All language subtitles for Amanda.and.Alans.Italian.Job.S01E01.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_Subtitles01.ENG

Alan, you know, when you buy a house
for a Euro, then there's got

to be a catch. You know, we've all
had mistakes.

You know, when you buy something
online, like from... Oh, God.

I bought some bin bags once
and they were, like, huge.

They were like a body bag.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Oh, my God, is that it?

You're the one who saw it on the
Internet. What's it look like?

Is it a hilltop town?

It was sort of black and white on the
brochure thing.

Black and white? Oh, my God.

Didn't you say we had a view? Yeah.

Black and white view. Black and
white view.

THEY LAUGH

Amanda and I are embarking
on a project of a lifetime.

HORN BEEPS
I'm going. I'm sorry. Just go. Oh.

Oh.

In Italy, empty homes are being sold
off for one Euro each

in a bid to breathe new life back
into forgotten towns.

It's quite quiet. There's not much
going on, is there?

So, I bought one on the largest of
the Mediterranean islands, Sicily,

and persuaded Alan to spend
his summer helping me renovate it.

We're only halfway up. We're going
up and up.

In the hills to the west
of the volcanic island,

our new pad is in the medieval town
of Salemi, just over an hour's drive

from the capital, Palermo.

This might be the best thing
we've done or the biggest mistake.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Ooh, exciting!

Look at that terrible parking, Alan.

HE LAUGHS

Look at this.

It's sort of like old grandeur,
isn't it?

Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning. Buongiorno.

Boy, has it got a lot of charm.
Definitely. All the men there.

And older men. Can't see a single
woman.

Where's all the women? I don't know!
Don't normally come on holiday

and say, "Where's the women?"

AMANDA LAUGHS

I love Sicily and I just want
to embrace the culture.

I love this. Look at this stone.
It's just gorgeous, isn't it?

I was so excited when Amanda said
about it because I've holidayed

on the East Coast and I fell
in love with it.

So, to get the chance to come
over to the west side

was just perfection for me.

So, do you have any idea where
this place is?

Well...it's definitely high up.

Restoring a sweet little building
has been something I've wanted to do

all my life.

And I know that sounds dramatic,
but I've never been brave enough

to do something as big
as this before.

And to do it with someone
I absolutely adore is like a dream

come true for me.

Hello. Oh, yes. What is dog?

Dog.

Cane. Cane.

I love Italy.

It's the friendliness.

It's the pizza. It's the pasta.

It's the olive oil. It's the wine.

I love it here. Bread museum.

I love bread. Do you?

I feel this trip's come at the right
time.

I mean, I'm ready for change.

I'm ready for a new project
and to do it with such a good friend

as Amanda, it just feels right.

It feels perfect. I just want to do
this town proud.

Everywhere you look, there's
just stunning architecture.

Everything is stunning.

Do you reckon it needs a lot of work
doing?

No. I mean, how bad can a house
be if you paid a Euro

and you're thinking
this is a bad investment?

Rural parts of Italy have seen
their populations dwindle

as the young move to cities
in search of work.

So, towns like Salemi are selling
properties at a knock-down

price to tempt people back.

I think the one Euro scheme is just
an absolutely brilliant idea.

You have to submit your plans
within 12 months

and then you have to make sure
that all of that work is completed

in three years.

But we are aiming to finish
it in three months, not three years.

So, that's quite tricky.

By rolling up our sleeves
this summer, we plan

to turn our bargain buy
into a beautiful home,

which is going to be sold to raise
money for UK charities.

That's it there, isn't it? This is
it.

Oh, my gosh, Alan.

It... It's got good views.

I'm not being funny, even the dog's
disappeared.

Even the dog's gone, "I'll leave you
to it." Look, Alan, look.

This is more than, like, plumping
up a few cushions and lick

of... Look at it.

It's going to be fantastic.

Well, I just don't know what...
Think positively, Alan.

For the first time in my life,
I'm speechless.

ALAN LAUGHS
There's a little bit to clear away.

Why have they put a key here?
Who's going to...?

Oh, I'd hate anyone to come
in here and steal anything.

I don't want to go in, I genuinely
don't want to go in.

Oh, this ain't too bad.

I was expecting a lot worse.

ALAN LAUGHS

Oh, God.

Oh, my actual god. Oh, my God!

What is that? Is that poo?

Oh, no, no, no.

When I saw the mess and the litter
and the mattresses in that room,

I could have killed her.
I was like, "Really?"

I could give this... Oh, there might
be rats.

If there's rats, I'm not keen on it.

Should it be that stiff?

That is the bathroom. Oh, my God.

When I saw, like, that dirty
old mattress and a bath filled full

of rubble, it was disgusting.

But, I think structurally
it's in good nick.

Alan, because they
were only a Euro each,

next door was for sale. You bought
that?

So, I bought that. So, technically,
we got one each.

That's fair. Next time you're drunk
and on the internet,

will you give me a call?

Oh, no. We've got to move this all.

Move all that. Why would you just
leave that in there?

Alan, look at this, though. I know.

It's so lovely. Look at that.

Can you see all the swallows? Look.

They come back every year.

This is classic Sicily. Isn't it?

Maybe we can grow our
own wine next.

Let's sort out that room first
before you start opening

up a vineyard. You're going
to...baby steps.

THEY LAUGH

I'm going to stick my boiler suit
on now and we're going to get stuck

in and it's going to be disgusting.

But, I love clearing things out.
I love cleaning.

I'm looking forward to it.

Amanda? Yeah. What's your boiler
suit like?

I've gone quite practical, I'm
going to say.

I'm practical and patriotic.

Are you decent? I'm just putting me
helmet on.

I feel like I look like something
out of Squid Game.

Oh, my God. I am so jealous of this.

Look at it. Alan.

This is amazing!

Just because you're cleaning
rubbish, doesn't mean

you can't follow the fashion
and local trends.

Where do we start?

Shall we get...? I want, I actually
think we could try

and save that. Is it salvageable?

Look at the hole. Can you
can get that upholstered?

That would be nice if it
had a little bit of a zhuzh.

I've known Amanda for ages
and she is always so practical.

Start with the big stuff. I can
manage that. You sure?

You get the next lot.

She is a doer. She gets her hands
dirty.

She gets in there. Ew, this is
soaking wet.

I'm quite happy if someone
does that for me.

HE RETCHES

She's like the Christmas tree
and I'm like the tinsel that wraps

around it that makes it look
fabulous.

That has been nibbled by rats.
I don't know how you can tell the
teeth marks

from there? Rats have the same type
of teeth as me.

Oh, my God! Oh. Oh, my God!

Looking at us, we probably
don't look like we're going to make

an amazing team.

Tracey Emin would charge a fortune
for that.

But, I think we'll do it.

I think we'll be a really good team.

What are we doing?

A good thing.

This is just not... It will be worth
it. It seemed such a good idea

when we were in England.

After the two years I think all of
us

have had and, for Alan, he's also
been through a lot of personal stuff

and I think I just want to sort
of give him a project

that he's going to start
with something that's sort

of in tatters...

..much like him...

and then at the end there'll
be this hopefully beautiful building

and Alan too, you know, he'll have a
bit of a makeover mentally.

I think he'll feel maybe
a little bit more optimistic

and a bit more hopeful
about the future maybe.

You know, it will be worth it, I
promise you.

Do you reckon it will be?
It will be.

It's good, it's good to say you're
properly knackered

at the end of the day. I don't know.

Like, I wish I had your vision.

You...you have. You're brilliant
at all this.

No, I just...I can't see the wood
for the... Oh, that is lovely.

See? That makes it worth it.

I mean, as breaks go, this is pretty
amazing, isn't it?

A Euro, Alan. A Euro basically
for that view.

Look at that bar with all
the music and the cocktails.

It's calling me, Amanda, it's
calling me.

Oh. This is my favourite drink.

Yes, it's Aperol spritz.

How do you say, "What's your name?"
in Italian?

Come ti chiami? Come ti chiami?

My name is Fabrizio. Fabrizio.
Nice to meet you. Come and sit down.

Mi chiamo Alan. Alan.
Nice to meet you, Alan.

Mi amo... Mi chiamo. Mi chiamo...
Oh, mi chiamo.

Mi chiamo Amanda.

Oh, sit down, why don't you?
You're very forward.

I just said, "Join us". Oh, really?

Sorry, I didn't hear that.

You have to make friends
with your local landlord.

Yeah. Yeah, we're locals now.
We've bought a house down there.

Oh, well, I have to congrats with
you.

It is. Welcome as new citizen.

Thank you. That's nice. A lot of
people coming

from all over the world
buying new one Euro houses.

So, it's going to become like...
A world ..a little world.

A new international community.

We feel so welcome already and we
haven't even been here that long.

Very friendly. It's very friendly.
Very lovely.

Anyway, guys, enjoy your drinks
and I'll be here for you.

Anything, just call me. Aww, how
sweet. Thank you.

Have a nice night. Thank you.

I think it went well today,
didn't you?

I do. That putrid mess...to think
it's all out,

it's all out, that's good, because I
feel like we've done...

It's empty. So, tomorrow's a new
day.

Tomorrow is a new day
and I'll drink to that. Salute!

There is a fly in my coffee.

You know those little ones that
keep... You haven't eaten it?

It's protein. You're a vegetarian.
That's all right.

This morning, we're going to meet
our project manager, Scott.

He's lived in Sicily for 14 years.

Along with a team
of local tradesmen,

he'll help oversee the build.

You've got the wrong Alan here. You
should have gone for Alan
Titchmarsh.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Oh, my God.

Are you Scott? Hi, guys, I'm Scott.

Oh! Hi, Scott. Nice to see you in
the flesh.

Do you like it? I think...
Well, what do you think?

Do you think we bought well?
I love it.

It was built originally

as like a social housing
project, the building.

But it never actually got finished.

So, it's never actually been lived
in at all?

It's never been lived
in officially, no. Oh!

I think helping restore buildings
and bringing back an area's cultural

identity is massively important and
for me and Alan

just to be like a tiny part of that,

it's just an amazing thing.

That makes me want to make it really
special now

because it deserves a
second chance, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. Definitely.
Definitely.

We all need a second chance. We do.

Our biggest challenge
for this project is time.

Alan was thinking that that wall can
come down. Can that wall come down?

So, yeah, it can totally come down.
It's not a problem.

You know, we want to bash
things down,

we want to pull things out.

I feel like that can come down.

Totally. Can it come down? Yeah.

But, we have no idea
if we're going to come

across any problems.

We're just going to pray, I think.

And then that's the other apartment.
This is the big wall.

Yeah. You can't knock this down
because it's thick, isn't it?

We are knocking it down. This is
massive.

We have to knock it down
because that's the other apartment.

I can't get my head around it.

So these are the plans, just kind
of a rough idea for now.

Our big plan is to turn the two
apartments into one home,

which we'll access through the
courtyard.

In the first apartment, we'll take

down two walls so we can have

an open-plan kitchen.

We'll rip out the bathroom and knock
through the main structure wall

between the two apartments
to create an open plan

living-dining space.

Off this, there'll be a main
bathroom and a bedroom.

And by blocking off the entrance to
the second apartment, we'll remove

the corridor and create a large
master bedroom with an en-suite

and a walk-in wardrobe.

This space is going to be so light

because you'll have windows
on both sides.

Now, this is really, to me, brought
it up. Now, you can see it.

You could see where he's coming
from. I love the flow of it.

The flow is fantastic... And the
light, it's going to be perfect.

I'm glad, guys. That's great.

I feel like we should have another
high five.

Oh, I think so too. High five.

The first job is to let
some light back in.

Choose your weapons.

THEY LAUGH

Might have known you'd go for the

big one.

I'm just going to bang this gently.

From the top, you can give it a nice
whack. Go on, Amanda.

Oh. Oh! Let there be light. Lovely.

How did you do it? You did it
really easily.

That's because I'm strong
and I'm a woman.

But, I've got this crappy
little hammer.

No, I think that, look... Ooh.
..it's good.

I feel like I want to go like that.
Use the other end, love.

Perfect. I felt really tough.

I felt like proper, bashing windows
in, getting properly dirty.

I feel like I might have a pint
tonight.

Oh, my God. It's so satisfying.

I think people's perception
of Amanda is that she can,

"Oh, she's going to chip
a nail or break an acrylic."

But, actually, she does get
involved. She gets really into it.

Morning!

I think I could become a builder.

I really could.

We're not here just to build.

We also want to get under the skin
of Sicily.

In Marsala, the high winds on the
west coast make it one of

Europe's leading
destinations for kite surfing.

But, we're here to test out
an alternative water sport.

SPEAKS SICILIAN

Is that Sicilian for "I'm fat."

I'll get off. Sorry, I ate too much
pasta. Pasta.

Just love it here. It's just got
such a lovely vibe.

And, today, I'm throwing myself
into the Sicilian way of life.

Oh, God.

I feel like I'm sort of
on my holidays.

I've been working on the house.

Let's just get out there
and have some fun.

Oh, it's nice, isn't it? Thank you.
Such a good invention.

CRUNCHING OF PEDALS

Why is yours doing that?

Have you broken it, Alan?

Right, left, no problem.

Right and left to the problem?

No problem.

MAN SPEAKS SICILIAN

Have I got a puncture? What?

AMANDA LAUGHS

So depressing. Why couldn't you
have this bike?

