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You're traveling
through another dimension-
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00:00:13,238 --> 00:00:16,322
a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,
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00:00:16,357 --> 00:00:18,208
a journey into a wondrous land
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whose boundaries
are that of imagination.
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00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:23,213
Your next stop,
the twilight zone.
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00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:31,337
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're certainly glad
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00:00:31,372 --> 00:00:32,589
to be here tonight.
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00:00:32,624 --> 00:00:33,840
Speak for yourself,
turkey.
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00:00:34,474 --> 00:00:35,725
That's jerry.
12
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,343
Every dummy
to his own taste.
13
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:38,595
Now, cut that out.
14
00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:39,846
All right, all right.
15
00:00:39,881 --> 00:00:41,097
Let go of the suit.
16
00:00:41,132 --> 00:00:42,982
I'm getting out of here.
17
00:00:43,017 --> 00:00:44,851
Now, wait
a minute, willy.
18
00:00:44,886 --> 00:00:46,102
Just stay
right here.
19
00:00:46,137 --> 00:00:47,353
I mean it.
20
00:00:47,388 --> 00:00:47,987
Uh-huh.
21
00:00:48,022 --> 00:00:49,239
I'm sorry.
22
00:00:49,274 --> 00:00:51,741
If i said anything,
i didn't mean it.
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00:00:51,776 --> 00:00:52,358
Oh, no?
24
00:00:52,992 --> 00:00:53,610
No.
25
00:00:53,645 --> 00:00:54,861
No?
26
00:00:54,896 --> 00:00:56,996
Just tell me this, wise guy.
27
00:00:57,031 --> 00:01:00,116
You did admit that you were
superstitious, didn't you?
28
00:01:00,151 --> 00:01:02,368
Well, on occasion, yes.
29
00:01:02,403 --> 00:01:05,505
But you don't throw salt
over your shoulders
30
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,373
or cross your fingers.
31
00:01:07,408 --> 00:01:08,124
No, i knock on wood.
32
00:01:08,159 --> 00:01:09,375
You did it again.
33
00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:10,627
Wait a minute.
34
00:01:10,662 --> 00:01:11,878
I resign.
35
00:01:11,913 --> 00:01:13,129
From now on, i'm a single!
36
00:01:13,164 --> 00:01:15,014
As for you,
you can turn in your lap.
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00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:19,636
Uh... why, willy,
38
00:01:19,671 --> 00:01:21,521
in the first place,
39
00:01:21,556 --> 00:01:24,023
what would you do without me?
40
00:01:24,058 --> 00:01:25,642
Well, for one thing,
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00:01:25,677 --> 00:01:28,778
i could be
a better ventriloquist.
42
00:01:28,813 --> 00:01:30,029
Oh, yeah?
43
00:01:30,064 --> 00:01:31,281
Yeah.
44
00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:31,898
Yeah?
45
00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:33,783
Yeah... watch this.
46
00:01:33,818 --> 00:01:36,286
A funny thing
happened to me
47
00:01:36,321 --> 00:01:38,154
on my way over to
the club tonight.
48
00:01:38,189 --> 00:01:40,039
Is that a fact?
49
00:01:40,074 --> 00:01:41,291
What happened,
blockhead?
50
00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:43,159
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.
51
00:01:43,194 --> 00:01:47,797
That's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.
52
00:01:47,832 --> 00:01:50,550
They put formaldehyde
in those jokes?
53
00:01:50,585 --> 00:01:52,418
Something must preserve them.
54
00:02:00,176 --> 00:02:03,313
You're watching a ventriloquist
named jerry etherson,
55
00:02:03,348 --> 00:02:04,564
a voice-thrower par excellence.
56
00:02:04,599 --> 00:02:06,432
His alter ego,
sitting atop his lap,
57
00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:09,569
is a brash stick of kindling
with the sobriquet "willy."
58
00:02:09,604 --> 00:02:12,071
In a moment, mr. Etherson
and his knotty-pine partner
59
00:02:12,106 --> 00:02:14,574
will be booked into one
of the out-of-the-way bistros
60
00:02:14,609 --> 00:02:20,830
that small dark, intimate place
known as the twilight zone.
