All language subtitles for 04AWmansWrkIsNeverDone

With the stars...

and...

Hi, Alice.

Hurry up with my eats.
I'm going bowling.

( sighs )

( Ralph groans )

Did I, or did I not
this morning

tell you to wash and iron
my bowling shirt?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ralph.

I was so busy today,

I just didn't get
around to the laundry.

You just didn't
get around to it?

That's right, I just
didn't get around to it.

Why don't you wear one of
your regular white shirts?

What's the difference anyway?

What's the difference?

I'll show you what
the difference is, Alice!

Do you see that?
Do you see those big letters?

They're put on there purposely.

They say "Hurricane"!

Hurricane!

You know why they're on there?

That's when I'm bowling
and I'm on the alley,

people who are
watching the game

know which team
I am a member of.

I'm a member of
the Hurricanes, Alice.

How are they gonna know
I'm a Hurricane?

Just open your mouth.

( mutters )

Just be a little careful, Alice,
a little careful.

Remember, the life you save
may be your own.

I suppose you didn't have time
to sew these either, huh?

Your socks.

I'm sorry, Ralph.
No, I didn't.

No excuse or anything?

Haven't you got any excuse
why you didn't sew the socks?

I know why you haven't got
any excuse, Alice.

You're afraid
to give me an excuse!

'Cause you know that I know
that you know that I know

what you've been doing
around here all day!

Sitting there, fooling around!

I got in one of those
silly moods of mine.

You know how I get sometimes?

So just for laughs
I thought,

well, I'll do the
breakfast dishes

and make the bed
and take the garbage down.

Then when I came back up,

I was still in such
a funny mood, you know.

I thought, why should
I settle down

to the drudgery
of mending your socks?

So I scrubbed
the kitchen floor.

Then, you know somethin'?

I was still so giddy and so
gay over this whole thing

that I thought I'd
really enjoy myself,

so I washed
all the windows.

Then, Ralph, I went out
and I did the marketing.

And I came back
with a pot roast,

and I put the pot roast
on the stove,

and while it was cooking,

I went in and I cleaned
out the bedroom closet.

Now, I know that this may
sound like work to you, Ralph,

but it isn't, it's fun.

It is such good sport.

Do you know why it's
such good sport, Ralph?

Because I'm so loaded
with modern conveniences.

Just loaded: steam irons
and vacuum cleaners

and dishwashers
and washing machines.

To say nothing
of this lovely,

new, modern
refrigerator over here.

Oh, that reminds me.

It's time to defrost it.

That will give you
a rough idea, Ralph,

of what a joy it is working
around this apartment all day.

You know why?
'Cause it's so up-to-date.

I am the only girl in town
with an atomic kitchen.

This place looks like
Yucca Flats after the blast.

Oh, you're a riot, Alice.

A regular riot.

You got it tough, all right.
You got it tough.

You got it too soft,
that's the matter with you!

But it's not gonna be
that way anymore

because I'm putting in
a new system.

And now I've gotta tell you
how the system's gonna work.

If I come in here
in the morning

and I tell you
to do something,

and when I come back at night,
if that thing isn't done,

you get one demerit.

And you'll get
one demerit every time

you don't do something
that I tell ya.

And do you know
what happens to you

when you get ten demerits?

Don't you try to bully me,
Sergeant Kramden.

( groans )

I have got
plenty to do

around this house all
day, and you know it.

You come home here after
working an eight-hour shift

and you're absolutely
exhausted.

Do you know how many hours
I work a day, Ralph?

24 hours a day,
seven days a week,

and I haven't had
a day off in 14 years.

( mockingly sighs )

Holidays are a double shift.

Now let me tell
you something.

There's an old,
old saying, Ralph.

"Man works from sun to sun,

but woman's work
is never done."

Good gosh.

I'll tell you why

woman's work is
never done, Ralph.

Because she's got the toughest
boss in this whole world:

a husband.

Boy, you men kill me.
You're all alike.

You push us around,

you want us to bow
and scrape at your feet.

All you do is yell and
scream and give orders.

You men just think
that you own this world.

Yeah, but you women
get revenge.

You marry us.

All right, Ralph, I'm
telling you something.

I am sick and tired of
taking care of this place,

and I'm not
doing it anymore.

What do you mean,
you're not doing it anymore?

Just what I said.
We are getting a maid.

You are stark staring nuts.

What do you mean
we're getting a maid?

I can't even afford you!

Don't you worry, Ralph.

You won't have to pay her.
I'll pay her.

I'm gonna get myself a job,

and for once in my life,
I'm gonna take it easy.

I'm gonna get one of those
sun-to-sun jobs, Ralph.

I'm gonna come
home at night,

and the maid will set
dinner on the table

and then she'll
do the dishes,

and it'll be just like
having a vacation.

Oh, it'll be a vacation, huh?

Working for some boss
will be a vacation, huh?

Well, I'm calling your bluff.

Go ahead and get a job!

I'll be happy to have
a maid around here.

Then maybe I'll get
something done!

Ha-ha. You think a maid is gonna
jump at your slightest whim?

She certainly will.

I happen to be the master
of this household.

Har-har-hardy-har-har.

You just decided for me, Alice.

You just decided for me!

I'm going on
The $64,000 Question.

And do you know why?

'Cause I'm an expert
in one of the categories!

Aggravation!

( groans )

Now remember.

Don't act like we never
hired a maid before.

They'll take advantage of us.

Act important.
They'll think we're big shots.

I just hope it doesn't
take too long, Ralph.

This is my lunch hour.
I gotta get back to work.

Never mind your lunch.
Just act important.

( clears throat )

Uh, my name is Mr. Wilson.

Now, what can I do for you?

How are you?

This is my wife, Mrs. Kramden.

And I'm her husband,
Mr. Kramden.

Well, I'm certainly
glad you came.

I, uh, I have an opening
for a couple just like you

on an estate
out in Long Island.

( coughing )

You are making
a slight mistake.

Yeah.
We're bigshots.

Uh...

We haven't come here
to get work.

We want to hire
some domestic help,

like you got
in the window there.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I should have known.

I'm sure I can
help you, Mr. Kramden,

if you'll just answer
a few questions.

Now let me see.
Your first name?

Ralph.

Mm-hmm. Ralph.
And address?

( chuckles )

728 Chauncey street.

( coughing )

( hacking cough continues )

Pays to buy the best.

( clears throat )

You may wonder why I'm chuckling
when you asked me my address.

Now, we must've hired
a thousand maids,

and they always
ask the same question.

"What's your address?"

( exaggerated laugh )

Now, Mr. Kramden, where, uh,
where do you work?

Hmm?

Oh, I am associated with
the Gotham Transit Line.

I see.

Now, Mrs. Kramden,
I assume you'll be home

to supervise
the maid's work.

Well, no. You see,
I have a job.

B-b... she doesn't
need the job.

You know, career...
She's a career girl.

Oh, I see.
Certainly.

Uh, tell me, Mrs. Kramden,
where do you work?

At Krause Meyer's bakery.

My career is stuffing
jelly into doughnuts.

Also has a great sense
of humor.

I see.

As a matter of fact,
Mr. Kramden,

I was just talking to
someone on the inside

who I think would be perfect
for what you want.

Oh.

Miss Reynolds, would you
send in Thelma, please?

Thelma.

Mr. Kramden, you'll be
very lucky to get Thelma.

She's an extremely
good worker.

You know, it's a funny thing
about the maid situation,

but the demand is
so tremendous today,

there just aren't enough
maids to go around.

I guess the maids
are aware of this,

and they've all become
very independent.

Independent?

( chuckles )

Oh, hello, Thelma.

This is a maid?

I thought maids
had short skirts

with white hats and
black silk stockings.

Ralph!

The chubby one's
gonna be trouble.

Thelma, don't be too hasty.

I'm sure they're
an awfully nice couple.

Uh, Thelma, what
my husband meant was,

we just wanted to explain
your duties to you.

Oh, yeah.
What do I gotta do, yeah.

And I might as well
tell you right now,

I can't do no heavy work.

I'm sickly.

Sickly?

Well, first of all, you'll
have to go to the market.

Then you'll have to cook,
scrub the floors...

I don't scrub no floors.

You're so right, Thelma.

My husband will be glad
to scrub the floors.

Now wait a minute!

You'll scrub the floors.
That's a man's work.

Just a minute.
Who's doin' the hirin' here?

All right, Alice, it's all off!

Oh, no, Ralph, I'm not
giving up my career.

So it's either
Thelma or you.

And I might as well tell ya
somethin' else right now.

I get Thursdays
and Sundays off, see?

My work is through the minute
the supper dishes are done.

I don't work in no house
where they got no pets,

so you might as well get rid
of one if you got one.

If you're gonna have a party,
I get time and half over

and the next day off.

And, uh, if you're...

if you're plannin' on
havin' any late snacks,

I don't do no cleanin' up
the next mornin'.

And this boy looks like
he has plenty of late snacks.

Thelma, you're perfect.

Then, uh...
then it's settled?

Uh-huh.

All right then,
here we go.

You just take this
suitcase, and off we go.

You don't mean to say

that you think I'm gonna
carry your bag, do you?

Would you like me
to quit now?

You'd better carry it, Ralph.

All right, gimme it.

( yells )

( chuckling )

She's sickly, huh?

Well, here we are.

If these are the servants'
quarters, I quit.

This is where we live.

You'll stay at your
house and commute.

Now, come on.

This is the bedroom.

You can put your
uniform on in here.

I'll show you
where everything is.

Hey, Ralph.

Oh, Ralph.

Hey, Ralphie boy.

Oh, hiya, Norton.

I got that thing for ya.

Oh, did ya?

Hey, when's the new
maid comin'?

Oh, she's here already.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Hey, is she anything
like that maid

we saw in that burlesque show?

Wa-wa-wa-whoo.
Huh?

You know that maid we saw
in the burlesque show?

Is she like that?
Huh-huh.

What maid?

You remember.

The one that helped Lily St. Cyr
into the bathtub full of wine.

Oh, no, she's not
like that maid.

Oh.

She looks more like the one
that installed the bathtub.

But looks don't
count, Norton.

It's if she's a worker,

and she looks
like a worker.

And I want to tell
you something, Norton.

Having a maid around
lends real class to a home.

For instance, go out
in the hall again,

knock on the door and
I'll have her let you in.

Then you'll see

how a well-operated,
fully-staffed home runs.

All right, pal.

Go ahead.

( knocking at door )

( knocking )

Louder.

( knocks louder )

Thelma, there's
somebody at the door.

( knocks again )

Thelma, there's
somebody at the door!

Maybe she went down to your
stables to talk to the groom.

Get out of here!

( knocks )

Thelma!

Yeah?

There's somebody
knocking at the door.

Well, answer it!

I thought if it's for you,
go ahead and answer it.

Nobody knows I'm here yet.

Wait a minute!

That's part of your duties
to answer the door.

Now go ahead
and answer it.

What do you want?

I got to admit it, Ralph.

She got plenty of class.

Wait a minute.

You're not supposed to
answer the door like that.

If someone knocks on the
door, you usher them in,

then you say,
"How do you do?

This is Mr. Kramden's
residence."

Okay. What do I say if somebody
calls for you on the phone?

On the phone?
Well, uh...

Oh, uh, well, if they
call on the phone,

you say, "Hello, this is
Mr. Norton's residence."

He uses the phone
up in my apartment.

Okay.

And that's
another thing.

Don't say, "Okay."

From now on, say,
"Very good, sir."

Okay.

Well, what do you think
of the maid, Norton?

Well, without a doubt, Ralph,
you have achieved

the heights
of gracious living.

Yeah.

You are one of the 400.

In fact, you could be
all of the 400.

Boy, Ralph,
must be a cinch, now, huh?

All you gotta do is yell,
"Hey, Thelma!"

And she does
anything you want.

I don't have
to yell at all.

All I have to do
is ring the bell

and she comes running.

Oh?

What do you say we give it
a little test run?

Get her out here.

All right.

Well, what'll I ask her
when she gets out here?

I got it.

I'll say, "My
guest and me

want to have some
coffee and cake."

Okay.

( bell ringing )

Must be a slow track,
she's a slow runner.

( bell ringing )

If that's the Good Humor man,
get me a Popsicle.

It's not the Good
Humor man.

I rang that
because I want you!

Oh. Well, what
do you want?

My friend and I will
have some coffee and cake.

Okay.

Just a moment.

"That'll be very good, sir."

Okay.

Uh, may I?

Must be a fetish
with her.

What?

May I?
Oh. Go ahead.

( bell ringing )

Thelma, would you mind

stepping into
the dining area?

Well, what do you want?

With my coffee, I would
like one lump.

( bell ringing )

You keep on ringing that

and you'll get
one lump all right.

Okay.

I told you to stop
saying "Okay"!

It's "Very good, sir."

This happens to be my guest,

and I am your employer!

Mm, some guest
and some employer.

The simp and the blimp.

How dare you say
that to me!

I quit!

You quit?

You can't quit!

You can't quit
unless I fire you.

Remember that!
Now get out here!

I'm warning you, you'll
never work anywhere else.

I'll have your
union card taken away.

You cannot quit, Thelma,
and that's my final word on it.

I tell you,
I'm quitting.

I say you're not quitting!

You'd better come back.

Thelma, come back in here!
Thelma!

Will you stop
yelling, Ralph?

You don't have
to do that.

I'll get her back here.

( rings bell )

Oh, will you stop it!

( knock at door )

Come in.

Is this the Kramden
residence?

Why don't you shut up?

Hey, what happened
to the new maid

you hired yesterday?

She quit after I fired her.

Fired her?

Yes. That's the fourth
maid this week.

The fourth?
I only remember three.

Oh, you didn't see
one of them.

She didn't even
put on a uniform.

She just walked in
the bedroom, saw a mop,

got scared
and ran out of here.

Why don't you
get another maid?

They won't send
any more up here.

