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1
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:08,333
Okay, we have three scratchers left,
and we really need a win here, okay?
2
00:00:08,927 --> 00:00:11,997
- Cherry... (Laughs nervously)
- (Tori) Okay...
3
00:00:12,541 --> 00:00:14,404
- Cherry...
- Ohh!
4
00:00:14,439 --> 00:00:16,992
- Lemon...
- Damn!
5
00:00:16,993 --> 00:00:19,229
- Cherry!
- Whoo! (Laughing)
6
00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:22,510
- One dollar! (Laughing)
- Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes!
7
00:00:22,511 --> 00:00:26,123
Why are we cheering?
Did another state legalize weed?
8
00:00:26,124 --> 00:00:27,525
No.
9
00:00:27,559 --> 00:00:29,827
We just hit
a winning scratcher,
10
00:00:29,895 --> 00:00:32,867
and, uh, Wisconsin is about
this close to legalizing weed.
11
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:35,437
It's just tough to get
stoners out to vote.
12
00:00:35,899 --> 00:00:39,856
Guys, you know how much
I hate scratchers.
13
00:00:39,857 --> 00:00:42,044
My family threw away
so much money on them.
14
00:00:42,111 --> 00:00:45,330
My cousin Tiffany said
that scratchers were her heroin.
15
00:00:45,331 --> 00:00:47,836
Tiffany smoked actual heroin.
16
00:00:48,593 --> 00:00:50,460
Jenny, you're not our mom.
17
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:53,495
'Cause if you were, that'd be awful...
The things that I think about you.
18
00:00:53,529 --> 00:00:54,729
Ohh...
19
00:00:54,730 --> 00:00:56,556
- Now here we go.
- Let's go.
20
00:00:56,591 --> 00:00:59,001
- Let's do it.
- Cherry... (Derrick laughs)
21
00:00:59,035 --> 00:01:00,869
- Cherry...
- Yeah!
22
00:01:00,889 --> 00:01:03,814
- Hey, everyone!
- And a turd.
23
00:01:06,075 --> 00:01:09,308
Guess what. Threepeat and I
projected the Wallace Cooper Fund
24
00:01:09,309 --> 00:01:13,449
would beat the S&P by 325 basis
points, and it did exactly.
25
00:01:16,725 --> 00:01:18,792
Got a much bigger
reaction upstairs. (Giggles)
26
00:01:19,561 --> 00:01:23,600
Anyway, the point is, I made a client
a million dollars overnight.
27
00:01:23,635 --> 00:01:26,510
- Damn, who was that guy?
- He sounds cute.
28
00:01:26,679 --> 00:01:28,781
Well, I do not know,
29
00:01:28,782 --> 00:01:34,406
but I am sure client number
0006914325134AB12161993
30
00:01:34,407 --> 00:01:37,581
will have a smile on his
or her or their face. (Chuckles)
31
00:01:37,582 --> 00:01:41,180
- Snooze flash... you're boring!
- Oh, really? Boring?
32
00:01:41,181 --> 00:01:44,484
Is it also boring that I crushed
the Russell small cap index
33
00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:47,383
by over 15...
Yeah, okay, I hear myself.
34
00:01:48,777 --> 00:01:51,218
- Well, baby, I think it's interesting.
- Really?
35
00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:54,423
- No. But I like your face.
- Aw... (Laughs)
36
00:01:54,537 --> 00:01:56,771
- I'll take it.
- Mwah.
37
00:01:56,839 --> 00:01:58,907
This is our last scratcher.
(Exhales)
38
00:01:58,941 --> 00:02:00,576
(Sighs) And when we're
done with this,
39
00:02:00,610 --> 00:02:03,111
let's promise ourselves we are
gonna go buy so many more.
40
00:02:03,145 --> 00:02:04,743
- Hell yeah.
- More. (Chuckles)
41
00:02:04,789 --> 00:02:06,139
Or...
42
00:02:06,181 --> 00:02:08,691
Instead of throwing your
money away on scratchers,
43
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,716
you could give it to Brody
to invest.
44
00:02:10,717 --> 00:02:12,018
He is not gonna do that for us.
45
00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:15,184
Yeah, he wouldn't even introduce me
to his rich friend with the long number.
46
00:02:15,723 --> 00:02:20,029
You guys, he just made a million dollars
for a guy he doesn't even know.
47
00:02:20,063 --> 00:02:22,164
He loves you guys.
Of course he'd help you out.
48
00:02:22,232 --> 00:02:25,534
Hold on. You want me
to give my life savings
49
00:02:25,568 --> 00:02:28,704
to the man that I hate
the most in the world?
50
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,308
How do you expect
to convince me to do that?
51
00:02:33,281 --> 00:02:34,833
(Clicks tongue) Please...?
52
00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:38,146
I'm in.
53
00:02:44,314 --> 00:02:47,314
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:53,306
Season 1, Episode 6
"If I Were a Rich Man"
55
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:57,295
You two beat the S&P
by 350 basis points.
56
00:02:57,329 --> 00:03:00,064
That's the most exciting
thing I've ever heard.
57
00:03:00,098 --> 00:03:02,199
I know! That's what
I keep saying.
58
00:03:02,233 --> 00:03:03,933
And your timing
couldn't be better,
59
00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,035
as I'm choosing someone
to run my new office,
60
00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:08,373
and you two have just shot
to the top of that list.
61
00:03:08,513 --> 00:03:11,114
Ahh, it's happening,
it's all happening.
62
00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:15,577
First, I need to see how you
interact with clients.
63
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:18,712
That's right, you earned it...
face time.
64
00:03:18,747 --> 00:03:21,981
- (High-pitched voice) Ohh!
- Oh, my God, are you kidding?!
65
00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,587
(Normal voice) Sorry, sir.
66
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:33,253
That's okay. Screaming like a teenage
girl swimming in a freezing-cold lake
67
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,722
is the appropriate response
to face time.
68
00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:40,033
Today is client review,
so everyone in our roster
69
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:42,735
will be coming in
to go over their portfolio.
70
00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:46,873
It will be the first time
that you two can see the faces
71
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:48,708
behind the account numbers.
72
00:03:48,776 --> 00:03:52,428
(Normal voice) I want to see faces, sir.
I want to see all those faces.
73
00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:56,817
While 97% of our clients
have enjoyed record years,
74
00:03:56,851 --> 00:04:01,350
there is 3% who unfortunately had
their money managed by one Frank Gersky.
75
00:04:01,351 --> 00:04:03,925
(Laughs) Gersky the worstsky.
How is that old guy?
76
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,027
Not great.
I just fired his ass.
77
00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:11,696
Unfortunately, someone's going
to have to tell Mr. Gersky's clients
78
00:04:11,697 --> 00:04:14,219
that their portfolios
are now worth...
79
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:17,005
Roughly half of what they
thought they were worth.
80
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:19,655
Well, I feel sorry
for whoever has that job.
81
00:04:22,147 --> 00:04:25,045
- It's us...
- Of course it's us.
82
00:04:25,248 --> 00:04:29,852
Congratulations, boys, because those are
the faces that you're going to be seeing,
83
00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:32,051
and they'll look
something like...
84
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:34,700
That.
85
00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:47,397
(singsongy) Good news...
I got you... A new client.
86
00:04:47,465 --> 00:04:49,900
Is it the Tooth Fairy?
87
00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:53,660
(Normal voice) No. It's Tori,
Derrick, and Harvard's savings.
88
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,506
It's like... Like $1,200. I convinced
them to give it to you to invest
89
00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:59,165
instead of
throwing it away on scratchers.
90
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:03,398
I can't, babe. The firm's minimum
investment is $5 million.
91
00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:06,795
Well, can't you just, like, be a dude and
tack it on to somebody else's account?
92
00:05:06,796 --> 00:05:09,098
Just, like... just, like,
be a really cool dude?
93
00:05:09,132 --> 00:05:12,602
Okay, so when I go to prison
for financial fraud,
94
00:05:12,636 --> 00:05:16,458
I'll just tell my cellmate I'm in
for being, like, a real cool dude.
95
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,408
(Laughs) Wait a minute.
96
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:20,644
You won't make money for people
that you actually know,
97
00:05:20,678 --> 00:05:24,820
but you will make money
for client 867-5309?
98
00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:28,316
- That's a song. You know that.
- Mmhmm.
99
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:31,853
Plus... it's never a good idea
to invest your friends' money.
100
00:05:31,921 --> 00:05:35,523
Well, not a problem, 'cause
they don't consider you a friend.
101
00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:38,894
Come on. Please? I already told
them that you would help them.
102
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:41,030
Well, you lied,
because I can't.
103
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:45,168
Are you sure I can't
convince you?
104
00:05:45,236 --> 00:05:48,850
- Some of that's Monopoly money.
- Damn it, Harvard!
105
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,309
You rang?
106
00:05:53,589 --> 00:05:57,544
Oh. Yeah. Look. This is obviously a test
to determine who runs the new office,
107
00:05:57,545 --> 00:06:01,247
so I just wanna say, whatever happens,
I hope you crash and burn.
108
00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:05,980
Dude, thank you.
I hope you fall right on your face.
109
00:06:08,517 --> 00:06:09,780
Okay, so who do we got?
110
00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:13,292
Well, we have a nice lady,
and... white Gandhi.
111
00:06:15,545 --> 00:06:18,743
Oof. That guy is so old,
this news could literally kill him.
112
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,972
- I don't want to kill white Gandhi.
- (Scoffs) Oh, and I do?
113
00:06:20,973 --> 00:06:22,707
- You do? Thanks, man!
- Mnh... don't...
114
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:25,795
Hey, this is Michael Wen,
and he'll be going over your portfolio.
115
00:06:25,796 --> 00:06:27,589
Heyy...
116
00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:30,386
Lo... sir.
117
00:06:30,594 --> 00:06:32,661
Uh, let me ask you this...
financially speaking,
118
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:35,632
do you have any pre-existing
heart conditions?
119
00:06:41,738 --> 00:06:44,096
- Hello. I'm Brody Moyer.
- Nice to meet you.
120
00:06:44,097 --> 00:06:46,251
I'm afraid I have some
upsetting news for you.
121
00:06:46,252 --> 00:06:48,086
Oh, no. Is everything okay?
122
00:06:51,322 --> 00:06:53,185
Totally! Yeah! It's just...
123
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,463
it's... I didn't know
you were so... (Stammers) Tall.
124
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:58,840
What are you, like,
5'4 ", 5'5" -ski?
125
00:06:58,841 --> 00:07:01,947
(Laughs nervously) You're gonna have
a very tall baby... boy?
126
00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:05,767
And a girl. And another boy.
I'm having triplets. (Laughs)
127
00:07:06,785 --> 00:07:08,676
(High-pitched voice) No shit?
128
00:07:13,569 --> 00:07:17,102
- So? What did Brody say?
- Well, apparently there are rules.
129
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,205
Yeah, rule number one... guys like
him don't help guys like us.
130
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,342
Yeah. Rule number two...
your boyfriend's a jerk.
131
00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:27,858
But, you guys,
let me finish. Okay?
132
00:07:27,893 --> 00:07:30,739
He broke the rules because
he loves you guys,
133
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:34,186
which is why he bought you
a great stock.
134
00:07:34,198 --> 00:07:35,452
Wow, really? What stock?
135
00:07:35,453 --> 00:07:37,427
Yeah, what are the letters?
I'll look it up right now.
136
00:07:37,428 --> 00:07:39,302
The letters? Um...
137
00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:41,204
The... "J" and... and "B."
138
00:07:41,238 --> 00:07:45,341
JNB?
Japanese National Bank?
139
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:49,666
Yep. JNB.
No further questions.
140
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,250
- Okay.
- Oh my God, you guys, we're up a nickel!
141
00:07:54,686 --> 00:07:57,740
- Uh-oh! Now it's down 2 cents!
- (Both) No!
142
00:07:57,782 --> 00:07:59,489
- Oh, and now it's even.
- Oh, okay.
143
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,525
- Okay...
- Back up a nickel!
144
00:08:01,593 --> 00:08:03,227
- Yes! (Laughs)
- Yes!
145
00:08:03,261 --> 00:08:07,151
Man! The Stock Market is fun!
Does everybody know about this?
146
00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:12,784
Hey. Dude. How many
people have you told?
147
00:08:12,785 --> 00:08:15,153
Ah! Who keeps count? I do.
It's four.
148
00:08:15,284 --> 00:08:17,351
Well... yeah, well,
you got the easy ones.
149
00:08:17,352 --> 00:08:19,291
I have a ticking time bomb
in there, okay?
150
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,076
If I give her any bad news,
there's literally gonna be
151
00:08:21,077 --> 00:08:22,944
babies shooting all over
the place.
152
00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:27,781
Okay. Do you want me to tag in? I have
a very delicate touch with the preggos.
153
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,384
Yeah...
154
00:08:29,419 --> 00:08:31,582
You get this one,
I'll get the next two.
155
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:35,707
- Man, this is a hard day!
- Man, this is a great day!
156
00:08:36,707 --> 00:08:38,971
I love giving people
great news.
157
00:08:38,972 --> 00:08:41,141
How you doing destroying
people's lives?
158
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,433
Uh, you know, okay. It's...
Kinda gettin' warmed up.
159
00:08:45,434 --> 00:08:48,092
Looks like Mr. Wen
has handled...
160
00:08:48,439 --> 00:08:52,175
One, two, three, four cases,
and you've handled...
161
00:08:52,210 --> 00:08:55,578
Let me see if I can do
the arithmetic...
162
00:08:58,596 --> 00:08:59,716
Zero.
163
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:02,889
Yes. Well, in fairness, my client
is pregnant with triplets,
164
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,407
so she should count
as four.
165
00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:06,957
Alice, you are a peach,
and I wish you good luck.
166
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:08,185
Thank you, Threepeat.
167
00:09:08,196 --> 00:09:10,527
Hey... you're the real Threepeat.
(Elevator bell dings)
168
00:09:14,032 --> 00:09:17,634
Oh, no! He's so good
at his job!
169
00:09:20,071 --> 00:09:23,540
Look, I'm sorry, sir. This part
of the job is a little bit tough.
170
00:09:23,608 --> 00:09:27,180
Son, I'd love to pretend
I care,
171
00:09:27,181 --> 00:09:30,643
but I'm... I'm having such
a great day, I just can't do that.
172
00:09:34,952 --> 00:09:36,962
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.
173
00:09:36,963 --> 00:09:40,290
Hey, I'm sorry about before.
I'm kind of having a bad day.
174
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:42,092
Oh, well, then this will
make you feel better.
175
00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:46,106
Everyone downstairs loves you
for investing their money.
176
00:09:46,216 --> 00:09:48,131
Oh! That'd be great,
except one thing...
177
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:49,599
I didn't invest their money.
(Chuckles)
178
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,601
Oh, it's cool. I just...
I said that you did.
179
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:53,436
(Giggles) I just, like,
made up a stock name.
180
00:09:53,471 --> 00:09:55,271
(Laughs) JNB.
181
00:09:55,306 --> 00:09:57,774
JNB, like Japanese
National Bank?
182
00:09:59,243 --> 00:10:02,346
No. Like Jenny 'n' Brody.
183
00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:08,351
But you know that JNB
got acquired this morning.
184
00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:10,483
Their stock shot up 6,000%.
185
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:14,521
Oh. Sweet! They're really
gonna love you. (Laughs)
186
00:10:14,725 --> 00:10:18,001
Well, yeah, until they try
to cash in their fake stock.
187
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:20,460
- Oh, no!
- Look...
188
00:10:20,631 --> 00:10:22,098
Maybe they don't know.
189
00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:25,201
Boom!
190
00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:34,936
Can we buy them some
of that JNB stock now?
191
00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:39,040
Uh, yeah, now they can afford
one-quarter of one share.
192
00:10:40,476 --> 00:10:44,244
Not... if we bought it
yesterday,
193
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,514
if you know what I mean.
194
00:10:47,215 --> 00:10:50,619
Okay. Is what you mean,
"I want Brody to go to prison"?
195
00:10:51,778 --> 00:10:54,256
I don't know how things
go in your world,
196
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:57,192
but in my world, when
I screw up, I use a "meant-ta."
197
00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,360
Okay, I'll bite.
What's a "meant-ta"?
198
00:10:59,395 --> 00:11:01,829
It's what you do to get out
of paying, like, late fees.
199
00:11:01,864 --> 00:11:04,298
You know, you call your landlord
or your credit card company
200
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:08,068
and you say, "Hey, I didn't
pay on time, but I meant-ta."
201
00:11:09,571 --> 00:11:13,834
So you want me to call a broker
and see if he'll take a "meant-ta"?
202
00:11:13,835 --> 00:11:16,244
I mean, it's never
not worked for me.
203
00:11:16,278 --> 00:11:19,379
Okay. All right.
It's worth a shot.
204
00:11:24,453 --> 00:11:26,854
Hey, Dave, it's Brody
from Remington Trust.
205
00:11:26,888 --> 00:11:29,871
I have someone here who wants
to purchase some JNB stock
206
00:11:29,872 --> 00:11:34,018
at yesterday's prices using
something called a "meant-ta."
207
00:11:34,912 --> 00:11:36,312
You're kidding me?
208
00:11:38,877 --> 00:11:40,773
Dave wants to talk to you.
209
00:11:44,393 --> 00:11:45,929
Hey, Dave?
210
00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:48,077
You're an ass.
211
00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:55,065
Why don't you just go downstairs
and explain what you did,
212
00:11:55,066 --> 00:11:56,411
so they don't do
something stupid?
213
00:11:56,412 --> 00:11:59,900
Oh. You are so condescending.
You know what?
214
00:11:59,901 --> 00:12:02,583
Just 'cause someone downstairs
gets a little bit of money
215
00:12:02,584 --> 00:12:04,805
doesn't mean they're gonna
go crazy, okay?
216
00:12:08,177 --> 00:12:11,447
♪ Come with me...
217
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,582
♪ And you'll be...
218
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:20,389
♪ In a world of pure
imagination... ♪
219
00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:25,159
♪ Take a look and you'll see ♪
220
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,629
♪ Into your imagination
221
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:31,299
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
222
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,938
I know what you're thinking.
223
00:12:32,939 --> 00:12:36,704
You couldn't possibly know
what I'm thinking.
224
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:39,373
Maybe you're right.
I am new money, after all.
225
00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:44,992
- About a half hour old.
- Look, Harvard, we need to talk.
226
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:51,283
I believe what I have to discuss
is a little bit above your pay grade.
227
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,159
Aren't you gonna stop him?
228
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,962
Kinda want to see how this one
plays out, to be honest.
229
00:12:58,893 --> 00:13:01,795
Let's see here.
Peat, Peat, Peat...
230
00:13:01,829 --> 00:13:04,431
What's that spell?
"Threepeat."
231
00:13:04,465 --> 00:13:08,434
Dude! You are such a badass.
How are you doing this?
232
00:13:08,468 --> 00:13:10,600
I don't know. I guess I'm just
good at delivering bad news.
233
00:13:10,601 --> 00:13:13,159
- I treat it like a breakup.
- Who have you broken up with?
234
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,381
No... no one, but I have been
dumped dozens of times,
235
00:13:15,382 --> 00:13:18,517
and when they do it right,
I always walk away with a smile.
236
00:13:18,871 --> 00:13:21,619
Okay. Breakup...
I can do that.
237
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,869
Yeah. I'll just
give them the bad news
238
00:13:23,883 --> 00:13:26,508
like I dumped my high school
girlfriend my first day at Harvard.
239
00:13:26,509 --> 00:13:27,868
Talk about badass.
240
00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,854
Sorry, dude. When you sleep
with my best friend
241
00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:31,556
in my dad's old Jetta
on my birthday,
242
00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,021
I drop the hammer.
243
00:13:33,491 --> 00:13:35,044
Honestly...
(Elevator bell dings)
244
00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:37,628
I feel sorry for the next client
who comes through that elevator.
245
00:13:37,629 --> 00:13:41,146
I can't wait to find out how much
money you guys made me this year.
246
00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:43,247
Is that John McEnroe...?
247
00:13:44,768 --> 00:13:47,537
I can finally afford
to buy my dream.
248
00:13:47,571 --> 00:13:50,373
- The ostrich farm?
- Damn right, the ostrich farm.
249
00:13:50,407 --> 00:13:53,208
Hundreds of acres
of those flightless giants.
250
00:13:53,276 --> 00:13:56,870
Manny, this is why
I play tennis!
251
00:13:57,947 --> 00:13:59,614
So where's that genius Gersky?
252
00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:01,616
I'm afraid Gersky's
not with us right now.
253
00:14:01,684 --> 00:14:05,186
Mr. Moyer will be explaining
your portfolio to you.
254
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,274
(Voice trembling) Wh-a-at?
255
00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:09,418
You like ostriches?
256
00:14:09,624 --> 00:14:12,392
Yes, sir. They're low
cholesterol and delicious.
257
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:15,329
You would eat those
majestic creatures?
258
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,821
They mourn their dead, asshole!
259
00:14:21,058 --> 00:14:23,087
Johnny Mac!
260
00:14:23,256 --> 00:14:25,329
(High-pitched voice) Good luck!
261
00:14:29,278 --> 00:14:31,211
What are you doing
in my office,
262
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:34,272
and why in the hell are you
dressed like Mr. Peanut?
263
00:14:35,393 --> 00:14:36,672
Bup-bup-bup.
264
00:14:36,698 --> 00:14:40,080
Continue with that tone, and
I will take my business elsewhere.
265
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:43,050
Now what business do you think
that you and I have together?
266
00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:47,546
Well, I am the proud owner
of not one, not two...
267
00:14:47,547 --> 00:14:50,371
actually it is two...
shares of JNB.
268
00:14:50,609 --> 00:14:56,682
Are you familiar with it? I purchased it
this morning, and it's already up 6,000%.
269
00:14:58,568 --> 00:15:00,535
I, um, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you,
270
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,093
and you're probably gonna
wanna sit down.
271
00:15:03,239 --> 00:15:05,039
- Not behind my desk.
- Ooh.
272
00:15:06,608 --> 00:15:10,512
Trading in JNB has been suspended
pending a fraud inquiry,
273
00:15:10,546 --> 00:15:14,115
and the shares have plummeted in
after-hours trading on the Nikkei.
274
00:15:15,383 --> 00:15:17,590
Tell me something
I don't know. (Laughs)
275
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,519
Like, um...
276
00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:22,095
What any of that means.
I don't know what that means.
277
00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:24,344
- Your stock is worthless.
- What?
278
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:26,625
- You don't have a penny.
- Uh... (Stammers)
279
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:27,891
You're flat broke.
280
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,130
- Add to cart, add to cart, buy the cart!
- Uhhuh. Yeah.
281
00:15:36,131 --> 00:15:38,148
Hey, guys, we need to talk.
282
00:15:38,149 --> 00:15:39,969
Yeah, not now.
Did you know you could buy
283
00:15:40,003 --> 00:15:43,129
all this stuff off of Skymall
even if you're not on a plane?
284
00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:46,331
I'm buying a toaster
with a compass in it.
285
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:49,612
Uh, listen, um, there's something
that I need to tell you.
286
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:53,155
You're not gonna believe this!
JNB tanked!
287
00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:54,876
- What?! What are you talking about?
- Yeah.
288
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:56,441
Just talked
to my money guy.
289
00:15:57,569 --> 00:16:01,928
We lost everything. I sold my hat
to Mansfield for 50 cents!
290
00:16:01,929 --> 00:16:03,526
- Damn!
- Yeah, I mean, how...
291
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,027
- I can't believe I'm poor again!
- Oh, my God!
292
00:16:05,061 --> 00:16:07,628
- It's over! That's it!
- Guys, hey!
293
00:16:07,629 --> 00:16:11,969
It's okay, 'cause Brody didn't invest
your money, so you didn't lose anything!
294
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,971
'Cause I held on to it.
Look. Hey!
295
00:16:14,023 --> 00:16:17,072
It's right here.
"Yay, Jenny," right?! (Laughs)
296
00:16:17,115 --> 00:16:19,249
Jenny! Jenny!
297
00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:22,358
Can I use a "meant-ta"?
298
00:16:22,742 --> 00:16:25,313
No, you can't-ta.
299
00:16:26,622 --> 00:16:28,613
But... but I didn't do anything.
300
00:16:28,681 --> 00:16:30,748
You let us think we were rich
when we weren't.
301
00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:32,516
Okay, I did do that.
302
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:35,485
You told us to act like adults and
then you treated us like children.
303
00:16:35,574 --> 00:16:37,608
Yeah, I did that, too.
304
00:16:37,695 --> 00:16:40,357
Said you were gonna buy
a piece of land in Montana
305
00:16:40,391 --> 00:16:43,560
so we could build a house
together and start over.
306
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:46,696
(Clicks tongue) Yeah,
that I did not do.
307
00:16:46,824 --> 00:16:48,460
No, but I'll tell you
what you did do.
308
00:16:48,461 --> 00:16:50,501
You broke our trust and you
broke our hearts.
309
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,125
And I can't even cry about it
right now
310
00:16:53,126 --> 00:16:57,172
because I sold my pocket square
for a nickel! (Slams nickel on desk)
311
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:10,423
Sir.
312
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,058
What was the final tally?
313
00:17:12,093 --> 00:17:14,261
Well, Threepeat broke
the news to 19 clients,
314
00:17:14,295 --> 00:17:18,246
and I... got yelled at
for two hours by John McEnroe.
315
00:17:20,094 --> 00:17:22,996
You would not believe it,
but that guy's got a temper.
316
00:17:22,997 --> 00:17:24,438
Well...
317
00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:26,473
Johnny Mac hates losing.
318
00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:29,290
Tell you the truth, that's why
I stopped playing him in tennis.
319
00:17:29,324 --> 00:17:31,224
You beat him at tennis?
320
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:35,109
Of course not.
It's John frickin' McEnroe!
321
00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:40,748
You were well off your game
today, Mr. Moyer.
322
00:17:40,749 --> 00:17:42,712
I know, I know, and I'm sorry
I let you down.
323
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:45,424
I just couldn't give those
people any bad news.
324
00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:48,374
- Why do you think I didn't do it myself?
- Because it's hard?
325
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,432
Oh, give me a break.
I do hard things every day.
326
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:52,510
Just this morning I strapped
a 100-pound weight to my ankle
327
00:17:52,511 --> 00:17:56,380
and I jumped into the deep end of
my pool to play my favorite game...
328
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,359
Stay alive.
329
00:18:01,492 --> 00:18:05,178
- Well, then why didn't you do it?
- Because it sucks.
330
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:07,915
Those... those accounts
aren't just numbers.
331
00:18:07,949 --> 00:18:10,818
They're people.
And telling them bad things
332
00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:12,920
that affect their families
and their lives...
333
00:18:12,987 --> 00:18:15,122
- It eats you up.
- Hmm.
334
00:18:15,182 --> 00:18:16,883
Unless you're dead inside.
335
00:18:16,925 --> 00:18:19,627
Mr. Mansfield, I dropped
the bomb on all the clients,
336
00:18:19,661 --> 00:18:22,963
and then I told Jeffries that he's never
gonna make manager and fired a coffee guy.
337
00:18:22,964 --> 00:18:24,765
I'm on a roll. (Chuckles)
338
00:18:25,221 --> 00:18:26,789
Good for you, Mr. Wen.
339
00:18:29,071 --> 00:18:31,055
- Dead inside.
- Right.
340
00:18:31,873 --> 00:18:33,541
Yeah, but he did beat my ass.
341
00:18:33,575 --> 00:18:35,509
Yes, he did. He kicked it
up and down the street.
342
00:18:35,543 --> 00:18:38,337
If your ass was a drum,
he'd be Ringo.
343
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,440
If your ass
was the Chicago Cubbies,
344
00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:43,785
he'd be every other team
in the National League.
345
00:18:45,002 --> 00:18:48,256
Yes, I get it, my ass is any
number of easily beaten things.
346
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:50,926
- And Threepeat won.
- No. No.
347
00:18:50,993 --> 00:18:52,995
I'm gonna call it a tie,
and I'll tell you why.
348
00:18:53,021 --> 00:18:54,985
- Hmm?
- Because you have heart.
349
00:18:55,098 --> 00:18:58,057
You can learn or I can teach you
any number of things in this business,
350
00:18:58,058 --> 00:19:01,796
but I'll be honest with you...
I can't teach you heart.
351
00:19:02,855 --> 00:19:05,573
Yeah. I guess I got
a little heart.
352
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,713
- Ah, crap.
- What's wrong?
353
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,248
I gotta go apologize
to some people downstairs.
354
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:13,817
Oh, say, I'm... I'm having
dinner with John McEnroe.
355
00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:17,086
- Would you like to trade with me?
- No, thank you!
356
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:22,859
Guys, come on.
357
00:19:22,893 --> 00:19:26,515
I'm so sorry, and I-I don't
know how else to say it.
358
00:19:26,851 --> 00:19:30,505
Yeah, well, I think it's time
we tell you how we really feel.
359
00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:33,874
- I love you.
- Harvard, man... come on, dude.
360
00:19:34,022 --> 00:19:36,383
What? We were all thinking it.
361
00:19:36,922 --> 00:19:39,077
Hey, guys, can I talk
to you for a second?
362
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,414
Babe, what are you
doing down here?
363
00:19:40,415 --> 00:19:42,547
Uh, uh... I-I just want
to tell you guys something.
364
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:44,173
I learned something today.
365
00:19:44,174 --> 00:19:47,001
You know, it's really easy to lose
sight of what's important in business.
366
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,435
- Cut to the chase!
- Come on, man.
367
00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:50,036
I'm underwater on a cane!
368
00:19:50,037 --> 00:19:52,157
Hey, guys, come on, come on.
369
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,947
Can you seriously
get to the good stuff?
370
00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:57,173
All right, fine. Uh, I invested
your $1,200 for you...
371
00:19:57,174 --> 00:19:59,598
(Clicks mouse) And you
can watch it right here.
372
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,166
- What?
- Yeah.
373
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,634
Oh, my God, we're up.
374
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,264
- What? Okay...
- Ha ha ha ha! Yeah!
375
00:20:04,265 --> 00:20:05,687
- Hit refresh, hit refresh!
- Holy...
376
00:20:05,688 --> 00:20:06,889
- Yeah!
- Still up!
377
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:09,407
- Yeah! (Laughing)
- Whoo!
378
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,909
Wow. Hon, what did you
invest in?
379
00:20:12,977 --> 00:20:17,694
It's a fixed-rate cd set in at 2%.
It's like a savings account.
380
00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:22,721
Your friends are literally gonna be
watching a straight line for 15 years.
381
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,565
Thank you.
382
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:44,841
♪ If you want to view
paradise ♪
383
00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:48,411
♪ Simply look around
and view it ♪
384
00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:52,082
♪ Anything you want to,
do it ♪
385
00:20:52,546 --> 00:20:54,351
♪ Want to change the world
386
00:20:54,385 --> 00:20:58,388
♪ there's nothing to it
387
00:21:01,853 --> 00:21:04,853
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