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1
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[ Sam Narrating ]
The first rule of quantum leaping
is to find out who I am.
2
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,997
Then, who I'm here to help.
3
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,584
Charlie-san!
[ Speaking Japanese ]
4
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:46,755
[ Sam Narrating ]
Third, if I've made a mistake,
know how to make up for it.
5
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:51,176
And always, always
know when to leave.
Sayonara, Sam.
6
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:03,063
[ Sam Narrating ]
Which brings me back to
the first rule of quantum leaping: ¡
7
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,400
finding out who I am.
8
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,571
[ Woman ]
Sam?
9
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,323
My name!
10
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,619
I'm gonna be called
by my own name.
Who is it?
11
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,706
It's Gloria, you yo-yo,
who else would it be?
12
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:23,333
I have to run to the store.
I ran my last pair of stockings.
13
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,004
You need anything?
Uh, no, no. I'm fine.
14
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,923
Will you zip me up?
15
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:34,303
You'd better hurry up.
You'll be late
for your new job.
16
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:38,390
Uh, yeah, right.
My new--
My new job.
17
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,726
Like it's no big deal.
An executive position
like this...
18
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:44,438
opens up once every five years
and never to someone our age,
19
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:49,067
Miss Youngest
Executive Secretary
at the company.
20
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,154
[ Sam ]
Miss?
21
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,172
Wow!
22
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,595
[ Al ]
Oh, my God.
23
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,223
It's true!
24
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,602
No, you--
You could lower that.
25
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:27,564
I'm a woman!
And I'm in love.
26
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:31,193
If it was anybody else, Sam,
I'd be all over you
like a cheap suit.
27
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,445
Stop it.
What?
28
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:37,282
I'm just--
I'm enjoying the view.
29
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,077
Let's face it.
You're a knockout.
30
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:46,500
You mean...
you see me a-as her?
31
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:50,045
Course I see you as her.
And back in the waiting room,
I see her as you.
32
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:54,675
- That's the way it works,
don't you remember?
- No, not really.
33
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,803
Al, this-this--
this feels really weird.
34
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:02,474
Think about how Samantha feels.
She's so confused,
we're using Verbena Beeks.
35
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:06,979
Antidepressants?
Dr. Verbena Beeks.
36
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:11,316
She's the project shrink.
I used to think she was cute.
37
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,695
Would you stop looking
at me like that!
Sam, you better get used to it.
38
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,364
You're gonna have to convince
everybody you're a woman.
No!
39
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,909
Yes!
Yes, that's the rule, Sam.
40
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:23,996
Everybody has to believe
you are Samantha...
41
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,832
so that whatever's
wrong here can be made right.
42
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:29,376
Well, just what is that,
please?
I don't know.
43
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:33,088
Gooshie and I
haven't had time to feed
any programs through Ziggy.
44
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,716
Well, would you do it,
please? Get on it.
45
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:39,178
Whatever you say,
beautiful.
46
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,014
Get out of here.
Just get out of my bathroom.
47
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:45,684
You have a wonderful
sense of humor.
48
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,312
[ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ]
49
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,268
[ Sam ]
Detroit, Michigan, 1 96 1.
50
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,604
Roger Maris is about
to break Babe Ruth's
home run record.
51
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,357
But am I wearing cleats,
sliding into second? No.
52
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:19,194
I'm wearing three-inch
high heels and trying
desperately not to fall on my...
53
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,363
face.
54
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,490
I told you you should have
worn a girdle.
55
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,409
I'm not
into bondage.
56
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:28,453
Do you remember how
Debbie Moore used to say that
before she had her baby?
57
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,956
Now she wouldn't
be caught dead without one.
58
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,750
I still can't believe
she went back to work.
59
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,170
What's wrong
with that?
60
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,298
Excuse me, but aren't you
the same girl that said,
61
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,342
"The day I get that gold band
is the day I quit work,
62
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,887
start shopping
and eat anything chocolate. "
63
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,889
Great. I'm a gold digger.
64
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,641
I'd never say that
about my best friend.
65
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,394
Let's just say you're
mentally prepared...
66
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,397
for a life different
than the one you're in.
67
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:58,775
[ Gloria ]
That's our bus!
Hey, wait!
68
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,991
Hold it.
69
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:09,536
Ah, ooh, ah.
70
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:13,165
No stockings?
You're such a bohemian.
71
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,847
[ Sam ]
Two hours as Samantha,
and I knew that the lyrics...
72
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:32,351
to "I Enjoy Being a Girl"
were not written by one.
73
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,520
Whew!
I only hope myjob...
74
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:38,774
doesn't require anything more
than sharpening pencils
or mailing a letter.
75
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,068
At least until Ziggy
figures out why I'm here.
76
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,779
[ Gloria Sniffling ]
77
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,536
What's wrong?
78
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,871
Buddy got his promotion.
79
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:56,708
- Buddy?
- My fiancé--
80
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,378
if you can call a guy
who's married your fiancé.
81
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,463
I don't think so.
82
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,632
I can't believe he did this.
83
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:07,636
This is what
we've been waiting for,
so he could leave Gail.
84
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:10,556
He didn't even ask for me
to be his secretary.
85
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:13,100
I'm sorry.
86
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,269
You were right, Sam.
87
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,064
Married men are just
a one-way ticket to Nowheresville.
88
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,108
I don't know why
I keep believing.
89
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,735
Sometimes I think
I should just
give it all up.
90
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:27,197
Gloria.
91
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,157
I'll be fine.
92
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,995
I'm always fine.
93
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,315
From my heart.
94
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,943
I hope
everything's there.
95
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,613
Uh, yeah.
Well, I-- I hope so too.
96
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:11,950
If there is any problem,
I'm the man to talk to.
97
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:16,955
I did the move myself,
beautiful.
98
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,584
Beautiful?
Oh, okay.
Miss Stormer.
99
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,587
But, um, if you like,
100
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:26,465
I could call you Samantha,
and, uh,
101
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:29,468
you could
call me Big John.
102
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:35,015
I'm gonna call you "dead"
if you don't
get outta my face.
103
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,684
Aw. I was just trying
to be friendly.
104
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,646
Be friendly on your
own time, Johnny,
105
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,981
or you'll be
delivering mail
for Studebaker.
