Original subtitles

- Hell, no.

Ahh!

I'm back.

It's Flip, the dark prince of pranking.

And I've been summoned here

from your collective nightmares--

to take ordinary people,

people who have it coming to them,

and drop them into frightening scenarios of my own creation.

This time, we're gonna mess with mutants--

vampires--

Ahh! Oh, my God. What the--

and scariest of all-- vacation rentals.

Back room is private.

Uh, don't use that.

All right, y'all.

Let's do better by being badder.

This is "Scare Tactics."

Booking a vacation rental online may be normal to you,

but spending the night in a total stranger's house?

That sounds like a real nightmare to me.

Here's Logan, and according to his boyfriend, Artur,

he's wound up a little too tight.

Artur wants Logan to stop giving Boomer.

Let's see what happens when they

check into a rental whose owner would kill for five stars.

Hey! All right.

How are you?

- Hey. - Hello.

- Clarence. - Logan.

Good to meet you.

What, are you Artur?

Hey.

All right.

How are you?

Travel light, huh?

Love it.

I'll probably be working a little bit out in the yard,

but quiet as a mouse.

Sounds good.

I'll put your sweatshirt over here.

Just want to be clear, TV,

unfortunately, it does not work.

This is a list of rules.

You can read that.

I put some snacks out.

Customer service, you know?

It's-- uh, it's what people want.

Just trying to give you the five-star treatment.

That's all. - Absolutely.

Thank you so much.

Back room is private.

Uh, don't use that.

Bathroom over here.

Beds, ev-- everything.

Uh.

I don't know why this would still be here.

Assume this was left by the last guest,

but that's kind of-- uh.

Help yourself to these.

They are delicious.

- All right, thank you.

Thank you, guys.

Enjoy your stay.

Thank you.

Five stars all the way, OK?

OK.

I just-- it's not what I expected at all.

Oh, look at the baby on this one.

It's-- who-- why?

I kinda like that one.

There's a lot of taxidermy.

Is that a beaver?

The dolls-- the dolls just-- it's a no from me.

Here, have a cookie.

Fine.

I'm gonna use the bathroom.

Hi.

Hey.

Babe?

Come here.

Some-- something's not OK.

I don't think we need to stay here.

No, grab-- you got to grab your bag.

There's a camera in here somewhere.

What are you talking about?

Something just played from--

Are you OK?

a camera that was over there in that corner.

- Calm down, calm down. - And--

There's nothing on the TV.

No, there was a woman sitting right here,

and Clarence came up behind here with a cloth and like,

went over her face, and I'm--

OK. You're scaring me.

You need to calm down.

Everything OK? both: Yes.

OK.

- Everything good? - Uh.

Yeah. I thought-- uh.

Yeah, no.

It just randomly came on.

OK, I said it-- it didn't work, though, right?

Yeah, no, it doesn't.

I don't-- I don't know why you would try to turn that on.

I-- hmm, well, all right.

Yeah. No, it's--

Is everything OK?

Yeah, it's out.

I'm worried that you guys are worried.

Is-- yeah. Cookies OK?

Is there anything-- - Oh, yeah.

No. - I could make some coffee.

Trying to give you the five-star treatment.

That's all. - No, we're good.

- No, no, no. Hey.

- Ahh! - Get out! Get out! Get out!

No! No!

Easy. No, no. Hey, don't worry about them.

Get out! Get out!

- Come on. - No, no. Guys--

- Go, go, go. - No, no. don't go. Don't go.

Guys, don't leave. Hey!

I need five stars, guys!

What about your stuff?

Hey, wait. Wait, wait wait.

Come back!

You're on "Scare Tactics."

Ha! Ha.

Gotcha!

Y'all good?

Whoo.

Artur set you up.

It worked.

It worked beautifully.

You're a beast, dude.

You-- you said, [bleep] shoes!

Oh, man.

Your face.

Whoo.

It wasn't until he come behind with the rag,

and I was like--

oh, something's horribly wrong here.

We're gonna die.

He's a pretty controlled individual,

and I wanted to see that change.

The look on your face was priceless.

So I'll watch my back.

Oh my God.

