Original subtitles

God, I could trample a whole village

with these bad boys.

Mwah.

I did it. Did what?

I captured Prophecy Duck.

It took months of planning,

but I finally got that slippery son of a bitch.

Why would you capture Prophecy Duck?

He's a beloved oracle.

'Cause I've been wanting to trap

and study an oracle.

Are their powers real, or are they big, fake scams?

Oracle powers are very real.

Oh, my goodness. Hello.

Such a good, little duck, one of the cutest ever.

Say, "Quack, quack."

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

Ty, stop petting Prophecy Duck.

Prophecy Duck?

He's a traveling oracle.

I've been tracking his movements for months,

and I finally managed to trap him.

An oracle? I'm confused.

Aren't oracles usually human women?

Oh, so you don't think monsters can be oracles?

Is that it?

Are ducks even monsters?

Yes.

What's it like being a bigot, Ty?

Well--what? No. I don't know how oracles work.

What do they do again, predict the future?

Less that, more spout off

cryptic things that could happen.

I'm gonna prove it's a scam.

Not a scam.

When an oracle tells you something will happen, it does,

like when the oracle at Delphi told me

I'd get into cliff diving-- ha ha ha!--and indeed I did.

Ha. Whatever you say.

Prophecy Duck: Quack. Quack quack quack quack quack.

Was that a prophecy? Was it good?

Dad, you speak duck, right?

What was Prophecy Duck's oracle prediction?

When the black cat prances by,

the moon hangs high in the sky,

and a pig's vomit is nigh,

a rival king rises, and you shall fall.

Wowser. That's a spicy prophecy.

Spicy?

It sounds like it's talking about me being overthrown.

Well, that's what gives it it's a-spice.

♪ Huh!

♪ Huh! Huh!

♪ Huh huh huh!

♪ Whoo!

So, what, a rival king is going to overthrow me?

Careful, Ty.

You know the Talus story, right?

Talus?

The guy who was told by an oracle that he would drown,

so he tried to teach himself how to breathe underwater

and subsequently drowned?

Talus' mistake was listening to the oracle

in the first place.

All this oracle stuff works on the power of suggestion.

Once someone puts a thought in your head,

it's hard to get rid of it, plus oracles like to say stuff

that'll make you act crazy and stir up drama

so you keep coming back for more advice.

It's their business plan.

Wow. You're right.

Those oracles are clearly a scam,

even the really cute ones.

Your skepticism is unbecoming,

and, if you don't mind me saying, foul.

If Prophecy Duck says a rival

king is going to overthrow you,

then a rival king

is going to overthrow you.

Now give me those crumbs.

Daddy wants bread.

Ty, a rival king is not gonna overthrow you.

Listen. I monitor all nearby city states

and their desire to kill us.

Why?

Because the world is a cesspool of hate.

Read a vase once in a while.

Fair point.

But, luckily for you,

no rival king thinks of you as a threat.

A lot of them haven't even heard of you.

You could have phrased it differently.

Closest possible threat is Asskill,

but you guys are cool, right?

Yeah, totally cool, and he's a true warlord,

and he's got the best intel of all,

and I'm just gonna double-check with him

about the whole "no rival kings" thing, so--

Ty, don't visit him.

You're falling right into the trap here.

This is how prophecies come true.

It's coming true either way.

This is it,

the huge monster cave deep in the dark forest.

You ready?

I suppose.

Darling, I know you want us to go on a big, fun adventure,

but have you considered a small, easy cave

in the Forest of Mirth?

Nope.

It took a long time to get you to agree to do this.

We're not changing the plan now.

Agreements made drunk hardly seem fair to enforce.

Then no agreement from you would be enforceable.

Well, if you say so, then I suppose--

No. I'm holding you to this. Equipment check.

Helmet, torch, a can-do attitude.

Deliria; Mm, I have none of those things.

Zero out of 3 ain't bad.

Mm! Rrgh! Uh!

