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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,537 - AND IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU, OUR TEACHERS, 2 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,206 THAT EVERY ONE OF THESE RECREATION CLASSES 3 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,109 IN THIS CATALOG SHINES LIKE A JEWEL 4 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,111 IN PAWNEE'S BEAUTIFUL CROWN. 5 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,080 [light applause] 6 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,682 UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO BUDGET CONSTRAINTS, 7 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,117 THIS YEAR WE WILL HAVE TO REMOVE 8 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,585 FIVE JEWELS FROM THAT CROWN. 9 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,353 - EXCUSE ME? 10 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,521 ARE YOU CUTTING OUR CLASSES? 11 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,522 - YEAH. 12 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,193 THE CITY, UM, TOOK AWAY $1,000 FROM OUR BUDGET. 13 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,194 SO I'M VERY SORRY. 14 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:29,197 - HOW WILL YOU DECIDE WHICH CLASSES TO CUT? 15 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:32,066 - BY ATTENDANCE. AND STUDENT EVALUATIONS. 16 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,568 SO JUST MAKE SURE YOUR STUDENTS LEAVE WITH A SMILE. 17 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,805 - MY CLASS IS CALLED "COPING WITH TERMINAL ILLNESS." 18 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:40,674 - HOPEFULLY, YOUR ATTENDANCE IS GOOD. 19 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,376 ACTUALLY, NO. 20 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,212 HOPEFULLY, IT'S BAD. 21 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,114 NOBODY'S MORE UPSET ABOUT THIS THAN ME. 22 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,715 I'VE BEEN TAKING THESE REC CENTER CLASSES 23 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,517 SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. 24 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,751 IT'S WHERE I LEARNED HAIR BRAIDING 25 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,455 AND HOW TO MAKE BISCUITS, FRENCH KISSING. 26 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,524 THE FRENCH KISSING WAS JUST FROM A BOY IN MY BISCUITS CLASS, 27 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,692 BUT EITHER WAY, LESSON LEARNED. 28 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,762 [triumphant music] 29 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:09,803 * 30 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,715 - OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO CARNIVAL. 31 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,317 - I WANNA GO. 32 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,585 - WE HAVE TO GET TICKETS IN FEBRUARY 33 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,154 TO GO TO RIO DE JANEIRO, LESLIE KNOPE. 34 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,588 - OKAY. 35 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,591 I AM ON A DATE WITH JUSTIN IN INDIANAPOLIS. 36 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,792 WE'VE ONLY BEEN OUT A FEW TIMES, 37 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,427 BUT EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN AMAZING. 38 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,728 - CHEERS. 39 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,831 - LAST TIME, WE HAD A PRIVATE TOUR AND COCKTAILS 40 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,667 AT THE INDIANAPOLIS AQUARIUM. 41 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,203 THAT FISH OVER THERE KIND OF REMINDS ME OF MY MOM. 42 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,604 - WHY? 43 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,539 - IT'S... JUST BEING REALLY WITHHOLDING. 44 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,175 JUSTIN IS DEFINITELY THE MOST INTERESTING GUY 45 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,309 I'VE EVER DATED. 46 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,611 - ALL I DID WAS A LITTLE PAPERWORK. 47 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,745 - HMM. HE'S BEING MODEST. 48 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,815 IT IS THANKS TO HIM MY FAMILY REMAINS IN THIS COUNTRY. 49 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,617 AND IT WAS ALL PRO BONO. 50 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,685 - OH, JUSTIN. 51 00:01:57,718 --> 00:02:01,655 - YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY THIS. 52 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,623 - OH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD. 53 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,192 - ISN'T IT GREAT? - MM-HMM. 54 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,660 - IT'S CAMEL STOMACH. - IS IT? 55 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,162 - I'M TEASING, I'M TEASING. IT'S CHICKEN. 56 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,897 [chuckling] 57 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,565 - WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY THE CAMEL STOMACH? 58 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,666 - NO. 59 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,702 [laughing] 60 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,337 - OH, THIS IS ME. 61 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,805 - SO WHEN AM I GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN? 62 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,807 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 63 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,409 I'M GONNA BE NEAR PAWNEE ON TUESDAY. 64 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:22,710 - EXCELLENT, YEAH. 65 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:23,677 I'LL PLAN SOMETHING EXCITING. 66 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,913 - MM. - IN FACT... 67 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,914 OUR DATE IN PAWNEE 68 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,816 IS GONNA BLOW INDIANAPOLIS OUT OF THE WATER. 69 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:32,353 - ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA HOLD YOU TO THAT. 70 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,521 - GOOD, YOU BETTER. 71 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,857 - I WILL. 72 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,559 - I'VE RACKED MY BRAIN 73 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,661 AND I CAN'T COME UP WITH ONE EXCITING IDEA. 74 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,930 I MEAN, HE ONCE ATE FRIED COCKATOO 75 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,266 WITH A MEMBER OF THE THAI ROYAL FAMILY. 76 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,401 - WELL, MAYBE JUST HAVE HIM OVER 77 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:48,736 AND COOK HIM SOME CHICKEN 78 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,638 AND TELL HIM IT'S PAWNEE COCKATOO. 79 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,574 - A DINNER PARTY. THAT'S GENIUS. 80 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,410 I'LL INVITE ALL MY MOST INTERESTING FRIENDS OVER, 81 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,611 WE'LL HAVE THIS BIG RAMBLING PARTY-- 82 00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,747 - NO, I ACTUALLY MEANT MORE OF, LIKE, A ONE-ON-ONE THING. 83 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,981 - I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT, 84 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,550 BUT I TOOK YOUR IDEA AND MADE IT BETTER. 85 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:03,617 IT'S CALLED A THINK TANK, ANN. 86 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,718 - WHAT IS? - OUR LUNCHES. 87 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,354 OUR LUNCHES ARE LIKE THINK THANKS. 88 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,988 OKAY, I WANT YOU TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AT 2:00 89 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,357 AND HELP ME GET READY. 90 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,658 OH, AND MAKE SURE THAT MARK IS COMING. 91 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,493 OH, SO MUCH WORK TO DO. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. 92 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,629 NOW GET OUT OF HERE! 93 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,865 - HOW MANY COURSES WILL THERE BE? 94 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,933 - THREE. - MM. 95 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,902 - FOUR. - MM... 96 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,305 - NOT INCLUDING DESSERT. - SO FIVE COURSES. 97 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,740 - YES. NOW IT WILL BE FIVE COURSES. 98 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,376 - IF I WANTED TO BRING 99 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,279 A LARGE NUMBER OF DEVILED EGGS 100 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:34,248 BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SHARE THEM WITH ANYONE ELSE, 101 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:35,616 CAN YOU GUARANTEE FRIDGE SPACE? 102 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,751 - JUST BE THERE AT 8:00. 103 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,488 OH, HEY, TOM. 104 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,622 I'M HAVING AN A-LIST DINNER PARTY FOR JUSTIN 105 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,956 AND YOU, OUT OF ALL MY FRIENDS, 106 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,758 COME FROM THE MOST DISTANT AND EXOTIC LAND. 107 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:45,959 - SOUTH CAROLINA? 108 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,562 - [laughs] SAVE IT FOR THE PARTY. 109 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:49,530 CAN YOU MAKE IT? 110 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,266 - FOR JUSTIN, ARE YOU KIDDING? I'M THERE. 111 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,767 JUST DON'T INVITE ANY BORING PEOPLE LIKE JERRY. 112 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,902 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? 113 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:55,969 - NOTHING. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 114 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,438 - WHAT? 115 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,907 - [humming] [approaching footsteps] 116 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,709 - LESLIE, HEY. - HI. 117 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,544 - CHECK IT OUT. JUST PRACTICING. 118 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,678 - ISN'T THAT POLISH GONNA GET ON PEOPLE'S BUTTS 119 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,846 WHEN THEY SIT DOWN? 120 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,848 - [scoffs] NO. 121 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,383 - OKAY, LISTEN. I'M HAVING A PARTY. 122 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,584 - MM-HMM. 123 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,286 - AND, UM, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME WITH SERVING 124 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,454 AND TAKING PEOPLE'S COATS. 125 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:14,588 I'D PAY YOU, LIKE, TEN BUCKS AN HOUR. 126 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,525 - MY GUARDIAN ANGEL, I WOULD LOVE TO. 127 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,393 WHO'S GONNA BE THERE? - REALLY FUN PEOPLE. 128 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,695 RON, TOM, MARK AND ANN. 129 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,431 - [clears throat] 130 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,665 THAT'S GREAT. WHAT'S THE OCCASION? 131 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,866 - JUSTIN'S COMING TO TOWN. 132 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,968 - HAH... 133 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,570 HEY, IT'S ME JUSTIN. 134 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,572 TAKE MY COAT, BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL. 135 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,773 I GOT IT FROM THE KING OF AFRICA 136 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,710 WHEN WE WERE WALKING ON THE-- THE BERLIN WALL TOGETHER. 137 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,011 REALLY, JUSTIN. 138 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,748 WHAT INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY? 139 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,383 ACTUALLY-- 140 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,652 ACTUALLY, HE'S A PRETTY SICK KEYBOARDIST. 141 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,720 OH, GREAT, I'M GOOD TO GO. THAT SOUNDS GREAT. 142 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:47,721 - GREAT. - I'LL SEE YOU THERE. 143 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,757 - ALL RIGHT. 144 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,591 - AFTERNOON, ANDY. 145 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,393 - [laughs nervously] HI, HI, KYLE. 146 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,527 YOU KNOW, RIGHT BEFORE YOU SAT DOWN, 147 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,829 I NOTICED, DID YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF STAIN ON YOUR ASS 148 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,465 OR SOMETHING, WHAT WAS THAT? 149 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,733 - WHAT? 150 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,403 - OH, NO, NO, NO. YOU'RE GOOD. 151 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,605 [doorbell rings] 152 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,873 - HEY, ANN. - HEY. 153 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,541 - WELCOME TO MY HOUSE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. 154 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,477 - I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE NEVER HAD ME OVER. 155 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,812 - [laughs] 156 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,786 - NOW I CAN BELIEVE IT. 157 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,389 - I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S A LITTLE MESSY. 