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1
00:00:01,814 --> 00:00:04,264
What's a more romantic
anniversary getaway,
2
00:00:04,289 --> 00:00:08,139
an Alaskan cruise or a
vampire tour of Arizona?
3
00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,877
Duh, a cruise. Cruises are so sexy.
4
00:00:10,902 --> 00:00:12,144
Like on the "Titanic."
5
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,620
But careful, Michelle, or
you might fall in love with
6
00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:16,627
a scoundrel who lives below deck.
7
00:00:16,652 --> 00:00:19,281
Ooh, and he'll wind up dead
while you're floating on a door.
8
00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:20,343
Mmm.
9
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,773
Yeah, I'ma do the vampire tour.
10
00:00:22,798 --> 00:00:26,109
I had a roommate that
I thought was a vampire,
11
00:00:26,134 --> 00:00:27,904
but he was just British.
12
00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:31,749
And then ever since then I've just
roomed with fat, tan Americans.
13
00:00:32,786 --> 00:00:34,685
Ooh, look at the focus.
14
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:37,026
Ooh, something is definitely up.
15
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,868
Ah, well, nothing, uh, it's just, uh,
16
00:00:39,893 --> 00:00:43,376
it seems that "The Blade's"
Peach Weekender has named me
17
00:00:43,401 --> 00:00:45,611
one of "Toledo's Top 100 Bachelors."
18
00:00:45,636 --> 00:00:47,847
- Hmm.
- Yeah. It's actually kind of embarrassing.
19
00:00:47,868 --> 00:00:50,775
Ladies are gonna be ripping
those sweatpants right off.
20
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,037
Yeah, that drawstring
doesn't stand a chance.
21
00:00:53,062 --> 00:00:55,096
They're gonna tear your
pants off in public.
22
00:00:56,262 --> 00:00:58,993
Oh, what's the word, Durb?
23
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:01,626
Color me surprised, but guess which
24
00:01:01,651 --> 00:01:04,437
recently divorced high school
principal with a slight case
25
00:01:04,462 --> 00:01:08,617
of psoriasis was just named
one of Toledo's top 100 bachelors?
26
00:01:10,858 --> 00:01:12,724
Thank you. I mean...
27
00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:15,194
- Good for you.
- Move.
28
00:01:15,196 --> 00:01:17,242
Okay, guys... guys, that's very sweet.
29
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:18,710
You don't need to make a
big fuss out of it, though.
30
00:01:18,734 --> 00:01:21,269
- Yes, there is.
- Oh, glorious day, Whitlock.
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00:01:21,271 --> 00:01:23,339
Your beloved Principal
has just been named
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00:01:23,364 --> 00:01:25,722
one of the top 100 bachelors of Toledo.
33
00:01:25,747 --> 00:01:29,010
So, ladies of age, pull up
your bloomers and get in line!
34
00:01:29,012 --> 00:01:30,707
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
35
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♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
36
00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:35,619
♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
37
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
38
00:01:44,077 --> 00:01:45,537
This is so cool.
39
00:01:45,562 --> 00:01:47,288
I mean, who woulda thought
little Ralphie Durbin
40
00:01:47,312 --> 00:01:49,848
from the old neighborhood
being a top Toledo bachelor?
41
00:01:49,873 --> 00:01:52,075
Ralph, take it easy, man.
It's not that big of a deal.
42
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,106
Well, maybe not for you, but
I've never been on a list.
43
00:01:54,108 --> 00:01:57,096
Well, I was... I was on a
sex offender list one time,
44
00:01:57,121 --> 00:01:59,045
but that was a typo.
45
00:01:59,047 --> 00:02:01,747
Guy's name was Ralph Durbine.
46
00:02:01,749 --> 00:02:03,990
- Big time jerky guy, apparently.
- Huh.
47
00:02:04,015 --> 00:02:06,201
I'm just so happy you
and I are on the same list.
48
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,281
- Mm-hmm.
- Now I just gotta worry about
49
00:02:07,305 --> 00:02:09,953
what to do with my face. I hate the
way my face looks in photographs.
50
00:02:09,977 --> 00:02:12,281
What? No. Your face is awesome, Durbs.
51
00:02:12,336 --> 00:02:15,268
Yeah, give us some over
the shoulder brooding look.
52
00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:17,460
- You know, like, make it pouty.
- Okay.
53
00:02:20,846 --> 00:02:23,251
- Yes.
- Yes, Durb, shr-exy.
54
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,384
Okay, God, this is all
so much fun already.
55
00:02:25,409 --> 00:02:26,877
You what the most exciting part is?
56
00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:28,707
After the magazine
comes out, there's a
57
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,796
big party for all the bachelors.
58
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:34,663
And from what I understand
it is a very swanky affair.
59
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:35,694
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
60
00:02:35,719 --> 00:02:39,778
Jack, you and I are
gonna be sipping martinis
61
00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:42,560
at the top of the Courtyard Marriott.
62
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,228
Huh.
63
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,834
Yeah, I guess it could
be good for my book on
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00:02:45,858 --> 00:02:48,999
working class Toledo to
experience their version of a gala.
65
00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:50,735
You ladies think I
look good in sweatpants,
66
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,213
wait till you see me in a suit.
67
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,410
Oh. All right, I'm gonna go to class.
68
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,250
Oh, we should do
matching pocket squares.
69
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:57,908
I probably won't.
70
00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:10,988
Feel like I'm no better at kissing
than I was 20 minutes ago.
71
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,256
I know.
72
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,657
It's way too predictable.
73
00:03:13,659 --> 00:03:15,493
What if we practice
on each other's hands?
74
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:18,043
Then it's like we're actually
practicing on another person
75
00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,868
because we are practicing
on another person.
76
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,502
I'm not so sure.
77
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:27,638
Don't worry. It's her first time too.
78
00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:42,846
I think we're ready
for actual live girls.
79
00:03:42,871 --> 00:03:44,955
There is a gesture I've
been wanting to make,
80
00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:48,783
but my love... is forbidden.
81
00:03:48,808 --> 00:03:50,674
Okay, let's do it.
82
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,953
I was going for a fist bump,
83
00:03:56,978 --> 00:03:59,278
but I guess you two are well past that.
84
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,512
Whoops, forgive me for interrupting.
85
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:11,348
I am Sarah Nesbitt,
editor of the top 100 list.
86
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:12,750
Oh, the top... yeah.
87
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,652
Uh-oh.
88
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:15,986
All right, guys, pencils down.
89
00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:18,823
Um, we're gonna cool it with
the biology for a second there.
90
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,135
Boy, oh, boy.
91
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,187
I guess I should mention
the no-brainer of the week.
92
00:04:22,211 --> 00:04:26,313
I was, uh, named one of
Toledo's top 100 bachelors.
93
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,122
- Duh.
- Ew.
94
00:04:29,147 --> 00:04:30,601
One hundred?
95
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:31,702
Yeah.
96
00:04:31,727 --> 00:04:33,460
Actually, I'm here to get a quote
97
00:04:33,485 --> 00:04:36,653
for Ralph Durbin's
profile, since you're his...
98
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,509
"Best friend and former roommate."
99
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,170
All right, well, there's
a startling amount of
100
00:04:41,194 --> 00:04:43,138
hyperbole there, but, uh, yeah, sure.
101
00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:46,784
Uh, go ahead and write
that, uh, he is a good guy
102
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,352
with a... with a kind heart.
103
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,620
And he, uh...
104
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:54,525
Well, he...
105
00:04:55,311 --> 00:04:57,286
Oh, you know what?
He's not that sex offender
106
00:04:57,311 --> 00:04:58,435
with the very similar name.
107
00:04:58,460 --> 00:04:59,730
He's not him.
108
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,909
Uh, okay.
109
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:03,534
Well, thank you.
110
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,402
Absolutely. Oh, whoa... before you go...
111
00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:08,091
Um, you know, as you're gathering quotes
112
00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:11,333
for my profile, I prefer that you
get 'em from my Harvard colleagues.
113
00:05:11,358 --> 00:05:14,712
Oh, we only do profiles on
the bachelors who made the top ten.
114
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:16,714
Oh, oh, ope. I'm sorry?
115
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,426
If you're not in the top
ten, you don't get a profile.
116
00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:22,997
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm not one of the top ten bachelors?
117
00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,156
In Toledo...
118
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:27,491
Ohio?
119
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,493
Yes.
120
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,960
- What?
- Ouch.
121
00:05:34,908 --> 00:05:35,954
Wait a second.
122
00:05:35,979 --> 00:05:38,655
If you are not gathering
quotes for my profile,
123
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,587
then what is the magazine
gonna say about me?
124
00:05:40,612 --> 00:05:43,015
Oh, we just pull a blurb
from your submission packet.
125
00:05:43,017 --> 00:05:44,517
What submission packet?
126
00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:46,986
Where you were described as a...
127
00:05:46,988 --> 00:05:49,764
"Lovable grumpus" and
the "cutie with a booty."
128
00:05:49,789 --> 00:05:53,258
Now see, I actually agree
with "lovable grumpus."
129
00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:55,328
Thank you, Dan.
130
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:57,697
All right, those are the ramblings
of a mental patient.
131
00:05:57,699 --> 00:05:59,298
And I know exactly who wrote them.
132
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:02,312
You can divorce him later.
133
00:06:02,337 --> 00:06:03,669
Oh, shh.
134
00:06:03,671 --> 00:06:05,007
Marry him, he sounds fun.
135
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,928
There's the cutie with the booty.
136
00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:09,555
Helen, I need to know
everything you wrote about me
137
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:10,697
in that bachelor submission.
138
00:06:10,721 --> 00:06:12,522
- Oh, I was very flattering.
- Yeah?
139
00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,289
I said you were a smarty-pants
140
00:06:14,314 --> 00:06:16,297
and you wear really cute pajamas to work
141
00:06:16,322 --> 00:06:18,050
and you live in your
dead mom's apartment.
142
00:06:18,052 --> 00:06:20,553
Okay, so, nothing... nothing
about me going to Harvard
143
00:06:20,555 --> 00:06:22,664
or that I was a National Merit Scholar?
144
00:06:22,689 --> 00:06:24,718
- Yeah.
- Cheez Whiz.
145
00:06:24,743 --> 00:06:25,806
You know what?
146
00:06:25,831 --> 00:06:27,930
I probably shouldn't even
sweat not being in the top ten.
147
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,446
I mean, you know, we
strive for these awards
148
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:32,231
- that will never bring us true happiness.
- Oh, I can't argue with that.
149
00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:35,668
I mean, being crowned
"The Longest Baby Born in Toledo"
150
00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:38,167
- has caused me nothing but grief.
- Yeah, I bet.
151
00:06:38,192 --> 00:06:39,537
The press can be so mean.
152
00:06:39,562 --> 00:06:42,207
"At this rate, she'll be 11 feet tall.
153
00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:44,617
Finally, an 11-foot tall woman."
154
00:06:44,642 --> 00:06:47,180
And then there's hell to pay
when you end up normal-sized.
155
00:06:47,182 --> 00:06:49,328
I didn't purposely
end up short and squat.
156
00:06:49,353 --> 00:06:51,250
I would have loved to be 11 feet tall.
157
00:06:56,224 --> 00:06:59,058
Yeah, so, Mom, I'm
number eight out of 100.
158
00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:01,260
Yeah, I'm gonna be in the newspaper.
159
00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:07,350
Well, how much... how much
did they drain out of it?
160
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:08,390
Okay.
161
00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:11,148
I hear "Judge Judy" coming on behind you.
I know you're gonna hang up.
162
00:07:11,172 --> 00:07:13,118
I'll call you later.
I'll call you later, bye.
163
00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:23,916
Watch and learn.
164
00:07:28,122 --> 00:07:30,356
If you're texting me, you don't need to.
165
00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:31,891
I'm right here.
166
00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:33,860
I'm firing my piano teacher.
167
00:07:35,363 --> 00:07:37,718
You know, I always found
the idea of dating childish.
168
00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:38,898
Oh, no.
169
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:41,031
But as we grow older,
our feelings change.
170
00:07:41,056 --> 00:07:42,905
I look at you and I don't see the girl
171
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,593
I went to elementary
school with anymore.
172
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:46,806
Now I see a woman.
173
00:07:46,808 --> 00:07:49,742
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I've been changing too.
174
00:07:49,744 --> 00:07:51,978
Uh, Eduardo, uh...
175
00:07:51,980 --> 00:07:54,747
Shh... let me finish.
176
00:07:54,749 --> 00:07:57,149
In conclusion, would you go out with me?
177
00:07:57,151 --> 00:07:58,284
No.
178
00:08:00,154 --> 00:08:01,787
Thank you.
179
00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:06,835
Well, never thought a
high school secretary
180
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,800
in Toledo could be my demise, but...
181
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:13,942
Oh, Helen's folksy cunning
has pushed me to the brink.
182
00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:15,785
Yeah, she wrote my submission,
183
00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:17,144
which is why I'm not in the top ten.
184
00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:18,306
We gotta fix this.
185
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,010
- We should resubmit your...
- I wanna resubmit my packet
186
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:23,268
Jesus, Heather, we are lined up.
187
00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:25,332
Once they read the new
packet they'll have no choice
188
00:08:25,356 --> 00:08:27,397
but to put me in the top ten
where I rightfully belong.
189
00:08:27,421 --> 00:08:29,398
Aren't you at all
embarrassed to be groveling
190
00:08:29,423 --> 00:08:32,207
for a spot on a Toledo single's list?
191
00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:34,032
Marcus, face down.
192
00:08:35,574 --> 00:08:37,654
All right, let's get
to work on this blurb.
193
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:42,284
Uh, maybe use this.
194
00:08:43,962 --> 00:08:47,497
"Once in a generation there's
a revolutionary leader.
195
00:08:47,522 --> 00:08:51,057
A Che, a Mahatma, a Malcolm.
196
00:08:51,082 --> 00:08:54,717
Jack Griffin is the Guevara, the Gandhi,
197
00:08:55,071 --> 00:08:58,372
the Gladwell of Toledo."
198
00:08:58,445 --> 00:09:00,764
Heather...
199
00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:04,335
When I die, you're getting it all.
200
00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:07,229
Say it again.
201
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:09,387
Sarika, you wanna write this down?
202
00:09:11,561 --> 00:09:14,562
- "Once in a generation..."
- Sarika, write it down.
203
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:15,883
"Once in a generation..."
204
00:09:15,908 --> 00:09:17,868
Sarika, you're not writing it down.
205
00:09:18,318 --> 00:09:19,484
Mm-hmm.
206
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:21,008
Are you ready?
207
00:09:24,059 --> 00:09:25,646
Hello, ladies.
208
00:09:25,671 --> 00:09:28,138
- Shouldn't you be in class?
- I have a hall pass.
209
00:09:28,619 --> 00:09:30,302
Okay, see and this is very wet.
210
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:32,249
May we have the room?
211
00:09:32,274 --> 00:09:33,439
"We" who?
212
00:09:33,464 --> 00:09:34,541
You and me, "we."
213
00:09:34,566 --> 00:09:37,822
Uh, you can have this 5X5 space,
214
00:09:37,847 --> 00:09:41,516
but we will remain in the
room for legal reasons.
215
00:09:41,541 --> 00:09:44,708
Ms. Duncan, if you were a
garden, I would tend you.
216
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:47,939
- Okay.
- If you were a bird, I would watch you soar.
217
00:09:47,964 --> 00:09:51,374
- Oh, that's nice.
- If you were a video game, I would sneak downstairs
218
00:09:51,399 --> 00:09:53,709
in the middle of the
night to play you on mute.
219
00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:55,985
I don't... I don't like that.
220
00:09:56,010 --> 00:09:57,306
I want you to have this.
221
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,741
Oh, well, see, you are very sweet,
222
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,149
but I can't accept the
Quinn Satchel in Oxblood
223
00:10:03,174 --> 00:10:05,208
with the side-slit pockets.
224
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:07,152
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm late for French.
225
00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:08,183
Hi.
226
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,477
Give that bag back to
that sweaty little boy.
227
00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:12,569
- Why?
- This is a slippery slope.
228
00:10:12,594 --> 00:10:14,194
- Because he's sweaty?
- Ooh.
229
00:10:14,219 --> 00:10:15,951
Slippin'.
230
00:10:15,976 --> 00:10:17,609
Thank you so much.
231
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:21,841
Hey, hey there. So glad I caught you.
232
00:10:21,866 --> 00:10:23,600
Uh, this document here is
gonna tell you everything
233
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,208
you really need to know about me, yeah.
234
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:29,535
SAT scores, Harvard,
my various endowments.
235
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:32,777
Didn't mean to wink.
That made it skeevy.
236
00:10:32,802 --> 00:10:36,410
Uh, at an rate, I think once
you peruse this document here,
237
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,769
you will see that I am top ten material.
238
00:10:38,794 --> 00:10:40,513
- This isn't necessary.
- No, please.
239
00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:42,300
Okay, uh, we did our research already
240
00:10:42,325 --> 00:10:45,459
and found that you are solidly number...
241
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:48,065
Okay.
242
00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:52,957
Ah, still flipping?
243
00:10:53,908 --> 00:10:55,474
No.
244
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,342
- 86.
- 86th?
245
00:10:57,398 --> 00:11:00,732
How can I be 86th on
your list? That's crazy.
246
00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:02,979
Hey, Jack. Is everything okay?
247
00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:05,571
Oh, hey... hey,
Lynette. Yeah, it's good.
248
00:11:05,596 --> 00:11:06,662
Yeah, very okay.
249
00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:08,186
What list are you 86th on?
250
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,742
Top 100 Eligible Bachelors...
251
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:13,068
Golf... golfers, best
golfers of all time.
252
00:11:14,105 --> 00:11:15,404
That's very impressive.
253
00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:17,129
It's... it's not bad.
254
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,785
Okay. Excuse me.
255
00:11:18,810 --> 00:11:21,944
- Don't take the numbers too...
- Can we just... wait a second?
256
00:11:26,474 --> 00:11:27,807
Not yet.
257
00:11:27,832 --> 00:11:29,751
What exactly are we waiting for?
258
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,243
No... nothing, we're just waiting.
259
00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:36,237
86th, are you kidding me?
260
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,941
Don't take the numbers too seriously.
261
00:11:37,966 --> 00:11:40,534
Just being on the list is an honor.
262
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:41,563
Congrats.
263
00:11:41,588 --> 00:11:44,025
Okay, being 86th on your stupid list
264
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,228
is not an honor.
265
00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:47,319
Great.
266
00:11:47,814 --> 00:11:49,047
That's great.
267
00:11:50,657 --> 00:11:52,995
Are they insane? You're Jack Griffin.
268
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:54,399
You're Harvard Jack.
269
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:56,753
You're the big enchilada.
You should be in the top ten.
270
00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:59,767
I mean, come on. How did
they come up with this crazy list?
271
00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:01,803
Oh, they focus on dumb
stuff, like, how I'm always
272
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,373
involved in the community
and how I own a home
273
00:12:04,398 --> 00:12:06,607
and I'm always giving
money to charity and...
274
00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:09,022
How you run the top public
school in the district,
275
00:12:09,047 --> 00:12:11,345
how you give blood till you pass out,
276
00:12:11,347 --> 00:12:14,093
how you put on those little
short-shorts for the car wash
277
00:12:14,118 --> 00:12:16,517
just so we can raise a lot of money
for the women's shelter.
278
00:12:16,542 --> 00:12:18,820
The ladies were going crazy for him.
279
00:12:18,845 --> 00:12:21,355
How are my accomplishments
ever gonna be rewarded,
280
00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:22,957
given those insane parameters?
281
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,387
See, this is wrong.
Damn it, this is wrong.
282
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,474
- It's wrong.
- We gotta fight.
283
00:12:26,498 --> 00:12:29,366
You know, the mayor owes me a favor.
284
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:33,000
Maybe it's time I called it in.
285
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,735
Yeah, or we could just go talk to Sarah.
286
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,916
I mean, I do think a word
from a top ten would go very far.
287
00:12:37,941 --> 00:12:40,891
Yeah, oh, well, she'll be at the group
photoshoot later this afternoon.
288
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:43,811
- Perfect.
- You and I are gonna be toasting martinis
289
00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:46,414
as fellow top tenners in no time.
290
00:12:46,416 --> 00:12:48,349
That's the plan.
291
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,418
Hey, why does the mayor owe you a favor?
292
00:12:50,420 --> 00:12:52,720
Oh, well...
293
00:12:52,722 --> 00:12:56,491
Let's just say that his, uh, daughter
294
00:12:56,493 --> 00:13:00,795
did not go to her senior prom alone.
295
00:13:06,603 --> 00:13:08,402
My nephew took her.
296
00:13:09,572 --> 00:13:11,606
Oh... oh.
297
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,510
If you're texting me, you don't need to.
298
00:13:15,512 --> 00:13:17,445
I'm right here.
299
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:18,793
What are you talking about?
300
00:13:18,818 --> 00:13:21,210
You know, I always found
the idea of dating childish.
301
00:13:21,246 --> 00:13:22,617
Oh, I heard about this.
302
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:24,685
But as we grow older,
our feelings change.
303
00:13:24,687 --> 00:13:26,587
I look at you and I don't see the girl
304
00:13:26,589 --> 00:13:28,456
I went to elementary
school with anymore.
305
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,525
Now, I see a woman.
306
00:13:30,527 --> 00:13:32,250
That's really sweet,
but let me cut you off.
307
00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:34,128
No, please allow me to cut you off.
308
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:35,610
Would you go out with me?
309
00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:38,432
Not if we were the last two
people on a desert island.
310
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,901
Thank you.
311
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,975
As an adult, starting swimming is scary.
312
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:50,711
Oh, no, I know you didn't keep that bag.
313
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:54,415
Girl, I am trying to teach
the future generation of men
314
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,883
how to treat a lady.
315
00:13:55,885 --> 00:13:57,718
He's gonna expect something.
316
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,175
- Like, an A.
- More like that A.
317
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,019
More like that ass.
318
00:14:03,393 --> 00:14:06,160
Girl. But it makes me feel so classy.
319
00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:07,461
What can I get you?
320
00:14:07,463 --> 00:14:09,730
Oh, no shot for me.
321
00:14:09,732 --> 00:14:13,067
Today I think I'll try a Pinot Grigio.
322
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,937
Huh, thought you'd order
something like that.
323
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:19,073
See? It's classy.
324
00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:21,676
Okay, think about this:
325
00:14:21,678 --> 00:14:25,012
Victor gives you a bag and
then you feel obliged
326
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:27,782
to hang out with him after school one day.
327
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,184
And then poof, it's ten years later.
328
00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:32,753
You're married to Victor
living in a two-room condo
329
00:14:32,755 --> 00:14:35,623
with an in-unit washer-dryer,
explaining what 9/11 was like.
330
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,273
Well, do I get a parking space?
331
00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:38,939
- Stefanie.
- W... what?
332
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:40,828
I mean, he's very thoughtful.
333
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,930
And very 16.
334
00:14:42,932 --> 00:14:45,700
Fine, fine, I will give the bag back.
335
00:14:48,538 --> 00:14:50,605
You guys are being jealous.
336
00:14:50,607 --> 00:14:52,173
Jealous.
337
00:14:52,175 --> 00:14:53,941
That's perfect.
338
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:55,509
Oh, good, Ralph, you're here.
339
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:58,817
Grab a hard hat and vest off the table
and go lay next to the rubble.
340
00:14:58,842 --> 00:15:01,024
Listen, let's just pause
the photographs for just a second.
341
00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:02,681
We need to have a serious discussion
342
00:15:02,706 --> 00:15:04,913
about my friend's
placement on this list.
343
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,722
And are those hard hats adjustable?
344
00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:09,991
Listen, I know you weren't
swayed by my new submission
345
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,026
despite the fact that I'm
clearly more qualified...
346
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:13,728
I already told you we don't
need you for this shoot.
347
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:14,862
The list has been decided.
348
00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:16,014
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
349
00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:17,965
But if you won't take
it from me, I get it.
350
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:20,356
Perhaps you'll take it from
your very own number eight.
351
00:15:20,381 --> 00:15:21,483
Ralph, take it away.
352
00:15:21,508 --> 00:15:25,305
Yeah, uh, Jack Griffin is the
finest man I've ever known.
353
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:28,820
- Wow.
- The fact that he's even a bachelor is a crime.
354
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,711
Now am I twisting his
arm? This is all him.
355
00:15:30,713 --> 00:15:32,546
He should not be in your top ten.
356
00:15:32,548 --> 00:15:35,683
He should be in your top one.
357
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,718
Unless that... is that
your number one guy?
358
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,266
- Because he deserves it.
- Yeah.
359
00:15:39,291 --> 00:15:40,377
That's your number one right there.
360
00:15:40,401 --> 00:15:42,018
- There's your number one.
- Oh, my God, he is handsome.
361
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:45,180
Look at that guy. Slot me
in at number two, 'cause he's very fit.
362
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:47,165
- He's fit.
- I'm sorry, I have no time for this.
363
00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:49,424
You know what, um, I think I
can slide in right over here.
