Original subtitles

Gertrude, I just wanted to welcome you

to Walt Whitman High.

You let me know if there's anything you need.

Thanks, Mr. Bushnell.

And it's "Tru." Just Tru.

Oh. Okay, Tru.

Good luck.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Watch where you're going, freak.

Isn't she new?

Yeah. She probably got kicked out of her last school.

I think she looks like a dyke.

Well, yeah, if she's trying to impress boys,

and that's the best she can do,

it's just sad.

Very sad.

Tru? Hello? Tru!

Hello! I asked you how your day was.

Hell on Earth. The usual.

Well, do the teachers seem good?

I guess.

Any potential buddies?

Nope.

Glasses over there.

You're still furious about the move.

Yup.

Oh, honey, we had to move here.

This job was much too good for Lisa to pass up.

I mean, she's going to be designing houses,

not spending months on those silly condo conversions.

Well, I'm so glad she's happy.

Making yourself and us miserable is not gonna improve the situation.

Isn't it my prerogative as a teenager?

Okay!

That was pretty good... for a group of pansies!

Give me four laps, then hit the showers!

Move it!

I'm a frigging receiver. What do I gotta run for?

I already ran 20 laps before practice even started.

I think it's something about shared pain and team spirit.

I got team spirit coming out my ass. I ain't gotta run.

I have to save my energy. I have a hot date tonight.

Tiffany?

No. Rhonda.

But I thought Rhonda was going out with Joe?

She was.

Man, you're incredible! How do you get away with this shit?

It's all charm, baby... and a big dick.

You try that line on somebody who hasn't seen you in the shower.

Okay, I may not be the biggest man on campus,

but I sure get laid the most.

Or at least talk about it the most.

When was the last time you got laid?

- None of your business. - Exactly. A long time.

Man, whatever.

Man, fuck you.

You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?

Oww!

I heard her mom's a dyke, which explains a lot.

What about her dad?

Probably a dyke, too.

A dad can't be a dyke, stupid.

I don't think she has a dad. Just two moms.

All right, that's just weird.

No. Two women? That's hot.

Ugh!

You're so gross.

Come on, I feel sorry for her.

That's got to be hard.

Nobody makes her dress like a freak.

Mm-mm.

She should make an effort.

I think she's kinda cute.

She is so not cute.

I am not I, if there be such an I.

Or those eyes shut that make thee answer "I."

If he be slain, say "I," or if not, "No."

Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.

I saw the wound.

I saw it with mine eyes.

God save the mark!

Here... on his manly breast.

I don't get it.

What don't you get?

Why do the Capulets and Montagues hate each other so much?

- What's their beef? - Anyone? Class?

Tru, why do you think the Montagues and Capulets

hated each other so much?

Um, it wasn't ethnic or religious, so my guess would be economic.

They were probably in competition for something.

Servants.

Good help is so hard to find!

Tru has got a good point.

While there were many reasons for families to feud...

Attention, students.

Mrs. Lewis will be holding auditions for West Side Story

in the auditorium this afternoon immediately following classes.

Remember! Act 4! Tomorrow!

Hey, so you gonna audition?

I can't sing.

Well, neither could Natalie Wood.

I don't think Walt Whitman High is gonna let me lip sync.

You've seen it, right?

Just the movie, which is completely amazing.

Yeah. I think it came out before my mom was born,

but it totally holds up.

Um, so what about you? Are you gonna audition?

Oh, no, I can't. Football.

Right.

I gotta get to my next class.

Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry. Um...

Hey! Do you wanna do something sometime?

Like, how about a movie... tomorrow night?

Okay.

Okay.

Where you going, baby boy?

Out.

Oh, that little white girl, huh?

Okay, her name is Tru.

Tru? What kind of name is Tru?

It's short for Gertrude. As in Stein.

She was a writer.

I know who Gertrude Stein was.

A rose is a rose is a rose.

Yeah, whatever. I gotta go.

I don't know why you can't date a nice black girl.

I know they got plenty of black girls over at that school you go to.

Mm-hmm. And Asian and Hispanic. You know, it's practically the U.N.

Good. Then you can find a nice black girl to date.

Oh, Gran.

Now, you see, that is your fault.

You are just too pretty.

You have spoiled me for all other black women.

You little charmer.

Get out of here.

No sense in keeping her waiting.

White girls ain't got no patience.

So, what'd you think?

It was good. Funny.

Nah. The book was better.

You read the book?

It is possible to play football and not be a total moron.

Sorry. I didn't mean it that way.

So, how are you enjoying our fair city so far?

Agoura Heights is not a city.

But it's okay, I guess.

I mean, it just sucks having to leave behind all my old friends,

you know?

We talk, we text, but it's not the same.

And I guess Walt Whitman hasn't exactly welcomed you

with open arms, right?

So far, you're the only one who'll even talk to me.

I think everyone else looks at me and sees... freak.

No, I think your look is tight.

Tight? No. Uptight maybe.

You're gonna contradict a happening young brother like myself?

I wouldn't dream of it.

So, okay.

I heard you have, like, two moms.

Is that right?

Yes.

What's that like?

It's normal for me.

Yeah, but you've never had, you know, like a dad?

No, I have two, actually. Back in San Francisco.

Okay, I got a B-plus in Biology. You can't really have two dads.

Emmett is my biological father, and Dom is his partner.

Wow. My parents are just divorced. Pretty simple.

I know we're not exactly the Brady Bunch,

but it's worked okay for us so far.

Thanks for the ride.

One of these days I'm gonna get my license.

Oh, you're not out of my way.

I had a really good time tonight.

Yeah. Me, too.

So, I'll see you at school tomorrow.

Yeah. I'll... I'll see you tomorrow.

How was it?

Uh, it was funny. Not as good as the book.

Uh, not the movie.

The date.

It wasn't a date.

When a boy asks you out and you go, it's a date.

He's just being nice 'cause I'm new.

Did he kiss you?

Mom!

Oh. Sorry. Unfair question.

I'm going to bed. Good night.

He kissed her.

I heard that!

Tongue?

I hope not.

Oh, God!

Hey, how's it going?

Good. How are you?

Can't complain.

I think Paris and Nicole miss you.

They'll live.

Hey, Manny, you heard the news?

Our player here has finally found himself a steady girl.

Yeah, I heard.

I don't get it, man. You can get any piece of tail on campus.

Why are you messing with some egghead dyke?

Man, she's not a dyke!

All right, man. Chill back. Whatever, man.

Hey!

Now, if you two ladies are done making out,

get changed and take it out on the field.

- Sorry. - Sorry, Coach.

I hope this girl starts putting out soon, loosen you up.

You're way too tense.

Seriously, man. I don't mean nothing by it.

Look, bro, if you like her, that's cool.

You know that, right?

Lo, I'm sorry.

So, when do we get to meet this boy?

Um... never?

Tru, whatever kids these days are calling it,

this boy is interested in you.

You're not doing stuff together. We need to meet him.

I told you. He's just a friend.

And we want to meet your friends.

Do you think we'll "embarrath" you?

Of course you'll embarrass me, but I'm totally used to that.

Well, then, what's the problem?

He's gonna think I'm a dork if I'm like,

"Yeah, you have to come over and meet my parents."

Tell you what.

You can roll your eyes and tell him what squares we are.

That's the time-honored way for kids to deal with this sort of thing.

Right. So deal with it.

We'll wear our best overalls and tool belts just to impress him.

That's probably exactly what he's expecting.

Oh, well, good. Then it'll be an educational experience for him.

On an historical footnote,

more and more things are being found out...

found out about... excuse me... the Montagues,

uh, specifically, uh, Lady Montague,

who was the wife and Romeo's mother.

Not too many people know this, but she was lactose intolerant.

Where you goin', Mama?

I thought I told you, baby.

I got me a date.

So does Lo.

Mm-hmm.

Everybody got a date in this house but me.

Well, how do I look?

Baby, you look so fine.

Don't be telling him that, Cynthia.

He's got a swelled head enough as it is.

Where you taking the lucky lady?

Out for a night on the town.

Where'd you get the money for that?

I've been saving, Gran.

You better be saving for college,

instead of spending it all on some white girl.

Now, here you go.

Mama, leave him alone!

I'm just happy you have found a girl that you feel like this about.

Thank you for letting me use the car.

Don't wait up.

Hey, you be back by midnight if you want to borrow it again!

And don't be running out of gas on Lover's Lane.

Lover's Lane?

There ain't no Lover's Lane!

Bet you thought you'd have trouble guessing

which one of us is the biological mother, huh?

I'll go see if Tru is ready.

Uh, so, uh, I hear you're on the football team.

What position?

- Quarterback. - Oh, wow!

What'd you think of Peyton Manning in that final quarter?

Are you kidding me? That guy was on fire!

I know! I couldn't believe he got off that last throw!

There were, like, five guys rushing him!

Ahem. Hey.

Oh.

Wow. You look great.

Thanks.

Whew. Well, I guess we should get going.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Have fun.

And remember, be home by midnight.

Oh, yes, Ma'am. Ma'ams!

Yeah.

Why didn't Tru tell us?

Well, maybe she doesn't know. I mean, it's not that obvious.

Hold the phone. What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

He's black.

Of course he's black... and he's gay.

What? Wha...?

I know it's hard to tell with guys, but didn't your gaydar go off?

You know me. Unless they're wearing a feather boa

or humming a Judy Garland tune, I don't have a clue.

I'm telling you, that boy is as queer as a three-dollar bill.

Well, if he's gay, why is he taking out our daughter?

Okay, fine. Maybe you're right.

But let's stick to the subject.

What subject?

The boy is black!

I don't think an interracial romance was done so badly by you.

Besides, if I'm right about this boy, ain't gonna be much romance.

Sorry about my parents.

Despite being gay, they're actually kind of old-fashioned.

Nah, it's cool. They seem nice.

I told them this wasn't any heavy thing, but they're like,

"He's taking you out. That's dating. We want to meet him."

So... are we dating?

Do we have to label it?

No! Of course not.

I just want to know what to say

to all the other guys who are asking me out.

Hello! Paging your sense of humor!

Are we going into the city? I should have told my moms.

What they don't know won't hurt 'em.

I know it's kind of goofy, but I don't lie to them.

It's kind of a deal we have.

That's great.

Wouldn't work with my family.

Why not?

They don't really want to know how things are.

They wanna hear what they wanna hear,

so that's what I tell them.

But then they never really know who you are, do they?

Guess not.

Don't you want them to? You're a great guy.

Maybe if they knew the real me, they wouldn't think so.

The real you?

Please don't tell me you're an axe murderer

now that we're speeding away from home at 70 miles an hour.

We're only doing 65.

Is that a yes or no to the whole axe-murderer thing?

Where are we?

"The Marvelous Wonderettes."

It's, like, L.A.'s longest-running musical.

It got killer reviews. You're gonna love it.

It sounds great, but weren't those expensive?

Hey, we're worth it.

Do you guys know each other?

What?

That guy.

Oh.

No. I was thinking he could, you know, take our picture

to commemorate the occasion.

Do you mind?

- Uh... Okay. - Just press it.

Smile!

- Good. - Okay.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

She should be home by now.

She's not late yet.

What?

I don't like this.

Is it possible that I've lived with you all these years

and never realized that you are a racist?

I'm black. I can't be a racist.

That makes no sense.

I'm not a racist.

It's just that I grew up with boys like that.

"Boys like that?" Do you even hear yourself?

I don't trust him.

I'm telling you, this boy we can trust with Tru.

Where I come from, black boy, white girl, that spells trouble.

So did a black woman and a white woman,

but that never stopped us.

Yeah, well, we were in San Francisco.

So, we're here now, aren't we?

Look, Tru is gonna make her own choices,

and she'll have to deal with the consequences.

That is life.

She's just a kid. We still get to make some of her choices.

In case you hadn't noticed,

she's a 40-year-old caught in a 16-year-old's body.

Sometimes I think she's smarter than both of us.

Combined.

Ah. Speak of our little devil.

On the dot.

She's a good kid.

I know.

So stop worrying.

Okay.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Hello?

Hey, Dad.

Hey, pumpkin! How you doin'?

Dom, pick up the phone.

Hey, little girl! How's life in the boonies?

Boring. Tedious. Just fine.

Listen.

I need some advice.

Dom, alert the media.

Our teenage daughter actually wants our advice.

It's about a boy, right?

What else are we experts on?

He seems to really like me. He's just amazingly sweet.

He took me to see

"The Marvelous Wonderettes" last night. Can you believe it?

Gay.

So gay!

- What was that? - Oh, nothing, sweetie. Go on.

Anyway, I know he likes me, but he hasn't even kissed me yet.

And last night,

I thought I felt this weird vibe between him and this other guy.

Uh, honey, I'm trying to think how to put this delicately...

He's gay, Tru!

Gay, gayer, gayest!

Hey, babe! Come on, sit with us.

Okay.

Come on.

Hey, move out the way.

Hey.

Hello.

Whatever you do, don't eat the mashed potatoes.

They're like library paste.

Thanks for the tip. I wasn't even tempted.

Hey, guess where I took Tru over the weekend.

Went to the city. We had a blast, didn't we, baby?

Wow.

That sounds romantic.

Why don't you ever do anything romantic?

'Cause you ain't my girlfriend, woman.

You and me just having fun.

Ah, ha, ha! He told you!

Not that much fun.

You tell him!

Ah, hell, no. Okay, you see what's happening here, right?

You're making me look bad.

That's not exactly difficult.

Okay, see, now, you're just...

Okay, wait.

Yeah? What happens?

I'll put it down if you put it down. I'll put it down if you put it down.

- Down. - Say my name. Say my name!

Do you need a time-out?

I think you do.

Wait till practice, Lo.

You know, it's cool of your parents just to let us hang like this.

They trust me.

I thought you said they were old-fashioned.

I meant for leftist dykes from San Francisco.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, sure.

Have you ever been attracted to a guy?

What?

You know, 'cause it's okay if you have.

I had a crush on this girl back at my old school.

It never went anywhere, but...

Wait, are you trying to tell me that you're gay?

No! No, no. l...

I'm just saying that it's okay to have feelings

that people, you know, who are uptight

might label a certain way.

What are you doing?

