Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730
Hi, I'm Tom Haverford.
2
00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730
I work at the
3
00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:03,730
Parks Department.
4
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,430
It's a little douchie.
5
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,660
Good call, J.
6
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,930
I'm getting divorced,
7
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,930
so I'm trying to up my game.
8
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,200
Who am I supposed to ask
9
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,200
for fashion advice? Jerry?
10
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780
He wears the same
11
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780
soup-stained khakis
12
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,780
every day.
13
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040
Justin's my savior.
14
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040
He's like an issue of GQ
15
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,040
that's come to life.
16
00:00:19,950 --> 00:00:21,110
Tommy Timberlake.
17
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,740
You look like
18
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,740
Encyclopedia Brown.
19
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,710
Sequins!
20
00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:27,390
Try it without the gloves.
21
00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,290
Sequins,
22
00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,290
minus the gloves.
23
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520
Hey, what's up? I'm Tom.
24
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520
Is my shirt lighting up?
25
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:35,520
'Cause I didn't even notice.
26
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,930
All right, guys.
27
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,930
Let's talk accessories.
28
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560
Be honest. Which cane
29
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560
do you like better?
30
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560
Dragon? Serpent?
31
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,730
Dragon? Serpent?
32
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,670
Belt buckle, says,
33
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,670
"What's cracking?"
34
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300
I can have it say whatever
35
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300
I want. It can say,
36
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,300
"What's cracking? I'm Tom.
37
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,140
"What's cracking, girl?
38
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,140
What's cracking, boo?"
39
00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:50,710
Eagle medallion!
40
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:54,080
Well, as far as white,
41
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:54,080
leather suits go...
42
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:55,450
It's horrible.
43
00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:57,840
I like it.
44
00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:21,800
Sweetums has
45
00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:21,800
been Pawnee's
46
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080
leading sweet-treat
47
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080
manufacturer for
48
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,080
over 80 years.
49
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950
And we are so excited about
50
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950
our new partnership
51
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,950
with the Parks Department.
52
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:34,850
Starting next month,
53
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360
Sweetums is gonna
54
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360
take over the concession
55
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360
stands in our parks.
56
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590
I mean, I don't love the idea
57
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590
of corporate sponsorship, but
58
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,590
Sweetums is an institution.
59
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,530
When you think of Pawnee,
60
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,530
you think of Sweetums.
61
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,230
Although candy is
62
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,230
our bread and butter,
63
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010
we also care
64
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010
about the health
65
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,010
of our customers.
66
00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800
And that's why we'll be
67
00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800
debuting our new healthy
68
00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:57,800
energy bar, NutriYums.
69
00:01:58,350 --> 00:01:59,410
Take a look.
70
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,920
Hi, I'm Nick Newport, Jr.,
71
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,920
CEO of Sweetums.
72
00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390
And I'd like to introduce
73
00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390
to you our new line
74
00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:09,390
of energy bars, NutriYums.
75
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,520
We start with
76
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,520
100% all-natural corn,
77
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920
then we add just
78
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920
a little bit of
79
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:13,920
Sweetums corn syrup,
80
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,320
a little drop of sunshine,
81
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,320
and some other stuff.
82
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830
And since they're from
83
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830
Sweetums, you know your kids
84
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,830
are gonna love them.
85
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770
Wow, that family looks
86
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770
so healthy. Look at them.
87
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,770
They're all wearing vests!
88
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,570
Dakota? Denver?
89
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670
Sorry, Shoelace.
90
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670
We don't make NutriYums
91
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,670
for dogs. Yet.
92
00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:29,410
Shoelace.
93
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070
NutriYums.
94
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070
Where nutritious meets tasty.
95
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,070
By Sweetums.
96
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,240
If you can't
97
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,240
beat them...
98
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,720
Sweetums!
99
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,410
I could not be
100
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,410
happier about this.
101
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880
I think the
102
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880
entire government
103
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,880
should be privatized.
104
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,580
Chuck E. Cheese
105
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,580
could run the parks.
106
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160
Everything operated
107
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160
by tokens. Drop in a token,
108
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:50,160
go on the swing set.
109
00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,020
Drop in another token,
110
00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,020
take a walk.
