Original subtitles

Alan, you know, when you buy a house for a Euro, then there's got

to be a catch. You know, we've all had mistakes.

You know, when you buy something online, like from... Oh, God.

I bought some bin bags once and they were, like, huge.

They were like a body bag.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Oh, my God, is that it?

You're the one who saw it on the Internet. What's it look like?

Is it a hilltop town?

It was sort of black and white on the brochure thing.

Black and white? Oh, my God.

Didn't you say we had a view? Yeah.

Black and white view. Black and white view.

THEY LAUGH

Amanda and I are embarking on a project of a lifetime.

HORN BEEPS I'm going. I'm sorry. Just go. Oh.

Oh.

In Italy, empty homes are being sold off for one Euro each

in a bid to breathe new life back into forgotten towns.

It's quite quiet. There's not much going on, is there?

So, I bought one on the largest of the Mediterranean islands, Sicily,

and persuaded Alan to spend his summer helping me renovate it.

We're only halfway up. We're going up and up.

In the hills to the west of the volcanic island,

our new pad is in the medieval town of Salemi, just over an hour's drive

from the capital, Palermo.

This might be the best thing we've done or the biggest mistake.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Ooh, exciting!

Look at that terrible parking, Alan.

HE LAUGHS

Look at this.

It's sort of like old grandeur, isn't it?

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Buongiorno.

Boy, has it got a lot of charm. Definitely. All the men there.

And older men. Can't see a single woman.

Where's all the women? I don't know! Don't normally come on holiday

and say, "Where's the women?"

AMANDA LAUGHS

I love Sicily and I just want to embrace the culture.

I love this. Look at this stone. It's just gorgeous, isn't it?

I was so excited when Amanda said about it because I've holidayed

on the East Coast and I fell in love with it.

So, to get the chance to come over to the west side

was just perfection for me.

So, do you have any idea where this place is?

Well...it's definitely high up.

Restoring a sweet little building has been something I've wanted to do

all my life.

And I know that sounds dramatic, but I've never been brave enough

to do something as big as this before.

And to do it with someone I absolutely adore is like a dream

come true for me.

Hello. Oh, yes. What is dog?

Dog.

Cane. Cane.

I love Italy.

It's the friendliness.

It's the pizza. It's the pasta.

It's the olive oil. It's the wine.

I love it here. Bread museum.

I love bread. Do you?

I feel this trip's come at the right time.

I mean, I'm ready for change.

I'm ready for a new project and to do it with such a good friend

as Amanda, it just feels right.

It feels perfect. I just want to do this town proud.

Everywhere you look, there's just stunning architecture.

Everything is stunning.

Do you reckon it needs a lot of work doing?

No. I mean, how bad can a house be if you paid a Euro

and you're thinking this is a bad investment?

Rural parts of Italy have seen their populations dwindle

as the young move to cities in search of work.

So, towns like Salemi are selling properties at a knock-down

price to tempt people back.

I think the one Euro scheme is just an absolutely brilliant idea.

You have to submit your plans within 12 months

and then you have to make sure that all of that work is completed

in three years.

But we are aiming to finish it in three months, not three years.

So, that's quite tricky.

By rolling up our sleeves this summer, we plan

to turn our bargain buy into a beautiful home,

which is going to be sold to raise money for UK charities.

That's it there, isn't it? This is it.

Oh, my gosh, Alan.

It... It's got good views.

I'm not being funny, even the dog's disappeared.

Even the dog's gone, "I'll leave you to it." Look, Alan, look.

This is more than, like, plumping up a few cushions and lick

of... Look at it.

It's going to be fantastic.

Well, I just don't know what... Think positively, Alan.

For the first time in my life, I'm speechless.

ALAN LAUGHS There's a little bit to clear away.

Why have they put a key here? Who's going to...?

Oh, I'd hate anyone to come in here and steal anything.

I don't want to go in, I genuinely don't want to go in.

Oh, this ain't too bad.

I was expecting a lot worse.

ALAN LAUGHS

Oh, God.

Oh, my actual god. Oh, my God!

What is that? Is that poo?

Oh, no, no, no.

When I saw the mess and the litter and the mattresses in that room,

I could have killed her. I was like, "Really?"

I could give this... Oh, there might be rats.

If there's rats, I'm not keen on it.

Should it be that stiff?

That is the bathroom. Oh, my God.

When I saw, like, that dirty old mattress and a bath filled full

of rubble, it was disgusting.

But, I think structurally it's in good nick.

Alan, because they were only a Euro each,

next door was for sale. You bought that?

So, I bought that. So, technically, we got one each.

That's fair. Next time you're drunk and on the internet,

will you give me a call?

Oh, no. We've got to move this all.

Move all that. Why would you just leave that in there?

Alan, look at this, though. I know.

It's so lovely. Look at that.

Can you see all the swallows? Look.

They come back every year.

This is classic Sicily. Isn't it?

Maybe we can grow our own wine next.

Let's sort out that room first before you start opening

up a vineyard. You're going to...baby steps.

THEY LAUGH

I'm going to stick my boiler suit on now and we're going to get stuck

in and it's going to be disgusting.

But, I love clearing things out. I love cleaning.

I'm looking forward to it.

Amanda? Yeah. What's your boiler suit like?

I've gone quite practical, I'm going to say.

I'm practical and patriotic.

Are you decent? I'm just putting me helmet on.

I feel like I look like something out of Squid Game.

Oh, my God. I am so jealous of this.

Look at it. Alan.

This is amazing!

Just because you're cleaning rubbish, doesn't mean

you can't follow the fashion and local trends.

Where do we start?

Shall we get...? I want, I actually think we could try

and save that. Is it salvageable?

Look at the hole. Can you can get that upholstered?

That would be nice if it had a little bit of a zhuzh.

I've known Amanda for ages and she is always so practical.

Start with the big stuff. I can manage that. You sure?

You get the next lot.

She is a doer. She gets her hands dirty.

She gets in there. Ew, this is soaking wet.

I'm quite happy if someone does that for me.

HE RETCHES

She's like the Christmas tree and I'm like the tinsel that wraps

around it that makes it look fabulous.

That has been nibbled by rats. I don't know how you can tell the teeth marks

from there? Rats have the same type of teeth as me.

Oh, my God! Oh. Oh, my God!

Looking at us, we probably don't look like we're going to make

an amazing team.

Tracey Emin would charge a fortune for that.

But, I think we'll do it.

I think we'll be a really good team.

What are we doing?

A good thing.

This is just not... It will be worth it. It seemed such a good idea

when we were in England.

After the two years I think all of us

have had and, for Alan, he's also been through a lot of personal stuff

and I think I just want to sort of give him a project

that he's going to start with something that's sort

of in tatters...

..much like him...

and then at the end there'll be this hopefully beautiful building

and Alan too, you know, he'll have a bit of a makeover mentally.

I think he'll feel maybe a little bit more optimistic

and a bit more hopeful about the future maybe.

You know, it will be worth it, I promise you.

Do you reckon it will be? It will be.

It's good, it's good to say you're properly knackered

at the end of the day. I don't know.

Like, I wish I had your vision.

You...you have. You're brilliant at all this.

No, I just...I can't see the wood for the... Oh, that is lovely.

See? That makes it worth it.

I mean, as breaks go, this is pretty amazing, isn't it?

A Euro, Alan. A Euro basically for that view.

Look at that bar with all the music and the cocktails.

It's calling me, Amanda, it's calling me.

Oh. This is my favourite drink.

Yes, it's Aperol spritz.

How do you say, "What's your name?" in Italian?

Come ti chiami? Come ti chiami?

My name is Fabrizio. Fabrizio. Nice to meet you. Come and sit down.

Mi chiamo Alan. Alan. Nice to meet you, Alan.

Mi amo... Mi chiamo. Mi chiamo... Oh, mi chiamo.

Mi chiamo Amanda.

Oh, sit down, why don't you? You're very forward.

I just said, "Join us". Oh, really?

Sorry, I didn't hear that.

You have to make friends with your local landlord.

Yeah. Yeah, we're locals now. We've bought a house down there.

Oh, well, I have to congrats with you.

It is. Welcome as new citizen.

Thank you. That's nice. A lot of people coming

from all over the world buying new one Euro houses.

So, it's going to become like... A world ..a little world.

A new international community.

We feel so welcome already and we haven't even been here that long.

Very friendly. It's very friendly. Very lovely.

Anyway, guys, enjoy your drinks and I'll be here for you.

Anything, just call me. Aww, how sweet. Thank you.

Have a nice night. Thank you.

I think it went well today, didn't you?

I do. That putrid mess...to think it's all out,

it's all out, that's good, because I feel like we've done...

It's empty. So, tomorrow's a new day.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'll drink to that. Salute!

There is a fly in my coffee.

You know those little ones that keep... You haven't eaten it?

It's protein. You're a vegetarian. That's all right.

This morning, we're going to meet our project manager, Scott.

He's lived in Sicily for 14 years.

Along with a team of local tradesmen,

he'll help oversee the build.

You've got the wrong Alan here. You should have gone for Alan Titchmarsh.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Oh, my God.

Are you Scott? Hi, guys, I'm Scott.

Oh! Hi, Scott. Nice to see you in the flesh.

Do you like it? I think... Well, what do you think?

Do you think we bought well? I love it.

It was built originally

as like a social housing project, the building.

But it never actually got finished.

So, it's never actually been lived in at all?

It's never been lived in officially, no. Oh!

I think helping restore buildings and bringing back an area's cultural

identity is massively important and for me and Alan

just to be like a tiny part of that,

it's just an amazing thing.

That makes me want to make it really special now

because it deserves a second chance, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. Definitely. Definitely.

We all need a second chance. We do.

Our biggest challenge for this project is time.

Alan was thinking that that wall can come down. Can that wall come down?

So, yeah, it can totally come down. It's not a problem.

You know, we want to bash things down,

we want to pull things out.

I feel like that can come down.

Totally. Can it come down? Yeah.

But, we have no idea if we're going to come

across any problems.

We're just going to pray, I think.

And then that's the other apartment. This is the big wall.

Yeah. You can't knock this down because it's thick, isn't it?

We are knocking it down. This is massive.

We have to knock it down because that's the other apartment.

I can't get my head around it.

So these are the plans, just kind of a rough idea for now.

Our big plan is to turn the two apartments into one home,

which we'll access through the courtyard.

In the first apartment, we'll take

down two walls so we can have

an open-plan kitchen.

We'll rip out the bathroom and knock through the main structure wall

between the two apartments to create an open plan

living-dining space.

Off this, there'll be a main bathroom and a bedroom.

And by blocking off the entrance to the second apartment, we'll remove

the corridor and create a large master bedroom with an en-suite

and a walk-in wardrobe.

This space is going to be so light

because you'll have windows on both sides.

Now, this is really, to me, brought it up. Now, you can see it.

You could see where he's coming from. I love the flow of it.

The flow is fantastic... And the light, it's going to be perfect.

I'm glad, guys. That's great.

I feel like we should have another high five.

Oh, I think so too. High five.

The first job is to let some light back in.

Choose your weapons.

THEY LAUGH

Might have known you'd go for the

big one.

I'm just going to bang this gently.

From the top, you can give it a nice whack. Go on, Amanda.

Oh. Oh! Let there be light. Lovely.

How did you do it? You did it really easily.

That's because I'm strong and I'm a woman.

But, I've got this crappy little hammer.

No, I think that, look... Ooh. ..it's good.

I feel like I want to go like that. Use the other end, love.

Perfect. I felt really tough.

I felt like proper, bashing windows in, getting properly dirty.

I feel like I might have a pint tonight.

Oh, my God. It's so satisfying.

I think people's perception of Amanda is that she can,

"Oh, she's going to chip a nail or break an acrylic."

But, actually, she does get involved. She gets really into it.

Morning!

I think I could become a builder.

I really could.

We're not here just to build.

We also want to get under the skin of Sicily.

In Marsala, the high winds on the west coast make it one of

Europe's leading destinations for kite surfing.

But, we're here to test out an alternative water sport.

SPEAKS SICILIAN

Is that Sicilian for "I'm fat."

I'll get off. Sorry, I ate too much pasta. Pasta.

Just love it here. It's just got such a lovely vibe.

And, today, I'm throwing myself into the Sicilian way of life.

Oh, God.

I feel like I'm sort of on my holidays.

I've been working on the house.

Let's just get out there and have some fun.

Oh, it's nice, isn't it? Thank you. Such a good invention.

CRUNCHING OF PEDALS

Why is yours doing that?

Have you broken it, Alan?

Right, left, no problem.

Right and left to the problem?

No problem.

MAN SPEAKS SICILIAN

Have I got a puncture? What?

AMANDA LAUGHS

So depressing. Why couldn't you have this bike?

That's why I don't like sport.

Because things always go wrong. I always pull a muscle.

I high kicked on stage and I sprained my calf.

I mean, any basic exercise just ends up in injury or humiliation.

Come on, Alan. I'm coming. OK, let's go.

I quite like the idea of trying that, do you?

No chance. No chance.

Why would you do that?

Did your dad never want you to play football, Alan?

Of course he wanted me to play football.

He'd say to me, "Alan, it's my dream to see you at Wembley."

Have you done Wembley?

I did Wembley Arena on a stand up tour.

There you go. He did see you at Wembley.

OK. We'll go out, we'll come in and we'll have a race in. OK, right.

BOTH: Go!

Yes! Alan's winning. I've never won anything before in my life.

Alan won!

Yay!

HE PANTS

Flipping heck, we're going to get fit doing this every day.

I know. I'm going to have an amazing bum.

Even the door knockers are like... Lovely knockers. ..beautiful.

Today's project is flooring.

About 100 square metres.

We need tiles to cover the floors throughout the whole apartment.

What is square metres in Italian? Metri quadrati.

BOTH: Metri quadrati.

So, yeah, what are you thinking with tiles?

I do feel like we just want continuity in the living areas,

but I think something not too busy.

We can definitely find you something.

Scott has told us that the best place for tiles

is the capital city, Palermo.

You know I'm a nervous passenger.

Yeah, you are a terrible passenger.

I'm even more nervous as a driver. But, just relax.

And it's an opportunity for another cultural experience.

Italian driving.

HORNS BEEPING

Don't you worry.

HORNS BEEPING

Is it my way? No, I don't know.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, we don't know!

Just go, go. Go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

We're in front of a tram.

Oh, my God. Shall we just go? Yes. Just go. Just go.

HORNS BEEPING

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

For god's sake, can't you wait five minutes?

That's a sign. Oh, grazie mille.

Grazie mille. Thank you. Oh, they were nice.

Oh, what did I tell you? You're too close to the kerb.

I'm going to have a stiff drink when I get to the tile factory.

Having avoided major injury, we've made it to Fogazza Millennium,

a tile factory that's been in business for over 100 years.

It's a perfect moment to try out my Italian vocab.

Mi chia and... Mi amo... No, mi chiamo. Mi chiamo.

Amanda. Mi chiamo Alan. Alan.

Yeah. What's tile again? Piastrelle.

SPEAKS ITALIAN

I only speak a little bit.

You've done ever so well. You picked it up very quickly, Alan. Si, senor.

Alan! Senora. Senora.

The traditional Italian tiles that we're looking

for are called terrazzo.

They originated in Italy in the 16th century.

They were made as a cost-effective way of reusing marble scraps

by setting them in cement.

You don't like the two-tone? I think it's tutti-frutti.

I don't like it. I don't mind that one.

I'm a bit of a control freak.

You know, I've already got quite a clear idea of flooring

that I've got in my head.

And I think Alan's got other ideas going on.

Is that too boring? No, I love that.

You don't want to walk in and look straight down at the tutti-frutti floor.

I think it needs a little bit of zhuzh.

I do feel I've got a good eye.

I like prints and all that, that jar a bit.

I do like throwing lots of texture and colour and I know

I'm going to have to rein myself in a bit, but there's nothing wrong

with having a little bit of character.

Should we speak to the man?

Scusi, isn't it? Mi scusi.

Scusi. Hello? Ciao.

Ciao. Mi chiamo Alan. Mi chiamo Amanda.

Poco parle Italiano.

OK. Bella. Little English.

Little English, great. Hooray.

You need the title? Yes.

Yes. For the project in Sicily or? Salemi.

And we want a traditionale, rustica. Neutral. OK.

This is the traditional production.

Old, old, old.

This is a cement. Cement!

Yes, a terrazzo.

I think that that is probably...

..the best one for the floor.

The simple tiles that we've chosen will be made here in Sicily

and will be ready in a few weeks' time.

That's lovely. I love it.

While we were out shopping, back in Salemi, Scott has made a start

on taking the wall down to make room for a bigger kitchen.

And it's our job to finish it.

This is so exciting. I know. It's my favourite thing.

I've always wanted to bash a wall down.

It looks... If you've got any anger in you, Alan...

..take it out on the wall today. Oh, yes, I've got loads of anger.

Whoa. This is very exciting.

You ready for this? I'm ready. Ready.

Are you going to do this or me? I'm totally doing it.

Where does this anger come from? You need therapy.

Why did you just love smashing things in?

I really want to do it. So, blocks are about this big.

So, you want to try and go on the line of the bottom

of the block, so you just open it up.

Just go like that? That's it. Just squeeze through it.

Ooh.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like David Hasselhoff at the Berlin Wall.

God, I love it.

Shall I have a go? It is unbelievable. Here.

Never used a power tool.

I've used a jet wash, that's as powerful as it gets in my hands.

Oh, God, it's going to go. Nice.

I felt like I had to really, like, up the ante.

I had to find some testosterone from somewhere because I felt

like I was letting the side down.

Oh, my God. I've got a sweat on.

It's better than any workout.

I hate gyms. I hate workouts.

And this is, like, if you want guns, this is a workout DVD right there.

That was like an exorcism for me.

It was absolutely brilliant. Amanda!

And it was fantastic. I recommend it to anyone.

Amanda? Yeah.

Do you want some chocolate or something?

Because I know you always get like this when you're hangry.

I just want to know who Amanda was thinking of when she was giving

that wall a wallop, because there was a lot of anger

there and a lot of sexual tension.

Make sure you stretch off afterwards.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Back of the shoulders. I tell you what we could do, Alan.

What? We could go for a lovely massage. That's a nice idea. A massage.

The wall is down, leaving room for our spacious kitchen.

But, there is still loads more to do this summer.

How are we going to finish this in time?

How? And it does feel a bit overwhelming.

Oh, my God. Have we bitten off more than we can chew?

You know, "Oh, yeah. Let's go to Sicily.

"Let's buy a house for a Euro," and then it's really hot.

I've really felt like I've worked really hard today.

I'm just dying for a glass of wine.

After a long day, we're heading to Marsala Salt Pans.

Which is famous for the best sunsets in Sicily.

Amanda, don't. I won't look. I'm a bag of nerves.

I've been working on that house all day.

Look, we're right... Be careful.

I could have nearly picked those olives.

I know, but you do feel like that

when you're on that side as a passenger.

No, no, I don't feel...

CAR SENSORS BEEP

What? Because you're so close to this.

Is that what it's telling me? Yes. It's beeping.

You go, "Oh, you feel like that?" I feel...I know I'm there.

Oh, my God. Look at this, it's stunning.

Oh, I can see a windmill.

I mean how gorgeous is this?

Look at this.

Will you marry me?

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, Alan. This is lovely.

This is a perfect end to a really brilliant day.

Do you know what people are thinking in this bar?

They're thinking, "Look at that glamorous, lovely woman.

"Doesn't she know her husband's a homosexual?"

Oh, hello.

That's for me. The rose with ice.

Thank you.

How do you say ice in Italian?

Ghiaccio. Ghiaccio. Ghiaccio. Ghiaccio.

Salute. Thank you.

Grazie mille. Things are looking up.

Do you see the way he was mentally undressing me? I did.

It's nice just to get on a plane and come somewhere, isn't it?

There's...I think it's good for us, well, especially you,

to have a project to take your mind off stuff.

Hopeful, optimistic, clean slate, new beginnings.

Yes. All of that.

This is such a mammoth job,

you just couldn't do it with someone, could you...?

Oh, my God. You couldn't do it with someone you couldn't get on with. Oh, my God.

I couldn't do...I mean, I'm not joking.

I couldn't do this with my husband.

We'd be divorced within an hour. Yeah. Yeah.

I can only do this job with you. Because you're bossy.

And you're easy-going. Yeah.

Why should I have an opinion? Exactly.

Who wants an opinion? No.

GLASS CLINKS

Ooh! No more now.

No. No more... I've got ice in mine. ..cos you're getting violent.

One, two, three!

Over the course of our Sicilian summer...

CHEERING

..we continue to live La Dolce Vita...

Oh, my God! Become true locals.

And get an education in renovation.

You got to learn and sweat. And it starts right here.

Oh, God. All right.

..as we design...

Perfect. Everybody. Oh, I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

Oh, no. It's like a mould on the house.

..and transform...

Oh, watch my bougainvillaea.

Oh.

..our Italian dream home.

CHEERING

MUSIC: The Good Life by Tony Bennett

# Oh, the good life

# Full of fun Seems to be the ideal

# It's the good life. #