Original subtitles

Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast

where we have open and honest conversations about

co-parenting, separation, divorce,

and the hardest question of all,

"Should you stay or should you go?"

- I'm Kate Anthony. Your divorce survival guide. - Hey-- Hey--

-Hey! Come on! -What?

Can you take the earbud out for a second?

...toughest waters you've ever swum in.

-What? -Look, it, it's hard today, right?

I can barely breathe. It must be the pressure or something.

Yeah, you drank two bottles of wine last night.

...with your sanity and your heart intact.

Don't-- Can you please not put the earbud in?

It's just--

I just, um... I think there are a lot of different ways.

And a lot of, um, different directions

this could go in and I, I just wanna say

we've been together a really long time.

A stupid amount of time.

-Right. -I'm gonna do the hill.

-No, can we please not do the hill. -Go home then.

No one asked you to come.

Shit.

This is great.

What do you want to eat later?

You should focus on burning calories.

Yeah, I'm trying really hard to not focus on that right about now.

I want to do the park trail.

Circle the pond and we'll head back.

Hold up a sec.

Stupid amount of time, huh?

Yeah, I can remember when you had more hair.

You know, I could say what I remember about you.

How you've changed?

Okay.

Isn't that fucking beautiful?

Sun's nice on the water.

You know, I should say what I remember about you.

It'd be good to be honest with each other. Wouldn't a counselor say that?

I don't know, Dan, we've never been.

Come on, let's take a photo.

No.

What? Come on. Hey!

Hey! Hey! Come back. For old times' sake.

- Yeah? - Okay.

Let's go.

You gotta get a little closer.

Uh, wait, one more. One more.

Oh shit, I think I blinked.

Come back here.

Take the fucking photo.

Isn't it more like a small lake?

What?

Than a pond?

A pond is a small lake.

-It's four times around. -We'll see.

Why did you even come out this morning?

Because what other quality time do we have together, dear?

I think it's best if I just run ahead.

You know I didn't cross any lines last night.

I don't know where your lines are located,

but it seemed to me like you were trying

to fuck every single woman at that party.

-I wasn't trying to fuck anybody-- -It was my office party!

I got a little drunk, what's different.

To celebrate my promotion of becoming their boss.

-I know. -Veronica, our senior accountant, emailed me

and told me you're trying to get her to text you privately.

I was just being friendly.

She's a 54 year old woman, Dan.

Her kids are in their 20s.

Really? Huh.

Fuck off!

Ah-- Great. If we're just going round in circles,

why don't you try to lap me?

Not a problem.

How to deal with an estranged marriage

with lack of resources? Actually, this is, this is...

Um, all of that, you have...

Oh.

It could be really hard. Right, but it'll be much harder

if you don't deal with the core emotion.

Your purpose and your resentment and your anger...

Me and my divorce support group, someone has asked...

Um, people wanted help like how to not feel like they're defined

by being a divorcee?

Whoa! What the hell?

Why would you need to run into me?

What?

- Hey! - Jesus! Where'd you come from?

Don't be stupid. Come here. I want to show you something.

Okay.

Okay, you're right.

I wasn't acting great

last night. Can I just--

You know, there are a lot of different ways and...

a lot of different directions for us. And I just--

Look.

What?

Look around.

Okay, I don't see anything.

There's the sign.

Yeah.

Where is the trail?

Huh.

I-- Maybe there's two signs.

Do you remember there being two signs?

-No. -Well, then why would there be two signs?

Okay, just a thought. Just a first thought.

Come on.

Look, can we just walk? Please?

Ahh!

Keep moving.

Ahh, I have this weird headache.

I wonder why.

Hey, hey. What are, what are we doing?

Can we just stop and talk for a second?

Hey. Hey, Jen, come on.

I... I think this has been more than four times around.

Shut up. That was your first lap.

Ugh.

Where's the trail?

Okay. I mean, uh--

Okay, I-- It's gotta be up that ways a little bit.

-We went around the whole thing. -What are you, worried?

It's right up there.

This doesn't make any sense.

-Did we pass it? -I don't think so.

-It doesn't make any sense. -What?

No, no. I know it's not this far.

And that must be back by the sign.

It's just, um...

What?

I don't know. Hidden somehow.

Hidden?

Well, yeah, you know, by, by branches.

Branches?

Well, yeah, with leaves.

And lots of wind.

-Okay, should we go back? -I don't know.

All right, I have an idea. You go that way and I'll go this way.

And then whenever one of us sees the trail, we'll just yell out.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, cool. We'll do that.

Okay.

You know, I really am sorry.

We've been together a really long time.

A stupid amount of time.

It is stupid, but I still...

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Do you really mean that or are you just saying

that because I said it?

I don't know.

You didn't actually say anything.

Right.

-What the... -...fuck is going on?

No, it's fine.

It's, it's gotta be right up here.

It's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be fine.

The fuck is going on?

Run!

Ahhh! Jesus!

I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

Did you see the trail?

Just stay here.

-What? -Just stay right here. I'll be right back.

-Did you see the trail? -Just-- I'll be right back. I promise.

-What the fuck is wrong with you? -Just stay here.

Okay. What's going on?

What?

-Hey! -Ahhh! Fucking Christ, Dan!

What?

Did you see the trail?

No. You?

What are you doing?

-I had to take a piss. -You're scaring the shit out of me!

I'm sorry.

You didn't see the trail?

No.

Do you hear that ringing sound?

What?

A terrible ringing sound.

You're just hung-over.

Who swims in this fucking pond anyways?

I, I've never seen anyone swim in it.

I mean look at the water. It's dirty. It's dirty water.

-Have you ever seen anyone swim in it? -No.

See. Neither have I. It's, it's pointless. Pointless fucking sign!

It's stupid.

Maybe people would swim in it if the sign wasn't there.

What, like people just aren't swimming in it because of the sign?

I'm guessing.

Yeah, maybe.

Do you think someone's moving it?

The sign?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that, that's a great idea.

No, I don't.

-Okay, I'm gonna call somebody. -Who are you gonna call?

- Anybody! - Oh, okay.

-It's not working. -What?

-No bars. -Seriously?

-No service. -What the fuck?

I told you we should've never changed providers.

Not now, Dan!

Shit! Shit!

Just try it anyway.

Nada.

Come on, come on, come on.

-Keep walking. Go past it. Go past it. -Oh, okay.

Go past it, go past it, go past it, go past it.

-What the fuck is that? -Oh, fuck. Oh.

-Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. -No. No way.

Okay.

-Go. -What the fuck is going on?

Was it a homeless man?

What the fuck is going on?

Okay.

Sure.

Don't touch me.

I'm sorry.

What is it?

I didn't know you had two pairs of earbuds.

Why would I have two?

-You're not doing this, right? -W--

Like as some kind of a joke or something.

I was mad, I was angry because you tried to fuck my co-worker.

I didn't try to fuck your co-worker.

-It's my fault. I get it. -Yeah, maybe.

But look, I'm not angry anymore.

So, if this is some kind of a joke...

What-- What do you think I'm doing? Moving the trees.

Shh. Shh. Please. Please stop.

It's okay. Just please, please, please stop.

Hey, I have an idea.

Doesn't it feel like we've been walking a really long time?

No. Not-- not really.

I mean, shouldn't we come across something by now?

Like houses or a road or anything?

I'm sure we will.

Can I just breathe for a second?

What is that ringing?

Ah, you do hear it! See I told you it wasn't just the wine.

Maybe we should go back?

No, I think we just have to keep going in the same direction.

What's the name of that road south of the park?

What, Bunn Drive?

Where is Bunn Drive?

Hey, look.

It's all gonna be okay. Everything's fine.

Everything is not fine!

Okay. Fine. Everything's not fine.

But I know everything's not fine. I've been trying

to talk to you all morning because everything's not fine.

Okay. Let's talk. What do you wanna talk about?

Well, now, isn't really the right time?

No. Now is a great time.

I just think we need to be honest with each other.

And if we are, we can keep going.

I think about stabbing you in the neck all the time.

Huh.

I'm sorry that I got so drunk last night.

It's not about you getting drunk last night, Dan.

It's endless.

We just keep going and going like something's gonna change and it doesn't.

And at this point, we're just torturing ourselves.

- Every day. - Can we just take a breath here?

No! Let's be honest.

You snore like a 500-pound man.

You're practically an alcoholic

and I feel like I can smell you rotting from here.

Your teeth rotting. I can smell it! In little waves.

And your toenails are fucking disgusting.

Well, you make me proud that I'm addicted to porn.

Me too!

People stay together for so long.

It doesn't seem long.

It feels long.

It's not like I can recall everything.

It's just like more of the same.

It's like a long fucked-up weekend.

I don't know what you're saying.

Neither do I.

I think I'd be happier with someone else.

I think you're gonna die alone.

Fair enough.

And there's just no way to forgive each other, is there?

Maybe with time?

I don't have it.

Neither do I.

Okay, so, um...

...when we get out of here,

we'll, uh, you know, start the process.

-The process? -Yeah, you know.

The process has been going on for half a decade.

Go call your mom and live with her.

Oh God, I don't wanna do that.

She's gonna be so upset, I don't know what she sees in you, but--

She hates my guts.

She just doesn't want her loser son living with her.

She's been playing you for years.

I'll e-mail her.

We'll send out e-mails.

Oh, yeah. Lots of 'em.

-Like a chain letter. -Mm-hmm. Just let everyone know all at once.

We can write it together.

Oh, dope. You know, that'll be nice.

Use some funny emojis.

Some rainbow font.

That way.

Oh, I think I see something.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

No. No. No. No. No! No! No!

No, no, no. No.

I'm beginning to think something really weird is going on.

This is a joke. It's a good joke.

I know what-- I'll tell you what.

Maybe we should go that way.

Or maybe we should go that way.

What is happening?

What is going on?

Run!

Oh.

What was that?

"Run."

What?

That's what it was. "Run."

What are you doing?

Come on.

Aah!

Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. I see somebody.

-Is it the homeless man? -I don't think so. Maybe?

Hey! Hey, man!

- Maybe he can't hear you? - Yeah.

-Wait. Hey, hey! No, wait, wait up! -Wait! Wait!

Excuse us!

Sir?

-W-whoa, no. Where are you going? -Wait.

We just wanna ask you a question.

Go.

Hello?

Hey!

Hey, man. Uh. Why-- why'd you run before?

You all right? Everything cool?

-Hi. -Hey. Hey, hey, man.

Hi, this is--

This is really ridiculous,

but we don't know-- we don't know

why we can't find the way out of here.

It's so weird.

Do you know-- do you know where the trail is?

Do you-- do you know how to get out of here?

Go talk to him.

I don't wanna go up to him. You go up to him.

Go talk to the guy.

What if he's violent?

So you want me to talk to him?

Yes. Yes, I do.

You are a very powerful woman

and I really wanna support that.

Second gentleman, yeah?

I've allowed you to have sex with me enough times

that you have to be prepared to die for me.

Go!

Go.

Okay. Okay.

Ah...

You know, if, if you just, um...

...if you just turn around and look at me,

maybe, maybe we can find some way to communicate?

But then how did you hear that?

Um, okay. I, I'm just gonna yell

for a minute, but don't be alarmed.

Hey!

Don't. Don't do that.

What do you want me to do?

Tap his shoulder.

No fucking way.

No.

Don't.

Hey, hey. Hey, man.

Um... I'm a... I'm just gonna throw, um...

...uh, this, uh, little pebble.

Uh, it's really super small so, so it won't hurt.

Um, and I'm, I'm just gonna...

...I'm gonna throw it right... now.

Whoa!

Run!

That's fucked up, right?

Yeah.

And, uh...

...he looked like me, didn't he?

He did.

That's really weird.

It's really weird.

What do you think he meant by run?

Help me.

Jen, I...

Help me.

Oh, what the hell?

Why would you need to run into me?

Jen.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, Jen.

No, Jen, I'm coming.

I'm coming, Jen. I'm coming. Please hold on. Please hold on.

Run!

Oh, Jesus fuck!

I'm sorry.

What's-- What, what are you doing?

-Just, just stay right here. -Did you see the trail?

I'll be right back. Just, just stay right here.

-Did you see the trail? -I'll be right back, I promise.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Just... just stay right here.

Okay, what-- What's going on?

What?

Hey.

Jesus fucking Christ, Dan!

What?

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm sorry.

Did you see the trail?

Uh... no. You?

What the fuck are you doing?

I mean, I'm... I had to take a piss.

-You're scaring the shit out of me. -I'm sorry.

You didn't see a trail?

You okay?

What?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, let's go this way.

What?

Nothing.

Who swims in this fucking pond anyways, right?

It's disgusting.

Why would you need a sign? I haven't-- I, I've never seen anyone swim in it.

Have, have you? Have you ever seen anyone swim in it?

No.

Yeah. See it's--

It's a stupid fucking sign. It's pointless.

Maybe people would swim in it if the sign wasn't there.

Maybe, yeah.

What is it? You, you lose your earbuds?

Not mine. Mine are in my pocket.

There's so many.

Why would anyone need so many?

Your shoulders are red. They're burning.

Hey, let's call somebody.

Yeah.

Um... who should we call?

Anybody.

Where are you going?

Uh... no service.

See, no, no bars.

Uh... no.

I'm not gonna lose you.

What?

We're gonna get out of here.

We have to.

How long have you been here?

What are you talking about?

It never moves, the sun. It must burn after a while.

We're gonna get out of here. You and me.

And when we do, we're gonna be better to one another.

I promise.

Jenny-- Ahh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

Why didn't you tell me my hair was thinning so much?

It's so fucking sad.

-What are you talking about? -I don't know, it just makes it worse somehow.

Oh.

This can't be happening. This can't be happening.

Just get the sweatshirt-- I'm gonna be sick.

I don't wanna look at it.

"It?"

Oof.

I think he figured out that I wasn't whatever,

me from before.

He seemed--

The way he looked at me.

Are you seriously gonna make me start thinking about

what he has that I don't?

I mean, is this the same person? Or is this a different person?

Like it... like it doesn't count that we just killed a person

if you're the same person, right?

Then it's not so bad.

How are you feeling about this?

Uh, you know, I'd have to think about it.

Really break it down, but I, uh--

I think I'm feeling pretty good all things considered.

Oh, he's still alive. Oh, God.

- Oh, God. Oh, God. What do we do? What do we do? - Huh?

I don't know.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't wanna hurt myself again.

We can't leave it.

Stop saying "it"!

Him!

No. What, what are you doing? What are you doing?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, God. I don't wanna look at this.

That is so fucking weird.

I don't know where your lines are located,

but it seemed to me like you were trying to fuck every single woman

- at that party. - No! I just drank a little too much.

It was my office party?

To celebrate my promotion

of becoming your boss.

Veronica, our senior accountant, emailed me...

Run!

...privately.

Right.

I don't wanna talk about that right now.

Do you even look at me right now?

- How should I look at you right now? - -Okay, stop.

Wait!

Shut up!

You know they have great hair regrowth options now.

They combat it with an exterior cream and a pill at the same time.

Super cheap in Mexico.

-Shh! -I should have started years ago when we went to Cabo.

Shut up about it already.

Okay.

Look, they don't know yet.

-...before it's gone! -Well, it's not...

I, I feel like you're not taking this seriously.

Well, I'm sorry but...

Come on.

Should we follow them?

No.

-So maybe if you stay here... -No.

You can't leave my sight. We never split up again ever.

Really?

Calm down.

You're the Dan I'm used to.

God knows what would happen if I had to deal with a shittier one.

Right.

I gotta pee.

Ow. Fuck.

Do you really think that there are worse ones?

Because if there are worse ones,

then there are, there are probably better ones.

You know like, like the other me.

You know, what you were saying about

the way he looked at you and the w-- and whatever.

And maybe they are better people than us. You know, kinder?

Oh, does that make it sadder?

Maybe some of us are really happy.

You probably just killed that one.

Why do you think some live and the others don't?

Good choices?

God, I just don't understand why this is happening.

Because we're stuck in hell.

Because I'm stuck in hell with you.

Well, what's different?

Wait.

Do you really think we are in hell?

Like a real hell?

And, like, when did we die?

You know before, what... whatever.

You, you know what I mean?

And we were just running, right?

So, I mean, did we get hit by a car?

Or maybe a bear came and ate us?

I'm getting tired of this conversation.

How can you be getting tired of this conversation?

Look what's happening.

I mean, why is this happening?

My head is pounding.

I'm actually beginning to find it kinda comforting.

It's probably some stupid fucking alien time-alternating device

that crashed here for absolutely no reason,

because that's just our luck,

and it has nothing to do with anything!

How long do you think we've been here?

A stupid fucking amount of time.

Like a long fucked-up weekend.

Oh, shit. Someone's coming.

- Are you out of your fucking mind? - -I want...

- Well, this is different. - My arms are burning.

I think I look kinda good actually.

- I'm not gonna do that. - This version, yeah.

Shut up.

Ah, it's so weird, isn't it?

It's like--

It's like watching yourself, in real time.

Take a selfie of yourself... or something.

Just so endlessly sad and unsettling.

- ...burning. Okay, so you have to do this for me. - Stop screaming.

Oh shit. This would be a crazy selfie.

Stop it.

Shh.

Okay, that was loud.

- You're psychotic. - Dan...

Yeah, says the person who just stabbed me in the neck

with a twig.

Dan, would you just stop...

You know, I think we look kinda cute

when we're fighting.

Oh. Hey, I think I'm gonna hide.

Just like us.

Okay.

You know you used to like my jokes.

Maybe there's a funny version of you out there?

Oh, ha-ha.

Do you think it's like a lesson?

Like maybe we have to learn some kind of lesson,

and then after that everything will be okay?

Maybe the better ones get out?

- Oh, it's me. Again. - Jen!

- Hey. - Oh, my God. You're here.

- Just want you to see something. - What?

Let's go over here. I just want you to see something.

Oh, this is different.

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.

Oh, shit. Oh, this didn't happen before.

But why?

Bad choices.

-I'm so hungry. -I'm starving.

Ah, there's nothing to eat.

You could hunt for something.

I appreciate that you think that of me, but what?

We're in hell.

I don't remember dying.

It's really frustrating.

I don't know if I'd know what to do without you.

I think it's a trail.

Which way should we go?

What did you mean by that?

- What? - That you didn't know

if you'd know what to do without me.

I don't know.

Maybe you just meant that you don't know how to leave me?

That might have been the case

before I killed you, buzzy.

Right.

Now that I have--

Oh, that's very romantic.

Run!

Think they'll run?

Who cares?

No. No. No more. No more.

-No more. No more. -No, please don't "No" again.

I can't fucking take it.

I can't take it anymore.

We just keep walking around and around

and around in circles.

I can't do this anymore!

-Hey. -I don't wanna die like this.

-I know. -I'm a person!

I'm a person!

I have so many... I have so many things.

I have so many thoughts.

I am. I make good choices.

It's not fair.

I'm probably the only bad one.

I know. I don't wanna die with you.

I know.

I mean, I used to think I did.

But now I don't know what I think.

I don't wanna... I don't wanna smell you.

I know.

It's just been a really long time.

A stupid amount of time.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I don't... I don't know.

I don't know what's real anymore or what's good.

Or what's bad or...

Where I should go or what I should be looking for.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

What's different?

That's so stupid.

And I'm sorry for everything I've said or done.

Every day, I don't know a few times a day for the last,

I don't know...

...eight or nine years.

Okay, me too.

Hey.

What is that?

That.

That's never been there before.

Oh, my God. Oh.

The smell.

There's something on.

What is it?

- It's your phone. - What?

What is that?

What...

It's me.

Oh my God, it's me.

How long would it take you to look like that?

We can't get out.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

I don't know what to do.

I love you.

I love you.

What was that?

I don't see anything.

Wait.

Hey! Hey, man!

Hey! Stop! Stop!

Wait!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hold up!

Now let's take a photo.

No.

There's the sign.

Where's the...

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

- No. - Go. Go. Go.

Run!