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Come on, everyone!

Welcome to A Nonsense Christmas.

You could've been anywhere tonight,

spending time with family, helping the less fortunate,

but instead, you're here, half watching a big screen

while scrolling social media on a smaller screen,

and for that, I'm forever grateful.

This special isn't just about Christmas though.

We're celebrating all the holidays.

So, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa,

and happy birthday, Natalie.

There's gotta be at least one person named Natalie whose birthday is today, right?

Well, either way, strap on

because tonight, I'm in the mood for a little nonsense.

No, seriously, they told me I could have an unlimited budget as long as I go viral,

so I'm gonna break the set just to do it.

My leg!

He'll be fine.

There are comedy specials, and there are music specials,

and there are holiday specials.

But who does musical comedy holiday specials?

A lot of people.

But do those specials have celebrity guests?

Yes, they do!

Everyone with a musical comedy holiday special does them with celebrity guests,

and this is one of those.

Which means I'm allowed to say 'fuck' three times.

Fuck.

Just one left.

Anyways...

Here we are.

We've arrived at my set. Isn't this cute?

It's exactly what my house looked like growing up.

A tree, three walls, and a live studio audience.

You're in luck. I've trimmed my tree just for you.

Let's start the show.

Happy holidays.

What if it's like, 'Happy holiday...'

No, I'm not British. Okay.

Maybe drier.

Happy holidays.

All right, stand by!

Like, happy holidays.

That's, like, a bit too sultry.

We are rolling. We are rolling. Quiet, please.

I'm not gonna say it.

Okay!

Oh my God.

Guys, it's frozen.

Oh, it's not frozen. Action.

Ooh!

Little beans.

So cute!

Mwah!

Want a drink?

Oh wow. Thank God we installed that seasonal doorbell.

It's Tyla, everybody!

Tell 'em, Tyla.

Come on, everybody. Let's dance.

You all better be standing wherever you guys are watching this.

If you're in your living rooms, come on, dance with us.

Merry Christmas to your brothers.

To your sisters.

To your mister.

To your cousins.

To your dogs? What?

Let's party, everybody.

Merry Christmas to everyone back home.

Merry Christmas, Sabrina.

- Merry Christmas, Tyla. - Yes.

My feathers are all over this place.

Cut, and we cut, and we cut.

Starting from when I was two years old,

my dad would get his VHS

and film our Christmas morning every single year.

And for some reason, I never wanted to open my presents.

I just wanted chocolate cake.

- Oh my gosh! - Dad.

When we're done opening our presents, can we have a piece of cake?

Is that all you think about?

I just had an ulterior motive, and it was chocolate.

And it kinda still is.

So... ...there's the story.

Sabrina, can I pitch you a 'Nonsense' outro?

- If, like, this was gay, this was gayer. - Right.

- Do you love that? - Yeah...

- I'd use it if I were you. - Owen, I gotta go to set.

- No worries. - Don't sing at me again.

Have a good day.

Debbie, I cannot wait to finally get to meet your man.

You've been a bad friend ever since getting into a relationship. I'm kidding!

No, I know. It's like since we're long distance,

it's just been so hard to combine the friend groups, you know?

- Well, I promise we will love him. - Aw.

Oh, speak of the devil! He's walking up, guys.

- So fun. - Ho ho ho ho ho!

Oh ho ho! There's my nice girl!

Come on over.

Oh my.

Oh! You guys, everyone, this is my boyfriend, Nick.

Well, it is great to meet you. I've heard nothing but great things.

Aw. Same, um, as us.

Yeah. Uh...

Uh, can I get you anything?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe a warm glass of milk.

Yuck.

Ooh, and an oversized chocolate-chip cookie

dusted lightly with candy cane shards, if you've got it.

Oh bummer. I think we're out of shards.

I'm sorry, are people saying 'sharts'?

- 'Shards.' - Oh, look at that.

- My clothes are all covered in soot. - Oh no! Oh no!

- I'll be right back. - Okay.

Hey. This is actually insane, but, um, that's Santa Claus, right?

Oh my God.

What kind of a messed-up thing is that to say?

What?

Debbie, it's not messed up. Hello.

Come on. The big, white, scruffy beard.

So? He did 'No-Shave November.'

- He has the classic big belly. - Yeah.

And there it is. The body shaming. Wow. Wow.

What is this, Mean Girls the movie? The musical?

Okay, chill out.

He's jolly. He's sweet.

He's not Santa.

Okay, we'll drop it. He's not Santa.

- No one's Santa, I guess. - Yeah.

- And he's back! - Oh, hey.

Oh!

I forgot the presents. They're in the car.

- Oh, that's so sweet of you, Nick. - So nice.

So what does he do for a living that he can buy us all gifts?

He told me, but I zoned out because it was boring.

I think he's, like, a toy manufacturer or something.

Uh, Deb, that's what Santa does.

No, because it doesn't pay.

What? Why doesn't it pay?

Yeah. He doesn't make money or have any credit cards. So?

- That's creepy. - That's weird.

Is your boyfriend on the roof?

I mean, he's probably, like, fixing something up there.

He's super handy 'cause, you know,

my boyfriend can actually make something, like a man.

Your boyfriend's just a lazy surgeon.

What the hell, Deb?

Besides, guys, if he was Santa,

then why is he so good in bed?

I'm sorry, is Santa supposed to be, like, bad in bed?

No.

If you read the original Turkish folklore text,

Santa doesn't last.

I didn't read that.

I brought very intentional gifts.

- How thoughtful. - Here you are, my boy.

- It's not weird at all. - Wow.

- Oh my God, a Nerf Vortex Vigilon. - Thank you for my gift.

I loved these growing up. I asked Santa for this every year.

A Tickle Me Elmo.

Oh.

A Tickle Me Elmo.

The only time I ever admitted to wanting one of these is my letter to Santa Claus

when I was 15.

Well, if he's really Santa,

then he'd know the only thing I asked for as a little girl

was to sing a duet with Shania Twain.

Sorry.

Is that Mrs. Claus?

Is my husband here?

Your husband?

You're married?!

We've been married 400 years.

Yes, but after the first hundred,

we decided to be open.

That was my idea.

- Santa! - Santa!

He's not Santa!

Thank you.

Thank you guys so much for coming to be in this sketch.

Oh my God, it's so fun.

I love your set kitchen, by the way. Does any of the stuff really work?

No, but we're gonna fix it all in post.

- Yum! Delicious. - Wow!

Hi, Shania.

- All right, Sabrina. - Are you ready?

I'm so ready.

Sing it!

Shania Twain, everybody.

- That was beautiful, Sabrina. - So beautiful!

Oh my God. I can't believe you're here.

Sabrina!

Thank you, guys!

I'm one of those girls who believes it's better to give than receive

when it comes to presents.

I love to spoil my family.

Hey, you haven't given me anything yet.

Right.

Okay.

So what? He just, like, hangs out?

Yeah, when he's not at work.

- What's his job again? - Oh, I forget.

Seriously, what the hell do I get him?

A phone charger.

I love it!

I've always needed one of these.

You're so interesting.

Where'd you get this?

You're like a genius. You're really something special, Sabrina.

May I hug you?

Yeah. Okay.

You made this a really awesome Christmas. I really care about you.

- Honey, stop hugging my sister. - Oh, I'm sorry about that.

- Hey, Sabrina. - Yeah?

Um, I got an idea for you. I don't know if you're open to...

Sure.

This is not what I usually do, so...

- But, um, yeah. - Okay.

- Let me know what you're... thinking. - Well, I'll just do it.

- Okay, cool. Just, like, go. - Um...

So, like, a... It's like a song?

I mean, like, to me, the whole... It's more the spirit of, like...

Oh, the spirit.

Yeah... Yeah, it's, like, less holiday maybe than we were going...

- Okay. - ...for.

The network might not get it.

Maybe if you say 'the elves.'

Actually, yeah. If you say 'the elves,' maybe.

- Okay, cool. - Cool.

- I'll type something up. - Okay.

- What is your email? - Let me get you my manager's info.

- No, I'd like your personal email. - Okay.

Setting for the duet with Kali Uchis.

All right, steady cam is up.

All right, ladies, you ready? Here we go.

Action.

Ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

Yo, Cratchit, what up?

Yes, you have work tomorrow.

Why? 'Cause it's Christmas?

What, are we 12, dude?

No, we have content to create.

Yeah.

Be here at nine with a ring light and Nobu breakfast sushi, okay?

All right. Humbug, player.

Adios.

Wakey-wakey.

Annie? Uh, what are you doing here?

I'm the spirit of Ghosted Past.

We went on five dates, and I never heard from you again.

- I... got really busy at work. - Mm.

- And then I... and then I lost my phone. - Mm.

No. I saw you peeping my stories.

That's strange. That's really weird. I gotta talk to Zuck about that.

If you didn't want to keep seeing me, you should've just told me.

I really liked you. What it was was I went out of town.

- I went to this place with no service... - Ugh, shut up.

You ghosted me, and it made me feel crazy

when you're the one that couldn't handle 'an honest conversation.'

Because telling someone you don't wanna date them is awkward AF.

It's worse to leave someone on read! Learn from this!

Hi.

Allie. How... how'd you get in here?

Oh, I figured out where you live

from the breadcrumbs you left on your TikTok for me to find.

- What? - Haven't heard from you in a couple days.

And you said we were going to go see Wicked together, so here I am.

Right. Right. Yes. I... I did say that, didn't I?

