All language subtitles for School of Life (2005)

[light instrumental music]

♪

[Untyde] ♪ Whatever makes you
shine. ♪

♪ There's a star in your eyes,

♪ but it's started to fade out
lately. ♪

♪ All the things that you've
done ♪

♪ don't seem to make much
difference, ♪

♪ don't seem to make you happy
anymore. ♪

♪ Always searching, always
wanting more. ♪

♪ Why don't you take it?

♪ Why don't you make it?

♪ Don't stand there looking for
excuses, ♪

♪ 'cause you won't get them.

♪ No, you won't get them from
me. ♪

♪

[Dylan] This is Fallbrook Middle
School.

My name is Dylan, and I'm a
student here.

My grandfather teaches here.

My father teaches here.

Talk about pressure.

Next year at my graduation,

they'll expect me to be
valedictorian

and give one of those
inspirational speeches,

like the one Susie Jessop did
that day.

Anguish, torment, ridicule.

For some of us, these have been
our companions.

Their faces have reared their
ugly heads

in forms of lab partners,
teammates, and carpools

shared reluctantly.

So now we are moving on

where it will be an equally
treacherous road

with nothing to look forward to
except for the inevitable:

alienation from the cool people,
who, if there is any justice

in this cruel world,

will be waiting on us someday in
our local restaurants,

assuming we have enough money to
pay for our meals

after spending

our hard-earned wages on
therapy.

So with this,

let us step forth into high
school.

Good luck.

[Dylan] That's my grandfather
and my dad.

[applause]

What seemed like the norm turned
out to be a day

that would change our lives
forever.

That was a little bit of
sunshine.

[laughter and applause]

You're welcome.

This is very inappropriate.

Matty, will you just relax?

I think we ought to take a
moment

to feel inspired by the words

from our valedictorian, Susie
Jessop.

[Dylan] Madman and Howard, the
self-appointed school MCs,

were asked to take over.

You'd have thought they were
opening in Vegas.

We are here to present

the student-elected Teacher of
the Year award.

[Howard] This year's award comes

as no surprise to any of us.

I mean, he's been at the school
since...

The Lincoln presidency.

[laughter]

And who can forget

all those legendary stories,
like when he was caught

in the custodial quarters with
that phys. ed. instructor?

What was her name?

Margaret McGillicuddy!

That was very inappropriate.

She was a babe.

He's a man

who's taught me how to get the
most

out of the 7th grade,

even if it takes me a couple of
years.

[laughter]

Ladies and gentlemen,

it is our adolescent honor to
present...

For the 43rd consecutive year...

The student-elected Teacher of
the Year award...

[together] To Mr. Stormin'
Norman Warner!

Give it up!

[applause]

Thank you.

Well, after so many years,

I don't know what to say
anymore,

mainly because, at my age,

I have forgotten most of the
English language.

[laughter]

There is one thing that even old
age can't take away,

and that is the gift of
teaching,

the miracles that we see every
day

in the eyes of those who open
their minds

to the world of knowledge.

Miracles can happen if you let
them.

[applause]

Take your--

[people gasping]

Dad, Dad.

Hey, get back.

Let him breathe. Let him
breathe.

Dad? Dad!

[whispers] It's okay, Matty.

Somebody get a doctor.

Get a doctor!

[Bass] Call 911!

Hurry!

It's okay, Dad. I'm here.

I'm here, Dad.

I'm here.

It takes less than death

to kill a man.

What, Dad?

Calm down.

Where--where's my trophy?

Somebody get the trophy.

It's here.

You'll be okay.

Here it is.

Here's your trophy.

Matty?

Don't die on me.

What?

Don't die on me.

I don't understand.

Take--take your shot.

What shot, Dad?

Dad, what shot?

Dad!

Dad.

Dad.

Daddy.

[Dylan] I still wonder

what it would have been like to
be there that day.

Dad says Mom and I were spared a
bitter memory.

The worst part of not being
there

is the feeling that you could
have helped in some way,

maybe even changed the outcome.

I'll always remember what Gramps
used to say:

"Life is tiny, so don't ever
miss the opportunity

to spread your wings, to soar."

But at times like this, I wonder
if Maggie Little said it best.

Life sucks, and then you die.

Thank you. That really helps.

You okay, honey?

I'm okay, Ellie.

Hey, where's Dylan?

I learned a lot from you,
Gramps.

I'll miss you.

I made a decision that day.

No matter how old I got, I'd
stop by and see him,

bring him flowers

or those chocolate-covered
coffee beans he loved

so he'd know I remembered how
important he was to me.

Hi.

Hi.

Just like this guy was doing for
someone he cared about.

It didn't take me long to
realize

that when it came to paying
tribute to Gramps,

I'd better be prepared to stand
in line.

[door squeaks]

Hey.

You're still awake.

Couldn't sleep.

You okay?

Next year, I was supposed to be
in Gramps' class.

I know you were, and I'm sorry.

I was looking forward to that
too.

Yeah.

No teacher will ever compare to
Gramps.

Hey, well, you know, I'll be
there.

I mean, if you need me.

Yeah, but you're a biology
teacher.

So?

It's just different.

Why?

Well, you're not...

Stormin' Norman?

Let me tell you something,
kiddo.

A Warner has won Teacher of the
Year at Fallbrook

for 43 years.

Yeah, but that was Gramps.

Well, here's a little secret.

Number 44 is gonna be a Warner
too.

You just watch and see.

Dad, that's not important.

You bet it's important.

Now get some sleep, okay, kiddo?

[Ellie] Matty, come to bed.

I'm already in the room.

You just can't see me; I'm in a
shadow.

[bell rings]

[Dylan] I'm convinced my parents
didn't even know

we got the paper.

Hey, Mom, are we religious?

Why?

I think I just heard Dad
praying.

All right, this is my year.

I am relaxed, and my eyes are
open.

Where's my lunch?

[clears throat]

Oh. I saw it. Just testing.

You're going to be great, honey.

Thanks.

Hey, 8th grade, kiddo.

You all set?

Uh-huh.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

Okay, ready for a new school
year.

You got everything?

Uh-huh.

Me too. Come on.

Honey?

You might need this.

Love you.

Hey, honey.

Relax.

[boy] Wow, look at everybody.

[girl] Laura, wow, I haven't
seen you all year.

Morning, everyone.

Good morning, kids.

Good morning.

[Dylan] Probably one of the most
amazing things

I learned from my dad was how to
make myself invisible.

It's a great day, huh?

Just keep walking. Just ignore
him.

[Matt] It's going to be a great
year.

[Dylan] See? I'm gone, vanished.

Hey, what are you doing?

Uh, nothing.

Just stretching out.

Okay.

Okay, kiddo.

Let's see who goes first.

Call it.

[Dylan] The coin toss was my
idea.

Tails.

You know, how you don't want

to be seen hanging with your
dad.

Good luck, Dad.

Hey, who needs luck?

This is my year.

[Dylan] Especially if he's a
teacher...

at your school.

[rock music]

[The YoYos] ♪ Whoa.

♪ Welcome to the time of your
life. ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ Welcome to the time of your
life. ♪

♪ Whoa.

♪ Welcome to the time...

[Dylan] The first day of the new
school year

is always a little awkward.

People you know, people you
don't know,

and the ones you only dream
about.

Chase Witherspoon.

I was way too shy to even look
at her.

But, hey, if it was my dad's
lucky day,

why not mine too, right?

Hi, Chase.

Hi.

Wrong.

Guys.

What a geek.

[Dylan] The one chance I had,
and I had blown it big-time.

thud!

Hi.

Hi.

How you doing?

I've been better.

Let me tell you something.

In order to impress a woman,

when you fall...

Mm-hmm?

It's got to make a louder thunk,
you know?

Like this.

