All language subtitles for Ghosts_2021_S04E08

♪

So, what do you guys think?

Gorgeous.[laughs] Oh, Sam,
the house looks great.

Jay's parents are
gonna love it.

THOR:
Thor love Christmas.

Ever since being inside Sam.

Aw, that's sweet.

I'm just a little nervous.

Sometimes I get this feeling
that Jay's mom...

Doesn't like you?Thinks you're annoying?

Resents you for dragging her
son to the middle of nowhere

to run a floundering business?

Yes, all of that.

Think your hair look dumb?

We're not guessing
anymore, Thor.

Don't get in your head,
Sam. You are a delight.

And I'm sure Champa
is crazy about you.

I can't wait to see
you either, Mom.

Do you want to talk to Sam?

Okay, see you when you get here.

You can't feel good about that
heading into the visit.

Ugh, her daytime minutes
are running low.

Even we know that's not
a thing anymore, Jay.

They should be here
in a few hours. How you feeling?

Trying to stay positive.

You know, I had
this dream last night

that the visit went so well,

your mom added me
to the family text thread.

And this is why I go
into Jay's dreams.But...

I won't get my hopes up.

I know it's just you,
Bela and your parents.

"The Core Four."

Totally. That is the name
of the text thread.

Why did Jay say it like that?

Because Champa added

Bela's boyfriend Eric
a couple months ago.

What? Your mom added Eric?

I was waiting for a fun time
to break the news.

Right before the in-laws come?
You are nailing the drama.

Uh, if you want, I could
add you to my D&D thread.

But, you know, be cool.

FLOWER:
You're right, Thor,

her hair iskind of dumb.

Yes, you get me.
Two people, one brain.

That's hard to argue with.

♪

Oh, it smells
good in here.

Although, almost anything
smells better

than 40 cholera victims huddled
in a dank basement.

Jay's preparing a big
meal for his parents,

and there's a lot
riding on it.

His father is a little
skeptical about the whole

"opening a restaurant" idea.

Wish I could be here
to smell the finished meal.

But I will be smelling
my adult daughter instead.

Oh, don't love how
that was phrased.

PETE: I'm spending Christmas
with my family

for the first time
in 40 years.

'Cause I can
leave the property.

That's wonderful, Peter.

It's gonna be a real
Norman Rockwell moment.

I'm gonna watch them
sing carols and open presents,

right up until my wiener
starts to disappear.

That's my cue to book it
back to Woodstone.

Okay. I put some WD-40
on the squeaky doorknob,

I changed some light bulbs,
and I flipped the seat cushion

you bled on
when you were playing

with your toy sword.It's not a toy.

It's an authentic replica,

and the fact that I bled
proves that.

Well, I feel good.

There is nothing
for your mother to criticize.

Nancy, come quick.

There's a problem
with the water heater.

Damn it.

Well, I just got
off the phone with Mark.

He's on vacation in Fiji.

[chuckles] Your contractor lives
so much better than you do.

Did you tell him
we have no hot water?

Yeah, and somehow
it wasn't enough

to compel him to abandon
his family in paradise.

Jay did ask Mark if
he knew anyone else

that could come out
on Christmas Eve.

But that was met by
the sound of laughter

and what I think was a
machete opening a coconut.

[exhales]
I wish I had a machete.

I would use it to cut
Stuart's head off.

I'm just standing here.

Hey, we're all saying
a lot of things right now.

We're hurting,
because our friend,

the water heater here,
is on death's door.

Stay with us, girl!
You can pull through.

We can't host your family
without a working water heater.

This is a disaster.

Perhaps you could just
boil water for baths.

Basically all of us
did that our entire lives.

I did that
for both my baths.

ALBERTA:Sam, oh,

what if you have
his parents stay

at a hotel or something?

This is a hotel.

Yeah, but I mean,
like, a good one.

NANCY: Hey, you don't need
some fancy-pants outsider

coming in here
trying to fix our friend.

We know more about this
water heater than anyone.

And with your ability
to interact

with the physical world,

we can talk you through
how to fix her.

Jay, Nancy is saying she
and the other basement ghosts

could walk us through
how to fix the water heater.

It's worth a shot.

I mean, what other
choice do we have?

[phone chimes]

Mark just charged us
for that phone call.

Merciless.

Well, that's why he's
in Fiji and you're here.

Do you know about
all the reindeer?

Yeah, I know
about the reindeer, Thor.

I don't have
anything against Christmas,

it's just not my thing.

I'm Jewish.

You know about Santa?

I'm gonna go sit
in another room.

[sighs]
Thor not understand.

I've tried everything
to get Trevor to like Christmas.

Not everyone has to like
the same thing, Thor.

Unless you're in a cult.

Then you have
to like wearing purple

and eating out
of one big bowl.

Flower right.

Thor get carried away
with love of Christmas.

[laughing]Yule log, Frosty Snowman,

Virgin Mary.[laughs]

Is very fun and
festive holiday.Man.

That Virgin Mary.

How could anyone have
that kind of restraint?

What you mean?I mean, like,

she never did it?

Well, Thor know people
with even more restraint.

Who are you talking about?

Thor not sure he can say.

Thor, we're a couple now,

which means we tell
each other everything.

Like how I told you about
that one time I robbed a bank.

Yes. Is very special secret
just between two of us.

Right.

So now you tell me your thing.

[groans]

Thor.

Are we a couple or aren't we?

Okay.

If this is something
couples really must do,

the person Thor
thinking of is...

[groaning softly]
Sasappis.

[gasps]
Oh, you mean,

like, he never did it
when he was alive?

Tale much sadder than that.

Sasappis is...

500-year-old virgin.

[gasps]

I know I forget a lot of things.

And I really hope
this is one of them.

Yeah.

Okay, you see
the thermostatic gas valve?

Nancy's asking if you can see
the thermostatic gas valve.

I have no idea what that is.

Oh, fine.

I'll describe it like
I'm talking to a Stuart.

Tell Jay to take
the cover off

the little square thing
next to the blue piece.

She says take the cover off
the little square thing

next to the blue piece.

They turned off
the power, right?

I mean, what kind of
idiot wouldn't turn...?

[both gasp]

Oh, my God!Sam! Jay!

Oh, you imbecile, Nancy!

What kind of directions
were those?Wait.

Where is Nancy?

She's... gone.

What are you talking about?

I'm right here.

Holy heck, I think
Nancy possessed Sam.

[chuckles]
Well, isn't that a pickle?

Where is Peter?

Where are all the ghosts?

Wait a minute.

Oh, golly.

Oh, my God, Pete's
inside of Jay.

Ladies and gentlemen.
And basement ghosts.

We have...
a double possession.

[quietly]:
Why are we clapping?

I don't know.
It just feels momentous.

[grunts][shudders]

Wait, remind me, wh-who
is inside of who again?

Pay attention,
Stuart! You idiot!

Okay, so Nancy is
in the good-smelling lady.

[gasps]
Oh, my God. Jay.

I think I got
possessed by Nancy.

Got to stop you
right there, Sam.

I'm not your husband.
I'm your ghost daddy Pete.

And Pete is inside of Jay.

What? This is a disaster.

Jay's parents are gonna
be here any second.

Well, we've been here before.
We know what the remedy is.

You must simply drive
across the ghost boundary

and expel these spirits
from their hosts.

We need to fix this before
Champa and Mahesh get here.

To the Mini.

Whoa, a little hiccup
in your plan there, Sammy.

I think we're all forgetting
about my ghost power.

Oh, my God, he's right.

Driving across the boundary

probably won't eject
Pete out of Jay's body.

Because he can leave
the property...

Whoa, wearing shoes
feels crazy.

It's like my feet are
in tiny foot prisons.

This is so weird.

In the early stages
of a possession,

it's somewhat random
which soul will surface

and seize control of the body.

But the longer it continues,
the more likely it is

a ghost will learn
how to suppress the host.

Which is why we got to get
Nancy out of Sam right away.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[doorbell rings][gasps]

Oh, and there are
Samantha's in-laws.

[exhales]

[grunts]
Sam?

I think that's my parents.

It's so weird how
my butt doesn't itch.

Oh, this is gonna
be interesting.

Nancy-- I can't believe
I'm calling you that--

please just don't do
anything weird

for the next five minutes,
while we deal with my parents.

Oh, what's in it
for me, Sweetcheeks?

What do you want?Guacamole.

What?You heard me.

It smells amazing, and
I want to stuff some

in your wife's mouth hole.

Okay. You get through
the next five minutes,

you get guacamole.

And then we drive through
the ghost boundary

and get you
out of my wife. Deal?Deal.

Tell tales of guacamole
upon your return!

SAMANTHA:
So...

how was the drive?

Expensive.

Our car depreciated $10,000
on the way up here.

He's upset

because we bought
a new car.

The Toyota was fine.

It had 150,000
miles on it.

That's nothing. I put
200,000 on my Skylark

and it still purred
like a kitten. Meow.

When did you have a Skylark?

Well, I for one
love the new car.

And great choice
on the color, Champa.

The black is really cool.

I wanted red.

Boy, Champa does
not give an inch.

So, when do Bela
and Eric get here?

CHAMPA:Bela's coming
in a few hours.

Eric, however,
won't be joining us.

Oh, that's a surprise.

I guess some people
don't prioritize family

around the holidays,
like I do.

Well, actually,

he's in India

building a school
in my childhood village.

An attack brutally repelled,

which I recognize from my many
successful retreats. [chuckles]

I saved a lot of lives
after I imperiled them.

Maybe we could put our bags
down and freshen up?

Yeah, for sure.
But one little thing:

our water heater just broke,
so we don't have any hot water.

But don't worry,
we're gonna replace it.

[gasps]
Like hell you are!

That water heater has been

delivering the goods

since before you were
born, pretty boy.

Guacamole, Nancy.

I-I mean,

I-I don't have strong feelings
about water heaters.

I'll be in the kitchen.

Ugh!

These shoes.

How do people
live like this?

Is she okay?

Uh, she just took
some allergy medication

and I think it's kicking in.

And, um,
to be honest, Mom,

it wouldn't kill you
to be a little nicer.

What are you talking about?

Aw, Jay's defending Sam.

Come on, Mom.
I-I love you,

but you're always
subtly criticizing her.

And then you added Eric
to the family text chain.

No, no, Eric has a lot
of good qualities.

He is an accomplished
professional

in a stable industry.

I think I know
where this is going.

A B and B is risky enough,

but a restaurant
on top of all that?

The B and B is doing
really well.

You currently have
a "book one night,

get six free" promotion.

And as for the restaurant,

I'm cooking the menu
for you tonight,

and after you guys try the food,

I promise you,
you will not be worried.

Why did someone throw away

these perfectly good
banana peels?

They're delicious.

Hard to explain
that one away.

Pivot, Jay. Pivot.

I'll take you up to your room.

Whew. There we go.

[satisfied sigh]

And that was
the holiday classic

When Harry Met Sally.

Thor think movie
make good point.

Men and women can never
truly be friends.

Hard agree.

Sex always ruins friendships.

Which is why I don't
have any hot friends.

Up top.Ah, you know it.

I know it. 'Cause I've done it.

43 times.

This is so sad.

What?

Uh, all this talk

makes Thor feel
very amorous.

Want to lay
with Flower right now.

Trevor, Sass,
please leave.

Okay. Rude.Hey, I get it.

You know, I've been there.

When you got to have it.

And then afterwards.

Wh-When you've,
when you've just had it.

We should give them
their privacy.

[chuckles]

Flower,
what's wrong with you?

You almost blow it.

We need to do
something, Thor.

I can't live
with this knowledge.

Technically you're
not living with it.

I got it.
It's Christmas.

So let's get him a gift.

And solve his
500-year-old problem.

What you mean?

I mean, let's find someone
to help him out.

Okay, but who? That is question.

Yeah, we don't want to risk
him being rejected or hurt.

Yeah, we need someone
who is "sure thing."

What do you want me to do?

It's for Christmas.

ALBERTA [sighs]:
Okay, so they're
gonna get Nancy out

by driving across
the ghost boundary,

but how will they get
Pete out of Jay?

They'll have to do it the
old-fashioned way: an exorcism.

Ugh, it doesn't get any more
Christmassy than that.

To be fair, though, Pete's
been a polite possessor.

He's hardly even been
a problem for Jay.

On the other hand...

Mmm! This is incredible!

She's not even
using chips.

Why can't I look away?

Okay, my parents are upstairs.

Now let's get Nancy out of you.

I don't think so.
I want more time!

We had a deal.

But there's too many
things to try.

Popsicles, gum, toilet paper.

Sam, are you in there?
I need you back, babe.

Sam's not home right now.

Would you like
to leave a message?

It's as we feared.
They've waited too long,

and now Nancy has figured out
how to suppress her host.

Oh, this is not good.

Hey, guys.
Hiya, toots.

Jay, your father needs help
upstairs with the Wi-Fi.

In the meantime,
Samantha,

I was thinking
it would be nice if we spent

some one-on-one time
together.

And I'm free right now.
I could make us some chai.

I don't think now
is a great time.

What are you talking about?
I'd love to.

[laughing]:
You-You're...

Just-- Mom, can you
give us ten minutes?

Jayanth, you asked me to
try, and this is me trying.

Now go help your father.

All right, I guess I'm
just gonna let this happen.

Ooh, there's no way
this goes well.

And yet it's not going
to make things better

if we don'tstay and watch.

So, this chai,
is it like guacamole?

Oh, we watching.

You sure you don't want
a fistful, Champa?

[crunching]No, no, I'm good.

Nancy! This is a huge bonding
opportunity for Samantha.

You are being
very selfish right now,

not letting her be
in control of the body.

To be fair,
Samantha wasn't doing

that well with Champa
all on her own.

Damn, that's hot! My throat!

That's why generally
people sip it.

Whatever, this body's
just a rental.

Well, that's an interesting way
of looking at things.

Sort of profound, actually.

Did it just accidentally
score some points?

That's fortuitous.

Hey, if you're not gonna
drink your chai...

CHAMPA:
Oh, I'm glad you like it.

Mahesh says I make it too sweet.

He's an idiot.

This crap rules.

It does. And he is sometimes.

Well, I'll tell
you one thing.

He's lucky to have you.

Talk about
keeping it tight.

Okay, that is not
something Samantha would say.

Talk about pumpkin spice.
Talk about... beige.

Our girl is dull.

Well, I'm actually
in a walking club.

It's just me
and a couple of other friends.

Is it me, or is Champa
actually enjoying herself?

We try to get in
10,000 steps a day.

Damn! Yesterday
I didn't move at all.

I just stood in the basement
watching the water heater.

[laughs]
Can I be honest with you?

Normally, you are so uptight
and you try so hard.

I don't know what it is,
but you seem different.

You seem, like,
just relaxed and carefree.

Oh, my God.

Champa prefers
the basement gremlin.

I'm drinking tea
with a fine-ass old lady,

I got no itchy open sores,

and, frankly, I'm just
happy to be alive.

Hear, hear. It's a good reminder

to be grateful
for the small things in life.

How is this working?!

Hey there, slugger.
It's your Christmas Carol.

'Cause I'm Carol.

Yeah, that's clever. Hey, Carol.

Listen, your friends
Thor and Flower

filled me in
on your little situation.

Excuse me?

I told them
I would think about it,

but I don't think
it's a good idea.

Would we have fun? Hmm. Sure.

But the truth is,

I don't think
you can handle this.

You wouldn't climb Everest

the first time
you went on a hike.

What are you talking about?

I'm saying
that I think your first time

should be with someone special.

Also, I'm married,

but it is kind of an open thing.

I'm sorry, Carol,
I have to go talk to somebody.

Did you try to get Carol
to sleep with me?

Merry Christmas!

Did she do it?
How was it?

Nothing happened. Thor, I told
you all that in private.

This was a secret
between you and me.

Well, don't be mad at Thor.

It was my idea
to ask Carol to help.

And it's nothing
to be ashamed of, Sass.

It's just sad and weird.

And why did you tell Flower?

Because she my girlfriend,

and that what you do
with girlfriend.

You tell them things.

Maybe you not know because...

Don't you dare.

Okay, this is
the most messed-up thing

you've ever done, Thor.

I can't even
look at you right now!

Guy really pent up.Makes sense.

What do you say we go
grab lunch together in town,

just the two of us?

Uh, no, thanks.

I-I don't like
to leave the property.

What?
Samantha,
come back to us.

This is surely a stepping stone
to a textual thread invitation.

All your very modest dreams

are about to come true,
Samantha.

[groans]

Actually, I would love to go.

Yes.
Yes.CHAMPA: Okay.

Then why don't you
drive my new car?

I'll go get my purse.

Champa's letting Sam
drive the Audi?

She loves that thing
more than Bela.

[grunts]

Like hell you're taking
us off the property!

[grunts]

Oh!

[exclaiming, gasping]

I said enough!

[grunting]

Sam, stop choking yourself
and start the vehicle!

[grunts]

Oh! Did Sam just punch
herself in the face?

[choking][engine starts]

This is one of my
favorite Wednesdays

I've ever followed her.

[growling][exclaims]

CHAMPA:
Sam? Sam? Sam!

What are you doing?!

[yells]
Whoa!

[screams][breaking glass]

[all gasp]

Sam.

[Samantha groans]

My sweet baby.

I'm okay.

I was talking about the Audi!

[sighs]
Welcome back, Nancy.

Yeah.Eh, had to end sometime.

[sighs]
Oh, well.

I'll always
have guacamole.

Should we take my car to lunch?

Yeah, I think it goes without
saying that lunch is off.

WOMAN [on video]: And that is
how you perform a home exorcis.

If you liked this, please check
out my other how-to videos,

including "DIY Vampire Killing"
and "Rom-Com Writing Made Easy."

Here we go.

You ready, Jay?

Babe, are the restraints
really necessary?

I'm a willing participant

with a consenting ghost
inside of me.

I just want to do it
exactly how the video says.

Agreed.
ExorcismFan666 really seems

like she knows
what she's talking about.

I can't believe
I crashed your mom's car

just as I was starting
to make headway.

Well, technically Nancy
was making headway.

Even in these difficult times,
we must be precise.

Haven't you
said that before?

I've been dead for 130 years,
I will repeat myself.

Ooh! Uh, hey there.

Uh, Pete here,
just back in the driver's seat.

Can I get one last hit
of that s'more?

[whimpers]Here you go.

[munches]

Oh, mama, that's the stuff.

Okay, see you on the other side.

Okay, let's do this.
"Evil spirit..."

Sorry, Pete.
That's just what it says

to say.

"Evil spirit,
I hereby banish you

"from the flesh of this mortal.

In nomine Patris, et Filii,
et Spiritus Sancti."

Hmm, Latin. We learned that
to make laws and stuff.

Now all together,
"Begone, begone, begone."

ALL:
Begone, begone, begone.

Did it work?

Wait. Why is my body
still over there?

ISAAC:
Oh, my God.

Holy Toledo.

I think
I'm the only one in here.[gasps]

Oh, crap.

We expelled
the wrong spirit.

Seriously?

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