61
00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:26,786
...play places like, uh,
miami, los angeles, utah.
62
00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:28,037
Hey, jerry.
63
00:02:28,072 --> 00:02:28,671
What?
64
00:02:28,706 --> 00:02:29,923
How about
san quentin?
65
00:02:31,826 --> 00:02:35,545
...play there, but not
for a very long time.
66
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,430
Anyway, you've been
a wonderful audience,
67
00:02:37,465 --> 00:02:38,681
and we want to thank you.
68
00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:41,184
Willy, i think it
would be very nice
69
00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:43,052
if you'd say good
night and thank you
70
00:02:43,686 --> 00:02:45,555
to all these
wonderful people.
71
00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:47,440
You can do anything
i can do better?
72
00:02:47,475 --> 00:02:48,691
All right, wise guy.
73
00:02:48,726 --> 00:02:49,943
Can you do this?
74
00:02:52,847 --> 00:02:54,314
Come around
tomorrow night, folks.
75
00:02:54,349 --> 00:02:55,565
I'll be alone...
just you and me.
76
00:02:56,199 --> 00:02:57,450
Willy, i think,
little pal,
77
00:02:57,485 --> 00:02:58,067
we better
cut out, huh?
78
00:02:59,988 --> 00:03:01,821
Let me tell you something,
folks,
79
00:03:01,856 --> 00:03:04,958
as soon as i shake this pusher
and get me a real act
80
00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:06,209
you're gonna see
some class!
81
00:03:08,746 --> 00:03:11,080
Thank you again,
ladies and gentlemen.
82
00:03:11,115 --> 00:03:12,966
Help, i'm being kidnapped!
83
00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:15,468
Call a lawyer!
Call a doctor!
84
00:03:15,503 --> 00:03:17,337
Just get me to
the nurse on time!
85
00:03:17,372 --> 00:03:18,087
Ow!
86
00:04:33,197 --> 00:04:35,048
What do you say,
maestro?
87
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:36,165
How did it go?
88
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,417
Not bad.
89
00:04:37,452 --> 00:04:39,919
It's a small house,
but a happy one.
90
00:04:39,954 --> 00:04:41,804
There weren't
any complaints.
91
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:43,056
Well,
booby...
92
00:04:43,091 --> 00:04:44,307
frank!
93
00:04:44,342 --> 00:04:45,558
Don't do that.
94
00:04:45,593 --> 00:04:47,427
I told you that.
95
00:04:47,462 --> 00:04:49,312
Still on
the bit, huh?
96
00:04:55,568 --> 00:04:56,185
Still on that
stuff, huh?
97
00:04:56,819 --> 00:04:58,071
You gave me your
solemn promise
98
00:04:58,106 --> 00:04:59,939
you were going to
do your drinking
99
00:04:59,974 --> 00:05:01,824
out of soda pop bottles
and coffee jugs.
100
00:05:01,859 --> 00:05:03,693
What does it take
to get you wise?
101
00:05:03,728 --> 00:05:04,327
I'm tired.
102
00:05:04,944 --> 00:05:06,195
Will you clear
the area?
103
00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:07,447
First i'd like
to clear the air.
104
00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:09,332
I don't know where
you manufacture
105
00:05:09,949 --> 00:05:11,200
all your illusions, jerry.
106
00:05:11,235 --> 00:05:13,086
But instead
of being on top,
107
00:05:13,121 --> 00:05:14,337
where you ought to be,
108
00:05:14,372 --> 00:05:16,839
you're a second-rate
nightclub entertainer.
109
00:05:16,874 --> 00:05:18,708
And if you stay
on that bottle...
110
00:05:18,743 --> 00:05:21,210
all right,
i'll put away the bottle.
111
00:05:21,245 --> 00:05:23,096
Now, will
you pull out?
112
00:05:24,964 --> 00:05:27,467
I don't know why
i waste my time.
113
00:05:27,502 --> 00:05:31,220
Ten percent of you is grief,
and it's always been that way.
114
00:05:31,255 --> 00:05:34,974
Maybe it's because i've got
a soft spot in my heart
115
00:05:35,009 --> 00:05:38,111
for people who like
to commit suicide
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00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:39,362
eight hours a day.