That's why I don't like sport.

Because things always go wrong.
I always pull a muscle.

I high kicked on stage
and I sprained my calf.

I mean, any basic exercise just ends
up in injury or humiliation.

Come on, Alan. I'm coming.
OK, let's go.

I quite like the idea of trying
that, do you?

No chance. No chance.

Why would you do that?

Did your dad never want
you to play football, Alan?

Of course he wanted me to play
football.

He'd say to me, "Alan, it's my dream
to see you at Wembley."

Have you done Wembley?

I did Wembley Arena on a stand up
tour.

There you go. He did see you at
Wembley.

OK. We'll go out, we'll come in and
we'll have a race in. OK, right.

BOTH: Go!

Yes! Alan's winning. I've never won
anything before in my life.

Alan won!

Yay!

HE PANTS

Flipping heck, we're going to get
fit doing this every day.

I know. I'm going to have an
amazing bum.

Even the door knockers are like...
Lovely knockers. ..beautiful.

Today's project is flooring.

About 100 square metres.

We need tiles to cover the floors
throughout the whole apartment.

What is square metres in Italian?
Metri quadrati.

BOTH: Metri quadrati.

So, yeah, what are you thinking with
tiles?

I do feel like we just want
continuity in the living areas,

but I think something not too busy.

We can definitely find you
something.

Scott has told us that the best
place for tiles

is the capital city, Palermo.

You know I'm a nervous passenger.

Yeah, you are a terrible passenger.

I'm even more nervous as a driver.
But, just relax.

And it's an opportunity
for another cultural experience.

Italian driving.

HORNS BEEPING

Don't you worry.

HORNS BEEPING

Is it my way? No, I don't know.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry, we don't know!

Just go, go. Go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

We're in front of a tram.

Oh, my God. Shall we just go? Yes.
Just go. Just go.

HORNS BEEPING

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

For god's sake, can't you wait five
minutes?

That's a sign. Oh, grazie mille.

Grazie mille. Thank you.
Oh, they were nice.

Oh, what did I tell you? You're too
close to the kerb.

I'm going to have a stiff drink when
I get to the tile factory.

Having avoided major injury, we've
made it to Fogazza Millennium,

a tile factory that's been in
business for over 100 years.

It's a perfect moment to try
out my Italian vocab.

Mi chia and... Mi amo... No, mi
chiamo. Mi chiamo.

Amanda. Mi chiamo Alan. Alan.

Yeah. What's tile again? Piastrelle.

SPEAKS ITALIAN

I only speak a little bit.

You've done ever so well. You picked
it up very quickly, Alan. Si, senor.

Alan! Senora. Senora.

The traditional Italian
tiles that we're looking

for are called terrazzo.

They originated in Italy
in the 16th century.

They were made as a cost-effective
way of reusing marble scraps

by setting them in cement.

You don't like the two-tone?
I think it's tutti-frutti.

I don't like it. I don't mind that
one.

I'm a bit of a control freak.

You know, I've already got quite
a clear idea of flooring

that I've got in my head.

And I think Alan's got other
ideas going on.

Is that too boring? No, I love that.

You don't want to walk in and look
straight down at the tutti-frutti
floor.

I think it needs a little bit
of zhuzh.

I do feel I've got a good eye.

I like prints and all that, that jar
a bit.

I do like throwing lots of texture
and colour and I know

I'm going to have to rein myself
in a bit, but there's nothing wrong

with having a little bit
of character.

Should we speak to the man?

Scusi, isn't it? Mi scusi.

Scusi. Hello? Ciao.

Ciao. Mi chiamo Alan. Mi chiamo
Amanda.

Poco parle Italiano.

OK. Bella. Little English.

Little English, great. Hooray.

You need the title? Yes.

Yes. For the project in Sicily or?
Salemi.

And we want a traditionale, rustica.
Neutral. OK.

This is the traditional production.

Old, old, old.

This is a cement. Cement!

Yes, a terrazzo.

I think that that is probably...

..the best one for the floor.

The simple tiles that we've chosen
will be made here in Sicily

and will be ready in a few
weeks' time.

That's lovely. I love it.

While we were out shopping, back
in Salemi, Scott has made a start

on taking the wall down to make
room for a bigger kitchen.

And it's our job to finish it.

This is so exciting. I know.
It's my favourite thing.

I've always wanted to bash a wall
down.

It looks... If you've got any
anger in you, Alan...

..take it out on the wall today.
Oh, yes, I've got loads of anger.

Whoa. This is very exciting.

You ready for this? I'm ready.
Ready.

Are you going to do this or me?
I'm totally doing it.

Where does this anger come from?
You need therapy.

Why did you just love smashing
things in?

I really want to do it. So, blocks
are about this big.

So, you want to try and go
on the line of the bottom

of the block, so you just open
it up.

Just go like that? That's it. Just
squeeze through it.

Ooh.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like David Hasselhoff
at the Berlin Wall.

God, I love it.

Shall I have a go? It is
unbelievable. Here.

Never used a power tool.

I've used a jet wash, that's
as powerful as it gets in my hands.

Oh, God, it's going to go. Nice.

I felt like I had to really, like,
up the ante.

I had to find some testosterone
from somewhere because I felt

like I was letting the side down.

Oh, my God. I've got a sweat on.

It's better than any workout.

I hate gyms. I hate workouts.

And this is, like, if you want guns,
this is a workout DVD right there.

That was like an exorcism for me.

It was absolutely brilliant. Amanda!

And it was fantastic. I recommend
it to anyone.

Amanda? Yeah.

Do you want some chocolate
or something?

Because I know you always get
like this when you're hangry.

I just want to know who Amanda
was thinking of when she was giving

that wall a wallop, because
there was a lot of anger

there and a lot of sexual tension.

Make sure you stretch off
afterwards.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Back of the shoulders. I tell you
what we could do, Alan.

What? We could go for a lovely
massage. That's a nice idea.
A massage.

The wall is down, leaving room
for our spacious kitchen.

But, there is still loads
more to do this summer.

How are we going to finish
this in time?

How? And it does feel a bit
overwhelming.

Oh, my God. Have we bitten
off more than we can chew?

You know, "Oh, yeah.
Let's go to Sicily.

"Let's buy a house for a Euro,"
and then it's really hot.

I've really felt like I've worked
really hard today.

I'm just dying for a glass of wine.

After a long day, we're heading
to Marsala Salt Pans.

Which is famous for the best
sunsets in Sicily.

Amanda, don't. I won't look. I'm a
bag of nerves.

I've been working on that house
all day.

Look, we're right... Be careful.

I could have nearly picked those
olives.

I know, but you do feel like that

when you're on that side as a
passenger.

No, no, I don't feel...

CAR SENSORS BEEP

What? Because you're so close to
this.

Is that what it's telling me?
Yes. It's beeping.

You go, "Oh, you feel like that?"
I feel...I know I'm there.

Oh, my God. Look at this, it's
stunning.

Oh, I can see a windmill.

I mean how gorgeous is this?

Look at this.

Will you marry me?

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, Alan. This is lovely.

This is a perfect end
to a really brilliant day.

Do you know what people
are thinking in this bar?

They're thinking, "Look at that
glamorous, lovely woman.

"Doesn't she know her husband's
a homosexual?"

Oh, hello.

That's for me. The rose with ice.

Thank you.

How do you say ice in Italian?

Ghiaccio. Ghiaccio. Ghiaccio.
Ghiaccio.

Salute. Thank you.

Grazie mille. Things are looking up.

Do you see the way he was mentally
undressing me? I did.

It's nice just to get on a plane
and come somewhere, isn't it?

There's...I think it's good for us,
well, especially you,

to have a project to take your mind
off stuff.

Hopeful, optimistic, clean
slate, new beginnings.

Yes. All of that.

This is such a mammoth job,

you just couldn't do it with
someone, could you...?

Oh, my God. You couldn't do it with
someone you couldn't get on with.
Oh, my God.

I couldn't do...I mean, I'm not
joking.

I couldn't do this with my husband.

We'd be divorced within an hour.
Yeah. Yeah.

I can only do this job with you.
Because you're bossy.

And you're easy-going. Yeah.

Why should I have an opinion?
Exactly.

Who wants an opinion? No.

GLASS CLINKS

Ooh! No more now.

No. No more... I've got ice in
mine. ..cos you're getting violent.

One, two, three!

Over the course of our Sicilian
summer...

CHEERING

..we continue to live La Dolce
Vita...

Oh, my God! Become true locals.

And get an education in renovation.

You got to learn and sweat.
And it starts right here.

Oh, God. All right.

..as we design...

Perfect. Everybody. Oh, I'm not so
sure that's a good idea.

Oh, no. It's like a mould on the
house.

..and transform...

Oh, watch my bougainvillaea.

Oh.

..our Italian dream home.

CHEERING

MUSIC: The Good Life
by Tony Bennett

# Oh, the good life

# Full of fun
Seems to be the ideal

# It's the good life. #