We should follow those bats.

Perhaps they're flying to a jewelry store or a pool.

No. We're doing a fun adventure...

plus... uh!

What are you doing?

There's no monsters in this cave.

I took us down here because I wanted to have a heart-to-heart

and get something off my chest...

No. Frantic animal exit.

Wuh! Ooh!

and every time I try to ask you, you fly away.

I do not.

Uh!

I just fly away a lot.

If it happens to coincide with you saying something irritating

and nonsensical and trying to waste everyone's time,

then that's simply a happy coincidence.

Nice try.

You can't escape this cave without me,

so today we're going spelunking and having a talk.

Oh, all right.

I got all day.

Oh...

So you're super sure?

As sure as can be, brother.

You're the only king nearby.

I've attacked and eaten the rest.

How wonderful, no rival kings nearby.

Except in my belly. Ha ha ha!

This is now a time of peace. I call it Pax Killassiana.

That's extremely catchy,

and I'm sure it will take off.

Thank you.

You're leaving already? Would you like some blood tea?

It's a delicacy.

I'm not much of a tea drinker, but thanks.

Suit yourself.

You like the bloodletting too much.

It makes me uncomfortable.

I knew there was no reason to trust that duck.

Oh, what's this soft sensation?

It's a silk rug, sir.

Silk rug? Wow.

This is clearly very high quality.

Very perceptive of you.

This is one of my finest rugs available.

Perhaps I should buy this for the palace.

Good call, sir.

That pattern and texture

will blend in perfectly at your palace.

I'll buy it.

I'll send some of my servants to come pick it up later.

Sounds good, sir.

You been to that new rug merchant?

Truly unforgettable rugs.

Oh, man, they're the best.

There's a reason everyone calls that merchant the Rug King...

Rug King... Rug King... Rug King...

Rug King... Rug King... Rug King...

Joshua, are you good? Hello?

My friend keeps repeating, "Rug King," for no reason. Help!

Oh, my god!

Different man: What's wrong with him?

It's got to be just a weird, dumb coincidence, right,

I mean, this guy being called Rug King

right after I got this "rival king" prophecy?

I mean, how would I get overthrown by some merchant,

especially one who's obviously so nice?

Exactly. It's nothing to worry about.

It's just, people seem to like him a lot, a lot a lot.

Do you remember what we talked about?

You have to stop fixating on this prophecy.

Oracles aren't real.

I only had to study Prophecy Duck for one afternoon

to determine he has no real powers.

Now we're just hanging out. He's staying for dinner.

He might be a phony, but he has a great personality.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

You card, you.

By the way, oracles are not phony,

and the prophecy is going to come true.

I'm not fixating on the prophecy,

but you have to agree, it's interesting.

A merchant who calls himself a king?

Who does that?

Certainly an ambitious man-- that's for sure--

perhaps someone whose ambitions rival mine.

"Rival." Oh!

No. Naughty. Stop it.

What I should do, and just as a precaution,

is make friends with the guy.

The prophecy says a rival king will rise, and I will fall,

so if I make this guy a friend king, I'm fine.

I'm telling you,

you got to stop thinking about the prophecy.

I'm not thinking about the prophecy anymore, Hippo.

I'm thinking about the Rug King

and how we're about to become best friends.

I love friends.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

That's true, Prophecy Duck.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, big crack ahead, gotta jump. Uh!

"Jump," I said.

Don't push it.

Jerky time. Want any?

Lizard jerky? No, thank you.

Suit yourself.

So I've been mad at you recently.

Oh, for God's sake.

It started after the battle against the cows,

the ones who walked on their hind legs and--

And were racist. Right. I remember now.

It was a tough fight against the cow army,

but when the time came to fight their extremely hateful leader

Cowus Maximus, I noticed she--

yes, female cows can be racist, too--

barely fought back.

She was extremely weak.

The whites of her eyes had gone green,

and she was frothing at the snout.

