Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Hello? Hello, Glenn. It's Ali Davis.

Yes, baby. I'm excited, too. But wait, what?

Yes, I know Sports Illustrated wants Serena for June,

but before we talk about that client, we need to talk about Lisa Leslie,

who will be front and center at the shoot.

What? Oh, oh, no. No, this ain't a negotiation.

It's center position or tall-ass girl ain't showing up for the shoot.

Big news in basketball.

College sensation Jamal Barry declared himself eligible...

...for the NBA draft. What? Excuse me,

I am her agent. He has not yet signed with an agent.

Oh, no, no. Glenn, don't go there with me.

What'd you say? Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

Oh, you. No. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Glenn, no, you listen.

Unless Lisa is guaranteed center position in writing,

you'd better learn how to Photoshop...

...because you ain't gonna have any of my clients...

...in your magazine ever again.

You know what? Goodbye.

I'm not dealing with stupid people today.

Good morning? - Good morning.

Oh, he's calling back.

You know what? Can you deal with the slow people today?

I can't.

Hey, Glenn, let me see if I can get her.

You know what? She just stepped out.

I'll have her return. Buh-bye.

How long have you been up?

Ooh, since 3:00 a.m., and I've been crushing it all morning,

talking to Nike and Puma.

But I've decided I'm going to take Candace to Adidas,

because they stepped up.

You're dinging. - Oh, no, stop it.

Please stop. Here, stop it.

Go away.

Mari created this Lovefinders. com profile for me.

Can you please get rid of it?

All these stupid alerts keep coming up.

I will have it taken down ASAP. Mm-hmm.

If that's definitely what you want?

That is definitely what I want.

Okay. It's just... It's been a minute.

Uh, how would you know?

Well, I keep your calendar. Booty calls aren't in there.

Just please do what I ask you to do.

Thank you. Ooh, I got to go.

Dry cleaning is here, and I really feel like...

...the black skirt, houndstooth jacket screams,

'Damn right you're making me partner. Took you bitches long enough.'

You know what, Brandon? Just because you're gay,

doesn't mean you're fabulous, okurrr?

Okurr. It's 'okurrr.'

I... I can't even...

Come on, honey, walk like you are an assistant to a partner.

Mm-hmm. - Let's go.

Holy Mother of Men's Health and Fitness, what is happening here?

Oh, that's my new neighbor.

Captain Fucktastic, that's what I've been calling him. Right?

Yeah.

Hi. - Hi. Hi.

Such a nice day for a jog.

I like running. I just don't like running alone.

He's gay.

Anyone seen the new Gaga video?

No, he's not.

God.

Not even a sideways eye fuck. Nada.

What's going on in his head?

What, my ass doesn't look good in this skirt?

Oh, given the current climate,

it feels inappropriate for me to comment on your body.

Brandon. - Tight as a snare drum.

You could bounce a quarter off that thing.

You know what? Screw him.

Today's my day. I'm making partner, baby. - Mm-hmm.

And no man, I don't care how fucktastic,

is gonna kill my vibe.

It's Mari,

she says she wants you to bring champagne...

...to the bachelorette party 'cause Olivia's always sucks.

Okay, Bridezilla, take a Xanax.

So, seeing as how today's the big day and all,

I was wondering if, once you get bumped up to partner,

you might... see any changes in store for me?

Look, you make a great assistant,

but you'd be a shitty agent.

And I say that with love.

I know, right? Totally.

Luckily, I'm blissfully happy just being your assistant...

Good.

...in perpetuity.

Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Check out the sweet new wheels.

A pre-celebration for the big day, huh?

No, Ethan. Just... another day at the office.

Rolling calls, crushing balls. - Good morning, Ms. Davis.

Ah, ladies first. Thank you.

I mean, this should've happened years ago.

It's crazy that I'm a partner and you're not...

...just 'cause I signed Matt Ryan. I mean, come on.

I mean, in fairness to me, monster signing, but still...

Yeah, you're right, Ethan. It is crazy.

That's what I said.

Well, I'm rooting for you.

Fingers crossed, right? - Thanks, Ethan.

I can't.

Ali Davis's office. Hi, Mari.

Mari says she knows you're here.

She has a quick bachelorette party question.

Tell her I'm all good for tomorrow night.

Text me any specifics. But be supportive, you know.

Make it sound like I wish I had time to shoot the shit.

Hey, girl. Ali can't wait to get it. It's gonna be a partay.

Hey, hey, pop quiz. What is being kicked today?

A world of ass. Boom.

Sorry. - Staff meeting in five.

I swear to God, bro, don't fuck with me.

