Original subtitles

The Sheep Has Five Legs

So many days effaced in a day!

New dignity fatal to my happiness! Lofty precipice from which mine honour falls!

Must I see the count triumph over your splendour...

...and die without vengeance, or live in shame?

What's that, Mariette?

Pay attention, Edouard. -To what?

If he makes me fall asleep, he's not very good.

All year we listen to you, today we want to hear Le Cid.

Well, listen to him then.

Come, my son, my flesh, avenge my shame.

Shut up. -Can't you hear it?

Show some respect for others. -Which others?

Only idiots appreciate this. So maybe you do.

Forward, run...

...and avenge.

It's pathetic.

Pierced even to the depth by a blow unexpected...

...as well as deadly.

This is incredible. -Shut up or leave.

Exactly, I'm going home. Mariette, push me.

And my dejected soul yields to the blow.

Those actors from Paris...

Just go home.

Reduced to the sad choice of either betraying my love...

Or of living as a degraded man.

That was definitely a success.

But age is starting to count for some of them.

You shouldn't give in to it. -Give in? What do you mean?

I've never seen anything like it.

I've played everywhere. Even for naked Africans.

I've never seen a disaster like this.

Go to town hall quickly or you won't even get paid.

If he makes me fall asleep, he's not very good.

You don't say that about Corneille. -But Tr�zignan sounds familiar.

Yes the Battle of Tr�zignan, won by Francis I.

No, darling. That was Marignano in 1515. Same thing.

Not exactly. Tr�zignan is known for its quintuplets.

Wasn't that in Canada. -Not this one.

These were boys and from before your time.

Everybody talked about that village. There was candy from Carpentras...

...nougat from Mont�limar and the quintuplets from Tr�zignan.

We tried everything.

We had Carmen by Bizet. That was very expensive.

The football team from Marseille. Harry Jackson's jazz band.

And what was her name?

That singer. -Yes and nobody showed up.

What else can we do? -I don't know either.

We have to think of something. -Easier said than done.

I know. -What?

An idea. The way to attract tourists...

...and to recreate the days of the quintuplets.

How can you forget? You were their doctor. Thanks to you they survived.

And I was their godfather. But it's so long ago.

Fine, but what's your plan?

Edouard, are you there? -Who's that?

It's me. -Who's me?

Alphonse. Where are you? -Here.

Did you come to apologise for yesterday?

Even though you caused the scandal?

The scandal was dragging an old man like me to a damp theatre.

A poor man? It was you who...

Please, we're not here to argue.

We're not arguing, but clearing things up. Push me a bit.

If you're not here to apologise, why then?

Right. We're here to discuss a project.

But first I want to ask you something.

I know how you became father to 5 sons at once.

But I'd like to know which grudge you hold against them.

Grudge? I hold no grudge. These idiots must have told you that.

But if they come in here, I'll pull out my gun. See it?

It's been hanging there for 20 years. Loaded.

Every 3 months, I replace the gunpowder.

But I'll prove I don't have a bad temper.

I was expecting a daughter.

It's crazy how parents can feel.

I was happy to have a daughter.

Because a daughter's pretty when she's tiny.

Cute. Playful like a kitten.

And when you're old, a daughter is loving.

If I had had a daughter...

...I wouldn't be dependent on a retarded, deaf servant.

Don't push.

My poor wife was on the first floor.

She was screaming.

She screamed so hard it hurt me.

I thought: That's it. My little Alice has arrived.

My wife and I had chosen Alice as her name...

...because it's such a beautiful girl's name. A pure name.

That's why all her bedding was marked with an A.

Suddenly the door opened and the midwife came out.

She held him by his feet. He was all red.

And she said: He's not big. It's a boy.

As if I couldn't see that. Then she went back into the room.

That's a shame, I thought. Let's call him Alain then.

Because of the A.

We'll have a daughter next time.

But then she opened the door again. She yelled: There's another one.

I thought: If the first one's an A, the second one's a B.

We'll call him Bernard.

When the third came...

...I had just caught my breath and I thought: C, that'll be Charles.

The fourth, D, was D�sir�. I thought that was the last one.

But then came Etienne, the E.

That's when I thought we'd do the entire alphabet, up to Z�phirin.

Weren�t you proud? Five in one hit. -I had no time to think.

The mayor came by and this old man who wrapped them up.

And then the priest came, the minister, journalists and photographers.

In short, the entire world. They were declared a historic monument.

A fund was created.

They were taken and put in an incubator. Then to day-care...

