE ABOUT ME. I ACTUALLY STARTED PERFORMING

SO A LITTLE ABOUT ME. I ACTUALLY STARTED PERFORMING WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG, AND I

I ACTUALLY STARTED PERFORMING WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG, AND I PLAYED AT MY FIRST RAVE WHEN I

WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG, AND I PLAYED AT MY FIRST RAVE WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD.

PLAYED AT MY FIRST RAVE WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD. MY PARENTS ACTUALLY DROVE ME

WAS 15 YEARS OLD. MY PARENTS ACTUALLY DROVE ME THERE.

MY PARENTS ACTUALLY DROVE ME THERE. AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING, HOW DID

THERE. AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING, HOW DID I GET MY PARENTS TO DRIVE ME TO

AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING, HOW DID I GET MY PARENTS TO DRIVE ME TO A RAVE?

I GET MY PARENTS TO DRIVE ME TO A RAVE? WELL, I JUST TOLD THEM, "GUYS,

A RAVE? WELL, I JUST TOLD THEM, "GUYS, I'VE GOT SWIM PRACTICE."

WELL, I JUST TOLD THEM, "GUYS, I'VE GOT SWIM PRACTICE." [ LAUGHTER ]

I'VE GOT SWIM PRACTICE." [ LAUGHTER ] "AT 2:00 A.M."

[ LAUGHTER ] "AT 2:00 A.M." [ LAUGHTER ]

"AT 2:00 A.M." [ LAUGHTER ] "IN A WAREHOUSE FULL OF GAYS."

[ LAUGHTER ] "IN A WAREHOUSE FULL OF GAYS." [ LAUGHTER ]

"IN A WAREHOUSE FULL OF GAYS." [ LAUGHTER ] NO, SERIOUSLY, I'VE COME A LONG

[ LAUGHTER ] NO, SERIOUSLY, I'VE COME A LONG WAY.

NO, SERIOUSLY, I'VE COME A LONG WAY. AND TODAY I CONSIDER MYSELF TO

WAY. AND TODAY I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A TRIPLE THREAT.

AND TODAY I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A TRIPLE THREAT. [ CHEERS ]

BE A TRIPLE THREAT. [ CHEERS ] WHICH IN ENGLAND MEANS I SING, I

[ CHEERS ] WHICH IN ENGLAND MEANS I SING, I DRINK, AND I SMOKE.

WHICH IN ENGLAND MEANS I SING, I DRINK, AND I SMOKE. [ LAUGHTER ]

DRINK, AND I SMOKE. [ LAUGHTER ] SPEAKING OF SINGING, I WANT TO

[ LAUGHTER ] SPEAKING OF SINGING, I WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK SOMEONE

SPEAKING OF SINGING, I WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE FOR ME MY

TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE FOR ME MY ENTIRE CAREER, AUTO TUNE.

WHO'S BEEN THERE FOR ME MY ENTIRE CAREER, AUTO TUNE. [ CHEERS ]

ENTIRE CAREER, AUTO TUNE. [ CHEERS ] AUTO TUNE MAKES EVERYTHING SOUND

[ CHEERS ] AUTO TUNE MAKES EVERYTHING SOUND BETTER.

AUTO TUNE MAKES EVERYTHING SOUND BETTER. EVEN REALLY BAD NEWS LIKE THIS.

BETTER. EVEN REALLY BAD NEWS LIKE THIS. WATCH.

EVEN REALLY BAD NEWS LIKE THIS. WATCH. ¶ I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU ¶

WATCH. ¶ I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO HOOK UP

¶ I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH YOUR DAD ¶

¶ 'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH YOUR DAD ¶ [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

WITH YOUR DAD ¶ [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> SEE?

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> SEE? I HAVE TO SAY, BRAT SUMMER HAS

>> SEE? I HAVE TO SAY, BRAT SUMMER HAS BEEN A CRAZY EXPERIENCE.

I HAVE TO SAY, BRAT SUMMER HAS BEEN A CRAZY EXPERIENCE. SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME,

BEEN A CRAZY EXPERIENCE. SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME, WHAT IS BRAT?

SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME, WHAT IS BRAT? HONESTLY, IT'S JUST LIKE AN

WHAT IS BRAT? HONESTLY, IT'S JUST LIKE AN ATTITUDE.

HONESTLY, IT'S JUST LIKE AN ATTITUDE. IT'S A VIBE.

ATTITUDE. IT'S A VIBE. FOR EXAMPLE, THE NEW MARTHA

IT'S A VIBE. FOR EXAMPLE, THE NEW MARTHA STEWART DOCUMENTARY.

FOR EXAMPLE, THE NEW MARTHA STEWART DOCUMENTARY. WHEN MARTHA GETS MAD ABOUT AN

STEWART DOCUMENTARY. WHEN MARTHA GETS MAD ABOUT AN OLD MAGAZINE ARTICLE AND SHE

WHEN MARTHA GETS MAD ABOUT AN OLD MAGAZINE ARTICLE AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE'S GLAD THE ONE WHO

OLD MAGAZINE ARTICLE AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE'S GLAD THE ONE WHO WROTE IT IS DEAD, THAT IS BRAT.

SAYS THAT SHE'S GLAD THE ONE WHO WROTE IT IS DEAD, THAT IS BRAT. LAST FRIDAY WHEN THAT EXACT

WROTE IT IS DEAD, THAT IS BRAT. LAST FRIDAY WHEN THAT EXACT JOURNALIST RESPONDED AND SAID,

LAST FRIDAY WHEN THAT EXACT JOURNALIST RESPONDED AND SAID, HEY, I'M ALIVE, BITCH!

JOURNALIST RESPONDED AND SAID, HEY, I'M ALIVE, BITCH! THAT IS EXTREMELY BRAT.

HEY, I'M ALIVE, BITCH! THAT IS EXTREMELY BRAT. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT IS EXTREMELY BRAT. [ LAUGHTER ] HONESTLY, THOUGH -- ANYONE CAN

[ LAUGHTER ] HONESTLY, THOUGH -- ANYONE CAN BE BRAT.

HONESTLY, THOUGH -- ANYONE CAN BE BRAT. >> REALLY?

BE BRAT. >> REALLY? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> REALLY? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OH, KYLE MOONEY.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OH, KYLE MOONEY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> OH, KYLE MOONEY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] KYLE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] KYLE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CLUB?

KYLE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CLUB? >> PROBABLY TURKEY.

OF CLUB? >> PROBABLY TURKEY. >> OKAY.

>> PROBABLY TURKEY. >> OKAY. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF

>> OKAY. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF DRUG?

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF DRUG? >> I TAKE CLARITIN.

DRUG? >> I TAKE CLARITIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> I TAKE CLARITIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OVER THE COUNTER, HARDCORE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OVER THE COUNTER, HARDCORE. AND IF SOMEONE SPILLED A DRINK

>> OVER THE COUNTER, HARDCORE. AND IF SOMEONE SPILLED A DRINK WHEN YOU WERE AT THE CLUB, WOULD

AND IF SOMEONE SPILLED A DRINK WHEN YOU WERE AT THE CLUB, WOULD WHY YOU SAY?

WHEN YOU WERE AT THE CLUB, WOULD WHY YOU SAY? >> "NO WORRIES, CARRY ON,

WHY YOU SAY? >> "NO WORRIES, CARRY ON, MILADY."

>> "NO WORRIES, CARRY ON, MILADY." >> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, AM I

MILADY." >> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, AM I BRAT?

>> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, AM I BRAT? >> NO.

BRAT? >> NO. >> ALL GOOD.

>> NO. >> ALL GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> ALL GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> KEEPING IT REAL IS VERY BRAT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> KEEPING IT REAL IS VERY BRAT. BRAT IS ALL ABOUT BEING

>> KEEPING IT REAL IS VERY BRAT. BRAT IS ALL ABOUT BEING VULNERABLE.

BRAT IS ALL ABOUT BEING VULNERABLE. SO TRULY, THIS IS A DREAM COME

VULNERABLE. SO TRULY, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE.

SO TRULY, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE. I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.

TRUE. I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. AND I'M NOT USED TO BEING OUT

I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. AND I'M NOT USED TO BEING OUT THIS EARLY ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.

AND I'M NOT USED TO BEING OUT THIS EARLY ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]

THIS EARLY ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT FOR YOU GUYS, IT'S WORTH IT.

[ LAUGHTER ] BUT FOR YOU GUYS, IT'S WORTH IT. BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A GREAT SEW

BUT FOR YOU GUYS, IT'S WORTH IT. BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A GREAT SEW

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A GREAT SEW

SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!

SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> OKAY, AND THE FINAL ANSWER

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> OKAY, AND THE FINAL ANSWER IN "GUESS THAT BABY FOOD" IS --

>>> OKAY, AND THE FINAL ANSWER IN "GUESS THAT BABY FOOD" IS -- GERBER PUREED BEEF AND HAM!

IN "GUESS THAT BABY FOOD" IS -- GERBER PUREED BEEF AND HAM! >> OKAY, ME ACTUALLY LIKING IT.

GERBER PUREED BEEF AND HAM! >> OKAY, ME ACTUALLY LIKING IT. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> OKAY, ME ACTUALLY LIKING IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, THAT WAS SO FUN.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, THAT WAS SO FUN. OKAY, SWITCHING GEARS.

>> OH, THAT WAS SO FUN. OKAY, SWITCHING GEARS. LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE

OKAY, SWITCHING GEARS. LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THE MILF OF THE HOUR, MY

LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THE MILF OF THE HOUR, MY COUSIN KELSEY!

TO THE MILF OF THE HOUR, MY COUSIN KELSEY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

COUSIN KELSEY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> AWW!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> AWW! LOVE YOU!

>> AWW! LOVE YOU! YOU KILLED REHAB!

LOVE YOU! YOU KILLED REHAB! WELCOME BACK.

YOU KILLED REHAB! WELCOME BACK. >> LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE

WELCOME BACK. >> LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE PAPA TO BE.

>> LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE PAPA TO BE. KIDDING.

PAPA TO BE. KIDDING. JUST FOUR WEEKS TILL WE MEET OUR

KIDDING. JUST FOUR WEEKS TILL WE MEET OUR LITTLE ONE.

JUST FOUR WEEKS TILL WE MEET OUR LITTLE ONE. >> I WOULD NOW LIKE TO INVITE UP

LITTLE ONE. >> I WOULD NOW LIKE TO INVITE UP KELSEY'S BESTIES, AKA KEL-SQUAD!

>> I WOULD NOW LIKE TO INVITE UP KELSEY'S BESTIES, AKA KEL-SQUAD! >> WHAT UP?

KELSEY'S BESTIES, AKA KEL-SQUAD! >> WHAT UP? INSTEAD OF A GIFT, WE'RE GOING

>> WHAT UP? INSTEAD OF A GIFT, WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR

INSTEAD OF A GIFT, WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR Y'ALL BECAUSE WE'RE A LITTLE BIT

TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR Y'ALL BECAUSE WE'RE A LITTLE BIT ARTISTIC AND A LITTLE BIT

Y'ALL BECAUSE WE'RE A LITTLE BIT ARTISTIC AND A LITTLE BIT RANDOM.

ARTISTIC AND A LITTLE BIT RANDOM. >> LAST MONTH, WE TOOK KELSEY ON

RANDOM. >> LAST MONTH, WE TOOK KELSEY ON ONE LAST GIRL'S TRIP, A BESTIES

>> LAST MONTH, WE TOOK KELSEY ON ONE LAST GIRL'S TRIP, A BESTIES BABYMOON.

ONE LAST GIRL'S TRIP, A BESTIES BABYMOON. >> I THINK THE BABYMOON IS

BABYMOON. >> I THINK THE BABYMOON IS NORMALLY FOR THE COUPLE BUT

>> I THINK THE BABYMOON IS NORMALLY FOR THE COUPLE BUT QUEENS GOTTA BE QUEENS.

NORMALLY FOR THE COUPLE BUT QUEENS GOTTA BE QUEENS. [ LAUGHTER ]

QUEENS GOTTA BE QUEENS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> LET'S JUST SAY KELSEY WAS HOT

[ LAUGHTER ] >> LET'S JUST SAY KELSEY WAS HOT TO GO ON OUR VACAY, SO WE WROTE

>> LET'S JUST SAY KELSEY WAS HOT TO GO ON OUR VACAY, SO WE WROTE A SPECIAL SONG ABOUT IT.

TO GO ON OUR VACAY, SO WE WROTE A SPECIAL SONG ABOUT IT. THEY SAY EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN

A SPECIAL SONG ABOUT IT. THEY SAY EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS.

THEY SAY EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS. >> BUT KELSEY'S ALREADY EFFING

TEXAS. >> BUT KELSEY'S ALREADY EFFING HUGE, SO WE WENT TO MIAMI!

>> BUT KELSEY'S ALREADY EFFING HUGE, SO WE WENT TO MIAMI! >> FIVE, SIX, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN,

HUGE, SO WE WENT TO MIAMI! >> FIVE, SIX, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

>> FIVE, SIX, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT! ¶ KELSEY IS OUR BESTIE GOT TO BE

EIGHT! ¶ KELSEY IS OUR BESTIE GOT TO BE A MAMA ¶

¶ KELSEY IS OUR BESTIE GOT TO BE A MAMA ¶ ¶ SO WE TOOK A TRIP IN MY

A MAMA ¶ ¶ SO WE TOOK A TRIP IN MY HYUNDAI SONATA ¶

¶ SO WE TOOK A TRIP IN MY HYUNDAI SONATA ¶ ¶ JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT

HYUNDAI SONATA ¶ ¶ JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT DON'T MEAN YOU'RE A BEGANMY ¶

¶ JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT DON'T MEAN YOU'RE A BEGANMY ¶ ¶ KELSEY COULDN'T FLY SO WE

DON'T MEAN YOU'RE A BEGANMY ¶ ¶ KELSEY COULDN'T FLY SO WE DROVE TO MIAMI ¶

¶ KELSEY COULDN'T FLY SO WE DROVE TO MIAMI ¶ ¶ WE WENT TO THE SPA BUT KELSEY

DROVE TO MIAMI ¶ ¶ WE WENT TO THE SPA BUT KELSEY GOT TO TOP IT ALL ¶

¶ WE WENT TO THE SPA BUT KELSEY GOT TO TOP IT ALL ¶ ¶ WE SAY KELSEY GET OFF YOUR

GOT TO TOP IT ALL ¶ ¶ WE SAY KELSEY GET OFF YOUR PHONE ¶

¶ WE SAY KELSEY GET OFF YOUR PHONE ¶ ¶ BECAUSE WE KNOW WHO SHE'S

PHONE ¶ ¶ BECAUSE WE KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING ¶

¶ BECAUSE WE KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING ¶ ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶

TEXTING KNOW WHO SHE'S TEXTING ¶ ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ SHE'S SENDING HIM HER PREGNANT

¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ SHE'S SENDING HIM HER PREGNANT NEWS ¶

¶ SHE'S SENDING HIM HER PREGNANT NEWS ¶ >> WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

NEWS ¶ >> WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? >> OH, MY GOD, BABE, JUST LISTEN

>> WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? >> OH, MY GOD, BABE, JUST LISTEN TO THE WHOLE SONG BEFORE YOU

>> OH, MY GOD, BABE, JUST LISTEN TO THE WHOLE SONG BEFORE YOU MAKE, LIKE, A SNAP JUDGMENT.

TO THE WHOLE SONG BEFORE YOU MAKE, LIKE, A SNAP JUDGMENT. [ LAUGHTER ]

MAKE, LIKE, A SNAP JUDGMENT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WELL THE SONG JUST

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WELL THE SONG JUST STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY AT

>> OKAY, WELL THE SONG JUST STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY AT PREGNANT NEWS.

STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY AT PREGNANT NEWS. ¶ DANCING AT THE CLUB KELSEY'S

PREGNANT NEWS. ¶ DANCING AT THE CLUB KELSEY'S HAD IT ¶

¶ DANCING AT THE CLUB KELSEY'S HAD IT ¶ ¶ TAKE HER TO THE BATHROOM AND

HAD IT ¶ ¶ TAKE HER TO THE BATHROOM AND SHE JUST STARTS SHOUTING ¶

¶ TAKE HER TO THE BATHROOM AND SHE JUST STARTS SHOUTING ¶ ¶ SHE SAYS EIGHT MONTHS AGO IS A

SHE JUST STARTS SHOUTING ¶ ¶ SHE SAYS EIGHT MONTHS AGO IS A LITTLE BIT HAZY ¶

¶ SHE SAYS EIGHT MONTHS AGO IS A LITTLE BIT HAZY ¶ ¶ I'M 90% SURE IT'S NOT

LITTLE BIT HAZY ¶ ¶ I'M 90% SURE IT'S NOT DOMINGO'S BABY ¶

¶ I'M 90% SURE IT'S NOT DOMINGO'S BABY ¶ >> WAIT, WHAT?

DOMINGO'S BABY ¶ >> WAIT, WHAT? THERE'S A CHANCE IT ISN'T EVEN

>> WAIT, WHAT? THERE'S A CHANCE IT ISN'T EVEN MY KID?

THERE'S A CHANCE IT ISN'T EVEN MY KID? >> HEY, BABE, ARE YOU LISTENING?

MY KID? >> HEY, BABE, ARE YOU LISTENING? I SAID 90% NOT HIS BABY.

>> HEY, BABE, ARE YOU LISTENING? I SAID 90% NOT HIS BABY. TRUST THE MATH.

I SAID 90% NOT HIS BABY. TRUST THE MATH. [ LAUGHTER ]

TRUST THE MATH. [ LAUGHTER ] ¶ NOW WE CAN FINALLY SEE WHY

[ LAUGHTER ] ¶ NOW WE CAN FINALLY SEE WHY KELSEY BROUGHT US TO MIAMI ¶

¶ NOW WE CAN FINALLY SEE WHY KELSEY BROUGHT US TO MIAMI ¶ ¶ SHE HAS THE ADDRESS OF HIS

KELSEY BROUGHT US TO MIAMI ¶ ¶ SHE HAS THE ADDRESS OF HIS CHILDHOOD HOME ¶

¶ SHE HAS THE ADDRESS OF HIS CHILDHOOD HOME ¶ ¶ SHE NEEDS TO TELL FAMILY THEY

CHILDHOOD HOME ¶ ¶ SHE NEEDS TO TELL FAMILY THEY COMPLETELY EMBRACE HER ¶

¶ SHE NEEDS TO TELL FAMILY THEY COMPLETELY EMBRACE HER ¶ >> IS THE POINT OF THIS SONG

COMPLETELY EMBRACE HER ¶ >> IS THE POINT OF THIS SONG THAT YOU SAW DOMINGO IN MIAMI?

>> IS THE POINT OF THIS SONG THAT YOU SAW DOMINGO IN MIAMI? >> NO, THE POINT IS IT IS HOT TO

THAT YOU SAW DOMINGO IN MIAMI? >> NO, THE POINT IS IT IS HOT TO GO.

>> NO, THE POINT IS IT IS HOT TO GO. [ LAUGHTER ]

GO. [ LAUGHTER ] ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶

[ LAUGHTER ] ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ KELSEY'S LEARNING ESPANOL ¶

¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ KELSEY'S LEARNING ESPANOL ¶ ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶

¶ KELSEY'S LEARNING ESPANOL ¶ ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ GET ON YOUR DUOLINGO ¶

¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ ¶ GET ON YOUR DUOLINGO ¶ >> I KNEW I HEARD YOU SPEAKING

¶ GET ON YOUR DUOLINGO ¶ >> I KNEW I HEARD YOU SPEAKING SPANISH THE BATHROOM.

>> I KNEW I HEARD YOU SPEAKING SPANISH THE BATHROOM. ¶ WE DON'T KNOW WHERE KELSEY'S

SPANISH THE BATHROOM. ¶ WE DON'T KNOW WHERE KELSEY'S BEEN ¶

¶ WE DON'T KNOW WHERE KELSEY'S BEEN ¶ ¶ LOOK HER UP ON FIND MY

BEEN ¶ ¶ LOOK HER UP ON FIND MY FRIENDS ¶

¶ LOOK HER UP ON FIND MY FRIENDS ¶ ¶ SHE'S STANDING IN THE OCEAN

FRIENDS ¶ ¶ SHE'S STANDING IN THE OCEAN LIKE SHE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ¶

¶ SHE'S STANDING IN THE OCEAN LIKE SHE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ¶ ¶ THEN SHE PULLS OUT THE

LIKE SHE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ¶ ¶ THEN SHE PULLS OUT THE SONOGRAM ¶

¶ THEN SHE PULLS OUT THE SONOGRAM ¶ ¶ SHE SAYS WE CAME TO MIAMI

SONOGRAM ¶ ¶ SHE SAYS WE CAME TO MIAMI 'CAUSE SHE FOUND OUT THE

¶ SHE SAYS WE CAME TO MIAMI 'CAUSE SHE FOUND OUT THE PATERNITY ¶

'CAUSE SHE FOUND OUT THE PATERNITY ¶ ¶ THE DOCTOR SAYS IT IS TWINS

PATERNITY ¶ ¶ THE DOCTOR SAYS IT IS TWINS AND ONE IS MATTHEW'S AND ONE IS

¶ THE DOCTOR SAYS IT IS TWINS AND ONE IS MATTHEW'S AND ONE IS DOMINGO'S ¶

AND ONE IS MATTHEW'S AND ONE IS DOMINGO'S ¶ [ LAUGHTER ]

DOMINGO'S ¶ [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT IS BIOLOGICALLY

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT IS BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

>> THAT IS BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. >> OKAY, MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY

IMPOSSIBLE. >> OKAY, MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY DAY.

