All language subtitles for Laid.S01E06.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.x264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

Where have you two been?

Nowhere.

Why is your picture on there?

You slept with my best friend.

Your ex best friend.

People do things when
they're drunk, love.

Things they don't mean.

The friendship's over.

All because I'm a
message dick head.

He's wonderful.

You going to ask him to stay
the night in the caravan?

I can't.

She thinks she's
killing people.

What?

With sex.

Has it even
registered with you

that, considering
what's happening

with Roo at the moment,
I'm officially dying?

Dying.

Uh, you're probably
going to die.

It's not as bad as it seems.

There's definitely a
reasonable explanation.

I just haven't found out
what that is yet, but I will,

so if you think I'm some
sort of psycho sex thing--

please don't call the police.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: There's
one pet I like to pet,

and every evening we get set.

I stroke it every chance I get.

It's my girl's pussy.

Often it goes out at night,
returns the break of dawn.

No matter what the
weather's like,

it's always nice and warm.

I bring tidbits that
it loves, and we

spoon like two turtledoves.

I take care to remove my gloves
when stroking my girl's pussy.

First of all, I want to
thank you all for coming out.

It's really great
to see you all.

I wish it could be under
happier circumstances, but--

[sigh] Zach.

Zach attack.

Where do I start?

We had some crazy times.

Schoolies -98-- who
let the dogs out?

Woof.

Woof, woof, woof.

I still don't
know how we talked

our way out of that brothel.

I reckon there's still some
yakuza dudes looking for us.

Ah-- I'm so sorry, Mr. Lewis.

Mr. Zach have to leave the
building for a long time.

No, that ain't racist.

That's how he actually talked.

But-- I mean, yeah, we partied.

Heaps.

But, you know, there
was always more to Zach

than just partying.

He had depth.

I'm gonna miss
that mother fucker.

To Zach!

To Zach.

To me!

Nice to see you boys.

Pity it's not under
better circumstances.

Dude.

Awesome speech, man.

It's kind of complicated.

So he's not sick, then?

No.

But he is dying?

Today is just something
he felt he needed to do.

Great speeches, eh?

I have a dream, I
have a "schming."

The eulogies could
have been a bit better.

I mean, just the-- the
punchline bit, I mean.

Darling, I don't
think eulogies

are meant to have punchlines.

Yeah, yeah, no, I
just mean-- maybe put

a bit more spark into it, Mom.

Like, remember my 21st?

Speech like that, but just
leaving people something

to think about at the end.

Awesome turn out, though.

Griffo's doing shots.

Griffo!

Knuckles!

That's not their real names.

Hi.

Hey.

This is a bit weird.

I wish we could talk.

What does it matter now?

Zach's going to die.

Nobody knows when, but let's
face it, it's probably soon.

And after that, every
time I look at you,

I'm just going to be
reminded of the night

you two were stupid enough
to get drunk and have sex.

It was a mistake.

So was Rockstar in excess.

My two favorite ladies!

In the nutter corner.

Have you tried
the beet root dip?

Are you angry at her?

For doing this?

It takes two to tango.

Oh, don't worry, I'm
still pissed at you.

But all of this?

I mean, aren't you furious?

And it's her fault.
Why are you even here?

I felt it was the
right thing to do.

You know what?

No.

I'm not.

Life's way too short
to stay pissed off.

Mine especially.

You think I would have known
about how many people give

a shit about me if I hadn't
had some sort of warning

that I was about to go?

I put the call out,
they stepped up.

It's amazing, EJ.

Everyone should live
through their own wake.

If anything, I'm grateful.

Thank you.

Oh, dear.

Well, Charlie,
I've got the, uh,

paving all done around the
pool, and it's just a matter

of getting the-- the compost.

So, I'm not very good
with, uh, composting.

I don't know where I should get
the cypress chips, or the, uh--

How was the wake?

Very strange.

Uh, listen, Roo--
uh, your mother and I--

Dad.

Don't start getting defensive.

You always open
with "your mother

and I" when you're
about to say something

incredibly embarrassing.

That's not true.

My birthday?

Yes, well, just
because you find,

uh, prostate
examinations embarrassing

doesn't mean that they're
not an essential part

of a man's medical journey.

Shall I go?

This involves
you, too, Charlie.

No it doesn't.
You can leave.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
my prostate's fine.

No, this is not about
anyone's prostate.

The only way we're going
to get to the bottom of all

this business with the
sex and the killing

is if we talk it out.

No offense, Mom, honestly,
but I don't want to have

a family discussion about this.

All I've done is talk and talk,
and it's gotten me nowhere.

The only way to stop everything
happening is to stop it.

Well, I suppose
most girls tell you

they've got their periods
when they, uh, don't

want to have sex with you.

OK, that's it.

Thank you, but she does
want to have sex with him.

That's the problem.

And I take it you
do, too, Charlie?

Wow.

This is, um-- well,
sure, if you want to.

Please don't validate them
by answering their questions.

No, no, no, Roo, look,
we have to discuss this.

Look, you-- you are
gorgeous, you're fun.

You're intelligent.

Boys adore you.

Bad luck for boys.

I'm staying celibate.

Forever.

You see?

Now he's disappointed.

No,I wasn't--

What choice do I have?

Do you know anyone who'd
commit to a relationship

with someone they can
never have sex with?

Ever?

Well, there are other avenues
that couples can explore,

that don't involve penetration.

Please don't say
mutual masturbation.

Like mutual
masturbation, for instance.

Aw, look, you said it.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Is there, Marion?

No.

Not from my experience.

Zach, I'm serious.

We don't know when
anything's going to happen.

You can't just--
- Exactly.

We don't know.

It could be any second, now.

I could drop dead in front of
you in the next 30 seconds.

Right?

How would you like that?

Well, I-- well--

I wouldn't.

Ferris was right.

Life's really fast.

If you don't stop, look
around once in a while,

you might miss out.
- Stop with this.

Please.

I just want to go out
with some style, you know?

Live fast, die young,
like Princess Di.

If you're so convinced that
you're going to die any second,

don't you want to spend some
of your last moments with me?

I am spending time with you.

You're the copilot
on my bucket list.

Yeah?

So, this is a recent interest?

Very recent.

And what provoked
this recent interest?

I just felt,
uh-- you know, um--

elements in my life were
pointing me towards some sort

of spiritual change.

And joining the
sisterhood is that change?

Well, why not?
I've already been to Bali.

Also, I love God.

Heaps.

There are vows of
poverty, celibacy,

and obedience to be taken.

Totally.

No problems.

Um-- I'm happy you get a
run up on the celibacy one.

I-- I don't think
you've grasped what--

I could go to
chastity night school,

if there is such a thing.

There's not.

Of course not.

"Passion of The Christ"
was good, wasn't it?

Becoming a nun is hard
because you know that deep down,

it's not the right thing to do.

I'm sick of everyone
worrying about me, Dad.

I'm sick of everyone looking at
me like they feel sorry for me.

I don't look at you like that.

And neither does your Charlie.

He's not really mine.

Well-- not yet.

It's just too
complicated, Dad.

I-- I like him too much to
get him involved in this--

whatever it is.
- He's a big boy.

He knows what he's getting into.
- Does he?

Yeah.

Well, he knows it's
complicated, anyway.

I've seen him when
he's with you.

He-- he lights up.

And when he does, I
think, there's a fella who

knows how special my Roo is.

He's got good taste.

You're biased.

Well, I've got
good taste, too.

That's why I chased after
your mom for so long.

And you won her over with
your charm, didn't you?

Yeah.

That and the sleeping pills
I put in her buttocks.

[laughter]

[SINGING] Solidarity forever,
for the union makes us strong.

For the union makes us strong!

I wish you'd tell me.

Oh, you're so impatient.

I am not.

[knocking]

Hello.

Hi.

Uh, Jan, this is Roo.

Roo, this is Mom.

- Hi.
- Another slice?

Thanks.
It's really good.

- It really is, Mom.
- It's vegan.

Mom is vegan.

Is that right?

Yes.

Hm.

So Mom, Roo's having
a bit of a problem.

Oh, we don't need
to discuss that.

Oh, yes?

Everyone she's ever
slept with has died.

Well, except the last one.

Honestly, it's not
very interesting.

Tell me, um-- what made
you become a vegan?

They're all dying
in different ways.

One of them got cancer.

Another was hit by a car.

The only thing we can figure
out is it's happening in order.

And nothing sexual
can happen between us

until we know what's going on.

Oh, and we need to
save the last guy.

He's her best
friend's boyfriend.

Well, ex best friend,
but they were on a break

when the sex happened.

Really?

We need you to help her.

Us.

Charlie, can I
have a word with you?

Sorry.

Why should I?

She doesn't seem like
she deserves any help.

Look, it's not her fault, Mom.

We are all in charge
of our own destinies.

Oh, for god's sake.

What is she, a white witch?

She's not a white which.

Only one good
light in this house.

Good energy.

Mom, I know it all
sounds really dark,

but she hasn't made this happen.

That's what she says.

What star sign is she?

Is she a Virgo?

Have you brought a
Virgo into my house?

I want to help
her through this.

OK.

For you.

I'll do it for you.

Delicious treats from our
favorite celebrity chef.

Always love that.

A nice, tasty nib.

What-- uh, moving on.

You're watching "Sunrise."

See you after the break.

Sacred whores
were special to--

that's fascinating.

And we can't go anywhere
without you, can I?

Right.

OK.

Dear me.

What?

You've been quite
busy, haven't you?

This is the way you wanna die?
Really?

What if Kochie had turned around
and seen your wang in his face,

and lost his mind?
- EJ.

What?

This is it.
I'm living the dream.

I'm doing everything that
I've ever wanted to do.

Being naked on
"Sunrise" is your dream?

Yep.

And other stuff.

What are you doing?
Get up.

I thought we were running.
Aren't we running?

- Marry me.
- What?

EJ, you're the
woman of my dreams,

and any time that I've got left,
I want to spend it with you.

Oh, shit.

These are the wrong pants.

Um, I've-- I've
got a rubber band?

Well, this is very touching.

I'm touched.

You are a little
bit, aren't you?

Is that a yes?

Right.

Now--

Yes?

How are we going to solve
this little problemette, eh?

Ah, I would prefer it if
you didn't all talk at once.

One at a time.

OK, you at the back.

You seem to have something
to get off your chest.

I don't know what you
did to make him cross,

but he's very, very upset.

Can you-- can
you see somebody?

Yes.
I can say all of them.

They're standing right there.

OK.

That's exactly what I
thought when I first saw them.

Shh.

Ah, now, do you have
something to say to them?

Uh-- I-- um--

sorry about all the--

the death stuff.

Sorry.

I was a bit on the spot, there.

Yes, well, I'm sure
they were very impressed.

This is all very new to me.

Best to leave it in the
hands of an expert, then, eh?

Right.
Absolutely.

Yeah.

- You can go.
- OK.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Just-- sorry.

Just-- She hates me.

She doesn't hate you.

She's just a bit judgmental.

I'm not even sure
what it is she does.

No offense.

I mean, she's
certainly interesting.

Yeah.

I know it all seems a
little weird at first.

What?
No.

Really.

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

It's all just--
a lot to take in.

Yeah, I know.

I understand.

When she said they
were all in the room--

the dead guys-- it's just--

you know, I mean,
where else are they?

Do they watch me in the shower?

Are they in the
back seat, telling

us to change the radio station?

She knows what
she's talking about.

Honestly.

You're in safe hands.

Anyway, what choice do you have?

I could always kill myself.

Wow.

I'd never thought of that.

Just working
through my options.

I don't feel
comfortable with this.

Just relax.

Keep your voice down.

Just trust me.

What's the worst
that could happen?

You honestly expect
me to answer that?

I love you.

Oh, god.

I do.

I love you, too.

[thud]

Ignore that.

Charlie, I'm not gonna
have sex with you until I get

the all clear from your mother.

That is, without doubt,
the worst sentence

I've ever said in my life.

Maybe-- maybe to break it,
all we need is to be serious.

Well, what do
you mean, serious?

You know, like--

serious.

In love.

Are you-- are you saying you--

love me?

Charlie?

Your mom's here!

She just ran over
Bernie the gnome.

The-- the poor little
blighter's lost his--

his shovel.

I'm disrupting a
moment, aren't I?

Yeah, sorry, I'll, uh--

the-- the kettle.

Look, but see, that's what
you're not listening to.

Man, I'm listening.

You're dying, so you thought
you'd come here and have

a root next to some seaweed.

He's making it
sound all cheap.

[screaming]

I've told you about the towel.

Zach, leave the towel on.

Why is everybody here
so uptight about nudity?

The human body is
a wonderful thing.

Don't make me
call the cops, OK?

You-- you want
to call the cops?

Call them.
I don't care!

Who wants to watch me
swim with the sharks?

Yay!

Woohoo!

Yeah!

I get one phone call, right?

What does she need to
ask for forgiveness for?

Some of those boyfriends
were absolute dirtbags.

- Mom.
- Well, some.

Now they're just dead.

Roo won't just be asking
forgiveness for herself.

None of us can move on until
we've let go of the past.

I'm not holding onto the past.

Well, you might
not think you are,

but all these lingering affairs,
these relationships, these--

sexual conquests.

- What conquests?
- Marion.

Shh.

She's making her sound
like a trumped up tart.

It's hardly my fault
that Roo has had 22 lovers.

22?

Don't say it in that voice.

You never-- she never
mentioned the number.

I didn't think it would
ever be public property.

It's not for me to judge
the relationship you have

with your daughter, Marion.

There's absolutely
nothing wrong with--

They are excellent
communicators.

Whoa, hey, let's
just-- there's no

reason to get upset here.

Look, I know you're
all very scared,

but the time for hesitation
and hiding is over.

Roo needs to get
out there and live

her life like a normal person.

And you need to tell
these boys you're sorry,

but you no longer have a
need for them in your life.

It's time to move on.

MARION: 22?

Mom.

[phone ringing]

I tried to stop him.
He just won't listen.

Can't you say something to him?

I don't want to watch him die.

Why aren't you
wearing any clothes?

Uh, maybe I can say something.

Did he just swallow a fish?

Oh my god.

[beeping]

[machine charging]

[rapid beeping]

[steady beep]

Oh, shit.

Is he dead?

Does that mean he's dead?

Can you shut up?

I'm sorry.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

[spitting]

What is this?

[beeping]

And then I--

I hear this voice, that's like--

come towards the light, kid.

And then I'm like--

Yoda?

Is that you?

And then I think, there
is no way that Yoda

would ever call me kid.

And that's when I realized
that it was a trap.

And that's when I ran for it.

And then the ambulance
guy was saying shit,

and then you guys
were staring at me.

I beat the curse.

I'm like some sort
of superhuman.

They used a defibrillator
on me, you know?

Layton-- um--

I should have been more
attentive when the top

of your ear got sliced off.

Simon, I should have
listened when you

were yelling at me on the tram.

I should not have pretended
I didn't know you.

I thought you'd turned
into a crazy person.

I had no idea you
were calling the door.

Grant-- I was actually
on another date

when I asked you out.

And I know that's
completely shallow.

Peter, I knew you were married,
and I still kept chasing you.

And I know that must have
made things difficult for you.

Um-- but I honestly believed
we were meant to be together.

I know that sounds weak.

Stuart-- I'm sorry I made you
paranoid about the way you eat.

Or ate.

New year's eve guy.

Uh, I'm really sorry.

I don't know your name.

Haymish.

I'm really sorry I laughed every
time you said sexual massage.

Robert, I should have gone
to your surprise birthday

party, and not the Gypsy Kings.

That was a date clash, and
I made the wrong decision.

And Andrew-- um--

I'm just sorry.

So, uh, all of you--

I know that I probably
wasn't the nicest girlfriend,

or-- or even a girlfriend--
but I really did mean well,

you know?

And I never meant to be a jerk,
or hurt anyone's feelings.

Or put my needs
before other people's.

I'm not a bad person.

I'm just human, I guess.

And I hope you can
forgive me for that.

All of you.

And also, I--

I forgive myself.

Um-- I may have just bounced
around from relationship

to relationship for a
while, but I was just

trying to find my way forward.

And-- I think I've
found that now.

So I-- I'd like
you to set me free.

That was excellent, Roo.

Well done.

And very entertaining.

Not-- not in a funny way.

I've said the wrong thing again.

I thought it was great.

Uh, what now?

How do you mean?

Uh, do we need to
burn something, or, um--

sing a song, or something?

How ridiculous.

But it's over, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

You don't believe me?
- Oh, no, no.

It's-- it's not that.

It's just, I thought
there'd be a sign.

You know, a-- a gong, or
a-- a flash of lightning,

or something.

You have to have
a little faith.

So how do we know if
it's actually fixed?

Well, there's only
one way to find out.

We'll be off, then.
I

I-- you don't have to--

No, no, that's
all right, love.

You don't want to stay and
get some take away food, or--

Everything will be OK.

And I might get a lift
with your folks, to see Zach.

Oh, we should go,
too, and see if Zach's--

It's all right.

I wouldn't be
leaving you with my son

if I had any doubts
about my work.

All right.

And you did a good job, too.

You deserve to be free.

Thank you.

And-- I really do
appreciate what you've done.

Um-- thank you so much.

Just make love to my son, Roo.

She also does
childrens' parties.

Maybe I should test it out on
someone I don't like, you know?

We could, um-- we could
go and pick a random

racist off the street, or--

No.

Look, Roo, I wouldn't be here if
I didn't think it was worth it.

If you were worth it.

I know.

But this is big.

This is-- well,
bigger than cancer.

Cancer kills millions
of people every year.

If I'm wrong, and I
actually end up risking

my life by us being together--

maybe that's a risk
I'm prepared to take.

That's lovely.

It's true.

Wait.

Charlie.

Charlie?

Charlie?

[theme music]