I am the spirit of Ghosted Present,

and is it just me or are you ignoring me until I go away?

Allie. It ain't even like that.

You love bombed me for a month, then I never heard from you.

Is it something I did? Is it...

It's not you. It's him.

W... Oh my God. Ghosted Past?

Wait. Oh my God. Ghosted Present.

- I hate that we're meeting like this. - I know.

- I love your bangs. They're cute. - Thank you.

I got them 'cause he ghosted me, so...

By the way, you're about to get ghosted too.

- What?! - Ladies, ladies, please.

I'm a good guy.

- I'm an uncle to daughters. - Okay, why aren't you texting me back?

Life has been crazy.

I mean, my boy Cratchit,

he's got this son with a... crazy cough.

Bob Cratchit?

You barely pay him for editing out your falls in your skateboard videos.

And you invented energy-drink cologne, so we know the money is there.

Whatever. Get off my jock.

Whoo!

Ebby?

Hey. Hi.

It's Bri. From Coachella.

The Sahara Tent.

Right. Bri, yes.

Hello. How is your bird?

Oh, still sick.

But I'm so happy we ran into each other here.

- Yeah. Me too. Hey. - So fun.

Yeah. Wait. Let me get your number.

- Oh, yeah. - What?!

- No! - No! No.

- You're gonna get ghosted. - What?

You're the spirit of Ghosted Future, babe. He's not gonna change.

But he seems so sweet. Oh.

Ugh, I can't believe I even liked you.

You know what? We should just hang out.

Yes!

- Oh my God! - Okay, stop, stop.

Stop, please.

I've seen the errors of my ways.

I'm gonna text back. I'm gonna be transparent.

And I'm gonna have honest conversations, even if they're the difficult ones.

Cratchit? Hey, hombre.

It's Ebby Scrouge.

You don't have to make content tomorrow. It's Christmas!

It's actually no big deal. I like girls anyway.

Ladies, turkey leg for you.

Oh.

- Turkey leg for you. - Thanks.

Turkey leg for you.

- Is it vegan? - Just... just take it.

All right. Merry Christmas!

And God bless us, every one.

My mic is also in between my butt cheeks.

Cut the cam.

What up? It's Nico.

Happy holidays.

Shout out to Sabrina. Thank you for having me.

Merry Christmas.

- Hey, Sabrina. - Hey, Cara.

Are you working on the new lyrics for your 'Nonsense' outro?

No, and I'm kind of worried. I'm really feeling the pressure.

I just don't wanna, like, disappoint the fans, you know?

Don't worry. It's... it's easy, right?

I've got one.

- Gotta give a shoutout to my boy, Nick. - Oh.

Wouldn't let him hit it, just the cane tip.

Guess I stayed consistent with my strange tricks. Right?

- Yeah. - No?

- You can use it. Just give me 10%. - It's not the worst one I've ever heard.

- It's not the worst. - It's not.

I hope I helped. Bye!

Take the tinsel out of your hair as soon as possible.

You love it.

- I love you. - I love you too.

Maybe next year.

Maybe.

Good night, everybody.

You didn't think I was gonna leave you crying on Christmas, did you?

Wait. Missing something.

Hit it!

Whoo!

Aw. Thanks.

Oh!

Oh, a massager. Thank you!

Wow!

The Christmas spirit is so

infectious.

We did it all. Fire juggling, lion wrestling, a live on-camera birth.

Some of this stuff may have been cut out for time,

but truly, this has been such a dream.

Thank you to all my guests for being a part of it.

Thank you to you for being a part of it.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.

Love, Sabrina Claus.

They told me I could have an unlimited budget as long as I go viral,

so I'm gonna break the set just to do it.

Reset! Reset! No, no, no!

Well, we should do that one more time.

Whoa!

Gotta stay consistent with my strange tricks.

- Yeah. - No?

You can use it.

- I'm not using that. - It's coming. I just needed to...

- Oh, it's coming. - Yeah.

I've used that, so...

You look so beautiful.

I look so... straight.

You look so straight?!

- Did you... - Here we go!

- Three... - No. Don't say that.

- Not now! - Not now.

All right, ladies, you ready? Here we go.

This is not my... you know, my typical...

- Oh, whoa. - Let me take it again.

I think I should be in, um, one of the songs.

How do you appear out the mist again?

When you say something's gay, do you know what you're saying? Knock it off.

And that's true.

Should I be singing...

Did you guys hear? I sounded kinda like Sabrina. Right? No one?

- We've been married 400 years. - Yeah.

And after the first hundred, we agreed to be

separate.

Wait, what?

Yeah, and after the first hundred, we agreed to be separate. Open!

- Just tickle your Elmo. - Open. Open.

Ho ho ho.

Can't even say that anymore.

And that's Christmas.

And that's Christmas.

Fuck.