>> OKAY, MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY DAY. >> I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A

DAY. >> I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION, AND I WANT YOU TO BE

>> I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION, AND I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME.

QUESTION, AND I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW

HONEST WITH ME. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW DOMINGO?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW DOMINGO? >> IT IS TODAY!

DOMINGO? >> IT IS TODAY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> IT IS TODAY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ HEY MY BROTHER AREN'T YOU

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ HEY MY BROTHER AREN'T YOU HAPPY ¶

¶ HEY MY BROTHER AREN'T YOU HAPPY ¶ ¶ HEARING FROM DOMINGO WE BOTH

HAPPY ¶ ¶ HEARING FROM DOMINGO WE BOTH ARE DADDIES ¶

¶ HEARING FROM DOMINGO WE BOTH ARE DADDIES ¶ ¶ DOMINGO GONNA BE IN YOUR LIFE

ARE DADDIES ¶ ¶ DOMINGO GONNA BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER ¶

¶ DOMINGO GONNA BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER ¶ ¶ WE'LL RAISE OUR BABIES IN

FOREVER ¶ ¶ WE'LL RAISE OUR BABIES IN MIAMI TOGETHER ¶

¶ WE'LL RAISE OUR BABIES IN MIAMI TOGETHER ¶ >> WAIT, WE'RE MOVING TO MIAMI?

MIAMI TOGETHER ¶ >> WAIT, WE'RE MOVING TO MIAMI? >> YEAH.

>> WAIT, WE'RE MOVING TO MIAMI? >> YEAH. IF YOU WANT TO COPARENT.

>> YEAH. IF YOU WANT TO COPARENT. >> CAN WE HAVE A WATER BIRTH?

IF YOU WANT TO COPARENT. >> CAN WE HAVE A WATER BIRTH? I HAVE A HOT TUB!

>> CAN WE HAVE A WATER BIRTH? I HAVE A HOT TUB! [ LAUGHTER ]

I HAVE A HOT TUB! [ LAUGHTER ] >> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

[ LAUGHTER ] >> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT! ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶

>> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT! ¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

¶ D-O-M-I-N-G-O ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> AUDIENCES CANNOT WAIT TO SEE

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> AUDIENCES CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE STAR-STUDDED CAST OF

>>> AUDIENCES CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE STAR-STUDDED CAST OF "WICKED."

THE STAR-STUDDED CAST OF "WICKED." ACTORS ACROSS HOLLYWOOD

"WICKED." ACTORS ACROSS HOLLYWOOD AUDITIONED TO STEP FOOT IN OZ.

ACTORS ACROSS HOLLYWOOD AUDITIONED TO STEP FOOT IN OZ. HERE ARE THEIR NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN

AUDITIONED TO STEP FOOT IN OZ. HERE ARE THEIR NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN SCREEN TESTS.

HERE ARE THEIR NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN SCREEN TESTS. >> READING FOR BELINDA.

SCREEN TESTS. >> READING FOR BELINDA. ¶ POPULAR YOU GOTTA BE POPULAR ¶

>> READING FOR BELINDA. ¶ POPULAR YOU GOTTA BE POPULAR ¶ ¶ I'M STILL A BAD GIRL ¶

¶ POPULAR YOU GOTTA BE POPULAR ¶ ¶ I'M STILL A BAD GIRL ¶ >> OKAY, TESTING FOR ELPHABA,

¶ I'M STILL A BAD GIRL ¶ >> OKAY, TESTING FOR ELPHABA, ADELE.

>> OKAY, TESTING FOR ELPHABA, ADELE. >> HELLO, CAN I TAKE MY SHOES

ADELE. >> HELLO, CAN I TAKE MY SHOES OFF?

>> HELLO, CAN I TAKE MY SHOES OFF? >> OKAY, ADELE.

OFF? >> OKAY, ADELE. >> OKAY, WICKED.

>> OKAY, ADELE. >> OKAY, WICKED. OH, MY GOD, I SAID THE NAME OF

>> OKAY, WICKED. OH, MY GOD, I SAID THE NAME OF THE BLOODY MOVIE!

OH, MY GOD, I SAID THE NAME OF THE BLOODY MOVIE! SHUT UP, THAT'S [ BLEEP ] FUNNY.

THE BLOODY MOVIE! SHUT UP, THAT'S [ BLEEP ] FUNNY. >> NEXT, SHANNON SHARPE.

SHUT UP, THAT'S [ BLEEP ] FUNNY. >> NEXT, SHANNON SHARPE. >> WHAT'S UP, THE GREENWICH IS

>> NEXT, SHANNON SHARPE. >> WHAT'S UP, THE GREENWICH IS THE GOOD ONE, THE GOOD WITCH,

>> WHAT'S UP, THE GREENWICH IS THE GOOD ONE, THE GOOD WITCH, THE BAD WITCH?

THE GOOD ONE, THE GOOD WITCH, THE BAD WITCH? OH, ELPHABA, YOU TELLING ME YOU

THE BAD WITCH? OH, ELPHABA, YOU TELLING ME YOU MADE MONKEYS FLY?

OH, ELPHABA, YOU TELLING ME YOU MADE MONKEYS FLY? COME ON, ELPHABA.

MADE MONKEYS FLY? COME ON, ELPHABA. >> FRAN LEBOWITZ.

COME ON, ELPHABA. >> FRAN LEBOWITZ. >> PRETEND IT'S AN EMERALD CITY.

>> FRAN LEBOWITZ. >> PRETEND IT'S AN EMERALD CITY. IT'S AN EMERALD CITY BUT IT'S A

>> PRETEND IT'S AN EMERALD CITY. IT'S AN EMERALD CITY BUT IT'S A YELLOW BRICK ROAD.

IT'S AN EMERALD CITY BUT IT'S A YELLOW BRICK ROAD. SAY, DING DONG THE WITCH IS

YELLOW BRICK ROAD. SAY, DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD.

SAY, DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD. WHAT ARE YOU, A DOORBELL?

DEAD. WHAT ARE YOU, A DOORBELL? >> SYDNEY SWEENEY.

WHAT ARE YOU, A DOORBELL? >> SYDNEY SWEENEY. >> HI, ARE YOU LIKE A WIZARD OR

>> SYDNEY SWEENEY. >> HI, ARE YOU LIKE A WIZARD OR WHATEVER?

>> HI, ARE YOU LIKE A WIZARD OR WHATEVER? RANDOM.

WHATEVER? RANDOM. >> BERNIE SANDERS FOR THE MAYOR

RANDOM. >> BERNIE SANDERS FOR THE MAYOR OF MUNCHKINLAND.

>> BERNIE SANDERS FOR THE MAYOR OF MUNCHKINLAND. >> WE ARE SENDING MILLIONS AND

OF MUNCHKINLAND. >> WE ARE SENDING MILLIONS AND BILLIONS TO THE WIZARD,

>> WE ARE SENDING MILLIONS AND BILLIONS TO THE WIZARD, MEANWHILE, THE MUNCHKINS ARE

BILLIONS TO THE WIZARD, MEANWHILE, THE MUNCHKINS ARE LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.

MEANWHILE, THE MUNCHKINS ARE LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK. >> SEBASTIAN MANISCALO.

LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK. >> SEBASTIAN MANISCALO. >> I TAKE MY FIRST LITTLE STEP

>> SEBASTIAN MANISCALO. >> I TAKE MY FIRST LITTLE STEP INTO DIVERSITY, YOU HEARD OF

>> I TAKE MY FIRST LITTLE STEP INTO DIVERSITY, YOU HEARD OF THIS?

INTO DIVERSITY, YOU HEARD OF THIS? THEY GOT A GOAT FOR A TEACHER?

THIS? THEY GOT A GOAT FOR A TEACHER? GET OUT OF HERE!

THEY GOT A GOAT FOR A TEACHER? GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? >> MARTHA STEWART.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? >> MARTHA STEWART. >> SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN WICKED,

>> MARTHA STEWART. >> SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN WICKED, WHILE OTHERS HAVE WICKEDNESS

>> SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN WICKED, WHILE OTHERS HAVE WICKEDNESS THRUST UPON THEM.

WHILE OTHERS HAVE WICKEDNESS THRUST UPON THEM. SOMEONE THRUST UPON ME ONCE.

THRUST UPON THEM. SOMEONE THRUST UPON ME ONCE. WONDERFUL IRISHMAN.

SOMEONE THRUST UPON ME ONCE. WONDERFUL IRISHMAN. >> READING FOR GLINDA AND

WONDERFUL IRISHMAN. >> READING FOR GLINDA AND ELPHABA, CHARLI XCX AND TROY

>> READING FOR GLINDA AND ELPHABA, CHARLI XCX AND TROY SABAN.

ELPHABA, CHARLI XCX AND TROY SABAN. >> CAN I CALL YOU ELSIE?

SABAN. >> CAN I CALL YOU ELSIE? >> NO.

>> CAN I CALL YOU ELSIE? >> NO. >> I'M A BITCH AND YOU'RE A

>> NO. >> I'M A BITCH AND YOU'RE A WITCH.

>> I'M A BITCH AND YOU'RE A WITCH. I'M CONFUSED.

WITCH. I'M CONFUSED. >> I'M NOT A WITCH, I'M A TOP.

I'M CONFUSED. >> I'M NOT A WITCH, I'M A TOP. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> I'M NOT A WITCH, I'M A TOP. [ LAUGHTER ] NEXT IS AL PACINO.

[ LAUGHTER ] NEXT IS AL PACINO. >> OH, THERE'S MUNCHKINS IN

NEXT IS AL PACINO. >> OH, THERE'S MUNCHKINS IN THIS, RIGHT?

>> OH, THERE'S MUNCHKINS IN THIS, RIGHT? MAYBE I COULD SAY SOMETHING

THIS, RIGHT? MAYBE I COULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE

MAYBE I COULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND."

LIKE, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND." YOU KNOW, I DIED ONCE.

FRIEND." YOU KNOW, I DIED ONCE. AND THERE WAS NOTHING.

YOU KNOW, I DIED ONCE. AND THERE WAS NOTHING. >> NEXT UP, LESLIE MANN.

AND THERE WAS NOTHING. >> NEXT UP, LESLIE MANN. >> EWW, WHY ARE YOU GREEN?

>> NEXT UP, LESLIE MANN. >> EWW, WHY ARE YOU GREEN? I WOULD LOVE TO BE GREEN.

>> EWW, WHY ARE YOU GREEN? I WOULD LOVE TO BE GREEN. UM, I'M, LIKE, A MOM.

I WOULD LOVE TO BE GREEN. UM, I'M, LIKE, A MOM. >> JANET JACKSON READING FOR

UM, I'M, LIKE, A MOM. >> JANET JACKSON READING FOR ELPHABA.

>> JANET JACKSON READING FOR ELPHABA. >> WHAT MOVIE IS THIS FOR?

ELPHABA. >> WHAT MOVIE IS THIS FOR? >> IT'S FOR "WICKED."

>> WHAT MOVIE IS THIS FOR? >> IT'S FOR "WICKED." >> I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS.

>> IT'S FOR "WICKED." >> I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS. >> MIKEY MADISON FROM "ANORA."

>> I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS. >> MIKEY MADISON FROM "ANORA." >> HEY, BABY, YOU WANT TO GO TO

>> MIKEY MADISON FROM "ANORA." >> HEY, BABY, YOU WANT TO GO TO A PRIVATE ROOM AND MEET THE

>> HEY, BABY, YOU WANT TO GO TO A PRIVATE ROOM AND MEET THE WIZARD?

A PRIVATE ROOM AND MEET THE WIZARD? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CASH?

WIZARD? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CASH? LET'S GO TO AN ATM IN OZ.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CASH? LET'S GO TO AN ATM IN OZ. >> BAD BUNNY SCREEN TESTING FOR

LET'S GO TO AN ATM IN OZ. >> BAD BUNNY SCREEN TESTING FOR FIERO.

>> BAD BUNNY SCREEN TESTING FOR FIERO. ¶¶

FIERO. ¶¶ >> THAT'S GREAT.

¶¶ >> THAT'S GREAT. ANY CHANCE WE COULD GET IT AGAIN

>> THAT'S GREAT. ANY CHANCE WE COULD GET IT AGAIN IN ENGLISH?

ANY CHANCE WE COULD GET IT AGAIN IN ENGLISH? >> NO.

IN ENGLISH? >> NO. ¶ AAHHH ¶

>> NO. ¶ AAHHH ¶ ¶ AAHHH ¶

¶ AAHHH ¶ ¶ AAHHH ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

¶ AAHHH ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> WE NOW RETURN TO THE

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> WE NOW RETURN TO THE THANKSGIVING BAKING

>>> WE NOW RETURN TO THE THANKSGIVING BAKING CHAMPIONSHIP.

THANKSGIVING BAKING CHAMPIONSHIP. >> OKAY, BAKERS.

CHAMPIONSHIP. >> OKAY, BAKERS. TIME IS UP.

>> OKAY, BAKERS. TIME IS UP. TODAY'S THEME WAS THANKSGIVING

TIME IS UP. TODAY'S THEME WAS THANKSGIVING BOUNTY, AND YOU HAD TWO HOURS TO

TODAY'S THEME WAS THANKSGIVING BOUNTY, AND YOU HAD TWO HOURS TO CREATE CAKES WORTH GIVING THANKS

BOUNTY, AND YOU HAD TWO HOURS TO CREATE CAKES WORTH GIVING THANKS FOR.

CREATE CAKES WORTH GIVING THANKS FOR. AND AS AN EXTRA CHALLENGE, YOU

FOR. AND AS AN EXTRA CHALLENGE, YOU HAD TO INCLUDE A MECHANICAL

AND AS AN EXTRA CHALLENGE, YOU HAD TO INCLUDE A MECHANICAL ELEMENT TO BRING YOUR CAKE TO

HAD TO INCLUDE A MECHANICAL ELEMENT TO BRING YOUR CAKE TO LIFE.

ELEMENT TO BRING YOUR CAKE TO LIFE. FIRST UP IS HOME BAKER LEO.

LIFE. FIRST UP IS HOME BAKER LEO. >> HI, JUDGES.

FIRST UP IS HOME BAKER LEO. >> HI, JUDGES. I LOVE THANKSGIVING, AND I

>> HI, JUDGES. I LOVE THANKSGIVING, AND I CORNA-HOPE-IA YOU LOVE MY CAKE.

I LOVE THANKSGIVING, AND I CORNA-HOPE-IA YOU LOVE MY CAKE. [ LAUGHTER ]

CORNA-HOPE-IA YOU LOVE MY CAKE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE ADORABLE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE ADORABLE. TELL US WHAT YOU'VE MADE.

>> YOU'RE ADORABLE. TELL US WHAT YOU'VE MADE. >> WELL, MY CAKE HONORS THE MAN

TELL US WHAT YOU'VE MADE. >> WELL, MY CAKE HONORS THE MAN WHO ORGANIZED THE FIRST

>> WELL, MY CAKE HONORS THE MAN WHO ORGANIZED THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.

WHO ORGANIZED THE FIRST THANKSGIVING. THE GOVERNOR OF PLYMOUTH, MR.

THANKSGIVING. THE GOVERNOR OF PLYMOUTH, MR. WILLIAM BRADFORD.

THE GOVERNOR OF PLYMOUTH, MR. WILLIAM BRADFORD. HE MAY BE A PURITAN, BUT THIS

WILLIAM BRADFORD. HE MAY BE A PURITAN, BUT THIS CAKE IS PURE DELICIOUS.

HE MAY BE A PURITAN, BUT THIS CAKE IS PURE DELICIOUS. THE TEMPERED CHOCOLATE HAT,

CAKE IS PURE DELICIOUS. THE TEMPERED CHOCOLATE HAT, MARSHMALLOW BEARD, AND SWEETENED

THE TEMPERED CHOCOLATE HAT, MARSHMALLOW BEARD, AND SWEETENED CORNMEAL OR SHOULD I SAY MAIZE

MARSHMALLOW BEARD, AND SWEETENED CORNMEAL OR SHOULD I SAY MAIZE MEAL.

CORNMEAL OR SHOULD I SAY MAIZE MEAL. >> WOW, ALL THAT IN TWO HOURS?

MEAL. >> WOW, ALL THAT IN TWO HOURS? >> YES, SIR.

>> WOW, ALL THAT IN TWO HOURS? >> YES, SIR. SOMEHOW, I DID.

>> YES, SIR. SOMEHOW, I DID. >> ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT.

SOMEHOW, I DID. >> ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT. >> OKAY.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT. >> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] I MESSED UP.

[ LAUGHTER ] I MESSED UP. >> LEO, SWEETIE, WHAT HAPPENED?

I MESSED UP. >> LEO, SWEETIE, WHAT HAPPENED? >> UM -- I THINK TIME GOT AWAY

>> LEO, SWEETIE, WHAT HAPPENED? >> UM -- I THINK TIME GOT AWAY FROM ME, AND ALSO, I THINK I

>> UM -- I THINK TIME GOT AWAY FROM ME, AND ALSO, I THINK I MIGHT BE STUPID.

FROM ME, AND ALSO, I THINK I MIGHT BE STUPID. [ LAUGHTER ]

MIGHT BE STUPID. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I GET THAT, YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I GET THAT, YEAH. IS THE POPCORN ON ITS HEAD

>> I GET THAT, YEAH. IS THE POPCORN ON ITS HEAD SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIZE?

IS THE POPCORN ON ITS HEAD SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIZE? >> I DON'T KNOW.

SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIZE? >> I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAIZE IS.

>> I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAIZE IS. [ LAUGHTER ]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAIZE IS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT YOUR

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT YOUR MECHANICAL ELEMENT?

>> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT YOUR MECHANICAL ELEMENT? >> OH, OH, RIGHT, YEAH.

MECHANICAL ELEMENT? >> OH, OH, RIGHT, YEAH. YOU GUYS, JUST LET ME TURN IT

>> OH, OH, RIGHT, YEAH. YOU GUYS, JUST LET ME TURN IT ON.

YOU GUYS, JUST LET ME TURN IT ON. [ LAUGHTER ]

ON. [ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW, IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT

[ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW, IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT TO HAPPEN?

>> NOW, IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT TO HAPPEN? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEANT.

TO HAPPEN? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEANT. I'VE EMBARRASSED MYSELF AND MY

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEANT. I'VE EMBARRASSED MYSELF AND MY WHOLE BRAND.

I'VE EMBARRASSED MYSELF AND MY WHOLE BRAND. >> WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

WHOLE BRAND. >> WHERE ARE YOU FROM? >> I'M FROM HERE.

>> WHERE ARE YOU FROM? >> I'M FROM HERE. GOOD-BYE.

>> I'M FROM HERE. GOOD-BYE. [ LAUGHTER ]

GOOD-BYE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. NEXT UP, FROM ACROSS THE POND,

>> OKAY, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. NEXT UP, FROM ACROSS THE POND, LET'S SAY HI TO JULIANNA.

NEXT UP, FROM ACROSS THE POND, LET'S SAY HI TO JULIANNA. >> HELLO.

LET'S SAY HI TO JULIANNA. >> HELLO. FIRST OF ALL, PUMPED TO BE HERE.

>> HELLO. FIRST OF ALL, PUMPED TO BE HERE. AND SECONDLY, WE BRITS, WE DON'T

FIRST OF ALL, PUMPED TO BE HERE. AND SECONDLY, WE BRITS, WE DON'T HAVE THANKSGIVING.

AND SECONDLY, WE BRITS, WE DON'T HAVE THANKSGIVING. SO THIS MAY GET A BIT HAIRY.

HAVE THANKSGIVING. SO THIS MAY GET A BIT HAIRY. >> WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US

SO THIS MAY GET A BIT HAIRY. >> WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT YOU MADE?

>> WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT YOU MADE? >> WITH PLEASURE.

WHAT YOU MADE? >> WITH PLEASURE. BASICALLY, MADE THE FIRST THING

>> WITH PLEASURE. BASICALLY, MADE THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF, WHICH IS TURKEY.

BASICALLY, MADE THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF, WHICH IS TURKEY. SO THIS HANDSOME BOY, THE

I THOUGHT OF, WHICH IS TURKEY. SO THIS HANDSOME BOY, THE HAZELNUT FONDANT DRESSED WITH

SO THIS HANDSOME BOY, THE HAZELNUT FONDANT DRESSED WITH IRIDESCENT ICING, HIS WATTLE

HAZELNUT FONDANT DRESSED WITH IRIDESCENT ICING, HIS WATTLE MADE FROM STICKY COFFEE.

IRIDESCENT ICING, HIS WATTLE MADE FROM STICKY COFFEE. GOBBLE, GOBBLE, AM I RIGHT?

MADE FROM STICKY COFFEE. GOBBLE, GOBBLE, AM I RIGHT? >> WOW.

GOBBLE, GOBBLE, AM I RIGHT? >> WOW. THAT SOUNDS AMAZING.

>> WOW. THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. >> IT DOES SOUND LIKE THAT,

THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. >> IT DOES SOUND LIKE THAT, DOESN'T IT?

>> IT DOES SOUND LIKE THAT, DOESN'T IT? [ LAUGHTER ]

DOESN'T IT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, LET'S SEE IT.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, LET'S SEE IT. >> ALL RIGHT.

>> WELL, LET'S SEE IT. >> ALL RIGHT. TA-DA!

>> ALL RIGHT. TA-DA! [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

TA-DA! [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >> WOW.

