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1
00:00:01,381 --> 00:00:04,026
-But I don't want to go to summer camp.
-Are you kidding?
2
00:00:04,026 --> 00:00:05,944
You'll have a great time. Look at this one.
3
00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:08,436
It's a computer camp
with a theater program.
4
00:00:08,436 --> 00:00:12,079
Ethernet by day, No, no, Nanette by night.
5
00:00:12,118 --> 00:00:13,767
I don't want to go to camp.
6
00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:15,799
If the kid doesn't want to go,
don't make him go.
7
00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:17,793
-Yeah.
-He's 10, he's old enough to work.
8
00:00:17,793 --> 00:00:19,212
What?
9
00:00:19,212 --> 00:00:23,353
When I was your age, I spent my summers
hosing tarantulas off bananas
10
00:00:23,353 --> 00:00:25,769
in the back of my stepfather's truck.
11
00:00:25,769 --> 00:00:29,182
-What's going on?
-I'm going to camp.
12
00:00:29,872 --> 00:00:32,787
Okay. Morning, all. Beautiful day.
13
00:00:33,439 --> 00:00:36,890
-You're in a good mood.
-Well, I suppose I am.
14
00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:39,613
I got a little e-mail this morning
from an ex-girlfriend,
15
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:42,297
who says she needs to "see" me.
16
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:46,093
No kidding. I wonder if she's "knocked up."
17
00:00:47,359 --> 00:00:50,810
Nobody's knocked up.
I haven't heard from her in five years.
18
00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:53,993
So she's bringing you a 4-year-old.
19
00:00:53,993 --> 00:00:56,064
Believe me, nobody's bringing anything.
20
00:00:56,064 --> 00:00:58,671
-Remember Jill?
-Jill the slob?
21
00:00:58,671 --> 00:01:01,586
Yeah, but do you remember
how hot she was?
22
00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:06,226
Sure, she was a tight unit,
but she left dirty dishes everywhere.
23
00:01:06,226 --> 00:01:10,406
Swear to God, this broad left
half eaten casseroles in the bathtub.
24
00:01:10,406 --> 00:01:11,671
So?
25
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:15,276
With a body like that she could drink
out of the toilet if she wanted to.
26
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:18,305
Wait a minute.
Isn't she the one who dumped you?
27
00:01:18,305 --> 00:01:19,916
Somebody dumped Charlie?
28
00:01:19,916 --> 00:01:23,482
Broke his little black heart.
It was pathetic.
29
00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:25,323
She didn't dump me.
30
00:01:25,323 --> 00:01:28,774
She had personal problems and moved
to Europe to, you know, find herself.
31
00:01:28,774 --> 00:01:31,151
-Berta?
-He wept.
32
00:01:31,803 --> 00:01:34,449
I did not. I felt the appropriate
amount of sadness
33
00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:37,019
for a good relationship
that had run its course.
34
00:01:37,019 --> 00:01:40,201
I had to carry him to bed
three nights in a row.
35
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,231
I was perfectly happy
sleeping under the deck.
36
00:01:43,231 --> 00:01:45,992
You bring her home, you clean up after.
37
00:01:45,992 --> 00:01:48,484
Thank God you never get any.
38
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,401
-What can I get for you?
-White wine, please.
39
00:02:16,401 --> 00:02:18,779
Maybe a Chablis.
40
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,460
You know, make it a beer. Light beer.
41
00:02:23,304 --> 00:02:25,681
Just a beer.
42
00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:27,905
Another one?
43
00:02:27,905 --> 00:02:32,123
Might as well.
Looks like I'm getting stood up.
44
00:02:32,545 --> 00:02:34,769
Chicks, huh?
45
00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:37,454
Maybe she's got a good reason.
46
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,176
I tell you what,
if it were any other woman,
47
00:02:40,176 --> 00:02:41,749
I'd have been out of here an hour ago.
48
00:02:41,749 --> 00:02:43,934
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
49
00:02:43,934 --> 00:02:47,616
This girl? This girl's something different.
50
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,141
How so?
51
00:02:52,141 --> 00:02:55,554
Well, did you ever go out
with somebody who's not only
52
00:02:55,554 --> 00:02:58,315
great in bed
but also like a really cool friend?
53
00:02:58,315 --> 00:03:00,731
Yeah. Once.
54
00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:03,415
In fact, now that I think about it,
55
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:05,907
the friendship was the best part
of our relationship.
56
00:03:05,907 --> 00:03:07,365
No kidding?
57
00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:10,279
Yeah. The sex was a little weird.
58
00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:16,184
We would like wrestle to get on top.
59
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:22,934
She would actually get angry
if she wasn't up there.
60
00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:25,426
Maybe she had a good reason.
61
00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:29,069
Maybe.
62
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:31,485
Charlie, look at me.
63
00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:39,385
-How do you know my name?
-It's me.
64
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,376
Me who?
65
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:51,886
No.
66
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,644
Yes.
67
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,405
Jill?
68
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,782
Bill.
69
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,998
No.
70
00:04:13,744 --> 00:04:15,853
We're gonna need two shots of tequila.
71
00:04:15,853 --> 00:04:19,189
-That's okay, I don't want to...
-They're not for you.
72
00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:21,835
This girl you're waiting for
really must be something.
73
00:04:21,835 --> 00:04:25,094
Just serve the hooch
and mind your own business.
74
00:04:25,094 --> 00:04:28,354
-Listen, Charlie, I know...
-Hang on.
75
00:04:32,074 --> 00:04:34,221
Okay, go.
76
00:04:34,221 --> 00:04:36,138
I know this comes as a shock to you.
77
00:04:36,138 --> 00:04:38,363
Please, if I had a nickel for every time
78
00:04:38,363 --> 00:04:40,625
a girl dumped me
and disappeared for five years
79
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:43,961
and came back as a guy, I'd have a nickel.
80
00:04:43,961 --> 00:04:45,994
Keep them coming.
81
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,873
I think I owe you an explanation.
82
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:49,867
Who pays the nickel, by the way?
83
00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:53,701
Is it you or just out of some general fund?
84
00:04:54,622 --> 00:04:57,038
Yeah?
85
00:04:58,495 --> 00:05:04,170
Remember, when we broke up and I said,
"It's not you, it's me"?
86
00:05:07,085 --> 00:05:09,501
Yes. And I believe you now.
87
00:05:11,341 --> 00:05:14,869
I was so mixed up and unhappy
as a woman.
88
00:05:14,869 --> 00:05:17,630
So? I know lots of mixed up,
unhappy women.
89
00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:20,429
They go shopping and eat ice cream.
Did you even try that?
90
00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,577
I tried everything, but the truth is,
91
00:05:22,577 --> 00:05:25,223
I was always a man trapped
in a woman's body.
92
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:27,409
No, I'm not buying this.
93
00:05:27,409 --> 00:05:30,592
If you were really a man back then,
you would've jumped at that
94
00:05:30,592 --> 00:05:34,043
three-way with the cocktail waitress
in Carmel.
95
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,420
I begged you.
96
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:40,408
-You haven't changed.
-I wish I could say the same.
97
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:43,016
Charlie, how could I have explained it
to you back then?
98
00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:45,355
I couldn't even explain it to myself.
99
00:05:45,355 --> 00:05:48,653
Okay, now you've explained. Thank you.
100
00:05:49,343 --> 00:05:51,069
Nice to see you again.
101
00:05:51,069 --> 00:05:53,446
Good luck with the penis.
102
00:05:54,213 --> 00:05:56,591
Wait.
103
00:05:56,706 --> 00:06:00,502
A few minutes ago you said
I was a really cool friend.
104
00:06:00,502 --> 00:06:01,845
Yeah.
