Original subtitles

Fluttershy: (motherly) There you go, Mr. Mousey.

(mouse squeaks)

Now, you stay off that leg and do everything I told you, and it'll be just like new in no time at all.

(mouse squeaks) Oh, you're welcome. Happy to be able to help!

(Angel gasps)

(Fluttershy squeaks)

Fluttershy: You...found a watch?

(ticking noises) You...wanna be a watch?

You're running! Running out of time?

No! You're...late?

(clock strikes 4)

(gasps) I'm late for a very important date!

The big brunch for Princess Celestia at Sugarcube Corner!

(anxiously) Oh, the princess is here in Ponyville for a party, and we all promised we'd be there!

But I'm not there!

Oh, do I look all right? Do I need to bring anything?

Maybe I shouldn't go!

(trumpet fanfare) Ah! It's starting! I'm missing it!

Oh, thanks, Angel.

(rambling) I mean, if you hadn't reminded me, I might have not remembered

and then I wouldn't be there, and everypony would be wondering where I was, and-

(Angel thumps foot against Fluttershy) Oh, right, I'm late!

(Angel slams door shut)

(Angel slides deadbolt)

(door rattles)

Fluttershy: Oh...okay, then. See you later.

(Angel sighs wearily)

(theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah,

(My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be

(My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me

Rainbow Dash: Big adventure Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun

Rarity: A beautiful heart Applejack: Faithful and strong

Fluttershy: Sharing kindness Twilight: It's an easy feat

All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah

(My Little Pony) Do you know, you're all my very best friends

Rainbow Dash: So...what do I have to do to get to be one of the princess' royal guards, anyway?

Is the pay good?

Helloooo! Anybody home?

(goofy noises)

(goofy noises)

Ooh, you're good.

(Fluttershy gasps)

Guard 1: (gruffly) Halt! Guard 2: Who goes there?!

Fluttershy: (gulps, frightened) No one; never mind. I'll go home.

Twilight: It's all right, sirs. She's on the list.

Fluttershy: Thanks, Twilight.

Twilight: I'm so glad you could make it, Fluttershy. It wouldn't be the same without you.

(Spike breathes fire)

(Spike breathes fire)

Mr. Cake: How's everypony doing? Good? Good.

Mrs. Cake: Anything else we can get for you, dearies- Ooh, I mean, "esteemed guests." (nervous chuckle)

Celestia: Everything is fine, Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

Fluttershy: Sorry I'm late. I had to finish taking care of a patient first.

Twilight: (anxiously) Oh, you and your tender loving care of little animals!

I just know Princess Celestia is gonna love that about you!

I mean, I hope she will. I mean, of COURSE she will!

Fluttershy: Wow, Twilight. I thought I was the only one who got nervous at social gatherings.

Twilight: Oh, it's not that. I just want the princess to approve of my friends.

Fluttershy: But she's met us all before.

Twilight: And read about you in my letters. (giggles)

But this is the first time she's spent any real time with you.

I want everypony to make a good impression.

Fluttershy: Well, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

Besides, it's just a casual get-together, right?

Rarity: Don't touch me! Watch the dress!

Careful! You're gonna spill that on me!

Oh, oh! That looks delicious! What is it?

Oh! Does it stain?!

Keep it away from me!

Fluttershy: Er...perhaps not that casual.

Applejack: (nervously) Uh, which is the salad and which is the appetizer, again?

Which am I supposed t'eat first?

(resigned) Aw, never mind. I'm not hungry.

Fluttershy: It's okay, Twilight. So our friends' manners aren't perfect.

I doubt the princess would even notice-

Pinkie Pie: (giggles, snorts) WOOHOO!

Cookies, candies, and pies, OH MY! (splat)

(hedonistic) Ooh...chocolate fountainy goodness!

(splorch)

(chocolate hardens, cracks, shatters)

(Pinkie Pie chewing noisily and happily)

Pinkie Pie: YOU GONNA EAT THAT?! (crashes down on table)

(Pinkie Pie chews noisily, gulps)

(Mrs. Cake gasps)

Pinkie Pie: HEEEEY-

Mr. Cake: (nervously) A thousand pardons, Your Majesty.

Celestia: That's quite all right, thank you.