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >> WOW. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DESCRIBED AT

>> WOW. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DESCRIBED AT ALL.

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU DESCRIBED AT ALL. >> YEAH, IT'S BAD.

ALL. >> YEAH, IT'S BAD. >> CAN WE SEE YOUR ANIMATED

>> YEAH, IT'S BAD. >> CAN WE SEE YOUR ANIMATED ELEMENT?

>> CAN WE SEE YOUR ANIMATED ELEMENT? >> MM, NOT SURE YOU WANT TO SEE.

ELEMENT? >> MM, NOT SURE YOU WANT TO SEE. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> MM, NOT SURE YOU WANT TO SEE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH -- OH MY -- CAN WE SW

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH -- OH MY -- CAN WE SW THIS ON TV?

>> OH -- OH MY -- CAN WE SW THIS ON TV? >> DON'T ASK ME, I'M JUST THE

THIS ON TV? >> DON'T ASK ME, I'M JUST THE CAKE MAKER.

>> DON'T ASK ME, I'M JUST THE CAKE MAKER. >> OKAY, WELL LET'S GO AHEAD AND

CAKE MAKER. >> OKAY, WELL LET'S GO AHEAD AND TASTE YOUR CAKE.

>> OKAY, WELL LET'S GO AHEAD AND TASTE YOUR CAKE. >> OH, OH, OH, IS THAT ACTUAL

TASTE YOUR CAKE. >> OH, OH, OH, IS THAT ACTUAL TURKEY MEAT?

>> OH, OH, OH, IS THAT ACTUAL TURKEY MEAT? >> IT MIGHT BE YES, SORRY ABOUT

TURKEY MEAT? >> IT MIGHT BE YES, SORRY ABOUT THAT.

>> IT MIGHT BE YES, SORRY ABOUT THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR CAKE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR CAKE DOING NOW?

>> OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR CAKE DOING NOW? >> OH, THAT'S THE STUFFING.

DOING NOW? >> OH, THAT'S THE STUFFING. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> OH, THAT'S THE STUFFING. [ LAUGHTER ] I THINK ITS BODY IS REJECTING

[ LAUGHTER ] I THINK ITS BODY IS REJECTING IT.

I THINK ITS BODY IS REJECTING IT. [ LAUGHTER ]

IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> DEAR GOD.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> DEAR GOD. LET'S GO TO SANDY.

>> DEAR GOD. LET'S GO TO SANDY. >> HELLO, JUDGES.

LET'S GO TO SANDY. >> HELLO, JUDGES. I HATE TO TOOT MY OWN CAKE, BUT

>> HELLO, JUDGES. I HATE TO TOOT MY OWN CAKE, BUT I THINK WHAT I DID TODAY IS A

I HATE TO TOOT MY OWN CAKE, BUT I THINK WHAT I DID TODAY IS A THANKSGIVING FEAST FOR THE EYES.

I THINK WHAT I DID TODAY IS A THANKSGIVING FEAST FOR THE EYES. >> OKAY.

THANKSGIVING FEAST FOR THE EYES. >> OKAY. >> NEXT UP IS RALPH.

>> OKAY. >> NEXT UP IS RALPH. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> NEXT UP IS RALPH. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WHAT?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WHAT? THAT'S IT?

>> WHAT? THAT'S IT? WHY?

THAT'S IT? WHY? >> YOU JUST WANT IT TOO BAD.

WHY? >> YOU JUST WANT IT TOO BAD. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU JUST WANT IT TOO BAD. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN HER CAKE, WHICH IS RUINING

>> WELL, IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN HER CAKE, WHICH IS RUINING THANKSGIVING.

HER CAKE, WHICH IS RUINING THANKSGIVING. OKAY?

THANKSGIVING. OKAY? OH, MY GOD, IT JUST RETCHED AT

OKAY? OH, MY GOD, IT JUST RETCHED AT ME.

OH, MY GOD, IT JUST RETCHED AT ME. >> SANDY, THAT'S ON YOU.

ME. >> SANDY, THAT'S ON YOU. FINALLY, WE GO TO RALPH.

>> SANDY, THAT'S ON YOU. FINALLY, WE GO TO RALPH. >> WE'VE HAD A LOT OF FUN HERE

FINALLY, WE GO TO RALPH. >> WE'VE HAD A LOT OF FUN HERE TODAY, AND THANKSGIVING IS FUN.

>> WE'VE HAD A LOT OF FUN HERE TODAY, AND THANKSGIVING IS FUN. IT'S ALSO A TIME FOR CONNECTION

TODAY, AND THANKSGIVING IS FUN. IT'S ALSO A TIME FOR CONNECTION WITH FAMILY.

IT'S ALSO A TIME FOR CONNECTION WITH FAMILY. A FAMILY THAT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS

WITH FAMILY. A FAMILY THAT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS SEE EYE TO EYE.

A FAMILY THAT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS SEE EYE TO EYE. WITH A LITTLE LUCK AND PATIENCE,

SEE EYE TO EYE. WITH A LITTLE LUCK AND PATIENCE, WE MIGHT JUST BE ABLE TO SEE

WITH A LITTLE LUCK AND PATIENCE, WE MIGHT JUST BE ABLE TO SEE HEART TO HEART.

WE MIGHT JUST BE ABLE TO SEE HEART TO HEART. THAT'S WHY I MADE THIS.

HEART TO HEART. THAT'S WHY I MADE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S WHY I MADE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND YOU USED DARK CHOCOLATE?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND YOU USED DARK CHOCOLATE? >> YES, MA'AM.

>> AND YOU USED DARK CHOCOLATE? >> YES, MA'AM. AND THE TURKEY IS A NINE-INCH

>> YES, MA'AM. AND THE TURKEY IS A NINE-INCH DILDO.

AND THE TURKEY IS A NINE-INCH DILDO. [ LAUGHTER ]

DILDO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW. WE HAVE A TOUGH DECISION TO

>> WOW. WE HAVE A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE, YEAH?

WE HAVE A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE, YEAH? >> HOW?

MAKE, YEAH? >> HOW? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

¶ THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY MIND FOR A LONG TIME ¶ ¶ A SPECIAL PASSION OF MINE I DO

FOR A LONG TIME ¶ ¶ A SPECIAL PASSION OF MINE I DO IT EVERY CHANCE THAT I FIND ¶

¶ A SPECIAL PASSION OF MINE I DO IT EVERY CHANCE THAT I FIND ¶ ¶ SO NEXT TIME YOU WALK PAST AND

IT EVERY CHANCE THAT I FIND ¶ ¶ SO NEXT TIME YOU WALK PAST AND THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH ¶

¶ SO NEXT TIME YOU WALK PAST AND THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH ¶ ¶ I'LL PICK UP THE PHONE AND

THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH ¶ ¶ I'LL PICK UP THE PHONE AND THEN DO WHAT I DO BEST ¶

¶ I'LL PICK UP THE PHONE AND THEN DO WHAT I DO BEST ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU

THEN DO WHAT I DO BEST ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ HERE I GO

TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ AND ALL MY NEIGHBORS THINK I'M

I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ AND ALL MY NEIGHBORS THINK I'M RIGHT ¶

¶ AND ALL MY NEIGHBORS THINK I'M RIGHT ¶ ¶ I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO DO SOME

RIGHT ¶ ¶ I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO DO SOME SNITCHING ¶

¶ I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO DO SOME SNITCHING ¶ ¶ IN MY KITCHEN IT'S MY

SNITCHING ¶ ¶ IN MY KITCHEN IT'S MY CONDITION ¶

¶ IN MY KITCHEN IT'S MY CONDITION ¶ ¶ PICKING UP THAT PHONE ¶

CONDITION ¶ ¶ PICKING UP THAT PHONE ¶ ¶ AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED

¶ PICKING UP THAT PHONE ¶ ¶ AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS ANYMORE ¶

¶ AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS ANYMORE ¶ ¶ BUT DOES IT HELP TO KNOW THAT

TO DO THIS ANYMORE ¶ ¶ BUT DOES IT HELP TO KNOW THAT WHO I SNITCHED ON WAS WHITE ¶

¶ BUT DOES IT HELP TO KNOW THAT WHO I SNITCHED ON WAS WHITE ¶ ¶ WE CAN ALL RELAX AND ENJOY

WHO I SNITCHED ON WAS WHITE ¶ ¶ WE CAN ALL RELAX AND ENJOY THIS INCREDIBLE SONG ¶

¶ WE CAN ALL RELAX AND ENJOY THIS INCREDIBLE SONG ¶ ¶ ABOUT CAUSING THE PIGS TO

THIS INCREDIBLE SONG ¶ ¶ ABOUT CAUSING THE PIGS TO [ BLEEP ] ¶

¶ ABOUT CAUSING THE PIGS TO [ BLEEP ] ¶ ¶ HAVING THE CAKE AND EATING IT

[ BLEEP ] ¶ ¶ HAVING THE CAKE AND EATING IT TOO ¶

¶ HAVING THE CAKE AND EATING IT TOO ¶ ¶ I BAKED THE CAKE AND ATE THE

TOO ¶ ¶ I BAKED THE CAKE AND ATE THE CAKE ¶

¶ I BAKED THE CAKE AND ATE THE CAKE ¶ ¶ HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL,

CAKE ¶ ¶ HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH ¶

¶ HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH HELL, YEAH ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO

YEAH HELL, YEAH ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ NOW HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ THEY'RE ALL WHITE ¶

I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ THEY'RE ALL WHITE ¶ ¶ HERE I GO

¶ THEY'RE ALL WHITE ¶ ¶ HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ HERE I GO I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ GONNA SLEEP LIKE A BABY

I'MA REPORT YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ GONNA SLEEP LIKE A BABY TONIGHT NOW MAKE WAY FOR MY

¶ GONNA SLEEP LIKE A BABY TONIGHT NOW MAKE WAY FOR MY WIFE ¶

TONIGHT NOW MAKE WAY FOR MY WIFE ¶ ¶ NOW HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE

WIFE ¶ ¶ NOW HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE 'CAUSE I'M GONNA CALL ¶

¶ NOW HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE 'CAUSE I'M GONNA CALL ¶ ¶ THEY'RE GONNA ROLL UP ANY

'CAUSE I'M GONNA CALL ¶ ¶ THEY'RE GONNA ROLL UP ANY MINUTE ¶

¶ THEY'RE GONNA ROLL UP ANY MINUTE ¶ ¶ I PAY MY [ BLEEP ] TAXES ¶

MINUTE ¶ ¶ I PAY MY [ BLEEP ] TAXES ¶ ¶ THEY CAN ONLY MAKE ME FEEL

¶ I PAY MY [ BLEEP ] TAXES ¶ ¶ THEY CAN ONLY MAKE ME FEEL GIDDY ¶

¶ THEY CAN ONLY MAKE ME FEEL GIDDY ¶ ¶ PULL UP WITHIN TWO CENTIMETERS

GIDDY ¶ ¶ PULL UP WITHIN TWO CENTIMETERS OF MY DRIVEWAY BITCH ¶

¶ PULL UP WITHIN TWO CENTIMETERS OF MY DRIVEWAY BITCH ¶ ¶ WE HAVE NO ONE LIKE YOU TO

OF MY DRIVEWAY BITCH ¶ ¶ WE HAVE NO ONE LIKE YOU TO SHOW UP THE WAY WE DO ¶

¶ WE HAVE NO ONE LIKE YOU TO SHOW UP THE WAY WE DO ¶ ¶ WHEN I GET MY BINOCULARS ON

SHOW UP THE WAY WE DO ¶ ¶ WHEN I GET MY BINOCULARS ON THE FRONT LAWN I SAW YOU

¶ WHEN I GET MY BINOCULARS ON THE FRONT LAWN I SAW YOU LOOKING ¶

THE FRONT LAWN I SAW YOU LOOKING ¶ ¶ HAVE FUN AT CENTRAL BOOKING ¶

LOOKING ¶ ¶ HAVE FUN AT CENTRAL BOOKING ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO

¶ HAVE FUN AT CENTRAL BOOKING ¶ ¶ NOW HERE I GO I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ NOW HERE I GO I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ THE COP YEAH THE COP THE

I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ THE COP YEAH THE COP THE COPITY COP ¶

¶ THE COP YEAH THE COP THE COPITY COP ¶ ¶ THE COPITY COP ¶

COPITY COP ¶ ¶ THE COPITY COP ¶ ¶ THEN I WALK OUTSIDE LIKE

¶ THE COPITY COP ¶ ¶ THEN I WALK OUTSIDE LIKE WHAT'S GOING ON ¶

¶ THEN I WALK OUTSIDE LIKE WHAT'S GOING ON ¶ ¶ EVERYONE'S GONNA KNOW IT WAS

WHAT'S GOING ON ¶ ¶ EVERYONE'S GONNA KNOW IT WAS ME ¶

¶ EVERYONE'S GONNA KNOW IT WAS ME ¶ ¶ BUT THEY CAN'T SAY [ BLEEP ]

ME ¶ ¶ BUT THEY CAN'T SAY [ BLEEP ] BECAUSE I REPORTED IT

¶ BUT THEY CAN'T SAY [ BLEEP ] BECAUSE I REPORTED IT ANONYMOUSLY ¶

BECAUSE I REPORTED IT ANONYMOUSLY ¶ ¶ HERE I GO

ANONYMOUSLY ¶ ¶ HERE I GO I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶

¶ HERE I GO I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'LL

I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE COPS ¶ ¶ BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'LL SHOW UP FOR THAT COURT DATE

¶ BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'LL SHOW UP FOR THAT COURT DATE YEAH ¶

SHOW UP FOR THAT COURT DATE YEAH ¶ ¶ HERE I GO ¶

YEAH ¶ ¶ HERE I GO ¶ ¶ HELL YA ¶

¶ HERE I GO ¶ ¶ HELL YA ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

¶ HELL YA ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> RACKED READY RIZZED, IT'S

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> RACKED READY RIZZED, IT'S BANGER BOYZ.

>>> RACKED READY RIZZED, IT'S BANGER BOYZ. >> WHAT IS UP, EVERYBODY?

BANGER BOYZ. >> WHAT IS UP, EVERYBODY? WELCOME TO BANGER BOYZ, THE

>> WHAT IS UP, EVERYBODY? WELCOME TO BANGER BOYZ, THE PODCAST THAT GOES HARD EVERY

WELCOME TO BANGER BOYZ, THE PODCAST THAT GOES HARD EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

PODCAST THAT GOES HARD EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I'M MARK.

SINGLE WEEK. I'M MARK. THAT'S DUGIN AND P.J.

I'M MARK. THAT'S DUGIN AND P.J. HEY, GUYS.

THAT'S DUGIN AND P.J. HEY, GUYS. PLUS OVER HERE OUR PRODUCER

HEY, GUYS. PLUS OVER HERE OUR PRODUCER CARA.

PLUS OVER HERE OUR PRODUCER CARA. >> HEY.

CARA. >> HEY. >> SO GUYS, WE GOT A LOT TO

>> HEY. >> SO GUYS, WE GOT A LOT TO COVER TODAY.

>> SO GUYS, WE GOT A LOT TO COVER TODAY. DUGIN'S GOT A HILARIOUS STORY

COVER TODAY. DUGIN'S GOT A HILARIOUS STORY ABOUT GETTING HIS SAC PUNCHED BY

DUGIN'S GOT A HILARIOUS STORY ABOUT GETTING HIS SAC PUNCHED BY AN INSTA BADDIE.

ABOUT GETTING HIS SAC PUNCHED BY AN INSTA BADDIE. >> YEAH!

AN INSTA BADDIE. >> YEAH! >> THEN WE'LL DISCUSS HOW THEY

>> YEAH! >> THEN WE'LL DISCUSS HOW THEY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS.

>> THEN WE'LL DISCUSS HOW THEY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS. [ LAUGHTER ]

BUILT THE PYRAMIDS. [ LAUGHTER ] FIRST, HOW ABOUT OUR MAN TRUMP,

[ LAUGHTER ] FIRST, HOW ABOUT OUR MAN TRUMP, HUH?

FIRST, HOW ABOUT OUR MAN TRUMP, HUH? >> OH, DUDE, HE'S AWESOME.

HUH? >> OH, DUDE, HE'S AWESOME. >> I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WAS ON OUR

>> OH, DUDE, HE'S AWESOME. >> I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WAS ON OUR PAD CAST LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WAS ON OUR PAD CAST LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO. >> I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT BUT I

PAD CAST LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO. >> I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT BUT I FEEL TRUMP COULD ACTUALLY WIN

>> I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT BUT I FEEL TRUMP COULD ACTUALLY WIN THIS THING.

FEEL TRUMP COULD ACTUALLY WIN THIS THING. >> DUGIN.

THIS THING. >> DUGIN. HE DID WIN.

>> DUGIN. HE DID WIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

HE DID WIN. [ LAUGHTER ] ELECTION WAS LAST TUESDAY, BUD.

[ LAUGHTER ] ELECTION WAS LAST TUESDAY, BUD. >> HE WON?

ELECTION WAS LAST TUESDAY, BUD. >> HE WON? OH, BRO, THAT'S SO SICK, DUDE!

>> HE WON? OH, BRO, THAT'S SO SICK, DUDE! >> YEAH, IT IS, DUDE.

OH, BRO, THAT'S SO SICK, DUDE! >> YEAH, IT IS, DUDE. BEFORE WE GET INTO ALL THAT,

>> YEAH, IT IS, DUDE. BEFORE WE GET INTO ALL THAT, LET'S HEAR FROM THE SPONSORS,

BEFORE WE GET INTO ALL THAT, LET'S HEAR FROM THE SPONSORS, CARA.

LET'S HEAR FROM THE SPONSORS, CARA. >> BANGER BOYZ IS BROUGHT TO YOU

CARA. >> BANGER BOYZ IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CARGO CONDOMS, THE ONLY

>> BANGER BOYZ IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CARGO CONDOMS, THE ONLY CARGOS WITH POCKETS.

BY CARGO CONDOMS, THE ONLY CARGOS WITH POCKETS. CARGO CONDOMS.

CARGOS WITH POCKETS. CARGO CONDOMS. AND ZYN JUNIOR, NICOTINE PATCHES

CARGO CONDOMS. AND ZYN JUNIOR, NICOTINE PATCHES FOR KIDS, CHERRY FLAVORS, ZYN

AND ZYN JUNIOR, NICOTINE PATCHES FOR KIDS, CHERRY FLAVORS, ZYN JUNIOR.

FOR KIDS, CHERRY FLAVORS, ZYN JUNIOR. >> SICK.

JUNIOR. >> SICK. SO YEAH, TRUMP'S PRESIDENT NOW,

>> SICK. SO YEAH, TRUMP'S PRESIDENT NOW, AND HE LIKE SAID BEING ON

SO YEAH, TRUMP'S PRESIDENT NOW, AND HE LIKE SAID BEING ON "BANGER BOYZ" HELPED HIM WITH

AND HE LIKE SAID BEING ON "BANGER BOYZ" HELPED HIM WITH YOUNG VOTERS.

"BANGER BOYZ" HELPED HIM WITH YOUNG VOTERS. >> THAT IS SO SICK, DUDE.

YOUNG VOTERS. >> THAT IS SO SICK, DUDE. >> WE GOT TO HANG WITH HIM, THAT

>> THAT IS SO SICK, DUDE. >> WE GOT TO HANG WITH HIM, THAT WAS WILD.

>> WE GOT TO HANG WITH HIM, THAT WAS WILD. >> I KNOW, RIGHT?

WAS WILD. >> I KNOW, RIGHT? WE DID THE PODCAST ON HIS PLANE,

>> I KNOW, RIGHT? WE DID THE PODCAST ON HIS PLANE, SO BALLER.

WE DID THE PODCAST ON HIS PLANE, SO BALLER. >> YEAH, IT WAS AWESOME, DUDE.

SO BALLER. >> YEAH, IT WAS AWESOME, DUDE. THEY ASKED US TO MEET AT THE

>> YEAH, IT WAS AWESOME, DUDE. THEY ASKED US TO MEET AT THE SECRET AIRPORT, AND IT'S CALLED

THEY ASKED US TO MEET AT THE SECRET AIRPORT, AND IT'S CALLED TITTYBABY.

SECRET AIRPORT, AND IT'S CALLED TITTYBABY. >> DUGIN, IT'S CALLED TETERBORO.

TITTYBABY. >> DUGIN, IT'S CALLED TETERBORO. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> DUGIN, IT'S CALLED TETERBORO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> RIGHT, BUT WE WERE ON HIS

[ LAUGHTER ] >> RIGHT, BUT WE WERE ON HIS PLANE AND WE TALKED TO TRUMP FOR

>> RIGHT, BUT WE WERE ON HIS PLANE AND WE TALKED TO TRUMP FOR TWO HOURS.

PLANE AND WE TALKED TO TRUMP FOR TWO HOURS. WHEN IT WAS OVER, HE KICKED US

TWO HOURS. WHEN IT WAS OVER, HE KICKED US OFF THE PLANE IN GRAND RAPIDS,

WHEN IT WAS OVER, HE KICKED US OFF THE PLANE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN, AND WE HAD TO, LIKE,

OFF THE PLANE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN, AND WE HAD TO, LIKE, FIND OUR OWN WAY BACK, IT WAS SO

MICHIGAN, AND WE HAD TO, LIKE, FIND OUR OWN WAY BACK, IT WAS SO SICK.

FIND OUR OWN WAY BACK, IT WAS SO SICK. >> YEAH.

SICK. >> YEAH. THAT GREYHOUND BUS SMELLED

>> YEAH. THAT GREYHOUND BUS SMELLED CRAZY.

