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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,670
Your Honor, the
defendant is charged
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,839
with inciting a riot
during a Christmas concert
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,633
at the Central Park
Bird Sanctuary.
4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:09,843
Your Honor, my client
was merely trying
5
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,511
to put on a holiday concert
6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,513
where the birds
could tweet along
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,515
or land on your shoulder
8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,644
like we've been
promised by cartoons.
9
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,439
Instead, the music turned
our feathered friends
10
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,483
into killing machines.
11
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:27,861
I would show you the
photos, but... hoo!
12
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:30,488
You would never
eat chicken again.
13
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,365
According to this report,
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,993
there are injuries to
12 drummers drumming,
15
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:38,122
11 pipers... piping?
16
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,334
10 lords a-leaping.
17
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,879
? Nine ladies dancing ?
18
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,881
? Eight maids a-milking ?
19
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:50,300
They wrecked the latte bar.
20
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,511
? Seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying ?
21
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:58,016
? I want to drink ?
22
00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:01,060
? Four calling birds,
three French hens ?
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,021
? Two turtle doves ?
24
00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:04,981
Dan?
25
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,357
And a partridge...
26
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,903
Objection! Scrooge.
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,238
Don't hide that baritone
28
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,742
under a bunch of bah
humbug, Counselor.
29
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:21,743
? And a partridge
with a broke beak ?
30
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,042
[ Laughter and applause ]
31
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,752
Merry Christmas to all.
32
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,713
And to you, $1,000 fine.
33
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,881
{\an8}?
34
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,549
{\an8}[ Bells ring ]
35
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,886
{\an8}?
36
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,013
Just a little something
to show my appreciation
37
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,724
- at this special time.
- Aw!
38
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,268
- Mine's empty.
- Mine, too.
39
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,895
Unless...
40
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:47,106
{\an8}did you blow a kiss in
here, you scoundrel?
41
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,526
{\an8}No, it's not my fault
42
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,069
{\an8}that the city
outlawed gift giving
43
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:52,612
{\an8}between municipal workers.
44
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,073
{\an8}Fingers crossed next
year they ban small talk,
45
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,243
{\an8}so I'll never have to answer
"Sup, big man?" again.
46
00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:01,579
{\an8}Sup, big man?
47
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,915
Don't think I forgot
my favorite judge.
48
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,960
I know it's empty.
49
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,798
{\an8}But don't worry.
50
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,466
{\an8}Even without gifts,
we're still gonna do
51
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,134
{\an8}something special
for the holidays.
52
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,928
{\an8}I signed us up for a
Christmas escape room.
53
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,638
{\an8}We got the invitation.
54
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,765
{\an8}Rather unsettling that
the only two RSVP options
55
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,768
{\an8}were "yes" and "hell yes."
56
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,145
{\an8}It's Titanic themed. The
only other option was
57
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,481
{\an8}Escape from Santa's
Workshop, but I did that one,
58
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,985
{\an8}and I got in trouble for
not trying to escape.
59
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,069
{\an8}Wait. We have to be
there in three hours?
60
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,612
{\an8}No way!
61
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,323
{\an8}I mean, if Julianne
was here, maybe.
62
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,158
{\an8}But she's at her
anger-management group's
63
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,743
{\an8}Christmas dinner.
64
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,246
{\an8}None of the food
requires knives.
65
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,290
{\an8}With Murray filling in,
you might as well cancel.
66
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,666
{\an8}I mean, it takes him two hours
67
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,334
{\an8}just to do his
pre-trial warmups.
68
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,170
{\an8}I prosecute with
every inch of my body.
69
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,006
{\an8}I will be damned if
I'm gonna pull a muscle
70
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,342
{\an8}and let A.I. take my job.
71
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,596
{\an8}Hey! New coat, these
are my friends.
72
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:02,765
{\an8}Friends, this is my new coat.
