Original subtitles

Hell, no.

Ahh!

Here's Flip,

the dark prince of pranking.

And I've been summoned here

from your collective nightmares...

To take ordinary people,

people who have it coming to them,

and drop them into frightening scenarios of my own creation.

Today, let's explore you humans'

fixation with your identities.

Some of you obsess over what you wear.

That shirt is amazing.

Some pretend you're other people completely.

She's burning for real.

But you can't hide from your genes.

There is nothing to worry about.

I feel sick right now.

All right, y'all,

let's do better by being badder.

This is "Scare Tactics."

People love to ask, where are you from?

Swabbing your cheeks like crazy to trace your ancestry,

I did a DNA test.

Turns out I don't have any DNA, so it was a real waste of time.

Richie here has been pranking his little sister Christy

for years, but her revenge will have him

questioning whether he needs a passport or a spaceship.

Hi.

Can you sign in right here, please?

And... - Richie.

OK.

I'm going to take you back.

And you can have a seat.

Hi.

- I don't know. - 20 minutes, maybe.

Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

I'm just waiting on our--my results.

Mm-hmm. Same.

I came here to see what my DNA was like.

Yeah.

It's like this, like, trial apparently.

What do y'all think about--well--

OK, hear me out just for-- - Mm-hmm.

Where is the DNA though?

Where is the aftermath? What do they do?

We're going to get cloned.

He's so into, like, conspiracy theories

and stuff like that.

Oh, that's--

Have you guys seen that movie,

it's about people that get cloned,

and then they live underground?

And--and they use them for their skin.

With shows like that, it's so scary,

because it could be like real life.

- It could be real life. - You never know.

That's the thing. You really don't know.

It's so scary.

So I want to thank you guys for your patience.

- Oh, thank you. - Here you go.

These are your test results.

You can take those home, and then we'll be with

you two in the next few minutes.

Nice to meet y'all.

- Hello. - Hi.

How are we doing today?

Good. How are you?

All right. Richie and Christy?

- Mm-hmm. - Great.

I am Dr. Wetly.

It's nice to meet you.

I just wanted to give you a quick breakdown

of what we're going to be doing here today.

OK.

All we do is a simple cheek swab

on the inside of each cheek.

We run that, and that's going to tell us

your current health situation.

And we can even tell you your ancestry.

You're not going to clone us, are you?

No.

We're all set here.

I'll run these in the back and get you tested.

Do you believe in stuff like that?

I don't. - Yes, I do.

All right.

You are good to go. - OK.

We're just going to file your paperwork,

and we're going to print out your genomic results.

OK. So, Richie, everything's fine.

- Yes. - Everything's great.

It's just when we ran your results,

there was just a teeny, tiniest little abnormality.

And we just want to look at it and make sure everything's OK.

All right?

Wait, what do you mean?

Well, we don't--

we're--we're going to get to the bottom of it.

Am I good?

We got to answer some questions

and maybe run an additional scan,

and then you'll be good to go. - OK, OK. All right.

OK. Great.

Have you traveled out of the country recently?

I have not.

OK. OK, great.

Have you been in a laboratory setting at all recently?

Biology class, but not like this.

Any potential situation where maybe rare diseases

were being studied?

- No, no. - OK.

- Not at all. - OK.

And have you ever touched or ingested radioactive material?

Glowing rocks?

- No. - OK. OK, great.

And think hard about this one.

This is kind of a strange one.

Has anyone from your family,

or have you ever visited Mir

or the International Space Station?

No, no.

OK, no astronauts in your family?

- No, no, not at all. - OK.

OK, all right. Great.

Well, what we're going to do is put you in a body scan.

OK.

So if you'll just come over here with me.

- Sure. - Have a seat.

Face forward, and sit very still for me.

OK, Kendra.

OK, perfect.

Let's get you out of here.

All right.

Richie, we've got this anomaly that's showing up

on the scan here.

It's going to be in your left pectoral.

Have you felt anything strange in your--

No, no.

What is that?

It looks to us like some sort of genetic anomaly.

Can we--can we do that again?

Like, that literally doesn't--

Well, I tell you what. Just--

Just have a seat.

We're going to actually go back.

We're going to bring our colleagues out,

and we need to--

we'll actually get everything for you in just a moment.

It was like a--like--

Hello.

There is absolutely nothing to worry about at all.

I feel sick right now.

Hello.

There is absolutely nothing to worry about at all.

Miss, if you could stand up for me.

You can leave your bag there.

That's totally fine.

Come with me for now.

Thank you.

Your vitals seem to be OK.

I think so.

I mean, he just showed me, like,

some weird shit in my chest.

No, that's OK. There's nothing to worry about.

Everything is normal, standard procedure.

Actually, something really cool just happened.

We haven't really seen this.

Your test came back, and what's appearing to present

is nonorganic form, and nonorganic

in the sense of non-sapien.

What do you-- what do you mean?

Like, what does that mean?

Have you ever felt different...

in terms of your whole life?

I'm sorry, man. Like--

No, it's OK.

You're, like, in a, like, hazmat suit.

- It's OK. - Am I good?

Like, am I going to die?

Have you felt any nausea,

like today, like yesterday?

I feel nauseous now, man.

I feel sick right now. - OK. All right.

I have to tell you this.

Again, you should remain calm.

Somewhere in your ancestral line,

it's coming up as non-human.

What--what does that mean?

Well, a term that we use around here is "alien."

So there's alien ancestry coming through on our scan.

Nothing to worry about.

However, we do have a facility in Sequoia, New Mexico.

There is a chopper here that would be able to take you

over there so we can continue.

Bro, maybe something like, maybe it's

your equipment or something you guys are using.

But like, I don't want to go to Mexico, man.

No, it wouldn't--it wouldn't be that long in Sequoia.

Can I speak to the doctor, please?

Yeah, absolutely.

Give me one second, OK?

OK. All right.

Doctor? Doctor?

Shit.

Richie.

Yes.

You're one in a million.

Have you ever felt like you're not from here?

I don't want to be, bro.

Like, honestly, like, I really don't want to be, man.

Maybe there was a mistake in your machines

or whatever, but, like, I feel fine.

Like, I legitimately feel fine.

This is fine.

This is--this is very exciting.

This is the discovery of a lifetime.

I just want to go back to my regular life.

You can't, Richie.

I feel fine.

Like, I don't--

You can't go back to your regular life.

We have a facility in Sequoia with others

of your kind, where you can go and be amongst your people.

My people?

Yeah.

OK, let me just go and get your paperwork ready.

Yes, please.

And let's get you on the chopper,

and let's get you out of here. OK?

I don't know--

I don't know about a chopper, man.

I'll be right back.

Yo, back up, bro. Back up.

Hey, yo, can I get some help?

Well, none of this is real.

What is this?

You're on "Scare Tactics."

- Richie? - Yes.

How you doing, buddy?

You guys set me up.

Oh, she set you up.

You guys don't understand, like,

how long I've been waiting to do this.

My brother has always, always played jokes on me

from Halloween growing up to even now, being in college.

So it feels so good to finally get him back.

I literally thought I was going to die up until, like,

10 minutes ago.

So I'm still, like, in shock.

And then the arm in my chest?

That was crazy.

Screw you guys.

Can't wait to take these ears off.

I'm serious.

They're already giving me a headache.

Dilly dally not.

OK.

Oh.

Oh, may I?

Oh. Oh. - Excuse me.

Hello, Matt.

What--what the hell?

I just paid that off.

Argh.

The Renaissance was a period of rebirth.

But for Sandy, this Renaissance fair

is all about earning a little extra moolah,

with an unhinged boss, of course.

Her daughter Shawn wants to leave her mom shooketh.

So let's see how she handles the heat.

Welcome.

Please.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I will be giving you all of your instructions.

Yes.

I am Balru.

Happier I could not be to see you.

Lords, ladies? I assumeth not.

The gender? - Oh.

- Ladies? - Ladies.

Wench, gather the garbs.

Yes, right here, please.

Indeed, you will.

Thou clothes might get wet.

The wenches will teach you a little about the fair.

Let them tell you.

I have work to do.

Oh.

Hello.

We'll be with you guys today.

Yeah, she's--

she's just a lot.

She's in charge of everything.

She's just very into the character.

You can help set up this one.

Ring a bottle.

Yeah, I played that before.

So let me see how good you are.

I don't want to show off.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's show off.

- I want you to show off. - Mm-hmm.

I just need to get one.

You're too close.

You're too close.

You can't be that close.

Oh, my God.

Oh, so close.

Did you get it?

- Hey. - Is that one?

It's too close.

She's not.

It's not too close.

Do you want another try?

There is a time for fun.

We're losing light.

Backeth to work.

I'll have no chit-chattering betwixt you twain.

Yeah, so--

Because it's more fun that way.

Listen, I'm not--

- It's crazy. - We'll go to work.

We'll go to work.

I got you in trouble.

That's on me.

That's on me.

But we'll do-- we'll do real work.

We actually have some stuff for you guys to do.

So we're just going to be taking the hangers,

and we'll just get everything on correctly.

She just gets so angry sometimes.

You think something wrong with her?

She just in character.

This ain't funny, Shawn.

It's some bullshit here.

Oh, Jesus.

How doth the day idle by?

We're almost done.

I see.

Methinks a few of these could be rehung.

Uh-oh, what?

Who hung that?

- These must be redone. - She hung that.

I didn't do that. - Who?

You did.

The other lady did that.

I don't know her name.

Hither do come, Haley and Molly.

You know, I'm only going to go so far

with this goddamn shit now.

Come on, Mama.

Seriously, you know, I'm a good worker.

But I can't be working and scared.

- Well-- - That was me.

It's me. It's me.

OK.

So she's in a mood.

- Uh-oh. - She's trying to fire Molly.

And I know if you could help me,

just go talk to her and try--

I know you're new, but just--

We done with this.

Let's--she can't be firing people.

Come on, Mama, this thing got crazy.

It's getting too late for that.

Come on.

Bring out the wench.

I know she ain't calling us no wenches.

She said, where are the wenches?

Oh wait a minute, now.

Thinketh I am not serious?

Are they scared of this lady?

Wait, wait. Wait. Don't get too close.

Don't get too close.

We can't let that girl burn up.

. Oh, no. Hold this, Shawn.

that. Y'all crazy as hell.

Give me this thing here. You scared of her.

I'm not scared of that bitch. Give it here.

She's burning for real.

Hey, you know what?

I'm--oh, shit.

Ahh!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Shit!

Let me--oh!

You are on "Scare Tactics."

- You're on "Scare Tactics." - "Scare Tactics," shit.

Let's go, Shawn.

I'm 77 years old.

I'm too old for this shit.

This is awful.

I can't tell when I'm being pranked,

but I can tell when there's danger.

And that was a very good actress who seemed to really--

Thank you.

Not you--who seemed to really need some help at the time.

It was my scream.

I just wanted to prank her,

just to show her that you human too.

She thinks she's superhuman.

You see how she was running?

Running through people like bowling balls.

You did the right-- you're the only one here

doing the right thing.

- I'm the only one. - Yeah.

But we good? We want to shake?

- Yeah, yeah. - Come on.

You going to be riding along, and all of a sudden

all the wheels will come off your car.

And you're going to go up in the air.

She want to hurt me for real.

So I'm going to do something. I just know.

I'm going to get you, but I don't know when.

Help me! Help me! Somebody, please.

Good job, everybody.

I'm an old tube TV kid

in a flat-screen world.

I like the classics.

Give me that vintage, you know?

I love used clothes and highlighted books.

I mean, everything in this room is thrifted.

Most of the original owners of this stuff are dead.

Brandon here is still alive, for the time being.

And he says his stylish coworker, Imani,

is always acting fearless.

So he brought it to a thrift store run by someone...

I love the shirt you're wearing.

Who has a killer eye.

Is that blood?

Help!

We'll always have new stuff every day.

That's why you always see me in here.

Yes, come back.

Hi, welcome.

These are so good, like always.

Thank you.

Oh, my God, your shirt is so cute.

- Thank you. - I love that.

Thank you.

Can I try this on?

Of course.

You can try on anything.

That shirt is amazing.

Thank you.

I need, like, some denim stuff.

Like-- - I like it. I like it.

This'll work.

I do.

Can I ask you guys a question?

What do you think of this?

If I were to come to your house for Thanksgiving

and I was wearing that, what about--

I like this one, actually, more than that.

I like this one better than that one.

I mean, it's color, but it's like,

you know, more vibrant.

All right, I'm going to try this on.

Wish me luck, OK?

Let us see it when you try it on.

- Yeah, see it. - Absolutely.

Let me see it when you try it on.

I need your opinion.

I can't do this on my own.

Do you shop vintage often?

I used to thrift a lot.

I don't thrift as much anymore.

We really...

Care a lot about these clothes.

You keep looking.

Let me try this on.

Excuse me.

Yeah, I like that one.

I'm going to go try this one on.

Love the purse, this purse.

This-- - Oh, this?

The strap.

That's cute, yeah.

I love a good--

Where did you get that?

I think it would go really quickly in here.

- It would. - I think.

I'm trying to think, where did I get it from, honestly.

Oh, did you see the monkey's paw?

A young man brought this in.

That's, like, a real monkey's hand.

It is. It is.

Everything OK back there?

All good.

Everything's fine.

OK.

I do like that watch, that gold watch.

Mom, how much should we ask for this one again?

- Yeah, I'd say 25. - 25?

- Maybe, 25. - OK.

Who?

My friend.

Tall, dark-skinned,

the one who was in here with me.

No?

You came in by yourself.

No, I didn't.

I did not come in by myself.

I came in with my friend.

He just was with me.

And that man was in here.

Maybe you're just confused.

I'm not confused because I know he came in here with me.

Maybe he went back to the car, I don't know.

I'm just going to assume maybe that's what it was.

Maybe he went to the car...

because he's not here.

And then you said there was another man?

Yeah, the man that we was talking to about the shirt.

What was your friend wearing?

My friend was wearing this.

No, that-- that's the store's.

It's for sale.

I don't know.

I could've sworn he just had on that shirt.

But...

This is the shirt that dude had on.

This is the shirt.

OK, what is that noise, though, for real?

I think you're imagining it.

What are you doing?

Get back in there!

Get back here! - No!

No! Get away from me!

Get away from me!

I got something else I gotta tell you.

Oh, my God, I gotta tell you something.

You're on "Scare Tactics."

Your friend Brandon set you up.

Oh, hell no, Brandon.

Yay.

These people is crazy.

Yeah.

But they really were making me

feel a little bit delusional.

And they definitely were gaslighting me, for sure.

Brandon, don't play like that.