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1
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Previously on "Wrecked"...
2
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It's the community pile. I saved it,
3
00:00:04,509 --> 00:00:05,821
and now everyone thinks it's gone.
4
00:00:05,846 --> 00:00:08,027
- What are they fighting over?
- Airline pretzels.
5
00:00:08,052 --> 00:00:09,847
- The only food we have left.
- Will you marry me?
6
00:00:09,872 --> 00:00:11,411
- No.
- Why not?
7
00:00:11,436 --> 00:00:12,771
Because you lied to me, Todd.
8
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And you stole the camp's stuff.
9
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- Whatever, dude.
- Where's our stuff?!
10
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,085
It's all gone! I hid it.
11
00:00:18,110 --> 00:00:23,866
From now on,
I'm the friggin' king of the island!
12
00:00:25,123 --> 00:00:27,486
Come on, Steve. Be strong. Yeah.
13
00:00:27,511 --> 00:00:30,498
"See the world," they said.
14
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I should never have left Papakura.
15
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:35,634
Oh, dear! Aah!
16
00:00:35,659 --> 00:00:38,879
Okay, Todd, can I get
that toothbrush now?
17
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:40,771
You look a little short there, Legs.
18
00:00:40,796 --> 00:00:42,032
You said three nuts!
19
00:00:42,056 --> 00:00:44,602
Oh, yeah, that was before tax.
20
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:45,915
Now it's four.
21
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:47,059
Come on, Todd!
22
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My mouth tastes like a... homeless foot!
23
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You don't like it, go find a Rite-Aid!
24
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:56,306
I think there's one, like,
a thousand miles that way.
25
00:00:56,331 --> 00:00:57,677
All right, I'll get you another nut!
26
00:00:57,703 --> 00:01:01,226
Of course, now there's also
my handling fee and gratuity.
27
00:01:01,251 --> 00:01:03,369
So why don't you throw in that hat.
28
00:01:03,393 --> 00:01:06,941
But my head is so small.
It will never fit you.
29
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,824
Maybe I'll wipe my ass with it.
30
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It's getting a little chaffed.
31
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:17,126
There you go.
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This is criminal.
33
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Nah, it's within the law.
34
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The Todd law.
35
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Go get it!
36
00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:32,942
So that's included in the extra nuts?
37
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:33,795
No.
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
39
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Just look at him,
hoarding all of our stuff like that.
40
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Todd's unleashed a lot of bad juju.
41
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People are getting desperate.
42
00:01:43,113 --> 00:01:44,248
Yeah, if we're gonna be living here,
43
00:01:44,274 --> 00:01:45,925
we need some basic
rules and regulations.
44
00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:47,856
I just wish there was a way to
get the stuff back from Todd.
45
00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:49,351
I mean... We could bum-rush him,
46
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,638
take back our stuff with good,
old American force.
47
00:01:51,663 --> 00:01:53,631
We can't. He's got all of
our stuff hidden somewhere
48
00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:54,726
like some kind of rat.
49
00:01:54,751 --> 00:01:56,028
- Danny!
- Hey, guys.
50
00:01:56,053 --> 00:01:57,103
How can I be of service?
51
00:01:57,128 --> 00:01:59,168
You're a cop. Can't you make Todd
52
00:01:59,192 --> 00:02:01,235
give us all our stuff back with your...
53
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,864
Emma, are you suggesting I use
my weapon for intimidation?
54
00:02:04,889 --> 00:02:06,190
Because I would never...
55
00:02:06,214 --> 00:02:07,606
What the hell do you want?
56
00:02:07,631 --> 00:02:09,641
For you to give up the goods, Todd.
57
00:02:11,411 --> 00:02:12,875
Are you threatening me, dude?
58
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,186
What are you gonna do, shoot me?
59
00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:16,751
Hey! Hey, police brutality!
60
00:02:16,776 --> 00:02:18,006
- Danny's gonna shoot me!
- Shh!
61
00:02:18,031 --> 00:02:18,832
No, no, no, no, no!
62
00:02:18,857 --> 00:02:20,976
I can't believe you
would even consider that.
63
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Civilians.
64
00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:24,316
Daniel, why don't you do a stakeout?
65
00:02:24,341 --> 00:02:26,775
Tail him till he leads you to the stash.
66
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,220
A stakeout, brilliant.
Why didn't I think of that?
67
00:02:29,245 --> 00:02:30,483
I could kiss you right now.
68
00:02:30,508 --> 00:02:31,729
- Do it.
- What?
69
00:02:31,754 --> 00:02:33,889
- Do it. Kiss me on the mouth.
- Oh, no, thank you.
70
00:02:33,914 --> 00:02:35,101
Come on. Come right on in.
71
00:02:35,126 --> 00:02:36,066
That's not what I was implying.
72
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:37,653
You're not coming to
me, I'm coming to you.
73
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:38,864
- Oh, oh.
- How about this?
74
00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:40,800
Is this close enough to get you enticed?
75
00:02:40,825 --> 00:02:42,937
- Uh, I'm... I'm not... Ohh.
- What about this?
76
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:45,024
If you want to use your tongue,
I'm not gonna complain.
77
00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:47,474
Okay, I think I'm gonna
go do the stakeout,
78
00:02:47,498 --> 00:02:48,695
if you guys don't mind.
79
00:02:48,721 --> 00:02:52,897
But rest assured,
Todd's gonna lead me right to the stash.
80
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My, my, my.
81
00:03:03,129 --> 00:03:05,859
Sure it hot out here, isn't it...
82
00:03:07,295 --> 00:03:08,746
Daniel?
83
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Reveal yourself!
84
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,813
Hello, Todd.
85
00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:22,110
I applaud the effort,
but I smelled your beard sweat
86
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,634
from a hundred yards out.
87
00:03:24,548 --> 00:03:28,001
So, what did you think?
I was just gonna slip up
88
00:03:28,026 --> 00:03:29,991
and let you follow me to the stuff?
89
00:03:30,016 --> 00:03:31,230
No.
90
00:03:32,692 --> 00:03:34,839
Hilarious.
91
00:03:34,865 --> 00:03:38,267
But I'm not showing you Jimmy Jack Corn.
92
00:03:38,515 --> 00:03:41,421
Yeah. Well, we'll see about that.
93
00:03:41,446 --> 00:03:43,119
We'll see, all right.
94
00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:45,258
Yeah, we totally will.
95
00:03:45,283 --> 00:03:48,108
Or will we not?
96
00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:50,512
Maybe we won't.
97
00:03:50,537 --> 00:03:51,827
So you're saying we won't?
98
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:53,072
Yeah.
99
00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:54,970
God damn it, get out of my head, man!
100
00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:56,659
- Whoo!
- Damn it!
101
00:03:56,684 --> 00:03:59,247
You're weak in here.
102
00:04:00,514 --> 00:04:02,028
Okay, Yolonzo, where is your inhaler?
103
00:04:02,053 --> 00:04:03,501
Hmm?
104
00:04:03,526 --> 00:04:06,304
Yolonzo, donde esta Tu inhaler?
105
00:04:06,972 --> 00:04:08,734
The Todd.
106
00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:12,139
He made me pay to use.
107
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:15,809
I give him two sunscreens.
108
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:18,125
It's not enough.
109
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,594
We are his prisoners!
110
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,262
No, you guys, hear me out.
111
00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:30,771
What if we dug a giant pit?
112
00:04:30,796 --> 00:04:33,046
And make it deep enough so
that nobody can crawl out.
113
00:04:33,071 --> 00:04:35,274
We can throw Todd in there until
he gives us all of our stuff back.
114
00:04:35,298 --> 00:04:37,717
- Pit justice, I like it.
- Yes, finally.
115
00:04:37,742 --> 00:04:39,202
I've been trying to do
that to Todd for years.
116
00:04:39,228 --> 00:04:41,483
No, no, no, no.
What you're talking about is a prison.
117
00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:43,065
Yeah, Flo, face the facts.
118
00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:44,356
Todd took all of our stuff,
119
00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:46,014
and a giant pit is how we get it back.
120
00:04:46,108 --> 00:04:48,075
I mean, come on, you guys.
People are dying here.
121
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,068
Que?!
122
00:04:49,093 --> 00:04:51,210
Pit justice. I'm with Emma.
123
00:04:51,235 --> 00:04:51,782
Mm.
124
00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:54,052
You're talking about
putting a man in a hole.
125
00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:56,559
That is a basic human-rights violation.