I had a hunch you did something to weaken her

because you didn't have faith in me.

Oh, please.

Then the other day, I was rummaging

through the dungeon trying to find an old war hammer,

and that's when I found a vial of cow poison

hidden away in there.

Oh, my God! I'm bored of this blather.

Is it any wonder I haven't wanted to indulge in this?

It's the most tiresome thing we could possibly talk about.

I'm off.

Mom--

Stupendous, didn't you say this cave was empty?

Hey, Rug King, we just wanted to say,

we bought a rug from you a few months back.

Rug King: Yes. I remember-- the high-pile beige rug

for the baby's room.

Great memory.

Well, our baby was trampled

by those feral goats that used to live in town.

Rug King: So sorry to hear that.

But your rug was so plush,

she might actually be OK eventually, it seems like,

and it's held up well since then, too.

Brutus; So we just wanted to say thank you.

Take care, King.

"Take care, King." No one's ever said that to me.

Oh, remember, we're on a friend mission.

Become his friend. But how to befriend a stranger?

Hmm, Shlub is good at this. What would Shlub do?

Why, it's the Rug King. Hello.

Rug King: Oh, hello, King Tyrannis.

How wonderful to see you again.

It's your lucky day.

You're joining me for drinks at the tavern.

Special for you, Rug King.

This one's completely urine-free.

You go out much?

I bet you're a man about town, a jaunty fellow.

Rug King: Well, no.

If I'm being honest, social stuff makes me nervous.

You know, I love to talk rugs, but, well, this is my first time

hanging out away from the shop in a long time.

No way. You're so beloved.

Rug King: That's sweet, but, no, I'm--I'm a shy guy.

I get overwhelmed by all the people here sometimes.

Sometimes I think about quitting the biz

and moving far away to become a farmer.

No. You shouldn't.

Rug King: Thanks, King Ty.

It feels good to be open about my anxieties.

Well, I better get back to the shop.

I've got rugs to sell. See you later, bud.

This changes everything.

Sorry. I accidentally gave you the wrong mug.

That mug was 100% urine.

Why?

I don't have time to explain.

Great news, everyone.

I identified the Rug King's main weakness--social anxiety.

I thought you were gonna become friends with him,

not identify his weaknesses.

No. Yeah. Sure. I mean, I didn't mean weakness.

I meant we're friends now, and because of that, the Rug King

happened to reveal a solution to our prophecy problem.

Long story short, we're throwing him a gala.

A gala? I'll put on my bowtie.

This sounds like a lot of work

when you could be doing what I would do

in your situation--nothing.

Then I wouldn't be creating an opportunity

to overwhelm him so he leaves the city,

which sounds bad, but it's a perfect plan,

and it's best for both of us.

Don't judge me.

Other kings have done way worse

than a last-minute gala for a carpet merchant.

You know, I might be a skeptic

about the whole oracle thing, but at this point,

I'm just gonna let him keep following this path.

I'm glad you've come around.

Prophecy Duck: Quack quack quack.

You're right, Prophecy Duck.

Let's all wear bowties to the gala.

If we move quietly and work together,

we can avoid whatever creatures made those shrieks.

Gods shouldn't have to tiptoe.

Huh! Uh!

Mom, where are you?

Up here, but if you're behind me,

whose foot did I just step on?

Interesting.

Maybe they're friendly.

Well, I appreciate the honesty.

Run! Stick with me. The exit's closed.

Are you going to kill them or not?

Do you need me to weaken them first?

I would assume I'm not allowed to help.

Oh, now you want to talk about it?

Have you seen these?

Little flatbread rugs with fringe.

Look at him over there,

sweating in the corner, talking to no one,

and it's not mean because living on a quiet farm,

so much better for him, my friend the rug farmer,

Farmer King, just a farmer.

And these experimental rugs he brought,

this one's an optical illusion.

It's shocking. The man is so creative.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

Time to rip off the poultice.

