Original subtitles

People have been pouring in right from the morning

Yes. The more shoulders you find at a time like this the better

The poor chap! Till yesterday, he was having fun and frolic

He had just started living it up. And in the prime of his youth...

Alas! It's so sad! Is someone dead?

No, he's getting married tomorrow

Prem! Come over immediately. I'm so shit scared...

Iooks like I'll never have to get up from this place ever again

Jerk, till yesterday, we didn't have the licence to have a honeymoon

After your wedding tomorrow, you'll have the licence...

to have a honeymoon all your life! A genuine one!

And what haven't I done for a license? I begged God...

even consulted a palmist. But even when I land a girl...

she won't let me touch her! One was the movie...

and here's a case of the handbeingthebestbet

But that bachelor party I've arranged. Is it necessary?

Now look, this bachelors' party is meant less for you...

and more for bachelors like us, you dig?

But if we get caught today, I'll remain a bachelor all my life

Nothing of the sort's going to happen! Just imagine...

the beach at Madh Island. A bungalow on the beach...

and Vimla and Mangala in the bungalow!

But where's Meet, by the way? Don't you know him?

He must've run into one of Pooja's friends

Excuse me...

if I'm not wrong, aren't you my sister Pooja's friend?

Bye, baby

Hello, sister. Namaste, dude

Hi guys! What's up? This girl who just left...?

Oh yes, She's my sister Pooja's friend

Beats me, Meet! How does this formula of yours always work?

Very simple. You won't find a more common name than Pooja in this country

Shout "Pooja" on the streets and a dozen girls will rush to you

Every girl has a friend called Pooja. So I turn Pooja's brother...

and then, her friend's beau! Nice name your parents gave you

Every girl you meet, you become her "Meet" (mate)

You know my funda

Days and girls must change at the break of dawn

Enough. Stop flattering yourself. Cut it out, guys

I've tried the bridegroom's uniform a dozen times

But I'm still very scared. You ought to be too

A marriage brings not only an engagement ring and a wedding ring...

there's another ring too. What?

Suffering! So my friend, live it up to your heart's content tonight

Because with the sunrise tomorrow, you're gonna be finished!

"A bachelor..."

"has taken the bait"

"The poor chap..."

"has fallen in the trap"

"Just a couple of days of moonlit romance..."

"followed by dark nights"

"Take it from me, O bridegroom"

"It's just a matter of time. You're gonna face the music"

"A bachelor..."

"has taken the bait"

"The poor chap..."

"has fallen in the trap"

"Trapped in her mesmerising eyes..."

"you're carried away, because she loves you"

"A few sweet words that led to her future being secured"

"You'd better know the bitter truth..."

"better see the face behind the mask"

"Do not venture anywhere near her house"

"It's just a matter of time. You're gonna face the music"

"Yet another bachelor..."

"takes the bait"

"Laugh today, for you have to cry tomorrow..."

"your peace and happiness, you're going to lose"

"You'll stand up when she asks you to..."

"you'll have to go to bed, when she so bids"

"You'll have to become a slave..."

"you'll have to grovel before her"

"So better you come back, my friend"

"It's just a matter of time. You're gonna face the music"

"Yet another bachelor..."

"has taken the bait"

"The poor chap..."

"has fallen in the trap

"Just a couple of days of moonlit romance..."

"followed by dark nights"

"Take it from me, O bridegroom"

"It's just a matter of time. You're gonna face the music"

How many incantations are you going to recite, priest?

Weren't you paid to hurry up? All right, all right

Put the bridal necklace around her neck, son

Hurry up. Hurry up

This guy's lost it all right!

Go on, tiger! Bell the cat!

But I've never before... you know what I mean?

What difference does it make? You never knew how to ride a bicycle

But you learnt. There's no difference between riding a bicycle and this

Once you sit on the bicycle, everything will happen on its own!

All you got to know is when to apply the brakes!

Or she's going to spring a pregnant tummy!

Go on!

All the best on your life imprisonment!

But I was here to have my nuptial night!

We'll have a nuptial night...

that won't let you sleep all your life

Enough! I can't do it anymore!

I'm exhausted! I'm no machine. I've been at it for an hour

I told you not to stop! You got to do it at least thrice more

You got tired quickly even yesterday. C'mon! Give it all you have!

Go on, get up... you got to do the pushups too

I've been paying for it in the last three years anyway

What...? Push ups... that's what I'm doing

Bindiya, did you see my glasses somewhere?

Must be around somewhere, Mother

I wonder which scoundrel cast an evil eye on my eyesight

I just can't see without my glasses. Hurry up, Bindiya...

Brock Lesner's going to break Kurt Angle's legs on WWF

The sofa's legs have broken! Not the sofa, it's my back!

Is that you, Amar...? Yes

You took me for a sofa and plonked yourself on me!

Thank God it was you and not the sofa

Sofas are so expensive nowadays. What?

You're worried about the sofa and not me...? Get up!

Thank you, dear

Listen carefully! My nephew is coming on a transfer from Delhi soon

If he sees that my soninlaw is such a skinny little guy...

I'm going to lose face in the community!

Not to worry, Mother. I'm going to feed him bittergourd and mint juice...

and make a Tarzan out of him! Not Tarzan, my dear. The Undertaker!

Have you made the potato pancakes with lots of clarified butter?

Oh yes, there's the carrot halwa too, Mummy

Can I have also have a pancake, Mummy? You'll get a slap instead

Now go and get ready quickly. It's time to leave for the clinic

And here's your pocketmoney for the day

20 rupees, to take you to the clinic. How about my return...?

Oh yes. How about some coffee?

I'm the one who fills up people's dental cavities and makes the money

And I got to ask you for pocketmoney! Yes

Because you mustn't eat outside. Because you mustn't drink and smoke!

Now go and take a bath!

Go... and take a bath!

Scoundrels! You're laughing at me?

Have you ever considered what your buddy's been through these 3 years?

Guys get cars in dowry. They get scooters and computers

And look at me! I've got a motherinlaw!

One that was never a daughterinlaw!

But wherever you guys are...

I'm sure you're still having a roaring honeymoon right now

Even if there's no moon in the sky...

the honeymoon happens with honey every night!

Don't tell me! Of course

That's exactly why I'm late at work every day

When one works hard in the night, he'll obviously wake up late, won't he?

But I wake up early in the morning at six every day

You mean you wake up early and even go to sleep early!

Gita and I've planned to watch a blue film together, you know?

Blue film? You mean porn?

Yes, my wife never hesitates in trying out something new

New discoveries after all come from experimentation

Take Newton, for instance. There he lay under the tree...

when the apple fell on him and he had discovered the law of gravity

I too will have a nuptial night as I lie in bed!

My wife will pounce on me the moment I get home!

What are you doing? Touching my husband's feet

I beg you, don't keep touching my feet like this!

Why not? A woman's heaven lies at her husband's feet

The heaven's a bit above the feet, not "at" the feet!

What things are you saying? So you get what I'm saying?

Oh yes, you spoke about your heart, didn't you?

I have a splitting headache! Want me press your head?

You won't press what you must! What?

My throat! Why would I press your throat?

If I had such ideas, why would I observe so many fasts for your long life?

You're increasing my lifespan all right...

but you're snatching my youthfulness from me!

If it isn't this Goddess, it's that one...

some excuse or the other!

You've launched one attack after another on my happiness for a month!

A month of abstention from tomorrow. Abstention...?

You mean, this month's gonna play villain and ruin my fun?

But you aren't observing a fast today, are you?

Let the flower of love blossom tonight!

No, I got to attend a whole night session of prayer

Whole night? Yes, I was waiting for you to come

I must leave now

Ramu, any patient out there? There is, sir. A lady

And it appears as if she's been waiting for lifetimes, not just today

Who is she? Miss Saxena

Saxena!

Out of fright, my heart's hammering away wildly

Check it out

Ramu, do what you will, but get rid of her

Why? She's one battery...

that's always ready to charge me! And I want to remain dead

Sir, the world says, "Give me red" And you want to stay dead?

Stop arguing and do as I say. Tell her that I took ill...

and left the clinic! Then how will you go out, sir?

How're you doing, Amar? I'm fine. How're you?

How's your practice coming along?

Till there's a virile species of human beings in the world...

sexologists like us are going to have a roaring practice

Yes, darling?

No, I'm going to be late tonight

I'm putting in extra hours

You know how many patients I have

At times, I have to attend to two of them together

You go ahead and eat. Not me...

I'll eat outside

Doctor, may I ask you something? Sure, go ahead

You said you'd be late. And she agreed, without a word?

What's so great about that?

Never let the wife bully you. Or she becomes a nuisance

You must forever remind her that you wear the pants in the family. Not she

That's all right. Keep the tea here and get on with the laundry

As you command, Bindiyaji

What are you thinking about? Nothing

You're right. They ought to be reminded that we wear the pants in the family

Wait for me in the car, I'll join you soon

Ever since I've employed these two girls as nurses...

I have hordes of patients! Take this instance a few days earlier

There was this guy who just couldn't get it up

But ever since he saw them, it's up on salute. Get it?

I suggest you too employ a sexy nurse for your dispensary

Actually, I find it very strange to deal with women

But I'm comfortable with guys. No, don't get very comfortable with me

That's not how it is! In such matters, I'm a worshipper of love

For a moment, I thought you were angling for a man, you know!

Prem babu... What is it?

So how did it go last night? I don't have words to describe it

Guess what's in my hand. What?

A bluefilm. Inspired by your words last night...

I have convinced Snehlata to do an experiment

Subramaniam is also going to be late at work from tomorrow!

This scapegoat's about to be slain! He's lost it

I can't believe it's you in person! Where were you?

But I'm here! How've you been? Great! How've you been?

Faggots!

They're hugging in the middle of the road. Excuse me

In the middle of the road...

Amar? You? Doctor!

Let me introduce you to my darling. This is Prem!

"In such matters, I'm a worshipper of love"

Love on the open streets...? What a shame!

What's so shameful about it?

Prem and I've been buddies since we were in college

You mean, you love each other from so many days?

Oh yes! Why don't you join us? What rubbish!

Lay off! What are you doing?

Wait, doctor...

The poor doc must be imagining the two of us in a pose of Kamasutra!

Give me a fag. Mine are over. Fag...?

You've given it up? No ways, dude

Why must I give it up? I light up a couple of packets in a day

But I don't have any now. Never mind. We'll send for it

A packet of cigarettes, please. Very well, sir

Remember, this used to be our haunt during our college days?

Times have changed, but not this place

The same tables, the same chairs... isn't it?

Any news of Meet? Or is he still hunting cats in Delhi?

He married a rich jeweller's daughter in Delhi and settled down there

But I'm told he has come back to Mumbai and has started a jewellery showroom

All said, he found the right match. Oh yes

He was always after virgins

I got an idea... No, no...

Listen! Let's have a reunion, man!

Let the three of us get together and have a blast

Not three, four of us. Four?

You, Meet, me and our booze!

Meet hasn't come as yet. The star will make a late entry

Look! There at the bar!

He started the moment he arrived! Not a word to him, c'mon!

Hail Shiva! Hail Lord Rama!

We're sorry, we didn't know... You guys can't do better

When you don't find a chick, you manage with any Tom, Harry or Dick!

Who are you, mister?

Despo, chicken... it's me! Meet!

What's wrong with you? What clothes have you worn?

The whole of India wears what is the lastest fashion

But what Meet wears becomes the latest fashion!

Never mind all this!

So how's it going, chicken?

You still have a valid honeymoon licence or has it already expired?

Marriage and life are chugging along just fine

Wow! And how about you, despo? Are you happy or...?

Are you still keeping yourself happy?

Look, guys. Between a monkey in a cage...

and man in a marriage, there's not much difference

Even if they want to jump around...

there's just one tree they can mount in the cage!

Are you living in a jungle of trees with your wife then?

No, my boy. Aanchal and I live in our beautiful lovenest

You know me. Girls and bankruptcy can't twist even a strand of my hair

Really? So how come your hair's all jelled to your skull?

You've been sitting under the tree and letting the streetside barber...

work on your hair. What would you know about hairstyles?

The Meet who feasted on a lavish spread every day...

is satisfied with a single dish nowadays?

No way! Aanchal is no ordinary dish

She's a wish every man prays to God for

But He grants such wishes only to a chosen few

What an understanding wife I have. No nagging or meddling!

She gives me so much of space, sometimes I think I'm on earth...

and she's in outerspace!

Sweetheart, I don't know what gets into me the moment you leave home

Life is so short! In this short life...

I don't want to miss a single expression on your face...

nor a single moment of our togetherness or the words you speak!

Oh yes. All over again...? We did it half an hour ago, didn't we?

Half an hour...? You know what could happen in half an hour?

A whole episode of a soap could get over in half an hour

Water in the freezer turns to ice in half an hour

What's half an hour? Half a second's separation from you...

reduces me to half of myself, sweetheart!

Could I have some water?

I had already drunk from it

Say it louder! So that everyone can hear you

Happy...?

Very happy!

May I go back now?

Okay, sweetheart. I'll call again, okay?

These new phones... they just don't have the range!

Your drink is over?

This will be the last order, sir. What?

In that case, get us six bottles more

Because no order can stop us from drinking all night, right?

"Our friendship..."

"we shall never abandon"

Shut that radio!

My friend and he has such a crass voice!

I've met my buddies after years

I'm going to sing to my heart's content today

See? Your song has made my mobile weep

Where are you?

You know how late it is?

Network problem...? It's better there

He said his wife gave him a lot of space

So why's she calling again and again?

Go on, sweetheart. Sweetheart...

where are you? Right here. With Amar and Prem

May I come over? I'll get to meet the two of them too

No! Don't come here! I'm coming home soon

What's wrong with you, Aanchal?

Is this any way to behave? Is this what I taught you?

Why're you calling me again and again for such trivial things?

Didn't I tell you, when I'm with my friends...

I'll stay out as long as I want to, understand?

Go to sleep!

He sure wears the pants. What?

You won't understand

I knew it! This guy's been fibbing!

Meet, you've been making fools out of us all this while?

He was enacting a drama of lording over his wife!

Where was the need to do all this, my friend?

Yes, I lied! I lied that my wife gives me space!

My wife is like the satellite station in space...

that hovers on me all 24 hours to keep a watch over me!

She's a glue even the adhesive companies will sponsor!

Even when we go to the movies, she books two seats all around us!

So that no good looking girl gets to sit by me

This jelled hair, you see? It's no trendy hairstyle

She got the streetside barber to work on me under a tree!

So that my stylish hairlocks don't make a girl swoon over me

Friends, I'm not just a monkey who's being held in the cage

I've also been tied to the tree in the cage!

Don't cry, Meet. Don't

Your wife is at least after you all 24 hours, like a satellite

If only my wife found time from Shankar, Kishan and Pawan...

she would run after me

What? Your wife's having an affair with all three of them?

No! Lord Shankar, Lord Krishna and Lord Hanuman, of the Pawan (air)

Whenever I try to touch her...

I feel as if I'm ringing the bell in a temple!

It's bells for you

But my wife and her mother play the symphony for me!

They aren't just mother and daughter. They come from the WWF!

They keep banging me to the ground every day of my life in the ring!

Our plight makes it clear to me today

Why most men die of heartattack! Why?

Because women don't have a heart!

These wives drive us to our deaths!

There's no fun or frolic in our lives!

It's like a dish that has no spice to it!

It's an icecream without any cream! It's a lentilcurry...

that has had no seasoning!

I'm sick of having the same insipid lentilcurry day after day!

I got an idea! No, Prem! No idea

Whenever I see that look in your eyes, he's going to get us killed again!