(Celestia slurps tea)

(teacup clinks)

Mrs. Cake: (frantically) EMPTY TEACUP AT 4 O'CLOCK!

Mr. Cake: I see it, Honey Bun!

Celestia: Oh, um, thank you.

Mr. Cake: (humbly) Not at all, Your Highness.

(Celestia slurps tea, Mrs. Cake refills cup) Celestia: Thank you again.

Mrs. Cake: Oh, but of course, Your Majesty.

(slurp, pour, slurp, pour)

(Celestia makes slurping noise, Mr. Cake pours tea)

Celestia: (jovially) Gotcha!

(Twilight moans) Celestia: And what about you, dear? "Fluttershy," is it?

Fluttershy: Me? Oh, yes, Your Highness.

Celestia: I understand from Twilight Sparkle's letters that you enjoy tending to the needs of woodland creatures.

Fluttershy: Yes, I love to take care of animals.

Celestia: As do I. As Princess, I care deeply about all creatures, great and small.

(hacking, wheezy coughs)

Nothing means more to me than the well-being of all my subjects.

(hacking, wheezy coughs) Ah, Philomena, my pet.

You're awake. Do say hello to our gracious hosts.

(Philomena coughs)

Fluttershy: Oh...my.

Celestia: She is quite a sight, isn't she?

Fluttershy: (stammering nervously) I-I-I've never seen anything like it.

(Philomena hacks and wheezes)

(guard clears throat, whispers indistinctly)

Celestia: Really? Well, if I must.

I'm sorry, everypony. I'm afraid I have to cut the party short.

(Twilight grunts into hoof) The mayor has requested an audience with me.

Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time.

It's been a joy getting to know you all better.

Applejack: (sighs with relief) NOW I can eat somthin'! I'm starved!

(dishes clatter, Applejack moans dejectedly)

Pinkie Pie: (laughing) WHEE! WHEEEE!

Rarity: (threateningly) Stay right where you are! All I want is a clear path to the exit.

NOBODY MOVE and my dress won't get hurt!

STAY BACK! BACK, I SAY!

Twilight: (sighs) Well, Spike, I don't know for sure how things went with the princess,

but at least no big disasters happened...

(ominous music)

Fluttershy: (opens door) Oh, you poor little thing.

How did you ever get in such bad condition?!

Don't you worry, Philomena. I'll nurse you back to health.

As a favor to the princess, who is obviously just far too busy to care for you properly.

(Philomena coughs, wheezes)

I'm sure the princess will appreciate the help.

(Philomena moans woozily, coughs)

Oh, my! We'd better get you to bed right away.

There.

(Fluttershy gasps)

(Philomena shivers, chatters teeth; Fluttershy gasps)

(thermometer bulb bursts)

This is far worse than I thought.

What you need is some medicine, stat. (Philomena hacks intensely)

Here you go, Philomena.

This will fix you right up.

(Philomena sniffs, gags) Dr. Fluttershy expected that!

(Fluttershy pours birdseed)

(Philomena pecks, makes jackhammer and electric saw sounds) Fluttershy: (smugly) Always works. (gasps)

Fluttershy: Heh...almost always.

(Philomena hacks, wheezes)

(Fluttershy blows on soup) There's nothing like homemade soup to cure what ails you!

Come on, now. You're not gonna get better if you don't cooperate.

Mm! See? It's delicious!

Good and good for you.

Here comes the choo-choo train!

(imitating train) Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga WOO-WOO!

(splat)

Oh, dear.

Don't worry, Philomena. I know what'll make you feel better.

Wait right here. I have just the thing.

(Philomena wheezes, splats into soup)

(soup bubbles)

Look, Philomena! I brought a fellow feathered friend by to cheer you up!

Hummingway [Hemingway], here, was sick once too, but he let me help him and got better in no time.

Didn't you, boy? (Hummingway tweets affirmatively)

Say hello to your new friend, Philomena.

(Hummingway tweets affectionately) Aw, look. I think he likes you.

(Fluttershy vocalizes My Little Pony theme, Hummingway responds with next phrase)

Your turn now, Philomena.

(Philomena gurgles sickeningly) Go ahead, you can do it.

(Philomena gurgles sickeningly, Fluttershy vocalizes first phrase of My Little Pony theme)

(Philomena vomits)

Um...good try?

I know what'll clear up that tickle in your throat! A humidifier!

(humidifier pumping)

(Fluttershy inhales and exhales deeply) Refreshing.

How's that feeling now for you, Philomena?

Better?

(Philomena inhales)

(Philomena hacks)

Oh... (Philomena's feathers pop off)

(nervously) That's okay. I know lots of other ways to take care of you.

Don't worry. You're gonna get better. How about...

Aromatherapy?

(Philomena sniffs)

(sickly sneeze)

(feathers pop off)

(water gushing from faucet)

Warm bath?

(ascending pitch gurgle noise)

(feathers pop off)

Ointment?

(feathers pop off)

(tense music plays) Scalpel.

Surgical tape.

Feathers.

(squeak squeak)

(Philomena coughs)

Oh, Philomena.

I thought it would be easy to nurse you back to health.

I've tried everything I know.

And look at you. You're worse than ever. (knocking on door)

Twilight: (slams door open) Hi, Fluttershy!

I just wanted to drop by and say, "Thank you so very much for making such a good impression on the princess today..." (gasps)

(panicked) WHAT is Celestia's pet doing here?!

Fluttershy: (defensively) I couldn't leave the poor thing there! She needed my help.

Twilight: (frantic) Oh, no. Nonononono NO! This is bad.

Fluttershy: How could I just walk away and not do anything?

Twilight: But-but...she doesn't BELONG to you!

Fluttershy: I had to do something! Twilight: Without telling anypony?! Without asking permission?!

Fluttershy: But- (Philomena coughs)

Twilight: I know you had good intentions, but you have got to return the princess' pet!

Fluttershy: But- (Philomena inhales sharply)

Fluttershy: (sighs) You're right.

Okay, let's- (hacking cough) ...go.

Twilight: If we hurry, we can put her back before anypony even realizes she's missing.

(Twilight gasps)

Guard 1: We were told we could find Twilight Sparkle here. Guard 2: We regret to inform you, miss, that the royal pet has gone missing.

(Philomena coughing, muffled by basket) Twilight: (feigning ignorance) Really? You don't say!

(Twilight trying to cover coughing with nervous chuckle)

(Philomena coughs, Twilight pretends to cough)

(Philomena coughs)

(Twilight pretends to cough)

(both pretending to cough ostentatiously)

Twilight: (raspy voice) It's that dry night air.

Fluttershy: (oblivious) But it's daytime.

Twilight: (raspy, nervous voice) Well, day air's even drier!

You guards better be on your way if you're gonna find the princess' missing pet.

Philomena, was it? Thank you ever so much for keeping me in the loop! (high-pitched) Bye! (slams door)

(Twilight hyperventilates)

Twilight: (sighs) What are you doing?!

Fluttershy: Going to return Philomena, remember?

Twilight: We can't NOW!

Fluttershy: Why not?

Twilight: You have no idea what the Princess is gonna do if she finds you're the one who took her pet, do you?!

Fluttershy: ...Do YOU?

Twilight: Well...no.

But it can't be anything good!

She might banish you from Equestria.

Or throw you in a dungeon!

(door slams shut, Fluttershy gasps)

Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to!

Fluttershy: You really think the princess would do that...?

Twilight: Okay. Granted, that probably won't happen...but do you want to take any chances?!

Fluttershy: All that really matters to me is that poor little Philomena here gets well.

(Philomena wheezes) Twilight: (sarcastically) That's very noble of you.

I'll write to you when you're banished.

Unless I'm banished to somewhere there's no post office...

Then you'll have to write to me. Deal?!

Fluttershy: Please, Twilight. You just have to help me get Philomena healthy, and THEN we can return her to the princess.

And everything will be fine.

Twilight: Did you give her any kind of medicine?

Fluttershy: I tried to, but she wouldn't take it.

Twilight: (groans) Then you have to MAKE her take it.

You can't be such a pushover, Fluttershy!

You need to show this patient who's the boss.

Make her straighten up and fly right!

Fluttershy: She can't fly.

Twilight: No excuses!

Done. Okay, what else?

Fluttershy: Well, she keeps pulling her feathers off.

The ones that haven't fallen out yet from all her coughing, I mean.

Twilight: There you go.

Fluttershy: I don't think she likes it.

Twilight: Tough love, baby.

You want her to get well, don't you?

Fluttershy: Of course, but- Twilight: NEXT!

Fluttershy: Well, she desperately needs some bed rest, but I can't get her to stay put.

Twilight: (hollow echo from cone) One step ahead of you!

(Philomena wheezes and shudders agitatedly) Fluttershy: It's for your own good, Philomena. I promise!

Please, just relax and try to get some sleep.

Twilight: What's this soup over here? Smells delicious!

Fluttershy: I made it for Philomena...but she wouldn't eat it.

Twilight: Oh, she'll eat it, all right.

(Philomena screeches) Hey! Where are you going?!

Fluttershy: No! Philomena! Come back!

(Benny Hill's "Yakety Sax" plays)

Rainbow Dash: What are you two doing? Are you having a race?! Oh, can I play? 1 2 3 GO!

(Pinkie Pie chewing noisily)

Fluttershy: 'Scuse me! Pinkie Pie: (mouth full) HI!

Twilight: Beg your pardon! Rarity: Put me down!

Applejack: What in tarnation...?

Twilight: Sorry, but we've gotta find- Guard: THE PRINCESS' PET BIRD!

(Philomena wheezes)

Fluttershy: Philomena! Come down from there! You'll hurt yourself!

(feather pops off)

(exaggerated death rattle)

(death rattle resumes)

Fluttershy: I'll catch you! (Pinkie Pie gasps)

(Philomena bursts into flames)

(Fluttershy gasps)

(ashes land on Fluttershy's hooves)

(ponies gasp)

(melancholy music plays, Fluttershy whimpers)

Celestia: What is going on here?

(sternly) Twilight.

Twilight: (somberly) Yes, Your Majesty. There's been a terrible accident.

Fluttershy: It's all my fault.

Twilight: No, Princess. Fluttershy didn't know any better. It was MY fault.

Fluttershy: I'm the one who did it.

Twilight: But you were only trying to help.

Fluttershy: Some help I was.

Twilight: Will you let me do this?! She'll go easier on me.

Fluttershy: But it's my fault!

Twilight: No, it's MY fault!

Pinkie Pie: (oblivious) Nope! It's my fault!

...Wait, what are we talking about?

Fluttershy: Thanks for trying to protect me, Twilight, but Princess Celestia? I'm the one who took your pet bird.

I really was only trying to help the poor little thing.

Then I was gonna bring it right back to you, honest.

So, if you wanna banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to, then that's what I deserve.

Celestia: (relaxed) Oh, stop fooling around, Philomena. You're scaring everypony.

(hissing noises)

(ponies gasp)

(ponies "ooh" and "ahh")

Fluttershy: I don't understand!

What is that thing?! What happened to Philomena?

Celestia: This IS Philomena. She's quite a sight, as I said.

But nothing unusual for a phoenix. Isn't that right, Philomena?

(Philomena squawks elegantly)

Fluttershy: A...a phoenix?

Celestia: A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird.

While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, (Philomena flaps wings)

every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame.

(Philomena squawks majestically) (under breath) Rather melodramatic, if you ask me.

It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy.

All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix.

I'm afraid mischievous little Philomena, here, took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy.

(sternly) Say you're sorry, young lady.

(Philomena moans remorsefully)

Fluttershy: So...aren't you gonna banish me? Or throw me in a dungeon?

Or banish me then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to?

Celestia: Of course not, My Little Pony. Where on earth did you get such an idea?

Fluttershy: I guess I have some imagination.

Twilight: Fluttershy really did do everything she could to try to take care of Philomena for you.

Celestia: And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child.

But all you had to do was ask me, and I could have told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble.

Fluttershy: I know. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

Next time I'll ask before taking matters into my own hooves.

Twilight: Should I write you a letter about that lesson, Princess?

Celestia: No, that's quite all right. I think I can remember.

(Philomena coos affectionately)

Fluttershy: It's beautiful! Thank you, Philomena. No hard feelings.

Rainbow Dash: Hm...

(Rainbow Dash whispers indistinctly)

(guards attempting to stifle laughter)

(guards laughing uproariously)

Rainbow Dash: Yes! (laughs)

(ponies laugh)

(ending theme begins) My Little Pony

My Little Pony

(instrumental)

My Little Pony, friends