Original subtitles

I mean, do you have any weird celebrity crushes?

Oh. I mean, don't get me started.

I quite like Alan Sugar.

Really?!

Yeah, and then I always, always had a thing

for Jack Nicholson my whole life. When he was younger. Oh.

What about you? Oh, I remember having a thing

for He-Man, and I used to fancy Face.

Do you remember Face from A-Team?

Yeah. He was nice.

I like someone that can make me laugh. Yes.

I've been laughed into bed, Alan.

Oh! I've laughed myself out of bed.

THEY LAUGH

Boom, boom, boom!

In the hilltop town of Salemi in western Sicily

I've bought two dilapidated apartments for one euro each.

We've spent the summer renovating most of the rooms...

Amazing. It's really tasteful.

..with the aim to make one gorgeous home.

I'm not a disco ball convert, but I think it goes lovely in here.

Now we're taking on our final project, creating an open plan

living and dining room.

And I've already got it off to a start by knocking

down the old bathroom wall to open up the space with an extra

window to bring in more light.

Oh!

Notice anything missing?

Yes.

Hello! Oh, my God. Window. What a difference that makes.

Yes.

Oh, Alan, you did really good.

This is the dining area.

Where do you reckon the table should be?

Are you going to...? It's just basically that or that, isn't it?

I'd love to have marble.

I want it, like, authentic and everything.

And then, of course, we're going to knock down that as well.

Yes.

To create our open plan layout, we want to take down the dividing

wall between the two apartments.

So how are we going to do this?

Shall I stick to this dining room and you do the lounge?

Yeah. What style are you going in?

Because we're not having this like the bathroom.

No. For this one, we have to be on the same page.

Yeah. Because it's going to look odd.

So we'll... I will compromise.

You're going to compromise. I will.

She's going to compromise.

You got... That's on camera, love. I will. That's on camera.

Because what you've got to remember is now we've got those windows,

we've got that amazing view

and I feel you want it to be almost immersive.

All of that can reflect it.

Yeah. So it's like the outside in.

That's it. Yes.

Shall we go next door and have a look? Yeah. OK.

I've had to change the way my brain thinks when it comes to colour

while I've been here and I've had to think more in a sort of pastel-y,

clean, light, cool way.

So it's on the other side of that.

Yeah. What kind of arch do you want?

Oh. I don't like a round arch.

I don't like... I find them old-fashioned.

So, listen, where do you want this square arch, then?

I would like it to go as far back as it can

without it falling down. So up here.

So up there.

And then along?

And then... How am I going to do this?

And then... Yeah.

Hi, guys. Hi. Hello, love.

You've been scribbling on the wall. Have you seen my arch?

Yeah. I don't want round.

Basically, this wall is a structural wall. It's 60 centimetres thick.

Is it possible to go as far back as we can

or because it's structural, is there, like,

a limit on how big it can...?

Yeah, exactly.

We've got to have a metre basically from this wall, so... God. A metre?!

A metre. Like a throne room. What's the point?

It'll still be quite big. It's like my height.

Oh, right. Now that's very clear.

And then two metres, 30, height.

This ain't an arch. That's a cat flap.

It's tiny.

I'm gutted.

It's going to feel like two rooms. I'm just deflated, really.

That's just such a central part...

Do you feel like a balloon that's gradually losing its air?

Yeah. Like on a roundabout.

You know, it's got, "Pam's 40th", and then it's just sagging.

After a disappointing day, I've decided to dust myself off

for a little pick me up with our local landlord, Fabrizio.

Buon giorno.

Ciao. How are you? Please get me something strong

because I've got a problem with me arch.

I know you're going to find a very smart solution for that.

You know me. I'm always thinking outside the box.

So tell me all the gossip about Salemi.

What's going down?

Oh, you know, we are preparing for the summer events.

Wonderful. Anything I'd like?

Do you like pasta?

Do I like pasta?!

I love pasta.

We are preparing for our pasta festival.

Oh! We will have, we hope, up to 15,000 people

all around the whole town... Stuffing their faces with pasta?

Yeah. And fighting each other to get more.

We dedicate two days. Each restaurant prepares

different recipes of pasta.

The shape is always the same.

It's busiate. It has the shape...

Spiral? Yeah, spiral shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is this typical shape of the Trapani area.

It's going to be amazing.

Anyway, listen, this is just what the doctor ordered.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. Big pleasure.

I can't wait for this pasta festival, honestly.

We want to make the most of the apartment's epic views,

and that means upgrading the Juliet balconies with some

beautiful new doors.

So Scott's taking me to a local carpenter workshop

in the nearby town, Vita.

It smells of woodwork lessons from school.

These are the style we're looking at.

This would be one of the balcony doors.

Obviously, this is the unfinished wood.

It will have an internal shutter just to protect the flooring

and furniture from the strong light. From fading.

And they don't tend to use curtains here.

Oh, I like that.

For me, one of the best things

about the whole project is being able

to kind of invest in the small businesses in this little town,

you know, sort of give everyone a little bit of a leg up

and it's locally made, so I think it's, like, brilliant.

So what is this wood?

It's called okoume.

Okoume. So it's like an African type of wood. It's very pink, isn't it?

When it's varnished, it goes this darker brown colour.

I know it's the tradition here,

I don't like brown, I have to say. You don't like brown.

Me and Alan saw a shutter that was like a green, which I liked.

Are we allowed to have it green? There's some rules.

There's, like, a palette we've got to follow.

We can't have it, like, a luminous green or something like that.

Who would do luminous green?

Buongiorno. Buongiorno.

Nice to meet you.

Si.

Oh, this is very exciting.

OK.

I mean, green still is quite a good idea,

but I also really like this idea.

No. No? No.

Too different to the colour around, he's saying.

Yes. So we do have to go green. So there is...

It needs to be in keeping with the rest of everywhere.

Well, we know what we want then, don't we?

So we're going to go for this style, I think, absolutely everywhere.

OK, perfect. Thank you very much.

I've chosen traditional doors that will be painted dark green

in keeping with Salemi's colour palette,

with clear glass panels and off-white shutters on the inside.

To create a cohesive look in the living-dining room,

we want to have the same floor throughout.

But first of all, we need to rip up the old tiles

and Scott's put me in charge.

I've never taken floor tiles up before.

OK. Where do you even start?

So we'll start in the corner with the jackhammer.

Underneath the tiles, there's, like, a layer of concrete

and then under that there's a layer of stone.

So they should come up fairly easy once they're kind of

broken out of place.

When me and Amanda decided to change the flooring,

I didn't realise it would take all this.

It's going to take forever, isn't it?

Once we get going, it will start to come up fairly quick.

JACKHAMMER WHIRS

It's stuck.

Oh!

HE CHUCKLES

There's no part of me secretly enjoying this.

Believe. Do you believe in me?

I believe in you. I'm not crying, that's sweat.

THEY LAUGH

This room's just going to be sensational. It'll be so spacious.

I mean, me and Amanda, we do have different tastes,

but there's going to have to be a bit of compromise somewhere

because we don't want it like, as you go into one room,

into another room, you're like,

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happened here?"

You've got to have your flow. You've got to have your story,

because it's all about the surroundings for me.

There are a lot of stray dogs here.

But do you remember our first day, that dog that befriended us?

Oh, yes. I wonder where he is now.

He showed you the way. He did. It was very odd, wasn't it?

We thought we would have him for the entire thing

and we've never seen him since.

Are you going to get another dog?

Definitely. You told me that... Because I rang you up, didn't I?

I said, "Oh, Bev's died."

And you said, "They were here for as long as you needed them."

Yes. And I thought... I'm not going to talk about it

cos I'm getting upset. Aw, no. She was here as long as you needed.

They're never here as long as you want them.

They're never here as long as you want.

Aw. It's so weird, innit? It just...

I know. They're little proper souls who come...

They're like angels with fur

and they come and look after you for what you need, I think.

I know. Oh, darling.

To try to agree on our vision for the shared space,

we're turning to the Sicilian landscape for inspiration.

We've come back to one of our favourite spots,

the natural reserve of Zingaro,

one of the most unspoiled regions in Sicily,

and the best way to see it is by boat.

I feel like with the living room,

because we've got to think about that,

because that's the last room that we're doing,

it's got to really represent Sicily, hasn't it? Yeah.

You've got those, the lovely greens,

and then you've got the oranges and the peachy colours. Yeah.

That's how I do my cheeks, there.

That's Mandy bronzer colour, that. Oh, is it?

Thanks for letting me know that little showbiz secret.

AMANDA CHUCKLES

But no, but seriously, it's just absolutely what I wouldn't do,

which is really soft pastel colours, which I know...

I just don't remember ever doing that. No, no.

Which is lovely, because it's quite relaxing

and that's how that room will feel.

I think it will look fantastic. Yeah, yeah.

Considering how worried we were about everything.

I'm so pleased we've come this far, as well. I know.

Because you think when we first got here and it was just like,

"What are we going to do?" I'm going to miss it, though.

I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss seeing your little face. Aw!

I mean, it's not over. Oh, my God, you've got...

So sweaty. I know, sweaty. But what do you expect?

To get me excited about the living room's potential,

Scott's taking me south of the island

to a newly-restored 19th century farmhouse

where decorative Sicilian arches take centre stage.

I know you're a little bit concerned about this archway in the lounge.

Yeah. And they've done some really nice things

with the archways here.

I just need it to work.

Oh, look at this.

It's beautiful, isn't it? Yes.

And look how thick it is, as well.

You can feel that it separates the two spaces,

but it's not separate spaces.

I love it. I think it's so good.

I thought the arch was going to be, like, a hindrance.

It enhances it, doesn't it? Yeah. I think so.

Yeah, I love these tiles. I think they're simple and effective.

This might be so important,

because you've got Amanda doing that room and me doing that room.

We might need this tiled to... Something that...

To tie them together. ..tie them together.

I like the curved arch.

I think square might look weird.

Curved is certainly a lot more traditional and characterful.

That's what I want, traditional and characterful, yeah.

I don't know if characterful's a real word.

I don't, but I'm just being polite.

Thank you.

I think it's archful. I love a good archful and tileful.

And I'm going to take some pictures.

Oh, that's wonderful, that.

So you feel a little less negative about the archway?

That's it. My negativity's gone, yeah.

Oh, look at this.

Look at the sea!

This is stunning, isn't it? Yes.

Coming here has been such an eye-opener.

I mean, that arch I thought was just going to, like, ruin everything.

But actually, if you do make a feature of it,

it can actually be a focal point of the room.

Amanda wanted a square arch, but I'm going to put my foot down.

Back in Salemi, the day has arrived to open up the two rooms.

It's a big job with big power tools

that's normally left to the professionals.

But since I'm here to gain as much build experience as I can,

Scott's agreed to let me get hands-on.

One thing we've got to be really careful,

because this is the main supporting wall for the whole building,

the builders are going to come along and they're going to

slowly insert the steels above it,

and then they're going to build two pillars

just to make it safe underneath.

And we're going to trace out this bit here.

In the middle, it's just dry stones.

Basically if you take too much out, it can just start falling away,

so we've got to be really careful.

OK, then. Do you know what? I'm not going to lie,

I do feel a bit nervous.

That's it. It's much heavier than I...

DRILL WHIRS

Ooh.

THEY LAUGH

Oh!

This is going so well.

So if you come down a bit, you can rest it on your hip.

Yeah.

Oh, dear.

It's all going wrong.

Flippin' heck. It's going to take forever.

While Amanda rolls up her sleeves,

I've left the boiler suit behind

to go in search of an old friend.

When me and Amanda first got here,

there was a dog that brought us to the house.

The dog came out of nowhere.

We called her Cleo and I just thought it was a sign

and I haven't seen her since that first day.

So I want to find Cleo just to give her a bit of love,

a bit of TLC.

Of course I'm a dog lover.

I recently rescued a dog from Korea from the dog meat trade

and Tuppence now has got a lovely home.

You're not Cleo. Do you want a bit of sausage?

Come on. Hey, come on. They're for you.

Ah, that's it.

Good boy.

Right, I've got to go and find Cleo now.

Oh, look at this one.

Hello.

You're not Cleo.

Hey, come here.

I keep hitting the metal.

OK. You can pull it out now.

Yeah, yeah. It's bloody... It's the blinking met...

Ooh!

No! Oh, my God.

All right, do you know what? Maybe we should just have a serving hatch.

Excuse me. Do you speak English?

Of course. Yes. I'm looking for...

This will sound crazy.

..a dog, quite thin.

And when I first got to Salemi, it followed me around.

She's name is Bella. She's always around here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where we saw... Oh, my God. Yeah.

Because we call her Cleo.

She's always moving, you know,

and sometimes she guides all the tourists.

That's a special thing about her.

Oh, I thought I was special.

If you see her, tell her I've got a sausage. OK.

I love the fact that Bella is Salemi's lucky dog.

I will keep looking for her. I'm going to buy some more sausage.

Is that Bella? That's Bella.

That is Bella. I... Bella! Hello, Bella.

I've missed you.

Oh, yeah. You like a little cuddle.

Oh, I'm so pleased we found her.

Oh, look at this.

It's so sweet.

Oh, it makes me miss my dogs, though.

I can see why everyone loves her.

There you go. That's your lot.

I'll see you tomorrow.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh!

I'm knackered.

Look at that.

SCOTT LAUGHS

We haven't even got anywhere.

We'll bring in a few guys.

SHE SIGHS

I think we do need to.

I hate saying that.

But I might have to accept defeat.

I feel like I've met my match in that wall.

I hate giving up.

My thing to my children is never give up.

Everyone knows that's my motto in life.

Never give up.

I gave up.

SHE SIGHS

Inspired by the colours of the landscape,

I want the dining room to have a natural plaster finish.

I want something, like, earthy, rustic.

Earthy and rustic.

The plaster in Sicily is white,

so to bring a pop of colour, you need to add pigments

and I have a few different options to try.

Chuck it on the wall and give it a go. Yeah, that's it.

It does dry lighter.

Right, slide it off.

Don't... Don't let it... That's it.

Something like that.

Let me show you with your hand. ALAN SIGHS

So... Oh. It's very Ghost.

It's very Ghost, innit?

So that's... I nearly sang I've Had The Time Of My Life.

But that's the other one, innit? That's Dirty Dancing.

Don't you try and lift me up!

No-one puts Alan in the corner.

Here we go.

Don't turn your trowel upside down.

Just go. Oh.

See, I love that textured bit.

You can see where I've put the trowel there. Nice.

Oh, can you see how light this is going? Yes.

Oh, now I'm thinking I like that.

I'm finding it hard to make decisions today

because it's a big deal.

That's a big room and I'm sharing it with Amanda.

And every time I put a layer of plaster on,

I come back five minutes later and it's changed colour again.

So it's just doing my head in.

I didn't know plaster was so difficult.

I don't like that any more.

OK. That's like a ghost pink.

That's like a pink that's died.

Let's go and have a cuppa. Let's come back, then I'll clear my head.

Have some caffeine and then it'll all be sorted.

Nice. Nice. OK, lovely.

With only a short time left on the island,

we want to soak up all that Sicily has to offer.

And these hills have a history.

On the south coast is the ancient Greek city of Selinunte

and we've heard it's best to visit at sunset.

Hello, Gigi. I'm Alan.

Mi chiamo Alan. Like this?

So, Amanda's had the bright idea to go on horseback.

Alan, it suits you being on a horse. Oh!

OK, hold on. Hold on, please.

I get scared. OK, let's go.

Alan looks like... No, no, it's fine.

It's just I'm getting a bit of chafing downstairs, which is fine.

Yeah. Alan, where are we going?

Where we're going now is the Temple of Hera

and she is the goddess of women.

Oh, yes.

This is the biggest archaeological site in Europe.

Where are you going? I know you don't like history,

but there's no need to go the opposite way. I love history!

I know you do. I know you do.

Oh, my God.

Look at that!

That's stunning. I feel like I'm in a movie.

Isn't it beautiful?

There are seven temples dotted across the 270-hectare site,

all built around 2,500 years ago and used as places of worship.

If you were a god, what god would you be?

I'm already a god. A god of comedy and laughter.

No, I'd be... The god of modesty.

THEY LAUGH

It's the perfect time of day to come and do it. It's got such a...

It's got such an energy up here, hasn't it? It really has.

Ah! Oh! BLEEP!

Jesus, so has that!

That was shaken up in your saddle bag!

It's been in my saddle bag!

Oh, dear. That's perfect. That's perfect.

I can't believe that we are nearly done. I know.

Not much more to do.

I think our friendship's got closer. Hmm.

But also I think I realised that our design tastes

are actually quite different.

They're different.

You know, just shows to testament how friendly,

friendly we've become and how... Yeah.

You've only had one sip. I know. I don't...

That's testament... Why do I get so drunk so...?

That's testament to how friendly we've become.

How friendly we've become.

What?

I feel like I'm a stranger who's just sat here and went...

"Are you Amanda Holden off the telly?"

Having been defeated by the building's main structural wall,

Scott's called in the professionals to take on the job

and reinforce the opening with steel beams...

..ready for us to check it out.

Mind that dog poo.

Amanda is adamant she wants the square arch,

but I want a lovely curved arch.

I've been inspired and this time I'm sticking to my guns.

Oh, my God.

It's amazing.

Look!

And actually, it looks wide enough.

I had an idea. Oh.

What about having an arch rather than the square?

I've seen it at this gorgeous hotel,

and they have it tiled as well over like that.

It looks so nice. Does it?

It really looks nice.

Cos I hate an arch and I think it's old-fashioned.

Once that's plastered, it will just look clean and nice.

No, no, no. You want to soften the corners?

Let's soften it and then we tile it, as well.

And it's really smooth and this is quite...

It'll look more like a viaduct.

I just don't think...

I think you're missing a trick.

I think viaducts are in this season.

I'm a pushover. What can I say?

Look, I'm on...

Look, I'm a doormat.

I am literally a doormat.

Physically, look.

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

That's Sicilian for, "Yes, you're a doormat."

At least compromise and let me have some tiles here. Yeah.

Some Sicilian tiles.

Can we walk through? Yes.

Come on, come into my area.

Oh, look.

Right, OK.

AMANDA GASPS

Colours.

Four of them. Oh.

I've gone for one. I've taken control.

I'm going to say that's my favourite because it looks like plaster.

Yes. Dried plaster. And that's what I wanted, yes.

Like dry plaster. Like my bedroom. Yes.

Oh! There you go.

You got your own way. Beautiful. Again!

Stunning. Excellent choice, Mr Carr. Wonderful.

The major works on the living-dining room are complete...

..forming a new light and airy, open-plan space

so we can get creative.

But that will have to wait.

MUSIC PLAYS

Because tonight, Salemi's biggest celebration is bringing

our quiet little town back to life.

Oh, Alan.

I've never seen it so busy. No!

The pasta festival brings thousands of people to town to eat and drink

and be with their families.

Look at Mummy.

So I brought along my mum and dad and my daughters, Lexi and Hollie...

What do you say? Thank you.

..to join in with the festivities and catch up with our friends

Fabrizio, Maria Pia and Carlos.

So, you've got music, you've got pasta.

It's like PASTAnbury.

The special shape of the pasta, busiate,

is named after the busa, which translates as knitting needle,

the tool originally used to make it.

So that's a pomodoro? Yeah.

This is trapanese pesto.

Oh, wow. Look at this.

Oh, my gosh, look. This is for me.

This is my one. Yeah.

Oh, please. Oh, oh, oh, lovely!

ALAN CHUCKLES

Thank you. Delicious. Thank you so much.

There's lights down here. There's a party going on. Ooh.

There's a whole party going on. A disco.

Oh!

Wow!

Join the conga. Don't be shy. Come on.

I do feel quite emotional,

because every day we've gone,

"Why doesn't everybody love this place like we love it?" Yeah.

And then now suddenly the blood has poured back into the city. Yeah.

What I would say as well, when you go on holiday,

have a look at that map.

You know, if there's a place that you've never heard of,

go and see it, because it might be a gorgeous village

that just needs your TLC and your... Love.

Your love, yeah. Yeah.

I can't believe that in a couple of weeks we have to say goodbye.

Maybe one more little wine and maybe a little bit more pasta

and then I'm going to go to bed, because we've got a busy week.

We've got to get this house ready. Oh, massive.

Next time...

I'm being pulled over by the police.

..we have a brush with the law...

You'll be on that show Banged Up Abroad.

And it's all hands on deck to finish our final room...

Scott, what do you think? I think my job's safe!

LAUGHTER

..before our big send-off.

CORK POPS, ALAN SCREAMS

CHEERING

# Tu vuo' fa' l'americano

# 'Mericano, 'mericano

# Ma si' nato in Italy

# Sient' a mme, nun ce sta niente 'a fa

# OK, napulitan

# Tu vuo' fa' l'american

# Tu vuo' fa' l'american

# Whisky e soda e rock 'n' roll Whisky e soda e rock 'n' roll

# Whisky e soda e rock 'n' roll. #