Original subtitles

♪♪

[click]

♪♪

[frustrated groan]

You said it, Big Mac!

This is taking FOREVER!

I know it's wrong to cut corners

when it comes to gifts from the heart,

but this is an emergency, right?

Eyup.

Discord?

A little help?

DISCORD!

[sigh]

[inaudible]

Good idea.

Ahem.

"Captain Wuzz, are you prepared to enter the world

of Ogres & Oubliettes?"

Huzzah, fellow adventurers!

Shall we storm the ramparts of Squizard's Castle

to reclaim Calico's Ring of Imperceptibility?

You did summon me for a rousing Guys' Night

of Ogres and Oubliettes, did you not?

Uh. Sort of, but...

Do you think you could magically hurry-up this pie

real quick first?

You seem to be mixing up the Lord of Chaos

with a second-rate clown magician for hire.

WAIT!

This needs to go in the mail today

or it'll never get to Sugar Belle

in time for Hearts and Hooves Day.

[sheepish laugh]

Please, can't you see that that holiday is a commercialized ruse

pushed on you by the greeting card industry?

Ahem!

[tap tap]

Fine.

You owe me for this.

[snap]

Keep your eye on the pie.

It's magic time!

[poof]

♪ My little pony, my little pony ♪

♪ Aaaahhh ♪

♪ My little Pony ♪

♪ I used to wonder what friendship could be. ♪

♪ My Little Pony ♪

♪ Until you all shared its magic with me. ♪

♪ Big adventure! ♪ ♪ Tons of fun ♪

♪ A beautiful heart! ♪ ♪ Faithful and strong! ♪

♪ Sharing kindness ♪ ♪ it's an easy feat ♪

♪ And magic makes it all complete! ♪

♪ To have my little pony ♪

♪ Do you know you're all my very best friends? ♪

♪♪

♪♪

[sniff]

This smells... palatable.

Well, pies really are Sugar Belle's thing.

But I think that makes this all the more special.

It shows you're interested in what she cares about.

Eyup.

And, he's planning a big romantic

Hearts and Hooves dinner.

It was my idea to bake the invitation inside.

[poof]

"Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Sugar Belle.

Meet me in my barn at sunset for a surprise."

Pretty clever, huh?

Eyup. [giggle]

[moan]

Aw, "Sugar Belle." See?

Well, you two certainly have bought into this

romance nonsense hook, line, and sinker.

For a formerly-friendless immortal despot,

you're pretty cynical.

I'm a realist.

And love, like all things warm and fuzzy, isn't real.

Aw, come on. You act tough, but deep down.

you're a softie.

I mean, you don't have tea with Fluttershy every weekend

because you like tea.

But I do like tea!

Every tea.

All the teas.

Chamomile, Earl Gray, green, white, yellow, maté, lemon,

ginger, chai, spearmint, peppermint, hibiscus,

cinnamon pumpkin spice!

[grunt]

♪♪

Tell you what: while Big Mac mails

his incredibly romantic gesture,

I'll show you the splendors of Hearts and Hooves Day

in Ponyville.

I bet I can prove you believe in love.

Fine. Call it a gentleman's wager.

Loser mows my lawn for eternity.

Is it like a riding mower, or...?

Tweezers!

[gulp]

♪♪

[whinny]

Hear ye, hear ye!

This special Hearts and Hooves Day meetin'

of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is now in session!

First order of business: helpin' my big brother decorate the barn

for his big date with Sugar Belle tonight and--

Hello!

It seems like everypony's got somepony special but us!

When's it going to be our turn?

[knock at door]

Huh?

[squeak]

Huh?

Who's it from?

Can't tell.

It's all smudged, but it looks like it's addressed to "Belle".

Hmmm... SWEETIE BELLE!

Somepony certainly went through a lot of trouble for me

on Hearts and Hooves Day.

You don't think...? Could it be...? Hang on a minute.

Mysterious package, smudged address, no idea who it's from?

I know what this is.

YOU'VE GOT A SECRET ADMIRER!

[squeals and whoops]

♪♪

Spike: Ah! Another Hearts and Hooves Day.

Love is in the air, Discord.

Look at all these happy couples.

How can they be happy if they aren't playing

Ogres and Oubliettes?

As a great Dragon poet once wrote to his beloved:

"I love you with the utmost clarity;

I love you, dear, my sweet, sweet Rari--"

Are you even listening?

Of course.

"Love is something-something, and Discord is great."

I don't know.

Can we play O & O now?

Sure, after you admit you believe in love and--

SUGARBELLE!

Big Mac's girlfriend.

What's she doing in town so early?

Well, Sugar Belle, I'm sure Big Mac won't be expecting it.

[gasp]

She's planning her own romantic surprise for Big Mac?

What if she goes to Sweet Apple Acres

before Big Mac's ready with his surprise?

We've got to warn him!

[zap]

[zap]

Whoa! [clang]

Whoa!

Mig Back! Mig Back!

I mean Big Mac!

We just saw Sugar Belle.

She's at Sugarcube Corner,

but I think she's on her way over here now!

You gotta keep her away from here until the barn's finished!

Eyup!

I wonder what she has planned for him.

[chuckle] We don't have to wonder.

[snap]

Agh!

Will you WARN me next time you do that?

♪♪

Oh, she hasn't seen him yet.

Take note, Discord.

This is what love is all about!

Spike, "Love is about spying in the bushes."

Make fun of me all you want,

but look at Big Mac's face

and tell me you don't believe in love.

[chuckle]

I hope he'll be OK without me.

[whimper]

Oh, hey.

We're just...

not spying.

Hush!

I mean, he has been on his own before,

so he'll be fine, right?

[sigh]

How should I tell Big Mac tonight?

"You won't need to come visit me in my village anymore"?

"We need to talk."

Just be honest with him.

You're right, OK.

"We're finished."

[horrified whinny]

[pounding]

[shattering glass]

[thud]

You're right. She DID surprise him.

Agh!

♪♪

[blubbering]

OK. Things seem bad; maybe they're really not.

Maybe "we're finished" was about the day.

Ponies say that, right?

Like, "Hey, remember yesterday?

That's finished. Cause it's today."

Maybe not that.

Oooh! I know. Maybe Sugar Belle has a wacky cousin

who's never been on his own

and she has to leave him in charge of her shop

while she apprentices with Mrs. Cake,

who does that, like, two days a week. No, no, three.

That's why she won't need you to come to her village anymore.

Because she'll already be here!

Nah. I don't even buy that one.

[pitiful moaning]

[glug glug glug]

She takes pie baking seriously.

Why'd I even try?

I bet she thought I was making fun of her.

[high-pitched moans]

Oh, I hate seeing you like this, Big Mac,

and over a girl, no less.

I'm calling an emergency Guys' Night right now to cheer you up.

[honk]

Besides, we can't have you ruining any more of my

1000-year-old monogrammed handkerchiefs.

These are silk, you know.

[snap]

♪♪

Class is now in session.

Lesson one: Nothing can break your heart

if you only love yourself.

You've got to show everypony that you're too cool

to be bothered with so-called "love." Observe.

This is how cool guys lean against things.

When you see a guy leaning against a thing

looking this cool, you think,

"Wow, that guy doesn't have a care in Equestria.

Not a guy who leans on things that cool!"

I don't think leaning is gonna help.

Am I doing it right?

WHOA!

OOF!

We're not like you, Discord.

We can't put on a front and pretend not to love.

It's impossible.

Lesson two: Plenty of ponies in the pasture.

Right, Big Mac?

I know just the gal to make you forget all about Sugar Belle!

YOU SAID HER NAME!

Oy vey.

[snap]

OK! We finished decoratin' the barn for Big Mac,

which means we got the rest of the day to ourselves.

There's a whole town of possible admirers out there

and only three of us.

But together, we're gonna get to the bottom of this.

Ready? BREAK!

Excuse me, Pipsqueak?

Mind answerin' a few questions?

No? Late for something?

Are you Sweetie-Belle's secret admirer?

Excuse me, I'm doing a research survey about sending pie

in the mail anonymously.

Would you say you're pro "that," or anti "that?"

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.

Did you boys happen to send any packages to me recently?

It's OK to say no; I won't be offended.

Please say no, please say no, please say no.

♪♪

Sir McBiggun, meet Skellinore.

She's a level-18 Bone-Warrior in Squizard's Mage Army,

but only to pay off Skeleton Student Loan Debts.

Get to know each other, why don't you?

Wow! You're really going all-out to cheer up Big Mac;

I'm impressed.

Yes, yes, I'm amazing.

Anyway, since we're in the neighborhood,

care for a quick game of Ogres and Oubliettes?

Like I've been wanting to play all week?

I take it back.

I'm helping our friend, first and foremost.

See for yourself.

I think he's showing her a picture of Sugar Belle.

What?

And now he's crying.

No no no no no no!

No, he's not. Let me see that.

Don't touch it.

I'm looking!

Cut it out, Discord!

Quit it!

[poof]

She used to do this thing

where her nose would wrinkle when she laughed.

Right there in that hole where your nose used to be.

I never told her how much I loved Wrinkle Nose Cutie Face.

And now I never will.

[blubbering]

Agh.

OK. I think we've had enough of the aloof Master of Chaos'

remedies for a broken heart.

You know what I do when I have a problem too big to solve?

I hide from it.

When she can't find you, she'll realize how much she misses you!

Plus, if she can't find you, she can't break up with you!

Eyup!

♪♪

I don't get it.

We asked every stallion in Ponyville.

There's got to be somepony we're missin'.

Somepony obvious.

Somepony RIGHT in front of our NOSES!

Oh, well.

At least the barn's looking great for Big Mac's date.

Too bad there won't be a date.

Sugar Belle is so lucky to have a "non-secret admirer"

like Big Mac.

Well, she certainly doesn't seem to have appreciated it.

I bet she's gonna take one look at this barn and say

"What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Yes, what did she do to deserve this?

She broke my heart.

Well, not yet.

Technically.

In fact, she can't break your heart if you break hers first.

Eeeyup.

Sugar Belle: Thanks for the tour of Ponyville, Mrs. Cake.

Oh, my pleasure.

I'm off to surprise Big Mac with the news!

Imagine the look on his face when I tell him:

"We need to talk."

Oh, dear me, no!

I told you, don't say it that way

or he'll think you're breaking up with him!

Break up with him?

Never!

Why, without my favorite delivery pony,

I couldn't imagine being happy ever again.

He knows that.

Good. Save your mix-ups for cake batter;

that's what I always say.

Ha ha ha!

He's a good listener, that pony.

I promise you: no mix-ups.

[zap]

Ah! Big Mac!

Sugar Belle?

We need to talk.

I know why you're here.

You do?

But I have something to tell YOU first.

Oh, can I go first?

I'm going to be-- Stop.

Oh. Why don't we tell each other on three?

One...

It's over.

What's over?

You. And me. It's over.

What?

We're breaking up.

I don't understand.

Why are you breaking up with me?

And why are you leaning like that?

I don't know!

Big Mac, please talk to me.

I-- you-- ARGH!

This is why I don't like talking!

Words can hurt!

Words HURT!

GOODBYE, SUGAR BELLE!

[slam]

[sobbing]

♪♪

[door opens]

Big Mac!

Oh, thank goodness.

You gotta help us with this!

Dude, how long have you been not-hiding?

[zap]

Oh. I should probably have said something.

Y'all should go.

Did you... did she... are you...?

Big Mac? What's going on?

Where's Sugar Belle?

Just go.

But we worked so hard on this chart.

I think we've almost cracked it, if you could just--

--not right now...

But I can't stand having a secret admirer

who's too scared to tell me who he is!

Maybe he doesn't like talking.

But that doesn't make any sense!

Maybe he used to talk too much

and it only ever got him into trouble!

[sigh] What if you're right, Discord?

What if love isn't real at all?

[ding]

[zap]

I'm sorry, Sweetie Belle.

I'm just mad and I'm takin' it out on you.

That's OK.

I bet if felt good to get it out, though.

Actually, it did.

Tellin' you how I felt just then.

I gotta go.

Big Mac!

Where are you going?

I gotta talk to Sugar Belle!

Discord, you've got to use your magic and...

Guess you have better things to do.

Big Mac's gonna need a miracle.

[sigh]

[splat]

[thud]

Of all the rotten luck.

[crash]

Caught you just in time.

We both know I don't like to say much,

but I'm going to say something now.

Even though I'm hurting,

I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything,

because it'd mean giving up the good times we had, too.

I only broke up with you because

you were going to break up with me.

I respect your decision, but you should know

you'll always be in my heart.

I didn't want to break up with you.

But you said you don't need me to visit anymore.

You said I'm gonna be on my own.

I heard you said "We're finished!"

when I was hiding in the bushes.

That sounds worse than it is.

Oh, Big Mac.

I was talking about my cousin.

I have this wacky cousin who's never been on his own,

but I have to let him run my shop on weekends.

Which is why you won't be delivering

to my village anymore.

Because I'll already be here apprenticing with Mrs. Cake,

who does that two days a week.

No, three.

Wait'll I tell Spike.

I'd never break up with you.

I suppose there's a lesson here somewhere about communication.

Talking instead of assuming, or eavesdropping is wrong,

wouldn't you say?

Eyyyyyyup.

[giggle]

Wrinkle nose cutie face.

You must have been awful confused at my breaking up

with you after you got my pie.

What pie?

You didn't get the pie I sent?

Mm mm.

Or the invitation?

Uh uh.

Well, in that case...

Allow me to escort you to a Hearts and Hooves Day surprise!

[giggle]

♪♪

[birdsong]

[sad sigh]

Mind if we join ya?

♪♪

"Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Sugar Belle.

Meet me--" SUGAR Belle?

You have GOT to be pullin' our hooves.

It was all a mix-up?

[laughing]

It's funny; I've been sitting here feeling sorry for myself

for not having a special pony on Hearts and Hooves Day,

but remembering all the fun we had,

I think I have two special ponies.

My two best friends.

Awww.

[happy sigh]

And so ends another Hearts and Hooves Day.

Despite a bumpy start...

and middle... and ending.

A lot of bumps today.

Love was in the air.

So was confusion, apparently.

And a fair number of assumptions.

But YOU have to admit,

after seeing everything Big Mac went through,

love is one hundred percent real.

[Discord humming to himself]

Seriously?

Discord! Come on.

I can't believe you!

Who do you think broke Sugar Belle's wagon wheel?

♪ Ta-da. ♪

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.

You old softie! Ha ha! I knew you had a heart!

Speaking of how great I am,

are you busy for the rest of the night?

[snap]

Calico's Ring of Imperceptibility

isn't going to reclaim itself, you know.

Ogres and Oubliettes?

I thought you'd never ask.

Oh, and just wondering, no biggie,

but is Skellinore going to be there?

Spike, she's an imaginary one-dimensional

paper cut-out skeleton.

Well, nopony's perfect.