Original subtitles

Hell nah.

Yo, it's Flip, the dark prince of pranking,

and I've been summoned here

from your collective nightmares...

To take ordinary people,

people who have it coming to them,

and drop them into frightening scenarios of my own creation.

Next up, you humans are all about mindfulness,

spas, gardening, cuddles with pets.

Ugh, disgusting.

We're going to do it my way.

Something's got me!

Go, go, go, go!

All right, y'all.

Let's do better by being badder.

This is "Scare Tactics."

Think we might call this one the Pomeroxer.

What do you think about that, Bobby?

I think Boxeranian sounds better.

What's that?

5647 is done.

- Well, go check it out, Bobby. - Oh, well--

- Get up. - Fine, fine.

It's all good, man.

We'll have Thai food after this, OK?

Bobby?

What have y'all done to dogs?

They used to be noble and brave.

Now you've turned them into little pillows with teeth.

Meet Marquita.

Last year, she played a prank on her friend Honey

on her birthday, but Honey isn't going to

just lie down and play dead.

She's invited Marquita to help her pick out a new pup.

It's time for the teeth to come out.

All right, ladies, after you.

Thank you.

- Come on in. - Thank you.

Hey. Hello.

Welcome in. - Hi.

Thank you very much for coming.

I'm Terry. - Randy.

OK, Terry.

Hey, good to see you, Terry.

I've been talking to you. Honey.

Oh.

Hi, I'm Marquita.

Marquita, OK. Have a seat.

Thank you very much for coming in to Furturistic.

And, basically, what we're doing is

we're marrying bioengineering and tech.

So we are a startup, and you can essentially

custom make your own dog. Yeah.

But basically what it is is that

we can create baseline DNA

skeleton of whatever breed of dog

that you are going to specify when you fill out this form.

- Well-- - So how big is the dog?

That's one of the things that we can custom make.

Truly. Absolutely.

Does the dog have a mother where

it's coming out of a birth canal?

Or is it grown? - It's grown.

It's grown. Yeah, yeah.

OK.

We also want this to be a moral alternative

to, like, puppy farms, right, where you have a mother

just pumping out litters at a time.

This is a healthy, moralistic alternative, is what we say.

We are fortunate to have the technology where

we can pull it off in about 72 hours.

- Seriously? - Yes, indeed.

So, essentially, we can design the dog today,

and in about a week from well, tomorrow, probably,

we can have it delivered to wherever you are.

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, whole dog. - I'm just breathing, girl.

OK?

I'm here with you, friend. I'm here with you, friend.

OK.

Is this OK, what you guys are doing?

Like, it's l-- - Mm-hmm.

Don't think about it too much right now.

Again, we can come back to it. - OK.

Girl, you might have brought the wrong friend.

We can actually go through the form

right now if you want it. Who's designing?

- Me. - OK.

I had a dog. I had a dog.

- You did? - Mm-hmm, named Sunny.

I had him for, like, 2 and 1/2 years.

It's a long story.

I can tell you this, just to interrupt.

Basically, we can make you another Sunny, you know,

if that's what you wanted.

We have a couple of different breeds here,

but if you don't see something on the list

that you kind of interested in, we can add it.

Do you like these, a dalmatian?

I heard they're really aggressive.

No, but you can do what you want.

Oh, right.

- Apparently. - Yes.

OK, hold on. OK, hold on.

Yes, you can.

- A dalmatian is a statement. - No, it is.

And you would be walking around with this super cute.

It could also be a smaller dalmatian than normal.

OK, I would love a miniature dalmatian.

OK, miniature dalmatian.

That's, like, a lot to take care of.

And you're thinking.

We can get a three-month trial period

to basically watch it for malfunction, stuff like that.

And if you see something that-- you know, a problem,

that you can bring it back to us.

What are some of the malfunctions

that are, like, common? - I mean--

Have you had any?

There hasn't been a lot of common stuff,

you know what I mean?

And there was nothing, like, healthfully

wrong with the animal. - Yes.

It was sometimes just, like,

you know, an extra claw or something that

was totally fine for them.

They were operationally totally fine.

It's more behavioral stuff that we're talking about.

OK.

Anyway, this is the next question,

is whether or not you want this dog

to be mortal or immortal.

OK, this is the next question,

is whether or not you want this dog

to be mortal or immortal.

Now, I know that sounds a little strange, right?

So, obviously, the dog will die if it, like, fell off a cliff

or got hit by an oil tanker or something like that,

but we can design it so that way

it will not die of natural causes.

I'm super skeptical.

That's totally fine. That's totally fine.

And you know what?

We welcome a little bit of healthy skepticism.

Yes.

'Cause it helps us, you know,

be better at science.

Yeah, it helps us grow, honestly.

This is something that we can talk about maybe a little bit

later as well, but we could possibly, like,

custom some designs into the coat as well.

Like, you know, dalmatian comes with spots,

but we can make a spot a heart shape

or a diamond shape or a star shape.

- Seriously? - Something like that.

We can make your initials into the dog's coat.

How am I going to explain that,

like, walking him or her?

You can put it somewhere where people don't see.

Would you like a tail?

I mean, they always have-- yes, I want a tail.

I want a tail.

I'm just saying, we could design the tail out,

just in case you have a lot of candles.

Uh, did you check all the traps?

- I did this morning. - Did you close the gate?

Yeah, yeah, everything like you asked.

OK.

Not rats.

Not rats. Um...

Randy?

What was that?

Randy?

Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down!

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

He's got me! He's got me!

He's got my leg!

Go! Go! Go that way!

Go this way! Quick, quick, quick!

Go! Go!

- Oh, Lord. - What the [bleep] was that?

Wait, I got to tell you one more thing.

You're on "Scare Tactics."

What the--! Oh, my God!

- Got you back. - Oh!

I did not scare-- when did I ever scare you?

Birthday parties, you ruining.

This is me getting you back.

Oh, my God.

That was so good.

That-- like, hold on now.

It was a person in there.

Like I wanted to be like, girl, this is not--

we should not be doing this.

This is like they're making "Pet Sematary" out here.

Uh-huh.

Oh, my gosh.

I didn't know that I would freeze being frightened.

You always hear about people saying, like,

"Get out of there!" We talk at movies like, no.

I feel like I was standing there for a million years

until you told me, like...

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

It was fight or flight, and I don't know what I did.

Didn't fight, didn't flight.

Oh, Pepper.

You're a good boy.

You're a very good boy.

But you got to stop eating Daddy's assistants.

I'm literally running out of people to hire in this town.

OK, yeah, we can--

we can play catch a little longer.

What could be worse than the spread of conspiracy theories?

I don't know, maybe the spread of an actual zombie virus.

But for Kiara, the big problem is her boyfriend,

Cody, not proposing after four years.

Bruh.

Since Cody is afraid to commit,

she decided to see what he would do

if she disappeared from his life.

Nope.

It's time for Cody to learn a lesson.

Hey, guys. You here for the conference?

No, we're actually here for the spa.

Oh, yeah, right down there.

- Thank you so much. - Sure. Enjoy.

Welcome to the spa.

How are you guys today? - Good.

So you're getting a massage today?

- Yes. - OK.

Well, welcome to our spa. - Thank you.

I'm going to bring you back here.

Come on in.

All right.

Take a breath.

Relax, and our masseuse, Gerard, will be in shortly.

He's going to take care of you guys today.

OK? - Thank you.

All right. Thank you.

So, what, y'all? Boyfriend, couple?

- Yeah. - Boyfriend, girlfriend.

For now.

I've been told to be ready between now and, like, August,

so I'm just walking on eggshells at this point,

hoping for the best.

No, definitely congrats on all your rep, for sure.

Yo, did you guys hear about that outbreak downtown?

Because I'm not wearing a mask again.

- Hi, friends. - Hi.

How are we? I'm Gerard.

I'm going to be taking care of you today.

- Awesome. - Awesome.

Ma'am, you can go right in there.

Sir, right in here with me.

- Later. - Awesome, thank you.

All right. Welcome, welcome.

Feel free to sit up there. - OK.

Excellent.

Please remind me your name again.

- Cody. - Cody, pleasure to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too.

Go ahead, lay back.

Your mind is the biggest muscle there is.

Talk to me about things that are bothering you,

things that are causing stress and anxiety.

OK.

I guess work, and then lately, pressure with,

you know, proposing soon and then--

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

So I totally hear how a lot of that

can manifest itself in the traps,

all the way up here.

Yeah, all of that's going to go away.

We're going to help you relax.

You're about to feel a little wetness.

That is the mask coming on.

All right, here we go.

Starting at the chin...

All right, cucumbers coming on, starting with the right eye,

and left. All right.

So I'm going to go into the other room

just for a few minutes, and I'll be back in a little bit.

Awesome. Thank you.

Scientists are studying the effect

of an unclassified illness that is taking--

Are you here for the conference?

Nope.

Are you here for the conference?

Hell nah.

Are you here for the conference?

Conference!

There is no conference. This is "Scare Tactics."

That was awesome. That was awesome.

- Surprise! - Oh, I hate you.

I thought, "This is the weirdest massage

I've ever had in my life."

Will you marry me now, because I just did this?

I'm going to be the one to ask that question.

I didn't know what was going on,

so I was definitely scared, for sure.

I knew there was something wrong.

When the lights started flickering,

I could kind of see it underneath my cucumbers.

I need a real spa day right now.

Hopefully that's where we're headed next.

Mm, I'll think about it.

Some people like getting their hands dirty,

but I like getting them bloody.

Meet Samantha.

She comes off as so sweet and normal,

but don't get it twisted.

She loves pulling pranks on her cousin Evelyn.

Evelyn has had enough and is taking advantage

of Samantha's love of gardening

by signing them up for a little class.

Today, Samantha will learn that one woman's garden

is another man's graveyard.

Y'all can just walk up this way.

There's not really a easy path up.

Hi.

What's your name? - Samantha.

Samantha.

Nice to meet you.

- Hey, nice to meet you. - Evelyn.

Evelyn.

Nice to meet you. Great.

All right, right this way.

Welcome, everyone. - Hi.

We've got a couple jackets for the two of you.

- Yay. - Yay.

You want to put these on

so don't get your clothes dirty.

- Thanks. - Of course.

And that's Clive. Welcome, everybody.

Today, we are starting our very own beautiful community garden.

Before we go on, let me know

what your gardening experience is.

I don't do gardening, but my parents do.

Honestly, like, I don't know about y'all,

but I kind of hate dirt.

Oh.

I actually love planting.

I've put a couple trees for, like, apples and pears.

- Wow. - Nice.

And they've rooted, and they're beautiful.

They're growing.

You sound like a real gardener.

Yeah.

You love plants. I know you do.

Growing up, I would eat, like, tomatoes with salt,

just like that, by itself. - Yeah.

And then when I was pregnant with my daughter,

I would only crave tomatoes with salt.

All right, this is where we are going to

actually do our dirty work.

Ooh, what if we touch a worm or something?

Girl, I pick up worms for a living.

All righty, we're going to get down.

Just massage the soil, get to know your soil.

- It is pretty moisture. - Yeah, yeah.

We're going to kiss it. We're going to...

- Kiss it? - Wish it luck.

- Kiss it? - Chef's kiss.

There you go.

Go ahead and take your trowel.

We're just going to dig softly, OK.

We're just kind of cyclically-- - Is that metal?

What is that?

- Oh. - Oh, you found a watch.

A gentleman was here last week and left it.

He was asking for this. I had no idea where it was.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

I will hold on to this. Thank you so much.

OK, all right.

We're just going to take a single seed,

and we're going to place it right in the center.

Cover it up, and now for our very unique watering system.

Is that, like, some type of--

- Fertilizer. - Fertilizer?

What is that? Why is it that color?

We have actually cultivated our system here

for growth that's the best for the tomatoes.

So UV rays are the food,

and blood is kind of a multivitamin.

Really, all that is is deoxygenated blood

that has broken down over time.

And then we feed it to the soil.

You harvest your own blood.

Say that again. I'm so confused.

- Yeah, please explain to me. - Yeah.

- I'm confused. - What blood?

Where does the blood come from that you harvest?

Um...

we make sure that we've got fresh blood.

It's important to have it drained daily.

We can move on though.

I feel like, Clive, I'd like to--

Yeah, yeah, I just got to go check on

a few things back there,

but y'all make yourselves at home now.

Help me!

What blood are they using?

I asked him that, and he didn't--

I was like, no, but what kind of blood?

He was like, "Well, that's that.

Let's move on."

I don't know.

You know I be, like, a little slow sometimes.

OK, maybe I'm overthinking. I don't [bleep] know.

- What was it called? - Oh, my God!

What did you find?

- Whoa. - What is that?

The [bleep] is that? Oh, my God.

It's a finger. I'm out of here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, bye, girl. I'm not waiting for--

Oh, my God, they're using my blood!

It's people! It's people!

It's people! - Wait! Stop!

Oh, God!

Oh, my God! Oh my God!

- Don't leave me! - Open the [bleep]-- open--

- Wait! - Open! Open the [bleep].

Wait, wait, wait! Samantha, wait!

You're on "Scare Tactics."

Oh, my God.

- Are you serious? - It's OK.

It's OK.

Come on out.

You guys can come out.

Yeah, you know I had to do it.

You were perfect.

I literally looked over and see a finger,

and I said, "I'm out."

I'm not asking questions about what's going on right now.

Amazing.

How long until you trust her again?

She started a war.

I had to do it.