THAT GREYHOUND BUS SMELLED CRAZY. >> TOTAL ROAD TRIP.

CRAZY. >> TOTAL ROAD TRIP. GUYS, WE GOT TO TALK MIKE TYSON,

>> TOTAL ROAD TRIP. GUYS, WE GOT TO TALK MIKE TYSON, BUT FIRST SOME SPONSORS.

GUYS, WE GOT TO TALK MIKE TYSON, BUT FIRST SOME SPONSORS. >> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY

BUT FIRST SOME SPONSORS. >> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY TOPGOLF.

>> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY TOPGOLF. FIND OUT WHICH OF YOUR

TOPGOLF. FIND OUT WHICH OF YOUR CO-WORKERS IS AN ALCOHOLIC BY

FIND OUT WHICH OF YOUR CO-WORKERS IS AN ALCOHOLIC BY TOPGOLF.

CO-WORKERS IS AN ALCOHOLIC BY TOPGOLF. AND BY MALE CHIMP.

TOPGOLF. AND BY MALE CHIMP. DO YOU HAVE A FEMALE CHIMP AND

AND BY MALE CHIMP. DO YOU HAVE A FEMALE CHIMP AND NEED A MALE ONE?

DO YOU HAVE A FEMALE CHIMP AND NEED A MALE ONE? WELL, THIS GUY NAMED DOUG HAS A

NEED A MALE ONE? WELL, THIS GUY NAMED DOUG HAS A MALE CHIMP.

WELL, THIS GUY NAMED DOUG HAS A MALE CHIMP. [ LAUGHTER ]

MALE CHIMP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WAIT, DUGIN, IS THAT YOUR

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WAIT, DUGIN, IS THAT YOUR PHONE?

>> WAIT, DUGIN, IS THAT YOUR PHONE? >> WHOA, SORRY, BRO, YEAH.

PHONE? >> WHOA, SORRY, BRO, YEAH. IT SAYS IT'S FROM MAR-A-LAGO.

>> WHOA, SORRY, BRO, YEAH. IT SAYS IT'S FROM MAR-A-LAGO. >> WHOA, ANSWER IT, BRO.

IT SAYS IT'S FROM MAR-A-LAGO. >> WHOA, ANSWER IT, BRO. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL

>> WHOA, ANSWER IT, BRO. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. HELLO?

RIGHT. HELLO? HI, SIR.

HELLO? HI, SIR. YEAH.

HI, SIR. YEAH. OH, OKAY, COOL.

YEAH. OH, OKAY, COOL. OH!

OH, OKAY, COOL. OH! >> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

OH! >> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? >> OH, DUDE.

>> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? >> OH, DUDE. THAT WAS TRUMP.

>> OH, DUDE. THAT WAS TRUMP. HE SAID THAT HE'S MAKING ME THE

THAT WAS TRUMP. HE SAID THAT HE'S MAKING ME THE SECRETARY OF THE CONVERSE.

HE SAID THAT HE'S MAKING ME THE SECRETARY OF THE CONVERSE. >> WHOA!

SECRETARY OF THE CONVERSE. >> WHOA! >> MAN, WHOA.

>> WHOA! >> MAN, WHOA. >> WAIT.

>> MAN, WHOA. >> WAIT. SECRETARY OF COMMERCE?

>> WAIT. SECRETARY OF COMMERCE? WHAT IS THAT?

SECRETARY OF COMMERCE? WHAT IS THAT? >> I THINK IT MEANS HE'S IN

WHAT IS THAT? >> I THINK IT MEANS HE'S IN CHARGE OF ALL THE COMMERCIALS.

>> I THINK IT MEANS HE'S IN CHARGE OF ALL THE COMMERCIALS. >> WHOA!

CHARGE OF ALL THE COMMERCIALS. >> WHOA! ALL OF THEM?

>> WHOA! ALL OF THEM? >> I THINK SO, YEAH.

ALL OF THEM? >> I THINK SO, YEAH. >> YEAH, BRO, FIRST THING I'M

>> I THINK SO, YEAH. >> YEAH, BRO, FIRST THING I'M GOING TO DO IN OFFICE, I'M GOING

>> YEAH, BRO, FIRST THING I'M GOING TO DO IN OFFICE, I'M GOING TO FIRE THAT LITTLE GEICO SNAKE.

GOING TO DO IN OFFICE, I'M GOING TO FIRE THAT LITTLE GEICO SNAKE. >> SNAKE?

TO FIRE THAT LITTLE GEICO SNAKE. >> SNAKE? IT'S A GECKO.

>> SNAKE? IT'S A GECKO. >> IT'S A SNAKE, BRO, A SNAKE

IT'S A GECKO. >> IT'S A SNAKE, BRO, A SNAKE WITH LITTLE LEGS.

>> IT'S A SNAKE, BRO, A SNAKE WITH LITTLE LEGS. >> SNAKES DON'T HAVE LEGS.

WITH LITTLE LEGS. >> SNAKES DON'T HAVE LEGS. REMEMBER?

>> SNAKES DON'T HAVE LEGS. REMEMBER? THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM SNAKES.

REMEMBER? THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM SNAKES. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM SNAKES. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I'LL AGREE TO DISAGREE, MY

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'LL AGREE TO DISAGREE, MY BROTHER.

>> I'LL AGREE TO DISAGREE, MY BROTHER. >> HEY, GUYS.

BROTHER. >> HEY, GUYS. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S

>> HEY, GUYS. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S WHAT SECRETARY OF COMMERCE IS

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S WHAT SECRETARY OF COMMERCE IS ABOUT.

WHAT SECRETARY OF COMMERCE IS ABOUT. I THINK IT'S ABOUT, LIKE,

ABOUT. I THINK IT'S ABOUT, LIKE, INTERNATIONAL TRADE.

I THINK IT'S ABOUT, LIKE, INTERNATIONAL TRADE. >> WHAT?

INTERNATIONAL TRADE. >> WHAT? >> RELAX.

>> WHAT? >> RELAX. RELAX.

>> RELAX. RELAX. I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.

RELAX. I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S TALK ABOUT FRIDAY'S FIGHT.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S TALK ABOUT FRIDAY'S FIGHT. JAKE PAUL IS OBVIOUSLY A FRIEND

LET'S TALK ABOUT FRIDAY'S FIGHT. JAKE PAUL IS OBVIOUSLY A FRIEND OF THE POD, AND HIS BEARD RULES.

JAKE PAUL IS OBVIOUSLY A FRIEND OF THE POD, AND HIS BEARD RULES. IS IT WEIRD HE FOUGHT MIKE

OF THE POD, AND HIS BEARD RULES. IS IT WEIRD HE FOUGHT MIKE TYSON?

IS IT WEIRD HE FOUGHT MIKE TYSON? THE GUY'S 58 YEARS OLD.

TYSON? THE GUY'S 58 YEARS OLD. >> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

THE GUY'S 58 YEARS OLD. >> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? MY DAD'S 64 AND STILL KICKS MY

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? MY DAD'S 64 AND STILL KICKS MY ASS EVERY WEEK.

MY DAD'S 64 AND STILL KICKS MY ASS EVERY WEEK. >> DUGGEN, FOR REAL?

ASS EVERY WEEK. >> DUGGEN, FOR REAL? >> YEAH, LIKE ON WEDNESDAY I

>> DUGGEN, FOR REAL? >> YEAH, LIKE ON WEDNESDAY I CALLED HIM WUSS AND HE THREW

>> YEAH, LIKE ON WEDNESDAY I CALLED HIM WUSS AND HE THREW THEY OFF OUR DECK.

CALLED HIM WUSS AND HE THREW THEY OFF OUR DECK. YEAH.

THEY OFF OUR DECK. YEAH. I HIT MY HEAD SO HARD, I DON'T

YEAH. I HIT MY HEAD SO HARD, I DON'T TASTE ANYMORE.

I HIT MY HEAD SO HARD, I DON'T TASTE ANYMORE. MY DAD'S HILARIOUS.

TASTE ANYMORE. MY DAD'S HILARIOUS. >> SO CRAZY.

MY DAD'S HILARIOUS. >> SO CRAZY. ANOTHER SPONSOR, CARA?

>> SO CRAZY. ANOTHER SPONSOR, CARA? >> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY

ANOTHER SPONSOR, CARA? >> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY WARM SPONGES.

>> "BANGER BOYZ" IS SPONSORED BY WARM SPONGES. COLD PLUNGES JUST GOT A HELL OF

WARM SPONGES. COLD PLUNGES JUST GOT A HELL OF A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WARM

COLD PLUNGES JUST GOT A HELL OF A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WARM PLUNGES.

A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WARM PLUNGES. AND BY PUBE WHACKER.

PLUNGES. AND BY PUBE WHACKER. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH PUBE

AND BY PUBE WHACKER. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH PUBE WHACKER.

BE VERY CAREFUL WITH PUBE WHACKER. [ LAUGHTER ]

WHACKER. [ LAUGHTER ] >> HOLD UP.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> HOLD UP. THAT'S MY PHONE.

>> HOLD UP. THAT'S MY PHONE. HELLO?

THAT'S MY PHONE. HELLO? YES, SIR.

HELLO? YES, SIR. UM -- YEAH, I GUESS SO.

YES, SIR. UM -- YEAH, I GUESS SO. OKAY.

UM -- YEAH, I GUESS SO. OKAY. YOU TOO, SIR.

OKAY. YOU TOO, SIR. >> SO?

YOU TOO, SIR. >> SO? >> THAT WAS TRUMP.

>> SO? >> THAT WAS TRUMP. I'M THE NEW AMBASSADOR TO IRAN.

>> THAT WAS TRUMP. I'M THE NEW AMBASSADOR TO IRAN. >> WHOA!

I'M THE NEW AMBASSADOR TO IRAN. >> WHOA! >> P.J., YOU ARE GOING TO BODY

>> WHOA! >> P.J., YOU ARE GOING TO BODY THAT JOB, DUDE!

>> P.J., YOU ARE GOING TO BODY THAT JOB, DUDE! >> SO COOL, RIGHT?

THAT JOB, DUDE! >> SO COOL, RIGHT? I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO DO

>> SO COOL, RIGHT? I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO DO THAT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO DO THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU THINK I HAVE TO, LIKE, LIVE

[ LAUGHTER ] YOU THINK I HAVE TO, LIKE, LIVE THERE?

YOU THINK I HAVE TO, LIKE, LIVE THERE? >> NO, MAYBE YOU CAN DO IT ON

THERE? >> NO, MAYBE YOU CAN DO IT ON ZOOM.

>> NO, MAYBE YOU CAN DO IT ON ZOOM. [ LAUGHTER ]

ZOOM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, LET'S PAUSE AND LET

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, LET'S PAUSE AND LET P.J. FIGURE THIS OUT.

>> OKAY, LET'S PAUSE AND LET P.J. FIGURE THIS OUT. THEN DUGIN AND I ARE GOING TO

P.J. FIGURE THIS OUT. THEN DUGIN AND I ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE PYRAMIDS WERE

THEN DUGIN AND I ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE PYRAMIDS WERE CREATED.

TALK ABOUT HOW THE PYRAMIDS WERE CREATED. >> ALIENS.

CREATED. >> ALIENS. >> NO, IT'S A PULLEY SYSTEM.

>> ALIENS. >> NO, IT'S A PULLEY SYSTEM. IT'S LIKE ROPES.

>> NO, IT'S A PULLEY SYSTEM. IT'S LIKE ROPES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT'S LIKE ROPES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S CHARLI XCX!

>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S CHARLI XCX! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

CHARLI XCX! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶ ¶ I WENT MY OWN WAY

¶¶ ¶ I WENT MY OWN WAY AND I MADE IT

¶ I WENT MY OWN WAY AND I MADE IT I'M YOUR FAVORITE REFERENCE

AND I MADE IT I'M YOUR FAVORITE REFERENCE BABY ¶

I'M YOUR FAVORITE REFERENCE BABY ¶ ¶ CALL ME GABBRIETTE

BABY ¶ ¶ CALL ME GABBRIETTE YOU'RE SO INSPIRED

¶ CALL ME GABBRIETTE YOU'RE SO INSPIRED AHH AHH ¶

YOU'RE SO INSPIRED AHH AHH ¶ ¶ I'M TECTONIC

AHH AHH ¶ ¶ I'M TECTONIC MOVES I MAKE 'EM

¶ I'M TECTONIC MOVES I MAKE 'EM SHOCK YOU LIKE

MOVES I MAKE 'EM SHOCK YOU LIKE DEFIBRILLATORS ¶

SHOCK YOU LIKE DEFIBRILLATORS ¶ ¶ NO STYLE I CAN'T RELATE

DEFIBRILLATORS ¶ ¶ NO STYLE I CAN'T RELATE I'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE

¶ NO STYLE I CAN'T RELATE I'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE AHH ¶

I'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE AHH ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH

AHH ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON

¶ DROP DOWN YEAH PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON SO STYLISH

PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON SO STYLISH BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶

SO STYLISH BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH

BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON

¶ DROP DOWN YEAH LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON WORK ANGLES ¶

LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON WORK ANGLES ¶ ¶ YEAH 360

WORK ANGLES ¶ ¶ YEAH 360 WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR

¶ YEAH 360 WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶

WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR

DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶

¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE

YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA

¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA AH-AH AHH ¶

I'M SO JULIA AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY

AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT

¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶

B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE

666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA HEY

¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA HEY AH-AH AHH ¶

I'M SO JULIA HEY AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶¶

AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT

¶¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT

¶ BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT ¶

BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT ¶ ¶ THAT CITY

BUMPIN' THAT ¶ ¶ THAT CITY SEWER SLUT'S THE VIBE

¶ THAT CITY SEWER SLUT'S THE VIBE INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED ¶

SEWER SLUT'S THE VIBE INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED ¶ ¶ I SET THE TONE

INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED ¶ ¶ I SET THE TONE IT'S MY DESIGN

¶ I SET THE TONE IT'S MY DESIGN AND HEY HEY ¶

IT'S MY DESIGN AND HEY HEY ¶ ¶ LEGACY IS UNDEBATED

AND HEY HEY ¶ ¶ LEGACY IS UNDEBATED YOU GON' JUMP

¶ LEGACY IS UNDEBATED YOU GON' JUMP IF A.G. MADE IT ¶

YOU GON' JUMP IF A.G. MADE IT ¶ ¶ IF YOU LOVE IT

IF A.G. MADE IT ¶ ¶ IF YOU LOVE IT IF YOU HATE IT

¶ IF YOU LOVE IT IF YOU HATE IT I DON'T I DON'T CARE

IF YOU HATE IT I DON'T I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ¶

I DON'T I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH

WHAT YOU THINK ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON

¶ DROP DOWN YEAH PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON SO STYLISH

PUT THE CAMERA FLASH ON SO STYLISH BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶

SO STYLISH BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH

BABY TEE IS ALL GONE ¶ ¶ DROP DOWN YEAH LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON

¶ DROP DOWN YEAH LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON WORK ANGLES ¶

LOOKIN' LIKE AN ICON WORK ANGLES ¶ ¶ YEAH 360

WORK ANGLES ¶ ¶ YEAH 360 WHEN YOU 'RE IN THE MIRROR

¶ YEAH 360 WHEN YOU 'RE IN THE MIRROR DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶

WHEN YOU 'RE IN THE MIRROR DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR

DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶

¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIRROR YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE

YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA

¶ I'M EVERYWHERE I'M SO JULIA AH-AH AHH ¶

I'M SO JULIA AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY

AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT

¶ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PARTY B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶

B-B-BUMPIN' THAT BEAT 666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE

666 WITH A PRINCESS STREAK ¶ ¶ I'M EVERYWHERE YEAH

¶ I'M EVERYWHERE YEAH AH-AH AHH ¶

YEAH AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶¶

AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT

¶¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT THAT'S RIGHT

¶ BUMPIN' THAT THAT'S RIGHT BUMPIN' THAT

THAT'S RIGHT BUMPIN' THAT AH-AH AHH ¶

BUMPIN' THAT AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT

AH-AH AHH ¶ ¶ BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT

¶ BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT

BUMPIN' THAT BUMPIN' THAT AH-AH AHH ¶

BUMPIN' THAT AH-AH AHH ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AH-AH AHH ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶ >>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH

¶¶ >>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

>>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE.

>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.

>> I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I'M COLIN JOST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THIS WEEK, DONALD TRUMP

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THIS WEEK, DONALD TRUMP CONTINUED TO ANNOUNCE EVERYONE

>>> THIS WEEK, DONALD TRUMP CONTINUED TO ANNOUNCE EVERYONE HE'S GOING TO FIRE IN SIX

CONTINUED TO ANNOUNCE EVERYONE HE'S GOING TO FIRE IN SIX MONTHS.

HE'S GOING TO FIRE IN SIX MONTHS. [ LAUGHTER ]

MONTHS. [ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP NOMINATED KRISTI NOEM TO

[ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP NOMINATED KRISTI NOEM TO LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND

TRUMP NOMINATED KRISTI NOEM TO LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, LEE ZELDIN TO HEAD THE

LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, LEE ZELDIN TO HEAD THE EPA, AND ELISE STEFANIK AS

SECURITY, LEE ZELDIN TO HEAD THE EPA, AND ELISE STEFANIK AS AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N.

EPA, AND ELISE STEFANIK AS AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N. THEN SOMEONE YELLS," NOW DO A

AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N. THEN SOMEONE YELLS," NOW DO A SILLY ONE."

THEN SOMEONE YELLS," NOW DO A SILLY ONE." [ LAUGHTER ]

SILLY ONE." [ LAUGHTER ] ON WEDNESDAY, TRUMP NOMINATED

[ LAUGHTER ] ON WEDNESDAY, TRUMP NOMINATED MATT GAETZ FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL

ON WEDNESDAY, TRUMP NOMINATED MATT GAETZ FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL AND GAETZ SAID THE SAME THING HE

MATT GAETZ FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL AND GAETZ SAID THE SAME THING HE DOES WHEN HE SEES A TEENAGE

AND GAETZ SAID THE SAME THING HE DOES WHEN HE SEES A TEENAGE GIRL.

DOES WHEN HE SEES A TEENAGE GIRL. "I'LL DO IT."

GIRL. "I'LL DO IT." [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ]

"I'LL DO IT." [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ] GAETZ, WHO WAS CREATED WHEN

[ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ] GAETZ, WHO WAS CREATED WHEN FRANKENSTEIN RAPED DRACULA --

GAETZ, WHO WAS CREATED WHEN FRANKENSTEIN RAPED DRACULA -- [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ]

FRANKENSTEIN RAPED DRACULA -- [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ] -- WAS CHOSEN FOR ATTORNEY

[ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ] -- WAS CHOSEN FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL AFTER TRUMP REMEMBERED

-- WAS CHOSEN FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL AFTER TRUMP REMEMBERED THAT HIS ORIGINAL PICK WAS FOUND

GENERAL AFTER TRUMP REMEMBERED THAT HIS ORIGINAL PICK WAS FOUND DEAD IN A JAIL CELL.

THAT HIS ORIGINAL PICK WAS FOUND DEAD IN A JAIL CELL. [ MOANS ]

DEAD IN A JAIL CELL. [ MOANS ] >>> ELON MUSK IS REPORTEDLY

[ MOANS ] >>> ELON MUSK IS REPORTEDLY SPENDING NEARLY EVERY DAY WITH

>>> ELON MUSK IS REPORTEDLY SPENDING NEARLY EVERY DAY WITH DONALD TRUMP AT MAR-A-LAGO, BUT

SPENDING NEARLY EVERY DAY WITH DONALD TRUMP AT MAR-A-LAGO, BUT DON'T WORRY, ELON WILL LEAVE AS

DONALD TRUMP AT MAR-A-LAGO, BUT DON'T WORRY, ELON WILL LEAVE AS SOON AS HE FINISHES LISTING ALL

DON'T WORRY, ELON WILL LEAVE AS SOON AS HE FINISHES LISTING ALL THE DINOSAURS IN ALPHABETICAL

SOON AS HE FINISHES LISTING ALL THE DINOSAURS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

THE DINOSAURS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER. [ LAUGHTER ]

ORDER. [ LAUGHTER ] ELON MUSK'S NEW DEPARTMENT OF

[ LAUGHTER ] ELON MUSK'S NEW DEPARTMENT OF GOVERNMENT EFFICIENCY POSTED A

ELON MUSK'S NEW DEPARTMENT OF GOVERNMENT EFFICIENCY POSTED A JOB LISTING SAYING THEY ARE

GOVERNMENT EFFICIENCY POSTED A JOB LISTING SAYING THEY ARE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WILLING TO

JOB LISTING SAYING THEY ARE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WILLING TO WORK 80-PLUS HOURS A WEEK FOR NO

LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WILLING TO WORK 80-PLUS HOURS A WEEK FOR NO MONEY.

WORK 80-PLUS HOURS A WEEK FOR NO MONEY. BUT YOU CAN'T BE SURPRISED THE

MONEY. BUT YOU CAN'T BE SURPRISED THE WHITE AFRICAN GUY'S FIRST IDEA

BUT YOU CAN'T BE SURPRISED THE WHITE AFRICAN GUY'S FIRST IDEA IS SLAVERY.

WHITE AFRICAN GUY'S FIRST IDEA IS SLAVERY. [ LAUGHTER ]

IS SLAVERY. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> CONGRATULATIONS TO ROBERT F.

