Original subtitles

Amanda, this is quicker!

AMANDA LAUGHS

I'm looking forward to going home, but I'm going to miss all of this.

We've gone everywhere. We've seen every side.

Really seen everything.

Maybe every time we go on holiday,

we should just try and renovate a house,

because then we enjoy the place more.

AMANDA LAUGHS

MUSIC: La Bambola by Patty Pravo

Amanda and I are coming to the end of the summer

renovating our dream project in Sicily.

We're in the middle of our final and biggest task yet...

Oh!

..creating an open-plan living and dining room,

inspired by the Sicilian landscape.

Shall I stick to this dining room and you do the lounge? Yeah.

We've tackled the hard graft...

..creating an arch to link the spaces together.

Oh, my God.

It's amazing!

Now, we're taking on the interiors,

and we're kicking it off in the bustling city of Palermo

in search of classic Sicilian antiques.

What are you like at ramming the price down?

I've been into Marrakech.

You go low. Yeah, you go low.

Then you do this, you do this.

And then they call you back.

Do I look like a mug?

No, you look like an ice cream seller.

ALAN LAUGHS

Ooh, this looks good.

Oh, look at that chair. That's nice, isn't it? That's a lovely chair.

You wanted a statement pot, Amanda. AMANDA LAUGHS

I mean, that's...

"Oh, Betty, the cat's done a whoopsie!"

Is that it?

It's like the Old Curiosity Shop. Yes.

Buongiorno. Buongiorno! Buongiorno.

Oh, my gosh.

Ooh, this is a bit spooky.

Look at that dolly there. Yes, I know.

It's like a little baby ghost.

This looks a bit more promising. Oh, that's nice.

I think this is quite traditional.

Well, it's obviously religious.

Well, it's Catholic, isn't it? Yeah.

Everywhere you go, you see the Virgin Mary... Yeah.

..you see religious iconography. It's stunning.

So, I think if we have a little nod to it in the room,

I think is really nice.

I think I quite like that.

Quanto costa?

30. That's good. I'll hold your fan.

Alan, look at these amazing tiles.

These are great.

Do you know what I've seen, around here, when I went to the loo?

They had like a light, Alan,

and they made them out of tiles, like that... Oh, yeah!

..and the light's sort of under here.

So, make a light fixture out of it?

Yes. Do you like that idea? I like that idea.

I feel like we should buy all of them.

So, quanto costa...

..all of the...?

What was "tiles"?

Er, terrazzo.

Terrazzo? Tiles?

All? Yeah.

100. 100.

I think that's a good price.

What a find, finding those tiles.

Oh, my God, those tiles are everything,

cos we can make the lights, like I said.

They will definitely get used. Yeah. Definitely.

Back in Salemi, at our apartment,

our newly laid terrazzo floor is being polished.

Amanda wants the living room to have a modern, pared-back look,

but I want to bring some drama in the dining room,

so I've roped in Scott to help make a statement marble table.

First, we've got to create the frame.

This is the base we're going to sit the marble on top of.

Ooh, look. So, this is the metal we're going to be using.

I'm going for metal legs - sleek, sexy.

The marble is going to do the talking.

So, in a way, I'm pleased cos it's rustic and Amanda's going to love it

because it's that little bit of star quality.

We've got to cut everything down to size first.

How long do you want the table?

Get over there and let me measure it.

Let's not go silly, but it's a lovely, big space in there,

so we might as well use it. Yeah.

210? 210. That sounds good.

And that's quite a big table. Yeah. It's sociable.

It's massive.

Oh... Is it too big now?

For me, a dining table is very important.

Your plate, your plate, your wine glass, wine glass,

tequila shot glass...

Are you doing a full silver service?

Well, yeah. I mean, just in case I have royalty round.

You'll find the Carrs often sitting around the dining table,

always catching up, always chatting,

always eating or drinking or something.

75 centimetres is a normal height.

That doesn't feel comfortable.

It's cos you're not sitting down.

No, I've got a great core, you see?

It's a real game changer for me, like, to pick which materials,

to pick the look,

so it's important for me that this table looks pukka.

So, one metre by two metres for the final table top. Yeah.

And a nice height and then the marble on top.

Boom! That's a really cool-looking table, innit?

While Scott cracks on welding the table legs...

MUSIC: Blu by Tony Renis

..we're venturing out one last time to explore another Sicilian gem.

Can you believe how fast the time has gone?

I know, I know.

We've been told the famously wild Zingaro trail

is dotted with beautiful, hidden coves

that are only accessible by foot.

So, we've packed our beachwear and snorkels

to take on the coastal trek.

You can see why they're so religious here.

I mean, you look around, this looks like... Heaven.

..this isn't man-made. It does look like heaven!

Have we run out of conversation after all these weeks?

No, I know we have... No, one thing we do have to talk about,

are we going to name the house, and what are we going to call it?

Yes. We are going to name it.

Well, could we combine our names?

Casa Alan... Carrhol.

Carr... Carrholden. No, it sounds like a dodgy rental.

"Hi, I work at Car Holden."

Alamanda.

Casa Alamanda.

Yes, that's nice.

Where the hell's this beach?

How many more miles?

It's going to be so secluded, innit?

Oh, my God.

It's like Blackpool bank holiday Monday.

AMANDA LAUGHS

There's not a single bit of room.

I love it, though. It's typically Italian.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Where are we going to go?

I think maybe we'll go there.

No, put your face in the water.

Yep.

MUSIC: Tanti Affetti in un Momento from La Donna del Lago

You could be the next James Bond.

I felt like Daniel Craig.

Oh. There. That's lovely.

You're all snug. Aw, that's nice.

That was definitely worth the walk.

Oh, it was. Don't you think?

I'm so glad we did it.

Now, we've got nine miles to walk back.

In Salemi, the builders are plastering my living room walls

with a fresh white veneer.

And we're on our way back to the apartment

to lend a hand in my dining room.

Well, after that four cheese pizza I had - oh, my God...

That was divine. Yeah, but I had one of those naked dreams.

I love a blue cheese. That was too... Oh, no! Oh, my God!

No, no, what's this? We're pulled over. Are you joking?

Oh, no, what does it mean? What am I doing?

I'm being pulled over by the police. This is hilarious. Oh!

HE SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

God.

I wasn't going too fast, was I?

No, you wasn't.

Oh, no!

Oh, no. He's going...

What do I need to do?

You'll be on that show Banged Up Abroad. Oh, no!

I can't believe that just happened, can you? I can't...

I mean, I feel like we've had the full Sicilian experience!

Yeah. I mean, the fact that I'd done nothing, I was so shocked.

And then he was really severe.

I mean, my fantasy of being pulled over by, like,

a hunky Italian policeman... Well, they were hunky Italian...

They were, but, I mean, it's ruined it for me.

You loved it, though. I enjoyed it in the end.

I noticed they had a gun - now that terrifies me.

I noticed they had handcuffs.

Oh, right!

Now, we're in Salemi safe and sound, it's back to the grind.

So, have any of you plastered before?

I did once.

Have you plastered? No. Oh, my God!

I want a rustic, earthy finish on my dining room walls,

so we've invited our friends, Maria Pia, her husband Carlos,

and Fabrizio to a plastering party.

We've rallied the troops, although they've just confessed

they haven't had any experience of plastering at all!

So, we're going to put a little bit

on the bottom of the trowel, like that... OK.

..and then onto the wall.

And we're just going to keep spreading it around on the wall

like that until we get rid of all these lines.

And we want this texture. Yes. Yes. We want this texture.

Alan and I love it.

And if it looks a bit patchy, that's good. Yes.

Time is of the essence. Yeah.

We need you to just get in there and plaster this wall.

Carlos, you're good at plastering.

It's fun!

We're coming to the end of our Sicilian journey... Yeah.

..and all these people want to come and help us and have a giggle

while we're doing it. It's really nice.

Room for a little one?

Oh, my God.

How much have you put on your trowel?! Alan!

Scott, what do you think?

I think my job's safe!

THEY LAUGH

On the edge, remember? I never learn.

It's like the naughty child in school.

Scott, are you a bit stressed?

I don't feel relaxed.

I've never really had a plaster party.

Ah! Oh, my God.

Amanda, what are you doing?

I did not do it.

Problem is, it's really porous, these tiles.

So it just sucks the colour in. Don't worry.

My God, what are we going to do?

Do we need to get some water? Yes, water.

But we need cloths.

And we need cloths - badly. Right.

Well, this is war. You did that deliberately. Alan, I didn't do it.

It's all right, we got it.

Hallelujah!

How close was that to staining?

That was a really scary moment.

Well, I just thought it was a bit of a coincidence,

it's my zone and then, all of a sudden,

right in the middle, there's some red paint...

Alan, I am your friend. Mm.

I have got my suspicions and I'm sticking to them.

You've got one hair here. No, don't.

Ow! Sorry. It was just bugging me.

What colour was it - grey? Yeah.

Oh, my God, when you get grey ear hairs.

Got plenty done, haven't we?

Oh!

I think it looks lovely, Alan.

Yeah! It's nice. It does look nice.

And it's gone that really pale pink, just like my favourite rose.

I like that some of it's a little bit darker than it,

do you know what I mean? It's not perfect. No.

And it sort of reflects all of us. Yeah. We've all done a part of...

None of us are perfect, are we, Alan? No, no.

No. You're quite patchy.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Now the walls are a perfect pink,

I'm heading with Scott back to one of Salemi's best kept secrets...

Lovely day for it.

..to find a large slab of marble for my dining room.

God, there's loads of it here, isn't there?

So, there's the lava stone, which is this stuff here.

Oh, that's not right. No?

The table should really be the centrepiece of the room.

Wonder what this one's like.

That's really not... We're getting there, I think.

The floor's going to be white all the way through,

it needs something to pop in that lounge.

The table should do the talking.

Look at that one there.

That's like a Gustav Klimt, isn't it?

It's too small for a table,

but, I mean, as a coffee table... Yeah.

This one's got a bit of oomph in it. A bit more colour in it.

So, how will I know if it...?

If you just chuck a bit of water over it,

so you might reveal a bit of colour.

Really? Can you do it? Yeah.

We won't get into trouble?

Ooh.

Got kind of a streak in it.

I like the look of that. Yeah, yeah, bit of orangey kind of...

Yeah, and it goes with the tiles.

That's definitely the one.

Scusi!

This is "wow!"

What's Italian for "wow"?

Wow. Wow. Wow!

THEY LAUGH

I'm learning new words every day.

Now, I think, let's go for that. OK.

And then I think that's too good to miss, that bit of marble.

I think that would be perfect for a coffee table.

I'll try and work some magic.

Claudio!

How much is he saying?

At minute he's saying 200 quid.

Oh, forget it! What do you reckon?

Shall we see if we can get it down a bit more? Come on, please, please.

SCOTT SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

CLAUDIO REPLIES IN ITALIAN

20% off? Oh.

If I give you cash, no VAT?

Can't say that on camera.

Yes.

Lovely doing business with you. Yes, great!

THEY LAUGH

Grazie mille.

I love this place.

I've just gone wild in the aisles.

I mean, it's a no-brainer to buy local here when it's so good.

No VAT. Call me.

THEY LAUGH

It's a new day...

..and, back at the apartment, Scott is painstakingly making

a ceramic feature out of our arch,

with classic Sicilian tiles to link the spaces together.

I've asked him to tackle another tile task -

teaching Alan and I how to make wall lights out of the vintage ones

that we sourced in Palermo.

Scottie! Hello, children.

How are we? What have you been up to?

What have you destroyed in our house this time?

Look! They're our amazing tiles.

You've brought me some tiles to make lights with.

Basically, what we're going to do is we're going to glue two...

TILE SMASHES

Oh, you idiot. Oh! No, that was my favourite one as well.

Is it salvageable? No.

What's the opposite of the Midas touch? You just said...

What's the opposite of the Midas touch?

.."what have you destroyed today?" No, you... He jinxed me.

He jinxed me. Poor Scott.

This is easy to do. Yeah.

So, we're going to glue three tiles together.

And then when they're dry, clean them

and I'll sand the edges down to make it... Oh, that's nice. You are good.

So, clean the edges... Clean the edges.

..that we're going to glue with.

Would these have actually come off a wall,

or are they just, like, abandoned? Could've been off a wall, yeah.

It's nice that they're... They're really old, these tiles. ..saved.

Yeah, I love that.

But they look really good because they're old and authentic.

Can I have the gun, please?

There you go, sir. And how much?

Just a nice strip right down the edge,

really straight line.

Oh, yeah. Not too fast.

And a strip of glue down this end - nice and chunky.

That's perfect. Look at that. That's brilliant.

Straight as a die, that is, love.

Right. And then we put this on here, don't we, like that? Yep.

Do you want to try standing it up?

That's it. That one goes on there. Yeah.

Why have got your tongue out for?

Have I got my tongue out?

Looks like it's stuck together.

I'm pushing really hard on it.

Alan, well done.

So, there'll be kind of a bulb just coming out of the wall,

like that, and then this will go around it,

sort of shine up and down.

Nice, isn't it?

Just leave them until they dry. OK.

Such a simple, cheap idea.

And it looks really cute.

Well done, guys.

As the tiles bake in the heat of the sun,

we've set up a five-a-side football match

to spend the little time we have left with our friends.

Football is in your genes.

Your dad, Graham Carr, was a football manager. Yeah.

His greatest wish in the world was for Alan to be something

to do with football, and, today, that dream has come true.

That dream has come true in Salemi.

Thank you so much. Yes.

Girls versus boys. Boys are going to win, aren't they?

Yeah, whatever!

Boys are going to win! Yeah.

THEY CHEER

Yay! Woohoo! Come on.

Everyone plays football in my family,

so I feel this is my...

There's a side to me no-one's ever seen before

and they're going to see it today.

Can we have a fair game now?

No biting, no punching, no slapping, just kicking, OK?

WHISTLE BLOWS

Kick it!

CHEERING

Oh, Carlos, what are you thinking?!

Go on!

Yes! Get it!

One minute.

One minute, lads. Come on!

Don't let Alan score a bloody goal - we'll never hear the end of it!

CHEERING

Oh!

Yeah!

He scores.

Thank you. And that's the end.

Aw. Well done, boys. Well done, everyone.

We did Salemi proud, didn't we? Yes. Yes.

Alan, I'm so impressed with your football. Oh, thank you so much.

Don't touch me, you're too sweaty.

I love you, though.

ALAN LAUGHS

MUSIC: Nessuno by Mina

Look at that sea, isn't it gorgeous? Yeah. I love Trapani.

To satisfy my love of vintage,

Carlos has taken me to the coastal city of Trapani

to visit a legendary antique shop

to find some final pieces for my dining room.

Amanda, she won't let me sort of do what I want to do in the house.

She's a - what's Italian for battle-axe? She's like...

I want the house to look nice, but I want it to be my stuff.

But if Amanda tells me off, will you say that you bought it?

Yeah, yeah, it's my idea.

Yeah, that's it. Your idea. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I've got Carlos, me wingman with me, we're going to do what lads do.

Go and get some bric-a-brac, knick-knack, doilies.

Proper lads. Lads, lads, lads!

Whilst Alan enjoys his lads' shopping trip,

I'm going solo in Trapani's modern district,

looking for inspiration for my living room.

My challenge is to try and keep it simple and under furnished,

so that we still have that feeling of space.

I think the important thing is,

is to have a sofa that doesn't really dominate the room.

We can't overcrowd it with...

..pieces.

I like this. Is this good? What is this key to? Is it for your home?

For my home, yes!

The thing to do is to not get sort of tied into the rusticness.

Right, we need something traditional.

Is that tradizionale? Yeah.

We need to go modern.

Look at this. It's amazing.

We could get that for Amanda's living room.

Just to sort of keep it clean and simple.

Oh, look at this.

Like an Aladdin's cave.

I love this plate. Tradizionale? Yeah, yeah.

Each house has many plates like this.

What about that big bowl for the dining room table?

Yeah, this is the insalatiera.

For the salad.

How do I get the man's attention? What do I say?

C'e qualcuno.

C'e qualcuno!

Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Buongiorno.

I like that, that and that.

Grazie. What's good price?

Sconto. Sconto, come on.

Sconto. Sconto, love.

Novanta euro.

HE CONTINUES IN ITALIAN

Oh, 90, is that good? Is that good? Yeah.

How much is the telly?

It might get on Amanda's nerves, so I think I should get it.

Televisione, venticinque euro.

25.

She's going to hate it.

I'll buy it.

Grazie grande, amico mio. Grazie, grazie!

I know a bargain when I see one!

ALAN LAUGHS

With all our furnishings purchased,

our team of builders are working on the final task...

..installing our green doors for the Juliet balcony.

As my marble masterpieces of a table is now in place too...

It's gorgeous. I love it.

..we can bring our vision to life with the finishing touches.

Can I put this up? That's beautiful plastered wall, that is.

But you go for it, it's your room. What could go wrong?

I'm not Mr Bean.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Is that a nice display? Yes.

Shall I cover up the socket? He's learning.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Alan, can you give me a hand with this rug?

Oh, it looks nice. Yeah, it's nice colours.

And where do you want your religious iconography?

That is perfect.

Amanda, I've got a little something

which I think would go great in here. Have you?

Here you go. Is that for me?

Yes. I thought it'd go great in your lounge.

It's small and... Orange.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Let's put it on top of your chest of drawers,

that'll look lovely in there.

ALAN LAUGHS

Beautiful.

I have to say, it doesn't actually look that bad.

MUSIC: Il Mondo by Jimmy Fontana

It's gorgeous.

There's a lot of synergy... That's a big word.

..between these two rooms. Yes.

I really, really love this dining room table.

I mean, that is just epic.

Loving the marble.

I think the marble is great.

Even though it's modern, there are lots of Sicilian touches.

Our tile lights are brilliant.

And these... I know. ..are my favourite thing about both rooms.

I feel a bit sad that it's done.

I really love it.

Do you think we should go into business together, Alan? No.

Oh. It would be the end of our friendship.

You wouldn't do this again? I would do this again.

Yes, you would. Of course I would!

Oh, my actual God.

After a summer of living la dolce vita...

Look at that!

I feel like I'm in a movie.

..making new friends...

Oh! My name is Fabrizio. Nice to meet you.

Bedda matri! Bedda matri!

..putting up with existing ones...

Oh!

No more now cos you're getting violent.

..and a lot of hard graft...

Push! Push, Alan!

Amanda, you sort of know what you're doing.

..we've pulled together...

Mwah! Oh, thank you, Alan. Aw.

..to breathe new life back into our empty apartment,

bought for one euro.

We've managed to marry Sicilian traditions... Yeah.

..with Alan and Amanda's personalities.

Even though our tastes are very different,

it's got a really lovely flow to it.

And, I mean, we're still friends. Yes.

I think that is really testament to how well we get on because,

you know, it could've been a lot worse.

Shall I do it like that, do you reckon? Guys.

Sorry to interrupt the cushioning.

While you're out here,

do you want to tell me where you want the sign going?

It's now stuck on the board. Ooh! Oh, look!

Beautiful, isn't it? Casa Alamanda.

I love it.

Casa Alamanda. Alamanda.

I think it really suits.

Oh, this is quite emotional.

That is amazing.

Thank God for Scott.

He's been the kind of rock... An absolute gem.

..and the anchor of this entire thing.

He's full of ideas. He made us feel like anything was possible.

He made beds, he made table legs.

He is a find.

Oh, this is nice! This is really nice. Yeah.

Aw, thank you, Scott.

That is the exclamation mark.

We've done it. We've done it now. End.

And what better way to show off our apartment in all its glory

than a party with our friends and neighbours?

Welcome!

Welcome to Casa Alamanda.

Come in, come in.

Who wants a red? Do you want red?

But what do you think of my bedroom? Sexy bedroom?

No, not sexy, but it's OK.

Carlos! This is my bedroom.

It's wonderful. Wonderful. Oh! Look.

Discotheque.

CORK POPS, ALAN SCREAMS, CHEERING

Oh, my God!

Salute! Cheers, guys.

Guys, it's been a pleasure having you in Sicily.

What you've done for Salemi will make an enormous difference.

It's emotional leaving Salemi.

I do feel there's a bond there. Yeah.

We'll miss all the friends that we've come to know and love here.

This one euro scheme doesn't just give you a property to do up,

it gives you a community.

It was one of my greatest summer of my life. Aw, you!

You're such a sweetheart. Cheers and congrats.

Yeah. We will really miss you.

Aw, thank you. Well, we'll be back.

We're definitely coming back.

But the real achievement is that we came here

and we did exactly what we set out to do and, actually...

Yeah. ..to leave behind such a beautiful house to live in

and start the ball rolling for other people,

it's just an amazing thing.

So, just very gradually, brick by brick,

this place will come back to life.

I'm so proud of myself. Good.

I am. You're a trier, Alan... I'm a trier.

..I will give you that. You were very TRYING.

AMANDA LAUGHS

ALL: Salemi!

Well, that was fun. Same again next year?

Ooh. Yes, Alan.

But, don't forget, you actually owe me a euro.

You're never getting that euro.

MUSIC: Time To Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli