Original subtitles

Three Men and a Ghost

Hello!Hello!You again? Stop harassing me!

If you keep this up, I'll call the police.

Good, do that,

so I can tell them when someone wins a prize contest

he should receive the goods in the time stated by the contest rules!

Mr. Manfredi, you've already received the prize.

I don't mean the cookware.

Hold the line.

- Hello. - It's everything?

Queen-size quilt in merino wool,

set of ceramic knives,

curling iron, electric ice crusher,

filtering pitcher.

Done, goodbye.

Hello?

I'm sorry, but I can't waste time on the phone with you.

Last year, through your company, I won a set of fine luggage

that still hasn't arrived.

The fine luggage is marked as delivered!

You admit there were five! But I got just three.

I'm missing two!

A loss of 2,245,000!

You dabble as a builder

with my money, my father's capital!

Darling, you underrate the risks an entrepreneur like me has to consider.

An entrepreneur like you?

You're just a jerk!

Give thanks for our son or I'd kick you back to the dregs.

Don't be so nasty, you'll feel sorry later.

All I'm sorry about is marrying an inept fool like you.

But I swear,

the next screw-up I'll crack your skull and send you to the hospital!

To the hospital...

Colleagues,

before us is the most extraordinary case in medical history.

The world's only human being with two hearts.

The second organ could be a rare case of parasitic twinning.

The most fascinating theory is Prof. Melville's at Houston University,

he argues the additional organ

may step in if the first stops.

So, according to Melville, this man could live twice?

No, it's extremely improbable.

It's my opinion

that the additional organ should be reserved for donation.

He's waking up!

Mr. Ferrante,

shall we remove that other heart?

Referee! Wait!

Go forward!

You gotta get over there!

No one called it!

Lacking the fundamentals.

Go for the goal!

If this keeps up, we won't win even one game in this tournament.

It's my fault, I'm not with it.

Yesterday my wife sent me to the hospital again, three stitches.

The right number for the tournament.

- Women take patience. - I resolved it, I left home.

Where did you sleep? Again in your Smart car.

Next week I'm buying a station wagon, so I can stretch my legs out.

Francsco, with your wife, use your head...

She'll get over it fast!

- What are all those packets? - Potato chips.

- You sellin' them? - Nah, I bought them.

A small investment for a prize contest I'm having a tough time with.

- You, the king of prize contests? - Yeah, the king!

I made this small investment, you know

I've won contests at the international level.

My house is full of valuable prizes!

But I'm proudest of the 70 garden dwarfs.

- Isn't it 7 dwarfs? - I won 10 times.

I may have two hearts, but your ass is really too much!

Not a winner.

Not a winner.

Not a winner...

Not a winner.

Not a winner...

Not a winner...

Can you open them more quietly?

You open with no passion, no love! We'll never win!

The paper should be pampered.

- Not a winner. - Forget it, it's not your craft.

What could you win in this contest?

What we're going to win, you mean!

This time I thought of all three.

A weekend in a 16th century luxury villa

with all comforts at our disposal!

- Total relax. - Total relax?

Total relax!

Before us, nothing, behind us, zero! Nothing to the side!

A wicked weekend ride!

Actually, it sounds very tempting.

If my wife would let me come.

- Didn't you leave home? - Until my wife decides I return.

Guys, this is the last bag of chips.

I bought them all, I spent a ton of money.

Not to know your business, but with all the money you spent,

wasn't it best to book the trip directly?

It's not the same.

Nothing like arriving as a winner! Want to be a simple tourist?

- Do I open? - Open.

Darn it, goodbye trip.

Shitty contest!

We should leave, a storm's coming.

I have another night in the Smart.

Maybe at your house... Guys!

Thanks for the hospitality! Great friends...

Let's go.

Come on.

Mimmo?

Mimmo?

Guys!

- The potato chip bag. - And so?

After all the money I threw away,

that has to be the winning bag.

- And if it weren't? - It were, I feel it.

- And now? - A mugging.

- A mugging? - Exactly.

- From the child? - It's easy.

"Like taking candy from a baby".

