Original subtitles

Buongiorno. Buongiorno.

Listen, I need some lovely juicy fruit. Fragola.

Fragola. What's fragola?

Fragola... Oh, strawberries.

Look at that. Profumo ottima. OK. Yeah.

How much? RESPONDS IN ITALIAN

All of that? Si.

Oh, wonderful.

Yes. This is brilliant. Grazie. Yeah. Mwah. Thank you.

Arrivederci. Arrivederci.

Oh, back to work.

In Western Sicily,

I've bought two dilapidated apartments for one euro each

in the medieval town of Salemi.

I really want to immerse myself in the culture here,

and I want the house to look good.

I just want to do this town proud.

And we plan to transform them both into one home in just three months.

I didn't have a clue that you could buy a house for one euro,

so when the opportunity came up,

I mean, it was just too good to believe.

With the help of our project manager, Scott, and his team

of builders, we've completed the kitchen and the bathrooms.

Now, we're taking on one of the bedrooms, and I'm in charge.

Guys, boys...

Yes, please. Wonderful.

So far, Amanda has made the big design decisions.

Now it's my turn to shine.

Because Amanda browbeats me all the time,

I'm allowed now, while she's not here, to put my own stamp on it.

Her taste is a bit me, me, me.

And I think it should be ME, me, me.

To keep Amanda out of the way,

I've ordered her to take the morning off.

There's an art form here which is called Dolce Niente,

which basically means the art of doing nothing.

I thought, as I'm in Sicily, I have to do as my neighbours.

Is it too early for an Aperol, do you think?

I found dust in my pants yesterday.

How are you feeling doing all this manual work?

For four years, I did menial jobs, working in factories,

sweeping up, shrink wrapping, packing shampoo, dog food.

Yeah. I wasn't always the national treasure, you know.

I used to do proper jobs.

THEY LAUGH

What is in front of that?

With the rubble cleared, Alan wants to show me his design vision.

What's been your worst holiday? Oh, my God.

When I went to Cyprus, I went on an inflatable assault course

in the middle of the sea,

fell off and broke my leg, and I had to swim back to shore.

No.

What about yours?

Oh, I got the shits in Mexico.

AMANDA LAUGHS

OK. So, this is it.

Double bed there.

Oh, you don't think you would do it here, looking out?

No, no, no. There. Why?

Oh, my God, Alan.

You don't want to look at that amazing view there?

Look at it. No, I want it there.

What are you going to look at? What's going to be there, then?

I'm having a think.

All right, might be there, might be there.

There, vintage sideboard and then something wow there.

Something wow. Because these ceilings can take that.

How's this for a game changer? Green - you know I love green.

Yes. Green all the way on the roof into a stripe.

I love him, but I just think...

..I can't think of anything fabulous

about a green stripe.

I could be completely wrong.

Let's hope I'm completely wrong.

And then, cos I was thinking of the colour scheme,

sometimes it's good to brand it. Yes.

What's it going to be? Nature.

Rustic, naturist nights.

That sounds like you're going to be just naked in here.

Hello?

A naturist night zone has got a lot to give.

It's naked, it's organic,

it's rustic and simple and traditional.

And I'm determined to make it work.

To research the decor for naturist nights,

I'm heading north of the island to Termini, a town famous

for its ancient thermal springs.

Marie. Alan. Yes! Come in. Oh, yeah.

I've come to meet Marie, a Swedish stylist and interior designer

who's been renovating a 300-year-old palazzo for the last four years.

The house is rustic chic, and she's going with the old features,

which is right up my street.

I mean, that's why I'm coming alone,

because it is not Amanda's cup of tea at all.

When I heard I was coming in, I heard you were Swedish,

I was expecting a futon, a couple of Billy bookcases, and... No.

A bit of a tan and all that. But, this is proper, like.

This is like the whole world in a bottle.

If I could move this brick by brick to my house, I would come in...

I want my bedroom to be classic. I want it to be rustic chic.

And do you find much in Palermo, in the antique shops?

Of course, you can go to the market, but they'll tell you a really high

price if you look like you're not from here.

Yeah. But I think I look quite Sicilian.

No. Sorry. OK, lovely.

I love Marie's house and I think she's effortlessly stylish.

She's clearly got a great eye.

I'm not that stylish, so I think it's going to be harder for me

to make my room have that wow power.

You see here? Oh, look.

Because I'm looking for a vintage light for my bedroom. Yeah.

And everywhere I look, there is a gorgeous light.

The thing is to mix, you know, old and new and you get

more drama by... Where do you find it all?

Most are from Sicily. Oh, good.

Also, I never find, I search, you know.

Oh. So... Very deep. It's so deep. Yeah.

This house just keeps on giving, doesn't it?

Look. Oh, look at this.

I'm not so fond of headboards. No?

I have, but I'm not... I prefer without.

But isn't that cold when you're in bed reading your book and then...

No, no, then you do it like this...

You have a big pillow. It's very important with fabric.

Yeah? This is... Fabric is the most important thing.

Oh, look at that.

This is much better, you know. No headboard, but a lovely cushion.

But, I think in the bedroom, you don't need much.

No, no, no.

A bed, a lamp.

Make it simple, but make it good.

Make it simple, make it good. Wonderful. Thank you so much.

Back in Salemi, Scott and his team are focusing on the floors,

laying scree to ensure an even surface in preparation

for our gorgeous floor tiles.

But it's not a labour of love.

Normally this would arrive and be pumped in from a lorry

outside and we'd fill this room in no time.

But, in this instance, because we can't get a lorry nearby,

what we're having to do is mix it all by hand in the room next door,

bring it in in wheelbarrows, pour it and lay it all by hand.

A couple of days later, the floor is set,

so we're heading to the build for a lesson in plastering.

Has anyone caught your eye in Italy?

It's like Sicily's been casted by Dolce Gabbana models.

Everyone's gorgeous.

Everyone's pretty here. They really are.

When do you feel like you might be ready

to open up your heart again?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

I've got to go home at some point.

I think I'm just a little bit terrified of going home, going back

to an empty house that used to be full of dogs.

I had a farm. I had a husband.

And so I'm kind of putting that off.

I do think you need to find love again because you're gorgeous.

Oh! Alan, but you deserve the best,

so I feel like you need to find someone that's going to look

after you and run a bath and make your tea...

A carer?

So, where are we plastering and what colour?

So, this wall and that wall.

Yeah. It's top coats, it's white plaster.

It goes on really thin.

I know it's stupid, but it's like a dream for me, this.

You need to get out more. Ha-ha.

It's quite sticky so it doesn't fall off or anything like that.

On, and then with the bottom edge of your trowel,

just kind of spread it around. Making rainbows.

That's nice.

Whenever me and Alan see each other, we always see each other in

really lovely circumstances, like having lunches and dinners.

Oh, what do you think?

So, I think he's going to be quite surprised at how I can turn my hand

to most things.

Trowel's upside down, Alan.

Why does it keep rotating? It's like it's haunted.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Make sure any high bits like this, give it a buff.

Otherwise, they'll set high.

They'll set high.

I really, really want to take some proper skills home with me

after this job.

You've mastered that stroke.

Can I show you the next stroke? Yes.

Oh, she's on advanced already.

So, what you need to do is go from there.

Swipe on the side and pull back across the opposite direction.

Oh, I like that. Isn't it funny what you can do?

I haven't seen your bedroom, but I've been in your spare bedroom,

haven't I? Do you remember that time?

You slept... Yeah, you were lovely.

I put you to bed. You did put me to bed.

She's one of the best friends you could ever have, Amanda.

Aww, Alan. Thank you.

Mwah.

The walls will need about a day to dry, even in this heat...

..so we're off shopping in Palermo.

My new friend, Swedish Marie, has recommended a famous flea market,

Piazza Marina, situated by the capital's harbour.

This Sicilian institution has been running for over 70 years

and could be a prime spot for finding

some good-value vintage lighting.

Let's find out what half price means.

Half price, please. Also, what is your best price?

Meta prezzo, por favor. Half price, please.

THEY LAUGH

I think we should put some rules down.

No tat. Don't get carried away.

Look, Alan, you can buy a knock-off watch.

Do you want a knock-off watch? No, it's all right. Thank you.

This is good. Now, we can start.

This is heaven.

Hold that. Look. Lovely jugs.

I'm going to get the horse. No, you're not.

I am. We don't need that. Come on, buy something.

It's cute. It's so sweet.

No, Alan, it's toot. Oh, OK.

OK, listen, there's some tat here, but it's, like, foreign tat.

It's like Taste The Difference tat.

SPEAKS ITALIAN

Oh, wow.

Oh! Oh, it's a gift. For us? Yes.

Oh, thank you.

We've got to frame it. We've got to frame it.

What's he after, though? You, Alan.

I don't think he dances my side of the piazza. I really don't.

Look, lighting. I need lights.

Oh, yes, Alan, there's pendants.

Oh, see, I quite like this.

I think if that was cleaned up...

What? In my bedroom?

Yes. I think you can take... Cos that ceiling's really high.

Yeah. Quanto costa?

SPEAKS ITALIAN

OK. Get the calculator. Oh, yes.

And then he can see the numbers. Here we go.

Please. Yeah.

Oh, 12,000 euros.

12,000 euros? It's not real diamonds.

SPEAKS ITALIAN

120. 120.

Oh. Is that your best price?

E il tuo meglio?

SPEAKS ITALIAN

He doesn't understand me.

THEY READ IN ITALIAN

100? Oh, that's good. That's good.

I can't walk around with a bin bag.

I feel like we've got good deals because we bargained them down,

but really, they probably bought them for half the price

and saw us coming.

Whilst I've been haggling hard at the market...

..project manager Scott

and his team have been making good progress on the bedroom.

The walls have dried and we are nearly ready to decorate.

So, I got this for 100 euro.

Oh, where? In Palermo?

Do you like it?

Erm...

I mean, it's not my style, if I'm honest.

My theme is naturist nights, and basically it's an expression.

It's not a colour, it's a feeling, it's an emotion.

You go in there, the inside is outside and the outside is inside.

It's an enigma.

I think you can get the impression I've no idea what I'm doing.

While Alan struggles with his enigma,

Fabrizio, our local landlord, is helping me with a surprise gift

for Alan's room.

This was the first thing that me and Alan found.

Yeah. Very nice to restore it.

He's taking me to meet Salemi's most respected carpenter, Fabio.

I think it needs a lot of attention.

I've already picked out a floral fabric, but first I need help

to repair the frame.

Buona sera. Ciao.

Buongiorno. Fabio, ciao. We need this chair to be loved.

We found the chair and I want to make the chair look beautiful

again for my friend Alan.

I like the shape of the legs.

TRANSLATES INTO ITALIAN

No, no, no, no.

It's going to be the same shape. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKS ITALIAN

Just the skeleton. Just the structure. Yeah.

Around 200 euros. Nice. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Ciao, ciao. Ciao, ciao.

Just up the street,

Fabio also has a warehouse full of antiques he's collected

for over 20 years.

And I'm hoping his treasure trove could help give Alan's room

the rustic chic look he's after.

Oh, my gosh. Look at these.

See, I feel like...we have struck gold here because this is not

like anything else I've seen so far in Sicily.

Oh! Oh, look at this.

Oh! It's very nice.

I think he'd love that. I think I'm going to buy this.

Really? Yeah. I just think it's perfect

and I don't think this is going to be the last time we come here.

Very nice. Right, I'm going to go and get my credit card.

Do you think he takes credit card?

I think Fabio will be very, very happy to know you.

OK, good.

THEY LAUGH

Right, I got some greens here for me stripe.

I'm going to go for that one.

I'd really like that. I think it's classy.

Is it Stockwell Green or Chester Square? Chester Square.

Chester Square it is. Perfect.

Chester Square. OK, lovely.

And the stripe, get the tape measure out because I don't want

it to be a wonky stripe.

Is the stripe going to come down the other side? Yeah. Are you joking?

Why, don't you like that idea? No.

I'm the boss. You are the boss.

I want a bloody stripe. I want the whole stripe.

Why would you have half a stripe?

See, I keep coming up against this brick wall of negativity.

Like, Scott doesn't like me chandelier,

Amanda doesn't like this. You know, it does my head in.

Everything I buy and do, you question it.

You hate the chandelier, you hate the stripe.

You hate the colour green.

I like this colour you've chosen.

I'm not a fan of the stripe idea.

I'm going to have to just be strong, block out all the noise,

and just focus on that stripe and make that

the best stripe in Salemi.

As Scott and his team lay my terrazzo floor tiles,

we're escaping for the afternoon.

It's Alan's birthday this week, so I've organised a special treat.

Oh, God. Look at this. Oh, my God.

That is if we get there in one piece.

We've got to get a bed up here.

A settee, two beds. Settee.

Oh, God, you're doing ever so well, just watch that side.

You've got loads of space. I was breathing in as I went past that.

I know!

THEY LAUGH

There's cars. There's cars... Yes. I know.

But it's weird when you're on this side, you feel close.

That's it. Nice. Nicely done, Alan.

We've headed to the picturesque port of Castellammare del Golfo

on Sicily's northwest coast,

renowned for its ancient seafront castle

overlooking crystal blue waters.

This is lovely, isn't it? It's lovely.

Look how charming this port is.

So, what we're going to do is...

I think it's the one...

We're going to get on that boat, Alan.

Oh, it must have cost you a fortune. It's not that one, Alan.

It's not that one. Oh. It's that one.

Buongiorno. Buongiorno, Antonio.

Oh, mi chiamo... Thank you. Oh, this is...

Are you ready? Yes. Yeah.

We can go. Oh.

Whoa! Ohh!

Be honest. Is this worse than my driving?

No.

We're taking a trip along one of Sicily's most admired pearls,

the Zingaro coastline, a protected nature reserve stretching 7km.

You don't look very comfortable.

No, I'm just trying to find a comfy space.

So, this was your first sort of birthday on your own.

Did you think this is the beginning of a new chapter?

I'm really hopeful. I'm really excited about the future

and I feel, in your forties, I know what holidays are like.

I know what people are like,

I know what box sets I'm going to watch.

You're just honest with yourself.

And... I'll tell you what I'm going to do... Get the alcohol open.

I'm going to get some Prosecco open. Oh, oh.

Oh! Salute! Salute!

Oh, this is lovely.

Happy birthday, Alan. Thank you, darling.

This is so lovely. Thank you for organising this.

HORN BEEPING

Salute! Salute!

We're making so many friends in Sicily.

Everyone's waving at us.

AMANDA BURPS

Oh, sorry. OK. It was bubbly.

It's my birthday and you're burping. That's disgusting.

Sorry, love.

Right. One, two, three!

AMANDA LAUGHS

Back at the apartment, the terrazzo floor is down and the plastered

walls have been whitewashed,

so now I can start painting my piece de resistance.

I don't know what to do - how thick the stripe.

Oh, I was thinking more like that.

Oh, no, I want it wider. Oh, you want a wide stripe?

Yes. Can you... You can do what you want. No, because I'm sick of this.

It's my...it's my bedroom. It's your bedroom.

And I find it emasculating.

You keep overturning everything I say. Aww. You do.

Because it's like an optical illusion.

Your eyes look above the bed, and I think it's going to be wow.

We could get, like, a little children's artist in and draw

little sheep on it and little cows, and then maybe you want a tractor

in the background, so it looks like a really cute little farm scene.

Yet again, undermining.

Look. Doesn't it feel much nicer? How are you, Scott, love?

It feels massive.

Wow. So, what is the plan, then?

You know, like the headboard's going to be there,

and then it goes up.

Oh, I didn't realise you wanted it like a headboard.

Yeah, but all the way up.

A headboard that goes all the way over the top.

Oh.

OK. Do you think that's a...?

Well, I'm just going to say yes to everything because you said

you feel like I boss you about too much.

You do boss me about.

I would think about...maybe not putting it above the ceiling.

Right, I'm going to say it - up to the top.

OK. Made the decision.

I declare this wall painted.

Nice. Oh, that is nice. Look at that. That's going on lovely.

I was honestly very concerned about Alan's stripe, but I have to say,

when it went up, I'm going "This is amazing, Alan."

Ready? Two, one.

Oh! Oh, beautiful.

Yes!

It was bold. It was innovative, but I think it's really paid off.

And I think Amanda and Scott had egg on their face when they saw it

because they realised, actually, it was a good idea.

I'm channelling my design guru, Swedish Marie, for my bed,

keeping it simple but good.

So, no headboard, just my stripe and a simple bed frame.

But, we're still on the hunt for the perfect mattress.

I don't like those memory ones.

No. I don't want it to remember.

Oh. Yeah, I actually don't want the shape of me left in the mattress.

No, it's like a murder.

What do you like in bed? Do you...

I'm brilliant, apparently.

THEY LAUGH

Now, I mean... I mean...

Course I'm going to say that. No, do you move around?

I sleep like this and I don't move.

Oh, no. I'm all over the bed. Are you?

Oh, this is too soft, love.

Oh, is it? Do you ever sleepwalk?

Er...no, I haven't, I don't think.

Oh, I've done it loads of times. Have you?

Yep. I did it recently.

Did you? Ended up in a woman's room in Harrogate.

You didn't!

And I remember the woman going "Argh!" like that.

Apparently she was a fan and she was really sweet.

That's why I always sleep with pants, just in case I sleepwalk.

Did you have a brace?

Three braces. One was a helmet.

Oh, we had a kid at school with a helmet.

Yeah. Oh.

Fat, gay, glasses, and a helmet brace.

No, but, yeah... I'm not crying, by the way. It's sweat.

WHISPERS: He's crying.

I have to say I quite like this mattress. Hmm.

It's quite firm. Yeah. Maybe this... Maybe we should get this one.

This might be the one.

After weeks of blood, sweat and tears - and design doubters -

my bedroom is finally ready for its finishing touches.

I am at your disposal, Alan.

Woo!

In with my zhuzhed-up antique chest.

Like it was made for it.

And lastly, my rescued and revamped gift to Alan.

This is something that I promised you I would do.

And you've forgotten all about it.

But I didn't forget all about it.

Open your eyes.

Oh, yes!

Oh, my God! The greens and everything.

Oh, that's just stunning. Isn't it gorgeous?

Oh, that was...that was so lovely when Amanda

brought in the upholstered chair.

Actually added to the room, so I was really chuffed.

Now, where did I put it?

Remember that man who flirted outrageously with me

at the flea market? Oh, God, yes.

Well, pop it up there. Let's have a look at it.

Fabulous. I know.

So good.

I'd pay money to stay here. You'd actually pay?

I would pay. Do you know how much... That really makes me feel nice,

because I thought some of the choices I've made,

you were sort of like poo-pooing.

So, it's nice that I finally turned you around.

Yes. I've was wrong. I've been wrong about loads of things.

Yeah. It's amazing. It's really tasteful.

This is so lovely. Really classy. It's really nice.

You've got your botanical chair.

Don't forget I found that in the flea market.

Beautiful, beautiful chandelier.

I'm really, really pleased with it.

I just feel vindicated looking at it today,

and how lovely it looks. And I've got to stick to my guns a bit more.

I feel I should have a bit more confidence in myself.

I should be a bit more like Amanda. Go for it.

Naturist nights. Naturist nights.

Put your pants away, if you wear them. Yes.

If you don't, good for you.

Shall we go and have a drink? Yes!

Next time, we get involved in Sicily's grape harvest...

You're taking all the best ones. There's nothing left for me to grab.

Oh, Alan.

..and unearth a familiar problem...

Oh, no! More mesh.

..as we take on the courtyard.

Oh, my God. It's like a mould on the house.