Original subtitles

I know, I'm not what you expected

Honestly, I'm not what I expected, either

Or what my mother expected

You could say I'm unexpected all around

I install shower doors, glass ones On the side I paint pets

Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets

You're thinking: Wait a minute? Shower doors...

...probably means he gets a lot of lonely housewives coming onto him

maybe an average looking but with a friendly manner and an optimistic outlook of life

You know, I can say yes, it happens sometimes

or at least once... with a good looking lady, that is

Happened another time but I rather not think about that

Anyway, I was finishing the installation when she walked in

- Contrary to popular belief - Beg your pardon?

Kittens love taking showers?

- Contrary to popular belief - Yeah!

Do you mind if I try out the shower

- and make sure it doesn't have a leak? - Oh, the shower is not gonna leak.

My work is guaranteed

- Oh - Yes, oh

I hate awkward silences

- I know what you mean - You are a very difficult man to read, Eugene

- Am I? - Because oh could mean several things

It could be an encouraging oh

Or it could be an oh I play for the opposite team

- Is that what you think? - I hope not

Oh, what about your husband?

I don't wanna talk about him

But he's not gonna walk in now while you're taking a shower

No, lately he comes home late, if he comes home at all

It's a heavy workload at work he says

She was a little redundant, I noticed that right away But I don't mind that in a woman

- You know? - I know, times are tough

Do you wanna keep talking about him or do you wanna watch me take a shower?

As you can probably imagine I had 200% of 0 interest in talking about her husband

I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of kinky...

where he was gonna come busting in with a baseball bat and I'd end up gagged in some cellar

- I rather watch you take a shower - Great

I've never showered in front of someone else

- I could turn around - You're a real gentleman, aren't you?

I was raised by a single mom so she made sure I respected women

It's not easy for you guys with us calling the shots or thinking we do anyway

all we do is mess things up

all you guys want is a little attention

somebody that holds your hand during dinner and listens

You know, says thank you and tells you your hair looks nice

I knew the holding hands bit was overkill at least I didn't offered to give her a massage

The damage was done, she was drop dead gorgeous

All that oxygen, pumping in and out of her lungs

I didn't asked for this, you know

The first weekend we got together he took me on a trip to Cabo

And I found out later he had conned his way into getting an upgrade using someone elses name

which at the time I thought was reckless and cute

maybe it was the heat or the ceviche that went thru my head but somehow I had 19 orgasms

- From eating ceviche? - With him in the room

And I just thought holy moly, you know, this is the one

- I guess - Because he knows how to make me feel

How to listen to my body

I think there are a lot of guys who could listen to your body

You're sweet

No, I mean your body really speaks load and clear

You think I'm vulgar?

No! Not at all I think you're articulate

- physically is what I'm saying - You think I'm fat

- My mother has gotten so fat - No, no

You're not at all fat. Lets talk about what you were talking about before

No, I don't want to talk about him

Me either... words just getting away of emotions

But somehow I feel like I can really talk to you. And so she talked

I knew I was in trouble when I noticed my right leg was asleep

and I started wondering how late I was gonna be for my next appointment

It was clear this woman was in no emotional state to throw herself at me

Plus the 19 orgasms given to her by her husband were looming over me like a monster

And that russian tramp had hypnotized him and he had blown all of the missing cash on her

- How many days were you in Cabo? - Two, why?

- No reason - Listen to me

Saying I don't want to talk about him and then going on and on about him you must think I am such a mess

- No, I don't - Yes you do

Because, what I want

No no, what I need

I need for you to ravage me Can you do that for me?

Even if I look like I'm not enjoying myself

Can you just have your way with me like some sort of savage

It's ok, it's ok It's ok

- I love him so much! - We shouldn't do this.

He is a great guy, you would get along, you would like each other

- I'm sure we'd love each other - I am the worst person in the world

I have no right to drag you into this, I'm so sorry

So anyway that happens once in a while

But for the most part

Shower doors installation does not equal seduction

Which makes the tale I'm about to tell you all the more peculiar.