111
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,160
Drop in a token,
112
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,160
look at a duck.
113
00:02:57,140 --> 00:03:01,240
Brendanawicz! Quick question,
114
00:02:57,140 --> 00:03:01,240
do you personally know Xzibit?
115
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210
Because I was checking out
116
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210
that pickup truck of yours,
117
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:05,210
and that ride is pimped!
118
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950
It's really nice of you
119
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950
to compliment my pickup truck
120
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,950
with no ulterior motives.
121
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390
Yeah, so, listen,
122
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390
I need to move some
123
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,390
stuff this weekend
124
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250
into my new bachelor pad,
125
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250
since my divorce
126
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:15,250
is finally going down.
127
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,420
Just some odds and ends.
128
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790
You can bring up
129
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790
the Mark-mobile,
130
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,790
help me move, right?
131
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590
I'm totally blanking
132
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590
on a valid excuse
133
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,590
right now,
134
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,690
so, yes. I'll help you.
135
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,690
My boy!
136
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:27,500
I hate having
137
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:27,500
a pickup truck.
138
00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840
Andy, I have a very
139
00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840
interesting business
140
00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,840
proposal for you.
141
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640
I'm moving a lot
142
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640
of heavy stuff
143
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,640
out of my place
144
00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,840
this weekend.
145
00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,840
Can I help you move?
146
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:37,540
I'm really good at it.
147
00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510
Afterwards, I'll take
148
00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510
the cardboard from the boxes
149
00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:40,510
and use it for break dancing.
150
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,280
I'll go, too.
151
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,280
Really?
152
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,610
'Cause an hour ago
153
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950
you told me you'd rather
154
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950
watch a sex tape
155
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,950
of your grandparents.
156
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650
Shut up. I don't have
157
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650
anything else to do.
158
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:49,650
Do you want help or not?
159
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,760
All right.
160
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,760
See you guys later.
161
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500
I think that that's really,
162
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500
really sweet, that your
163
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,500
grandparents still make love.
164
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,730
Ready to go?
165
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,730
Yes.
166
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:07,340
Your keys, please.
167
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,780
You gotta
168
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,780
be kidding me. I'm fine.
169
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,410
Well, we'll let the chart
170
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,410
be the judge of that.
171
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880
What are you,
172
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880
5'11", 210 pounds,
173
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,880
three whiskeys?
174
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120
Looks like you are
175
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120
just over the line
176
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:21,120
into impaired.
177
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,150
You carry that with
178
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,150
you all the time?
179
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,390
It comes in handy.
180
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790
And on the back,
181
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790
it teaches you how
182
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,790
to play blackjack.
183
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130
Swansons have
184
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130
a preternaturally high
185
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,130
tolerance for alcohol.
186
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690
My old man used
187
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690
to put Wild Turkey
188
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,690
on his Corn Flakes.
189
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100
I'm not gonna argue
190
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100
with you, Ron. We're
191
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,100
just gonna sit and wait
192
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230
until, you know,
193
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230
you're safe to drive,
194
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:38,230
which would be in about
195
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:40,630
one hour.
196
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310
"Insurance is a side bet
197
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310
when you wager half
198
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:48,310
of your original bet
199
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620
"because you believe
200
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620
the dealer has
201
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:52,620
a 10 in the hole."
202
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,820
Get off my car,
203
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,820
woman!
204
00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:58,090
Twenty minutes.
205
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520
The dealer really has
206
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520
an advantage. That's what
207
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:02,520
I get the most from this.
208
00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,130
Hey, Ron.
209
00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:12,170
Morning, Leslie.
210
00:05:09,770 --> 00:05:12,170
Did you have a good night?
211
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440
I did. I watched
212
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440
a really good...
213
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440
What is that?
214
00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,210
This is what
215
00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,210
I did last night.
216
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880
After I got home,
217
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880
I drank six more
218
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,880
glasses of whiskey
219
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,350
and then I finished
220
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,350
crafting this small harp,
221
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360
using a band saw,
222
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360
a spoke shave and an
223
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:27,360
oscillating spindle sander.
224
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,520
Beautiful.
225
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,520
But wait, there's more.
226
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,290
Here are some photographs
227
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,290
of me drinking the whiskey.
228
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,230
You'll notice I'm holding up
229
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,230
yesterday's newspaper,
230
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,630
so you can tell
231
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,630
that I'm not lying.
232
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,360
I feel like
233
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,360
I'm in a spa.
234
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800
So, I got my truck
235
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800
all cleaned out and
236
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,800
ready to go for tomorrow.
237
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330
Do you have, like,
238
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330
furniture pads and dollies?
239
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,330
That sort of thing?
240
00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:51,850
Ooh, I thought
241
00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:51,850
the mover supplied those.
242
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,040
I'm not a mover!
243
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,150
I'm a sap who owns a truck.
244
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780
Don't talk about
245
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780
yourself like that.
246
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,780
And bring some coffee.
247
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860
Hey, are you moving out?
248
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860
Have you told Wendy
249
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,860
how you feel yet?
250
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,590
Waiting for the right time.
251
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,590
It's right now.
252
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:05,720
The time is now.
253
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,660
Just don't worry
254
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,660
about it. I'm fine.
255
00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:08,790
Hmm.
256
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:09,850
What's that over there?
257
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,370
Mmm!
258
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,370
Holy cow.
259
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,630
Yeah.
260
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,630
Wow.
261
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,600
That is good stuff.
262
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,600
Great, right?
263
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:15,800
Oh, my God.
264
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:15,800
They're amazing.
265
00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:16,930
They're more than amazing.
266
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,300
They are terrific.
267
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:20,070
Terrific's not more
268
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:20,070
than amazing, Jerry.
269
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:22,170
No? Well, it's not less.
270
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,710
Everything Sweetums makes
271
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,710
is off the charts.
272
00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,650
I like their
273
00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,650
candy fingernails.
274
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,480
I can't believe these
275
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,480
things are healthy.
276
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420
It's not that crazy.
277
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420
Krackel bars, also
278
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,420
healthy and delicious.
279
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:32,480
No, they're not.
280
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,480
Yeah. They actually
281
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,480
have rice in them. So...
282
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,290
Andy, you're fine,
283
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,290
but you're simple.
284
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,460
Who just put 100
285
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,460
of these in their body?
286
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530
Ann! Oh! Look at you!
287
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530
You're looking pretty
288
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:51,530
unhealthy today.
289
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,200
You might need one of these,
290
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,200
NutriYum, by Sweetums.
291
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,800
If you can't beat them,
292
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,800
Sweetums!
293
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,640
I love that song.
294
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,640
Ow!
295
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,270
I need to go
296
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,270
check my e-mail.
297
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,910
We're gonna sell these
298
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,910
in the park now.
299
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,180
They're healthy!
300
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380
Holy God.
301
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380
No, they're not,
302
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,380
they're terrible for you.
303
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450
No, they're not.
304
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450
There's a picture of
305
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,450
Lance Armstrong on there.
306
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960
Yeah, but look at the
307
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960
ingredients. "High-fructose
308
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,960
corn syrup, corn syrup."
309
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430
There's only
310
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430
eight grams of fat.
311
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,430
Yeah. Per serving.
312
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,960
A bar is four servings.
313
00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590
Well, people seem
314
00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590
to enjoy them. Look
315
00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,590
how happy everybody is.
316
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,000
Yeah, that's
317
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,000
a sugar rush.
318
00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:25,130
Yeah.
319
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,900
That makes sense.
320
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,900
They're gonna crash soon,
321
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100
and it's not gonna be pretty.
322
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100
Yeah, I'm gonna
323
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,100
crash soon, too.
324
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340
'Cause I've eaten,
325
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340
like, 40 of these.
326
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,340
Oh, God!
327
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010
Generally, I like
328
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010
to stay out of other
329
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,010
people's business.
330
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540
But Pawnee is
331
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540
the fourth most obese
332
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,540
city in America.
333
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,620
The kids here are beefy.
334
00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350
They're just husky,
335
00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350
big-boned, plus-sized
336
00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:44,350
chunk monsters.
337
00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,020
I call them like I see them.
338
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,970
Leslie?
339
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,970
Yeah?
340
00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,590
Let's get some
341
00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,590
almonds in you, okay?
342
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:55,800
Okay.
343
00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,200
Get it.
344
00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,200
I can't open them.
345
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,200
Back to work.
346
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,580
I hate it here.
347
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,580
This place is evil.
348
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340
I think these are
349
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340
the only two films that
350
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,340
say "Sweetums" on the label.
351
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320
Yeah, well, let's take
352
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320
them both. We might find
353
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,320
something interesting.
354
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110
Here, just let me stick
355
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110
them under my shirt.
356
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,110
No.
357
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,160
Just walk out.
358
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,160
They have sensors!
359
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,950
Just check them out.
360
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,950
It's free.
361
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,060
Hey, Marci.
362
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,060
Leslie.
363
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590
Are they finally
364
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590
teaching you Parks people
365
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,590
how to read?
366
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,690
Oh, I guess not.
367
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,690
It's a movie.
368
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630
You're pretty cocky for
369
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630
someone whose job is obsolete
370
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,630
because of the Internet.
371
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,390
Let's see.
372
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:33,770
Hmm. You seem to
373
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:33,770
have a $40 late fee
374
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570
on a book called
375
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570
Mysteries of
376
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,570
the Female Orgasm.
377
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:37,970
No, I don't.
378
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,170
Yeah, you do.
379
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,280
Ann, grab the movie!
380
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,280
Go, go, go, go!
381
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:46,420
Punk-ass book jockeys!
382
00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460
So, you guys all good
383
00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460
with the Sweetums
384
00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:55,460
concession-stand deal?
385
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:56,860
I can go ahead
386
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:56,860
and sign off on it?
387
00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,230
You betcha.
388
00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,230
Actually, no.
389
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,060
No. We are worried
390
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,060
that the energy bars
391
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,930
that they're gonna sell
392
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,930
are grossly unhealthy
393
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670
and they're misleading
394
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670
people about what's
395
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670
actually in them.
396
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700
No, we're not worried
397
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700
about that. We're fine
398
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:08,700
and we sign off.
399
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,240
Paul, can I have
400
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,240
a sidebar with Ron?
401
00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,370
I guess.
402
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940
Sidebar, Ron. I did some
403
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940
research, and NutriYums
404
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,940
are terrible for you.
405
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,450
I don't care.
406
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,450
We're doing it.
407
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,750
That's a...
408
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,750
We're in a sidebar.
409
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,750
Do you not care about
410
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,750
your city's health?
411
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490
I care about the
412
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490
people's right to consume
413
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,490
whatever they want.
414
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,890
Paul, can you and I
415
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,890
have a sidebar?
416
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,020
No.
417
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500
Okay. I think maybe
418
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500
we should hold
419
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,500
a public forum.
420
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,660
That way we
421
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,660
won't be liable.
422
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790
There's no point.
423
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790
It's a home run
424
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,790
for the city.
425
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270
No, I think she's
426
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270
right. It's a good
427
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,270
cover-our-ass move.
428
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:39,830
Let's do it.
429
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:39,830
Paul!
430
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410
Leslie, why must you
431
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410
stick your nose into
432
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,410
everyone else's business?
433
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680
Sidebar, Paul. Ron's
434
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680
upset because I didn't
435
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,680
let him drive last night.
436
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,840
Stop sidebarring.
437
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,050
Somebody's grouchy.
438
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,220
You said
439
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,220
it was just odds and ends.
440
00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,020
It is, yeah.
441
00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,020
And some furniture.
442
00:09:58,090 --> 00:09:59,190
And the plasma TV.
443
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,960
You haven't even
444
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,960
folded up the boxes yet.
445
00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:02,790
Dude, Deep Blue Sea.
446
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,730
Greatest movie ever made.
447
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,870
That's the Canadian version,
448
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,870
22 extra minutes,
449
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930
and there's a bonus
450
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930
audio track where LL Cool J
451
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,930
raps all his dialog.
452
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:13,240
What? We're watching
453
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:13,240
this right now.
454
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:14,330
Yes!
455
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:15,430
Pop it in!
456
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:15,430
No, no, no!
