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JAMES BOND THEME PLAYS
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00:00:08,733 --> 00:00:13,204
Black Bond The man with a size 12 shoe
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00:00:13,251 --> 00:00:14,673
Black Bond
4
00:00:14,783 --> 00:00:18,542
Black Bond He break dances and DJs too
5
00:00:18,566 --> 00:00:19,972
Black Bond
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00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:22,987
Black Bond He's Her Majesty's weapon
7
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,448
Black Bond
8
00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:28,282
Black Bond He grew up in Peckham
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He's a government closer Gun in his holster
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00:00:31,613 --> 00:00:33,645
I
Pass the mic I
and cuffs 'em all over
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He says. "Officer, I'm a soldier."
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Shut up, blacky,
don't speak till I've told ya!
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Black Bond.
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Black Bond, coming to a cinema near you.
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00:00:40,701 --> 00:00:42,760
Never!
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LAUGHING: What the fuck are you
thinking?!
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00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:49,090
MUSIC: Mashup The Dance by Major Lazer
featuring The Party squad & Ward 21
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00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:13,984
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:14,171 --> 00:01:17,540
1970'S STYLE FUNK MUSIC
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00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,039
Please. It's tradition.
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Fuck yo' tradition, bitch!
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I'm a Morris dancer.
You can check out our website.
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00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,229
Oh, well, you can suck my dick.
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00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,389
0i!
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00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,909
Excuse me. Brother.
26
00:01:54,451 --> 00:01:56,520
Hey.
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00:02:00,403 --> 00:02:03,172
Get the bloody hell
away from my partner.
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00:02:09,822 --> 00:02:12,111
RECORD SCRATCHES TO HALT
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I Names and addresses.
I've got a I racial
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00:02:14,207 --> 00:02:15,538
awareness course I think you should
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00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:19,348
all definitely attend. You don't
have to, but...
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GUNSHOTS
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FUNK MUSIC PLAYS
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GUNSHOTS
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MAN GROANS, GUNSHOT
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00:02:38,654 --> 00:02:41,142
Damn, Patterson! Creatin' a distraction!
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00:02:41,143 --> 00:02:46,062
I like that.
Yeah. YEAH. You a cold ass honky.
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00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,412
What you say we go get ourselves
a full English
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00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:50,522
motherfuckin' breakfast, huh?
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Midsummer Motherfuckin'
Murders, nigga
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THEME CUTS OUT
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Goddamn it, bitch! Not on my
motherfuckin' boots, man!
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Sorry. You gon' be!
44
00:03:02,143 --> 00:03:04,862
Midsummer Motherfuckin'
Murders, nigga
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00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:08,052
Black man in a white
man's world Yeah!
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00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:10,722
With Patterson, his white
sidekick, gettin' sick
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00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,672
As they shootin' up Morris dancers!
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00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:15,502
HE CLEARS THROAT
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00:03:15,503 --> 00:03:19,352
MUSIC: One Minute Man
by Missy Elliott ft. Ludacris & Trina
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00:03:19,353 --> 00:03:21,882
THEY GIGGLE
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00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,582
SHE GASPS
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00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,742
What's in there?
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00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:34,212
- Strawberries... Strawberries.
- So sexy...
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00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,462
All right...
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HE GASPS
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00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,042
Mmm...
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Plantain...
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00:03:43,963 --> 00:03:46,582
OK. Yeah... Uh...
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00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:49,442
SHE GROANS
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00:03:50,573 --> 00:03:53,662
Uh... OK. Oh!
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00:03:55,113 --> 00:03:58,962
SHE LAUGHS
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00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,832
- OK...
- What's this?
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00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,902
Rice. Like jolof rice?
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00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:08,102
WHISPERING: Jolof rice...
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00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:10,022
OK.
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00:04:10,023 --> 00:04:13,262
SHE LAUGHS
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00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,942
Oh, God!
68
00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:18,322
That's really intense. Oh, it's
raining. Raining rice...
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00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,942
Oh... Um...
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00:04:20,943 --> 00:04:23,482
SHE GROANS SEDUCTIVELY
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00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:26,382
What's this?
72
00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,402
Seriously, no. What is that?
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00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:29,762
Swordfish.
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00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:34,022
Um...
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Shh...
