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1
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,309
- I did it.
- [gasps]
2
00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,577
No.
3
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,346
I told you chore charts cause
more drama than they prevent.
4
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,081
- That's not what this is.
5
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,217
This is a timeline
6
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,819
of everyone
you have ever had sex with,
7
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,155
{\an8}in order, along with everything
you ever said about them,
8
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,290
{\an8}the sex you had,
quality, quantity,
9
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,425
{\an8}location, and how they died,
10
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,860
{\an8}if they're dead,
except for Brandon.
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,294
{\an8}Medical examiner is staying
12
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,563
{\an8}real tight-lipped
about that one.
13
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,165
- Jesus.
14
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,501
But wait, how did you--
- How did I do all this?
15
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,603
Well, I searched our text
thread for the eggplant emoji
16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:40,172
and also peanut, oyster, peach,
and taco to cover all my bases.
17
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,440
- Oh, my God.
- I keep every text
18
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,242
I send or receive,
and this is why.
19
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,777
Ta-fucking-da. I stayed up all
night working on it.
20
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,545
- And clearly went to Staples.
- And went to Staples
21
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,447
when they opened
at 8:00 a.m., yes.
22
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,315
Now we finally have
color ink in our printer,
23
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:51,584
and we also have...
24
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,322
A blow-job overlay.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
25
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,425
Absolutely not.
- Okay.
26
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,493
Well, it's there
if you want it.
27
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,595
That's why it's an overlay.
That's how overlays work.
28
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:07,433
- And I slept with John Early
after I dated that couple.
29
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,535
And I never slept
with Megan's dad.
30
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,470
- No?
That night we all fell asleep
31
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,405
watching
"Manchester by the Sea"?
32
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,342
- I also fell asleep.
- Okay, I'll take him down.
33
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,344
Maybe give Megan
a call, though.
34
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,746
She thinks you fucked her dad.
35
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:24,249
- And Bar Trivia Guy didn't
wear a Green Day T-shirt.
36
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,385
It was Sum 41.
- Lot of notes.
37
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,753
Okay, thought you said
you loved it.
38
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,688
- Never said that.
Never said those words.
39
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,790
Is this an advent calendar?
40
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:33,459
- They're female sex addendums.
41
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,494
We don't know yet
if women will die, too,
42
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,396
so we have extra room
just to jot down our thoughts
43
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:38,597
or any poems
that might come to us.
44
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,500
- You bought yarn for this.
- I bought a lot of things.
45
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:43,369
Now, what do we do
about Robert?
46
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,237
He's dying but still alive.
47
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,505
Maybe just one slash?
- [groans]
48
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,507
- Ooh, I know.
- Oh, my God.
49
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:51,310
- Dash, dash, dash.
Dash, dash, dash.
50
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,379
Like in "The Family Circus,"
when you follow Billy.
51
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,947
"Where is Billy?"
"Up in that tree."
52
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,749
Sorry, I've been awake
for 29 hours.
53
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,283
- You're hiding it super well.
54
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,885
- Thank you.
Now, this is everybody, right?
55
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:02,422
Jason Spotify Ads was
the last guy you had sex with.
56
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:08,161
- Yep, that's everybody.
57
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,397
- Oh, and Zack.
- What?
58
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,464
- We can't let him see this.
59
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,600
For someone who loves
super-violent video games,
60
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,568
he's a little kid
about actual death,
61
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,804
probably because all of his
grandparents are still alive.
62
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,272
- Right.
63
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:21,540
Everyone up here is gonna die,
64
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,375
so he definitely shouldn't
see it.
65
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,710
Or be on it.
What? No.
66
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,945
He definitely won't be on it
and won't see it
67
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,914
because he's afraid of death.
68
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:31,216
- What a puzzle.
I will solve this.
69
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,451
- Will you?
70
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,887
I mean, seriously,
how is this happening?
71
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,790
If six doctors ruled out
my vagina assassinating people,
72
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,259
I think they'll also rule out
long COVID,
73
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,228
{\an8}body hair, and the moon.
74
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,997
{\an8}- Okay, those are theories,
which is why they're listed
75
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,566
under "theories" on the board,
which is a judgment-free zone.
76
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,868
So, if you have anything
you'd like to add...
77
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,704
- I don't know. I...
78
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,307
I think I may have, some point,
in a bar or a dressing room,
79
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:57,443
said I didn't care if some
80
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,345
or maybe all
of these people died.
81
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,580
So maybe someone thinks
they're doing me a favor
82
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,515
by killing them.
83
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,785
- [softly] Murder. I love that.
I want that for us.
84
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,787
[normal voice]
I'm putting it up.
85
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:09,855
Although, after five bodies,
86
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,291
the killer probably would have
sent you a trophy.
87
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:15,562
[phone chiming]
88
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,298
Hello?
89
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,734
- I have a delivery
for Ruby Yao.
90
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,003
- Okay, but let's not jump
to any conclusions.
91
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,271
Let's see what it is fir--
92
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,707
- There is a head in this box.
I'll get to that in a second.
93
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,478
I have a stalker who has
already killed five people.
94
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:35,347
[cover of James' "Laid"]
95
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,349
- ♪ This bed is on fire ♪
96
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,785
♪ With passionate love ♪
97
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:43,789
♪ The neighbors complain
about the noises above ♪
98
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,893
♪ But she only comes
when she's on top ♪
99
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:52,031
♪ ♪
100
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,768
♪ My therapist said
not to see you no more ♪
101
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:59,905
♪ She said you're like
a disease without any cure ♪
102
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:04,309
♪ She said I'm so obsessed
that I'm becoming a bore ♪
103
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,445
♪ Oh, no ♪
104
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:12,951
♪ I think you're so pretty ♪
105
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:20,293
♪ ♪
106
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,701
- I'm sorry,
did you just walk back here?
107
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:29,835
Is there anyone
at the front desk?
108
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,637
- Yes.
I told them why I was here,
109
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:32,971
and they said to come see you.
110
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,606
[laughter]
111
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,942
- [sighs]
Fantastic.
112
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,712
How can I help you?
113
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,946
- I have a stalker
who's killing
114
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,382
everyone I've ever had sex with
because they don't want me
115
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,851
to be with anyone else
but them.
116
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,886
- Oh, that's not
how a stalker works.
117
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:50,689
They usually kill
the object of their obsession.
118
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,424
- Right.
I've heard this already
119
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,859
from my roommate,
which is why she isn't here
120
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,627
and physically tried
to stop me from coming.
121
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,129
But why would you kill
122
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,731
the person
you're obsessed with?
123
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,933
If they're dead,
you can't be obsessed anymore.
124
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,901
Fun's over.
125
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,471
But for this guy,
the fun's just begun.
126
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,040
I have a Jigsaw,
and I am terrified.
127
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,977
We need to catch this asshole.
128
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,847
- Did you just check to see
if I had a wedding ring?
129
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,750
- Yes, because it's been
ingrained in me,
130
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,485
because that's what
women are forced to do
131
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,120
because of society.
132
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,921
My stalker is winning
right now.
133
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:24,390
We need to focus.
134
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,625
I am AirDropping a photo
of my sex timeline
135
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,529
to everyone
in this police house.
136
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,598
Is that what it's called?
137
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,466
- It's a precinct.
138
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:37,836
[phones chiming]
139
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,706
- It's confronting, I know, but
no one sex-shame me, please.
140
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:43,175
- This is a healthy body count
for a 30-year-old woman.
141
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,044
- Thank you.
142
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,646
And only 30. bless.
143
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:51,917
- Okay, so your stalker gave
your ex Michael
144
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,485
male anorexia?
145
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,087
- No, but I think maybe
146
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,789
my stalker took advantage
of it.
147
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,557
Michael couldn't run
because his legs were weak
148
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,025
from low muscle tone.
149
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:03,095
- And he gave David sepsis.
- Could be an angel of mercy.
150
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,630
We need forensics on this.
151
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:07,499
And I'll need
a 24-7 police tail.
152
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,468
Honestly,
all these people will,
153
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,638
because they're
about to be murdered.
154
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,606
Or one of them is a murderer,
155
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:18,077
and we need to act fast
before he kills...
156
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,545
Simon.
157
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,113
[distant telephone ringing]
158
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,882
Gonna have to rack my brain
on who that is.
159
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,018
- Yeah, you will.
160
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,953
And that's okay.
161
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,154
- [chuckles]
162
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,890
- Okay, why do we think there's
a human head in this box?
163
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:32,791
Did we open it?
164
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,727
- My roommate wanted to,
but I was like,
165
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,195
"That'll contaminate
the evidence."
166
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,564
And she's like, "Oh, so now
you're the expert on murder?"
167
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,099
And I'm like, "Uh, it's a head.
168
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,567
It's 8 pounds."
169
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,035
And she's like,
"You can't get your science
170
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,837
from 'Jerry Maguire,'"
and I'm like, "Can't I?
171
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,506
It's well-written."
[sighs]
172
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,975
[gasps]
Again, contamination.
173
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,978
Your pen could leave ink spots
on the box tape.
174
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,147
How would we lift prints?
175
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,885
- Oh, our print lifter
has a pen attachment.
176
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,588
[sighs]
177
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,123
- Do you want
some eucalyptus ointment
178
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,591
to dab under your nose?
179
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,060
It's gonna smell.
- Stop. Nope, I'm good.
180
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,662
Thank you.
181
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:14,566
- Oh, my God.
Okay, here we go.
182
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,502
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
183
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:19,171
Oh, God. Oh, God.
[pants]
184
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,940
Are the eyes missing?
Is there a note in the mouth?
185
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,575
I have tweezers.
186
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,812
[suspenseful music]
187
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,515
Ah.
188
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,717
[object thuds on desk,
detective sighs]
189
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,920
I ordered snow globes
for a party I'm planning.
190
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:35,954
[chuckles]
191
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,526
Had a really cute idea
for the c-centerpieces.
192
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,761
I really could have
a stalker, though.
193
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:46,031
Five people really are dead.
194
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,533
- Right.
195
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,634
Well, since we're not allowed
196
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,169
to dismiss women
out of hand anymore
197
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,105
or use words like
"overreacting" or "hysterical"
198
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,941
or "on the rag," I'm just gonna
have to say to you,
199
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,812
thank you for entrusting us
with your safety.
200
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,715
Have a nice day.
201
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,049
- I am not crazy.
- Ah.
202
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,051
I didn't say you were,
'cause I'm not allowed to.
203
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,654
You can check my body-cam
footage for verification.
204
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,789
- Oh, man, Stu Jackward died?
205
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,791
He just came off
injured reserve.
206
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,160
[distant telephone ringing,
indistinct chatter]
207
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,996
[doorbell rings]
208
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,565
- Hey.
209
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,066
I thought we said 1:00.
It's only 10:30.
210
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:24,336
- Oh, yeah,
my last meeting ended
211
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,305
a little earlier
than I thought.
212
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,741
But good news.
213
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,776
- Oh, the snow globes came.
[chuckles]
214
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,812
- Snow globes came.
[chuckles] Not a human head.
215
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:36,015
- Yeah, my parents
are gonna love this.
216
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,950
Come in. Come in.
217
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,952
- Another shipment's coming
from Scotland.
218
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,587
I was just on the phone
with them.
219
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,088
Tough accent to navigate.
220
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,157
- My dad does
a great Scottish brogue.
221
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:48,127
[in bad Scottish accent]
Purple burglar alarm.
222
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,995
[normal voice]
He does it way better.
223
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,197
- [bad Scottish accent] Try it
like you're gargling marbles.
224
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,700
[normal voice] That was
Sean Connery counseling you.
225
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,703
[both laugh]
226
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,105
Is that "The Greatest Showman"?
227
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,974
- Ah, I don't know.
228
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,943
I just--I think
the TV just came like that.
229
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,078
- Um...
230
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,947
are you an undercover
musical lover?
231
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,083
Because throw
those covers off, honey.
232
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,851
I am right here.
233
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,820
- Wait, are you serious?
You like musicals?
234
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,689
- Okay, I know
it's an impossible question,
235
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,057
but what's your favorite?
236
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,958
- Classic?
"Singin' in the Rain."
237
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,027
- I was Donald O'Connor
last Halloween.
238
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,129
- More recent,
"Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
239
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,398
- I was John Cameron Mitchell
the Halloween before that.
240
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,767
- And animated...
241
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,202
both: "Beauty and the Beast."
242
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,737
Oh!
- Not gonna lie--
243
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,005
attracted to Beast.
[both laugh]
244
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,107
- The end of "Be Our Guest,"
when the feather duster started
245
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,875
doing a little cancan
and the champagne bottles pop.
246
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,744
- I levitated
and maybe cried a little.
247
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,212
- I cried a lot,
248
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,181
or, like, you know,
like a regular amount
249
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,982
a-a guy would cry.
250
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,651
- [chuckles]
251
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,953
I love that you love musicals.
252
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,190
- Yeah, I used to watch them
all the time with my parents.
253
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,360
- I love how close
you are with them.
254
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,095
My mom died when I was 18,
255
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,030
and then my dad
kind of dipped out, so...
256
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,898
not a lot of closeness there.
257
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,867
I haven't seen him in years.
258
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,702
Save a lot on cards, though.
- Mm.
259
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,804
- Who still sends cards?
Uh, I do.
260
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,273
When's your birthday?
- Uh, May 26th.
261
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,875
- [bad Scottish accent]
You're getting a card.
262
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,043
- [bad Scottish accent]
Oh, great.
263
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,144
[both laugh]
264
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,912
- [normal voice] Can I get you
something to drink?
265
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,314
- Gin.
Kidding. Surprise me.
266
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,915
- [chuckles]
267
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,984
Man, it's kind of nice
to talk musicals again.
268
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,886
Merci, she doesn't like 'em.
269
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,922
- Oh, it was so great
meeting her.
270
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,758
You know,
I was really impressed
271
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:29,228
by her Women Experiencing
Carlessness charity.
272
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,830
You know, I saw a woman
walking to work this morning.
273
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,465
Please tell her
I thought of her.
274
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,067
- I will.
Yeah, she'll like that.
275
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,137
- Yeah, I like her. Her hair.
276
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,339
- Hopefully it's not too early
for a probiotic soda.
277
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,441
[chuckles]
- Impossible.
278
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:45,278
- To good gut health.
[both laugh]
279
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,981
Mmm.
- [groans softly]
280
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,349
- Oh, hey, how'd it go
with your friend?
281
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,217
Did you talk to her,
get that big, scary thing
282
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,419
off your chest?
283
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,421
- Oh, no.
284
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,390
We've got a lot of other stuff
going on right now.
285
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:02,061
Crazy stuff, actually,
so it's a little tense.
286
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,829
- Oh, shit.
287
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,165
Is everything okay?
- Yeah.
288
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:10,736
I mean, no,
but we are figuring things out.
289
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:11,837
It's fine.
290
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,306
It's gonna be fine, I hope.
291
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,942
Crazy being a single woman
in the city.
292
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,511
- Mm-hmm.
- A lot of people out there.
293
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,915
Weirdos.
- Mm.
294
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,885
- Is that a bat?
295
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,455
- Oh, uh, yeah.
296
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:33,525
It's to fight off
the squirrels.
297
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,127
- What?
298
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,029
- Merci, she likes
to keep the windows open,
299
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,997
but she's allergic
to the mesh in the screens,
300
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,334
so enter every squirrel
in Seattle.
301
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:47,773
- They made a mess of your rug.
302
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:52,544
- Uh, that--that's, uh, usually
covered by the couch.
303
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,413
Yeah, let me--let me just--
304
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,447
- Oh.
- Yeah.
305
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:59,518
[tense music]
306
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,253
That I still need to deal with.
307
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:05,290
♪ ♪
308
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:08,027
[laughs]
309
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,562
♪ ♪
310
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,033
- It's Isaac!
Isaac is my stalker!
311
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,501
- Oh, my God,
you do not have a stalker.
312
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,836
Was there a head in the box?
- It was snow globes.
313
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:19,905
- I know.
I ran the tracking number.
314
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,573
Anyway, there's news.
- There is.
315
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,575
I have a stalker,
and it's Isaac.
316
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,943
I was just over at his house.
317
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,111
It is full-on
318
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,446
"Silence of the Lambs"
over there.
319
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,514
He has a squirrel bat.
320
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,882
And think about it.
321
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,316
Guys started dying
right after we met.
322
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,385
And he's so cute
and innocent-looking.
323
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,888
I mean, isn't it always
the cute guy you least expect?
324
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,122
- Ed Gein was never cute.
325
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,992
- Everyone's cute to somebody.
326
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,194
Check if Isaac has
living parents he didn't kill.
327
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,096
Google
"snow globe murder weapon
328
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,230
Isaac Torres parents."
329
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,199
- Rubes,
Isaac is not your stalker
330
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,435
because you don't have
a stalker,
331
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,338
because stalkers
can't give someone cancer.
332
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,106
- Oh, no.
333
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,242
[soft dramatic music]
334
00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:02,081
♪ ♪
335
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,483
- Dash, dash, dash.
336
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,485
Dash, dash, dash.
337
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,287
- Poor Robert.
338
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,857
{\an8}I can't believe
he's already dead.
339
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,460
Like, he is dead.
340
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,395
A guy I loved.
- I know.
341
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,497
And the cluster's next.
- The what?
342
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:21,100
- You have a sex cluster
followed by an antibiotic gap.
343
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,436
See, that's why I made
these brackets and that circle.
344
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,272
- Okay.
345
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,041
Okay, I--
346
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,110
I had just come out
of my first real relationship,
347
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,012
and I needed to do
some fucking and sucking
348
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,513
and swiping and wiping.
- Oh, I know.
349
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,382
Want to see the blow-job
overlay in this area?
350
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,250
It's planes
stacked over San Francisco.
351
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,219
You cannot see the city.
- Oh, my God.
352
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,521
I'm gonna kill a whole cluster.
353
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,956
- Oh, no.
354
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,391
No, no, no, no, no.
355
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,027
Maybe not the whole thing.
Jordana might not die.
356
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,595
It might have to be
full OM-pen.
357
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,963
- Mm?
358
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,998
- Full organic member
penetration.
359
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,033
- Got it. Hate it.
360
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,135
And I hate that I dealt
with my first heartbreak
361
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,071
by sex clustering or whatever.
362
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,073
- No, respect your timeline.
363
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,309
Look, you inspired me
to do mine.
364
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,478
- This has four people on it.
365
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,180
- I was with Terrance
for eight years
366
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,248
and then Zack for five.
367
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,316
And you know I really have
to care about someone
368
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,152
before I'm intimate,
which is not an indictment.
369
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,319
I wish I could be
more like you.
370
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,422
I wish I didn't love so hard.
- What about the cellist?
371
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,090
- We didn't do much,
just hand stuff.
372
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,693
- No blow-job overlay?
- Mm, no, not my thing.
373
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,461
I didn't want to mess up
my Invisalign.
374
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:25,030
Now, my hand-job overlay--
these are my greatest assets.
375
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,699
I'm like a surgeon
but with hand jobs.
376
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,900
- Both hands. Wow.
377
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,302
- You don't want one to be
a lot stronger than the other.
378
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,238
You think this one can't tag in
if this one gets tired?
379
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,574
- [sighs]
Your sex timeline folds up
380
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,343
and fits in a doll's pocket.
381
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,045
Mine is on wheels
and takes up this whole room.
382
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,314
- I can take it down.
- No.
383
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,683
It's...
384
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,052
good for me to see it,
385
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:50,155
to remind me
that all these guys,
386
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,224
and possibly two women,
387
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:56,128
are going to die because of me.
388
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,598
[light tense music]
389
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,200
I think I have to warn them.
390
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,735
- I do, too.
I also think that.
391
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,169
I was hoping you'd say that.
392
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,637
Roll on some deodorant,
and we'll head out.
393
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,039
- Wait, but wait.
394
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,375
It's gonna be so weird...
395
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,243
and hard.
396
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,345
{\an8}Jeffrey and Robert had some
not great things to say to me,
397
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,114
{\an8}and they didn't even know
about the whole
398
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,682
"they're going to die
because of me" part.
399
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,283
- Agree.
400
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:22,055
It is gonna be weird and hard,
but there are--
401
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,226
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven--
402
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,428
- I changed my mind.
Just take it down.
403
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,098
- 13, 14, 15, 16--
17 guys and 2 women
404
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,134
who deserve to know
what's happening.
405
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,302
They would want to know.
I know I'd want to know.
406
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:38,504
- Really?
407
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:41,707
Something... this bad?
408
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,342
We did the fucking worst--
409
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:46,145
The worst thing?
410
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,681
You'd want to know?
- Absolutely.
411
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:51,116
We don't want to be
the people who know something
412
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,718
and don't say something.
413
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,386
We want to be Niecy Nash
414
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,622
in "Dahmer Monster:
The Jeffrey Dahmer Story."
415
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,491
- "American Dahmer Monster:
The Jeffrey Murder Story."
416
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,760
- "Ryan Murphy Presents
Jeffrey Crime Monster:
417
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,029
American Murder Dahmer."
418
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,431
Zack came up with that one.
419
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,399
Could not watch it, though.
Begged me to turn it off.
420
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,369
- Let's go be Niecy.
- Let's go be Niecy.
421
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,073
[door closes]
422
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,041
- And we're sure
Isaac's not my stalker?
423
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,343
- Yes, we Googled his parents.
424
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,078
They are alive and well
in a sea of snow globes.
425
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,347
Literally, everything he has
ever told you has been true.
426
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,082
- Fine.
But what do we tell these guys?
427
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,650
We don't even know
how long they have left.
428
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,052
- Somewhere between
several days and one or two.
429
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:28,320
I'm trying to find
a correlation
430
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,089
between the length of time
you dated everyone
431
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,357
and the time between deaths.
432
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,058
I feel like it's an average
of two numbers,
433
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,393
but I don't know which.
434
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,328
And then I feel like
I need to divide by something,
435
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,629
but I don't know what.
- Penis size?
436
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,465
- I do have
some of those numbers,
437
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,599
but it's an incomplete dataset.
438
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,735
I know you're nervous,
but also try and think of this
439
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:44,403
as a fact-finding mission.
440
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:47,373
Are you wearing contour?
- I'm about to see all my exes.
441
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,640
- To tell them they're dying.
442
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,342
- I don't think
me looking like shit
443
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,211
will soften the blow.
[heavy footsteps]
444
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,545
- The Clog Dropper
from upstairs.
445
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:56,382
- What do we do?
- Uh, act casual.
446
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,450
[ominous musical sting]
447
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,619
- Hi. Jill Blanch?
[chuckles]
448
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:04,156
We're your downstairs
neighbors, Ruby and AJ.
449
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,091
So weird we haven't met
after eight years.
450
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,192
Nice clogs.
451
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,228
- Pure birch.
452
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:13,132
[heavy footsteps]
453
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,634
- She is so scary.
I love it.
454
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,536
- Okay.
455
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,705
Let's go tell
everyone I've ever slept with
456
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,774
that they're going to die.
457
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:25,177
- Ladies, congrats on the nups.
458
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,746
What kind of a retirement plan
were you hoping to save for?
459
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:31,417
- Yeah, sorry, I sort of lied
to get us in here.
460
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,885
It's me.
461
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,521
Ruby Yao?
462
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,856
- Oh, yeah, Ruby.
463
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,224
[both laugh]
464
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,126
Hi.
- Hi. It's me.
465
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,261
[both laugh]
466
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,430
- Cool. How are you?
467
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:45,831
- Well...
468
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:49,768
Simon, let me answer
that question with a question.
469
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,504
Would you want to know
if you were gonna die?
470
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,306
- What?
- Also, can you tell me
471
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:55,874
how long your erect penis is
from base to tip?
472
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,409
- What?
473
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,345
- Let us both back up
a little bit.
474
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,280
It's a bit too personal
to get into over intercom,
475
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,815
but I have
some urgent information
476
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:05,818
I need to pass along to Brian,
Brian Glidewell.
477
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:08,253
The jukebox used to be
over there, didn't it?
478
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,421
I'll have a vodka tonic.
479
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,190
Whoa, that was
pure muscle memory.
480
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,659
Spent a lot of time in this bar
listening to medium-ugly men
481
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,227
talk about their jobs.
482
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,730
- So you want a vodka tonic?
- Oh, no. Sorry.
483
00:18:17,731 --> 00:18:20,366
Does the guy who used to run
trivia still work here?
484
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,368
He used to wear a Sum 41 shirt.
485
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,837
- It was a Green Day shirt.
- Oh, Richie.
486
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:27,406
- Richie. Richie.
487
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,174
- He runs trivia at a different
bar on Wednesdays.
488
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:31,176
- Shit. Okay.
489
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,712
But while I have you...
490
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,315
- In the original
"Peanuts" cartoon,
491
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,751
who is Snoopy's nemesis?
492
00:18:38,752 --> 00:18:41,453
- There he is. Sum 41 shirt.
493
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,721
- It was Green Day.
494
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,723
- I love this new outfit.
495
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,759
Did you add sequins?
496
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,527
- I didn't add sequins.
497
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,363
They appear magically
the closer I, Corbin the Clown,
498
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,365
get to being a kid again.
499
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,767
[silly voice]
Keep it moving!
500
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,935
Keep it moving! Keep--
501
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,506
{\an8}- [speaking Portuguese, laughs]
502
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,644
{\an8}- [speaking Portuguese]
503
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,980
- Sorry, Google Translate
just went into the cloud
504
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,515
for some reason.
505
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:10,783
- Because you have no room
on your phone
506
00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:12,384
because you keep
all your fucking texts.
507
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,719
- So surprising
to get your text.
508
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,487
- Yeah,
we haven't heard from you
509
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,889
since you broke up with us.
510
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,490
- That's funny.
511
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:22,327
I remember it feeling
a little bit more mutual.
512
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,629
- No.
- No.
513
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,597
- Okay.
[laughs nervously]
514
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,801
Well, I am so happy to see that
you guys are still together.
515
00:19:28,802 --> 00:19:30,803
I know that sometimes
it can be hard
516
00:19:30,804 --> 00:19:32,738
opening your relationship up
to a third.
517
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,440
- Oh, well,
when your third is Beth...
518
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,642
- Yeah, Beth was
a real game changer for us.
519
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:37,409
- Oh, gosh.
520
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,243
- Really opened us up,
you know?
521
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,245
- Yeah.
- When you know, you know.
522
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,381
- All I know is, the guy
I'm looking for is named Lucas.
523
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,483
Let me draw for you
the man I'm looking for.
524
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,385
Can you pull up Illustrator
on that?
525
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,253
- I don't have Illustrator
on this.
526
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:49,788
- Hmm. That's too bad.
527
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,324
I want to be kind, so I don't
want to say what I'm picturing.
528
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,759
But, basically,
when we were having sex,
529
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,961
I was like a pea on a pile
of mashed potatoes.
530
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,597
- Well, no more potatoes,
and bam.
531
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,032
[chuckles]
532
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:03,802
It's me, Ruby, Lug.
533
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,404
- No way.
534
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,339
- Way.
[chuckles]
535
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,975
Yeah, I go by Lug now.
536
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,643
So, uh, what's this all about?
537
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,314
- Do you remember that Cîroc
vodka launch party in 2018?
538
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,583
You were a bottle-service boy,
and I was sort of your boss
539
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,718
who probably shouldn't
have slept with you.
540
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,520
- Oh, no.
541
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:24,456
Did you have a baby?
542
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,558
[exhales deeply]
Fuck, do I have a son?
543
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:27,926
Is that what this is?
544
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,061
[groans]
545
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,864
Is it--is it him?
546
00:20:31,865 --> 00:20:34,767
- No, I-I think
that man works here.
547
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:37,603
- He's not with us.
- That's your coworker.
548
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,072
- Oh, thank God.
[chuckles]
549
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,907
Oh, my God.
That was--
550
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,976
- [laughs nervously]
- You got me, man.
551
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:45,577
That was crazy.
- Yeah.
552
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,080
Okay. Can you see
this timeline?
553
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,683
So then people started dying.
554
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,819
Now all these guys
before you are dead.
555
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,755
- One, two, three,
four, five, six.
556
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,757
- I said I clicked
on "leave at door."
557
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,693
- No, no, no,
I am not a delivery.
558
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,561
I'm looking
for a Brian Glidewell.
559
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,396
- So I'm gonna die?
560
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,465
- Also, seems unrelated,
but it's not.
561
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,000
Have you used
generic body spray
562
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,468
in the last nine years?
563
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,003
- Oh, we can circle back
to that in a second.
564
00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:14,606
In the meantime, let me just
AirDrop you this timeline.
565
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,741
[phone chimes]
Oh.
566
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,476
Just sent you my JetBlue app.
567
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,845
Hmm. Be better at phones, girl.
568
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,481
Should we have a handout ready
so they can follow along?
569
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,849
Would that help?
570
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,685
- Yeah, it'd be nice
to hold something.
571
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,087
- What?
572
00:21:28,088 --> 00:21:29,922
- I'm Ruby.
573
00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:31,623
We dated briefly.
574
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,726
You took me, unironically,
to brunch at a ren faire.
575
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:36,095
- Yes. No, I know, Ruby.
I remember you.
576
00:21:36,096 --> 00:21:38,464
I just haven't seen you
since we got in a fight
577
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,599
about the movie "Malignant."
578
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,134
I kept calling
the main character Malignant
579
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,570
as if that was her actual name,
and she got annoyed because--
580
00:21:44,571 --> 00:21:45,738
- It's not
the character's name.
581
00:21:45,739 --> 00:21:46,939
'Cause it's not
the character's name.
582
00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:48,474
- Okay, well...
- Okay, remembering now
583
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,641
you love a long story.
584
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,645
- And they're all dead?
- All dead.
585
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,058
- Yeah, but this paper doesn't
actually explain anything.
586
00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:08,460
- And some of these words are
really hard to make out.
587
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:09,995
I mean, I'm sorry,
is that a C or a G?
588
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:11,563
- Yes, that's a C.
589
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:14,099
Unless "sex gluster"
is a term suddenly?
590
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:15,567
Obviously, it's not.
591
00:22:15,568 --> 00:22:17,670
- Oh, I get it.
This is an AA thing.
592
00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:19,071
You're making amends.
593
00:22:19,072 --> 00:22:20,572
- Is this a prank?
594
00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:23,075
[laughs]
Oh, did Blake send you?
595
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,943
That fucker.
Hey, Blake!
596
00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:27,146
Blake, I know it's you, bitch!
[laughs]
597
00:22:27,147 --> 00:22:29,548
- What do I tell my mom?
598
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,517
- [gasps]
- What the fuck?
599
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,819
- I don't know
where Brian Glidewell is,
600
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:35,821
and neither does Bass Pro Shop!
601
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:37,456
- Okay, okay, we tried.
- We tried.
602
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:38,624
- Nobody's ever tried harder!
- [yelps]
603
00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:40,526
- I have a lot of questions.
604
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,695
- Really, everything we know
is on the flyer.
605
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:44,496
I'm sorry.
I wish I had more answers.
606
00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:46,732
I just don't.
607
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:49,568
- That was lovely.
You're doing great right now.
608
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:51,770
- Yeah, thanks.
That one felt good.
609
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:53,839
- Can we maybe just, like,
start at the beginning?
610
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,442
- Read the answer.
- Okay, it's the Red Baron.
611
00:22:56,443 --> 00:22:58,844
The answer is the Red Baron.
612
00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:00,846
- I said it wasn't Woodstock.
613
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:03,215
That's Snoopy's best friend
and confidant.
614
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,451
- Can we just--
615
00:23:05,452 --> 00:23:07,486
What in the fucking--
616
00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:08,954
- Hell!
You put me through hell.
617
00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:10,989
You--you laughed
when you broke up with me.
618
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:12,991
You drove me somewhere after
and laughed the whole way.
619
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:14,828
And you used my catchphrase
against me.
620
00:23:16,096 --> 00:23:17,730
{\an8}"Keep it moving"?
- I did.
621
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:19,666
And I see now I shouldn't have
done that, "Jo-ay-oh."
622
00:23:20,934 --> 00:23:22,801
- "Jo-ay-oh."
- João!
623
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:24,603
- "Jo-ay-oh."
- João.
624
00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:26,572
- [whispering]
I think he's upset with us.
625
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:27,740
- Of course we're upset.
626
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:29,108
- I'm just trying
to tell you information
627
00:23:29,109 --> 00:23:30,542
you deserve to know.
628
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,044
- What kind of woman dresses up
629
00:23:32,045 --> 00:23:34,013
to let people know
that they're dying?
630
00:23:34,014 --> 00:23:35,881
- It's just contour!
631
00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:37,750
- A doctor who cares
about her appearance.
632
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,551
- Wait, I'm confused.
Who's a doctor?
633
00:23:39,552 --> 00:23:40,819
She's a doctor?
both: No!
634
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:41,987
- Okay.
635
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:44,523
Okay, look, I just need
everyone to take a deep breath
636
00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:46,759
and raise your hand
if you've ever used
637
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,594
spray paint
in an enclosed space.
638
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,496
- This is just
typical Ruby chaos energy.
639
00:23:50,497 --> 00:23:51,764
- Yeah, yeah,
brings me right back.
640
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:54,633
- You know, you were a real
fucking nightmare to deal with.
641
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:56,035
- What? Me?
- Yeah.
642
00:23:56,036 --> 00:23:57,036
Yeah.
- How?
643
00:23:57,037 --> 00:23:58,771
- Well, you told your friends
that I was...
644
00:23:58,772 --> 00:24:00,673
- A loser,
and then you ghosted...
645
00:24:00,674 --> 00:24:03,676
{\an8}- Me, right after you had...
- Cheated on us...
646
00:24:03,677 --> 00:24:04,777
{\an8}- And you wouldn't even
let us...
647
00:24:04,778 --> 00:24:07,646
- Do it in your...
- Bottom.
648
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,815
- What?
- Your lowest point.
649
00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,051
What was your rock bottom?
650
00:24:12,052 --> 00:24:14,920
- This, right now.
651
00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:18,190
- Oh, you're still
in your disease.
652
00:24:18,191 --> 00:24:20,993
My lowest point was actually
my last night with you,
653
00:24:20,994 --> 00:24:23,195
that car crash.
- Of course.
654
00:24:23,196 --> 00:24:25,097
Everyone's got something today.
655
00:24:25,098 --> 00:24:27,066
I laughed at this one.
656
00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:28,767
I cheated on those ones.
657
00:24:28,768 --> 00:24:31,570
Now there's this car crash
that is somehow my fault.
658
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:33,605
- Well, you were driving.
- So?
659
00:24:33,606 --> 00:24:35,040
- No, it's a good thing.
660
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,543
It's what finally jolted me
back to life,
661
00:24:37,544 --> 00:24:39,845
what made me put down
the giant mashed potato spoon.
662
00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:40,779
- He did.
663
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:42,748
He used to eat them
with a giant spoon.
664
00:24:42,749 --> 00:24:44,049
- When you ran away--
665
00:24:44,050 --> 00:24:46,085
literally, the cops had
to chase her for blocks--
666
00:24:46,086 --> 00:24:47,219
it kind of threw me.
667
00:24:47,220 --> 00:24:49,688
I thought that an experience
like that would bond us
668
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:52,691
closer together,
but you just disappeared.
669
00:24:52,692 --> 00:24:54,893
But you know
what I did after that?
670
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:55,928
- Ate?
671
00:24:55,929 --> 00:24:58,697
- No, I, uh--the opposite.
672
00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:00,699
I stopped eating.
I stopped drinking.
673
00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:02,735
I stopped the whole
self-destructive path
674
00:25:02,736 --> 00:25:04,636
that I was on,
and I started training.
675
00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:07,239
I got fit.
I got other people fit.
676
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,808
So thank you, Ruby.
677
00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,778
- Thank me?
- Yeah, for saving my life.
678
00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:15,848
[soft music]
679
00:25:15,849 --> 00:25:17,216
- Lug, I hope
it's your cheat day,
680
00:25:17,217 --> 00:25:19,218
'cause we are going
for mashed potatoes.
681
00:25:19,219 --> 00:25:20,787
- [laughs]
All right.
682
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,892
- So I saved a person's life.
- Hmm.
683
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,093
Interesting you started there.
684
00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:30,662
- There's a person now where
a person maybe wouldn't be.
685
00:25:30,663 --> 00:25:32,297
- Because of you.
- Because of me.
686
00:25:32,298 --> 00:25:34,033
- [laughs]
687
00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:36,635
- A lot of them, though, didn't
have very fond memories of me.
688
00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:37,936
- They did not, no.
689
00:25:37,937 --> 00:25:39,838
- A doorman
in a bedazzled clown costume
690
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:41,640
tried to strangle me.
691
00:25:41,641 --> 00:25:44,376
- But that makes what you did
today even more impressive.
692
00:25:44,377 --> 00:25:46,645
You went
into a hostile environment,
693
00:25:46,646 --> 00:25:49,114
and you did that shit.
694
00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:50,983
- You're just trying
to G me up.
695
00:25:50,984 --> 00:25:53,919
- That's right, because you're
a motherfucking G.
696
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,755
Also, you knew
all those people so long ago.
697
00:25:56,756 --> 00:25:58,924
You're so different
than you were back then.
698
00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:01,126
- Am I?
- You totally are.
699
00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:04,096
You're, like, so mature...
- [scoffs]
700
00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:08,634
- A full adult
and a great person.
701
00:26:08,635 --> 00:26:10,236
The best best friend.
702
00:26:12,205 --> 00:26:13,940
- I'm really not.
703
00:26:15,842 --> 00:26:17,977
But you are.
704
00:26:19,946 --> 00:26:22,716
Some of the things
I've done, I--
705
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,418
Or really one thing--
706
00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:29,054
[phone vibrating]
- Ugh, it's Zack.
707
00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:30,856
He's down to 39 subscribers
708
00:26:30,857 --> 00:26:34,159
on his livestream channel,
and he is losing it.
709
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,095
Hey.
710
00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:38,897
Okay, look, no one appreciated
Van Gogh either,
711
00:26:38,898 --> 00:26:41,700
and now they sell his paintings
on phone cases.
712
00:26:41,701 --> 00:26:43,103
[whispering]
Are you headed home?
713
00:26:45,105 --> 00:26:48,273
- [whispering]
I'm just gonna...
714
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:49,675
I'll see you later.
715
00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:51,377
- Okay, great work today.
716
00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:52,878
Lots of new information.
717
00:26:52,879 --> 00:26:54,246
I'm gonna work
on the board later
718
00:26:54,247 --> 00:26:57,116
when Zack goes to his friend
Felix's to watch "Bosch."
719
00:26:57,117 --> 00:26:58,684
I love you.
720
00:26:58,685 --> 00:27:01,687
[soft music]
721
00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:04,390
♪ ♪
722
00:27:04,391 --> 00:27:06,225
- Fuck.
723
00:27:06,226 --> 00:27:10,396
♪ ♪
724
00:27:10,397 --> 00:27:14,034
[sighs deeply]
725
00:27:27,247 --> 00:27:29,049
[screams]
726
00:27:30,950 --> 00:27:33,886
{\an8}[K.Flay's "Blood in the Cut"]
727
00:27:33,887 --> 00:27:41,027
{\an8}♪ ♪
728
00:27:43,063 --> 00:27:44,930
{\an8}- ♪ I need noise ♪
729
00:27:44,931 --> 00:27:46,899
{\an8}♪ I need the buzz of a sub ♪
730
00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:49,034
{\an8}♪ Need the crack of a whip ♪
731
00:27:49,035 --> 00:27:50,803
{\an8}♪ Need some blood in the cut ♪
732
00:27:50,804 --> 00:27:52,171
{\an8}♪ I need noise ♪
733
00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:54,139
{\an8}♪ I need the buzz of a sub ♪
734
00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:56,175
{\an8}♪ Need the crack of a whip ♪
735
00:27:56,176 --> 00:27:57,943
{\an8}♪ Need some blood in the cut ♪
736
00:27:57,944 --> 00:28:02,448
{\an8}♪ I need blood in the cut ♪
737
00:28:02,449 --> 00:28:09,389
{\an8}♪ ♪
54298
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