105
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:07,060
Well, I'm back in LA and I'm kind of
starting a new life.
106
00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:11,700
-And I could really use a friend.
-Oh, boy.
107
00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,461
It's just...
108
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,183
You know, I'm completely alone,
109
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,098
and I'm really scared.
110
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:24,124
Jeez.
111
00:06:25,198 --> 00:06:28,496
-It's gonna be okay, Jill.
-Bill.
112
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:32,484
Yeah, Bill, whatever. It's okay.
113
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:35,168
I'm still your friend.
114
00:06:35,513 --> 00:06:37,929
Charlie, you're the best.
115
00:06:40,614 --> 00:06:46,021
I wish I could've loved you the way
you deserve to be loved.
116
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:52,501
Thanks for the ride, Bill.
You're a good friend.
117
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:56,528
-You called me Bill.
-That's your name, lady.
118
00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:58,522
Just like old times, huh?
119
00:06:58,522 --> 00:07:01,628
Drag your drunk ass home,
take you upstairs,
120
00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:04,044
get you undressed and...
121
00:07:09,911 --> 00:07:11,253
Alan.
122
00:07:11,253 --> 00:07:13,554
You never met my brother, Alan, did you?
123
00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:16,123
No, I never met anyone
in your family, Charlie.
124
00:07:16,123 --> 00:07:18,347
Yeah, different rules now.
125
00:07:18,347 --> 00:07:22,374
Bill, this is my brother Alan.
Alan, this is my old friend, Bill.
126
00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:24,598
-Nice to meet you, Bill.
-Same here.
127
00:07:24,598 --> 00:07:29,890
I thought you were gonna hook up with
that girlfriend who wanted to "see" you.
128
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:31,385
Right.
129
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:35,335
Turns out she changed her "mind."
130
00:07:37,598 --> 00:07:41,509
Anyway, I ran into my old friend, Bill, here.
131
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:47,990
So, stood up by Jill, ran into Bill.
132
00:07:48,373 --> 00:07:50,559
That's funny.
133
00:07:50,559 --> 00:07:53,243
You have a sick sense of humor, Alan.
134
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:56,119
The house is clean, I'm going home now.
135
00:07:56,119 --> 00:07:58,573
I'll pick that up on Monday.
136
00:07:58,573 --> 00:08:00,951
I'm sorry, that's mine.
137
00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,972
Hi.
138
00:08:06,972 --> 00:08:09,387
Hi.
139
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:14,986
Okay, I'm out of here.
140
00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:25,263
So, Bill, you from around here?
141
00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:27,449
I was, but I moved away
for a couple years.
142
00:08:27,449 --> 00:08:29,596
I'm planning on moving back
and buying a place.
143
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,054
Hello.
144
00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:34,582
Evelyn Harper, Evelyn Harper Real Estate.
145
00:08:35,502 --> 00:08:39,260
-Yeah, Mom's here.
-No problem, I'm drunk.
146
00:08:40,449 --> 00:08:42,711
I'm Bill Shraeder. I'm a friend of Charlie's.
147
00:08:42,711 --> 00:08:44,935
No need to apologize.
148
00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:47,658
So, are you interested in renting
or buying?
149
00:08:47,658 --> 00:08:49,575
-Buying.
-Excellent.
150
00:08:49,575 --> 00:08:51,301
Price range?
151
00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:54,330
-I'm flexible.
-I'll bet you are.
152
00:08:54,675 --> 00:08:57,935
-But I was talking money.
-So was l.
153
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:02,690
Sexy and liquid. I like that in a man.
154
00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:07,177
-Nice guy. Poker buddy?
-Used to.
155
00:09:09,976 --> 00:09:12,354
And don't call me "buddy."
156
00:09:16,687 --> 00:09:19,064
There it is.
157
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,129
Thank you so much for showing me
the condos, Evelyn.
158
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,931
Thank you for dinner, Bill.
159
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,347
Thank you for dessert.
160
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,828
Shall we go to my place
for coffee and cigars?
161
00:09:33,828 --> 00:09:38,276
-I don't smoke.
-You will when I'm done with you.
162
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:43,722
Oh, my God.
163
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,176
He's like half her age.
164
00:09:47,863 --> 00:09:50,279
Yeah. That's the problem.
165
00:09:55,341 --> 00:09:58,447
I'm trying, Charlie.
I'm trying to be open-minded.
166
00:09:58,447 --> 00:10:04,621
But our mom with a guy who's younger
than us, it's just freaking me out.
167
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:05,848
Trust me, Alan.
168
00:10:05,848 --> 00:10:10,565
Very soon you're gonna be looking back
on this moment with fond nostalgia.
169
00:10:10,565 --> 00:10:12,981
-What do you mean?
-Look.
170
00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:15,396
-Who's this?
-This is Jill.
171
00:10:15,396 --> 00:10:17,467
The woman who dumped you?
172
00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:19,576
Get over that. Nobody dumped me.
173
00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:21,915
All right, I'm sorry.
Why are we looking at Jill?
174
00:10:21,915 --> 00:10:24,293
-Just look at it.
-Okay.
175
00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,709
She's cute.
176
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,550
Very tall.
177
00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:31,656
Broad shoulders. Holy mother of God!
178
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:36,679
Welcome to the Matrix.
179
00:10:38,712 --> 00:10:41,894
-So Jill is...
-Yep.
180
00:10:43,505 --> 00:10:47,953
-And you and Jill used to...
-Every chance we got.
181
00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:52,325
-And Mom is...
-At this very moment.
182
00:10:54,165 --> 00:10:56,543
Holy mother of God!
183
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,921
What are you guys yelling about?
184
00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:01,298
-Go to bed.
-Go to bed.
185
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:05,631
-Do you realize what this means?
-Yes.
186
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,121
I slept with a woman
who wanted to be a man.
187
00:11:09,121 --> 00:11:12,841
Or, I slept with a man in a woman's body.
188
00:11:12,994 --> 00:11:17,135
Or, and this is my new favorite,
and the title of my autobiography,
189
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:20,510
my mom and I slept with the same dude.
190
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,681
Excuse me, could we just
table that for now and discuss
191
00:11:27,681 --> 00:11:29,943
how this impacts on our mother?
192
00:11:29,943 --> 00:11:32,589
Why? The damage has been done.
193
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:34,392
All that's left to do now is drink
194
00:11:34,392 --> 00:11:37,920
until the part of the brain
that creates mental pictures is dead.
195
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,837
Charlie, stay with me.
196
00:11:39,837 --> 00:11:42,215
Do you think I'm gay?
197
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:45,934
For God's sake, Charlie,
this is not about you.
198
00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:48,350
I like musical theater.
199
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:53,412
Maybe all these years
I've been pathologically chasing women
200
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:56,403
because I've been overcompensating.
201
00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:59,893
You know, I've often thought that.
202
00:12:00,391 --> 00:12:03,229
What? I'm agreeing with you.
What do you want to hear?
203
00:12:03,229 --> 00:12:05,721
I want you to tell me
that there is no chance
204
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:11,934
that either of us will ever have to call
a woman I slept with "Daddy."
205
00:12:21,712 --> 00:12:24,090
Jill the slob.
206
00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:33,293
Gadzooks!
207
00:12:36,744 --> 00:12:39,122
-Morning.
-Morning.
208
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:48,747
So, how was your weekend?
209
00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:51,009
-Fine.
-Okay.
210
00:12:51,009 --> 00:12:54,001
Nothing exciting happening
in your world, Charlie?
211
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:56,762
-Like what?
-I don't know.
212
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,983
Go to a fun party? See a great movie?
213
00:12:59,983 --> 00:13:03,396
Run into an old flame with a new wick?
214
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,764
What are the odds?
