All language subtitles for Famalam s01e03.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,555 --> 00:00:06,585 JAMES BOND THEME PLAYS 2 00:00:08,733 --> 00:00:13,204 Black Bond The man with a size 12 shoe 3 00:00:13,251 --> 00:00:14,673 Black Bond 4 00:00:14,783 --> 00:00:18,542 Black Bond He break dances and DJs too 5 00:00:18,566 --> 00:00:19,972 Black Bond 6 00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:22,987 Black Bond He's Her Majesty's weapon 7 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,448 Black Bond 8 00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:28,282 Black Bond He grew up in Peckham 9 00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:31,602 He's a government closer Gun in his holster 10 00:00:31,613 --> 00:00:33,645 I Pass the mic I and cuffs 'em all over 11 00:00:33,778 --> 00:00:35,626 He says. "Officer, I'm a soldier." 12 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,284 Shut up, blacky, don't speak till I've told ya! 13 00:00:37,295 --> 00:00:38,253 Black Bond. 14 00:00:38,401 --> 00:00:40,700 Black Bond, coming to a cinema near you. 15 00:00:40,701 --> 00:00:42,760 Never! 16 00:00:42,761 --> 00:00:44,960 LAUGHING: What the fuck are you thinking?! 17 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:49,090 MUSIC: Mashup The Dance by Major Lazer featuring The Party squad & Ward 21 18 00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:13,984 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com 00:01:17,540 1970'S STYLE FUNK MUSIC 20 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,039 Please. It's tradition. 21 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,409 Fuck yo' tradition, bitch! 22 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:36,549 I'm a Morris dancer. You can check out our website. 23 00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,229 Oh, well, you can suck my dick. 24 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,389 0i! 25 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,909 Excuse me. Brother. 26 00:01:54,451 --> 00:01:56,520 Hey. 27 00:02:00,403 --> 00:02:03,172 Get the bloody hell away from my partner. 28 00:02:09,822 --> 00:02:12,111 RECORD SCRATCHES TO HALT 29 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,155 I Names and addresses. I've got a I racial 30 00:02:14,207 --> 00:02:15,538 awareness course I think you should 31 00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:19,348 all definitely attend. You don't have to, but... 32 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:22,409 GUNSHOTS 33 00:02:26,473 --> 00:02:29,752 FUNK MUSIC PLAYS 34 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,622 GUNSHOTS 35 00:02:36,173 --> 00:02:38,600 MAN GROANS, GUNSHOT 36 00:02:38,654 --> 00:02:41,142 Damn, Patterson! Creatin' a distraction! 37 00:02:41,143 --> 00:02:46,062 I like that. Yeah. YEAH. You a cold ass honky. 38 00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,412 What you say we go get ourselves a full English 39 00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:50,522 motherfuckin' breakfast, huh? 40 00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:52,952 Midsummer Motherfuckin' Murders, nigga 41 00:02:52,953 --> 00:02:55,202 THEME CUTS OUT 42 00:02:55,203 --> 00:02:59,522 Goddamn it, bitch! Not on my motherfuckin' boots, man! 43 00:02:59,523 --> 00:03:02,142 Sorry. You gon' be! 44 00:03:02,143 --> 00:03:04,862 Midsummer Motherfuckin' Murders, nigga 45 00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:08,052 Black man in a white man's world Yeah! 46 00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:10,722 With Patterson, his white sidekick, gettin' sick 47 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,672 As they shootin' up Morris dancers! 48 00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:15,502 HE CLEARS THROAT 49 00:03:15,503 --> 00:03:19,352 MUSIC: One Minute Man by Missy Elliott ft. Ludacris & Trina 50 00:03:19,353 --> 00:03:21,882 THEY GIGGLE 51 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,582 SHE GASPS 52 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,742 What's in there? 53 00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:34,212 - Strawberries... Strawberries. - So sexy... 54 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,462 All right... 55 00:03:36,463 --> 00:03:39,082 HE GASPS 56 00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,042 Mmm... 57 00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:43,962 Plantain... 58 00:03:43,963 --> 00:03:46,582 OK. Yeah... Uh... 59 00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:49,442 SHE GROANS 60 00:03:50,573 --> 00:03:53,662 Uh... OK. Oh! 61 00:03:55,113 --> 00:03:58,962 SHE LAUGHS 62 00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,832 - OK... - What's this? 63 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,902 Rice. Like jolof rice? 64 00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:08,102 WHISPERING: Jolof rice... 65 00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:10,022 OK. 66 00:04:10,023 --> 00:04:13,262 SHE LAUGHS 67 00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,942 Oh, God! 68 00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:18,322 That's really intense. Oh, it's raining. Raining rice... 69 00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,942 Oh... Um... 70 00:04:20,943 --> 00:04:23,482 SHE GROANS SEDUCTIVELY 71 00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:26,382 What's this? 72 00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,402 Seriously, no. What is that? 73 00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:29,762 Swordfish. 