[groans]

Oh, that's the stuff.

You got it?

That really works, huh?

Hey, with women, there are no
guarantees.

But I can tell you this: it's
worked for me.

And I've fallen for a lot of
women.

Hey, I know you.

You're--

History.

Well, I see many familiar faces
out there.

And for those of you I already
know, hello.

And for all you new students,

well, how about a nice big
Fallbrook welcome?

[cheers and applause]

I'm Principal Bass.

And I look forward to getting
reacquainted with you.

Hopefully, these acquaintances
will take place

in the hallways and at breaks
and not down at my office,

if you understand what I'm
saying.

[laughter]

Now, it's my privilege to
introduce you

to a fine group of educators,
your department heads.

If you could just stand when I
call your name, please.

Um, mathematics, Maggie Little.

Welcome back, Maggie.

[applause]

Miserable little bastards.

[Bass] For English,

Don Parks.

Don?

[applause]

[kids] Boring!

[Bass] For physical education,

Vern Cote.

Hi, Coach.

[cheers and applause]

[boy] Go, Coach!

For art, Ms. Denise Davies.

Good morning, Ms. Davies.

[cheers and applause]

All right, fellas. Come on.

For science, the son

of our late, great Stormin'
Norman Warner...

[cheers and applause]

Matt Warner.

Matt?

[Bass applauding]

[clears throat]

It's not an easy job to replace
an icon.

So we are fortunate

to have an alumni of Fallbrook.

For history, would you please
make him feel welcome

in his first year...

Mr. Michael D'Angelo.

[applause]

Sir, can I say a few words?

Sure, of course.

Mr. D'Angelo would like to offer

some introductory remarks.

That's the guy I was telling you
about.

C-c-cool.

I think it's important that you
all know

I'm only here until a good
fast-food job opens up.

You know what I'm saying?

[laughter]

My name is Michael D'Angelo.

And as Principal Bass mentioned,
I was once a student here.

And if any of you managed to
flunk, oh, say,

15 grades, you may remember me.

I was the shy, underdeveloped
girl with braces.

[laughter]

That's very inappropriate.

[Mr. D] You know,

education is truly a hero's
journey.

And it seems to me that going to
school

is a lot like aStar Wars movie.

You're all Luke Skywalkers.

Or Lucy Skywalkers,

whichever applies.

And school is just one of the
many places

that you're going to receive
your Jedi training.

'Cause we need to get ready to
go do battle

against the evil empire.

[laughter]

Now, the evil empire is not our
school, our parents,

or even the questionable meat
products in the cafeteria.

No.

You see, the evil empire is a
belief.

It's believing

that we have limitations.

You don't.

Whether you realize it or not,

every single one of you is
perfect.

Norman Warner was my Jedi
master.

And the greatest lesson that he
taught me

was that I was my own teacher,

I was my own master.

And the lesson that I hope to
teach all of you

is to not worry

about what you're doing, 'cause
it doesn't matter.

Worry about who you're being.

You do that, and there is
absolutely nothing stopping you

from going out in this world and
kicking some serious ass.

[laughter]

He said "ass."

Oh, relax, Warner.

This is your light saber.

Put it to a simple piece of
paper,

add heart and a little courage,

and together we can make this
world a better place.

Let me take this journey with
you.

Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

Mr. D! Mr. D!

[kids chanting]

[Dylan] Uh-oh, there it was,

the dreaded shadow falling over
my dad.

Mr. D, yes!

Mr. D! Mr. D!

[Dylan] Those of us in Mr. D's
class felt blessed,

the envy of all others.

[girl] Where do we sit?

[Dylan] After all, if he could
turn a dull assembly

into a rock-the-house rally,

just think what he might do with
history class.

This guy was nothing like the
other teachers.

Hey, S-S-Seth.

Aren't you g-g-gonna get

your m-mail?

Back off, Brad.

[Dylan] Or was he?

What if he turned out to be one
of those dark side Jedis?

He had singled out my good buddy
Seth

to do the one thing he feared
most.

I-I-I'm supposed to read aloud?

[laughter]

It says

there is no

s-s-seating chart.

[Dylan] Whew, that was close.

You see, a seating chart is the
first thing

that separates the cool teachers
from the, well,

you know.

Everyone, please note the
seating chart

on the blackboard.

[boy] Where are the shackles?

People, the seating chart exists

so that I can learn your names
faster

and open the lines of
communication between us.

Um, Mr. Warner?

Can I have a seat at the front?

Of course you can.

Hey, can I have a seat at the
back?

Of course you can't.

[Mr. D] Good morning, class.

Well, I'm glad to see everyone
so happy

with where they're sitting.

Thank you, Seth.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

But don't get too comfortable
yet.

Okay.

Can someone tell me the origin
of this word?

Chase.

[girl] Mr. D?

How do you know her name
already?

[boy] Yeah, you're not already
picking favorites, are you?

Okay.

People, I have one very simple
rule in this class.

You do my homework, and I'll do
yours.

[laughter]

Scratch that.

I'll do your homework, and you
do mine.

No, that's not it.

Can someone tell me what I'm
trying to say?

Dylan.

We do our homework, and you do
yours?

Yes, that's it!

Thank you very much.

You do your homework, and you do
mine.

[laughter]

You guys ready to have some fun?

[clears throat]

What is life science?

Well, I'll tell you.

Life science is the greatest
mystery in the universe.

Now, who can tell me why that
is?

Uh...Devon.

Because in the vastness of the
universe,

the only evidence

of any real life is here on
planet Earth.

Very good.

Uh...

Patty.

But what about Mars?

I heard they found some
Martians.

Well, Patty, what they actually
found

was a meteorite

that they believe broke off from
Mars

millions of years ago.

And they think that it might
contain

fossilized microorganisms.

But, now, whether or not that is
proof of life

is still a mystery.

Yes, uh...

Clyde.

One of the greatest mysteries I
know

has been unsolved for ages.

Not one man has come even close
to solving this one.

Well, this sounds very
interesting, Clyde.

So what is it?

What is this mystery?

Why we have to take this boring
class.

[laughter]

[sighs]

Chase?

You were about to tell me

about the origin of the word
"history."

It means "his story,"

stories where how people used to
tell their kids

about what happened in the past.

Nice moves.

Ssss!

You're on fire.

Okay.

But what's wrong with that word?

Brad?

I don't know.

Yes, you do.

Okay, let me help you out.

Heather?

What did you do this summer?

Huh?

Anything; you can make it up if
you want.

Um, well, Kylie, Chase, and me

took my dad's car and drove to
Las Vegas.

There you go.

I'm going to have to report you

to the proper authorities, but
good nonetheless.

Now, Seth.

What's wrong with Chase's
explanation

of the word "history"?

Um, g-girls have stories too?

Oh, yeah.

Now,

how would you redefine what
we're going to study here?

Um...

H-h-his

and h-h-her story.

Do you actually have a stutter,
Brad,

or is it just a mouthful for
you?

[laughter]

You're different and special in
your own way.

Live it. Own it.

Okay, guys, what we're going to
do

is combine the two words,

his- and herstory.

Now,

as Chase mentioned before,

the way in which his- and
herstory was recorded

before we started writing it
down

was simply by telling it.

People would gather round,

and a storyteller would
entertain

and educate.

Since I know you all

to be true his- and herstorians,

let's do just that.

Everybody up, please. Let's go.

Everybody's desk in a circle.

It'll be like PE and history all
in one.

There you go.

I apologize for the
interruption.

Now, where were we?

[rock music]

[Dylan] Mr. D had disappeared
into his closet,

leaving us sitting in a circle

and me sitting right next to
Chase Witherspoon.

[Mr. D.] I believe

it was Moses, yes, Moses that
said,

as he looked out onto the Red
Sea,

"Part. I've got to get to an NRA
meeting."

