Original subtitles

(bells jingling)

(upbeat music)

? It feels like way too much this Christmas ?

? This Christmas ?

? There's people flooding all these streets ?

? Oooh ?

? There's no way I'm 'bout to be down ?

? 'Cause I know you're coming to town ?

? And you'll be here with me ?

? Be right here with me ?

Aint no way man, I'm calling big cap.

You mean to tell me you don't miss your ex-wife at all, huh?

Sometimes, right?

But then I remember I never signed a prenup

and then I hate her ass all over again.

- Mm. - You and Kayla,

ya'll ain't signed a prenup?

Did they?

They sure did.

Smart man.

No, whoa, whoa.

Hold on now everybody, all right?

We did not sign a prenup.

Not because of divorce,

but we just wanted to remember who we were

and you know, keep intact everything that we amassed

before we became husband and wife.

That's all.

Y'all don't have a shared account?

Shared account?

Man, they don't even live together.

Hold on. That's not entirely true.

Kayla does stay with me at my crib.

His crib.

That's what I'm talking about.

Not they crib, his crib.

Come on, bro.

You know what I mean?

Right? Yeah, okay.

She's still got her apartment, you know,

just in case she want to go home, do her thing.

You know, we could spend time together maybe

five, six, seven days out of the week.

And then, you know, we do our own thing.

It's a lovely system.

You're my hero.

Well, thank you, brother.

You cannot live your lives together from different houses.

And as a matter of fact,

these jokers don't even celebrate the holidays together.

That's not true.

We're supposed to do it this year.

This gonna be the first Christmas that she's coming over,

spending with the family, mom and pop, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Mhm.

God don't like liars. A lot is changing.

Come on, if I'm lying, I'm flying.

Look at it.

Ahaha!

Your boy has arrived.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look good.

Uhhh...

Wanna be me?

No!

You know, Christmas ain't Christmas without the ones

who love you more than you love them.

See, Santa Day came a little bit early for your boy.

Look at here.

Bow!

So I got the oh-so fresh kicks from Gabriela,

the watch from Ashley and the pants from Tracy.

It's a little tight for the crotch area,

but boom, that boy look good.

See, you know, they ain't returning to Mack

because the Mack never left.

(Lavar laughing)

(Jerome mimicking Lavar)

And uh... what you got them for Christmas?

(Lavar laughing)

Hm?

Not a doggone thing.

They got me. You feel me?

Have I ever told you I'm embarrassed to be your cousin?

All the time, cuzzo.

But it's a natural thing

to hate something you ain't got.

Ain't got? (Bryson chuckles)

Hey Jerome. Hmm?

Would you please tell this misinformed brother?

I gots me a lady.

- Oh, you do? - Yeah.

You do?

See, ever since he got his braces taken off

and these little wave implants, he thought he is cute now.

Oh, you ain't cute brother.

Hey Rome, you ever seen this "lady" he talking about?

Uh... No, not yet.

Huh, so how you know she's not

being held against their will?

Hey man, everybody gonna meet on Christmas, all right?

(men groaning)

Oh, everybody gonna meet on Christmas. Everybody-

He put his foot down on that.

Lemme put my foot down.

I hope you got some kicks like that.

What you looking at Blake Gryphon Jr.

Huh? You want these?

Hell nah.

You know I-I never seen a logo with a man

sitting on the ball.

Yo! (men laughing)

Ah, that's crazy.

Sitting on the ball.

'Cause-'cause he wrestling,

these ain't-these ain't retros.

They the futures. Oh the futures?

(men laughing)

Look like he squatting over the sun.

It seems like Gabriela... was on a little budget.

Oh, no, no, no, we don't need the budgets over here.

It is a thousand dollars per foot from France,

from France, Amazon, France.

The brother is sitting on the ball.

What's it, injury timeouts?

Is he playing hopscotch, soccer or what?

Why is he juggling over the ball?

Look like he trying to hop the moon.

What grocery store did you get those from?

(men laughing)

The flagrant foul aisle.

The flagrant foul, wow.

All right man. It's cool, man.

Y'all got it.

All right. All right.

Cool, the ladies still like me.

That's why your lineup crooked.

Technical fouls, get on outta here.

See, you need a new barber.

All these barbers suck.

(door slams) (men laughing)

(phone ringing)

- Hey, superstar! - ? Hello ?

Oh, okay.

You extra.

How's Vegas? I don't know, I'm not there.

Oh, okay.

Well, where are you? Standing outside

my sister's basic ass apartment

waiting for her to let me in.

Oh my gosh!

No way!

No! Hi! Hi!

- Oh my goodness. - Gorgeous.

First of all, this apartment is not basic.

- Get my door. Get my door. - You're right.

- Uhuh. Yes. - It's not the apartment.

- Oh. - It's you.

Oh, ouch.

Well, next to you, RuPaul is basic.

Ooh, I'm glad you said it so I wouldn't have to.

Oh my gosh.

Uh-What are you doing here?

Thought you weren't coming home for the holidays.

Why would you think that?

Because you told us you weren't

coming home for the holidays. (LeeLee laughing)

What do you mean?

Girl, have I ever missed Christmas?

Haven't I always been here to sing with mommy at church?

Oh, well darling, you're famous now.

I'm not famous.

My bank account's just a little healthier.

Okay, so you mean to tell me that you turned down a tour

with Alicia Keys to come be with us?

Nothing's more important than being with my family

for the holidays.

- Alicia cancelled the tour. - Oh.

But I'm glad she did, I was meant to be home.

Okay, well, you darling should have texted me.

Baby, that's not how surprises work.

I'm spending the holidays

with Jerome and his family this year.

Oh, you better tell him you lied.

Y'all don't spend the holidays together.

Y'all don't even live together.

Yes, we do.

Then why are you here and not at the house

I helped you move into?

Okay, first of all, this is my place that I come

and escape to when I wanna get some space.

- All y'all have had is space. - Oh gosh.

Well, this year is going to be different.

(LeeLee sighs) Mhmh.

I hate to bring this up, but-

(clears throat)

there's no holiday if...

ooh girl, you missed your cue. (snaps)

Let's try this again.

(clears throat)

There's no holiday if...

One of us are away.

And since I'm not away, bring on the holiday.

I have plans!

Oh my gosh. Seriously.

Look, you wanna break tradition?

Fine. Snap it in half.

I guess the word family doesn't mean what it used to?

Oh no.

Not the fake cry. I told myself

I wouldn't cry.

He's crying.

You know the drama, save that for your mama.

Why do I gotta change my plans

'cause you wanna come by and throw a wrench in things?

Girl, you know, mama mess around

and cancelled Christmas again.

There's no holiday if one of us is away,

that means you too, sweetie.

You know what?

I just thought about something.

It reminded me that in December, flights be

so cheap going back to LA

because you ain't even tell mom you was even here.

So let me check these flights real quick.

They looking real ni-

No, you didn't. - Hmm?

- Really? - That's a cute picture.

That's a cute picture.

Oh my gosh!

Mm.

Baby, I'm home.

Hmm.

All right, something smell good up in here.

Ah, dinner is served.

Voila!

Thank you, baby.

- Yes, my baby - Yes...

Please have a seat.

Have a seat... Okay.

And make yourself at home.

(Kayla chuckles) Yeah, I am at home.

Right. Okay.

Hmmm...

Looks delicious.

- So this is dinner? - Yes, babe, this is dinner.

You always said you wanted dessert for dinner.

And how many times have you told me no?

That was then, I'm doing something new, babe. Okay?

I made my baby just a bunch of dessert for dinner.

Babe. Come on, here.

Try one of my treats.

Open up your mouth 'cause my baby's so sweet.

Yes he is.

You're not opening your mouth.

- No, I'm not. - Babe, what is the problem?

Like, I thought this would be a great idea.

This is-you don't like this?

- Baby. - Yes.

I usually enjoy when you do nice things for me.

You know I do when you go the extra mile,

but right now you're doing a little extra,

which makes me suspicious.

So what are you up to?

- Me being extra? - Yeah.

[(high pitched]) - I wouldn't say extra.

(high pitched unintelligible)

(high pitched) - Your voice just goes so high.

Oh my god.

- Oh, look at that. - Babe, listen.

Okay. So um...

So Christmas plans are a little bit modified.

(clears throat)

- So what does that mean? - Huh?

Uh... Christmas plans have changed

and they're back on at my mom's place.

Ow! Yes!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. What?

LeeLee is in town.

He came to my place today.

He surprised me. It was so amazing.

So, yeah, that's the new plan.

(Kayla chuckles)

Am I getting this straight

you want to spend Christmas separate as husband and wife?

No, babe. Not separate.

You are going to be with me.

We're gonna be together at my mom's place.

Yeah, no, that's not gonna work out.

You know, Christmas is my mom's favourite holiday,

and it's my dad's birthday.

It's dad, Jesus, Christmas.

All on the same day.

It's action packed.

We've already committed to them.

- Okay. - Well, hold on.

Can't you tell your family we're

already gonna be at my place?

(mysterious music)

Mom, grandpa.

Oh, I love you both.

But I've decided that I'm going to spend Christmas with

my husband and my in-laws this year.

(mom crying)

You see what you did to your mother?

You did this.

I did this?

My only daughter has forsaken me.

The Lord is faithful and he will respect you

and protect you from the evil one.

Really, guys?

Oh, no. Hell no.

Look, bro, can't you just tell your family

that you're coming to my parents' place this Christmas?

There's been a change of plans.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

(mysterious music)

Mo-Mom, dad...

you know, I love you guys both very much.

Right?

I'm not gonna be spending Christmas with you

this year though.

I'm gonna be with Kayla and her family.

But I love you guys very much, and happy birthday Pops.

Somebody gonna say something?

Louis,

get my gun.

No, no.

I'm not trying to die.

No, no, no, nope.

I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

Die? You're being so dramatic.

Really? Come on. Dramatic?

Are you kidding me?

LeeLee pops in town, surprises his sister.

And?

My mom is a regional operations executive.

She's always busy.

She's never home. She's always travelling...

she'salways working. Christmas is a time that

we get to spend as a family.

Okay, babe.

I'm not trying to make this competition,

but it literally is my dad's birthday.

That kind of trumps everything that you just said right now.

- Really? - Yeah.

You know what? Okay,

if it trumps everything,

why don't you spend Christmas doing your thing?

And I'll spend Christmas doing mine

and we'll find a way to do it together next year.

Fine with me.

- Don't do that. - Why? Why not?

Babe, come on. Stop.

Let's be realistic, all right?

I'm not trying to break up your family.

You are not trying to break up mine.

- Sure. - And as

our first year married,

we said no more separate Christmases, yeah?

Yeah. I did say that.

So what I'm saying is that, is there a way

to make everybody happy?

Yeah.

Be in two places at the same time.

Oh my gosh, Jerome.

Jerome. Jerome. Scoot over.

Scoot, scoot, scoot. Move, move, move.

Baby, that is brilliant.

One day, two Christmases.

Oh my gosh. Yes!

One day, two Christmases.

That's perfect.

Oh my God.

- You been drinking? - You know I don't drink.

Are you kidding me?

Listen, Jerome. No, no, no.

I wanna honour the commitment I made to your family

just while not disappointing my family in the process.

Okay, sure,

So we're just gonna bounce from house

to house and nobody's gonna notice.

Yes.

You got a car, I got a car.

I pull up. You pull up. I'm joking!

Huh?

What? I think it's brilliant.

How is that brilliant?

Are you kidding me?

That's-That's genius. No, this is awful.

That sounds like a bad TV scenario

where everything goes wrong and then the husband gets shot.

- Ahah! - You want me to get shot?

Ahah! No, no, no, that's the TV.

This is real life, nobody getting shot.

- That's gonna be even worse. - No, babe, listen.

Think about it.

This is a perfect, perfect solution.

Your family lives in Beacon.

My family lives in Newburgh.

That's like 15 minutes apart from each other.

Especially on Christmas.

There's no traffic.

So we can get there easily back and forth,

babe, you are so (kisses) brilliant.

Oh my gosh. That's the solution.

One day, two Christmases.

Oh, it's so perfect, it'll be magical.

And we get to spend our Christmas holiday together.

(Kayla squeals) Love, baby.

You know, if this goes wrong, and I'm sure it will,

I'm blaming you for all this, right?

When do you ever blame me?

(dramatic music)

Okay, we got this.

Grandpa. Hi.

Oh, my sweet baby.

- How are you? - Oh, blessed.

Not stressed.

All right, I love to hear it.

- You look wonderful. - Oh, this little old thing?

Yes. Yeah.

LeeLee actually got it for me.

- Oh okay... - I'll see you inside.

Go! (mouths)

Okay, see you in a beat.

Mhm. You too baby.

- Just say hi to him. - Nooo.

Come on...

Dad.

Hey Grandpa!

- Demond. - Dad, he goes by LeeLee now.

I don't know anybody named LeeLee.

Oh God.

You named him Demond.

I'm calling him Demond.

What are you wearing?

- Clothes. - I hope you brought something

to change into. Dad, his clothes are fine.

- On a woman. - I'm not changing.

Oh God.

You will if you wanna sing in this church.

Okay, I'll pass then, I'll see you inside.

Okay.

No-oh-ho!

You think you can walk up in the house

of God looking all crazy as all get-out?

Dad.

No, I don't want you dressed like

that in this church Demond.

Well, I'm not changing.

You gon' send me home?

No, you can wait in the lobby.

Dad, you can't keep him outta church.

I can keep him outta my church.

It's bad enough, he can't give you grandkids.

He can give me grandkids.

How?

He gonna knock up one of his boyfriends?

Dad! What is wrong with-

- No, no, no, no.

It's one thing not to like women.

Now he's trying to be one.

I gotta draw the line somewhere, Regina.

Dad...

LeeLee and I get up there and sing every year.

And you have never had a problem with this before.

He never looked like that before.

I don't know who to fuss at more, him or you?

Me?

Yeah, you and Warren never knew how to say no.

(Regina sighs)

Dad, LeeLee is his own person.

So this look is permanent?

If it is, I want nothing to do with him.

- What about Christmas? - I won't be there.

There is no holiday if one of us is away.

I didn't make that up, I got that from you.

I can't celebrate Christmas without my grandson.

Your grandson LeeLee is right over there.

I don't know who LeeLee is.

I know Demond.

Excuse me.

Lee.

Just go back inside, Mom.

I don't wanna sing without you.

His church, his rules, just go.

- Okay. - I'll be fine.

I'll be out here, just go.

Just go.

I love you.

(bright music)

? He is ? ? He is ?

? The reason ? ? The reason ?

? We celebrate ? ? We celebrate ?

? This is ? ? This is ?

? The season ? ? The season ?

? Jesus was born to save ?

? We believe and we'll proclaim ?

? Forever give him praise ? ? Forever give him praise ?

? He is ? ? He is ?

? The reason ? ? The reason ?

? We celebrate ? ? We celebrate ?

? He is ? ? He is ?

Family is everything.

Y'all didn't hear me.

I said family... is everything.

And so is Christmas.

But Christmas is about more than just spending time

with your loved ones.

It's about honouring the traditions passed on from one head

of the family to the next.

A strong family unit would have no legs to stand on

without a house of tradition to nourish them.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Because traditions don't break.

(congregation applauding)

Now, I've been doing what I do

for a long time, and it's all worth it.

(sombre music)

Knowing that I could look at this crowd

and see my beautiful family right up front.

There's my daughter Regina,

and my granddaughter Kayla.

(sombre music)

And LeeLee, this is just a question.

I'm not saying that you have to do this,

but honey, have you ever considered, you know,

dressing differently just to avoid the drama?

Now, you know, I don't care what you wear,

but your grandpa, he does.

I mean, he's just from a different time.

Come on, roll that in.

That means I know he's stubborn,

but he gets a pass 'cause he's my grandpa.

Lili, I am not asking you to change for good.

Just when grandpa's around, ma,

you're asking the wrong person to change.

I mean, I just don't want us divided on the holidays.

Dad would have never asked me to change who I am

'cause grandpa's not ready to deal with it.

(sombre music)

LeeLee.

(sombre music continues)

LeeLee.

(sombre music continues)

You know, your father is still the first

and last thing I think of every day.

It doesn't feel like it's been 15 years.

You're right LeeLee.

Your father would never ask you

to be something that you're not.

But you would.

I just want peace, baby.

Even if that means giving your grandpa what he wants,

it's just for one day, he won't be here

if you dress like that.

I'll have a blue Christmas without him.

There's no holiday if one of us is away.

Now you two might not see eye to eye, but he's still family.

Mom, you saw what he did tonight.

Oh, I know.

Grandpa's stubborn, but so am I.

I'm gonna wear whatever I want to today,

and especially tomorrow on Christmas.

He's still your grandpa no matter what.

You know, it's not too long ago, you two

were thick as thieves.

That was before I wasn't allowed inside his church.

I didn't even get to sing with you.

? Christmas is on the horizon ?

Mom, what are you doing?

? My troubles melt away ?

? As new a hope is a rising ?

? Thanking God for his joy ?

? Given through his baby boy ?

? And there's so much more for us ?

? On the horizon ?

(both chuckle)

- Come on. - Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Put some brakes on him.

Baby, hold on. Hold on.

How many times do we gotta go over this?

Oh, we're gonna go over this till we get it right.

Okay?

Are you ready, soldier?

- Yeah. - I said,

are you ready soldier?

Attention!

That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, so we're gonna get to your parents' house at 1:25 PM.

Correct.

To which we'll have small talk with the family.

Obviously we'll ask mom if she needs any help.

To which she'll refuse, but knowing her, she can't resist.

We'll ask again.

She'll temporarily put us to work.

Perfect. Okay.

So once Gwen, Bryson

and Bryson's girlfriend arrive, you know,

we'll let everyone have small talk and and chitchat.

That'll give us some time to get settled.

- Mhmm. - Okay?

To which 2:00 PM, we'll throw on Christmas with Cletus.

Which is my pop's favourite Christmas film.

- Yes. - And it's also

three hours long.

Absolutely. Three hours long.

That's perfect.

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sneak

outside and have a little phone call.

It's really gonna be you calling me

and that's gonna take me to my parents' house.

And I'm gonna stall for time while

you get your little behind over there.

I'll still be watching Christmas with Cletus.

I'll probably watch out

for about 30 minutes, which should be safe.

Everybody in the family will be sleeping except

my pop because well, he just loves the film.

I'll be like, pop, I gotta go check on Kayla.

That's when I'll immediately bounce to your mom's crib.

Perfect. Okay.

So then dinner at my place.

It's not gonna be till about like six o'clock

because my Uncle Marvin and Aunt Harriet,

they gotta get there first.

You know, my mama never lets us do dinner

until they are there.

And your mom talks so much to which you know us.

We're gonna find ourselves a room within the house.

You and I'll sneak out.

We gotta recharge our batteries.

But in fact, we're jetting back to my family's house.

We'll have Christmas dinner there.

Oh wait, we forgot.

Presents back at our house, now we gotta leave.

We'll end back up at your mom's crib for a second dinner.

Okay, there we go.

So then after dinner number two,

you know something gonna happen

with your stomach, you gonna get the bubble guts.

And then after that what's going

to happen is we are gonna go to your parents' house.

So we can have dessert over there.

Then we get a little cake for some,

you know, for your dad.

It'll say happy birthday and we'll do a little celebration.

And then after that, no, there's nothing after that.

That's the plan.

And you know why this double celebration is gonna work?

Baby, you're over here eating a cookie.

Tell me why the double celebration's gonna work.

Because we ain't going to take photos.

So there'll be no evidence.

Geez. There we go.

No evidence left behind.

And I've already emailed this celebration to both of us.

It's in the group calendar.

And then, you know, who knows,

we might get caught up at the Christmas spear.

We might forget a couple things

or you know Gwen's weed might be a little strong,

we might get a contact high.

So after that, oh it's gonna be great.

We're gonna be so festive.

And then, ooh, you know what else I did?

What?

I set the text message alerts on our phones,

so we ain't gonna go, ooh, we ain't gonna miss a thing.

You know you get so sexy when you take charge.

Get over here mama.

- Oh! - Come on.

- Oh well you like that. - I do love that.

You know what happens when teamwork makes the scheme work.

Oh, you better say that.

- Say it again. - Teamwork

makes the scheme work.

My baby. You ready?

Let's do it.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh whoa, whoa, hold on!

It's Christmas time! Let's go!

You gonna be dragging me around?

(upbeat music)

Dad, what do you mean why?

Because it's Christmas.

Yes, Harriet and Myron will be here too.

Dad, dad, dad, I talked to LeeLee.

He said he's going to be presentable.

Yes.

Your version of presentable, not his.

Dad, dad.

The only thing you need to do is bring yourself okay?

Bye.

(Regina sighs)

By any means necessary.

(bright music)

Ooh, look at you, pretty as you wanna be.

Beyonce ain't got nothing on you baby.

Ow!

Hmm, Beyonce.

? Put your feet and your dress on ?

Smell gooder than a mug.

Ain't time to eat yet Lavar.

Get outta my kitchen.

Auntie, I was just trying to say...

Lavar, get your ass outta my kitchen.

Okay, you ain't got to tell me twice.

You know what I'm sayin'.

Gimme that biscuit before you go.

You know I swear.

All right, love you too.

The other biscuit too, boy.

Why you think you play somebody?

I know your little ass.

Give me the biscuit.

Auntie, every time the holidays come around...

Give it up.

(Lavar coughing)

Oh man. That's crazy.

I couldn't control that stuff.

You still waiting on that COVID test.

You might as just let me have it.

Get your ass outta my kitchen before I shoot you.

Get out before I shoot you.

Stab you.

Man, you know the worst thing about the holiday?

- Freeloading relatives? - No, Doctor Huxtable.

Okay?

Just waiting for the food to be ready.

Yeah.

I still think it's freeloading relatives.

Haha.

My cousin.

You remember the doc, no?

This is stupid.

Look at you smelling like a Snoop Dogg concert.

Baby cuz, can I ask you something?

Your daddy giving me a hard time.

You think I'm a freeloader? Not at all.

- Zing! - You're more of a moocher.

- Ugh! - What?

That's the same thing. Is it?

I guess you are a freeloader.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need some holiday cheer.

Yeah, go on do your real usual.

Shoot, I don't know why y'all calling me a freeloader.

I got a J-O-B, I gets money honey.

And spend everyone else's,

speaking of which, don't you owe me 50 dollars?

What'd you say Aunt Darlene?

Your wife is calling me.

Yeah, she might need me to help mix some biscuits.

You can't go far.

I'm gonna get that money.

[Lavar] Alright.

You gonna get it.

Knucklehead.

(Jerome sighs)

(Kayla sighs) Hey baby.

All right.

Hey boo.

Are we ready? Oh, we definitely ready.

- Okay, we ready. - I'm ready. You know.

Okay. (Kayla chuckles)

Let's see.

Ooh.

Why'd y'all come in separate cars?

Damn girl, you smoking already?

Boy already? It's 1:30.

It's late for me.

Oh, you wanna hit?

It'll have you seeing Christmas lights for real for real.

Nah, we good.

I know you wanna hit it Kayla?

No girl, I gave up the good stuff.

- Enjoy. - Merry Christmas.

I wasn't gonna share anyway.

(doorbell rings)

- Hey! - Happy Birthday!

- Thank you Kayla. - You're so welcome.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, son. What's up?

Come on in here.

Good. Yes!

You know Kayla, my son ever get out of line,

you just tell me. All right?

Pop, you tell her that every single year.

I wanna make sure she get the message.

- Come on in. - Message?

Mama!

(chatter)

Candle or the ham?

(chatter) They're here, Darlene!

You gotta see this. Seriously.

(chatter)

The lovely Miss Kayla.

Whoa, hey ho!

What's wrong with you?

We don't know where them lips been.

We don't know where them paws been.

Hey, Merry Christmas.

My beautiful family.

You look amazing.

Oh girl, you always look amazing.

Merry Christmas, mama.

Oh, my handsome son.

It's so good to see you.

You look fantastic.

Look at you. Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You don't give me hugs like that.

Lavar, come here.

Let me give you the hug you've been needing

since you was a baby boy.

Thank you.

Okay, Ms. Darlene, what can I help you with?

My mortgage. Ah!

Girl, you trying to rob my pockets, okay.

(all laugh)

- For real. - You sure ma?

We can't help you with anything?

Okay, well you can help me

with the cranberry sauce.

- Yeah, perfect! - Okay.

Help me with the cranberry sauce

and pull me another cup of eggnog. Come on!

You want a cup of eggnog?

Yes ma'am!

Yes, let's do it. Okay.

(doorbell rings)

Hey! Feliz Navidad!

Right back at you, cuzzo.

Look at my favourite snowfall stunt double.

So um-so what's up with this lady love?

Where she at?

Oh, we going right there? Yeah.

Well you know, I brung her here, grabbing a little

something, something from the car.

Check it out. Check it out.

(Bryson laughs)

Oh man, you, you rude.

You ain't no gentleman, go over there help her

with all 'em presents and stuff man.

Hey, hey man-I know how to treat a lady man.

Yo!

Yo, Bryson and his girl are here.

Okay?

Rome, I know Bry's girl.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

All right, we met a few weeks ago at a bar.

All right, I introduced myself as Rodrigo

'cause she thought I was Dominican so I went with it.

Man, why you looking like that?

I could pass for Dominican.

Look at this.

Anyway, like I took her home and pop goes the weasel.

Went dizz-own.

Is there anybody in this county you ain't slept with?

Um-Kayla.

You know I could-

- Ow! Strong-

- How could you do this to your cousin, huh?

She told me she was single.

Oh! Doesn't feel good to be lied to, does it?

Oh! Can you not make this a teachable moment?

It's always a teachable moment with you.

Well, I don't have time for a teachable moment.

- What do you mean? - I need to hide.

- Where you gon' hide? - What, what, what-

- Jerome? - Hey, what's up, brother?

How you doing?

Good to see you.

Look like you always getting taller.

Jerome, this is Cree.

Baby, you got him starstruck.

Jerome, this is Cree.

- Oh, hi... - Hi!

Hey, how you doing?

- I'm good. - Me-Merry Christmas.

- Hey. - Hey mama.

Where's Lavar?

Uh, he was in the living room.

Oh no, he ain't in the living room.

He was in here.

No, mama. Where is he? I don't-

- Oh, okay. Well, I- - Oh whoa, whoa, whoa-

- Where you going?

I'm going to make sure he didn't get to my food.

I promise you the food is protected.

Look at that.

It's a beautiful spread, I got you.

How about you go relax-

In fact, show Bry and uh-Cree.

- Yes. - Yes. Yes.

Show Bry and Cree your new candles.

Okay, I'm gonna do that.

You better take care of my food.

I-I got you mama.

Nobody gonna touch it.

Not even a fly. Let me show you my candles.