126
00:04:56,584 --> 00:04:59,010
Ha! Can you guys tell she almost
minored in political science?
127
00:04:59,034 --> 00:04:59,762
Oh!
128
00:04:59,787 --> 00:05:01,128
Okay, for this pit,
what are we thinking?
129
00:05:01,153 --> 00:05:02,272
Beach, jungle?
130
00:05:02,297 --> 00:05:03,671
Who made you leader?
131
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:06,193
Well, no one is really stepping up here.
132
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,730
Yeah, I think we need an election.
133
00:05:07,756 --> 00:05:10,354
It would be nice for someone
to set some ground rules here.
134
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,784
I just wish there was some
sort of natural leader,
135
00:05:12,809 --> 00:05:14,435
like a lawyer or a doctor.
136
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:16,275
Turd, I am a doctor!
137
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,714
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah. You know what?
138
00:05:18,739 --> 00:05:20,330
I nominate myself, okay?
139
00:05:20,355 --> 00:05:22,489
I, Emma, nominate myself for leader.
140
00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:25,149
Good, so we can turn
this majestic island
141
00:05:25,174 --> 00:05:27,404
into a North Korean prison state.
142
00:05:27,429 --> 00:05:28,697
I nominate myself.
143
00:05:28,722 --> 00:05:30,092
Florence, come on.
Do you really want to go there?
144
00:05:30,117 --> 00:05:32,832
Oh, I already went there,
and it's friggin' paradise.
145
00:05:32,857 --> 00:05:34,688
That's a good platform.
146
00:05:34,713 --> 00:05:38,382
Oh, electi-o-o-on!!
147
00:05:42,941 --> 00:05:44,480
So, what are we thinking for this pit?
148
00:05:44,505 --> 00:05:45,949
Eight feet, nine feet?
149
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,871
Hell, why don't we just round up to 10?
150
00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:50,782
I like your style, Emma.
You don't pull punches.
151
00:05:50,807 --> 00:05:53,431
The world needs more
dragon bitches like us.
152
00:05:53,456 --> 00:05:55,872
I wouldn't call myself a dragon bitch.
Maybe...
153
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,797
And I'd love to be a
part of your campaign.
154
00:05:57,876 --> 00:05:59,820
Put that black-market
bastard in this hole!
155
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:02,428
Okay. Uh, well, I can use
all the help I could get.
156
00:06:02,453 --> 00:06:03,577
So welcome aboard.
157
00:06:03,602 --> 00:06:04,995
Now let's cut the shit and get to work.
158
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,773
The election's tonight,
and your hippy-dippy friend
159
00:06:06,798 --> 00:06:08,976
over there is already glad-handing.
160
00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:13,326
It's campaigning time.
161
00:06:13,351 --> 00:06:15,666
Hi. Emma. Can I count
on your vote tonight?
162
00:06:15,691 --> 00:06:17,950
I'm gonna hold you to it.
Gonna hold you to it.
163
00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:20,262
We're family. And family's got to hug.
164
00:06:20,287 --> 00:06:21,273
- Oh.
- Yeah.
165
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,735
Flo is the way to go.
166
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,305
Finally! Someone who understands
the value of the pit.
167
00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:27,784
Oh, yeah.
I can't wait to get Todd in that pit.
168
00:06:27,809 --> 00:06:29,256
- Yeah.
- Start torturing him.
169
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:30,235
Uh, no.
170
00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:31,809
We're not torturing anyone here.
171
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:33,220
Oh, right.
172
00:06:33,245 --> 00:06:34,862
We're not torturing anyone here.
173
00:06:34,887 --> 00:06:37,178
We're gonna Guantanamo it. That's smart.
174
00:06:37,204 --> 00:06:38,470
No, still not what I'm saying.
175
00:06:38,495 --> 00:06:39,865
No, no, no, I get what you're saying.
176
00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:42,734
I read you five-by-five.
No torture here whatsoever!
177
00:06:42,759 --> 00:06:44,500
- Yes.
- Wink.
178
00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:47,281
Emma wants to throw Todd in a
prison for taking our stuff.
179
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:50,191
But isn't having the
stuff the real prison?
180
00:06:51,472 --> 00:06:53,675
If you don't vote for Emma,
you can go yourself.
181
00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:56,518
All right, Margaret, see you tonight.
182
00:06:56,543 --> 00:07:00,213
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick...
183
00:07:00,238 --> 00:07:03,016
Ahh. You're not gonna wait me out, pal.
184
00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:04,625
I'm not going back to the stuff.
185
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:08,765
At some point, you're gonna need
food or water or toilet paper.
186
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,508
Oh, will I?
187
00:07:10,533 --> 00:07:13,039
'Cause you happen to
be talking to the guy
188
00:07:13,064 --> 00:07:15,852
that used to shit his pants for laughs.
189
00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:16,938
That's right.
190
00:07:16,963 --> 00:07:20,072
In my fraternity, my
nickname was Streaks.
191
00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:21,603
Pbht!
192
00:07:21,628 --> 00:07:25,278
Right. Jess told me you
guys met at some frat party.
193
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,605
Did she now?
194
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:30,598
You guys were together since college.
195
00:07:30,623 --> 00:07:32,141
That's a pretty long time.
196
00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:33,876
I see what you're doing.
197
00:07:34,046 --> 00:07:37,784
Get me talking about Jess
and her perfect ta-tas
198
00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:39,442
so I break down and cry and shit.
199
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:44,603
Well, good luck, pal,
'cause I'm a Goddamn rock.
200
00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:49,510
And it wasn't some frat party.
201
00:07:49,932 --> 00:07:51,391
Oh, yeah?
202
00:07:51,496 --> 00:07:55,135
It was the fraternity party of the year.
203
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:58,288
Me and the other boys of Beta Gamma Phi
204
00:07:58,313 --> 00:08:01,083
were having our annual
Cowboys and Indians party,
205
00:08:01,108 --> 00:08:04,112
the most legendary party on campus.
206
00:08:04,136 --> 00:08:07,281
I was in the keg corner,
crushing a stand.
207
00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:10,848
Oh, yeah!
208
00:08:10,873 --> 00:08:13,162
I am a god!
209
00:08:13,187 --> 00:08:16,128
54 seconds... new fraternity record.
210
00:08:19,717 --> 00:08:21,244
Whoo!
211
00:08:21,269 --> 00:08:22,623
That's when I saw her.
212
00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:37,523
Hey. Hey.
213
00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:38,543
You heard of me?
214
00:08:38,568 --> 00:08:40,411
No.
215
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,742
Yeah, right.
216
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,309
And she was the only girl
217
00:08:43,335 --> 00:08:44,831
that wouldn't take any of my guff.
218
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,057
I like your costume.
219
00:08:46,082 --> 00:08:47,830
Hey, thanks.
220
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:50,562
I'm the wrong Indian.
221
00:08:50,911 --> 00:08:52,110
Cute.
222
00:08:52,135 --> 00:08:54,739
- You a freshman?
- Yeah, just turned 18.
223
00:08:54,764 --> 00:08:55,804
You a senior?
224
00:08:55,829 --> 00:08:56,963
Fifth year.
225
00:08:56,988 --> 00:08:58,454
Cool.
226
00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:01,581
Later that night, we banged.
227
00:09:04,808 --> 00:09:07,066
Tale as old as time.
228
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,288
Yeah. We hooked up for,
like, two years after that.
229
00:09:13,313 --> 00:09:15,213
Been officially together for seven.
230
00:09:15,238 --> 00:09:17,404
Well, we were.
231
00:09:17,429 --> 00:09:20,396
Hey, it's not too late to get Jess back.
232
00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:22,943
You just got to show
us where the stuff is.
233
00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:28,542
No! I know what you're doing,
playing your mind games.
234
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,928
Well, you can eat a butt and go to hell.
235
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,946
You know what? This ends right now.
236
00:09:33,252 --> 00:09:35,650
We're gonna settle this
the fraternity way...
237
00:09:35,794 --> 00:09:37,424
Like gentlemen.
238
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,185
Classic drink-off.
239
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,594
You win, I give you back all the stuff.
240
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,164
I win...
241
00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:51,586
you leave me alone and I get your gun.
242
00:09:52,907 --> 00:09:56,156
That's right, your baby.
243
00:09:56,436 --> 00:09:59,288
Come on, Danny boy.
You want to be a hero, don't you?
244
00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:01,377
What do you say?