...then to boarding school and then they became gentlemen.

And I never saw them again.

When their mother died, they came by, wearing gloves.

Wearing gloves. And the lawyer who controlled the fund...

...asked me for half of her money. She had barely been buried.

I kicked his ass and yelled at him to get lost.

I said I never wanted to see him again.

I forbade him to say I was angry. To be angry, you first have to agree.

And if you don't know each other, you can't agree or get angry.

Listen, maybe we can solve this.

It's not all that bad.

What if we got them back for you?

On their 40th birthday.

A big party's good for commerce and tourism.

Yes, a fanfare and lanterns and the five boys in the middle of it all.

We're turning it into a circus. I'm not a showman.

You don't understand. -Shut up.

Let me speak.

You have a responsibility as a father, but also as a good citizen.

I know my responsibility.

I went to junior school, I prune my vines and I'm a republican.

That's enough for an honest man. And now leave.

In that case, we can only... -Indeed.

Mariette, my briefcase.

Leave me alone.

The council decided to organise the party for Tr�zignan anyway...

...in spite of what Edouard thought. They asked me to find the quintuplets.

...and to bring them over to celebrate their 40th birthday.

I enjoyed going on a trip again.

I hadn't left the village since the war.

I entrusted my patients to my colleague and started the search.

The first one was easy to find.

He was as famous as a movie star or a cycling champion.

Can I help you, sir? -I'm looking for Mr. Alain Saint-Forget.

Mr De Saint-Forget. But of course, sir.

James, to the third floor.

This way, sir.

English? -No, from Toulouse.

I was born in Brive-la-Gaillarde, but raised in Aurillac.

Bye-bye.

How much did you lose today? -One kilo, James.

Get me a pack of Gauloise, please.

Mrs de Val Christophe, does tomorrow at 2:30 pm suit you?

Perfect.

Sir? -I hear you speak French well.

I'd like to see Mr Saint-Forget. I have an appointment.

Who can I say? -Dr Boll�ne from Tr�zignan.

The gentleman from Tr�zignan? Fine, doctor.

Chantal, please take the gentleman from Tr�zignan to Mr De Saint-Forget.

Follow me, please.

I'm sorry, Lady Georgia, only tomorrow between 2 and 4.

And that's doing you a very big favour.

I don't know.

Couldn't His Excellence postpone his conference by a few days?

I know that Her Majesty's waiting for him, but people are waiting for me too.

I'm very sorry. Goodbye.

My head. -Saint-Forget!

My dear godfather.

Lady Georgia again, sir. -I've left.

They'll kill me. -Maybe this isn't the right moment.

No, it's fine. The President is coming too, isn't he?

And two ministers, television and radio.

Perfect. The President's wife is the only grand lady who's not my customer.

I'll go there. -Time for your next client, sir.

Yes, come.

I'll be going. -No, you'll come with me.

We have so much to discuss. -How's my father?

He's not getting any older. Still a pain and still foul-mouthed.

He's quite a character.

Let me show you, Miss Denise.

The cr�me has to go into the skin.

The epidermis cannot get too much nourishment.

Ladies, not too warm? Everything alright?

Did I hurt you? -It was a pleasure.

It certainly was for me, Madam.

So you'll be at the party, but have you heard of the others?

I hardly see my brothers. Never, actually.

Except D�sir�. I see too much of him.

Don't you recognize me? I'm D�sir� Saint-Forget. I came to see my brother.

The doctor's not in. -Then I'll be back tomorrow.

He won't be in tomorrow either. -Or the next day, of course.

Of course. -Of course, I understand.

Can I help you? -No, nice day, isn't it.

What's happening? -Peeping Tom.

Me, a peeping Tom? -Leave.

I can explain. -Leave.

That's what I get for wanting to help.

Is that you, Alain?

Can I come in, Th�odora? -No, I'm naked. I'm having a bath.

I'm almost done. -We're having lunch with the maharaja.

I know, darling. I'll hurry.

Darling, who were you with, all this time?

My godfather was here. He wants me to go to Tr�zignan with my brothers.

It's now beauty time offered by Alain de Saint-Forget.

Alain de Saint-Forget, the one and only scientific beauty salon.

The little tragedies of daily life.

Do you have a bad complexion? A sagging bosom? Bad breath?

Go to Alain de Saint-Forget.

Darling, think of your standing. If all your brothers are like D�sir�...

...that could make a bad impression. -He's not that bad. Just a bit shabby.

The last time he came over, the carpet was covered in mud.

We haven't seen D�sir� for a long time. -He'll be back soon asking for money.

He won't get a cent anymore. -Don't worry, darling.

I told James not to let him in anymore.

It's strange. You look alike, but your good-looking and he's ugly.

My love.

Darling. -Honey?

Do you love me? -I adore you.

Here, let me kiss you.

Darling, I'm giving you one back.

Darling?

What's he doing now? -Who?

That terrible brother of yours. -I heard he's a window-cleaner.

That takes the cake. He's a loser, a parasite.

You're exaggerating.

He can't do anything.

Darling, your broadcast is great.

Are you ready, darling? -I only have to put on my dress.

Thank you, Alain de Saint-Forget. -You will thank me too, Madam.

Alain de Saint-Forget will make you sing and dance.

Well?

I didn't beat around the bush. I said: Alain...

You said Alain to him? -Yes, he's my brother after all.

So I said: Alain... -And he said: D�sir�.

I said: there is no D�sir�. And then...

He threw you out. -Exactly. So I avenged myself.

Before I left...

Do you know what you are?

A loser, a failure.

I already knew that. -You're worse than that.

A window-cleaner.

That's better than being a butt pincher. At least I have a conscience.

We can't eat a conscience.

Hello, daddy.

Are we eating? -In 20 minutes.

I'll go do the undertaker's windows. Give me a kiss.

Not now. I don't have time. -Give me a kiss, Solange.

Give daddy a kiss, Solange.

She said I'm not capable of anything.

Bye, girls.

Behave. See you later.

Are we really getting a little brother? -Yes, I hope so.

Aren't you sure?

Sometimes you ask for a little brother, but you get a little sister.

Better make it work. I have enough of girls.

You're whistling. -Indeed I am.

Mr Saint-Forget, I told you last week...

...that your chronic cheerfulness is not becoming here.

My clients deserve respect. -My whistling isn't disrespectful.

But if you prefer, I won't whistle anymore.

Mr Saint-Forget? Are you happy with your work?

As long as I'm outside. -Are you making a living of it?

I don't need much.

And what does your wife say?

My wife's another story. She yells at me every day.

Women need to yell. Gets rid of their nerves.

Mine yells, but she's an angel. A yelling angel.

And you must have children you love. -Ah, yes, the children.

Good. Would you mind stepping in for a moment?

I'd like to make you a little proposal.

A little proposal?

Sit down, please. -Thank you.

Do you smoke cigars? -Never during the day.

But if you don't mind, I'll take one for tonight.

Could I offer you a little drink? -I don't drink between meals.

But today I'll make an exception.

Cheers.

To your health.

What's that? Vitriol?

Arquebuse.

For fainting widows. -Better give it to their husbands.

It might resurrect them.

Enough joking. Let's talk about serious things.

If you brought all this home, would your wife be happy?

Would she be happy? You bet.

But they're not mine. -If you want, they're yours.

Have you no shame?

To do that to me?

So that was your little proposal. -Mr Saint-Forget, you're mistaken.

Explain yourself. -That's very easy.

You're the brother of the famous Alain de Saint-Forget of the beauty institute?

Read this, sign it and these are yours.

This is my last will and testament. My brother Alain de Saint-Forget...

...should arrange a luxury funeral for me, organised by Bodin-Pilate.

Have you gone mad? -No, I'm just sensible.

Burying me is sensible? -We'll wait until you're dead.

That's the least you can do. Thank you, Mr Pilate. I have to think.

In the meantime, I'll finish your windows.

You can clean windows all your life.

Come in for a drink and I'll explain the details of my proposal.

Not yet. You haven't signed yet.

Our work isn't easy. Clients don't just walk in.

With all the antibiotics and penicillins that they use, they keep going.

And when one finally gives up, 20 competitors jump on the case.

The poor man. -But I beat them to it.

I don't wait for the customer to come, to me, but I find them beforehand.

Your brother pays, you get the reward. -You're not stupid, you know.

I wish I could see his face. But I won't be there to see it.

But I must say that things are a bit cool between him and me.

The wishes of a deceased person are sacred.

Unless he disowned you. -Disowned? No.

So he'll pay.

What if my brother doesn't pay? -Is he broke?

No, more like a millionaire.

So I'll check first class and special.

Luxurious? -Of course.

Ebony? Lined? -Yes, that's better.

Silver handles?

Little silk pillow? -Oh, Mr Pilate.

I'll add 10,000 francs to your reward. -No, that's too much.

