Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:05,300
We now go live to
2
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:05,300
Councilman Bill Dexhart,
3
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:08,800
who's giving
4
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:08,800
a press conference
5
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:08,800
about his sex scandal.
6
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,140
You are getting a rare
7
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,140
glimpse at this exclusive,
8
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,140
government-only event.
9
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,510
Each December,
10
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,510
one department
11
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,510
puts on a show
12
00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:21,210
that spoofs what
13
00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:21,210
happened in our town.
14
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,610
Prepare to laugh your Asnov!
15
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:30,550
Sid Asnov is a former city
16
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:30,550
councilman. Some of the jokes
17
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:30,550
are sort of inside.
18
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:34,290
Councilman Dexhart,
19
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:34,290
you're involved in
20
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:34,290
yet another scandal?
21
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,530
That's crazier
22
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,530
than Mayor
23
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,530
Gunderson's dog, Rufus.
24
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,210
Yes, there is a new one,
25
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,210
and it's a doozie.
26
00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:47,030
I don't want to go
27
00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:47,030
into the details,
28
00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:47,030
but let me just say
29
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:50,880
that it involves
30
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:50,880
multiple women,
31
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:50,880
a love child,
32
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:54,280
nurses, rabbis, priests...
33
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,180
Hey!
34
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,080
Well,
35
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,080
I hope you can all join me
36
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,080
at my fundraiser tonight.
37
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,720
I am being supported,
38
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,720
of course, by the Glitter
39
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,720
Factory and 1-800-Mattress.
40
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,830
Classic!
41
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,800
Pawnee is a city
42
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,800
that ain't very pretty
43
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:13,170
And good government
44
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:13,170
is our goal
45
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,500
We may not be big
46
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,500
And our mayor wears a wig
47
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:18,440
But at least
48
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:18,440
the raccoon infestation
49
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:18,440
is under control
50
00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:23,040
It's the most
51
00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:23,040
wonderful time
52
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:29,910
in Pawnee
53
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,280
Lot 48 was
54
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,280
once a horrible
55
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,280
and disgusting pit,
56
00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:58,410
and now it's the site
57
00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:58,410
of Pawnee's
58
00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:58,410
Winter Wonderland.
59
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,910
This could not
60
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,910
be more perfect
61
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,910
if I had planned it myself.
62
00:02:00,980 --> 00:02:03,210
Which I did.
63
00:02:00,980 --> 00:02:03,210
And it's awesome.
64
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,750
So, let's talk skedge, guys.
65
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,620
The kids are gonna
66
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,620
come at 9:00 a.m.
67
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,620
on Saturday,
68
00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:10,180
and everyone's gonna do
69
00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:10,180
Santa for two hours,
70
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,690
so I would just
71
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,690
advise everyone,
72
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:12,820
before you get
73
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:12,820
in your costume,
74
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:15,300
to go to the bathroom,
75
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:15,300
so we can avoid what
76
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:15,300
happened last year.
77
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,700
It was just farts.
78
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,060
6:00 p.m., caroling
79
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,060
with the youth choir,
80
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:22,290
and I am proud to announce,
81
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:22,290
for the first time ever
82
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:22,290
this year,
83
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:25,540
our tree lighting ceremony
84
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:25,540
will be simulcast
85
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:25,540
on Internet radio.
86
00:02:26,910 --> 00:02:28,240
Thank you.
87
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,400
That's a really big deal.
88
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,400
It is. Thank you.
89
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,680
Listening to
90
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,680
that tree lighting
91
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,680
is gonna be dope.
92
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:35,950
Okay. Any questions,
93
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:35,950
direct them to me.
94
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:35,950
Dismissed.
95
00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:41,080
Hey, there was a message
96
00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:41,080
for you on the work voicemail.
97
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:45,590
Councilman Dexhart wants to
98
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:45,590
meet with you at 9:00 p.m.,
99
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:45,590
the Boardwalk Lounge.
100
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,130
Shut up.
101
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,130
No.
102
00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:50,700
I'm not scared.
103
00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:50,700
I got nothing
104
00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:50,700
to apologize for.
105
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:53,700
I could've been
106
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:53,700
a lot harder on him.
107
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:53,700
He got off easy.
108
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,600
And often. Thank you,
109
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,600
I'll be here all week!
110
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,080
You gotta tell me
111
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,080
about him. I don't know
112
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,080
anything about him.
