Original subtitles

HUGO: I'm pretty sure I know who's got me.

- Argh! - Cassie. Would you like coffee?

No, thanks. I don't know what's in it.

MAUREEN: It was just a microdose.

CASSIE: Didn't feel very micro to me.

Xylazine. A common cattle tranquilliser.

Oh, hi. I'm looking for Gareth.

I was gonna interview him.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

LEON: If you wanna know what goes down in Bidgee,

I'm your man.

One time, over at Charmaine's,

hippies booked out two caravans, and whooshka!

(GARETH GRUNTS)

ANDY: You planted evidence to get me arrested!

- (GARETH SCREAMS) - (THUMP!)

- (GRITTY PUNK ROCK MUSIC) - (GULLS CAW)

SONG: ♪ Seven o'clock

♪ Get up, get ready

♪ To start the day at the factory

♪ 7:30

♪ Clock in

♪ Get ready

♪ To start work at the factory

♪ 7:30

♪ Clock in... ♪

(TRUCK RUMBLES)

♪ Get ready

♪ To start work at the factory

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving with production... ♪

(OVERLAPPING VOCALS SPEED UP)

♪ Production, production, production, production

♪ Production, production

♪ Production, production

♪ Production, production, production ♪

(VOCALS ECHO AND FADE)

- (CICADAS CHIRP) - (UNEASY MUSIC)

Hey, it's trivia tonight, right?

I was thinking of bringing my recording gear.

Try and capture the vibe of the town.

Are you cancelling trivia?

Can't do it without Hugo.

(CASSIE SIGHS) That's what the town needs.

You know, to keep going. To not lose hope.

I just mean Hugo's the quizmaster.

Who else is gonna do it?

OK, well... can't you be the quizmaster?

Like, in Hugo's honour?

Should I do Cedric's half-time poetry as well?

- (CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) - Not happening.

CASSIE: OK.

What if I was quizmaster?

You?

I can do it.

Come on, it'll be good for morale, good for business.

And great for your podcast.

(SCOFFS) That's just an unexpected bonus.

You reckon you got the chops?

I already know my first question.

VOICEMAIL: Hey, this is Andy.

I can't come to the phone right now,

so leave a message and have a great day.

- (BEEP!) - Where are you?

(THOUGHTFULLY) Jimmy?

Hmm.

Cedric!

(UNEASY MUSIC)

(WHEEL SQUEAKS)

- (HATCH CREAKS) - (UNSETTLING MUSIC)

Cedric, it's me. (ECHOES)

It's trivia night tonight and, uh, I thought

me and you, you know, the old team, we could...

What was that name we came up with?

(CHUCKLES) Beauty and the Priest.

(SOFTLY) Nah.

(SIGHS) I'm not even a priest anymore anyway.

Look...

I'm sorry, mate.

(SCOFFS)

JIMMY: Cedric. (ECHOES)

(HATCH CREAKS)

(HATCH THUDS SHUT)

(BLEAK MUSIC)

I'm so sorry. The vendor's slow on getting me a section 52.

I'm chasing the insurance claims history.

MAN ON PHONE: And it's a business, yeah?

- It's a caravan park. - Cause of damage?

CASSIE: Fire apparently.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

Uh, "Claim denied due to fraud."

The claim was deemed fraudulent?

According to our records. Matter deferred to police.

Anything else you need?

Oh, no. Thank you so much. You've been very helpful.

(SOFTLY) OK.

(UNEASY MUSIC)

(DOOR SQUEAKS)

(WATER PATTERS)

CASSIE: Andy?!

- Jesus. Cassie. - Where the hell have you been?

I've been trying to call you nonstop.

Uh...

(SIGHS) I don't know.

I, uh... passed out.

What happened to your face?

Oh, I, uh...

I tripped and fell down some rocks.

I was... so wasted,

I, uh... I went outside for some air and I got lost.

(STAMMERS) When I woke up, I was miles from anywhere,

so I...

Is it... Do you mind if I finish my shower, please?

Yeah. Um, I need you to be at trivia tonight.

Trivia?

Please? For moral support? I'm the host.

You won't want to miss it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great. I'll, uh...

I'll be there.

- CASSIE: Hmm. - (UNEASY MUSIC)

(CICADAS CHIRP)

- (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK WHINES) - CASSIE: Test, test.

One, two. One, two?

(TOWNSFOLK CHATTER)

CHARMAINE: OK, we can win this.

NOEL: There's about 12 sausages in that thing!