106
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,943
On the double,
Mr. Wright.
Miss Stormer, in my office.
107
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:50,030
And bring a pad
and pencil.
108
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,992
Great guy.
109
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,688
[ Door Locking ]
110
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:29,611
I didn't realize
until I watched you walk
through that door,
111
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:33,365
how incredibly beautiful
you really are.
112
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,368
Whatever I did,
I'm sorry.
113
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:40,455
I'm sorry, too,
that... I didn't become
a vice president sooner.
114
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:45,502
But we'll make up
for that... starting tonight?
115
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:49,089
Drinks...
to celebrate our--
116
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,091
Our new positions.
117
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,344
[ Thinking ] My natural instinct
was to punch him out.
[ Pencil Snapping ]
118
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,723
But as Al said, I had
to play this as Samantha.
119
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,644
I don't think so,
Mr. Wright.
120
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:06,231
- Buddy. Buddy.
- Buddy.
121
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:09,067
What do you mean
you don't think so?
122
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,695
Well, you're ma-married.
123
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,364
So?
124
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,992
So, I-I--
I don't date
married men.
125
00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:20,078
I figured I was
just the fella
to change all of that.
126
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:23,040
You figured wrong.
Samantha, I understand...
127
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:26,835
playing hard to get
in the steno pool,
but you've got the job now.
128
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:32,257
I overlooked some very
eligible gals to, uh,
129
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,301
give it to you.
130
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,678
This is sexual harassment!
131
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:40,098
I don't know what that is,
but I like the sound of it.
132
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,935
Why don't you just
explain that to me
tonight over drinks?
133
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:47,022
Why don't you
let your wife
explain it to you?
134
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,818
Samantha. Samantha.
135
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:56,532
I would. Only my--
136
00:10:56,698 --> 00:11:00,702
Well, my wife...
won't be sober enough...
137
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,580
to even say hello
when I get home tonight.
138
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:11,922
Get me Bixby's market research.
I need it for my 1 0:30.
139
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,633
And put on
some makeup.
140
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,803
You're representing
Buddy Wright out there.
141
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,972
[ Mouths Words ]
142
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:49,418
How's the girl
of my dreams?
143
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:52,462
You know, this is--
It's degrading.
144
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,841
I mean, first he--
He chases me around his office,
145
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:59,678
a-and then-- and then
he says I gotta wear lipstick!
146
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:05,350
It's a pity they didn't have
the wet look in '61...
147
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,604
'cause you would look
fabulous with wet lips.
148
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,814
I'm so happy
about that.
149
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,983
This is-- This is
hard on me, Sam.
Oh?
150
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:16,987
It's hard on me. I can't
stop thinking about you.
151
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:22,826
Time has packaged
my best friend
inside a goddess of love.
152
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,457
It's got me worried, Sam.
I'm talking to Dr. Beeks.
153
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:30,459
[ Gloria ]
Sam?
154
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:34,213
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
155
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,548
Buddy called.
He explained everything.
156
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:41,470
The reason why he didn't tell me
about the promotion was because
he wanted it to be a surprise.
157
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:44,306
He wants to marry me!
He's already married.
158
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:47,559
[ Al ]
This is why you're here, Sam.
He's leaving Gail.
159
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:51,396
He was waiting for the promotion,
so he could afford to fight
for custody of the children.
160
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,941
- I'm getting married!
- No, she's not.
161
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,402
Gloria,
"I'm leaving my wife"--
162
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,821
it's the oldest lie
in the book.
163
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:04,701
Don't spoil this for me.
You're my best friend.
Just be happy for me, please.
164
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,745
Gloria--
I gotta get back.
165
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,998
Culpepper'll be
screaming for me.
166
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,417
Oh, I'm so happy!
167
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,423
- What happens?
- Well, when she finds out...
168
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,885
Mr. Wrong won't marry her--
169
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,930
[ Sighs ]
she commits suicide.
170
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,315
[ Narrating ]
I have come to the conclusion
that women are part masochist.
171
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:39,736
It's like someone designed
a modern-day torture rack
you can wear:
172
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:44,241
from the bra,
to the stockings,
to the tight skirts,
173
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,410
and the shoes from hell.
174
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:49,872
They get up everyday
and perform this weird
binding ritual.
175
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,749
And for what?
176
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,879
Wow!
You look terrific.
177
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,423
I'm supposed
to look conservative.
178
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:04,803
[ Chuckling ]
You couldn't look
conservative if you tried.
179
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,806
Thanks.
Come here.
180
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,021
Eat your heart out,
Marilyn.
181
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:18,150
If anybody but my best friend
were working for Buddy,
I'd be worried.
182
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:21,528
Anyone else
and you'd have good reason.
183
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:26,867
Please don't.
I told you last night.
I love him and he loves me.
184
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,869
That's all that matters.
185
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,497
What about his wife
and kids?
186
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:34,416
She is a monster, Sam.
187
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:37,377
She drinks
and she fights with him.
188
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,589
She doesn't care about
herself or the children--
189
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:44,593
not to mention
the affair she's having
with the tennis pro at the club.
190
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,264
Buddy is so unhappy.
He said I'm his only hope.
191
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,142
Do you know how special
that makes me feel?
192
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:55,979
Gloria, you shouldn't need a man
to make you feel special.
193
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,398
But I do.
Why?
194
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,944
You are beautiful--
I'm not beautiful.
195
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,863
I'm cute, maybe,
but I'm not beautiful.
196
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:09,618
But you are.
And not just on the outside,
197
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:13,997
but in here,
where it counts.
198
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,792
Men don't want
what's in here.
199
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,294
They want
what you've got.
200
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,505
Except for Buddy.
201
00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:24,383
He was the one in a million
that loved me for myself.
202
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:27,302
I wish that were so,
Gloria, but...
203
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:29,555
having just spent
a day with him, I-I--
204
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,557
It makes me doubt it.
205
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,767
Why should I believe you?
206
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,646
Have you ever had a man
love you for anything
besides your body?
207
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,070
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
208
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:47,281
No, that's--
It's okay.
209
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:51,034
Oh, Sam, I love him,
and he loves me.
210
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:54,538
Don't ask me to give up
my one chance at happiness.