- I didn't know you had company. - Who? - I don't know, I'm Sevilla.

Eugene, Portland at your service

Is that your dog?

No, that's a painting I was commissioned by a lady Can I help you?

- This is not room 43 - No, it's room 34

I have a condition

- What kind of condition? - A dyslexic condition

I'm sorry to bother you, I'm late for an appointment

No bother at all, come back any time

Before I can tell you about Sevilla story I gotta tell you about Felix

He's the real protagonist of this tale

Even if he's not gonna make it thru the night

The main thing you gotta know, he was a great detective

He didn't think he was a hot potato, he just was

But then he fell for the wrong kind of dame Who doesn't?

And he borrowed... scratch that, stole some money in order to get away with her

To live happily ever after. He planned the whole thing perfectly

Outwitted his opponents, misdirected like a magician switched the bag, lost the tail and waited for her

Sorry, I thought you were someone else

~Hotel Noir~ first 40. min by mobutu, made straight on audio stream www. titrari. ro

I read this book once, that book is out of print

Time passed, too fast, before you saw her

Then it stopped short, short on a dime

Time passed too fast before you saw her, Then it stopped short, short on a dime

She's so pretty, she's so pretty, you've never seen so pretty in all of your time

and you can get the governor on the line

and will it with all of your might

You cant change the fact that she's a diamond, shiny diamond

and you sir are merely just a man

Men have tried since she first grew into the golden masterpiece that she is

whip, smart and bright, bright as lightning

But they weren't ever on par with the miss

You can be stranded on a isle with her

and hope she gets bored with herself

You cant change the fact that she's a diamond, shiny diamond

and you sir are merely just a man

What are you looking at?

- Excuse me? - What are you looking at?

- Not you buddy - Whats that suppose to mean?

- I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at her - Well, that's what it looks like

- You know, I don't like you looking at her - Why would I care what you like?

Because she's my girlfriend and I don't like you looking at her

- She's a singer, everyone's looking at her - Not the way you're looking at her

Relax, I'm just watching her sing

You're thinking dirty thoughts about her

Actually I wasn't

- You can be stranded on a - Prove it

- Vance, stop it - Baby, I'm handling this

Just leave him alone

- You said this wasn't gonna happen again tonight - I warned you not to serve him

Leave the man alone. I'm sorry mister

You probably like the way he's looking at you, you sick twist! - Oh, drop dead!

Just let me talk to you

If you don't finish your set tonight you're gonna have to play an extra 15 minutes tomorrow

- You need to leave, now, please - I've missed you so much, let me talk to you

I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you or in hearing you talk ever

- Look, I'm crazy about you - You are crazy, period. Let go

- Where would you be without me? - You're about to find out that

Sorry about that

- Miss Click, you signed the contract specifying 2 full sets - What part of I'm in middle of something here you don't understand?

- Management doesn't take these things likely - Oh, I shudder, I quake and I quit!

Oh, common baby, come back

You're alright there friend? You should probably get home and sleep it off

Please mister don't tell anyone about this

I only sat my ass for 5 minutes but I meant no harm honestly

If the management finds out that I've fell asleep in a clients room again, that's it I'm out on the street

I've been working double shifts plus school so I haven't been getting much sleep

Last time they said I was a thief because the woman in the room dropped her earring down the drain

and for that they implied that I was soliciting sexual favors which the management frowns upon

not the soliciting so much as not cutting them in the profit

so I yelled at them and told them Who the hell do they think I am?

Just because I fell asleep on a mans bad doesn't mean that I've slept with the man

- I don't think you're a thief - Really?

Really

Well that's very perceptive of you because I'm not I swear on the virgin of Guadalupe

You probably don't know who that is but she means the world to me

However I did manage to notice that you have a costume on your suitcase so I hung it

so it wouldn't wrinkle That's... outfit, isn't it? She's my favorite

Not that I have time to waste But my little sister is obsessed

so she relays all the stories to me. Where did you get it?

