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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730 Hi, I'm Tom Haverford. 2 00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730 I work at the 3 00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730 Parks Department. 4 00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,430 It's a little douchie. 5 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,660 Good call, J. 6 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,930 I'm getting divorced, 7 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,930 so I'm trying to up my game. 8 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,200 Who am I supposed to ask 9 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,200 for fashion advice? Jerry? 10 00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780 He wears the same 11 00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780 soup-stained khakis 12 00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780 every day. 13 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040 Justin's my savior. 14 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040 He's like an issue of GQ 15 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040 that's come to life. 16 00:00:19,950 --> 00:00:21,110 Tommy Timberlake. 17 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,740 You look like 18 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,740 Encyclopedia Brown. 19 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,710 Sequins! 20 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:27,390 Try it without the gloves. 21 00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,290 Sequins, 22 00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,290 minus the gloves. 23 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520 Hey, what's up? I'm Tom. 24 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520 Is my shirt lighting up? 25 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520 'Cause I didn't even notice. 26 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,930 All right, guys. 27 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,930 Let's talk accessories. 28 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560 Be honest. Which cane 29 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560 do you like better? 30 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560 Dragon? Serpent? 31 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,730 Dragon? Serpent? 32 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,670 Belt buckle, says, 33 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,670 "What's cracking?" 34 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300 I can have it say whatever 35 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300 I want. It can say, 36 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300 "What's cracking? I'm Tom. 37 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,140 "What's cracking, girl? 38 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,140 What's cracking, boo?" 39 00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:50,710 Eagle medallion! 40 00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:54,080 Well, as far as white, 41 00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:54,080 leather suits go... 42 00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:55,450 It's horrible. 43 00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:57,840 I like it. 44 00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:21,800 Sweetums has 45 00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:21,800 been Pawnee's 46 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080 leading sweet-treat 47 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080 manufacturer for 48 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080 over 80 years. 49 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950 And we are so excited about 50 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950 our new partnership 51 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950 with the Parks Department. 52 00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:34,850 Starting next month, 53 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360 Sweetums is gonna 54 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360 take over the concession 55 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360 stands in our parks. 56 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590 I mean, I don't love the idea 57 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590 of corporate sponsorship, but 58 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590 Sweetums is an institution. 59 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,530 When you think of Pawnee, 60 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,530 you think of Sweetums. 61 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,230 Although candy is 62 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,230 our bread and butter, 63 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010 we also care 64 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010 about the health 65 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010 of our customers. 66 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800 And that's why we'll be 67 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800 debuting our new healthy 68 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800 energy bar, NutriYums. 69 00:01:58,350 --> 00:01:59,410 Take a look. 70 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,920 Hi, I'm Nick Newport, Jr., 71 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,920 CEO of Sweetums. 72 00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390 And I'd like to introduce 73 00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390 to you our new line 74 00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390 of energy bars, NutriYums. 75 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,520 We start with 76 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,520 100% all-natural corn, 77 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920 then we add just 78 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920 a little bit of 79 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920 Sweetums corn syrup, 80 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,320 a little drop of sunshine, 81 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,320 and some other stuff. 82 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830 And since they're from 83 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830 Sweetums, you know your kids 84 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830 are gonna love them. 85 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770 Wow, that family looks 86 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770 so healthy. Look at them. 87 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770 They're all wearing vests! 88 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,570 Dakota? Denver? 89 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670 Sorry, Shoelace. 90 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670 We don't make NutriYums 91 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670 for dogs. Yet. 92 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:29,410 Shoelace. 93 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070 NutriYums. 94 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070 Where nutritious meets tasty. 95 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070 By Sweetums. 96 00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,240 If you can't 97 00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,240 beat them... 98 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,720 Sweetums! 99 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,410 I could not be 100 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,410 happier about this. 101 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880 I think the 102 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880 entire government 103 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880 should be privatized. 104 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,580 Chuck E. Cheese 105 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,580 could run the parks. 106 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160 Everything operated 107 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160 by tokens. Drop in a token, 108 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160 go on the swing set. 109 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,020 Drop in another token, 110 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,020 take a walk. 111 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,160 Drop in a token, 112 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,160 look at a duck. 113 00:02:57,140 --> 00:03:01,240 Brendanawicz! Quick question, 114 00:02:57,140 --> 00:03:01,240 do you personally know Xzibit? 115 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210 Because I was checking out 116 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210 that pickup truck of yours, 117 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210 and that ride is pimped! 