74 00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:34,022 Um... 75 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,792 Shh... 76 00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:38,952 Oh, is that...? Oh, that's dripping in my mouth. 77 00:04:38,953 --> 00:04:41,572 Ooh! Aah! Taste the fish! Oh! 78 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,242 Oh, my God! Argh! 79 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:47,382 SHE LAUGHS 80 00:04:47,383 --> 00:04:50,902 That's enough now, I think! This has been a really great night. 81 00:04:50,903 --> 00:04:54,422 I think I've got quite an early start tomorrow, so I think... 82 00:04:54,423 --> 00:04:56,382 Shito. 83 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,452 No, that's... That's really, really hot. 84 00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:00,322 Really hot. No, that's... 85 00:05:00,323 --> 00:05:02,902 I'm not OK... No, look... 86 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,872 No, no, no. No, no, no. 87 00:05:04,873 --> 00:05:07,592 Oh, God, no. 88 00:05:07,593 --> 00:05:09,322 No. Oh, God, no. 89 00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:11,292 What's the safe word? Is there a safe word? 90 00:05:11,293 --> 00:05:13,262 Safe word! Safe word! Safe word! 91 00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,182 Oh, shit! 92 00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:17,062 Oh... 93 00:05:17,063 --> 00:05:21,002 Oh! Oh! That actually felt amazing! 94 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,482 MUSIC: Fester Skank by Lethal Bizzle ft. Diztortion 95 00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:34,172 You finished with that? 96 00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:35,862 With what? There's nothing there? 97 00:05:35,863 --> 00:05:38,482 There's bare chicken there. 98 00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,542 If you want that, it's all yours. 99 00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:49,222 - You finished with that? - No, I'm still going, innit? 100 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:50,902 You finished now? 101 00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,793 - No, I'm still going. - What about now? 102 00:05:52,832 --> 00:05:53,625 Na. I'm still... 103 00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:54,899 - What about now? - No, I'm still... 104 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,594 What about now? 105 00:05:58,123 --> 00:06:02,442 Fester, Fester, Fester 106 00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:06,472 Anywhere I go I make the gang go. 107 00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:10,592 What? 108 00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:12,662 Yo, game don't change... 109 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,842 Do you just want to hear music? 110 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,452 Or do you wanna LISTEN to music? 111 00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:23,672 And when I say YOU, I mean ONLY YOU. 112 00:06:23,673 --> 00:06:27,052 As in, even if you're surrounded by people, 113 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:31,412 only YOU can hear the music playing. Impossible 114 00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:34,462 Well, believe in the impossible, cuz! 115 00:06:35,773 --> 00:06:38,870 Headphones. By Swayze. 116 00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:41,540 Oh, you already heard the headphones? 117 00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:44,680 Well, these ones have my name on it. 118 00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:48,430 - By Swayze... - And they cost a lot more. 119 00:06:48,431 --> 00:06:49,980 - Worth it? - Ooh! 120 00:06:49,981 --> 00:06:52,700 I can sort of tell the difference a little bit. 121 00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:55,370 Headphones. By Swayze. 122 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,570 Buy 'em, everyone else is! 123 00:06:57,571 --> 00:06:59,870 WHISPERING: Morons! 124 00:06:59,871 --> 00:07:03,530 MUSIC: She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer 125 00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:10,370 MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH 126 00:07:10,371 --> 00:07:13,320 LOUD THUDDING 127 00:07:13,321 --> 00:07:15,810 THUDDING CONTINUES 128 00:07:20,031 --> 00:07:22,930 Whoa! 129 00:07:22,931 --> 00:07:25,980 Ha! Anyone want any? 130 00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:29,920 I always make way too much. 131 00:07:29,921 --> 00:07:32,450 Any takers? You sure? 132 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,650 No? Your loss. 133 00:07:34,651 --> 00:07:37,420 Urgh! Argh! 134 00:07:39,761 --> 00:07:41,260 Oi! Oi! 135 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,330 - What are you doing? - Come on. 136 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:44,730 MESSAGE ALERT 137 00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:47,120 Hold on. 138 00:07:48,161 --> 00:07:51,110 - Oh, not this guy again. - What? 139 00:07:51,111 --> 00:07:54,160 HE SIGHS "Genuine penis enlargement pump. 140 00:07:54,161 --> 00:07:57,160 "You have been selected for a free trial of a unique penis enlargement 141 00:07:57,161 --> 00:07:59,730 "pump. This really works." 142 00:07:59,731 --> 00:08:02,130 THEY LAUGH 143 00:08:04,141 --> 00:08:07,750 Come off it. Who do they think I am? Delete! 144 00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:09,810 THEY LAUGH 145 00:08:09,811 --> 00:08:11,920 Twice as large! 146 00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:13,940 Stretch! 147 00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:17,740 But why? 148 00:08:17,741 --> 00:08:21,020 Why is no-one getting back to me to receive 149 00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,500 their free penis enlargement pump? 150 00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:27,350 Eh? I spent a fortune on the research of this thing. 151 00:08:27,351 --> 00:08:30,820 The others are fake but this is scientifically proven to work. 152 00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:34,100 Innit, babe? We don't need it, Baby dear, 153 00:08:34,101 --> 00:08:36,390 but I know there are men out there that need it. 154 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,680 Because I can see them there on their webcams. 155 00:08:39,681 --> 00:08:41,880 Pleasuring themselves. 156 00:08:41,881 --> 00:08:44,740 Tossing off. You know? 157 00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,750 All I can do is keep on e-mailing. 158 00:08:48,681 --> 00:08:52,290 Right... "Dear Mr Ross Marshall... 159 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:57,160 "..I have seen that you have 160 00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:01,430 "a teeny shaft and a tiny tips. 161 00:09:01,431 --> 00:09:03,910 "Well, congratulations..." 162 00:09:05,131 --> 00:09:07,990 let's hope this one bites... 163 00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:10,660 Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo Bidi-see-Bo-pree 164 00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:13,010 It's time for more black British history 165 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,210 With a man like me, Scribbler P! 166 00:09:16,291 --> 00:09:21,300 So, hundreds of years ago, in Britain, British people were black! 167 00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:25,100 That's a fucking mazza, innit? 168 00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:27,960 Scientists, yeah, like white ones with glasses and everything, 169 00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:32,040 have discovered that early Britons had dark skin and really shit hair. 170 00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:34,710 And somehow cheese was involved. 171 00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:36,316 40,000 years ago, some Africans went 172 00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:38,410 for a walk and then 10,000 years ago, 173 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,650 they arrived in Britain. That's a 30,000 year journey, rude boy. 174 00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,900 Them man must have been knackered! 175 00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:46,950 Oh, yeah, and apparently at the time, Britain was known as Doggerland, 176 00:09:46,951 --> 00:09:48,919 which is a mad ting because I didn't even 177 00:09:48,930 --> 00:09:50,980 know cars were invented in them days there. 178 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,030 But eventually, the Cheddar men decided to move on from Britain. 179 00:09:54,031 --> 00:09:57,170 Here is a scientific reconstruction of those events. 180 00:09:57,171 --> 00:09:59,460 "0i, it's fucking cold in here, cuz!" 181 00:09:59,461 --> 00:10:02,650 "Er, you, man. Let's just doss and go Jamaica, innit?" 182 00:10:02,651 --> 00:10:05,740 Black people were not seen in Britain again until Morgan Freeman arrived 183 00:10:05,741 --> 00:10:07,250 in Robin Hood times. 184 00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:10,950 Real talk. Big shout out to the Cheddar man. 185 00:10:10,951 --> 00:10:13,150 As British as a man in a white van. 186 00:10:13,151 --> 00:10:15,170 No Afro but you can't deny 187 00:10:15,171 --> 00:10:18,360 Discovered in Somerset and him lookin' fly! 188 00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:22,670 Obviously, some people were even angrier than they already were about 189 00:10:22,671 --> 00:10:25,390 this discovery. But science is science, innit? 190 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,680 So, say hello to Grandad. 191 00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:29,700 Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo Bidi-see-Bo-pree 192 00:10:29,701 --> 00:10:31,620 That's all the black British history 193 00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:34,860 From a man like me, Scribbler P. 194 00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:37,150 Uh-oh. He's done it again. 