Well, you're not gay, right?

And, you know, we're kinda going out, so I figured...

Okay.

Okay, truth time.

Why did you just kiss me?

What do you mean, why?

Why do boys kiss girls?

I'm not asking about boys.

I'm asking about you.

I just felt like it.

To prove something?

Lo, it's okay. It's going to be all right.

I gotta go.

Lo, don't run away!

Look, I'm not trying to insult you. l...

You don't know shit!

And you better not be spreading lies about me.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Look, I'm just trying to get you to admit what we both know.

You're gay! Big fucking deal!

I ain't even trying to hear this shit.

♪ This is the season The sign, the song ♪

♪ Givin' the reason That you need to hear ♪

♪ The past has been broken ♪

♪ The future forgives ♪

♪ You can say it all now ♪

♪ Don't turn... ♪

Tru, what happened today?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Did he try something? Because I will kick his ass!

No ass-kicking is required. Believe me.

Well, he did something to upset you.

I told you, I don't wann...

I'll get it.

Um, is Tru here?

Tru, it's Lodell.

Um... I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

I'm your friend.

You don't have to hide from me.

It's just, um...

I don't... want to be... gay.

As near as I can tell, we don't get to choose.

Yeah.

Just kinda sucks, you know?

It's not that big a deal anymore.

Maybe not where you come from, but where I'm from,

there's no such thing as a black gay football player.

Most black folks I know think being gay is some sort of white thing.

Well, that's just silly!

I mean, what about James Baldwin, Langston Hughes, Bayard Rustin?

What football team do they play for?

Well, you don't have to tell anyone till you're ready.

You won't tell?

Of course not.

It's your business.

I love you, Tru.

As a friend.

Yeah, I know.

Story of my life.

Bye, Mom. Thanks for the ride.

Have a good day, sweetie.

Hey, guys, how you doin'?

Hey, Tru! How's my girl?

Oh!

Whoo!

Fine. I'm fine.

Oh, look, she's shy.

Oh, so sweet, mama. You're so sweet.

You know, you should try out for the cheerleading squad next year.

You'd be great.

- I don't know about that. - Look, look.

What you looking at, faggot?

- You trying to check out my ass? - He didn't do anything.

He's looking at me.

So what if he is? It's a free country.

Be grateful you have an ass someone wants to look at.

That boy ain't gay, else he be checking out my ass.

Checking out your ass? Please.

Your ass can't hold a candle next to mine.

Yeah, well, I never tried putting candles up my ass, gay boy!

Yeah, right. Try a lot of kickin'.

Hi. We were never properly introduced.

I'm Walter.

Hey, I'm Tru.

Do you need a ride? My car's right around the corner.

Sure.

Uh, thanks for saving my life, by the way.

That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you're welcome.

So, are you gay, or is just your boyfriend gay?

You shut up.

Who's incredibly hot.

I know. My luck.

So, you knew.

You can't tell anybody.

No problem. It's the least I can do for my bodyguard.

Will you stop already? It's no big deal.

It was to me.

I've been pushed around for as long as I can remember

for being a sissy.

But a guy like Manuel, he could break every bone in my body

before any one of the lunch ladies would say "boo."

You can't be the only gay person on campus.

I mean, maybe we just need to raise awareness.

"Be Kind to a Queer" Week?

Or a gay-straight alliance.

You're serious?

Why not? Other schools have them.

Who'd come?

I don't know. Would you?

Hell, yeah. Everyone knows I'm gay, anyway.

It's right there on my web page.

Then there'd be two of us.

You're gay. I'm straight. Let's make an alliance.

So, what was that all about the other day?

What? You mean with the gay guy?

No, I know what that was about. I meant with me, before school.

What? I was happy to see you.

Lo, I said I wouldn't tell anyone.

I didn't say I'd be your Katie Holmes.

Look, everyone thinks we're a couple.

If we don't act like a couple, they'll think we broke up.

It feels wrong, like lying.

Tru, come on, you are my girl, just not in the way that people think.

It's not my fault if people make assumptions.

This is it.

Are you sure it can support our weight?

Yeah, I'm sure.

And we're not gonna get in trouble?

Nah. This house has been abandoned for almost a year.

It's really cool.

Um, yeah. It's like my own secret hideaway.

I come up here when I need to think... or sing.

Sing?

Sing.

Well, I mean, no one can hear me up here.

Last summer, I treated the squirrels to the entire score of "Evita."

I was better than Madonna.

Does it really make your life easier if people think we're a couple?

You have no idea.

It's like I don't have to waste time and energy proving how normal I am.

Then, I guess it's worth it.

Maybe someday you'll sing for me.

Maybe.

♪ Scarecrow ♪

♪ Can it be who you longed to kiss ♪

♪ Scarecrow ♪

♪ That left you Hanging here like this ♪

♪ Oh, who you'd yet to hold ♪

♪ In dreams you left untold ♪

♪ Scarecrow ♪

♪ I know you ♪

Good practice, guys.

- Thanks, Coach. - Thanks, Coach.

Lo, your new girl, she's waiting for you outside.

And, boy, is she something else!

Yeah, Lodell's gonna get himself some meow tonight.

Come on, come on.

Settle down.

You're only gonna last a minute.

I didn't for your mama.

I watched you guys practice. You're really great.

Oh. Thanks.

No, I mean it.

I thought you were just playing to... pass.

But you really like it, don't you?

I love it.

Okay, I know you're not supposed to like football and musical theater,

but I do.

I guess I'm kind of weird.

You're great.

And who knows?

Maybe you'll be the first guy to write a Broadway musical about football.

Come on, Lo!

You can do better than that!

Oooh!

That boy don't need no practice!

Ha, ha, ha! Come on!

So, you see, Mr. Velasquez,

we really believe that a Gay/Straight Alliance

would be a good opportunity...

You're Gertrude Spivey-Johnson, the new girl.

Yes, Mr. Velasquez. But people call me "Tru."

Yes. Well, Gertrude, I don't disagree,

but there are procedures that must be followed.

You'll need permission to use a classroom after hours.

Only registered clubs can use school facilities.

Right.

All flyers and posters will need to be cleared through my office.

Of course.

And you'll need a faculty advisor.

Mrs. Muller!

No. Definitely not. Gotta go. Very busy. Very busy.

If you want to have this meeting next week, as you say,

I suggest you get right on it.

Good morning.

Come on!

Oh, yeah, bitch!

I wonder what it's like in there.

Boring, I'm sure.

Hey, sorry to bother you, Mr. Bushnell.

Do you have a minute?

What's on your mind?

Walter Amherst and I

are in the process of starting a Gay/Straight Alliance,

and we were told that we need a faculty sponsor.

I was hoping that maybe...

What...?

What made you come to me?

You're my favorite teacher.

Oh.

Thank you, Tru.

You're an excellent student,

and I really enjoy having you in my class.

I wish I could help you.

I really do.

But I have to think of my reputation.

Tru, you know who you should try?

Uh, Marjorie Lewis, the drama teacher.

She's married with two kids, and everyone knows she's a liberal.

Thanks. I'll talk to her.

So, you see, we really think, um,

that a Gay/Straight Alliance would be...

Gay/Straight Alliance!

Give me that.

I say we rock this joint!

Can you believe this crap?

Yes, I can believe it. I'm helping organize it.

lt'd be great if you guys could come today.

If the cool kids show up, it will be...

Oh, no, no, no. No cool kids are coming to this thing.

- This ain't okay. It's jacked. - Wait, wait, wait. I might want to go.

Me too.

Whatever. Y'all just messing with me.

Everything's not about you.

I just don't think it's right. God didn't make Adam and Steve.

Who made all the gay people, then?

You think they're being assembled

by underage factory workers in Malaysia?

I don't know who made 'em.

I ain't no theolo-magician or whatever.

All I know is that shit ain't right.

If God's gonna punish gay people,

then they they certainly don't need any additional crap from you.

Why can't you just leave 'em alone and let them live their lives?

God! Shut your mouth!

What? Oh, now I can't express my opinion?

Excuse me for speaking my mind.

I better make sure she's okay.

Oh, Lo, let her go, bro.

Are you okay?

Tru, why didn't you tell me you were gonna do this?

I didn't think you'd want to be involved.

I don't.

You can't either.

Excuse me?

What are people going to think

if my girlfriend's running the gay club?

Gay/Straight Alliance or GSA.

Yeah, whatever. People are gonna talk.

Maybe they'll think I'm an enlightened person.

They'll think you're a dyke!

What you're really worried about is what they'll think about you.

Look, for the first time in a long time,

I just, I feel kind of safe.

It's like I don't have to watch every word, every move.

I'm happy that our friendship has nice side benefits for you.

But making you feel comfortable is not my number-one goal in life.

I know. I'm...

Okay, so don't give me crap about this.

You're never gonna change people like Manuel, you know.

Look, you're entitled to choose your own friends,

but I'm not having lunch with him anymore.

He's obnoxious and crude.

Maybe he doesn't hurt your feelings, but he hurts mine.

Of course he hurts my feelings.

So say something to him! Tell him he's being an ignorant shit.

I do! All the time!

Just not about this.

Look, I'm sorry. It's just I've got a lot to lose here, okay?

Yeah, like your self-respect.

Hi!

We are here.

We decided we're converting.

- Yeah, men suck. - Yeah.

Okay, um, take a seat.

It looks like it's going to be a small group.

Okay.

Ooh!

Okay, then, I guess we'll get started.

I'm Tru. This is Walter.

Welcome to the first meeting

of the Walt Whitman High School Gay/Straight Alliance.

Man, I'm surprised you're not at that meeting.

We have practice.

Otherwise you'd be there?

Look, it's important to Tru. Tru's important to me.

You got a problem with that?

No, man, I don't. I'm just saying...

Take a knee.

Is that the best we can do, ladies?

Huh? Christ! What is it?

You don't want to be here? Is that the problem?

I know! You have somewhere better to be.

Why don't we just finish early,

and then all of you can just go to your little gay meeting, huh?

God! What is this world coming to?

Kids can't even say prayers in class.

But the fags, they get their own club!

Never would have happened in my day. Never!

So, what's it gonna be, ladies?

Are we gonna put a little muscle into these plays,

or we just gonna call it quits for the day,

you can go meet your boyfriends at the Fag Scouts of America, huh?

We want to play ball, Coach!

Who are we?

Chargers!

What do we do?

Play ball!

Then let's play ball!

I mean, the problem is

people just don't think of it as a civil-rights issue.

Exactly. I think it's absolutely absurd when people say

that gay marriage is any less a civil-rights issue

than segregation was for blacks.

Right. I mean, separate isn't equal.

If only today's courts had the guts to legalize gay marriage.

We have something to say.

We're cool with it as long as it's not our boyfriends.

Yeah.

Listen, it's great that everyone has so much to say,

but we were actually supposed to be out of here half an hour ago.

But we're gonna meet again at the same time and place next week,

so, yeah, bring your friends.

That was great.

I'm totally psyched.

Me, too. I think it went really well.

- Yeah, it did. - Excuse me.

Sorry.

I just wanted to say how much I admire you both for doing this.

I mean, it's brave, and it's really kind of wonderful.

Thanks.

Yeah, thank you.

- It was Trevor, right? - Yeah.

Congratulations, kids!

What you're doing here is terrific.

I'm announcing it to all my classes.

Not to promote stereotypes,

but they don't call themselves "drama queens" for nothing.

So, what are you guys up to now? You wanna do something or...?

Oh, Walter's not going anywhere.

We've got rehearsal.

He's a Jet, you know.

And when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way.

From your first cigarette to your last dying day.

Say "Maria."

"Maria?"

No! Say it loud, like it's music playing.

Maria!

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

I guess we're just gonna have to keep looking for our Tony.

Come along, Walter.

- Bye. - Bye.

So, where are we going?

Well, we are gonna go see the sights.

There are sights?

Oh, yeah.

Coming up on our left is the best taquería north of Tijuana.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Well, I admit I have yet to achieve my lifelong ambition

of eating at every one, but I'm pretty close.

And this place is still the best.

Do you like Mexican food?

Who doesn't?

Wait! Even more important question. Do you like used bookstores?

You mean dusty, narrow little shops full of out-of-print books?

Usually with two guys in the back...

With thick glasses and dandruff.

Arguing about whether or not Kerouac is overrated.

Oh, my G... If there's a heaven, I think that's what it smells like.

Okay. You're really weird.

I like that in a person.

Well, in case you are into that sort of thing,

the only decent used book store in the whole Valley

is actually right back there on your left.

I don't have you in any of my classes. Are you a senior?

Yep. I'll be going to UCLA in the fall, actually.

Wow. Impressive. What will you be studying?

I'm torn between undecided and undeclared.

That's about it for the main drag,

but I do know the perfect spot to watch the sun go down.

Wow. You were right.

This place is almost beautiful from way up here.

We should get going.

My moms, they kind of...

Okay, I'm not that big of a fag hag.

What are you talking about?

I'm not gay.

Of course you are!

I think I'd know.

What were you doing at the meeting?

What were you doing at the meeting?

Oh, my God. Do I really seem that gay?

You're good-looking and well-groomed,

and you dress like a hipster.

I guess I just made assumptions.

And those are all bad qualities in someone asking you out?

They're not. Of course they're not.

Wait.

You're asking me out?

Do you already have a boyfriend or something?

There's no easy way to explain this.

I guess you could say that I have a friend who's a guy,

but it wouldn't be a problem for me to start seeing you,

just as long as nobody at school found out.

I'm sorry. What?

That sounded really bad, huh?

You know what? Never mind.

I'm not the kind of guy

who's gonna sneak around with someone else's girl.

No, no, it's not like that.

Everybody at school thinks I'm dating this guy.

He's on the football team, but really we're just good friends.

So, that's the big secret?

That you're not humping this football player?

Yeah.

You see, it's kind of important to him

for people to think that we're, like, a couple.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

I think I'm starting to get the picture now.

You're his Katie.

Yeah.

So, in reality, I'm totally available, but I wouldn't wanna hurt him.

I get it, Tru.

It's all so twisted, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty twisted.

I really don't give a damn who knows or doesn't know who I'm dating.

I'm so sorry! I should have called.

Yes, you should have! And why was your cell phone off?

Who was that boy?

Why are we paying for your cell phone

if you don't even answer when we call you?

I'm sorry!

Sorry is not good enough. We were worried sick.

- Leslie and l... - Will you stop, please?

This is the most exciting night of my life, and you're ruining it.

What's going on?

I met a boy.

I thought he was gay, but he isn't. He's a gay-acting straight boy.

Isn't that cool? We're going out again this weekend.

No, you are not. You are grounded this weekend.

No, mom, you can't. Please. You were young once.

Don't you remember the excitement you felt the first time you met Lisa?

Boy, she's good.

Please? Can we do another punishment?

I'll do the dishes for a week. I'll take out the trash.

Those are already your chores.

But I'll really do them... and without complaining. Please?

Okay. But we get to meet this boy.

And you have to be home by 10:00.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Homework. - Okay. Okay.

"You were young once"?

She was talking to you.

Dad, I'm home.

Where you been?

Um, I've actually been on a date.

Kind of a date. I mean, I met this really amazing girl today.

I'll make hot chocolate. We'll talk all about it.

Dad, please don't go all Golden Girls on me.

Can't you just punch me in the arm and say, "Way to go"?

Way to go, stud.

Now, sit your ass down. I'm making hot chocolate!

Okay.

Do you want to do something Saturday night?

You know, like a movie or something?

Can't. I already have plans.

Plans?

Oh, what, with your moms?

No.

With Trevor.

Who?

Trevor. He came to the Gay/Straight Alliance.

Oh.

Is he really faggy like that guy Walter?

Does the phrase "internalized homophobia"

mean anything to you?

I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with that.

I'm just trying to figure out if I know this guy.

That's him.

Blond hair, tall and lean, with the other Honors geeks.

Yeah, well, he fits in pretty well with the geeks.

You sound jealous!

That's ridiculous. Why would I be jealous of some other gay guy?

Well, you shouldn't be. You're still my best pal.

But he's not gay.

Slow down, Trevor.

I'm thrilled you're heterosexual,

but you don't need to prove it on our first date.

Second date.

Look, I want to take things slow.

And if that's not okay...

It's okay. It's totally okay.

I'm sorry. I just got a little over-excited.

You're beautiful.

You're so full of shit. You're just horny.

Maybe.

But you are beautiful.

Even more so if you don't even really know it.

You mean it?

Yeah, of course I mean it.

Now, can I please just feel you up?

Come here.

You must be thrilled. Trevor couldn't be any whiter.

Will you stop?

Lodell is a very nice young man, and so is Trevor, don't you think?

Yeah, but doesn't he also seem a bit gay to you?

I mean, what if Tru only attracts gay men?

He's straight. Don't worry.

What makes you so sure?

They've been parked in his car making out for the past half hour.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

Because I knew you'd wanna go out there and stop them.

Yeah! Didn't you?

Yes, but I don't think that's best for Tru.

She needs to learn how to make her own choices.

You know what? She's just a kid.

And boys like that, they know how to put pressure on a girl.

"Boys like that"?

You set me up for that.

I'm just pointing out that I'm not the only one

carrying around childhood baggage.

Fine, but if she ends up pregnant, I'm holding you responsible.

So, I thought it'd be a good idea

if we went around the room and introduced ourselves.

If you don't feel comfortable giving your name, that's fine.

Just pass or make one up.

So, who wants to go first?

Hi. My name is Roberto, and I'm an alcoholic.

What? Wrong meeting?

Actually, I'm just a fag.

- What's that song? - What?

Nothing. Just something I got stuck in my head.

So, how many were there last week?

Where?

The fag group.

Tiffany and Rhonda went. Ask them.

Coach is right.

It's a sign of the moral decay in America.

Man, you are talking completely out of your ass.

You wouldn't know moral decay from tooth decay.

I know one thing...

fags are taking over this school.

It's not right.

Okay, everybody, we ought to wrap it up.

Um, anyone who wants to help out with Queer Awareness Week,

Trevor has the sign-up sheet.

And if anyone wants PFLAG scholarship info, I've got it.

And I got brochures from L.A.'s Gay and Lesbian Center.

I know it's kind of far, but they have really great youth services.

I hope you guys don't mind,

but I thought a little publicity might be just the ticket.

I invited Adrienne. She writes for the school paper.

This was amazing.

Was last week's meeting this well-attended?

No. It's definitely grown.

Cool. Do you guys mind if I get a picture?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Cheese.

You never say that you're straight.

She didn't ask. That wasn't the point.

Yeah, but everyone's gonna think that you're gay.

And the next logical step is for them to think that I'm gay.

Lo, you are gay, in case you've forgotten.

Yeah, and in case you've forgotten, I'm not exactly ready to come out yet.

- I thought you respected that. - I did. I do.

But you need to respect my needs, too.

Oh, you have a need for people to think you're a dyke?

God, we fight like we are in a relationship.

Why do I get all the grief and none of the goodies?

Well, I thought you were getting the goodies from Trevor.

What's that supposed to mean?

Are you sleeping with him?

What?

No! That's not any of your business!

You know, I think you're just jealous

because only one of us has a real boyfriend.

Ah, screw you!

♪ It's not like me ♪

♪ To admit I was wrong ♪

♪ It's not my style ♪

♪ Sorry... ♪

- Hey, baby, how's it going? - Hey.

Ohh! Trouble in paradise. Watch out.

What happened? You two lovebirds get into a fight?

Nah, nah, we're cool.

Lo, I can't do this anymore. I just...

Lo and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend, okay?

We're just good friends.

So, why'd you lie to us?

It was my idea.

Okay. Why?

I wanted to help out Tru.

She didn't want people thinking that she was a lesbian.

Oh, shit!

Are you serious? Guys!

Look, seriously, as far as I'm concerned,

it's totally fine.

Mm-hmm. I love Rosie and Ellen.

What?

Man, I didn't even like her when I thought she was straight.

The feeling's mutual.

I didn't like you even when I thought you were straight.

What are you talking about? Ain't nobody straighter than me!

Studies show guys who are homophobic

are the ones with the most latent homosexual feelings.

Take that back.

Take what back?

- I'm just telling you scientific data. - No. You're calling me a faggot.

Your actions are saying things about you.

- Don't turn your back on me, dyke! - Or what?

You'll hit me?

Yeah, because hitting me is gonna make you a real man, right?

Yeah, let me show you how much of a man I am!

Let me go! Let me go!

Are you crazy?

You even lay a finger on her, and you're off the team...

...permanently!

And you know that!

- This ain't over, bitch! - Walk!

Whoa!

Hey, Big Stuff.

What's the matter? You can't say hello to your Gran anymore?

I know we raised you better than that.

Sorry, Gran.

Hello.

What's wrong?

Well, you look like your dog died.

We don't have a dog.

Don't you sass me, boy!

If you must know, Tru and I broke up.

That white girl?

Yeah, the white girl.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

I know you cared for her.

Yeah.

What happened? You cheat on her?

What?

You did not just ask me that!

I love you, baby boy, but you're a man.

And there's one thing Gran knows is about men.

You don't know about me.

I know about men, and you a man,

and it makes no difference 'cause that's the way you do it.

So, what's everybody in the mood for?

Cosmos? Appletinis?

Can't you make anything gayer?

Don't fuss. Whatever's easier.

Look, sweetie.

Look at you, pumpkin!

What are you guys doing here?

It's only been a couple of months,

and you look like you've grown about a foot.

Is everything okay?

Everything's fine. We wanted to surprise you.

Plus, we have some special news to share.

In person.

You got married? Congratulations!

Thank you.

Emmett totally surprised me last weekend.

It was very romantic. Took me to Canada.

I just wish it meant something in this country.

Doesn't matter. It's great.

I'm really happy for you two.

This is your happy face?

I'm sorry. It's been a rough day.

More boy trouble?

Your gay boyfriend or the straight one?

The gay one.

Invite him over. Maybe we can straighten him out.

So to speak.

Oh, my gosh.

Hey. Um, I didn't expect you to call.

I'm still mad at you, but I want you to come over tonight.

My dads came into town unexpectedly.

I want you to meet them.

Are you still there?

Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

So, can you come over?

Um, the thing is, I've got a lot of homework, so...

Well, we can work on it together.

Or you can just come over for a few minutes.

It's just...

I think it'd be a really good thing

if you could meet some gay men who are happy and well-adjusted.

Yeah, tonight's not really good.

Listen, I gotta go. I'll... I'll see you tomorrow.

♪ You never really cried ♪

♪ Can't find a reason ♪

♪ Face down And you're running out of time ♪

This feels really... transgressive,

eating lunch together out in the open at school.

Transgressive? When did you swallow a thesaurus?

Sorry, my dad's a novelist.

Well, actually, he's my uncle, but...

He's your father and your uncle? How Chinatown.

It's nothing gross, really.

He's my uncle, but he raised me, so I call him Dad.

I don't really remember my biological father.

What about your mom?

She's around.

I see her Sundays, holidays. No sharp objects. That whole thing.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I thought my family was complicated.

You haven't heard the half of it.

Tell me. I'd like to know.

Yeah?

Okay.

Reader's Digest version.

When I was about 4, I went to live with my Uncle Daniel,

and soon after, Papa Chad,

which is what I called him, moved in.

Wait. Your dad/uncle is gay?

Sorry. I thought I mentioned that.

Anyway, he's a really, really good guy.

You should come over and meet him sometime.

Okay.

Don't look now, but isn't that your other boyfriend?

Okay. Okay, that's good. That's the curb.

All right. All right, we're here.

Turn that off and then... You gotta jiggle... turn it... I got it.

Well, here we are. Home sweet homo.

Dad, I'm home!

Jesus! You could have warned me.

Sorry. This is Tru. You said, "Bring her over any time."

I meant any time with a little warning,

so I could be wearing clothes.

Tru, sorry. It's very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Please forgive the way I look.

I work from home,

so I don't usually have to get dressed until late in the day.

Or the next day.

You look really familiar, sir. Are you famous or something?

Call me Daniel.

I'm far too young and pretty to be a "sir."

Oh, God!

And I'm semi-well-known

by a very small, very insular group of gay literati.

Wait a minute. You're Daniel Goldstein.

You're, like, my dad's favorite author.

Are you kidding? You've heard of him?

Yeah. I read Confessions of a Short, Fat, Jewish Kid.

I loved it.

Trevor, you must marry this girl immediately.

She's obviously a young woman of taste and distinction.

Oh, boy.

Are you working on a new book?

Tru, I think we should go start on our homework now.

I'll catch up with you later.

Okay.

All done with your homework?

No. I... I can't seem to concentrate.

It's 'cause I'm so sexy, isn't it?

You are sexy, but...

Look, why don't you just call Lo, huh?

You mean now?

Why not?

You're not getting much work done.

And quite frankly, you're not such great company.

I'm sorry.

I know this is unfair to you.

I'll survive.

Just work it out, okay?

lt'll be all right. I promise.

What up? You know what to do.

Hi. You must be Lo's Mom. I'm...

Gertrude. How do you do?

So happy to finally meet you.

I keep asking Lo to bring you around, but you know how he is.

Yeah, I do.

It's nice to meet you, too.

Um, is Lo home?

I really need to talk to him.

He's not here. He's hardly ever here.

Mama said he was here this afternoon and went out.

Didn't say where he was going.

Okay. Thanks.

He didn't get you in trouble, did he?

What? No! God, no!

I'm sorry. It's just that...

We used to talk, and, um,

now I'm just trying to keep up with what's going on in his life

but he shuts me out.

He was such a good boy.

He's still a good boy.

I know, but something's on his mind.

If you see him, can you have him call me?

♪ I wanna tell you something About life and love ♪

♪ I wanna tell you secrets And show you what I'm made of ♪

♪ I'm down I'm down ♪

What up? You know what to do.

♪ I wanna make this with you With all my heart ♪

♪ I wanna let you know That I'm with you from the start ♪

♪ And when I'm gone ♪

Lo, it's me. We need to talk.

Tru, don't come up here!

Lo, you're being childish. We're still friends. We need to talk.

Tru, go away!

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Tru, wait!

Oww! Oh, my foot!

Lo, are you okay?

Ooh, that hurts!

God, I'm... I'm sorry. Tell Walter I'm sorry, too.

I didn't mean to interrupt you guys.

I know.

But, Christ, what do you two think you were doing?

I mean, I know what you were doing.

But just this afternoon you were parading around school

with your arm around Tiffany.

The two don't have anything to do with each other.

Does she know you're screwing boys?

She gets to be the girlfriend of the star quarterback.

I get what I want. It's win-win.

Except she doesn't know anything about what you want.

She's probably half in love with you already.

And what about Walter? Is this fair to him?

That's between me and him.

You called him faggy.

- You made fun of him. - Shh.

So, he's good enough to fuck, but not good enough to hang out with?

Look, you don't understand.

Where I'm from, this is just kinda how things work.

You have your regular life, and you have your other life.

- You have to keep the two separate. - And that's what you want?

This ain't San Francisco.

And I ain't some privileged white boy who can fly a rainbow flag

and march in some parade.

I got plans.

Okay, so, all of a sudden you're a homeboy?

All about, about keepin' it real, livin' in the 'hood?

We all live in the same world, Lo.

Yeah, that's real easy for you to say.

You've got your two moms and your two dads,

and they all love you no matter what, right?

I met your mom. She loves you. God, does she love you!

Wait, you met my mom?

What did you say to her?

God, is that all you can think about? That I'm going to blow your cover?

You know, it'd probably be the best thing I could do for you.

You wouldn't do that.

Why not?

Because you're my friend.

Yeah.

Not much of a friend you've been to me lately.

Tru, come on. Please don't be mad at me.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

And don't worry. I'm not gonna tell on you.

Is what she said true?

Wait, Walter.

- You think I'm a silly faggot? - No.

Good for getting your rocks off. That's all.

No! It's not like that.

I think you're a great guy.

You're smart, you're funny.

You're completely comfortable in your own skin. I just...

But you don't want to be seen in public with me.

That's about me, not you.

Yeah, well...

...sneaking around just kind of feels...

...icky.

I think I should go.

See ya.

Okay, I'm sorry. You wanna make sure it stays.

Here.

Whoa!

At least in my day,

the queers had the good sense to be ashamed.

Practice is over!

I feel sick to my stomach.

Man, we gotta do something about this.

What are you talking about?

Let 'em know this ain't right.

Man, there's nothing we can do.

Just forget about it.

I get carsick with my eyes closed.

Come on. It's just for a minute, all right?

Walter and I did something. I think you're gonna love it,

and I want you to get the full effect.

I'm excited.

Close your eyes, close your eyes!

Who is that?

Nobody was supposed to be here. This wasn't part of the plan.

Walter!

Are you okay?

That was the football team.

Couldn't see any of their faces, though. Could you guys?

One of the cars was Manuel's.

Okay, we've got them!

If we report it, they'll cancel the game on Friday,

maybe suspend the whole team.

Then the whole school's gonna hate us.

So, what are we supposed to do? Pretend it didn't happen?

Look, we're screwed if we report this.

They'd probably cancel all the plans that we've made, okay?

Figure it's too risky.

This is ridiculous! So, there's nothing that we can do?

Today is my birthday.

So, who else have we got?

Oh, Tru! Tru, honey, come into the dining room.

I'm busy!

Gertrude, your dads are here. Come say hi.

Hi. Now, can I please go to my room?

See, she's not all sugar and spice.

- What's wrong, honey? - What's wrong, sweetheart?

Please, can we just drop it? I have homework to do.

Oh, good idea, because then you'll be free for next Sunday.

Why? What's next Sunday?

Just our wedding. You're maid of honor.

What? You're... You're kidding!

Technically, it's just a commitment ceremony.

The boys here inspired us.

Yeah, I thought it was about time I make an honest woman out of her.

Congratulations!

Thank you!

We've got a lot of planning to do, so we're gonna need your help.

Of course. Anything, anything!

Can you come in for a minute?

Sure, bro.

Manny, if we were ever friends,

you have got to promise me that you're not gonna try to talk me

into some bullshit stunt like that again.

Man, what are you talking about, "If we were ever friends"?

We're still friends now, man. You're my best friend.

Then just leave Tru and her group alone, man.

You don't have to like them. Just leave 'em be.

Bet you it's her.

- It's Tru. - Yeah.

- Hey. - Hey.

I swear, I didn't know anybody was gonna be there.

Is... Is Walter okay?

He's furious, but he's okay.

Thank God.

We're all furious, Lo.

I didn't think I'd ever speak to you again.

But at least you've made it right.

Wait, what do you mean?

The blast e-mail you sent out. That was so brave.

What are you talking about? I haven't even logged on today.

No fucking way.

I didn't send this!

Somebody hacked into my account!

Oh, my God!

l... Hey, I gotta go.

Lo, don't tell me this is why we haven't been hanging out, man.

This is a joke. I didn't send this.

Seriously, dude?

Seriously!

Look, somebody's trying to get back at me

for what happened tonight.

- You must be pissed! - Of course I'm pissed!

But I can't blame them.

What we did was fucked up.

Come on, man. We were messin' around.

It was wrong, Manny.

They're just trying to teach a little tolerance.

What were we trying to do?

Listen, you'd better go.

I've got to send out a real e-mail right now.

Yeah.

So, you're not...

I'll see you tomorrow, Manny.

Hey, hun.

Did you hack Lo's e-mail?

Well, I couldn't have done it without Walter.

But wasn't that fantastic?

Revenge is so sweet.

Jerk! You're stooping to their level.

Oh, wait, you're mad at me?

We could have reported this to someone...

Principal Velasquez, the ACLU, somebody.

What about your other boyfriend, the one who tore down our banner?

Of course I'm mad at him, but I know he's got issues.

What, and I'm not allowed to have feelings?

Babe, Walter and I worked on that thing for two weeks.

We wanted to surprise you.

This wasn't your secret to tell.

You know what? It is always the people in the closet

who are doing the most damage.

If it's not some evangelical preacher screwing a rent boy on the side,

it's some Catholic priest fondling his parishioners.

I'm so sick of it.

Yeah, so am I,

but if you would've just given me a chance to talk to him,

maybe he could have found the courage to do this himself.

Okay, yeah. I wouldn't put my money on that one.

I just...

Can I sit here?

Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you.

We should have checked with you first,

but I'm not sorry that we did it.

My moms are getting married Sunday.

I'm maid of honor.

You're my date, by the way, so dress sharp.

I'm supposed to help them find someone to officiate,

but I don't have a clue where to start.

This book is no help.

You should just ask my dad.

He has one of those Universal Church of Life certificates.

He used to do that stuff all the time before he and Chad broke up.

You think he'd do it?

He might.

For some crazy reason, he really likes you.

What on Earth are you doing?

You can't marry Trevor.

What are you talking about?

Did he get you pregnant?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

Well, then why else would you be marrying him?

I'm not marrying anyone.

But the book.

My moms are getting married on Sunday.

Your moms?

Yeah. I was gonna call you.

We want you to sing at the wedding.

I mean, if you're not worried about it spoiling your image.

So, you're not really marrying Trevor?

Get a grip, Lo.

Hey, you wanna come in?

I gotta go.

Hey, kid.

Trevor's not here. Out picking up hookers, I think.

Kidding.

We always order in.

What's up?

I have a really big favor to ask. Huge, actually.

My moms are getting married this Sunday,

and we were hoping that you would conduct the ceremony.

Trevor's told me you've done it, like, a million times.

The little breeder sold me out!

Would you do it? Please?

I know you don't know them, but that's kind of the point.

We're new here, so we're inviting lots of people we don't know

so we can all get to know each other better.

Plus, you know me, right? lt'll be fun.

I hate weddings... ever since Chad and I broke up.

Happy couples make me nauseous.

Well, if it's any consolation, my moms fight all the time.

There'll be liquor, right?

Tons.

Okay. I'm in.

Although today's ceremony does not yet have the power of law

in this state,

I believe that in the eyes of God... or perhaps the Goddess...

these two women are already married.

They have been since they committed to love and cherish each other,

since the day they decided to raise a child together.

They've been through sickness and health.

They've been through thick and thin.

They've been through puberty. They've been through all of it.

And it's only made their love grow stronger.

Now, if that does not define what a marriage is,

I do not know what does define it.

So, by the power vested in me by the Internet...

And this is legal.

You could have gone to Vegas and gotten an Elvis impersonator

who would have charged you a lot more money.

I know pronounce you... committed.

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Come on! One more set!

You can do it! Come on! Come on!

You are never going to believe this.

Lo broke up with Tiffany,

and there wasn't even a fight or anything.

Excuse me, ladies. We are working.

That clinches it. Lo's definitely gay.

What the hell are you two talking about?

It's nothing, Coach.

Where do you think he is today?

A gay wedding!

Get dressed.

Go on. Talk to him.

What? No, no. I'm dancing with you.

Technically.

I'm sorry. I just didn't think he'd come.

You invited him, Tru.

Go on. Ask him to dance.

You don't mind?

Sure, I mind, but it's better than dancing with you

while you're mooning at him.

- I'm not mooning. - Uh-huh.

Just talk to him, okay?

And maybe we can enjoy the rest of the reception.

Go.

I didn't think you'd come.

Neither did I.

Hey, look who Dom and Emmett brought to our wedding!

You're David Kopay!

Lo.

The first pro athlete to come out.

Back when we were kids.

He was a pioneer.

And I'm so glad things have changed,

and there are young gay athletes out there

who don't feel a need to hide.

Lo isn't actually out.

He's here as a tourist.

Let's get you something to drink.

What?

So, wanna dance?

Okay.

So, now you've been to your first gay wedding.

How does it feel?

Weird.

I don't... Everybody just seems so normal.

It's weird because everyone seems so normal?

You know what I mean. I mean...

Okay, I was brought up to think that gay people are weird and strange,

but this wedding was just like any other,

except for no groom.

Just swallow your pride.

I, uh, broke it off with Tiffany.

You were right. She was totally falling for me, and it wasn't fair.

I'm really proud of you. That must have been hard.

That living-on-the-down-low thing sounded good for a while.

I mean, my life is nobody else's business, right? But...

...I don't know how you do that without hurting people.

Like Walter...

...and you.

I'm fine.

I just want you to live a life you deserve.

I don't want you sneaking around, having sex in tree houses.

Hey, that tree house is romantic!

Hi. Mind if I cut in?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

Not her, silly. You.

Me?

Hello! We're at a gay wedding.

If we can't dance here, where can we dance?

Okay.

Um, I thought you were mad at me.

Mad doesn't even begin to cover it.

If you wouldn't have danced with me, I would have decked you.

Well, you're a pretty good dancer,

so it looks like I made a good choice.

Well, it looks like your dance card is free again.

May I?

Son of a bitch.

Get up, bastard!

Lo, no! You have nothing to prove! Lo!

So, it's true, isn't it?

Tiffany tried telling me you were queer, and I wouldn't believe it.

We grew up together, man! You spent the night at my house!

Man, it's not even what it looks like. We were just goofing around.

All right, then you tell me. Are you a queer or not?

Are you serious?

Whatever.

Rhonda says I can't call you "queer."

Only queers get to use the word "queer."

Then, I guess I can say it.

What the hell is this crap?

You mean to tell me that I've got a queer for a quarterback?

Yeah, Coach, you do.

Yeah, well, think again. You're off the team!

I don't think so, Coach.

You see, that violates district policy,

not to mention common decency.

you can reconsider that statement,

or you can reconsider your employment.

You go, girl!

Uh, I mean, very well put, sir.

You coming, Manny?

He's my best friend, Coach.

Yeah. It figures.

I'm surrounded by a bunch of pansies!

Thanks.

Why didn't you tell me, man?

You could have trusted me. All you gotta do is talk to me.

Talk to you?

Manny, all you ever do is go on about how much you hate fags.

Yeah, but I don't hate you.

You're my boy, man.

If this situation was the other way around,

I would've definitely trusted you and come and told you.

I... I'm sorry. I didn't think you could handle it.

Why? 'Cause you think I'm an asshole?

Um, you are kind of an asshole.

Nobody asked you, guys.

You just smack me upside the head like you usually do

and straighten me out, all right?

- - Oww!

I didn't mean, like, right now, dick.

I love you, man. Nothing gonna change that.

Okay, everyone, I think the show is over.

Young man, I believe we were promised a song.

I don't know. I only ever sung in church.

Go!

You nearly busted up this wedding. I think you owe us a song.

If it weren't such a cliché, I'd suggest I Will Survive.

Yeah, I don't know that one, but...

Okay, I do have this thing that I kind of wrote.

Could I show the band?

Hey, you know what really hurts?

What?

I spent hours in the gym sculpting this amazing body,

and I never saw Lo check me out once.

You are so vain. You really should have been gay.

It's a big loss to your community.

Believe me, we're devastated.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry.

♪ Who's gonna tell me ♪

♪ What I need to know About forgiving? ♪

♪ Please, someone, tell me How to stop wastin' my time ♪

♪ And, baby, will you show me ♪

♪ How to get through This life I'm living ♪

♪ I want the wisdom To know what is mine ♪

♪ I get a little lonely... ♪

I think we finally found our Tony.

♪ But every time you find me You never let me down ♪

So, we gonna dance?

You and me?

No.

I meant everybody.

Everyone in general, dance.

Well, my beau is providing the entertainment.

So, may I?

Yes.

♪ 'Cause when it comes to love ♪

♪ We've got to be true ♪

- Would you care to dance? - Oh, I'm okay.

I'm known to cut a pretty mean rug.

Well, maybe one dance.

♪ When we're apart You can depend on mine ♪

♪ I guess you're gonna hold me... ♪

I don't suppose the events of the day

have inspired you to make some sort of announcement.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, Bushie.

You're my best friend,

so I'm going to try to put this as delicately as I can.

If you were doused in kerosene and set on fire,

you still couldn't be any more flaming than you are

every single day of your life.

Did you try this on before you bought it,

because the fit is very peculiar.

♪ Just to be with you ♪

♪ I know, I know, I know That we've got to be ready ♪

♪ 'Cause when it comes to love We've got to be true ♪

♪ When it comes to love ♪

♪ Mm-hmm Be true ♪

You cut a mean rug.

♪ United ♪

♪ Better together ♪

♪ Delighted ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm here with you ♪

♪ I know, I know, I know ♪

♪ That we've got to be ready ♪

♪ When it comes to love ♪

♪ Hmm When it comes to love ♪

♪ When it comes to love ♪

♪ I've got to be true ♪

♪ I've got to be true ♪

♪ Mmm Got to be true ♪

♪ Got to be true ♪

Mom, Gran...

I got something to tell you.

You got that girl pregnant.

I told you!

What? No!

Don't lie to me! You came to tell me, so tell me!

- No, it ain't that. l... - Ah!

Don't say "ain't." That's bad English.

I'm trying tell this woman I'm gay,

and all she can do is correct my grammar!

You ain't gay.

Mom...

This is my boyfriend... Walter.

HI.

Don't they have any nice black boys at that school you go to?

♪ You try to be What you think I want to see ♪

♪ I see you staring I see you staring at me ♪

Am I supposed to do something?

I'm sorry. I just got so confused.

That feels good.

10:00.

You's a fool, Manny.

They have been since the day they decided

to love and cherish each other.

Since the day that they...

You heard me. "Maria."

What the F?

My mic... my mic fell into my crotch.

You just slap me upside the head like you usually do

and straighten me out, right?

Oww! I didn't...

I didn't mean right now, idiot.

Okay, then, I guess we'll get started.

I'm Tru. This is Walter.

- Hi. - Hi.

All flyers and posters

will need to be cleared through my office. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Hold that, honey.

Oh, yeah. Push harder.

Ah!

Was that right on me?

Sorry.

Okay, good, 'cause I got these great reactions. Okay.

No, no, sorry. Very busy. Don't have time.

Oh, got a phone call. Got to take it. Bye-bye.

- All right. -

Nice, nice, nice.

I didn't have a thing to drink. It's just these shoes on this lawn.

Where do you think you're going?

Mm-hmm!

♪ What you think I want to see ♪

♪ But you keep inside What I don't want you to hide ♪

♪ You try to be What you think I want to see ♪

♪ But you keep inside What I don't want you to hide ♪