118 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950 It's really nice of you 119 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950 to compliment my pickup truck 120 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950 with no ulterior motives. 121 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390 Yeah, so, listen, 122 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390 I need to move some 123 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390 stuff this weekend 124 00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250 into my new bachelor pad, 125 00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250 since my divorce 126 00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250 is finally going down. 127 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,420 Just some odds and ends. 128 00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790 You can bring up 129 00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790 the Mark-mobile, 130 00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790 help me move, right? 131 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590 I'm totally blanking 132 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590 on a valid excuse 133 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590 right now, 134 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,690 so, yes. I'll help you. 135 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,690 My boy! 136 00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:27,500 I hate having 137 00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:27,500 a pickup truck. 138 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840 Andy, I have a very 139 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840 interesting business 140 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840 proposal for you. 141 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640 I'm moving a lot 142 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640 of heavy stuff 143 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640 out of my place 144 00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,840 this weekend. 145 00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,840 Can I help you move? 146 00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:37,540 I'm really good at it. 147 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510 Afterwards, I'll take 148 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510 the cardboard from the boxes 149 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510 and use it for break dancing. 150 00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,280 I'll go, too. 151 00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,280 Really? 152 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,610 'Cause an hour ago 153 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950 you told me you'd rather 154 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950 watch a sex tape 155 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950 of your grandparents. 156 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650 Shut up. I don't have 157 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650 anything else to do. 158 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650 Do you want help or not? 159 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,760 All right. 160 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,760 See you guys later. 161 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500 I think that that's really, 162 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500 really sweet, that your 163 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500 grandparents still make love. 164 00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,730 Ready to go? 165 00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,730 Yes. 166 00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:07,340 Your keys, please. 167 00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,780 You gotta 168 00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,780 be kidding me. I'm fine. 169 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,410 Well, we'll let the chart 170 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,410 be the judge of that. 171 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880 What are you, 172 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880 5'11", 210 pounds, 173 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880 three whiskeys? 174 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120 Looks like you are 175 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120 just over the line 176 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120 into impaired. 177 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,150 You carry that with 178 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,150 you all the time? 179 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,390 It comes in handy. 180 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790 And on the back, 181 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790 it teaches you how 182 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790 to play blackjack. 183 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130 Swansons have 184 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130 a preternaturally high 185 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130 tolerance for alcohol. 186 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690 My old man used 187 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690 to put Wild Turkey 188 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690 on his Corn Flakes. 189 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100 I'm not gonna argue 190 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100 with you, Ron. We're 191 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100 just gonna sit and wait 192 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230 until, you know, 193 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230 you're safe to drive, 194 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230 which would be in about 195 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:40,630 one hour. 196 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310 "Insurance is a side bet 197 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310 when you wager half 198 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310 of your original bet 199 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620 "because you believe 200 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620 the dealer has 201 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620 a 10 in the hole." 202 00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,820 Get off my car, 203 00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,820 woman! 204 00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:58,090 Twenty minutes. 205 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520 The dealer really has 206 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520 an advantage. That's what 207 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520 I get the most from this. 208 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,130 Hey, Ron. 209 00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:12,170 Morning, Leslie. 210 00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:12,170 Did you have a good night? 211 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440 I did. I watched 212 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440 a really good... 213 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440 What is that? 214 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,210 This is what 215 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,210 I did last night. 216 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880 After I got home, 217 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880 I drank six more 218 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880 glasses of whiskey 219 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,350 and then I finished 220 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,350 crafting this small harp, 221 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360 using a band saw, 222 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360 a spoke shave and an 223 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360 oscillating spindle sander. 224 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,520 Beautiful. 225 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,520 But wait, there's more. 226 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,290 Here are some photographs 227 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,290 of me drinking the whiskey. 228 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,230 You'll notice I'm holding up 229 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,230 yesterday's newspaper, 230 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,630 so you can tell 231 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,630 that I'm not lying. 232 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,360 I feel like 233 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,360 I'm in a spa. 234 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800 So, I got my truck 235 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800 all cleaned out and 236 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800 ready to go for tomorrow. 237 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330 Do you have, like, 238 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330 furniture pads and dollies? 239 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330 That sort of thing? 240 00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:51,850 Ooh, I thought 241 00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:51,850 the mover supplied those. 242 00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,040 I'm not a mover! 243 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,150 I'm a sap who owns a truck. 244 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780 Don't talk about 245 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780 yourself like that. 246 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780 And bring some coffee. 247 00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860 Hey, are you moving out? 248 00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860 Have you told Wendy 249 00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860 how you feel yet? 250 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,590 Waiting for the right time. 251 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,590 It's right now. 252 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:05,720 The time is now. 253 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,660 Just don't worry 254 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,660 about it. I'm fine. 255 00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:08,790 Hmm. 256 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:09,850 What's that over there? 257 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,370 Mmm! 258 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,370 Holy cow. 259 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,630 Yeah. 260 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,630 Wow. 261 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,600 That is good stuff. 262 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,600 Great, right? 263 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:15,800 Oh, my God. 264 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:15,800 They're amazing. 265 00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:16,930 They're more than amazing. 266 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,300 They are terrific. 267 00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:20,070 Terrific's not more 268 00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:20,070 than amazing, Jerry. 269 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:22,170 No? Well, it's not less. 270 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,710 Everything Sweetums makes 271 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,710 is off the charts. 272 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,650 I like their 273 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,650 candy fingernails. 274 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,480 I can't believe these 275 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,480 things are healthy. 276 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420 It's not that crazy. 277 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420 Krackel bars, also 278 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420 healthy and delicious. 279 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:32,480 No, they're not. 280 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,480 Yeah. They actually 281 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,480 have rice in them. So... 282 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,290 Andy, you're fine, 283 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,290 but you're simple. 284 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,460 Who just put 100 285 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,460 of these in their body? 286 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530 Ann! Oh! Look at you! 287 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530 You're looking pretty 288 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530 unhealthy today. 289 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,200 You might need one of these, 290 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,200 NutriYum, by Sweetums. 291 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,800 If you can't beat them, 292 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,800 Sweetums! 293 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,640 I love that song. 294 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,640 Ow! 295 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,270 I need to go 296 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,270 check my e-mail. 297 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,910 We're gonna sell these 298 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,910 in the park now. 299 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,180 They're healthy! 300 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380 Holy God. 301 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380 No, they're not, 302 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380 they're terrible for you. 303 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450 No, they're not. 304 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450 There's a picture of 305 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450 Lance Armstrong on there. 306 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960 Yeah, but look at the 307 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960 ingredients. "High-fructose 308 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960 corn syrup, corn syrup." 309 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430 There's only 310 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430 eight grams of fat. 311 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430 Yeah. Per serving. 312 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,960 A bar is four servings. 313 00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590 Well, people seem 314 00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590 to enjoy them. Look 315 00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590 how happy everybody is. 316 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,000 Yeah, that's 317 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,000 a sugar rush. 318 00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:25,130 Yeah. 319 00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,900 That makes sense. 320 00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,900 They're gonna crash soon, 321 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100 and it's not gonna be pretty. 322 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100 Yeah, I'm gonna 323 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100 crash soon, too. 324 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340 'Cause I've eaten, 325 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340 like, 40 of these. 326 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340 Oh, God! 327 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010 Generally, I like 328 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010 to stay out of other 329 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010 people's business. 330 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540 But Pawnee is 331 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540 the fourth most obese 332 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540 city in America. 333 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,620 The kids here are beefy. 334 00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350 They're just husky, 335 00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350 big-boned, plus-sized 336 00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350 chunk monsters. 337 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,020 I call them like I see them. 338 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,970 Leslie? 339 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,970 Yeah? 340 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,590 Let's get some 341 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,590 almonds in you, okay? 342 00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:55,800 Okay. 343 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,200 Get it. 344 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,200 I can't open them. 345 00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,200 Back to work. 346 00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,580 I hate it here. 347 00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,580 This place is evil. 348 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340 I think these are 349 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340 the only two films that 350 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340 say "Sweetums" on the label. 351 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320 Yeah, well, let's take 352 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320 them both. We might find 353 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320 something interesting. 354 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110 Here, just let me stick 355 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110 them under my shirt. 356 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110 No. 357 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,160 Just walk out. 358 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,160 They have sensors! 359 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,950 Just check them out. 360 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,950 It's free. 361 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,060 Hey, Marci. 362 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,060 Leslie. 363 00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590 Are they finally 364 00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590 teaching you Parks people 365 00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590 how to read? 366 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,690 Oh, I guess not. 367 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,690 It's a movie. 368 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630 You're pretty cocky for 369 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630 someone whose job is obsolete 370 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630 because of the Internet. 371 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,390 Let's see. 372 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:33,770 Hmm. You seem to 373 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:33,770 have a $40 late fee 374 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570 on a book called 375 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570 Mysteries of 376 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570 the Female Orgasm. 377 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:37,970 No, I don't. 378 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,170 Yeah, you do. 379 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,280 Ann, grab the movie! 380 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,280 Go, go, go, go! 381 00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:46,420 Punk-ass book jockeys! 382 00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460 So, you guys all good 383 00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460 with the Sweetums 384 00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460 concession-stand deal? 385 00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:56,860 I can go ahead 386 00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:56,860 and sign off on it? 387 00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,230 You betcha. 388 00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,230 Actually, no. 389 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,060 No. We are worried 390 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,060 that the energy bars 391 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,930 that they're gonna sell 392 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,930 are grossly unhealthy 393 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670 and they're misleading 394 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670 people about what's 395 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670 actually in them. 396 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700 No, we're not worried 397 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700 about that. We're fine 398 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700 and we sign off. 399 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,240 Paul, can I have 400 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,240 a sidebar with Ron? 401 00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,370 I guess. 402 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940 Sidebar, Ron. I did some 403 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940 research, and NutriYums 404 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940 are terrible for you. 405 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,450 I don't care. 406 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,450 We're doing it. 407 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,750 That's a... 408 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,750 We're in a sidebar. 409 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,750 Do you not care about 410 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,750 your city's health? 411 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490 I care about the 412 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490 people's right to consume 413 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490 whatever they want. 414 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,890 Paul, can you and I 415 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,890 have a sidebar? 416 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,020 No. 417 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500 Okay. I think maybe 418 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500 we should hold 419 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500 a public forum. 420 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,660 That way we 421 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,660 won't be liable. 422 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790 There's no point. 423 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790 It's a home run 424 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790 for the city. 425 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270 No, I think she's 426 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270 right. It's a good 427 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270 cover-our-ass move. 428 00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:39,830 Let's do it. 429 00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:39,830 Paul! 430 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410 Leslie, why must you 431 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410 stick your nose into 432 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410 everyone else's business? 433 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680 Sidebar, Paul. Ron's 434 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680 upset because I didn't 435 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680 let him drive last night. 436 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,840 Stop sidebarring. 437 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,050 Somebody's grouchy. 438 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,220 You said 439 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,220 it was just odds and ends. 440 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,020 It is, yeah. 441 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,020 And some furniture. 442 00:09:58,090 --> 00:09:59,190 And the plasma TV. 443 00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,960 You haven't even 444 00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,960 folded up the boxes yet. 445 00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:02,790 Dude, Deep Blue Sea. 446 00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,730 Greatest movie ever made. 447 00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,870 That's the Canadian version, 448 00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,870 22 extra minutes, 449 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930 and there's a bonus 450 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930 audio track where LL Cool J 451 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930 raps all his dialog. 452 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:13,240 What? We're watching 453 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:13,240 this right now. 454 00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:14,330 Yes! 455 00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:15,430 Pop it in! 456 00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:15,430 No, no, no! 457 00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310 We should really 458 00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310 pack this room up 459 00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310 and get moving. 460 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710 So, this is a really 461 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710 big room I need 462 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710 packed up, guys. 463 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,450 This is your bedroom? 464 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:27,220 No, it's a spare room 465 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:27,220 I converted 466 00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,380 into a walk-in closet 467 00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,380 /home fitness center. 468 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,450 What is that? 469 00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:33,150 Oh. 470 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100 I strapped an MP3 player 471 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100 to one of those 472 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100 floor cleaning robots. 473 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030 I call him "DJ Roomba." 474 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030 Little guy cruises around 475 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030 and plays music. 476 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,160 What's hot, DJ Roomba? 477 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,900 DJ Roomba, 478 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,900 tearing it up! 479 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,100 He likes me. 480 00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880 Let's dance for 481 00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880 a little while, Mark. 482 00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880 What... 483 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480 NutriYums energy bars 484 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480 are just absolutely loaded 485 00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780 with high-fructose 486 00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780 corn syrup 487 00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780 and fatty oils. 488 00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,220 And any way 489 00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,220 you slice it, 490 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,810 they're just extremely 491 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,810 unhealthy for you. 492 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,490 Leslie needs 493 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,490 to butt out. 494 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,760 The whole point 495 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,760 of this country is, 496 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:07,920 if you want 497 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:07,920 to eat garbage, 498 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400 balloon up to 600 pounds 499 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400 and die of a heart attack 500 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400 at 43, you can. 501 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,160 You are free to do so. 502 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,160 To me, that's beautiful. 503 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,330 Any questions? 504 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640 If sugar is so bad, 505 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640 how come Jesus 506 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640 made it taste so good? 507 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,300 Yes? 508 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,440 But isn't all 509 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,440 food bad for you? 510 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,180 I've been eating 511 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,180 lasagna and muffins 512 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,580 every day of my life 513 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,580 for 40 years 514 00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:30,710 and I feel terrible. 515 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:31,780 Right. 516 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,750 What's so bad 517 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,750 about corn syrup? 518 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,790 It's natural. 519 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,790 Corn's a fruit. 520 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,190 Syrup comes from a bush. 521 00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:38,350 Oh, boy. 522 00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,620 How do we know 523 00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,620 you're really a nurse? 524 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,860 I am, I promise. 525 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,860 I work at Saint Joe's. 526 00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770 Well, the point is, 527 00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770 my friend thinks 528 00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770 you're cute. 529 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,000 Give me your number 530 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,000 so he can have it. 531 00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:49,870 Yeah, 532 00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:49,870 that's not gonna happen. 533 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530 Can I have your 534 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530 e-mail address? 535 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530 Oh, my God. 536 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,900 I just got on AOL. 537 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,900 No! 538 00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,700 I think we ought to 539 00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,700 throw those bars out 540 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,140 and eat 541 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,140 ham-and-mayonnaise sandwiches. 542 00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:57,370 That's not a good idea. 543 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,640 Ham and mayonnaise! 544 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,640 That's not... 545 00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,940 No. 546 00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,940 Ham and mayonnaise! 547 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,980 No, no, no, no. 548 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,980 Ham and mayonnaise! 549 00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,020 Ham and mayonnaise! 550 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520 Oh, God. 551 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520 I can't believe you 552 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520 do this every week. 553 00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:06,710 I'm actually encouraged. 554 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,980 The questions were 555 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,980 more relevant than usual. 556 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030 Yeah. I need to order 557 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030 the brown Timberlands 558 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030 in a size eight, narrow. 559 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,060 How much is 560 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,060 the next-day shipping? 561 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,590 And, what's two-day 562 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,590 shipping? 563 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300 Yeah, 564 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300 I'd like to place an order 565 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300 for one pad thai, chicken, 566 00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:23,200 and no scallions 567 00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:23,200 on it, please. 568 00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:25,260 Just for one person, 569 00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:25,260 yeah. Just one. 570 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870 Yeah, I saw Mark carrying, 571 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870 like, three boxes. 572 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870 That dude is strong. 573 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,940 Whatever. 574 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,940 I'll carry five boxes! 575 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,110 Go get 'em, champ! 576 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,920 Okay, Donna. 577 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,920 Where do you want this? 578 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,550 Uh-uh. That's it. 579 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,750 My baby has 580 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,750 a delicate suspension. 581 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,450 Are you kidding me? 582 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,450 No, I'm not. Move. 583 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430 Put it in your truck, 584 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430 Brendanawicz. 585 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430 There's plenty of room. 586 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,260 Hey! 587 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,360 Ah! My pocket squares! 588 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640 Sorry, Shoelace. 589 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640 We don't make NutriYums 590 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640 for dogs. Yet. 591 00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300 NutriYums. 592 00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300 Where nutritious meets tasty. 593 00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300 By Sweetums. 594 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,110 I guess that 595 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,110 about says it all. 596 00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,610 You know, 597 00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,610 it doesn't, actually. 598 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,150 I think we should watch 599 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,150 another video right now, 600 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,520 one that your company 601 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,520 made 30 years ago. 602 00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,950 I'm Nick Newport, 603 00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,950 president of Sweetums, 604 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,860 giving you a look inside 605 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,860 our corn syrup factory. 606 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:22,120 This is all-new, 607 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:22,120 high-fructose corn syrup, 608 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960 a miracle product 609 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960 that's sweeter than sugar, 610 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960 but cheaper to produce! 611 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740 Cheap, delicious, 612 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740 sugary corn is currently 613 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740 being used by farms 614 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,210 to fatten up 615 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,210 their cows and pigs. 616 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,540 Look how fat 617 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,540 those cows are! 618 00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,510 Fat, happy and docile, 619 00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,510 the way we like them. 620 00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740 So, you still want to 621 00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740 claim that corn syrup 622 00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740 is healthy? 623 00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190 Corn syrup is natural, 624 00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190 and it's fine 625 00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190 in moderation. 626 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,320 But don't take 627 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,320 my word for it. 628 00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:52,020 Ladies and gentlemen, 629 00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:52,020 Mr. Nick Newport, Jr.! 630 00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,630 All right! 631 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,200 What's going on? 632 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,200 Yeah! 633 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,670 How you doing? 634 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,670 Yeah! Yeah! 635 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,000 That's what 636 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,000 I'm saying! 637 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,400 My kids, 638 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,400 Denver and Dakota! 639 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,140 Come on down, guys! 640 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,250 I just wanna get... 641 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,250 That's good hose water. 642 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,310 Don't get my shoes. 643 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450 Hey, what's up, guys? 644 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450 You come to help 645 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450 Tom move, too? 646 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,990 Too late! We already 647 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,990 almost got all of it. 648 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:23,720 No, we just 649 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:23,720 thought it'd be funny 650 00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:25,350 to see April 651 00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:25,350 doing physical labor. 652 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,590 It's been 653 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,590 an awesome moving day. 654 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,630 I got the little robot 655 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,630 to play Dave Matthews. 656 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,930 Little baby! 657 00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:34,560 What's he talking about? 658 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,660 DJ Roomba. 659 00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,070 What? 660 00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,200 All right. 661 00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,200 Back to the grindstone. 662 00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,330 Awesome seeing you, 663 00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,330 dudes. 664 00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,930 See you. 665 00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,930 Later, bro. 666 00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,180 Hi. 667 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620 God, this is so weird. 668 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620 It's, like, 669 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620 end of an era, huh? 670 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:55,260 It's kind of sad. 671 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,310 Yeah, we'll still 672 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,310 be friends. 673 00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:57,450 Yeah. 674 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,460 Well, hey, 675 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,460 you guys must be starving. 676 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690 You want me to 677 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690 order you pizza 678 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690 or something? 679 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820 Oh, that'd 680 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820 be great, yeah. 681 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820 Okay. 682 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200 Why don't you get some 683 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200 Canadian bacon on it, 684 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200 since you're from Canada. 685 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:05,290 Mmm-hmm. 686 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340 And sausage, 687 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340 'cause I am brown 688 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340 and spicy. 689 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370 Okay, all right. 690 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370 Well, I will see 691 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370 you around, I guess. 692 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,810 Yeah. 693 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,810 Right? 694 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,300 I'm around. 695 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,400 I'll see you around. 