Uhuh, yep. That and... (laughs awkwardly)

(clears throat)

What are you doing?

Look, I'm playing hide and seek without the seek.

Why? Ain't no games getting played?

Because he can't keep it in his pants.

Wait, wait, you slept with Bryson's girlfriend?

Say it out loud so the whole house can hear you.

- Oooh! You better tell Bryson. - No!

- What? - At least not tonight.

All right? I can't tell the brother

that I stuffed his girl's stuffing on Christmas.

Yeah, well you can't keep hiding all day either.

Yeah, I sure as hell can try.

Watch me.

Oh, we're watching him, and you got stuck.

Okay. I'm gonna-Yep.

Handle that.

? Heaven and nature sing ?

? Heaven and nature sing and it- ?

Myron!

Wake up, Myron.

Uhuh no-I'm not. I'm not.

Myron!

Mhm mhm!

Come on now. You know what?

You know what? Suit yourself.

I'm going on in here.

Oh Lord.

Taking a pre dinner nap before dinner.

But you better not eat too much turkey.

You'll probably be in a coma after you-Come on!

Yeah, I was dreaming about Angela Bassett, baby.

(Myron snores)

(bright music)

My family doesn't really do much for the holidays.

Why not?

Well we've learned that the best way to deal

with each other is in small doses.

(Gwen laughs)

I mean, they don't have a much Christmas spirit anyways.

Not like you guys.

Like I wish our house was festive.

Well, yeah, it's nice to look at

but it's a lot to put it together.

- And to take apart. - Oh my goodness.

We're 15 minutes behind schedule.

I blame Lavar for that.

But look, it's only 15 minutes.

So lemme take care of this.

I'll get us back on schedule.

- Please. - Everything will be okay.

Please! All right, figure it out baby.

I got you, I got you.

Hey!

(Jerome laughs and claps) Bam, bam!

- Guess what time it is? - What?

Time to eat?

No, it is time to go around the room

and let's all say what we're thankful for you.

Yes?

That sounds more like a Thanksgiving event.

Hence the name. Hater.

Brother, why you always trying to tear the family apart?

Huh?

- Thank you. - Why you gotta do that?

This is a family tradition.

We do this every single Christmas.

- Yes. - No.

No we don't.

Well it's never too late to start.

Come on, everybody close your eyes. Yeah?

Why? Why?

Because we want to visualise what we are thankful for.

Just get a big picture of it as family.

It's like prayer, but we're not holding hands.

Okay, I'll start.

Ummm...

This Christmas, I am thankful for the abundance of love

that I feel within this room.

That's so beautiful, baby.

This Christmas, I am so thankful for health.

We are all in good health.

Amen.

- Amen. - I'm thankful for the ham

I'm about to tear up.

I'm thankful for all things green.

I'm thankful for everyone's holiday spirit.

Yes.

(Jerome laughing)

You felt that?

Oh, felt that one in my spirit.

That was the holiday spirit.

Oh man. I'm so thankful.

Is it me?

I'm thankful for another trip around the sun.

All right.

And I am thankful for everyone here.

Beautiful. That is wonderful.

Give y'all self some hand clapping.

(everyone clapping)

I'll be right back.

I need to go do something outside.

Oh my goodness.

Snoop Dogg in training.

We have yet to even watch a movie.

What's up with that?

Well, perhaps we could watch

Christmas with Cletus.

Well, I-

- Like we would watch any other movie

on a day like today? Come on!

You better not on my birthday.

(all laugh)

- Come on pops. - Wait, wait.

Do we really have to sit here

and watch a three hour holiday comedy drama about a guy

who can't decide if he wants Christmas ham

or Christmas turkey?

Well, why can't he just have both?

I mean, he could, but didn't there be no movie?

Okay.

Bryson, the ham's gonna take a while anyway.

Well, I've never seen it before, so.

(all gasp)

Ooh!

Wait, wait. What?

Oh, young lady.

What are you doing with your life?

Christmas with Cletus is a must see holiday movie.

A man forced to decide between two succulent meats.

When you see it, you gonna see it's an allegory for a lot.

It's symbolic.

A lot of people could-Put it on!

We gotta watch it now.

Put it on!

It's an emergency situation.

You never seen it at all?

- No. - Poor thing. Look at you. Oh.

Cree. Look at me.

Leave while you can.

You won't be able to get these three hours back.

I'll manage.

(phone ringing)

Hey mom.

Merry Christmas!

(Myron snoring)

What the hell am I still doing out here?

That turkey.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

(upbeat music)

All right. Cardio for the day.

Cardio for the day.

Don't have time.

(suspenseful music)

? Deck the halls with bows of holly ?

? Fa la la la ?

? La la la la la ?

Sang that song, girl.

Welcome. Good to see you.

- Aunt Harriet, hi. - There's my baby.

Okay, so what are you

and Aunt Harriet doing here so early?

Your mom hustled us talking about dinner

at three o'clock sharp.

Mom, dinner at three?

We don't usually eat till six.

Yeah, I thought we start to get in gear this year

and they were still late.

And the food still ain't ready.

Okay, uh... No! What about Wyvetta, she's not here.

Well the cat lady ain't the cat lady no more.

I'm lost. What?

She had to spend some time with her man Wesley.

Wibetta got a man?

Oh, I thought that'd never happen.

While we're on the topic, where's your man?

While we're on the topic.

I see you have attitude this morning.

My man is on his way.

He left his wallet at home.

But he'll be here shortly.

Can y'all pour me a glass or something?

(everyone laughing)

He wrong for that.

I told you.

How did he do that though?

What was the reason though? Don't open that door.

He did it though. He did it.

He did it. He did it.

- He won't stop it either. - I knew he would do it too.

I knew he would do it. Sam, it's our anniversary.

(door knocking)

Who is it?

Jerome.

Jerome just went in the bathroom with Lavar.

If anybody cares.

You're wrong.

Precious, welcome to my dojo.

Hey, wanna start something fool.

Make you make me play.

You are going to eat Christmas dinner in the bathroom.

I can't eat it out there.

And don't be stingy on my plate

'cause I will send it back.

You know you could just man up,

go out there and tell her the truth.

You know that right? Nah bro. She's crazy.

Like when I ghosted her, she start blowing up my phone

and she sent her brothers up to my job.

And I'm talking about two crazy looking

I ain't afraid to shank you looking cats.

She said if I ain't pick up her phones, she go

Lorena Bobbit on me and have her brothers make me disappear.

And I'm not trying to disappear, bro.

I'm not trying to disappear.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.

First of all, she doesn't even seem that crazy, bro.

She's actually kind of nice.

They never crazy until I put it on.

I know in that mood, I grab the ponytail.

Hey, what's up?

How you doing? Yeah, good.

Are you done in here yet?

No. No.

I'm actually just getting started.

You know I gotta prep the toilet paper.

- Yeah, no, of course. - But honestly,

if you want to use my parents' down the hall.

- Thank you. Thanks. - You got it. You got it.

Yep, got it.

- She gone. - Oh my gosh. Thank you.

Oh, she's coming back.

(Jerome chuckles)

Get out. Get out.

Ah, here he is. (chatter)

- Sorry. - Too bad.

Next time we got you.

But let's see... who's next?

Uh oh!

Mhmm.

Which one of you am I going to choose?

I think I'm gonna choose you, Uncle Myron.

Oh, start with the best.

I'm gonna start with the best.

I'm gonna make this one easy for you, okay?

Okay.

A dog can be a man's best friend,

but... Finish the sentence.

A dog might be a man's best friend, but?

He ain't licking me in my mouth.

He ain't licking me in the face.

You close enough. Boom!

That's close enough.

He close enough. Gotta give it to him.

Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!

Gotta give it to him.

Y'all need to focus 'cause one of y'all are next.

Is it you?

Or is it, you?

I think I'm gonna choose you...

- Oh! - my baby brother.

Okay, let's see. All right.

(clears throat)

Which pair had the best insults?

Mhmm.

George and Florence...

Mhm.

Fred and Esther or Pam and Martin?

- Ooh, good question. - Come on now.

That's a good one.

- Come on. - Well, they all went hard,

but I guess Fred and Esther since they were the pioneers.

- Wrong. - George and Florence?

Wrong.

- Pam and Martin. - You wrong.

What's the answer then?

Boy, they all had the best insults.

Why would you choose?

(laughter)

No, no. I heard it.

Y'all hear it?

You said... you chose!

What'd he say?

(talking over eachother)

You chose, you said all of them.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You didn't say all of it.

Guess what?

Yo black card has been revoked.

Oh, I'm sorry. Bye bye.

You're out.

Bye bye boo!

Because you made a choice

and I heard you say it.

- Mhmm. - It's been revoked.

Shouldn't Jerome be here by now?

Uh... Excuse me?

Jerome?

I thought he was on his way?

Yes, yes.

Well he locked his wallet in his car.

But when he was getting his wallet,

he locked his keys in the car.

It's a mess.

So I had to call AAA?

Why are you guys riding in separate cars anyway?

Because I had to get here, of course.

So he wanted me to come separately so I wouldn't be late.

But you were late?

Baby, I'm always late.

But I would've been later had I not come by myself.

- Makes sense. - Right? Like, it's true logic.

You sound like you wanna be the host.

You wanna host the game?

No, I'm gonna let you host the game

and I'm gonna go call my man.

How's that?

I'm just asking questions!

I gonna go call my man and don't cheat.

'Cause mama, you know he be cheating.

I don't cheat! She cheats-She always cheats.

All the time! (talking over eachother)

Okay, y'all I'll be back.

Okay, let's go. (laughter)

(family laughing)

(TV in the background)

(giggling)

Aren't Christmas movies supposed to be fun?

This is the most boring ass thing I've ever seen.

Cletus, you so crazy-This movie is giving me life.

You just saying that because you trying

to make a good impression on my family.

Oh lord! Oh okay... okay. (panting)

(phone ringing)

Hey, babe. What's up?

Yeah, give me one second.

Hey!

Hey, did you leave yet?

No, I have not found a discreet moment yet.

Okay, um...

Did your family ask anything about me not being there?

Surprisingly not.

Hey Jerome, where's Kayla?

Nevermind.

Um...

I gotta go, okay?

Babe, hurry up please.

Looks like dinner's gonna be served earlier than expected.

- Why? - Hurry up.

Get over here please.

I don't want my family asking anything

'cause you know they're super nosy.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

All right babe.

Oh! Ooh!

Boy, what are you doing in here?

Being nosy.

(annoyed sigh)

Okay, you're supposed to be hosting the game.

Uncle Myron is hosting the game.

What's going on with you and Jerome?

Nothing.

Okay.

He's at his parents' house.

Why, did you guys break up?

What did you do to him?

Nothing. Okay.

We're having two Christmases at the same time.

Huh?

Yeah, uhuh, we didn't wanna disappoint anybody.

So we've been going from house to house

and you know what we're doing is 'cause of you.

I didn't tell you to lie to everyone that's asking

to get on Mom's bad side.

LeeLee, you made me feel guilty

for having Christmas plans.

No I didn't.

Okay. Maybe I did.

But that's what family's for.

To make you feel guilty for doing things without 'em.

LeeLee, Jerome is also my family, okay?

So what you're gonna do

is you're gonna keep your little mouth shut

and you're not gonna tell nobody.

You gonna keep the secret.

Don't spill the beans. Okay?

Pinky promise.

Damn!

Hey Jerome.

You never answered me man, where's Kayla?

Hmm?

Kayla left.

Whoa, whoa, whoa-nah...

No, she actually just stepped out for a work call.

But who's she on the phone with?

The UN?

It's a work emergency.

Yeah. That's all.

You know, technicians and whatnot, all work no play

even on a holiday.

Jerome, what are you talking about?

I saw Kayla drive off.

Hold on... (nervous laughter)

Bry, you really gon' believe

Gwen over me? Hm?

Remember, she's the one

who thought she saw Tupac at the burger bar.

You know, you think you're so much smarter than everybody

'cause you got your little barbershop

and you cut straight lines without a ruler.

You know I saw Tupac. Okay?

He had his nose ring in and everything.

Oh really?

And what was he there performing?

His new album, "All fries on me"?

- That hurt. - Whoa. Wait, what?

(VCR failing) No! What? No!

Oh-ho!

Damn, damn, damn!

- Can-can you fix it? - It was an old tape

anyway, babe. It was my old tape.

That's the original from 1984.

I'm sure we could just stream it.

I don't want to stream it.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Actually, pop, she might be right.

I could probably find it free and if not, you know what?

I'll pay for it, even if we gotta rent it.

That's all right. That's all right.

It's not the same.

So I don't wanna watch it no more.

Yes!

Now who's down for some Christmas poker, huh?

Let's get... Shut up!

Pops is upset on his birthday.

Have you no shame?

You know what?

Cree, actually did you know Lavar, his cousins

and nephew with my mom?

- Facts. - Where is Lavar?

He's still in the bathroom.

Upset stomach, it's not really good.

You don't wanna go in there right now, it's like a war zone.

But Mom, why don't you go through the family album

and show Cree our family lineage.

Merry Christmas to me, honey.

I'm with it. Please don't.

Bryson hand me that book.

Boy, hand me that book.

Hurry up.

Ooh, wait until you see him.

I wanna learn more about your family, please.

That's Dee 2. That's my sister, right?

This is Lavar's mother. Mother.

Now her name is Duretta, but we call her Dee 2

because she's named after our momma.

First name is Doretta too.

Okay, well not Doretta.

It is two of them.

Get it, right?

Okay, so now this is Clinton.

That's my cousin on my daddy's side.

That's Lavar's daddy.

Mom wasn't actually Clinton adopted.

Yeah, he was, but he's still kin to us.

That's right, I always forget.

But you tell the story. You know what?

Just keep telling Cree.

I'm gonna go check on Kayla, all right?

Let me explain. Okay.

See he thought his mama was his mama. Mm.

But his mama sister's...

(bright music)

Pastor Davis.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Jerome.

I guess the cool kids show up fashionably late, huh?

And you know this?

Who's at my door?

La Familia's at my door.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

Come on in.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Good to see you.

- Cold in here. - Yeah, it's breezy, right?

- Yes. - These are for you.

Thank you so much.

Gift, gift, gift.

Yay!

Papa!

Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you sweetheart.

Come on in. Come on in.

Everybody.

(family chattering)

Everybody's here.

(family chattering)

Everybody's here, there'll be photo time.

Squeeze in. Squeeze in!

(talking over eachother)

Snuggle up, act like you know me.

I know you!

Come on, now squeeze in.

All right. You look fabulous.

Let me see! Lemme see. Lemme see.

No, I don't like how I look, my mouth is open.

Kayla, you weren't the problem.

Okay? You know what?

We going delete this.

So we'll take one.

(talking over eachother)

Saved by the ding.

Hey. There we go.

Ain't no evidence left behind?

What is he wearing?

Dad, his outfit looks fine.

You told me he'd look presentable.

My version of presentable.

Regina, I'm not staying here.

Dad, Dad, please just don't do this on Christmas.

Okay?

You are here.

Let's just go have dinner.

I can cook my own food.

I've been cooking long before you got here.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,

live in peace with everyone.

Roman 12:18.

Peace with everyone means peace with family.

Dad, I know it's something you preach,

but is it something that you believe?

Everybody, the roast beef is ready.

We also have macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes,

hot water cornbread.

The smack down is about to go down.

Come on y'all.

Come on dad, please.

(sombre music)

Anybody want some corn bread?

You know, I'm taking one.

Did you get something?

Right down there?

Good. Oh yes.

- Good corn bread. - No one says grace?

Oh, sorry dad.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Let us bow our heads.

Davis, can we keep it under five minutes please?

Figured he'd do five.

I'm sorry.

Lord, thank you for this day, your day.

Thank you for the food we are about to receive.

Thank you for the hands that prepared this food.

And Lord, thank you for showing mercy to the folks

that have strayed away from the path that you have created

for them, one day they will realise

that you are never wrong

and they won't try to contradict you anymore.

Amen. Amen.

It was under five minutes.

Thank God for AAA, huh Jerome?

- Huh? - Triple A.

The thing with your car keys.

With the keys you left in the car.

I called AAA for you because you forget it.

- Oh. - That's why he was late.

Triple A.

Yeah...

Yeah, thank God I I would've took a I with that.

Demond, pass the mashed potatoes.

Demond?

He can't hear me?

- Here dad. - I was asking your son.

Demond, you can't hear me?

Dad, just take the mashed potatoes.

So LeeLee, let me borrow $10,000.

Now when I say borrow, I mean have.

Sure.

And by sure I mean hell no.

- That's right. - Good job.

Actually, I got a better question.

How was it to work with Megan Thee Stallion?

Mm, she's just as perfect as you thought she'd be.

That's a lot of teeth, smiling about that, ain't you?

I'm actually trying to get her on my next album.

When's that coming out?

Hopefully by next spring.

- You go boy. - Okay.

Well, you know, if you have

more recording sessions and whatnot, let me know.

I'll slide through.

With Kayla of course.

- I'll be at the studio. - With you!

No need to be jealous.

He said we can both go.

You know LeeLee maybe next year

you'll come home with a couple of Grammys.

Huh? Just being nominated

is surreal.

You don't got to be nominated, you got to win.

Forget that nomination stuff.

(laughter)

It's time to eat now or...?

'Cause I'm hungry.

I don't wanna wait.

I don't-I just-I don't wanna wait no more.

You made all this good food.

I can't even touch it.

(phone ringing) (family laughing)

Excuse me everybody. Sorry.

Yeah, we won't eat too much without you.

Or not.

Jerome, where are you?

- I'm outside. - No you're not.

I checked.

What do you mean?

I'm in front with Kayla.

All right, just...

not in front of mom and dad's house.

Where'd you go?

You know-Is-is Mom still talking crazy?

Thankfully no, but dinner's ready.

All right, well start eating without me.

Boy, you know, mom, not gonna go for that.

Where are you?

Bry.

I'm not...

I'm not there. Jerome!

You know we, um...

we went for dessert.

We have dessert here.

Yeah, I know, but Kayla's so mad...

you know because she can bring a dish over.

It's our first year of marriage.

She's still trying to make a good impression.

Listen, we just went to go get dessert.

We will be back.

Tell mom to start dinner without us.

How long is soon?

I-

- You know... Bry?

I-

I can't hear you. - Jerome?

- I'm losing sig- - Jerome.

Bry, can you hea- Bry, can you hear?

Damn.

Wifi in here sucks.

(clears throat)

Okay, now we're 30 minutes behind.

And the food's ready.

They ain't gonna start eating without us.

Ah, damn.

But baby, why did I listen

to you about this playing off?

This is all going crazy.

Oh, why you listening to me?

You know why you listen to me, I'm your wife

and you love and trust me unconditionally.

I always support you.

But now they gonna keep calling if we

don't answer the phone or if we not there.

I know how your family gets, they crazy.

But lemme think of something.

Lemme think of something. Give me two seconds.

Give me two seconds.

Hmmm... Hmmm...

Ooh, I got it already.

Mhm.

You do?

No I don't.

But-but go back in there.

Stall for time

and I'm gonna come up with something. Promise.

- How am I gonna stall? - Baby come on, we a team.

Go figure it out.

I got this, go stall for time.

Okay?

I love you.

Love and support. Love and support.

Okay.

You taking care of me at home.

Okay, well-Of course.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I gotta stall for time.

What do I do? I'm so smart.

I can't think of something right now.

I need something.

I need something that's gonna gimme, that's gonna gimme.

No, no, no. Not that.

That's not gonna work. That's not gonna work.

I have an idea. Oh!

Oh, this is good.

Ain't nobody going miss the eggnooooooog.

(squeals)

Everything's about family and God.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Uh-uh!

Which one of you finished the eggnog

and put it back in the fridge?

Sounds like something Uncle Myron would do.

I would never finish the eggnog

and put the empty carton-

Why would I leave evidence? That's stupid.

No, no, no, no! Mom...

Mom. Do we have any more?

Baby, if there's none in the fridge, then no.

Oh!

Oh, mama ain't no Christmas if there ain't no eggnog.

What?

Huh. Mom, are you serious?

We gotta go get more eggnog.

- You should definitely. - Yeah.

Where y'all going?

To get more eggnog!

Mama, I can't do this.

There's none left.

Wait, wait.

You gonna go right now? Yes.

Mom, if we leave right now, you know we can get to the store

by 4:30 before they close.

- And you know how I drive? - Come on.

Wait a minute.

Y'all really don't need eggnog right now.

I do.

Oh, ooh okay. I'm comin'.

Ooh.

What is wrong with my kids?

I don't know where the hell they going?

- You ready? - Yeah. Definitely.

Hurry it up.

All right. Come on.

Cookies look good. Cookies look great. Ooh.

What's going on with you guys?

Uh, nothing, we went for dessert.

- Uhuh. - Yeah.

Kayla, how was your phone call?

Girl, it was good.

Like what?

So your friend's, okay, I know it's been

a while since you two spoke.

Girl. My friend is fine.

She chilling, doing what she always does.

- Exactly. - She's fine.

You know you done messed up, right?

See, Jerome said you was on the phone with your boss.

Now you are saying it was an old friend.

Which is it?

First of all, she's trying to be all in the business.

Right exactly, not even a part of the circle.

Not even part of the circle,

but let me clarify it for you sweetie.

So see my friend is also my old boss.

It is the same person.

What is going on with y'all?

I told you nothing.

But don't give me that.

Something ain't right.

Why have the two of you been

sneaking in and out of the house?

You know what?

This is the weed you're talking.

I'm high, but I'm not that high.

- Uh, you sure about that? - You can't stop.

You can't measure your level

of highness when you always high.

Girl, because I got 20/20 vision.

And the both of you been acting funny all day.

Well, you know, if you smoked a little less,

maybe we'd believe you.

How about that? Period.

Enjoy. Gotta go.

- Gotta get in. - Hey Miss Sally.

Did you get me too high?

No, these Negroes acting fishier than the Red Lobster.

Ooh, sorry about that.

Kayla.

Baby, you didn't have to get no dessert.

Oh, Miss Darlene.

I'm so sorry.

Christmas and cookies just go together.

Mhm.

- Can we eat now? - No.

Not until Lavar comes out of the bathroom, Louis.

Oh hell.

Pass me one of them cookies, Kayla.

Absolutely. Go for it.

- Yeah... - Mhmm.

- Me too. - Yes. Okay.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Yes.

- Oh, I quite like this. - Mhm.

They're soy cream Christmas cookies.

Can somebody please go check on Lavar?

You gonna ruin your appetite eating sweets

before all the food I cooked.

Please. I'm on it Mama.

Mhm.

- Dad, you okay? - What kind of cookies

you say them was?

They're soy Christmas cookies.

Uh, these are cream cheese filled cookies.

Cream cheese?!

Sabotage!

Ah no!

Wow.

- Are you sure- - Oh no, I'm sure.

Hmm.

- Baby. - Mhm?

You do know Bryson and Papa are lactose intolerant, right?

Yeah, I do. I do.

I'm so, so sorry.

I was busy packing the emergency snacks.

And you were busy watching The Parkers.

- Well, it is my show. - Mine too.

Ohoho, Lavar let me in here.

I got use the bathroom, man.

(inaudible)

No. Stop playing.

Come on. Let in here man.

Is he still in-

- Get your boy!

Hey Lavar!

Come on man, this is getting played out.

Lavar can't come to the phone right now.

Zoom calls are busy.

Lavar, you will have a first class mess in your hand.

I ate two cream cheese cookies, man were they delicious.

But now I'm about to pay for it, man.

(stomach rumbles)

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Lavar. This is an emergency.

You gotta open up. Come on man.

Lavar, I will kick the door off this hinges

and bring the Jackie Chan out.

Make me do something crazy.

Oh!

Make sure y'all spray.

Damn.

I feel horrible.

It was an accident, baby.

It's okay. It's okay.

It could have been worse.

You could have only had one bathroom.

Would've been crazy.

I'm good.

It look like I lost some weight though, right?

Oh, good guys.

I'm really, really sorry. Mhm.

Well I thought you liked us.

Bryson.

She feels bad enough. Okay?

I'm okay.

I mean, I feel better now.

Only thing is I'm still hungry.

Yeah, too bad the food's all cold.

You know we can't eat that.

Hey, you know Cuddy Chicken Shack open on Christmas?

And I got a two full, one clucky duck leg

and thigh meal coupon.

Since it's your birthday,

you get a free slice of peach cobbler.

Hot damn.

What we still sitting here for?

Sit your $5 ass down before I make change.

I didn't make all this food just for it to go to waste.

You could just warm it up.

Well, what's the point?

You're still going to make a starve

till old big head get here.

Where'd he go anyway?

He... um...

- The guest-the- - The-

- The bathroom.

Yeah. His stomach hurts too.

Yeah. Crazy. Right?

You know, I'm not doing this anymore.

He actually does not have a stomach infection.

Okay.

So what has he been doing this whole time?

I think that would be better if he explained it himself.

You right.

Lavar.

If you don't get out here right now, I'm gonna get my gun.

- Oh! - Oh!

Lavar!

Oh, he think I'm playing.

- Uh! - Oh!

Let's play a game. Okay.

It's called...

watch me pop a cap in Lavar's ass

if he don't get out here right now.

Uhuhuh.

Here he comes.

We ain't gotta do that.

We ain't gotta do that.

You know what I'm saying?

- Boy, take that off. - I can eat with his on.

Come on, off.

I'm trying be festive man, okay.

I'll take it off.

Lavar!

- Oh no. - Oh my God...

What?

Come on, let's eat man.

Boy, it's gonna be close range

if you don't take this other mask off your face, boy.

Auntie, I'm just trying to be festive.

Y'all always doing this to me, man.

Oh man.

Look at these oil prices.

What's wrong with you.

What is your problem today?

I was just, oh man, I'm just my headache.

Lavar.

Come on man.

I already told it's time to man up.

You gonna tell 'em or I'm gonna tell 'em?

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry.

Oh, you got amnesia looking-

Oh, the jig is up.

Cats out the bag.

Oh, I see what you doing, that's playing.

Brys.

So um... me and your girl Cree, we got busy.

Huh.

Ooh... What? She heard the boy winding

like Keith Sweat.

Oh, absolutely not.

No, I didn't, I don't even know you.

Oh, oh, oh. You don't know me.

So you wasn't saying that you were screaming my name.

Oh, Rodrigo.

Ooh... don't stop...

get it, get it... Hold on, hold on.

You're Rodrigo?

(Lavar chuckles)

Live in the flesh my girl.

Okay, so you are the trifling bastard that slept

with my sister, stole her money and then ghosted her?!

I'm so sorry for the language.

My brothers are ready to go to jail over you.

Oh, excuse me. Your sister?

Yeah, when you supposedly met me,

did I introduce myself as Cree?

I mean, it was something with a T or something like that.

Yeah, yeah. Was it Tammy?

- Yeah, that's it. - Oh yeah.

Your little thing going to fall off.

You sleeping with people you don't even know they name.

I knew it at the time-in the moment...

I knew it at the time.

- Lavar. - What?

Tammy's her twin sister.

- Whaaaaat? - Oh!

Yeah, everybody wanna see?

That's a twin.

Wait, wait, wait. So...

you mean twins like, like sister? Sister?

- You know what... - That's cute!

Is this why you've been acting weirder than usual?

(Gwen laughs)

No, I didn't wanna blow up the spot on Christmas.

Lavar, I'd never sleep with you.

Oh! (laughter)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! (laughter)

Wait a minute.

Don't say it like that.

Megan, the golden retriever.

Oh! Oh!

I'm just saying, I would never sleep with Lavar.

You know what I'm sayin'- Your twin sister did.

Yeah, I'm the smart twin hun.

(laughter)

(family chattering)

- Come on! Let's eat... - Yeah, settle down...

Before we eat, gimme that hundred that you owe my sister.

Oh, can we set up a payment plan?

Of course, lemme just call my brothers really quick.

Oh no!

You gotta learn how to take a joke.

Oh, you are the joke.

Now give it to me.

Hey, hey! Break mines off too.

Come on, Unc, I'll pay you later, man.

Yeah. Okay.

Hey Cree.

Can I get your brother's number?

I'll give ya-Get your phone out. Get your phone out.

- Relax! - Okay.

With the interest.

Very well, very well.

All right, now let's eat.

- Can we eat? - Good, ain't it?

Hmmm.

- So good. - Mhm.

- Mhm. - Mhm.

Tired of waiting around.

Wait, hey-

- Kayla, Jerome?

Why y'all eating so damn fast?

This food ain't going nowhere.

Ms. Darlene, you put your foot in this, girl!

And apparently y'all like foot. Slow down!

Mama this is fantastic.

We should open gifts.

Yeah!

- Yeah. let's do that. - Right now.

- Yeah, right now! - Mhm!

Bro, we just started eating.

Yeah, but we could eat and open gifts.

It's a fun activity for the whole family.

Mhm!

You know what, baby?

We forgot Gwen's present at the house.

You know what, Imma get some tin foil...

Just wrap this up, I'm gonna take the plate, mama-

So that way when we come back-

- I'm not gonna get no foil.

We just gonna take this like this.

Darlene girl, you can cook. Come on, baby!

I need to learn this recipe, Darlene.

- All right! - Imma-Imma-

- We gonna be back. - Oh my God.

Darlene this amazing.

Y'all better bring my damn plates back.

Dad, just take the greens.

I didn't ask you for the greens. I asked Demond.

- Dad, this is ridiculous. - Put 'em back.

- Dad, just take- - I said put 'em back.

All right. Fine, fine, fine.

Oh, okay.

Uh... Won't everybody tell me

what your fondest Christmas memory is?

Do you know a better way to break the ice?

My fondest Christmas memory is that time that

with Myron, he burnt that turkey.

Then he tried to play it off like it was intentional.

Then he got mad because we wouldn't eat it.

It wasn't burnt. It was blackened.

Oh hell, it was ashy as hell.

(laughter)

My fondest memory is Demond being normal.

My fondest memory is you not being judgmental.

That's how you talk to your grandpa?

You refuse to call me LeeLee.

That's not your name.

It's what I like to be called

and no one seems to have a problem with that but you.

What man you know, named LeeLee?

Me.

I said, man, not whatever you are now.

Dad, we are not gonna do this on Christmas.

No matter what I do, you'll never be proud of me.

Demond, I am proud.

I'm proud of what you do, but not who you are.

Oh God...

LeeLee.

Lee...

I'll take those greens now, Regina.

Get it yourself.

Oh, sorry guys.

We checked stores for like 20 miles.

Couldn't find anything open.

Like literally nothing.

Okay. Weird energy here.

Where's LeeLee?

Ask your grandpa.

Grandpa, what did you say?

I can't remember.

I'm proud of what you do,

but not who you are.

Grandpa?

God...

I mean, who would say that to their own grandchildren?

What about what he said to me?

Dad!

You can't start a fire then complain

about being burned.

Now I have sat here quiet because you are my father

and I respect you,

but I expect you to show the same respect

for me and my children.

Now I'm just doing

what you should have done a long time ago.

Know what I should have done a long time ago?

Dad, I want you to leave. (Regina crying)

(yelling) I want you to leave, Dad!

Enough is enough!

- No one's gonna say anything. - I agree with Regina.

I second that.

Regina, weren't you the one that begged me to come here?

It was a mistake Dad...

please go.

(Regina sobs)

(sombre music)

(whispering)

(cutlery clinks)

Is the roast beef still warm?

Okay... (clears throat)

Dad, why is it so hard for you to accept who he is?

Because I want my best friend back.

Dad...

I want the young man that followed me around

and told me all of his secrets.

Even the things he was too scared to tell you.

The young man that sang in my choir

with his whole heart.

There was a time when all he wanted

to do was make his grandpa proud.

Now, why couldn't it stay like that?

That boy destroyed me, Regina.

He destroyed me.

My grandson is supposed to get married to a woman.

He's supposed to wear a suit and tie.

That's just how it goes.

What happened to him?

Dad.

He stepped into his truth.

Maybe I'm showing my age,

but when I was coming up, little boys grew up to be men.

Real men.

LeeLee is a real man.

Do I have to remind you

what the Bible says about cross dressing?

There's no one louder than a person that is wrong.

Who doesn't want to admit it?

I didn't write the book, but I know not to question it.

You question what the Bible said about alcoholism, huh?

I am not that person anymore,

and I haven't been since I became a grandfather.

I know I didn't always do right by you and your mother,

and I'll have to live with that.

But my path was crooked.

My path was messy,

but I needed to be weak so that I could find my way

to God and restore my worth, my integrity.

So don't you look down on me.

Dad, I didn't mean to disparage you.

You straightened up and I forgive you.

You have been so wonderful to me and the kids,

especially after Warren passed.

You are more than a grandpa.

You are like a second father to them

and to a woman who, you know, had to work

and put food on the table.

You're my rock, dad.

You're my rock, and-

And I don't know where I would be without you.

I would never judge... you for what you did in the past.

Not my place.

That's why it's not your place to judge LeeLee.

You might not agree with how he lives his life,

but you're his grandfather, a man of God.

And you should cheer him on like you used to.

He's happier than he's ever been.

And if you can't get on board with that,

the least you can do is be quiet

if you have nothing nice to say.

Are you telling your father to shut up?

I'm telling my father to do better.

Do better Dad or you're gonna lose this family.

(sombre music)

LeeLee, you can't spend the rest

of Christmas in your room.

Why not?

I'm comfortable.

I am so, so sorry that I wasn't there for you.

I get it.

You a married woman now, Jerome comes first.

I is.

And yes, Jerome is my husband.

He's my family.

But you my family too.

You still my little snot nose superstar brother.

I know.

It just means things are gonna change now.

Yeah, it will a little bit, but just

because I don't have as much time with you

doesn't mean I love you any less.

(knocking)

Mom.

Come on mama.

I'm sorry I did that at the dinner table.

But I can't apologise to grandpa.

You don't have to.

Listen, I just wanted everyone to come together

for Christmas, but I was so wrong to ask you

to be something that you are not for grandpa's sake.

I love you.

You're my baby boy,

and you are perfect as you are

with or without your grandpa's approval.

You better say it, mama.

I know, right?

- I love you. - Oh, group hug.

I told you I don't wanna use no more chicken bones.

LeeLee, someone wants to see you in the living room.

Grandpa, why do you hate me?

- I don't hate you. - Right.

You just hate who I am.

I didn't mean that.

Look... I'm just not used to seeing you look like this.

This is me.

I don't know how else to make you understand that.

When you were little, you always had such a,

a big voice.

We called you baby Luther.

I knew I'd see you on TV one day,

but I just thought you'd look...

Normal?

Grandpa, this is my normal.

Look, before you and your sister was born,

I was not a good man.

I'd pick a bottle up before I'd pick my own daughter up.

But with you and your sister Kayla,

I had a second chance to become the father

I never knew I could be.

You were always my little buddy.

You wanted to do everything I did.

You'd see me shaving, you'd want to shave.

You'd see me drinking coffee, you'd want to drink coffee.

And when it was time for me to go home,

you'd cry and cry.

I miss my Demond.

I want him back.

The person you miss so much wasn't ready to be honest.

He thought he had to look and behave a certain way

or he wouldn't be accepted.

He was afraid of letting people down.

So he decided to hide his true self.

But he will never do that again.

So if you're waiting for the real Demond

to show up, he's right here.

He just discovered who he should have been all along.

Grandpa, despite everything,

I love you and I really hope you'll stay

and spend Christmas with the family.

But only if you're ready to accept me for me.

(sombre music)

I am truly sorry.

(bright music)

I love you.

I love you too, grandpa.

So sorry.

(doorbell)

- LeeLee. - Hi, Bryson.

Hey. Hey.

Yo, you got snubbed at them Grammys, man.

For real, for real.

Uh, thanks?

Say, is Jerome or Kayla here?

They sure are.

Jerome. Kayla.

Ooh, I am stuffed.

Oh.. ah-hi!

Hi Bryson, what are you doing here?

What a coinky-dink.

I was just about to ask you the same thing.

- Well, Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Why we standing in-Come on. You wanna come in?

It's hot. Don't you feel it?

The oven's been on all day.

- I feel like the turkey. - Yeah, babe!

Let-Let's go ahead get some fresh air.

Oh my-Ooh!

- Going somewhere? - Huh!

Oh, Merry Christmas fam.

Hey! How are ya'll? (chatter)

Oh, I didn't know you guys were comin'...

Hi!

Oh, hi.

We, we, we were just-uh-

- They were just about to explain what they were doing here.

Well, well we was at y'all house-

and now we're at this house here.

Would you believe we were sleep walking?

Okay, so let me tell you-

- You know when we got in the car, right?

We took off, and after eating, I started getting the it is

and we were driving

and it's like I almost fell asleep when we sleep driving

which is really dangerous.

Then we woke up in Miss Darlene's kitchen

and it's like, why are we going?

We missed that, and then coming back-

- Knock off all the jibber jabber.

He's right.

How'd you guys even find us anyway?

Find my iPhone.

I knew something was up, but no one wanted to listen.

I get high, but I don't lie.

Well apparently, these two have no problem lying.

Wow. Okay.

Reference.

First of all, listen, we wanted to spend Christmas together,

but then we also wanted to spend it with you guys.

Is that so hard?

You know... dishonesty is not the way to go...

I am truly-truly disappointed in you guys.

- Please shut up, Rodrigo. - Rodri-?

I identify as Rodrigo.

Couldn't have just spent Christmas Eve

with one family and Christmas day with another family?

I mean, that seems fair to me, if you ask me.

(everyone talking over eachother)

Go on and mind your business.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Yes, that's exactly it.

That's the reason why we turned into human ping pong balls

over here is because both

of you guys wanted us for Christmas.

And here we are going through great lengths

just to make y'all happy.

Oh, oh, it's more than great lengths.

You know how tired I am?

I'm stuffed.

But it is tradition.

There is no holiday when one of us is away.

Now how many times I gotta tell you all that?

Okay. So what is the tradition when you're newly married?

Huh?

Anybody know?

Mom.

I have a husband

and a second family that I don't wanna neglect.

Okay?

So with that being said, I wanna create new memories

with my new relationship.

Look, I mean, you talk about traditions, right?

- Yeah. - and customs.

Well, the only custom that Kayla

and I don't have is we have no custom.

We're split between two families.

Maybe just maybe, one holiday,

we can spend it with my family.

And then the other holiday we can spend it

with yours if that's okay.

Or another holiday.

We gonna spend it by ourselves on an island somewhere...

Sipping mimosa... Yeah, that'd be kinda nice

(family disagreeing)

See-see-see! Uhuh! No, no, no!

I tested each and every one of y'all.

You see that?

You guys are all afraid of change.

Exactly.

Change leads to a missed Christmas

and then that leads to another missed Christmas.

And before you know it, you're missing.

It's just not even the same without the family.

Yeah, honey.

And I don't see you enough as it is.

Maybe change isn't the threat you think it is.

The Christmas spirit is fed by love.

And love can only survive when it's guided

by understanding

and a willingness to evolve.

Oh mom, things will be different.

But I want you to know that it doesn't mean I love you,

you, you or you any less.

I know.

And family?

You know, I love all of you guys, y'all know that.

But just because we're trying something new

doesn't mean you become any less important to us.

So... can I present the idea...

that we're gonna shoot for change?

Something new. Change.

[Kayla] It's okay. Don't be afraid.

We coulda did this hours ago.

I know, y'all don't understand my feet hurt.

I didn't want to disappoint you.

Can I get a hug from my momma?

Show us some love, son.

(bright music) (family chattering)

? Merry Christmas ?

? So many Christmases ?

Wait, wait, wait.

One of y'all's next.

Settle down.

Don't get comfortable.

Is it you? Is it you?

Is it you, is it you or is it you?

I think I'm gonna come back to you,

but I think I wanna stop it.

She's...

Okay.

What is an acceptable, actually, not at all-

What is an an unacceptable seasoning

for a Christmas turkey or a Christmas ham?

No seasoning at all.

Y'all. She rock.

Oooh! (all cheering)

It should be seasoned already.

That's right. That's right.

You good. Come on.

Gimme that. Gimme that. Okay.

But one of y'all is next, so relax.

I think I'm gonna stick with you.

Hey Cree.

Okay, so tell me this.

Someone tells you that Santa can't be Black.

What's your response?

You mean after I give him one of these?

(laughter)

Okay, but what else you going to tell them?

Well, I'd remind them that Santa isn't real.

So he could be whatever damn colour I want him to be.

Ooh, period! (family cheering)

I like her! I like her! (family chattering)

? Merry Christmases ?

? So many Christmases ?

(family cheering)

? So many Christmases ?

Hey, congratulations!

- Thank you. - Very beautiful.

- You made it work. - We did it.

(bright music)

- God is good. - (in unison) All the time!

Y'all still sound sleepy.

(laughter)

I said God is good. (in unison) All the time!

Amen.

I'll be honest with y'all.

My Christmas was off to a bumpy start.

But me and my family, we smoothed it right on out.

Colossians 3:13 say,

bear with each other and forgive one another.

If any of you has a grievance against someone,

forgive as the Lord forgave you.

- (in unison) Mmm. Yes. - The path to healing

can only begin when you own your mistakes.

Nothing grieves

or nothing humbles an angry soul

more than the thought of losing your family over something

that's never as serious as you want it to be.

Don't fall victim to your own pigheadedness.

- (in unison) Amen. - Amen.

Choir.

I want to call on my daughter Regina...

and my... grandson...

Leelee.

To bless us this morning.

(congregation applauding)

Come on up here.

(congregation applauding)

(cheering)

Come on Regina!

(music starts)

? For my friends and family ?

? Gather round singing cheerfully ?

? Everywhere I go I sing ?

? It's Christmas ?

? The lights shining all around ?

? And the snow is coming down ?

? Everybody is talking about ?

? It's Christmas ?

? Let's not forget the meaning ?

? Of the king, we all see him ?

? He is ? ? He is ?

? The reason ? ? The reason ?

? We celebrate ? ? We celebrate ?

? Oh yes he is ?

? The season ?

? Jesus was born to save ?

? We believe ?

? Oh yes he is ?

(church applauding)

(bright music)

That was so good.

Oh my gosh, that was so awesome.

Oh babe. You know what?

We should have Christmas at our place next year.

With both of our families?

Oh yeah. It'll be epic.

It'll be like Full House, but with Black people.

- You great. - No babe for real though.

We have to start doing more things

with just me and you together.

Okay?

So get used to it.

You sure about that?

No, but we gonna try.

All right. Yeah, yeah.

We were telling everybody else

that gotta do things different.

So it's time for change.

And what about keeping your apartment?

Oh, oh, oh, I'm keeping my apartment.

'Cause you know what if you start acting up

and one day... Excuse me?

Okay, fine. Nevermind.

Maybe I'll just keep my place for when we have kids

and when they're getting on our nerves.

Kids?

Kids.

(bright music)

We can get started on that right after church.

Huh? Shut your mouth.

(Jerome and Kayla laughing)

? Life is racing ?

? So fast paced and the seconds never return ?

? No ?

? What I've learned is ?

? This world keeps turning ?

? What's coming nobody knows ?

? Oh no ?

? I spent enough time wishing time would wait ?

? I've gotta make it count this holiday ?

? When I spend it with you ?

? Every minute is gonna be special ?

? Special ?

? And whatever we do ?

? If you're in it ?

? Is gonna be special ?

? Special ?

? When I'm with you ?

? You ?

? These moments with you ?

? You you you ?

? Won't let the rush of the season ?

? Get in our way ?

? Won't let it get it in our way ?

? Won't forget all of the reasons ?

? To cherish today ?

? Got to cherish today ?

? Spent enough time wishing time would wait ?

? I'm gonna make it count this holiday ?

? When I spend it with you ?

? Every minute is gonna be special ?

? Special ?

? And whatever we do ?

? If you're in it ?

? It's gonna be special ?

? Real special ?

? When I'm with you ?

? You you ?

? This Christmas with you ?

? You you you ?

? So keep the lights and the mistletoe ?

? Take all the carols ?

? I don't care about the falling snow ?

? No good tidings ?

? If I'm not riding with you all the way ?

? All the way ?

? I would give up the golden rings ?

? Those four calling birds ?

? They'd have no reason to sing ?

? I need you in my arms ?

? Share this moment with me ?

? Forever with me ?

? When I'm with you ?

? Every minute is gonna be special ?

? Yes, it will be special ?

? And whatever we do ?

? If you're in it ?

? Is gonna be special ?

? Gonna be special ?

? When I'm with you you you ?

? Each moment with you you you you ?