Fuck you, bro. I'll rip out your eyes and fuck the sockets.

I'll fuck your mom.

Ad agency exec?

Oh, no, it's my brother.

Yeah, we're doing that whole fantasy football prep.

Anyway, want a doughnut?

Sure. Thanks.

Hey. It's always good to see you guys.

It always brightens my day.

Oh, thanks, Danny.

You said you were gonna fuck your brother's ma?

Our mom, yeah. Uh-huh. Okay.

So, we're laying in bed and she says,

'Do you even know my name?'

No clue, right? None. I have no clue.

So, I pretend to be all appalled by this.

I run off to the bathroom, I sneak to the kitchen,

I start looking through her mail,

I find a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon.

I'm buck naked, mind you. She comes in, I go,

'Oh, good morning, uh, Resident.'

And knowing you, Kevin, you kept the coupon.

You know I did.

Story gets better, I'll finish it later.

Oh, come on, Ali can handle locker-room talk. Right, bro?

Yeah, I'm sure you'll get the X-rated version at poker night.

Why do you keep on this? There's no poker night.

If there was a poker night, we would invite you...

'cause I'd like to take your money.

Really? No poker night.

None, nada, zip.

Ooh, I'ma need you to calm down, baby man child.

Mm.

Looking like Bamm-Bamm.

Boom. Seize the day, right?

That's why we're here.

We seize the day here at Summit. That's right.

That's right. Good to see you. How you doing?

You keep telling yourself that.

All right. Gentlemen...

Headline news:

Jamal Barry will be the number-one pick in the NBA draft,

and he's meeting with agents.

Now, I love Jamal.

Not only because he's a big-time player,

but he's a franchise maker.

But Jamal does come with some baggage.

Dear old dad.

Guy legally changed his name to Joe Dolla,

which he's also calling his line of nutritional supplements.

So, now you know what we're up against.

So, here's what we need. We need to let him know...

...that he'll have the entire team around him.

Because our teamwork makes their dream work.

Whoo. - That's right. All right.

Now, speaking... speaking of teamwork,

I think we got ourselves...

...a championship ball.

Right?

And I think you know what this means.

That means somebody in this room is about to be knighted.

Now, that could be you. Uh-huh.

It could be you.

You had a good year.

But anyway, before I name names...

I got to say something about this person.

This person...

...is tough as nails, plays with passion and grit.

This person...

...has brass balls when it comes to negotiations.

Now, it's my honor to confer title of partner...

...to the person synonymous with Summit Worldwide Management.

Let's give it up for the newest member of the partners club.

Here you go. Eddie Allen.

Ali? - Whoo.

That's a great interception, Ali, but that pass was to Eddie.

Yeah, he said 'Eddie.' Eddie, that's right.

Pass that ball to Eddie. Eddie. Eddie Allen, our new partner.

Way to go, Eddie. Good job.

Great year. Yeah.

Eddie Allen, boys. Whoo.

That's our new partner. All right.

Hand him the ball. That's right. Give it up.

You want to hand the ball to Eddie.

That's right. Hand the ball over. That's right, there you are.

Eddie Allen. Congratulations to Eddie. - Yeah. Whoo.

That's teamwork right there. Teamwork.

Is this a joke, Nick? Huh?

I mean, what the fuck do I have to do to make partner?

Breathe. Grab a Fiji.

I mean, you know the deal.

It has to be unanimous partner approval.

Okay. So who was it? It was Kevin, wasn't it?

I knew it was Kevin.

It's anonymous, so I honestly couldn't tell you.

This is bullshit. This is boys-club bullshit, and you know it.

Look, this is a meritocracy.

So, you're not entitled to be a partner.

I'm sorry, 'entitled'?

Oh, well, you name someone who reps more Olympic gold medalists than me.

I have clients on the cover of Sports Illustrated and Vogue...

...in the same month.

But you don't have any of the big three clients, do you?

The MLB, the NBA, the NFL.

I mean, Eddie signed Mitchell Trubisky.

That's a number-one draft pick.

Boom. Done.

Boom. Yeah.

Okay. Ali. Ali.

Look. So I'm gonna be honest with you.

You don't connect well with men.

That means you're doing great in your lane.

So, let's just stay in your lane.

Okay? Okay. Are you finished?

Yeah, I'm good. - Great.

I have to go get back in my female lane.

Have a great day, dick... I mean, Nick.

What'd I say?

Listen up, assholes.

I am personally going to sign Jamal Barry.

Uhh. This is fair warning.

Buckle up, backstabbing bitches.

Hey, Ali, how you doing?

Fan-fucking-tastic. Couldn't be better.