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00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:38,952
Oh, is that...?
Oh, that's dripping in my mouth.
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00:04:38,953 --> 00:04:41,572
Ooh! Aah! Taste the fish! Oh!
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00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,242
Oh, my God! Argh!
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00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:47,382
SHE LAUGHS
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00:04:47,383 --> 00:04:50,902
That's enough now, I think!
This has been a really great night.
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00:04:50,903 --> 00:04:54,422
I think I've got quite an early
start tomorrow, so I think...
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00:04:54,423 --> 00:04:56,382
Shito.
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00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,452
No, that's... That's really, really hot.
84
00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:00,322
Really hot. No, that's...
85
00:05:00,323 --> 00:05:02,902
I'm not OK... No, look...
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00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,872
No, no, no. No, no, no.
87
00:05:04,873 --> 00:05:07,592
Oh, God, no.
88
00:05:07,593 --> 00:05:09,322
No. Oh, God, no.
89
00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:11,292
What's the safe word?
Is there a safe word?
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00:05:11,293 --> 00:05:13,262
Safe word! Safe word! Safe word!
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00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,182
Oh, shit!
92
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:17,062
Oh...
93
00:05:17,063 --> 00:05:21,002
Oh! Oh! That actually felt amazing!
94
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,482
MUSIC: Fester Skank
by Lethal Bizzle ft. Diztortion
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00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:34,172
You finished with that?
96
00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:35,862
With what? There's nothing there?
97
00:05:35,863 --> 00:05:38,482
There's bare chicken there.
98
00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,542
If you want that, it's all yours.
99
00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:49,222
- You finished with that?
- No, I'm still going, innit?
100
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:50,902
You finished now?
101
00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,793
- No, I'm still going.
- What about now?
102
00:05:52,832 --> 00:05:53,625
Na. I'm still...
103
00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:54,899
- What about now?
- No, I'm still...
104
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,594
What about now?
105
00:05:58,123 --> 00:06:02,442
Fester, Fester, Fester
106
00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:06,472
Anywhere I go I make the gang go.
107
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:10,592
What?
108
00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:12,662
Yo, game don't change...
109
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,842
Do you just want to hear music?
110
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,452
Or do you wanna LISTEN to music?
111
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:23,672
And when I say YOU, I mean ONLY YOU.
112
00:06:23,673 --> 00:06:27,052
As in, even if you're
surrounded by people,
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00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:31,412
only YOU can hear the music playing.
Impossible
114
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:34,462
Well, believe in the impossible, cuz!
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00:06:35,773 --> 00:06:38,870
Headphones. By Swayze.
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00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:41,540
Oh, you already heard the headphones?
117
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:44,680
Well, these ones have my name on it.
118
00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:48,430
- By Swayze...
- And they cost a lot more.
119
00:06:48,431 --> 00:06:49,980
- Worth it?
- Ooh!
120
00:06:49,981 --> 00:06:52,700
I can sort of tell the
difference a little bit.
121
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:55,370
Headphones. By Swayze.
122
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,570
Buy 'em, everyone else is!
123
00:06:57,571 --> 00:06:59,870
WHISPERING: Morons!
124
00:06:59,871 --> 00:07:03,530
MUSIC: She Works Hard For The Money
by Donna Summer
125
00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:10,370
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
126
00:07:10,371 --> 00:07:13,320
LOUD THUDDING
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00:07:13,321 --> 00:07:15,810
THUDDING CONTINUES
128
00:07:20,031 --> 00:07:22,930
Whoa!
129
00:07:22,931 --> 00:07:25,980
Ha! Anyone want any?
130
00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:29,920
I always make way too much.
131
00:07:29,921 --> 00:07:32,450
Any takers? You sure?
132
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,650
No? Your loss.
133
00:07:34,651 --> 00:07:37,420
Urgh! Argh!
134
00:07:39,761 --> 00:07:41,260
Oi! Oi!
135
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,330
- What are you doing?
- Come on.
136
00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:44,730
MESSAGE ALERT
137
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:47,120
Hold on.
138
00:07:48,161 --> 00:07:51,110
- Oh, not this guy again.
- What?
139
00:07:51,111 --> 00:07:54,160
HE SIGHS
"Genuine penis enlargement pump.