211
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:02,254
[ Man ]
Iacocca's got Eisenhower hawking
for him at $ 1,000 a plate!
212
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,756
Can you believe it?
The president
of the United States!
213
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,259
He's a hell of a showman.
214
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:09,803
Of course, he's gotta be...
215
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:14,099
after that A-bomb
of an Edsel last year.
216
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,603
I liked the Edsel.
It was a dog, Ted.
217
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,855
Nobody wanted a car
with a zero for a grille.
218
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,524
Maybe not.
But I'm not so sure...
219
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111
the public wants what
we've got on the drawing boards.
What are you talking about?
220
00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:29,781
[ Thinking ]
I had before me
a firsthand definition of sleaze.
221
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:33,994
Buddy had perfect hair,
perfect teeth, perfect eyes
and perfect chin.
222
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,622
But they weren't
the arrow that made
women like Gloria fall.
223
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:41,001
It was the velvet tones all neatly
wrapped in wit and charm.
224
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,003
We can't base our designs
on California, Ted.
225
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:47,007
They're avocado growers
and movie stars...
226
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,468
with kinky tastes...
He was a master
of manipulation,
227
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:51,470
for foreign sports cars.
and he knew it.
228
00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:54,515
Yes, but they spend
more time on the freeways
than they do in their homes.
229
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,642
We're gonna get 'em
with our '62s.
230
00:16:56,808 --> 00:17:01,522
I'm looking
down the road five, 1 0 years.
What's the public going to want then?
231
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:05,150
The same dream machines
that they want right now:
232
00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:09,988
fins, chrome, flash
and horsepower.
233
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,241
Lots ofhorsepower.
234
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,660
The bigger, the better.
235
00:17:14,827 --> 00:17:18,330
And wait till we put
this baby on the market.
236
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:22,668
Five-hundred cubic inches,
450 horsepower.
237
00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:25,379
Three inches wider
and ten inches longer
than the biggest Caddy.
238
00:17:25,546 --> 00:17:28,841
What about fuel economy?
239
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:32,135
[ Ted ]
Miss Stormer has a point.
What about it, Buddy?
240
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,596
What does it get,
seven miles to the gallon?
241
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,099
Maybe eight. But I
got that covered, Ted.
242
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:42,563
I reduced the trunk
and I enlarged the gas tank.
This baby will hold 40 gallons.
243
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,440
My God, what'll it cost
to fill up?
244
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:48,819
At 30 cents a gallon, $1 2.
245
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:53,949
But we're not gonna try
to market this model
to... secretaries.
246
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,704
Could I have a cup of coffee,
please? Ted, coffee?
247
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:01,123
Yes, black.
248
00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:07,588
I like mine like my women,
249
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,174
hot and sweet.
250
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:13,844
[ Pencil Cracks ]
251
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:31,195
Don't even start
unless you want to eat
your teeth for lunch.
252
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:35,866
[ Cups Clattering ]
[ Chattering ]
253
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,372
What are you doing?
254
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,958
Hot and sweet.
255
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,378
What?
256
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:52,424
I want a beer.
A light beer.
257
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:54,510
I wanna make
some microwave popcorn.
258
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,221
I wanna sit down
in front of the TV,
start the VCR.
259
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,307
Oh, that time
of the month, huh?
260
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:06,939
Uh, no. I-I don't--
I don't think so.
261
00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,109
I just--
262
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,487
I just
wanna go home.
263
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:17,074
That's what I
wanna talk to you about.
I have a huge favor to ask.
264
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:20,452
If you do this, I promise
I'll go on that double date
your mother set up tomorrow.
265
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:22,788
Double date?
Buddy wants to come by
the apartment tonight.
266
00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:26,333
I thought you could
go to a movie?
No.
267
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,628
Please, Sam, I need
some time alone with Buddy
to plan our future.
268
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:33,048
If he's planning your future
the way he's planning this company's,
you're in trouble.
269
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:36,051
What is that
supposed to mean?
270
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,512
Nothing. Gloria,
271
00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:40,722
I-I-I just wish
you would open your eyes.
272
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,350
If Buddy wants to talk,
really talk about your future,
273
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:46,228
why does it have to be
at the apartment?
274
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:50,148
I'm way over 21, Sam.
275
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,442
[ Sighs ]
276
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:55,279
I just don't
want you hurt.
277
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:59,199
Does that mean "Yes"?
278
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,827
Maybe.
279
00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:33,108
Ahhh.
280
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,612
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, uh--
281
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:41,700
I-I just came
home to change clothes
and, uh, drop the iron maidens.
282
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:44,411
You don't have time.
Buddy'll be here
any minute.
283
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:48,040
Yeah, well, you know, um,
284
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:51,376
maybe the three of us
should talk about your future.
285
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:53,587
Sam, if you want me
to go on that double date...
286
00:20:53,754 --> 00:20:55,797
with you tomorrow night,
you'll get out of here now!
287
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,258
[ Chuckles ]
About that double date.
That's another thing--
288
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,469
[ Knocking ]
289
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,640
[ Sighing ]
290
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:09,561
Ha-ha!
Oh.
291
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:12,523
[ Dog Whimpering,
Barking ]
292
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,279
Oh, uh, I didn't know
that you two were roomies.
293
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,658
If I were a different kind
of guy--
294
00:21:22,825 --> 00:21:25,077
You wouldn't be here.
295
00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:29,665
Samantha was just going
to the movies.
296
00:21:29,832 --> 00:21:32,000
[ Buddy ]
In those?
297
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:36,755
Yeah, I thought I might just,
you know, go do a power walk
in the park.
298
00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:39,258
Get a little aerobics exercise,
get the old heart rate up.
299
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,803
Since you're already going
for a walk, would you mind
taking Bubbles?
300
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:47,474
Samantha!
Do it for me,
please.
301
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:56,108
Thanks, doll.
See you in the morning.
[ Barking ]
302
00:21:56,275 --> 00:22:00,112
The name's Samantha.
303
00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:03,115
[ Chuckling ]
304
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:21,717
- [ Al ] Personally, I prefer
leaving the lights on.
- [ Barking ]
305
00:22:21,884 --> 00:22:26,221
- You keep that up, tiny teeth,
and I'll feed ya to Ziggy.
- [ Growling ]
306
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:30,893
- A little testy tonight,
aren't we?
- You would be too, if--
307
00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:33,770
If what?
Never mind.
308
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:36,857
Just save Madam Butterfly
up there from cashing in
her cookies...
309
00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:39,151
and get back
to being a guy.
310
00:22:39,318 --> 00:22:42,654
How? Gloria is convinced
that Buddy's Mr. Wonderful,
311
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:46,366
that-- that he's got
a witch for a wi--
312
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:49,203
A witch for a wife
and that she's
his only salvation.
313
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,997
Look, all women fall
for that one,
314
00:22:52,164 --> 00:22:54,541
especially single girls
Gloria's age.
315
00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:57,002
What does age
have to do with it?
316
00:22:57,169 --> 00:23:01,507
She's 27 years old.
She's fighting
the biological clock.
317
00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,259
Those little eggs are
ticking off like time bombs.
318
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:07,429
Al, a woman can have
a healthy baby
into her 40s.
319
00:23:07,596 --> 00:23:10,432
I know, but people
didn't realize that in 1 961.
320
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,976
We're talking
serious old maid here.
321
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:15,354
She's probably up there
shredding newspapers right now.
322
00:23:15,521 --> 00:23:18,232
- I wish that's what
she was doing.
- [ Barking ]
323
00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:20,400
I'm warning you!
324
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,528
[ Whining ]
325
00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:25,197
What is your problem?
326
00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:29,117
You! You!
You... hermaphrodite, you.
327
00:23:29,284 --> 00:23:31,411
You're drivin' me crazy!
328
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:34,623
I'm not performing with Tina,
so she thinks I've got
somebody on the side.
329
00:23:34,790 --> 00:23:39,086
Beeks is laying this load of
repressed homosexual crap on me.
330
00:23:39,253 --> 00:23:41,380
And every time I see you,
331
00:23:41,547 --> 00:23:46,051
I've gotta deal with... this.
332
00:23:46,218 --> 00:23:49,638
[ Sighs ]
I'm outta here.
Well, you should get outta here.
333
00:23:49,805 --> 00:23:52,182
I can't believe that--
Al, look out!
334
00:23:56,562 --> 00:23:59,690
Yeah, close the door.
335
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:04,736
[ Growling ]
Come on, Bubbles.
336
00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:09,324
Figure that Buddy would have
a dog named Bubbles.
337
00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:15,747
Come here.
Come here.
338
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:19,835
This is great, you know.
339
00:24:20,002 --> 00:24:22,296
Gloria won't listen to me.
340
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,883
My best friend's got
a crush on me,
and I'm a woman.
341
00:24:27,968 --> 00:24:32,055
Whatever I did
to deserve this--
You listening to me?
342
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,893
I don't deserve this.
343
00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:40,898
[ Sizzling ]
344
00:24:45,068 --> 00:24:47,738
What a glorious morning!
345
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:51,116
There's Peeping George.
346
00:24:51,283 --> 00:24:54,203
Don't you think you oughta
put a--a robe on or--
347
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:57,748
You're the one that's
always saying we should give
the little guy a thrill.
348
00:24:57,915 --> 00:25:00,292
Besides, I'm too happy today
to hide anything.
349
00:25:00,459 --> 00:25:02,920
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Gloria.
350
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,092
What has gotten
into you?
Nothing.
351
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:14,848
Nothing? You never get up
before noon on Saturday.
You never cook.
352
00:25:15,015 --> 00:25:17,809
And I'm the one that's
always pulling you away
half-naked from the window.
353
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:24,191
Did Buddy tell his wife?
354
00:25:24,358 --> 00:25:27,819
Oh, that's it.
Yes.
355
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,698
So he's moving out?
356
00:25:31,865 --> 00:25:33,700
Well, not yet.
He and Gail decided...
357
00:25:33,867 --> 00:25:38,372
it would be easier
on the children if they waited
until after the holidays.
358
00:25:38,539 --> 00:25:40,833
Gloria, it's almost
two months till Christmas.
359
00:25:40,999 --> 00:25:43,669
No, it's only a month
till Thanksgiving.
360
00:25:43,836 --> 00:25:47,840
And then Christmas,
New Year's, Valentine's Day,
then President's Day--
361
00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:50,592
President's Day?
And before you know it,
it's the Fourth ofJuly.
362
00:25:50,759 --> 00:25:53,345
We know that a man
can't leave his wife
on the Fourth ofJuly.
363
00:25:53,512 --> 00:25:55,806
It would be un-American.
I'm sure they have a family barbecue,
364
00:25:55,973 --> 00:25:58,267
and I'll bet that Buddy's a whiz
at lighting charcoal with--
365
00:25:58,433 --> 00:26:02,688
Stop it! Just stop it!
Buddy said he's leaving Gail
after the holidays and he will.
366
00:26:02,855 --> 00:26:06,233
- No, he won't.
- What do you have,
a crystal ball?
367
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,235
In a way.
368
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:11,029
It's telling me that Buddy
will never leave his wife.
369
00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:13,198
Buddy is not Tony!
370
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:16,368
Tony?
371
00:26:16,535 --> 00:26:18,620
It's not my fault
Tony lied to you.
372
00:26:18,787 --> 00:26:20,873
It's not my fault
Tony didn't leave his wife.
373
00:26:21,039 --> 00:26:23,458
So don't try
and spoil it for me...
374
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:27,045
just because of what happened
to you two years ago!
375
00:26:38,932 --> 00:26:41,393
[ Knocking ]
376
00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:55,282
I'm sorry.
377
00:26:58,368 --> 00:27:00,245
So am I.
378
00:27:00,412 --> 00:27:03,624
I shouldn't have brought up Tony.
It was a mean thing to do.
379
00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:05,834
No.
380
00:27:06,001 --> 00:27:10,923
Now and then I...
need reminding about
things like that.
381
00:27:11,089 --> 00:27:14,009
Sam, please give Buddy
a chance.
382
00:27:14,176 --> 00:27:18,472
Try and see it
from my point of view.
383
00:27:18,639 --> 00:27:21,600
[ Sighing ]
384
00:27:21,767 --> 00:27:23,894
I'll try.
385
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:33,820
I'll tell you what.
Uh, it's a b-beautiful day.
386
00:27:33,987 --> 00:27:38,909
Um, how about brunch?
At the Pump Room.
387
00:27:39,076 --> 00:27:41,870
Then we'll go shopping at Horne's.
I didn't say
anything about shopping.
388
00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:44,998
A blind date is
the perfect excuse
for a new dress.
389
00:27:45,165 --> 00:27:47,125
I bet your mother'll
even reimburse you.
390
00:27:47,292 --> 00:27:50,003
I've been thinking
about backing out of tonight.
Oh, no way!
391
00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:53,131
Your mom would kill
you and me both.
392
00:27:53,298 --> 00:27:58,470
We'll find a gorgeous new dress,
and then we'll splurge at the Pink Door
on a new hairdo.
393
00:27:58,637 --> 00:28:01,265
It'll be the perfect
girl's day!
394
00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:10,232
[ Man ] When your mother
told me she had this beautiful
daughter living in Detroit,
395
00:28:10,399 --> 00:28:12,317
I thought she was exaggerating.
396
00:28:12,484 --> 00:28:16,697
Mothers have a way
of doing that, but not yours.
397
00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:19,825
If anything,
she understated.
398
00:28:19,992 --> 00:28:23,203
You are gorgeous.
399
00:28:25,497 --> 00:28:27,416
Thank you.
Dick,
400
00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:30,002
I think you're
embarrassing Miss Stormer.
401
00:28:30,169 --> 00:28:34,339
What woman doesn't like
being told how gorgeous she is?
Me.
402
00:28:34,506 --> 00:28:38,427
Are you in
the automotive industry?
Washers.
403
00:28:38,594 --> 00:28:42,181
- Clothing washers?
- No. Little rubber circles.
404
00:28:42,347 --> 00:28:45,684
We make them in 7 86 sizes
out of 31 different materials.
405
00:28:45,851 --> 00:28:47,853
Everything
from paper to plastic.
406
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:52,858
You'll find our washers
in every car manufactured
in Detroit.
407
00:28:53,025 --> 00:28:56,028
That's fascinating.
408
00:28:56,195 --> 00:28:59,531
Please,
don't encourage him.
He'll bore you to death.
409
00:28:59,698 --> 00:29:02,034
I can't imagine.
410
00:29:02,201 --> 00:29:04,286
See? You've been
out of the circuit too long.
411
00:29:04,453 --> 00:29:08,540
He was married at 1 9,
and after 20 years,
she split on him.
412
00:29:08,707 --> 00:29:13,879
My wife-- ex-wife--
had other ideas about...
413
00:29:14,046 --> 00:29:17,591
what she thought
her life should be like.
414
00:29:17,758 --> 00:29:20,302
And I wasn't included.
415
00:29:20,469 --> 00:29:25,390
Drop the violins.
This is a night
for the future.
416
00:29:25,557 --> 00:29:29,353
Isn't that right,
sweetheart?
417
00:29:39,738 --> 00:29:41,740
[ Gasps ]
418
00:29:45,202 --> 00:29:48,997
I have to go...
to the ladies room.
419
00:29:49,164 --> 00:29:51,959
- I'll come with you.
- No.
420
00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:55,712
I'd rather
go by myself.
421
00:30:04,263 --> 00:30:08,100
Feisty little wench,
but I like that.
422
00:30:11,770 --> 00:30:13,522
Calling somebody we know?
423
00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:17,818
You. So we can talk,
and I won't look like a lunatic.
Where have you been?
424
00:30:17,985 --> 00:30:20,112
I've been with Beeks.
425
00:30:20,279 --> 00:30:22,948
She says I'm gonna need
five years of analysis...
426
00:30:23,115 --> 00:30:27,119
before I'll be able to deal
with you as a-- a woman.
427
00:30:27,286 --> 00:30:30,122
I'm not a woman!
428
00:30:30,289 --> 00:30:33,208
That's what I
keep telling myself.
429
00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:35,794
Al, I'm ruining
Samantha's life.
430
00:30:35,961 --> 00:30:38,964
I just slugged her date
with my purse
for grabbing my knee.
431
00:30:39,131 --> 00:30:43,093
He grabbed--
That dirty dog.
432
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:46,388
Would you stop that?
When am I gonna
get outta here?
433
00:30:46,555 --> 00:30:49,683
When you stop Gloria
from committing suicide.
434
00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:53,645
- Which is?
- Tonight.
435
00:30:55,689 --> 00:30:58,483
I didn't really think that talking
to a woman after all these years...
436
00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:01,361
would be so easy,
so comfortable.
437
00:31:01,528 --> 00:31:05,365
Some of it has to do
with being lucky enough to find
a woman with your sensitivity.
438
00:31:05,532 --> 00:31:09,411
I wasn't going to go out
on this date. Ever since Edith
asked me to move out,
439
00:31:09,578 --> 00:31:13,999
I've locked myself away
in my tiny apartment,
angry at the world.
440
00:31:14,166 --> 00:31:16,001
Tonight I don't
feel angry at all.
441
00:31:16,168 --> 00:31:18,253
That's because of you, Gloria.
I'm glad I came.
442
00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:20,839
I just wanted you to know that.
I was wondering if--
443
00:31:21,006 --> 00:31:26,428
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
Sure.
444
00:31:28,013 --> 00:31:31,099
Big guy, I think we got us
a couple of hot ones.
445
00:31:39,608 --> 00:31:42,027
Mrs. Wright?
Yes?
446
00:31:42,194 --> 00:31:45,739
We haven't met.
My name is Gloria.
447
00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:47,699
Gloria Collins.
448
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:51,286
Oh, yes. Mrs. Davenport
is sponsoring you
into theJunior League.
449
00:31:51,453 --> 00:31:54,206
No. Buddy's Gloria.
450
00:31:55,249 --> 00:31:58,627
- His new secretary?
- No.
451
00:31:58,794 --> 00:32:01,171
I just wanted you to tell you
that I know how difficult...
452
00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:03,382
it's going to be
going through the divorce.
453
00:32:03,549 --> 00:32:07,219
And I'm going to do everything I can
to make it easier on the children.
454
00:32:07,386 --> 00:32:10,848
Sit down, Miss... Collins?
455
00:32:13,767 --> 00:32:17,271
I'm going to try to do this
as gracefully as possible.
456
00:32:21,233 --> 00:32:23,735
Buddy and I have
an arrangement.
457
00:32:23,902 --> 00:32:27,239
He has his personal life,
and I have mine.
458
00:32:27,406 --> 00:32:31,243
Now, whatever lies my husband
has obviously told you,
459
00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:33,453
he will never divorce me.
460
00:32:33,620 --> 00:32:36,248
Buddy is far too egotistical
to give up the status...
461
00:32:36,415 --> 00:32:39,209
he acquired
when he married me.
462
00:32:39,376 --> 00:32:44,256
And if he ever tries,
I will strip him to his shorts.
463
00:32:44,423 --> 00:32:48,594
My advice to you, dear,
is to quietly close your
hope chest on this one,
464
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,929
and try
someone else's husband.
465
00:32:51,096 --> 00:32:56,602
Good-bye, Miss Collins.
You will forgive me
if I don't shake your hand.
466
00:32:56,768 --> 00:33:00,355
[ Sobbing ]
467
00:33:00,522 --> 00:33:02,691
[ Sam ]
What happens tonight that
sends her over the deep end?
468
00:33:02,858 --> 00:33:05,652
There's no data on that.
All we know...
469
00:33:05,819 --> 00:33:09,072
is that on October 1 6,1 961,
470
00:33:09,239 --> 00:33:11,658
Gloria Collins
committed suicide by--
471
00:33:11,825 --> 00:33:14,119
Samantha!
472
00:33:14,286 --> 00:33:16,538
Bye, Mom.
Gloria left.
473
00:33:16,705 --> 00:33:18,916
[ Together]
What?
I don't know what happened.
474
00:33:19,082 --> 00:33:23,420
We were talking.
She excused herself and went
to this table in the next room.
475
00:33:23,587 --> 00:33:26,465
She was talking to a rather
attractive woman,
476
00:33:26,632 --> 00:33:30,427
and after a minute or so,
Gloria got very upset
and she ran out.
477
00:33:35,641 --> 00:33:38,101
- Do you know them?
- Unfortunately.
478
00:33:38,268 --> 00:33:40,729
[ Al ]
This is it, Sam.
Hari-kari time.
479
00:33:40,896 --> 00:33:45,484
Is there
anything I can do?
Pray.
480
00:33:45,651 --> 00:33:47,736
[ Thundering ]
481
00:34:07,422 --> 00:34:11,468
[ Crying ]
482
00:34:16,014 --> 00:34:18,809
[ Thundering ]
483
00:34:20,853 --> 00:34:24,189
Gloria, it's Sam.
I'm comin' out.
484
00:34:26,441 --> 00:34:28,694
I just wanna talk
to you.
Go away.
485
00:34:28,861 --> 00:34:32,406
- I can't. You're my friend.
- Then let me do this.
It's my choice.
486
00:34:32,573 --> 00:34:36,201
- Suicide is not a choice.
- Neither is living.
487
00:34:36,368 --> 00:34:41,290
- Why not?
- I love him, Sam.
488
00:34:41,456 --> 00:34:45,627
Even realizing
what a fool he made of me,
I still love him.
489
00:34:45,794 --> 00:34:49,089
I can't pretend I don't.
490
00:34:49,256 --> 00:34:53,719
I can't pretend
the pain I feel isn't real,
and it'll go away tomorrow.
491
00:34:53,886 --> 00:34:56,054
Suicide won't
change that.
492
00:34:56,221 --> 00:34:59,099
It'll end it.
[ Sobbing ]
493
00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:03,312
So will time.
Only, it'll give you
a second chance.
494
00:35:03,478 --> 00:35:06,106
You're not the first woman
to love the wrong man.
495
00:35:06,273 --> 00:35:08,442
It doesn't matter anymore.
496
00:35:08,609 --> 00:35:11,987
Gloria, Buddy's
not worth dying over!
497
00:35:12,154 --> 00:35:14,823
[ Thundering ]
498
00:35:17,910 --> 00:35:20,245
Is that what I'm doing?
499
00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,247
That's what he'll think.
500
00:35:22,414 --> 00:35:26,960
And he'll be right.
He'll think you're
killing yourself over him.
501
00:35:27,127 --> 00:35:31,840
Do you want
to give him that?
No.
502
00:35:32,007 --> 00:35:33,926
Give me your hand.
503
00:35:38,764 --> 00:35:41,683
Come on, now.
Nice and slow.
504
00:35:41,850 --> 00:35:43,769
Oh.
Easy.
505
00:35:43,936 --> 00:35:46,104
Aaah!
506
00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:49,066
It's all right.
It's all right.
507
00:35:56,156 --> 00:35:58,408
Sam!
508
00:36:01,787 --> 00:36:03,956
- Kick your shoes off!.
- I can't!
509
00:36:04,122 --> 00:36:08,043
Grab my leg
and kick 'em off.
510
00:36:08,210 --> 00:36:10,379
That's it.
511
00:36:10,546 --> 00:36:12,005
Don't look down!
Oh, my God!
512
00:36:12,172 --> 00:36:14,383
Look at me!
513
00:36:14,550 --> 00:36:18,053
Put your
left foot toward me.
Slide it real easy.
514
00:36:20,806 --> 00:36:22,641
Aren't you gonna--
515
00:36:22,808 --> 00:36:25,269
Keep comin'.
Crawl over me.
No!
516
00:36:25,435 --> 00:36:29,273
It's the only way.
Just do it.
517
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,530
[ Screams ]
518
00:36:36,697 --> 00:36:39,992
Hang on!
519
00:36:40,159 --> 00:36:43,996
Ah. Ah.
520
00:36:49,168 --> 00:36:51,587
[ Screams ]
Grab my arm!
521
00:36:51,753 --> 00:36:54,673
[ Gloria ]
Hold on!
522
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,843
I've got you!
523
00:37:10,105 --> 00:37:13,150
I made you
some warm milk.
524
00:37:18,322 --> 00:37:22,826
My mom used to bring me
warm milk on rainy nights.
525
00:37:22,993 --> 00:37:27,372
Moms know best.
526
00:37:27,539 --> 00:37:29,708
I don't know
about that, Sam.