We always weep when we listen to you

As if we aren't weeping right now! Think

One smile from a beautiful girl makes us puff our chests in pride

But imagine what would happen if a girl not only smiled...

but also said a few loving words to us?

What if she had hugged us? What if she had given us a kiss?

What are you getting at?

Don't we go out to eat on every weekend?

We do And why do we?

Why? Because the food at home...

is so boring. One needs to eat the biryani outside once in a while

Man begins to hate the same lentilcurry he gets at home every day!

That's just where our marriages are at the moment!

If we don't get a taste of the biryani outside...

the lentilcurry, I mean...

we'll begin to hate our wives! Hang on! What do you mean?

I mean, if we aren't getting love and fun from our wives...

why don't we find love outside and have a ball?

He's gone mad! You've lost it!

You're going to have us killed! Hey!

Take it from me. This is the only way of bringing the fun back into our lives!

I am not saying that we don't love our wives

But right now, we need love from someone else!

So let's have an affair and our marriages will get better!

If my wife gets to know, I won't have a marriage at all!

Affair! How can one have an affair just like that?

You need a girl to have an affair. A girl!

Are you saying that, Meet? You? You used to change girls every morning!

I used to. Past tense! Nothing has changed!

Try the arena again! All the maidens will want to play ball with you!

Don't tell me! Of course!

I hate saying you're right...

but you're right for the first time in your life!

Meet, you too? Loyalties swapped? No, no... listen to me!

From what I've heard, when a man is unfaithful with his wife...

his guilty conscience begins to torment him!

And because of that, he tries double as much to keep his wife happy!

Taking Prem's advise...

and having an affair with a sexy girl...

might lead us to love our wives even more!

What a thirdrate philosophy!

It's the right philosophy!

It's decided then! For a month from today...

we won't have the lentilcurry at home! We'll find a restaurant...

where we get the biryani with all the meat!

Let's meet after a month and tell each other...

how many times we have enjoyed the delicacies on offer outside!

But... But what...?

Why're you such a chicken? C'mon, Amar!

Get out of the cage and become the king of the jungle!

Call from Bindiya. Take my advise. Refuse the call!

Yes, Amar! Don't take the call

Else, this phone will be the thorn in your path for a whole month ahead!

Refuse it! How will I refuse it...?

Refuse it, my tiger! Refuse it! C'mon, Amar!

Show courage! Don't take it!

"Fun..."

"fun"

"My heart's a free bird. Do not put in a cage..."

"let our gaze meet, if it has to"

"Let's have fun and frolic, let's have nights of excitement"

"Fun..."

"fun, fun, fun"

"My heart's a free bird. Do not put in a cage..."

"let our gaze meet, if it has to"

"Let's have fun and frolic, let's have nights of excitement"

"This one has an intoxicating gait..."

"this one has pink cheeks"

"This one has all the airs"

"This one's consent is amazing..."

"this one's refusal is amazing"

"And this one's refusal is also her consent"

"Yes, oh yes, yes, yes"

"Let's hug in love, you'll have your peace"

"Here's your chance, have all the fun, make the best of this moment"

"Live it up without a worry"

"The wife's at home. There are other fishes outside"

"That's the whole truth, yes, yes, yes!"

"Yes... yes, yes, yes!"

"Give me a kiss, give me a hug, there is no ban on love"

"My heart's a free bird. Do not put in a cage..."

"let our gaze meet, if it has to"

"Let's have fun and frolic, let's have nights of excitement"

"Fun..."

"fun, fun, fun"

Tell me something, Sheetal. Aren't you happy here?

Excuse me...? Aren't you happy here...?

I am happy sir. Very very happy! So where is the charming smile...

which made me happily give you this job?

Doctor, wait here. What is it?

You ran away so soon yesterday. You couldn't meet Prem properly

That meeting was enough. In the brief meeting you had...

you made such a lasting impression on his heart

What...? Yes. He kept chanting your name

The litup face, the tight pants... he went crazy over you

He wants to meet you. Why...?

He has a problem and he's dying to have you cure him, doctor

May I take an appointment for him? Sure... no, no!

I'm busy! All month! All my life!

Hey doctor... listen

That's what I'm fixing, sir

Sir, it's a call from Miss Saxena. Shall I tell her you're unwell...

that you haven't come to work? No, call her over

What? Yes

I'll not only see her today, I'll even see how she pines

Once and for all, I'll fix it all up

But sir, she's an everready battery? That's exactly why I'm calling her

I'm absolutely ready today to get charged and deliver!

Ramu, no more dead! Give me red!

Get to work!

Lord! Send that beauty to me! Not him... to me!

Please sit down

What can I do for you?

I've come to open up here

An account

You will help me, won't you?

This is the first time I'm opening up, you see...

But I open up everyday! I'll happily help you open up!

You've solved my worries. No problem...

just fill up this form...

and collect the cheque book and the pass book this evening

This evening...? Oh God

Actually, my husband is going abroad this evening

I'm going to be all alone at home in the night

All alone...? Absolutely

In that case, you don't have to come. I'll come over to your place

In the night. Really?

Will you take all the trouble for me? No trouble at all

That's the motto of our bank. Door to door service

Just give me the address. Sure

Prembabu, my wife is out of town too

With whom...? You're right! Lord!

If you keep treating me to such great food...

I'm going to get into the habit of eating out every day

That's what I intend to do. I want to eat out every day

And should we eat together, it'll be even more fun

You're such a gem of a person. And lonely too

Will you have dinner with me tonight? To rid me of my loneliness?

I hope this is not a dream

Sheetal, see all the dreams you want to, right now

Because tonight, I'm neither going to let you sleep, nor dream

I'll be back in a moment

I thought you'd be rusty after years of inactivity!

But no, man! You're still the best!

Satellite...? What's she doing here?

If she catches me with Sheetal...

the cableconnection is going to be cut off from my life forever!

Under the table, Meet! Duck for cover!

Sweetheart...

Sweetheart... Sweetheart!

What are you doing here? That's exactly what I want to know

What are you doing here? I wanted to go to the bathroom

The bathroom at the showroom is awful. So I came here

Lovely bathroom. Wow!

This is great! I was about to telephone you

Me...? What for? I missed you, sweetheart

Let's sit here and have an icecream. Icecream...?

I have a terrible cold! Cold?

Let's go and see the doctor! Yet, let's get out of here!

Excuse me, sir. Where to...? Your bill?

Strange restaurant! They give you a bill for a visit to the bathroom!

Give the bill at the table. Not here... the table!

Don't you guys know...? Give it at the table!

Let's go to the doctor. Come...

He will pay the bill. Who? Him...?

You're such a sweetheart...

How are you keeping now, doctor? Better. I'm absolutely all right

You ought to be too! You're so fit, so energetic!

Through the shirt I can see your muscles, without the shirt...

Please lie down. I mean, sit down. Sure

Doctor, don't let anything remain unfinished today

Whatever you have to do, just get it over with!

Of course. You look great. You've maintained a great figure

Where have I maintained it? I've put on so much of weight

Touch and see... see

I wouldn't call it flab. I'd say, there's more of you to love

You do know how to press all the right buttons on a woman

Open your mouth

Please come. I've been waiting for you

For a beauty like you... I actually came rushing!

Here's your passbook and chequebook

Keep the passbook with you

Let's go into the bedroom

Lovely bedroom! So spacious... it even has a bed!

Sit down. Your bed is so soft

It's because I'm very delicate

I like soft things. Soft...?

With the exception of strong tea

Isn't it a bit hot here? Yes, it's very hot

So why don't you take off your clothes?

What? Relax

A glass of hot milk

I'll be back in a jiffy

Drink it up

Different flavours. Strawberry, pistachio and banana

If you must have milk, try Lele!

Uncle, catch!

How often have I told you not to touch my feet!

Why're you so angry?

You appear to be very tired. Yes, I am!

I have a glass of hot milk for you. Have some, please

Milk...? Yes, it's a new brand. Lele milk

Lele...?