A friend of mine works in one of the studios

It's an exact replica of one of the pictures

That is really neat

In any case I best get back to work so I don't lose my job

Would you like to keep it?

Oh, I need it. I have to pay for my sisters school and I'm the only one she has

No, I meant the costume

What do you mean?

I don't need it anymore, do you like it?

Really?

- Whats your angle? - What angle?

You're a costume salesman? Because I don't have any money

You're in luck. I'm not

Then whats your angle?

In my life so far nobody ever gave me something when they weren't expecting something back

Not that they gave me very much mind you but I give a lot back

You can say that's my problem, I give too much for too little

But that sounds dirty. I mean emotionally

If I tell you something you promise not to take it the wrong way?

- I talk too much - Bingo

- Only around smart people, its a complex - Well, rest assure, I'm not smart

- You're just saying that - Who you're gonna believe?

Maybe not smart but a shade less dumb than the others

- I'm Sevilla, like the spanish city - Felix, like Felix

- So, you're sure I can keep it? - Keep it, don't keep it, suit yourself

I'll come back after I finish my rounds and model it for you

That was quick

- Hi - Hi

Mind if I come in? I hate drinking alone.

Come in

I wanted to thank you for earlier

- I didn't do anything - You got the show stopped

- It was a good show - If you like wakes

- Where's your friend? - Oh, friendships got nothing to do with it

- If you don't mind my saying - I don't mind

Funny meeting somebody nice in a night like this

- I once stole a crutch from a cripple - Somebody modest then

- Realistic maybe - I'm sick of realism

- I hope I haven't disappointed you - I don't disappoint that easily

- Years of practice - Changing your habits on my account

- Tell me - What

The primary reason you're here, at the show, in this room, tonight

- You first - Just passing thru

3 night engagement, didn't you read the sign?

You know the drill, I had dreams - What kind of dreams?

- The kind that have been tried and found wanting - Such as?

Trade on my natural charm and talent and become a big singer

graduate, pictures and you know as I get older I open up a restaurant, a bistro, a bar

On the beach

- Sure, I like the beach - Who doesn't?

- My ex-husband - He didn't like the beach?

- Didn't like any sand in the shoes - And still you married him

- I had to get out of there somehow - He had a car

- He had a truck. Are you a cop? - Why?

- You ask questions like a cop - How's that?

Like you're not interested in the answer but the way I answer

- I'm a cop - No kidding

You're on a stakeout?

- I was gonna hop a train - Changed your mind?

- Missed my train - When's the next one?

- 7am - My bus leaves at 6

- Where to? - Away

So you missed your train, checked into the closest hotel not realizing you might meet the woman of your dreams

Woman of my dreams stood me up

- drops bad girl - You don't know the half of it

- How did you meet the woman of your dreams? - Why do you wanna know?

- Fundamentally curious person - Undercover bust

- A cop falling for a robber - She was no robber, just an accessory

- A guy like you needs more than an accessory - Guy like me? Whats that suppose to mean?

First tell me about her

Beat it ladies. You can stay

- You're Swedish Mary, aren't you? - Excuse me?

Make this easy on yourself

- I'm not the person you think - You're not Swedish Mary?

No

- I'm Italian - Italian?

- Si, from Milano - Whats your name?

- Rosa - Rosa?

Lets write this down Rosa what?

- Rosa Manioni - You're Italian?

- Yes, why? - Its your accent

- So what? No capisci - Sounds funny

- Funny? - Funny

- I think your accent sounds funny - I don't have an accent

Everybody has an accent

- What it is your name? - That's not important, how long you know him?

- In one way it is like we always known each other - And in another way? - 6 months

Want a cigarette?

- You're his mistress? - Just a friend

Kind of friend who likes to do errands for him, am I right Mary?

- What do you mean? - Drop things off?