113
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:05,310
Okay. He's 23,
114
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:05,310
he's kind of my boyfriend,
115
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:05,310
he's gay.
116
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,540
Last year we got drunk
117
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,540
and he took me
118
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,540
to the Ice Capades,
119
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,180
and I didn't
120
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,180
get him anything.
121
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,720
And he's gay?
122
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,720
Yeah.
123
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,080
Brokeback Mountain DVD.
124
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,250
No.
125
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,250
Fellows love that.
126
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,620
No.
127
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,620
Does he already have,
128
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,620
like, chaps?
129
00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:17,520
Like assless chaps?
130
00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:17,520
You know what? Forget it.
131
00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:19,720
Okay. Why are you asking me?
132
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:23,190
Because... I don't know.
133
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:23,190
There's no one else to ask.
134
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,600
At least you're
135
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,600
kind of young.
136
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:27,430
All right,
137
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:27,430
I'll tell you what.
138
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:27,430
I'm gonna think about it.
139
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,060
Through
140
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,060
the course of all day,
141
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,060
I'm gonna mull it over.
142
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:31,070
It's all I'm gonna
143
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:31,070
think about,
144
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:31,070
but you're in good hands.
145
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:32,510
I'm gonna come
146
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:32,510
up with something
147
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:32,510
really, really good.
148
00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:34,040
Really? All right.
149
00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:34,040
Yeah.
150
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,870
You got that?
151
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,870
Yeah.
152
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:40,280
Councilman Dexhart?
153
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:40,280
I'm Leslie Knope.
154
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,580
Thank you
155
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,580
for meeting me.
156
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,080
It's my pleasure.
157
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,450
I am assuming this is
158
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,450
about my performance
159
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,790
in the Government
160
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,790
Follies last night.
161
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,690
I'd just like to say
162
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,690
that I have
163
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,690
nothing to apologize for,
164
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,920
except for perhaps
165
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,920
being too incisive.
166
00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:55,090
I don't want
167
00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:55,090
you to apologize.
168
00:03:55,430 --> 00:03:57,560
I want to know
169
00:03:55,430 --> 00:03:57,560
who told you.
170
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,720
Who told me?
171
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,720
Mmm-hmm.
172
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,930
Nobody.
173
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,930
Nobody told me nothing!
174
00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:04,030
What are we talking about?
175
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,370
Based on that skit,
176
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,040
I know you heard
177
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,040
about the new scandal
178
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,040
that's about to break.
179
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:11,710
Who told you?
180
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:11,710
Was it the babysitter?
181
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:13,770
Was it the nurse
182
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:13,770
who delivered
183
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:13,770
our love child?
184
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:15,040
What?
185
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:15,040
All right,
186
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:15,040
stop playing dumb.
187
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,950
You know damn well
188
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,950
what happened.
189
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,780
I got the babysitter
190
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,780
pregnant,
191
00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:22,760
then when she was
192
00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:22,760
in the delivery room,
193
00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:22,760
I had sex with not one,
194
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:25,350
but four nurses
195
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:25,350
in a supply closet,
196
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:29,450
as well as a woman
197
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:29,450
whose husband was getting
198
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:29,450
a liver transplant. Mmm.
199
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:33,930
Now, which one of them
200
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:33,930
told you?
201
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:33,930
Was it the liver lady?
202
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,900
Well, I...
203
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,900
No one... I haven't...
204
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,900
I haven't heard any of this,
205
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,930
ever, in my whole life.
206
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:42,000
Oh!
207
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,140
Believe me,
208
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,140
I would have
209
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,140
remembered this.
210
00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:46,240
Okay. Well, in that case,
211
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,950
everything I just told you
212
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,950
was just a funny prank.
213
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:57,730
Oh! Hi!
214
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:57,730
How was your meeting?
215
00:04:58,390 --> 00:05:00,990
It was fine.
216
00:04:58,390 --> 00:05:00,990
Pretty straightforward.
217
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:03,460
Short meeting.
218
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:03,460
He's a busy guy.
219
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,460
Yes, very busy.
220
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,460
Look at this article.
221
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,860
No!
222
00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:11,040
What the...
223
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:16,170
The story of this story
224
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:16,170
is that it won't
225
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:16,170
stop developing.
226
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,270
The mystery woman who met
227
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,270
with Councilman Dexhart
228
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,270
last night
229
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,780
appears to be
230
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,780
a government employee
231
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,780
named Leslie Norp.
