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1
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,442
- [sighs]
I am so sorry.
2
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:11,677
It meant nothing.
3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,212
- Get away from me.
4
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:15,280
- You were never
supposed to find out.
5
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:16,648
I mean, not that I wanted
to keep it from you.
6
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,217
I just didn't wanna hurt you.
7
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,518
- But I told you
'cause I couldn't go
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,120
one more day
with keeping a secret
9
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,321
from the love of my life.
10
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:23,455
both: Shut the fuck up.
11
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:24,757
- Absolutely.
12
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,558
- You're a shit person
13
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:27,760
and a fucking liar.
14
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,462
I can't even look at you.
15
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:31,563
- You shouldn't.
16
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,632
I don't deserve
your beautiful eyes.
17
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,334
- You deserve prison.
18
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:36,702
Not only did you sleep
with my boyfriend,
19
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,836
you murdered him.
20
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,171
- Nope. Nope.
21
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:41,140
Not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna die
22
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,541
'cause I got the best mystery
solver in town working on it,
23
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,576
and she's gonna figure it out
before it gets to me.
24
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,577
Where are you with that?
25
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:46,645
- Do you even care
26
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:47,713
that you sleeping with Zack
27
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,714
means he's gonna die?
28
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,183
- Of course I do.
29
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,352
But what I care
most about is you.
30
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,854
I would do anything
to take back what I did.
31
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:58,223
- Aw, what a poet.
32
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,858
You whisper poetry like that
in my boyfriend's ear
33
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:01,393
when you fucked him last night?
34
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,396
- I didn't fuck Zack
last night.
35
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,532
I fucked Richie last night.
36
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,900
- You what?
37
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,302
- I had sex with Richie
to protect Isaac.
38
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,338
He kissed me in the rain,
and it was really romantic.
39
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,473
And I like him so much,
and he looked so hot.
40
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,275
And I wanted to sleep with him,
but I can't.
41
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,243
So I had sex with Isaac
through Richie,
42
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,579
who I can't hurt
because he is my sex loophole.
43
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,349
- Did you consider
the possibility
44
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:26,185
of not having sex with anyone?
45
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,620
- I did not.
46
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,689
Did you see "Roxanne"?
47
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,359
- I did not.
48
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,361
- OK.
49
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,596
I know I can't defend
my actions with Zack.
50
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,598
- Who's currently
proving himself indispensable.
51
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,368
- But I was in such a bad place
at Robert's wedding
52
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,670
and so drunk and so high.
53
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,773
And I really did think you guys
were broken up for good.
54
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,209
- Is that all it takes
for you to fuck my boyfriend?
55
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,510
An opening?
56
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:52,544
- There is no excuse
for what I did.
57
00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:54,913
It was a terrible mistake
that we both regretted
58
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:55,948
as soon as it happened.
59
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,649
- That's another thing.
60
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,419
You both kept this sick
little secret from me
61
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,955
while I wandered around here,
trying to solve--
62
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,791
what are you doing?
63
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,393
- Um--[clears throat]
64
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:08,460
I know
the accuracy of the board
65
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,828
is important to you, so...
66
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,497
- Is that
a professional headshot?
67
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,532
Why are you blowing
a gum bubble?
68
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,566
- A few years ago,
when I tried acting,
69
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:18,303
my agent said it would
make me seem more "zany."
70
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,939
- You know what?
71
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,474
Zack is right.
72
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,578
It's important the sex
timeline be up-to-date.
73
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,822
[somber music]
74
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,390
♪ ♪
75
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:41,427
Guess you fucked that too.
76
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,896
Solve your own mystery.
77
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,598
I'm done.
78
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,234
We're done.
79
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,803
Get out of my apartment,
80
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,571
both of you.
81
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:55,974
It's my name on the lease, yes.
82
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,242
It's my apartment.
83
00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:01,747
♪ ♪
84
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,717
["laid" playing]
85
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,620
- ♪ This bed is on fire
with passionate love ♪
86
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:10,422
♪ The neighbors complain ♪
87
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,958
♪ About the noises above ♪
88
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:17,262
♪ But she only comes
when she's on top ♪
89
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:21,500
♪ ♪
90
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,970
♪ My therapist said
not to see you no more ♪
91
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:29,274
♪ She said you're like
a disease without any cure ♪
92
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,443
♪ She said I'm so obsessed ♪
93
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:35,347
♪ That I'm becoming a bore,
oh, no ♪
94
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:42,287
♪ Aw, you think
you're so pretty ♪
95
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:45,290
[vocalizing]
96
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:52,399
♪ ♪
97
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,569
- That's what I'm trying
to tell you, Tabitha.
98
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,538
It's not plugged into
a surge protector.
99
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:01,073
It is literally
raw dogging the wall,
100
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,808
and I'm getting no steam.
101
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,076
There's no steam emanating...
[knock at door]
102
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,344
From this device.
103
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,612
And now I have to go.
104
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,547
All right, Tabitha,
thanks a lot.
105
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,616
Real help.
I gotta--I'll figure it out.
106
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,819
[phone beeps]
46 minutes.
107
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,088
- [sniffling]
108
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,956
- Hey. Hey.
109
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,625
It's all right.
110
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:20,626
You're not the first woman
I've slept with
111
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:24,430
to show up at my door,
overcome with emotion.
112
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,933
Ladies always come back
for more Sweet Rich.
113
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,835
- AJ kicked me out.
114
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,403
- Aw.
115
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,504
Of course she did, sweetie.
116
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,073
You're a nightmare.
117
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,676
All right, now take off
your top and hop into bed.
118
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,612
- Ugh.
That is not what this is.
119
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,716
I need to figure out why my
vagina is killing people now,
120
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,919
and as my sex loophole, it
is your social responsibility
121
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,487
to help me do that.
122
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,358
- What I'm hearing
is that I'm so good in bed,
123
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,860
the memory will carry you
to your grave.
124
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,495
- Oh.
125
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,731
- OK, bad joke.
126
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,798
All right.
127
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,834
Why did AJ kick you out?
128
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,435
- I don't wanna tell you.
129
00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:05,537
- OK.
- I slept with her boyfriend.
130
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,539
- Whoa. What the fuck?
131
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,141
- This is why
I didn't wanna tell you.
132
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,443
- I could not have been clearer
that you didn't have to.
133
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,145
- Can I please just stay here?
134
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,482
I have nowhere else to go, and
all my friends would judge me.
135
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,750
- I'm judging you.
136
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:21,954
- Oh, girl,
I don't care about that.
137
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:25,959
- All right, well, feel free
to join me on my biscuit.
138
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,762
- No, thank you.
139
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,431
- Otherwise, I am experiencing
a sciatica flare-up,
140
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,500
so I'm not giving up the bed.
141
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,169
But loveseat's yours.
142
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,904
- This is not--
143
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,472
this isn't a loveseat.
144
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,740
- I'm sorry.
145
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,776
Is that not enough room for you
and the huge dog
146
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,911
that you just brought
into somebody else's home?
147
00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,780
- [panting]
148
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,048
- That day that I came home...
149
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,683
[banging]
150
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,817
It wasn't just that,
like, I lost my home...
151
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,485
[banging]
And a few days later,
152
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,820
I lost my freedom.
153
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,690
Like, that day, I lost
my friend, and I lost...
154
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,992
[banging]
Also...
155
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,928
- Why are you still here?
156
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,630
- 'Cause I'm almost done
nailing the extension cord
157
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,931
to the baseboards.
158
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,200
- The worst thing that I--
[TV clicks off]
159
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,668
- Frantically completing
all the tasks
160
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,537
I've asked you to do
over the last four years
161
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,105
won't stop me
from breaking up with you.
162
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,506
- I-I changed the Brita filter.
163
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,774
I changed the HVAC filter.
164
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:16,975
I even changed the filter
on that photo
165
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,445
I posted that you thought made
you look like Shaun White.
166
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,213
- No, you--you--
you said that it
167
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,183
made me look like Shaun White
in a comment under the photo.
168
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,053
And there is nothing you can do
to make up for what you did.
169
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,823
- Not even if I got my channel
subscriber count up to 200,000,
170
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,558
and I was--I was recently
approached
171
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,193
by a hard-shell luggage
advertiser?
172
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,527
- Oh.
173
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,997
Well, that changes everything.
174
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,934
- Look, please, AJ,
I'm so sorry,
175
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,702
but you cannot
break up with me.
176
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,004
- Why, because you have
to get your own
177
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,638
Paramount+ subscription?
178
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,173
- No, I don't even watch
Paramount Positive anymore,
179
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,476
ever since "Rise of the
Pink Ladies" got canceled.
180
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:51,710
Aw, don't do that.
Not the corgi.
181
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:52,978
I got those for you.
182
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,681
Come on, no, not--
not Oswald Cobblepot.
183
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,016
Look, AJ, I'm--I'm sorry,
184
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,684
but you cannot
break up with me, OK?
185
00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,818
Let's not--let's not forget
186
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,853
the headline
of the main event here
187
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,821
is that I'm dying.
- Don't do that.
188
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,056
Don't try to make me
feel bad for you
189
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,592
because you fucked up worse
than you have ever fucked up.
190
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,028
- That's fair.
That's why--
191
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,930
that's why I got you this.
192
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,201
- [sighs]
What the fuck is that?
193
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,604
- It's Tickle Frog.
194
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,507
I ordered him from Japan.
195
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,143
Imagine getting tickled
by these digits,
196
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,078
these little bad boys.
197
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,815
[rustling]
198
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,919
[grunts]
199
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,922
I can't tell if you're
playing or fighting with him.
200
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:37,991
What?
201
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,296
Is that a house for them all
to live in together?
202
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,898
- Yeah.
203
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,566
You should ask
if they need a roommate.
204
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:48,934
- Yeah.
205
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,636
Maybe I will because they're
pretty great company.
206
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,005
Oh, don't do that. Come on.
207
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,074
Don't do that.
Not Free William.
208
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,175
Stop it.
209
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,543
- [sighs]
It's not gonna fit.
210
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,610
Get me another trash bag.
211
00:07:58,611 --> 00:07:59,878
- OK.
212
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,314
- What was I thinking,
sleeping with Zack?
213
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,717
- What were you thinking?
214
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:05,951
- I don't know.
215
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,820
We were at my ex
Robert's wedding,
216
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,155
and he had just
called me selfish
217
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,592
in front
of his old pediatrician.
218
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,830
Do you cut your own hair
with meat scissors?
219
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,831
- I do.
220
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,332
Don't beat yourself up.
221
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,834
A lot of people
seek physical connection
222
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,736
when they're in a bad
emotional place.
223
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,171
- Yes, that's exactly it.
224
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,274
When I panic, I turn to sex.
225
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,177
- You see panic, turn to
the left--boom, there's sex.
226
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,212
- Yeah.
227
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,280
It goes panic, sex,
228
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,917
panic, sex, panic, sex,
panic--
229
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:40,219
[screams, gasps]
230
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,187
What the fuck?
231
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,023
- I thought it might help you
get back into the idea
232
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,824
of Cyrano sex
since both Isaac
233
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,693
and Joe have boyish jawlines.
234
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,928
- Why do you own
a Joe Jonas mask?
235
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,264
- Because I'm him
for Halloween.
236
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,365
- Every year?
237
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,067
- Every year, yes.
238
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,835
- OK, well,
put on a goddamn robe.
239
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,638
This is not the time.
[sighs]
240
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,240
- That's a shame.
241
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,643
- Besides, Isaac is way more
handsome than Joe Jonas.
242
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:05,744
- [scoffs]
243
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,179
That's an insane thing to say.
244
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,380
- Uh, trust.
245
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,716
You didn't see him in the rain,
246
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,652
all sweet and wet and sexy.
247
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,255
He's perfect--
248
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,625
which is why
I need to stay away from him.
249
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,894
- Isn't that gonna be hard,
since he's paying you to plan
250
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,930
his horny-for-his-parents
anniversary party?
251
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,865
- I already asked my coworker
to cover my meeting
252
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,801
with Isaac tomorrow.
253
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,803
You and I are going to be
254
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,038
with the next person
on my timeline--
255
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,273
Aubrey.
256
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:38,010
She's--I don't know--
257
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,012
kind of my one that got away.
258
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,014
- Hmm.
259
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,285
Well,
260
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,753
sucks she's gonna die.
261
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,755
- She's not.
262
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,424
I am taking
a different approach with her.
263
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,126
Warning my exes
hasn't been working,
264
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:57,396
so I am going into
full protection mode.
265
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,231
We are not going
to leave her side.
266
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,432
- Oh, so it's we now?
267
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,101
- Yes.
268
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,869
I need to figure out a way
to stop this
269
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,971
before the timeline
gets to Zack.
270
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:09,875
It is the only thing
I can still do for AJ.
271
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,310
They may not be
together anymore,
272
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,012
but I know she still loves him.
273
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,980
- OK, well,
what do you want me to do?
274
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,882
Because we still don't know
why I'm your sex loophole.
275
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,150
- I don't know.
276
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,120
Just, like,
stand next to her or something.
277
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,822
It could be like
an osmosis thing.
278
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,391
- Well, I mean,
I guess I can do that.
279
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,161
My new job doesn't start
till the day after tomorrow.
280
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,933
What new job, you ask?
281
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,969
Oh, that's right.
You didn't.
282
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,303
You actually haven't asked me
a single thing
283
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,838
since you got here.
284
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,707
- I asked if you cut your hair
with meat scissors.
285
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,175
- Elitism like that
is exactly why
286
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,311
we're never gonna get anything
through Congress!
287
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,448
Well, since I don't appear
to be dying anytime soon,
288
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,951
I decided to get a job at
Queen Anne Toyota dealership
289
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,088
to make a little,
you know, money.
290
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,791
And I'm steaming the polo
because you only get one chance
291
00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,858
to make a first impression,
292
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,061
but it's proving
very difficult.
293
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:05,330
This machine is not intuitive.
294
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,100
And yes, before you ask,
there is water in the tank.
295
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,869
It--
296
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,906
Unbelievable.
297
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,040
What are you doing?
298
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,175
I was in the middle
of telling--
299
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,377
- Fuck your story!
People are dying!
300
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,445
- Is that my T-shirt?
301
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,880
- Yes!
302
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,485
- I would put
the party buffet over here,
303
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,121
close to the kitchen.
304
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,423
- OK.
305
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,093
- It makes it easier
for the kitchen staff.
306
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,295
- Yeah, and that's what's
important, isn't it?
307
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,866
Making this event as easy as
possible for the kitchen staff.
308
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,337
Hey.
- Hey.
309
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,438
- Look who's here.
310
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,040
[laughs]
It's the son of the hour.
311
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,808
That's a son with an O.
- Where's Ruby?
312
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,010
- Oh, she's not here today.
313
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,311
It's just you and me,
and I'm excited.
314
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,346
I'm excited to show you
what I can do.
315
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,514
Bye.
316
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,449
All right, let me just show you
what I have set up here.
317
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,418
- [sighs]
318
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,154
- Thought we'd go over the
seating arrangements today.
319
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,123
Now, this is a great time
to tell me anyone
320
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,492
we should keep separated--
conservative aunts...
321
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,360
- Mm-hmm.
- And mouthy cousins
322
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,462
who have thoughts
about organized labor.
323
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,098
- Sure. Sounds good.
324
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:14,900
- Hey.
325
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,502
Is everything OK?
326
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,937
- Yeah.
Yeah, no, totally.
327
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,241
I was just expecting
to meet with Ruby today.
328
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,475
No offense.
329
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,811
These tiny tables are so cute.
330
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:26,980
- [chuckles]
331
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,483
Hey.
332
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,485
Boy to boy,
333
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,587
something happen
between you guys?
334
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,257
- Boy to boy?
335
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:43,095
OK, truth is,
Merci and I broke up,
336
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,830
and Ruby and I kissed
the other night.
337
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,098
Yeah.
- Oh.
338
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,566
- She has a lot going on
in her personal life,
339
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,135
so we decided to take a beat
while she sorts things out.
340
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:53,539
But I didn't think that meant
she'd start avoiding me.
341
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,041
- [sighs] Hate to say it,
but I've seen this before.
342
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,843
Don't get me wrong.
343
00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,445
Huge Ruby fan. So great.
344
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,479
So fun, you know?
345
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,947
But this is what she does.
346
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,882
She draws people in,
which, jealous,
347
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,417
but then she's in control.
348
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,251
She writes the narrative.
349
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,853
You get what she wants
to give you
350
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,388
when she wants to give it.
351
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,591
- What are you saying?
352
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,259
- Huh.
353
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,196
I felt like
that was super clear.
354
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,500
I guess the headline is,
355
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,902
welcome to the Ruby Show.
356
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,611
- [sighs]
357
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,180
Is this it?
358
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,883
- Why are you asking me
where your ex-girlfriend works?
359
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,086
- Yeah, I think this is it.
360
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,456
[car alarm chirps]
361
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,657
I can't believe
it took you so long
362
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,959
to pick out that outfit.
363
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,260
- Of course you can't.
364
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,229
You dress like
a teenage boy with mono.
365
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,031
- [scoffs]
[bell jingling]
366
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,299
Oh, boy.
- Richie?
367
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,502
- Ooh, I love
what's about to happen.
368
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,037
- Hi, Chelsea.
369
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,438
- What are you doing here?
370
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,373
You said we had to break up
because you were dying.
371
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,442
Do you have a colostomy bag
I can't see?
372
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,276
Where's your bag?
373
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,310
I don't see a bag.
Where's your bag?
374
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,680
Or did you make that up
so you could date her?
375
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,682
- Oh, no,
please leave me out of this.
376
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,350
I just wanna watch.
377
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,185
- I promise you,
I did not make it up.
378
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:17,322
But I did find out
that I'm not actually dying.
379
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,158
- Yay.
380
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,694
- Unfortunately, I think
we should remain broken up
381
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,463
because I still hate
how you use
382
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,165
the "not me"
sentence structure.
383
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,934
- "Not me" sentence structure?
384
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,436
- "Not me getting
broken up with."
385
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,438
- [laughs]
Not me having wet nails,
386
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,606
so I can't slap the shit
out of you.
387
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,575
Yeah, that's right.
388
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,043
I'm still gonna use it.
389
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,080
I'm not gonna let you
rob me of my joy, bitch.
390
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,215
Good luck with this asshole, honey.
391
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,384
[scoffs]
392
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:49,054
- Not you dating a girl
who doesn't get gels.
393
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,322
- OK, well,
it's also disgusting
394
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,491
to wear the same nail polish
for over a month.
395
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,492
[Tune-Yards' "Powa"]
396
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,462
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
397
00:14:56,463 --> 00:15:01,066
♪ ♪
398
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,434
- Oh, God.
399
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,969
Look at her.
400
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:07,973
- ♪ Your power inside ♪
401
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:12,344
♪ It rocks me like a lullaby ♪
402
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,214
♪ Your power inside ♪
403
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,483
- Are my eyes red?
- What?
404
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,184
- My eyes get really red
when I don't get enough sleep,
405
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,619
and I only slept nine hours.
406
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,454
Are they red?
- Wow.
407
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,390
You're really pressed
about this girl.
408
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,225
- I told you.
409
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,293
Aubrey's different.
410
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,428
She's...
411
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,696
special.
412
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:31,997
We're gonna stay with her
413
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,266
as long as it takes
to keep her safe.
414
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,267
- Great.
415
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,036
Well, I'll be sure
to give you the same grace
416
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,504
you gave to me
when I confronted my ex
417
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,371
40 seconds ago.
418
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:42,307
- You are a terrible
AJ replacement.
419
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,610
- Does that mean you
won't fuck my boyfriend?
420
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,513
- ♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪
421
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,014
- After you.
422
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:52,584
- [vocalizing]
423
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,119
- It doesn't hurt that much.
424
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,587
- Ohhh!
425
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,289
Aubrey?
426
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,557
- Jesus.
427
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,125
- Wow.
428
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,327
- [laughs] Hey, Ruby.
429
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,030
I-I thought I saw you
lingering outside.
430
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,331
You grew your hair out.
431
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:10,069
- You know, it turns out,
you need a very specific
432
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,470
type of head
for an asymmetrical buzz,
433
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,806
and--and I don't have it.
[laughs]
434
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,341
It's knob city limits up here.
435
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,109
[laughs]
Oh, my God.
436
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,178
I just--I totally forgot
you work here.
437
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,346
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, my God.
438
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,747
Who am I? Elle Woods?
439
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,549
I totally forgot you go here.
440
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,284
Here's my little dog.
There's no dog.
441
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,320
It's just dust,
but I will clean it for you.
442
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,588
[laughs]
443
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,523
How are you?
444
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,560
This is just
such a crazy coincidence.
445
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:38,497
We--we should sit down
in a cozy, quiet place
446
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,200
and catch up right now,
have a safe little dinner.
447
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,334
You still love prime rib?
448
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,269
- Ooh, surely
that's not a question
449
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,471
any woman wants to be asked.
450
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,173
- Yeah, I--honestly, I can't.
451
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,542
I'm about to go ax-throwing
at the bar across the street.
452
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,378
- No, absolutely not.
You're not.
453
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,079
- Jesus.
454
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,448
- I mean...
455
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:59,718
I just really need a tattoo
right now.
456
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,121
Uh, ooh.
457
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,655
Uh, "That's all, folks."
458
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,290
That could be interesting.
459
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,458
- And appropriate.
460
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,694
- Shh.
461
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,297
[clicks tongue]
462
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,400
[laughter]
463
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,869
They were really good ideas.
464
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,237
- [scoffs]
They were not good ideas.
465
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,805
- Oh, come on.
466
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,440
A hyperrealistic Betty Boop?
467
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,574
That would have been
a sick tattoo.
468
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,677
- That would have been creepy.
Why would you want that?
469
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:25,544
- You're just saying that
470
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,779
'cause you know
you couldn't do it.
471
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,447
- Oh, I could have done it.
472
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:31,884
Kate Beckinsale with, like,
what was it, aviator goggles?
473
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,785
That one would
have been hard.
474
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:34,319
- Well, you know how much
"Serendipity"
475
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,754
and aviation mean to me.
476
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,189
- [laughs]
477
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,425
Well, I think
you made the right choice.
478
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,660
- Aw.
479
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,395
Is that a R for Richie?
480
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,663
That's so sweet, babe.
481
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:45,764
- Stop it.
482
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,732
I am not your babe.
483
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,766
He is not my babe.
484
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,268
We are not together.
485
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,637
- [laughs]
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
486
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:52,805
- Excuse me?
487
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:53,839
- No, nothing.
488
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,175
Just remembering that, uh,
489
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,544
you had a hard time
defining us.
490
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,646
- Why we gotta be put in a box?
491
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,748
- And you felt like
we needed a break
492
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,250
to rediscover ourselves
as individuals.
493
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,252
- Is that not healthy?
494
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,688
- And seeing you now,
it's clear
495
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,891
that you haven't fully
dealt with your shit.
496
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,893
- What is that
supposed to mean?
497
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,830
[tattoo machine buzzing]
Ow! [grunts]
498
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,699
- I'll be more gentle.
499
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,834
- Thank you.
500
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:25,304
- You like to keep one foot
out of every relationship
501
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,672
that you're in.
502
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,441
It's 'cause of your
crippling intimacy issues.
503
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,776
It's why you
couldn't handle us.
504
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,645
- That is not at all how
I remember our relationship.
505
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,314
We had no problem
with intimacy.
506
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,815
We were graphically intimate.
507
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,183
My cleaning lady quit.
508
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:39,718
- That was sex.
509
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,753
That's different.
510
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:43,422
We dated for over a year,
and you tried to keep me
511
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,424
from ever really knowing you.
512
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,359
You never showed
any vulnerability.
513
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,461
- People always say that.
514
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,397
"Show vulnerability."
515
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,664
What does that even mean?
516
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,600
- It means,
it took you six months
517
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,335
to tell me that you
hadn't talked to your dad
518
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,703
since you were 18.
519
00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:00,205
- You never asked.
520
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:01,507
- I literally asked you,
521
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,775
"When was the last time you
talked to your dad?"
522
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,810
And you were like,
"Sydney Sweeney is so hot,
523
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,779
but it's, like, enough
with the Broncos."
524
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:08,480
- Well, it is.
525
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,949
- I would let her drive one
right over my mother's face.
526
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,818
Back it up. Do it again.
527
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,620
- What's your point, Aubrey?
528
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,790
- You're afraid that
if you let anyone know you,
529
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,725
you'll get left again.
530
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:23,796
So you subconsciously do
something to push them away
531
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,431
before that can happen.
532
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,267
Which I'm guessing
is what you did to AJ?
533
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,768
- You talked to AJ?
534
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,770
- No,
535
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,606
but you're at your worst
when she's not around.
536
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,576
And I've never seen you
this bad.
537
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:41,580
Every couple keeps secrets
from each other, Ruby.
538
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,615
Mine was,
539
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,951
I knew you
long before you pushed me away.
540
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,921
[somber music]
541
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,523
♪ ♪
542
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:56,562
- There's just this, like...
543
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,897
emptiness I keep trying to fill
544
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,033
with all the wrong things.
545
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,436
♪ ♪
546
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,373
I don't even know why.
547
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,742
- You know why.
548
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:11,410
Your mother's death.
549
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:15,748
Your--your dad just
up and leaving after.
550
00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:19,952
♪ ♪
551
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,554
I know it hurts,
552
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,691
but if you really
wanna move forward,
553
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:30,295
you have to deal with
the pain of your past.
554
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,464
- How am I supposed
to even do that?
555
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,633
♪ ♪
556
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,535
- You know what you need to do.
557
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,404
Actually talk to your dad.
558
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,040
Try and--I don't know--
559
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,541
clear up some of that trauma.
560
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,842
[gunshot, glass shatters]
561
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,010
- [screams]
562
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,880
[suspenseful music]
563
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:49,481
- It wasn't me!
564
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,583
I didn't--I didn't shoot.
565
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,852
Fuck! Check my body cam.
566
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,488
Ah, fuck! It's off!
567
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,661
[keyboard clacking]
568
00:21:03,063 --> 00:21:05,999
- [humming]
569
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:14,840
[groans]
570
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,442
[sighs]
571
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,911
[humming]
572
00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:19,912
- What are--
573
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:22,715
- Do you have a printer?
574
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:23,549
- No.
575
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,017
- [clicks tongue]
576
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:28,654
- But if you send it
to the lady down the hall,
577
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,923
she'll usually just
slide it under the door.
578
00:21:30,924 --> 00:21:34,560
It's HP 3158736 LaserJet.
579
00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,463
Use tray two.
580
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,033
Sorry.
581
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:42,601
What are you writing?
582
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:43,836
- A letter to my dad.
583
00:21:43,837 --> 00:21:45,671
I've put it off
for too long, and,
584
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,774
in a way,
it was Aubrey's last wish.
585
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,676
- Are you sure
you wanna do that right now?
586
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,644
- Well, what I wanna do
right now
587
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,546
is never be with a man again.
588
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:55,748
I have always known
that I was queer,
589
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:59,418
but I am queerer
than I thought.
590
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,986
Do you want shrimp?
591
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,421
- What?
592
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:05,457
- I am going to order shrimp,
593
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:06,959
the cold kind
you peel with your hands.
594
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,128
- Uh, no, I'm OK.
595
00:22:09,129 --> 00:22:10,763
- Oh, see?
596
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:13,767
A woman would have
said yes to shrimp.
597
00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:17,569
- What is this?
598
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:18,971
Why are you acting like
when Buzz Lightyear
599
00:22:18,972 --> 00:22:20,839
became Mrs. Nesbitt?
600
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,509
- I've never seen "Toy Story."
601
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:24,576
- Yes, you have.
602
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:26,545
- No, I haven't.
603
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,013
- You have.
- Um, I haven't.
604
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,715
- Yes, you have seen
"Toy Story," Ruby!
605
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,784
- No, I haven't!
I haven't seen it!
606
00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,719
I haven't seen it,
and maybe I have.
607
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,788
And maybe I have and I'm
trying to forget it, OK?
608
00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:38,090
Maybe I thought it was fucked
when RC smashed
609
00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:40,159
into Mr. Potato Head
and his head exploded
610
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,027
all over the moving van and--
611
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,129
and Rex and Bo-Peep
just had to stand
612
00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:45,998
and fucking watch it happen.
613
00:22:45,999 --> 00:22:48,534
[sobs]
614
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,135
- All right.
All right.
615
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,071
Come here.
616
00:22:52,072 --> 00:22:54,473
- [sobbing]
617
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:55,541
- It's OK.
618
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,910
- It's not OK.
619
00:22:57,911 --> 00:23:00,512
Aubrey's gone.
620
00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:04,049
She's just fucking gone.
621
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:08,220
She was the only person who's
ever seen who I really am.
622
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,790
- I'm so sorry, Ruby.
623
00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:15,962
Hey, listen to me.
624
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,070
I see who you really are.
625
00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:32,778
I'm gonna make us a drink.
626
00:23:32,779 --> 00:23:34,681
- [whimpers, sniffles]
627
00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:49,495
So many people are dead.
628
00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:52,164
What's the point of even trying
to solve this thing anymore?
629
00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:53,265
- What do you mean?
630
00:23:53,266 --> 00:23:56,201
- I mean nothing is working.
631
00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:58,837
- Oh, no.
632
00:23:58,838 --> 00:23:59,805
No way.
633
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,540
You can't give up now.
634
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,976
Aubrey wouldn't want that.
635
00:24:03,977 --> 00:24:07,079
And neither would David
or Brandon
636
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,547
or Stu Jackward.
637
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,282
- [laughs]
638
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:12,951
You remember
my dead exes' names.
639
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:15,654
- Well,
given the circumstances,
640
00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:17,089
I don't think
that's as creepy as it sounds.
641
00:24:17,090 --> 00:24:18,791
- [laughs]
642
00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:21,960
- Now, I don't have
an iPad Mini like AJ,
643
00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:25,732
but I do have
Mrs. Martyushev's LaserJet.
644
00:24:30,103 --> 00:24:33,639
The next person
on the timeline is...
645
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,107
Brad.
646
00:24:35,108 --> 00:24:37,710
Um, why does his name have
three question marks after it?
647
00:24:37,711 --> 00:24:39,111
- Because I remember
we hooked up,
648
00:24:39,112 --> 00:24:41,881
but I don't remember
if we had sex.
649
00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,851
AJ used to love
trying to remember
650
00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:48,921
if I had sex with someone.
651
00:24:48,922 --> 00:24:50,289
- Look, if there's anything
we've learned,
652
00:24:50,290 --> 00:24:52,558
it's that life is short.
653
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:55,194
I think you should
reach out to AJ.
654
00:24:55,195 --> 00:24:56,295
Who knows?
655
00:24:56,296 --> 00:24:59,165
Maybe she's processed it
and is in a forgiving mood.
656
00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:02,735
- Delete.
657
00:25:02,736 --> 00:25:04,136
Delete.
[notification chimes]
658
00:25:04,137 --> 00:25:06,705
Ignore, bitch.
659
00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:08,008
Delete.
660
00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:10,943
Skinny arm on me.
661
00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:11,945
Crop.
662
00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:17,216
Say it again.
- Oh.
663
00:25:17,217 --> 00:25:18,917
- Say what you just said.
[laughs]
664
00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:20,786
- I've never voted!
665
00:25:20,787 --> 00:25:22,654
[laughter]
666
00:25:22,655 --> 00:25:23,622
- ♪ Somebody once told me ♪
667
00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:24,757
- [gasps] Oh, my God.
668
00:25:24,758 --> 00:25:25,924
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
669
00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:28,027
- Oh, my God.
- [gasps, squeals]
670
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:30,062
- [laughs]
God damn it.
671
00:25:30,063 --> 00:25:30,963
- Hey, film us.
672
00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,297
You need to film us.
673
00:25:32,298 --> 00:25:33,599
- Shouldn't we be working?
674
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:34,700
- OK, boo!
675
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,635
So boring.
676
00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:38,137
[laughs]
- OK, you ready?
677
00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:40,739
You ready?
Ready? Ready?
678
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:42,174
- ♪ Well,
the years start comin' ♪
679
00:25:42,175 --> 00:25:44,109
- [laughs]
How do we remember this dance?
680
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:45,377
- I don't know.
681
00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:46,812
- Oh, hey, I'm Ruby.
682
00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:48,180
I'm the center
of the universe.
683
00:25:48,181 --> 00:25:49,948
Now watch me do
a stupid fucking dance
684
00:25:49,949 --> 00:25:52,217
to a perfect fucking song.
685
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:53,619
- What?
686
00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:54,988
[suspenseful tone]
687
00:25:56,923 --> 00:25:58,357
- What--what are we doing?
688
00:25:58,358 --> 00:25:59,792
- Are we going towards me
or you?
689
00:25:59,793 --> 00:26:00,859
- Yes, we're going towards you.
Yes.
690
00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:02,628
To the right. Keep going.
Keep going. Keep going.
691
00:26:02,629 --> 00:26:04,229
- Is my shirt wrinkled
in the back?
692
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:05,831
- Why are you acting like
an eighth grade girl
693
00:26:05,832 --> 00:26:06,765
with her first
hair straightener?
694
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:08,334
- It's your right shoulder.
- It's fine.
695
00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:10,369
- Bring it back.
696
00:26:10,370 --> 00:26:11,403
- Hey, Brad.
697
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:12,971
- Oh, good. You're here.
698
00:26:12,972 --> 00:26:13,806
- OK.
699
00:26:13,807 --> 00:26:15,341
- Can I talk to you
for a second?
700
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:16,408
- Of course. What's up?
701
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,677
- [groans]
- Well, um--
702
00:26:18,678 --> 00:26:19,912
[table scraping]
- Shh. Hey, Brenda.
703
00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:22,215
Please, we'll do this later.
704
00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:25,784
[scoffs]
Sorry about that.
705
00:26:25,785 --> 00:26:28,387
- So you remember how we
hooked up a couple times
706
00:26:28,388 --> 00:26:29,822
for a stretch there?
707
00:26:29,823 --> 00:26:31,657
It was obviously super casual,
708
00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:32,891
almost like a handshake.
709
00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,394
- [laughs] Oh, look,
the Ruby Show is in town.
710
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:37,262
- Well,
it is not important why,
711
00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:40,332
but--actually,
it's super important why.
712
00:26:40,333 --> 00:26:44,304
But how I say it sort of
depends on your answer to this.
713
00:26:45,805 --> 00:26:48,841
I sort of can't remember
if we actually...
714
00:26:48,842 --> 00:26:50,877
slept together or not.
715
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:53,979
- What, you gonna Me Too me?
Is this your lawyer?
716
00:26:53,980 --> 00:26:56,982
- [scoffs] College is a scam.
- What? No.
717
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:57,950
- Are you worried
I'm gonna Me Too you?
718
00:26:57,951 --> 00:26:58,951
Is that the problem?
- No.
719
00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:00,986
No one is Me Too-ing anyone.
720
00:27:00,987 --> 00:27:03,122
I just need to know.
721
00:27:03,123 --> 00:27:05,290
- All right.
722
00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:08,193
Well, no.
723
00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:08,961
Never had sex.
724
00:27:08,962 --> 00:27:11,230
Just hand stuff,
over the clothes.
725
00:27:11,231 --> 00:27:12,898
- Hand stuff.
- You know, a little honk-honk,
726
00:27:12,899 --> 00:27:14,400
a little rub-a-dub-a-doo.
- [laughs]
727
00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:15,934
Thank God.
728
00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:18,003
- Oh, boy, the hits just
keep on coming, don't they?
729
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:19,738
- No, no, no.
It's not that.
730
00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:21,006
It's--
- [sighs]
731
00:27:21,007 --> 00:27:23,008
- OK, this is going
to sound super crazy,
732
00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,878
but something really terrible
has been happening
733
00:27:25,879 --> 00:27:27,813
to all the people
I've had sex with.
734
00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:30,482
They're kind of dying.
735
00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:33,952
They're definitely dying,
actually,
736
00:27:33,953 --> 00:27:35,721
in the order I slept with them.
737
00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:37,356
And not from STDs or anything.
738
00:27:37,357 --> 00:27:42,494
They're, like, really random,
often violent deaths.
739
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,296
No. It's OK.
740
00:27:44,297 --> 00:27:47,433
You and I didn't sleep
together, so you're safe.
741
00:27:47,434 --> 00:27:49,902
- It's Brad!
742
00:27:49,903 --> 00:27:51,470
- AJ?
- Back up, Robert Durst.
743
00:27:51,471 --> 00:27:52,971
I heard your burped confession.
744
00:27:52,972 --> 00:27:54,173
It's him.
It's Brad.
745
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,774
- What are you talking about?
746
00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:57,076
- Just watch.
747
00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:58,344
- ♪ Hey, now, you're ♪
748
00:27:58,345 --> 00:27:59,378
- Thanks, Brad.
749
00:27:59,379 --> 00:28:01,080
Can't wait to take advantage
of your kindness
750
00:28:01,081 --> 00:28:03,082
and your ambition again soon.
- [laughs]
751
00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:05,117
- I hate you, Ruby.
You hear me? I hate you.
752
00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:07,186
- ♪ Get paid ♪
753
00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:08,253
- But guess what.
Guess what.
754
00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:09,455
I have a little secret
for you.
755
00:28:09,456 --> 00:28:11,824
You want to hear it?
756
00:28:11,825 --> 00:28:13,459
I put a hex on you.
757
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,894
- ♪ The mold ♪
758
00:28:15,895 --> 00:28:18,330
♪ And all that glitters
is gold ♪
759
00:28:18,331 --> 00:28:19,932
- [laughs]
760
00:28:19,933 --> 00:28:21,467
- ♪ Only shootin' stars ♪
761
00:28:21,468 --> 00:28:22,768
- I guess it's working.
762
00:28:22,769 --> 00:28:28,007
- ♪ Break the mold ♪
763
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:30,943
[Yuki Dreams Again's
"Bad Mood"]
764
00:28:30,944 --> 00:28:33,846
♪ ♪
765
00:28:33,847 --> 00:28:35,347
- ♪ Hey ♪
766
00:28:35,348 --> 00:28:38,117
♪ ♪
767
00:28:38,118 --> 00:28:40,019
♪ Fuh, yeah ♪
768
00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:42,221
♪ I'm in a bad mood ♪
769
00:28:42,222 --> 00:28:43,989
♪ Not in a good mood ♪
770
00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:45,324
♪ Yeah ♪
771
00:28:45,325 --> 00:28:47,526
♪ No, the batteries
not included ♪
772
00:28:47,527 --> 00:28:49,161
♪ No ♪
773
00:28:49,162 --> 00:28:50,896
♪ Not in a good mood ♪
774
00:28:50,897 --> 00:28:52,231
♪ Yeah ♪
775
00:28:52,232 --> 00:28:55,968
♪ Yes, the bullets
are included ♪
776
00:28:55,969 --> 00:28:57,503
♪ You made too much
bad moves ♪
777
00:28:57,504 --> 00:28:59,004
♪ Yeah ♪
778
00:28:59,005 --> 00:29:01,073
♪ Now my mama
doesn't like you ♪
779
00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:02,207
♪ No ♪
780
00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:04,510
♪ Hated like my first time ♪
781
00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:05,911
♪ Yeah ♪
782
00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,813
♪ Guys like you
the worst type ♪
783
00:29:07,814 --> 00:29:09,114
♪ Yeah ♪
784
00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:11,383
♪ Things that money
can't buy ♪
785
00:29:11,384 --> 00:29:12,418
♪ No ♪
786
00:29:12,419 --> 00:29:14,820
♪ If I was you,
I'd be high ♪
787
00:29:14,821 --> 00:29:16,288
♪ Yeah ♪
788
00:29:16,289 --> 00:29:20,025
♪ ♪
789
00:29:20,026 --> 00:29:21,994
- I think that's a good idea.
790
00:29:21,995 --> 00:29:26,132
{\an8}♪ ♪
54949
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