73
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:06,185
{\an8}Where was this energy when I
introduced you to my new hat?
74
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,521
{\an8}The girls got this for me
as an early Christmas gift.
75
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,190
{\an8}All I had to do was
pay for it, wrap it,
76
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}and then pretend to like the
stuff they actually got me.
77
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,862
{\an8}Wyatt, just so you know, we
need to move fast tonight.
78
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,282
{\an8}Hold up. Did you just
put your coat under mine?
79
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,159
{\an8}Did I?
80
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,703
{\an8}I was listening to the judge
talk about moving fast tonight.
81
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,288
It's just a strange thing to do,
82
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,540
given there are a
number of open hooks.
83
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,208
This is the opposite
of moving fast.
84
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,045
- You know what?
- It is a bit odd.
85
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,838
Well, even if all
the hooks were full,
86
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,007
you would go on top of a
coat that was already there.
87
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,303
Nobody goes under a
pre-existing coat.
88
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,348
- That's what I'm saying.
- There's a lot to unpack here.
89
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,224
No, no, no, there's
nothing to unpack.
90
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,185
Our bags are already on
the Titanic. Let's go.
91
00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:50,063
- The judge is right.
- Time is of the essence.
92
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,732
We need to get in
there and... aah!
93
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,567
Aah! See this?
94
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,987
This is why I need to stretch.
95
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,408
Sir, you can't go around
tearing down inflatable Santas
96
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,410
because you feel they
draw attention away
97
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,204
from the birth of
your Lord and Savior.
98
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:10,541
December 25th is Jimmy
Buffett's birthday,
99
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,919
and you all have lost your way.
100
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,754
Jimmy saves.
101
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,882
Jimmy saves!
102
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,927
Well, it's 5:00 somewhere,
but not where you're going.
103
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,430
One night in jail and $50 fine.
104
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,349
I gotta hand it to
you Parrotheads.
105
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,017
Hawaiian shirts don't
look good on anybody,
106
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,186
but you're sticking with it.
107
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,856
All right. We are one case
away from boarding the Titanic.
108
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,608
I hear the first puzzle
109
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,611
is actually rearranging
the deck chairs.
110
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,364
Last up... the State
versus Fred Norton.
111
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,074
The defendant is
charged with trespassing
112
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,201
after he refused to
leave a Christmas party.
113
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,246
I couldn't leave before those
fine people heard all about
114
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:51,791
the suckiest vacuum
cleaner money can buy,
115
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,128
or my name isn't... Sam Snead.
116
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,587
But that isn't your name.
117
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,548
According to your
driver's license,
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00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,967
you're Fred Norton, and
you're not a salesman.
119
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,052
You're an actor.
120
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,889
And it says here you're
really willing to do nudity.
121
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,727
The defendant was hired to run
a murder-mystery holiday party
122
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,812
and wouldn't break character,
123
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,648
even after it was made clear
everyone wanted it to be over.
124
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,567
Wanting it to be
over is implied when
125
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,652
you said "murder-mystery party."
126
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,655
Hey, murder-mystery
parties are not on trial.
127
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,117
If so, I'd have to recuse
myself because I love them.
128
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,453
Everyone gets dressed
up, the lights go out,
129
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,996
there's a dead body,
130
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,497
and you have to
figure out who did it
131
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,749
and why my date
disappeared into a bedroom
132
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,418
with a different person.
133
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,420
I've got the perfect way
to keep your man happy
134
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:41,507
this Christmas...
the Staininator 3000!
135
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,676
Would you care for a
demonstration, ma'am?
136
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,845
"Ma'am"?
137
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:50,349
This because somebody said
I was eating yogurt earlier?
138
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,185
Mr. Norton, it would
really help your cause
139
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,145
if you would just
speak as yourself.
140
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:57,148
This is a court of law, not
a murder-mystery dinner...
141
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,192
{\an8}[ Vacuum cleaner
whirring, thud ]
142
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,360
{\an8}[ Gasps ] Oh, no!
