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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,120 CLUB MUSIC PLAYS 2 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,680 Fire up that loud Another round of shots 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,040 Shots, shots 4 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,720 Turn down for what? 5 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,200 Turn down for what? 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,840 Turn down for what? 7 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,640 Turn down. 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,600 Want to be black? 9 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,920 Well, now you can, with Black World VR! 10 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,520 Includes... 11 00:00:39,803 --> 00:00:40,950 _ 12 00:00:41,029 --> 00:00:42,943 _ 13 00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,404 _ 14 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,800 Girth sold separately. 15 00:00:45,851 --> 00:00:46,835 _ 16 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,280 Hi, you got any drugs? 17 00:00:48,328 --> 00:00:49,710 _ 18 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,400 We didn't do anything! 19 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,880 Black World VR. 20 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:56,000 Be black without actually having to be black! 21 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,760 MUSIC: Mashup the Dance by Major Lazer ft the Partysquad and Ward 21 22 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:24,096 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com 23 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,600 Well, just stick with me, because that's the kind of guy I am. 24 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,080 THEY LAUGH 25 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,800 So, do you like it? 26 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,280 Mmm, this is delicious. 27 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,440 I could eat another plateful, seriously. 28 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,920 Seriously. 29 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,320 It's a little bit spicy, but... 30 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,600 GUN CLANKS LOUDLY 31 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,400 I mean, it's perfect, absolutely perfect. 32 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,840 Oh, I'm so glad you like it! 33 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,640 - Yeah, I love it. - So, do you want some dessert? 34 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,080 Actually, I feel a little bit full. 35 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,280 GUN CLANKS LOUDLY 36 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,960 - I'd love some dessert, what is it? - It's cheesecake. Cheesecake? 37 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,240 - Cheesecake! - I fucking love cheesecake. 38 00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,520 Oh, perfect. 39 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,840 It's all for you. Open your mouth, open it wide. 40 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,600 My cheesecake... 41 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,440 Oh... Mm... 42 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,240 Oh... 43 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,800 Ah, ah, ah! 44 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,040 Fantastic Egusi Television presents 45 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:18,280 the 11th Bi-Annual Annual Kemmy Awardings Ceremonials. 46 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,840 The next award is the big one. 47 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:28,320 Here are the nominees for Best Actor in a Televised Movie... 48 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,560 MUSIC STARTS MUSIC IMMEDIATELY TRAILS OFF 49 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,360 BANGING 50 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,000 ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS 51 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,640 Babatunde Warrington in Evil Computer World Reloaded. 52 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,000 Hwa! Huh! Huh! 53 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,280 You see, I don't even need to look at all of you. 54 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,080 I will slap you, I don't even need to look at you. 55 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,640 Babatunde Warrington for Itch The Clown. 56 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:57,600 Babatunde Warrington for Moses II The Alternative Commandments. 57 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,080 Do you see?! 58 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,120 Thou shall not lie with a goat, 59 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,920 unless the goat is, er... 60 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,200 ..really fine, and you're pretty desperate. 61 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,800 Lakon Bamidele 62 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,920 in Devil Get The Hell Out Of Here exclamation mark. 63 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:16,840 This poor innocent has been beguiled by the flames of Lucifer. 64 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,160 And now, the winner for the Best Actor in a Televised Movie... 65 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,280 Lakon Bamidele! 66 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,640 Yeah! 67 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,720 Lakon Bamidele, Lakon Bamidele, Lakon Bamidele... 68 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,280 Oh, my God. I want to thank our director, 69 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,280 the venerable and well-regarded Tobias Akinbobo. 70 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,040 I see you, Tobias. 71 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,920 And I want to thank this random white guy here. 72 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,360 I don't really know why you are here, but diversity is so important. 73 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,120 Do you know what? Fuck this shit, man. 74 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,640 Without you, none of... 75 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:54,840 What is...? What...? 76 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,400 Listen, listen, brother. 77 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,880 I'm gonna leave you alone, I'm even going to leave you alone, 78 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,640 but let me tell you something. 79 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,840 Evil Computer World Reloaded was a masterpiece. 80 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:09,680 Moses II had the highest grossing audience share 81 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,360 in the history of this network. 82 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,080 This is a fucking outrage! 83 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,000 Don't touch me. If you ever touch me again, 84 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,440 I will pull that stupid blue dred out of your hair. 85 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,360 Grown man. You give me this statue... 86 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,240 - No, no, it's mine! - I will take this statue. 87 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,120 - No, no, put down... - Don't touch me! 88 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,640 THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER 89 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,240 DISJOINTED AUDIO 90 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,200 SHE GASPS 91 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,840 SHE WHIMPERS 92 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,560 DISJOINTED EERIE WHISPERS 93 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,320 OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES 94 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,240 MUSIC STOPS This is her with her favourite teddy, 95 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,560 Giggles the Bear. 96 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,760 And here she is, trying to eat mashed carrot for the first time. 97 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,480 Please, they all look the same. 98 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,080 They all look exactly the same. 99 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,920 This is one of her squeezing out a giant poo. 100 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,280 It was so funny. 101 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,640 ECHOING CACKLES 102 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,680 SHE SCREAMS 103 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,960 Welcome to Blackass, and it's another day of drunk stunts. 104 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,000 Another day! Drunk stunts, bro! 105 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,880 Today's drunk stunt will be me bull's-eyeing this apple 106 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,640 off Cruise's dome with a golf ball 107 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:40,120 while she downs this 160-proof bottle of rum. 108 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,400 Yeah! Holy shit! 109 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,368 Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug! 110 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,064 - You ready for this? - Drunk stunt! 111 00:05:47,111 --> 00:05:48,150 - You ready? - Ready! 112 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,320 - Right... - BOTH: Three, two, one... 113 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,520 Drunk stunt! 114 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,800 Wait, wait. Is it just me or does this feel a little like... 115 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,080 Like what? 116 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,560 ..like white-people shit? 117 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,560 - Not particularly, no. - Yeah, you're good. 118 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,177 Really? 119 00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:05,474 - You're good. - Yeah, yeah. 120 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,360 - All right, OK. Drunk stunt! - Drunk stunts! 121 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,640 Drunk stunt! 122 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,080 OW! Fuck. 123 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,760 Ah, yeah, I see it now. 124 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,280 Definitely some white-people shit. 125 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,840 You bastard! 126 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,960 Yo, this is a message for the so-called Stratford Soldiers 127 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,440 from the E19 Posse. 128 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,360 We heard you've been stepping on our turf. 129 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,120 Try it again and you'll get SMOKED, fam! 130 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,560 Hey, E19 pussies. 131 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,520 Look where we are, we're in your postcode 132 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,840 and I don't see you doing nothing about it! 133 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,200 Maybe cos you're too stupid to actually read the street signs, innit? 134 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,680 Message over. 135 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,680 Firstly, you pulled some bold moves coming on our turf. 136 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,040 Secondly, what you said about us not being able to read, 137 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,160 that's actually pretty offensive, fam. 138 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,360 Yeah? Cos our mandem Darren has got dyslexia 139 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,840 and it's been holding him back at school for a while now, 140 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:52,240 so don't say it again! 141 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,920 We didn't actually know about Darren's dyslexia. 142 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,560 That's obviously not great, 143 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,280 and we wish him all the best with his daily struggles. 144 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,040 And we weren't going to mention this, yeah, but our boy Jake here... 145 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,720 Raise your hand, Jake. 146 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,560 His mum's in a wheelchair and he's actually been her carer 147 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,320 since he was 12 years old. 148 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,880 So you accusing him of not being sensitive to disability issues 149 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,320 is actually quite upsetting. 150 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,960 Look, no lies, 151 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,360 we just want to say we had no idea 152 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,160 about Jake's mum being in a wheelchair. 153 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,000 I've actually got a bunch of pamphlets here 154 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,640 about dealing with difficult issues in your personal life. 155 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,280 They've got bare information in them. 156 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,920 I know we said you can't come on our turf, 157 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,311 but I'm going to leave them on the side 158 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:29,880 of Breadnut Road and Sutton Street, 159 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,440 so if you do want to come and take a look, that would be cool, fam. 160 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,200 We got your pamphlets, yeah? 161 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,040 And we left you a lemon sponge cake there by way of a thank you. 162 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,600 Stratford Soldiers, where did you man get that sponge cake? 163 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,200 It was bare moist and light. 164 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,360 E19 Posse, you're not going to believe this, yeah, 165 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,000 but I actually baked it myself. 166 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,600 I'd tell you the secret of my moist lemon sponge, 167 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,640 but then I have to probably kill you. 168 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:50,800 Message over. 169 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,920 So you're threatening to kill us now? 170 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,360 Is it? Listen, fuck your recipe. 171 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,840 Bring your cake to the wall, fam. 172 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,240 Your cake was dead! 173 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,480 You're not Mr Kipling! That's...! 174 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,040 This place is really nice, really classy, great cocktails... 175 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,320 Oh, I love a cocktail. ..great crab meat. 176 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,600 TEXT MESSAGE ALERT 177 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,800 Oh, no! This guy that I'm matched with on Lovestruck 178 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,360 - keeps sending me messages. - OK. 179 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,120 Listen to this, "Dear Miss, I am Prince Alaisu Islassis." 180 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,280 - Oh, Islassis. - "I have read your profile 181 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,800 "and I'm declaring my undying love for you. 182 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,200 "As a token of my love, I have 100 red roses for you. 183 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,800 - Oh, 100! - Oh, my God, and an elephant! 184 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,560 An elephant? An elephant? 185 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,040 An elephant! 186 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,160 HE BADLY IMITATES AN ELEPHANT 187 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,160 What a dickhead! 188 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,640 Delete! 189 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,000 But why? 190 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,560 I don't understand this. 191 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,000 Why is she not getting back to me? 192 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,160 I'm a millionaire prince! 193 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,840 I love her so much, and I'm so lonely in here. 194 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,680 SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS 195 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,240 All I have is a bunch of roses. 196 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,920 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 197 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,000 Oh, yeah, and an elephant. 198 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,600 Not now, Nimrod! 199 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,680 Can't you see I'm heartbroken? 200 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,640 Princes don't cry... 201 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,480 Princes don't cry! 202 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,240 COMPUTER BEEPS 203 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,000 Oh, Nimrod, we have a new match! 204 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,240 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 205 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,160 CROWD CHEERS 206 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,840 What did you make of the performance you saw tonight? 207 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,000 Dead, blud. 208 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,760 What do you want me to say, fam? Dead, fam. 209 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,720 Joke ting, fam. You call that fucking Premier League, fam? 210 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,240 Them man on how much a week? 211 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,360 And they come out playing like that, fam? 212 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,160 10-1, blud! 10-fucking-1, blud. 213 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,880 I'm done with this, blud. I'm done with this shit, blud. 214 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,920 I'm done with it. I'll back out on any man. 215 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,480 No-one can't chat nothing to me, fam. 216 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,480 I'm done with this, blud. It's a disgrace, fam. 217 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,880 Well, see you next week, Real Madrid? 218 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,200 Of course, blud. Back again! 219 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,520 Fan TV, out. 220 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,960 SIRENS WAIL 221 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,480 Hi there. Can I help? 222 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,920 Yeah, actually. Me and my husband just had our first child. 223 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,504 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 224 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:12,809 And is everything OK? 225 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,000 Well, it is, but... 226 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,800 ..we really wanted a cute Instagram baby, 227 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,960 and this is not a cute Instagram baby. 228 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,360 Sorry, Instagram baby? 229 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,640 Yeah, you know, one of the ones that get lots of likes and shares 230 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,600 and maybe makes it onto the home page. 231 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,440 We wanted one of them ones, didn't we, babes? 232 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,680 Yeah, Instagram baby, innit. 233 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:37,240 Yeah, but instead we got this one and, well, look at it. 234 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,160 I mean, it's just, like, all squashed and shrivelled, 235 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,680 and it looks like a little old man, 236 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,000 and it's supposed to be a girl. 237 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,480 Well, most new babies are a little shrivelled. 238 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,120 Oh, OK, so what you're saying is 239 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,980 it will eventually grow into a cute Insta baby? 240 00:10:52,991 --> 00:10:53,600 Er... 241 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,360 And how long will that take, exactly? 242 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,680 - Well, I'm not sure... - And I guess you would recommend 243 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,600 not to post any pictures until it ripens out 244 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,920 and is a bit less disgusting? 245 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,000 - No, I didn't say that. - OK, so post pictures but Photoshop them? 246 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,240 - No. - OK, so hire a cuter baby? 247 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,560 Ha! Genius! 248 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,320 Jesus. I'm calling social services. 249 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,080 OK, and is that the company that rents the cute babies? 250 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,600 No, they're going to take your baby away from you. 251 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,520 OK, and then when will the new, better baby arrive? 252 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,840 It won't! You're not getting a new baby! 253 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,720 Then what the hell am I supposed to post? 254 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,880 Like, me out at restaurants and in nightclubs and holiday and...? 255 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,680 Oh, that will work out great, actually. 256 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:31,800 Thanks! 257 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,920 Come on, babes. 258 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,120 BABY CRIES 259 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,280 Poor baby... 260 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,600 Eurgh! 261 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,640 CROWD CHEERS 262 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,200 What did you make of the performance you saw tonight? 263 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,000 Blud, waste of time, fam, utter joke, utter pointless, fam. 264 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,240 It's a joke ting, fam. 265 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,080 That was the worst performance of Hamlet 266 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,520 I've ever seen in my life, blud. 267 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,320 You call that RSC? You call that Royal fucking Shakespeare, blud? 268 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,520 That's a joke ting, blud. 269 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,400 I could do a better play in my back garden, fam. 270 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,640 To be fair, the young Danish lad, he did his ting, innit, 271 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,200 coming off the wings and that? Yeah, he did. But then he started 272 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,680 mumbling and that. Why's man mumbling? To be or not to fucking 273 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,480 be, fam, answer the question, innit? 274 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,280 I was just very aware that I was watching a play. 275 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,400 I don't deserve this, fam. 276 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,080 It was... It was quite boring, actually. 277 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,920 - It was quite, yeah, quite boring. - Blud, that's what I'm saying, blud. 278 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,520 Why'd you need to jump in the ting, fam? 279 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,960 - He's very good, he's won Oliviers... - Blud, he's a dinosaur. 280 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,720 I don't care what you say, it's a disgrace. 281 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,600 I'm done with it, blud. I'm done with it, blud. 282 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,280 The costumes were good, though. 283 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,400 See you next week for Coriolanus at the National? 284 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,840 Wouldn't miss it for the world. 285 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,560 Can I have a bag, please? 286 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,880 Sure, it'll be 5p. 287 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,080 Excuse me? 288 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,120 5p. 289 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,920 Been spending most their lives 290 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,080 Living in a gangsta's paradise. 291 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,240 Coming soon to a cinema near you, 292 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,120 a superhero film... 293 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,320 ..where there's bare black people! 294 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,080 Fucking loads of 'em. 295 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,000 Like, more than Birmingham. 296 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,680 Ba-da-ba ba-da-Bo ba-da see-Bo-pee. 297 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,480 It's time for some black cinema history, with man like me, 298 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:00,920 Scribbler P. 299 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,320 Ay yo, Black Panther's sick. 300 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,640 Even though the stream I watched it on kept buffering, 301 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,760 I still thoroughly enjoyed it, innit? 302 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,160 But let's take a look back at all the cape-wearing brothers 303 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,760 and sisters who blazed the trail for all these black superheroes 304 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,640 we have today. And they don't come no blacker 305 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,640 than man like Wesley Snipes, 306 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,760 who starred in two amazing Blade films... 307 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,600 and then also starred in another Blade film. 308 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,880 Big shout-out to Shaquille O'Neal, 309 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,000 keeping it real in an obscure movie called Steel. 310 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,360 Ay yo, small print, this younger don grew up to make a sex tape 311 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,440 with Kim K. 312 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,280 Gwan, my G! 313 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,600 And who could forget Blankman? 314 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,760 Uh! Uh! 315 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:37,840 Ooh! 316 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,880 Yeah. 317 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,640 Uh. 318 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,160 Nah, maybe actually we should forget Blankman, innit... 319 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,880 Shout out to Halle Berry, 320 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:48,600 representing the sisters and creating a storm. 321 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,840 In my pants! 322 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,160 Stay woke. 323 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,720 Check out Meteor Man, doing what ever Superman can, 324 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,720 although slightly limited by the special effects of the time. 325 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,640 It's well worth checking out online, 326 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,360 although you may want to fast forward the Bill Cosby bits. 327 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,160 Yeah. Or you could just watch Black Panther again, innit? 328 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,880 Though make sure you don't hook onto your neighbour's shit Wi-Fi 329 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,000 like I did. 330 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,680 That wasteman needs to upgrade to fibre optics. 331 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:13,720 Dickhead! 332 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,320 Ba-da-ba ba-da-Bo ba-da see-Bo-pee 333 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,360 That's all the black cinema history from man like me 334 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,400 Scribbler P. 335 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,760 So, what did you make of that? 336 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,600 Fam, what the fuck was that, blud? 337 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,240 What the fuck was that? What kind of display is that, fam? 338 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,480 You call this a fucking tasting menu, fam? 339 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,440 What kind of tasting menu is this, fam? 340 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,280 Fam, my scarf tastes better than this bludclart menu, you know? 341 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,560 The scallops, mad underseasoned, fam. 342 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,760 Mad underseasoned. I don't understand where... 343 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,400 Just put too, too salt in the thing, fam. 344 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,240 I'll bring out the banners, I don't care, fam, I'm done with this shit. 345 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,360 I'm done with this shit. It's a utter disgrace, fam. 346 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,920 The ice cream was nice, though. 347 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,320 No gyal can tell me 'bout my mother 348 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,040 16 shot We go longer than a ladder 349 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,240 Dem nuh Fi talk 'bout the real don Dada 350 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,920 Put body in a pot Dem a bun like grabba 351 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,200 No boy can diss me or my mother 352 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,800 Round here ain't safe Everybody need armour 353 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,400 16 shot We go shotta any bluddah 354 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,600 Rah-ta, rah-ta Ka-kah, ka-kah, ka-kah 355 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,760 Kah-ka-ka-ka-ka 356 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,440 Can tell me 'bout my mother 357 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,920 16 shot We go longer than a ladder 358 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,320 Dem nuh Fi talk 'bout the real don Dada 359 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,280 Put body in a pot Dem a bun like grabba 360 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,480 No boy can diss me or my mother 361 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,360 Round here ain't safe Everybody need armour 362 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,560 16 shot We go... 363 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,480 SHE GRUNTS 364 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,200 Ka-kah, ka-kah, ka-kah, ka-kah Kah-ka-ka-ka-ka 365 00:15:48,653 --> 00:15:50,544 _ 366 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,560 Thank you for seeing me, your Holiness. 367 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,280 Why you come to me? 368 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,080 Basically, I'm worried that my husband 369 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,040 is becoming disinterested in me. 370 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,760 And you wish him killed? 371 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,360 What? No. 372 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,760 I just want him to show some interest in me again. 373 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,160 Shhh! 374 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,200 Oriama. 375 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,960 Untuh-no. 376 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,000 Oriama. 377 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,240 Ashantuma. 378 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,840 Swenkledama. 379 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,760 Unturo. 380 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,680 Give me your hand, child! 381 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,400 You must drink this potion. 382 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,880 But only on dates which have the number seven in them 383 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:40,120 and preferably have Smooth FM playing gently in the background. 384 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,120 Now, are you ready for the final instruction? 385 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,840 - Yes, I'm ready. - Definitely? 386 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:45,880 Yes! 387 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,880 You must... 388 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,200 You must... 389 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,600 ..get a new weave. 390 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,000 What? 391 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,920 Get a new weave. This one does nothing for you. 392 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,000 Splash out a bit, get something Brazilian. 393 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,320 This is your marriage after all, fucking hell. 394 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,960 75 quid. 395 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,240 - No. - No? 396 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,400 Mr Lafuko, I'm Detective Pearson 397 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,440 and you have been committing fraud. 398 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,320 And also illegally housing and sacrificing wildlife. 399 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:19,040 I will curse you for your insolence. 400 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,560 Ingonyama nengw' enamabala 401 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:22,840 Ingonyama nengw'... 402 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,760 That's the theme from The Lion King. 403 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,320 Oi! 404 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,720 The circle of life 405 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,480 And it moves us all 406 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:43,520 Through despair and hope. 407 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,480 You will regret this. 408 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:47,680 You will regret this! 409 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,960 I will bring a curse upon you! 410 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,040 A curse upon your families! 411 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,840 Ow, ow, ah! 412 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,760 Look at the strength! 413 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,840 Look at the strength! 414 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,320 Another Saturday evening. 415 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,160 What did you think of what you just saw? 416 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,800 It was dead, blud. 417 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,480 What would you want me to say, fam? You call that a wedding? 418 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,040 Look at this invite, fam. Where's the graphic design? 419 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,000 Dead! I'm telling you, blud, I'm done with this shit, blud. 420 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,640 The mother of the bride, the mother of the bride, she's dead, fam. 421 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,680 She's got to go, blud. 422 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,160 She's a fucking dinosaur, blud. 423 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,280 I'm done with her, blud. 424 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,040 I'm done with her. There was no pride, 425 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,480 no passion in her speech, fam. 426 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,680 It's not going to last, blud. 427 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,240 Bun this, fam. Bun it, fam. 428 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,960 The bridesmaids looked banging, though. 429 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,760 You fucking wanker, Paul! 430 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,920 You can take your fucking wedding ring back. 431 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,560 Mum was right about you all along. 432 00:18:48,662 --> 00:18:51,466 _ 433 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,880 Are you sure we shouldn't call for backup? 434 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,240 I'm pretty sure it's procedure. 435 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,920 Fuck procedure! 436 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,000 Take this Uzi. 437 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,920 An Uzi? I... I've never fired an Uzi before. 438 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,840 Just aim it at whitey and pull the motherfucking trigger. 439 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,400 - Okey-dokey. - Let's do this! 440 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,400 Next time, get the proper planning permissions before you erect a fence 441 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,400 in my village, motherfuckers! 442 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,480 Right, Patterson? 443 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,560 Patterson! 444 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,040 Ah, Patterson! 445 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,680 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 446 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:48,720 No! 447 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,320 Oh, Patterson, you're the best goddamn partner I could ever have. 448 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,320 Oh! You my brother, man. 449 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,360 Come on, Patterson. I'm not going to ever, 450 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,920 ever find another partner like you, man. 451 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,880 Patterson! 452 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,480 Hey, sugar. 453 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,880 Goddamn! 454 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,800 Detective Chocolate Brain reporting for duty. 455 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,240 Would you shut... In the motherfuck... Fucking shut up! 456 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,960 Shut up! Shut up! 457 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,520 Can't you see I'm trying to do my thing 458 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,240 with that white woman over there? 459 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,280 Hello! Get the hell out of my way, nigga. 460 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,360 Oh come on, man. 461 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,560 Midsomer motherfucking Murders, nigga 462 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,120 Black man in a white man's world 463 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,560 Yeah Driving cars, finding dope 464 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,120 And hitting vicars 465 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,600 With his .44 Magnum He's... 466 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,600 Checking planning permissions Woo! 467 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,520 Stopping blackface jigging Woo! 468 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,640 And fucking old white women Woo! 469 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,480 But Patterson's dead 470 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,600 Midsomer motherfucking Murders, nigga... 471 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,560 Patterson! 472 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,320 But he still loves fucking white women. 473 00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:10,388 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com 474 00:21:10,438 --> 00:21:14,988 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34995

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