[laughter]

All right.

[sighs]

That's nice.

How much time do we have?

The answer to that question,

my friends, is not on that
clock.

How much time do we have?

Not a lot.

That's how much time we have:
not a lot.

[Dylan] This guy was cool.

And when he looked at you, well,
you felt cool too.

Now that we know the answer to
this question,

I would like you all to
understand

that from this moment forward,
each and every minute,

every second is precious

for each and every one of you.

But most importantly,

if Principal Bass comes in here

looking for a brown leather
antique high-backed chair,

I was never here.

[laughter]

[Dylan] They could have served
squid eyes for lunch,

and no one would have noticed.

The only thing on everybody's
mind was Mr. D.

[girl] ...so much fun.

[girl] No way, you got Mr. D?

[sighs]

Miserable little bastards.

And a good morning to you too,
Maggie.

Piss off, Parks.

Hey, everyone!

Hello, fellow educators.

Hey, I got some learners out
there.

Really good first morning.

[Little] Is it my imagination,

or are these kids reaching
puberty sooner

than they used to?

[Parks] It's television, Maggie.

Pretty soon, 3rd graders will be
getting boob jobs.

As far as language skills,

English is officially dead.

Word up, dude.

My kids are great.

Of course they're great; you
teach art.

I think I'm offended by that.

Should I be?

Mm-hmm.

[Matt] Hey, come on, you guys.

The day's only half over.

Besides, these kids are easy to
reach.

You just have to relate to them
on their own level.

Speaking of that,

was Mr. D's speech this morning
amazing, or what?

All hail. The metaphor lives on.

Never in all my years have I
seen a teacher

so quickly embraced by the
students...

with the exception

of your father, Matt.

[Coach] Mr. D...

rules.

Hey, wait a minute.

I don't understand this.

Why are we calling him Mr. D?

[Davies] I don't know.

It's just--

It seems so--

He's just--

He's just Mr. D.

Morning, everyone.

Say, has anyone seen Mr. D?

gulp

[bell rings]

[Dylan] By the end of the day,

Mr. D was the talk of the entire
school.

Stories told at lunch had grown
to almost legendary proportion.

Mr. D is so cool.

I know.

Having no seating chart is
awesome.

[Dylan] Even kids that weren't
in Mr. D's class

acted like they were.

Mr. D is so cute.

[Dylan] Or wished they were.

Man, I wish I was in Mr. D's
class.

[rock music]

Let's go! We're almost done!

♪

Come on, boys!

Let's keep it going!

Keep it going. Keep it going.

I'm right behind you.

Come on; you don't see me
slowing down, do you?

Hi. Hey, you're Mr. Warner.

Oh, hi.

Michael D'Angelo.

We didn't get a chance to--

To meet.

To meet, yeah.

Yeah.

After the assembly.

No. Yeah.

Yeah, boy, I'm sorry about your
father.

Yeah.

You're a very lucky man.

Excuse me?

That didn't sound right at all.

What I meant to say

was that it must have been
something

growing up under Stormin' Norman
Warner.

Oh, yes, it was. It was.

Yeah, man, he cast quite a
shadow.

You know, I forgot something.

I'm going to--I'm late. I gotta
go.

But it was nice meeting you,
Mr.--

Matt.

Mr. Matt. Mr. Warner.

Matt.

Matt.

[Matt] He brushed me off.

He doesn't even know you.

Oh, so you're saying that if he
did know me,

then he would brush me off?

I am not even going to have

this conversation.

I just think the guy's a
showboat.

He's the new guy on the block.

That's not easy.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're
right.

Hey, Dyl. Hey, Dylan.

Hey, kiddo, not out of the
carton.

How was practice?

Let's just say that if we win a
game

at any sport this year, it'll be
a miracle.

That bad?

I wish we were bad.

We just flat-out suck.

Wait a minute.

I think Vern Cote is a pretty
great coach.

Dad, I can't even address that.

So did you fall for any new
girls?

Mom, what are you doing to me?

Your mother just wanted to know

what kind of day you had.

[Dylan] Let me give you

the Cliff Note version.

If it weren't for Mr. D,

this would have been

the most embarrassing day of my
life.

[bicycle bell rings]

See ya, Dad.

Have a good one.

What I want all of you to do is
to imagine that you are free

to study any aspect of life
science that you choose.

Anything?

Anything, as long as it relates
to life science.

It can be an interesting plant

or an animal that you've been
wondering about.

What about the female anatomy?

[laughter]

Class, there's nothing funny
about the female anatomy.

Clyde, if you can take

that topic seriously,

then that would certainly
qualify.

Awesome.

[Matt] All right, class.

All right.

Now, once you make your pick, I
want each of you

to write a description of your
respective topics.

What are respective topics?

Well, they're the ones that you
choose.

I mean, you know, each of you
individually.

I mean, they're--you know,
they're all of your--

each of your topics.

Well, that clears it up.

Good.

Now, then I want you to explain
why you chose--

[bugle fanfare]

Charge!

[children yelling]

[fife playing]

[bugle fanfare]

Hey, Dad!

I'm going to free the slaves.

I'm going to free the slaves.

Uh, it's nothing, class.

Just stay in your seats.

I've been killed.

No, it's not that bad.

It just looks bad.

Not that you look bad.

It is serious.

Serious?

Do you think I need
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

[Dylan] Oh, this was tempting.

[Mr. D] Private Warner!

The first recorded use

of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

on the battlefield

was March 4, 1944.

World War II, mister!

Nice try, though.

Make love, not war.

On your own time!

Freedom is at stake.

The fall of racism is in your
hands,

and you two are flirting around.

He was saving me.

Well, then you'd better save her
for later, solider!

How much time do we have?

Not a lot, Mr. D.

[Chase] Not a lot.

Then help her up, man.

I got to get to the theater.

That didn't sound right.

Emancipation!

[bugle fanfare]

Ha ha!

Mr. Warner?

Yes, Timmy?

I was wondering if you could
nuke my MoonPie.

Excuse me?

My MoonPie.

Can you put it in the microwave?

Timmy, if I nuke your MoonPie,

then every student will want to
use the microwave.

Now, do you think that's the
purpose

of the faculty lounge?

I guess not.

Okay, then.

Hey, Matt. Glad you're here.

I know. I know.

Look, the way I see it,

nobody should tell anybody else
how to teach,

but obviously, he needs to
understand the parameters

in which we work here, right?

What the hell are you talking
about?

D'Angelo.

What about him?

What do you mean, what about
him?

We were just talking about how
creative

Mr. D's methods are

and how maybe we could all be

a little more creative with our
own.

Creative?

Oh, well, that's one way of
looking at it.

Hey.

Here he is.

Hi.

[Dylan] Okay, this is where the
craziness starts.

Mr. D had taken the ball

and was going all the way into
the end zone.

All he needed now was a
cheerleader.

That's not a very healthy lunch.

Oh.

That's not really my lunch.

[Matt] Of course it isn't.

I know what that is.

You want to know what that is?

Christ, Warner, it's a MoonPie.

What is your problem?

[microwave beeps]

Excuse me.

See you, Mr. D.

He's so shy.

I think I'm attracted to that.

[woman] Yeah, just set that
there.

[telephone rings]

Good morning, crisis center.

I have a crisis.

Matt, honey, honey, take a deep
breath.

Just--

Don't say it.

I didn't say it.

What's going on?

It's not a shadow anymore.

It's an eclipse. It's a total
eclipse.

I could have lived with a
shadow.

Matt, slow down.

What are you talking about?

Mr. D.

Who's going in? Anybody.

I'll do your homework for a
month.

[whistle blows]

[Dylan] I think I was being kind

when I said we were just bad.

Ow!

Are you all right?