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> CONGRATULATIONS TO ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR., WHO BECAME THE

>>> CONGRATULATIONS TO ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR., WHO BECAME THE FIRST BRAIN WORM SURVIVOR

KENNEDY JR., WHO BECAME THE FIRST BRAIN WORM SURVIVOR NOMINATED TO A CABINET-LEVEL

FIRST BRAIN WORM SURVIVOR NOMINATED TO A CABINET-LEVEL POSITION.

NOMINATED TO A CABINET-LEVEL POSITION. KENNEDY, WHOSE SKIN IS ALWAYS

POSITION. KENNEDY, WHOSE SKIN IS ALWAYS COOKED TO A PERFECT MEDIUM RARE,

KENNEDY, WHOSE SKIN IS ALWAYS COOKED TO A PERFECT MEDIUM RARE, WILL LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF

COOKED TO A PERFECT MEDIUM RARE, WILL LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES.

WILL LEAD THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. AND I KNOW HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT

HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES. AND I KNOW HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE, BUT I SAY WE GIVE

AND I KNOW HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE, BUT I SAY WE GIVE HIM A SHOT.

OF EXPERIENCE, BUT I SAY WE GIVE HIM A SHOT. [ LAUGHTER ]

HIM A SHOT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >>> DONALD TRUMP HAS SELECTED

[ APPLAUSE ] >>> DONALD TRUMP HAS SELECTED PETE HEGSETH TO BE HIS SECRETARY

>>> DONALD TRUMP HAS SELECTED PETE HEGSETH TO BE HIS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE.

PETE HEGSETH TO BE HIS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE. HEGSETH IS COHOST OF "FOX &

OF DEFENSE. HEGSETH IS COHOST OF "FOX & FRIENDS WEEKENDS," WHICH IS

HEGSETH IS COHOST OF "FOX & FRIENDS WEEKENDS," WHICH IS BROADCAST EXCLUSIVELY ON CPAP

FRIENDS WEEKENDS," WHICH IS BROADCAST EXCLUSIVELY ON CPAP MACHINES.

BROADCAST EXCLUSIVELY ON CPAP MACHINES. [ LAUGHTER ]

MACHINES. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> PRESIDENT BIDEN AND DONALD

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> PRESIDENT BIDEN AND DONALD TRUMP, SEEN HERE BURNING THE

>>> PRESIDENT BIDEN AND DONALD TRUMP, SEEN HERE BURNING THE LAST OF THEIR CLASSIFIED

TRUMP, SEEN HERE BURNING THE LAST OF THEIR CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS --

LAST OF THEIR CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS -- [ LAUGHTER ]

DOCUMENTS -- [ LAUGHTER ] -- MET AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR

[ LAUGHTER ] -- MET AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS.

-- MET AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS. BUT KEEP IN MIND, 90 MINUTES OF

ALMOST TWO HOURS. BUT KEEP IN MIND, 90 MINUTES OF THAT WAS JUST THEM STRUGGLING TO

BUT KEEP IN MIND, 90 MINUTES OF THAT WAS JUST THEM STRUGGLING TO STAND UP.

THAT WAS JUST THEM STRUGGLING TO STAND UP. [ LAUGHTER ]

STAND UP. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> RUDY GIULIANI, WHO OWES $150

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> RUDY GIULIANI, WHO OWES $150 MILLION TO GEORGIA ELECTION

>>> RUDY GIULIANI, WHO OWES $150 MILLION TO GEORGIA ELECTION WORKERS, HAS TURNED OVER HIS

MILLION TO GEORGIA ELECTION WORKERS, HAS TURNED OVER HIS 1980 MERCEDES-BENZ, HIS WATCH

WORKERS, HAS TURNED OVER HIS 1980 MERCEDES-BENZ, HIS WATCH COLLECTION, AND DIAMOND RING.

1980 MERCEDES-BENZ, HIS WATCH COLLECTION, AND DIAMOND RING. SO NOW HE OWES $150 MILLION.

COLLECTION, AND DIAMOND RING. SO NOW HE OWES $150 MILLION. [ LAUGHTER ]

SO NOW HE OWES $150 MILLION. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT SOME

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT SOME CRITICS OF DONALD TRUMP ARE

>>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT SOME CRITICS OF DONALD TRUMP ARE PREPARING GO BAGS IN CASE THEY

CRITICS OF DONALD TRUMP ARE PREPARING GO BAGS IN CASE THEY HAVE TO SUDDENLY FLEE THE

PREPARING GO BAGS IN CASE THEY HAVE TO SUDDENLY FLEE THE COUNTRY.

HAVE TO SUDDENLY FLEE THE COUNTRY. WHICH I THINK IS STUPID, BUT

COUNTRY. WHICH I THINK IS STUPID, BUT COLINO JUSTINI --

WHICH I THINK IS STUPID, BUT COLINO JUSTINI -- [ LAUGHTER ]

COLINO JUSTINI -- [ LAUGHTER ] THINKS THAT IT IS --

[ LAUGHTER ] THINKS THAT IT IS -- [ SPEAKING ITALIAN ]

THINKS THAT IT IS -- [ SPEAKING ITALIAN ] >>> THE WINNER OF A DONE CONTEST

[ SPEAKING ITALIAN ] >>> THE WINNER OF A DONE CONTEST TO CREATE A NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM

>>> THE WINNER OF A DONE CONTEST TO CREATE A NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM IS A SONG CALLED "LET THEM FLY,"

TO CREATE A NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM IS A SONG CALLED "LET THEM FLY," WHICH IS A ROUSING INSPIRATIONAL

IS A SONG CALLED "LET THEM FLY," WHICH IS A ROUSING INSPIRATIONAL SONG ABOUT AN IMMIGRANT

WHICH IS A ROUSING INSPIRATIONAL SONG ABOUT AN IMMIGRANT CATAPULT.

SONG ABOUT AN IMMIGRANT CATAPULT. [ LAUGHTER ]

CATAPULT. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR PHIL

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR PHIL MURPHY HAS DECLARED A DROUGHT

>>> NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR PHIL MURPHY HAS DECLARED A DROUGHT WARNING AND HAS URGED RESIDENTS

MURPHY HAS DECLARED A DROUGHT WARNING AND HAS URGED RESIDENTS TO REDUCE WATER CONSUMPTION,

WARNING AND HAS URGED RESIDENTS TO REDUCE WATER CONSUMPTION, WHICH ISN'T A BIG DEAL SINCE NEW

TO REDUCE WATER CONSUMPTION, WHICH ISN'T A BIG DEAL SINCE NEW JERSEY RESIDENTS ONLY BATHE IN

WHICH ISN'T A BIG DEAL SINCE NEW JERSEY RESIDENTS ONLY BATHE IN CVS COLOGNE.

JERSEY RESIDENTS ONLY BATHE IN CVS COLOGNE. [ LAUGHTER ]

CVS COLOGNE. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S MY UNDERSTANDING, COLIN.

[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S MY UNDERSTANDING, COLIN. >>> LAST NIGHT, JAKE PAUL AND

THAT'S MY UNDERSTANDING, COLIN. >>> LAST NIGHT, JAKE PAUL AND MIKE TYSON TEAMED UP TO DEFEAT

>>> LAST NIGHT, JAKE PAUL AND MIKE TYSON TEAMED UP TO DEFEAT EVERYONE WATCHING.

MIKE TYSON TEAMED UP TO DEFEAT EVERYONE WATCHING. [ LAUGHTER ]

EVERYONE WATCHING. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> JOE EXOTIC, AKA THE TIGER

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> JOE EXOTIC, AKA THE TIGER KING, PENNED A LETTER TO DONALD

>>> JOE EXOTIC, AKA THE TIGER KING, PENNED A LETTER TO DONALD TRUMP ASKING, ONCE AGAIN, TO BE

KING, PENNED A LETTER TO DONALD TRUMP ASKING, ONCE AGAIN, TO BE PARDONED AND RELEASED FROM

TRUMP ASKING, ONCE AGAIN, TO BE PARDONED AND RELEASED FROM PRISON.

PARDONED AND RELEASED FROM PRISON. HERE TO COMMENT IS JOE EXOTIC!

PRISON. HERE TO COMMENT IS JOE EXOTIC! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HERE TO COMMENT IS JOE EXOTIC! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY! I'M BACK.

>> HEY! I'M BACK. OH, IT'S NICE TO BE OUT OF MY

I'M BACK. OH, IT'S NICE TO BE OUT OF MY CAGE.

OH, IT'S NICE TO BE OUT OF MY CAGE. >> YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU

CAGE. >> YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG.

>> YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG. HOW'S JAIL?

AFTER SO LONG. HOW'S JAIL? >> I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE,

HOW'S JAIL? >> I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, CHE.

>> I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, CHE. ALL I DID WAS TAKE FOR MY CATS,

CHE. ALL I DID WAS TAKE FOR MY CATS, MAKE LOVE TO MY TWO STRAIGHT

ALL I DID WAS TAKE FOR MY CATS, MAKE LOVE TO MY TWO STRAIGHT HUSBANDS, AND TRY TO KILL CAROLE

MAKE LOVE TO MY TWO STRAIGHT HUSBANDS, AND TRY TO KILL CAROLE BASKIN MULTIPLE TIMES.

HUSBANDS, AND TRY TO KILL CAROLE BASKIN MULTIPLE TIMES. I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW PETER VERY

BASKIN MULTIPLE TIMES. I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW PETER VERY WELL THE PAST FEW YEARS.

I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW PETER VERY WELL THE PAST FEW YEARS. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M A

WELL THE PAST FEW YEARS. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M A PETER-PHILE.

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M A PETER-PHILE. YOU CAN PRINT THAT.

PETER-PHILE. YOU CAN PRINT THAT. >> I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO US

YOU CAN PRINT THAT. >> I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO US PRINT THAT, MAN.

>> I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO US PRINT THAT, MAN. >> ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS

PRINT THAT, MAN. >> ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TO LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY

>> ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TO LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY WITH THE ANIMALS.

TO LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY WITH THE ANIMALS. OH, NO!

WITH THE ANIMALS. OH, NO! ETHAN, DOWN!

OH, NO! ETHAN, DOWN! ETHAN, DOWN!

ETHAN, DOWN! ETHAN, DOWN! >> IS THAT A TIGER?

ETHAN, DOWN! >> IS THAT A TIGER? >> SHOOT IT, CHE!

>> IS THAT A TIGER? >> SHOOT IT, CHE! SHOOT IT!

>> SHOOT IT, CHE! SHOOT IT! >> I DON'T HAVE A GUN.

SHOOT IT! >> I DON'T HAVE A GUN. >> YOU CAN'T GET A GUN TO WORK,

>> I DON'T HAVE A GUN. >> YOU CAN'T GET A GUN TO WORK, THIS IS AMERICA OR EUROPE,

>> YOU CAN'T GET A GUN TO WORK, THIS IS AMERICA OR EUROPE, FRANCE?

THIS IS AMERICA OR EUROPE, FRANCE? >> DID YOU SERIOUSLY BRING A

FRANCE? >> DID YOU SERIOUSLY BRING A TIGER WITH YOU?

>> DID YOU SERIOUSLY BRING A TIGER WITH YOU? >> HE FOLLOWED ME.

TIGER WITH YOU? >> HE FOLLOWED ME. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JOE EXOTIC

>> HE FOLLOWED ME. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JOE EXOTIC ATTRACTS BIG CATS AND POOR GUYS

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JOE EXOTIC ATTRACTS BIG CATS AND POOR GUYS WHO WANT TO BE GAY FOR THE FIRST

ATTRACTS BIG CATS AND POOR GUYS WHO WANT TO BE GAY FOR THE FIRST TIME.

WHO WANT TO BE GAY FOR THE FIRST TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]

TIME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I AM CURIOUS, BUT I'M NOT

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I AM CURIOUS, BUT I'M NOT POOR.

>> I AM CURIOUS, BUT I'M NOT POOR. WHAT, WHAT?

POOR. WHAT, WHAT? FORGET THAT.

WHAT, WHAT? FORGET THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]

FORGET THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I CAN WORK WITH THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I CAN WORK WITH THAT. >> CALM DOWN.

>> I CAN WORK WITH THAT. >> CALM DOWN. IN YOUR LETTER THIS WEEK, YOU

>> CALM DOWN. IN YOUR LETTER THIS WEEK, YOU ALSO ASKED TO BE A MEMBER OF

IN YOUR LETTER THIS WEEK, YOU ALSO ASKED TO BE A MEMBER OF TRUMP'S CABINET?

ALSO ASKED TO BE A MEMBER OF TRUMP'S CABINET? >> THAT'S RIGHT.

TRUMP'S CABINET? >> THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE TO

>> THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF FISH AND

I HAVE THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF FISH AND WILDLIFE.

BE THE DIRECTOR OF FISH AND WILDLIFE. CHE, YOU EVER BEEN IN A "LIFE OF

WILDLIFE. CHE, YOU EVER BEEN IN A "LIFE OF PI" SITUATION?

CHE, YOU EVER BEEN IN A "LIFE OF PI" SITUATION? >> NO, WHAT'S THAT?

PI" SITUATION? >> NO, WHAT'S THAT? >> WHEN YOU'RE STUCK ON A BOAT

>> NO, WHAT'S THAT? >> WHEN YOU'RE STUCK ON A BOAT WITH A TIGER AND YOUR INDIAN

>> WHEN YOU'RE STUCK ON A BOAT WITH A TIGER AND YOUR INDIAN BOYFRIEND.

WITH A TIGER AND YOUR INDIAN BOYFRIEND. [ LAUGHTER ]

BOYFRIEND. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE APPEALING TO TRUMP FOR

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE APPEALING TO TRUMP FOR YOUR PARDON.

>> YOU'RE APPEALING TO TRUMP FOR YOUR PARDON. DIDN'T YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT

YOUR PARDON. DIDN'T YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT FROM JAIL AS A DEMOCRAT?

DIDN'T YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT FROM JAIL AS A DEMOCRAT? >> I DID, BUT LIKE MY MULLET, MY

FROM JAIL AS A DEMOCRAT? >> I DID, BUT LIKE MY MULLET, MY POLITICS ARE COUNTRY OVER PARTY.

>> I DID, BUT LIKE MY MULLET, MY POLITICS ARE COUNTRY OVER PARTY. [ LAUGHTER ]

POLITICS ARE COUNTRY OVER PARTY. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, ETHAN, DOWN!

[ LAUGHTER ] NO, ETHAN, DOWN! SHOOT IT WITH YOUR PENCIL!

NO, ETHAN, DOWN! SHOOT IT WITH YOUR PENCIL! OH, I'M DEAD!

SHOOT IT WITH YOUR PENCIL! OH, I'M DEAD! >> YOUR LION SEEMS REALLY

OH, I'M DEAD! >> YOUR LION SEEMS REALLY DANGEROUS, MAN.

>> YOUR LION SEEMS REALLY DANGEROUS, MAN. >> WHY, BECAUSE I LIVE WITH

DANGEROUS, MAN. >> WHY, BECAUSE I LIVE WITH TIGERS ON XANAX, AND BECAUSE I

>> WHY, BECAUSE I LIVE WITH TIGERS ON XANAX, AND BECAUSE I TAKE A BUNCH OF XANAX, SO THE

TIGERS ON XANAX, AND BECAUSE I TAKE A BUNCH OF XANAX, SO THE TIGERS ARE INSANE AND MY

TAKE A BUNCH OF XANAX, SO THE TIGERS ARE INSANE AND MY REACTION TIME IS INCREDIBLY

TIGERS ARE INSANE AND MY REACTION TIME IS INCREDIBLY SLOW?

REACTION TIME IS INCREDIBLY SLOW? [ LAUGHTER ]

SLOW? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK ON

>> YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR PARDON.

I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR PARDON. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D

YOUR PARDON. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SAY? >> THERE IS.

LIKE TO SAY? >> THERE IS. ¶¶

>> THERE IS. ¶¶ LOOK.

¶¶ LOOK. I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON.

LOOK. I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON. [ LAUGHTER ]

I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON. [ LAUGHTER ] >> IS THAT IT?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> IS THAT IT? >> NO, THERE'S MORE.

>> IS THAT IT? >> NO, THERE'S MORE. ¶¶

>> NO, THERE'S MORE. ¶¶ I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES.

¶¶ I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES. BUT CHE, THIS IS AMERICA.

I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES. BUT CHE, THIS IS AMERICA. AND WHAT IS AMERICA BUT AN

BUT CHE, THIS IS AMERICA. AND WHAT IS AMERICA BUT AN ILLEGAL ZOO RUN BY A MESSED-UP

AND WHAT IS AMERICA BUT AN ILLEGAL ZOO RUN BY A MESSED-UP POLYCUE?

ILLEGAL ZOO RUN BY A MESSED-UP POLYCUE? AND THIS ISN'T RELATED TO

POLYCUE? AND THIS ISN'T RELATED TO ANYTHING, BUT HOW HOT ARE THE

AND THIS ISN'T RELATED TO ANYTHING, BUT HOW HOT ARE THE GUYS THAT I POLL?

ANYTHING, BUT HOW HOT ARE THE GUYS THAT I POLL? LOOK IT UP, IT'S CRAZY.

GUYS THAT I POLL? LOOK IT UP, IT'S CRAZY. AND THAT'S WHAT AMERICA IS ALL

LOOK IT UP, IT'S CRAZY. AND THAT'S WHAT AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT.

AND THAT'S WHAT AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT. >> JOE EXOTIC, EVERYBODY.

ABOUT. >> JOE EXOTIC, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> JOE EXOTIC, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> CHE, SHOOT IT!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> CHE, SHOOT IT! >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

>> CHE, SHOOT IT! >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. >> SHOOT IT.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. >> SHOOT IT. >>> A SPIRIT AIRLINES FLIGHT WAS

>> SHOOT IT. >>> A SPIRIT AIRLINES FLIGHT WAS FORCED TO DIVERT AFTER IT WAS

>>> A SPIRIT AIRLINES FLIGHT WAS FORCED TO DIVERT AFTER IT WAS STRUCK BY GUNFIRE FROM GANGS

FORCED TO DIVERT AFTER IT WAS STRUCK BY GUNFIRE FROM GANGS WHILE TRYING TO LAND IN HAITI.

STRUCK BY GUNFIRE FROM GANGS WHILE TRYING TO LAND IN HAITI. A RARE SETBACK FOR PEOPLE WHO

WHILE TRYING TO LAND IN HAITI. A RARE SETBACK FOR PEOPLE WHO FLY SPIRIT TO HAITI.

A RARE SETBACK FOR PEOPLE WHO FLY SPIRIT TO HAITI. [ LAUGHTER ]

FLY SPIRIT TO HAITI. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> SCIENTISTS ARE CONCERNED

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> SCIENTISTS ARE CONCERNED THAT OVER THE COURSE OF 180

>>> SCIENTISTS ARE CONCERNED THAT OVER THE COURSE OF 180 MILLION YEARS, THE Y CHROMOSOME

THAT OVER THE COURSE OF 180 MILLION YEARS, THE Y CHROMOSOME HAS DECLINED AND THAT MEN COULD

MILLION YEARS, THE Y CHROMOSOME HAS DECLINED AND THAT MEN COULD GO EXTINCT IN 6 MILLION YEARS.

HAS DECLINED AND THAT MEN COULD GO EXTINCT IN 6 MILLION YEARS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

GO EXTINCT IN 6 MILLION YEARS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YEAH. SO LADIES, HANG IN THERE, YOU'LL

YEAH. SO LADIES, HANG IN THERE, YOU'LL GET YOUR LITTLE PRESIDENT.

SO LADIES, HANG IN THERE, YOU'LL GET YOUR LITTLE PRESIDENT. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

GET YOUR LITTLE PRESIDENT. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >> A CHEER, A CHEER.

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >> A CHEER, A CHEER. >>> A GROWING NUMBER OF VISITORS

>> A CHEER, A CHEER. >>> A GROWING NUMBER OF VISITORS TO DISNEY WORLD ARE COMPLAINING

>>> A GROWING NUMBER OF VISITORS TO DISNEY WORLD ARE COMPLAINING THE WATER RIDE BAYOU ADVENTURE

TO DISNEY WORLD ARE COMPLAINING THE WATER RIDE BAYOU ADVENTURE IS LEAVING THEM TOO WET.

THE WATER RIDE BAYOU ADVENTURE IS LEAVING THEM TOO WET. WHICH IS A COMPLAINT USUALLY

IS LEAVING THEM TOO WET. WHICH IS A COMPLAINT USUALLY RESERVED FOR GASTON.

WHICH IS A COMPLAINT USUALLY RESERVED FOR GASTON. [ LAUGHTER ]

RESERVED FOR GASTON. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY ANNOUNCED THAT HE IS RESIGNING

>>> THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY ANNOUNCED THAT HE IS RESIGNING AFTER HE FAILED TO REPORT SEXUAL

ANNOUNCED THAT HE IS RESIGNING AFTER HE FAILED TO REPORT SEXUAL ABUSE CASES AT A CHRISTIAN

AFTER HE FAILED TO REPORT SEXUAL ABUSE CASES AT A CHRISTIAN SUMMER CAMP, SO FROM NOW ON THEY

ABUSE CASES AT A CHRISTIAN SUMMER CAMP, SO FROM NOW ON THEY WILL LIST IT IN THE OFFICIAL

SUMMER CAMP, SO FROM NOW ON THEY WILL LIST IT IN THE OFFICIAL ITINERARY.