140
00:07:54,161 --> 00:07:57,160
"You have been selected for a free
trial of a unique penis enlargement
141
00:07:57,161 --> 00:07:59,730
"pump. This really works."
142
00:07:59,731 --> 00:08:02,130
THEY LAUGH
143
00:08:04,141 --> 00:08:07,750
Come off it. Who do they think I am?
Delete!
144
00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:09,810
THEY LAUGH
145
00:08:09,811 --> 00:08:11,920
Twice as large!
146
00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:13,940
Stretch!
147
00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:17,740
But why?
148
00:08:17,741 --> 00:08:21,020
Why is no-one getting
back to me to receive
149
00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,500
their free penis enlargement pump?
150
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:27,350
Eh? I spent a fortune on the
research of this thing.
151
00:08:27,351 --> 00:08:30,820
The others are fake but this is
scientifically proven to work.
152
00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:34,100
Innit, babe? We don't need it, Baby
dear,
153
00:08:34,101 --> 00:08:36,390
but I know there are men out there that need it.
154
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,680
Because I can see them there on
their webcams.
155
00:08:39,681 --> 00:08:41,880
Pleasuring themselves.
156
00:08:41,881 --> 00:08:44,740
Tossing off. You know?
157
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,750
All I can do is keep on e-mailing.
158
00:08:48,681 --> 00:08:52,290
Right... "Dear Mr Ross Marshall...
159
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:57,160
"..I have seen that you have
160
00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:01,430
"a teeny shaft and a tiny tips.
161
00:09:01,431 --> 00:09:03,910
"Well, congratulations..."
162
00:09:05,131 --> 00:09:07,990
let's hope this one bites...
163
00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:10,660
Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo Bidi-see-Bo-pree
164
00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:13,010
It's time for more
black British history
165
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,210
With a man like me, Scribbler P!
166
00:09:16,291 --> 00:09:21,300
So, hundreds of years ago, in
Britain, British people were black!
167
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:25,100
That's a fucking mazza, innit?
168
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:27,960
Scientists, yeah, like white ones
with glasses and everything,
169
00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:32,040
have discovered that early Britons
had dark skin and really shit hair.
170
00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:34,710
And somehow cheese was involved.
171
00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:36,316
40,000 years ago, some Africans went
172
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:38,410
for a walk and then 10,000 years ago,
173
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,650
they arrived in Britain. That's a
30,000 year journey, rude boy.
174
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,900
Them man must have been knackered!
175
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:46,950
Oh, yeah, and apparently at the time,
Britain was known as Doggerland,
176
00:09:46,951 --> 00:09:48,919
which is a mad ting
because I didn't even
177
00:09:48,930 --> 00:09:50,980
know cars were invented
in them days there.
178
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,030
But eventually, the Cheddar men
decided to move on from Britain.
179
00:09:54,031 --> 00:09:57,170
Here is a scientific reconstruction
of those events.
180
00:09:57,171 --> 00:09:59,460
"0i, it's fucking cold in here, cuz!"
181
00:09:59,461 --> 00:10:02,650
"Er, you, man. Let's just doss and
go Jamaica, innit?"
182
00:10:02,651 --> 00:10:05,740
Black people were not seen in Britain
again until Morgan Freeman arrived
183
00:10:05,741 --> 00:10:07,250
in Robin Hood times.
184
00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:10,950
Real talk. Big shout out to the
Cheddar man.
185
00:10:10,951 --> 00:10:13,150
As British as a man in a white van.
186
00:10:13,151 --> 00:10:15,170
No Afro but you can't deny
187
00:10:15,171 --> 00:10:18,360
Discovered in Somerset
and him lookin' fly!
188
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:22,670
Obviously, some people were even
angrier than they already were about
189
00:10:22,671 --> 00:10:25,390
this discovery. But science is
science, innit?
190
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,680
So, say hello to Grandad.
191
00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:29,700
Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo Bidi-see-Bo-pree
192
00:10:29,701 --> 00:10:31,620
That's all the black British history
193
00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:34,860
From a man like me, Scribbler P.
194
00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:37,150
Uh-oh. He's done it again.
195
00:10:37,151 --> 00:10:39,640
I'm about to clean up in this game.
196
00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:43,150
And when I say clean... I mean CLEAN
197
00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:48,830
Yeah. With a broom!
198
00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:52,810
- Brooms...
- Oh, you already got a broom?
199
00:10:52,811 --> 00:10:55,910
Well, I don't see my name on it, cuz!
200
00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:58,720
What do brooms got to do with my music?
201
00:10:58,721 --> 00:11:00,590
Available at B&Q.
202
00:11:00,591 --> 00:11:02,890
Broom. By Swayze...
203
00:11:02,891 --> 00:11:06,080
Order today and receive your free
bottle of Swayze water.
204
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:09,590
- Ooh, I can taste little bits in it.
- Buy it!
205
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,580
I'm currently involved in, like, six
different lawsuits.
206
00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:20,090
Prisoner 349871, Cromwell,
207
00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:22,860
you have been sentenced to death
by electrocution by the penal
208
00:11:22,861 --> 00:11:24,740
code of the state of Louisiana.
209
00:11:24,741 --> 00:11:27,360
Under Louisiana penitentiary
regulation 332,
210
00:11:27,361 --> 00:11:29,380
you are entitled to a final
meal of your choosing
211
00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:32,240
You have requested 2-piece
fried chicken breast,
212
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:35,240
2-piece fried chicken wings, one
portion of French fries.
213
00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:40,300
May God be with you. Bon appetit.
214
00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:44,000
MOURNFUL PIANO PLAYS
215
00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:07,350
You finished with that?
216
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,373
You finished with that?
You finished with that?
217
00:12:10,384 --> 00:12:11,380
Y'Y'Yeah.
218
00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:13,210
Thanks.
219
00:12:18,931 --> 00:12:20,940
Yo, boss man.
220
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,380
You got any of that barbecue sauce
or somethin'?
221
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,210
Hello. I am Patrick Okwonge Okwomge,
222
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:31,120
the number one footballer from Senegal
223
00:12:31,121 --> 00:12:36,130
And this is Patrick Okwonge Okwomge's
Premier League Soccer Skills!
224
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:38,520
Learn how to take a free kick!
225
00:12:38,521 --> 00:12:41,290
Head the ball! Beat a defender!
226
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:43,960
Just like a Premier League footballer.
227
00:12:43,961 --> 00:12:45,700
Learn how to dress.
228
00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:49,070
Have a fight. Make the front page.
229
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,790
Snort cocaine.
230
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,950
Just like a Premier League footballer.
231
00:12:53,951 --> 00:12:55,820
Urgh!
232
00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:58,310
Develop a debilitating
gambling addiction.
233
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,510
Just like a Premier League footballer.
234
00:13:01,921 --> 00:13:04,350
No, wait. Please, don't.
235
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:08,060
Hey, Marcel, I need some money,
please! No, please! I have nothing!
236
00:13:08,061 --> 00:13:10,450
VOICE OVER: Buy my excellent video
product now...
237
00:13:10,451 --> 00:13:12,790
HE CONTINUES TO PLEAD
238
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,700
..and learn to play the Patrick
Okwonge Okwomge...
239
00:13:15,701 --> 00:13:18,230
Fantastic Egusi Films,
240
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:22,350
in conjunction with musical juggernaut
241
00:13:22,351 --> 00:13:25,120
Fantastic Egusi Records
242
00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:27,890
Presents... La La Lagos Land.
243
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,890
A brand-new musical extravaganza,
244
00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:33,650
starring Ba batunde Warrington
245
00:13:33,651 --> 00:13:35,720
as the cuckolded husband.
246
00:13:35,721 --> 00:13:37,780
And Blessings Okerafor Jones
247
00:13:37,781 --> 00:13:41,620
as his wife, with a questionable
sexual preference.
248
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,920
Nah, nah, nah, Na-Na, nah
249
00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:47,670
Cos you been cheatin'
on me with Susie
250
00:13:47,671 --> 00:13:50,868
You been cheatin' on me with Susie
251
00:13:50,916 --> 00:13:55,588
Featuring love triangle illustrated ***
252
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:59,480
Something's got me so excited, baby
253
00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:02,620
When you wind on my gengen
My gengen, my gengen
254
00:14:02,621 --> 00:14:05,200
When you wind on my gengen...
255
00:14:05,201 --> 00:14:07,880
Plot twists revealed via bossa nova.
256
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,550
But I no like the other women.
257
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,410
- That's why I love you, baby.
- But...
258
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,080
- I had a dick.
- What?!
259
00:14:16,081 --> 00:14:18,137
- I had a dick.
- You're joking.
260
00:14:18,185 --> 00:14:20,130
I had a dick.
261
00:14:20,211 --> 00:14:22,370
Ah...
262
00:14:22,371 --> 00:14:25,930
And also featuring white people music.
263
00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:31,370
If you are able to watch
Les Miserables to the end,
264
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,980
then you may also be able
to tolerate this musical film.
265
00:14:34,981 --> 00:14:38,350
I am Susie, and I can confirm
266
00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:42,150
She has been in a lesbian
relationship with me
267
00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:47,020
I
I have evidence I
Pornographic evidence
268
00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:50,450
On my phone...
269
00:14:50,451 --> 00:14:54,240
Shit.- Ee-ye... Ee-ye...
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00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:57,670
PHONE: Oh, yeah, ooh! Ooh!
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00:14:57,671 --> 00:14:59,350
Ee-ye...
272
00:14:59,351 --> 00:15:01,090
Coming soon.
273
00:15:01,091 --> 00:15:03,480
Ee-ye...
274
00:15:03,481 --> 00:15:05,490
Just hear those
sleigh bells jingling
275
00:15:05,491 --> 00:15:08,030
Ring ting tingling too...
276
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,680
My turn, OK...
277
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,320
Yeah.
278
00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:20,590
It's huge actually. Someone went
over budget, didn't they?
279
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:25,890
All right, let's see...
Ooh, I wonder what it is!
280
00:15:37,841 --> 00:15:41,540
Ooh! An African fertility statue.
281
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,360
From Nigeria.
282
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,370
Who got you that?
283
00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:50,780
I am Patrick Okwonge Okwomge.
284
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,841
Now, there's an even better way to learn
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00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,950
all the skills you need to become a
286
00:15:54,951 --> 00:15:56,500
Premier League footballer.
287
00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,574
Here, at the Patrick Okwonge Okwomge
288
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:01,290
Premier League Academy of Excellence.
289
00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:06,550
Learn all the training methods you might
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00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,780
need in a friendly
professional atmosphere.
291
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:11,690
ANGRILY: What's wrong with you?
This is football!
292
00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:14,740
Learn how to dress
like a Premier League footballer.
293
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,490
Swagger tastic!
294
00:16:18,491 --> 00:16:21,630
Learn how to drink like a Premier
league footballer.
295
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:24,440
Pull a glamour model, like a Premier
league footballer.
296
00:16:28,381 --> 00:16:32,460
Various graduates from my Academy
already have contracts at top clubs,
297
00:16:32,461 --> 00:16:34,710
such as...
298
00:16:37,571 --> 00:16:39,503
You're never too young to learn how to
299
00:16:39,558 --> 00:16:41,080
play like a Premier League footballer.
300
00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:41,894
Penalty!
301
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,980
Sign up to the Patrick Okwonge Okwomge
302
00:16:44,034 --> 00:16:46,717
Premier League Academy
of Excellence today!
303
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,850
Don't touch my hair!
304
00:16:51,447 --> 00:16:53,916
_
305
00:16:57,491 --> 00:16:59,880
Thank you for seeing me, your Holiness.
306
00:16:59,881 --> 00:17:01,800
I'm Kevin.
307
00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:05,130
Why you come to me?
308
00:17:05,131 --> 00:17:07,000
Well, there's this girl...
309
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:10,470
A girl called Megan.
310
00:17:10,471 --> 00:17:14,220
And you wish this Megan
to fall in love with you?
311
00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:16,010
Yes. How do I...?
312
00:17:16,011 --> 00:17:17,740
Shh...
313
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:23,830
Oosoku, Ashanti...
314
00:17:23,831 --> 00:17:26,510
Ashanti Mala!
315
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,620
Ah...
316
00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:30,630
Adali Nyama!
317
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:32,650
Give me your hand, Kevin.
318
00:17:34,571 --> 00:17:39,120
Now, you must be rubbing this potion
I on your chest in a counter-clockwise
319
00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:41,180
direction.
320
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:44,130
But only under the light of the moon
321
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:48,630
on the first and fourth
Sunday of every OTHER month!
322
00:17:48,631 --> 00:17:50,230
You hear me, Kevin?
323
00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:50,754
Yes.
324
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,930
And now, are you ready for
your final instructions?
325
00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:56,320
- Yes, your Holiness.
- You must...
326
00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:58,760
You must...
327
00:17:59,931 --> 00:18:02,320
You must...
328
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:05,040
- Give up.
- What?
329
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,480
Give up. She is way out of your league.
330
00:18:07,481 --> 00:18:08,890
Fucking hell. And...
331
00:18:10,291 --> 00:18:11,980
..write down her telephone number.
332
00:18:11,981 --> 00:18:15,450
- Her number?
- Yes, Megan's number! Write it down
333
00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:17,370
How dare you question my methods!
334
00:18:17,371 --> 00:18:19,810
I curse you for your insolence.
335
00:18:19,811 --> 00:18:23,650
Oobom Saka. Ooso Tamala!
336
00:18:23,651 --> 00:18:27,360
Oobom Saka!
337
00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:30,030
Hey. Is this Megan, yeah?
338
00:18:30,031 --> 00:18:32,560
Your man Kevin is a
waste, man, you know?
339
00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,810
You deserve better, innit.
340
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,510
HE LAUGHS Yeah...
341
00:18:38,511 --> 00:18:41,470
Uh-oh. You in trouble now.
But it's all good.
342
00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:43,480
Swayze gonna fix you up.
343
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,970
And when I say fix,
344
00:18:45,971 --> 00:18:48,640
I mean fix your marriage, cuz.
345
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:51,360
- Marriage counselling.
- Marriage counselling.
346
00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:53,790
- By Swayze.
- By Swayze.
347
00:18:53,791 --> 00:18:57,170
Oh, you don't need marriage counselling?
348
00:18:57,171 --> 00:18:59,840
- Denial.
- You're happily married?
349
00:18:59,841 --> 00:19:01,300
Impossible.
350
00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:04,440
Why don't y'all take a seat?
351
00:19:04,441 --> 00:19:08,000
And at the end of my course,
you get a certificate
352
00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:10,530
With my mutherfuckin' name on it.
353
00:19:10,531 --> 00:19:12,928
- Marriage counselling.
- By Swayze.
354
00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:13,967
Join today.
355
00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:17,420
Please. I have way too
many fucking kids!
356
00:19:21,591 --> 00:19:25,490
Did you like Patrick Okwonge Okwomge's
Premier League Soccer Skills?
357
00:19:25,491 --> 00:19:28,490
Then I have some good news for you, my friend.
358
00:19:28,491 --> 00:19:31,770
Now, I am back with a
brand-new pop single.
359
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,000
-
Okwonge Okwomge, Okwonge Okwomge
-
Soccer skills
360
00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:41,163
-
Okwonge Okwomge, Okwonge Okwomge
-
Soccer skills
361
00:19:41,270 --> 00:19:42,550
Soccer skills
362
00:19:42,551 --> 00:19:46,300
You got to give it your all
Drop your balls in a wall
363
00:19:46,301 --> 00:19:50,240
And if you ever do fall
You got to stand up tall
364
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:53,660
Take it from me, I'm Patrick I'm
Patrick, I'm Patrick! Sing along!
365
00:19:53,661 --> 00:19:55,860
Buy it now on CD and cassette.
366
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,250
Only at Woolworths.
367
00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,960
Disciples.
368
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,520
This is my body.
369
00:20:07,491 --> 00:20:09,460
Take this, all of you.
370
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:12,970
And eat from it.
371
00:20:14,101 --> 00:20:17,660
Do this in remembrance of me.
372
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,160
You finished with that?
373
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,190
Um...
374
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,150
Can I have some?
375
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:33,220
- Um...
- Thanks.
376
00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:38,430
You got any dips or something?
It's bare dry.
377
00:20:40,871 --> 00:20:43,440
I think I have some hummus somewhere
378
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,790
SHOUTING
379
00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:50,850
Is that wine?
380
00:20:54,131 --> 00:20:55,590
Urgh.
381
00:20:55,751 --> 00:21:01,157
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
382
00:21:01,207 --> 00:21:05,757
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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