Hey, Skip. Your daughter's here.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, you're early. Yeah.

Break.

Doesn't look like you're headed for a celebratory dinner.

No, because they made a 31-year-old suck-up partner.

But I'm good, Daddy. You know why?

Because I go high when they go low.

You want to talk about it? - Yes, I want to talk.

Let me just get these hand wraps...

These hand wraps are... Gets me so...

I work harder than all of 'em. I do my job better.

And they're still trying to hold me down.

They hit you, you hit back even harder.

You got you.

You hear me? You got you.

How am I supposed to fight a system that's rigged against me, Daddy, huh?

Tell me that.

You deliver on your word. You sign Jamal Barry.

Then you're undeniable.

You're right. You're right.

Just shake the shit off.

I got me. I got me.

Come on.

And soon...

I'm gonna sign Jamal Barry.

That's it, that's it, that's it. Yeah.

Yes. Break.

Good talk, good talk. - Thanks, Daddy.

Oh. Ho-ho-ho. - I didn't hear the bell.

That's my girl. That's my girl.

I love you.

I can't believe I leased that stupid expensive Porsche.

I just knew I was gonna get it this time.

Fake it till you make it, girl.

Who is that new bartender?

Oh, that's Will. He's been here a couple of months.

Uh, you know what, Dad? I think I'm gonna stay and have another drink.

Uh-huh.

I got the bill, don't worry. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for my pep talk. Oh, you're welcome.

Don't look at me like that.

Hi.

Hi.

So, what you mixing?

How about a bespoke cocktail tailored specifically for you?

For me? - Let me just get a look at you.

No, don't laugh. Wait a minute.

All right, now turn this way.

Turn the other way.

Okay. I got you.

Okay.

Oh, oh, no, no, no, I'm not a vodka girl.

I really like whiskey. I like dark.

Oh, do you? Mm-hmm.

Would you go to a symphony, hop up on stage...

...and tell the conductor he needs more cello?

Probably, but go ahead. Uh-huh.

Okay. All right.

I call this 'The All You.'

All me.

All you. Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

This is really good. Do I taste rose?

You do. It's the cardamom rose syrup. I make it myself.

And it pairs perfectly with the C�roc you tried to get me to stop pouring.

Um... Would you like to try it?

I mean, if you don't mind sharing my straw.

Uh...

Yeah.

Where'd you say your bedroom was? Huh?

Oh. Over there?

It's, uh... somewhere back there.

Go find it.

Ooh, girl, what I'm about to do to you.

Yeah, show me, papi.

Oh, yeah.

To the left. Wait.

To the left. To the right, to the right.

Wait, hold... - To the left.

Ah. Can we talk about...

Oh. Ow. Ah, ah.

Hold on. Ah...

Uh.

Uh... Okay.

Uh... Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, that's it. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Whoa. Ah. Ah.

Ooh. Ooh, ooh.

That was great.

Yeah.

Who are you? I'm Ben.

I hope it's okay I borrowed your mask.

Welcome to Wakanda.

What?

Hey, Ben.

Ben. Ben. Oh, uh.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

I thought Brody's dad was dropping you off at 10:00.

It's 10:05.

10:05... Oh, okay, uh...

Go... Go play with some Legos. Daddy's getting up.

Now go, go play. I... I need...

I need my, uh, my mask. - The nasty... Oh.

Don't... Close your mouth. Don't breathe. Don't say nothing. Just...

Can I... Just... That mask...

The little... Thank you.

Come on, baby, go. Just play Legos.

Go play some Legos. I'ma be there. Daddy's coming.

All right. You have a kid?

He was at a sleepover.

Obviously, I did not want him to see this.

Oh, my God. This is terrible.

Baby, where are you going? I'm never late.

I'm so late. I'm so late, so late, so late.

You're married?

Wait. No...

Okay, what time does she get here, huh? 10:18?

Jerk. - It's not what you think...

I knew that wasn't a mask.

45K. I know it's a starter model for me, but I'm in the game now.

Ali, hey, hey. Good of you to join us.

Hey. You know Devonta and John, right?

Devonta, of course. Yeah.

I love your hair like that. Your hair...

Thank you. Hey, John.

I can't see your hair all the way up there.

Good to see you, though.

Hey, you got a little some... - Hey, no, you got something.

Don't you try that, cutie.

Thank God, you're here. Yes.

We have a center-position situation.

No, we don't have a situation, we have a contract.

That's the situation. Okay.

Uh, not asking, just informing: you have a condom on your back.

A what? You have a condom on your back.

A what? Oh, my God. Get it off. Get it off. Get it off.

Please remember this when you're considering my raise.

Yeah, take it to your grave or I will kill you.

What is this center-position bullshit?

Which asshole in here doesn't understand the concept of a contract?

Hold... Kevin.

Do not talk over me.

Tell whichever asshole here...

...who wants to try to bump Lisa from center position...

...to step to me... - Okay.

...and not hide behind you motherfuckers.

Great.

Tell him yourself 'cause he's right behind you.

Where?

Peek-a-boo.

Business rule number one:

You should never call somebody an asshole behind they back.

You know who said that? - No, I do not.

Asparagus Chevrolet. - Who?

You know, a co-founder of General Motors, 1884.

Ali Davis, meet Joe Dolla, Jamal Barry's father.

And manager.

And bodyguard.

And psychologist and nutritionist...

...and trainer and sociologist and urologist.

That means everything.

Wow, that's a lot. Uh... Mm-hmm.

You know the second rule of business?

There's always a win-win situation...

...where everyone walks away happy. You like that?

I know that's right.

But it don't always happen like that in sports. It don't.

Somebody got to win,

and somebody got to taste the agony of defeat,

like that blind ski jumper.

Yeah. It's a lethal day.

Decapitated. Just help us out here, please?

Ali D. - Lisa.

Hey, girl, look at you. Six feet five inches of perfect.

What's the holdup here?

Yeah, I was gonna come over and talk to you about that.

We were talking about the cover image, and...

...of course, you're guaranteed center position.

But we were... we were thinking that maybe you'd split it...

...with, um, Jamal Barry,

the projected number-one NBA draft pick?

Split it? - Mm-hmm.

Let me ask you guys a question. Are you good at math?

Yes, summa cum laude. Not my strong suit.

I got through.

So how many championships does Jamal Barry have?

None. But this is the 'Legends and Rising Stars' issue.

I have two championships, three MVPs, and four gold medals.

Now add that up and you tell me if I'm gonna share my magazine cover...

...with whatever dude is here or the flavor of the month.

Uh...

Okay. You're right. You are right.

Give the woman the throne, gents.

She's earned it. And we have a contract.

Boom. I'm so glad my agents are mad geniuses.

And Ali, you got an old wine stain on your blouse.

Girl, yes, wine next week. Your house.

So, you mentioned win-win. - Yes.

And I ate all those shrimps over there.

You understand? So, I win.

My son Jamal is not gonna be a part of this photo shoot.

You lose. Now watch this.

Jamal, let's go.

Jamal, it was...

...very nice to...

Well, that could've gone worse. How?

Could've noticed the used condom on your back earlier.

That was a rubber glove.

I was dyeing my hair, you asshole.

Yeah... dyeing your hair with semen.

So, the wine gal at Rite Aid...

...said this was their bestseller for bachelorette parties.

Well, your taste in champagne hasn't evolved much since college,

but down the hatch.

Kinda Chablis meets NyQuil and bleach.

Oh, it's burnt. - Hello, everyone.

Hey, girl. Sorry I'm late.

Ah. Look at you and your boobies.

I picked up some champagne.

Thank God, real champagne.

Good. Because mine sucked.

Happy last days of being a single woman, cousin.

Lots of dicks here.

Okay, you need to put that down.

Oh.

What'd I miss? - Uh-oh.

Oh, I know that face. - Ali...

Yeah. - Oh.

You didn't make partner, did you?

Did that little shit Brandon text you?

Uh, no, your half-ass angry smile kinda gave it all away.

I just can't believe that Nick...

...tried to sell me some bullshit about how...

...how I don't connect with men.

Can you believe that?

Mm.

Me.

I mean, it... - Uh...

What? Uh, let me see that bottle.

Nothing. - Nothing, I...

Mm. Mm-mm-mm.

Well... I don't get it.

Right? I grew up around men all my life.

Like, fuck him. - Mm, Ali...

I think I'm gonna call a Lyft.

No. No. No one's calling anything, because...

...we should be smoking up. - Ciarra.

I haven't smoked that in 25 years.

I'm high on Christ. I don't need it anymore.

Okay, so...

I have a special surprise for you ladies.

Oh. I love surprises.

Now, we all know that Mari and James have a bright and shiny future. Okay?

But specifics are good, right?

So I hired a psychic. Come on.

Come on. Yes. - That's really sweet, Olivia.

But don't nobody want no Dionne Warwick psychic-hotline con artist...

...spinning bullshit about our past.

Okay, well, she's already here, and she probably can hear you, so...

Ah.

Where did you find her?

Facebook. What?

All right, ladies...

...our spiritual journey tonight will begin with...

Oh.