WILL LIST IT IN THE OFFICIAL ITINERARY. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

ITINERARY. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >>> McHALE HAS APOLOGIZED AFTER

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] >>> McHALE HAS APOLOGIZED AFTER MISTAKENLY PRINTING THE WEB

>>> McHALE HAS APOLOGIZED AFTER MISTAKENLY PRINTING THE WEB ADDRESS OF A PORN SITE ON THE

MISTAKENLY PRINTING THE WEB ADDRESS OF A PORN SITE ON THE PACKAGE OF NEW "WICKED" DOLLS.

ADDRESS OF A PORN SITE ON THE PACKAGE OF NEW "WICKED" DOLLS. A SIMPLE MISTAKE.

PACKAGE OF NEW "WICKED" DOLLS. A SIMPLE MISTAKE. THE BOX WAS SUPPOSED TO READ

A SIMPLE MISTAKE. THE BOX WAS SUPPOSED TO READ "WICKEDMOVIE.COM."

THE BOX WAS SUPPOSED TO READ "WICKEDMOVIE.COM." INSTEAD THEY PRINTED

"WICKEDMOVIE.COM." INSTEAD THEY PRINTED "CHOKEMEJEFFGOLDBLUM.COM!"

INSTEAD THEY PRINTED "CHOKEMEJEFFGOLDBLUM.COM!" [ LAUGHTER ]

"CHOKEMEJEFFGOLDBLUM.COM!" [ LAUGHTER ] >>> EXPERTS ARE SAYING THE BEST

[ LAUGHTER ] >>> EXPERTS ARE SAYING THE BEST WAY TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

>>> EXPERTS ARE SAYING THE BEST WAY TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP IS CUT OUT CAFFEINE TEN HOURS

WAY TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP IS CUT OUT CAFFEINE TEN HOURS BEFORE BED, ALCOHOL THREE HOURS

IS CUT OUT CAFFEINE TEN HOURS BEFORE BED, ALCOHOL THREE HOURS BEFORE, WORK TWO HOURS BEFORE,

BEFORE BED, ALCOHOL THREE HOURS BEFORE, WORK TWO HOURS BEFORE, AND AVOID DEVICES ONE HOUR

BEFORE, WORK TWO HOURS BEFORE, AND AVOID DEVICES ONE HOUR BEFORE.

AND AVOID DEVICES ONE HOUR BEFORE. OR YOU CAN JUST RUB ONE OUT LIKE

BEFORE. OR YOU CAN JUST RUB ONE OUT LIKE AN ADULT.

OR YOU CAN JUST RUB ONE OUT LIKE AN ADULT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

AN ADULT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S WHAT EXPERTS ARE SAYING,

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S WHAT EXPERTS ARE SAYING, COLIN.

THAT'S WHAT EXPERTS ARE SAYING, COLIN. >> LISTEN TO THAT GUY APPLAUD.

COLIN. >> LISTEN TO THAT GUY APPLAUD. >>> NEW YORK'S BELOVED SQUIRREL

>> LISTEN TO THAT GUY APPLAUD. >>> NEW YORK'S BELOVED SQUIRREL PEANUT, WHO BECAME FAMOUS ON

>>> NEW YORK'S BELOVED SQUIRREL PEANUT, WHO BECAME FAMOUS ON INSTAGRAM FOR HIS CUTE LITTLE

PEANUT, WHO BECAME FAMOUS ON INSTAGRAM FOR HIS CUTE LITTLE OUTFITS, THEN WAS CAPTURED BY

INSTAGRAM FOR HIS CUTE LITTLE OUTFITS, THEN WAS CAPTURED BY WILDLIFE OFFICIALS AND

OUTFITS, THEN WAS CAPTURED BY WILDLIFE OFFICIALS AND EUTHANIZED, BUT HE CONTINUES TO

WILDLIFE OFFICIALS AND EUTHANIZED, BUT HE CONTINUES TO FUEL DEBATE SURROUNDING

EUTHANIZED, BUT HE CONTINUES TO FUEL DEBATE SURROUNDING OWNERSHIP OF WILD ANIMALS.

FUEL DEBATE SURROUNDING OWNERSHIP OF WILD ANIMALS. HERE WITH HER THOUGHTS ON THE

OWNERSHIP OF WILD ANIMALS. HERE WITH HER THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER IS PEANUT A'S WIDOW.

HERE WITH HER THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER IS PEANUT A'S WIDOW. >> HI, COLIN.

MATTER IS PEANUT A'S WIDOW. >> HI, COLIN. >> HI, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

>> HI, COLIN. >> HI, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, MRS. NUT.

>> HI, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, MRS. NUT. >> PLEASE, CALL ME HAZEL.

BEING HERE, MRS. NUT. >> PLEASE, CALL ME HAZEL. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> PLEASE, CALL ME HAZEL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, HAZEL.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, HAZEL. HOW ARE YOU HANDLING YOUR

>> OKAY, HAZEL. HOW ARE YOU HANDLING YOUR HUSBAND'S DEATH?

HOW ARE YOU HANDLING YOUR HUSBAND'S DEATH? >> OH, JUST SO HARD TO BE THRUST

HUSBAND'S DEATH? >> OH, JUST SO HARD TO BE THRUST IN THE MEDIA SPOTLIGHT, COLIN.

>> OH, JUST SO HARD TO BE THRUST IN THE MEDIA SPOTLIGHT, COLIN. I'M USED TO DO REGULAR SQUIRREL

IN THE MEDIA SPOTLIGHT, COLIN. I'M USED TO DO REGULAR SQUIRREL STUFF, LIKE CHASING MY OWN TAIL

I'M USED TO DO REGULAR SQUIRREL STUFF, LIKE CHASING MY OWN TAIL OR RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF A

STUFF, LIKE CHASING MY OWN TAIL OR RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF A STREET, SEEING A CAR, THEN --

OR RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF A STREET, SEEING A CAR, THEN -- [ LAUGHTER ]

STREET, SEEING A CAR, THEN -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> HAZEL, HAZEL.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> HAZEL, HAZEL. >> I'M BACK.

>> HAZEL, HAZEL. >> I'M BACK. >> WELCOME BACK.

>> I'M BACK. >> WELCOME BACK. TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT

>> WELCOME BACK. TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PEANUT.

TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PEANUT. >> ACTUALLY, PEANUT WAS HIS

PEANUT. >> ACTUALLY, PEANUT WAS HIS HUMAN NAME.

>> ACTUALLY, PEANUT WAS HIS HUMAN NAME. HIS LEGAL SQUIRREL NAME WAS --

HUMAN NAME. HIS LEGAL SQUIRREL NAME WAS -- [ CHATTERING ]

HIS LEGAL SQUIRREL NAME WAS -- [ CHATTERING ] [ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHATTERING ] [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE WAS A SOCIAL MEDIA STAR.

[ LAUGHTER ] AND HE WAS A SOCIAL MEDIA STAR. HE WORE LITTLE COWBOY HATS ON

AND HE WAS A SOCIAL MEDIA STAR. HE WORE LITTLE COWBOY HATS ON INSTAGRAM.

HE WORE LITTLE COWBOY HATS ON INSTAGRAM. HE STUFFED HIS CHEEKS ON

INSTAGRAM. HE STUFFED HIS CHEEKS ON ONLYFANS.

HE STUFFED HIS CHEEKS ON ONLYFANS. BOTH SETS.

ONLYFANS. BOTH SETS. [ LAUGHTER ]

BOTH SETS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. >> AND HE WAS THE LOVE OF MY

>> OKAY. >> AND HE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, COLIN.

>> AND HE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, COLIN. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE DAY WE

LIFE, COLIN. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE DAY WE MET.

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE DAY WE MET. I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS BY

MET. I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS BY A TREE, SQUIRKING.

I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS BY A TREE, SQUIRKING. >> SQUIRKING?

A TREE, SQUIRKING. >> SQUIRKING? >> WHEN A SQUIRREL SHAKES THEIR

>> SQUIRKING? >> WHEN A SQUIRREL SHAKES THEIR ENTIRE BODY TO ATTRACT A MATE,

>> WHEN A SQUIRREL SHAKES THEIR ENTIRE BODY TO ATTRACT A MATE, LIKE THIS.

ENTIRE BODY TO ATTRACT A MATE, LIKE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]

LIKE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, YEAH, YOU LOOK A LITTLE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, YEAH, YOU LOOK A LITTLE NUTS.

>> OKAY, YEAH, YOU LOOK A LITTLE NUTS. >> NUTS?

NUTS. >> NUTS? WHERE?

>> NUTS? WHERE? [ LAUGHTER ]

WHERE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE AREN'T ANY NUTS HERE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE AREN'T ANY NUTS HERE. >> SAID THE DOCTOR AT YOUR

>> THERE AREN'T ANY NUTS HERE. >> SAID THE DOCTOR AT YOUR PHYSICAL.

>> SAID THE DOCTOR AT YOUR PHYSICAL. [ LAUGHTER ]

PHYSICAL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> GET YOUR TAIL AWAY FROM ME.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> GET YOUR TAIL AWAY FROM ME. >> OH, COME ON.

>> GET YOUR TAIL AWAY FROM ME. >> OH, COME ON. I'M IN MOURNING, COLIN.

>> OH, COME ON. I'M IN MOURNING, COLIN. I NEED TOUCH.

I'M IN MOURNING, COLIN. I NEED TOUCH. >> WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO YOUR

I NEED TOUCH. >> WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO YOUR LATE HUSBAND, PEANUT?

>> WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO YOUR LATE HUSBAND, PEANUT? >> WELL, THE COPS RAIDED OUR

LATE HUSBAND, PEANUT? >> WELL, THE COPS RAIDED OUR HOUSE, AND THEN PEANUT BIT ONE.

>> WELL, THE COPS RAIDED OUR HOUSE, AND THEN PEANUT BIT ONE. LIKE A DAMN HERO.

HOUSE, AND THEN PEANUT BIT ONE. LIKE A DAMN HERO. HAVE YOU EVER BIT A COP, COLIN?

LIKE A DAMN HERO. HAVE YOU EVER BIT A COP, COLIN? >> WHY WOULD I BITE THE HAND

HAVE YOU EVER BIT A COP, COLIN? >> WHY WOULD I BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ME PINK COCAINE?

>> WHY WOULD I BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ME PINK COCAINE? [ LAUGHTER ]

THAT FEEDS ME PINK COCAINE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> RELAX.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> RELAX. ANYWAYS.

>> RELAX. ANYWAYS. THEY ABDUCTED PEANUT AND CHOPPED

ANYWAYS. THEY ABDUCTED PEANUT AND CHOPPED HIS HEAD OFF IN A RABIES TEST.

THEY ABDUCTED PEANUT AND CHOPPED HIS HEAD OFF IN A RABIES TEST. THAT'S HOW THEY TEST FOR RABIES,

HIS HEAD OFF IN A RABIES TEST. THAT'S HOW THEY TEST FOR RABIES, COLIN.

THAT'S HOW THEY TEST FOR RABIES, COLIN. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

COLIN. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? IF THEY CHOPPED OFF YOUR PENIS

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? IF THEY CHOPPED OFF YOUR PENIS EVERY TIME YOU TESTED POSITIVE

IF THEY CHOPPED OFF YOUR PENIS EVERY TIME YOU TESTED POSITIVE FOR CHLAMYDIA?

EVERY TIME YOU TESTED POSITIVE FOR CHLAMYDIA? [ LAUGHTER ]

FOR CHLAMYDIA? [ LAUGHTER ] >> I'VE NEVER TESTED POSITIVE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'VE NEVER TESTED POSITIVE FOR CHLAMYDIA.

>> I'VE NEVER TESTED POSITIVE FOR CHLAMYDIA. >> IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

FOR CHLAMYDIA. >> IGNORANCE IS BLISS. KEEP SLINGING THAT STEAK, AM I

>> IGNORANCE IS BLISS. KEEP SLINGING THAT STEAK, AM I RIGHT, BROTHER?

KEEP SLINGING THAT STEAK, AM I RIGHT, BROTHER? [ LAUGHTER ]

RIGHT, BROTHER? [ LAUGHTER ] >> KEEP YOUR TAIL OUT OF MY

[ LAUGHTER ] >> KEEP YOUR TAIL OUT OF MY FACE.

>> KEEP YOUR TAIL OUT OF MY FACE. >> FINE, OKAY.

FACE. >> FINE, OKAY. OH!

>> FINE, OKAY. OH! [ LAUGHTER ]

OH! [ LAUGHTER ] FOUND A COUPLE ACORNS.

[ LAUGHTER ] FOUND A COUPLE ACORNS. >> OKAY.

FOUND A COUPLE ACORNS. >> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] HAZEL, I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOME

[ LAUGHTER ] HAZEL, I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOME CLOSURE AND FINALLY MOVE ON WITH

HAZEL, I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOME CLOSURE AND FINALLY MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

CLOSURE AND FINALLY MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. >> OH, WHAT LIFE?

YOUR LIFE. >> OH, WHAT LIFE? I'M A WIDOW AT 4, COLIN.

>> OH, WHAT LIFE? I'M A WIDOW AT 4, COLIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

I'M A WIDOW AT 4, COLIN. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S SO OLD THAT THE ONLY

[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S SO OLD THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO WANTS TO HIT IT IS

THAT'S SO OLD THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO WANTS TO HIT IT IS JAKE PAUL.

PERSON WHO WANTS TO HIT IT IS JAKE PAUL. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

JAKE PAUL. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, I'M

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ] I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, I'M GOING NUTS.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, I'M GOING NUTS. NUTS?

GOING NUTS. NUTS? WHERE?

NUTS? WHERE? [ LAUGHTER ]

WHERE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST SAID

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST SAID NUTS.

>> YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST SAID NUTS. >> I'M SO ALONE.

NUTS. >> I'M SO ALONE. TOUCH ME, COLIN.

>> I'M SO ALONE. TOUCH ME, COLIN. >> IT'S IN MY MOUTH.

TOUCH ME, COLIN. >> IT'S IN MY MOUTH. >> OH, COME ON.

>> IT'S IN MY MOUTH. >> OH, COME ON. YOUR HINGE PROFILE SAID YOU LOVE

>> OH, COME ON. YOUR HINGE PROFILE SAID YOU LOVE BUSH.

YOUR HINGE PROFILE SAID YOU LOVE BUSH. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

BUSH. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> I MEANT PRESIDENT BIDEN.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> I MEANT PRESIDENT BIDEN. PEANUT'S WIDOW!

>> I MEANT PRESIDENT BIDEN. PEANUT'S WIDOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

PEANUT'S WIDOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THIS ACTING CLASS, I'VE NEVER

>>> THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THIS ACTING CLASS, I'VE NEVER DONE ONE SPECIFICALLY ABOUT

THIS ACTING CLASS, I'VE NEVER DONE ONE SPECIFICALLY ABOUT AUDITIONING FOR COMMERCIALS.

DONE ONE SPECIFICALLY ABOUT AUDITIONING FOR COMMERCIALS. >> HEY, NO PROBLEM.

AUDITIONING FOR COMMERCIALS. >> HEY, NO PROBLEM. I HEAR THIS TEACHER THEODORE IS

>> HEY, NO PROBLEM. I HEAR THIS TEACHER THEODORE IS REALLY GOOD.

I HEAR THIS TEACHER THEODORE IS REALLY GOOD. >> REALLY GOOD?

REALLY GOOD. >> REALLY GOOD? TRY VERY GOOD.

>> REALLY GOOD? TRY VERY GOOD. THANKS TO HIM, I ALMOST BECAME

TRY VERY GOOD. THANKS TO HIM, I ALMOST BECAME THE FACE OF MUCINEX.

THANKS TO HIM, I ALMOST BECAME THE FACE OF MUCINEX. >> HELLO, SORRY I'M LATE, I

THE FACE OF MUCINEX. >> HELLO, SORRY I'M LATE, I PARKED IN A CRAZY WAY.

>> HELLO, SORRY I'M LATE, I PARKED IN A CRAZY WAY. WELCOME TO COMMERCIAL ACTING

PARKED IN A CRAZY WAY. WELCOME TO COMMERCIAL ACTING WHERE THE NUMBER ONE RULE IS,

WELCOME TO COMMERCIAL ACTING WHERE THE NUMBER ONE RULE IS, YOU'RE NOT SELLING A PRODUCT,

WHERE THE NUMBER ONE RULE IS, YOU'RE NOT SELLING A PRODUCT, YOU'RE TELLING A STORY.

YOU'RE NOT SELLING A PRODUCT, YOU'RE TELLING A STORY. SHOW ME SOMETHING.

YOU'RE TELLING A STORY. SHOW ME SOMETHING. >> ME AND LACI HAVE BEEN WORKING

SHOW ME SOMETHING. >> ME AND LACI HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A SCENE FROM A SKYRIZI

>> ME AND LACI HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A SCENE FROM A SKYRIZI COMMERCIAL.

ON A SCENE FROM A SKYRIZI COMMERCIAL. >> I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT

COMMERCIAL. >> I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT TONIGHT BECAUSE OF MY PLAQUE

>> I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT TONIGHT BECAUSE OF MY PLAQUE PSORIASIS.

TONIGHT BECAUSE OF MY PLAQUE PSORIASIS. >> FOR ME, I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE

PSORIASIS. >> FOR ME, I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE BECAUSE I USE SKYRIZI.

>> FOR ME, I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE BECAUSE I USE SKYRIZI. >> CUT!

BECAUSE I USE SKYRIZI. >> CUT! WRONG.

>> CUT! WRONG. >> OH.

WRONG. >> OH. >> GET AWAY FROM ME!

>> OH. >> GET AWAY FROM ME! >> FAVORITE STUDENT, DO A LINE

>> GET AWAY FROM ME! >> FAVORITE STUDENT, DO A LINE FROM THE AUDITION.

>> FAVORITE STUDENT, DO A LINE FROM THE AUDITION. >> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT

FROM THE AUDITION. >> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT AROUND.

>> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT AROUND. >> HIT PRODUCT, PRODUCT IS THE

AROUND. >> HIT PRODUCT, PRODUCT IS THE WORD.

>> HIT PRODUCT, PRODUCT IS THE WORD. >> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT

WORD. >> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT AROUND.

>> MUCINEX IS THE BEST PRODUCT AROUND. >> GIVE ME MUCINEX, PRODUCT,

AROUND. >> GIVE ME MUCINEX, PRODUCT, FOUR SECONDS, AROUND.

>> GIVE ME MUCINEX, PRODUCT, FOUR SECONDS, AROUND. >> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT --

FOUR SECONDS, AROUND. >> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT -- >> AROUND!

>> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT -- >> AROUND! >> THAT'S WHY SHE ALMOST GOT THE

>> AROUND! >> THAT'S WHY SHE ALMOST GOT THE JOB.

>> THAT'S WHY SHE ALMOST GOT THE JOB. >> OKAY, HOW IS IT GOOD IF SHE

JOB. >> OKAY, HOW IS IT GOOD IF SHE DIDN'T EVEN GET THE JOB?

>> OKAY, HOW IS IT GOOD IF SHE DIDN'T EVEN GET THE JOB? >> OH, I'M SORRY, CAN YOU RUN

DIDN'T EVEN GET THE JOB? >> OH, I'M SORRY, CAN YOU RUN THROUGH YOUR CREDITS REAL QUICK?

>> OH, I'M SORRY, CAN YOU RUN THROUGH YOUR CREDITS REAL QUICK? THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE

THROUGH YOUR CREDITS REAL QUICK? THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY. ME, ON THE OTHER HAND, I HAVE

ANY. ME, ON THE OTHER HAND, I HAVE THREE.

ME, ON THE OTHER HAND, I HAVE THREE. ONE, "FEAR FACTOR."

THREE. ONE, "FEAR FACTOR." ATE A BUNCH OF WORMS AND STILL

ONE, "FEAR FACTOR." ATE A BUNCH OF WORMS AND STILL LOST.

ATE A BUNCH OF WORMS AND STILL LOST. TWO, "MILKMAN NOR."

LOST. TWO, "MILKMAN NOR." ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH MY

TWO, "MILKMAN NOR." ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH MY OWN MOM.

ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH MY OWN MOM. AND THREE -- I GUESS I ONLY HAVE

OWN MOM. AND THREE -- I GUESS I ONLY HAVE TWO.

AND THREE -- I GUESS I ONLY HAVE TWO. THANK YOU, AND YOU'RE WELCOME.

TWO. THANK YOU, AND YOU'RE WELCOME. >> GEEZ, SORRY.

THANK YOU, AND YOU'RE WELCOME. >> GEEZ, SORRY. >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

>> GEEZ, SORRY. >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS. NOW LET'S GO DEEP.

>> ALL RIGHT, GUYS. NOW LET'S GO DEEP. OKAY?

NOW LET'S GO DEEP. OKAY? THE KEY TO ACTING IS ACCESSING

OKAY? THE KEY TO ACTING IS ACCESSING TRAUMA.

THE KEY TO ACTING IS ACCESSING TRAUMA. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT

TRAUMA. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU?

HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU? >> OH, ME?

YOU? >> OH, ME? UM -- WELL, I'VE NEVER SHARED

>> OH, ME? UM -- WELL, I'VE NEVER SHARED THIS WITH ANYONE BEFORE, BUT ONE

UM -- WELL, I'VE NEVER SHARED THIS WITH ANYONE BEFORE, BUT ONE DAY WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I WENT

THIS WITH ANYONE BEFORE, BUT ONE DAY WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I WENT FISHING WITH DAD AND A WAVE

DAY WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I WENT FISHING WITH DAD AND A WAVE HIT US, AND HE FELL OFF THE

FISHING WITH DAD AND A WAVE HIT US, AND HE FELL OFF THE BOAT, AND I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.