457
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310
We should really
458
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310
pack this room up
459
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,310
and get moving.
460
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710
So, this is a really
461
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710
big room I need
462
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,710
packed up, guys.
463
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,450
This is your bedroom?
464
00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:27,220
No, it's a spare room
465
00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:27,220
I converted
466
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,380
into a walk-in closet
467
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,380
/home fitness center.
468
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,450
What is that?
469
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:33,150
Oh.
470
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100
I strapped an MP3 player
471
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100
to one of those
472
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,100
floor cleaning robots.
473
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030
I call him "DJ Roomba."
474
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030
Little guy cruises around
475
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,030
and plays music.
476
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,160
What's hot, DJ Roomba?
477
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,900
DJ Roomba,
478
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,900
tearing it up!
479
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,100
He likes me.
480
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880
Let's dance for
481
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880
a little while, Mark.
482
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,880
What...
483
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480
NutriYums energy bars
484
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480
are just absolutely loaded
485
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780
with high-fructose
486
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780
corn syrup
487
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,780
and fatty oils.
488
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,220
And any way
489
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,220
you slice it,
490
00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,810
they're just extremely
491
00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,810
unhealthy for you.
492
00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,490
Leslie needs
493
00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,490
to butt out.
494
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,760
The whole point
495
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,760
of this country is,
496
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:07,920
if you want
497
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:07,920
to eat garbage,
498
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400
balloon up to 600 pounds
499
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400
and die of a heart attack
500
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,400
at 43, you can.
501
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,160
You are free to do so.
502
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:16,160
To me, that's beautiful.
503
00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,330
Any questions?
504
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640
If sugar is so bad,
505
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640
how come Jesus
506
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,640
made it taste so good?
507
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,300
Yes?
508
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,440
But isn't all
509
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,440
food bad for you?
510
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,180
I've been eating
511
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,180
lasagna and muffins
512
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,580
every day of my life
513
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,580
for 40 years
514
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:30,710
and I feel terrible.
515
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:31,780
Right.
516
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,750
What's so bad
517
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,750
about corn syrup?
518
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,790
It's natural.
519
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,790
Corn's a fruit.
520
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,190
Syrup comes from a bush.
521
00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:38,350
Oh, boy.
522
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,620
How do we know
523
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,620
you're really a nurse?
524
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,860
I am, I promise.
525
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,860
I work at Saint Joe's.
526
00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770
Well, the point is,
527
00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770
my friend thinks
528
00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,770
you're cute.
529
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,000
Give me your number
530
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,000
so he can have it.
531
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:49,870
Yeah,
532
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:49,870
that's not gonna happen.
533
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530
Can I have your
534
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530
e-mail address?
535
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,530
Oh, my God.
536
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,900
I just got on AOL.
537
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,900
No!
538
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,700
I think we ought to
539
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,700
throw those bars out
540
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,140
and eat
541
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,140
ham-and-mayonnaise sandwiches.
542
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:57,370
That's not a good idea.
543
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,640
Ham and mayonnaise!
544
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,640
That's not...
545
00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,940
No.
546
00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,940
Ham and mayonnaise!
547
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,980
No, no, no, no.
548
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,980
Ham and mayonnaise!
549
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,020
Ham and mayonnaise!
550
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520
Oh, God.
551
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520
I can't believe you
552
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,520
do this every week.
553
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:06,710
I'm actually encouraged.
554
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,980
The questions were
555
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,980
more relevant than usual.
556
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030
Yeah. I need to order
557
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030
the brown Timberlands
558
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,030
in a size eight, narrow.
559
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,060
How much is
560
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,060
the next-day shipping?
561
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,590
And, what's two-day
562
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,590
shipping?
563
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300
Yeah,
564
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300
I'd like to place an order
565
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,300
for one pad thai, chicken,
566
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:23,200
and no scallions
567
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:23,200
on it, please.
568
00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:25,260
Just for one person,
569
00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:25,260
yeah. Just one.
570
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870
Yeah, I saw Mark carrying,
571
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870
like, three boxes.
572
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,870
That dude is strong.
573
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,940
Whatever.
574
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,940
I'll carry five boxes!