143
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,154
{\an8}Flobert's dead!
144
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,157
{\an8}[ Sobbing ] Why?!
145
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,617
Take me instead!
146
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,535
No, wait.
147
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,289
Take Dan!
148
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,041
{\an8}[ Gasps ] Sorry.
149
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,795
Darkness instantly
puts me to sleep.
150
00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,173
I am very dangerous
driving through tunnels.
151
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,468
Judge, your chair.
152
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:30,223
{\an8}[ Gasps ] "You're
next. Ho ho ho."
153
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,060
{\an8}Aw. Your first death threat.
154
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,021
No one move. You're gonna
want to remember this.
155
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,732
I'll get a camera!
156
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,405
- Detective Kratz, NYPD.
- How can I help you?
157
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,574
Besides finding the
bastard that did this?
158
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,827
It might be easier if you
took your sunglasses off.
159
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,246
After all, it is night,
and we are inside.
160
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,039
Don't tell me how to do my...
161
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,583
Oh, yeah, that's much
better. Thank you.
162
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,544
Detective, it's gotta be
the murder-mystery guy.
163
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,879
I mean, you can't pretend
to die 52 weeks a year
164
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,340
and not end up a little weird.
165
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,385
Well, I'm sorry, but we
take all threats seriously.
166
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,262
There's something
about this time of year
167
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,222
that brings out the
worst in people.
168
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,558
You know, my wife
left me on Christmas.
169
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,434
This Christmas.
170
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,020
I found the divorce
papers in my stocking.
171
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,773
That's what I get for peeking!
172
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,609
Speaking of Christmas,
some of us have plans.
173
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,404
Is there any way we can
fast-track this investigation,
174
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,781
since, again, we
know who did it?
175
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,616
We are talking about
your safety here.
176
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,244
Detective, you take as
much time as you want,
177
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,745
even if it means
we miss the thing
178
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:38,249
that only Abby wanted to do.
179
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,959
- Don't listen to him.
- He just hates fun.
180
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,878
- I don't...
- If this were a Christmas movie,
181
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:45,548
there'd be a pile of angels just
trying to jumpstart his heart.
182
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,967
Well, unfortunately,
you're all stuck here
183
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,219
until Vacuum Guy cooperates.
184
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,804
Although, he is a good salesman.
185
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,973
I almost bought one for my wife.
186
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,309
Ex-wife.
187
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,810
Now excuse me. I
have to go deal with
188
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,397
some police feelings
[sobs] in the bathroom.
189
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:04,401
This is why men
shouldn't be cops.
190
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,946
{\an8}?
191
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,489
Excuse me, Wyatt.
192
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,659
I just need a place
to put my folder.
193
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,956
Oh, I just put my
folder under yours.
194
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,750
[ Chuckles ] What a
weird thing to do.
195
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,462
I should probably
explain myself.
196
00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,172
Fine, Gurgs.
197
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,300
Truth is, I did put my coat
under yours on purpose.
198
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,302
I didn't want it to get stolen.
199
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:34,430
Oh, so you'd be fine
if my coat got stolen.
200
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,974
Fine's the wrong word.
201
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,018
Shocked. Uh, I
would be shocked
202
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,520
if it got stolen.
203
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,648
[ Chuckles ] That's why it's
the perfect cover for my coat.
204
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,441
Oh! Oh, well, my coat
205
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,527
doesn't want to be
your coat's coat!
206
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,113
Enough with the coats.
207
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,531
Whatever happened
with the folder...
208
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,285
now, that was interesting.
209
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,038
All right, guys, if we could
just link Fred to this crime,
210
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,666
we can escape this room and
head to a warehouse in Brooklyn
211
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,209
that used to be an
underground dance club,
212
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,045
but now is a place
we can get into.
213
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,715
I'm not going anywhere
with that jacket ass.