Okay, so who wants to go in?
You?

You.

What about you?

You.

You know, I'm better at calling
the game, Coach.

[Dylan] We were about to make
history:

the first junior high team to
ever go on strike.

So let me guess.

You didn't nuke the pie.

Of course I didn't.

What?

Mr. D would have nuked the pie.

He did.

Oh. [laughs]

Hey, could you do me one favor?

Anything.

Could you not say Mr. D?

Because that's all I ever hear.

Mr. D, Mr. D, Mr. D.

I'm beginning to hate the
letter.

How do those shoes feel?

Large.

They're the right size for you.

You think so?

I know.

Don't feel guilty.

About what?

About stepping out of his
shadow.

I still hear him telling me to
relax.

I know.

To not judge something even
before I've seen it.

I know.

How do you always know exactly
what I'm feeling?

I don't know.

[Dylan] The next morning,

my dad took the trophy back to
the school.

He had finally emerged from the
shadow.

Free at last.

Mr. Warner, for the record,
would you like to comment

on a rumor spreading around the
school?

What rumor?

It would appear that Mr. D has
emerged

as the frontrunner in this
year's race

for Teacher of the Year.

Look, I don't really want to
comment about that, okay?

If rumor becomes truth,

then this will be the first time
in 44 years

that the name "Warner" does not
appear on the trophy.

Look, I really don't--

I don't want to speculate about
that.

Whoa, 44 years.

Must be an enormous amount of
pressure.

I mean, how does that feel,

a family tradition, an
unprecedented record

left in your hands

and hanging by a delicate
thread?

And Mr. D is standing on top of
you

with a pair of giant scissors.

Care to comment, sir?

Look, let me just say that the
year is far from over

and that change is in the air.

Okay, that's all I got to say
here.

In the air?

Do you smell something?

[sniffs]

[farting noise blaring]

Oh, dude, that was so wrong.

[dramatic music]

♪

Let's see what we have in here.

Okay.

Jurassic period.

Tyrannosaurus rex.

Middle finger.

[laughter]

Okay.

Leg bone.

Early man.

Extra crispy.

We have here doggy bone.

June.

[laughter]

Of last year.

Oh, this is the greatest find of
all time.

Ladies and gentlemen,

swimsuit edition, March, no
articles.

This is going to go in Dr. D's
private collection.

[rock music]

[GOB] ♪ Take a chance on me.

♪ But I know, I know

♪ these feelings that I have
inside of me, ♪

♪ in me.

♪ My belly's burning, and it's
turning. ♪

♪ Don't you see?

♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets.
♪

♪ If there ever was a time

♪ when I could go back and make
it all fine ♪

♪ with you, I wanna pursue.

♪ All the blood and tears I've
sweated. ♪

♪ All the work, we can't forget
it. ♪

♪ You'll see. Take a chance on
me. ♪

♪ But I know, I know

♪ these feelings that I have
inside of me, ♪

♪ in me.

♪ My belly's burning, and it's
turning. ♪

♪ Don't you see?

♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets.
♪

♪

Hey, guys.

Hey.

I could bring it up or leave it
down here.

She said, "Bring it up; bring it
up."

Hey, girls.

Want to hear about the mystery
of science?

...that she would turn

that entire hotel upside down.

She's screaming and telling him

that he's so stupid.

[laughter]

Lipstick, eye shadow...

♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets.
♪

♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets.
♪

♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets.
♪

♪

That's number seven for the
teachers,

and it looks like we're on our
way

to another student victory.

Thanks in part to Matt Warner,

who continues on his way to
capturing the LVP award,

least valuable player:

11 errors and 7 strike-outs.

It's not a good day for the
Biology Basher.

Okay, Warner, you've been
throwing me

nothing but meatballs all day.

If you don't throw me something
I can hit,

your grades may be seriously
affected.

[cheering]

Lucky for you,

Warner!

Uh, Matt, Matt?

Matt, I'm taking you out.

What do you mean?

Mr. D. I'm ready to go.

Coach, I am telling you--

[Coach] I know. Come on. Come
on.

And now a bold but not
surprising move

by Coach Vern Cote.

Pinch-hitting for Matt Warner is
Mr. D.

Big hit, Mr. D!

Big hit!

Okay, Mr. D!

Drive us home!

Okay, bring on the heat, Dylan.

And be gentle on me;

I'm old.

Warner winds up, and here's the
pitch.

He's done it!

[Dylan] Students and teachers
alike were swirled up

into the whirlwind of Mr. D.

You gave me that one, Dylan.

It's not my birthday.

Thank you.

Whoo hoo-hoo!

I love you, Mr. D.

[Dylan] Okay, almost everybody.

Mom, Mom.

You wouldn't have believed the
game today.

You won? No, we lost.

But you should have seen Mr. D.

He was unbelievable.

Bottom of the ninth.

And boom!

He was like Barry Bonds.

Wow, I bet your dad's excited.

[sighs]

Who needs a hug?

You're working late.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

I know you keep to yourself, Mr.
D.

Michael.

Please, call me Michael.

Michael.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to
bother you,

but you do something to me.

And then I started thinking

that I can only be feeling that
sort of, you know, whatever,

unless the other person

who's doing it to me is also
feeling

that kind of something.

Does that make any sense to you?

It makes all the sense in the
world.

Really?

Yeah, it really does.

And I would--I would really,

really like to go have coffee
with you sometime.

Or go bowling.

Bowling?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure
I like bowling.

I love bowling.

But the fact is,

I can't.

And I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Ms. Davies?

You are very attractive.

Call me Denise.

I would love nothing more than
to call you...

Denise.

Mm, Ellie.

Mm, Matty.

[Dylan] I'm not claiming to know
any specifics

that go on in my parents'
bedroom,

but something happened that
night.

Matty.

Ellie.

Mr. D.

What did you say?

Why are you stopping?

You said, "Mr. D."

Why on Earth would I say "Mr.
D"?

I don't know. You tell me.

Oh, how did you know?

I've hidden my feelings

for a man I've never even met,

and somehow you knew.

Well, I can't hide them anymore,
Matt.

I'm in love with Mr. D.

I distinctly heard you say--

Oh, are you losing your mind?

Hey, I'm not the one who's being
unfaithful.

Oh, great, now you're going to
go sleep on the couch?

[Dylan] Well, I guess if you're
going to go crazy,

you might as well dress for it.

I don't think my dad even knew
what he was looking for.

But that didn't stop him.

He was a man on a mission.

Unrelenting, obsessed.

I got you.

Huh.

Nice chair.

Oh, Carl wants to know what
characterizes sarcodines.

Can anyone help out?

[children clamoring]

I know it. I know the answer.

I know the answer.

Everyone knows the answer? Wow.

Pick me, Mr. Warner. Pick me.

Devon.

Sarcodines are characterized

by extensions of the cell
membranes.

[girl] Can we have school every
day of the week?

I can't teach classes after
school

or on weekends.

[school bell rings]

Oh, my God, come on.

You guys have got to see this.

[snoring]

[children laughing]

Uh, Mr. D'Angelo wanted you all
to prepare your lesson.

Do--go do that.

[boy] Nice jammies, Mr. Warner.

So I'll talk to you tomorrow,
then.

Faculty emergency.

Mr. Warner!

She'll have to call you back.

Hey!

That's a physical impossibility.

[cell phone rings]

Hello.

Ellie, I'm so glad that I caught
you.

I've been worried sick.

I came down this morning to
apologize,

and you were gone.

I'm already at school.

I was trying to locate a grade
book that I forgot.

Well, we've got your lunch and
your briefcase,

which you also forgot.

I know, I know, I know.

Listen, could you bring me a
change of clothes

and some shoes and some socks
too?

We're already on the road,

and what part of this are you
not telling me?

Ellie, believe me, everything is
going to be okay.

I got him.

Got who? Matt--

D'Angelo. I'll tell you about it
when you get here.

Bye.

Geek.

Honey, I need to ask you a
serious question.

Sure, Mom.

Why does Mr. D have the effect
he does

on everybody?

And I thought it was going to be
a tough one.

Humor me.

Well, he treats us like we're
his friends.

I mean, his lessons aren't
lessons.

They're mysteries that the whole
class has to solve.

Do you know what I mean?

All I understand is that
"mystery"

is the key word here.

What am I saying, sir?

With all due respect,

it's right here in his roll
book.

It's the secret of his
popularity.

Look at this.

Straight As across the board,

without exception.

I mean, who wouldn't love this
guy?

They're all going to Harvard.

Matilda, would you contact Mr. D

and have him come in here,
please?

[Matilda] Okay.

Thank you.

So, Matt, can I--

can I get you anything?

Cup of coffee? No.

A shower?

Bowl of Froot Loops?

[laughs] Very good.

This is a delicate situation.

I know it is.

And I need to handle this in a
manner

which will prevent you further
embarrassment.

I know you do.

I know you don't.

You're confused.

But don't worry; clarity is just
around the corner.

[knocking at door]

Come in.

Ah.

You wanted to see me?

Mr. D, I wanted to be the first
to congratulate you.

It seems you've made a little
bit of history

down at the National Board of
Education.

Really?

[Bass] Yes, you're the first
teacher

to ever have an entire class
receive straight As,

using the standardized test
system.

[Mr. D] Oh, wow.

Oh, and they've sent over this
little token

of their appreciation and
gratitude.

Well, well, I'm very proud of
those kids, sir.

[Bass] Oh, well, we're very
proud of you.

Keep up the good work.

Congratulations.

Thank you, sir.

Matt?

Oh, oh.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

Hey, nice.

Oh, thank you.

Oh!

I think this belongs to you as
well.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Bye, now.

Standardized tests?

Standardized test systems.

You can't cheat on standardized
tests.

I know.

Sweetheart, go to class.

Okay. Bye, Mom.

Matilda, the only reason Dylan
is late

is because his father called and
needed--

Don't tell me.

A robe and a teddy bear.

Uh, hi, honey.

I got the day off.

You want to do something?

Honey, please.

I'm sorry.

Don't you "honey" me, Matt.

Look, I was just doing a
last-minute

lesson plan checking situation,

and I fell asleep.

Honey, please.

I need you right now.

Ellie, I'm sorry, okay?

I work with people on a daily
basis

who have nothing.

You have everything,

and yet you seem determined to
turn it into nothing.

That's not true.

I just--

This is your job, our life.

And you show up in your pajamas.

Thank God Dylan didn't see you.

Ellie?

Ellie, don't go.

Ellie.

Ellie!

Ellie, slow down.

It's a school zone!

Happy Casual Tuesday, Matt.

What a geek.

[Dylan] That's it.

Game over.

Complete shut-out.

Why did I even think I had a
chance?

Excuse me, Mr. D!

Afternoon, Coach.

Afternoon.

I'm not a very good athlete.

I'm not a very good coach,
either.

Why they keep me here on staff,
I'm not sure.

We haven't won a game in any
sport

since I started three years ago.

We got basketball season coming
up,

and judging by your performance
at the softball game,

you're quite an athlete.

And you can walk really fast
too.

[panting] Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

I think you're really going to
enjoy this.

Take that there.

That one's heavy.

Just plop that on top.

Should I be confused?

No, not at all.

We'll go for coffee after.

After what?

Bowling.

I love bowling.

[Sam Roberts] ♪ And your life is
deceiving. ♪

♪ My eyes are seeing.

Oh!

♪ ...is believing.

Ready?

Rock and roll.

♪ And your love is deceiving.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

♪ ...are seeing.

♪ And seeing is believing.

Your shot, darlin'.

♪ And your life is deceiving.

It's getting late.

Do you have to go?

How much time do you have?

[laughs]

Not a lot.

I know what you mean.

I've got a montage materials
marathon at home.

Chop, chop, snip, snip.

Basically shred everything in my
apartment I don't want,

including, in case you were
wondering,

a picture of my old boyfriend.

Hmm, then you and the kids,

you guys cut and paste them
onto--

Papier-mâché farm animals.

Cool.

Is there a petting zoo I should
know about?

Want to come back to my place,

do some papier-mâché things?

It could be messy.

You know, Denise,

I should tell you that I'm
spoken for.

Actions speak louder than words.

♪ And your life is deceiving.

♪ Your eyes are seeing.

♪ And seeing is believing.

♪ My love is freeing.

♪ And your life is deceiving.

I don't have everything unless I
have you.

[romantic classical music]

♪

I'm Ellie Warner.

I'm Matt Warner, jackass.

You're my jackass.

Your dinner awaits.

Am I in the right house?

Hey, what's wrong?

Chase thinks we're the Addams
family.

I'll be in my room.

Dylan?

And, Dad, please try

not to come to school in your
pajamas.

It makes my life a living hell,

and it's bad enough already.

Jackass?

Major.

I'll be right here.

Hey, kiddo.

Listen, I'm sorry I embarrassed
you

in front of your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

She'll never be my girlfriend.

Dad?

My heart hurts.

Well, it's not really your
heart, Dylan.

It sure feels like it.

I know it does, and it'll go
away.

I don't want it to.

What do you mean?

It hurts, but I feel...alive.

Mr. D said that sometimes in
order to be truly alive,

sometimes you need to feel
things,

even if it hurts.

Well, that's just one way of
looking at it.

But remember how you told me to
solve my problems

by putting them on a linear
branching logic tree?

The logic tree, yeah,
absolutely.

Yeah, well, I tried that.

That's great.

But then Mr. D's logic seemed

to make a lot more sense to me.

So I think I'm going to go with
that.

Oh.

Hey, thanks, Dad.

I feel better.

All right.

Have a good night.

He cut down my tree.

[bicycle bell rings]

Now, class, in honor of the
beginning of our study

of the human anatomy--

Hey, Mr. Warner, no pajamas?

No, Clyde, no pajamas today.

But I do have something

that I think you're going to
enjoy.

snap!

Now, class, everyone come on up
here

and gather around my desk.

And everyone take a look at
this.

Ew.

Now, can anyone tell me

what this fleshy mass is?

Something from the cafeteria?

It's a lung.

Left side.

Most likely male.

Very good, Devon. That's right.

Mr. Warner, what's that tube
thingy?

Let me show you.

Watch this.

Awesome!

That is pretty awesome, isn't
it?

And that is going on

inside every one of you right
now.

Now, let's try it all together,
all right?

Deep breaths together.

Follow me.

[knocking at door]

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you.

I just need to borrow a piece of
chalk.

Oh, I'll get you a new box.

Thank you.

Hey, guys.

Hey!

Sushi.

Sweet.

That's good.

Okay, then.

In, out.

And a one.

And a two.

Feel the stretch now.

Okay, that's good. Stop.

All right, everybody.

Jazzercise. There we go.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

We were just studying the lung.

Thank you for the... chalk.

Let's try that again.

Okay, here we go.

thump!

[all] Mr. D. Mr. D.

Everybody, shut up!

Can anybody give me--

Can anybody tell me what that
was an example of?

A dictator?

Thank you, Chase.

[bell rings]

Okay, people,

we have a pop quiz this
Thursday.

Chase, Dylan, I need you to stay
for a second, okay?

[boy] Ooh!

"Ooh," yeah, yourselves.

Beat it. Have a good lunch.

Eat a carrot.

Will you guys put your desks
together for me?

You know, one of the great
humanitarians of the world,

Eleanor Roosevelt, she once
said,

"Do one thing every day that
scares you."