Different flavours! Strawberry, pistachio and bananas!

What are you doing...?

I told you, madam. Goods once sold, are not taken back in exchange

One moment, please

I wanted to talk to you... I'm busy with the customer

Listen, how about talking it over at the restaurant at lunchtime?

I've brought my lunchbox from home today

Listen...

I'm requesting you... I'm really sorry, madam

I can't exchange this necklace. Do it

What, sir? Exchange it

But how about our company's policy? Our company has just one policy

I mean the customer's always right. Go and bring another!

Actually, the necklace isn't as priceless as you are

What? The customer is like God

He's worshipped! That reminds me...

if I'm not wrong, are you my sister Pooja's friend?

Pooja...? Are you Pooja's brother? Yes. And you?

God, you've changed so much! So have you

I'm just as I was

However you are, you are just amazing!

Remember? We met at Rocky's party last time?

Rocky...? Oh yes, I remember. You had had so much to drink...

you took off your pants and jumped into the swimming pool in your green undies!

You vomitted so much, you couldn't even stand straight!

Happens some times. What's her name... Sapna!

You grabbed at her skirt and she gave you a tight slap!

Your cheek had gone red like a tomato

You looked so cute!

Really, Akash, I can't tell you how nice it is to meet you!

One moment, one moment. You're making a mistake

His name is not Akash. It's Meet

If he isn't Akash, I'm not any Pooja's friend either

What? Yes

But you're quite interesting

You? What are you doing here?

Looks like I'm slain! Where did you get my address?

You left the address behind, when you collected the necklace

Lucky me, right? How did you get in?

The key to your house lies beneath the doormat outside

You know the outcome of barging into someone's house like this?

No. But I'm hoping it will be as beautiful as you are

As for the rest, it's all in your hands

And suppose I hand you over to the cops?

I've come to hand myself over to you. You can do what you want to

As far as I can guess, you won't do that

You believe so much in me? In you. And in the self

Maybe you don't know any Pooja...

but this brother of Pooja you will get to know and even love

How am I to believe you? What if you flash a knife and rob me?

I'm here to have myself robbed

But you can search me, if you wish to

Not so soon

Wait a little

Sweet is the fruit of patience. Very sweet

"When we secretly meet on the roof..."

"we'll play the lovegame"

"When we secretly meet on the roof..."

"we'll play the lovegame"

"Everything else won't matter..."

"love will remain the thing that is main"

"When we secretly meet on the roof..."

"we'll play the lovegame"

"Everything else won't matter..."

"love will remain the thing that is main"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"Don't play truant. Listen to me"

"You must know how it hurts to stay away from you"

"How can I listen to you?"

"We had better stay apart for a few days"

"Smile like that and you'll drive me crazy..."

"how will I find any peace?"

"My pining clearly shows, I'm feeling just the same"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"What if someone spots us here?"

"Think of what it might lead to"

"Lovers are never bothered about the outcome"

"Once they've made up their minds, that is the thing they do"

"Don't touch me like this..."

"it awakens a pain"

"There's no loss. There's everything to gain"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"When we secretly meet on the roof..."

"we'll play the lovegame"

"Everything else won't matter..."

"love will remain the thing that is main"

"On the roof, in the rain"

"On the roof, in the rain"

My dear Amar! This evening...

To the month that has gone by!

Let's clink glasses!

Why are we meeting at your place tonight?

As usual, my wife is away at the allnight prayer session

Hey Meet, did you have the biryani?

I had it made just the second day! Don't tell me!

No common biryani! It was a royal chickenbiryani!

For a few days, I thought I wouldn't even land peanuts, forget biryani!

I'm glad nobody fed you milk. Listen!

And three weeks ago there came into my life a girl...

I couldn't even have dreamed of

Look like chicken has it made!

What was it with you, Prem? Late maybe, but firm and great

Two weeks ago, she came into my life like the Spring

If you see my girl, you're going to be left openmouthed!

And if you see my girl, your tongue will touch your knees!

If you see my girl...

your tongues and hearts will lie at her feet

Really? So let's see whose girl is more beautiful

Openmouthed...? Blown out of your brains?

Is she your girl? No doubts

So which one is mine?

How's this possible? Your girl and my girl look alike!

One minute, one minute!

I got it! Must be twin sisters!

Double roles, you know. Oh yes! Thank God!

I had heard about twins. Where did the triplets spring from?

My girl's name is Monica

Utter your buddy's girlfriend's name with respect. Else, I'll kill you

Thank you, Prem. Why're you thanking me?

Because I'm Monica's mate. She's mine

Monica belongs neither to you nor him. She's mine!

We're having an affair for the last two weeks

What? You scoundrel! You try to seduce my girlfriend?

Prem, I always knew you are in the habit of staring at people's plates

That you'd attack my plate, I never could imagine!

The two of you are making a mistake. Actually, Monica's in love with me

She spoke a few words with you out of pity...

and you imagine a cosy time with her?

Listen to this carefully! Monica dances only to my tune!

Bandmaster, skip the music or I'll bust you!

Try it. I'm not wearing bangles! Really...?

You, Monica...? Here?

Why not? When I can steal your hearts...

can't I steal the key to Prem's house?

Out to bell the cats, weren't you?

Now put your tails down and quietly take a seat

What do you want to say? Talk softly

Why do you men always yell so much?

This is exactly how you guys were yelling at Bandstand the other night

And I heard it all. What?

Yes. Your plans of eating biryani, instead of lentilcurry

Your plans of cheating on your wives

I then made enquiries about where you live and so on and so forth

And then I made the plan of trapping the three suckers who wanted biryani

I first went to Meet's showroom

Under the pretext of exchanging the necklace

And just as I had planned it, he lost his heart to me

I then went to Amar's clinic

To show him the pain in my gums. And to become a pain in his neck

And finally, I opened an account in Prem's bank

An account that would forever keep milking his own account

You mean, you have played with our real lust...?

With our love...? Yes!

You were dying to quit the lentilcurry at home...

and eat the biryani outside, weren't you?

If you guys don't want me to go to your wives...

and show them the bill of your meal...

I must have a million rupees each from you by tomorrow evening

A million? I wouldn't give you ten cents!

Yes! If you stand at the signal with a begging bowl...

we still won't give you any alms! What say, Amar?

Yes!

All right. In that case, I'll wait here to meet Geeta

She's a woman who worships her husband's picture

When she sees this picture of yours with me...

you'll be the one at the signal with a beggingbowl, not me

Why haven't you given a thought to modelling?

You're very photogenic. What have you done, Prem?

Not even an ass would let anyone take such a photo of his!

You're among the list of the asses too

What...? Take a look

If Prem can become a model, you can surely become a film star

Look at the light in your face. Monica...

tell me that you haven't taken my pictures! Please!

When your wife kills you...

this is the picture I'll have published in the newspapers the next day

Please don't show our wives these photos!

We'd have given you the money if we had it

But we just don't have the money!

But your wives have all the money

Although you work in a bank, you live in such a luxurious house

Even if the three of you are absolute idiots...

you have married very wisely

I'll wait for the three of you at Bandstand tomorrow

If you don't show up with the money, be sure...

Could you give me your carkeys? What for?

I won't come in a rickshaw to collect such a huge amount, will I?

That won't look nice?

Out on the streets, aren't we? We're doomed!

We were quietly enjoying the lentilcurry at home...

and your idea of biryani made a bone stick in our throats!

So you're blaming me for it? As if you're the only one in trouble

We're all in a soup! Shit. Shit!

If Bindiya gets those pictures, she's going to rip me apart!

Rip you apart? Before that Monica's going to make mincemeat out of us!

Not even the dogs will eat us! I haven't tasted anything either

And I have to foot such a hefty bill. You mean you didn't...?

Yes! From that lovenest, I didn't get a chicken. A got a big egg!

She said, "Wait just a little more"

"Sweet is the fruit of patience" "Very sweet"

Which means we haven't had anything to eat or drink...

and the damage caused was worth 3 million!