You humans act like the whole planet

is your little playground, whizzing around

on boats and planes, dumping trash and spending

cash like you own the place.

I'ma let you in on a little secret.

Viruses run this whole world.

Google it.

And we've seen some nasty little plagues over the years.

But I got a good one for y'all today.

Jenny is bored, so she's been hounding

her fiancé, Dylan, to take her on more

adrenaline-pumping adventures.

Whoo-hoo!

This one just might go viral.

See what I did there?

Welcome to our late-night VIP experience.

- Thank you. - I'm Morgan.

Good. I'm Jenny.

- That's my sister's name. - Oh, OK.

Hey there. How are you?

Dylan.

Follow me right this way.

Right over here.

Thank you.

So we've got some sparkling cider,

some strawberries, some chocolate,

a little bit of everything.

Enjoy the soothing sounds of the pouring water.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- All right. - Thank you.

Lovely.

Man, if I'd have put my bathing suit on,

I'd be running up those stairs right now.

- Right?

I told you, you should have.

It's, like, lukewarm.

Like, I wouldn't jump in if it was a pool.

Don't do it.

Oh, my God.

- Folks, how are you? - Good.

How are you? - Doing all right.

Just coming around doing a little bit of a survey

for you folks right now.

So sorry, folks.

I've just got a little--

No worries, man.

Hey, hey.

Uh.

Nobody's touched the water yet, just like you said.

He said something about nobody touched the water,

but actually, those guys touched the water.

No, no, no.

No need to send anybody. We're good.

We're good. We're good.

Hey, excuse me.

Excuse me. They tell you?

I'm sorry.

Did they tell you what's going on?

No.

So the water-- we had a main water

break here not too long ago.

There's a virus in the water causing mutation.

It's Aqua Ten, and you're contagious. No, no.

You're going to get skin maceration.

There's three different types of filtering process.

Everything is fine. - get in the water.

Don't touch me! I'm good.

- I'm sorry, man. - I'm just trying to tell you.

Stay away from the water. The water pollutes.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

That is just a disgruntled employee.

We just let him go this afternoon.

We're-- we're going to bring out some extra snacks for you

folks in just a little bit, and we're going to bring

out some extra towels, too.

So if you do want to go swimming in a little bit,

you totally can.

Sound good? Thank you so much.

I'm so sorry, again.

I'm so embarrassed.

Thank you.

I don't think that they would open a brand-new event

if there was something wrong.

Yeah.

No.

OK, everybody, I got a quick announcement to make.

Um.

Because of the disgruntled employee,

really, we have somebody coming in--

uh, to check what's going on.

So if I could please have you folks here, uh, head over

into this cabana over here?

This just got weird.

- All right. - Oh.

There's more snacks.

Yeah.

Just gonna close this in here a little bit.

Taking extra precautions, you know?

- Yeah, no. - Yeah.

Totally understand understandable.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Hold on one second.

No worries.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah.

We're in a safe place.

It's just water.

No. No, no, no, no.

We're not shutting down for any reason, OK?

Thank you.

Everything good?

We're working. We're working.

You know?

Uh, just so--

We're good. We're good.

We're good.

- That's weird. - I'm sure it's fine.

I'm sure it's fine.

I'm really sure it's nothing.

Don't worry about it.

No, no.

I-- honestly, it's best to stay in here for right now, I think.

- Ahh! - Run, run! Run, run!

No, no-- this way! This way! This way.

Oh, my god. Run!

It's OK. It's OK.

It's OK. You're on "Scare Tactics."

Come on out. Come on out.

Oh my God.

Oh, this was just-- my God!

Whew.

My heart just stopped.

And did you know that any of this was going to happen?

Yeah.

Are you serious right now?

I don't know if I've ever been that scared in my life.

As fresh as it gets, sir.

As a connoisseur of all things horror,

I got mad respect for the OGs.

I'm talking wolfies, mummies, blobs,

and right on the tippy top of my Mount Monster

is the vampire.

Mighty smooth.

A true classic.

But are some people just un-scare-able,

even by the GOAT?

Megan loves haunted houses, but she swears

she's never gotten scared.

Her friend Ashley is like, never?

OK, say less.

So I'm sending them to the estate sale of one

Quincy Dubois to see if we can't get

her a little shook for once.

- Hi. - Hi.

Welcome. - Thank you.

Are we at the right place? - Yes, of course.

Come on in. - OK.

- How you ladies doing? - Good.

- Hi. - Hi.

Thank you so much for coming.

My name is Tracy.

I'm a friend of the estate's.

I helped him put together this estate sale.

However, I have a gift for both of you from the owner.

He-- he really likes to--

He really likes to show--

What's the price on that?

No, he really likes to show his appreciation to people who

show interest in his things.

So, um, it's actually gonna be these robes right here.

Yeah.

He's very particular about his things, but--

Is he here?

He is.

He's just getting something to eat right now.

It's beautiful home.

Yeah, it is.

There we go.

And then-- um, we have an NDA for you guys to sign.

Again, it's just a precaution to ease his mind.

Like I said--

We're just, like, looking.

He's watching right now, so it's just kind of protocol.

Here you go.

- Wait, did you see this? - No.

I didn't even bring my glasses.

Wait, can you please--

- Blood type? - Yeah.

It's a COVID thing. He's very-- um.

- OK. - Please.

OK.

I-- do you know your blood type?

I thought so. I think so.

I don't know.

I think I'm O positive.

Well, feel free to take a look around.

But if you have any questions, just go ahead and let me know.

- Yes. - Excuse me.

How much is this?

Ashley?

Do you need an alligator head?

It is.

Oh.

It was beating.

What-- is he a-- is he a physician?

No, no.

He just likes interesting things.

We have some other things.

This mummified angel here.

Oh.

Which is very interesting.

I don't think you see a lot of that.

- No. - Well--

- Oh, no. - Shit.

Uh.

I am so sorry.

I-- I can--

is that-- that's not-- that's not ashes, right?

It's OK. It's OK.

- I'm so sorry. - Don't worry about it.

Is everyone OK?

Well, you guys are wearing sandals.

Please be careful. - Do you-- um.

Do you have, like, a broom? I can--

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's OK.

Don't worry about that.

In fact, um, are you interested in seeing

his personal collection? - Um.

OK.

Yeah.

Well, just be careful walking over.

- Yeah. - I'm so sorry.

And again, we'll-- we're going to get this cleaned up.

Don't worry about it.

Wait, so there's a different collection over here?

Um. Yes.

Oh.

- Hello. - Hello.

What's your name?

- Ashley. - Ashley.

- I'm Megan. - Quincy.

- Your house is beautiful. - It's a beautiful home--

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

the water and everything.

- It's my life's work. - OK.

Just kind of, you know, collecting things,

putting it together, kind of creating, as the kids say,

a vibe. I kind of like it.

- It definitely has a vibe. - Definitely.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much. Yes.

So, you know, if anything catches your fancy,

let me know. - OK.

Again.

What's-- um.

Be careful with that, though.

Oh my God.

Take a lap, and let's go.

Oh, you know, Quincy was actually

wondering if you were interested in looking

at his private collection.

- I-- I would. - Yeah?

You-- you gonna let--

Uh, he actually just wants you right now.

So it's going to be this way, yeah.

OK.

All right, go ahead.

The kitchen is so pretty.

It is really pretty.

That's terrifying.

So what do you think so far?

Um.

It's very interesting.

Yeah?

I-- uh.

I don't know.

I've been to other estate sales,

and they have, like, china and--

Oh, yeah?

silver, and never, like, heads and--

open hearts.

Yeah. that's--

So what's in the private collection?

Do you want to go see?

Um.

Come on.

You can come in.

Quincy?

Come on.

Come in.

Oh, my God. What the--

Run!

Save yourself!

Ashley!

Ashley!

Ashley!

Hey, guess what.

You're on "Scare Tactics."

Oh my God.

Where is Ashley?

Wait. Wait.

I felt so bad for you.

I was like, that poor guy.

Megan worked so hard, and I thought

she wanted an adventure.

Oh, my God. What the--

And I think she got one.

What is this?

Tracy, this is AB positive.

I told you I need that O negative.

Ugh.

It's not you.

It's me.