696 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,750 Bye. 697 00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550 Wow. Mr. Newport, Jr., 698 00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550 thank you so much 699 00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550 for coming. 700 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790 But don't you think 701 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790 that every person 702 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790 has a right to know 703 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890 what they're putting 704 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890 in their bodies? 705 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890 Right, everybody? 706 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,450 Is Shoelace here? 707 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,450 Where's Shoelace? 708 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,760 Shoelace couldn't make it. 709 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,760 Aw! 710 00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,490 But I do agree 711 00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,490 with this nice lady. 712 00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130 That's why I say 713 00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130 we should let 714 00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130 the people be the judge. 715 00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:44,400 Denver? 716 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,100 Everybody! 717 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,100 Check under your seats! 718 00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:50,010 Look, look! 719 00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:50,010 I got chocolate! 720 00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,950 Denver, 721 00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,950 you little son of a bitch. 722 00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,680 Mmm. 723 00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:08,750 There's no pizza left? 724 00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,590 Sorry, Jer. Too slow. 725 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,130 Do you want my crusts? 726 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,130 Here, take this. 727 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600 Nobody even told me 728 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600 the pizza was here. 729 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,030 Jerry! 730 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,030 You stepped on DJ Roomba! 731 00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:21,430 That was an accident. 732 00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,810 You killed him! 733 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,680 I built him myself. 734 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,680 He was like a son to me. 735 00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,070 Okay. Time to vote. 736 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,620 All those 737 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,620 who would like 738 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,550 the bloated corpse 739 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,550 of the government 740 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,450 to keep running 741 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,450 the snack bars 742 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,580 at taxpayer expense, 743 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,580 raise your hands. 744 00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,720 That seems like 745 00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,720 an unfair phrasing. 746 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330 And all those in favor 747 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330 of letting this heartless 748 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330 corporation, Sweetums, 749 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960 stuff your children 750 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960 with sugary crap, 751 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960 raise your hand. 752 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,030 Thank you, everybody. 753 00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:52,800 I can't believe this. 754 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,340 You know what? 755 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,340 We did our job. 756 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,310 We informed the public. 757 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,310 That's all we can do. 758 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100 MAN ON PHONE: 759 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100 I'm sorry, man. 760 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100 There's nothing we can do. 761 00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,210 Are you serious? 762 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,180 Look, we'll get it fixed 763 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,180 and I'll see you Monday. 764 00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,120 I just got off the phone 765 00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,120 with my new landlord. 766 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,920 Apparently, there's been 767 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,920 some sort of gas leak 768 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960 and I can't 769 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960 move into my place 770 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960 until Monday now. 771 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,660 Are you telling us 772 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,660 we have to unload this 773 00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,990 and move it 774 00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,990 back in the house? 775 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060 No, I can't put it there. 776 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060 I promised Wendy I'd be 777 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060 out of here tonight. 778 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,660 I got it. 779 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040 Everybody go home, 780 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040 pack away my stuff 781 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040 in your own houses. 782 00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,670 Then on Monday, 783 00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,670 pack it back up, 784 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,740 meet me at my new place, 785 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,740 unload it there. 786 00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:38,480 Come on, guys. 787 00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:40,150 See you, Tom. 788 00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:40,150 Bye. 789 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,250 Later. 790 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,260 Hey, bro, wanna go 791 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,260 get our grub on? 792 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,090 Totes, bro. 793 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,090 Wings and brews! 794 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,860 Why are you guys 795 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,860 talking like that? 796 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,460 Just chillaxin' like 797 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,460 your new bro, Andy. 798 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,230 Yeah. Wanna play 799 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,230 some Hacky Sack later, 800 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,430 maybe listen to 801 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,430 Blues Traveler? 802 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,170 Okay. I'm leaving. 803 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,730 We're just kidding. 804 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,730 Let's go to dinner. 805 00:17:58,810 --> 00:17:59,930 I'm not hungry. 806 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:01,480 And you guys 807 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:01,480 aren't being funny. 808 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,600 Why are 809 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,600 you being weird? 