What would you like to drink? -A pernod, as usual.

For me a fruit juice. -No alcohol?

Never.

What do I risk to lose? -You don't risk anything.

So sign.

These are my last wishes and will. My brother, Alain de Saint-Forget...

...should give me a luxury funeral, organised by Bodin-Pilate.

Ebony, lined, silver handles, silk pillow. I'm signing.

Fifty plus ten.

The only person taking a risk is you.

My poor brother, who I wish no harm...

...works so hard. What if he dies first?

I don't wish you no harm either, but I don't act without thinking first.

I pick my customers myself.

I've watched you for a long time.

On Mondays, while cleaning windows, you laugh, whistle and sing.

But...

But you don't look healthy.

You don't look very cheerful, darling. -Me? But I am cheerful.

Look at me.

You don't look very good.

I know a good one. Two friends meet.

One asks the other: How's your wife? The other one says: She's dead.

Of what? A cold.

That's not very serious then.

That's a stupid story. You don't die from a cold.

Yes, you do. You can die from anything.

He would know.

A packet of cigarettes and a Pernod. -No, I don't smoke anymore.

Give me a fruit juice. -Are you alright, D�sir�?

I'm fine. I just feel like a fruit juice.

If you don't serve me a fruit juice, I'll get it somewhere else.

How long have you been driving? -For ten years.

Then there's no hope for you.

People like this should be shot. -He wasn't looking.

You're a murderer. -Can't you see he's alright?

Call the police.

He may look good now. -But he might die later.

Once a guy fell on his head. He was alright, but then his spine rotted away.

He went blind, paralysed and insane.

That's all? And then what?

Then what? He died.

That was a nice escape.

Coughing? -A bit.

It goes fast. Last week it was a simple head cold.

Now it's moved to here.

It's stuck in your chest. -It's nothing.

It's normal. People are always wrong about their own health.

When someone in the family's going to die, everybody knows.

Except the person themselves.

Really? -Cold, flu, bronchitis, pleurisy.

And...

What did the doctor say? -Nothing. What was there to say?

When he left, he whispered something to you.

He didn't whisper. I paid him. You're hardly sick.

Don't try to reassure me. One moment they say all's fine...

...and a minute later...

...you're dead.

You're crazy, darling.

My temperature has been 40 for weeks. Is the thermometer crazy too?

It's not 40, it's 38.

Right, arguing about my temperature.

I'm not arguing, but 38 degrees isn't serious.

It's just a little flu.

Is it a flu?

Are you sure?

Did the doctor say that? -Yes.

That's it.

Cold.

Flu.

Bronchitis.

Double pleurisy.

And...

Calm down, darling. You don't know what you're saying.

You'll get a cold. I'll get you a woollen blanket

Did you hear that?

Cold. Flu.

It's not the flu that's killing me, it's that contract.

I'm going crazy.

I signed. He paid me.

And now I'll pay him back or I deliver. -What did you say?

Are you talking to yourself?

A coin.

You must be Mrs Saint-Forget. -Yes, sir.

I'd like to talk to doctor Saint-Forget. -Who's speaking?

The Prince of Monaco. -It's the Prince of Monaco.

Alain De Saint-Forget speaking. At your service, Your Highness.

Don't worry, it's only D�sir�. -What?

I have to talk to you, Alain.

It's a matter of life and death. I need 60,000 francs right away.

I know. But 60,000 francs is nothing to you.

You're wrong. It'll cost you a lot more.

Listen.

Do you know what the luxury version is? Oak, silver, lined, silk pillow.

It's going to cost.

No, I won't explain.

If you refuse, you're responsible for my death. Do you hear?

Alright then. Goodbye, Alain.

I liked you anyway.

I'll get a beautiful funeral.

Goodbye.

closed due to death

Poor Mr Pilate. So suddenly. He collapsed in the shop.

He never came to. He was too healthy.

Hello, are you the boss?

Excuse me, I have the flu.

I'm the brother of Alain Saint-Forget of the beauty salon. Alain De Saint-Forget.

If you have a moment, I'd like to make you a proposition.

Go for it, little ones. Eat and drink. The bad times are over.

D�sir� only had one address of the other brothers, Etienne's.

It was on the back of a postcard and it was a temporary address.

It was a floating address. I had to hurry.

All that at my age. The city council budget was stretched.

What's that? -A doctor from Paris.

We don't need him. We already have one.

I want to speak to Saint-Forget. I'm his godfather.

Isn't this his boat? -Yes.

He's expecting me. I sent him a message.