HIT US, AND HE FELL OFF THE BOAT, AND I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

BOAT, AND I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, SORRY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, SORRY. I JUST GOT A CRAZY TEXT.

>> OH, SORRY. I JUST GOT A CRAZY TEXT. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, I AM NOT

I JUST GOT A CRAZY TEXT. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, I AM NOT THE FATHER.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, I AM NOT THE FATHER. [ LAUGHTER ]

THE FATHER. [ LAUGHTER ] READ ME SOME COPY FROM TARGET.

[ LAUGHTER ] READ ME SOME COPY FROM TARGET. >> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES,

READ ME SOME COPY FROM TARGET. >> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES, CLOTHES, OR TOWELS, I GO TO

>> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES, CLOTHES, OR TOWELS, I GO TO TARGET.

CLOTHES, OR TOWELS, I GO TO TARGET. >> GOOD, NOT GREAT.

TARGET. >> GOOD, NOT GREAT. EMPHASIS ON CLOTHES, TOWELS AND

>> GOOD, NOT GREAT. EMPHASIS ON CLOTHES, TOWELS AND TWO.

EMPHASIS ON CLOTHES, TOWELS AND TWO. >> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES,

TWO. >> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES, CLOTHES OR TOWELS, I GO TO

>> WHEN I NEED GROCERIES, CLOTHES OR TOWELS, I GO TO TARGET.

CLOTHES OR TOWELS, I GO TO TARGET. >> YOU TWO, GET UP AND BEGIN A

TARGET. >> YOU TWO, GET UP AND BEGIN A SCENE, PLEASE.

>> YOU TWO, GET UP AND BEGIN A SCENE, PLEASE. GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

SCENE, PLEASE. GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. >> WOULD YOU GRAB ME A CUP OF

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. >> WOULD YOU GRAB ME A CUP OF THE FINEST BREW IN TOWN?

>> WOULD YOU GRAB ME A CUP OF THE FINEST BREW IN TOWN? >> ONEBLUE BOTTLE COFFEE COMING

THE FINEST BREW IN TOWN? >> ONEBLUE BOTTLE COFFEE COMING UP.

>> ONEBLUE BOTTLE COFFEE COMING UP. >> WRONG, WRONG, BAD, CUT, AWAY,

UP. >> WRONG, WRONG, BAD, CUT, AWAY, AWAY.

>> WRONG, WRONG, BAD, CUT, AWAY, AWAY. NEVER TURN AWAY FROM THE CAMERA.

AWAY. NEVER TURN AWAY FROM THE CAMERA. WHEN YOU'RE IN A SCENE, YOU WANT

NEVER TURN AWAY FROM THE CAMERA. WHEN YOU'RE IN A SCENE, YOU WANT THE AUDIENCE TO SEE YOU.

WHEN YOU'RE IN A SCENE, YOU WANT THE AUDIENCE TO SEE YOU. KEEP IT NATURAL.

THE AUDIENCE TO SEE YOU. KEEP IT NATURAL. WATCH.

KEEP IT NATURAL. WATCH. OH, YOU WANT A COFFEE?

WATCH. OH, YOU WANT A COFFEE? I'LL GO GET IT.

OH, YOU WANT A COFFEE? I'LL GO GET IT. THEN YOU WALK LIKE THIS.

I'LL GO GET IT. THEN YOU WALK LIKE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]

THEN YOU WALK LIKE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] GRAB THE COFFEE.

[ LAUGHTER ] GRAB THE COFFEE. COME BACK.

GRAB THE COFFEE. COME BACK. NOW WE'RE HAVING A COFFEE

COME BACK. NOW WE'RE HAVING A COFFEE TOGETHER.

NOW WE'RE HAVING A COFFEE TOGETHER. >> THAT DOESN'T LOOK NATURAL AT

TOGETHER. >> THAT DOESN'T LOOK NATURAL AT ALL.

>> THAT DOESN'T LOOK NATURAL AT ALL. >> DAVID, LET ME SHOW YOU

ALL. >> DAVID, LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

>> DAVID, LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING. THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN

SOMETHING. THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN A SCENE WITH YOU, OKAY?

THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN A SCENE WITH YOU, OKAY? SAY SOMETHING.

A SCENE WITH YOU, OKAY? SAY SOMETHING. >> UH -- OKAY, HEY --

SAY SOMETHING. >> UH -- OKAY, HEY -- >> NO, NO!

>> UH -- OKAY, HEY -- >> NO, NO! >> HI, HOW --

>> NO, NO! >> HI, HOW -- >> STOP TALKING TO ME, TALK TO

>> HI, HOW -- >> STOP TALKING TO ME, TALK TO ALYSSA.

>> STOP TALKING TO ME, TALK TO ALYSSA. >> CAN I JUST -- OH, MY GOD!

ALYSSA. >> CAN I JUST -- OH, MY GOD! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE

>> CAN I JUST -- OH, MY GOD! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING FROM THIS?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING FROM THIS? >> EXACTLY.

LEARNING FROM THIS? >> EXACTLY. ALYSSA AND I GOING TO DO AN

>> EXACTLY. ALYSSA AND I GOING TO DO AN EXERCISE.

ALYSSA AND I GOING TO DO AN EXERCISE. YELL OUT A COMPANY, WE WILL GIVE

EXERCISE. YELL OUT A COMPANY, WE WILL GIVE A PERFECT AD READ OF THEIR

YELL OUT A COMPANY, WE WILL GIVE A PERFECT AD READ OF THEIR SLOGAN.

A PERFECT AD READ OF THEIR SLOGAN. >> I DON'T KNOW, CAPITAL ONE?

SLOGAN. >> I DON'T KNOW, CAPITAL ONE? >> OKAY.

>> I DON'T KNOW, CAPITAL ONE? >> OKAY. >> HERE, USE MY CREDIT CARD.

>> OKAY. >> HERE, USE MY CREDIT CARD. >> WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET!

>> HERE, USE MY CREDIT CARD. >> WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET! [ LAUGHTER ]

>> WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET! [ LAUGHTER ] CHILLS, I GAVE MYSELF CHILLS.

[ LAUGHTER ] CHILLS, I GAVE MYSELF CHILLS. GIVE US ANOTHER ONE, PLEASE.

CHILLS, I GAVE MYSELF CHILLS. GIVE US ANOTHER ONE, PLEASE. >> O'REILLY'S AUTO PARTS.

GIVE US ANOTHER ONE, PLEASE. >> O'REILLY'S AUTO PARTS. >> PERFECT.

>> O'REILLY'S AUTO PARTS. >> PERFECT. ALYSSA, GO AHEAD.

>> PERFECT. ALYSSA, GO AHEAD. >> OH, OH, OH-OH RILEY!

ALYSSA, GO AHEAD. >> OH, OH, OH-OH RILEY! >> AUTO PARTS.

>> OH, OH, OH-OH RILEY! >> AUTO PARTS. OKAY, NOW LET'S GO BURGER KING.

>> AUTO PARTS. OKAY, NOW LET'S GO BURGER KING. YOU START.

OKAY, NOW LET'S GO BURGER KING. YOU START. >> I'M HUNGRY, WHAT SHOULD I

YOU START. >> I'M HUNGRY, WHAT SHOULD I EAT?

>> I'M HUNGRY, WHAT SHOULD I EAT? >> I WANT SUSHI.

EAT? >> I WANT SUSHI. >> I WANT A BURGER.

>> I WANT SUSHI. >> I WANT A BURGER. >> FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY!

>> I WANT A BURGER. >> FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY! [ LAUGHTER ]

>> FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY! [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] NOW ALYSSA AND I ARE GOING TO

[ APPLAUSE ] NOW ALYSSA AND I ARE GOING TO IMPROVISE AN ENTIRE COMMERCIAL.

NOW ALYSSA AND I ARE GOING TO IMPROVISE AN ENTIRE COMMERCIAL. GIVE US A PRODUCT, ANY PRODUCT.

IMPROVISE AN ENTIRE COMMERCIAL. GIVE US A PRODUCT, ANY PRODUCT. >> PAPER TOWELS.

GIVE US A PRODUCT, ANY PRODUCT. >> PAPER TOWELS. >> PERFECT.

>> PAPER TOWELS. >> PERFECT. GO AHEAD.

>> PERFECT. GO AHEAD. >> MY HOUSE IS A MESS!

GO AHEAD. >> MY HOUSE IS A MESS! >> USE THESE!

>> MY HOUSE IS A MESS! >> USE THESE! >> BUT WHY?

>> USE THESE! >> BUT WHY? >> THEY'RE THE BEST.

>> BUT WHY? >> THEY'RE THE BEST. >> ARE THEY GOOD?

>> THEY'RE THE BEST. >> ARE THEY GOOD? >> NO.

>> ARE THEY GOOD? >> NO. >> ARE YOU HUNGRY?

>> NO. >> ARE YOU HUNGRY? >> I'M STARVING.

>> ARE YOU HUNGRY? >> I'M STARVING. >> OKAY.

>> I'M STARVING. >> OKAY. >> LET'S GO TO SLEEP.

>> OKAY. >> LET'S GO TO SLEEP. AND SCENE!

>> LET'S GO TO SLEEP. AND SCENE! OH, MY GOD, YES, I LOVE YOU!

AND SCENE! OH, MY GOD, YES, I LOVE YOU! >> OH, MY GOD, I LOVE YOU, MY

OH, MY GOD, YES, I LOVE YOU! >> OH, MY GOD, I LOVE YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND!

>> OH, MY GOD, I LOVE YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND! >> WAIT, THEY'RE MARRIED?

BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND! >> WAIT, THEY'RE MARRIED? >> OF COURSE WE ARE.

>> WAIT, THEY'RE MARRIED? >> OF COURSE WE ARE. THAT'S OUR CLASS FOR TODAY.

>> OF COURSE WE ARE. THAT'S OUR CLASS FOR TODAY. WE WILL BE LEAVING.

THAT'S OUR CLASS FOR TODAY. WE WILL BE LEAVING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WE WILL BE LEAVING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> ONCE AGAIN, CHARLI XCX.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> ONCE AGAIN, CHARLI XCX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>>> ONCE AGAIN, CHARLI XCX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶ ¶ I DON'T WANNA

¶¶ ¶ I DON'T WANNA SHARE THE SPACE

¶ I DON'T WANNA SHARE THE SPACE I DON'T WANNA

SHARE THE SPACE I DON'T WANNA FORCE A SMILE ¶

I DON'T WANNA FORCE A SMILE ¶ ¶ THIS ONE GIRL

FORCE A SMILE ¶ ¶ THIS ONE GIRL TAPS MY INSECURITIES

¶ THIS ONE GIRL TAPS MY INSECURITIES DON'T KNOW IF IT'S REAL

TAPS MY INSECURITIES DON'T KNOW IF IT'S REAL OR IF I'M SPIRALING ¶

DON'T KNOW IF IT'S REAL OR IF I'M SPIRALING ¶ ¶ ONE VOICE

OR IF I'M SPIRALING ¶ ¶ ONE VOICE TELLS ME THAT THEY LAUGH ¶

¶ ONE VOICE TELLS ME THAT THEY LAUGH ¶ ¶ GEORGE SAYS

TELLS ME THAT THEY LAUGH ¶ ¶ GEORGE SAYS I'M JUST PARANOID

¶ GEORGE SAYS I'M JUST PARANOID SAYS HE JUST DON'T SEE IT

I'M JUST PARANOID SAYS HE JUST DON'T SEE IT HE'S SO NAIVE ¶

SAYS HE JUST DON'T SEE IT HE'S SO NAIVE ¶ ¶ I'M EMBARRASSED TO HAVE IT

HE'S SO NAIVE ¶ ¶ I'M EMBARRASSED TO HAVE IT BUT NEED THE SYMPATHY ¶

¶ I'M EMBARRASSED TO HAVE IT BUT NEED THE SYMPATHY ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I

BUT NEED THE SYMPATHY ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I COULDN'T EVEN BE HER

¶ 'CAUSE I COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶

COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ I'M OPPOSITE

IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ I'M OPPOSITE I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE

¶ I'M OPPOSITE I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS

I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶

I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW

I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY

¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY ALL THIS SYMPATHY

WHY ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶

ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN

IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE

¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS

GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶

I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW

I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY I WANNA BUY A GUN

¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY I WANNA BUY A GUN WHY I WANNA SHOOT MYSELF ¶

WHY I WANNA BUY A GUN WHY I WANNA SHOOT MYSELF ¶ ¶ VOLATILE

WHY I WANNA SHOOT MYSELF ¶ ¶ VOLATILE AT WAR WITH MY DIALOGUE

¶ VOLATILE AT WAR WITH MY DIALOGUE I'D SAY THAT THERE WAS A GOD

AT WAR WITH MY DIALOGUE I'D SAY THAT THERE WAS A GOD IF THEY COULD STOP THIS ¶

I'D SAY THAT THERE WAS A GOD IF THEY COULD STOP THIS ¶ ¶ WILD VOICE

IF THEY COULD STOP THIS ¶ ¶ WILD VOICE TEARING ME APART

¶ WILD VOICE TEARING ME APART I'M SO APPREHENSIVE NOW ¶

TEARING ME APART I'M SO APPREHENSIVE NOW ¶ ¶ DON'T WANNA SEE HER

I'M SO APPREHENSIVE NOW ¶ ¶ DON'T WANNA SEE HER BACKSTAGE

¶ DON'T WANNA SEE HER BACKSTAGE AT MY BOYFRIEND'S SHOW ¶

BACKSTAGE AT MY BOYFRIEND'S SHOW ¶ ¶ FINGERS CROSSED

AT MY BOYFRIEND'S SHOW ¶ ¶ FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND MY BACK

¶ FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND MY BACK I HOPE THEY BREAK UP QUICK ¶

BEHIND MY BACK I HOPE THEY BREAK UP QUICK ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I

I HOPE THEY BREAK UP QUICK ¶ ¶ 'CAUSE I COULDN'T EVEN BE HER

¶ 'CAUSE I COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶

COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ I'M OPPOSITE

IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ I'M OPPOSITE I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE

¶ I'M OPPOSITE I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS

I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶

I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW

I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY

¶ OH NO DON'T KNOW WHY ALL THIS SYMPATHY

WHY ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶

ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN

IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE

¶ WHY I CAN'T EVEN GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS

GRIT MY TEETH AND LIE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶

I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO

I CAN'T CONTROL ¶ ¶ OH NO ALL THIS SYMPATHY

¶ OH NO ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶

ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ ALL THIS SYMPATHY

IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE

¶ ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ALL THIS SYMPATHY

IS JUST A KNIFE ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶

ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY

IS JUST A KNIFE ¶ ¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE

¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE OH NO OH ¶

IS JUST A KNIFE OH NO OH ¶ ¶ WHY

OH NO OH ¶ ¶ WHY IS ALL THIS SYMPATHY

¶ WHY IS ALL THIS SYMPATHY A -- KNIFE? ¶

IS ALL THIS SYMPATHY A -- KNIFE? ¶ ¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY

A -- KNIFE? ¶ ¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE

¶ YEAH ALL THIS SYMPATHY IS JUST A KNIFE COULDN'T EVEN BE HER

IS JUST A KNIFE COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶

COULDN'T EVEN BE HER IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ OH NO NO ¶

IF I TRIED ¶ ¶ OH NO NO ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

¶ OH NO NO ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANKSGIVING.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANKSGIVING. A HOLIDAY AS OLD AS AMERICA

>>> THANKSGIVING. A HOLIDAY AS OLD AS AMERICA ITSELF.

A HOLIDAY AS OLD AS AMERICA ITSELF. THE PILGRIMS AND NATIVE

ITSELF. THE PILGRIMS AND NATIVE AMERICANS PROVED THEY'RE MORE

THE PILGRIMS AND NATIVE AMERICANS PROVED THEY'RE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT AS THEY

AMERICANS PROVED THEY'RE MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT AS THEY LAUGHED, DRANK --

ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT AS THEY LAUGHED, DRANK -- >> AND ATE, MAMA.

LAUGHED, DRANK -- >> AND ATE, MAMA. IT'S THE MILK THANKSGIVING

>> AND ATE, MAMA. IT'S THE MILK THANKSGIVING SPECIAL COMING TO YOU LIVE, I'M

IT'S THE MILK THANKSGIVING SPECIAL COMING TO YOU LIVE, I'M MARK JACOB.

SPECIAL COMING TO YOU LIVE, I'M MARK JACOB. >> AND I'M JULIA FOX.

MARK JACOB. >> AND I'M JULIA FOX. IT'S GIVING THANK YOU.

>> AND I'M JULIA FOX. IT'S GIVING THANK YOU. TONIGHT THIS TABLE IS STACKED

IT'S GIVING THANK YOU. TONIGHT THIS TABLE IS STACKED WITH CELEBRITIES PAST AND

TONIGHT THIS TABLE IS STACKED WITH CELEBRITIES PAST AND PRESENT LIKE SUPERMODEL NAOMI

WITH CELEBRITIES PAST AND PRESENT LIKE SUPERMODEL NAOMI CAMPBELL.

PRESENT LIKE SUPERMODEL NAOMI CAMPBELL. >> I'M GRATEFUL FOR MY FAMILY,

CAMPBELL. >> I'M GRATEFUL FOR MY FAMILY, I BROUGHT THE SUBSTANCE.

>> I'M GRATEFUL FOR MY FAMILY, I BROUGHT THE SUBSTANCE. >> NEXT IS POSH SPICE HERSELF,

I BROUGHT THE SUBSTANCE. >> NEXT IS POSH SPICE HERSELF, VICTORIA BECKHAM.

>> NEXT IS POSH SPICE HERSELF, VICTORIA BECKHAM. >> PILGRIM AND INDIGENOUS, ONE

VICTORIA BECKHAM. >> PILGRIM AND INDIGENOUS, ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC COLLABS SINCE

>> PILGRIM AND INDIGENOUS, ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC COLLABS SINCE ME AND DAVID.

OF THE MOST ICONIC COLLABS SINCE ME AND DAVID. I BROUGHT CREAM SPINACH.

ME AND DAVID. I BROUGHT CREAM SPINACH. >> SWEETIE, THAT'S FACE CREAM.

I BROUGHT CREAM SPINACH. >> SWEETIE, THAT'S FACE CREAM. >> UM -- YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> SWEETIE, THAT'S FACE CREAM. >> UM -- YOU'RE RIGHT. >> NEXT, SHE PUT THE BODY YADA

>> UM -- YOU'RE RIGHT. >> NEXT, SHE PUT THE BODY YADA YADA IN BODIES BODIES BODIES.

>> NEXT, SHE PUT THE BODY YADA YADA IN BODIES BODIES BODIES. WELCOME IT GIRL RACHEL SENNOT.

YADA IN BODIES BODIES BODIES. WELCOME IT GIRL RACHEL SENNOT. [ LAUGHTER ]

WELCOME IT GIRL RACHEL SENNOT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> PUMPKIN PIE IS VIBES.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> PUMPKIN PIE IS VIBES. I BROUGHT MY TWO BIG GOURDS.

>> PUMPKIN PIE IS VIBES. I BROUGHT MY TWO BIG GOURDS. >> IT GIRLS WERE IT BABIES

I BROUGHT MY TWO BIG GOURDS. >> IT GIRLS WERE IT BABIES ACTING CIRCLES AROUND UNCLE

>> IT GIRLS WERE IT BABIES ACTING CIRCLES AROUND UNCLE JESSE, IT'S THE OLSEN TWINS.

ACTING CIRCLES AROUND UNCLE JESSE, IT'S THE OLSEN TWINS. >> THIS IS FROM THE ROSE BLACK

JESSE, IT'S THE OLSEN TWINS. >> THIS IS FROM THE ROSE BLACK FRIDAY SALE.

>> THIS IS FROM THE ROSE BLACK FRIDAY SALE. >> WHERE EVERYTHING IS 20% ON.

FRIDAY SALE. >> WHERE EVERYTHING IS 20% ON. >> I BROUGHT A CIGARETTE

>> WHERE EVERYTHING IS 20% ON. >> I BROUGHT A CIGARETTE CASSEROLE.

>> I BROUGHT A CIGARETTE CASSEROLE. >> AND I BROUGHT LOADED MAC AND

CASSEROLE. >> AND I BROUGHT LOADED MAC AND CHEESE.

>> AND I BROUGHT LOADED MAC AND CHEESE. I DON'T THINK I GOT WHAT THIS

CHEESE. I DON'T THINK I GOT WHAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE.

I DON'T THINK I GOT WHAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE. >> AND WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

WAS GOING TO BE. >> AND WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

>> AND WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. WHO THE "F" IS MAKING THE

THINKING. WHO THE "F" IS MAKING THE TURKEY?

WHO THE "F" IS MAKING THE TURKEY? >> OBVIOUSLY IT'S CHER.

TURKEY? >> OBVIOUSLY IT'S CHER. HOW'S IT COMING ALONG?

>> OBVIOUSLY IT'S CHER. HOW'S IT COMING ALONG? ¶ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ¶

HOW'S IT COMING ALONG? ¶ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ¶ >> CHER, ARE YOU SCARED, CHER?

¶ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ¶ >> CHER, ARE YOU SCARED, CHER? ¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THE

>> CHER, ARE YOU SCARED, CHER? ¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THE THINGS I DID ¶

¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THE THINGS I DID ¶ ¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT SPRITE

THINGS I DID ¶ ¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT SPRITE IN THE GRAVY ¶

¶ I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT SPRITE IN THE GRAVY ¶ >> AND NOW IT GIRLS WOULD LIKE

IN THE GRAVY ¶ >> AND NOW IT GIRLS WOULD LIKE TO PERFORM THE STORY OF

>> AND NOW IT GIRLS WOULD LIKE TO PERFORM THE STORY OF THANKSGIVING.