364
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,782
I'll sit next to this gentleman here
365
00:15:50,806 --> 00:15:51,948
or if you wouldn't mind hopping up.
366
00:15:51,972 --> 00:15:53,645
That's great. I don't
even need a jacket.
367
00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:55,350
And you know what? It could be a top 11,
368
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:57,599
- no one's counting.
- Mr. Griffin, you're making me question
369
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,111
whether you should be
on this list at all.
370
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:01,486
Ooh, you gonna take that
lying down, number eight?
371
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:02,678
Absolutely not.
372
00:16:02,703 --> 00:16:05,337
Now listen, either we
are both in the top ten,
373
00:16:05,362 --> 00:16:06,728
or we're both out.
374
00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:09,784
Have it your way.
375
00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:11,314
All right, great.
376
00:16:11,339 --> 00:16:12,938
You're both off the list.
377
00:16:15,858 --> 00:16:18,125
Uh... okay.
378
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:19,894
Well...
379
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,796
Here, can you grab that
for me there, beefcake?
380
00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:25,900
Um, you know what, pal?
We are so much better off.
381
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,769
I'm telling you, this top ten is whack.
382
00:16:28,771 --> 00:16:29,811
It's whack.
383
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:30,843
Yeah.
384
00:16:30,868 --> 00:16:32,880
- There were two craft brewers on that list.
- Oh.
385
00:16:32,905 --> 00:16:34,937
Two of these guys, they craft beer.
That's all they do.
386
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,112
Right. That's... yeah, I guess, uh...
387
00:16:38,114 --> 00:16:40,715
I guess I shouldn't have,
uh, gotten my hopes up.
388
00:16:40,717 --> 00:16:42,083
Yeah...
389
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,893
It is with a heavy heart
390
00:16:49,918 --> 00:16:53,011
and fistto the heavens raised
391
00:16:53,036 --> 00:16:55,935
that I inform you that
your beloved Principal,
392
00:16:55,967 --> 00:16:57,763
Ralph Durbin, is no longer on
393
00:16:57,788 --> 00:17:00,088
Toledo's top 100 bachelors list.
394
00:17:00,113 --> 00:17:01,896
Which is unfair A-F,
395
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,429
and I'm sorry to letter-swear
this early in the morning.
396
00:17:04,454 --> 00:17:07,088
He can't... he's
coming. I gotta go, bye.
397
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,613
Was that really necessary, Helen?
398
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,569
Uh, what else you got?
399
00:17:14,594 --> 00:17:17,094
What about a list of
"Tole-dos and Tole-dont's"?
400
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,788
No, too similar to our
"Ohi-os and Goodbye-os."
401
00:17:20,813 --> 00:17:23,294
Oh, great, this guy's back.
402
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:24,468
Oh, really?
403
00:17:24,493 --> 00:17:26,304
I'm not the one with
wet tuna on my cleavage.
404
00:17:26,329 --> 00:17:27,929
Yeah, you know what? Nope.
405
00:17:27,954 --> 00:17:29,287
I'm not gonna go there, I'm not.
406
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:30,478
Because this isn't about you or me.
407
00:17:30,502 --> 00:17:32,469
This is about my good
friend, Ralph Durbin.
408
00:17:32,494 --> 00:17:34,929
Someone who cares enough about
other people to put them first.
409
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,285
Someone who spends his life
410
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:37,977
making things better for other people.
411
00:17:38,002 --> 00:17:40,638
I honestly cannot think
of a single person on Earth
412
00:17:40,663 --> 00:17:42,334
who's more worthy of
being in your top ten
413
00:17:42,346 --> 00:17:45,247
than that sweet, generous
dumpling of a man,
414
00:17:45,249 --> 00:17:47,916
and I am not leaving this
office until you get that.
415
00:17:47,918 --> 00:17:51,022
Also, I grabbed one of these
croissant sandwiches on the way in.
416
00:17:51,047 --> 00:17:52,923
I hope these are for everybody,
'cause I'm taking one.
417
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,093
It looks delicious.
418
00:17:54,118 --> 00:17:55,547
I haven't had one in a long time.
419
00:17:55,572 --> 00:17:57,087
So, regardless of your
decision on Durbin,
420
00:17:57,111 --> 00:17:59,011
I'm going to eat this.
421
00:17:59,263 --> 00:18:00,962
I hope that's cool.
422
00:18:04,194 --> 00:18:05,426
Victor.
423
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,482
So, I don't know if you
have spring break plans...
424
00:18:09,507 --> 00:18:13,107
You know, Victor, I'm
going to have to return
425
00:18:13,132 --> 00:18:14,676
your really thoughtful gift.
426
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:18,113
I mean, yes, this supple nubuck leather
427
00:18:18,115 --> 00:18:19,956
is giving me all kinds of feelings,
428
00:18:19,981 --> 00:18:23,118
but... I'm your teacher
429
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,619
and it's inappropriate.
430
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:25,700
You mean forbidden?
431
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:28,600
Uh, yes, it's legally forbidden.
432
00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:30,558
But, you know, don't worry about it,
433
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,061
because I am sure the appropriate person
434
00:18:33,063 --> 00:18:34,717
that really deserves this bag
435
00:18:34,742 --> 00:18:36,775
is right around the corner.
436
00:18:37,634 --> 00:18:39,301
So...
437
00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:42,203
Before we go back to the
teacher-student charade,
438
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,738
may I ask for a kiss?
439
00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:03,725
I'm not sure, but I think
don't tell anyone about this.
440
00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:19,702
- Hey, Grace, can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.
441
00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:21,676
If we were the last two
people on a desert island,
442
00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,211
would you hook up with me?
443
00:19:23,213 --> 00:19:24,546
Yeah, I guess so.
444
00:19:24,548 --> 00:19:26,181
Whoa.
445
00:19:26,183 --> 00:19:28,416
What if we went to prom together
446
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,385
and I showed you the night of your life?
447
00:19:30,387 --> 00:19:33,021
And afterwards we went
to my uncle's lake house,
448
00:19:33,023 --> 00:19:34,289
would you do it then?
449
00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:35,724
Yeah.
450
00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:38,593
What about just, like,
at my house after school?
451
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,462
- Okay.
- I'm busy today.
452
00:19:40,464 --> 00:19:42,097
Another time then.
453
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:50,372
Jack, thank you for arguing
me back on to the list.
454
00:19:50,374 --> 00:19:51,773
To making this night happen.
455
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,111
This is so great.
456
00:19:53,136 --> 00:19:55,610
This is... I'm just so glad
we can experience it together.
457
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,278
Yeah, I am too, Ralph.
458
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,080
But, you know, hey, you earned it.
459
00:19:59,082 --> 00:20:00,615
See, this is exactly what I wanted,
460
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:03,051
sharing a fancy cocktail with my buddy.
461
00:20:03,053 --> 00:20:06,058
Hey, you know, the, uh, philosopher
Camus, said of friendship...
462
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:08,723
Hey, two rum and cokes.
463
00:20:08,725 --> 00:20:10,291
Yep.
464
00:20:11,595 --> 00:20:13,395
I'm sorry you had to be a volunteer
465
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,130
to get me back in the top ten, Jack.
466
00:20:15,132 --> 00:20:18,133
Don't mention it. It's
the least I could do.
467
00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:19,893
Uh, let's see, what was I saying?
468
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,237
Oh, yes, um, the philosopher
Camus, said that...
469
00:20:22,239 --> 00:20:23,805
- Ooh.
- Friendship, essentially...
470
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,640
Can I get a little more ice in this one?
471
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,642
Yeah.
472
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,577
Ooh, look at that.
473
00:20:30,847 --> 00:20:32,414
It's not really a fight.
474
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:35,450
There we go. How am I doing?
475
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:38,353
- It's perfect, good job.
- Thank you.
476
00:20:38,355 --> 00:20:40,422
God, did you ever think
when you were younger
477
00:20:40,424 --> 00:20:42,757
that someday you'd be with your buddy,
478
00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:46,594
having a fancy drink
because the people in Toledo
479
00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:48,296
voted you "sexy?"
480
00:20:48,298 --> 00:20:49,597
Definitely not.
481
00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:52,300
It's a pretty special night.
482
00:20:54,871 --> 00:20:56,471
I'm glad.
483
00:21:00,277 --> 00:21:01,609
Wow, the wind is blowing east,
484
00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:03,323
but you can still smell
the rendering plant.
485
00:21:04,488 --> 00:21:05,521
Yep.
486
00:21:05,545 --> 00:21:10,545
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