575
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,110
Go get 'em, champ!
576
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,920
Okay, Donna.
577
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,920
Where do you want this?
578
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,550
Uh-uh. That's it.
579
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,750
My baby has
580
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,750
a delicate suspension.
581
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,450
Are you kidding me?
582
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,450
No, I'm not. Move.
583
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430
Put it in your truck,
584
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430
Brendanawicz.
585
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,430
There's plenty of room.
586
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,260
Hey!
587
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,360
Ah! My pocket squares!
588
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640
Sorry, Shoelace.
589
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640
We don't make NutriYums
590
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,640
for dogs. Yet.
591
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300
NutriYums.
592
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300
Where nutritious meets tasty.
593
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,300
By Sweetums.
594
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,110
I guess that
595
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,110
about says it all.
596
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,610
You know,
597
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,610
it doesn't, actually.
598
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,150
I think we should watch
599
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,150
another video right now,
600
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,520
one that your company
601
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,520
made 30 years ago.
602
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,950
I'm Nick Newport,
603
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,950
president of Sweetums,
604
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,860
giving you a look inside
605
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,860
our corn syrup factory.
606
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:22,120
This is all-new,
607
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:22,120
high-fructose corn syrup,
608
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960
a miracle product
609
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960
that's sweeter than sugar,
610
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,960
but cheaper to produce!
611
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740
Cheap, delicious,
612
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740
sugary corn is currently
613
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,740
being used by farms
614
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,210
to fatten up
615
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,210
their cows and pigs.
616
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,540
Look how fat
617
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,540
those cows are!
618
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,510
Fat, happy and docile,
619
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,510
the way we like them.
620
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740
So, you still want to
621
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740
claim that corn syrup
622
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,740
is healthy?
623
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190
Corn syrup is natural,
624
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190
and it's fine
625
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,190
in moderation.
626
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,320
But don't take
627
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,320
my word for it.
628
00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:52,020
Ladies and gentlemen,
629
00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:52,020
Mr. Nick Newport, Jr.!
630
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,630
All right!
631
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,200
What's going on?
632
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,200
Yeah!
633
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,670
How you doing?
634
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,670
Yeah! Yeah!
635
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,000
That's what
636
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,000
I'm saying!
637
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,400
My kids,
638
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,400
Denver and Dakota!
639
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,140
Come on down, guys!
640
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,250
I just wanna get...
641
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,250
That's good hose water.
642
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,310
Don't get my shoes.
643
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450
Hey, what's up, guys?
644
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450
You come to help
645
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,450
Tom move, too?
646
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,990
Too late! We already
647
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,990
almost got all of it.
648
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:23,720
No, we just
649
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:23,720
thought it'd be funny
650
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:25,350
to see April
651
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:25,350
doing physical labor.
652
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,590
It's been
653
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,590
an awesome moving day.
654
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,630
I got the little robot
655
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,630
to play Dave Matthews.
656
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,930
Little baby!
657
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:34,560
What's he talking about?
658
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,660
DJ Roomba.
659
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,070
What?
660
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,200
All right.
661
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,200
Back to the grindstone.
662
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,330
Awesome seeing you,
663
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,330
dudes.
664
00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,930
See you.
665
00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,930
Later, bro.
666
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,180
Hi.
667
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620
God, this is so weird.
668
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620
It's, like,
669
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,620
end of an era, huh?
670
00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:55,260
It's kind of sad.
671
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,310
Yeah, we'll still
672
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,310
be friends.
673
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:57,450
Yeah.
674
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,460
Well, hey,
675
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,460
you guys must be starving.
676
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690
You want me to
677
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690
order you pizza
678
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,690
or something?
679
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820
Oh, that'd
680
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820
be great, yeah.
681
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,820
Okay.
682
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200
Why don't you get some
683
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200
Canadian bacon on it,
684
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,200
since you're from Canada.
685
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:05,290
Mmm-hmm.
686
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340
And sausage,
687
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340
'cause I am brown
688
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,340
and spicy.
689
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370
Okay, all right.
690
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370
Well, I will see
691
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:14,370
you around, I guess.
692
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,810
Yeah.
693
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,810
Right?
