Original subtitles

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(GROWLS)

(GASPS AND SCREAMS) (SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS) Grandma!

Sorry, Tylor honey. (CHEWS)

Your alarm was going off.

Your scream scared the teeth right outta me. (CHUCKLES) Ah.

My sweet grandbaby is so lucky to have... (YAWNS)

...his favorite grandma move in. (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTS)

Otherwise, he'd be late for work.

Yes, he would. (GASPS) Oh, no.

(CHUCKLES) (GRUNTS)

You gotta pivot, baby, pivot.

(SINGING) ♪ It is gonna be a funny day ♪

(GRUNTS AND SPLUTTERS)

Hey! You laughing at me?

You laughing at me?

I gotta power this city with laughs.

So, you better be laughing at me.

MILLIE: One Tuskmon Breakfast Special.

Gooberry pancakes with extra goo.

Ah. Thanks, Mom.

Bernard, you got a whole hardware store downstairs,

when are you gonna make yourself useful

and adjust the door frames for Tylor?

This house isn't big enough for him

and all his potential.

Look at those mighty horn. (GRUNTS) Mmm.

He's the son I never had.

Ma, I'm right here.

And three, two, one...

Good morning, Tuskmon family.

ALL: Good morning, Val.

Hey, son, I got a new one for ya. Ah, I'm good.

Eh, what did the sea monster have for dinner?

Please, don't... Fish and ships.

(LAUGHS)

Nice one, Mr. T. (SIGHS)

We should use that one at work, Double T. (GULPS)

Or maybe we shouldn't.

Come on. I don't get this joke stuff.

Back in my day,

you just scared those little human kids.

What's wrong with that?

I get it, Mrs. Grandma Tuskmon.

Change can be scary.

Like how you moved out of the retirement home. Kicked out.

To move back here, but that worked out.

No, it didn't.

Every day I miss Creaking Acres.

My water aerobics class was swimming with widowers.

Mmm-hmm! MILLIE: Talk about your dating pool.

Okay, well, Laugh Power

is ten times stronger than Scream Power.

It's taking us all into the future.

Yep, it's laughter we're after.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Show her your signature bit.

Tada! (CHUCKLES) Eh?

Eh? Ooh!

And I still don't get it.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Good Morning, Monstropolis.

Welcome to I Scream... U Scream.

The news debate show

where we take on the issues of the day.

Head to head. I'm Jack. I'm Jill,

and I'm about to clean the floor with Jack

who refuses to clean ours at home.

(SLURPS) If you want me to clean it,

put it on the chore board, Jill!

Jack, it's been nine months since Monsters, Incorporated

disgraced CEO Henry J. Waternoose was arrested

for plotting to use a scream extractor on human children.

(CHUCKLES) Well, Jill, we may be monsters,

but we're not monsters.

Since then, the power company has left screams behind, for laughs.

Today's topic, Laugh Power, is it a joke?

Nope. I'm going to say yes.

(SCOFFS) And it's a bad one. So, I'm not laughing.

Because there's not one funny bone

in your side of our body.

Well, I may be literally stuck with Jack, (GRUNTS)

but I'm more attached to Scare Power.

Thankfully, companies like Scare Masters... Nah.

...Scream Industries and Fear Co... Uh-uh. No.

...have the guts to uphold

Monstropolis's proud tradition of scaring. Nah. (GRUNTS)

(SHRIEKS) Forget tradition.

The science shows that laughter is more powerful. (GRUNTS)

Pretty soon, screams will be as useless

as our therapy session.

Because you're always talking about your feelings.

That's the whole point of therapy! (SIGHS)

I'm calling Doctor Fangberg.

Where's my stress ball?

Well, much like you... Where's my stress ball?

...Monsters, Inc.'s current CEOs,

James P. Sullivan and Mike "Weirdzowski"

have yet to convince me to change.

What? Have you ever heard anything so insulting, Sulley?

Hey, at least they're talking about Laugh Power.

(GROANS) Mike Weirdzowski?

I'm not weird. Am I weird?

Weird-ish. Yeah.

I'm gonna call them demanding a correction,

an apology, a retraction,

a revocation, and an incantation.

Where's that new assistant of ours?

Cameron!

(YELPS) Get Jack and Jill on the phone.

(GROANS)

I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind.

Maybe even the whole thing. Yeah, the whole mind.

FEMALE RECEPTIONIST: Hello, Monsters News Network.

Hello, hi, hi... Please hold.

I'm on hold. Unbelievable.

The insults keep coming. Calm down, Mike.

You don't wanna burst a blood vessel in your eye.

The news and Monstropolis and everybody else

will come around on Laugh Power.

It's the right thing to do.

FEMALE RECEPTIONIST: Hi, Monsters News Network.

Finally, this is Mike Wazo... Please hold.

I'm on hold again.

Hush. Besides, the company is doing well.

Jokesters are getting laughs.

Everything is working.

(BLOWS)

CELIA: All right, Jokesters.

Doors at the ready.

Yeah. Go, Tylor, go.

Fill that canister. And we are a go.

(BEEPING)

(BABBLES)

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHS)

(DINGS)

Ta-da.

(LAUGHS)

Hey.

(CHUCKLES)

(SPUTTERS AND GRUNTS) (DINGS)

(KID LAUGHS)

Nailed it.

Hey!

(CHUCKLES)

(KID LAUGHS)

Ow. Ow. Ow.

MARIA: Nice, Phlegm. (CHUCKLES)

CELIA: Way to go, Lanky. Yeah!

(CHUCKLES) Huh?

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Oh, boy...

Hey, who ordered all these donuts?

(YAWNS)

Oh. Hi, Tylor.

Uh. What's wrong, kid?

You don't like the Oops, Too Many Donuts routine?

Yeah, it's great, but you did that last week.

Uh, oh, I did? Oh. Okay, well, uh...

Well, uh, I've got something I've been workshopping if you wanna...

(CLEARS THROAT) (IMITATES BABY) Hi,

I'm a widdle donut who came to life...

Oh. The weird baby voice again...

Yeah, you, you heard that one too, huh?

Oh, okay. Okay, well, you know I'm not gonna

let this little hiccup get me down. (CHUCKLES)

Yep! Everything is great.

In fact, d...

This is actually a big day for me, you know?

I'm kinda being celebrated later

at my old college's homecoming game. (GASPS)

So... Oh! Uh... (GASPS)

...bed's a little rickety, you might wanna take a look at that.

Yeah, you see, I was trained to be a Scarer, uh,

I even got voted as last year's Scream King.

So, it's kind of a big deal. It's kind of a big deal.

I know.

You've told me a million times.

You were the top Scarer

and now you want to be the top Jokester.

Just trying to stay positive, my man, you know?

(CHUCKLES) (YAWNS) Yeah.

Listen, I'd love to help you out,

but I'm six.

And I have a big coloring book to finish tomorrow. So...

Oh. Yes. Of course. No, yeah. I'll, uh...

I'll make sure to get a laugh out of you next time.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah... (YAWNS) Yeah.

Good talk. Yeah...

Night night. Good night, Tylor.

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

VAL: So... how'd it go with Ben? Who?

Uh, the adorable little boy who loves playing music,

coloring inside the lines, and getting a full eight hours of sleep.

You know, Ben.

(GASPS) Oh, right.

That's his name. Ben.

Ben. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's, uh, he's fine,

although, uh, weirdly,

no longer a fan of my donut bit.

(METAL CLANGING) DUNCAN: Whoo!

Little light on the laughs, eh, College Boy?

Good thing there's no longer a leaderboard, huh?

Because you'd be all the way on the bottom. Ha! (KIDS LAUGHING)

Excuse me, Duncan, I'm gonna have to ask you

not to bother the Jokester while he's working.

Don't listen to him.

Instead, be like me, and listen to the sticker.

You're a star, Tylor!

You shine so bright filling up canisters,

I had to put sunglasses on.

(CHUCKLES) Hmm.

(TYLOR CHUCKLES)

Thanks, Val.

(KID LAUGHING)

MARIA: That is what I'm talking about!

(ALL CHEERING)

CELIA: Congratulations everyone,

today's GiggleWatt Goal has been achieved. (SIGHS)

If you're able,

feel free to head over to the big Monsters University

homecoming game.

Go MU!

(CHEERS) VAL: Mary!

Go you, and go Monsters U!

(SIGHS) I really wanted to take us over the edge today.

Hey, we all did our part.

Right now, I gotta help escort the former king.

Your Majesty.

(CHUCKLES) Okay, okay, stop!

Oh! That's why they haven't fired him yet,

he's royalty.

BOTH: All hail the king!

(PIGEONS SQUAWKING)

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

FEMALE STUDENT MONSTER: Yo, there he is!

Big man Tylor! TYLOR: (CHUCKLING) Hey, hey!

FEMALE STUDENT MONSTER: What's up, dude?

TYLOR: (CHUCKLES) Yeah, Big T, in the fur! RED MONSTER: Hey, hey!

Welcome back, Scream King! (CHUCKLES) Hello!

Hi. How are you? FEMALE MONSTER: It's Tylor!

MALE MONSTER: Welcome back, Tylor! TYLOR: Heyo!

(YELPS AND GRUNTS)

Hey! Tylor! Hello. Hi!

Hi! How are ya? It's the Scream King!

Nice to be back. VAL: Here you go.

(SIGHS) VAL: Take one.

What are you doing, anyway?

Mr. Wazowski asked me to help out with recruiting new Jokesters.

No better place to start than here.

(CHUCKLES AND SIGHS)

It's great to be back.

Feels like old times.

(SIGHS) I haven't been back since I dropped out.

Scaring School wasn't for everyone.

I wasn't very good at it.

But I do have fond memories

of waving to you by this trashcan.

(GASPS)

And this beautiful bench!

And this patch of grass

where I thought you waved back,

but apparently, it was to someone else.

I wish I had waved back to you.

I'm sorry we weren't friends then, but, uh,

I'm really glad we are now.

Me too. (WHISTLE BLOWING)

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Students, fans, and alumni...

QUARTERBACK: Hut, set! Grover Grover!

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: ... welcome to Monsters University.

QUARTERBACK: Hut! Hut! Hut!

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Grecko's open! (PANTING) Got it!

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: And he coughs up the ball.

Probably didn't taste that great, anyway. (GRUNTS)

(GASPS AND SCREAMS)

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Ooh, and that's a loss

of 20 yards... (GROANS)

...and possibly a loss of Samuel. SPECTATOR: Shake it off!

(CHEERS) Who doesn't love a good football game?

With all the foots and the balls?

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: FearTech blitzes!

That's a lot of tentacles! Yeah! I can't believe

I'm on the field with you! Williams scrambles!

MU! He's still on his feet!

All three of 'em! MU.

Ugh. I don't like football, heights, or Tylor.

Shoo! Get away, bird!

Everything about this is terrible!

What are you talking about?

This is wonderful!

You can see the whole field from here.

(GASPS)

(THUDS) FRITZ: Oh?

Oh, no.

Hey, hey. Oh, it's fine.

I can make out shapes.

Yeah, that's either a quarterback

or this gentleman's spleen.

MU! MU! QUARTERBACK: Hut! Hut! Hut!

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Williams drops back,

and he's going long,

it's a Hail Scary! (RUDY YELLS)

(GASPS) Oh. Uh, oh, no, no, no... JOHNNY: Whoa. Heads up.

(RUDY YELLS)

JOHNNY: (CHUCKLING) You know,

there is such a thing as being too close to the action.

Uh, thank you! (CHUCKLES)

Johnny Worthington!

Can I, can I please have your autograph?

Oh. Happy to, little one. Please,

please, please, please...

Oh, look, you have my rookie card.

That's a rare find. You're my favorite Scarer!

QUARTERBACK: Hut! Hut! Hut! Are you somebody?

Oh, well, uh, I was.

I mean, I... I am but, uh...

That somebody is Tylor Tuskmon. Uh...

He beat a bunch of my school scare records.

He's the top of his class

and he was last year's Scream King.

Tuskmon, huh?

Jury's still out.

(SIGHS)

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: And it's MU with the field goal attempt.

Samuel to hold. (GRUNTS)

The kick is up! (SCREAMS)

And so is Samuel! (SCREAMS)

Huh? (GASPS)

And he's just inside the upright for a score!

(CHUCKLES) Yelps. (GRUNTS)

And that's the half, everyone!

But don't go anywhere, up next we're proudly honoring

the former Scream Kings and Queens of Monsters U!

Your Majesties, please grace us

with your presence on the field now!

Woohoo! That's you.

That's you.

Come on, kid, time to enjoy our moment in the sun.

Bye, kids! Bye, hon! (KISSES) Love you.

Don't spend too long in the sun. You burn easy.

Good luck, Daddy! (GIGGLES)

J.J. you're such a suck-up. (BARKS)

FRITZ: Wowee!

Oh, Tylor's coming up next.

Yay, Tylor! Go, Tylor!

Tylor! We're up here.

Did he hear? Do you think he sees us?

CUTTER: I can't see anything.

Unless...

(YELPS) (GRUNTS AND CHUCKLES)

Ah, negative, it's blurrier than the union's stance

on dating in the workplace.

We're still not tall enough.

I'm busy.

Hey, hey, hey!

Bird!

CUTTER: That was even sadder up close. (GROANS)

Welcome back, Royals.

Ah, you're doing my heart good.

Now, let's line up.

Professor Knight. Good to see you again. Johnny! Tylor!

Ah, I love seeing a couple of my favorite students

standing next to each other.

I almost couldn't tell you apart.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Probably the horns. (CHUCKLES) You know,

you could learn a thing or two from him. (CHUCKLING) Well,

I can't promise either one would be useful though!

Right? (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES)

You're such a kidder. He's a kidder, right? Yeah.

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Hello, Monsters. Oh.

And welcome to the annual homecoming game halftime show,

where we're honoring our former Scream Kings

and Queens. Go Tylor!

Yay! Go, Daddy, go!

FRITZ: Yay! Get 'em, kid!

Whatever, eh.

What, uh, what exactly are we supposed to do?

Just smile and wave.

(GROANS AND SIGHS)

If we gotta work late,

at least we can listen to the game and support Tylor.

Anything is better than this news station's hold music.

It's as bad as their coverage.

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: Let's hear it for Jebediah Krakensen!

Hey! He owes me money.

And Dorothy Basiliski.

I thought she died. Only on the inside.

(CHUCKLES)

I am done.

Thank you, Cameron.

And now CEO of Fear Co.

Johnny Worthington.

GRANDMA TUSKMON: Ooh, look at the sheen on his fur.

(CHUCKLES) Maybe he's single.

(CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) No,

he's already married.

Mil! (CHUCKLING) Oh, come on.

(KISSES) I'm just kidding. (CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERS) I checked.

Top Scarer? Come on. Please.

He was easily beaten by yours truly

at the Scare Games. Which we cheated during,

and got expelled for. Ah, Details, details.

It doesn't matter anyway,

'cause we're gonna beat out Fear Co.

as the better, more efficient power company.

And when we do, Sulley,

I'm gonna get in his face,

and I'm gonna say, "You're a loser.

"And no one likes..." JILL: Loser?

I'm appalled. No. No. No. Not you, ma'am.

(CALL DISCONNECTS AND DIAL TONE SOUNDS)

Sounds like that went well.

It did not.

(DIALING)

PROFESSOR KNIGHT: And last but not least,

the most recent Scream King, who was top of his class

and still holds the record for the loudest roar.

Please welcome Tylor Tuskmon. (CHUCKLES)

Go, Tyler! Go. (CHEERS) Yay!

Tylor works at Monsters, Inc.

where he is a top scarer.

Oh, uh, I'm actually a Jokester now. So...

A Jokester?

What's a Jokester?

Sorry, uh, is it...

Can I... Sorry, everyone.

Hi, uh, Tylor here.

Uh, I, I just... I'm not a Scarer.

I'm a Jokester.

Monsters, Inc, they switched to Laugh Power.

You... Oh, okay...

I... I make kids laugh now,

I'm a, a Jokester. So, yeah.

(MONSTER COUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, you're such a kidder.