Even if I save my pocketmoney everyday...

I won't be able to put together such a huge amount in my lifetime!

I only work in the bank. And the bank doesn't belong to my fatherinlaw!

But whatever I have belongs to my fatherinlaw

I suggest you keep her engaged in a conversation

I'll wring her neck from behind. No, no!

Let's put her on skewers and grill her on a low flame!

One minute. We'll give out a contract for her killing

And I'll instruct the hitman to torture her to death!

Know what? Let's pay her quietly

Why didn't you say that earlier?

Why did "Who Wants To Become A Millionaire" go off the air?

If I don't have the money, Monica will bring me out on the streets

What are you doing on the terrace? Haven't you gone for a bath?

If I had the money, I'd take a holy dip!

What...? Nothing. I'm going for a bath

Darling, can I have a cup of tea? You take this for a restaurant?

You go to the loo after a cup of tea every day

But you've had ten since this morning and you still won't go to the toilet

How can I feel lighter...? She's choked up mine!

What...? Nothing, holy mother!

Sin! Sheer sin! Here comes the scandalsheet

Another robbery at a senior citizen's house

And this time, they robbed a 60year old of 13,00,000 rupees!

Read on...

The police believe an entire gang is involved

They first ring the doorbell, gain entry into the house...

and clean out the place! Look at the guts of the gang

They leave behind their symbol after committing the theft!

A goldencoloured glove. Can you imagine!

Mummy, I'm going to the clinic. So must I offer you a ceremony?

Tell Bindiya I'll be late this evening. All right, I will

She's going to a kittyparty after shopping and will be late too

Please make sure you lock the doors securely enough

Why?

Sinful times, you see. Worry about yourself!

I'll leave now. My respects

My feet are down there

Sweetheart! See what I've got for your breakfast

What happened? Why the long face? What will I tell you?

Whom will you tell, if not me? Forget it. Leave me alone

All right. Whom will I tell, if not you...?

I've received a letter from Ramlalji. Ramlalji?

Yes. Thirty years ago, when my father first came to Mumbai...

he had just a tenrupee bill in his pocket

Ramlalji then gave him a house, food and a job

He gave him support. All that for just ten rupees?

Hear me out first!

Before dying, father told me...

"My son, no matter how many opportunities God gives you..."

"to repay Ramlalji's favours, it's too little"

And today I received a letter from him

His daughter has to be married and the inlaws demand a dowry

For the first time, he has asked me for help

You tell me. How will I help him? How...?

What are you doing...? We got to help him

No, Aanchal! No! I'm not one of those shameless men...

who will distribute their wives' money among their own friends

But whatever I possess is yours too

No, Aanchal! I can never take money from my wife!

All right. As you wish

Father...

Forgive me, father. I can't keep the promise I made to you

Sweetheart! Please don't cry!

You will have to take the money from me!

How much money has he asked for? A million

What...? By this evening

But I only have half a million at home

You have a fixed deposit in the bank! Really? Let's go!

I'll make the blind old hag sniff at the chloroform and put her to sleep

Bloody wretch!

Who is it at this hour?

Coming... where are my glasses?

Coming

Who's this? No one

My glasses...?

I said I'm coming!

Who is it? The milkman, madam!

The milkman? At this hour? Why have you come so late?

My buffalo woke up a bit late this morning. That's why!

Strange buffalo you have! Wait till I open the door

Milkman! What way of selling milk is this?

Milkman! You come at the wrong time and do the wrong things?

I'll make a yogurtshake out of you!

Where...?

God! I've never asked You for anything till today

But I ask You today. Do something...

that makes Laxmi (money) Lie at my feet

God! I asked for Laxmi. Not Mahalaxmi!

She does nothing except falling at my feet!

I have a small request to make. Make it quick

The social organisation I'm working with...

has been collecting donations for the homeless children

Where will I give donations from? You don't have to give anything

We have collected the money

It's just a small attempt to give the children a new life

How small an attempt is it?

12,05,350 rupees

12,05,350 rupees...?

Yes, and who better than you to deposit the money in a bank?

You will deposit the money for me, won't you?

Me...?

Great! You're a boon from God! You're the succour of my life!

You are my life itself... What are you doing? Get up!

By giving me this responsibility

Forget it! Forget the money from today!

What? I mean, stop worrying about it!

I'll put it in the right place! Okay

I'm leaving for a discourse. Very well. Go on

The bag, darling...? Sorry

Sorry, kids. If I have to escape being rendered homeless...

you'll have to remain homeless for some more days. Sorry again

Chicken, all the money's now in this bag

If it goes missing, I'm going to clean you up

Clean me up? If the washingmachine in your house conks out...

I'll send my motherinlaw over. No washingmachine washes better!

I got myself washed up too. But a fake one

I tore up my clothes, put on a makeup and went home...

and said...

What could I do? There were four of them, and I was all alone

They took away a million. They left behind 2,05,350 rupees

Looks like they needed the million. Don't worry about the money!

Thank God, you're hale and hearty! My prayers have borne fruit!

I'll fast even more as a thanks to God

What...? Yes

So you're going to starve for some more months?

This gun called Monica has killed my hunger altogether!

Look! Monica's car!

See? How relaxed she is? Obviously, with suckers like us around

We've brought the money

Why isn't she saying anything?

Who killed her? Not I. Why ask me?

Why should we believe you? Prem, don't act too smart

Why don't you ask him? He said, let's wring her neck!

Look! Rope marks around her neck. Yes

Amar...? Why are you guys suspecting me?

I will kill her, my foot! I've never swatted a fly yet

He's right

Photos? She was supposed to give us the photographs

Yes. Must be in her bag

Damn, not here

I say, let's leave the corpse alone and get out of here. Let's go, Amar

Where the hell...? You want the police to find the corpse in my car...

so that I go to the gallows, right? Why do you want to trap us?

All of us are trapped

None of us will move until we dump this corpse

Whatever. Do it fast

Alms

Goodness me! One beauty, three slinks

What a scene! Look, we are in a hurry

Hero, how can you leave without offering me something?

You must give me something. What say, baby?

Well, doesn't she talk? What's wrong with her?

Nothing wrong... she's unwell

Let me see... No need. Amar, give some money

What the hell...? Give some change

God bless you. May you live long

Long...? Live

See you

I'm scared. Chicken! If you talk, I'll kill you

I don't want to be jailed

Damn! Dr Kapadia has seen us

What the hell were you doing? As it is he thinks you and I are carrying on

Shut up, guys

Over here

Let's go!

Now what?

Go home, quietly

And remember. We've never met Monica, and I don't know you guys

I don't want to see your faces either. I rue the day I met you again!

That entourage has seen poor Monica off

Whatever, just forget it

If God wills, we won't have trouble again

What's going on here?

Nothing... nothing, sir

We came here for some fresh air, sir

You love fresh air? How about some fresh air inside the police station?

You have seen much of the sea...

let me help you look around the lockup

What happened?

Why are you guys petrified? Oh no, sir... we're just...

You think I don't know what you guys are upto?

You mean sir, you know?

Sonny, try hard as you will, but you can't fool Inspector Sikander

Believe us Inspector, we haven't done anything

It's midnight and you pulled over for booze. How dare you deny it?

Booze...?

No, sir we aren't drunk. You can check if you want

I swear it on my mother, sir

Forget booze, he doesn't even drink milk

We don't do things that the law doesn't permit

No way

Never even try

Go away

Stop!

Remember another thing

There are three things in life...

that remain crooked forever. You can't help it

A dog's tail, the neighbouring country's intention...

and the neck wrung by Sikander

Get lost

That was close. Had the Inspector arrived five minutes earlier...

he'd have... I'm still trembling

Why didn't Monica get the pictures? Hardly matters

Monica is no more, so why be afraid of the pictures?

Amar is right, Meet

Unless we get the pictures, it is a matter of worry

Yes. Right

Bloody wife!

What is it? Come home at once!

What...? What happened?

Come home, I'll tell you. And get those rascals along too

What happened? Aanchal was never so fiery

She also asked me to get the rascals along

What? Yes

Rascals? Yes. She was so enraged...

as if she has seen me with Monica...

Damn! Did Monica deliver all those pictures home?

What are you talking?

Actually darling, the thing is...

Don't call me darling

You thought I'll sit twiddling my thumbs?

You thought I love you so much that I'd even ignore your mistakes, eh?

Isn't that what you thought?

But you have no idea. A woman can hate you...

as much as she loves you. And when the time comes...

she can even take the form of Bellona

And you guys! Shame on you

Not friends, you are monsters

It's so disgusting! I know, you guys must've mislead him

Oh no, not I. Prem is the mastermind

You're lying! Bindu? Here?

All three of us are here. Geeta?

Did you think we wives have no idea what our husbands are upto?

We know every thing. What...?

Yes, we knew that you guys have been plotting since last month

And if the two of you think that I will let my husband...

spend the night of his birthday with you guys, you are wrong

What...? Birthday? Birthday?

Birthday?

Birthday

Had you guys scared, didn't we?

Since the three of you have started roaming around like before...

we wives thought we'd also come together

That's why we worked out a plan to celebrate Meet's birthday together

Meet's birthday, and Monica's deathday

Let's go out and celebrate. We'll eat Biryani

Biryani?

"Sweetheart, don't let go of my hand"

"Come near me... let's dance"

"Sweetheart, don't let go of my hand"

"Come near me... let's shake it"

"I'm not going home so soon"

"I'm going to dance and make you dance too"

"My heart won't heed"

"It's beyond reasoning, my love"

"It knows not my pain"

"I think it's going to kill me"

"Don't torment me, don't provide an alibi"

"Sweetheart..."

"O darling"

"Sweetheart, don't let go of my hand"

"Come near me... let's shake it"

"What's the matter? Why do you seem so lost?"

"Though your eyes are trained on me, you are targetting someone else"

"Ecstasy is all around... so what makes you listless?"

"Come into my arms, I plead"

"Do not go away, do not torment me"

"Sweetheart..."

"O darling"

"Sweetheart, don't let go of my hand"

"Come near me... let's shake it"

"I'm not going home so soon"

"I'm going to dance and make you dance too"

I can't find mummy

She is in the bathroom... I mean, in the bedroom

Go and untie her... I mean, go and meet her

Look her up, I'll be there

Hurry up

Looks like she found the old hag

What happened, mummyji? Who did this to you?

The milkman did. Milkman? Why?

But we've already paid him. Ass

Ass! It was a thief disguised as a milkman

But I boxed the scoundrel so hard, he's not going to forget it

May he rot!

May his seven generations to come go childless

Mummyji, if one generation goes childless...

where will the other six come from? It's not funny

I'll call the cops right away, mummy. Let's do it

No! Why call the police?

What are you saying? The thief was so cruel with mummy...

he even robbed the house. But he didn't take the money

What? How do you know?

I mean, let's check the house out before we call the police

He's smart, sometimes

You're still here? Move it!

Gosh! There's more money now than before

What! What kind of a thief was he?

Instead of robbing, he's left money for us

Let me explain. The burglar did intend to steal...

but the moment he saw mummy, he was enlightened

Her blessed touch made him realise that...

he must quit the path of crime and evil...

and take to the path of truth and righteousness

So he even left behind the money that he must've stolen elsewhere

Amazing, mummy

You are a goddess

If we call the cops in, they will confiscate the money

I'd better call the cops. One minute

The previous idea is better

My dear, keep the money in and lock the safe. Why call the cops?

What the hell have you worn, Geeta?

Why? Don't I look sexy in it?

More than sexy

So let's make love and usher in the bloody Spring, honey

Ghost! Ghost!

Ghost? Where is it? Over there

Only you and me, honey. No one else

Come on

Ghost! Ghost!

Where is the ghost? Over there

What's wrong with you tonight? Whose ghost are you seeing?

Monica's... I mean, nobody's

Then come on, honey! Not tonight, darling

Let's usher in the Spring later. The gardener is unwell tonight

Honey, this...?

Not as precious as the joys you've given me

Still, it's a small attempt to tell you that...

you are invaluable to me

May I ask you something?

If you were to find out that I've done some wrong...

would you be able to forgive me?

Let me check who is here to ruin our romantic moments

Is Meet Mehta in?

What for...?

Call him. Inspector Sikander wants him at the police station

What...? At the police station?

Talk! Or I'll kill you

We'll tell you, sir

Take their statements

Come with me

Last night, you guys were at Band Stand

And we found a dead girl there

Have you seen this girl before?

Tell me. Oh no, sir

It's too beautiful a face to forget

Who was the poor girl, Inspector?

She was Monica. I know

He means... how do you know that she is Monica? I mean, was

We found the driving licence on her. Yes...

she was fond of driving. He means, how did she die?

Accident?

Someone brutally strangled her to death

We searched Monica's house

Any clues? No, sir. Heera Villa, Andheri

We enquired everyone around there, in vain, sir

Search her house again

lt'll only lead us to the assassin. Yes sir

Is it hot inside here? No sir, not at all

It's cool

When a bomb explodes, it's a bang

When a trouser is ripped, the threads come off

And when someone is shit scared inside an airconditioned room...

he sweats

You may go. I'll call you back if I need you

Call us back? Okay sir, we're ready to help you

Even God can't help the assassin now

Wherever he is, he can't escape me for long

I think the swine suspects us. If he finds evidence against us...

he'll make sure we go to the gallows. The photographs! I told you...

the photographs will someday lead us to the gallows. Shit! Shit!

You will send us to the gallows. Bloody shitshit! Back there...

you were shitting from your mouth. What else could I do?

Monica's corpse made me shit in my pants

When did Monica pitch up at Andheri? She was at Love Nest, in Bandra

I think her lovenest is where she used to meet the three of us

Which means, the photographs are there

Let's get there before Sikander and destroy those photographs

No, dude. We can't go there in broad daylight

Let's go at night. As of now...

we go back to work, behave as if nothing happened

lt'll send the signal that every thing is normal...

to the tracker, if there is any

We'll meet up in the evening

What the hell? It won't zip up

What's up? You look so tired, Mr Prem

Forget me. Why are you late? Of late, I too go to bed late...

and wake up late. Thanks to you

Bloody turkey

Sir...? Here?

That's my question. What are you doing here?

I open them here every day. Accounts

Sheer coincidence

You refused to identify Monica...

and you were the one who opened her bank account

I can't remember every client's face, sir

It's a face too beautiful to forget. Didn't you say that?

You won't forget my face, I hope?

Meet?

Damn! Why is the faggot here? Hide, Kapadia

Meet called up to say that you guys are coming over. What's the matter?

Your daddy, Sikander, was at the bank. What...?

He's got to know that Monica had an account in my bank

He found her cheque book

Cool down! Nothing to worry... God, I'm scared!

Zip up, will you? I've been trying since morning

You try it. Let me

You? Here? I'm here to meet my friend

Ever thought who'd come to meet the two of you in jail?

What's the problem now? I told you, we're not meeting before evening

What's the big problem?

Welcome

The third monkey was just missing

Sir...? Here?

Three things in life come uninvited

Death, loose motions...

and yours truly

Get the appointment file

What are you doing, sir? Do you have a search warrant?

Monica Singh. 5:30 pm, 14th November

You will also tell me that...

so many patients come to you, and you can't remember all of them

Look sir, these little things aren't enough...

to prove that we have something to do with Monica's murder

By coincidence, your memory too seems to be a bit weak

Well, let me remind you

The necklace is beautiful, so is the case

Mehta Jewellers

What a coincidence! Monica met all three of you

And none of you remembers her face

It is a coincidence

Is it also a coincidence that you guys have been showered with coincidences?

Could be a matter of coincidence, sir

Then regrettably for you, it is sheer coincidence...

that inspector Sikander does not believe in coincidences

Start counting your days, guys

Because, I'll send you to the gallows soon

And it's going to be on the basis of evidence, not coincidence

If this hangman finds evidence, we are deadmeat

Let's go to Love Nest and find the photographs, at once

Come on

Monica used to keep the duplicate key under the doormat

Found it

Come on in

You go there... you, there

Gotcha!

I found them! What did you find?

Photographs

Chicken! My darling!

You've saved our lives! Sikander can harm us no more

Sikander! Boo!

Check the door

What seesee? Let me see

See Sikander

Scoot!

Switch on the lights

Looks like someone was here before us

An assassin always returns...

to make sure he hasn't left clues behind

That's his mistake

Search thoroughly. Right, sir

Honey, you didn't call even once since morning

Why did the cops call you? To pass time. It was a mistake

When are you coming? Know what?

We've planned to hang out at the Hanging Garden

I'm also hanging out with my friends. I'll call you back

Honey!

Take a look, go

Careful

Found some papers, sir

Stop droning. What is it? I had dropped a photograph

What...?

Stand back there! Now what?

Prem, call on Monica's number. Hang on

Monica is not home. Shut up

Tell me. Call up

Engage Sikander in a conversation. All right

Sarvodaya Video Library? What?

Do you have "Reshma's Beauty"? What nonsense!

"Naked Beauty" will do

He hung up. Meet is inside!

Found nothing, sir

Let's go

Damn! He has locked us out!

Now what? I need to piss

Shut up! Wanna piss, eh?

Can't you see we're trapped? What am I going to tell Geeta...

when she asks where I was all night? Forget Geeta. What about my wife?

I need to piss! Chicken! Piss into my pocket

He wants to piss! Don't scream. We're stuck here

Go and piss in the flower pot

Who are you, sir?

I'm the one who sent Monica to heaven

If I wish, I can arrange for your journey too

You mean, you...? Right

I killed Monica

The fool tried to betray me

But I'm damn sure, you guys won't act so stupid

What do you want from us?

Three million, that you were supposed to give Monica

But you have only two days to organise the money. Only two days

Two days? Yes

I know you guys won't disappoint me

Because the pictures for which you have been hanging here all night...

that's only a piece of trailer. I have the entire film with me

Wanna see?

Look

See? You guys carried her corpse with so much care

You can keep that picture for your album at home

I have the negatives, I can make as many copies as I wish

Two days

Else, these pictures will go to Sikander

And you guys will go to Monica

Now stop hanging there and get cracking. Move

Damn! Wasn't Sikander too much to handle?

Now this blackmailer transpires, to make us dance around like monkeys

I wonder what sin of ours is showing up

What? It's the sin we recently committed

Tell me something. Do we look like idiots?

Someone or the other transpires out of nowhere and blackmails us

Not their fault. We damned ourselves

I think this man is very dangerous

Only a ruthless assassin can murder a beauty like Monica

I tell you, let's give him the money and get him off our backs

Oh really? As if we have money inside our underwear

Oh yes, the money is inside your underwear... I mean, inside your safe

Go home and get it. Go. You will have to steal again

Steal again? That house? Out of question

Hey listen...

You must steal

What? Get on with your drink

You must steal. Yes, you must

So that my motherinlaw gets to smash me again

I'd rather hang myself, or have Sikander shoot me...

than steal into that house and get whacked by my motherinlaw

If you are so eager, why don't you guys go there and steal?

Oh well, so that your motherinlaw gets to smash us, eh?

Why not?

No, we don't want your ideas. Listen to me

Amar, take your wife and her mother out for a movie tonight

There won't be anyone in the house and I and Meet will swipe the safe

What are you thinking of? That...

your ideas are rosy initially

But eventually, it rips us of even our underclothes

It's not happening this time

We'll steal the money tonight and give it to the blackmailer

Then we'll have the photographs...

that Sikander can use to send us to the gallows

That's right. Come what may, we'll ensure our safety

"I've Found Someone" is going houseful. Then let's go back to our house

No, we might find someone there. What?

I mean, we'll find tickets of some other movie

There's an educational movie going on. "Night Queen"

Let's watch it

I think there's no one inside. Empty, you mean?

Good. We'll empty the empty house. Open it, quick

The door is open, too

The door to good fortune has opened, I think. Let's get in

Come on

It's locked. I told the ass to keep the door open

How do we get in now?

Your ideas are dangerous. I quit

Trust me. We'll climb down the roof

Yes, the roof

You offer us popcorn and show us soft porn! Idiot!

Bindu, shut your eyes and follow me

You go first

Why me? I'm younger to you...

by three months! After you

Try again. I am

Try the other keys

What are you doing? Give me support. I can't

Let go of my leg! And grab what?

I'll fall...

Educational film, he said! Was it education?

My head's reeling. I need some fresh air

I'm going to the terrace

Go to the bedroom, I'll go and have some bittergourd juice

You will make it yourself? Sure

Does it take so long to open a safe? I took them out for a movie...

I kept the door open, and you guys haven't done the job yet

But I had given you the combination, didn't I?

I think I'll have to do it myself. Move

I'll never burgle with you again

Passing time, eh? Get her off you

Cut the crap and help me out. Old hag, let him go

Else, I'll count till three. One, two...

Who switched off the lights?

Stop laughing!

I can't open it. Did the old hag change the combination?

Where are you?

Bloody diaper boys! Aren't you ashamed?

Which gang do you belong to? Diaper gang?

Gotcha!

What are you waiting for? Hit the witch

Hit her, will you?

My baby is hurt

Bag?

To hell with your golden glove! You think you're a real burglar?

If Undertaker's mother arrives, she'll break our bones

May I say something, friends?

Now get lost

Thief! Thief!

Shut it!

Shut the door!

Rechristen your gang to Ratbags

Scoot! Move!

Run!

To hell with them! Scoot

Nobody can mess with me!

Amar, my friend...

What happened? Easy

Last night's thrashing still hurts

Is the money safe?

That's what we came to ask you. Where did you hide the money?

I did? You guys stole the money, so you must have it

What rot! Forget stealing, we barely managed to escape your motherinlaw

What? We thought, in the melee...

you must've stolen the money. No way. I gave you the money...

and sent you guys away myself. What?

We don't have the money. What?

Then who has the money?

Come in, Inspector

What are you guys doing here? Guys, what am I doing here?

He's my husband. And they are his friends. Meet and Prem

After the incident last night, I had to call the Inspector

Great. Strange coincidence

Sometimes I feel you guys have longer arms than the law

The police reach the spot after the incident

But you guys are already there. I don't understand

Those concerned have understood

Give me the details of the burglary, madam

Last night when I, my husband and my mother returned home...

after watching a movie, the thieves were already inside

I think there were two of them

Strange

Two thieves. Your husband also has two friends

What do you mean? I'd rather show you something

Constable

Sir, he's the one

Last night, he gave us the money and asked us to leave quickly

What...? Apart from us...

there were two other thieves

And they were your husband's friends. Meet and Prem

But your husband committed a mistake

He took the real burglars for Meet and Prem and gave them the money

What made you think that I'm going to believe...

your baseless allegations against my husband?

I trust my husband implicitly. And I can't stand his humiliation

But... My husband is my Lord

And suspecting the Lord is a sin

Not only him, I also respect the ones...

he has embraced as friends

Ladies, you are defending them. But you don't know them

No one knows my husband better than me

On the basis of a couple of thieves' statement you can suspect my husband

Not I

All right

But till the investigation is over, the money stays with us

Whatever. But please go away from here now

I haven't come across a scoundrel yet who could beat us

I admit, we're evil

But somewhere along the way, we must have done at least one noble deed...

because of which our wives stood by us today

Our wives are so nice

And that makes me realise that I'm rotten than ever

Forgive me, friends. It's my mistake

Had I not provoked you, you guys would not have been in trouble today

I knew it since college days that you were the biggest fool ever

However, if it is stupidity to be your friend...

than I'd rather be a stupid all the way, friend

The things that happened... we are all in the wrong

It's been halfhour and Aanchal hasn't called yet

I'm badly missing my satellite

Mr Meet, call for you. Go on. Must be Aanchal

Honey, I was badly missing you

Of course, you must. If you make the mistake of forgetting me...

you will be history

You? I am

I just called to remind you that this is your last night

Tomorrow morning, be there at Band Stand with the money

Else, Sikander will get the death warrants for the three of you

Listen...

What happened? It was Aanchal, right?

Then who was it?

The blackmailer. What?

Yes. It was the blackmailer

He told me to reach Band Stand with the money tomorrow morning, else...

But what are we going to do? We don't have the money

One way out. We'll go down on our knees

Let's ask for a few days more. What if he doesn't agree?

Then we'll face the punishment for our sins

What...?

You mean, tomorrow morning our wives will find out the truth?

Yes

Buddies, let's go home

The few moments we have, let's spend them with our wives

Tomorrow we might be homeless, and these moments too will be gone

I know I have committed a sin...

that might take an entire lifetime to atone

But Lord, please bless me if You can...

so that I can save my home from being shattered tomorrow

What are you doing?

Don't touch my feet

I know that it enrages you

I'm not enraged this time, Geeta

Don't treat me like God

When you'll realise that I'm no God, that I'm only a human being...

it'll break your heart

My heart belongs to you. And one can't break his own heart

You look very tired

Go to bed. I'll say my prayers and come

Aanchal...

Where are you?

Honey, where were you?

I've been trying your number since long

Besides, you didn't call me even once

I don't know how I forgot

I'll be right back

Forgot?

Life is so short, isn't it?

And in this short life...

every moment that I spent with you...

every word that has come to your lips...

every expression on your beautiful face...

I don't want to miss

Just a second back...

A second?

Even half a second distance away from you tears me into two halves

"My heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"My heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"I won't ever betray you, my love"

"I swear by God, my love"

"By God"

"Life would take this new turn;..."

"I never ever imagined"

"I don't believe it"

"Oh, what has it come to"

"How could I be disloyal to you?"

"I seek justice"

"Forgive me"

"This much mercy I seek"

"My heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"I won't ever betray you, my love"

"I was carried away, I was insane"

"Curse me! I ignored your simplicity"

"I wish to love you more than ever before"

"At your feet, I want to lay Heaven and Earth"

"Snatch away my peace..."

"snatch away my joys..."

"let me have all your sorrows"

"My heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"I won't ever betray you, my love"

I've always been harsh with you

Because, cigarettes and liquor killed my father

I don't want to lose you

"My tears tell my story"

"Please don't consider my tears worthless"

"My tears shall wash away the stains..."

"and paint them again in the hues of love"

"Please stay with me... I shall err no more"

"I shall never be unfair to you"

"My heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"I won't ever betray you, my love"

"I swear by God, my love"

"By God..."

"my heart always belonged to you..."

"I shall even give up my life for you"

"I won't ever betray you, my love"

Out with the money, kids

Actually, we don't have the money

What?

Bastards! If you act smart, I'll shoot all of you

Please listen to us at least...

We didn't bring the money because we don't have that much amount right now

We really tried our best but in vain

Then are you here to swat flies? We came to make a request

Please give us some more time. Look, we're not running away

We'll certainly give you your money. Please let us go today

Bastards...

Stay normal, okay? If anyone acts smart, I'll riddle him

What's going on here? Why? Is parking here illegal?

You're talking too much

Who's that? He's our friend. Just arrived

We're showing him around

There are many other places in Mumbai worth showing

Wonder why your car always seems to stop here

Alms!

Goodness!

The three slinks! Again

Who's this toughie?

And why isn't the pretty lady with you today?

Have you seen them with some girl? Absolutely, sir

Was this the girl? Absolutely

Well? Screwed, aren't you?

You guys are going to the gallows. No one can save you now

No sir, we didn't kill Monica. This guy did

No

Get off

You guys, too

Race! Or, I'll blow your brains out

Faster!

You can kill us later. Sikander won't spare us

We must surrender... Cut the crap!

Or, I'll riddle you! C'mon, speed up

Try to understand me. Leave the gun

Try to understand me... Leave the gun, bastard!

Let the gun go, bastard! We must surrender

What have you done, Prem? Only he could prove us innocent

We're all dead now. I didn't mean to kill him

It was an accident. Watch it, Meet!

I told you!

Why?

Why did you do this?

Such betrayal! Why?

What was lacking in our love?

No, nothing was lacking. We were the ones who were flawed

We couldn't realise, we failed to understand your love

We didn't kill Monica

Whether the world believes it or not, if the three of you believe it...

it'll lessen our regret a great deal at the time of punishment

Whether you killed Monica or not...

but you have certainly killed our trust in you

How can I lay my trust in you again?

Looks like the shock has driven our wives insane

Monica...? Are you alive?

Very much

You guys thought you were tigers and tried to hunt a goat

But this goat turned you into scapegoats

Which means...? Which means...

there are three things in life that need to be tackled by crooked means

Stealing butter, evicting encroachers...

and ridding married men of their philandering ways

And we three wives designed the plan to rid this merrymaking

But honey, we would never have been successful without your help

My help?

Yes. Remember when I called you for the last time that night...

you had forgotten to disconnect your phone

And this satellite of yours heard everything

I tell you! That's the state of our marriages at the moment

If we can't have love and fun from our wives...

why don't we seek it outside and have a blast?

When Aanchal told me and Geeta, we just couldn't believe it

We had cried ourselves sick

You are women of the 21st century. Don't weep like medieval women

Look Aanchal, I'm your friend. And I won't give you wrong suggestions

I know the three of you don't wish to break your marriages

But it is very important to teach your husbands a lesson

Brother Sikander, it's you!

Yes, I arrived two days before schedule

On second thoughts, I've arrived on time

What Monica says is right

Amar has never seen me

It's an advantage. To teach those three a lesson...

I'll design such a plot that they won't ever dare to make that mistake again

The three of you will have to help me

Their plight might melt you down

But you must make yourselves stronger

If you are game, then I promise...

that I shall bring them back on the right track

We are with you

And Monica's assassin? Who was that?

Inspector Bapat

Inspector, he too? Yes

I helped them...

You guys tried to betray your wives and their love for you

It's a grave crime

That's why, the ordeal that you guys have been through...

was our plan

Which means to teach us a lesson...

the three of you introduced Monica in our lives and then got us blackmailed

Then you put on a farce of her death...

and set Inspector Sikander behind us like an executioner...

so that we die a thousand deaths every moment, all day, all night?

You had us hung up Monica's house, got us thrashed by Amar's motherinlaw...

and made us lament so much that we began hating ourselves

Just to teach us a lesson, you went to such an extent...

that it made our lives miserable

Thank God you did all that!

I tell you! Scoundrels like us ought to be treated even more badly

Right. You were lenient

You should've blackened our faces and paraded us in public

But we've learnt our lesson

Our message to every married man is...

to eat lentilcurry at home, and not go seeking chicken outside

Or, you will end up with a bone stuck in your gullet

Forgive us

It's enough that the three of you have realised your mistakes

Get this very clear

Ladies, you too

If men don't like the lentilcurry at home...

they have no right either to go seeking chicken outside

But if you ladies cook chicken at home, sometimes at least...

your men will never stray

That's why Bindiya, send your mummy, my aunt...

away on a pilgrimage today itself

Geeta, you've observed enough fasts

And Aanchal, stop tethering your husband

So friends, what have you learnt?

Fried lentil or chicken, homecooked food is the best

If you try something outside... You will land in a soup

No, no!

No girls, no adultery

No girls, no adultery

No girls, no adultery

What...? No girls? Which means, only men?

You girls are saved. My trouser is in distress. Run!

Sir, it's not like that. Stop, sir

Bloody faggots! They are after me. Boss, wait...