MAUREEN: OK, here we go.

Welcome to the Bidgee Pub trivia night,

where a fresh meat tray is up for grabs.

(TOWNSFOLK CHEER)

CASSIE: I'm very excited to be your host.

So without further ado, let's get into it.

- Question one... - CEDRIC: Wait a minute.

Oh, look who's back.

(TOWNSFOLK MUTTER)

We have a meat tray to win.

- Uh, no, they don't. - No.

- Look at that. - (TOWNSFOLK MURMUR AND CHUCKLE)

(CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE)

CASSIE: OK. Question one.

Octopuses have been described as the Einsteins of the sea.

They have eight tentacles and two eyes,

but how many hearts?

(TOWNSFOLK MURMUR)

Easy. It's one. Trick question.

No, she's not gonna start with a trick question.

Oh, true, eh? You know who'd know this?

Gareth.

He loves the sea. (ECHOES)

- (BAG RIPS) - (GARETH SCREAMS)

- (MUFFLED, ECHOING SOUNDSCAPE) - CASSIE: True or false?

There are more kangaroos than people in Australia.

(TOWNSFOLK MURMUR)

(UNEASY MUSIC)

CASSIE: What year did the Berlin Wall fall?

True or false?

It's physically impossible...

(TOWNSFOLK MURMUR)

CASSIE: What's the singular word...

(TOWNSFOLK MURMUR)

CASSIE: OK, time for a gear change.

Ooh. Bible knowledge?

No. Party drugs.

Has anyone ever had their cocktail spiked?

No?

When a drink is spiked,

chances are the drugs came from a dealer.

What is the maximum penalty for drug dealing in this state?

Is it A - 40 years?

B - 25 years?

Or C - three years?

VAL: Well, it's not three.

- I thought the maximum... - Maximum?

- MAUREEN: Or is it B? 25 years? - AUDREY: What do you reckon?

- Leon? - Huh?

- 40... - I don't care. Put anything.

MAUREEN: I know this. Listen. Wait.

- I've gotta think of the answer. - (JINGLES BELL)

CASSIE: OK, that's the end of the round, folks.

- We'll take a short break. - CEDRIC: Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

CASSIE: Yep. OK.

Uh, in keeping with tradition, apparently,

Cedric will now read a poem.

OK, yeah. That's more like it. Yeah.

- Cedric! - Yay.

(TOWNSFOLK APPLAUD HALF-HEARTEDLY)

(SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT)

(CEDRIC CLEARS THROAT)

(CHUCKLES)

(CROAKS)

- Nup. - (CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING)

- (CHUCKLES) - Shh!

CEDRIC: They come

They come

They come for us...

...across the Pacific from foreign lands

Tasked with solving just one prob-lam

But from their presence

- A thousand troubles... - Hey.

What's with these questions? You're pissing everybody off.

Shut up. Just trust me, alright?

- It'll be worth it. - (JIMMY SHUSHES)

CEDRIC: A toad I am

(CROAKS)

- (CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE LOUDLY) - (CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING)

ANDY: Sorry.

(CEDRIC CROAKS)

Oh, Gareth. Pick up the phone, man.

Where are ya?

(CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING AND RECITING FAINTLY)

- (LEON INHALES) - Nice night.

- (LEON EXHALES LOUDLY) - ANDY: So many stars, you know?

Different, uh, constellations down here.

You know, when, uh... when I was younger, I...

(LEON SPITS)

- (SIGHS) - (PHONE RINGS)

Oh, thank God. Dom. Listen.

WOMAN ON PHONE: Andy?

It's Liliana.

(SPLUTTERS)

(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry, hi, Liliana.

(VOICE WAVERS) Hey, has anyone called you...

...about Dom?

What? What about... what about Dom?

Well, he, um...

Dom's dead, Andy.

(LILIANA SOBS) They found his body in a dumpster.

He was shot.

Robbery gone wrong or something.

(SPARSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)

Oh, God...

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(SNIFFS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

What the fuck am I doing here?

Hope you're not thinking about stealing a car

and leaving town, hot stuff.

- (CHUCKLES) - Uh...

Hey, uh...

...how's trivia night going?

Your girlfriend invited me.

She's not my... Uh...

(STAMMERS) Why?

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) That's what I said.

Oh, well.

Better be good,

otherwise I'll book her for wasting my time.

Someone hit you over the head?

The... (STAMMERS) My... my... my what?

Well... seem stupider than normal.

Do I look alright?

And that's the cry

The constant cry

Jesus Christ on a bike.

(TEARFULLY) I want to be alone.

(CEDRIC CROAKS)

(CROAKS)

(CROAKS SADLY) Yes.

Thank you.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

VAL: Yep. Well done.

What do you think you're doing?

- What, trivia? - No, this ain't trivia.

Who won the cricket? What's the capital of Rome?

That's trivia.

I told you that shit in confidence, yeah?

It was for a podcast, Leon.

A podcast, was it?

You breathe one word about me...

...you'll see what happens.

CEDRIC: Did you get it?

Who called the cops? I did.

Big hello to Sergeant Geraldine Walters.

- JIMMY: Oh. How you doin'? - G'day.

CASSIE: OK, quick score check.

In the lead, we have Beauty and the Priest.

(TOWNSFOLK EXCLAIM)

Followed by Bidgeegud Republic.

(HISSES VICTORIOUSLY)

LEON: Very nice. Very nice.

- (MUFFLED, ECHOING SOUNDSCAPE) - LEON: Oh. Oi!

Oi! (ECHOES)

(CLEAR VOICE) Dickhead. No fucking phones.

CASSIE: That's right, Leon.

Phone down, Andy, or you'll be disqualified.

Amateur. Don't worry. It's off.

Shoot.

CASSIE: Alright.

Here we go.

What was the name of Hugo's dog?

NOEL: That's pretty easy.

It was Reggie.

LEON: You're good at this.

True or false?

Late last year, Charmaine went to Perth for three months

to take care of a sick aunt.

Everyone knows that.

- MAUREEN: True. - (TOWNSFOLK MURMUR)

CASSIE: OK.

Now, what is the maximum prison sentence

for insurance fraud in this state?

Is it A - one year?

B - 10 years?

Or C - 12 years?

I know this. It's 10 years.

- MAUREEN: You sure? - Yes, I'm fucking sure.

- It's 10. - SHOSHANNA: I think it's 10.

What common nut can poison a dog,

causing it to lose control of its nervous system and die?

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

I know. Just...

CASSIE: What is the most common cause of house fire?

Is it A - faulty wiring?

B - candles?

Or C - cooking?

(MAUREEN MURMURS INDISTINCTLY)

It's candles. Remember? Yeah.

Final question of the night.

There are motives responsible for nearly all murders.

- What are they? - Hmm.

CASSIE: One point for each correct motive.

What the devil is she up to?

This round will determine tonight's winner

and we're gonna mark it together,

so I need you to swap answers with another team.

JIMMY: Will you pass it to us?

LEON: Andy!

There you go.

No fucking funny business, eh?

(LAUGHS)

CASSIE: OK, everyone, ready?

- TOWNSFOLK: Mm-hm! - CASSIE: Alright.

Hugo's dog's name was Reggie.

An easy point.

Because it all started with Reggie.

God rest his soul.

Hugo loved that dog.

- But Charmaine hated him... - Hmm?

...because he did his business on her doorstep every morning.

Hey! Hugo trained him to do it.

So when Reggie turned up dead, who do you think he suspected?

CEDRIC: Huh?

- This is stupid. - CASSIE: OK.

What common nut can kill a dog?

Answer - the macadamia nut.

It shuts down the dog's nervous system,

which is the tortured way that Reggie died.

Next answer - what is the most common cause of house fire?

The answer is C - cooking.

So it's unusual that the fire

that destroyed Charmaine's caravans

was started by hippies

too stoned to snuff out their candles.

Unless of course that was a lie?

(FLAMES WHOOSH)

And if it was, how would the insurance company ever find out?

Who do you think you are?

The caravan park went to rack and ruin.

The insurance payout would have been enough

to get you out of debt, enough to start again.

Hugo knew Charmaine torched those vans.

So he had a way to undo her.

He tipped off the insurance company

to make sure that she never got paid.

The perfect revenge if it was Charmaine who killed Reggie.

- I don't have to listen to this. - Sit down.

CASSIE: It's just a theory, folks.

It's just a theory.

But tonight's not all about Charmaine.

This is from when Hugo attended a cocktail party

at Maureen and Trevor's.

I found this photo of him passed out.

His drink was spiked.

Heart palpitations. Nausea.

Hugo could have died that night.

And when he found out that the "special ingredient"

came from Leon,

he had the ammo he needed.

The maximum penalty for drug dealing is B - 25 years.

LEON: Jesus.

But Hugo was murdered

before he had the chance to tell the cops.

What a fucking load of horseshit.

I didn't kill Hugo.

And I'm not a fuckin' drug dealer, OK?

And why would Hugo blame me

for something that happened

at one of those seedy parties that they have?

He's been to hundreds of 'em.

Yeah, how about you just stick to answers, you know...

Um... Like facts.

- Yeah! - GERALDINE: If you have any.

LEON: Fuckin' facts.

OK.

Well, if Hugo had been to those parties before,

he'd have had Maureen's cocktails.

So why couldn't he handle it this time?

(SIGHS) There was a mix-up.

A guest mixed Hugo too strong a drink

and he had a reaction.

That's all. But he was fine. OK?

Who was the guest?

That's private.

LEON: Fucking exactly.

It's a pub, Your Honour. Not a fucking courtroom.

- MAUREEN: Thank you! - You're way off about this town.

You'd think we'd turn on one of our own?

Hear, hear.

Well, she was right about me.

I'm not a priest.

I never was.

I tried, but I lied to you.

(SCOFFS)

But thanks to this one, I've faced up to stuff

that I've been running away from for years.

Ahh! I even met up with my family.

- How did it go? - Good.

Mm. For a day or so.

Then I had a row with my brother and my mum.

The whole lot of them, actually.

I had to get out of there.

So I'm back.

Anyway, look, the point is...

Jimmy, no-one cares...

...if you're a real priest or not.

- Do we? - TOWNSFOLK: No.

No. Absolutely not.

The point is... you're our priest.

Yeah?

Just like Cedric is... our...

- What, murderer? - ..."artist".

(CHUCKLES) Wait a minute.

Are you saying I'm not a real artist,

but that's OK because I'm...

No, what he's saying is it doesn't matter who you are,

because you're one of us.

Unlike some.

(UNEASY MUSIC)

But I'm still your quizmaster.

Now, do you wanna win a meat tray or not?

- Well, yeah. - I mean, yeah.

- We are in here... - I would like a meat tray.

- (LEON MUTTERS) - AUDREY: Let's concentrate.

Maureen just said a guest at that party

poured Hugo a strong drink.

Maybe it was an accident.

Or maybe it was meant to kill him.

The person who poured that lethal drink was Charmaine.

Charmaine wanted Hugo dead that night

and this photo proves that she was there.

That's Charmaine's leg in the photo.

- What? - CASSIE: Her pearl diver tattoo.

Why would I want Hugo dead?

Because he dobbed you in to the insurance company

as revenge for killing his dog.

But not even Hugo had thought through the consequences,

considering that the maximum jail time

for insurance fraud is B - 10 years.

(CLICKS FINGERS) Knew it.

CASSIE: Charmaine got off lightly

with just a three-month sentence and a good behaviour bond.

She told everyone that she was going to look after

her sick aunt, but of course that was false.

- You and your big mouth, Val. - Me?

You were the only one who knew where I really was.

CASSIE: The three most common motives for murder

are money, jealousy and revenge.

It was revenge on Charmaine's mind when she left jail.

So she went to Maureen's cocktail party

and tried to poison Hugo.

And when it didn't work, Charmaine was furious.

So she confronted Hugo at his UFO site.

You got into an argument and you grabbed a tyre iron

and you smacked him over the head with it.

You hauled his body into the ute

and you drove him out into the middle of nowhere.

You doused his body in petrol and you set him alight.

That didn't happen. That never happened.

I didn't kill him.

This is your pearl I found at the UFO site.

No, it isn't.

You wanted revenge for the money you never got

and the jail time you served.

YOU killed him.

- You lying little slag. - Uh-uh!

- No, come on. - You killed Hugo?

CHARMAINE: No, she's full of shit.

Shoshy, I...

- Shoshanna, wait! - Oh, yeah, that's right, Val.

Acting like the mother you're not, you motor-mouth bitch.

You want to talk motive. What about Val?

Hugo treated you like his personal ATM.

Owed you a shit ton of money.

Then when you found out he was rooting around behind your back,

you finally had enough of being used, so you killed him.

Get out. I want you out!

VAL: Pretending to be my Shoshy's mum.

Trying to make up for not taking good enough care

of your own little Bobby John when he was alive.

(YELLS) Get out! All of you! Trivia's over!

Oh, hang on. Who's getting the meat tray?

Hey! You have to come now.

Hurry!

- (TOWNSFOLK MUTTER) - CHARMAINE: Wait.

(EERIE SYNTH MUSIC)

Hugo?

Where am I?

(SYNTH MUSIC INTENSIFIES)