527
00:37:31,752 --> 00:37:34,755
She used to tell me that...
528
00:37:34,922 --> 00:37:38,050
someday a Prince Charming
would come along,
529
00:37:38,217 --> 00:37:43,347
and we'd get married
and buy a beautiful house...
530
00:37:43,514 --> 00:37:48,143
and have a couple of kids.
531
00:37:48,310 --> 00:37:51,772
She really blew that one.
532
00:37:51,939 --> 00:37:55,818
You're not exactly
an old maid.
533
00:37:55,984 --> 00:37:59,154
It's not gonna happen for me.
534
00:37:59,321 --> 00:38:03,617
I've been waiting for nine years,
and it's just not gonna happen.
535
00:38:04,952 --> 00:38:06,870
Is that what you've
been waiting for?
536
00:38:07,037 --> 00:38:10,207
For a man to come
and take you away?
537
00:38:10,374 --> 00:38:14,211
Why do you think I'm
in the secretarial pool?
538
00:38:14,378 --> 00:38:16,338
I thought it was
because you enjoyed
what you were doing.
539
00:38:16,505 --> 00:38:18,340
I hate it.
540
00:38:18,507 --> 00:38:22,261
But that's the only place
you can meet eligible guys.
541
00:38:22,427 --> 00:38:24,388
Like Buddy?
542
00:38:26,765 --> 00:38:32,062
Gloria,
you can't use your job
as an excuse to meet guys.
543
00:38:32,229 --> 00:38:36,692
I can't spend the next 30 years
in the secretarial pool either.
Then get out.
544
00:38:36,859 --> 00:38:39,945
And do what?
Whatever you want.
545
00:38:40,112 --> 00:38:43,740
I-- I want--
546
00:38:43,907 --> 00:38:48,120
What?
I want to design cars.
547
00:38:48,287 --> 00:38:50,956
[ Chuckling ]
Then do it.
Right.
548
00:38:51,123 --> 00:38:53,625
I'm gonna go into the office
Monday morning and say,
549
00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:58,630
"Excuse me, but I have an art degree
and that qualifies me for the design program."
550
00:38:58,797 --> 00:39:00,966
Why not?
Because.
551
00:39:01,133 --> 00:39:03,635
There's never been a woman
in the program.
552
00:39:03,802 --> 00:39:05,929
Well, then,
553
00:39:07,472 --> 00:39:10,350
you'll have to be the first.
554
00:39:10,517 --> 00:39:12,728
Do you know
how hard that would be?
555
00:39:14,521 --> 00:39:19,318
Yeah, I think I do.
And you know what?
556
00:39:19,485 --> 00:39:24,114
You're gonna have to be
twice as good just to be
considered an equal.
557
00:39:24,281 --> 00:39:27,993
I don't know
if I can do that, Sam.
558
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,580
I don't know either,
but you gotta try.
559
00:39:31,747 --> 00:39:35,042
You have got to be
what makes you feel good
about yourself.
560
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:38,253
And then what?
561
00:39:38,420 --> 00:39:41,465
And then
maybe you'll like you.
562
00:39:41,632 --> 00:39:45,093
Because if you don't
like yourself, Gloria,
563
00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:48,263
no one else will either.
564
00:39:48,430 --> 00:39:53,101
Except guys like Buddy,
and you're not that desperate.
565
00:39:57,022 --> 00:39:59,274
I was tonight.
566
00:40:01,985 --> 00:40:04,655
Thank you.
567
00:40:07,241 --> 00:40:09,576
Oh, I hope when
the right guy finds you,
568
00:40:09,743 --> 00:40:12,704
he realizes
what a good woman you are.
569
00:40:19,545 --> 00:40:22,089
Why don't you
get some rest?
570
00:40:22,256 --> 00:40:24,174
Good night, Sam.
571
00:40:31,139 --> 00:40:33,350
Good night.
572
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,419
Ah!
Hi, cutie.
573
00:41:00,586 --> 00:41:02,838
You look great
in powder blue.
574
00:41:03,005 --> 00:41:06,592
I'm gonna put a bell
around your neck.
Where were you?
575
00:41:06,758 --> 00:41:09,928
I was with Tina.
576
00:41:10,095 --> 00:41:13,765
I thought you were having
problems with Tina.
577
00:41:13,932 --> 00:41:16,727
I was but Beeks fixed that.
578
00:41:16,894 --> 00:41:20,439
She got me to accept
you're my best friend,
and love is part of friendship.
579
00:41:20,606 --> 00:41:25,277
Once I believed that,
I took Tina up to a little cabin
in the mountains and--
580
00:41:25,444 --> 00:41:29,072
Well, you know.
Yeah.
581
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,783
I know.
582
00:41:31,950 --> 00:41:33,785
We ever gonna be the same?
583
00:41:33,952 --> 00:41:35,787
Course we are,
as soon as you leap.
584
00:41:35,954 --> 00:41:38,707
Why haven't I leaped?
[ Beeping ]
585
00:41:38,874 --> 00:41:40,709
Gloria's not gonna
try again, is she?
586
00:41:40,876 --> 00:41:45,422
Uh, no, no, no.
She's gonna marry, uh, Parker.
587
00:41:45,589 --> 00:41:47,716
The little guy?
The guy she met tonight?
588
00:41:47,883 --> 00:41:50,761
Yeah. They're gonna have
a couple of kids.
589
00:41:50,928 --> 00:41:54,306
They're gonna move to California.
They're gonna raise avocados.
590
00:41:54,473 --> 00:41:57,267
I thought I started
women's lib. Hmph.
591
00:41:57,434 --> 00:41:59,978
Well, you did in a way.
592
00:42:00,145 --> 00:42:05,150
Gloria talked
Samantha into joining
the design program with her.
593
00:42:05,317 --> 00:42:07,402
It turned out Samantha
had the real talent.
594
00:42:07,569 --> 00:42:10,072
She ended up heading
the entire division.
595
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,158
Oh, and get this.
She adopted a little girl...
596
00:42:13,325 --> 00:42:16,870
and started one
of the first organizations
for single parents in the country.
597
00:42:17,037 --> 00:42:20,457
- She never married?
- No. What a waste.
598
00:42:22,334 --> 00:42:24,336
I'm really confused now, Al.
599
00:42:24,503 --> 00:42:28,841
If Gloria's okay
and Samantha's emancipated,
why haven't I leaped?
600
00:42:29,007 --> 00:42:31,885
Ziggy has a fascinating
theory about that.
601
00:42:32,052 --> 00:42:34,888
He says you want
to get even with Buddy...
602
00:42:35,055 --> 00:42:39,059
for chasin' you around the office
and makin' you wear lipstick.
603
00:42:39,226 --> 00:42:43,355
Revenge? Oh, come on.
I'm not leaping
because I want revenge?
604
00:42:43,522 --> 00:42:46,150
Very... female.
605
00:42:52,781 --> 00:42:56,702
[ Sam Narrating ]
Al was right.
I wanted revenge.
606
00:42:56,869 --> 00:43:00,122
So I slipped
into Samantha's spiked heels,
607
00:43:00,289 --> 00:43:05,794
put on the most
revealing dress I could get
my... hairy chest into,
608
00:43:05,961 --> 00:43:11,133
and was ready to give Buddy
a lesson in sexual harassment
he'd never forget.
609
00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:24,605
You wanted me?
610
00:43:24,771 --> 00:43:26,732
How's Gloria?
611
00:43:26,899 --> 00:43:30,903
In Ann Arbor, visiting
her mother for a few days.
612
00:43:31,069 --> 00:43:35,574
You know, she gave me quite
a little upset Saturday night.
Well,
613
00:43:35,741 --> 00:43:40,245
that's because Gloria
doesn't know how
to play the game.
614
00:43:40,412 --> 00:43:42,372
And you do?
615
00:43:46,752 --> 00:43:50,088
What do you think?
616
00:43:57,221 --> 00:44:02,643
[ Chuckles ]
I knew it all along.
617
00:44:02,809 --> 00:44:06,480
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
618
00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:11,151
I had you figured
from the start. I did.
619
00:44:11,318 --> 00:44:16,865
All of that
playing hard to get
in the secretarial pool...
620
00:44:18,408 --> 00:44:21,787
didn't have me fooled
for one second.
621
00:44:24,957 --> 00:44:28,001
It didn't?
Nope.
622
00:44:28,168 --> 00:44:32,631
You were just waiting
for the, uh, "Wright" man.
623
00:44:35,050 --> 00:44:38,053
Was I?
624
00:44:40,138 --> 00:44:43,892
All that coy, "Oh, I don't
date married men."
625
00:44:44,059 --> 00:44:46,061
That was just
a smoke screen.
626
00:44:46,228 --> 00:44:49,731
Right, baby?
627
00:44:51,817 --> 00:44:54,611
You know me so well.
628
00:44:56,822 --> 00:44:59,408
Buddy,
629
00:44:59,575 --> 00:45:01,410
there's, um--
630
00:45:01,577 --> 00:45:05,497
there's just one thing
you don't know.
631
00:45:05,664 --> 00:45:09,168
Tell me, baby.
632
00:45:09,334 --> 00:45:12,880
[ Whispering ]
I'm a man.
633
00:45:13,046 --> 00:45:16,550
What?
I'm a man,
634
00:45:16,717 --> 00:45:21,555
a male, a person
of the masculine gender.
635
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:26,351
What are you
talking about?
636
00:45:26,518 --> 00:45:30,189
You're trying
to make it with a man.
637
00:45:32,608 --> 00:45:34,985
[ Laughs ]
638
00:45:36,570 --> 00:45:39,865
No way.
Not with this body.
639
00:45:40,032 --> 00:45:42,075
Bodies can be deceiving.
640
00:45:44,161 --> 00:45:46,788
You can't be a man!
641
00:45:46,955 --> 00:45:49,249
Why, because I
turn you on?
642
00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:53,253
W-- Yeah.
Um, ah--
643
00:45:53,420 --> 00:45:55,881
I-I-I mean, no!
644
00:45:56,048 --> 00:45:59,468
No. Oh, no!
I-- I, uh--
645
00:45:59,635 --> 00:46:02,804
You, you were a, uh--
You mean you had a--
646
00:46:02,971 --> 00:46:05,807
Y-You did
a ChristineJorgensen?
647
00:46:05,974 --> 00:46:08,393
No, no. I didn't say
I used to be a man.
648
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,356
I said...
I am a man.
649
00:46:12,523 --> 00:46:15,067
And I'll prove it to you.
650
00:46:15,234 --> 00:46:18,278
No!
651
00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:24,243
If you look closely,
you'll notice that
I walk like a man.
652
00:46:24,409 --> 00:46:26,245
I stand like a man.
653
00:46:26,411 --> 00:46:28,580
And I know things
that only a man can know.
654
00:46:28,747 --> 00:46:31,250
Like what it feels like
to get kicked in the crotch,
655
00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:34,086
how the pain just keeps
growing and growing.
656
00:46:34,253 --> 00:46:37,256
And then that
wonderful sensation when
it finally subsides.
657
00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:41,176
Or what it's like to walk
around high school
with your books in front of you...
658
00:46:41,343 --> 00:46:45,264
to cover up
an embarrassing case
of pubescent hormonal overload.
659
00:46:45,430 --> 00:46:47,516
You had a brother?
660
00:46:47,683 --> 00:46:51,103
Does a brother tell his sister
what he did looking
at his first centerfold?
661
00:46:53,939 --> 00:46:56,275
No, you stay away from me.
662
00:46:56,441 --> 00:46:58,402
I thought I turned you on.
663
00:46:59,945 --> 00:47:03,365
I don't have time
for this stupid game.
664
00:47:03,532 --> 00:47:07,244
Speaking of games,
why don't I show you
how I throw a baseball.
665
00:47:12,624 --> 00:47:16,044
Or better yet,
how I throw a punch.
666
00:47:28,974 --> 00:47:34,104
Not yet. Not yet.
[ Sighing ]
667
00:47:36,148 --> 00:47:39,568
[ Sighing ]
I'm ready to leap now.
668
00:47:48,076 --> 00:47:49,912
♪ [ Holds Note ]
669
00:47:50,078 --> 00:47:52,664
[ Applause ]
670
00:47:56,710 --> 00:47:58,629
Oh, boy.
53711
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