214
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,386
I told you she was a hothead.
215
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,721
[ Chuckles ] Yeah,
she's that, too.
216
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,641
What your coat say about me?
217
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,185
Tell... your coat
218
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,020
to say it to my face!
219
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,064
People! People, please.
220
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,735
It's Jimmy Buffett's
birthday. Show some respect.
221
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,570
Abby, just face it.
222
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,489
You're shipwreck's
a train wreck.
223
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,658
We're never making it
to the escape room.
224
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,868
Dan, I know you don't
have the holiday spirit,
225
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,870
but we all fake it sometimes.
226
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,206
News flash... we don't need
another story about Louisiana.
227
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,916
We know where it is.
228
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,420
If it was that
interesting, we'd go.
229
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,879
If I'm the only one
who cares about this,
230
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,506
I'll just get us out of here,
231
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,049
go to that Titanic
escape room alone,
232
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,094
and drown on Christmas
all by myself!
233
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,596
Move it, big man!
234
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,598
{\an8}?
235
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,891
So has he confessed yet?
236
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,435
'Cause I'm about
to miss my boat.
237
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,437
Talking to this guy's
a waste of time.
238
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,106
He suffers from what we on
the force call a 55-20...
239
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,567
broken brain.
240
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,444
He's totally lost
touch with reality.
241
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,863
He's stuck in whatever murder
mystery he was playing in.
242
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,448
Speaking of 55-20,
243
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,783
this baby comes in
55 different colors
244
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,452
and has 20 different
attachments.
245
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,080
That's 4,200 different
ways of having fun!
246
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,790
You see what I'm dealing with?
247
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,793
I gotta go take a walk.
248
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,464
You know, my wife and
I used to take walks.
249
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,799
They've got codes
for broken brains,
250
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,802
[crying] but not
broken hearts.
251
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,098
You just lost your good cop.
252
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,975
Now you're staring
at a lady who,
253
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,312
for the first time in her life,
is not excited about Christmas.
254
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,147
Tomorrow, I'm gonna
take a bus upstate,
255
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,149
where I'm gonna spend my
day setting up my mom's
256
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151
digital frame just
so she can remind me
257
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,988
that I haven't given her
any grandkids to put in it.
258
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,823
Then I don't have anyone
to kiss under the mistletoe
259
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,492
because my boyfriend's
mom needed a wingman
260
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,994
for her singles cruise.
261
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,246
You not confessing is
keeping me from the one thing
262
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,956
I was looking forward to.
263
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,625
So I'm gonna give
you one last chance.
264
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,878
Come clean, bucko!
265
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,089
Did someone say clean?
266
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,007
- Oh, my God.
- Just come back to reality
267
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,842
so I can get on
the damn Titanic.
268
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,178
Whoa! Abby. Whoa.
269
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,763
You don't want to shake him.
270
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,807
What you want to do
is you want to lift...
271
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,101
- Oh!
- And shake like this!
272
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,019
Aw! You're helping.
273
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:31,190
Yeah, well, Christmas
brings out the best in me!
274
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,775
Ooh!
275
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,652
Oh! Save some for
the wedding night,
276
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,487
my little Georgia peach.
277
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,865
- It was yogurt for men!
- John Stamos eats it!
278
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,617
Why does he keep
calling you a woman?
279
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,202
You can't see the
beautiful Southern belle
280
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,537
right before your eyes?
281
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,706
What kind of fortune
teller are you?
282
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,875
Fortune teller? Southern be...
283
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,794
- Dan! Dan! Dan.
- Hmm?
284
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,046
He thinks we're characters
in his murder-mystery game.
285
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,548
We gotta play
along. Just, um...
286
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,216
buy a vacuum, buy a vacuum.
287
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,302
And remember, you have boobs.
288
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,568
[ Southern accent
] My house...
289
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,529
is just in shambles.
290
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,156
I mean, I-I don't
know what to do
291
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:23,868
since my husband, Ormel, died.
292
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:27,538
Well, I am sorry for your loss,
but I'm happy for my gain.
293
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,957
- Enchant�.
- Mm.
294
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,335
Would you be a doll
and put me down
295
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,380
for one of them
little dirt suckers?
296
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:40,050
Oh, and if you'd like
to see, uh, Louisiana,
297
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,262
it's beautiful this
time of the year.
298
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,056
Well, I'll put you
down for a vacuum,
299
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,267
and I'll pick you up
for a date. [ Chuckles ]
300
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,769
Let me get the
paperwork started.
301
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,229
- Dan, you did it.
- You played along,
302
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,689
and you're gonna get a clue.
303
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,274
Well, I don't have any invoices,
304
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,775
but you can just write
your information here
305
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,944
on my invitation to this party.
306
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,946
Or you can always
whisper it in my ear.
307
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,073
I have a photographic memory.
308
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,075
Click, click. [ Chuckles ]
309
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,120
I'll write it down.
310
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,622
[ Normal voice ] What is this?
"You're cordially invited
311
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:12,124
to Colonel Strangleton's
Malibu estate."
312
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,292
Do you think this is a clue?
313
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,044
Yeah, yeah, this is the game.
314
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,046
We go to this party, and
then we'll get answers.
315
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,298
Why are you smiling?
316
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,718
Oh, my God, there's gonna
be costumes, aren't there?
317
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,723
Okay, so the game
that Fred is stuck in
318
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,433
is called "Murder in Malibu."
319
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,895
We're now all guests at an
oil tycoon's Christmas party.
320
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,647
- Abby, I can't hear you.
- Speak up!
321
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,149
Dan, this all would be
a lot easier to explain
322
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,569
if you would just
come into the room.
323
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,990
This is ridiculous.
324
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,325
Woman in my station...
325
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,829
this parasol is
dramaturgical incorrect!
326
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,748
I'm just remembering
how awful it was
327
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,501
seeing "Hamilton" with you.
328
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,253
Flobert, you're a
climate scientist.
329
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,171
- How you feeling?
- Bad.
330
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,799
I've been doing some
research to prepare.
331
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,842
Did you know we're
losing the bees?
332
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,264
Without bees, who are the
birds gonna have sex with?
333
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,850
- I'm sorry.
- If I'm the oilman,
334
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,352
why would I invite
this guy to my party?
335
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,855
Because none of
this makes sense!
336
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,649
It's "Murder in Malibu."
337
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,610
I'm a Southern belle.
You're an oil tycoon.
338
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,029
She's a fortune teller
named Seymore Tomorrow,
339
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:28,200
and he is apparently a climate
scientist from the future!
340
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,788
Without the bees,
there is no future.
341
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,457
- It is a murder-mystery game.
- It's not about making sense.
342
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,626
It's about dressing up with
your friends in costume
343
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,296
so you can watch
one of them die!
344
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,839
Just so you know, for now,
345
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,549
this costume includes
this cool jacket.
346
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,050
I don't want to hang it up
347
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,885
until there's a basic
coat to cover it.
348
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,722
You'll be waiting a long time.
349
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,601
[ As showgirl ] What do you
think about this coat, babydoll?
350
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,520
Great. Our showgirl's here,
351
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,063
and she's escalated
the coat conflict.
352
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,565
Can we just focus on the game?
353
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,567
Our guest of honor is arriving.
354
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:05,404
Well, finally, a room full
of guests and their wallets!
355
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,823
[ Chuckles ] While we're
waiting to have dinner,
356
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,491
would anyone like to
see a demonstration
357
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,994
of the Staininator 3000?
358
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:15,123
It cleans up nice,
kinda like you, missy.
359
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,752
He touches me, I'm
suing the city.
360
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,046
All right, Colonel
Strangleton, as our host,
361
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,672
would you like to
get us started?
362
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,716
His name is Strangleton,
but he gets shot.
363
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:29,928
This was written by a
room full of monkeys!
364
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,766
[ As Strangleton ] Welcome to
a home built on black gold.
365
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,225
[ Normal voice ] I really think
my character would be eating
366
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,603
a popsicle right now.
367
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,229
Why don't you take
your coat off?
368
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,398
Oh, right, you won't,
because deep down,
369
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,442
you know your coat
should be my coat's coat.
370
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,904
- [ As Strangleton ]
- That's a damn lie.
371
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,113
Enough. If you won't
play your roles,
372
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,948
I'll just do it for you.
373
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,451
[ As fortune teller ] As
I gaze into the future,
374
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,412
I see that the
showgirl is [gasps]
375
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,456
not in love with the oil tycoon.
376
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:02,086
She's in love with his
money, a gold digger.
377
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,545
[ As showgirl ] Well, I never.
378
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,130
I don't need to
marry for money, see?
379
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,882
My real last name is Amtrak.
380
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:10,135
My daddy owns the
railroad. Choo-choo, baby.
381
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,764
Ooh! I got train money.
382
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,475
[ As climate scientist ] If you're
hellbent on drilling Mother Earth,
383
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,313
then I'm hellbent on
drilling you full of lead!
384
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:27,111
[ As Strangleton ] Don't you
dare point a gun at my fianc�e.
385
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,488
- [ As showgirl ]
- She's a real man.
386
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,490
- [ As Southern belle ]
- Don't marry her. Marry me.
387
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,826
I've been in love with you
ever since that torrid night
388
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,744
under the magnolias.
389
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,913
Our dirty little secret isn't
the only thing I'm carrying.
390
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,291
I'm also carrying
your bastard child!
391
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,835
[ Gasps ]
392
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,003
Wow. That was an
insult to story logic
393
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,798
and to regional
Southern dialects.
394
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,341
- [ Normal voice ] Shh, shh, shh.
- We're almost finished.
395
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,677
So the lights go out,
396
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,012
and when they come back on,
397
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,514
the showgirl's dead,
398
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,682
we all know the
scorned lover did it.
399
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,350
We're finished, and Fred is...
400
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,019
Dying.
401
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,400
The vacuum salesman's not
supposed to get murdered.
402
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,987
Ew. That's really in there.
403
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,531
He's dead.
404
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,324
[ Gasping ] Oh, God.
405
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,785
I did that, didn't I?!
406
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,873
Come on, it's Christmas.
Help me hide the body.
407
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,628
Detective Kratz, what do we do?
408
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,713
Do we have to lock
down the building?
409
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,381
Right. Yeah, we should, um,
410
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,177
call the chief or, uh,
the commish, or, uh...
411
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,888
Ah! I'm not a
cop. I'm an actor.
412
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,306
Not even a good one.
413
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:42,060
This badge is chocolate.
414
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,729
I'm a part of his
murder-mystery troupe.
415
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,147
We were hired to
run a game here,
416
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,191
but no one was supposed to die!
417
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,692
What do you mean, you
were hired to run a game?
418
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,068
Who hired you?
419
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,487
It doesn't matter who hired him.
420
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,155
There's a killer
loose in the building.
421
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,656
Don't worry. I won't let
anything happen to you.
422
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,242
- Thanks, Wyatt.
- I was talking to my coat.
423
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,078
- Everybody, hands up!
- You're all under arrest.
424
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,165
He did it. He talks about
killing people every day.
425
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,334
Hey! Shut up! No! Don't shoot!
426
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,170
I didn't kill anybody. All
I did was hire this guy
427
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,255
for one of the stupid
murder-mystery parties.
428
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,590
Now there is a real dead guy,
429
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,594
and this is no longer a party.
430
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,430
Dan, you threw me a
murder-mystery party?
431
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,558
- Yeah, I mean, it's Christmas.
- I had to give you something.
432
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,936
But I swear to
God, Jimmy Buffet,
433
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,854
whoever the hell is listening,
434
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,606
bring this guy back, and
I promise I will never do
435
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,443
another thoughtful
thing as long as I live!
436
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,278
- Dan, he's moving.
- He's breathing.
437
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:36,782
It's coming back to life because
you believed in Christmas.
438
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,118
Well, I fell for
something, didn't I?
439
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,287
- Big time.
- Stand down, everybody.
440
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,705
These are all fake cops.
441
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,417
All those badges
are chocolate, too.
442
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,127
Fred, take a bow.
You've earned it.
443
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,879
- Oh. Thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
444
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,798
Oh, and I think all of you guys
445
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,550
should give yourselves
a big round of applause
446
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,385
for participating in
this beautiful piece
447
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,803
of immersive theater.
448
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,305
Oh. Excellent job.
449
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,308
I gotta admit, Dan, you
had me going for a while.
450
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,811
But then I saw the
way you shook Fred.
451
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,479
That wasn't your everyday anger.
452
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,314
You know Dan's different
types of anger?
453
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,316
Oh, yeah.
454
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,652
In our time together,
I've seen every vintage.
455
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,321
I'm kind of an anger sommelier.
456
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,658
And that Fred shake... that
was a bottle you only pop open
457
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,827
when someone overcharges
you, like at Chipotle,
458
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,745
when they make you
pay extra for guac.
459
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,581
Everybody wants guac.
460
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,250
They should include
it in the price.
461
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,335
After that, I went to Fred
462
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,754
and asked him to add
another level to the game.
463
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,590
All it took was me
investing too much money
464
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,134
in his all-female production
of "A Few Good Men."
465
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:40,345
- Oh, opening night is...
- I'm not going.
466
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,014
Now, I'm sure
you're all wondering
467
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,640
how I made the
murder look so real.
468
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,684
No, no, we're not.
469
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,437
All it took was a watermelon
full of cow's blood.
470
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,521
And where'd you get cow's blood?
471
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,523
Just Google it.
472
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,360
So I guess that's
game, set... back.
473
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,613
[ Dramatic "Carol of
the Bells" plays ]
474
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:03,614
{\an8}?
475
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,296
Did you just sacrifice your
cool jacket to save mine?
476
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,673
It was my coat's
turn to be on top.
477
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,051
- [ As showgirl ] My hero.
- It was nothing.
478
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,803
I was talking to your coat.
479
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,223
[ Laughs ] We will look
back on this and laugh,
480
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,225
when the world is turned to sand
481
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,938
and we're riding
our worms to work.
482
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,232
You know, I take back
everything I said
483
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,652
about a pile of angels having
to jumpstart your heart,
484
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:39,988
because this might be one of the
best Christmas presents ever.
485
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,573
You know, I know
you a little, too,
486
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,075
and the only thing you like more
487
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,035
than escape rooms
or murder mysteries
488
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,245
is this place.
489
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,914
So I thought I'd mash them up
490
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,167
and give you a little
Christmas gumbo.
491
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,919
{\an8}Hey, and you didn't even have
to go to Brooklyn for it.
492
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,172
{\an8}Well, Brooklyn to me
is an escape room.
493
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:02,260
{\an8}You hear that? He
doesn't need angels.
494
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,012
{\an8}Why did we even fly down here?
495
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,931
{\an8}Ah, don't worry.
We'll get our wings.
496
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,934
{\an8}Come on, let's grab some booze
and sneak it back into heaven.
497
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,394
{\an8}[ Both laugh ]
498
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,104
{\an8}Hey, guys, you
forgot your weird...
499
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:15,107
{\an8}[ Angelic music plays ]
500
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,567
{\an8}guitar.
501
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:20,195
{\an8}I really must have hit my
head when I passed out.
502
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,865
{\an8}?
503
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:27,465
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