215
00:13:08,764 --> 00:13:12,791
One brother turns them gay,
and the other turns them guy.
216
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:16,127
If you don't mind, Berta,
I'd rather not talk about it.
217
00:13:16,127 --> 00:13:19,348
Okay. I'll fix you something to eat.
218
00:13:19,617 --> 00:13:22,569
How about a sausage link
and a couple eggs?
219
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,487
Hello? Anybody home?
220
00:13:24,487 --> 00:13:26,903
Oh, no.
221
00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:31,849
Charlie, I need to talk to you
about your friend, Bill.
222
00:13:31,849 --> 00:13:34,265
-Oh, boy.
-Oh, boy.
223
00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:41,244
You know, I'd really rather
not discuss this in front of the help.
224
00:13:41,283 --> 00:13:45,693
-Berta, could you give us some privacy?
-Hell, no.
225
00:13:46,421 --> 00:13:48,837
-Sorry.
-Okay.
226
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:58,117
Bill and I shared something
very special this weekend.
227
00:13:59,843 --> 00:14:02,987
I realize that might be awkward for you,
228
00:14:02,987 --> 00:14:06,285
so I thought I'd come by to discuss it.
229
00:14:06,285 --> 00:14:09,583
That's nice, Mom. Isn't that nice, Alan?
230
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:14,185
You're the expert, Charlie.
Is it too early to start drinking?
231
00:14:14,223 --> 00:14:16,294
What's that supposed to mean?
232
00:14:16,294 --> 00:14:21,087
Mom, how much do you know about Bill?
233
00:14:21,356 --> 00:14:24,462
Charlie, I have no doubt
that you two shared
234
00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:29,102
some sordid adventures together,
but that's the past.
235
00:14:30,214 --> 00:14:32,169
The only thing that matters to me now is
236
00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:36,541
that Bill is a handsome,
sensitive, wonderful man.
237
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:39,149
Excuse me?
238
00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:42,255
Nothing. I'm just happy to be here.
239
00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,668
Frankly, Mom,
I'm a little uncomfortable with this.
240
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:49,081
A little? I think I'm having a stroke.
241
00:14:50,691 --> 00:14:53,222
I knew it. You hypocrites.
242
00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:56,942
It's perfectly all right for you
to date younger women.
243
00:14:56,942 --> 00:15:00,240
But when a mature woman
gets involved with a younger man,
244
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,694
somehow it's scandalous and immoral.
245
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:06,720
-No, Mom, it's not the age.
-Well, what then?
246
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,178
Because he's your friend?
247
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:10,862
I didn't object when you dated
that friend of mine.
248
00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,779
-You what?
-One time.
249
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,230
I was 19 and she was a very doable 42.
250
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:20,449
And if you heard how she talked about
you, you wouldn't call her a friend.
251
00:15:20,449 --> 00:15:24,207
I've heard enough.
I'm going to continue to see Bill,
252
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:27,313
and if you don't like it, that's just too bad.
253
00:15:27,313 --> 00:15:30,381
Wait, Mom, I thought you came here
so that we could discuss it.
254
00:15:30,381 --> 00:15:35,634
Please, I came here to brag.
I just needed an opening line.
255
00:15:36,248 --> 00:15:40,121
-Wow, she doesn't know.
-Someone's going to have to tell her.
256
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:41,885
-Charlie?
-What?
257
00:15:41,885 --> 00:15:47,253
I'll clean your house free for a month
if you let me do it.
258
00:15:51,663 --> 00:15:53,926
Come on, it is a little funny.
259
00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:57,991
When we were dating
you never wanted me to meet your mom.
260
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:02,017
All right, maybe not so much funny
as ironic.
261
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,813
-Look, Jill. Bill.
-You're angry with me.
262
00:16:06,312 --> 00:16:08,920
Not angry. Not thrilled.
263
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,642
Charlie, I never planned for this to happen.
264
00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:13,943
I mean, your mom and I just hit it off.