232
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:24,010
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
233
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,710
According to unconfirmed
234
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,710
reports in the Pawnee Sun,
235
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,820
the two bent an elbow
236
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,820
at this local watering hole,
237
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:31,480
and although they
238
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:31,480
left separately,
239
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,500
no one knows where
240
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,500
they woke up together.
241
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,060
Perd Hapley,
242
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,060
Channel Four News.
243
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,400
All I did was
244
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,400
write and perform
245
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,400
in one amazing skit.
246
00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:45,960
Leslie, it's the Pawnee Sun.
247
00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:45,960
It's a tabloid.
248
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,410
Nobody else has
249
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,410
written about it.
250
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,770
Yeah, no one
251
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,770
believes that garbage.
252
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,680
Nobody even reads
253
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,680
that thing.
254
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,410
Leslie! What?
255
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,410
Nice work, girl.
256
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,950
Oh, God! How do I fight back?
257
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,950
Give me some options.
258
00:05:57,350 --> 00:06:00,250
Do you want me to
259
00:05:57,350 --> 00:06:00,250
seduce Perd Hapley?
260
00:06:00,790 --> 00:06:01,980
How would that help?
261
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,020
I don't know. I just
262
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,020
want to see if I can do it.
263
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,150
April, I appreciate that,
264
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,150
but I don't think
265
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,150
it's something
266
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,630
worth losing
267
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,630
your virginity over.
268
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,270
Leslie, I don't know
269
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,270
if this is important or not,
270
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,800
but I have heard
271
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,800
a lot of very,
272
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,800
very interesting chatter
273
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:16,430
around the shoeshine
274
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:16,430
stand today.
275
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,000
Oh, my God! Really?
276
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,000
What have you heard?
277
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:20,910
A lot of things.
278
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:20,910
Like, "Can you believe it?"
279
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,070
and, "The Parks
280
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,070
lady boned Dexhart,"
281
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:26,240
and, "Of course she did,
282
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:26,240
she's totally good to go."
283
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,510
And one guy was like,
284
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,510
"I wouldn't hit that."
285
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,050
And the other guy
286
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,050
was like, "Me neither."
287
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,350
And then this third
288
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,350
guy was like, "I would."
289
00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:35,220
So I don't know if
290
00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:35,220
that's helpful at all.
291
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,150
Well, keep your ear
292
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,150
to the ground.
293
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,090
Okay. I'll just...
294
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:44,060
I'm not gonna let
295
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:44,060
these people intimidate me.
296
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:44,060
I'm gonna do my job.
297
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,290
I would be lying if I
298
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,290
said that I never thought
299
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:48,670
I would be involved in
300
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:48,670
an incident like this.
301
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,260
Except I always assumed
302
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,260
that I would be
303
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,260
the politician
304
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:54,500
and the man would be accused
305
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:54,500
of sleeping with me.
306
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:58,940
And that man would
307
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:58,940
be the vice president,
308
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:58,940
and I would be the president.
309
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,580
Okay, all right.
310
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,580
Well, you look good.
311
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:02,780
You need to put
312
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:02,780
some tights on, though,
313
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,220
and I want you to make
314
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,220
sure you keep your
315
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,220
neckline nice and high.
316
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:08,160
Leslie Knope?
317
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:08,160
Alexa Softcastle,
318
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:08,160
Pawnee Sun.
319
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,450
Can I ask you
320
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,450
a few questions?
321
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,720
Don't say anything.
322
00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:14,590
I'm not afraid to
323
00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:14,590
say anything. Okay?
324
00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:14,590
I have nothing to hide.
325
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,820
I'd never even met
326
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,820
Councilman Dexhart
327
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,820
before yesterday,
328
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,560
and that's all I'm gonna
329
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,560
say about the matter.
330
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,100
Some people are saying
331
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,100
this isn't the first time
332
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:23,160
that you've had sex
333
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:23,160
with a married councilman.
334
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,300
Who's saying that?
335
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,300
Some people.
336
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,570
Okay. This
337
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,570
interview is over.
338
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:31,110
Go home, lay low.
339
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:31,110
The truth will come out.
340
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:33,410
I can't! I have
341
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:33,410
too much work to do.
342
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,110
This department is not gonna
343
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,110
deputy-direct itself.
344
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,050
I think we can manage.
345
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,390
Just give me your schedule
346
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,390
and we'll cover for you.
347
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:45,450
Okay. I've made copies
348
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:45,450
of Leslie's
349
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:45,450
daily work schedule,
350
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,390
so we'll just
351
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,390
split into teams,
352
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,390
and each team will take...
353
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:55,860
Damn, 10 items,
354
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:55,860
and we'll knock this out.
355
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:59,010
I swear to you,
356
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:59,010
I never even met
357
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:59,010
the guy before last night.
358
00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:01,070
It's okay.
359
00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:01,070
I believe you.
360
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:04,770
You do?
361
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:04,770
'Course. I think I
362
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:04,770
know you pretty well,
363
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,180
and that doesn't
364
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,180
sound like you.
365
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:08,550
Thank you.
366
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:10,850
If I ever see that guy,
367
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:10,850
I'm gonna punch him
368
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:10,850
right in the face.
369
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,910
Yeah, that's sweet.
370
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,910
Use your nightstick.
371
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,660
Which meeting is this?
372
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,520
Reorganization of
373
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,520
Local Auditing Systems.
374
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,590
Kill me.
375
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,590
Right.
376
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,590
First order of business.
377
00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:25,720
Leslie? Where's Leslie?
378
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:30,400
Oh, um, I gave her
379
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:30,400
the day off, Paul.
380
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:30,400
Thought that was best.
381
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:31,770
Oh, yeah. That's good.
382
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,900
So you'll be making
383
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,900
the presentation then, Ron?
384
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,450
Yep. Yes.
385
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:43,240
Hey, so,
386
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:43,240
that kind of brings us to what
387
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:43,240
I wanted to talk to you about.
388
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:47,280
I... You know my
389
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:47,280
Army reserve unit?
390
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,690
We got called up
391
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,690
to active duty.
392
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,690
I ship out in four days.
393
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:54,590
Oh, my God!
394
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,220
Where you going?
395
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,290
San Diego.
396
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,630
Oh, my God!
397
00:08:58,700 --> 00:08:59,900
It's not dangerous.
398
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800
It's mostly maintenance.
399
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800
But I'm going for,
400
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800
like, a year.
401
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,140
Maybe 18 months.
402
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,140
And I was kind of hoping
403
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,840
that maybe you'd
404
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,840
want to come with me.
405
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:14,010
Like, on a permanent
406
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:14,010
type basis.
407
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:18,620
Well, I don't know,
408
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:18,620
it's kind of
409
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:18,620
a weird question.
410
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:22,750
I mean, I joined
411
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:22,750
to put myself
412
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:22,750
through college,
413
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,550
and it's...
414
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,550
I'm just a desk jockey,
415
00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:28,720
but it's still...
416
00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:28,720
It's rewarding.
417
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:33,090
So, yeah, I guess I'm
418
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:33,090
in love with the Army.
419
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:38,030
Oh, Leslie? Well, yeah. Yeah,
420
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:38,030
that makes a lot more sense.
421
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,940
Yeah, I'm definitely
422
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,940
in love with Leslie.
423
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,940
That's affirmative.
424
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,810
I know this seems
425
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,810
kind of fast, but I feel
426
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,810
like we got something here.
427
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,510
I do, too.
428
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:52,580
Yeah?
429
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:52,580
Yeah.
430
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:55,020
You don't have to
431
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:55,020
answer right away.
432
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:58,250
Well, you kind of do.
433
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:58,250
I mean, I need to know soon.
434
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,190
Wow!
435
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,190
Yeah.
436
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,230
Are you gonna go?
437
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:09,300
This whole Dexhart thing
438
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:09,300
is not making me feel very
439
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:09,300
attached to Pawnee right now.
440
00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:11,270
San Diego. Jeez.
441
00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:11,270
Yeah.
442
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:12,910
You could learn
443
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:12,910
how to surf.
444
00:10:12,970 --> 00:10:14,170
I know how to surf.
445
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,440
I took lessons
446
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,440
when I was a kid.
447
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,440
I'm actually pretty good.
448
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:19,000
I bet you are.
449
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,280
I would miss
450
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,280
Leslie like crazy.
451
00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:23,810
Aw!
452
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:28,120
All right, sorted out
453
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:28,120
that payroll issue,
454
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:28,120
this is done.
455
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,280
"Bring a case of beer
456
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,280
to Sanitation." Why?
457
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,330
Let's skip that one.
458
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,330
They can buy
459
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,330
their own beer.
460
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,260
I'm getting hungry.
461
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,260
Let's get something
462
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,260
to eat.
463
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,460
Hey, have you figured out
464
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,460
what you're getting Ann
465
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,460
for Christmas?
466
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:39,260
Oh, I got her a pretty
467
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:39,260
great computer bag.
468
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,860
Yeah?
469
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,860
That's a terrible gift.
470
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:43,060
No, no, Tom, she needs one.
471
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:46,200
She mentioned it to
472
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:46,200
me two months ago,
473
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:46,200
and I wrote it down.
474
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,900
That's what's called
475
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,900
being an amazing boyfriend.
476
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,810
Have you seen Ann?
477
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,810
You know how hot she is?
478
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:57,620
Men give women of that caliber
479
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:57,620
speedboats, private jets,
480
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:57,620
not computer bags.
481
00:10:58,020 --> 00:10:59,490
Okay. What do you
482
00:10:58,020 --> 00:10:59,490
think I should get her?
483
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,490
Diamonds. Can't go
484
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,490
wrong with diamonds.
485
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,120
Diamonds?
486
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,120
There isn't a woman alive
487
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:04,350
who doesn't love diamonds.
488
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,290
Even the super left-wing
489
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,290
chicks that saw
490
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,290
Blood Diamond and cried,
491
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,760
when they get a diamond,
492
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,760
they're like,
493
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:11,700
"Yeah, bitch,
494
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:11,700
give me more of
495
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:11,700
them blood diamonds!
496
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,260
"Make them extra bloody."
497
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,260
Trust me.
498
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:20,430
We are here
499
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:20,430
looking at a videotape.
500
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:20,430
This is back in April 2005.
501
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,410
We're looking at
502
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,410
Councilman Dexhart...
503
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,410
Leslie, you should see this.
504
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,810
...and he's now
505
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,810
about to shake hands
506
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,810
with Leslie Knope,
507
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,680
the alleged sex toy.
508
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,480
Oh, for cripes sake!
509
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,680
Look at the way
510
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,680
she's smiling at him.
511
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,680
Mmm-hmm.
512
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,920
And then almost
513
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,920
unconsciously touching
514
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,920
her hands to her hips.
515
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,620
See that? Right there.
516
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:42,290
It's like she's sending him
517
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:42,290
a message that she's ready
518
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:42,290
for childbearing.
519
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,390
Wow.
520
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,390
In a 24-hour
521
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,390
news cycle,
522
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,830
the tiniest story
523
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,830
gets dissected
524
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,830
over and over again.
525
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,500
In 2004,
526
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,500
a kid from Pawnee
527
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,500
went to the Olympics,
528
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:54,270
and it was reported on
529
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:54,270
for over a year.
530
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,270
He wasn't even
531
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,270
competing or anything,
532
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,640
he just was going,
533
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,640
literally,
534
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,640
to watch the Olympics.
535
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:09,550
It was way too easy
536
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:09,550
to get this guy here.
537
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:12,420
Councilman Dexhart,
538
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:12,420
this has gone far enough.
539
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,690
I want you to hold
540
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,690
a press conference
541
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,690
and clear my name.
542
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,390
Mmm... No, thanks.
543
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:18,130
Why not?
544
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:18,130
What's in it for you?
545
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,760
To be honest,
546
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,760
being linked to Leslie
547
00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:22,570
is a lot less damning
548
00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:22,570
than the real story.
549
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,730
You're like
550
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,730
a glass of whole milk.
551
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,440
What are you, Lutheran?
552
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,440
I love Lutherans.
553
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,110
Councilman, with all
554
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,110
due respect, get a grip.
555
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,370
If you don't hold
556
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,370
a press conference,
557
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:33,310
I'm gonna come forward
558
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:33,310
and tell the whole story.
559
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:34,640
It won't
560
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:34,640
do you any good.
561
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,710
Take it from me,
562
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,710
denying only
563
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,710
makes things worse.
564
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,050
Listen, I gotta go.
565
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,750
I'm expected
566
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,750
at two different
567
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,750
maternity wards.
568
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:44,920
But before I go, I'd be
569
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:44,920
remiss if I didn't ask.
570
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:47,390
Should we?
571
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:48,560
Oh, my God!
572
00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:49,790
People already
573
00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:49,790
think we did it.
574
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:51,770
You've got nothing to lose.
575
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:51,770
I'm very good.
576
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,730
Get out of here!
577
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,730
All right, fine.
578
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,630
Shoeshine. Shoeshine.
579
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,630
Oh! Hey!
580
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,630
Hey.
581
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,110
I've been thinking about
582
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,110
your gay boyfriend all day.
583
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,640
I have got some
584
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,640
awesome ideas.
585
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:02,770
Okay.
586
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:06,310
First idea,
587
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:06,310
spray tan gift certificates.
588
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,540
Ugh. No.
589
00:13:10,150 --> 00:13:12,750
Trip to Germany?
590
00:13:10,150 --> 00:13:12,750
Germany is awesome.
591
00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,250
And expensive.
592
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,750
Good call.
593
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,750
I didn't think of that.
594
00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:19,380
Okay, you know how people say
595
00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:19,380
that you should give gifts
596
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:22,490
that you would
597
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:22,490
want to get yourself?
598
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:22,490
What would you want?
599
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,460
Easy. Indianapolis Colts'
600
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,460
Reggie Wayne jersey,
601
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:26,500
number 87, double XL,
602
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:26,500
home blue,
603
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:31,400
signed by Reggie Wayne right
604
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:31,400
after he catches a touchdown
605
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:31,400
to win the Super Bowl.
606
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,440
Okay. Never mind.
607
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,440
No?
608
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,500
Hip Hop Abs
609
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,500
dance fitness DVD?
610
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,640
We just received
611
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,640
these exclusive photos.
612
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,120
We have pictures
613
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,120
of City Councilman Dexhart...
614
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,550
My God!
615
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,550
...with Leslie Knope...
616
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,110
I cannot believe it!
617
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,450
The big issue now is,
618
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,450
who is this mystery woman?
619
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:52,220
She and Knope are standing
620
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:52,220
very close to each other,
621
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:55,360
and any time you see
622
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:55,360
two women standing very
623
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:55,360
close to each other...
624
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:56,990
Oh, no. No, don't say it.
625
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:56,990
...you immediately assume...
626
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,500
Please don't say it.
627
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,500
...lesbian.
628
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,190
Oh, of course.
629
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,190
What?
630
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:05,440
It is a veritable storm
631
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:05,440
of information coming
632
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:05,440
into the studios here today.
633
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,600
Hi, this is Leslie Knope,
634
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,600
and I would like Joan
635
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,230
to clear all
636
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,230
of her guests tomorrow,
637
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,610
because I'm coming
638
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,610
on the show.
639
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,980
If you think that you can
640
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,980
drag me and my friend
641
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,980
through the mud,
642
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,480
then you've got...
643
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,480
Yes, I'll hold.
644
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,310
Unbelievable.
645
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,310
Hey.
646
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:20,820
What happened?
647
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:20,820
Got a call
648
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:23,080
from some panicky
649
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:23,080
morning joggers.
650
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,680
Apparently, Sanitation
651
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,680
didn't empty this dumpster.
652
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,750
To the raccoons' delight.
653
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,890
I thought raccoons
654
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,890
were supposed
655
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,890
to be nocturnal.
656
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,490
Not in this town, sweetheart.
657
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,490
In this town, they're 24/7.
658
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,900
We can't have raccoons
659
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,900
for the Christmas thing.
660
00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:38,100
They'll hunt
661
00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:38,100
the kids for sport.
662
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,370
Fess up, guys.
663
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,370
Who dropped the ball?
664
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,540
"Bring a case
665
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,540
of beer to Sanitation."
666
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:45,240
"Bring a case of..."
667
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:48,110
Yeah, this one's our fault,
668
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:48,110
Ron, and we will take care
669
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:48,110
of this for you.
670
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,310
Okay, good,
671
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,310
because I have to
672
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,310
run a public forum,
673
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:55,720
supervise the maintenance
674
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:55,720
crews, and teach crafts
675
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:55,720
at the senior center.
676
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,490
Simultaneously.
677
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
Joan, I just wanted to say
678
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
thank you for letting me
679
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
be on your show.
680
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,530
I'm really happy that I have
681
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,530
the chance to clear my name.
682
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,590
Well, sure. I see you
683
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,590
brought your girlfriend
684
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,590
for support. That's nice.
685
00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:09,070
What? Oh, no.
686
00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:09,070
She's not my...
687
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,500
And in five, Joan.
688
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,510
She's a... We're...
689
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,510
Four. Three.
690
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:14,270
You've got it wrong.
691
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:17,970
Sex. Drugs, possibly.
692
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:17,970
Rock and Roll?
693
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:22,110
We'll find out,
694
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:22,110
on Pawnee Today's
695
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:22,110
exclusive interview
696
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,240
with the woman at the center
697
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,240
of the Dexhart sex scandal,
698
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,790
Leslie Knope.
699
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,490
Leslie,
700
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,490
my first question has to be,
701
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,490
when did the affair start?
702
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,590
Joan, I spoke with
703
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,590
Councilman Dexhart
704
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:35,960
for the first
705
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:35,960
time that night.
706
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:40,300
We met for about 15 minutes,
707
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:40,300
and then I went home, alone,
708
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,700
and that's the whole story.
709
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,240
Well, Leslie, we all
710
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,240
saw the tape
711
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,240
from four years ago,
712
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:49,700
and you were flashing
713
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:49,700
some serious "do me" eyes.
714
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:49,700
That's just my opinion.
715
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:51,870
I don't understand
716
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:51,870
why I'm on trial here.
717
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,920
You should be grilling
718
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,920
Councilman Dexhart.
719
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:58,150
You know what?
720
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:58,150
That's a really good idea.
721
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:58,150
Let's bring him out!
722
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,550
Councilman,
723
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,550
come on out!
724
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:01,880
Hi, sweetie.
725
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,660
Why didn't you tell me
726
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,660
he was gonna be here?
727
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,850
I thought it'd
728
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,850
be more exciting!
729
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,290
You look great.
730
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,000
It's like I'm invisible.
731
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,090
Okay, my name is Ron.
732
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,090
You don't need to
733
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,090
know my last name.
734
00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:20,900
Whoever wants to talk,
735
00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:20,900
go ahead, and we'll be
736
00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:20,900
out of here in a tight 15.
737
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,500
I found a sandwich
738
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,500
in one of your parks,
739
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:26,740
and I want to know
740
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:26,740
why it didn't
741
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:26,740
have mayonnaise.
742
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:29,710
What's so funny?
743
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:29,710
Oh.
744
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,190
Yeah, I don't think
745
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,190
kids should be allowed
746
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,190
on the playground equipment.
747
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,310
Okay. We've been over this.
748
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,310
If you're worried
749
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,310
about swine flu,
750
00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:36,690
use hand sanitizer...
751
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,020
I'm not worried
752
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,020
about swine flu.
753
00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:40,720
I already have the swine flu.
754
00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:40,720
I'm worried
755
00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:40,720
about the turtle flu.
756
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,850
The turtle flu?
757
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:42,920
Turtle flu.
758
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,290
Turtle flu.
759
00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:50,200
Joan, this whole Pawnee Sun
760
00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:50,200
story is "gotcha journalism"
761
00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:50,200
at its worst.
762
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,900
Honey, let's just keep
763
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,900
our private life in
764
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,900
the bedroom where it belongs.
765
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,640
We do not have
766
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,640
a private life!
767
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,340
Stop saying that we
768
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,340
have a private life!
769
00:16:57,410 --> 00:16:59,140
The fact is,
770
00:16:57,410 --> 00:16:59,140
we never slept together,
771
00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:01,550
and if we did,
772
00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:01,550
you would have proof,
773
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,410
and we would
774
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,410
have seen it by now.
775
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,510
Councilman?
776
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,850
I can prove it.
777
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,780
She has a mole on
778
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,780
her right buttock.
779
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,680
What?
780
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,680
That is a total lie.
781
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,360
You've never seen my butt.
782
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,360
What are you talking about?
783
00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:17,630
He has never seen my butt.
784
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,960
Well, I guess it's
785
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,960
your word against his.
786
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,960
That's right.
787
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,100
Fine.
788
00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:28,940
Here, Joan. Why don't
789
00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:28,940
you look for yourself?
790
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:30,670
Is this happening?
791
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:32,470
Wait.
792
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:35,750
There's no mole.
793
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:35,750
There is no mole.
794
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,450
This exclusive story,
795
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,450
there is no mole
796
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,450
on Miss Knope!
797
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,850
I can't believe
798
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,850
it's come to this.
799
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,850
This is utterly humiliating.
800
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,660
Well, Councilman?
801
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,660
Care to make a comment
802
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,660
about No-Mole-Gate?