You know what, I got this great bit I do with, uh,

donuts, actually. Uh, I need the microphone.

Does, uh, first... Does anybody have donuts?

MONSTER: No. Okay, well, uh...

Well, okay, uh, wait, just imagine

that there's donuts on my horns. All right?

Sometimes I, I... I toss them on there

(CHUCKLES) like this.

Whoop! Whoop! (CHUCKLES)

And then I go "Hey,

"who ordered all these donuts?"

I don't know. Who? (SCOFFS)

I hear Tylor's endearingly neurotic voice.

Hey, guys, what's he doing? (DUNCAN CHUCKLES)

Humiliating himself in front of thousands.

(CHUCKLES) It's a gift from above.

(PIGEON SQUAWKS)

The donut hacky sack thing...

You know, 'cause you gotta...

I think maybe it's like... (GROANS)

...the knee thing, or something or, uh... I can't watch.

They say there's no such thing as bad press... ...you know...

...but, uh, they may make an exception for this. ...'cause I'm a... I, uh...

I, um, I feel like this isn't translating as well

without the donuts... Um,

Oh, oh!

What did the sea monster have for dinner?

Fish and ships.

(CHUCKLES)

Fish and... You heard? (GRANDMA TUSKMON GROANS)

Fish and ships. With a, with a "sh." (BERNARD LAUGHS)

That's my joke.

Like the sailing vessel... Oh, sweetie.

Like fish and chips... But he didn't hit ships

as hard as he could have. ...would be...

But this is ships because of the... Thank you, Tylor Tuskmon.

(CHUCKLES) Don't give up your day job!

Oh, wait, that is your day job.

Beautiful.

What an utter disaster. (CHUCKLES)

(PEOPLE MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

ROR BROS: A jokester?

(CHUCKLING) You gotta be kidding me.

"Make Jokesters out of Scarers?"

Yeah, right. (CHUCKLES) (PINK MONSTER LAUGHS)

ROR BROS: Pathetic.

(SIGHS) Val, what am I doing?

I can't even fill a canister.

Aw, come on.

You almost filled that one from today.

(SIGHS) Yeah.

I, uh, just wish I was doing better.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh! Uh, Mr. Worthington...

I, uh, played in enough games to know you can't win 'em all.

Don't get too down on yourself.

You've got a lot of potential.

One day,

you'll make your mark on the world.

CLAIRE: Hey, Joe College.

Let's go. (SCOFFS) Hurry up.

Uh, Dad duties call.

(CHUCKLES) I said doodies.

Listen, chin up.

You'll get 'em next time.

Thanks, Mr. Worthington.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, please, call me Johnny.

And just keep filling those canisters.

(SNORES)

FEMALE RECEPTIONIST: Monsters News Network, how can I help you?

(GASPS) Oh, Hi. Uh, hello.

I demand to speak to Jack and Jill

of I Scream, U Scream.

This is Mike Wazowski. Never heard of him.

(GROANS) Fine. Mike Weirdzowski.

Oh. Yes, Mr. Weirdzowski. I'll put you right through.

(DIAL TONE SOUNDS) (BREATHES DEEPLY)

FEMALE VOICE: The mailbox you are calling for... JACK: Jack...

FEMALE VOICE: And... JILL: Jill.

...is currently full. (GASPS)

Please call back during business hours.

No!

(GROANS)

Wanna grab dinner?

Yeah, I could eat.

Are you sure you don't want me to wait for you?

No. No, it's okay. Really.

I... I'd rather walk home, you know. Clear my head.

So, um, see you tomorrow. Right?

Okay. Uh, see you tomorrow.

(SIGHS) Okay.

I can fill this canister.

Okay. It's go time.

Hey, who ordered all these donuts?

Huh?

Oh, come on not again.

Peekaboo.

Peekaboo! Peekaboo.

(GROWLS) (SCREAMS)

Ah, n... Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I didn't... I didn't mean to, to scare you. No.

Here, here, here, here. Take a... A parting donut.

Enjoy that. All right? Okay, bye-bye.

(PANTS)

(DINGS)

I finally filled it.

Hey, a little laugh energy, a little scream energy,

still a full canister, right?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)