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1
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,100
Ohh, Howard!
2
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,680
Ohh, Marina!
3
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:37,140
I hope you haven't gone overboard
with anything too expensive. No!
4
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:39,980
Oh. You haven't got carried away then?
5
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:44,020
I like you to think of me
as steadier than that,
6
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,420
a rock you can lean on.
7
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,340
I'm involved with a rock(!)
8
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,940
Is there no end to these excitements?
9
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,740
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
10
00:00:58,740 --> 00:01:00,900
KNOCK AT DOOR
11
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:07,920
Come... Come in, Howard.
12
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,760
Come in.
He's in a highly emotional state.
13
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,820
Look at his trembling fingers.
He's got the Marina shakes.
14
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:23,180
I hope you don't mind, Cleggy,
but I daren't open it at home.
We thought that was your mouth.
15
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:27,620
You come in here at top speed
with your unlawful gift...
16
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,280
It's perfectly innocent.
17
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:35,720
It's from a secret admirer, but
these things can be misunderstood.
18
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:40,360
Oh, I imagine Pearl does
a great misunderstood.
19
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,600
Why are your sleeves rolled up?
It's not really you, Cleggy.
20
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,360
You're the most sleeves down person
I know.
21
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,020
I'm not changing my lifestyle.
22
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:56,700
I've been unblocking the drain.
That's what I get for Christmas!
23
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:01,320
You think that's bad?
Look what I get for Christmas!
24
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,760
Ow!
25
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,360
I'd sooner have a blocked drain.
26
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:13,380
Put it away before it blisters
my paintwork. How do you think
it feels from inside?!
27
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:19,320
Who gave you that?
How long have you had enemies
prepared to go to lengths like that?
28
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,060
It's from Pearl.
29
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,940
Oh, well.
30
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:30,860
That explains it.
She says she's fed up with me
wearing stuff that's so boring.
31
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:36,660
Doesn't she know you can't go
from boring to totally bananas
in one jump?
32
00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:40,040
Can I ask a technical question?
33
00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:44,380
Why the devil are you wearing it?
34
00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:48,400
It's basic survival
to pretend you like it.
35
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,240
Can't you tone it down a bit? How?
36
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,700
Well...go and roll in something.
37
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:58,740
Who'd be seen in that?
I daren't roll in anything.
38
00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:02,360
Get one grass stain
and she never forgets.
39
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,020
Anyway, it's not really a problem.
40
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:09,040
You wear it for Christmas,
then you put it away for best.
41
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,580
With a bit of luck it's forgotten.
42
00:03:11,580 --> 00:03:17,040
That's never going to be easy
to forget. So, that's from Pearl.
43
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:23,020
What have you got from your secret
admirer, whose name escapes me,
unless it's Marina?
44
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,360
Another sweater!
45
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:31,020
But not as dangerous
to the spectators.
46
00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:37,240
Suppose one of the women
in your life sees you wearing your
favourite sweater and it's not hers?
47
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:42,200
I believe I'm man of the world
enough to handle two sweaters.
48
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,560
Here, try this.
49
00:03:54,560 --> 00:04:00,600
What is it?
It's not an illegal substance.
You won't end up on my sofa.
50
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:06,620
I have never ended up
on anybody's sofa! You have
my sympathy, but don't look at me.
51
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:11,240
It's Christmas, but there are limits.
And you've just reached yours.
52
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:17,420
Just relax.
I'm cooking for Clegg and Truly.
Now try it. I want a second opinion.
53
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:28,960
You're looking very ravishing
this morning. Have I ever seen
your hair out of its tin?
54
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,600
I don't want any personal comments,
thank you.
55
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,620
You're only escaping death
because it's Christmas.
56
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:40,920
Give over, woman. Don't look at it
like that, you'll burn it to a crisp.
57
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,580
So...
you're cooking for Truly and Clegg.
58
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,620
Are they insured?
59
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,620
Just taste it.
60
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,200
Don't tickle it to death. Taste it.
61
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,320
Well?
62
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,280
I hope they still are
when they've finished!
63
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,920
Do you think we're doing right?
Of course we're doing right.
64
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:22,780
It's a Christmassy thing.
Are you sure it's wise? He shouts!
65
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:28,880
You say, "Good morning,
Mr Sanderson." And when he says it,
folk in the next street shout back.
66
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,700
That's in the street.
He won't shout indoors.
67
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,160
Your mother used to. She didn't.
68
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,780
She could terrify you quite happily
without raising her voice.
69
00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:42,220
I wish she was still with us.
70
00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:45,660
Aww. That's sweet of you, Barry.
71
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:49,500
She could entertain
old Mr Sanderson. Barry!
72
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,960
He's not exactly good company.
73
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:56,000
He never gets a chance to be.
He's always on his own.
74
00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:00,040
I was looking forward to us being
on our own. We will be.
75
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:04,080
As soon as he's had his meal
and gone. How long is he stopping?
76
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,100
Let him get his coat off
before you throw him out!
77
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:12,100
I couldn't enjoy my meal if I knew
he was on his own.
78
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,760
Why don't we get his meal ready
and I'll take it to him? Barry!
79
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,800
Why don't I shut up and practise
being nice about old Mr Sanderson?
80
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:26,020
Thinking like that
could improve your entire Christmas.
81
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,780
Promise?
82
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,260
Trust me.
83
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,100
KNOCK AT DOOR
84
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:49,160
Oh, you busy.
There's no fooling you, is there?
85
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:53,580
I'll come back, maybe Boxing Day.
No, I've a job for you. Do what?
86
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:57,240
I'm not too good in kitchen.
More outdoors type.
87
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:01,280
Since when? Since wife
keeps throwing me outdoors.
88
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:05,180
There's no need to stand out there
telling fibs. Tell them inside.
89
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:10,380
It's not kitchen work.
It's man's work.
90
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:17,200
Have a look at my model racer.
I get to play with model racer?
It's bigger Christmas than I think.
91
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:23,220
It's gone belly up.
Maybe you can fix it. What are you
doing, wandering loose at Christmas?
92
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:27,840
I told you - thrown out. Wife and
me, big row. I need friendly face.
93
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,320
Doesn't she like the one you've got?
94
00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:35,420
What's the row about? Doesn't matter.
She just likes big rows.
95
00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:41,620
At Christmas? Especially at
Christmas. She thinks, "What kind
Christmas is it without big row?"
96
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,880
Why does she like big rows?
97
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,720
She likes way they end -
kissy kissy making up.
98
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:51,740
Doesn't sound too bad.
I'm getting too old for making up.
99
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,940
Sooner have row.
100
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,940
Do you think it's true
that even black sheep are welcome?
101
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:10,600
I wouldn't call us black.
102
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:14,840
I think it's been our destiny
to never get past medium grey.
103
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:19,580
It's never been past off-white
for as long as I care to remember.
104
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:24,640
Some people are so bare-faced.
Often barer than that!
105
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:30,880
At least she's made the effort.
It's usually just the skirt
that's reaching for heaven.
106
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,920
Let's be charitable. It's Christmas.
107
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:38,180
Though I must say being charitable
tends to kill conversation.
108
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:41,820
I always try to be charitable
on Christmas Day.
109
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:44,260
Do you feel any better for it?
110
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,860
I always feel ready for Boxing Day!
111
00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:52,886
Here's to a quiet, but convivial
Christmas. Just the three of us.
112
00:08:52,886 --> 00:08:57,506
I'll drink to that. In fact, today
I'll probably drink to anything.
113
00:08:57,506 --> 00:08:59,906
The three of us! Aye.
114
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:05,706
And to a simpler Christmas
than I once had in the Vice Squad.
115
00:09:05,706 --> 00:09:09,726
Though they were genuinely inventive
in their use of mistletoe!
116
00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:11,706
WHEE! WHEE!
117
00:09:12,446 --> 00:09:15,086
WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!
118
00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:21,086
It's been doing that
since Entwistle mended it!
Very gifted, these people from Hull.
119
00:09:21,086 --> 00:09:23,306
It needs a doctor.
120
00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,806
It needs an undertaker.
121
00:09:25,806 --> 00:09:28,146
Don't say that. It's brand new.
122
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:33,806
I remember a certain
Edgar B Westbury. He was brand new.
123
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:37,686
Young, fit,
on the very threshold of life...
124
00:09:37,686 --> 00:09:45,786
..when this number 22 Peckham bus
got him straight in one of
the healthiest kidneys ever seen.
125
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:49,426
Have you any more Christmas stories?
126
00:09:49,426 --> 00:09:51,866
Once we've had a drink or two.
127
00:09:51,866 --> 00:09:53,966
He makes them up.
128
00:09:53,966 --> 00:10:00,786
I gave evidence at the inquest.
In the witness box. That's where
he learnt the storyteller's trade.
129
00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:03,806
WHEE!
I suppose I could look at it.
130
00:10:03,806 --> 00:10:07,846
Is he qualified?
For interfering? Oh, absolutely.
131
00:10:07,846 --> 00:10:12,506
I used to mend
the police station bicycle. Ah, ho!
132
00:10:12,506 --> 00:10:16,706
Those were the days!
Bobbies on bicycles.
133
00:10:16,706 --> 00:10:19,566
Well, I'll certainly drink to that.
134
00:10:19,566 --> 00:10:22,146
WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!
135
00:10:22,146 --> 00:10:24,146
I'll get it.
136
00:10:26,786 --> 00:10:30,426
You're very nimble
at the old domestics.
137
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:33,666
I have to keep pace
with her next door.
138
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:37,986
Alvin, promise me you'll never
put your hair in curlers.
139
00:10:39,186 --> 00:10:44,946
I only do houseproud so far. The rest
of me stays magnificently male.
Ask anybody.
140
00:10:47,426 --> 00:10:52,166
What are we having?
What are we having?
141
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:58,566
You're having a treat.
I intend to build your strength up
for the sale tomorrow.
142
00:10:58,566 --> 00:11:00,546
A treat!
143
00:11:01,586 --> 00:11:05,966
What sort of treat? It can't be bad
if she's building our strengths up.
144
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,526
I like to know what I'm eating.
145
00:11:08,526 --> 00:11:14,686
The way you go through it,
you've scarcely got time
to get to know each other.
146
00:11:14,686 --> 00:11:16,726
Oh, great!
147
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:20,966
No, no, no. Sit yourself down.
Today is staff day off.
148
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:23,406
Quality time. Spoil the help day.
149
00:11:23,406 --> 00:11:26,046
Today you don't exert yourselves.
150
00:11:26,046 --> 00:11:28,486
A lot like every other day.
151
00:11:28,486 --> 00:11:31,346
You've hurt his feelings now.
152
00:11:31,346 --> 00:11:35,346
I notice you're managing to remain
unwounded. I'm more forgiving.
153
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,746
That's good. You'll need to be.
154
00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:48,806
What is it?
I've no idea without me glasses.
155
00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:51,266
What does your nose say?
156
00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:54,226
SNIFFS
"Why didn't we go to t'restaurant?"
157
00:12:06,006 --> 00:12:11,966
You thought I was a mean old woman,
didn't you? Could we answer that
after we've eaten?
158
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,966
Oh, lovely! It's lovely.
159
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:23,846
Well, that was very edible, Alvin.
You're a little treasure.
160
00:12:23,846 --> 00:12:30,266
We really did enjoy it, Alvin.
I hope you mean that. Cross my
thermal underpants and hope to die.
161
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:34,106
KNOCK AT DOOR
Come in, Howard!
162
00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:41,146
How did you know it was me?
We heard the sweater coming!
163
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,346
Ye Gods!
164
00:12:48,406 --> 00:12:54,346
Think Pearl's trying to tell you
something? She just wants to know
where he is at all times.
165
00:12:54,346 --> 00:12:58,386
That should do the trick.
Nobody will miss him in that.
166
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:02,446
The electric banana!
I can keep it covered.
167
00:13:02,446 --> 00:13:08,406
Buried would be better.
What if you're caught wearing that
when you should be wearing Marina's?
168
00:13:08,406 --> 00:13:11,646
I'm prepared for any emergency.
169
00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:13,426
Da-da!
170
00:13:14,466 --> 00:13:18,906
Wearing two sweaters could interfere
with your life in the fast lane.
171
00:13:18,906 --> 00:13:23,926
I don't think so. I can't see it
affecting the real me.
172
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:30,526
You'll find your pulse getting
slower. You'll lose all interest
in excitement.
173
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:33,366
Every kind of excitement?
174
00:13:33,366 --> 00:13:36,486
You'll still enjoy a good book.
175
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:41,546
Oh, well. No problem, then.
You'll still be able to read.
176
00:13:43,746 --> 00:13:46,206
You're having me on!
177
00:13:46,206 --> 00:13:50,446
Have you been drinking?
Well, I should hope so.
178
00:13:50,446 --> 00:13:53,086
We came here with that intention.
179
00:13:53,086 --> 00:13:55,146
Tell me, Howard.
180
00:13:55,146 --> 00:13:59,186
In all this cunning deployment
of two sweaters,
181
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:03,226
how do you decide
which one should be on top?
182
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:06,866
You have to take each situation
into account.
183
00:14:06,866 --> 00:14:12,886
For instance, now I'm out
in the wider world, I shouldn't be
showing this one. Dead right!
184
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,546
Not without a public health warning.
185
00:14:15,546 --> 00:14:21,126
This one is more suitable for
when I am in the vicinity of Pearl.
186
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:26,646
Your trouble is that Pearl thinks
you're always about to lose
your vicinity.
187
00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:29,726
Marina and I are just good friends.
188
00:14:29,726 --> 00:14:35,726
And in order for us to remain
good friends, I ought to be wearing
her sweater on top.
189
00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:38,186
In case we bump into each other.
190
00:14:38,186 --> 00:14:41,806
Is that likely
in Alvin's sitting room?
191
00:14:41,806 --> 00:14:44,246
I was wondering about that.
192
00:14:44,246 --> 00:14:47,106
I'm not saying it's likely,
193
00:14:47,106 --> 00:14:50,686
but there's no harm
in being prepared.
194
00:14:54,146 --> 00:14:56,626
Are you all right in there?
195
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:59,746
Speak up.
I can't hear you down there.
196
00:14:59,746 --> 00:15:02,806
I do hope he gets out.
197
00:15:02,806 --> 00:15:06,026
I'm not going in there after him.
198
00:15:09,186 --> 00:15:12,606
New sweaters
are inclined to be tight.
199
00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:15,006
Especially Marina's.
200
00:15:18,786 --> 00:15:23,306
At least I'll know where he is.
You can see him for miles!
201
00:15:23,306 --> 00:15:27,346
Have another sherry.
Oh, I don't think I dare.
202
00:15:27,346 --> 00:15:33,946
You're in no danger of waking up
in a house of ill repute in South
America! Or even South Yorkshire!
203
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,426
Oh, well, just a small one, then.
204
00:15:37,426 --> 00:15:43,066
Your Howard seemed very happy
with his new sweater.
Never had it off his back.
205
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:47,126
I thought he'd hate it.
He usually goes for muddy brown.
206
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:54,326
Oh, they do. They have this affinity
with muddy brown. And they say
nature makes males more colourful!
207
00:15:54,326 --> 00:15:58,206
Not round here.
Not in our day, anyway.
208
00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:05,146
You had a job to distinguish
the average male from a hole in the
ground. That's their personalities!
209
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:10,706
They have their reasons for wanting
to blend into the background.
210
00:16:10,706 --> 00:16:15,286
He'll not be doing much blending
in that sweater!
211
00:16:16,386 --> 00:16:20,866
Is he still wearing it?
He left the house wearing it.
212
00:16:20,866 --> 00:16:23,526
Yes, but where was he going?
213
00:16:23,526 --> 00:16:26,986
To Alvin's.
To see if they were all right.
214
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:32,346
Oh, that's very thoughtful.
That's suspicious for a start.
215
00:16:33,786 --> 00:16:37,826
Do you think he takes it off
when he gets outside?
216
00:16:37,826 --> 00:16:43,246
Well...there's only one way
to find out. That's true.
217
00:16:43,246 --> 00:16:47,286
And anyway, we ought to call in
on those three men,
218
00:16:47,286 --> 00:16:51,726
make sure they're having
some kind of decent Christmas.
219
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,766
You're right.
220
00:16:53,766 --> 00:16:56,566
It is the season of goodwill.
221
00:16:57,566 --> 00:16:59,566
I'll kill him!
222
00:17:04,426 --> 00:17:09,446
That was tasty! We're glad
you enjoyed it, Mr Sanderson.
223
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,626
Aren't we, Barry?
224
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:15,026
Deeply moved.
225
00:17:15,026 --> 00:17:20,346
I shall pay for it.
I'll be up half the night! Oh, dear.
226
00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:24,266
Did the windows rattle?
I'm sure I heard them rattle.
227
00:17:24,266 --> 00:17:28,906
It's like a knife!
No, I tell a lie. Acid.
228
00:17:28,906 --> 00:17:32,786
Like a pool of acid.
It rises right up here!
229
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:35,646
I used to be able to eat anything.
230
00:17:35,646 --> 00:17:38,286
You still do a good impression.
231
00:17:38,286 --> 00:17:40,486
I shall pay for it!
232
00:17:41,766 --> 00:17:44,406
A drop more wine, Mr Sanderson?
233
00:17:44,406 --> 00:17:47,266
They say it helps the digestion.
234
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:51,706
There's nothing else. I'd like
a drop. You've had enough, Barry.
235
00:17:51,706 --> 00:17:55,346
It's Christmas. I'm not driving.
Not driving?
236
00:17:55,346 --> 00:17:59,766
How am I getting home?
We'll get you home. Have no fear.
237
00:17:59,766 --> 00:18:02,006
Sit down, Barry.
238
00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:04,786
Mr Sanderson's not ready yet.
239
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:11,646
What a performance!
I thought we'd lost you for good.
240
00:18:11,646 --> 00:18:18,066
It'll get easier after
the first few times. They said that
about my video recorder.
241
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,686
You've got a video recorder?
242
00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:24,266
Not any more.
243
00:18:25,366 --> 00:18:29,446
I bet Christmas looks better
now you can breathe again.
244
00:18:29,446 --> 00:18:35,166
You're looking quite puce.
He's just a riot of colour
this Christmas.
245
00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:37,986
Isn't it a bit warm in here?
246
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,486
It is in two sweaters.
247
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:45,566
I'm perfectly comfortable,
thank you.
KNOCK AT DOOR
248
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:51,346
Whoever it is,
I'm reasonably confident
I'm wearing the right sweater.
249
00:18:51,346 --> 00:18:53,806
He's been expecting her!
250
00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:56,186
You told Marina you'd be here.
251
00:18:57,206 --> 00:18:59,786
I may have mentioned it casually.
252
00:19:00,586 --> 00:19:04,086
It's not Marina.
It's Electric Entwistle.
253
00:19:04,086 --> 00:19:07,106
I hope he didn't get a sweater!
254
00:19:09,746 --> 00:19:14,006
Haven't you been home yet?
Been home, ended big row.
255
00:19:14,006 --> 00:19:18,186
Then she started another one.
Merry Christmas.
256
00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:25,706
Why is Howard red?
It's warm in here.
KNOCK AT DOOR
257
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:30,206
And it's getting warmer.
It's Nora Batty, Ivy...and Pearl.
258
00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:31,866
Pearl?!
259
00:19:36,606 --> 00:19:42,626
They'll probably invite us in
for a drink, but I think
we should keep a clear head.
260
00:19:42,626 --> 00:19:46,566
I'm not sure I've ever had
a clear head.
261
00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:53,066
Come in, ladies. Come in.
We're trying. You keep getting
in our way. Is it going to snow?
262
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,686
Probably,
if we stand here long enough!
263
00:19:56,686 --> 00:19:58,886
They're hiding something.
264
00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:05,486
Well, are you letting us in?
Do any of you ladies have
a sprig of mistletoe?
265
00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:07,926
It's boot toe you lot need!
266
00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:11,966
Are we coming in or aren't we?
Were you ever in any doubt?
267
00:20:11,966 --> 00:20:14,426
Mind the step. It's sometimes slippy.
268
00:20:14,426 --> 00:20:18,846
It's not the only one.
I hope my old man's there.
269
00:20:18,846 --> 00:20:21,706
Oh, he's here.
270
00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:25,166
You see?
There IS a Father Christmas.
271
00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:28,106
I hope they let him in quicker!
272
00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:32,786
This way, ladies.
Everyone is pleased to see you.
273
00:20:32,786 --> 00:20:37,166
Merry Christmas, ladies!
Get the ladies a drink. Yes.
274
00:20:40,386 --> 00:20:44,626
You look as though you've just been
dragged through a hedge! Oh!
275
00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:49,466
Funny you should say that. We were
playing with Alvin's motor racer
276
00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:53,986
and he has been driving recklessly
under the table!
277
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:57,906
Got himself into a speed wobble.
Too heavy on clutch.
278
00:20:59,766 --> 00:21:02,166
WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!
279
00:21:03,206 --> 00:21:06,206
WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!
280
00:21:06,206 --> 00:21:09,686
Oh(!) Still playing with toys!
281
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,886
They can do worse.
282
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:15,386
Right. A drink, ladies.
283
00:21:17,186 --> 00:21:21,166
He's a bit red in the face.
How many's he had?
284
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:24,346
It's warm in here.
285
00:21:25,426 --> 00:21:30,266
You should come to my place.
Atmosphere chilly. Why's that?
286
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:34,306
She thinks I took too long
rewiring a Mrs Featherstone.
287
00:21:34,306 --> 00:21:38,326
Is there an optimum time
for rewiring a Mrs Featherstone?
288
00:21:38,326 --> 00:21:40,526
Wife thinks so.
289
00:21:45,766 --> 00:21:49,406
Don't leave him on his own, Barry!
On his own?!
290
00:21:49,406 --> 00:21:53,866
He's got every organ in his body for
company. I just did the tour again.
291
00:21:53,866 --> 00:21:57,906
I know his insides as well as
he does! Put the telly on.
292
00:21:57,906 --> 00:22:02,346
He doesn't want the telly.
It stops him hearing his stomach.
293
00:22:02,346 --> 00:22:06,966
I think they talk to each other.
I think he speaks fluent stomach.
294
00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:09,626
If you can't beat him, join him.
295
00:22:09,626 --> 00:22:13,846
Tell him you've had your appendix
out. I'm outclassed.
296
00:22:13,846 --> 00:22:16,306
He's got three holes to my one.
297
00:22:16,306 --> 00:22:20,746
When's he going home?!
Oh, Barry! Let his dinner settle.
298
00:22:20,746 --> 00:22:24,786
Settle?! Have you heard it?
You call that settling?
299
00:22:24,786 --> 00:22:29,806
I must get him onto some other
subject. That's my man.
300
00:22:29,806 --> 00:22:32,866
Good thinking. Executive material.
301
00:22:32,866 --> 00:22:36,906
What do we know about him?
What's he done that was interesting?
302
00:22:36,906 --> 00:22:41,326
He can't always have been just a
stomach? I think he was in the war.
303
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:45,366
In the jungle somewhere.
That's it, then! Jungle!
304
00:22:45,366 --> 00:22:48,286
That'll do.
305
00:22:53,066 --> 00:22:57,086
Nice cup of tea, Mr Sanderson.
Not too strong!
306
00:22:57,086 --> 00:22:59,766
It turns your insides brown.
307
00:22:59,766 --> 00:23:05,726
You must have been quite brown
on the outside...when you were
in the jungle. Jungle?
308
00:23:06,746 --> 00:23:10,726
I could tell you things
about the jungle!
309
00:23:13,466 --> 00:23:18,066
I don't see why we can't walk in,
even if the ladies are still there.
310
00:23:18,066 --> 00:23:20,706
I can think of several reasons.
311
00:23:20,706 --> 00:23:25,126
We're only trying to make sure
the men have everything they need.
312
00:23:25,126 --> 00:23:27,506
And that's one of the reasons!
313
00:23:29,386 --> 00:23:33,206
It's a Christmassy thing.
Love thy neighbour.
314
00:23:33,206 --> 00:23:35,926
Not when his wife's there! Ohh!
315
00:23:35,926 --> 00:23:38,006
I hate that.
316
00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:43,806
Those feelings of inferiority
that one is expected to feel
as the other woman.
317
00:23:43,806 --> 00:23:46,266
You realise what that makes us?
318
00:23:46,266 --> 00:23:50,646
Very fast on our feet
in certain circumstances.
319
00:23:51,646 --> 00:23:54,246
Second-class citizens.
320
00:23:54,246 --> 00:23:56,546
An oppressed minority.
321
00:23:56,546 --> 00:24:00,766
It's true! I go creeping about
in dark glasses!
322
00:24:00,766 --> 00:24:03,026
You shouldn't bother.
323
00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:08,066
Skirts that short are not
what one could call a disguise.
324
00:24:08,066 --> 00:24:12,866
I hope they go on
keeping it in the bottle, the drink.
325
00:24:14,606 --> 00:24:20,626
Can we now settle down to a game
of dominoes? Relax now, Howard.
You're in a female-free zone.
326
00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:26,046
Ancient people from Hull invented
dominoes. As well as gunpowder?
327
00:24:26,046 --> 00:24:28,706
That's how we are. Quick on feet.
328
00:24:28,706 --> 00:24:31,846
We think it's wind
from River Humber.
329
00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:34,326
Sounds like just wind to me!
330
00:24:34,326 --> 00:24:41,506
Pull up a chair, Howard.
Take the guilt off your feet. I'm
not putting that on again for now.
331
00:24:41,506 --> 00:24:44,266
KNOCK AT DOOR
The ladies are back!
332
00:24:44,266 --> 00:24:48,226
Don't let them in yet!
Give me a minute!
333
00:24:51,186 --> 00:24:54,806
Come on!
You can do better than a minute.
334
00:24:54,806 --> 00:24:57,446
Look at the practice you're getting.
335
00:24:57,446 --> 00:25:00,126
Right. Right, let them in.
336
00:25:00,126 --> 00:25:06,146
Why do I care?
I'm wearing Pearl's sweater.
It's all about forward planning.
337
00:25:06,146 --> 00:25:09,866
You've got some Marina showing.
Where? Where?
338
00:25:09,866 --> 00:25:13,886
Oh, he's having me on!
It's not showing, is it?
339
00:25:13,886 --> 00:25:20,406
Ladies, ladies!
We hoped to catch you
in the Christmas spirit. Marina!
340
00:25:25,466 --> 00:25:29,606
Merry Christmas, ladies.
Merry Christmas!
341
00:25:29,606 --> 00:25:32,406
Merry Chri...
342
00:25:34,246 --> 00:25:36,326
That face looks familiar.
343
00:25:39,986 --> 00:25:42,866
What are you doing under a table,
Howard?
344
00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:47,346
I'm playing with this racing car!
345
00:25:47,346 --> 00:25:50,986
Oh, they do!
They play with racing cars.
346
00:25:50,986 --> 00:25:54,626
I once spent an entire evening
of Scalextric.
347
00:25:54,626 --> 00:25:58,266
"Come and see my model racing cars,"
he said.
348
00:25:58,266 --> 00:26:02,186
How was one supposed to know
they mean it?!
349
00:26:04,666 --> 00:26:08,966
I've never seen him show
more enthusiasm.
350
00:26:17,846 --> 00:26:19,826
Raise you ten.
351
00:26:27,426 --> 00:26:31,446
Oh, and this one
used to make a noise like...
352
00:26:31,446 --> 00:26:33,886
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
353
00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:35,846
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
354
00:26:35,846 --> 00:26:39,126
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
355
00:26:56,026 --> 00:27:00,786
Why aren't you wearing MY sweater?
I AM wearing your sweater!
356
00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:06,826
Who gave you that one on top?
I'll tell you who gave me this one.
357
00:27:06,826 --> 00:27:12,466
I've nothing to hide. Don't worry.
I'll tell you who gave me this one.
358
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:16,886
Any minute now he'll tell you
who gave him that one on top.
359
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:19,966
He's nearly there. It's coming.
360
00:27:19,966 --> 00:27:22,626
Well, come on, then. Get on with it.
361
00:27:22,626 --> 00:27:26,846
What's the hurry?
It's supposed to be Christmas?
362
00:27:26,846 --> 00:27:28,746
Now, Howard.
363
00:27:31,166 --> 00:27:33,366
A friend.
364
00:27:33,366 --> 00:27:36,166
Must be a very good friend.
365
00:27:37,166 --> 00:27:39,626
It was in this shop window.
366
00:27:40,646 --> 00:27:43,286
I thought, "That's Howard."
367
00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:46,646
Call me sentimental, if you like.
368
00:27:46,646 --> 00:27:54,186
You bought him a sweater?!
If he doesn't like it, he can take
it back. I like it, I like it!
369
00:28:22,766 --> 00:28:25,206
Lovely sweater, Howard.
370
00:28:25,206 --> 00:28:28,186
I made it. Happy Christmas.
371
00:28:35,586 --> 00:28:39,606
Merry Christmas, Pearl.
All the best.
372
00:28:39,606 --> 00:28:41,606
Merry Christmas.
373
00:28:42,606 --> 00:28:45,046
Merry Christmas, Cleggy!
374
00:28:45,046 --> 00:28:47,446
Merry Christmas, Howard.
32023
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