803
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:48,150
Yes.
804
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,630
I really didn't think that
805
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,630
Miss Knope would pull down
806
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,630
her pants on TV,
807
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,700
but since she did,
808
00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:00,000
I will admit that
809
00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:00,000
the rumors of our affair
810
00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:00,000
are indeed false.
811
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,310
Thank you.
812
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,310
However, I have
813
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,310
no plans to resign.
814
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,810
Oh, great. Okay, Councilman.
815
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,810
You know what?
816
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,810
You're a class act.
817
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:07,940
Thank you.
818
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,410
I thought
819
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,410
you did great.
820
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,180
When you get all
821
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,180
feisty like that,
822
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,180
it gets my heart racing.
823
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:16,050
Like I'm on a Stairmaster,
824
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,330
except more, like,
825
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,330
in a sexual...
826
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,990
Context.
827
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,500
I can't go to
828
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,500
San Diego with you.
829
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,470
My life is here.
830
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,470
My friends, my career.
831
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:37,310
I guess I just thought
832
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:37,310
with everything that happened,
833
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:37,310
you'd want a fresh start.
834
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:40,540
I know. I really care
835
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:40,540
about you, Dave. I just...
836
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,510
I love this town.
837
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:46,390
I'm sorry.
838
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,580
You want your ticket back?
839
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,990
No. You know what?
840
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,990
Keep it.
841
00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:54,960
You may want to
842
00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:54,960
come visit me, right?
843
00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,390
There's a $75 change fee,
844
00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,390
but I could pay you that,
845
00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,390
or I could reimburse you.
846
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:03,370
There's a lot of ways
847
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:03,370
we could handle that.
848
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,610
Oh! Oh! That's...
849
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,350
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
850
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:19,440
Hey!
851
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,120
Honey. Honey,
852
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,120
I'm so proud of you.
853
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,120
Leslie Knope!
854
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:25,820
That took guts,
855
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:25,820
mooning Joan Callamezzo!
856
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:28,260
Aw! Honey!
857
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:28,260
Thanks, Mom.
858
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,730
Oh, God! Is something
859
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,730
wrong with the tree?
860
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,960
No. Nothing wrong.
861
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,500
But it's almost 9:00.
862
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,500
It should've been
863
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,500
lighted up an hour ago.
864
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,230
We waited for you.
865
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:44,140
Okay, everybody.
866
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:44,140
Count down.
867
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,480
Five! Four!
868
00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,550
Three! Two!
869
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,610
One! Yeah!
870
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,230
It's gotten
871
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,230
a lot harder to
872
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,230
work in government.
873
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,570
You think Winston Churchill
874
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,570
ever had to pull his pants
875
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,570
down and show his butt?
876
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,400
No. But would he have? Yes.
877
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,500
Now, could he have?
878
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,500
Well, maybe not
879
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:16,500
towards the end of his life,
880
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,710
but he would have.
881
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,940
Because he loved his job.
882
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:36,890
Reggie Wayne!
883
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:42,800
Dude! You remembered
884
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:42,800
me complaining
885
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:42,800
about my computer bag!
886
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:44,370
Do you like it?
887
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,600
Yeah, it's perfect.
888
00:20:45,670 --> 00:20:50,340
It's way better than
889
00:20:45,670 --> 00:20:50,340
the gift that I got you.
890
00:20:45,670 --> 00:20:50,340
It's Pacers tickets.
891
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,340
Oh!
892
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,340
They're not even
893
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,340
good seats! Ugh.
894
00:20:52,410 --> 00:20:53,710
This is awesome!
895
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:54,810
It's not awesome.
896
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,280
I actually got you
897
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,280
a second gift.
898
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:01,990
You don't have to come
899
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:01,990
to this game with me.
900
00:21:03,090 --> 00:21:04,750
You don't have to.
901
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,420
That's the nicest
902
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,420
gift anybody's ever...
903
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,420
Is that good?
904
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:08,160
...gotten me in my life! Yes!
905
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:08,160
Is that good? Come here.
906
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,660
Oh, thank God!
907
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,790
There's a bunch of messages
908
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,790
waiting for you about a bunch
909
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,790
of things I don't understand.
910
00:21:33,590 --> 00:21:36,750
Hi, this is Leslie Knope
911
00:21:33,590 --> 00:21:36,750
in the Parks Department.
49339
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof