Original subtitles

[Pal]

Well, there it is, Major Nelson.

Our first fully automated flight plan.

And the newly modified T-38 ready for takeoff.

Congratulations, major.

Oh, thank you, sir. Uh--

You don’t seem very happy, major.

It’s an honor to be selected

to check out this new equipment.

Oh. Yeah, | Know that, sir.

But there’s not much for me to do.

| mean, look at the flight plan.

Uh, the T-38 takes off by itself,

finds a course of 067 at 50,000 feet by itself,

lands in Puerto Rico by itself,

and then repeats the whole process in reverse.

| feel more like a babysitter than a pilot.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

| know it's a long way

from flying a P-40

by the seat of your pants. Hm-hm.

But even though the controls are completely computerized,

you have to be there in case of, uh, malfunction.

Yes, the chances of which

are statistically negligible.

But I’m with you, major.

This is progress, | suppose. Mm.

Well, happy babysitting.

We'll see you at your house this afternoon.

All right, sir. See you later.

[Pal]

Nelson to Mission Control.

Ready when you are.

This is Nelson to Mission Control...

Jeannie, what are you doing?

Please, do not worry, master.

| did not blink here.

Hm. | walked.

l-- Yeah. [STAMMERS]

| know that--

That’s all right for you, but what about for me?

You, | blinked.

[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY] Yes, | Know that.

Jeannie, I’m supposed to be out in that airplane

that’s getting ready to take off.

Jeannie, it’s leaving without me.

Correction, master.

Huh? It has left without you.

[Pal]

[Pal]

[Pal]

[Pal]

Jeannie, put me back there right now.

Master, how can that plane be flying

without someone inside it?

Heh. It’s fully automatic.

Now, come on. Right now!

What’s the matter with--?

Huh. It’s a fine thing.

If things keep up like this, it soon will be no fun

to be a genie anymore.

Now, master. This will only take a few minutes.

[CLAPS HANDS] Uh...

W-wait a minute, Jeannie. I’m not supposed to be here.

I’m supposed to be up there on that airplane.

About your tennis lesson, Mrs. Bellows, uh,

I’m not gonna be able to make it.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, oh, I-- | know that’s not funny, Mrs. Bellows.

Uh-- Oh, I’m-- Oh, | have to monitor

Tony’s Puerto Rican flight.

Yeah. Ye-- Yes, Mrs. Bellows.

Yeah, well, some other time.

Bye.

Now, where were we with the ears, huh?

Uh-uh-uh. You promised to teach me to play tennis.

Oh, well, tennis, that’s a very simple game.

Just put the racket in that hand.

Now, here we have a nice forehand,

and here we have a nice backhand.

Then we have a nice both hands, like that.

On the court, tiger. Yeah.

I'll change and meet you.

Yeah, change and meet me.

Well, uh, don’t-- Don't change too much.

[Pal]

[EXHALES]

Well, that’s 1-love for her, but...

a set is six games. Mm.

Oh. Now, master,

if your airplane is fully automatic,

surely you can spare a few minutes to help me

with a few decisions

about our party this afternoon.

Now, | thought we would serve out here

on the patio, buffet-style.

Uh. Uh, master...

Master? Yeah.

You are not listening.

I’m not listening. For the last 10 minutes,

I’ve been ordering you to blink me to that airplane,

and you've been going on about a party

and canapés and a buffet.

Ah-- Look. Uh, here.

The-- The plane is programmed

to follow this, uh, flight plan exactly.

| gotta be up there in case of a malfunction.

Don’t you understand?

Oh.

Why did you not say so?

Oh, my goodness. [LAUGHS]

There.

Now your airplane will not malfunction.

Hm. Oh, well, thank you.

I’m sure the NASA computer

will be very grateful to you, Jeannie.

[GIGGLES] [LAUGHS]

Now...

Good, I’m finally getting through to her.

Do you think we should serve fresh shrimp or--

Wait a minute.

Or mixed hors d’oeuvres.

Now, of course, smoked oysters would be nice.

Yeah. Jeannie. Don’t you--? Don’t you understand?

I've gotta be up on that airplane when it lands.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.

Tony, do you have an extra tennis racket?

Oh, how was Puerto Rico?

| haven't even been there yet.

What did they do, abort the flight?

No. They didn't abort. She did!

Don’t you understand, I’ve got to be up--

Shh. | hear the phone.

What?

[RINGS]

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bellows.

Oh, well, dear, I-l-- | wish

| could, but you see,

I’m making arrangements for our party and...

Oh.

Oh, just a moment.

Master, do you think

| have time to go shopping

with Mrs. Bellows?

I’m not even supposed to be here!

If that’s Mrs. Bellows, neither am I. Uh--

Heh. Well, Mrs. Bellows.

Well, I-| would love to, but only for one hour.

Fine.

Thank you. Bye-bye. Hm.

Huh. We are going to Quilty’s

and the beauty parlor.

Yeah, and I’m going to play tennis.

And I’m going straight to the stockade

unless you blink me up to that plane.

First, you have not told me whether you approve

of fresh shrimp--

| approve! | approve! Now!

You needn’t shout.

[EXASPERATED LAUGH] I’m not shouting. I’m just--

I’m just trying to sit here

and get you to blink me up to that airplane.

That’s all.

[HUFFS] My.

| do not know why my master

gets so impatient with me.

[Pal]

Well, Jeannie, I’m simply trying to--

This doesn't look like Ramey Air Force Base.

MAN: Buenos dias, senor.

Welcome to La Havana.

[LAUGHS]

[Pal]

[EXHALES]

Take too long?

Mm-mm.

Roge. | think we ve had

enough tennis for today.

But if you want, we can do something...

more relaxing.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, those are the 18 little words

I've been waiting to hear.

BELLOWS: Oh, Major Healey.

Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Yes, sir? Uh-- Uh, major?

| thought you'd want to know.

Major Nelson’s plane is missing.

Oh, | think you’ve got that wrong, sir.

Major Nelson is missing.

But that’s what | said.

The T-38 veered off course

halfway to Puerto Rico.

The general’s ordered search planes into the area.

Oh, no.

Yes, we'll all be keeping watch

in the radar shack. Uh, excuse me.

Yes, Sir.

I'm ready, Roge.

Yeah, well, uh, Tina,

you re-- You're a very beautiful girl.

Mm-hm. And you're gorgeous and...

Uh, your-- Your backhand needs work.

Uh, you'll never get to Forest Hills

unless you practice. Practice, practice.

Forest Hills?

But my apartment’s in Daytona Beach.

[Pal]

It’s totally washable.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Quilty’s. | know she said Quilty’s.

Eh, tennis equipment, sir? Right over there.

Oh, no, | was looking for a little blond girl

about so high.

Oh. Ooh, yeah.

She’s in the dressing room.

Oh, thank you, sir.

[Pal]

Jeannie.

| think | found something | like.

Oh. Cute.

Do you like it? Did you find anything?

Oh, uh, no.

|, uh-- lam not ready yet.

Oh. Okay.

| think we have one racket left

in that size.

Look, it’s on the mannequin.

Really does need the red scarf.

Hm.

Oh!

Oh. That’s a dangerous way

to display foils.

Hm.

[Pal]

Listen. Listen.

| want you to go and tell Fidel this.

Firstly, that | am José Santiago

Gregorio Crispin Martin Smith.

No, no-no-no-no.

Smith. S-M-I-T-H.

That | have captured an American major

with his airplane.

He came voluntarily.

No, no, no.

| do not drink.

But I’m telling you,

he came by himself.

Hello? Hello?

[GROANS] |--

They do not believe me.

They say nobody ever comes to Cuba voluntarily.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, say, why don't we try again.

Ahorita mismo.

You know, | really think that I’m gonna take this coat,

because it looks like it'll be easy to keep clean.

Oh yes, | agree-- You think so? Yeah.

Mm-hm.

Jeannie, I’ve got to talk to you.

[SCREAMS]

Oh-ho. Major Healey.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my goodness.

Do you think my master will like this one? Hm?

Jeannie, I've gotta talk to you.

Tony’s lost. Oh, no.

| blinked him back to his airplane.

Oh, dear, but | do wish he could see this.

No, | mean-- | mean, Tony and the airplane are lost.

They got search planes out.

You gotta blink him back.

Are you sure?

Sure I’m sure. Dr. Bellows told me.

Oh. Good!

That means | can kill

two peacocks with one ruby.

|, Jose, have captured him.

He’s right beside me.

Really. Why do the clumsiest people

end up in a sporting goods store?

Excuse me.

You see.

My master’s not lost.

AMANDA: Jeannie? Hm?

Jeannie, what was that awful noise?

[GRUNTS]

Major Nelson?

[Pal]

Gonzales!

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

He-- He must be here!

Find him.

My whole career depends on it.

Major.

Oh, major.

Amigo?

It is no use for you trying to escape.

Jeannie, what is your fiancé doing here?

He is supposed to be on a mission.

Well, Mrs. Bellows,

it is a little difficult to explain.

Hm. You see, he-- He--!

He is not here.

Now, Jeannie, | just saw him right over there.

Oh, well, how could he be?

He is on a mission. Heh.

But | know what | saw.

| adore this coat.

Let me help you with it.

Oh, | guess it is impossible.

He is on a mission. Yes. He’s on a mission.

[EXHALES]

Tony. Tony.

Tony? [EXHALES]

[EXHALES]

Roger!

[GASPS]

Get Jeannie over here.

She’s with Mrs. Bellows.

| don’t care if she’s with J. Edgar Hoover.

Get her over here.

Right, right, right.

Oh, wrong. Wrong.

It’s kind of cute. Think?

Oh, it is adorable.

Try this one.

Hm? Oh. Yeah.

Kind of funny though, with all the colors. Oh--

Hello, master darling. [GASPS]

Do not worry.

| did not tell Mrs. Bellows

that you were here.

Oh. Thanks a million. Know what you’ve done?

You sent me and a very valuable

military airplane to Havana.

Oh yes, master. Havana, Puerto Rico.

[GASPS] Havana is in Cuba.

Oh.

Well, she only missed by a couple hundred miles.

Which one do you like, Jean?

Jeannie?

[MURMURING]

All right, master.

Tell me what you wish me to do.

Amanda. We're not here.

Master, wait. You did not tell me what to do? I--

Jeannie?

Who are you talking to?

Oh, n-n-- No one, Mrs. Bellows.

| was just, uh--

[STAMMERS]

| was just thinking of buying a diving suit.

Jeannie, that dummy had a head on it.

And the head looked exactly...

That was Major Nelson in there, wasn’t it?

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, Mrs. Bellows.

He is on a mission. Ha.

Mrs. Bellows, why do you not try some--

Now, | could’ve sworn

now and before...

A riding outfit with a faceplate

and a snorkel?

Aha!

[INDISTINCT SPEAKING]

Will you--? Oh.

Madam, this is a sporting goods store,

not a gymnasium.

Oh, shut up.

There he goes!

Ha-ha!

Now I’ve got you.

[SHRIEKS]

Oh! [SCREAMS]

Madam! Mm-- Mm-- What?

Will you kindly

make your purchases and leave?

Don’t you understand?

I’m not doing this.

Who is?

Pancho Gonzales?

Oh.

Master. Quickly,

what do you wish me to do? Shh.

Jeannie, blink us out of here.

Wait a minute, Roger. She'll blink us back to Cuba.

Yes, master. Back to Cuba.

No. No, I--

[SIGHS]

There. He did it.

[WHINES]

Madam, that is a dummy.

Oh...no.

You're the dummy!

Oh.

Where are we?

Havana.

Havana, Puerto Rico?

Ha. Havana, Cuba.

Oh, | thought Jeannie made another mistake.

JOSE: You fools. You let him go.

And | could have been a hero

of our fabulosas republic.

We gotta hide. Yeah, hide. Hide.

Get out. Get out. Get out.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Roger, there are two of us.

[MUMBLING]

Oh, | am a hero.

Compafero, you have come back.

| knew you wouldn’t desert me.

Come. Fidel will welcome you with open arms.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Uh-- Uh-- [SPEAKS SPANISH]

Don't worry, Tony.

| got you into this.

Jeannie will get you out of it.

Now, if | could just

get myself out of it.

[Pal]

[BEEPING]

Negative, sir. Mm.

No luck so far, sir.

And we’ve checked out every seagull.

What the--?

Alfred? Hello, Amanda, Jeannie.

Uh-- Uh, girls, |, um--

| suppose you ve heard, uh--

Major Nelson is lost

somewhere in the Caribbean.

Major Nelson is lost somewhere

in Quilty’s department store.

Amanda.

Jokes ata time like this?

Alfred, I’m not joking.

| saw him, dear.

He was wearing a faceplate,

with a snorkel in his mouth.

Uh, uh-- E-excuse me.

Uh, Jeannie, uh,

odd how some people react under stress.

I’m glad to see you bearing up though, dear.

Mm-hm. Oh, and by the way, Jeannie,

in view of the circumstances,

you will naturally be canceling

your party this afternoon.

Oh, no, general.

My Anthony will be at the party.

| am sure of it.

I’m sure of it too.

| mean, how far is it from Quilty’s to his house?

[QUIETLY] Amanda, please.

We all hope and pray

that you're right, Jeannie.

Oh, you’re a brave girl.

A brave girl.

[Pal]

Well, cousin...

just like | promise.

An American major

with his captured airplane.

Another airplane?

[GASPS]

May my aunt grow a mustache

for having married your father.

jEstupido!

Sit down, please.

Anthony Nelson, Major,

Air Force, 10610908.

[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]

What, uh--? What was all that?

Name, rank and serial number.

By the articles of the Geneva Convention,

that’s all a prisoner's required to give.

You are not a prisoner.

You are a pain in the neck.

Major...

we are a small country.

A very...

poor country.

We cannot afford all these people

bringing their planes to our airport.

Do you know what it costs in doughnuts alone?

[MOUTHS] What? In doughnuts?

Cousin.

This is not an airliner.

It’s a military plane.

And it’s already on the ground.

jSilencio!

[COUGHS]

Major.

You don’t want to

work in the cane fields...

for 12 hours a day.

You don’t want to stand under the hot sun

and listen to Fidel

give five-hour speeches.

But, cousin. That is treason.

So it’s treason! Oh.

Maybe Fidel will deport me.

Well, if you feel that way, why don’t you let me go?

Exactly what | was about to suggest.

Go home, major.

Take your airplane

and go home, Yankee.

Go home!

[IN HISPANIC ACCENT]: Where is he?

Where is he taking imperialist spy?

At last, I’m going to be rewarded.

Are you from Fidel?

Of course | am from Fidel.

He talks funny.

[SCOFFS] Roger...

This man. This man, he must go to prison immediately

so Fidel can interrogate him himself.

Cut it out. They’re gonna-- Don’t worry about it.

I’m not gonna let them take you.

Quiet, capitalist puerco!

That’s Spanish for "pig."

| am sorry, major.

| thought you were just

another one of those

gringos locos. Heh.

Ah. | must take this man to prison immediately.

To prison, to prison.

Just a minute.

Wait a minute.

He is my prisoner!

| take him to prison.

Come along.

You talk funny.

[Pal]

[Pal]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Here.

Hello. Heh.

| am sorry this took so long to prepare.

Have a shrimp.

No. Thank you. Uh-- Uh, no, thank you.

Uh-- No.

Thank you. Oh.

Would you prefer a smoked oyster?

Uh...

Uh, Jeannie...

| don’t know how to say this,

but we've just received word.

Major Nelson...

didn’t make it.

Oh. | know.

It is a shame that he is a little late.

But now that everything is ready,

1am sure he will be here.

J-Jeannie, you-- You don’t understand.

He hasn’t been found. He’s--

He’s still somewhere in the Caribbean.

Oh, yes. He has been found.

Excuse me, please.

Poor thing.

| guess she just can’t accept it.

Come to think of it, neither can |.

[Pal]

Hurry up, Tony. | bribed the guard

to look the other way.

And | only had enough money for one look.

Roger, get in here.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait.

Supposed to be helping you out.

Shh!

Hey, not a bad cell.

Sink, stove, refrigerator.

Nice place.

But you really must.

You-- You-- You have to.

Uh-- Uh, Jeannie. Mm-hm?

You must accept the truth.

Uh, Major Nelson is gone.

TONY: Hello, everybody.

Hi! SCHAEFFER: Major Nelson.

Where did you come from?

Hello, darling.

Major Nelson.

| knew it.

| knew it!

I-I’m sorry to give you all such a scare,

but | got mixed up in one of those tropical storms

and blown way off-course.

Well, never mind that.

Just so long as you're back

safe and sound.

How did the T-38 handle in the squall, major?

Uh, wonderful. Uh, really sweet plane, sir. The--

The T-38.

Yeah, excuse me.

Uh, darling, I’m awfully sorry.

| hope | didn't worry you.

Mm. Where’s the airplane?

Not at all, darling. Where’s the airplane?

Oh, do not worry. | blinked it here.

Yeah? Good, good. Mm-hm.

In the house?

Oh, of course not, darling.

An airplane does not belong in the house.

[LAUGHS] Good thinking.

| was worried.

Ah, you all go ahead and-- And start the party.

'll-- Il get changed. Be right back.

Okay?

[Pal]

[Pal]