117
00:05:39,979 --> 00:05:41,230
Now, listen, jerry.
118
00:05:41,265 --> 00:05:43,483
It doesn't have
to be this way.
119
00:05:43,518 --> 00:05:45,368
You give in to
some bad hooch
120
00:05:45,403 --> 00:05:47,236
and then you have
bad nightmares.
121
00:05:47,271 --> 00:05:48,488
Take away
the hooch,
122
00:05:49,122 --> 00:05:50,990
and you take away
the nightmares.
123
00:05:51,025 --> 00:05:53,493
No, you got
the chronology wrong, frank.
124
00:05:53,528 --> 00:05:55,495
First the nightmares
and then the hooch.
125
00:05:55,530 --> 00:05:57,997
I drink 'cause i have to
126
00:05:58,032 --> 00:05:59,248
and i have to...
127
00:05:59,283 --> 00:06:01,134
because of him.
128
00:06:02,385 --> 00:06:04,887
I've got to get
rid of him, frank.
129
00:06:04,922 --> 00:06:06,139
This stick of wood?
130
00:06:06,174 --> 00:06:08,508
This fugitive
from a fireplace?
131
00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:12,261
Jerry, how many psychiatrists
do you have to see?
132
00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:14,147
How many hours on the couch?
133
00:06:14,182 --> 00:06:16,649
How many 20-buck-an-hour
visits?
134
00:06:16,684 --> 00:06:17,900
I can't help it.
135
00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:20,403
You know what it is,
you've been told.
136
00:06:20,438 --> 00:06:24,157
Often, endlessly, up to my craw
in overflowing schizophrenia-
137
00:06:24,192 --> 00:06:26,025
patient manipulated
by forces
138
00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:27,276
outside
of his control.
139
00:06:27,311 --> 00:06:31,030
I can tell you frontwards,
backwards, in three languages.
140
00:06:31,065 --> 00:06:33,533
It's like a well-rehearsed
off-color gag:
141
00:06:33,568 --> 00:06:35,418
Patient goes from himself
to a lifeless dummy
142
00:06:35,453 --> 00:06:37,286
and then is unable to separate
himself from the dummy.
143
00:06:37,321 --> 00:06:39,172
Oh, that's all very psychiatric
and erudite
144
00:06:39,207 --> 00:06:41,040
and worth about
two-and-a-half bucks a word,
145
00:06:41,075 --> 00:06:42,291
but it's not right.
It's not right!
146
00:06:42,326 --> 00:06:44,177
I told them that,
i tell you that.
147
00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:46,679
It's no more
schizophrenia-paranoia
148
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:49,182
than it is athlete's
foot or a head cold!
149
00:06:49,217 --> 00:06:50,433
Willy's alive!
150
00:06:50,468 --> 00:06:51,684
He's a dummy!
151
00:06:51,719 --> 00:06:52,935
He's a block
of wood.
152
00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:54,187
Look at it.
153
00:06:54,222 --> 00:06:56,689
Does this thing
look alive to you?
154
00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:57,940
Well, does he?
155
00:06:57,975 --> 00:06:59,809
24 inches of timber
156
00:06:59,844 --> 00:07:02,311
and you're burying
yourself over it.
157
00:07:02,346 --> 00:07:03,946
Now, you listen,
jerry.
158
00:07:03,981 --> 00:07:05,815
I've gone along
with you.
159
00:07:05,850 --> 00:07:08,951
I've held your hand,
sung you lullabies,
160
00:07:08,986 --> 00:07:10,820
patted you
on the shoulder.
161
00:07:10,855 --> 00:07:12,705
I've also covered for you
162
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,825
the 110 performances
you've run out on.
163
00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:17,710
I've thought
of excuses
164
00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:20,830
that haven't even
been invented yet.
165
00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:22,715
I've gone without commission,
166
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:23,966
without sleep.
167
00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:25,218
And why?
168
00:07:25,253 --> 00:07:28,337
Because i thought i had
a talented article here
169
00:07:28,372 --> 00:07:30,840
that eventually was
going to crawl out
170
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:33,342
from under a bottle
and hit it big.