TO PERFORM THE STORY OF THANKSGIVING. >> WHEN THE PILGRIMS ARRIVED IN

THANKSGIVING. >> WHEN THE PILGRIMS ARRIVED IN THE NEW WORLD, THEY WERE

>> WHEN THE PILGRIMS ARRIVED IN THE NEW WORLD, THEY WERE STARVED, ALONE, THEY KNEW

THE NEW WORLD, THEY WERE STARVED, ALONE, THEY KNEW NOTHING.

STARVED, ALONE, THEY KNEW NOTHING. AKA ME AT ZERO DOLL ON TUESDAY.

NOTHING. AKA ME AT ZERO DOLL ON TUESDAY. >> THE FATES OF AMERICANS WERE

AKA ME AT ZERO DOLL ON TUESDAY. >> THE FATES OF AMERICANS WERE FEASTING ON TURKEY.

>> THE FATES OF AMERICANS WERE FEASTING ON TURKEY. BUT THEN THE PARTY GOT SO LIT

FEASTING ON TURKEY. BUT THEN THE PARTY GOT SO LIT THAT THEY LET EVERYONE IN.

BUT THEN THE PARTY GOT SO LIT THAT THEY LET EVERYONE IN. EVEN THE YOUTUBERS AND ZACH

THAT THEY LET EVERYONE IN. EVEN THE YOUTUBERS AND ZACH BRAFF.

EVEN THE YOUTUBERS AND ZACH BRAFF. >> HM.

BRAFF. >> HM. WOW.

>> HM. WOW. WHAT A CLASSIC THANKSGIVING

WOW. WHAT A CLASSIC THANKSGIVING TALE.

WHAT A CLASSIC THANKSGIVING TALE. CHER, HOW'S THE TURKEY COMING

TALE. CHER, HOW'S THE TURKEY COMING ALONG?

CHER, HOW'S THE TURKEY COMING ALONG? ¶ IF I COULD TURN ON THE STOVE ¶

ALONG? ¶ IF I COULD TURN ON THE STOVE ¶ EVEN MORE BAD NEWS, THIS YEAR'S

¶ IF I COULD TURN ON THE STOVE ¶ EVEN MORE BAD NEWS, THIS YEAR'S TURKEY WAS ON OZEMPIC.

EVEN MORE BAD NEWS, THIS YEAR'S TURKEY WAS ON OZEMPIC. ¶ I DON'T THINK IT'S BAKING OH

TURKEY WAS ON OZEMPIC. ¶ I DON'T THINK IT'S BAKING OH NO ¶

¶ I DON'T THINK IT'S BAKING OH NO ¶ >> DON'T SWEAT IT, CHER.

NO ¶ >> DON'T SWEAT IT, CHER. WAIT, WHERE ARE THE OLSEN TWINS?

>> DON'T SWEAT IT, CHER. WAIT, WHERE ARE THE OLSEN TWINS? >> WE FELL IN.

WAIT, WHERE ARE THE OLSEN TWINS? >> WE FELL IN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> WE FELL IN. [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T FIND ASHLEY.

[ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T FIND ASHLEY. >> OH, NO.

I CAN'T FIND ASHLEY. >> OH, NO. THE OLSEN TWINS GOT LOST IN

>> OH, NO. THE OLSEN TWINS GOT LOST IN THEIR BIG-ASS COAT AGAIN, AND

THE OLSEN TWINS GOT LOST IN THEIR BIG-ASS COAT AGAIN, AND THEY DON'T GET CELL SERVICE IN

THEIR BIG-ASS COAT AGAIN, AND THEY DON'T GET CELL SERVICE IN THERE.

THEY DON'T GET CELL SERVICE IN THERE. >> OH, NO.

THERE. >> OH, NO. >> DON'T DESPAIR.

>> OH, NO. >> DON'T DESPAIR. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> DON'T DESPAIR. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] LaROCHE IS HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] LaROCHE IS HERE. THE BASICS DO A TURKEY TROT, BUT

LaROCHE IS HERE. THE BASICS DO A TURKEY TROT, BUT IT GIRLS DO A TURKEY STRUT.

THE BASICS DO A TURKEY TROT, BUT IT GIRLS DO A TURKEY STRUT. ¶ TURKEY TURKEY GOBBLE THIS

IT GIRLS DO A TURKEY STRUT. ¶ TURKEY TURKEY GOBBLE THIS TURKEY ¶

¶ TURKEY TURKEY GOBBLE THIS TURKEY ¶ ¶ SHE'S SAVING HERSELF FOR THE

TURKEY ¶ ¶ SHE'S SAVING HERSELF FOR THE MAIN COURSE ¶

¶ SHE'S SAVING HERSELF FOR THE MAIN COURSE ¶ ¶ WE ARE GIVING GIVING GIVING

MAIN COURSE ¶ ¶ WE ARE GIVING GIVING GIVING AND GLAMOR ¶

¶ WE ARE GIVING GIVING GIVING AND GLAMOR ¶ HEY, LEFT NO CRUMBS.

AND GLAMOR ¶ HEY, LEFT NO CRUMBS. TURKEY!

HEY, LEFT NO CRUMBS. TURKEY! >> THANK YOU, LAW.

TURKEY! >> THANK YOU, LAW. WE TURNED THAT TURKEY OUT, BUT

>> THANK YOU, LAW. WE TURNED THAT TURKEY OUT, BUT THE FOOD'S ALL OVER THE FLOOR

WE TURNED THAT TURKEY OUT, BUT THE FOOD'S ALL OVER THE FLOOR NOW.

THE FOOD'S ALL OVER THE FLOOR NOW. >> OMG, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO AS

NOW. >> OMG, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO AS THE PILGRIMS DID.

>> OMG, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO AS THE PILGRIMS DID. A GIRLS DINNER.

THE PILGRIMS DID. A GIRLS DINNER. >> AND STRUT IT OUT.

A GIRLS DINNER. >> AND STRUT IT OUT. ¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER

>> AND STRUT IT OUT. ¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER FOOD ¶

¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER FOOD ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

FOOD ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> GOD, THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> GOD, THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOW.

>>> GOD, THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOW. THE SETS, THE SONGS, THE DONKEY.

SHOW. THE SETS, THE SONGS, THE DONKEY. NEED I GO ON?

THE SETS, THE SONGS, THE DONKEY. NEED I GO ON? >> YEAH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE

NEED I GO ON? >> YEAH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE NEVER SEEN "SHREK THE MUSICAL."

>> YEAH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE NEVER SEEN "SHREK THE MUSICAL." >> YOU JUST DID.

NEVER SEEN "SHREK THE MUSICAL." >> YOU JUST DID. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU JUST DID. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEANT BEFORE TONIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEANT BEFORE TONIGHT. >> WAIT.

>> I MEANT BEFORE TONIGHT. >> WAIT. GUYS, WHERE'S LEILANI?

>> WAIT. GUYS, WHERE'S LEILANI? SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR

GUYS, WHERE'S LEILANI? SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR 15 MINUTES.

SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR 15 MINUTES. >> ANY LONGER, WE'LL MISS OUR

15 MINUTES. >> ANY LONGER, WE'LL MISS OUR RESERVATION AT DOMINO'S.

>> ANY LONGER, WE'LL MISS OUR RESERVATION AT DOMINO'S. >> THEY TAKE RESERVATIONS?

RESERVATION AT DOMINO'S. >> THEY TAKE RESERVATIONS? >> IF YOU WANT A TABLE, THEY DO.

>> THEY TAKE RESERVATIONS? >> IF YOU WANT A TABLE, THEY DO. OH!

>> IF YOU WANT A TABLE, THEY DO. OH! IT FEELS WE'RE ALWAYS READY FOR

OH! IT FEELS WE'RE ALWAYS READY FOR LEILANI.

IT FEELS WE'RE ALWAYS READY FOR LEILANI. >> OKAY, BABES.

LEILANI. >> OKAY, BABES. ARE WE READY?

>> OKAY, BABES. ARE WE READY? [ LAUGHTER ]

ARE WE READY? [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, MY GOD.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, MY GOD. >> LEILANI, DID YOU JUST MAKE

>> OH, MY GOD. >> LEILANI, DID YOU JUST MAKE OUT WITH --

>> LEILANI, DID YOU JUST MAKE OUT WITH -- >> NO!

OUT WITH -- >> NO! WHAT, NO!

>> NO! WHAT, NO! >> WHY IS YOUR MOUTH ALL GREEN,

WHAT, NO! >> WHY IS YOUR MOUTH ALL GREEN, GIRL?

>> WHY IS YOUR MOUTH ALL GREEN, GIRL? >> OH.

GIRL? >> OH. I WAS JUST DRINKING A SLUSHY.

>> OH. I WAS JUST DRINKING A SLUSHY. I MIX ALL THE FLAVORS TOGETHER

I WAS JUST DRINKING A SLUSHY. I MIX ALL THE FLAVORS TOGETHER TO MAKE A SUICIDE.

I MIX ALL THE FLAVORS TOGETHER TO MAKE A SUICIDE. SORRY, AN UNALIVE.

TO MAKE A SUICIDE. SORRY, AN UNALIVE. [ LAUGHTER ]

SORRY, AN UNALIVE. [ LAUGHTER ] THE COLOR WAS GREEN.

[ LAUGHTER ] THE COLOR WAS GREEN. AND THAT'S WHY IT'S ALL MY MOUTH

THE COLOR WAS GREEN. AND THAT'S WHY IT'S ALL MY MOUTH AND HANDS.

AND THAT'S WHY IT'S ALL MY MOUTH AND HANDS. >> YOU CLEARLY MADE OUT WITH

AND HANDS. >> YOU CLEARLY MADE OUT WITH SHREK.

>> YOU CLEARLY MADE OUT WITH SHREK. >> GET IT, GET REAL.

SHREK. >> GET IT, GET REAL. YOU GUYS ALWAYS DO THIS.

>> GET IT, GET REAL. YOU GUYS ALWAYS DO THIS. YOU ALWAYS ACCUSE ME OF HOOKING

YOU GUYS ALWAYS DO THIS. YOU ALWAYS ACCUSE ME OF HOOKING UP WITH CELEBRITIES.

YOU ALWAYS ACCUSE ME OF HOOKING UP WITH CELEBRITIES. >> YOU DO, LEILANI.

UP WITH CELEBRITIES. >> YOU DO, LEILANI. THE TIME WE WENT TO "DESPICABLE

>> YOU DO, LEILANI. THE TIME WE WENT TO "DESPICABLE ME ON ICE."

THE TIME WE WENT TO "DESPICABLE ME ON ICE." >> YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM FOR

ME ON ICE." >> YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM FOR 38 MINUTES AND CAME OUT WITH A

>> YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM FOR 38 MINUTES AND CAME OUT WITH A YELLOW MOUTH.

38 MINUTES AND CAME OUT WITH A YELLOW MOUTH. [ LAUGHTER ]

YELLOW MOUTH. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I'M GOING TO FIND THE DIRECTOR

THIS IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I'M GOING TO FIND THE DIRECTOR AND TELL HIM, YES HIM, DIRECTORS

I'M GOING TO FIND THE DIRECTOR AND TELL HIM, YES HIM, DIRECTORS CAN BE MEN TOO.

AND TELL HIM, YES HIM, DIRECTORS CAN BE MEN TOO. [ LAUGHTER ]

CAN BE MEN TOO. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M GOING TO TELL HIM THAT HIS

[ LAUGHTER ] I'M GOING TO TELL HIM THAT HIS LEADING OGRE WAS SMASHMOUTHING

I'M GOING TO TELL HIM THAT HIS LEADING OGRE WAS SMASHMOUTHING MY FRIEND.

LEADING OGRE WAS SMASHMOUTHING MY FRIEND. EXCUSE ME.

MY FRIEND. EXCUSE ME. >> SO -- WHAT TOPPINGS ARE YOU

EXCUSE ME. >> SO -- WHAT TOPPINGS ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO GET ON YOUR PIZZA?

>> SO -- WHAT TOPPINGS ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO GET ON YOUR PIZZA? >> PABLO CHIMING IN FINALLY.

GUYS GOING TO GET ON YOUR PIZZA? >> PABLO CHIMING IN FINALLY. >> OH, SORRY.

>> PABLO CHIMING IN FINALLY. >> OH, SORRY. >> THREE CHATTY LADIES ON

>> OH, SORRY. >> THREE CHATTY LADIES ON ADDERALL AND THE GAY GUY, HARD

>> THREE CHATTY LADIES ON ADDERALL AND THE GAY GUY, HARD TO GET A WORD IN.

ADDERALL AND THE GAY GUY, HARD TO GET A WORD IN. >> HEY!

TO GET A WORD IN. >> HEY! I'M ON ADDERALL TOO!

>> HEY! I'M ON ADDERALL TOO! LAUGH PARAGRAPH

I'M ON ADDERALL TOO! LAUGH PARAGRAPH [ LAUGHTER ]

LAUGH PARAGRAPH [ LAUGHTER ] >> COULDN'T FIND ANYONE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> COULDN'T FIND ANYONE. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> COULDN'T FIND ANYONE. [ LAUGHTER ] THEATER'S BASICALLY EMPTY.

[ LAUGHTER ] THEATER'S BASICALLY EMPTY. >> JANIECE, ARE YOU THE FOUR,

THEATER'S BASICALLY EMPTY. >> JANIECE, ARE YOU THE FOUR, FIVE, SIX LINE?

>> JANIECE, ARE YOU THE FOUR, FIVE, SIX LINE? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DONE HAD A

FIVE, SIX LINE? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DONE HAD A GREEN TRAIN RUN ON YOUR ASS.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DONE HAD A GREEN TRAIN RUN ON YOUR ASS. [ LAUGHTER ]

GREEN TRAIN RUN ON YOUR ASS. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

[ APPLAUSE ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT? I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH SHREK,

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH SHREK, OKAY?

I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH SHREK, OKAY? A GREEN SHARPIE, WHICH IS VERY

OKAY? A GREEN SHARPIE, WHICH IS VERY RARE BY THE WAY, EXPLODED IN MY

A GREEN SHARPIE, WHICH IS VERY RARE BY THE WAY, EXPLODED IN MY BAG.

RARE BY THE WAY, EXPLODED IN MY BAG. WHERE ELSE DO I WIPE IT BUT ALL

BAG. WHERE ELSE DO I WIPE IT BUT ALL MY EROGENOUS ZONES.

WHERE ELSE DO I WIPE IT BUT ALL MY EROGENOUS ZONES. >> PERFECTLY REASONABLE

MY EROGENOUS ZONES. >> PERFECTLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION.

>> PERFECTLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION. YOU GUYS ARE ACTING SO CRAZY

EXPLANATION. YOU GUYS ARE ACTING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW PIER.

YOU GUYS ARE ACTING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW PIER. >> JANIECE, THIS IS LIKE THE

RIGHT NOW PIER. >> JANIECE, THIS IS LIKE THE TIME WE WENT TO THE AVATAR

>> JANIECE, THIS IS LIKE THE TIME WE WENT TO THE AVATAR HAUNTED HOUSE.

TIME WE WENT TO THE AVATAR HAUNTED HOUSE. WE HAD AN 11:00 RESERVATION.

HAUNTED HOUSE. WE HAD AN 11:00 RESERVATION. YOU CAME OUT WITH BLUE PAINT,

WE HAD AN 11:00 RESERVATION. YOU CAME OUT WITH BLUE PAINT, HOLDING A ROCK OF INOBTAINIUM,

YOU CAME OUT WITH BLUE PAINT, HOLDING A ROCK OF INOBTAINIUM, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE CRACK, BY

HOLDING A ROCK OF INOBTAINIUM, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE CRACK, BY THE WAY.

WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE CRACK, BY THE WAY. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT Y'ALL.

THE WAY. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT Y'ALL. >> OH!

I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT Y'ALL. >> OH! YOU HAVE HAND AND FACE PRINTS ON

>> OH! YOU HAVE HAND AND FACE PRINTS ON YOUR ASS.

YOU HAVE HAND AND FACE PRINTS ON YOUR ASS. [ LAUGHTER ]

YOUR ASS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> FINE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> FINE. I'LL ADMIT IT.

>> FINE. I'LL ADMIT IT. DURING, BEFORE THE SHOW, I

I'LL ADMIT IT. DURING, BEFORE THE SHOW, I RECEIVED AN OTBPTWNB.

DURING, BEFORE THE SHOW, I RECEIVED AN OTBPTWNB. >> AN OVER THE PANTS BELOW THE

RECEIVED AN OTBPTWNB. >> AN OVER THE PANTS BELOW THE WAIST MOTOR BOAT?

>> AN OVER THE PANTS BELOW THE WAIST MOTOR BOAT? [ LAUGHTER ]

WAIST MOTOR BOAT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> FROM SHREK?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> FROM SHREK? >> HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T

>> FROM SHREK? >> HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T FIONA POST-OGRE REVEAL?

>> HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T FIONA POST-OGRE REVEAL? YOU GUYS ARE SO BIPHOBIC.

FIONA POST-OGRE REVEAL? YOU GUYS ARE SO BIPHOBIC. >> ARE YOU BI?

YOU GUYS ARE SO BIPHOBIC. >> ARE YOU BI? >> EW, NO.

>> ARE YOU BI? >> EW, NO. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> EW, NO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, WELL, WELL.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, WELL, WELL. IF IT ISN'T THE THREE ONIONS I

>> WELL, WELL, WELL. IF IT ISN'T THE THREE ONIONS I JUST PEELED BACK.

IF IT ISN'T THE THREE ONIONS I JUST PEELED BACK. [ LAUGHTER ]

JUST PEELED BACK. [ LAUGHTER ] >> LOOK, SHREK, YOU'RE GOING TO

[ LAUGHTER ] >> LOOK, SHREK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF US.

>> LOOK, SHREK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF US. WHO'S IT GOING TO BE?

HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF US. WHO'S IT GOING TO BE? ME?

WHO'S IT GOING TO BE? ME? GADGET?

ME? GADGET? A 31-YEAR-OLD TEACHING ARTIST

GADGET? A 31-YEAR-OLD TEACHING ARTIST WITH A SHORT FUSE AND A BIG

A 31-YEAR-OLD TEACHING ARTIST WITH A SHORT FUSE AND A BIG HEART?

WITH A SHORT FUSE AND A BIG HEART? >> OR ME, DENISE, A 31-YEAR-OLD

HEART? >> OR ME, DENISE, A 31-YEAR-OLD BLEACH PATHOLOGIST DOING HER

>> OR ME, DENISE, A 31-YEAR-OLD BLEACH PATHOLOGIST DOING HER BEST TO MAKE A CHARACTER IN THE

BLEACH PATHOLOGIST DOING HER BEST TO MAKE A CHARACTER IN THE "SEX AND THE CITY" WE CALL NEW

BEST TO MAKE A CHARACTER IN THE "SEX AND THE CITY" WE CALL NEW YORK?

"SEX AND THE CITY" WE CALL NEW YORK? >> ME, LEILANI, A BARELY

YORK? >> ME, LEILANI, A BARELY 30-YEAR-OLD WHO TAKES TOO LONG

>> ME, LEILANI, A BARELY 30-YEAR-OLD WHO TAKES TOO LONG IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I'M NOT

30-YEAR-OLD WHO TAKES TOO LONG IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I'M NOT DOING A NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER

IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I'M NOT DOING A NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER TWO, I'M DOING A NUMBER THREE,

DOING A NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER TWO, I'M DOING A NUMBER THREE, HOOKING UP.

TWO, I'M DOING A NUMBER THREE, HOOKING UP. [ LAUGHTER ]

HOOKING UP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OR ME, SUZANNE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OR ME, SUZANNE. A 19-YEAR-OLD -- DON'T SAY

>> OR ME, SUZANNE. A 19-YEAR-OLD -- DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

A 19-YEAR-OLD -- DON'T SAY ANYTHING. [ LAUGHTER ]

ANYTHING. [ LAUGHTER ] WHO'S A LORD FOURQUAT IN THE

[ LAUGHTER ] WHO'S A LORD FOURQUAT IN THE STREETS AND A PUSS IN THE BOOTS.

WHO'S A LORD FOURQUAT IN THE STREETS AND A PUSS IN THE BOOTS. [ LAUGHTER ]

STREETS AND A PUSS IN THE BOOTS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OR ME, PABLO, A GUY WHO WANTS

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OR ME, PABLO, A GUY WHO WANTS TO GET TO DOMINO'S IN TIME FOR

>> OR ME, PABLO, A GUY WHO WANTS TO GET TO DOMINO'S IN TIME FOR HIS RESERVATION.

TO GET TO DOMINO'S IN TIME FOR HIS RESERVATION. [ LAUGHTER ]

HIS RESERVATION. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, SHREK, WHO'S IT GOING

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, SHREK, WHO'S IT GOING TO BE?

>> WELL, SHREK, WHO'S IT GOING TO BE? >> I WANT PABLO.

TO BE? >> I WANT PABLO. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> I WANT PABLO. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> MY THANKS TO ALEC BALDWIN,

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> MY THANKS TO ALEC BALDWIN, DANA CARVEY, THANK YOU!

>>> MY THANKS TO ALEC BALDWIN, DANA CARVEY, THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

DANA CARVEY, THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶¶ ¶¶