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ENGINE REVS
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TYRES SQUEAL
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00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:12,871
ANGRY SHOUTING
4
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Get down there!
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ANGRY SHOUTING
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0n the floor now!
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ANGRY SHOUTING
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THEY LAUGH
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Those masks are ridiculous.
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Of all the masks to pick, eh?
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THEY LAUGH
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00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:36,182
This is bullshit, man. I told you we
should've got better masks!
13
00:00:36,183 --> 00:00:39,602
- It's Kim Jong-un, innit?
- I thought it was fucking scary.
14
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For God's sake!
15
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Argh! Argh!
16
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Don't hurt us. Don't hurt us!
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Don't hurt us! Here, take it.
18
00:00:50,103 --> 00:00:53,572
Take the money! Take the money.
Just take it.
19
00:00:53,573 --> 00:00:55,642
Take it. Take it and go.
20
00:00:55,643 --> 00:00:56,672
Please.
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00:00:59,713 --> 00:01:01,860
MUSIC: Mash up The Dance by Major Lazer
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00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:04,412
featuring The Party squad & Ward 21
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- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
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Fantastic Egusi Television,
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00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:33,612
in conjunction with televisual giant
Igbo Entertainments.
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From multi-Kemmy-award-winning
director Tobias Akinbobo.
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00:01:37,748 --> 00:01:40,998
_
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With Babatunde Warrington as
Ichohn, the Bastard.
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00:01:45,843 --> 00:01:50,062
Abiola de la Fufu as Kalypso,
the Mother of Dragons.
30
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Fly, my pretties.
31
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And Folarin Soyinka 0yenusiJames
as Tiny Worm,
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the leader of the men without cocks.
33
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- Nothing?
- Nothing.
34
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- Nothing?
- Nothing.
35
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:08,302
And also starring...
36
00:02:08,303 --> 00:02:11,812
Ah, look, there is a lot of characters.
37
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Fucking lots of them.
38
00:02:13,503 --> 00:02:17,022
But basically, they're all fighting
over a very nice chair
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that's all you need to know.
40
00:02:18,893 --> 00:02:21,662
Featuring expositional intercourses...
41
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,612
We need to bolster our border defences.
42
00:02:24,613 --> 00:02:27,282
But most importantly
we must finish fucking, yes?
43
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For sure, sis.
44
00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:30,522
..oh, yes and incest,
45
00:02:30,523 --> 00:02:33,142
friendship, betrayal...
46
00:02:34,372 --> 00:02:37,091
..with politically correct
smaller people.
47
00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,671
I want more wine. And prostitutes.
48
00:02:39,672 --> 00:02:42,201
That's enough wine and prostitutes.
49
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Nonsense!
50
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WHINING
51
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Utilising state-of-the-art
motion capturings...
52
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GROWIING
53
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,681
..and also...
54
00:02:50,682 --> 00:02:52,231
..white walkers.
55
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Featuring characters you've grown to
love, who then die unexpectedly.
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00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,841
Argh! Argh!
57
00:03:01,842 --> 00:03:03,951
With exclusive bonus feature...
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Ed Sheerants!
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No, seriously, Ed fucking Sheerants.
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Can you imagine that?
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Coming soon.
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00:03:16,512 --> 00:03:19,231
The dead communicate
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in a complicated and dangerous language.
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But never fear
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I shall be your guide, as we attempt
to communicate with the other side.
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00:03:33,252 --> 00:03:36,111
Please put your fingers on the glass
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00:03:36,112 --> 00:03:39,061
as we cross over into the spirit realm
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WHISPERING
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Is there someone there?
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Yes.
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00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:49,751
Do you have a message for someone here?
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00:03:52,612 --> 00:03:53,601
Dave.
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00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:57,111
What's your message for Dave?
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00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:01,521
U...
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00:04:02,882 --> 00:04:04,331
..R...
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00:04:04,332 --> 00:04:05,461
..A...
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..shit.
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00:04:21,912 --> 00:04:23,411
You are a shit.
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00:04:24,862 --> 00:04:27,581
Do you know who may have sent you
this message, Dave?
80
00:04:29,222 --> 00:04:32,461
I can think of quite a
few people, actually
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00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:36,821
POLICE RADIO CHATTER
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I do hope you can solve this crime.
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It's so utterly appalling.
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1970's-STYLE COP SERIES MUSIC
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Detective Moses Mountree reporting
for duty, motherfuckers.
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00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:07,291
Hello! And Detective James
Patterson, also on the case.
87
00:05:07,292 --> 00:05:09,771
It's my first day, so...
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Who in the fuck are you?
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Sorry, I'm your new partner.
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00:05:13,102 --> 00:05:14,791
James. James Patterson.
91
00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:19,061
An absolute pleasure to be working
alongside you.
92
00:05:19,062 --> 00:05:21,401
- Let's listen here, Honky.
- Ah!
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00:05:21,402 --> 00:05:23,371
Detective Moses Mountree works alone,
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00:05:23,372 --> 00:05:25,991
and he sure as hell ain't going to
be working with no cracker-ass
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00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,679
black-hatin' cop with
an itchy trigger finger!
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00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:28,241
What?
97
00:05:28,242 --> 00:05:30,261
I'm not black-hating, definitely not.
98
00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:31,811
I'm black... loving.
99
00:05:31,812 --> 00:05:34,811
I've completed a number of very
thorough diversity training courses.
100
00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,201
Fuck your diversity training
courses, bitch!
101
00:05:37,202 --> 00:05:39,355
This is an affluent village
in middle England.
102
00:05:39,366 --> 00:05:41,141
Life's tough as hell on these streets,
103
00:05:41,142 --> 00:05:43,811
and I don't think you've
got what it takes.
104
00:05:43,812 --> 00:05:46,341
Detectives! Please stop fighting.
105
00:05:46,342 --> 00:05:48,401
I need you to find my husband's killer.
106
00:05:48,402 --> 00:05:50,421
Aw, would you shut the fuck up
and stop...!
107
00:05:50,422 --> 00:05:52,761
HE RANTS
108
00:05:52,762 --> 00:05:53,791
Ooh!
109
00:05:57,072 --> 00:05:58,571
Well, hello!
110
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Sucky-lucky, look at you!
111
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,501
Hoo!
112
00:06:06,502 --> 00:06:10,581
Wowser!
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MOANING
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SHE SCREAMS
115
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:20,001
You're going to get some anaconda!
116
00:06:23,512 --> 00:06:24,641
Detective Mountree?
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Could I have a quick little word
with you, please?
118
00:06:27,362 --> 00:06:30,411
What is it, Patterson?
119
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Can't you see I'm trying to make
sweet love to that women in there?
120
00:06:33,642 --> 00:06:37,301
- For the sixth time.
- I can see that, actually.
121
00:06:37,302 --> 00:06:38,954
I guess I'm wondering if it's entirely
122
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,911
appropriate for you to be making...
123
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..sweet love to her.
124
00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:46,341
Oh, you've got a problem with me
making love to that white women, huh?
125
00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:49,911
You don't like the black man sticking
his big black veiny nightstick
126
00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:51,411
all up in your female, is that it?
127
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:54,781
No, trust me, I'm completely
pro-interracial relationships.
128
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:55,811
I think they're great.
129
00:06:55,812 --> 00:06:59,561
It's just the fact that she is
the murder victim's wife is all,
130
00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:02,941
and also, she's currently one of the
suspects we're looking at.
131
00:07:02,942 --> 00:07:03,921
Suspect!
132
00:07:05,002 --> 00:07:07,531
- Jesus Christ.
- Cover me, Patterson!
133
00:07:07,532 --> 00:07:08,801
HE GRUNTS
134
00:07:08,802 --> 00:07:10,021
Argh! Argh!
135
00:07:11,992 --> 00:07:13,771
Case closed.
136
00:07:13,772 --> 00:07:16,071
Midsomer Motherfuckin'
Murders, nigga
137
00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:18,131
Black man in a white man's world...
138
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:20,751
I mean, I did just say
she was a suspect.
139
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:23,711
You probably should have asked
her some questions first.
140
00:07:23,712 --> 00:07:27,221
Motherfucker, don't you ever interrupt
a brother's title sequence!
141
00:07:28,722 --> 00:07:30,791
Midsomer Motherfuckin'
Murders, nigga
142
00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:33,221
Black man in a white man's world
143
00:07:33,222 --> 00:07:34,251
Yeah
144
00:07:34,252 --> 00:07:37,251
Shootin' guns, solvin'
crimes and fuckin' bitches
145
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With his anaconda.
146
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,021
Oooh!
147
00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:45,741
Oooh!
148
00:07:52,582 --> 00:07:54,791
SHE GIGGLES
149
00:07:54,792 --> 00:07:58,021
All right, baby, can we
use some protection?
150
00:07:58,022 --> 00:07:59,991
- Really?
- Really.
151
00:07:59,992 --> 00:08:02,241
I thought maybe this time
we could try it without.
152
00:08:02,252 --> 00:08:02,991
No.
153
00:08:02,992 --> 00:08:04,871
But it really kills the mood.
154
00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:07,541
I don't care, I'm not
arguing about this.
155
00:08:07,542 --> 00:08:08,801
Fine.
156
00:08:10,632 --> 00:08:14,241
I implore the great god Katonda,
creator of people,
157
00:08:14,242 --> 00:08:17,481
father of all the other gods,
king and judge of the universe,
158
00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:21,461
to stop my powerful seed from
penetrating into this woman's soil.
159
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,311
Mmm.
160
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:36,231
Zuzu. Zuzu mama.
161
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:38,101
Tata bu, tata.
162
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:40,704
You know we're still using
a condom, though, right?
163
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:41,571
What?
164
00:08:41,572 --> 00:08:43,781
Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo bi-di-see-Bo-pree
165
00:08:43,782 --> 00:08:47,531
It's time to talk Olympics
with a man like me, Scribbler P
166
00:08:47,532 --> 00:08:50,711
But not the good Olympics
I'm talking about the white Olympics
167
00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:53,391
I mean the Winter Olympics
168
00:08:53,392 --> 00:08:56,061
White people have the right
to win races too, innit?
169
00:08:56,062 --> 00:08:58,641
Featuring jumping on skis
170
00:08:58,642 --> 00:09:03,701
Racing on skis, jumping
and racing on skis
171
00:09:03,702 --> 00:09:03,751
Ah...
172
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:04,961
Ah...
173
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,791
Polar bear shooting?
174
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:09,091
And what the fuck?
Are you kidding me, bruv?
175
00:09:10,122 --> 00:09:11,201
But here's what...
176
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:14,251
There's pure black people
in the Winter Olympics too, innit?
177
00:09:14,252 --> 00:09:18,181
Check out my man Akwasi Frimpong
from Ghana-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na!
178
00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,391
-
Finishing last, but with swagger
- _
179
00:09:21,422 --> 00:09:23,861
Vanessa James, staggering on ice
180
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:25,691
Mae-Berenice with rhythm and spice!
181
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:27,471
Wheel and wheel and wheel and wheel
182
00:09:27,472 --> 00:09:30,561
And wheel and wheel and wheel
and wheel
183
00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:32,901
And wheel and wheel and wheel
and wheel and wheel and...
184
00:09:32,902 --> 00:09:36,561
Come again! Hang tight,
hang tight, 2018
185
00:09:36,562 --> 00:09:39,191
Nigeria have a bob sled team!
186
00:09:39,192 --> 00:09:41,951
And it's the first time
they've ever been seen
187
00:09:41,952 --> 00:09:44,721
And, holy shit, there's sisters too
188
00:09:44,722 --> 00:09:45,941
Go on, get them!
189
00:09:45,942 --> 00:09:48,751
No, but seriously, my auntie Ethel
from Trenchtown would be like
190
00:09:48,752 --> 00:09:51,371
The Michael Jordan of... whatever
the fuck sport this is
191
00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:53,341
Bi-di-bi, bi-di-Bo bi-di-see-Bo-pree
192
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,131
That's all the Olympics
from men like me
193
00:09:55,132 --> 00:09:59,861
Scribbler P, P, P, P.
194
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:02,251
MUSIC: Lovely Day by Bill Withers
195
00:10:02,252 --> 00:10:03,751
HE EXHALES
196
00:10:03,752 --> 00:10:05,631
Baby, I've done your granola!
197
00:10:05,632 --> 00:10:06,991
Sorry I have to dash off.
198
00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:08,111
I have to be in early today.
199
00:10:08,112 --> 00:10:10,081
Ro, ro, ro, ro, ro,
all right, all right!
200
00:10:10,082 --> 00:10:12,851
What, you got all the breakfast laid
out and that, yeah?
201
00:10:12,852 --> 00:10:14,251
She's going to love this.
202
00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:16,601
Look, Danny, I really don't have
time for this today.
203
00:10:16,602 --> 00:10:19,171
Aye, here's the plan, yeah? So
you're just going to sit there,
204
00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:21,611
like you're just chilling, like you
don't even give a shit,
205
00:10:21,612 --> 00:10:23,821
then when Emma comes down,
I'ma start bigging you up,
206
00:10:23,822 --> 00:10:25,221
like, "Oi, see my man over there
207
00:10:25,222 --> 00:10:27,141
"he's a proper bad man, you understand?
208
00:10:27,142 --> 00:10:30,851
"like I heard he's got bad girth
and that you hear me, bad girth?
209
00:10:30,852 --> 00:10:32,211
"And he gets 'nuff gal..."
210
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:33,891
look, Danny, you're a nice guy,
211
00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:36,851
but I really, really don't need
a wing man any more.
212
00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:39,241
What? I've got a fianc?e.
213
00:10:39,242 --> 00:10:42,431
Emma. We've been together
for five years.
214
00:10:42,432 --> 00:10:45,801
Like, Emma keeps asking questions
like, "What is he doing here?
215
00:10:45,802 --> 00:10:47,161
"Why does he keep winking at me?"
216
00:10:48,572 --> 00:10:50,441
Perfect wing manning, innit?
217
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,071
I don't need you any more!
218
00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:56,301
All right.
219
00:10:56,302 --> 00:10:57,381
Here, just take these.
220
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:01,791
Two tickets to the
Valentine's Day Parade.
221
00:11:01,792 --> 00:11:02,871
Aw, thanks, man.
222
00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:05,351
- Emma will love that.
- Emma better get a ticket, then,
223
00:11:05,352 --> 00:11:08,021
cos there's going
to be bare girls there, my lord!
224
00:11:08,022 --> 00:11:09,991
HE LAUGHS
225
00:11:13,132 --> 00:11:15,431
life in the big city can
be tough sometimes.
226
00:11:16,652 --> 00:11:19,791
But there's no problem too big,
when you've a little bit of sass.
227
00:11:22,652 --> 00:11:25,091
Jimmy, no!
228
00:11:25,092 --> 00:11:26,731
What up, girl?
229
00:11:26,732 --> 00:11:28,321
It's Jimmy.
230
00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:30,431
He's getting married!
231
00:11:30,432 --> 00:11:34,181
Uh-uh. Don't shed no tears for that
frog-ass lookin' man, baby.
232
00:11:34,182 --> 00:11:36,391
I know your mamma didn't
raise no fool. Mmm
233
00:11:36,392 --> 00:11:38,271
What am I going to do?
234
00:11:38,272 --> 00:11:39,951
I tell you what you're going to do.
235
00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:42,391
You going to go to that wedding, girl.
236
00:11:42,392 --> 00:11:44,081
Mmm! You going to buy you a new dress,
237
00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:46,001
you going to hoick them titties up
to your chin,
238
00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:50,081
you going to make his eyes fall out
of that ugly wedding cake, girl!
239
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:51,631
Mm-hm!
240
00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:53,741
You really think that I should go?
241
00:11:53,742 --> 00:11:56,971
Don't make me march your skinny
white butt down there.
242
00:11:56,972 --> 00:11:58,331
Mmm!
243
00:11:58,332 --> 00:12:00,441
I'm going to my soul mate's wedding!
244
00:12:00,442 --> 00:12:02,601
You go, girl! Woohoohoo!
245
00:12:02,602 --> 00:12:06,021
THEY SCREAM
246
00:12:06,022 --> 00:12:08,881
Aye, so now let's talk about
my problems.
247
00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:11,221
Sorry, what?
248
00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:13,941
Well, you know, I-I just helped you
with your stuff,
249
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:16,141
and I thought we could talk about
my problems.
250
00:12:17,272 --> 00:12:20,171
Oh, right, it's just that I have
to go and buy a dress,
251
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,101
and book a flight.
252
00:12:22,102 --> 00:12:23,881
Wow.
253
00:12:23,882 --> 00:12:26,461
I... Friendship's kind of a two-way
street.
254
00:12:26,462 --> 00:12:28,611
You see, normally I have a problem,
255
00:12:28,612 --> 00:12:30,821
and then you tell me what I should do.
256
00:12:30,822 --> 00:12:34,101
That's how it works, erm...
257
00:12:34,102 --> 00:12:36,351
Er... T...
258
00:12:36,352 --> 00:12:37,851
You don't know my name, do you?
259
00:12:37,852 --> 00:12:39,161
Of course I know your name.
260
00:12:39,162 --> 00:12:42,961
I... I want to say Yolanda...
261
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:46,571
..Sapphire?
262
00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:48,911
- Vonda?
- Bitch, I'm outta here.
263
00:12:51,492 --> 00:12:54,208
Suddenly I realised that
black people weren't
264
00:12:54,219 --> 00:12:56,521
just sassy two-dimensional characters.
265
00:12:57,162 --> 00:13:00,491
They were real people with
feelings and emotions,
266
00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:02,321
- and they deserved...
- Eliza?
267
00:13:02,322 --> 00:13:04,711
Yas, queen!
268
00:13:04,712 --> 00:13:08,651
Oh, my God, it's my sassy, black,
gay friend! That is even better.
269
00:13:08,652 --> 00:13:10,991
Snap, snap. Mm-hm!
270
00:13:15,022 --> 00:13:18,491
Do you, Samuel Roberts,
take Emma Radcliffe
271
00:13:18,492 --> 00:13:22,901
- to be your lawfully wedded wife?
- I do.
272
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:26,701
And you, Emma, do you take Samuel to
be your wedded husband?
273
00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:27,681
I do.
274
00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:30,911
Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra!
275
00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:33,541
I do. Mad, I do and that.
276
00:13:33,542 --> 00:13:35,271
She's on to you, blood.
277
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:36,491
Not now, Denny!
278
00:13:36,492 --> 00:13:39,871
All right, cool, cool, cool. Listen.
Just, just play it cool.
279
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:41,601
Make her think you're a catch, and that
280
00:13:41,602 --> 00:13:43,151
look at his trim, doll.
281
00:13:43,152 --> 00:13:45,781
Look at his trim, doll.
282
00:13:45,782 --> 00:13:48,171
- Your man.
- Sorry.
283
00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:50,561
Does the best man have the ring?
284
00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,761
Yeah, blood. Run that.
285
00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:54,821
Let me land this there.
286
00:13:54,822 --> 00:13:56,601
Look at that.
287
00:13:56,602 --> 00:14:00,211
Bling bling. Diamonds,
you understand? Nice.
288
00:14:01,622 --> 00:14:03,501
You're winning!
289
00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:05,791
HE LAUGHS
290
00:14:05,792 --> 00:14:07,761
Yeah I'm livin' the highlife
291
00:14:07,762 --> 00:14:09,591
Champagne in the bright lights
292
00:14:09,592 --> 00:14:11,001
Turn my pain into highlights
293
00:14:11,002 --> 00:14:13,811
And then I fly away
294
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:14,891
Hey
295
00:14:14,892 --> 00:14:18,221
Can't no-one tell me
how this ain't real, this ain't real
296
00:14:18,222 --> 00:14:19,251
No-no, no-no
297
00:14:19,252 --> 00:14:22,621
Can't no-one tell me
how this ain't real
298
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:24,681
This ain't real
299
00:14:24,682 --> 00:14:26,511
When the city feels grotty
300
00:14:26,512 --> 00:14:28,441
Grab the hotties
and head to Lanzarote
301
00:14:28,442 --> 00:14:31,341
Just bust case
the Jakes are trying to stop me
302
00:14:31,342 --> 00:14:33,831
Now I'm feeling like Gotye
303
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,611
Spanish women call me papi
304
00:14:35,612 --> 00:14:36,641
Hello, papi
305
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,941
Lamborghini's in the lobby
306
00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:41,001
Now they're squeezing on my floppy
307
00:14:41,002 --> 00:14:42,501
Fly away like an osprey.
308
00:14:43,812 --> 00:14:45,121
Oi!
309
00:14:45,122 --> 00:14:47,981
For the last time,
get off my fucking boat.
310
00:14:47,982 --> 00:14:49,621
Come on,
311
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,781
get the hell out.
312
00:14:51,782 --> 00:14:53,521
You call that music?
313
00:14:54,692 --> 00:14:55,721
Wankers.
314
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,661
I'm in here.
315
00:15:12,362 --> 00:15:15,221
Are you going to be much longer?
316
00:15:15,222 --> 00:15:17,141
Almost through.
317
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:18,691
I've done Facebook, Instagram,
318
00:15:18,692 --> 00:15:21,641
Twitter, Snapchat, BBC News, checked
my e-mail, the weather,
319
00:15:21,642 --> 00:15:24,171
Facebook again, updated my apps,
checked my Uber rating,
320
00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:26,241
ordered a Deliveroo, Facebook again,
321
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:28,721
so I just need to check Facebook
again and I'm done.
322
00:15:28,722 --> 00:15:29,941
Get out.
323
00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:32,571
I actually need the loo.
324
00:15:32,572 --> 00:15:33,881
At last. All yours.
325
00:15:33,882 --> 00:15:35,891
Oh, hang on, now I need a shit.
326
00:15:38,002 --> 00:15:39,641
Ooh, Thundercats is on Netflix!
327
00:15:41,192 --> 00:15:42,181
OK, breathe...
328
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,801
..and push.
329
00:15:44,802 --> 00:15:46,251
SHE SCREAMS
330
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:50,941
And push.
331
00:15:50,942 --> 00:15:52,301
You're doing great, baby.
332
00:15:52,302 --> 00:15:53,851
Keep going. That's it.
333
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:54,881
One more big push.
334
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:57,741
You're so amazing, baby.
335
00:15:57,742 --> 00:15:59,431
I'm so proud of you.
336
00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:06,081
Yeah, that's it, bruv. Chicks
love compliments, innit?
337
00:16:06,082 --> 00:16:08,011
Ask her if she's done
some of that air, yeah?
338
00:16:08,012 --> 00:16:09,691
Not now, Denny.
What do you mean, not now?
339
00:16:09,692 --> 00:16:12,511
She's lying on her back. This is the
perfect time for you to move in.
340
00:16:12,512 --> 00:16:14,521
Yes, because she's giving birth to
my daughter.
341
00:16:14,522 --> 00:16:16,261
All the more you've got
in common, innit?
342
00:16:16,262 --> 00:16:17,571
Hey, Emma, hey, listen.
343
00:16:17,572 --> 00:16:19,911
You like Bolognese? You like Bolognese?
344
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,161
My man there makes the best Bolognese.
345
00:16:22,162 --> 00:16:24,041
One word, cinnamon.
346
00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:26,011
Fuck off. Fuck off.
347
00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:27,271
Fuck off.
348
00:16:30,412 --> 00:16:34,301
I can see the head.
Baby, I can see the head.
349
00:16:34,302 --> 00:16:36,231
This is perfect, bruv.
350
00:16:36,232 --> 00:16:38,341
Cos chicks love kids, bruv.
351
00:16:39,652 --> 00:16:42,131
You're deffo going to beat, fam.
352
00:16:43,050 --> 00:16:46,379
_
353
00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:51,321
Welcome back to wake up now and
Channel 8701 with myself, William,
354
00:16:51,322 --> 00:16:52,401
and my wife.
355
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,511
Funke. Join us today.
356
00:16:54,512 --> 00:16:59,531
We have world-renowned celebrity
chef Vincenzo Pazuzo.
357
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:04,781
Ciao. Our boy Vinnie, are you there?
358
00:17:04,782 --> 00:17:06,511
Vinnie, come in.
359
00:17:06,512 --> 00:17:08,201
I am right here, Funke.
360
00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:12,181
OK, so today we're
going to be looking at
361
00:17:12,182 --> 00:17:14,621
some pasta dishes that are
very easy to make.
362
00:17:14,622 --> 00:17:16,961
As you are getting
your hands in the dough,
363
00:17:16,962 --> 00:17:18,561
you're going to really fluff it up.
364
00:17:20,152 --> 00:17:24,141
Oh, signorini. You know I'm
the masterfluffer.
365
00:17:24,142 --> 00:17:27,041
Yeah.
366
00:17:27,042 --> 00:17:30,791
OK, so, yeah, really get your hands
in the dough, really knead it.
367
00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:34,171
I really "need" this dough.
368
00:17:34,172 --> 00:17:37,401
If it's a really knotty and kinky,
you're going to work this kinks out.
369
00:17:37,402 --> 00:17:40,121
I like the "naughty" and the kinky.
370
00:17:40,122 --> 00:17:41,761
Here is one I made earlier.
371
00:17:45,512 --> 00:17:50,111
OK, so now you've made your
dough it's fluffy and light,
372
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,121
now you're going to
put it in the shaper.
373
00:17:52,122 --> 00:17:55,031
GROANING
374
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,441
William, Funke!
375
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:02,481
HE SINGS
376
00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:09,331
Hey, Vincenzo,
377
00:18:09,332 --> 00:18:11,161
pass me an egg.
378
00:18:11,162 --> 00:18:13,971
HE EXClLAIMS
379
00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:19,411
- Don't you fucking move.
- Put your gun down.
380
00:18:19,412 --> 00:18:20,951
Get down. You fucking put it down.
381
00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:23,201
- Put it down!
- Put your fucking gun down.
382
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,741
Put it down. Put it down.
383
00:18:25,742 --> 00:18:26,811
Put it down.
384
00:18:28,032 --> 00:18:31,311
- All right.
- Slowly, slow, slow.
385
00:18:31,312 --> 00:18:33,561
- I've put it down.
- Step back.
386
00:18:33,562 --> 00:18:36,611
Yeah. No sudden steps.
387
00:18:36,612 --> 00:18:39,471
Just take it easy, just
relax, just relax.
388
00:18:39,472 --> 00:18:41,536
What are you doing? What are you doing?
389
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,696
- Just take it easy.
- What the fuck are you doing?
390
00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:46,786
- I'll fucking shoot you, man.
- Nothing.
391
00:18:49,277 --> 00:18:51,426
What is it?
392
00:18:53,727 --> 00:18:56,346
PIANO MUSIC
393
00:18:56,347 --> 00:18:58,646
It's just some cats.
394
00:18:58,647 --> 00:18:59,866
That's lovely, eh?
395
00:19:01,647 --> 00:19:03,426
Cats.
396
00:19:03,427 --> 00:19:05,116
- You love cats, don't you?
- I love cats.
397
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,336
How about this one?
398
00:19:11,537 --> 00:19:13,506
So sweet. It is, ain't it?
399
00:19:14,637 --> 00:19:15,756
Aww, he's jumping...
400
00:19:15,757 --> 00:19:17,776
Sort him out. No going back now.
401
00:19:17,777 --> 00:19:20,306
What? What are you doing? No, come on.
402
00:19:20,307 --> 00:19:22,326
Please, I just want one more cat video.
403
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,196
One more cat video, please?
404
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,786
Please?
405
00:19:27,577 --> 00:19:28,746
GUNSHOTS ON VIDEO GAME
406
00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:29,776
PHONE BEEPS
407
00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:35,256
look who it is.
408
00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:39,106
We happily announce you've won
the top prize
409
00:19:39,107 --> 00:19:40,606
in the Nigerian lottery.
410
00:19:42,577 --> 00:19:45,716
You can claim three million US dollars.
411
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:49,506
To receive your prize you will need
to pay a processing fee to transfer
412
00:19:49,507 --> 00:19:53,306
the fund. Please supply your bank
details, blah blah blah.
413
00:19:53,307 --> 00:19:56,546
Congratulations,
Prince Al-Yussi Islasses.
414
00:19:59,547 --> 00:20:01,796
What a scam!
415
00:20:01,797 --> 00:20:03,856
Delete!
416
00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:16,656
But why? I don't understand it.
417
00:20:16,657 --> 00:20:20,876
Every week, I draw the balls from the
machine, but the winner never gets
418
00:20:20,877 --> 00:20:24,526
back to me. There are
millions to be claimed
419
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:27,526
I would play myself but the rules
have forbadden.
420
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,166
It's forbid... It's forbadden.
421
00:20:31,137 --> 00:20:33,576
So much money to be claimed.
422
00:20:35,457 --> 00:20:39,436
So much money,
but the people they don't want it
423
00:20:39,437 --> 00:20:42,156
So much money,
but they never call Al-Yussi.
424
00:21:05,737 --> 00:21:08,596
Back in the game, blood!
425
00:21:08,597 --> 00:21:11,366
Yeah. New tings and that.
426
00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,116
You all right, babes?
427
00:21:15,335 --> 00:21:21,272
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428
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:25,872
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