171
00:07:34,594 --> 00:07:36,979
Well, i don't think
172
00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:41,984
you're such a talented
article anymore, jerry.
173
00:07:42,019 --> 00:07:44,487
Let's put it this way.
174
00:07:44,522 --> 00:07:47,607
Maybe i think you could be...
175
00:07:47,642 --> 00:07:50,743
but you're never going to.
176
00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:52,745
I think you're
a self-indulgent sot
177
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:55,248
with an overactive
imagination,
178
00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:56,499
and the only thing
179
00:07:56,534 --> 00:07:58,367
you like better
than scotch
180
00:07:58,402 --> 00:08:00,253
is sympathy.
181
00:08:02,121 --> 00:08:05,258
I'm going to give you
just 24 hours
182
00:08:05,293 --> 00:08:06,259
to straighten out.
183
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:08,127
Get rid
of that bottle
184
00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,378
and the crazy
obsession
185
00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:11,264
that you're
battling a dummy.
186
00:08:19,388 --> 00:08:22,525
Frank... he's alive.
187
00:08:23,776 --> 00:08:25,645
Willy's
not a dummy.
188
00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,791
That's a dummy.
189
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:41,911
And that's
the answer.
190
00:08:42,545 --> 00:08:43,796
Go on.
191
00:08:43,831 --> 00:08:45,665
Got to get rid
of willy...
192
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,167
make a whole new
routine.
193
00:08:48,202 --> 00:08:50,052
A whole new
routine takes time.
194
00:08:50,087 --> 00:08:51,921
You've got
another show soon.
195
00:08:51,956 --> 00:08:53,806
Tell them i can't
make the late show.
196
00:08:54,423 --> 00:08:56,309
Tell them i'm sick
or something.
197
00:08:56,344 --> 00:08:57,560
I've already
told them-
198
00:08:57,595 --> 00:09:00,062
the trouble is, they
know it's "something."
199
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,565
Jerry, you pull
yourself together
200
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,816
and when you
hear your music
201
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:05,685
you be out
on that stage.
202
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,570
I don't care which
dummy you bring,
203
00:09:07,605 --> 00:09:10,072
but you be
out there.
204
00:09:10,107 --> 00:09:13,192
This is one i don't
cover for, jerry.
205
00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:26,339
Say, goofy goggles,
206
00:09:26,374 --> 00:09:29,458
why don't you have
your glasses fixed?
207
00:09:29,493 --> 00:09:30,710
I don't have to.
208
00:09:30,745 --> 00:09:32,595
My eyes are
much better now.
209
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:33,846
Goofy,
you're looking
210
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:35,097
at the band leader.
211
00:09:35,132 --> 00:09:36,349
I'm over here.
212
00:09:36,384 --> 00:09:38,217
Keep talking,
i'll find you.
213
00:09:38,252 --> 00:09:41,354
Say, etherson, i've been
meaning to tell you
214
00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:43,856
you put too much
starch in my collar.
215
00:09:43,891 --> 00:09:45,107
Too much starch?
216
00:09:45,142 --> 00:09:46,976
I'm not your
laundry man.
217
00:09:48,227 --> 00:09:49,478
Yeah...
218
00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:52,615
yeah, we're gonna
make it, you and me.
219
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:53,866
Justyou and me.
220
00:10:27,016 --> 00:10:28,267
Jerry. Marsha,
listen to this.
221
00:10:28,302 --> 00:10:30,152
This will knock you out.
Make me talk, jerry, come on.
222
00:10:30,187 --> 00:10:32,021
Look, noreen,
i'm on in a couple of minutes.
223
00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:33,272
Come on.
Makes you sound just like willy.
224
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:34,523
Real crazy.
Come on, come on.
225
00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:35,775
Knock it off, babe,
that tickles.
226
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:37,026
Willy, shut up!
227
00:10:38,946 --> 00:10:40,780
Is that wild? Is that wild?
228
00:10:58,431 --> 00:10:59,682
Goofy.
229
00:10:59,717 --> 00:11:00,933
Goofy, i think
it's time
230
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:02,802
you had your
glasses fixed.
231
00:11:02,837 --> 00:11:04,053
I really do.
232
00:11:04,088 --> 00:11:05,938
My eyes are
much better now.
233
00:11:05,973 --> 00:11:07,807
Goofy, that's
the band leader.
234
00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:09,058
I'm over here.
235
00:11:09,093 --> 00:11:10,943
Keep talking,
i'll find you.
236
00:11:10,978 --> 00:11:13,446
Goofy, you need
your eyes tested.
237
00:11:13,481 --> 00:11:14,063
Eyes tested?
238
00:11:14,098 --> 00:11:15,948
That's right-
eyes tested.
239
00:11:15,983 --> 00:11:17,199
Well, i'm ready.
240
00:11:17,234 --> 00:11:19,702
All right, here.
241
00:11:19,737 --> 00:11:22,822
Now, tell me
what that says.
242
00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:24,073
Where?
243
00:11:25,993 --> 00:11:27,827
Oh... that thing.
244
00:11:27,862 --> 00:11:30,329
How about a hint?
245
00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,214
Goofy, it's...
clear as day.
246
00:11:32,249 --> 00:11:34,083
It's right
in front of you.
247
00:11:34,118 --> 00:11:35,968
Just give me a hint.
248
00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:37,219
Well, it's a letter
249
00:11:37,254 --> 00:11:39,088
and it's between
"d" and "f."
250
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:40,973
I've got it-
251
00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:42,224
it's "e."
252
00:11:42,259 --> 00:11:44,727
I don't know how
you do it, goofy.
253
00:11:44,762 --> 00:11:45,978
I cannot tell a lie.
254
00:11:46,013 --> 00:11:46,595
I memorized it.
255
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:48,481
Oh, for
goodness' sake.
256
00:11:48,516 --> 00:11:50,349
Sing your song,
will you?
257
00:11:50,384 --> 00:11:55,354
? are the stars
out tonight?
258
00:11:55,389 --> 00:12:00,359
? i don't know if
it's cloudy or bright?
259
00:12:00,394 --> 00:12:02,862
? 'cause i only
have eyes...?
260
00:12:02,897 --> 00:12:04,747
Cute act,
isn't it, georgie?
261
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:05,998
What's cute about it?
262
00:12:06,033 --> 00:12:08,501
Besides, i liked
the old dummy better.
263
00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:09,752
Why did he change it?
264
00:12:09,787 --> 00:12:11,620
Brightens it up
a little.
265
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:12,872
Gives it
some novelty.
266
00:12:13,372 --> 00:12:14,006
Novelty?
267
00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:15,875
With a ventriloquist?
268
00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:19,628
Frankie, you've seen one,
you've seen them all.
269
00:12:19,663 --> 00:12:21,514
Every dummy looks the same,
270
00:12:21,549 --> 00:12:24,633
and if just once
they changed the jokes,
271
00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:26,519
i'd have a coronary.
272
00:12:26,554 --> 00:12:28,387
What's with
etherson, anyway?
273
00:12:28,422 --> 00:12:29,638
What do you mean?
274
00:12:29,673 --> 00:12:31,524
Usually the acts
mix with the trade,
275
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,026
you know,
walk down on the floor,
276
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:36,529
do a little drinking
with the customers.
277
00:12:36,564 --> 00:12:39,031
This guy plays it
like greta garbo-
278
00:12:39,066 --> 00:12:42,151
locks himself up in
his room like a prima donna.
279
00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:44,036
Well, he's
nervous tonight.
280
00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:45,287
Why?
281
00:12:45,322 --> 00:12:47,156
You know, he hasn't
been well.
282
00:12:47,191 --> 00:12:49,658
It's his
first night out in a month or so.
283
00:12:49,693 --> 00:12:51,293
Give him a chance,
georgie.
284
00:12:51,328 --> 00:12:52,545
He'll warm up.
285
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:53,796
Well, you tell him to.
286
00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:55,664
Tell him to bring
the dummy out
287
00:12:55,699 --> 00:12:58,167
and walk
around the tables after the show.
288
00:12:58,202 --> 00:13:00,669
It's psychological,
frankie.
289
00:13:00,704 --> 00:13:02,555
Makes people thirsty.
290
00:13:33,085 --> 00:13:34,336
Sweet dreams, willy.
291
00:13:34,954 --> 00:13:38,090
Your next booking
is in the fireplace.
292
00:14:06,235 --> 00:14:07,486
You leaving?
293
00:14:07,521 --> 00:14:09,989
What's it look
like, frank?
294
00:14:10,024 --> 00:14:12,491
It looks like
you're leaving.
295
00:14:12,526 --> 00:14:14,994
I waited for you
after the last show.
296
00:14:15,029 --> 00:14:16,879
Georgie was hoping
297
00:14:16,914 --> 00:14:18,747
you'd mix
with the customers.
298
00:14:18,782 --> 00:14:19,999
You tell georgie
299
00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:22,501
i'm a ventriloquist,
not a shill.
300
00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:24,503
Why don't you
tell him?
301
00:14:24,538 --> 00:14:26,388
What does that mean?
302
00:14:26,423 --> 00:14:29,642
That means i'm resigning
from the club.
303
00:14:29,677 --> 00:14:34,647
You keep your ten percent,
and i'll keep my self-respect.
304
00:14:34,682 --> 00:14:36,515
Also my sense of humor,
305
00:14:36,550 --> 00:14:39,018
my regular meals,
my normal working hours.
306
00:14:39,053 --> 00:14:40,903
You and i have
had it, jerry.
307
00:14:40,938 --> 00:14:43,405
I have gone the route
and then some.
308
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,274
You don't need
an agent-
309
00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:46,525
you need
medical help.
310
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,028
I think it's
reached that now.
311
00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:52,915
You never believed me,
did you, frank?
312
00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:54,783
Yeah, i believed you.
313
00:14:54,818 --> 00:14:59,171
I believed you had obsessions
that were eating you up alive
314
00:14:59,206 --> 00:15:01,040
but i also believe, jerry,
315
00:15:01,075 --> 00:15:02,041
you're letting them.
316
00:15:02,076 --> 00:15:03,926
He talks when i don't talk.
317
00:15:03,961 --> 00:15:08,297
He tells jokes i never heard
of before, gives me bum cues.
318
00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:09,548
He's alive, frank.
319
00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:12,184
That's why i locked
him in that trunk.
320
00:15:12,219 --> 00:15:14,053
Goofy and i
are going
321
00:15:14,088 --> 00:15:15,938
to fly out
of here, frank.
322
00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:18,440
We'll fly to miami,
los angeles,
323
00:15:18,475 --> 00:15:19,692
maybe that place
in kansas city.
324
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:21,560
The place
in kansas city
325
00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:22,811
is the same
as miami
326
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:24,697
which is the same
as los angeles
327
00:15:24,732 --> 00:15:27,199
which is the same
as sioux city, iowa,
328
00:15:27,234 --> 00:15:29,068
which is the same
as any town
329
00:15:29,103 --> 00:15:30,319
south, west, north of here.
330
00:15:30,354 --> 00:15:32,204
They're all
the same, jerry
331
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:34,707
and you're not going
to leave willy
332
00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:35,958
by hopping a plane
333
00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:39,078
or a train, or a taxi
or a one-horse shay.
334
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:41,580
This thing
you lick right here.
335
00:15:41,615 --> 00:15:44,083
This thing you lick
at the source.
336
00:15:44,118 --> 00:15:46,585
This thing you don't
run away from.
337
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:49,088
We'll see.
338
00:15:58,597 --> 00:15:59,848
Good night, mr. Etherson.
339
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,351
Good night, ralph.
340
00:16:02,386 --> 00:16:07,990
You're not going to leave me
in a stuffy old trunk, are you?
341
00:16:12,861 --> 00:16:15,998
Was there something,
mr. Etherson?
342
00:16:18,117 --> 00:16:20,002
Did you say something?
343
00:16:20,037 --> 00:16:23,122
Is said good night, that's all.
344
00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:26,759
Good night.
345
00:17:05,297 --> 00:17:07,800
Aw, come on, old sport.
346
00:17:07,835 --> 00:17:12,171
I wouldn't lockyouin a trunk.
347
00:17:12,206 --> 00:17:15,307
Willy?
348
00:17:15,342 --> 00:17:17,810
Where are you, willy?
349
00:17:24,066 --> 00:17:25,317
Jerry?
350
00:17:35,944 --> 00:17:37,196
Good night, jerry.
351
00:17:38,947 --> 00:17:40,833
Good night.
352
00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:09,228
Hey, garibaldi!
353
00:18:11,113 --> 00:18:13,115
Didn't you forget someone?
354
00:18:17,236 --> 00:18:19,738
Didn't you forget willy?
355
00:18:29,748 --> 00:18:30,999
Jerry?
356
00:18:33,502 --> 00:18:35,387
Noreen?
357
00:18:35,422 --> 00:18:36,638
Oh...
358
00:18:36,673 --> 00:18:39,758
noreen, i was
waiting for you.
359
00:18:39,793 --> 00:18:41,643
Yeah,
that's right.
360
00:18:42,261 --> 00:18:44,146
I was waiting
for you.
361
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:46,648
The line is,
"this is so sudden."
362
00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:47,266
And in this case,
363
00:18:47,301 --> 00:18:49,151
it happens
to be sudden.
364
00:18:49,186 --> 00:18:51,019
No... i was
waiting for you
365
00:18:51,054 --> 00:18:54,773
because i want
to have a drink with you, noreen,
366
00:18:54,808 --> 00:18:58,527
or maybe a sandwich
or something, you know?
367
00:18:58,562 --> 00:19:00,412
Noreen, you're
a good kid,
368
00:19:00,447 --> 00:19:01,663
and i've
always thought
369
00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:02,915
you were a good kid,
370
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:04,166
and i've always
wanted to...
371
00:19:04,201 --> 00:19:05,417
easy, jerry.
372
00:19:05,452 --> 00:19:06,668
Honey, listen-
373
00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:08,537
wait a minute,
noreen, look.
374
00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:10,422
What's the matter
with you, jerry?
375
00:19:10,457 --> 00:19:12,925
There's nothing
the matter with me.
376
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,176
No, i'm not sick.
377
00:19:14,211 --> 00:19:16,044
I just want to have
a drink with you.
378
00:19:16,079 --> 00:19:17,930
I don't want
to be alone.
379
00:19:17,965 --> 00:19:19,181
I keep hearing
those voices
380
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:21,049
and willy
is bugging me.
381
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:21,683
No!
382
00:19:21,718 --> 00:19:23,552
Wait a minute!
Wait!
383
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:58,837
What do you say, stranger?
384
00:19:58,872 --> 00:20:00,088
You slumming?
385
00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:05,093
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the club tonight.
386
00:20:05,128 --> 00:20:06,345
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.
387
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:07,596
I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy-
388
00:20:07,631 --> 00:20:09,481
that's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.
389
00:20:09,516 --> 00:20:12,601
In front of the ritz-savoy.
390
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:23,745
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
391
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,750
Hey, wise guy.
392
00:20:30,002 --> 00:20:33,121
Hey! Wise guy!
393
00:21:30,429 --> 00:21:32,314
The wrong one.
394
00:21:32,349 --> 00:21:36,068
How could i get the wrong one?
395
00:21:39,821 --> 00:21:42,324
Maybeyou
need glasses.
396
00:21:47,329 --> 00:21:49,197
Why don't you take the eye test?
397
00:21:49,232 --> 00:21:51,700
Now, what am i holding out
in front of me?
398
00:21:51,735 --> 00:21:52,951
I'll give you
a hint.
399
00:21:52,986 --> 00:21:54,202
It's between
"d" and "f."
400
00:21:54,237 --> 00:21:55,454
Don't peek.
401
00:21:55,489 --> 00:21:57,339
What do you say, partner?
402
00:21:57,374 --> 00:21:59,207
What do you say?
403
00:21:59,242 --> 00:22:01,093
What do you say...
404
00:22:01,128 --> 00:22:02,961
we get down to business?
405
00:22:02,996 --> 00:22:05,464
You're real.
406
00:22:07,966 --> 00:22:11,103
How can you be real
when you're made of wood?
407
00:22:15,509 --> 00:22:16,725
You made me real.
408
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,227
You poured words
into my head.
409
00:22:19,262 --> 00:22:21,113
You moved my mouth.
410
00:22:21,148 --> 00:22:22,364
You stuck out
my tongue.
411
00:22:22,399 --> 00:22:26,118
You jerk, don't
you get it?
412
00:22:26,735 --> 00:22:28,737
You made me
what i am today.
413
00:22:28,772 --> 00:22:29,988
I hope you're...
414
00:22:30,023 --> 00:22:31,873
satisfied-
415
00:22:31,908 --> 00:22:34,376
from the song, of the same name.
416
00:22:58,650 --> 00:23:01,153
And now...
direct from new york city,
417
00:23:01,188 --> 00:23:04,906
the funniest pair
of cuckoos you'll ever see
418
00:23:04,941 --> 00:23:08,026
here in kansas city
or anyplace else,
419
00:23:08,061 --> 00:23:10,278
jerry and willy.
420
00:23:10,313 --> 00:23:12,164
Let's bring them out big, folks.
421
00:23:16,570 --> 00:23:18,420
How do you do,
folks?
422
00:23:18,455 --> 00:23:19,037
How do you do?
423
00:23:19,072 --> 00:23:21,540
A funny thing
happened to me
424
00:23:21,575 --> 00:23:24,042
on the way over
to the club tonight.
425
00:23:24,077 --> 00:23:25,293
I met this broad...
426
00:23:25,328 --> 00:23:27,796
now, jerry, you
don't mean "broad."
427
00:23:27,831 --> 00:23:29,047
You mean "lady."
428
00:23:29,082 --> 00:23:31,550
Oh, look, chum, you
just write the jokes
429
00:23:31,585 --> 00:23:33,435
and i'll tell them, okay?
430
00:23:33,470 --> 00:23:37,806
Well, anyway, i met this broad
coming down the street.
431
00:23:37,841 --> 00:23:39,691
It was a broad street...
432
00:23:39,726 --> 00:23:41,560
what's known in the parlance
of the times
433
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:42,811
as the old switcheroo-
434
00:23:42,846 --> 00:23:45,947
from boss to blockhead
in a few, uneasy lessons.
435
00:23:45,982 --> 00:23:49,067
And if you're given
to nightclubbing on occasion,
436
00:23:49,102 --> 00:23:50,318
check this act.
437
00:23:50,353 --> 00:23:52,204
It's called "willy and jerry,"
438
00:23:52,821 --> 00:23:54,706
and they generally are booked
into some of the clubs
439
00:23:55,323 --> 00:24:00,962
along the "gray night way"
known as the twilight zone.
440
00:24:03,198 --> 00:24:05,500
Rod serling,
creator ofthe twilight zone,
441
00:24:05,535 --> 00:24:08,003
will tell you
about next week's story
442
00:24:08,038 --> 00:24:11,706
after this message.
443
00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:13,225
And now, mr. Serling.
444
00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:16,344
Next week through the good
offices of mr. Richard matheson
445
00:24:16,379 --> 00:24:18,847
we tell you a story
of a young man's fancy,
446
00:24:18,882 --> 00:24:21,983
which is kind of a euphemistic
description of a mortal combat
447
00:24:22,018 --> 00:24:23,852
between the living and the dead,
448
00:24:23,887 --> 00:24:25,737
between the present
and the past,
449
00:24:25,772 --> 00:24:28,857
between miss phyllis thaxter
and mr. Alex nicol.
450
00:24:28,892 --> 00:24:30,742
The battleground
is this old house
451
00:24:30,777 --> 00:24:32,611
and its front door
will be opened to you
452
00:24:32,646 --> 00:24:36,998
next week on the twilight zone.
453
00:25:20,742 --> 00:25:21,993
Hello, tree.
454
00:25:22,028 --> 00:25:24,496
Trees are everybody's friends.
455
00:25:24,531 --> 00:25:28,133
Remember, only you
can prevent forest fires.
456
00:25:29,133 --> 00:25:39,133
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457
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