How long do I have to wait? I travelled 800 km for your captain.

Let's see what he wants.

Come up.

Search him.

I was only searched once in my life and that was during the war.

Shut up.

Tr�zignan. Didn't the old man live there?

Tell him I'm here. -I can't.

He's in a meeting.

A meeting? With whom? -Shut up.

Will it take long? -Maybe one night or two days.

So I can't see him? -You can see him alright.

Is that the meeting? -Shut up.

Two.

Done.

One for me. -What about you?

100,000.

That's a lot of paper.

So what?

Guarantee? -Guarantee?

The cargo.

Eug�ne, who's winning? -He lost all his money.

He's betting the cargo. -He's got guts.

Four kings.

A flush.

He lost everything. -This time he'll go to jail.

Why? -It's not his cargo.

The sewing machines for the natives were too expensive.

Sewing machines? -That's what it says.

You don't want to know what's really in there.

Could be guns. -Shut up.

The old man lost everything.

Double or quits.

With what? You haven't got anything anymore.

The cargo's mine.

The cargo against all that.

And this.

They're real.

I got it from a pilot I saved after he made an emergency landing on the water.

Long live the navy. -Shut up.

The bracelet.

The cargo.

And...

Alright.

He's betting the girl. -But he can't do that.

Why not? He bought her.

What shall we play? Poker?

Biki-boka?

Pique fayot or pouce megot?

Dice?

The fly.

You can touch her after you win.

The fly.

Close the portholes.

Those are real men.

The old man's got guts.

Turn that off.

What are they doing? -There are two sugar cubes.

If the fly lands on the captain's sugar cube, he wins.

If it lands on the other one, he loses the ship, the bracelet and the girl.

I'll bet 2000 on the coloured guy. -1000 on the old man.

3000 against. -4000.

What shall we do? Throw something?

Don't do anything.

10,000 against the old man. -15,000.

20,000 on the old man. -Alright.

You blew. -Me?

I heard you. You went like this. -I did that?

Yes, you. -I didn't do that.

I was breathing.

If anyone wants me to stop breathing, just say so.

Long live the navy. -He must have eaten it.

Don't move.

Leave that there, captain.

Take that away.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Captain. -Go away. I don't want to see anyone.

Not even your godfather?

Godfather, what are you doing here? -I've come to ask you a favour.

You know I can't refuse you anything.

What a shame.

In Paris, I had an agency find Bernard's address.

Bernard Saint-Forget was an editor for the Elle et Lui magazine.

An Elle et Lui, please.

Don't eat between meals and don't drink while you eat.

Baby bottoms need extra care. Wash them with water and soap.

Rinse well, pat dry and... -Use talcum powder.

I'm looking for Bernard Saint-Forget. -One moment, please.

He's seeing someone else first.

I hope it's not going to take too long. -Are you in a hurry?

The afternoon is already over. I'm wondering when I'll be eating.

You're a man of habit.

If I was waiting for Mr Saint-Forget, I'd have let you go first.

Respect for one's elders. I'm here to see the aunt Nicole.

Does your aunt work here?

Agony aunt, the advice column. A wonderful woman.

If you have problems, financial or emotional, write to her.

What a job. -Not a job, a vocation.

In my time, we looked after ourselves. -These days, it's all specialisation.

I hope you won't have to wait long.

Aunt Nicole's expecting you.

I'm here for aunt Nicole. -That's me.

You're aunt Nicole?

You look surprised. Aren't men the experts on women's hearts?

Although women don't understand men's problems.

It's normal that agony aunt is a man...

And that you trust her the way you'd trust a woman.

Well, dear aunt...

Should I call you aunt? -No, that would be embarrassing.

Indeed. I'll say "Dear sir". -Dear friend, I'd hope.

I just came back from 30 years in the African jungle.

I'm going to have lunch with Marianne and I want to hear your reply.

Explain more clearly, please. -It's all in the letter I sent you.

Maybe you didn't get it. -Impossible. We don't lose any letters.

How did you sign yours?

The Robinson of Love.

That's nice. One moment.

Red Eyes, Reinette without King...

Robinson of Love.

Conakry, 27 July, 3792 TZ 98. -What an organisation.

You wrote: I'm 40 years old and am getting married after a personal ad...

...to a 20 year old girl from Paris. We only know each other from pictures.

She's beautiful, I'm not.

I feel shy. Life in the tropics made me age prematurely.

What should I do when I meet her in three months? The Robinson of Love.

You said three months. My reply will be in tomorrow's magazine.

Here.

Your letter originates from a male heart that's looking for young love.

Male beauty is secondary. What matters is sensitivity and honesty.

Drop your shyness and show yourself the way you are.

Uncomplicated, loyal, strong. Qualities a young heart can't resist.

Nothing to add. -Beautiful. How can I thank you?

Let me show you Marianne's picture.

Beautiful. You will be very happy together.

Congratulations to you and to the paper that found this rare bird for you.

It was your magazine. Single man, forty years old...

...is looking for girl, to share life in Africa with.

Not very interesting. -Nobody replied.

So I placed another ad, mentioning my possessions worth 30 million.

Much better. -I got 300 letters.

Women are so romantic, totally not interested in money.

And who did you chose? -The one who didn't write herself.

Her father suggested her. -That sounds very serious.

I did some investigating. Very good family, but broke.

The father has a heart condition and could die any moment.

The girl's a lily, a dove, a diamond. She never even wrote back.

Very good sign. -But her parents did.

They call me their son. They adore me.

They say that Marianne passes the day staring at my picture.

So I was right. You conquered her heart before meeting her.

Her beauty and virtue will make you happy. Congratulations.

Dear aunt.

I mean dear friend. Thanks a lot. You make me feel 20 again.

Allow me to hug you.

Alright, that will do.

Quick, call a doctor. And the fire department. And the police.

Is Mr Saint-Forget almost available? -I hope so, sir.

Me too.

He's as dead as can be. -Can't you give him an injection?

Do something. You're his doctor. -Injection? His aorta burst.

What a terrible job. -Come with me. You're upset.

How would you feel? He hugged me and suddenly he was gone.

Calm down. Get a grip. We have to inform his family.

This is his family. Miss Durand-Perrin, 11 Rue de l'Epine.

Maybe his sister. -No, his fianc�e.

He had come from Africa to marry her.

Poor guy. -She's gorgeous.

You have to tell her, Bernard. You can do it better than anybody.

Always the same story. Just because I'm sensitive.

I always get the difficult jobs. -You should feel honoured.

I don't. I'm fed up.

Famine in India? Call Saint-Forget. Suffering children? Call Saint Bernard.

For 20 years, they've sent me to all the massacres.

And for the past three years, I've been aunt Nicole.

And now that they're dying in my arms, I'm fed up.

Pity.

Then I'll have to call them myself and tell them Mr Brissard died.

The father has a weak heart. You'd kill him.

Isn't one death per day enough? Do you want a hecatomb?

So? -I'll go.

What's this? -The first death of the day.

Mr Durand-Perrin, please. -Yes, who can I say?

It's about Mr Brissard.

Come in.

Sir, madam, come quickly. He's here.

Sorry, I said about Mr Brissard.

Roland, dear boy. I was so afraid. let me hug you.

And me. I said to my husband: what if the plane crashes?

If something had happened to you, it would have killed me.

Just great. -Sit down.

Not there, in that chair.

You look exactly like in the picture, apart from the beard.

I'd always have recognised you. -You have a good memory for faces.

He's so handsome. Marianne will be so happy.

Listen I'm here to... -Silly, we know why you're here.

No, you don't.

My boy, you didn't change your mind? -No, I swear.

Are you alright? -It's my heart.

Well, dear boy...

Come down, darling.

Check out how handsome your fianc� is.

Come on, give him a kiss.

Come, darling.

Well, Roland.

Let's make some coffee. -Maybe he's hungry.

Well... -We already had lunch.

I'm not hungry anymore. -Air travel is so tiring.

Air travel? Of course, very tiring.

It's not the travel, it's love. -Exactly.

Justine, bring us coffee with liqueur. Children, we'll leave you alone.

You don't have a heart condition?

Are you sure? Sometimes it's hereditary.

Who are you?

You're not Roland Brissard. -Finally someone with some good sense.

The picture was unclear, but still. So why this comedy? What do you want?

I'll tell you. Are you comfortable? Listen.

I'm a friend of Roland's. He can't be here. He's sick.

Sick? -Very sick.

Very, very, very, very sick.

He's even worse than sick. -You're saying he's dead.

You're his friend. You're shocked to see me smile.

Doesn't it shock you that an old rich man buys a girl for in his bed?

An old man. You're exaggerating. He was only 45.

I'll be that age in 25 years. That's an eternity.

You're very young.

Young enough to dream of something else than a worn out man.

Does that shock you? -No, you're quite right.

Tell your parents yourself.

Poor Roland. Death protects him from a cruel disappointment.

Good luck, Miss. You're free.

I'm not free. My father will find another rich man.

A stranger who's a good party to make sure my future's looked after.

And why do you accept that? Just say no.

You've seen him. It might kill him.

He only cares about my happiness. -Yes, your youth will disappear fast...

I don't care about the future. Today is what counts.

I understand.

What's his name? -Whose?

The young man that you love. -How do you know?

I have a talent for these things.

His name's Pierre.

Young?

And handsome?

Poor? -Not a cent.

Of course.

Do you see him often? -Almost never.

He works all day and I'm not allowed to leave the house at night.

Sometimes we see each other. He'll kiss me, I'll cry and I'll have to go.

Is there anybody in your family who can talk to your father?

Nobody.

I wrote to this woman who gives advice in a magazine.

Aunt Nicole? -I quickly explained and she replied:

Do not immediately refuse the man, but show what his weak points are.

Make it clear that he can't make you happy. Your future's in your hands.

Good luck, Sunflower. -Sunflower... that's how I signed.

Who are you? -Quiet, leave it to me.

Have you introduced yourselves?

What are you doing?

You're back fast. I'm not as quick as 20 years ago.

Stop that. -Stop what?

You have to be careful with those modern bras.

This is better than Sudan.

What's wrong old man?

But those blacks make you sad. And then you have to get physical.

Physical?

A cup of coffee? -A double whisky's more like it.

If Roland hasn't had a bottle by 3 o'clock, he starts to bite.

Roland, my God.

Don't get an attack now, Andr�.

Sir, would you please...

What's wrong, daddy? Don't worry.

She'll live like a princess. She'll get along with the other two.

Two fantastic black women. They smell a bit, but you get used to that.

I have to go. Time for my injection.

A souvenir from my army days. A gift from a Chinese woman.

I think you've grabbed your share too when you were young.

Bye-bye, granny. Come on, darling.

Now make the best of the situation. Your father isn't all that sick.

She's not saying anything.

Call for help.

Call the police.

Be brave.

I owe you a lot and I don't even know who you are.

A fairy. A fairy with a beard.

One can kiss a fairy. -Yes.

Is he gone? -My fianc�'s gone.

Poor child. You must hate me for having caused this.

No, just try another man. What about Landru?

Maybe you're right.

Maybe we should... How do I put it?

Let's try a more modern method. That means that you...

What's the name of the boy you like so much?

The police?

What? Mr Brissard? No, he's not family.

Just an acquaintance.

I'll be...

Thank you, Commissioner.

Brissard's dead. As he left our place.

I'm not surprised. He was rotten to the core.

But you cut the ad from the newspaper.

A doctor Boll�ne has been waiting for you for an hour.

Godfather!

My boy. What's that on your cheek? Lipstick?

That's quite possible. -Journalist is not a boring job, is it?

You'd never believe the fun we have here.

Come, my visitor left. -Journalists never have time.

They work day and night and even in between.

But Bernard promised he'd be there anyway.

Now I only had to convince Charles.

Where's the presbytery? -That way and to the left.

Do you want to see the priest? Do you know him?

Yes, but I haven't seen him for years. -You won't be bored.

D�d�, he's going to see the priest.

Excuse me, madam, I'm looking for the house of father Saint-Forget.

Two house further, sir.

Aren't you ashamed? At your age.

Your bothering the priest. -But I came from Paris to see him.

I'm his godfather. Doctor Boll�ne from Tr�zignan.

You're a doctor? -Do you want so see my diploma?

Maybe you can help him.

Is he sick? -If only that was it, sir.

Who is it?

I don't want to see anybody. -See what you can do.

Is he gone?

Who are you? -It's me, your old godfather.

You're right on time. Come in.

What's happening? Where are you? -Here.

Did you return from a trip? -No, I'm just leaving.

What's happening? When I mention you, everybody laughs.

I arrive here and you're in the dark. First, I want to see you.

No, you know me. You know what I look like.

You understand. -Understand what in the dark?

It's true that you haven't seen me for a long time.

Look, does this remind you of something? -No.

And this?

Doesn't ring a bell? -No.

Don't I remind you of someone? -Who?

A famous priest. -A famous priest?

Do you ever go to cinema? -Never.

Me neither, except once. The film and I were a big success.

What's so special about this priest? -What's so special about him?

He fights. He plays football.

I've heard about him.

His name is...

Exactly. -I've seen the posters.

You look a bit like him. -A bit? Listen to him, Lord.

I look a bit like him.

I look a bit much like him. He ruined my life.

I used to have 31 people in church.

Always the same ones, always confessing the same sins.

Now the whole village comes. Once they see me, they start laughing.

It's no longer a church, but a cinema.

A free show. All because of that man from the movies.

The priest belongs to us. The priest has to play football.

What's wrong? -School's out.

Every day it's the same thing.

Do you understand it's driving me crazy?

I asked the bishop for a transfer.

He accepted. I'm leaving.

Missionary on the North Pole.

Lord, I don't deserve this punishment. What did I do to offend you?

Father Saint-Forget. -Listen.

Do you hear me, father? -Jesus is talking to you.

And Jesus says...

Rascals. How can you do that to the father?

Poor Charles. Only God could help him.

In spite of his dislike of crowds, he accepted to come to the party.

Before growing a beard and moving to the Eskimos of the North Pole.

Where they don't have cinemas.

One beautiful morning, the sun rose gloriously over Tr�zignan.

Thanks for coming. -Are they here?

Let's go. Push, Mariette.

Father.

Look at that. Stupid, isn't it?

For twenty years I waited for you with my gun.

And now that you're here, I forgot to bring the gun.

We'd have been here earlier if it wasn't for your character.

What's wrong with my character?

Well, you can't say... -Tell me it's my fault.

You forget about me for twenty years, but it's my fault.

I'm a bad father and you're perfect sons.

The president arrives in 15 minutes. What on earth do we do?

Wait.

After 20 years, all we can do is fight.

Go give grandpa a kiss.

And their mother? -She's resting in the hotel.

She's pregnant. I think the journey...

It seems to be going better. -I think we can go in.

And the telegram? Have you got it?

My darlings, don't strangle me.

What's your name? -My name's Ange.

Who would have known I had four angels?

Can we forgive your father?

Who of you is D�sir� Saint-Forget? -That's me.

You're under arrest.

For fraud.

Twenty-one undertakers are suing you...

...for not delivering merchandise.

There's no rush. I am the merchandise. -I'm in a hurry. Come along.

Will you handcuff me? -Shut up.

Nobody moves. I have to make sure I'm arresting the right man.

Gustave, what kind of joke is this? -This is not a joke.

They sent us a telegram so we could act before the ceremony.

You got yourself into big trouble. -Don't complain.

I only went to undertakers on the right bank.

Not on the left bank or in the suburbs. You have credit everywhere.

I wasn't expecting this. Now what do we do?

Mayor, the President's car has reached the bridge.

He'll be here in 10 minutes and we're having a scandal.

Gustave, forget about that telegram until tonight.

After the party you can do what you need to do. D�sir� won't escape.

He promises, don't you? -I'll stay at your disposal.

Listen Alphonse, I don't care, But think about it.

First he has his picture taken, shaking the president's hand...

...and then he's photographed handcuffed with me. Two pictures side by side.

How does that look? The President might lose the presidency.

If there are only four of them we look like fools and so does the President.

There's no solution. -I have a solution. Do my job.

As long as I live, you won't touch any of my sons.

Mr Saint-Forget, even though I respect you...

I don't care. You don't arrest anybody.

Alphonse, take him away. -Alphonse stay where you are.

I'm counting to three and then my officer will take you away.

Three? Fine.

One, two, three.

What are you doing here? -Who of you is D�sir�?

Now what? -That's me.

Your wife just gave birth. -A son?

No, two girls.

Four and two.

Doctor, come quickly.

What's happening? -There's a third one.

HOTEL THE QUINTUPLETS

Make room. The President's car is coming.

Wake up, D�sir�.

Three? That makes seven daughters.

No, eight. There's a fourth. -Mr D�sir�.

What's wrong? -There are five of them. All healthy.

That makes nine for me.

Quintuplets.

You can't arrest him now. He's the father of quintuplets.

I'll ask the President to grant pardon.

I'll pay for any damage. -That's all fine, but...

Go receive the President.

Friends.

Fantastic news.

Say it. What is it?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have great news.

Thanks to the fertility of the Saint-Forgets and our country...

...the beautiful wife of D�sir� Saint- Forget just gave birth to six girls.

They're perfectly healthy. I repeat: six. Two times three.

That's an improvement of the world fertility record.

Long live Saint-Forget. Long live Tr�zignan. Long live France.

The President of the Republic.

Mr President, five in the first generation...

...six in the second and it hasn't finished.

HOTEL THE SEXTUPLETS