694
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,300
I'm around.
695
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,400
I'll see you around.
696
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,750
Bye.
697
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550
Wow. Mr. Newport, Jr.,
698
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550
thank you so much
699
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,550
for coming.
700
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790
But don't you think
701
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790
that every person
702
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:31,790
has a right to know
703
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890
what they're putting
704
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890
in their bodies?
705
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,890
Right, everybody?
706
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,450
Is Shoelace here?
707
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,450
Where's Shoelace?
708
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,760
Shoelace couldn't make it.
709
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,760
Aw!
710
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,490
But I do agree
711
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,490
with this nice lady.
712
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130
That's why I say
713
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130
we should let
714
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:43,130
the people be the judge.
715
00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:44,400
Denver?
716
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,100
Everybody!
717
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,100
Check under your seats!
718
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:50,010
Look, look!
719
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:50,010
I got chocolate!
720
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,950
Denver,
721
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,950
you little son of a bitch.
722
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,680
Mmm.
723
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:08,750
There's no pizza left?
724
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,590
Sorry, Jer. Too slow.
725
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,130
Do you want my crusts?
726
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,130
Here, take this.
727
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600
Nobody even told me
728
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600
the pizza was here.
729
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,030
Jerry!
730
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,030
You stepped on DJ Roomba!
731
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:21,430
That was an accident.
732
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,810
You killed him!
733
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,680
I built him myself.
734
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,680
He was like a son to me.
735
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,070
Okay. Time to vote.
736
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,620
All those
737
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,620
who would like
738
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,550
the bloated corpse
739
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,550
of the government
740
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,450
to keep running
741
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,450
the snack bars
742
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,580
at taxpayer expense,
743
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,580
raise your hands.
744
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,720
That seems like
745
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,720
an unfair phrasing.
746
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330
And all those in favor
747
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330
of letting this heartless
748
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:43,330
corporation, Sweetums,
749
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960
stuff your children
750
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960
with sugary crap,
751
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,960
raise your hand.
752
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,030
Thank you, everybody.
753
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:52,800
I can't believe this.
754
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,340
You know what?
755
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,340
We did our job.
756
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,310
We informed the public.
757
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,310
That's all we can do.
758
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100
MAN ON PHONE:
759
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100
I'm sorry, man.
760
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,100
There's nothing we can do.
761
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,210
Are you serious?
762
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,180
Look, we'll get it fixed
763
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,180
and I'll see you Monday.
764
00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,120
I just got off the phone
765
00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,120
with my new landlord.
766
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,920
Apparently, there's been
767
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,920
some sort of gas leak
768
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960
and I can't
769
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960
move into my place
770
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,960
until Monday now.
771
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,660
Are you telling us
772
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,660
we have to unload this
773
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,990
and move it
774
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,990
back in the house?
775
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060
No, I can't put it there.
776
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060
I promised Wendy I'd be
777
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,060
out of here tonight.
778
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,660
I got it.
779
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040
Everybody go home,
780
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040
pack away my stuff
781
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,040
in your own houses.
782
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,670
Then on Monday,
783
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,670
pack it back up,
784
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,740
meet me at my new place,
785
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,740
unload it there.
786
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:38,480
Come on, guys.
787
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:40,150
See you, Tom.
788
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:40,150
Bye.
789
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,250
Later.
790
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,260
Hey, bro, wanna go
791
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,260
get our grub on?
792
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,090
Totes, bro.
793
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,090
Wings and brews!
794
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,860
Why are you guys
795
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,860
talking like that?
796
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,460
Just chillaxin' like
797
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,460
your new bro, Andy.
798
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,230
Yeah. Wanna play
799
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,230
some Hacky Sack later,
800
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,430
maybe listen to
801
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,430
Blues Traveler?
802
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,170
Okay. I'm leaving.
803
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,730
We're just kidding.
804
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,730
Let's go to dinner.
805
00:17:58,810 --> 00:17:59,930
I'm not hungry.
806
00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:01,480
And you guys
807
00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:01,480
aren't being funny.
808
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,600
Why are
809
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,600
you being weird?
810
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940
We make fun of
811
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940
people like that.
812
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,940
That's what we do.
813
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,780
You know,
814
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,780
for a gay couple,
815
00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,540
you guys
816
00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,540
are being really gay.
817
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650
I said,
818
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650
"Of course I remember you.
819
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,650
You're Chastity, right?"
820
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:16,680
Leslie!
821
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130
Even though
822
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130
I didn't invite you,
823
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,130
you came here anyway.
824
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290
I respect that,
825
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290
because you made a choice
826
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,290
as a free American.
827
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:25,920
What are you eating?
828
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,060
I call this
829
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,060
"turf and turf."
830
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,570
It's a 16-ounce T-bone
831
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,570
and a 24-ounce porterhouse.
832
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,270
Also, whiskey and a cigar.
833
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010
I'm gonna consume
834
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010
all of this
835
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:37,010
at the same time
836
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,910
because I am
837
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,910
a free American.
838
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,280
No cigars inside, sir.
839
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:44,250
Fine. I will smoke
840
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:44,250
the entire thing outside.
841
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380
Even though
842
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380
it is bad for me,
843
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,380
I am going to do it.
844
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,090
Why is he being
845
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,090
such an ass?
846
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,390
It's a long story.
847
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720
It's freezing outside,
848
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720
so I will not be
849
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,720
smoking this cigar.
850
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770
But rest assured,
851
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770
I could if I wanted to,
852
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,770
because this...
853
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,800
This is America,
854
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,800
right? Is it?
855
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,100
May I speak with you,
856
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,100
please?
857
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200
Look, I don't know
858
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200
if you're being
859
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,200
a jerk on purpose
860
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,300
just to prove you have
861
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,300
the right to be a jerk,
862
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,710
but either way,
863
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,710
you're being a jerk.
864
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:13,080
So, here.
865
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:13,080
Take the booze chart.
866
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,380
Are you kidding me?
867
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,380
No.
868
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040
If you're gonna drink,
869
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040
you should use it, okay?
870
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:17,040
I'm gonna head out.
871
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350
By the way,
872
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350
maybe it's none
873
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,350
of my business,
874
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220
but if you eat
875
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220
three pounds of steak
876
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:24,220
every day, you're gonna die,
877
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:27,130
and although I've already
878
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:27,130
written your eulogy,
879
00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890
and it's incredibly touching,
880
00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890
I would prefer not to give it
881
00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,890
for a while.
882
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:33,830
The first line,
883
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:33,830
by the way?
884
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:39,130
"O Captain! My Captain!
885
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:39,130
Ron Swanson, a swan song."
886
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,600
Yeah, and it gets
887
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,600
better from there.
888
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,610
April! April!
889
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,780
You wanna watch me rollerblade
890
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,780
in the parking lot after work?
891
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:54,880
I'm pretty awesome.
892
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390
I used to be really good.
893
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390
That was, like,
894
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,390
70 pounds ago.
895
00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,460
I can't.
896
00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,460
I'm kind of busy.
897
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,500
Oh, that's lame.
898
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,500
Tomorrow?
899
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,230
Maybe. I don't know.
900
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,200
Okay. Bye.
901
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:15,810
Just kidding!
902
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:15,810
I don't fall!
903
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,780
I...
904
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,120
What are you eating?
905
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,020
I didn't have time
906
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,020
to have breakfast.
907
00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:29,150
I'm gonna toss these
908
00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:29,150
in the dumpster outside.
909
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590
And I don't wanna
910
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590
see you digging around
911
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,590
in there later.
912
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:38,100
I am sorry.
913
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,100
I have been a horse's ass.
914
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:46,270
And that is the end
915
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:46,270
of what I have to say.
916
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,770
Apology accepted.
917
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,310
Put a coat on.
918
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,310
It's freezing outside.
919
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:04,690
Jerry! Jerry!
920
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,430
This is the ghost
921
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,430
of DJ Roomba.
922
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,370
Why did you kill me?
923
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,830
I'm gonna
924
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,830
haunt you, Jerry.
925
00:21:16,540 --> 00:21:18,170
I'm gonna follow you
926
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,900
and play the Black Eyed Peas
927
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,900
on a non-stop loop!
49569
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.