They're all afraid
of working.

( scoffs )

Well, all I know is,

I can't make Alice
quit her job,

I can't get a maid and
I gotta break my back

cleaning up this house
on my day off.

Well, if that's the way
it is, I think I'll go.

I got an early date
at the pool hall.

Uh, Norton... uh...

wanna do me
a favor, pal?

I'm never gonna get
all this work done.

Not before Alice gets home.

Would you mind helping me
out with a little of it?

Why, I would be glad to,
buddy boy, pal of mine.

Norton, you are
a friend indeed.

However, there will be a small
charge of a buck an hour.

You would charge me
a dollar an hour?

That's right.
A buck an hour.

And I don't do no dishes,
that's the ladies' work.

All right, Norton.
It's a deal.

Finish the rest
of that ironing.

Very good, sir.

Norton?
Yeah?

Come over here
and help me with this.

What do you wanna
do with it?

I gotta lift it up.

I wanna put it over there
so I can mop in back of this.

Get over there.

Now, look, I'll say,

"One, two, three, lift!"
And we heave-ho. Ready?

Ready.

One, two, three, lift!

( yells )

Why didn't you lift?!

You didn't heave-ho!

All right, Norton.

Bend down and
grab it underneath.

And we'll come up slowly.

All right.

Wait a minute.
Wait. Hold it.

This is a little too heavy.

Can I make
a suggestion, please?

I think I know
why it's too heavy.

The drawers are
probably loaded with junk.

If we just take
the drawers out,

it'll be a lot
easier to move.

Good thinking, Norton.
Go ahead.

All right, let's go.

All right, over here.

A little more...
a little more...

A little more.

That's it. Well...

Wasn't that a lot
easier that way?

All right, all right,

so you get one
good idea all year,

you got to make
a federal case out of it.

( sniffing )

Hey, Ralph.

Yeah?

I smell something burning.

You got something
on the stove,

or in the oven, or what?

No.

Huh?

Is this your idea
of a joke, Norton?

No, no. That's
my idea of a burn.

Don't be funny!

Well, I guess I
can't blame you.

This kind of work
isn't for a man.

This is a woman's work.

I gotta figure some way

to get Alice back
and quit her job.

Why don't you just
tell her to quit?

I can't do that.
She wouldn't quit.

Just telling her
to quit like that?

I gotta think of a scheme.

Hey, wait a minute.

What?

Look, what does
a woman fall for

better than anything else?

A left hook.

No. Flattery!

All I have to do is
flatter her a little bit.

You know, when
she comes in,

tell her how nice
her hair looks.

Then I tell her
how starry-eyed she looks.

The first thing you know, I'll
have her scrubbing the floors.

Now let's see.

What sort of things
can I say to her?

I got it, I'll call her
what I used to call her

before we were married.

What's that?

Little buttercup.

Wait a minute.

I didn't call her that,
she called me that.

Little buttercup.

( chortles )

( chortling )

What's so funny?

I mean, she used to call you
her little buttercup?

Yeah.

What's so funny
about that, Norton?

You were a little cup of butter,

now you're a whole tub of lard!

Hiya, Ralph.
Hi, Ed.

What is that vision that just
walked through the door?

Norton, what is
Marilyn Monroe doing here?

Where? Where?
Where? Where?

My, my, my, my,
my, my, my, my!

How beautiful
you look tonight.

Is that a new shade
of lipstick you have?

No. I got a promotion today.

Now I'm a jelly
doughnut taster.

Oh... And look at those
alabaster hands,

how white and pure.

That's powdered sugar.

I don't think the flattery
is going too good.

Why don't you try
a left hook?

Do you mind
leaving the premises?

I'd be very happy to.

I'll send Trixie down
for my pay, buttercup.

Well, my little
darling lover-girl...

It won't work, Ralph.

What won't work,
my little lamb?

The flattery routine,
my little pumpkin.

You found out housework's
a lot harder than you thought,

didn't you, Ralph?

You want me to quit
my job and come back.

I want you
to quit your job?

Are you kidding?

It's the furthest
thing from my mind.

Good, because I have
no intention of quitting.

Alice, you gotta quit
and you gotta come back.

Do you admit that housework

is harder than you
thought, Ralph?

Harder even than your job?

Yeah.

All right.
Then I'll come back.

Thank you, sweetheart.

But I want you to
understand, Ralph,

no yelling and screaming
if I forget to do

one little thing
that you tell me to do.

I promise you, I'll never
complain again, sweetheart.

Never.
( knock on door )

Come in.

I, uh...

I forgot
part of my uniform.

Oh, for a while there,

I thought you'd come back
for your job.

( laughs )

I got a job.

Ho! She has a job.

Come on, Thelma.
Dinnertime.

( bell jingles )