245
00:10:01,996 --> 00:10:04,224
Let's have a little drinky, drinky.
246
00:10:07,491 --> 00:10:09,136
I did a little informal polling.
247
00:10:09,161 --> 00:10:09,621
Okay.
248
00:10:09,646 --> 00:10:11,445
There's about a dozen
people who are pro-pit.
249
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:12,781
You'll definitely get those votes.
250
00:10:12,806 --> 00:10:13,584
Okay, great.
251
00:10:13,609 --> 00:10:15,180
But Florence has about double that.
252
00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:16,339
Wait, how?
253
00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:17,662
Well, she doesn't offer any solutions,
254
00:10:17,687 --> 00:10:19,930
but people like her,
and the voters find you,
255
00:10:19,955 --> 00:10:22,192
well, smug and condescending.
256
00:10:22,253 --> 00:10:24,622
Condescending? Really?
They find me condescending?
257
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,325
Idiots.
258
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:27,625
This is why Hillary struggles.
259
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:28,750
You know, people are afraid
260
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,797
of a smart, strong, independent woman.
261
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,475
Yeah, I hear you, sister.
262
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,998
You, me, Hillary, we're all the same.
263
00:10:35,023 --> 00:10:37,135
It's like looking in a friggin' mirror.
264
00:10:37,642 --> 00:10:40,309
Okay, you know what?
Florence isn't even saying anything.
265
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:41,633
You know, she's all just like...
266
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,643
"One world, one love."
267
00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:44,835
I can't lose.
268
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:47,761
Okay, I don't lose,
especially not to Florence.
269
00:10:47,786 --> 00:10:49,074
Well, I hate to tell you,
270
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,750
you're probably gonna have to pander.
271
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,874
Dumb it down a little.
272
00:10:51,899 --> 00:10:53,589
No, I'm not gonna dumb it down.
273
00:10:56,331 --> 00:10:58,056
What if we got a Nader?
274
00:10:58,081 --> 00:11:00,418
You know, like some
wild-card third party
275
00:11:00,443 --> 00:11:01,753
that could split up the old idiot vote.
276
00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:04,008
Yes! A likable dummy.
277
00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:05,464
- Mm-hmm.
- But who?
278
00:11:05,489 --> 00:11:07,418
You know,
I've always been a hit with the birds.
279
00:11:07,527 --> 00:11:10,899
Oh! Oh, I guess Polly wants a ginger!
280
00:11:12,122 --> 00:11:13,946
Hi, Emma!
281
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:20,603
What if it was Steve?
282
00:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,657
Yep, that's what that look was for.
283
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,815
Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:30,754 --> 00:11:32,254
Hey.
285
00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:33,922
Hey. I don't know about you,
286
00:11:33,957 --> 00:11:35,824
but this food's getting a bit "boaring."
287
00:11:35,859 --> 00:11:37,151
I acknowledge your pun.
288
00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:38,152
Look, Steve, there's something
289
00:11:38,177 --> 00:11:39,581
I'd like to talk to you about.
290
00:11:39,606 --> 00:11:40,421
Okay.
291
00:11:40,446 --> 00:11:42,117
I think you should
run for island leader.
292
00:11:42,142 --> 00:11:45,146
Oh! That's rich, Karen.
293
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,269
Thanks for the chortle.
294
00:11:46,294 --> 00:11:48,258
Steve, do I look like I'm joking?
295
00:11:49,537 --> 00:11:51,096
No.
296
00:11:51,201 --> 00:11:53,353
But me?
297
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,423
Run against Florence and Emma?
298
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,049
People don't listen to me.
299
00:11:57,074 --> 00:11:58,869
These people would.
Everyone here likes you.
300
00:11:58,895 --> 00:12:01,075
You have a very nonthreatening face.
301
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,418
Well, thank you. It's almost kind.
302
00:12:04,616 --> 00:12:06,234
I don't know.
303
00:12:07,006 --> 00:12:09,463
I've never been in a position of power.
304
00:12:09,489 --> 00:12:12,275
The way I see it, people think of me
305
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,602
as some kind of a joke, you know?
306
00:12:14,627 --> 00:12:18,629
Steve, here, we could be different.
307
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,890
What do you want to be?
308
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,315
The rules are simple.
309
00:12:25,688 --> 00:12:28,502
First one to pass out,
shit their pants, or puke loses.
310
00:12:28,527 --> 00:12:31,409
We got shot for shot.
311
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,388
Shot for shot?
312
00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,114
Shot for shot!
313
00:12:35,139 --> 00:12:37,594
All right, then shut
up, and let's drink!
314
00:12:37,872 --> 00:12:39,232
So it begins.
315
00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:42,452
Before we begin tonight,
316
00:12:42,477 --> 00:12:45,453
I would like to announce
that we have a new candidate.
317
00:12:45,479 --> 00:12:46,682
Steve!
318
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,144
Yeah!
319
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,107
- Steve!
- Thank you.
320
00:12:50,132 --> 00:12:50,785
Yeah!
321
00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:54,122
Hello, Wembley! Two, two... is this on?
322
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:58,533
It's not really a microphone,
just a bit of mime there.
323
00:12:58,856 --> 00:13:00,511
Nice.
324
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,495
Oh! That's good!
325
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,738
That was great.
326
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:08,470
- The first one is hard.
- I'm cool, man.
327
00:13:08,495 --> 00:13:10,160
I'm cool as a fan right now.
328
00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:11,615
I grew up on this stuff.
329
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,537
My housekeeper was Mexican.
Her name was Carlita.
330
00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:16,462
She used to make it in a mop bucket.
331
00:13:16,486 --> 00:13:20,322
Yeah, well, my dad worked in finance,
80 hours a week.
332
00:13:20,347 --> 00:13:22,480
And he had a smoking-hot secretary,
333
00:13:22,505 --> 00:13:26,382
so, yeah, my mom had a full bar.
334
00:13:26,832 --> 00:13:29,555
Missy, you don't want to
throw someone in the pit,
335
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,468
then how do you want to deal with crime?
336
00:13:31,493 --> 00:13:35,052
Through rehabilitation,
not incarceration.
337
00:13:35,077 --> 00:13:36,724
So, what are you saying?
338
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:40,834
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just trying to listen.
339
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:43,303
I guess I never thought
of it like that before.
340
00:13:48,109 --> 00:13:49,840
What is that, eight?
341
00:13:51,371 --> 00:13:53,447
I'm not even feeling it!
342
00:13:54,507 --> 00:13:57,179
- Did you shit yourself?
- I haven't shit myself yet.
343
00:13:58,591 --> 00:14:00,178
- Right out of the bottle.
- All right.
344
00:14:00,203 --> 00:14:01,084
Shot for shot.
345
00:14:01,109 --> 00:14:03,025
Welcome to the wonderful
world of herpes.
346
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,955
I already have 'em.
347
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:07,207
Oh, what's that? You want another shot?
348
00:14:07,232 --> 00:14:08,788
Yes, please.
349
00:14:11,289 --> 00:14:13,405
Ooh!
350
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:15,934
Are you into Phish?
351
00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:17,622
Yeah. Me too.
352
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:20,328
Emma, is there a limit to how long Todd
353
00:14:20,353 --> 00:14:23,366
will have to stay in the pit and,
if so, will you reconsider?
354
00:14:23,391 --> 00:14:26,970
If I could call upon my medical
training for an analogy...
355
00:14:29,356 --> 00:14:34,196
uh, Todd's gonorrhea,
and we got to stop the burning.
356
00:14:44,749 --> 00:14:46,759
Whoa!
357
00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,874
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
358
00:14:48,899 --> 00:14:52,102
I thought you were down,
and you're back up, man!
359
00:14:52,127 --> 00:14:53,460
You know what?
360
00:14:53,484 --> 00:14:55,581
You're cool, man. You're a cool guy.
361
00:14:55,607 --> 00:14:57,263
You're a cool guy, man.
362
00:15:00,947 --> 00:15:02,620
I got a nickname for you.
363
00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:04,068
- You ready?
- Yeah.
364
00:15:04,093 --> 00:15:05,226
Chumbawamba.
365
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:06,348
I love it, man.
366
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,618
But... but also, like... why?
367
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:13,320
Because you get knocked down, then...
368
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:16,224
you always get back up again.
369
00:15:16,986 --> 00:15:20,060
That's like the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me, man.
370
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,023
You don't have a lot of friends,
do you, Chumba?
371
00:15:22,048 --> 00:15:24,882
I do, but I just don't know if,
like, they're friends
372
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:28,609
with me because of me
or because of my money.
373
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,547
What, are you a billionaire?
374
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:32,030
Yeah.
375
00:15:32,055 --> 00:15:33,745
I'm a billionaire.
376
00:15:33,877 --> 00:15:35,648
I'm a billionaire, man.
377
00:15:36,692 --> 00:15:39,867
I'm trying to make a
billionaire shit his pants!
378
00:15:45,632 --> 00:15:47,850
I'm voting for Emma mainly because she's
379
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:50,293
the only one that wants
to throw Todd into a hole.
380
00:15:50,318 --> 00:15:53,141
Well, my vote's for Steve.
The guy's voice cracks me up.
381
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:53,875
He's all like...
382
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:54,930
"Oh, cup of tea."
383
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,634
And I like the idea of the pit,
but a lady as a leader?
384
00:15:57,914 --> 00:15:59,489
Not in my America.
385
00:15:59,514 --> 00:16:00,793
My vote is for Florence
386
00:16:00,818 --> 00:16:04,291
because she's the only one
who actually calls me Kurt.
387
00:16:04,316 --> 00:16:06,182
Oh, just hand me the ballot, Turdhole!
388
00:16:06,207 --> 00:16:08,491
I don't know why you people
keep saying shit out loud.
389
00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:09,783
Sorry. Sorry.
390
00:16:09,808 --> 00:16:14,439
♪ 'Cause you're my
little baby bird ♪
391
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,689
That's all I have.
392
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,417
You lose, lightweight.
393
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:36,295
Streaks!
394
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:43,424
Ah.
395
00:16:43,449 --> 00:16:44,871
Ahh.
396
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:47,477
Worth the wait.
397
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:53,166
As a notary public from
the great state of Ohio,
398
00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:54,965
I have counted all the votes.
399
00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:57,857
And the new leader of the island is...
400
00:17:01,695 --> 00:17:03,318
Steve!
401
00:17:03,343 --> 00:17:05,126
What?
402
00:17:05,151 --> 00:17:07,214
- Oh, wow!
- Who's a winner?!
403
00:17:07,239 --> 00:17:08,619
Yeah, okay, so, no, sorry.
404
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:09,887
I demand a recount.
405
00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:11,511
Oh, no, honey, he won.
406
00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:13,631
You don't think we saw
you two running around,
407
00:17:13,656 --> 00:17:14,493
throwing shade?
408
00:17:14,518 --> 00:17:15,934
You crazy bitches did not help yourself.
409
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:17,260
Are you people kidding me?
410
00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:18,448
I mean, I am a doctor!
411
00:17:18,473 --> 00:17:19,750
I'm the only doctor on the island.
412
00:17:19,775 --> 00:17:21,408
This is just some likeable dummy!
413
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:23,143
I mean, he wouldn't even be
running if it wasn't for me.
414
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,272
Hold on. You asked him to run?
415
00:17:26,297 --> 00:17:27,815
- What?
- Oh, no, no.
416
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,068
Actually, it was Karen.
417
00:17:29,093 --> 00:17:31,065
- Oh. Why?
- Thank you.
418
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,557
Uh...
419
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,173
Because...
420
00:17:36,492 --> 00:17:39,177
Ah, screw this!
421
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,459
Because Emma and me wanted
to split the idiot vote.
422
00:17:42,484 --> 00:17:44,671
There, I said it!
423
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,497
And if you didn't vote for Emma,
then you're a moron!
424
00:17:47,522 --> 00:17:48,835
That's the truth.
425
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,725
You'd rather cheat than lose to me?
426
00:17:53,749 --> 00:17:55,583
No, Florence. You're right.
427
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:59,009
I am a moron... for being
friends with you for this long.
428
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,540
Florence...
429
00:18:00,565 --> 00:18:03,705
You're gonna love San Francisco...
430
00:18:04,019 --> 00:18:06,998
if you ever make it there.
431
00:18:07,023 --> 00:18:08,232
Yeah, well...
432
00:18:08,257 --> 00:18:11,440
I'm sure you will like it,
'cause you're a snooty bitch!
433
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,370
- What?
- I hope you choke on sourdough.
434
00:18:14,395 --> 00:18:15,404
- Yep.
- She's a celiac!
435
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:17,022
Feed her bread whenever you want!
436
00:18:17,047 --> 00:18:19,831
Okay. It's a digestive issue.
437
00:18:20,022 --> 00:18:23,017
What's up, losers? What's all this?
438
00:18:23,042 --> 00:18:25,844
I think you mean what's all this?
439
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,214
- God damn.
- Whoa.
440
00:18:29,239 --> 00:18:31,755
Todd's stash, I found it.
441
00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:35,004
Chalk that up to classic police work.
442
00:18:46,721 --> 00:18:49,171
Captain Danny solves the crime...
443
00:18:49,247 --> 00:18:50,543
every time.
444
00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:53,631
What the hell, Chumba?!
445
00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:55,428
You were down for the count.
446
00:18:55,453 --> 00:18:56,944
Yeah, well, here's a funny story.
447
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,131
You lose, lightweight.
448
00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:02,811
The only people that drink
more than frat guys...
449
00:19:02,835 --> 00:19:04,132
Worth the wait.
450
00:19:04,158 --> 00:19:06,367
Are the super lonely...
451
00:19:07,388 --> 00:19:09,388
which I am.
452
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:12,217
Well...
453
00:19:12,242 --> 00:19:14,982
You forgot I still have the gun!
454
00:19:15,007 --> 00:19:17,539
What?! Yeah!
455
00:19:17,564 --> 00:19:20,621
Good luck firing that gun...
456
00:19:20,646 --> 00:19:23,151
without any of these.
457
00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:25,278
Oh, the bullets. No.
458
00:19:25,303 --> 00:19:26,259
Yep.
459
00:19:26,284 --> 00:19:27,705
Damn it, damn it!
460
00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:29,589
You think I was gonna keep a loaded gun
461
00:19:29,614 --> 00:19:30,995
next to my dick and balls?
462
00:19:31,021 --> 00:19:32,870
Yeah, balls!
463
00:19:32,894 --> 00:19:35,612
Whatever. You guys had
crappy stuff anyway.
464
00:19:35,637 --> 00:19:37,844
What's up, Jess?
465
00:19:38,874 --> 00:19:41,518
What are we gonna do about you?
466
00:19:41,543 --> 00:19:44,925
Oh, look who's Mr. Tough Guy now.
467
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,416
You guys elected him?
468
00:19:46,441 --> 00:19:48,936
He's the biggest joke on the island!
469
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,242
Let's dig that pit!
470
00:19:51,751 --> 00:19:53,336
Uh, we got the stuff.
We don't need a pit.
471
00:19:53,362 --> 00:19:54,423
I think we do.
472
00:19:54,447 --> 00:19:56,949
We can't have a society without
"lawr" and order.
473
00:19:56,973 --> 00:19:57,509
"Lawr."
474
00:19:57,535 --> 00:19:59,382
And this guy's got to do his time.
475
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,137
So I say...
476
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:05,281
Throw him in the pit!
477
00:20:08,472 --> 00:20:10,099
You can't do that.
478
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:14,214
Sure I can.
479
00:20:14,652 --> 00:20:17,333
It's within the law.
480
00:20:22,866 --> 00:20:24,906
The Steve law.
481
00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:27,869
Grab him!
482
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,413
Grab who? Hey, no, come on!
483
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,089
- Let's go.
- Get off of me! Let me go!
484
00:20:32,114 --> 00:20:33,608
Okay, okay, you got me.
You got me. You got me.
485
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,583
- Squeeze him.
- [Bleep] you.
486
00:20:35,608 --> 00:20:37,962
Nigel, you weren't tight enough.
487
00:20:39,225 --> 00:20:43,670
This is effed up!
I'm talking about this and this!
488
00:20:43,695 --> 00:20:46,150
I swear, your sex swing, Danny?
489
00:20:46,175 --> 00:20:48,083
Why did you pack this, man?
490
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:51,879
Oh, God, I bet it's got
your butt juice all over it!
491
00:20:51,904 --> 00:20:53,493
Doesn't it, you freak?!
492
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,985
I hope you're all rock hard.
493
00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,245
I shit myself.
494
00:21:02,183 --> 00:21:06,383
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- www.addic7ed.com -
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