You guys comfortable?

Thank you for your time.

[Dylan] Here it is, the moment
of truth.

Do I do what my heart is telling
me?

Roll over like a puppy, grovel,
beg for forgiveness?

No.

You think I'm a geek.

No.

I think your dad's a geek.

Yeah, well, he's not.

And I'm not my dad.

Mr. Warner, what are you doing?

I'm nuking your MoonPie.

Cool.

[sighs]

What? What?

Nothing.

[Bass] Good morning, everyone.

Matt, I--

I just got a phone call from
Hugh Evans' parents.

A very unpleasant call.

Made me feel a little tense.

Wondered if you could come down
to my office

after class.

I'd like to share this tension
with you.

Yes, sir.

Good.

Unbelievable.

Miserable little bastards.

Show any sign of weakness,

and they trounce on your nuts
like an African rhino.

Here.

What's this?

My therapist.

If it weren't for him, I'd be in
prison.

Hey, Matt, you forgot your
MoonPie.

Oh, right.

Oh!

[chuckles]

[stifled laughter]

Is it done?

[laughter]

Go ahead, laugh.

Laugh all you want. I don't
care.

I owe you a MoonPie.

[laughs]

[Dylan] After the pajama
incident,

Mom made sure Dad always had an
extra change of clothes.

The oxygen-rich blood leaves the
heart.

Uh, no, wait a second, Mr.
Warner.

That's not what you said before.

You've got it all wrong.

It isn't?

[Patty] No, the oxygen-rich
blood

returns to the heart via the
capillaries

surrounding the alveoli after we
inhale.

Oh, well, that's probably right.

I mean, that's definitely right.

I mean, very good, Patty. That's
good.

Look, if anyone else has any
idea what I'm talking about,

just let me in on it, okay?

Hey, Mr. Warner, your ride's
here.

[laughter]

Excuse me, is this the room
for--

No, no, no, no.

Don't tell me. I already know.

The guy you're looking for,

he's across the hall

on planet D.

That's one small step for man,

one giant pain in the a--

[man] Somebody help me up?

[bell rings]

And don't forget, tomorrow we
dissect basketballs,

and good luck to the frog team.

Sir, about the Evans boy.

I was demonstrating

the function of the lungs in the
human body,

and he evidently became

overly enthusiastic about the
lesson.

And he, um, well, he, you know.

Passed out.

Well, he hyperventilated.

And then he passed out.

[clears throat]

Matt, I didn't call you in here

to talk about the Evans boy

or the fact that you pushed over

a national space hero.

We have a problem here, Matt.

And I'll tell you what.

Now, I knew your father for a
long time.

And that's probably the only
reason

why you're not on suspension.

But if this keeps up, my loyalty
won't stand

in the way of what needs to
happen

to keep this school running

the way I believe we all want it
to run.

I know that, sir, and I'm sorry.

I'm not looking for an apology,
Matt.

I want a decision.

I want you to decide whether or
not

you want to be an educator.

Well, I can answer that right
now, sir.

No, no, I don't think you can.

Why don't you take the weekend?

[Matilda] Principal Bass.

Hugh Evans' father is on one.

You got NASA holding on two.

[Bass sighs]

[Dylan] Things were as low as
they could get.

Any thought about winning
Teacher of the Year

had completely evaporated.

[distant cheering]

[applause]

Hi, Mr. Warner.

Timmy, are you okay?

Sure, look at the score.

[woman] Way to go, boys!

Unbelievable!

Never before have I seen such an
atrocious performance

from an athletic franchise.

It's brilliant!

Hey, Coach.

Oh, hey, Warner.

Wait a minute, Coach.

What are you doing in the
stands?

And why is everybody cheering
like this?

We're getting killed out there.

I know. Isn't it great?

Mr. D has taught me to redefine
the term "winning."

You don't have to win to be a
winner.

Winning isn't just "winning."

Winning is losing with a winning
attitude,

because if you lose like a
winner,

then a loss is a victory, no
matter who wins,

especially if you lose.

Or something like that.

[Dylan] Now, this might seem
confusing, but it's really quite

simple.

The opposing team scores.

We cheer.

They steal the ball away.

We cheer.

Hoo yeah!

[Dylan] We miss a shot.

We cheer.

Yeah!

[Dylan] Oh, on the off chance

we got a basket, we'd also
cheer.

Mr. D said it was only fair,

and it showed good
sportsmanship.

Mr. D is a genius.

But I don't understand.

Who is coaching?

Time!

Time out.

Come in, guys. Let's go.

Huddle up.

Who hasn't gone in yet?

A! N! G!

[together] E-L-S.

Go, girls!

We can't shoot or get a four.

Fallbrook, Fallbrook, hear our
cheer.

Mr. D for Teacher of the Year.

What is the dealio, guys?

We're down by about 30 goals
here.

That's 30 points, Coach.

30 goals and 30 points?

Okay, so basically, we have no
chance of winning this game.

But is everybody having a good
time?

[boys] Yeah!

Everybody trying their hardest?

How much time do we have?

[boys] Not a lot.

Get your hands in here.

Who's got the best war cry in
the league?

[all yelling]

All right!

Now get out there, and lose this
game.

I need to get home.

[together] Huh!

Mr. D for Teacher of the Year!

Mr. D for Teacher of the Year!

Whoo! Yeah.

We're the worst.

[Nelly Furtado] ♪ I'm trynna
finda way. ♪

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge...

[Dylan] By comparison, amateur
detectives

were suddenly elevated to
professional status.

♪ I heard about it from the
mouth of a man. ♪

[Dylan] I mean, who uses a turn
signal when you're tailing

someone?

And if you're going to follow
this close,

why not just splay yourself
across Mr. D's hood

and save the gas money?

♪ And it lies, it lies in the
picket fence call. ♪

♪ It was my own paradise with my
own private corridor. ♪

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

[Dylan] Even nature was telling
my dad to relax,

go home where it's warm and dry.

But no.

He was on a roll.

Blind to what he was seeing, he
pushed forward.

[man] Man, you're a saint.

You got anything to eat?

Oh, thanks, brother.

Love you, man.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪

♪ Can I have your attention,
please? ♪

[Dylan] Oh, right, like my dad
was going to climb a fire escape

ladder,

the guy who'd get a nosebleed

stepping up onto a bathroom
scale?

Hey, what you doing there,
Chief?

Uh, uh.

I lost my key.

Oh, so you live here.

Yeah, that's right.

I--yeah, I live here.

Yeah, what number you live at,
punk?

I don't think that's any of your
business,

actually.

Hey, shut your punk ass up.

He axed you a question.

Yo, he axed you what number you
live at, fool.

Uh, number 201.

I live at number 201.

Wait, 201?

Yo, homie.

He trying to rob Mr. D.

Uh, which one of you is Homie?

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Yo, get his ass!

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Lightning speed.

♪ Trynna finda way.

♪ Trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

Those are my clothes.

You stole my--

I bought those fair and square.

From who?

Our nation is founded on the
principle

of democracy and free trade.

What do you got?

Wait a minute.

You're telling me you want me

to trade something for my own
clothes?

Assuming you, like myself,

have experienced social
financial reversal,

it is only proper we continue to
negotiate

in the spirit of capitalism.

What do you got?

Oh, oh, here, here.

What about these?

How about that watch?

Oh, no, no, no, that's a family
heirloom.

You see, my great-grandfather
gave it to my grandfather

and--why am I telling you this?

Okay, deal.

Wait, that's not even mine.

This for that. Take it or leave
it.

If Mr. D taught me anything,

it's that a fair deal is a fair
deal.

Wait, did you say Mr. D?

I'll do it. Come on, deal.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

[Dylan] Just when it looked like
things couldn't get any

stranger,

they did.

♪

♪ Hello, you have my attention.
♪

♪ Do I have your attention?

♪ Can I have your attention,
please? ♪

[knocking]

Mrs. Warner.

I'm Michael D'Angelo.

I work with--

My husband.

Do you have any idea where he
is?

You know, I wouldn't worry about
him too much.

He's been following me since
yesterday afternoon.

Following you?

You know, he's pretty stressed
out right now,

and I have something that might
help clear things up.

Do you mind if I come in for a
moment?

So this is your yearbook.

Yeah.

Then you must have known Mr.
Warner, Sr.

Oh, I didn't just know Stormin'
Norman Warner.

I wanted to be him.

That's Matt's problem too.

Right there.

I should get going.

Yes, thank you.

[Dylan] Well, at least Dad
learned we were still getting

the paper.

[Ellie] Thank you

for showing me that.

It felt good for me too.

Bye, Michael.

Bye, Ellie.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

♪ I'm trynna finda way.

♪ I'm trynna finda right.

♪ If I budge, I just might.

[woman over intercom] Mrs.
Anderson,

please pick up line two.

Mrs. Anderson, please pick up
line two.

Dr. Frank to Oncology. Dr. Frank
to Oncology.

[woman] Okay, Michael, a little
pinch.

[sighs]

Okay, all set.

Here's your basin,

in case you feel a little
queasy,

and I'll be back to check up on
you

in a little while.

Excuse me.

Why don't you wait right here,

and I'll get someone to help
you?

Security.

[Norman] "Michael,

"not since my own son, Matty,
have I had the privilege

"of knowing a young man so
empowered

"by the spirit of knowledge that
he invites miracles.

Norman Warner."

I'm sorry, Ellie.

I met Mr. D today.

So did I.

Hi, Dad.

You know, as a scientist,

I don't think that you've been
watching me,

because if you had been,

you probably would have told me
to relax.

Well, I understand now, Dad.

The shadows are gone.

You told me it takes less than
death to kill a man.

Well, I don't want to keep
dying, Dad.

And I won't.

Thanks for listening.

Hello, class.

Today I want you to close your
textbooks

and put away your pens and
papers.

'Cause today is a free period.

I want to know

what you guys want to do.

Anything at all. Who's got an
idea?

Patty.

Can we sit in on Mr. D's class?

Okay.

Come on, everyone.

Out of your seats.

Let's go. Come on.

Come on.

[drum beating, flute playing]

♪

[Dylan] The obsession with Mr. D
seemed to vanish

almost as fast as it had
appeared.

I guess my dad figured if you
can't beat 'em...

Do you mind if we join you?

All tribes welcome.

Okay, come on, kids.

[whispers] Hi, Dad.

Hear me, my chiefs.

My heart is weak and sick.

Though the flesh may turn to
dust,

my soul will stand strong

and soar higher than ever
before,

like the distant echo of a
beating drum

breathing life like the wind,

part of all living things.

Now...

and forever.

Now I need volunteers.

I'd like a construction worker,
a cowboy, and a biker.

[bell rings]

[boy] Wait up!

Hello, Ms. Witherspoon.

Dylan, just give me a minute.

I want to say something to Mr.
D'Angelo.

I mean to Mr. D.

And then we'll head out, kiddo.

[Dylan] Great work, Dad.

In front of Chase, you call
me...

Kiddo.

I kind of like that.

You do?

Yeah, but I like "Dylan" better.

I've got cheerleading practice.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Okay, yeah.

I'll be there.

Bye.

Dad?

Yeah, I guess I missed him.

I just wanted to thank him for
today.

You'll have plenty of time for
that.

I think he's going to be here
for a while.

Dylan, uh, you know, even if Mr.
D moved on

to another school,

he'd always be a part of
Fallbrook.

Just like Grandpa is.

You know, when Mr. D was telling
us his story,

it made me think of Gramps.

Me too.

I mean, Grandpa never put on a
headdress.

But he was always telling me to
take my shot,

to make every moment count, to--

Soar.

Yeah.

I guess I never really
understood what he meant

until I met Mr. D.

[Untyde] ♪ Whatever makes you
shine. ♪

♪ There's a star in your eyes,

♪ but it's started to fade out
lately. ♪

♪ All the things that you've
done ♪

♪ don't seem to make much
difference, ♪

♪ don't seem to make you happy
anymore. ♪

♪ Always searching, always
wanting more. ♪

♪ Why don't you take it?

♪ Why don't you make it?

♪ Don't stand there looking for
excuses. ♪

♪ 'Cause you won't get them.

♪ No, you won't get them from
me. ♪

[Howard over P.A.] For the first
time, I'm almost speechless.

I must say, it has been
spectacularly masterminded

by our very own Mr. D.

What a job he's done

with this group of fledgling
ballplayers.

[Howard] Transforming a total
absence of talent

into one of the most dynamic
displays of athletic ineptitude

I've ever witnessed.

[Dylan] Okay, here we are again,

cheering the other team's
baskets...

cheering our mistakes.

[cheering]

[cheerleaders] Stomp your feet!

Pound your chest!

Who cares if we lose? 'Cause
we're doing our best!

[Dylan] But something was
happening.

I don't know if it's because we
were just having a good time,

but every once in a while,

we'd pull off a pretty good
play.

[cheers and applause]

Way to go, Dylan!

[buzzer buzzes]

That's my kid. That's my kid.

High five. A little higher, now.

Swing and a miss.

[bicycle bell rings]

Good morning, class.

[children greeting]

I have test scores.

[children groaning]

No, no groaning.

You all did extremely well.

We did?

All of us?

Everyone?

Yes.

Now, when I call your names, you
come up here,

and you get your tests.

[Bass over P.A.] Good morning,
everyone.

This is your principal.

I--I'm not really sure how to--

Well, Mr. D is sick,

and he's in the hospital.

At this point, we're not really
sure

if he'll be able to return to
school.

We're going to send a card over
to Mr. D

as soon as everyone signs it.

So please stop by the trophy
case

in the main hall at lunch

so that we can get this over to
him as soon as possible.

I'm sure Mr. D would want all of
you not to worry,

and I know he's thinking about
all of you.

So let's all think about him and
send our prayers,

because he will get them.

Your substitute history teacher
will be Miss Hunt.

Please give her a big Fallbrook
welcome

in Mr. D's absence.

Hey, what's this?

Who are you?

Can you not read?

Yeah, and you've completely
spelled

the name of this class wrong.

I take it you're familiar with
the principal's office.

I'm on my way.

[laughter]

[rapping]

Any other comedians?

Okay, class.

I--I know we're all feel--

Let me just tell you something
about Mr. D.

He's not going to let any
sickness

get in his way.

You watch and see.

You just watch and--

Mr. Warner, are you okay?

I'm good, Patty.

Oh, and so are you,

with your first A of the year.

Congratulations, Patty.

Oh, and, Clyde,

you didn't do so bad yourself.

Come on down.

Come on, you guys.

Let's do this for Mr. D.

[girl] Oh, I want to sign.

[Clyde] Take your time; we have
plenty of pencils.

I want everybody to sign all
around.

Say something nice.

Good work, Clyde.

Thanks, Mr. Warner.

[crying]

It's going to be okay.

He tried to tell me.

I heard he has leukemia.

I heard he has cancer.

Leukemia is cancer, you idiots.

Who's going to coach the
g-g-game tomorrow?

What d-d-does it m-m-matter,
Seth?

Why don't you shut up, Brad?

Why don't you make me?

Why don't I make you?

Hey, hey, what's the problem
here?

Oh, there's no problem, Mr.
Warner.

Hey, you know, Mr. D wouldn't be
very happy

if he saw you guys fighting, you
know?

Mr. D isn't here.

Oh, yes, he is.

What are you talking about, Dad?

Well, you don't have to be here
to actually be here.

I-I d-don't follow.

Guys, look.

Every single day,

your teachers stand up in front
of your classes,

and they give you things.

Mostly Cs.

No, not just grades. They give
you knowledge.

What they've learned,

they give to you.

And every time you give
something to someone,

you give just a little part of
yourself.

Which means that all of you have
a little bit of me,

of Ms. Davies, of Mr. Parks,

and all of you have a little bit
of Mr. D.

He's here, guys.

You just got to know where to
look for him.

I'll see you in science.

Hey, Dylan.

Your old man's all right.

Yeah, he is.

See you.

[Dylan] She likes me.

She really likes me.

Hey, Coach.

Can I have a word with you?

Of course.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Honey, where you going?

I'll be back.

Well, just remember if you go
out

to put your clothes on.

Hello, Michael.

I seem to be having a lot of
one-way conversations lately.

But I figured out why you're
such a great teacher.

Because you don't just teach the
students;

you teach the teachers too.

You know, my dad used to always
talk

about the miracles of education.

He was Teacher of the Year 43
times.

But you taught me one or two
things

that even he couldn't.

And I just wanted to thank you
for that, Michael.

Mr. D.

Hey, Matt?

I learned a couple of things
from you too.

[Matt] Ow!

[medieval men's choral music]

♪

So?

Who am I?

This isn't going to involve a
human sacrifice, is it?

I'll give you a hint.

I am the father of genetics.

Devon?

Gregor Mendel?

That's right. That's absolutely
right.

I am Gregor Mendel, and I have a
big problem.

Yeah, your wardrobe.

Actually, you know what?

That is a problem.

But I also have a bigger problem
that I was hoping

that my apprentices could help
me out with.

I need to conduct several
experiments,

and I need to use a particular
plant.

Now, which plant should I use?

String beans?

Fava beans. [slurps]

Pea plants?

And the winner is...

pea plants!

Very good, Patty.

In 1929, the nation's economy
was cut to its knees

by what devastating event?

Nobody?

Nobody knows this?

Who has been teaching you this
year?

This is history, isn't it?

No, Miss Hunt, it isn't.

You need to redefine your terms.

That's right.

Haven't you ever told a story?

The proper term is his- and
herstory.

What?

His- and herstory.

One more word, and all of you

will be telling your stories to
the principal.

I'm on my way.

Who's coming with me?

Plan B.

So what Mendel-- I mean what I--

[knocking at door]

May we join you?

Come on in.

Come on, kids. Right back there.

Hey, good afternoon, Timmy.

Good afternoon, Mr. Warner.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Good afternoon, Matt.

MoonPie.

Oh. [chuckles]

You must have seen my shrink.

No, but I've seen a lot.

You have a good day.

You too.

Going to the game, Warner?

Of course; it's our last game of
the season, right?

Hey, heads up, Timmy.

I owed you one.

Thanks, Mr. Warner.

Better suit up for the game.

I will.

Hey, guys, I don't think

Mr. D would like this pregame
attitude.

Well, who's going to tell him?

I will.

Now, listen, guys.

I got a little addition for your
uniforms

that I think you're going to
like.

Come here. Come here.

I want you to take these
wristbands,

put them on.

Come on, all of you.

Now, look, guys.

I know that there's a big part
of this team

that isn't here right now.

But we know where to find it,
don't we?

Now, we owe it to Mr. D to get
out there

and have a great time.

Now, who's got the best war cry
in basketball?

Come on, hands in.

One, two, three!

[all yelling]

I'm almost speechless for the
first time.

I mean,

we actually could win.

[Dylan] Yup, that's us playing.

Rebounding, scoring, almost
winning.

[cheering]

Time out! Time out!

[whistle blows]

Come on, guys. Come on.

[Dylan] The team had a new
confidence.

Take it on the chin.

It doesn't matter if you win.

Play the game for fun.

Win or lose, you've won.

[Dylan] And so did I.

How you doing?

I've been better.

Well, if you're going to fall in
front of a crowd this size,

at the biggest game of the year,

you've got to make a louder
thunk.

Like this.

That's the stuff.

That really works?

I don't know.

You're the first girl I've ever
fallen for.

[whistle blows]

[cheering]

Come on, you guys. We got to do
this.

Okay, this is good. This is
really good.

I mean, we could win this thing.

We could really win this thing.

But, you know, winning doesn't
really matter,

because you guys are so
unbelievable.

I mean, I'm really proud--

Mr. Warner, take it easy.

Oh, right, right, right.

[Dylan] Dad, what's the play?

What are we going to do?

Okay, okay, here's what we're
going to do.

We got about 30 seconds left.

I want you to hang on to the
ball for as long as you can

before you shoot, okay?

What if we lose the ball?

Seth, what's your strength?

Footwork.

Fred Astaire defense.

Give me your foot.

Who's Fred Astaire?

How much time do we have?

Enough.

Well, then, you take us home,
Matt.

Okay.

Hey, we're playing a game here.

Okay, Seth.

It's time to step up.

I'm ready.

Then you're our man.

Come on, guys. Let's go.

[cheering]

Fred Astaire defense!

[tapping]

[When the Saints Come Marching
In]

♪

[Matt] Come on; that's your
ball!

Get it back!

[crowd] Ten, nine...

eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two...

Take your shot!

One!

[cheering]

Come on!

High five!

Hey, how about one more bite,
little man, huh?

Let me finish up here, Matty.

You got to get going.

Oh, okay.

See you later, kiddo.

Hey, Dad, you walking up?

Yeah.

Got everything?

Got everything.

Bye, Michael.

Love you, honey.

Love you too. Now scram.

You want a bite?

Ooh.

Oh, good boy.

All right, junior year.

You know what that means.

Next year, this will be a car?

Morning, Mr. Warner.

Hey, Chase.

This is your year, Dad.

Hey, it's going to be a great
year.

And I'm ready.

What do you think?

It might be important.

What would I do without my
girls?

Bye. Bye.

[Dylan] Dad was right.

We all had a little bit of Mr. D
in our hearts.

Oh, and Ms. Davies had a little
more;

she inherited his car.

[Matt] Welcome to life science,
everybody.

The first order of business is
the seating chart.

We're not having one this year.

Now, the mysteries of science
are happening all around us

all the time.

They're happening inside us
right now.

Okay, what I'd like you all to
do

is to look at the person to your
left.

Now, each one of you is looking
at another human being.

They may have red hair. They may
have brown eyes.

They may not smell that good.

[laughter]

But you know what?

Each one of you is looking at a
miracle.

[rock music]

[Dylan] This might sound silly,

but it was like Gramps had sent
Mr. D down

to help us all relax, believe in
ourselves,

take our shots.

♪

Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com

[The YoYos] ♪ Hello, hello.

♪ I'll bring you letters

♪ from the man you used to know.
♪

♪

♪ Give in; let go

♪ to the words that made you
feel ♪

♪ you weren't alone.

♪ Now, it's funny how we find
out ♪

♪ time can solve the mystery,

♪ but love is only temporary.

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ The smile on your face is just
for show. ♪

♪ Inside, you're screaming, "Let
me go." ♪

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ Loneliness doesn't make a
sound ♪

♪ till I head back underground.
♪

♪

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ I bring you pictures

♪ from the man you used to know.
♪

♪ Give in; let go

♪ to the images that made you
feel at home. ♪

♪ Now, it's funny how we find
out ♪

♪ how age can change a man.

♪ Confused but now I understand.
♪

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ You're swimming faster than
you know, ♪

♪ but you can't fight the
undertow. ♪

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ Loneliness doesn't make a
sound ♪

♪ till I head back underground.
♪

♪

♪ Hello, hello.

♪ Maybe I'll just say good-bye.
♪