195 00:10:37,151 --> 00:10:39,640 I'm about to clean up in this game. 196 00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:43,150 And when I say clean... I mean CLEAN 197 00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:48,830 Yeah. With a broom! 198 00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:52,810 - Brooms... - Oh, you already got a broom? 199 00:10:52,811 --> 00:10:55,910 Well, I don't see my name on it, cuz! 200 00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:58,720 What do brooms got to do with my music? 201 00:10:58,721 --> 00:11:00,590 Available at B&Q. 202 00:11:00,591 --> 00:11:02,890 Broom. By Swayze... 203 00:11:02,891 --> 00:11:06,080 Order today and receive your free bottle of Swayze water. 204 00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:09,590 - Ooh, I can taste little bits in it. - Buy it! 205 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,580 I'm currently involved in, like, six different lawsuits. 206 00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:20,090 Prisoner 349871, Cromwell, 207 00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:22,860 you have been sentenced to death by electrocution by the penal 208 00:11:22,861 --> 00:11:24,740 code of the state of Louisiana. 209 00:11:24,741 --> 00:11:27,360 Under Louisiana penitentiary regulation 332, 210 00:11:27,361 --> 00:11:29,380 you are entitled to a final meal of your choosing 211 00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:32,240 You have requested 2-piece fried chicken breast, 212 00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:35,240 2-piece fried chicken wings, one portion of French fries. 213 00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:40,300 May God be with you. Bon appetit. 214 00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:44,000 MOURNFUL PIANO PLAYS 215 00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:07,350 You finished with that? 216 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,373 You finished with that? You finished with that? 217 00:12:10,384 --> 00:12:11,380 Y'Y'Yeah. 218 00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:13,210 Thanks. 219 00:12:18,931 --> 00:12:20,940 Yo, boss man. 220 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,380 You got any of that barbecue sauce or somethin'? 221 00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,210 Hello. I am Patrick Okwonge Okwomge, 222 00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:31,120 the number one footballer from Senegal 223 00:12:31,121 --> 00:12:36,130 And this is Patrick Okwonge Okwomge's Premier League Soccer Skills! 224 00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:38,520 Learn how to take a free kick! 225 00:12:38,521 --> 00:12:41,290 Head the ball! Beat a defender! 226 00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:43,960 Just like a Premier League footballer. 227 00:12:43,961 --> 00:12:45,700 Learn how to dress. 228 00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:49,070 Have a fight. Make the front page. 229 00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,790 Snort cocaine. 230 00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,950 Just like a Premier League footballer. 231 00:12:53,951 --> 00:12:55,820 Urgh! 232 00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:58,310 Develop a debilitating gambling addiction. 233 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,510 Just like a Premier League footballer. 234 00:13:01,921 --> 00:13:04,350 No, wait. Please, don't. 235 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:08,060 Hey, Marcel, I need some money, please! No, please! I have nothing! 236 00:13:08,061 --> 00:13:10,450 VOICE OVER: Buy my excellent video product now... 237 00:13:10,451 --> 00:13:12,790 HE CONTINUES TO PLEAD 238 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,700 ..and learn to play the Patrick Okwonge Okwomge... 239 00:13:15,701 --> 00:13:18,230 Fantastic Egusi Films, 240 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:22,350 in conjunction with musical juggernaut 241 00:13:22,351 --> 00:13:25,120 Fantastic Egusi Records 242 00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:27,890 Presents... La La Lagos Land. 243 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,890 A brand-new musical extravaganza, 244 00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:33,650 starring Ba batunde Warrington 245 00:13:33,651 --> 00:13:35,720 as the cuckolded husband. 246 00:13:35,721 --> 00:13:37,780 And Blessings Okerafor Jones 247 00:13:37,781 --> 00:13:41,620 as his wife, with a questionable sexual preference. 248 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,920 Nah, nah, nah, Na-Na, nah 249 00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:47,670 Cos you been cheatin' on me with Susie 250 00:13:47,671 --> 00:13:50,868 You been cheatin' on me with Susie 251 00:13:50,916 --> 00:13:55,588 Featuring love triangle illustrated *** 252 00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:59,480 Something's got me so excited, baby 253 00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:02,620 When you wind on my gengen My gengen, my gengen 254 00:14:02,621 --> 00:14:05,200 When you wind on my gengen... 255 00:14:05,201 --> 00:14:07,880 Plot twists revealed via bossa nova. 256 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,550 But I no like the other women. 257 00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,410 - That's why I love you, baby. - But... 258 00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,080 - I had a dick. - What?! 259 00:14:16,081 --> 00:14:18,137 - I had a dick. - You're joking. 260 00:14:18,185 --> 00:14:20,130 I had a dick. 261 00:14:20,211 --> 00:14:22,370 Ah... 262 00:14:22,371 --> 00:14:25,930 And also featuring white people music. 263 00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:31,370 If you are able to watch Les Miserables to the end, 264 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,980 then you may also be able to tolerate this musical film. 265 00:14:34,981 --> 00:14:38,350 I am Susie, and I can confirm 266 00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:42,150 She has been in a lesbian relationship with me 267 00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:47,020 I I have evidence I Pornographic evidence 268 00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:50,450 On my phone... 269 00:14:50,451 --> 00:14:54,240 Shit.- Ee-ye... Ee-ye... 270 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:57,670 PHONE: Oh, yeah, ooh! Ooh! 271 00:14:57,671 --> 00:14:59,350 Ee-ye... 272 00:14:59,351 --> 00:15:01,090 Coming soon. 273 00:15:01,091 --> 00:15:03,480 Ee-ye... 274 00:15:03,481 --> 00:15:05,490 Just hear those sleigh bells jingling 275 00:15:05,491 --> 00:15:08,030 Ring ting tingling too... 276 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,680 My turn, OK... 277 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,320 Yeah. 278 00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:20,590 It's huge actually. Someone went over budget, didn't they? 279 00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:25,890 All right, let's see... Ooh, I wonder what it is! 280 00:15:37,841 --> 00:15:41,540 Ooh! An African fertility statue. 281 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,360 From Nigeria. 282 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,370 Who got you that? 283 00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:50,780 I am Patrick Okwonge Okwomge. 284 00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,841 Now, there's an even better way to learn 285 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,950 all the skills you need to become a 286 00:15:54,951 --> 00:15:56,500 Premier League footballer. 287 00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,574 Here, at the Patrick Okwonge Okwomge 288 00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:01,290 Premier League Academy of Excellence. 289 00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:06,550 Learn all the training methods you might 290 00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,780 need in a friendly professional atmosphere. 291 00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:11,690 ANGRILY: What's wrong with you? This is football! 292 00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:14,740 Learn how to dress like a Premier League footballer. 293 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,490 Swagger tastic! 294 00:16:18,491 --> 00:16:21,630 Learn how to drink like a Premier league footballer. 295 00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:24,440 Pull a glamour model, like a Premier league footballer. 296 00:16:28,381 --> 00:16:32,460 Various graduates from my Academy already have contracts at top clubs, 297 00:16:32,461 --> 00:16:34,710 such as... 298 00:16:37,571 --> 00:16:39,503 You're never too young to learn how to 299 00:16:39,558 --> 00:16:41,080 play like a Premier League footballer. 300 00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:41,894 Penalty! 301 00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,980 Sign up to the Patrick Okwonge Okwomge 302 00:16:44,034 --> 00:16:46,717 Premier League Academy of Excellence today! 303 00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,850 Don't touch my hair! 304 00:16:51,447 --> 00:16:53,916 _ 305 00:16:57,491 --> 00:16:59,880 Thank you for seeing me, your Holiness. 306 00:16:59,881 --> 00:17:01,800 I'm Kevin. 307 00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:05,130 Why you come to me? 308 00:17:05,131 --> 00:17:07,000 Well, there's this girl... 309 00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:10,470 A girl called Megan. 310 00:17:10,471 --> 00:17:14,220 And you wish this Megan to fall in love with you? 311 00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:16,010 Yes. How do I...? 312 00:17:16,011 --> 00:17:17,740 Shh... 313 00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:23,830 Oosoku, Ashanti... 314 00:17:23,831 --> 00:17:26,510 Ashanti Mala! 315 00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,620 Ah... 316 00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:30,630 Adali Nyama! 317 00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:32,650 Give me your hand, Kevin. 318 00:17:34,571 --> 00:17:39,120 Now, you must be rubbing this potion I on your chest in a counter-clockwise 319 00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:41,180 direction. 320 00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:44,130 But only under the light of the moon 321 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:48,630 on the first and fourth Sunday of every OTHER month! 322 00:17:48,631 --> 00:17:50,230 You hear me, Kevin? 323 00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:50,754 Yes. 324 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,930 And now, are you ready for your final instructions? 325 00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:56,320 - Yes, your Holiness. - You must... 326 00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:58,760 You must... 327 00:17:59,931 --> 00:18:02,320 You must... 328 00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:05,040 - Give up. - What? 329 00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,480 Give up. She is way out of your league. 330 00:18:07,481 --> 00:18:08,890 Fucking hell. And... 331 00:18:10,291 --> 00:18:11,980 ..write down her telephone number. 332 00:18:11,981 --> 00:18:15,450 - Her number? - Yes, Megan's number! Write it down 333 00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:17,370 How dare you question my methods! 334 00:18:17,371 --> 00:18:19,810 I curse you for your insolence. 335 00:18:19,811 --> 00:18:23,650 Oobom Saka. Ooso Tamala! 336 00:18:23,651 --> 00:18:27,360 Oobom Saka! 337 00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:30,030 Hey. Is this Megan, yeah? 338 00:18:30,031 --> 00:18:32,560 Your man Kevin is a waste, man, you know? 339 00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,810 You deserve better, innit. 340 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,510 HE LAUGHS Yeah... 341 00:18:38,511 --> 00:18:41,470 Uh-oh. You in trouble now. But it's all good. 342 00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:43,480 Swayze gonna fix you up. 343 00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,970 And when I say fix, 344 00:18:45,971 --> 00:18:48,640 I mean fix your marriage, cuz. 345 00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:51,360 - Marriage counselling. - Marriage counselling. 346 00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:53,790 - By Swayze. - By Swayze. 347 00:18:53,791 --> 00:18:57,170 Oh, you don't need marriage counselling? 348 00:18:57,171 --> 00:18:59,840 - Denial. - You're happily married? 349 00:18:59,841 --> 00:19:01,300 Impossible. 350 00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:04,440 Why don't y'all take a seat? 351 00:19:04,441 --> 00:19:08,000 And at the end of my course, you get a certificate 352 00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:10,530 With my mutherfuckin' name on it. 353 00:19:10,531 --> 00:19:12,928 - Marriage counselling. - By Swayze. 354 00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:13,967 Join today. 355 00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:17,420 Please. I have way too many fucking kids! 356 00:19:21,591 --> 00:19:25,490 Did you like Patrick Okwonge Okwomge's Premier League Soccer Skills? 357 00:19:25,491 --> 00:19:28,490 Then I have some good news for you, my friend. 358 00:19:28,491 --> 00:19:31,770 Now, I am back with a brand-new pop single. 359 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,000 - Okwonge Okwomge, Okwonge Okwomge - Soccer skills 360 00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:41,163 - Okwonge Okwomge, Okwonge Okwomge - Soccer skills 361 00:19:41,270 --> 00:19:42,550 Soccer skills 362 00:19:42,551 --> 00:19:46,300 You got to give it your all Drop your balls in a wall 363 00:19:46,301 --> 00:19:50,240 And if you ever do fall You got to stand up tall 364 00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:53,660 Take it from me, I'm Patrick I'm Patrick, I'm Patrick! Sing along! 365 00:19:53,661 --> 00:19:55,860 Buy it now on CD and cassette. 366 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,250 Only at Woolworths. 367 00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,960 Disciples. 368 00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,520 This is my body. 369 00:20:07,491 --> 00:20:09,460 Take this, all of you. 370 00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:12,970 And eat from it. 371 00:20:14,101 --> 00:20:17,660 Do this in remembrance of me. 372 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,160 You finished with that? 373 00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,190 Um... 374 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,150 Can I have some? 375 00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:33,220 - Um... - Thanks. 376 00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:38,430 You got any dips or something? It's bare dry. 377 00:20:40,871 --> 00:20:43,440 I think I have some hummus somewhere 378 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,790 SHOUTING 379 00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:50,850 Is that wine? 380 00:20:54,131 --> 00:20:55,590 Urgh. 381 00:20:55,751 --> 00:21:01,157 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com 382 00:21:01,207 --> 00:21:05,757 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 27393

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.