Hear, hear. We're gathered here today to celebrate--

Uh, excuse me. Hello? Why are you doing that here?

This gala is to celebrate the accomplishments and career

of a man we've all come to love.

We know that I'm the king, of course,

but this Rug King has somehow stolen

the hearts and minds of the people of Krapopolis.

He might seem shy, but he practically begged me

to let him come up here and give a speech

to all of you right now.

Isn't that right, Rug King?

Rug King: Hmm? Uh...

Oh, gosh, uh, public speaking is my worst fear.

What? That's a silly fear.

Becoming overthrown, now, that's a fear.

Come on. Speech!

Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech, speech!

Rug King: Sorry. I'm nervous. I've never made a speech before.

Oy, the guy's a goner.

I feel a little bad, but, again, it's for the best.

Rug King: I've never made a speech,

but I have made a rug,

and a community can be kind of like making a rug.

A rug is made up of individual threads brought together

by a series of techniques and tools.

I like to think the sweet, kind people of Krapopolis

are those threads.

The techniques, well, those are our love of community,

the tools the feeling you get

when you give someone a hug who needs one.

I've never thought of it that way.

Rug King: The city itself, well, that's the completed rug.

When one thread pulls loose,

the whole thing starts to unravel,

and that is what makes Krapopolis so wonderful.

All the threads protect each other...

That's not even true. Everyone hates each other.

Rug King: and I'm not one to curse,

but--doggone it--this city is worth fighting for.

Wow. He's displaying natural leadership skills.

He'd never ask me to, but I'd die for him.

Hell, I'd even kill myself for him.

Do you want someone to ask if you're OK?

I do. That's the power of the Rug King.

Rug King! Rug King! Rug King!

No. This is all going wrong.

How could this be happening?

Shlub, voice-over: When the black cat prances by,

the moon hangs high in the sky,

and a pig's vomit is nigh...

Phew. It's supposed to be a pig.

Shlub, voice-over: you shall fall.

No!

Rug King... Rug King... Rug King...

My friend keeps repeating, "Rug King,"

for no reason.

You think you're the king?

I'm the only king in town-- me, King Ty.

Rug King? That's lunacy. You want to be king?

You really think you can handle it?

You can't handle the heat.

Rug King: Uh, Ty, are you OK?

Am I OK? How insulting.

Guards, it's time.

Lock the king in the tower right now,

and no matter what anyone says, whoever's saying it,

and no matter how reasonable it might sound,

don't let him out.

Rug King! Rug King!

OK. I probably should have been more specific

with my words, or perhaps less, but this is a big mistake.

Please, Prophecy Duck.

I did everything possible to stop your prophecy.

I want a new one.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

He said no.

Well, let's head back to the gala.

Prophecy Duck's friend Party Duck

was about to teach us how to do a sloppy keg stand.

There's a duck for everything now.

Bigot!

Do we go back up there and hit him?

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

You're more mature than I, Prophecy Duck.

You're right. We're better than that.

Yecch. Shut up already.

Prophecy Duck: Quack quack quack quack.

OK. That's it. Let's hit him.

Huh huh huh... huh!

You want me to say I poisoned the racist cow general?

I want you to say why.

I am sick of having to watch your battles

from the sidelines.

You never let me offer any input.

It's like you don't trust me.

Whoa, whoa. I trust you, but war is my thing.

You can't just sneak in and poison the battle cattle.

It almost feels like you don't trust me.

Whoa. Ultimately, I'm the victim here,

the amount of racial invective I had to listen to.

You wouldn't believe what those cows were saying

about the Macedonians,

not entirely off base, I'll grant them that.

The bridge. What do we do?

Ugh, follow my lead.

Huh! Uh!

Aww.

Yes, yes. I'm playing along now.

Oh. I was awwing the monkey, but aww.

Huh! Huh! Uh!

Huh! Uh!

Look at us, working together.

Oh, shut up. Is that the exit up ahead?

Huh! Uh! Wow. We made it.

I assume you hate me

after the whole cow thing, though.

Is at the end of our relationship?

What? No. I feel amazing.

You do? Why?

I'm still mad. You shouldn't do what you did.

It makes battle unfair, but I thought you poisoned her

because you didn't think I could beat the cows,

and now I know it's because you wanted

to get in on the fun and feel listened to.

I mean, I guess.

Thanks, Mom.

Wow, so it was that easy the whole time?

That's all I needed to do, say some words?

Yep.

I'm kind of glad we went down there, though.

We finally talked, and we had an amazing adventure.

Well, I was about to seal off this entrance,

but now I vow to protect the cave and its little monsters.

We can come here whenever you need to talk at me--

I mean, to me.

Thanks, Mom. Let's go home.

Not now, wendigos.

This is where I belong.

Prophecy Duck's oracle prediction came true,

and it should have.

I don't deserve to be king.

Sir, what are those tallies?

It's barely been a day.

Tallies?

You have a visitor.

Rug King: Hi, King.

Don't look at me! Stop looking at me.

Rug King: How's it going up here?

Oh, why are you so nice after what I did?

Well, you overthrew me.

I'm overthrown, and I deserve it.

I deserved to drink urine.

Rug King: Huh?

Here. You can even have my crown.

Take it, Rug King.

You can get it on the way out.

Rug King: Sir, I don't know what you think is happening,

but I don't want to overthrow you.

I don't want to be king.

Rug King was just a nickname, a marketing trick,

plus we're friends.

But the prophecy.

I wasn't prepared for that big gala,

but it finally helped me overcome

my fear of public speaking.

I was always so scared of it, and you stepped up as a friend

and helped me realize I can do it.

I don't have to be afraid of other people...

Wow. That's actually beautiful.

Rug King: so now I have no reason

to ever stop being a rug salesman.

I don't want to run away and become a farmer anymore.

I love my life in Krapopolis, so thank you.

You're a good king with a good heart

who pulled me up when I was at my lowest,

so I'm gonna do the same for you--free you.

Really?

Rug King: Not sure I have the jurisdiction to free you

since you're the king

and actually locked yourself in here.

It's kind of a riddle almost.

No one knows what to do, but everyone seems to like me,

so I think they'll let me do it.

Wow.

To think all this happened because of a prophecy.

Prophecy Duck: Quack. Quack quack quack quack quack.

Right.

Bento.

He wasn't the king who overthrew me. I was.

I tricked myself into a paranoid frenzy

and then locked myself in the tower.

I don't even know if it was Hippo or Shlub who was right,

but either way, wow, learning moment.

Agh! Ooh! Uh! Ow!

Ooh! Oh! Uh! Ow! Uh! Ooh! Oww!

That is so true about women. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

It's got all the fun of something super offensive,

and yet I wouldn't mind being quoted saying it in any context.

You're really something, Prophecy Duck.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

Well, I certainly learned my lesson.

Prophecy Duck, I owe you an apology.

I tried to outsmart your oracle prediction,

but in the end, I'm the one who made it all come true,

so basically, props.

Prophecy Duck: Quack.

Wow. Prophecy Duck just predicted

that some thousands of years from now,

your descendants will be able to purchase

a Prophecy Duck stuffed animal from a fox, no less.

That is if I'm understanding correctly.

Prophecy Duck: Quack quack quack.

He said if they don't buy many

such Prophecy Duck stuffed animals,

then they too shall fall.

Fall like down the stairs, I suppose.

Prophecy Duck: Quack quack quack quack.

I'm afraid not.

Civilization itself shall crumble.

All that is valued shall be lost.

The seas shall boil, and the earth shall split.

Thousands of years from now, he said?

That's right.

All right. Phew.

Not really our problem, then, is it?

Don't see how it would be.

To Prophecy Duck.

Tyrannis and Hippocampus: To Prophecy Duck.

Dan Harmon: Did you get any of that?

Bento.