810 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940 We make fun of 811 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940 people like that. 812 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940 That's what we do. 813 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,780 You know, 814 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,780 for a gay couple, 815 00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,540 you guys 816 00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,540 are being really gay. 817 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650 I said, 818 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650 "Of course I remember you. 819 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650 You're Chastity, right?" 820 00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:16,680 Leslie! 821 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130 Even though 822 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130 I didn't invite you, 823 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130 you came here anyway. 824 00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290 I respect that, 825 00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290 because you made a choice 826 00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290 as a free American. 827 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:25,920 What are you eating? 828 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,060 I call this 829 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,060 "turf and turf." 830 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,570 It's a 16-ounce T-bone 831 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,570 and a 24-ounce porterhouse. 832 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,270 Also, whiskey and a cigar. 833 00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010 I'm gonna consume 834 00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010 all of this 835 00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010 at the same time 836 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,910 because I am 837 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,910 a free American. 838 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,280 No cigars inside, sir. 839 00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:44,250 Fine. I will smoke 840 00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:44,250 the entire thing outside. 841 00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380 Even though 842 00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380 it is bad for me, 843 00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380 I am going to do it. 844 00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,090 Why is he being 845 00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,090 such an ass? 846 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,390 It's a long story. 847 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720 It's freezing outside, 848 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720 so I will not be 849 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720 smoking this cigar. 850 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770 But rest assured, 851 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770 I could if I wanted to, 852 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770 because this... 853 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,800 This is America, 854 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,800 right? Is it? 855 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,100 May I speak with you, 856 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,100 please? 857 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200 Look, I don't know 858 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200 if you're being 859 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200 a jerk on purpose 860 00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,300 just to prove you have 861 00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,300 the right to be a jerk, 862 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,710 but either way, 863 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,710 you're being a jerk. 864 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:13,080 So, here. 865 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:13,080 Take the booze chart. 866 00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,380 Are you kidding me? 867 00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,380 No. 868 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040 If you're gonna drink, 869 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040 you should use it, okay? 870 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040 I'm gonna head out. 871 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350 By the way, 872 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350 maybe it's none 873 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350 of my business, 874 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220 but if you eat 875 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220 three pounds of steak 876 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220 every day, you're gonna die, 877 00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:27,130 and although I've already 878 00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:27,130 written your eulogy, 879 00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890 and it's incredibly touching, 880 00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890 I would prefer not to give it 881 00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890 for a while. 882 00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:33,830 The first line, 883 00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:33,830 by the way? 884 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:39,130 "O Captain! My Captain! 885 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:39,130 Ron Swanson, a swan song." 886 00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,600 Yeah, and it gets 887 00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,600 better from there. 888 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,610 April! April! 889 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,780 You wanna watch me rollerblade 890 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,780 in the parking lot after work? 891 00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:54,880 I'm pretty awesome. 892 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390 I used to be really good. 893 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390 That was, like, 894 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390 70 pounds ago. 895 00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,460 I can't. 896 00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,460 I'm kind of busy. 897 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,500 Oh, that's lame. 898 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,500 Tomorrow? 899 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,230 Maybe. I don't know. 900 00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,200 Okay. Bye. 901 00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:15,810 Just kidding! 902 00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:15,810 I don't fall! 903 00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,780 I... 904 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,120 What are you eating? 905 00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,020 I didn't have time 906 00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,020 to have breakfast. 907 00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:29,150 I'm gonna toss these 908 00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:29,150 in the dumpster outside. 909 00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590 And I don't wanna 910 00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590 see you digging around 911 00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590 in there later. 912 00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:38,100 I am sorry. 913 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,100 I have been a horse's ass. 914 00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:46,270 And that is the end 915 00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:46,270 of what I have to say. 916 00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,770 Apology accepted. 917 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,310 Put a coat on. 918 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,310 It's freezing outside. 919 00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:04,690 Jerry! Jerry! 920 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,430 This is the ghost 921 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,430 of DJ Roomba. 922 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,370 Why did you kill me? 923 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,830 I'm gonna 924 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,830 haunt you, Jerry. 925 00:21:16,540 --> 00:21:18,170 I'm gonna follow you 926 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,900 and play the Black Eyed Peas 927 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,900 on a non-stop loop! 49569

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