265
00:16:13,943 --> 00:16:17,088
She beautiful, intelligent, self-assured,
266
00:16:17,088 --> 00:16:21,421
and she's just exploding
with this raw sexuality.
267
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,757
No, listen, fella,
268
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:29,090
I don't know what they told you
in orientation,
269
00:16:29,090 --> 00:16:32,887
but, Rule Number 1, when a guy talks
like that about another guy's mom,
270
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:35,264
he's likely to get his ass kicked.
271
00:16:35,264 --> 00:16:37,833
Come on, Charlie,
please don't get all macho on me.
272
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,786
You couldn't take me when I was a girl.
273
00:16:40,786 --> 00:16:42,167
Don't change the subject.
274
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,388
We're talking about you and my mother.
Why haven't you told her?
275
00:16:45,388 --> 00:16:47,842
-Told her what?
-That you're lactose intolerant.
276
00:16:47,842 --> 00:16:49,376
What do you think?
277
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,485
-Stop yelling at me.
-I'm not yelling at you!
278
00:16:51,485 --> 00:16:53,901
Yes, you are!
279
00:16:54,821 --> 00:16:57,199
Okay, I'm sorry.
280
00:16:57,582 --> 00:16:59,078
Look, you need to understand
281
00:16:59,078 --> 00:17:02,491
that no matter how much I hate
my mother, I love my mother,
282
00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:04,178
and I don't want to see her get hurt.
283
00:17:04,178 --> 00:17:07,783
So, you got to tell her before
she finds out the hard way.
284
00:17:07,783 --> 00:17:10,390
Or whatever way she finds out.
285
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:13,688
But what if she rejects me?
286
00:17:13,688 --> 00:17:16,641
Welcome to the rodeo, Calamity Jane.
287
00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:18,328
You want to be a real man?
288
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:21,511
Grab hold of those store-bought balls
and just tell the truth.
289
00:17:21,511 --> 00:17:23,927
Yeah, you're right.
290
00:17:29,756 --> 00:17:32,133
We still friends?
291
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,817
Yeah. Sure.
292
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:40,800
I'm glad.
They're made out of Teflon, you know.
293
00:17:42,564 --> 00:17:44,979
Okay, Rule Number 2...
294
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,622
What'd I miss?
295
00:17:48,622 --> 00:17:50,885
Nothing. I don't think he's told her yet.
296
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:53,723
What are you doing here?
You finished cleaning hours ago.
297
00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:59,705
I took a nap in the laundry room
so I'd be fresh for the big show.
298
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,194
Okay, I think he's going for it.
299
00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:18,533
-Wow, that went surprisingly well.
-Damn.
300
00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:24,745
Wait a minute, what's he doing?
301
00:18:38,666 --> 00:18:41,081
There you go.
302
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:43,842
See you tomorrow.
303
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,889
Okay, we'll make a list.
304
00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:59,066
The pros and cons of continuing
your relationship with Bill.
305
00:19:00,869 --> 00:19:04,665
-Mom?
-Well, he certainly understands women.
306
00:19:05,892 --> 00:19:07,924
Okay, that's a pro.
307
00:19:07,924 --> 00:19:10,302
He used to be a woman.
308
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:13,753
I'll put con.
309
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:18,317
He slept with Charlie
when he was a woman.
310
00:19:18,317 --> 00:19:21,346
Pro. No, wait, con. Definitely con.
311
00:19:21,614 --> 00:19:26,945
-He knows what I like in bed.
-He knows what I like in bed.
312
00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:30,549
We'll call that a wash.
313
00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:34,231
-What's the score?
-It's about even.
314
00:19:35,573 --> 00:19:37,605
He's gorgeous.
315
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:40,098
He can afford beach-front property
316
00:19:40,098 --> 00:19:44,891
and he's got a trunk full of fabulous shoes
that fit me perfectly.
317
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:47,997
Don't wait up, Mommy's got a date.24031
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