Like his dry cleaning? I do not like your insinuation

- I don't like your accent - It is your problem

- I thought you said your name was Rosa - I know what I said

You didn't flinch when I was just called you Mary

I know what you are trying to do It wont work

- Did he ever give you gifts? - I do not remember

- Jewelery? Diamonds? - I want a lawyer

You'll get one

No, I mean I want a lawyer now, here, to answer your questions

You're not charged with anything, we're just having a chat

You think you're so tough with your big gun, don't you? - I do

Why are you smiling?

The only good thing about this moment

is I'm sure that as long as I live I'll never feel this lonely again

Am I free to go now?

Took me by surprise, her accent, the whole thing just clicked

I decided then that I like Swedish Mary

Patience is a virtue and I waited

Took me only one year

- Have we met before? - I think I'd remember

I guess he couldn't resist Who could blame him?

Sometimes I hate my job, you know?

I've gotta close this case

What are you talking about?

Sorry

I thought you liked her

- More than liked her - Love? You don't say

It wasn't love yet Something nearly identical

- But still, you busted her - No, I gave her an out

- I don't like snitches - Its an ugly word

Its an ugly job

Sounds like you're talking from experience

- Your husband, Vance, did? - Vance? Not my husband

- I thought you said you were married - I got married at 16 to a traveling salesman

- What kind of salesman? - Nice, boring one who talked a lot

- What did he sell? - Whats the difference? The point is

A young wife gets left alone at home all day in a big city she's bound to get restless

That's how I met Vance

Before he was a victim of the racetrack he was a jazz guitarist

- A good one too - He offered you private lessons

- Told him I was married - What did he say?

He said many great guitar players are married

Vance's gambling took its toll pretty damn fast

Next thing I knew I was a what did you call it?

An accessory

- Is she alright? - What kind of question is that?

The kind that keeps you out of jail

She'll keep her mouth shut, lets just leave her out of it

Got a different idea

Yeah? Since when do you have ideas?

I think we should use her as the decoy

We don't have another piece of ass, we got her around

Who gave you permission to talk about her ass?

- What would I have to do? - Stay out of this

Don't talk to me like that

I'll talk to you however I wanna talk to you

In front of your friends you mean?

- Why did you put out with it? - I don't know

I guess I can think of a couple of reasons

But when his partners got pinched after the job I lost all respect for the creep

- Bad day - Bad day?

- It was the roll of the dice - Why not you?

Because I have my lucky charm: You!

I saw you at that pay phone Vance

- You got it all wrong baby - Do I?

If you wanna split that's fine

But don't go running your mouth about stuff you don't know nothing about

- That can make my life pretty messy - Your life is a mess, you cant pin that on me

- I'm warning you - You're threatening me

- You call it what you like - I don't like being threatened

You're a coward and a cheat

- I love you - You don't love anybody

I wanna make you a star I have the money now I can take you all the way

- Get out of my sight - Or what?

- Or I'll throw this vase at your head - I'll duck

Not quick enough

Anyway he ended up in a hospital with 30 stiches

- Where did you get such perfect aim? - Captain of my high school softball team

Skipped town, travel country a couple times, pursuit of happiness and all that

even with a nice lady tennis player once

didn't take, kept singing, some crackpot idea Turns out I'm not the worlds greatest singer

Sounded good to me

Can I ask you a question?

- Is it about the nice lady tennis player? - It got my attention

She was the wife of a club owner

- Couldn't believe a modern girl such as myself never played - Played what?

Tennis detective She offered to teach me

- More private lessons - I can see how you'd make that leap

You don't get all your facts, you just hear bits of someones life story

you maybe take me for a person who gets lots of offers for private lessons

- I never met anyone with proclivity before - I've never met a detective who said proclivity before

So what happened to you? Had a few private lessons then what?

- Decided you didn't like the game? - Call me old fashioned

but it wasn't just that

Lady tennis player was coming to get you

Lady tennis player was alright

- The problem was - Let me guess

- Her husband - What make you say that?

My job description Intuition

- 10 bucks he liked watching the lessons - No, that wasn't the problem

He was a club owner who once in a month performed in his own club

- He had a famous act called - The concubines of the cunning

I woke up alone in a room no idea how long I've been there

but shortly after the 3 concubines came in and began to undress me

I tried to fight back but they were expert ticklers

Ticklers?

I know how it sounds but they were vicious and I was powerless

Ticklers?

They undressed me and then he walked in still in costume

They held me down and caressed me I have never been caressed like that before

- And then - And then?

I fell into a deep sleep

The next morning I woke up in my hotel room, still naked

no sign of my clothes anywhere

I found out later I had slept for 2 whole days or at least I couldn't count for 2 whole days

Like time just vanished into the ether

Who is it? Maureen came to see me

- Who's Maureen? - The lady tennis player

Maureen Chapman? Associated Press female tennis player of the year?

- 3 years straight - Her husband was murdered

I read about that, it was a big deal, Philadelphia right?

I didn't realized you follow tennis I never told you this part

You know what actually happened?

- All I know is she came to tell me - Hector is dead

Who's Hector? The cunning, my husband

- He might have been killed - When, how? - I don't know

That's a tragedy

You should probably leave town

Alright, if you think that's for the best

You can wear this

Maureen? I'm sorry

She paid my bill and gave me a train ticket

I never did find out what happened to her husband

They had to drag the lake to find him Boating accident the report said

- What do you think? - About what?

It wasn't an accident?

Time slows down before an accident you know

My last 10 years were pretty slow

Coming back here was the accident

- Whats in the briefcase? - Money

I don't believe you

- A lot of money? - Enough to make your dreams come true

- Why would you tell me just like that? - I'm not worried about you

I don't know if I should be offended or not Who's money is it?

- Who says is not mine? - Intuition

- It's a long story - It's a long night

I'll tell you what What do you say

- We get a refill downstairs? - I'm not too popular down there, remember?

Lets see if we can do something about that

- What about the money? - Don't worry

- We're closed - Official business

- What did she do? - That's the official part

A real smart guy. I don't care who you are I don't have to keep the place open for you

Fix us a couple of sandwiches will you?

- What do I look like to you? - Like a barman who knows how to fix a sandwich

I know its been a quiet night let me make it worthwhile

Fix yourself and a beer

- Hope you like real cheese - My favorite

My partner Jim an I were put on Mary detail funny choice of words in retrospect

- What took you so long? - I had to stop for gas

She watched some TV and now she's taking a bath I had a thought

Hypothetically

You meet a young lady she's adventurous

- You mean like Betty? - Keep Betty out of it

Different sort of adventurous

- What? - Nothing, she's singing

- Is that in spanish? - What I'm driving at is this

- Men needs variety - I agree with that

This is a deeply flawed argument

The way I see it: If you could get action every day, that's the win

A guy comes along and says you like beer but you gotta have beer every day of your life?

Well, why not? I love football, that means I gotta watch it every day? Sure!

Aren't I gonna get tired of watching football and drinking beer day after day all my life?

Maybe, but I'm willing do to the work to find out that truth and if it turns out that that's the case

- I trust myself to find other interests - Jim, you know this feeling that you're feeling right now?

Contemptment in the sacred bond of marriage?

No, this restless fever of romantic delusion, you know is not gonna last, do you?

- You know what you are? - Yea, I'm a cynical bastard

It must be hard work being you but mark my words

- You'll meet a charming young woman - The hardest thing to find in America

You'll jump on that train, gladly, you'll go after her...

Good old Jim, always trying to drag me down to his level of misery

What he couldn't possibly foresee is that this charming young woman he was conjuring for me

was presently right next door

Hello Hi Otto

Taking a bath Of course I'm alone

Well, I might catch a cold if I don't put something on but I'll be ready for you, don't you worry

You just come on over I'll see you when you get here, by.

Wow, you look weird