158 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,556 BUT I HAVE A SYSTEM. 159 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,957 SO I JUST NEED YOU TO HELP ME 160 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,559 PUT THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON EVERYTHING. 161 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:29,129 - THIS NEWSPAPER'S FROM NOVEMBER 1986. 162 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,665 - OH, THE FIRST RUMBLINGS OF IRAN CONTRA. 163 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:32,933 DON'T THROW THAT OUT. 164 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,135 - I THINK I NEED TO CALL CHILD SERVICES 165 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,771 AND HAVE LESLIE TAKEN AWAY FROM HERSELF. 166 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:39,707 [groans] 167 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,510 LESLIE, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, 168 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:46,747 BUT YOUR HOUSE IS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON'S GARAGE. 169 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,949 WHAT DO YOU NEED THIS BIRDHOUSE FOR? 170 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,784 - AH-- 171 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,952 - CAN WE GET RID OF IT? 172 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,721 - AH--OH-- I MIGHT NEED IT. 173 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,789 - WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? 174 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,925 - WELL, IF TWO BIRDS COME ALONG. 175 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,092 - LESLIE. 176 00:05:59,126 --> 00:05:59,927 - ANDY'S GONNA COME OVER SOON. 177 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,629 HE CAN HELP US WITH ALL THIS STUFF. 178 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,097 - ANDY? NO. NO, NO, NO. 179 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,667 YOU NEED A TEAM OF PROFESSIONALS TO HELP. 180 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,774 - I HAVE AN IDEA. 181 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,477 HI, IS THIS MARIA PORTLESMAN 182 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,580 FROM ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE WITH MARIA PORTLESMAN? 183 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,848 - APRIL, COME HERE! 184 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,182 - WHAT? - SHAKE MY HAND. 185 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,717 - WHY? 186 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:24,952 - I CAN'T TELL IF I'VE EXFOLIATED TOO MUCH. 187 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,086 I DON'T WANNA CREEP JUSTIN OUT. 188 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,588 I WANT HIM TO RESPECT MY HANDSHAKE. 189 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,989 - WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT HIM? 190 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,691 - JUSTIN IS HIP. 191 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,160 PAWNEE IS THE OPPOSITE OF HIP. 192 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,695 PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN ARE JUST NOW 193 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,430 GETTING INTO NIRVANA. 194 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,731 I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THEM 195 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,701 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO KURT COBAIN IN 1994. 196 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,770 HEY, JUSTIN. 197 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,037 - EW. 198 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,806 IT'S LIKE TOUCHING RAW CHICKEN. 199 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,741 - DAMN IT. 200 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,577 GONNA HAVE TO RE-FOLIATE 'EM. 201 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:53,581 - UM, I'LL NEED SOME HELP MOVING THE BOXES, 202 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,915 BUT IT'S DOABLE. 203 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,817 - OH, THANK GOD. HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU? 204 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,952 - OH, PLEASE. NO CHARGE. 205 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,689 I JUST APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO DEMONSTRATE 206 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,724 HOW VALUABLE MY CLASS IS TO THE REC CENTER. 207 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,960 AND I HOPE YOU'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND. 208 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,863 - OH, NO, NO. I INSIST ON PAYING. 209 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:13,066 - OH, NO, NO. I INSIST ON DEMONSTRATING. 210 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,968 - THIS IS NOT GOING TO AFFECT MY DECISION AT ALL. 211 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,737 - OH, OF COURSE NOT. 212 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,872 - STOP WINKING. 213 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,708 - HEY, LESLIE, I FORGOT TO ASK YOU. 214 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,743 WHAT ARE YOU COOKING? - FIVE COURSES. 215 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,978 - OF WHAT? - HUH? 216 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,848 - OF WHAT? - OH, GOD. 217 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,485 [chopping vegetables] 218 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,120 SO HOW'S IT LOOKING? IT SMELLS GREAT. 219 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,188 - OKAY, THE APPETIZERS ARE ALMOST READY. 220 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,791 AND I THINK THAT THEY ARE A VERY GOOD SAMPLING 221 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,627 OF WHAT MY LEVEL ONE CLASS DOES. 222 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,728 WHICH I HOPE YOU'LL KEEP IN MIND 223 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,229 WHEN YOU'RE MAKING YOUR DECISIONS. 224 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,632 - TANIA, LIKE I SAID OVER THE PHONE-- 225 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,733 - I KNOW. 226 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,034 IT WON'T INFLUENCE YOUR DECISION. 227 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,201 IT'S JUST THAT LEARNING TO COOK 228 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,537 IS VERY IMPORTANT IN THIS DAY AND AGE. 229 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:53,240 - IS IT? 230 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:54,642 [slams down glass] 231 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,577 - HEY, ANDY. - HEY. 232 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,145 - ARE YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT TONIGHT? 233 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,581 - WHAT? 'CAUSE OF MARK AND JUSTIN? 234 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,250 THEY ARE JUST GUESTS AT A REALLY AWESOME DINNER PARTY 235 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,818 AND I WILL TREAT THEM AS SUCH. 236 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:05,819 - THAT SOUNDS VERY PROFESSIONAL. 237 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,087 - THANK YOU. 238 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,922 I PROMISE I WILL NOT SPIT IN ANYONE'S FOOD, 239 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,558 UNLESS THEY SHOULD REQUEST THAT I DO. 240 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,292 - GOOD. - DID I DO THIS RIGHT? 241 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,662 - I DON'T KNOW. 242 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,929 [doorbell rings] 243 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,598 OH, HEY, MARK. 244 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,866 WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE. 245 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,968 - WELL, THANK YOU. WHA--OH. 246 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,136 THIS IS WAY CLEANER THAN THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE. 247 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,806 - YOU'VE BEEN HERE? 248 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,575 RIGHT. 249 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,109 - WHEN WAS MARK HERE BEFORE? 250 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,081 - OH. SEX. 251 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,818 - I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO JUSTIN AGAIN. 252 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,819 LAST TIME HE TOLD ME ABOUT 253 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,556 HOW HE SNORKELED WITH WHALE SHARKS IN MADAGASCAR. 254 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,757 THAT WAS AFTER I TOLD HIM 255 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:47,260 THAT I SOMETIMES GO SWIMMING AT THE "Y." 256 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,229 - OH, THANK YOU, SON. 257 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,831 LESLIE KNOPE. 258 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,834 I BELIEVE YOU'VE ARRANGED ACCOMMODATIONS FOR THESE. 259 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:54,968 - YES, I HAVE. 260 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,837 - UH, HEY, RON SWANSON, YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO HEAR ABOUT 261 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,906 THE INCIDENT WITH MAYOR GUNDERSON'S DOG, DID YOU? 262 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,173 - OH, MY GOD, IT WAS A BLOOD BATH. 263 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,241 - NO, NO, NO. NO TALKING. 264 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,844 EVERYBODY STOP TALKING... UNTIL JUSTIN GETS HERE. 265 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,747 DON'T USE UP YOUR STORIES. 266 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:07,881 - WELL, I THINK SOMEBODY FROM ANIMAL SERVICES 267 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,049 IS GONNA GET CANNED. 268 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,718 - OH, MY GOD, WHAT PART OF NOT TALKING 269 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,920 DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? 270 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,689 PLEASE HAVE A GOOD TIME AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH. 271 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:16,890 I JUST WANT THIS DINNER PARTY TO GO WELL. 272 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,627 THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS I'VE ASKED FOR IN THIS WORLD: 273 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,662 TO BUILD A NEW PARK FROM SCRATCH, 274 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,863 TO EVENTUALLY BECOME PRESIDENT, 275 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,065 AND TO ONE DAY SOLVE A MURDER ON A TRAIN. 276 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:28,135 I THINK IT'S FAIR TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST. 277 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,603 [overlapping conversations] 278 00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:30,738 [doorbell rings] 279 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,773 - GUYS, JUSTIN'S HERE. THAT'S JUSTIN. 280 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,875 EVERYBODY. START TALKING. 281 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,309 [silence] 282 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,779 WOW... 283 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:42,382 OH... 284 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,984 HEY. - HEY. 285 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,385 - HEY. - SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT LATE. 286 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,253 - OH, THAT'S OKAY. 287 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,722 WELCOME TO MY VERY INTERESTING PARTY. 288 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,890 - ANDY DWYER. 289 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,792 CAN'T WAIT TO CATCH UP WITH THIS GUY. 290 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,027 - ALL RIGHT, JUSTIN, MAY I TAKE YOUR COAT, SIR? 291 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,997 - WHY, YEAH. THANK YOU. 292 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,198 CAN'T WAIT. 293 00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,333 I FINALLY GET TO HANG OUT WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS TONIGHT. 294 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,368 - I KNOW, IT'S GONNA BE SUPER FUN. 295 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:02,335 IT'S GONNA BE A BLAST. 296 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,971 REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, JUST, LIKE, THE BEST 297 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,072 AND MOST EXCITING NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE. 298 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,008 I CANNOT OVERHYPE IT ENOUGH. 299 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,843 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. 300 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,879 - WHAT'S UP, J? - HOW ARE YOU DOING, MAN? 301 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,014 HOW ARE YOU? JUSTIN. - I HAVE THE SWINE FLU. 302 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,984 - OH, I'M SORRY-- - NO, SHE DOESN'T. 303 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,719 - [knocking on door] YO. 304 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,887 - YO. 305 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,689 - IS THAT JUSTIN'S COAT? 306 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,824 - OH, YEAH. ISN'T IT AWESOME? 307 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,058 HE GOT IT IN CAMBODIA 308 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,761 WHEN HE WAS HIKING MOUNT EVEREST. 309 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,929 - LET'S PUT CHEWED UP GUM IN HIS POCKETS. 310 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,263 - THAT'S GENIUS. BUT I CAN'T. 311 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,965 LESLIE'S BEING SUPER COOL TO ME. 312 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,301 I CAN'T SCREW OVER HER BOYFRIEND'S JACKET. 313 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,203 - I'LL DO IT WHEN YOU'RE NOT IN THE ROOM THEN. 314 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:41,108 - THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE. 315 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,877 I'M BEING SARCASTIC. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. 316 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:46,346 - GOD, INDIA IS SO AMAZING. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 317 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,315 THAT IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PLACE TO TRAVEL. 318 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,850 WHERE DID YOU SAY YOUR PARENTS WERE FROM? 319 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,285 - UM, THE SOUTH PART. 320 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,155 - OH, THE SOUTHERN PART'S ALWAYS THE BEST PART OF ANYTHING. 321 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,890 - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE KANMIAN MOSQUE, 322 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,258 DOWN IN TAMIL NADU? 323 00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,426 - ARE YOU KIDDING? 324 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,028 MY UNCLE PRACTICALLY RUNS THE PLACE. 325 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,796 I'VE PRAYED THERE. IT'S SICK. 326 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,231 - TELL ME EVERYTHING, RIGHT NOW. 327 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:07,134 - ONE SEC, I JUST GOTTA HIT THE LOO, 328 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,436 AS THOSE BASTARD BRITISH IMPERIALISTS WOULD SAY. 329 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,772 [laughter] 330 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,942 LAST TIME I WAS IN INDIA, I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. 331 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,010 AND I STAYED INSIDE THE WHOLE TIME PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. 332 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,813 I GOTTA BONE UP. 333 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,716 FOURTH LARGEST COAL RESERVES IN THE WORLD. 334 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,018 - THIS IS THE BEST OLD FASHIONED I HAVE EVER HAD. 335 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,419 WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS BARTENDER? 336 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,022 - OH, AH, I THINK, I DON'T KNOW. 337 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,924 LIKE MAYBE THE YELLOW PAGES? 338 00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:33,226 - THERE'S NO WAY THAT YOU'RE PAYING HIM ENOUGH. 339 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,428 - WELL, IF YOU WANT, I COULD TEACH YOU THE SECRET TO GREAT-- 340 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,765 - SHH! 341 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,733 - LESLIE. - ANN, GET OVER HERE. 342 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,769 - I'M HERE, ALREADY. - GOOD. 343 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,937 OKAY, DO YOU THINK THIS PARTY'S GOING WELL? 344 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,438 I MEAN, CAN YOU SEE JUSTIN? IS HE HAVING FUN? 345 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:50,077 - JUSTIN IS OVER THERE TALKING TO MARK HAPPILY. 346 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,145 - OKAY, GOOD. YEAH, GOOD. 347 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:55,115 I'M JUST GONNA CASUALLY MAKE MY-- 348 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,085 - SO MY FACE IS LITERALLY ON FIRE, 349 00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,787 BUT IT'S THIS WEIRD CHEMICAL 350 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,289 SO NO ONE CAN SEE THE FLAMES. 351 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,424 UM, I'M DANCING AROUND, FREAKING OUT. 352 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,393 I END UP HAVING TO DUNK MY FACE 353 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,895 INTO A BUCKET OF SAND. 354 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,362 - UNREAL. - UNREAL? 355 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,964 - OH, MY GOD. THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE. 356 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,099 - OH, MY GOD, THAT'S-- ISN'T IT, ANN? 357 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,533 UNBELIEVABLE. 358 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,902 - IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME. 359 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,104 IT WAS A KID I KNEW FROM CAMP. 360 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:20,073 BUT A GREAT STORY IS A GREAT STORY. 361 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,241 WELL, PLUS THE KID CAN'T TELL IT. 362 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,276 HIS MOUTH MELTED. 363 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,845 [overlapping conversation] 364 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,780 - DINNER IS SERVED. 365 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:30,383 - OH. EXCELLENT. 366 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,887 - HI. OH. 367 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:37,424 I'M SORRY, ARE WE LATE? 368 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,492 - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 369 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,229 HOW COULD YOU INVITE WENDY WHEN RON'S HERE? 370 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,296 HE'S GONNA WRAP HER UP IN HIS MOUSTACHE 371 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,564 AND TAKE HER HOME. 372 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,833 - WE AGREED THAT WE SHOULD INVITE 373 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:46,666 INTERESTING PEOPLE FOR JUSTIN, 374 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,301 AND WENDY IS AN INTERESTING PERSON. 375 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,402 AND I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR WEEKS 376 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,503 THAT YOU SHOULD TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. 377 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,872 NOW'S YOUR CHANCE. 378 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,973 - OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 379 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,107 NO, IT DOESN'T! 380 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:57,911 NOT COOL. AT ALL! 381 00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,479 - HE'LL GET OVER IT. 382 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,948 - NO, I WON'T! 383 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:04,952 - THE FIRST COURSE IS A MEXICAN BEAN SOUP. 384 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,821 - OOH. DIOS MIO. 385 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,857 - ARE THESE PEPPERS FOR CONSUMING? 386 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,524 - UH, I WOULDN'T. THEY'RE VERY HOT. 387 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,862 - I'M GONNA GIVE IT A TRY. 388 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,230 MM. HOT. 389 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,366 - YOU'RE VERY BRAVE. 390 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,268 - PLEASE. THAT WAS ONE OF THE TINY ONES. 391 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,236 * THIS IS HOW YOU EAT IT 392 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:26,573 - DON'T DO THAT, TOM. 393 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,242 - MM. [bleep]! 394 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,848 - UH, UM, UH-- 395 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,349 THIS IS SOMETHING. 396 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,584 JUSTIN, DEREK AND BEN ARE GAY. 397 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,853 BUT OFTEN ON OCCASION, 398 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,956 APRIL WILL HAVE RELATIONS WITH DEREK. 399 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,225 RIGHT? CRAZY STUFF. DISCUSS THAT. 400 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,627 - THERE'S NOT MUCH MORE TO DISCUSS. 401 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,862 YOU KIND OF EXPLAINED IT ALL. 402 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,231 - [sighs] 403 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,101 WHO ELSE IS GAY? 404 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,069 TOM, I NEED YOUR HELP. THERE WAS A LULL. 405 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,971 I SAW JUSTIN YAWN. 406 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,239 PLEASE TELL ME THAT YAWNING IS A SIGN OF EXCITEMENT 407 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,607 IN INDIA OR SOMETHING. 408 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,975 TOM, FOCUS. - AH! 409 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,476 - GOD, YOU'RE NO HELP. 410 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,612 YES, JUST TO BE CLEAR, UM, 411 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,080 THIS WILL IN NO WAY INFLUENCE ME. 412 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,181 IT WON'T AFFECT MY DECISION 413 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,350 AND IT HAS NO BEARING ON THE FUTURE OF YOUR CLASS. 414 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,886 - HEY, LITTLE BUDDY. 415 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,287 EVERYTHING OKAY? 416 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,889 THAT TOOK A LONG TIME. 417 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,258 - MM, POOR TOMMY. HE HAS A VERY FRAIL COLON. 418 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,994 - I FEEL YOUR PAIN, BROTHER. 419 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,295 HOTTEST THING I EVER PUT INTO MY MOUTH 420 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,964 WAS IN THIS REMOTE VILLAGE IN SOUTHERN BRAZIL. 421 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:24,898 - OOH, THIS SOUNDS GOOD. - YEAH. 422 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:27,600 THEY TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF SCORPION POISON 423 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,636 AND THEY SERVE IT TO YOU-- [doorbell rings] 424 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,171 - I WONDER WHO THAT IS. - OH. 425 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,140 - WHO COULD THAT BE? - MORE PEOPLE. 426 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,909 - A BELLY DANCER? 427 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,610 [laughs] WHAT? 428 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,413 IT'S WEIRD, BUT, UH, 429 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,582 SHE JUST SHOWED UP. 430 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,551 I MEAN, I'M NOT THE KIND OF PERSON 431 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:47,120 THAT'S GONNA THROW SOMEONE OUT OR, YOU KNOW, 432 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:51,191 NOT LET THEM IN IF THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. 433 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,661 I--I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY ALL GOT HERE. 434 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,097 YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HEAR ABOUT A KILLER PARTY 435 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,132 AT KNOPE'S HOUSE, THEY ALL COME A-RUNNIN'. 436 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,974 - YOU DON'T DO ORIGAMI EVERY DAY, DO YOU? 437 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,275 - THEY BROUGHT IN A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT, 438 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,977 THANK GOD. 439 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,945 'CAUSE THAT JUSTIN IS SO BORING. 440 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,681 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HE'S INCREDIBLE. 441 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,683 - YEAH, HE'S NOT GAY, BUT IF HE WERE, 442 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,451 I WOULD TOTALLY BREAK UP WITH BEN FOR HIM. 443 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,387 - YEAH, I WOULD UNDERSTAND. 444 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,721 HE'S AMAZING, RIGHT, APRIL? 445 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,656 - RIGHT, APRIL? DON'T WE LOVE HIM? 446 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,425 [chuckles] 447 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:30,497 - YEAH, HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF AWESOME. 448 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,265 - YOU'RE UNDERAGE. 449 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,566 I COULD LOSE MY LIQUOR LICENSE, I'M SORRY. 450 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,734 - ANDY. 451 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,736 - HEY, ARE YOU HAVING FUN? 452 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,007 - ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING. 453 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,441 [bell rings] 454 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,044 I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE'S MORE. - THERE'S NOT. 455 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,148 - MISS KNOPE. 456 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,983 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE CURRENTLY EVALUATING 457 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,151 THE REC CENTER TEACHERS. 458 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,653 - YOU'RE DOING WHAT, LESLIE? 459 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,289 - I DEMAND AN EVALUATION. 460 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,558 - OKAY. WHAT COURSE DO YOU TEACH? 461 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,328 - WHEN IT COMES TO CHOOSING ACCOUNTING SOFTWARE, 462 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,730 THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE. 463 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:04,764 [chuckles] 464 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,533 - [laughing] 465 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,002 - THE ADVANTAGE OF QUICKBOOKS PRO IS THAT 466 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,071 IT'S EASY TO ASSEMBLE A LIST OF VENDORS-- 467 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,540 - WELL, THIS IS GREAT. 468 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,242 I'M HEADING HOME, 469 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,744 SO AS NOT TO HAVE TO BE HERE ANYMORE. 470 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,113 MY OFFICE FIRST THING TOMORROW. 471 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:23,116 - YEAH, I THINK WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA TAKE OFF TOO. 472 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,318 - THE--THE DEMONSTRATION TAKES ANOTHER 45 MINUTES. 473 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,586 - YEAH, GUYS, PLEASE. 474 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,788 EVERYBODY, CAN YOU JUST STAY, OKAY? 475 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,691 JUSTIN, WOULD YOU-- 476 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,560 OH, MY GOD. 477 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,328 - I PROMISE YOU, MISS KNOPE, 478 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,064 THIS DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE 479 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,731 WILL GO OVER EVERY DETAIL OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT 480 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,667 AND WE WILL DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ARE GUILTY 481 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,535 OF ABUSING YOUR POWER. 482 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,771 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY BEFORE WE BEGIN? 483 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:48,375 - JUST THAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD 484 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,776 TO THE TRUTH COMING OUT. 485 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,445 - I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT LESLIE 486 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,448 IS INCAPABLE OF USING PEOPLE FOR HER OWN GAIN. 487 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,050 - THANK YOU, TOM. 488 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,485 - BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE 489 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,687 LESLIE LOVES USING PEOPLE FOR HER OWN GAIN. 490 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,455 - IF I MAY, PHIL, 491 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,624 I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING TO TOM ON THE RECORD. 492 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:05,758 - THIS HAS ALL BEEN ON THE RECORD. 493 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:09,296 - I'M VERY SORRY THAT I INVITED WENDY TO THE PARTY. 494 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,830 - IS WENDY ONE OF THE TEACHERS? 495 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,399 - NO, SHE'S MY SOON-TO-BE EX-WIFE. 496 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,235 - AND HOPEFULLY THEN-TO-BE FUTURE WIFE. 497 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,703 LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY. 498 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,539 I PUT A NEW ROMANCE IN FRONT OF AN OLD FRIENDSHIP. 499 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,608 - OKAY. 500 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,276 - I PUT A BEAUTIFUL MAN 501 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,278 IN FRONT OF AN ADORABLE MAN CHILD. 502 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:26,713 - YOU'RE RUINING IT. 503 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,281 - I PUT A BIG WHITE STALLION 504 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,217 IN FRONT OF A LITTLE BROWN PONY. 505 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,085 - TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR. 506 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,087 - RON SWANSON WILL BE NEXT. 507 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,389 - WHEN IT COMES TO GOVERNMENT HEARINGS, 508 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,725 THE ONLY TYPE OF WITNESS I ENJOY BEING 509 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,560 IS A HOSTILE ONE. 510 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,729 THAT'S WHY I INTEND TO ANSWER 511 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:46,766 EVERY ONE OF THEIR QUESTIONS WITH A QUESTION. 512 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:49,536 - WERE YOU AWARE THAT ALL OF THE ENTERTAINMENT AND FOOD 513 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,204 WAS PROVIDED BY REC CENTER TEACHERS? 514 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,840 - WOULD I HAVE STAYED IF I KNEW THAT? 515 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,175 - I DON'T KNOW. WOULD YOU HAVE? 516 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,509 - WOULD YOU HAVE? 517 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,611 - NO, I WOULDN'T HAVE. 518 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,581 DID YOU HEAR LESLIE MAKE ANY PROMISES? 519 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,383 - WHAT CONSTITUTES A PROMISE? 520 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,817 - A QUID PRO QUO. 521 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,819 - OH. DO YOU KNOW LATIN? 522 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,489 - OKAY. THANK YOU, RON. 523 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,691 - ARE WE DONE? 524 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,461 - CAN I GET A SHINE? 525 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,897 - OH, NO, I'M SORRY. WE'RE CLOSED. 526 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,532 DUE TO BETRAYMENT. 527 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,268 - WELL, I'M SORRY. 528 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,602 BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 529 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,804 - WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND? 530 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:28,808 WHOSE NAME IS JUSTIN. - JUSTIN? 531 00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:29,809 - YES. 532 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,778 - I WOULD, 533 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:35,448 BUT HE'S PROBABLY TOO BUSY... 534 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:39,852 CLEANING GUM OUT OF HIS COAT POCKETS. 535 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:44,724 - WOW. UNBETRAYED. 536 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,893 - SO YOU DON'T WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT, 537 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,761 AND YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT THESE PEOPLE 538 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,630 WERE TEACHERS FROM THE LOCAL REC CENTER. 539 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:51,864 - NO. 540 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,700 I WAS SIMPLY ATTENDING A DINNER PARTY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE. 541 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,902 - WHY IS HE HERE, MS. KNOPE? 542 00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,704 - THAT WILL BECOME CLEAR. 543 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,739 MR. ANDERSON, COULD YOU PLEASE DESCRIBE THAT EVENING? 544 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:02,375 - WELL, I HAD A VERY PLEASANT TIME. 545 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,644 AND FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, THERE WAS NO ABUSE OF POWER 546 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,547 WITH RESPECT TO MS. KNOPE AND ANY OF HER VARIOUS GUESTS. 547 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,915 - COULD YOU DEFINE PLEASANT? 548 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,851 DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME? DID YOU HAVE A GREAT TIME? 549 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,820 BE SPECIFIC, AND DO YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE UNDER OATH? 550 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,356 - MM-HMM. I HAD AN AMAZING TIME. 551 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,258 - BUT YOU FELL ASLEEP. 552 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,626 - OH, GOD, I'M SO SORRY. 553 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,428 NO--LOOK, I, UH, YOU KNOW, 554 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,762 I'D BEEN GIVEN A CASE THE NIGHT BEFORE. 555 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:23,963 SO I HAD TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WORKING ON IT. 556 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,665 I DIDN'T WANT TO CANCEL. 557 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:26,766 - YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, I WOULD HAVE RESCHEDULED. 558 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,535 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 559 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,770 I HAD AN AWESOME TIME. 560 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,740 WHICH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REC CENTER TEACHERS. 561 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,842 - NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. 562 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,943 - OKAY. 563 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,545 WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK, 564 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,979 AND WE'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT WE DECIDE 565 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,981 IN ABOUT AN HOUR. 566 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,550 - GREAT. 567 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,385 I WILL, UH, SEE YOU LATER. 568 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,619 - I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF OFFICIAL BUSINESS 569 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,754 SO I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. 570 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:48,788 - OKAY. - BUT YES, YES, YOU WILL. 571 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,257 - GREAT. 572 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:54,394 - [clears throat] 573 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,629 SO DID YOU GET THAT? HE SAID "AMAZING" AND "AWESOME." 574 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,865 SO I'M GONNA DRIVE UP AND SEE HIM NEXT WEEKEND. 575 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,733 THERE'S SOME KABUKI THEATER FESTIVAL HAPPENING. 576 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:01,901 - GREAT. 577 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,003 YOU'RE SO RELAXED. 578 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,538 YOU'RE NOT FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS AT ALL? 579 00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,773 - OKAY, LESLIE. 580 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,775 WE'VE REACHED OUR DECISION. 581 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,543 WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE 582 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,944 ANY FURTHER ACTION AT THIS TIME. 583 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,746 - THANK YOU. 584 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,882 - IT REALLY HELPED THAT YOU ASKED FOR THIS HEARING YOURSELF 585 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,984 AND THAT YOU MADE FINANCIAL RESTITUTION 586 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,552 OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET. 587 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,422 BUT I THINK WE BOTH KNOW YOU SKIRTED A LINE HERE. 588 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,394 - YOU TURNED YOURSELF IN? WHY? 589 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,862 - WELL, I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I FELT BAD. 590 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,566 SO THIS MORNING, I DONATED $1,000 TO THE REC CENTER 591 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,935 SO EVERYBODY COULD KEEP TEACHING THEIR CLASSES. 592 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,904 - OKAY, SO WHY DID YOU ASK FOR THE HEARING? 593 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,306 - ARE YOU KIDDING, ANN? 594 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,308 IT'S EVERY GIRL'S DREAM TO ASK A DUDE 595 00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:44,511 HOW THEIR DATE WENT UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY. 596 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:45,478 I'M NOT PROUD OF MY ACTIONS, 597 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,280 BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THERE IS NOW 598 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,715 AN OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT DOCUMENT 599 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,750 THAT PROVES MY DINNER PARTY KICKED ASS. 600 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,024 - TOMMY HAV. - J-TRAIN. 601 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:58,991 - WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? 602 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:02,795 THIS MIGHT BE NONE OF MY BUSINESS, BUT... 603 00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,498 YOU NEED TO ASK WENDY OUT. 604 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,634 FOR REALS THIS TIME. 605 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,035 - DID LESLIE TELL YOU? 606 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:11,838 - NO. SHE DIDN'T NEED TO. 607 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,039 I SAW IT. 608 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,941 - I'M NOT GAY, 609 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,377 BUT YOU'RE THE MOST INCREDIBLE MAN I'VE EVER MET. 610 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:20,046 - THAT DOESN'T SOUND GAY AT ALL. 611 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,414 SEE YOU LATER. 612 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,582 - TAKE CARE. - BYE, BROTHER. 613 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,318 - YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANNA COME HANG OUT FOR A MINUTE? 40589

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