All language subtitles for Too.Many.Christmases.2024.WEBRip

Aint no way man,
I'm calling big cap.

You mean to tell me you don't
miss your ex-wife at all, huh?

Sometimes, right?

But then I remember I
never signed a prenup

and then I hate her
ass all over again.

- Mm.
- You and Kayla,

ya'll ain't signed a prenup?

Did they?

They sure did.

Smart man.

No, whoa, whoa.

Hold on now
everybody, all right?

We did not sign a prenup.

Not because of divorce,

but we just wanted to
remember who we were

and you know, keep intact
everything that we amassed

before we became
husband and wife.

That's all.

Y'all don't have
a shared account?

Shared account?

Man, they don't
even live together.

Hold on. That's
not entirely true.

Kayla does stay
with me at my crib.

His crib.

That's what I'm talking about.

Not they crib, his crib.

Come on, bro.

You know what I mean?

Right?
Yeah, okay.

She's still got her
apartment, you know,

just in case she want to
go home, do her thing.

You know, we could spend
time together maybe

five, six, seven
days out of the week.

And then, you know,
we do our own thing.

It's a lovely system.

You're my hero.

Well, thank you, brother.

You cannot live your lives
together from different houses.

And as a matter of fact,

these jokers don't even
celebrate the holidays together.

That's not true.

We're supposed to
do it this year.

This gonna be the first
Christmas that she's coming over,

spending with the family,
mom and pop, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Mhm.

God don't like liars.
A lot is changing.

Come on, if I'm
lying, I'm flying.

Look at it.

Ahaha!

Your boy has arrived.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look good.

Uhhh...

Wanna be me?

No!

You know, Christmas ain't
Christmas without the ones

who love you more
than you love them.

See, Santa Day came a little
bit early for your boy.

Look at here.

Bow!

So I got the oh-so fresh
kicks from Gabriela,

the watch from Ashley
and the pants from Tracy.

It's a little tight
for the crotch area,

but boom, that boy look good.

See, you know, they
ain't returning to Mack

because the Mack never left.

And uh... what you
got them for Christmas?

Hm?

Not a doggone thing.

They got me. You feel me?

Have I ever told you I'm
embarrassed to be your cousin?

All the time, cuzzo.

But it's a natural thing

to hate something you ain't got.

Ain't got?

Hey Jerome.
Hmm?

Would you please tell
this misinformed brother?

I gots me a lady.

- Oh, you do?
- Yeah.

You do?

See, ever since he got
his braces taken off

and these little wave implants,
he thought he is cute now.

Oh, you ain't cute brother.

Hey Rome, you ever seen this
"lady" he talking about?

Uh... No, not yet.

Huh, so how you know she's not

being held against their will?

Hey man, everybody gonna
meet on Christmas, all right?

Oh, everybody gonna meet
on Christmas. Everybody-

He put his foot down on that.

Lemme put my foot down.

I hope you got some
kicks like that.

What you looking at
Blake Gryphon Jr.

Huh? You want these?

Hell nah.

You know I-I never
seen a logo with a man

sitting on the ball.

Yo!

Ah, that's crazy.

Sitting on the ball.

'Cause-'cause he wrestling,

these ain't-these ain't retros.

They the futures.
Oh the futures?

Look like he
squatting over the sun.

It seems like Gabriela...
was on a little budget.

Oh, no, no, no, we don't
need the budgets over here.

It is a thousand dollars
per foot from France,

from France, Amazon, France.

The brother is
sitting on the ball.

What's it, injury timeouts?

Is he playing
hopscotch, soccer or what?

Why is he juggling
over the ball?

Look like he trying
to hop the moon.

What grocery store
did you get those from?

The flagrant foul aisle.

The flagrant foul, wow.

All right man. It's cool, man.

Y'all got it.

All right. All right.

Cool, the ladies still like me.

That's why your lineup crooked.

Technical fouls,
get on outta here.

See, you need a new barber.

All these barbers suck.

- Hey, superstar!
- ♪ Hello ♪

Oh, okay.

You extra.

How's Vegas?
I don't know, I'm not there.

Oh, okay.

Well, where are you?
Standing outside

my sister's basic ass apartment

waiting for her to let me in.

Oh my gosh!

No way!

No! Hi!
Hi!

- Oh my goodness.
- Gorgeous.

First of all, this
apartment is not basic.

- Get my door. Get my door.
- You're right.

- Uhuh. Yes.
- It's not the apartment.

- Oh.
- It's you.

Oh, ouch.

Well, next to you,
RuPaul is basic.

Ooh, I'm glad you said
it so I wouldn't have to.

Oh my gosh.

Uh-What are you doing here?

Thought you weren't coming
home for the holidays.

Why would you think that?

Because you told
us you weren't

coming home for the holidays.

What do you mean?

Girl, have I ever
missed Christmas?

Haven't I always been here
to sing with mommy at church?

Oh, well darling,
you're famous now.

I'm not famous.

My bank account's just
a little healthier.

Okay, so you mean to tell
me that you turned down a tour

with Alicia Keys
to come be with us?

Nothing's more important
than being with my family

for the holidays.

- Alicia cancelled the tour.
- Oh.

But I'm glad she did,
I was meant to be home.

Okay, well, you darling
should have texted me.

Baby, that's not
how surprises work.

I'm spending the holidays

with Jerome and his
family this year.

Oh, you better
tell him you lied.

Y'all don't spend the
holidays together.

Y'all don't even live together.

Yes, we do.

Then why are you here
and not at the house

I helped you move into?

Okay, first of all, this
is my place that I come

and escape to when I
wanna get some space.

- All y'all have had is space.
- Oh gosh.

Well, this year is
going to be different.

Mhmh.

I hate to bring this up, but-

there's no holiday if...

ooh girl, you missed your cue.

Let's try this again.

There's no holiday if...

One of us are away.

And since I'm not away,
bring on the holiday.

I have plans!

Oh my gosh. Seriously.

Look, you wanna
break tradition?

Fine. Snap it in half.

I guess the word family
doesn't mean what it used to?

Oh no.

Not the fake cry.
I told myself

I wouldn't cry.

He's crying.

You know the drama,
save that for your mama.

Why do I gotta change my plans

'cause you wanna come by and
throw a wrench in things?

Girl, you know,
mama mess around

and cancelled Christmas again.

There's no holiday
if one of us is away,

that means you too, sweetie.

You know what?

I just thought about something.

It reminded me that in
December, flights be

so cheap going back to LA

because you ain't even
tell mom you was even here.

So let me check these
flights real quick.

They looking real ni-

No, you didn't.
- Hmm?

- Really?
- That's a cute picture.

That's a cute picture.

Oh my gosh!

Mm.

Baby, I'm home.

Hmm.

All right, something
smell good up in here.

Ah, dinner is served.

Voila!

Thank you, baby.

- Yes, my baby
- Yes...

Please have a seat.

Have a seat...
Okay.

And make yourself at home.

Yeah, I am at home.

Right. Okay.

Hmmm...

Looks delicious.

- So this is dinner?
- Yes, babe, this is dinner.

You always said you
wanted dessert for dinner.

And how many times
have you told me no?

That was then, I'm doing
something new, babe. Okay?

I made my baby just a bunch
of dessert for dinner.

Babe. Come on, here.

Try one of my treats.

Open up your mouth 'cause
my baby's so sweet.

Yes he is.

You're not opening your mouth.

- No, I'm not.
- Babe, what is the problem?

Like, I thought this
would be a great idea.

This is-you don't like this?

- Baby.
- Yes.

I usually enjoy when
you do nice things for me.

You know I do when
you go the extra mile,

but right now you're
doing a little extra,

which makes me suspicious.

So what are you up to?

- Me being extra?
- Yeah.

I wouldn't say extra.

Your voice just goes so high.

Oh my god.

- Oh, look at that.
- Babe, listen.

Okay. So um...

So Christmas plans are
a little bit modified.

- So what does that mean?
- Huh?

Uh... Christmas
plans have changed

and they're back on
at my mom's place.

Ow! Yes!

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. What?

LeeLee is in town.

He came to my place today.

He surprised me.
It was so amazing.

So, yeah, that's the new plan.

Am I getting this straight

you want to spend Christmas
separate as husband and wife?

No, babe. Not separate.

You are going to be with me.

We're gonna be together
at my mom's place.

Yeah, no, that's
not gonna work out.

You know, Christmas is my
mom's favourite holiday,

and it's my dad's birthday.

It's dad, Jesus, Christmas.

All on the same day.

It's action packed.

We've already committed to them.

- Okay.
- Well, hold on.

Can't you tell your family we're

already gonna be at my place?

Mom, grandpa.

Oh, I love you both.

But I've decided that I'm
going to spend Christmas with

my husband and my
in-laws this year.

You see what you
did to your mother?

You did this.

I did this?

My only daughter
has forsaken me.

The Lord is faithful
and he will respect you

and protect you
from the evil one.

Really, guys?

Oh, no. Hell no.

Look, bro, can't you
just tell your family

that you're coming to my
parents' place this Christmas?

There's been a change of plans.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Mo-Mom, dad...

you know, I love you
guys both very much.

Right?

I'm not gonna be spending
Christmas with you

this year though.

I'm gonna be with
Kayla and her family.

But I love you guys very
much, and happy birthday Pops.

Somebody gonna say something?

Louis,

get my gun.

No, no.

I'm not trying to die.

No, no, no, nope.

I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.

Die? You're being so dramatic.

Really? Come on.
Dramatic?

Are you kidding me?

LeeLee pops in town,
surprises his sister.

And?

My mom is a regional
operations executive.

She's always busy.

She's never home.
She's always travelling...

she'salways working.
Christmas is a time that

we get to spend as a family.

Okay, babe.

I'm not trying to
make this competition,

but it literally is
my dad's birthday.

That kind of trumps everything
that you just said right now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know what? Okay,

if it trumps everything,

why don't you spend
Christmas doing your thing?

And I'll spend
Christmas doing mine

and we'll find a way to
do it together next year.

Fine with me.

- Don't do that.
- Why? Why not?

Babe, come on. Stop.

Let's be realistic, all right?

I'm not trying to
break up your family.

You are not trying
to break up mine.

- Sure.
- And as

our first year married,

we said no more separate
Christmases, yeah?

Yeah. I did say that.

So what I'm saying is
that, is there a way

to make everybody happy?

Yeah.

Be in two places
at the same time.

Oh my gosh, Jerome.

Jerome. Jerome. Scoot over.

Scoot, scoot, scoot.
Move, move, move.

Baby, that is brilliant.

One day, two Christmases.

Oh my gosh. Yes!

One day, two Christmases.

That's perfect.

Oh my God.

- You been drinking?
- You know I don't drink.

Are you kidding me?

Listen, Jerome. No, no, no.

I wanna honour the commitment
I made to your family

just while not disappointing
my family in the process.

Okay, sure,

So we're just gonna
bounce from house

to house and nobody's
gonna notice.

Yes.

You got a car, I got a car.

I pull up. You pull up.
I'm joking!

Huh?

What? I think it's brilliant.

How is that brilliant?

Are you kidding me?

That's-That's genius.
No, this is awful.

That sounds like
a bad TV scenario

where everything goes wrong
and then the husband gets shot.

- Ahah!
- You want me to get shot?

Ahah! No, no,
no, that's the TV.

This is real life,
nobody getting shot.

- That's gonna be even worse.
- No, babe, listen.

Think about it.

This is a perfect,
perfect solution.

Your family lives in Beacon.

My family lives in Newburgh.

That's like 15 minutes
apart from each other.

Especially on Christmas.

There's no traffic.

So we can get there
easily back and forth,

babe, you are so brilliant.

Oh my gosh. That's the solution.

One day, two Christmases.

Oh, it's so perfect,
it'll be magical.

And we get to spend our
Christmas holiday together.

Love, baby.

You know, if this goes
wrong, and I'm sure it will,

I'm blaming you for
all this, right?

When do you ever blame me?

Okay, we got this.

Grandpa. Hi.

Oh, my sweet baby.

- How are you?
- Oh, blessed.

Not stressed.

All right, I love to hear it.

- You look wonderful.
- Oh, this little old thing?

Yes. Yeah.

LeeLee actually got it for me.

- Oh okay...
- I'll see you inside.

Go!

Okay, see you in a beat.

Mhm. You too baby.

- Just say hi to him.
- Nooo.

Come on...

Dad.

Hey Grandpa!

- Demond.
- Dad, he goes by LeeLee now.

I don't know
anybody named LeeLee.

Oh God.

You named him Demond.

I'm calling him Demond.

What are you wearing?

- Clothes.
- I hope you brought something

to change into.
Dad, his clothes are fine.

- On a woman.
- I'm not changing.

Oh God.

You will if you wanna
sing in this church.

Okay, I'll pass then,
I'll see you inside.

Okay.

No-oh-ho!

You think you can
walk up in the house

of God looking all
crazy as all get-out?

Dad.

No, I don't want
you dressed like

that in this church Demond.

Well, I'm not changing.

You gon' send me home?

No, you can wait in the lobby.

Dad, you can't keep
him outta church.

I can keep him
outta my church.

It's bad enough, he
can't give you grandkids.

He can give me grandkids.

How?

He gonna knock up one
of his boyfriends?

Dad! What is wrong with-

- No, no, no, no.

It's one thing
not to like women.

Now he's trying to be one.

I gotta draw the line
somewhere, Regina.

Dad...

LeeLee and I get up
there and sing every year.

And you have never had a
problem with this before.

He never looked
like that before.

I don't know who to fuss
at more, him or you?

Me?

Yeah, you and Warren
never knew how to say no.

Dad, LeeLee is his own person.

So this look is permanent?

If it is, I want
nothing to do with him.

- What about Christmas?
- I won't be there.

There is no holiday
if one of us is away.

I didn't make that up,
I got that from you.

I can't celebrate Christmas
without my grandson.

Your grandson LeeLee
is right over there.

I don't know who LeeLee is.

I know Demond.

Excuse me.

Lee.

Just go back inside, Mom.

I don't wanna
sing without you.

His church, his
rules, just go.

- Okay.
- I'll be fine.

I'll be out here, just go.

Just go.

I love you.

♪ He is ♪
♪ He is ♪

♪ The reason ♪
♪ The reason ♪

♪ We celebrate ♪
♪ We celebrate ♪

♪ This is ♪
♪ This is ♪

♪ The season ♪
♪ The season ♪

♪ Jesus was born to save ♪

♪ We believe and
we'll proclaim ♪

♪ Forever give him praise ♪
♪ Forever give him praise ♪

♪ He is ♪
♪ He is ♪

♪ The reason ♪
♪ The reason ♪

♪ We celebrate ♪
♪ We celebrate ♪

♪ He is ♪
♪ He is ♪

Family is everything.

Y'all didn't hear me.

I said family... is everything.

And so is Christmas.

But Christmas is about more
than just spending time

with your loved ones.

It's about honouring the
traditions passed on from one head

of the family to the next.

A strong family unit would
have no legs to stand on

without a house of
tradition to nourish them.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Because traditions don't break.

Now, I've been doing what I do

for a long time, and
it's all worth it.

Knowing that I could
look at this crowd

and see my beautiful
family right up front.

There's my daughter Regina,

and my granddaughter Kayla.

And LeeLee, this
is just a question.

I'm not saying that
you have to do this,

but honey, have you ever
considered, you know,

dressing differently
just to avoid the drama?

Now, you know, I don't
care what you wear,

but your grandpa, he does.

I mean, he's just
from a different time.

Come on, roll that in.

That means I
know he's stubborn,

but he gets a pass
'cause he's my grandpa.

Lili, I am not asking
you to change for good.

Just when
grandpa's around, ma,

you're asking the
wrong person to change.

I mean, I just don't want
us divided on the holidays.

Dad would have never
asked me to change who I am

'cause grandpa's not
ready to deal with it.

LeeLee.

LeeLee.

You know, your father
is still the first

and last thing I
think of every day.

It doesn't feel like
it's been 15 years.

You're right LeeLee.

Your father would never ask you

to be something that you're not.

But you would.

I just want peace, baby.

Even if that means giving
your grandpa what he wants,

it's just for one
day, he won't be here

if you dress like that.

I'll have a blue
Christmas without him.

There's no holiday
if one of us is away.

Now you two might not see eye
to eye, but he's still family.

Mom, you saw what
he did tonight.

Oh, I know.

Grandpa's stubborn, but so am I.

I'm gonna wear whatever
I want to today,

and especially
tomorrow on Christmas.

He's still your
grandpa no matter what.

You know, it's not
too long ago, you two

were thick as thieves.

That was before I wasn't
allowed inside his church.

I didn't even get
to sing with you.

♪ Christmas is on the horizon ♪

Mom, what are you doing?

♪ My troubles melt away ♪

♪ As new a hope is a rising ♪

♪ Thanking God for his joy ♪

♪ Given through his baby boy ♪

♪ And there's so
much more for us ♪

♪ On the horizon ♪

- Come on.
- Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Put some brakes on him.

Baby, hold on. Hold on.

How many times do we
gotta go over this?

Oh, we're gonna go over
this till we get it right.

Okay?

Are you ready, soldier?

- Yeah.
- I said,

are you ready soldier?

Attention!

That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, so we're gonna get to
your parents' house at 1:25 PM.

Correct.

To which we'll have small
talk with the family.

Obviously we'll ask mom
if she needs any help.

To which she'll refuse, but
knowing her, she can't resist.

We'll ask again.

She'll temporarily
put us to work.

Perfect. Okay.

So once Gwen, Bryson

and Bryson's girlfriend
arrive, you know,

we'll let everyone have
small talk and and chitchat.

That'll give us some
time to get settled.

- Mhmm.
- Okay?

To which 2:00 PM, we'll
throw on Christmas with Cletus.

Which is my pop's
favourite Christmas film.

- Yes.
- And it's also

three hours long.

Absolutely. Three hours long.

That's perfect.

What I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna sneak

outside and have a
little phone call.

It's really gonna
be you calling me

and that's gonna take
me to my parents' house.

And I'm gonna stall
for time while

you get your little
behind over there.

I'll still be watching
Christmas with Cletus.

I'll probably watch out

for about 30 minutes,
which should be safe.

Everybody in the family
will be sleeping except

my pop because well,
he just loves the film.

I'll be like, pop, I
gotta go check on Kayla.

That's when I'll immediately
bounce to your mom's crib.

Perfect. Okay.

So then dinner at my place.

It's not gonna be till
about like six o'clock

because my Uncle Marvin
and Aunt Harriet,

they gotta get there first.

You know, my mama
never lets us do dinner

until they are there.

And your mom talks so
much to which you know us.

We're gonna find ourselves
a room within the house.

You and I'll sneak out.

We gotta recharge our batteries.

But in fact, we're jetting
back to my family's house.

We'll have Christmas
dinner there.

Oh wait, we forgot.

Presents back at our
house, now we gotta leave.

We'll end back up at your
mom's crib for a second dinner.

Okay, there we go.

So then after dinner number two,

you know something gonna happen

with your stomach, you
gonna get the bubble guts.

And then after that what's going

to happen is we are gonna
go to your parents' house.

So we can have
dessert over there.

Then we get a little
cake for some,

you know, for your dad.

It'll say happy birthday and
we'll do a little celebration.

And then after that, no,
there's nothing after that.

That's the plan.

And you know why this double
celebration is gonna work?

Baby, you're over
here eating a cookie.

Tell me why the double
celebration's gonna work.

Because we ain't
going to take photos.

So there'll be no evidence.

Geez.
There we go.

No evidence left behind.

And I've already emailed this
celebration to both of us.

It's in the group calendar.

And then, you know, who knows,

we might get caught up
at the Christmas spear.

We might forget a couple things

or you know Gwen's weed
might be a little strong,

we might get a contact high.

So after that, oh
it's gonna be great.

We're gonna be so festive.

And then, ooh, you
know what else I did?

What?

I set the text message
alerts on our phones,

so we ain't gonna go, ooh,
we ain't gonna miss a thing.

You know you get so
sexy when you take charge.

Get over here mama.

- Oh!
- Come on.

- Oh well you like that.
- I do love that.

You know what happens when
teamwork makes the scheme work.

Oh, you better say that.

- Say it again.
- Teamwork

makes the scheme work.

My baby. You ready?

Let's do it.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh whoa, whoa, hold on!

It's Christmas time! Let's go!

You gonna be
dragging me around?

Dad, what do you mean why?

Because it's Christmas.

Yes, Harriet and Myron
will be here too.

Dad, dad, dad, I
talked to LeeLee.

He said he's going
to be presentable.

Yes.

Your version of
presentable, not his.

Dad, dad.

The only thing you need to
do is bring yourself okay?

Bye.

By any means necessary.

Ooh, look at you,
pretty as you wanna be.

Beyonce ain't got
nothing on you baby.

Ow!

Hmm, Beyonce.

♪ Put your feet
and your dress on ♪

Smell gooder than a mug.

Ain't time to eat yet Lavar.

Get outta my kitchen.

Auntie, I was
just trying to say...

Lavar, get your
ass outta my kitchen.

Okay, you ain't
got to tell me twice.

You know what I'm sayin'.

Gimme that biscuit
before you go.

You know I swear.

All right, love you too.

The other biscuit too, boy.

Why you think you play somebody?

I know your little ass.

Give me the biscuit.

Auntie, every time the
holidays come around...

Give it up.

Oh man. That's crazy.

I couldn't control that stuff.

You still waiting
on that COVID test.

You might as just
let me have it.

Get your ass outta my
kitchen before I shoot you.

Get out before I shoot you.

Stab you.

Man, you know the worst
thing about the holiday?

- Freeloading relatives?
- No, Doctor Huxtable.

Okay?

Just waiting for the
food to be ready.

Yeah.

I still think it's
freeloading relatives.

Haha.

My cousin.

You remember the doc, no?

This is stupid.

Look at you smelling
like a Snoop Dogg concert.

Baby cuz, can I
ask you something?

Your daddy giving
me a hard time.

You think I'm a freeloader?
Not at all.

- Zing!
- You're more of a moocher.

- Ugh!
- What?

That's the same thing.
Is it?

I guess you are a freeloader.

Now, if you will excuse me,
I need some holiday cheer.

Yeah, go on do
your real usual.

Shoot, I don't know why y'all
calling me a freeloader.

I got a J-O-B, I
gets money honey.

And spend everyone else's,

speaking of which, don't
you owe me 50 dollars?

What'd you say Aunt Darlene?

Your wife is calling me.

Yeah, she might need me
to help mix some biscuits.

You can't go far.

I'm gonna get that money.

Alright.

You gonna get it.

Knucklehead.

Hey baby.

All right.

Hey boo.

Are we ready?
Oh, we definitely ready.

- Okay, we ready.
- I'm ready. You know.

Okay.

Let's see.

Ooh.

Why'd y'all come
in separate cars?

Damn girl, you
smoking already?

Boy already? It's 1:30.

It's late for me.

Oh, you wanna hit?

It'll have you seeing Christmas
lights for real for real.

Nah, we good.

I know you wanna hit it Kayla?

No girl, I gave
up the good stuff.

- Enjoy.
- Merry Christmas.

I wasn't gonna share anyway.

- Hey!
- Happy Birthday!

- Thank you Kayla.
- You're so welcome.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, son.
What's up?

Come on in here.

Good. Yes!

You know Kayla, my son
ever get out of line,

you just tell me. All right?

Pop, you tell her
that every single year.

I wanna make sure
she get the message.

- Come on in.
- Message?

Mama!

Candle or the ham?

They're here, Darlene!

You gotta see this. Seriously.

The lovely Miss Kayla.

Whoa, hey ho!

What's wrong with you?

We don't know where
them lips been.

We don't know
where them paws been.

Hey, Merry Christmas.

My beautiful family.

You look amazing.

Oh girl, you
always look amazing.

Merry Christmas, mama.

Oh, my handsome son.

It's so good to see you.

You look fantastic.

Look at you.
Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You don't give me
hugs like that.

Lavar, come here.

Let me give you the
hug you've been needing

since you was a baby boy.

Thank you.

Okay, Ms. Darlene, what
can I help you with?

My mortgage. Ah!

Girl, you trying to
rob my pockets, okay.

- For real.
- You sure ma?

We can't help you with anything?

Okay, well you can help me

with the cranberry sauce.

- Yeah, perfect!
- Okay.

Help me with the
cranberry sauce

and pull me another
cup of eggnog. Come on!

You want a cup of eggnog?

Yes ma'am!

Yes, let's do it. Okay.

Hey! Feliz Navidad!

Right back at you, cuzzo.

Look at my favourite
snowfall stunt double.

So um-so what's up
with this lady love?

Where she at?

Oh, we going
right there? Yeah.

Well you know, I brung
her here, grabbing a little

something, something
from the car.

Check it out. Check it out.

Oh man, you, you rude.

You ain't no gentleman,
go over there help her

with all 'em presents
and stuff man.

Hey, hey man-I know
how to treat a lady man.

Yo!

Yo, Bryson and
his girl are here.

Okay?

Rome, I know Bry's girl.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

All right, we met a
few weeks ago at a bar.

All right, I introduced
myself as Rodrigo

'cause she thought I was
Dominican so I went with it.

Man, why you looking like that?

I could pass for Dominican.

Look at this.

Anyway, like I took her home
and pop goes the weasel.

Went dizz-own.

Is there anybody in this
county you ain't slept with?

Um-Kayla.

You know I could-

- Ow! Strong-

- How could you do this
to your cousin, huh?

She told me she was single.

Oh! Doesn't feel good
to be lied to, does it?

Oh! Can you not make
this a teachable moment?

It's always a teachable
moment with you.

Well, I don't have time
for a teachable moment.

- What do you mean?
- I need to hide.

- Where you gon' hide?
- What, what, what-

- Jerome?
- Hey, what's up, brother?

How you doing?

Good to see you.

Look like you always
getting taller.

Jerome, this is Cree.

Baby, you got him starstruck.

Jerome, this is Cree.

- Oh, hi...
- Hi!

Hey, how you doing?

- I'm good.
- Me-Merry Christmas.

- Hey.
- Hey mama.

Where's Lavar?

Uh, he was in the living room.

Oh no, he ain't
in the living room.

He was in here.

No, mama. Where
is he? I don't-

- Oh, okay. Well, I-
- Oh whoa, whoa, whoa-

- Where you going?

I'm going to make sure
he didn't get to my food.

I promise you the
food is protected.

Look at that.

It's a beautiful
spread, I got you.

How about you go relax-

In fact, show Bry and uh-Cree.

- Yes.
- Yes. Yes.

Show Bry and Cree
your new candles.

Okay, I'm gonna do that.

You better take care of my food.

I-I got you mama.

Nobody gonna touch it.

Not even a fly.
Let me show you my candles.

Uhuh, yep. That and...

What are you doing?

Look, I'm playing hide
and seek without the seek.

Why? Ain't no games
getting played?

Because he can't
keep it in his pants.

Wait, wait, you slept
with Bryson's girlfriend?

Say it out loud so the
whole house can hear you.

- Oooh! You better tell Bryson.
- No!

- What?
- At least not tonight.

All right? I can't
tell the brother

that I stuffed his girl's
stuffing on Christmas.

Yeah, well you can't
keep hiding all day either.

Yeah, I sure as hell can try.

Watch me.

Oh, we're watching
him, and you got stuck.

Okay. I'm gonna-Yep.

Handle that.

♪ Heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ Heaven and nature
sing and it- ♪

Myron!

Wake up, Myron.

Uhuh no-I'm not. I'm not.

Myron!

Mhm mhm!

Come on now. You know what?

You know what? Suit yourself.

I'm going on in here.

Oh Lord.

Taking a pre dinner
nap before dinner.

But you better not
eat too much turkey.

You'll probably be in a
coma after you-Come on!

Yeah, I was dreaming
about Angela Bassett, baby.

My family doesn't really
do much for the holidays.

Why not?

Well we've learned
that the best way to deal

with each other
is in small doses.

I mean, they don't have a
much Christmas spirit anyways.

Not like you guys.

Like I wish our
house was festive.

Well, yeah, it's
nice to look at

but it's a lot to
put it together.

- And to take apart.
- Oh my goodness.

We're 15 minutes
behind schedule.

I blame Lavar for that.

But look, it's only 15 minutes.

So lemme take care of this.

I'll get us back on schedule.

- Please.
- Everything will be okay.

Please! All right,
figure it out baby.

I got you, I got you.

Hey!

Bam, bam!

- Guess what time it is?
- What?

Time to eat?

No, it is time to
go around the room

and let's all say what
we're thankful for you.

Yes?

That sounds more like
a Thanksgiving event.

Hence the name.
Hater.

Brother, why you always
trying to tear the family apart?

Huh?

- Thank you.
- Why you gotta do that?

This is a family tradition.

We do this every
single Christmas.

- Yes.
- No.

No we don't.

Well it's never
too late to start.

Come on, everybody
close your eyes. Yeah?

Why? Why?

Because we want to visualise
what we are thankful for.

Just get a big picture
of it as family.

It's like prayer, but
we're not holding hands.

Okay, I'll start.

Ummm...

This Christmas, I am thankful
for the abundance of love

that I feel within this room.

That's so beautiful, baby.

This Christmas, I am
so thankful for health.

We are all in good health.

Amen.

- Amen.
- I'm thankful for the ham

I'm about to tear up.

I'm thankful for
all things green.

I'm thankful for
everyone's holiday spirit.

Yes.

You felt that?

Oh, felt that
one in my spirit.

That was the holiday spirit.

Oh man. I'm so thankful.

Is it me?

I'm thankful for another
trip around the sun.

All right.

And I am thankful
for everyone here.

Beautiful. That is wonderful.

Give y'all self
some hand clapping.

I'll be right back.

I need to go do
something outside.

Oh my goodness.

Snoop Dogg in training.

We have yet to
even watch a movie.

What's up with that?

Well, perhaps we could watch

Christmas with Cletus.

Well, I-

- Like we would
watch any other movie

on a day like today?
Come on!

You better not on my birthday.

- Come on pops.
- Wait, wait.

Do we really have to sit here

and watch a three hour holiday
comedy drama about a guy

who can't decide if
he wants Christmas ham

or Christmas turkey?

Well, why can't
he just have both?

I mean, he could, but
didn't there be no movie?

Okay.

Bryson, the ham's gonna
take a while anyway.

Well, I've never
seen it before, so.

Ooh!

Wait, wait. What?

Oh, young lady.

What are you doing
with your life?

Christmas with Cletus is
a must see holiday movie.

A man forced to decide
between two succulent meats.

When you see it, you gonna see
it's an allegory for a lot.

It's symbolic.

A lot of people could-Put it on!

We gotta watch it now.

Put it on!

It's an emergency situation.

You never seen it at all?

- No.
- Poor thing. Look at you. Oh.

Cree. Look at me.

Leave while you can.

You won't be able to get
these three hours back.

I'll manage.

Hey mom.

Merry Christmas!

What the hell am I
still doing out here?

That turkey.

I don't know what
the hell is going on.

All right. Cardio for the day.

Cardio for the day.

Don't have time.

♪ Deck the halls
with bows of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

Sang that song, girl.

Welcome. Good to see you.

- Aunt Harriet, hi.
- There's my baby.

Okay, so what are you

and Aunt Harriet
doing here so early?

Your mom hustled us
talking about dinner

at three o'clock sharp.

Mom, dinner at three?

We don't usually eat till six.

Yeah, I thought we start
to get in gear this year

and they were still late.

And the food
still ain't ready.

Okay, uh... No! What about
Wyvetta, she's not here.

Well the cat lady ain't
the cat lady no more.

I'm lost. What?

She had to spend some
time with her man Wesley.

Wibetta got a man?

Oh, I thought
that'd never happen.

While we're on the
topic, where's your man?

While we're on the topic.

I see you have
attitude this morning.

My man is on his way.

He left his wallet at home.

But he'll be here shortly.

Can y'all pour me a
glass or something?

He wrong for that.

I told you.

How did he do that though?

What was the reason though?
Don't open that door.

He did it though. He did it.

He did it. He did it.

- He won't stop it either.
- I knew he would do it too.

I knew he would do it.
Sam, it's our anniversary.

Who is it?

Jerome.

Jerome just went in
the bathroom with Lavar.

If anybody cares.

You're wrong.

Precious, welcome to my dojo.

Hey, wanna start something fool.

Make you make me play.

You are going to eat Christmas
dinner in the bathroom.

I can't eat it out there.

And don't be stingy on my plate

'cause I will send it back.

You know you
could just man up,

go out there and
tell her the truth.

You know that right?
Nah bro. She's crazy.

Like when I ghosted her, she
start blowing up my phone

and she sent her
brothers up to my job.

And I'm talking about
two crazy looking

I ain't afraid to
shank you looking cats.

She said if I ain't pick
up her phones, she go

Lorena Bobbit on me and have
her brothers make me disappear.

And I'm not trying
to disappear, bro.

I'm not trying to disappear.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.

First of all, she doesn't
even seem that crazy, bro.

She's actually kind of nice.

They never crazy
until I put it on.

I know in that mood,
I grab the ponytail.

Hey, what's up?

How you doing?
Yeah, good.

Are you done in here yet?

No. No.

I'm actually just
getting started.

You know I gotta prep
the toilet paper.

- Yeah, no, of course.
- But honestly,

if you want to use my
parents' down the hall.

- Thank you. Thanks.
- You got it. You got it.

Yep, got it.

- She gone.
- Oh my gosh. Thank you.

Oh, she's coming back.

Get out. Get out.

Ah, here he is.

- Sorry.
- Too bad.

Next time we got you.

But let's see... who's next?

Uh oh!

Mhmm.

Which one of you am
I going to choose?

I think I'm gonna
choose you, Uncle Myron.

Oh, start with the best.

I'm gonna start with the best.

I'm gonna make this
one easy for you, okay?

Okay.

A dog can be a
man's best friend,

but... Finish the sentence.

A dog might be a man's
best friend, but?

He ain't licking
me in my mouth.

He ain't licking
me in the face.

You close enough.
Boom!

That's close enough.

He close enough.
Gotta give it to him.

Winner, winner!
Chicken dinner!

Gotta give it to him.

Y'all need to focus 'cause
one of y'all are next.

Is it you?

Or is it, you?

I think I'm gonna choose you...

- Oh!
- my baby brother.

Okay, let's see. All right.

Which pair had the best insults?

Mhmm.

George and Florence...

Mhm.

Fred and Esther
or Pam and Martin?

- Ooh, good question.
- Come on now.

That's a good one.

- Come on.
- Well, they all went hard,

but I guess Fred and Esther
since they were the pioneers.

- Wrong.
- George and Florence?

Wrong.

- Pam and Martin.
- You wrong.

What's the answer then?

Boy, they all had
the best insults.

Why would you choose?

No, no. I heard it.

Y'all hear it?

You said... you chose!

What'd he say?

You chose, you said all of them.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
You didn't say all of it.

Guess what?

Yo black card has been revoked.

Oh, I'm sorry. Bye bye.

You're out.

Bye bye boo!

Because you made a choice

and I heard you say it.

- Mhmm.
- It's been revoked.

Shouldn't Jerome
be here by now?

Uh... Excuse me?

Jerome?

I thought he was on his way?

Yes, yes.

Well he locked his
wallet in his car.

But when he was
getting his wallet,

he locked his keys in the car.

It's a mess.

So I had to call AAA?

Why are you guys riding
in separate cars anyway?

Because I had to
get here, of course.

So he wanted me to come
separately so I wouldn't be late.

But you were late?

Baby, I'm always late.

But I would've been later
had I not come by myself.

- Makes sense.
- Right? Like, it's true logic.

You sound like you
wanna be the host.

You wanna host the game?

No, I'm gonna let
you host the game

and I'm gonna go call my man.

How's that?

I'm just asking questions!

I gonna go call my
man and don't cheat.

'Cause mama, you
know he be cheating.

I don't cheat! She
cheats-She always cheats.

All the time!

Okay, y'all I'll be back.

Okay, let's go.

Aren't Christmas movies
supposed to be fun?

This is the most boring
ass thing I've ever seen.

Cletus, you so crazy-This
movie is giving me life.

You just saying that
because you trying

to make a good
impression on my family.

Oh lord! Oh okay... okay.

Hey, babe. What's up?

Yeah, give me one second.

Hey!

Hey, did you leave yet?

No, I have not found
a discreet moment yet.

Okay, um...

Did your family ask anything
about me not being there?

Surprisingly not.

Hey Jerome, where's Kayla?

Nevermind.

Um...

I gotta go, okay?

Babe, hurry up please.

Looks like dinner's gonna be
served earlier than expected.

- Why?
- Hurry up.

Get over here please.

I don't want my
family asking anything

'cause you know
they're super nosy.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

All right babe.

Oh! Ooh!

Boy, what are you doing in here?

Being nosy.

Okay, you're supposed
to be hosting the game.

Uncle Myron is
hosting the game.

What's going on
with you and Jerome?

Nothing.

Okay.

He's at his parents' house.

Why, did you guys break up?

What did you do to him?

Nothing. Okay.

We're having two Christmases
at the same time.

Huh?

Yeah, uhuh, we didn't
wanna disappoint anybody.

So we've been going
from house to house

and you know what we're
doing is 'cause of you.

I didn't tell you to lie
to everyone that's asking

to get on Mom's bad side.

LeeLee, you made
me feel guilty

for having Christmas plans.

No I didn't.

Okay. Maybe I did.

But that's what family's for.

To make you feel guilty for
doing things without 'em.

LeeLee, Jerome is
also my family, okay?

So what you're gonna do

is you're gonna keep
your little mouth shut

and you're not
gonna tell nobody.

You gonna keep the secret.

Don't spill the beans. Okay?

Pinky promise.

Damn!

Hey Jerome.

You never answered me
man, where's Kayla?

Hmm?

Kayla left.

Whoa, whoa, whoa-nah...

No, she actually just
stepped out for a work call.

But who's she
on the phone with?

The UN?

It's a work emergency.

Yeah. That's all.

You know, technicians and
whatnot, all work no play

even on a holiday.

Jerome, what are
you talking about?

I saw Kayla drive off.

Hold on...

Bry, you really gon' believe

Gwen over me? Hm?

Remember, she's the one

who thought she saw
Tupac at the burger bar.

You know, you think you're
so much smarter than everybody

'cause you got your
little barbershop

and you cut straight
lines without a ruler.

You know I saw Tupac. Okay?

He had his nose ring
in and everything.

Oh really?

And what was he
there performing?

His new album,
"All fries on me"?

- That hurt.
- Whoa. Wait, what?

No! What? No!

Oh-ho!

Damn, damn, damn!

- Can-can you fix it?
- It was an old tape

anyway, babe.
It was my old tape.

That's the original from 1984.

I'm sure we could
just stream it.

I don't want to stream it.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Actually, pop,
she might be right.

I could probably find it free
and if not, you know what?

I'll pay for it, even
if we gotta rent it.

That's all right.
That's all right.

It's not the same.

So I don't wanna
watch it no more.

Yes!

Now who's down for some
Christmas poker, huh?

Let's get...
Shut up!

Pops is upset on his birthday.

Have you no shame?

You know what?

Cree, actually did you
know Lavar, his cousins

and nephew with my mom?

- Facts.
- Where is Lavar?

He's still in the bathroom.

Upset stomach, it's
not really good.

You don't wanna go in there
right now, it's like a war zone.

But Mom, why don't you go
through the family album

and show Cree our
family lineage.

Merry Christmas to me, honey.

I'm with it.
Please don't.

Bryson hand me that book.

Boy, hand me that book.

Hurry up.

Ooh, wait until you see him.

I wanna learn more
about your family, please.

That's Dee 2. That's
my sister, right?

This is Lavar's mother.
Mother.

Now her name is Duretta,
but we call her Dee 2

because she's named
after our momma.

First name is Doretta too.

Okay, well not Doretta.

It is two of them.

Get it, right?

Okay, so now this is Clinton.

That's my cousin
on my daddy's side.

That's Lavar's daddy.

Mom wasn't actually
Clinton adopted.

Yeah, he was, but
he's still kin to us.

That's right, I always forget.

But you tell the
story. You know what?

Just keep telling Cree.

I'm gonna go check
on Kayla, all right?

Let me explain. Okay.

See he thought his
mama was his mama. Mm.

But his mama sister's...

Pastor Davis.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Jerome.

I guess the cool kids show
up fashionably late, huh?

And you know this?

Who's at my door?

La Familia's at my door.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

Come on in.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Good to see you.

- Cold in here.
- Yeah, it's breezy, right?

- Yes.
- These are for you.

Thank you so much.

Gift, gift, gift.

Yay!

Papa!

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you sweetheart.

Come on in. Come on in.

Everybody.

Everybody's here.

Everybody's here,
there'll be photo time.

Squeeze in.
Squeeze in!

Snuggle up, act
like you know me.

I know you!

Come on, now squeeze in.

All right. You look fabulous.

Let me see! Lemme
see. Lemme see.

No, I don't like how I
look, my mouth is open.

Kayla, you
weren't the problem.

Okay? You know what?

We going delete this.

So we'll take one.

Saved by the ding.

Hey. There we go.

Ain't no evidence left behind?

What is he wearing?

Dad, his outfit looks fine.

You told me he'd
look presentable.

My version of presentable.

Regina, I'm not staying here.

Dad, Dad, please just
don't do this on Christmas.

Okay?

You are here.

Let's just go have dinner.

I can cook my own food.

I've been cooking long
before you got here.

If it is possible, as
far as it depends on you,

live in peace with everyone.

Roman 12:18.

Peace with everyone
means peace with family.

Dad, I know it's
something you preach,

but is it something
that you believe?

Everybody, the
roast beef is ready.

We also have macaroni and
cheese, mashed potatoes,

hot water cornbread.

The smack down is
about to go down.

Come on y'all.

Come on dad, please.

Anybody want some corn bread?

You know, I'm taking one.

Did you get something?

Right down there?

Good.
Oh yes.

- Good corn bread.
- No one says grace?

Oh, sorry dad.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Let us bow our heads.

Davis, can we keep it
under five minutes please?

Figured he'd do five.

I'm sorry.

Lord, thank you for
this day, your day.

Thank you for the food
we are about to receive.

Thank you for the hands
that prepared this food.

And Lord, thank you for
showing mercy to the folks

that have strayed away from
the path that you have created

for them, one day
they will realise

that you are never wrong

and they won't try to
contradict you anymore.

Amen.
Amen.

It was under five minutes.

Thank God for AAA, huh Jerome?

- Huh?
- Triple A.

The thing with your car keys.

With the keys you
left in the car.

I called AAA for you
because you forget it.

- Oh.
- That's why he was late.

Triple A.

Yeah...

Yeah, thank God I I
would've took a I with that.

Demond, pass the
mashed potatoes.

Demond?

He can't hear me?

- Here dad.
- I was asking your son.

Demond, you can't hear me?

Dad, just take
the mashed potatoes.

So LeeLee, let
me borrow $10,000.

Now when I say
borrow, I mean have.

Sure.

And by sure I mean hell no.

- That's right.
- Good job.

Actually, I got
a better question.

How was it to work with
Megan Thee Stallion?

Mm, she's just as perfect
as you thought she'd be.

That's a lot of teeth,
smiling about that, ain't you?

I'm actually trying to
get her on my next album.

When's that coming out?

Hopefully by next spring.

- You go boy.
- Okay.

Well, you know, if you have

more recording sessions
and whatnot, let me know.

I'll slide through.

With Kayla of course.

- I'll be at the studio.
- With you!

No need to be jealous.

He said we can both go.

You know LeeLee
maybe next year

you'll come home with
a couple of Grammys.

Huh?
Just being nominated

is surreal.

You don't got to be
nominated, you got to win.

Forget that nomination stuff.

It's time to eat now or...?

'Cause I'm hungry.

I don't wanna wait.

I don't-I just-I don't
wanna wait no more.

You made all this good food.

I can't even touch it.

Excuse me everybody. Sorry.

Yeah, we won't eat
too much without you.

Or not.

Jerome, where are you?

- I'm outside.
- No you're not.

I checked.

What do you mean?

I'm in front with Kayla.

All right, just...

not in front of mom
and dad's house.

Where'd you go?

You know-Is-is Mom
still talking crazy?

Thankfully no,
but dinner's ready.

All right, well start
eating without me.

Boy, you know, mom,
not gonna go for that.

Where are you?

Bry.

I'm not...

I'm not there.
Jerome!

You know we, um...

we went for dessert.

We have dessert here.

Yeah, I know, but
Kayla's so mad...

you know because she
can bring a dish over.

It's our first year of marriage.

She's still trying to
make a good impression.

Listen, we just went
to go get dessert.

We will be back.

Tell mom to start
dinner without us.

How long is soon?

I-

- You know... Bry?

I-

I can't hear you.
- Jerome?

- I'm losing sig-
- Jerome.

Bry, can you hea-
Bry, can you hear?

Damn.

Wifi in here sucks.

Okay, now we're
30 minutes behind.

And the food's ready.

They ain't gonna start
eating without us.

Ah, damn.

But baby, why did I listen

to you about this playing off?

This is all going crazy.

Oh, why you listening to me?

You know why you listen
to me, I'm your wife

and you love and trust
me unconditionally.

I always support you.

But now they gonna
keep calling if we

don't answer the phone
or if we not there.

I know how your
family gets, they crazy.

But lemme think of something.

Lemme think of something.
Give me two seconds.

Give me two seconds.

Hmmm... Hmmm...

Ooh, I got it already.

Mhm.

You do?

No I don't.

But-but go back in there.

Stall for time

and I'm gonna come up
with something. Promise.

- How am I gonna stall?
- Baby come on, we a team.

Go figure it out.

I got this, go stall for time.

Okay?

I love you.

Love and support.
Love and support.

Okay.

You taking care of me at home.

Okay, well-Of course.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I gotta stall for time.

What do I do? I'm so smart.

I can't think of
something right now.

I need something.

I need something that's gonna
gimme, that's gonna gimme.

No, no, no. Not that.

That's not gonna work.
That's not gonna work.

I have an idea. Oh!

Oh, this is good.

Ain't nobody going
miss the eggnooooooog.

Everything's about
family and God.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Uh-uh!

Which one of you
finished the eggnog

and put it back in the fridge?

Sounds like something
Uncle Myron would do.

I would never
finish the eggnog

and put the empty carton-

Why would I leave
evidence? That's stupid.

No, no, no, no! Mom...

Mom. Do we have any more?

Baby, if there's none
in the fridge, then no.

Oh!

Oh, mama ain't no Christmas
if there ain't no eggnog.

What?

Huh. Mom, are you serious?

We gotta go get more eggnog.

- You should definitely.
- Yeah.

Where y'all going?

To get more eggnog!

Mama, I can't do this.

There's none left.

Wait, wait.

You gonna go right now?
Yes.

Mom, if we leave right now, you
know we can get to the store

by 4:30 before they close.

- And you know how I drive?
- Come on.

Wait a minute.

Y'all really don't
need eggnog right now.

I do.

Oh, ooh okay. I'm comin'.

Ooh.

What is wrong with my kids?

I don't know where
the hell they going?

- You ready?
- Yeah. Definitely.

Hurry it up.

All right. Come on.

Cookies look good.
Cookies look great. Ooh.

What's going on with you guys?

Uh, nothing, we
went for dessert.

- Uhuh.
- Yeah.

Kayla, how was
your phone call?

Girl, it was good.

Like what?

So your friend's,
okay, I know it's been

a while since you two spoke.

Girl. My friend is fine.

She chilling, doing
what she always does.

- Exactly.
- She's fine.

You know you done
messed up, right?

See, Jerome said you was on
the phone with your boss.

Now you are saying
it was an old friend.

Which is it?

First of all, she's trying
to be all in the business.

Right exactly, not even
a part of the circle.

Not even part of the circle,

but let me clarify
it for you sweetie.

So see my friend is
also my old boss.

It is the same person.

What is going on with y'all?

I told you nothing.

But don't give me that.

Something ain't right.

Why have the two of you been

sneaking in and
out of the house?

You know what?

This is the weed you're talking.

I'm high, but
I'm not that high.

- Uh, you sure about that?
- You can't stop.

You can't measure your level

of highness when
you always high.

Girl, because I
got 20/20 vision.

And the both of you been
acting funny all day.

Well, you know, if you
smoked a little less,

maybe we'd believe you.

How about that?
Period.

Enjoy. Gotta go.

- Gotta get in.
- Hey Miss Sally.

Did you get me too high?

No, these Negroes acting
fishier than the Red Lobster.

Ooh, sorry about that.

Kayla.

Baby, you didn't have
to get no dessert.

Oh, Miss Darlene.

I'm so sorry.

Christmas and cookies
just go together.

Mhm.

- Can we eat now?
- No.

Not until Lavar comes
out of the bathroom, Louis.

Oh hell.

Pass me one of
them cookies, Kayla.

Absolutely. Go for it.

- Yeah...
- Mhmm.

- Me too.
- Yes. Okay.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Yes.

- Oh, I quite like this.
- Mhm.

They're soy cream
Christmas cookies.

Can somebody please
go check on Lavar?

You gonna ruin your
appetite eating sweets

before all the food I cooked.

Please.
I'm on it Mama.

Mhm.

- Dad, you okay?
- What kind of cookies

you say them was?

They're soy Christmas cookies.

Uh, these are cream
cheese filled cookies.

Cream cheese?!

Sabotage!

Ah no!

Wow.

- Are you sure-
- Oh no, I'm sure.

Hmm.

- Baby.
- Mhm?

You do know Bryson and Papa
are lactose intolerant, right?

Yeah, I do. I do.

I'm so, so sorry.

I was busy packing
the emergency snacks.

And you were busy
watching The Parkers.

- Well, it is my show.
- Mine too.

Ohoho, Lavar let me in here.

I got use the bathroom, man.

No. Stop playing.

Come on. Let in here man.

Is he still in-

- Get your boy!

Hey Lavar!

Come on man, this is
getting played out.

Lavar can't come to
the phone right now.

Zoom calls are busy.

Lavar, you will have a
first class mess in your hand.

I ate two cream cheese cookies,
man were they delicious.

But now I'm about
to pay for it, man.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Lavar. This is an emergency.

You gotta open up. Come on man.

Lavar, I will kick
the door off this hinges

and bring the Jackie Chan out.

Make me do something crazy.

Oh!

Make sure y'all spray.

Damn.

I feel horrible.

It was an accident, baby.

It's okay.
It's okay.

It could have been worse.

You could have only
had one bathroom.

Would've been crazy.

I'm good.

It look like I lost some
weight though, right?

Oh, good guys.

I'm really, really sorry.
Mhm.

Well I thought you liked us.

Bryson.

She feels bad enough. Okay?

I'm okay.

I mean, I feel better now.

Only thing is I'm still hungry.

Yeah, too bad the
food's all cold.

You know we can't eat that.

Hey, you know Cuddy Chicken
Shack open on Christmas?

And I got a two full,
one clucky duck leg

and thigh meal coupon.

Since it's your birthday,

you get a free slice
of peach cobbler.

Hot damn.

What we still
sitting here for?

Sit your $5 ass down
before I make change.

I didn't make all this food
just for it to go to waste.

You could just warm it up.

Well, what's the point?

You're still going
to make a starve

till old big head get here.

Where'd he go anyway?

He... um...

- The guest-the-
- The-

- The bathroom.

Yeah. His stomach hurts too.

Yeah. Crazy. Right?

You know, I'm not
doing this anymore.

He actually does not
have a stomach infection.

Okay.

So what has he been
doing this whole time?

I think that would be better
if he explained it himself.

You right.

Lavar.

If you don't get out here right
now, I'm gonna get my gun.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Lavar!

Oh, he think I'm playing.

- Uh!
- Oh!

Let's play a game.
Okay.

It's called...

watch me pop a
cap in Lavar's ass

if he don't get
out here right now.

Uhuhuh.

Here he comes.

We ain't gotta do that.

We ain't gotta do that.

You know what I'm saying?

- Boy, take that off.
- I can eat with his on.

Come on, off.

I'm trying be
festive man, okay.

I'll take it off.

Lavar!

- Oh no.
- Oh my God...

What?

Come on, let's eat man.

Boy, it's gonna be close range

if you don't take this other
mask off your face, boy.

Auntie, I'm just
trying to be festive.

Y'all always doing
this to me, man.

Oh man.

Look at these oil prices.

What's wrong with you.

What is your problem today?

I was just, oh man,
I'm just my headache.

Lavar.

Come on man.

I already told it's
time to man up.

You gonna tell 'em
or I'm gonna tell 'em?

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.

Oh, you got amnesia looking-

Oh, the jig is up.

Cats out the bag.

Oh, I see what you
doing, that's playing.

Brys.

So um... me and your
girl Cree, we got busy.

Huh.

Ooh... What?
She heard the boy winding

like Keith Sweat.

Oh, absolutely not.

No, I didn't, I
don't even know you.

Oh, oh, oh. You don't know me.

So you wasn't saying that
you were screaming my name.

Oh, Rodrigo.

Ooh... don't stop...

get it, get it...
Hold on, hold on.

You're Rodrigo?

Live in the flesh my girl.

Okay, so you are the
trifling bastard that slept

with my sister, stole her
money and then ghosted her?!

I'm so sorry for the language.

My brothers are ready
to go to jail over you.

Oh, excuse me. Your sister?

Yeah, when you
supposedly met me,

did I introduce myself as Cree?

I mean, it was something with
a T or something like that.

Yeah, yeah. Was it Tammy?

- Yeah, that's it.
- Oh yeah.

Your little thing
going to fall off.

You sleeping with people you
don't even know they name.

I knew it at the
time-in the moment...

I knew it at the time.

- Lavar.
- What?

Tammy's her twin sister.

- Whaaaaat?
- Oh!

Yeah, everybody wanna see?

That's a twin.

Wait, wait, wait. So...

you mean twins like,
like sister? Sister?

- You know what...
- That's cute!

Is this why you've been
acting weirder than usual?

No, I didn't wanna blow
up the spot on Christmas.

Lavar, I'd never
sleep with you.

Oh!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wait a minute.

Don't say it like that.

Megan, the golden retriever.

Oh! Oh!

I'm just saying, I would
never sleep with Lavar.

You know what I'm sayin'-
Your twin sister did.

Yeah, I'm the smart twin hun.

- Come on! Let's eat...
- Yeah, settle down...

Before we eat, gimme that
hundred that you owe my sister.

Oh, can we set
up a payment plan?

Of course, lemme just call
my brothers really quick.

Oh no!

You gotta learn
how to take a joke.

Oh, you are the joke.

Now give it to me.

Hey, hey! Break mines off too.

Come on, Unc, I'll
pay you later, man.

Yeah. Okay.

Hey Cree.

Can I get your brother's number?

I'll give ya-Get your
phone out. Get your phone out.

- Relax!
- Okay.

With the interest.

Very well, very well.

All right, now let's eat.

- Can we eat?
- Good, ain't it?

Hmmm.

- So good.
- Mhm.

- Mhm.
- Mhm.

Tired of waiting around.

Wait, hey-

- Kayla, Jerome?

Why y'all eating so damn fast?

This food ain't going nowhere.

Ms. Darlene, you put
your foot in this, girl!

And apparently y'all
like foot. Slow down!

Mama this is fantastic.

We should open gifts.

Yeah!

- Yeah. let's do that.
- Right now.

- Yeah, right now!
- Mhm!

Bro, we just started eating.

Yeah, but we could
eat and open gifts.

It's a fun activity
for the whole family.

Mhm!

You know what, baby?

We forgot Gwen's
present at the house.

You know what, Imma
get some tin foil...

Just wrap this up, I'm
gonna take the plate, mama-

So that way when we come back-

- I'm not gonna get no foil.

We just gonna take
this like this.

Darlene girl, you can cook.
Come on, baby!

I need to learn this
recipe, Darlene.

- All right!
- Imma-Imma-

- We gonna be back.
- Oh my God.

Darlene this amazing.

Y'all better bring
my damn plates back.

Dad, just take the greens.

I didn't ask you for the
greens. I asked Demond.

- Dad, this is ridiculous.
- Put 'em back.

- Dad, just take-
- I said put 'em back.

All right. Fine, fine, fine.

Oh, okay.

Uh... Won't everybody tell me

what your fondest
Christmas memory is?

Do you know a better
way to break the ice?

My fondest Christmas
memory is that time that

with Myron, he
burnt that turkey.

Then he tried to play it
off like it was intentional.

Then he got mad because
we wouldn't eat it.

It wasn't burnt.
It was blackened.

Oh hell, it was ashy as hell.

My fondest memory is
Demond being normal.

My fondest memory is
you not being judgmental.

That's how you
talk to your grandpa?

You refuse to call me LeeLee.

That's not your name.

It's what I like to be called

and no one seems to have a
problem with that but you.

What man you
know, named LeeLee?

Me.

I said, man, not
whatever you are now.

Dad, we are not gonna
do this on Christmas.

No matter what I do,
you'll never be proud of me.

Demond, I am proud.

I'm proud of what you
do, but not who you are.

Oh God...

LeeLee.

Lee...

I'll take those
greens now, Regina.

Get it yourself.

Oh, sorry guys.

We checked stores
for like 20 miles.

Couldn't find anything open.

Like literally nothing.

Okay. Weird energy here.

Where's LeeLee?

Ask your grandpa.

Grandpa, what did you say?

I can't remember.

I'm proud of what you do,

but not who you are.

Grandpa?

God...

I mean, who would say that
to their own grandchildren?

What about what he said to me?

Dad!

You can't start a
fire then complain

about being burned.

Now I have sat here quiet
because you are my father

and I respect you,

but I expect you to
show the same respect

for me and my children.

Now I'm just doing

what you should have
done a long time ago.

Know what I should have
done a long time ago?

Dad, I want you to leave.

I want you to leave, Dad!

Enough is enough!

- No one's gonna say anything.
- I agree with Regina.

I second that.

Regina, weren't you the one
that begged me to come here?

It was a mistake Dad...

please go.

Is the roast beef still warm?

Okay...

Dad, why is it so hard
for you to accept who he is?

Because I want my
best friend back.

Dad...

I want the young man
that followed me around

and told me all of his secrets.

Even the things he was
too scared to tell you.

The young man that
sang in my choir

with his whole heart.

There was a time
when all he wanted

to do was make
his grandpa proud.

Now, why couldn't
it stay like that?

That boy destroyed me, Regina.

He destroyed me.

My grandson is supposed
to get married to a woman.

He's supposed to
wear a suit and tie.

That's just how it goes.

What happened to him?

Dad.

He stepped into his truth.

Maybe I'm showing my age,

but when I was coming up,
little boys grew up to be men.

Real men.

LeeLee is a real man.

Do I have to remind you

what the Bible says
about cross dressing?

There's no one louder
than a person that is wrong.

Who doesn't want to admit it?

I didn't write the book,
but I know not to question it.

You question what the Bible
said about alcoholism, huh?

I am not that person anymore,

and I haven't been since
I became a grandfather.

I know I didn't always do
right by you and your mother,

and I'll have to live with that.

But my path was crooked.

My path was messy,

but I needed to be weak so
that I could find my way

to God and restore my
worth, my integrity.

So don't you look down on me.

Dad, I didn't mean
to disparage you.

You straightened up
and I forgive you.

You have been so wonderful
to me and the kids,

especially after Warren passed.

You are more than a grandpa.

You are like a
second father to them

and to a woman who,
you know, had to work

and put food on the table.

You're my rock, dad.

You're my rock, and-

And I don't know where
I would be without you.

I would never judge... you
for what you did in the past.

Not my place.

That's why it's not your
place to judge LeeLee.

You might not agree with
how he lives his life,

but you're his
grandfather, a man of God.

And you should cheer
him on like you used to.

He's happier than
he's ever been.

And if you can't get
on board with that,

the least you can do is be quiet

if you have nothing nice to say.

Are you telling your
father to shut up?

I'm telling my
father to do better.

Do better Dad or you're
gonna lose this family.

LeeLee, you can't
spend the rest

of Christmas in your room.

Why not?

I'm comfortable.

I am so, so sorry that
I wasn't there for you.

I get it.

You a married woman
now, Jerome comes first.

I is.

And yes, Jerome is my husband.

He's my family.

But you my family too.

You still my little snot
nose superstar brother.

I know.

It just means things
are gonna change now.

Yeah, it will a
little bit, but just

because I don't have
as much time with you

doesn't mean I
love you any less.

Mom.

Come on mama.

I'm sorry I did that
at the dinner table.

But I can't
apologise to grandpa.

You don't have to.

Listen, I just wanted
everyone to come together

for Christmas, but I
was so wrong to ask you

to be something that you
are not for grandpa's sake.

I love you.

You're my baby boy,

and you are perfect as you are

with or without your
grandpa's approval.

You better say it, mama.

I know, right?

- I love you.
- Oh, group hug.

I told you I don't wanna
use no more chicken bones.

LeeLee, someone wants to
see you in the living room.

Grandpa, why do you hate me?

- I don't hate you.
- Right.

You just hate who I am.

I didn't mean that.

Look... I'm just not used to
seeing you look like this.

This is me.

I don't know how else to
make you understand that.

When you were little,
you always had such a,

a big voice.

We called you baby Luther.

I knew I'd see
you on TV one day,

but I just thought you'd look...

Normal?

Grandpa, this is my normal.

Look, before you and
your sister was born,

I was not a good man.

I'd pick a bottle up before
I'd pick my own daughter up.

But with you and
your sister Kayla,

I had a second chance
to become the father

I never knew I could be.

You were always my little buddy.

You wanted to do
everything I did.

You'd see me shaving,
you'd want to shave.

You'd see me drinking coffee,
you'd want to drink coffee.

And when it was time
for me to go home,

you'd cry and cry.

I miss my Demond.

I want him back.

The person you miss so much
wasn't ready to be honest.

He thought he had to look
and behave a certain way

or he wouldn't be accepted.

He was afraid of
letting people down.

So he decided to
hide his true self.

But he will never do that again.

So if you're waiting
for the real Demond

to show up, he's right here.

He just discovered who he
should have been all along.

Grandpa, despite everything,

I love you and I
really hope you'll stay

and spend Christmas
with the family.

But only if you're ready
to accept me for me.

I am truly sorry.

I love you.

I love you too, grandpa.

So sorry.

- LeeLee.
- Hi, Bryson.

Hey. Hey.

Yo, you got snubbed
at them Grammys, man.

For real, for real.

Uh, thanks?

Say, is Jerome or Kayla here?

They sure are.

Jerome. Kayla.

Ooh, I am stuffed.

Oh.. ah-hi!

Hi Bryson, what
are you doing here?

What a coinky-dink.

I was just about to
ask you the same thing.

- Well, Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Why we standing in-Come
on. You wanna come in?

It's hot. Don't you feel it?

The oven's been on all day.

- I feel like the turkey.
- Yeah, babe!

Let-Let's go ahead
get some fresh air.

Oh my-Ooh!

- Going somewhere?
- Huh!

Oh, Merry Christmas fam.

Hey! How are ya'll?

Oh, I didn't know
you guys were comin'...

Hi!

Oh, hi.

We, we, we were just-uh-

- They were just about to explain
what they were doing here.

Well, well we
was at y'all house-

and now we're at
this house here.

Would you believe
we were sleep walking?

Okay, so let me tell you-

- You know when we
got in the car, right?

We took off, and after eating,
I started getting the it is

and we were driving

and it's like I almost fell
asleep when we sleep driving

which is really dangerous.

Then we woke up in
Miss Darlene's kitchen

and it's like, why are we going?

We missed that, and
then coming back-

- Knock off all
the jibber jabber.

He's right.

How'd you guys even
find us anyway?

Find my iPhone.

I knew something was up,
but no one wanted to listen.

I get high, but I don't lie.

Well apparently, these
two have no problem lying.

Wow. Okay.

Reference.

First of all, listen, we wanted
to spend Christmas together,

but then we also wanted
to spend it with you guys.

Is that so hard?

You know... dishonesty
is not the way to go...

I am truly-truly
disappointed in you guys.

- Please shut up, Rodrigo.
- Rodri-?

I identify as Rodrigo.

Couldn't have just
spent Christmas Eve

with one family and Christmas
day with another family?

I mean, that seems fair
to me, if you ask me.

Go on and mind your business.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Yes, that's exactly it.

That's the reason why we turned
into human ping pong balls

over here is because both

of you guys wanted
us for Christmas.

And here we are going
through great lengths

just to make y'all happy.

Oh, oh, it's more
than great lengths.

You know how tired I am?

I'm stuffed.

But it is tradition.

There is no holiday
when one of us is away.

Now how many times I
gotta tell you all that?

Okay. So what is the tradition
when you're newly married?

Huh?

Anybody know?

Mom.

I have a husband

and a second family that
I don't wanna neglect.

Okay?

So with that being said, I
wanna create new memories

with my new relationship.

Look, I mean, you talk
about traditions, right?

- Yeah.
- and customs.

Well, the only custom that Kayla

and I don't have is
we have no custom.

We're split between
two families.

Maybe just maybe, one holiday,

we can spend it with my family.

And then the other
holiday we can spend it

with yours if that's okay.

Or another holiday.

We gonna spend it by ourselves
on an island somewhere...

Sipping mimosa...
Yeah, that'd be kinda nice

See-see-see!
Uhuh! No, no, no!

I tested each and
every one of y'all.

You see that?

You guys are all
afraid of change.

Exactly.

Change leads to
a missed Christmas

and then that leads to
another missed Christmas.

And before you know
it, you're missing.

It's just not even the
same without the family.

Yeah, honey.

And I don't see you
enough as it is.

Maybe change isn't the
threat you think it is.

The Christmas spirit
is fed by love.

And love can only
survive when it's guided

by understanding

and a willingness to evolve.

Oh mom, things
will be different.

But I want you to know that
it doesn't mean I love you,

you, you or you any less.

I know.

And family?

You know, I love all of
you guys, y'all know that.

But just because we're
trying something new

doesn't mean you become
any less important to us.

So... can I
present the idea...

that we're gonna
shoot for change?

Something new.
Change.

It's okay.
Don't be afraid.

We coulda did this hours ago.

I know, y'all don't
understand my feet hurt.

I didn't want
to disappoint you.

Can I get a hug from my momma?

Show us some love, son.

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ So many Christmases ♪

Wait, wait, wait.

One of y'all's next.

Settle down.

Don't get comfortable.

Is it you? Is it you?

Is it you, is it
you or is it you?

I think I'm gonna
come back to you,

but I think I wanna stop it.

She's...

Okay.

What is an acceptable,
actually, not at all-

What is an an
unacceptable seasoning

for a Christmas turkey
or a Christmas ham?

No seasoning at all.

Y'all. She rock.

Oooh!

It should be seasoned already.

That's right. That's right.

You good. Come on.

Gimme that. Gimme that. Okay.

But one of y'all
is next, so relax.

I think I'm gonna
stick with you.

Hey Cree.

Okay, so tell me this.

Someone tells you that
Santa can't be Black.

What's your response?

You mean after I
give him one of these?

Okay, but what else
you going to tell them?

Well, I'd remind them
that Santa isn't real.

So he could be whatever damn
colour I want him to be.

Ooh, period!

I like her! I like her!

♪ Merry Christmases ♪

♪ So many Christmases ♪

♪ So many Christmases ♪

Hey, congratulations!

- Thank you.
- Very beautiful.

- You made it work.
- We did it.

- God is good.
- All the time!

Y'all still sound sleepy.

I said God is good.
All the time!

Amen.

I'll be honest with y'all.

My Christmas was off
to a bumpy start.

But me and my family, we
smoothed it right on out.

Colossians 3:13 say,

bear with each other
and forgive one another.

If any of you has a
grievance against someone,

forgive as the Lord forgave you.

- Mmm. Yes.
- The path to healing

can only begin when
you own your mistakes.

Nothing grieves

or nothing humbles an angry soul

more than the thought of losing
your family over something

that's never as serious
as you want it to be.

Don't fall victim to
your own pigheadedness.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Choir.

I want to call on my
daughter Regina...

and my... grandson...

Leelee.

To bless us this morning.

Come on up here.

Come on Regina!

♪ For my friends and family ♪

♪ Gather round
singing cheerfully ♪

♪ Everywhere I go I sing ♪

♪ It's Christmas ♪

♪ The lights
shining all around ♪

♪ And the snow is coming down ♪

♪ Everybody is talking about ♪

♪ It's Christmas ♪

♪ Let's not forget the meaning ♪

♪ Of the king, we all see him ♪

♪ He is ♪
♪ He is ♪

♪ The reason ♪
♪ The reason ♪

♪ We celebrate ♪
♪ We celebrate ♪

♪ Oh yes he is ♪

♪ The season ♪

♪ Jesus was born to save ♪

♪ We believe ♪

♪ Oh yes he is ♪

That was so good.

Oh my gosh, that was so awesome.

Oh babe. You know what?

We should have Christmas
at our place next year.

With both of our families?

Oh yeah. It'll be epic.

It'll be like Full House,
but with Black people.

- You great.
- No babe for real though.

We have to start
doing more things

with just me and you together.

Okay?

So get used to it.

You sure about that?

No, but we gonna try.

All right. Yeah, yeah.

We were telling everybody else

that gotta do things different.

So it's time for change.

And what about
keeping your apartment?

Oh, oh, oh, I'm
keeping my apartment.

'Cause you know what
if you start acting up

and one day...
Excuse me?

Okay, fine. Nevermind.

Maybe I'll just keep my
place for when we have kids

and when they're
getting on our nerves.

Kids?

Kids.

We can get started on
that right after church.

Huh?
Shut your mouth.

♪ Life is racing ♪

♪ So fast paced and the
seconds never return ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ What I've learned is ♪

♪ This world keeps turning ♪

♪ What's coming nobody knows ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ I spent enough time
wishing time would wait ♪

♪ I've gotta make it
count this holiday ♪

♪ When I spend it with you ♪

♪ Every minute is
gonna be special ♪

♪ Special ♪

♪ And whatever we do ♪

♪ If you're in it ♪

♪ Is gonna be special ♪

♪ Special ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ These moments with you ♪

♪ You you you ♪

♪ Won't let the
rush of the season ♪

♪ Get in our way ♪

♪ Won't let it get
it in our way ♪

♪ Won't forget all
of the reasons ♪

♪ To cherish today ♪

♪ Got to cherish today ♪

♪ Spent enough time
wishing time would wait ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it
count this holiday ♪

♪ When I spend it with you ♪

♪ Every minute is
gonna be special ♪

♪ Special ♪

♪ And whatever we do ♪

♪ If you're in it ♪

♪ It's gonna be special ♪

♪ Real special ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ You you ♪

♪ This Christmas with you ♪

♪ You you you ♪

♪ So keep the lights
and the mistletoe ♪

♪ Take all the carols ♪

♪ I don't care about
the falling snow ♪

♪ No good tidings ♪

♪ If I'm not riding
with you all the way ♪

♪ All the way ♪

♪ I would give up
the golden rings ♪

♪ Those four calling birds ♪

♪ They'd have no
reason to sing ♪

♪ I need you in my arms ♪

♪ Share this moment with me ♪

♪ Forever with me ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ Every minute is
gonna be special ♪

♪ Yes, it will be special ♪

♪ And whatever we do ♪

♪ If you're in it ♪

♪ Is gonna be special ♪

♪ Gonna be special ♪

♪ When I'm with you you you ♪

♪ Each moment with
you you you you ♪