- Those are chips. - Even easier.

- Francesco, can you drive a scooter? - Sure, but we have a car.

We'd be the first in Naples to mug by car.

We'll count on Lello's speed, he'll do the mugging.

Are you crazy? Lello's got a sick heart!

A sick guy has something less, I have something more.

Stop making me the goalie.

With two hearts, I can run double, one tires, the other takes over.

- That's bullshit. - Think Prof. Melville is stupid!

He's stupid!

Can we get on with muggin' this child? A little concentration!

- Francesco, get in the car. - What are we doing?

Lello, watch her eat those chips.

When she brings the chips to her mouth

she leaves the bag unattended for 5/100 of a second.

That's when you mug her.

On my three, we raise hell.

Three!

You picked the worst day to leave.

I didn't pick it, the dates were Friday to Sunday.

I think we're lost, we've been going in circles for hours.

- I'm following Mimmo's directions. - Follow them faster.

It's not my fault it's pouring

or you'd rather we drive into a ravine?

Yeah, a ravine's better,

at least somethin' happens.

This vacation's already stressin' me out.

- Turn right. - Turn.

- It's my car. - But I'm driving.

I'm still the commander.

- Turn left. - Again?

This trip's beatin' me up.

Think it's easy to drive with this dude sittin' here?

The rain hasn't stopped one minute!

All we need is for the car to stop in this downpour.

You broke it? You said "stop" and it did.

Don't go there! You're sayin' it's my fault?

- Then whose is it? - This clunker's.

It's pure perfection, never seen a mechanic in twenty years.

- Not even for an oil change? - Never!

It didn't stop, it committed suicide!

Guys, the car won't start.

What do we do?

I knew it, I knew it...

I knew it!

If you knew it, why didn't you say so sooner?

I didn't want to be the usual party pooper.

Save your breath, the road's long and tortuous.

Guys, I say we're lost.

If you'd kept quiet, we wouldn't be in this mess.

You don't have any idea where we're going, say so!

Since you know everything, you take the lead.

Okay, no problem.

I saw right, there was a hole.

Why didn't you say so sooner?

I didn't want to be the usual party pooper.

Can I get a hand at least?

Come and see. We're not lost!

It was the right road, I felt it.

Look!

Up close, this villa's disappointing.

The picture on the brochure was taken in daylight.

When you arrive at night on vacation, it all seems ugly,

then, in the morning, it all gets sorted out.

Let's go! Come on baby.

No one's here to welcome us?

There'll be a welcome cocktail inside.

Let's go in.

Not even a bell, an intercom, nothing!

This is a 16th century villa, you knock.

The winners are here!

Careful, are you an idiot?

Good grief.

We're staying just one weekend and you brought a set of suitcases?

It's not a set, it's a threesome.

All this filth will be beautiful tomorrow too?

Sunlight can work miracles.

We're here! The winners of the Crick Crock Potato Chip Contest.

The honest winners.

Is anyone here?

We're sure this is the right place?

Do I have this straight? We stole a child's chips, despicable act,

to end up in this cesspit?

to end up in this cesspit?

Cesspit... tomorrow morning...

I knew it, I knew it...

The level crossing's active.

Let's call the agency and have them change lodgings.

- At this hour? - They answer 24/7.

31 hours a day?

- Mimmo, give me the number. - 2400.

2400, then?

Actually it's 800-800-800, but 2400 is faster.

- Are you on drugs? - Yes.

- You are? - I ingest jelly.

Jelly morning, noon and night! Full throttle!

We're on vacation, it's jelly-time, no-limits!

Incredible!

Welcome to "Crick Chips"!

Our offices are open Monday to Friday from 9...

- Closed. - It's no time to call.

What time is it?

We got here at 9, it must be 9:30.

It's midnight!

Midnight?

What a scare!

Answer, must be the agency.

Tell 'em off!

We want new lodgings, tell 'em!

Or my wife's lawyers will be over tomorrow, tell 'em!

They're in for a nasty time, tell 'em!

- I'll get them shut down, tell 'em! - Why don't you, since you say it so well?

You have two hearts, maybe your voice is more powerful.

Take me for Pavarotti?

Hello?

- Who is it? - I can't figure out.

Mama, no time left, he's coming!

Who?

Go to hell!

Idiot phone pranks!

Phone pranks always work, eh?

We jumped right out of...

As a kid, I'd always prank the same lady,

every night, always the same time: "Ma'am, got water?"

"Yes". "Do a bidet!"

And I'd hang up.

But the lady was French and didn't have a bidet.

See ya.

Don't you have the feeling something's not right?

Meaning?

Do you believe in the paranormal?

Guys, a gong!

You said paranormal? Think that's normal?

Nothin'.

Nothin' here.

Nothin' here.

Nothin' anywhere.

- We'll starve in this house. - You're so dramatic!

Relax, we're on vacation! Instead of being glad!

You're far from your wife, him, from hospitals.

Mimmo's right.

We're in the middle of nowhere, if we leave, where do we go?

I know, but I'm hungry.

You're gonna forget you're hungry.

Pink coca paste.

Cut well, you get about 10 grams apiece.

Block of Lebanese hash, a high level "opian".

Opiate.

Pee it or pee it not.

The atomic bomb.

Ecstasy, 1980s pellets.

I'll give you a little vintage.

- Where did you get that? - I said I "win-tage".

At the Christmas raffle first prize was a basket of drugs.

We gotta kill ourselves? End up like the Nirvana?

You had us drive around with all these drugs, risking arrest?

- The police! - It's a wolf.

- I'm going. - Where? That's a wolf!

- We already said, it's a wolf. - Just a German shepherd with chutzpah.

It's out of my hands.

I'm just too courageous, I gotta go.

Lello, where are you going?

My hearts decide for me.

Don't go!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Go to your place, stop!

Be good, Bobby!

Guys, it was a wolf!

What did you expect, a duck?

- Good grief. - My head's spinnin'...

- Raise his feet. - No, his head's spinnin', stop his head.

- It's a circulation problem. - It's a rotation problem.

- I'll raise his feet. - I'll stop his head.

- Wait, he can't breathe. - Put him down.

Take him like this, raise...

Put him down.

Turn him over.

You're strangling me...

Turn this way.

Turn him this way.

How many are you?

The wolf didn't kill me, but you are.

What happened? Tell us.

A pack of wolves.

- Just one, he got me here. - It wanted neckin'.

Necking?

You're all ripped.

Don't worry, I'm not injured, I was lucky.

He could have hurt me! I'll go change.

A hot bath and I'm good as new.

- Want to take one together? - Meaning?

Hot bath, you and me in the same tub.

We splash each other.

We soap up, front and back,

us two, what do you say?

- Are you gay? - Yes.

- You are? - Yes.

- Weren't you on drugs? - Before, now I'm gay.

We're on vacation, gotta have fun!

On vacation there's no difference, men, women, animals.

Are you kidding?

Then back in Naples, normal people, respectable.

Bath together?

No!

Will you come with me?

I'll go get doped.

He's coming.

He's coming.

Mimmo?

Lello?

Guys?

Are you crazy, coming from behind?

Where should I come from, the sky?

- Did you hear that noise? - What noise? That...

- Yeah, did you hear it? - No.

- No? You said... - No.

Take a suggestive, unwind.

I should take a suggestive?

- How about a joint? - A joint?

I wouldn't want it to contrast the half a bottle of whiskey.

- Half a bottle of whiskey? - That's what I found.

- You're an alcoholic? - Yes.

You're an alcoholic, you're gay, you're everything.

We're on vacation, livers get treated like they're not ours!

Our livers have to go back to Naples by ambulance, in a wheelbarrow.

- Who gives a damn about livers! - Gonna do this joint or not?

No.

I already did it, chico!

Oh, brother!

- This poison's great. - It was years since I had a joint.

You should have more fun.

How long have we known each other? This is our first vacation together.

What are you saying? You have a short memory.

1996, opening of the Cocoricò, Riccione.

You didn't come, your wife said no.

- Why? - She's a pain in the ass.

True.

2001, Crete.

You and your wife went alone, Lello and me didn't go.

Why? Because she's a pain in the ass.

Since you met Margherita, you've balled-up as a man,

you're ball-ast,

You're a ball-oon man.

Nice, what is it?

- A piano. - Sure, but who's playing?

- Must be Lello. - Lello plays the piano?

At school he played the flute.

A flute's not a piano.

Yeah, this is a flute... this is a piano.

Harp, guitar, drums,

castanets...

With this movement, you can play all instruments.

Nice, who's playing?

You!

Me?

- Him? - Who's playing?

- Come out here! - Get back inside!

If it's a monster, you invite him here?

It's no monster? I'll go see.

No, you already got beat by a wolf, want more?

- I'm going! - Luchi!

Knock it off!

I have two hearts, and things like this give me a rush of adrenaline!

Nothing can happen to a guy like me.

Melville's Theory.

One heart stops, the other takes over.

That's a load of shit!

Relax, it's just a cat.

- Cats play the piano? - Yeah, cats have seven notes.

Seven lives!

Then who's playing the piano?

I don't care, I'm not staying here one minute more.

Where are you going?

Stop, c'mon! Please!

Do what you want, I'm leaving!

- All our stuff's in there. - I don't care.

We'll have them forward it.

Wait, where are you going?

What do I do with all these drugs, freeze 'em?

Finally!

Let's go, there must be a road, some houses.

Gonna cross the cemetery at night?

I told you, do what you want.

Oh, my God!

- My God! - What happened?

What a babe!

- Look at those boobs! - How can you think of that now?

She's been dead at least 50 years.

Age has never been a problem for me.

That's necrophilia.

If you're "Necro". If you're white, it's "whiteophilia", a minor crime.

Besides, we're on vacation!

Bye, love.

As soon as I check out, I'll check in, don't move.

I can't see a thing,

no roads, no houses.

And a storm's on its way.

"On its way" doesn't mean it'll rain right now.

Let's go, I won't be stopped by a few raindrops.

Let's hope the wolves don't wake up.

Let's go back!

Sometimes I think I suck.

Can't hear a sound.

We're even deaf now!

I can't hear the piano!

The only thing left to do is wait for sunrise.

Good grief, those words are terrible.

Glad you said it and not Lello or tomorrow we'd all wake up dead.

Since we're a little nervous,

we won't sleep together, we'll take shifts. I'll start.

It's my first time sleeping in a house with ghosts!

- Ghosts don't exist. - So who was playing the piano?

The cat, okay? The cat was playing!

Good night.

- Francesco... - Touching me?

Want to sleep together?

This vacation is going to your head. Good night.

Good night.

Lello, who's turnin' lights on and off? I can't sleep.

Lights on and off? It must have been a short-circuit.

I already have a splitting headache,

gotta be this aged spumante I'm drinkin'.

- Where was it? - In the kitchen.

It's not aged, it's now vinegar. Disgusting!

Good.

Why not go to sleep? Your shift's about to start.

Already? What time is it?

- Midnight. - Still?

No!

No!

I said no!

What kind of demand is that?

Okay, I can do that.

Hang up and I'll send it.

My crazy wife doesn't believe we're alone, she wants a picture.

Her technique is infallible: fill 'em then bust 'em

- What's that? - Balls.

It's normal. She's in love with her man, so she's jealous.

Let's not touch the subject.

Let's take this picture and get to bed, it's past midnight.

It's not past anything, it's been midnight since we set foot here.

Let's take this selfie!

Mimmo, no smiles or she'll think we're having fun.

So, we're havin' fun?

All the more reason, smiling puts him in difficulty.

Then it's not a selfie, okay? A selfie without a smile isn't a selfie.

It's a normal photo.

With this selfie you won't get even one follower.

Done.

- Good grief! - I'll send it.

Sent.

- What stress! - What stress.

You should leave a woman like that, immediately.

Huh? Their baby's just a few months old.

Well, actually....

Actually what?

I'm certain Margherita cheated on me.

You hired a private investigator?

- Even more certain. - A public investigator?

- How many years have we known each other? - Three, four...

Thirty years!

We've always confided everything, right?

Everything!

There's something I never told you.

It's always embarrassed me,

that baby can't be mine, I'm sterile.

That's terrible. Have you tried Viagra?

He said "sterile" not "impotent".

Anyway we're talking about serious things, unresolvable.

My father was sterile.

Try as I may, I can't take that child in my arms.

Normal, that child's not his!

She's an incredible bitch, a bitch at the industrial level,

a bitch like never before.

What's the difference? Children belong to those who raise them.

Leaving her would be the best solution,

but my hands are tied, everything's in her name.

You married her for money, and she's not even old and dyin'.

I know, I screwed-up and don't know how to get out of it.

Right, you screwed-up.

Incredible, look at the text she sent, that psychopath.

"Who's that slut behind you?"

I was behind you, so I'd be the slut?

She's really brazen,

all things are excusable, but manners...

I wanna faint too! Please, make me faint!

These bastards fainted right off.

Please, don't hurt me.

I'm a good person.

You're the child at the park,

the one we stole the chips from.

They did it, that's why they fainted and I didn't.

Please little girl, take them and leave me.

Good evening. License and registration, please.

Make it fast, I'm in a hurry.

Stay calm, it takes the time it takes.

Hello, is everything alright?

Yes, everything's fine.

Where are you going, all alone at this hour?

To a party.

You don't seem in a party mood.

In fact, it's a gang bang.

I'm going to catch my sleazeball husband.

He didn't even realize I downloaded an app on his phone

that tells me exactly where he is. There he is, the asshole.

Ma'am, you can go.

Don't kill anyone tonight.

How dare you? Who do you take me for?

Unreal!

Poor husband, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes tonight.

Think those apps really work?

No, never mind.

Help!

Help!

Francesco, Lello!

My head's bustin', help me!

Guys!

Francesco! Lello!

Francesco! Lello!

Help me!

What's going on?

Where are we?

Help!

Mimmo, what happened?

Help!

What's that on your head? Take it off!

What's that on your head? Take it off!

Are you crazy? My head will burst!

Look, there's a lock.

- Who did this? - The little girl.

- Who did this? - The little girl.

The little girl at the park.

The one we stole the chips from, she's getting revenge.

How can such a harmless child do all this?

Harmless? She's a demon!

It's true, now I remember,

we saw her and we fainted.

Like dumbbells! If not for me, you'd both be down here.

You're right, but we'd have done the same for you.

As soon as I saw you were in danger,

I didn't hesitate one second.

I said: "Little girl! Leave them and take me".

Lello, the key!

Where are you going? Get the key!

You're the child at the park, the one we stole the chips from.

They did it, that's why they fainted and I didn't.

Please little girl, take them and leave me.

Did we hear that right?

To hear the message again, press one.

To delete the message, press two.

Two, press two!

One.

Please little girl, take them and leave me.

Lello, let's go. He deserves to die down here.

Please guys! Lello, the key.

Francesco, I can't let him die down there.

I have too much heart!

Well done!

He's a real friend, not a traitor like you.

If we get out alive, I never want to see you again.

Okay, you'll never see me again, but please, get the key.

What do you want from me?

The demon gave you the key.

- He put it in my pocket? - No.

It's inside you.

- He made me swallow it? - No.

He made a hole and put it under my skin?

You already had the hole.

Where did he put that key?

Believe me, it was a horrific scene, indescribable.

It wouldn't go in, the demon pushed and pushed...

Indescribable? You're describing a hairy picture.

Right, he even had to wax him.

That's enough, shut up!

You have to wait a few days till I use the toilet.

- A few days? - I'm constipated!

Strain yourself, I need the key!

What do we do?

The demon thought of everything. What's that glove for?

Right... why do I have this glove?

No... no!

He can croak down there, I'm keeping the key!

Go, he did his own anesthesia.

- I have to get the key? - I'm helmeted.

Yeah, for roller derby.

I'll help you, but I won't forget that phone call.

Forgive me guys, I'm mortified.

You can't see it, but I made a fantastic mortified face.

Even a key chain!

I can't wait to see your face, jerk.

What we become...

No, he's alive.

- When will he come out of anesthesia? - Who knows!

Yup...

Don't think about it, it stays with us three.

Just youthful folly and can happen on vacation.

It was the first time, then you get used to it.

Get used to it?

I'm calling the police.

To say what? A demon used your ass as a key chain?

Shut up!

Police, good evening.

Good evening, my name's Lello Ferrante,

I'm on a pleasure trip with two friends

in an abandoned villa, we've been abducted.

Calm down.

- Where are they now? - Who?

- The kidnappers.- No kidnappers!

We're hostages of a little girl!

A little girl is holding three adult men in hostage?

Yes, it's a long story.

We mugged her by mistake

and now she's taking revenge.

Let's get this straight. You are three adult men,

you're in an abandoned villa and the little girl is holding you hostage.

Confirm!

They'll take us for pedophiles.

Mr. Ferrante!

Mr. Ferrante!

See where this call came from.

- It's a woman. - A woman?

- Dark hair and dark eyes? - Yes.

It's Wendy,

the call girl I got for some fun, it was a surprise.

Let's let her in.

Let her in? And if she's demonized too?

She's "wantonized", I know her! Let's open the door.

If she came by car she could be our salvation.

- Want to leave? - You don't?

- It's all paid-for. - You've made enough screwed-ups.

We'll handle this. Lello, open the door.

Believe me, it's a real shame.

It's freezing outside!

This house is wonderful! You live here?

No, it's not mine.

Please, this way Ma'am.

Call me Wendy.

Who's Mimmo?

Me!

Mimmo,Mimmo,Mimmo,Mimmo.

Wendy,Wendy,Wendy.

A question, did you see any random wolves?

The only randy wolves I've seen tonight are you three.

I told you it was a shame!

What are your intentions? Want to...

Yes!

Well? Who's first?

Or all three together?

If it's the same price, all three together.

I'm undecided.

While you decide,

I'll go to the bedroom, where is it?

To the right, up the stairs.

Right again, then to the right.

Guys, tonight I'll show her stars.

- Weren't you gay? - Before, now I'm an astrologist.

Donato?

- Wendy, all okay?- Yes, I'm upstairs, everything's fine.

- I'll be done in half an hour. - Any danger?

No!

They're so low-key, three twits.

Make it fast, it's scary out here, pitch black!

Find a distraction, listen to music, join a chat.

Or get out and walk around.

But this is a swamp and it's cold!

Donato!

Donato?

Hello, Wendy? Good grief this thing!

Help!

Who is it?

I'm in here, help!

Where?

- You're in there? - Yes.

How did you get in there?

- They put me here. - They?

Those three, they abducted me, they're keeping me prisoner.

Please, save me, take me with you.

They're crazy, help!

- Wendy... - Here they come!

It's them, run!

That's Wendy!

Since you've seen others suffer, cry,

now by your hands, one must die.

The game is yours to play as pleased

so with blood, my thirst for revenge

will be appeased.

I've had it!

- I can't take it anymore. - Where are you going?

The bathroom, I shit in my pants.

Did you hear the demon?

- Done already? - I'm constipated so I'm fast.

Did you wash your hands?

There's no time for that.

You could have rinsed at least!

- Did you hear what he said? - He wants a human sacrifice!

If we have to sacrifice a hand, let's sacrifice Lello's!

Human sacrifice, we have to kill someone!

Who? The call girl's already dead!

Look what a crap situation we're in!

All for a damned bag of potato chips!

It's your fault!

At your age, instead of getting a job, you run after prize contests!

You should die!

Thank Lello, were it up to me, you'd have died inside that helmet!

- Don't helmets save lives? - Fuck off!

- I can't understand. - No one understands when a person cries!

- I can't understand. - No one understands when a person cries!

Or I'd have laughed.

I understand perfectly, you want me dead.

I'll make you happy.

No problem, it's my fault?

I'll sacrifice myself for you.

But don't come to see me dead on the floor!

I'm off to die!

Impossible to die here, I wanted to jump but this is the ground floor.

The call girl used the only noose.

I need a box cutter, a knife,

something to cut myself...

You walk around with a knife? Think you're in the savannah?

- Where did you get it? - The kitchen, for defense.

You take knives like that from people's homes?

If he wants bruschetta tomorrow, what'll he do?

I'm off to die!

Where's the jugular?

Here.

Yeah, he knows it all!

A friggin' professor!

No use hiding, you little slut!

I'm leaving you here with two idiots.

I'm off to die!

It won't cut!

You took the only knife that won't cut!

I can't go through with killing myself,

maybe you can tell, I don't have the courage.

We can tell very well. I'll kill myself.

Maybe that's best for me.

Even if we get out of this alive, no one's waiting at home.

You have a wife and son!

It's not his son.

That's why I should kill myself.

I'd rather die here than die slowly with that lunatic.

Where are you going? Killing yourself with your bare hands? Take the knife.

- You said it doesn't cut. - This side... on the other, it cuts.

Got more advice?

It's a bit rusty, but anyway...

- Know what you are? - A piece of shit.

Right.

- No! - No, I'm not a piece of shit!

Yes, you are

but he shouldn't die.

None of us should die! We're Neapolitan, a little creativity!

He asked for a sacrifice?

We'll take an animal and kill it. A wolf!

It's full of wolves around here!

- Won't the demon realize it's a wolf? - We'll disguise it!

Red Riding Hood didn't realize that in the bed

was the wolf disguised as a grandmother!

That was a fairy tale, we're in the presence of a demon!

Then who do we kill?

Open up, asshole!

I know you're in there.

- My wife! - Asshole!

Let's open!

Let it be clear, no one touches my wife!

I found you!

The door!

Surprised? I didn't interrupt an orgy, did I?

Let me in here.

This would be the luxury 5-star resort?

Very nice, my compliments.

You're just a sideshow freak.

What a disappointment!

There's the other one, the king of prize quizzes, a born loser.

How did you end up like this? You could have saved yourself.

Instead you'll return to the slums with your wretched parents.

You're such a jerk!

This time you served it on a silver platter.

My lawyers were just waiting to ruin you.

Mr. Entrepreneur,

as of tomorrow, you'll have to find a real job.

Oh, she's in there. Move!

What did you do?

She's dead, you're all murderers!

- What are you doing? - Calling the police.

Get rid of the bodies.

- He makes the mess and we gotta clean up? - He's in shock.

Not so fast!

It's heavy.

What weight!

If we'd cut 'em up, it was lighter.

I'm here.

Happy? We did the sacrifice, what more do you want?

What do you want? Let us go!

Ready.

Let's dump 'em in.

It's too small, they're not pigeons!

I can't do it, I'm done in.

Take the shovel, you've got two hearts.

Two hearts, not four arms.

Let's leave them here, they'll sink down.

- Yeah, it's quicksand. - I'm bushed.

Amen.

Now we're officially free?

Naturally, we did what the demon asked!

But there are two bodies, couldn't we end up in jail?

No jail!

Francesco, all okay, your wife received a worthy burial.

Get your things, let's go. We're free, it's official.

You misconstrued the demon's will,

the wrong person you did kill.

To hear this voice no more nearby, one of you will have to die.

Guys, why look at me like that?

Francesco, the demon...

went inside you.

- Huh? - The demon possessed you!

We don't know how, you two were alone.

It's your business, we're on vacation, it's all open free.

What's this "on vacation and open free"?

Through you the demon told us

we screwed up by killing your wife.

No!

No!

I killed her for nothing!

And that's not all!

This time he was clear.

He said not just any person can die

but one of us three.

You still don't understand?

The demon has put us one against the other!

What gall that child's got!

- I think he's the one who should die. - In what sense?

First you offered, then me,

now he has to, also for correctness.

I understand the whole thing.

The demon doesn't want just anyone, he wants me.

He wants my soul.

It's right for me to die,

I even have a debt to pay.

Why are you so sure the demon wants you?

It's right for him to want Mimmo.

He made us steal chips from a child,

it's right he should die.

Why meddle? He wants to die!

He has debts, who knows how many or what he does at night!

- Never seen the guy! - What are you saying?

- We've been friends for 30 years! - Calm down.

Calm.

My mind's made up.

Not sayin' "don't go"?

This time... go.

I can't kill myself alone.

- Could one of you... - Me!

I took it from there, to defend myself.

Lello, sorry, where's your jugular?

In my pocket.

Two hearts, his jugular in his pocket... who assembled this guy?

She doesn't answer.

Lello's dead.

You killed your wife,

you killed your friend, you're murderers.

You're murderers.

You killed your wife,

you killed your friend, you're murderers...

Poor deluded things.

You thought you'd saved yourselves.

You'll never leave this house alive!

You thought we were assholes but I screwed you!

Give me a hand!

What happened?

Melville's Theory:

one heart stopped, the other took off and it's going great!

- How do you feel? - I'm loaded with adrenaline.

Let's take advantage and hightail it!

He's a demon, he'll come for us!

Lello's right, to get free we have to exorcise her.

I'll do it! Leave that body...

leave that body, leave that body!

Assholes, you're all assholes,

pieces of shit, losers!

Shit!

Mimmo, we need holy water and a cross.

- How do we bless water? - Google it.

I know your secret, want me to tell your friends?

Don't listen to her.

She's the Devil, she's trying to trick us.

You, jerk!

Francesco, she means you.

You know your wife was cheating on you? Know who your son's father is?

I don't care.

He's here with you, in this room.

Tell him your secret, confess what you did.

Confess, bastard! You betrayed your friend.

Shut up.

Shut up, hear me? Just shut up!

What are you waiting for? Go get a cross.

What's she talking about?

Nothing, she's just trying to put us against each other.

- You slept with Margherita? - No!

The last thing I'd do is sleep with Margherita.

Believe me!

She can say what she likes but she has no proof.

Proof's here!

Lello, tomorrow's the right day, Francesco has soccer finals.

I know, I have to play too.

Give an excuse and come.

I can't live without your kisses.

Without your body.

Margherita! Okay, who gives a damn.

When you talk like that my two hearts start pumping.

How they pump!

To hear this message again, press 1,

to delete this message, press 2.

Press 1!

That boom-boom... is so funny.

It didn't make me laugh.

That was the debt I had to pay.

That's why I offered myself in sacrifice for you.

Amen!

Bastard.

Yes, I'm a bastard, I shouldn't have slept with your wife.

No!

You shouldn't have missed the soccer game.

We made the finals and you don't come?

- We played with just 4. - He's right.

You aren't mad at me for your wife?

I don't care at all. Actually, you resolved a problem.

I finally found out who the boy's father is.

Thank you.

- You're a real friend. - A friend, sure, but not a jerk.

You'll raise the boy.

Let's start the exorcism!

Leave that body.

Leave that body!

She's possessed, not deaf.

Lello, there's a cross in there, get it.

Mimmo, get some water.

I didn't find a cross but I improvised.

That's great!

How do we bless it?

It says here to submerge a holy object.

- My baptismal necklace. - Let's hope it works.

Rise up, O God,

and scatter your enemies.

Let those who hate God, run for their lives.

Blow them away like smoke.

Melt them like wax in a fire.

Let the wicked perish in the presence of God.

Mimmo, give her the coup de grace!

Go with the water!

Leave that body...

Nice water, fresh water!

- Is he selling fish? - It works, look!

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Amen!

Where am I? Who are you?

What happened?

Don't worry, honey. It's all over.

How do you feel?

Fine. Where's my mom?

- She's dead! - Are you a total idiot?

She did lots of things to us, can't I say something bad?

Your mom is fine, we'll take you to her.

Sir?

Is everything all right?

Would you step out of the car please?

You were right, in the daylight this house...

Still sucks, I'll never come again.

Stop! Police, stop!

Come on!

Stop!

What luck you came along!

Three Men and a Ghost